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thewintersoldier111 · 2 months

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(Sad warning) This story is about Fem!reader self harming, and Bucky finding out. (Trigger warning! Blood, wounds, and cussing!) There might be some misspelling, but not everything is perfect. You all are amazing! Love you all! 💕

Your brother Bucky is the best brother ever. No doubt about it. He's kind, sweet, caring, and even though he's not that way towards others that much, when it comes to you, his sister, he's a complete softy around you.

But last night you both had a major argument. The biggest argument in a while, and you actually were really scared of him. The way he yelled, raised his voice and stepped in front of you, towering over you. It was fucking terrifying.

You knew Buck would never hurt you. Hell, even lay a single finger on you. But you couldn't help but feel afraid, knowing all too well that Bucky could lift you up with his bare hand and throw you across the room.

You both were just having a normal argument that night, just back talking to each other and saying rude things. But it quickly got worse when you said, "Yeah, and no one likes you because your a fucking killer and you dont want to admit that fact." Bucky instantly went quiet, and that's when he started yelling at you, telling you that you were a horrible person and sister, that he wished you dead.

Why the hell would he say such a thing? Maybe because you have said that to him a few times before? Who knows. But the way he said it to you like he was dead serious made something trigger something deep in you.

You went to bed that night, the air filled with tension, even though you guys were both in your own rooms across from each other in the Stark Tower.

You closed the door and locked it, making sure to lock it quietly for Buck not to hear. You knew Bucky wasn't going to come to your door after the heated argument, but you locked the door just in case anyway. You took in a shaky breath, his words echoing in your head.

*"Yeah mother fucker! I wish you fucking dead!"* Just those words made your heart pound and tears run down your face.

You looked up, looking to your right at the dresser that held the blade in the bottom drawer under some socks. You stared at the drawer, contemplating whether to grab the blade or just forget it and go to bed and sleep your worries away.

You weren't going to do that though. Tonight was just too much, and you knew that you had to do something about these worries and wash them away. You slowly walked to your drawer and crouched down.

You reached your hand out, gripping the drawer handle and opening it. As you did, pairs of socks, underwear, and a few bras. You reached in and grabbed the pair of socks and there it was. Your blade.

You stared at it, your eyes never leaving it. You swallowed thickly and grab it gently, the corner almost cutting your finger just by the smallest touch. The blade glimmered in the moonlight that shined through the window in your room.

You stood up and held it in your hand. You walked over to your bed and sat down on the edge. You sighed, trying to think if you should do this again. You do this almost daily, cutting yourself when you have the time to.

You closed you eyes, taking a deep breath in to calm your racing heart. You exhaled out slowly and then opened your eyes. You looked down and then started to roll up your pant leg of your baggy pants that were black.

As you did so, tones of scars and fresh cuts that you did yesterday were littered all over your thigh. It was something you felt calm over. Hurting yourself made all the pain and worries fade. You found it satisfying to look at the cuts and scars. You looked at the blade in your hand once more, getting a good look at it, almost like you were making sure it was really there in your hand, or that it wouldn't fade away.

You then slowly but surely put the blade to your thigh, pressing the sharp tip to your skin, feeling the cool metal almost threaten to poke through the skin. You then took a deep breath in, pressed down and swiped your skin quickly.

Your breath hitched, and you didn't even dare look at the cut for a moment, knowing that the cut was really deep, just by how it started to slightly burn and sting. Your hands trembled, but felt your mind slowly becoming numb. You then after a few seconds looked, and your eyes wided as you looked at the deep cut on your thigh.

It was deeper than the rest you have done in a while. You watched the blood quickly start dripping down the side of your thigh and into the wooden floor. *"Thank God we have wood floors and not carpet"* You thought in your head.

You hesitate, wondering if you should cut yourself again or call it a night. You thought deeply, but did it anyway. You pressed the blade to your thigh, and once again, dragged the blade against your skin quickly. Your heart raced and you looked at the two deep wounds you created, and you knew it was going to be a pain in the ass to patch up due to how much it was bleeding.

You shakily sat the blade down on the bedside table and then just watched the blood drip onto the floor, making little, *"tap,.. tap,.. tap"* sounds against the floor. You knew you shouldn't bleed out too much, but the words Bucky said to you still dance in your head, spurring you on to bleed out more than you really should.

After about three minutes, the blood started to stop dripping, only dripping slowly. A pool of blood was on the floor below your thigh. You felt off now, your head more light than it should be. It felt as though you were in the clouds. Like you were on a drug.

"Y/n... Can we talk?" Bucky says through the bedroom door, and your heart completely sinks right to the pit of your stomach. You could have sworn you almost threw up, that's how scared and nervous you just got. You didn't know what to do.

You were almost panicking. Your heartbeat increased and your head spun slightly. You quickly pulled down your pant leg, the cuts instantly stinging. You almost hissed out loud, but held it back. You were basically panicking, and you took a deep breath in... and out. You didn't know how to think or what to do.

You ran a hand through your hair. "Y/n?... I can hear you. Open up,... Please" Bucky says, softer this time. He could sense something was wrong, and he didn't know what it was. But he could tell that just by the way he heard your heavy breathing that you tried to put under control... And a strange smell he couldn't quite put together. He knew he needed to know if you were okay.

You swallowed thickly, your saliva coating your dry mouth. You took in a deep breath and slowly walked towards the door, making sure not to make your wounds worse. You hesitated to open the door, nervous to even look at Bucky.

You knew you couldn't wait any longer, knowing well enough that Bucky hated when he didn't get an answer from anyone. You then put your hand to the doorknob, unlocking it slowly, trying your best to be quiet while you do it. You then sighed heavily and opened the door. Bucky stood there, in his usual sweat pants and no shirt since it was bedtime.

His instant words caught you off guard. "Why was the door locked" He said in a worried yet stern tone that sent a chill down your spine. Fuck, what were you going to do? You stood there pale in the face, breath ragged. What were you going to say or do? You were so bad at making up stuff that you knew he would notice you lying.

"I-... I just-... I didn't want to be disturbed tonight is all" you say with a shaky breath, you heart racing faster than it was just a minute ago before you opened the door.

Bucky stood staring at you, but to your luck, he took a step back, looking you up and down from head to toe, and his heart sank. He stared at your hands, your hands bloody and shaky. His breath hitched as he saw the big blood spot on your thigh, your blood soaking through, and he quickly grabbed your arm, his grip firm yet gentle.

"What did you do?..." He says quickly, his heart pounding faster and faster. You stared up at him, not knowing what to do or even say in that moment. "It's nothing-" You say, but get cut off. "Don't you dare lie to me. What the fuck did you-" Bucky looks up, into your room and he feels sick almost instantly.

His eyes went wide as he stared at the pool of blood on the floor, and then at the blade on your bed, and he knew this was his fault. It was all his fault. He did this to you and he didn't know what to do. You stared at him, your eyes watering with tears. "Buck-" You get cut off again. "No... No, no, no" He says and shakes his head. He lets out a breath, a tear rolling down his face. He grips your arm a little more and quickly leads you to the bathroom.

You stayed silent as he did so. He picks you up as you reach the bathroom and sets you on the sink. He doesn't say anything as he quickly crouches and gets a first aid kit underneath the sink. He pulls it out and sits at your side on the sink. He opens it up and looks at you. "Y/n..." He says, his eyes full of worry, fear, sadness, and tears.

"Pull down your pants" He says gently, another tear going down his face as he speaks, his voice wavering.

"Bucky... I-... Please, I don't want you to see..." You say, scared and full of worry.

"Listen to me," Bucky starts sternly and full of worry. "Take your pants off. I don't give a fuck about anything else. Just-..." He lets out a small sob. "Pl-please... Just-" He couldn't even finish his sentence as he felt himself about to break down, his heart almost shattering.

You let out a small sob as well, sniffling as you both cry. You don't hesitate and simply take your pants off, putting them down to your knees. Bucky looks at the cuts and his eyes go wide at the deep wounds on your left thigh, and the scars littering your thighs. His stomach starts to feel upset, almost on the verge of puking.

The cuts are still bleeding, but not as bad as they once were. Bucky grabs the toilet paper and grabs some of it. He puts it to your wounds, making you hiss at the contact. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" Bucky says under his breath and wipes off the dry blood a bit. He then puts the bloody toilet paper in the toilet, flushing it and then grabs gauze pads and puts it on the cuts.

He grabs a big bandage and starts to bandage your leg up, careful not to hurt your wounds. You watch him, his shaky hands working on you, and you almost feel like you were drowning in guilt from how this affected Bucky.

You didn't know Bucky was going to come to your bedroom door just minutes ago. And if you did, you would have never done this at all.

Bucky then looks at his work, seeing you all patched up making him feel just the slightest bit better. But of course, he wasn't feeling better though. He was far from that. He knew this was his fault, and he will never forgive himself for it either. He stares at the bandage over your wounds for longer then he should.

He soon looks into your eyes, not caring to put the stuff back into the first aid. He looks deep into your eyes, his eyes full of tears, sadness, and pure guilt. You stare back into his eyes, and you let out a small sob. He sniffles and cups your face, making you look at him, his forehead leaning against your's.

"I'm so- so fucking sorry... " Bucky says through tears. "I never meant it... I- I never meant it... I-..i don't want you-..." He sobs and leans his head against your shoulder, wrapping his arms around you. "I don't want you gone... You-... You mean so much to me... Please don't go... Please don't" Bucky says as he sobs against your shoulder.

You sob and clutch onto him tightly, your body shaking with each sob that racks your body. Hot tears run down your cheeks.

"Im-im sorry... " You say sobbing against Buck's shoulder. "I thought it was for the better- and..." You say, but Bucky pulls back, looking into your eyes.

"Don't say that," Bucky says through a sniffle. "Don't you dare think- think that you deserve this,... that it's for the better..." He says and leans forward, kissing your forehead gently, his lips lingering there while you shake with sobs. "I love you so much... I fucking love you, you hear me?" He says as he lets out a sniffle. "You're my damn sister... I love you so much. More than anyone an' anything in this world" Bucky says while kissing your forehead again.

You whimper slightly as you sob, and you nod your head and babble, "I love you too" Your words send a warmth in Buck's chest, even though this moment is downright depressing. Bucky holds you closer than he has ever before, and slightly rocks you both while you both let out small sobs here and there.

After around twenty minutes, your eyes started to grow heavy, your eyes puffy and light pink from crying so much. Buck continues to hold you anyway, practically scared to let you go and let you go back to your room.

He doesn't let you though. "Come here" He whispers softly, picking you up carefully and slowly walking to his room with you in his arms. As you both reach his room, he closes the door behind him with a gentle 'Click' with his foot and walks over to his bed. He lays you down gently and softly.

He leans down and gets in bed slowly. As he does, he covers you both up and pulls you against his chest, your breath warm against his chest. He sighs shakily, a warm tear falling from his eye while he holds you close. As he does, he closes his eyes, and promises himself that from this day forward, he's going to take care and keep you safe no matter what the cost is.

----

This is so sad 😭 But I love it so much.

#bucky barnes #mcu #x reader #sebastian stan #sad thoughts #sad bucky #story #depressing shit

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tinabelcherseroticfriendfiction · 2 years

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Paparazzi

Title: Paparazzi Fandom: RPF: Sebastian Stan Pairing: Sebastian Stan/(female)Reader Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Fatphobia, internet trolls, bullying, body dysmorphia, depression, anxiety, etc. Sebastian being the best boyfriend (yes, that is a warning, shut up) Summary: You and Seb have been dating for a while, and while you try to keep out of the spotlight, a surprise paparazzi photo of you arises on the internet and trolls have taken to attacking you. Sebastian comes to the rescue, reminding you that you're perfect no matter what any online bully says.

Yet again, shout out to my beta reader @welcome-to-the-sin-zone for putting up with me :P love you, girl! I do not typically write real person fanfictions, so this is probably going to be the only one I ever write. But enjoy!

User15428654: did u see teh photos of him and his “girlfrined” at the beach? she looks like a beached whale!

User47504165: He looked like he was having fun. She makes him happy, what does her weight have to do with anything?

User58462465: shes a fat bitch. shes just a gold digger, anyway. Theres no way he actually likes her. she probably just gives great head or something.

User14984145: Seriously, he could have anyone, and he’s wtih this fat cow. The hell? She so ugly.

You sighed and closed your laptop. It wasn’t like you went looking for the negative comments. It was just a hazard of the internet. You had gone online to look for more fanfictions when you managed to tumble down the rabbit hole that is Tumblr, and ended up on a you-bashing thread where everyone was commenting on the paparazzi photo of you and Sebastian that got leaked earlier that week.

You knew dating a celebrity had consequences. It was one of the many things the two of you had discussed before you agreed to start dating. When you met, you were just a team member of the catering business hired for one of his movies, but you had hit it off so well, he asked you out and you’d been dating ever since. But you both took extra precaution to avoid the spotlight.

Sebastian would invite you to every event, party, and premier he went to, and you would always decline. You weren’t supermodel beautiful. You weren’t this blonde haired blue eyed, 110lb little actress or model that usually hung off the arms of celebrities.

No, your entire life you’ve been reminded that you’re ugly. Fat. And that keeps you out of the spotlight. Your mental health was fragile enough as it was, you didn’t need internet trolls or anyone else making you feel worse.

But Seb had convinced you to go on vacation with him. Not that there had been much convincing. You had jumped on the opportunity to get away, just the two of you, for a week of relaxation and fun. You had gone scuba diving, boating, swimming, and dolphin watching. It was the best week of your life.

Until a photo of you in your swimsuit surfaced the internet. Now, you were back home, in your tiny ass apartment in New York while Seb was at another one of his events, and you had just wanted to read some fanfiction for the night.

Eyes stinging with unshed tears, you shoved your laptop into your bedside table and threw your phone against the wall, not caring if you broke it. This was why you had been hesitant to date him. You loved Seb. You really did, and he understood you. But being in the public eye was not something you ever wanted. And now, here you were. Feeling worse than you had in months. Your heart felt like it was literally trying to sink into your stomach, your stomach felt like you could vomit at any second, and the tears you had been holding back were now streaming down your face faster than you could wipe them away.

“Fuck!” you screamed, throwing yourself onto your bed and burying your face in your pillow.

Your whole life you’d been self-conscious of your weight, your parents having pointed it out ever since you were 4. You had tried every diet, been to more Weight Watchers meetings than you could count, and still nothing helped you lose weight. Your parents forced you into sports to try and make you lose weight and even that didn’t work.

There were days when your self-esteem was so low, you couldn’t look at yourself in the mirror. Your favorite outfits felt wrong, and you just wanted to take a scalpel to your body and carve away all the fat and rolls to create your perfect body.

Those days were the worst. And today was becoming one of them. You tried, you really did, to not let other people’s opinions of you sour your own opinion of yourself. But after over 28 years of not knowing who you were because you had tried to be someone else, it was hard. You’d tried your whole life to be the person others wanted. It wasn’t until you were around 28 that you finally started working on yourself to be authentically you.

But hearing people trash your boyfriend, the love of your life, because he was dating you, was the straw the broke the camel’s back. It was like every fear you’d had came to light. So you just curled up in bed and cried until you finally fell asleep, hating yourself more and more.

You were woken up by the sound of someone entering your apartment. Any other time, you’d have grabbed your baseball bat and charged like a madwoman at anyone who attempted to break into your place, but you felt so bad you just didn’t care. If they wanted to kill you, let them.

But then you heard Sebastian call your name and you sighed, pulling the blanket up over your head more. You really didn’t want him to see you like this, but your luck was always shit. So you weren’t surprised when he slipped into your tiny bedroom and sat down on the bed next to you .

“Hey, you asleep?” He asked softly as he rested his hand on your head.

“No…” You admitted, your voice rough from crying all night. “The event over?”

“Yeah, it ended last night. Are you alright?”

Last night? You frowned, glancing up from the covers at Sebastian. “What time is it?”

“It’s noon, baby,” He chuckled. “Are you sick? Or just tired? You haven’t answered your phone, I thought maybe you were sick…”

You sighed and rolled over, shaking your head. No, you weren’t sick. Not unless you counted the sickly feeling in your stomach from crying so much. “Just tired…” you lied.

It was an easy lie. One you’ve used more often that not throughout your life. “How was the… whatever it was?”

“It was good. Wish you had been there.” He always says that. “Scoot over, I wanna cuddle.”

“You know I don’t like the spotlight…” You did as he asked, scooting over as far as you could on the full sized mattress, making room for him.

“I know, but you would have had such a good time. Everyone was cracking dad jokes like it was their job,” He teased you, knowing your love of lame jokes, bad dad jokes, and puns.

You couldn’t bring yourself to even smile, though. “And if I had been there, all the jokes would have been about me!” You bit. “The fat bitch Seb is dating, oh look at the beached whale trying to squeeze into that dress, isn’t it fucking funny? I bet he doesn’t even have to move when they have sex, just smack her belly and ride the waves!”

“What -” Sebastian sat up and looked down at you, concern etched into his features. “What the hell are you going on about?” He asked, angry.

“Nothing.” you muttered, trying to bury your face into the pillow again, assuming he was pissed at you.

“No, no, no,” Sebastian grabbed your shoulder and rolled you over, actually looking at you for the first time that day, taking in your blood shot eyes, puffy bags underneath them, and the tear stains down your cheeks. “What happened? Who said that to you?” He demanded. “Give me their names. I’ll fucking kick their asses!”

“No one,” You muttered as you rubbed your eyes. “Just - a photo got leaked online and -” “Babe…” Sebastian reached out and brushed the tears off your face. “You are beautiful and perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing about you. And I know you know that, so what happened?” You shook your head a little and sighed, sitting up a bit on the bed and accepting Sebastian’s offer for a hug. “I just wanted to read some fanfictions…” You muttered. “I got on Tumblr and was just trying to find some good Stucky fics, yeah, I know. I’m a dweeb.” You felt Sebastian’s chuckle more than you heard it. “But somehow I ended up on this thread about the photo of me in a swimsuit on our vacation and I just…”

“Please don’t let internet trolls get to you, babe.” Sebastian pleaded. “They don’t know you, they’re just jealous.”

“I know. I know they’re just toxic fans and they’d find any excuse to complain about anyone you were dating, but I am fat. I know it, and I know I’m not some conventional beauty, or live up to any beauty standards, and it’s taken my whole life to try and be comfortable in my own skin, but it still hurts. It hurts so bad… And people posting about how we’re never seen in public because you’re ashamed of me - and I know you aren’t,” you quickly added before he could say anything. “I know. It’s my choice, and I want to reply and be like ‘listen, cunt, the reason he’s not seen with me is because I asked him not to! Not the other way around, you stubid fucking walnut’, but I can’t because I don’t wanna be attacked even more… I wish I was skinny… I really do. I want to be a size four with perky little tits and a small ass and a thigh gap so my legs don’t chafe as I walk, but that’s not the body I was born into. I’ll never be that girl. But I just -”

“People suck.” Sebastian rubbed your back. “And they’re taking cheap shots because it’s easy and makes them feel better about themselves. But you can’t let them get to you like this, baby. You are such an amazing person and you are so caring, and so kind. And so beautiful. Inside, and out. And if they can’t see that, that’s on them. I’d never want to change a thing about you, and I would love to show you off to the world. Show everyone what they could have, but they can’t. Because I have you.”

“I don’t want anyone attacking you because of me, though…” You admitted, looking up at him. “And you know they would.”

“Babe, people have been attacking me for everything from being too thick during Civil War to being too skinny during Pam and Tommy. They’ve accused me of everything from homophobia to racism. That’s part of being a celebrity”

You made a face and grumbled under your breath for a moment. “People suck.”

Sebastian chuckled again and kissed your cheek, nuzzling you. “Yeah, babe. They do.”

~*~Fin~*~

#fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #fan fic #sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian fanfic #sebastian fanfiction #sebastian X you #sebastian x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #tw fatphobia #tw depression #tw anxiety

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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years

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Polar Opposite

Sebastian Stan x Actress!Reader

Summary: You and Sebastian had lead roles in a pretty depressing film, and so you made it your goal to be as obnoxious and childish every other moment you had the opportunity. Also, it just so happened that Seb has casually mentioned he had a crush on you before you started working, so you both milk it every chance you get.

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: Crackfic, fluff, bickering like children, being annoying, banter, typos, etc.

A/N: The crackfic mentioned in the request is in my masterlist, if you are interested to read it. I swear if I end up in another hole because of this T_T

Exhibit 1: casual interview moment

"Well you know," I start my answer to the question we were asked. I keep my gaze on our interviewer as I lean back on my chair and clasp my hands together, "I think for me, when I was getting into filming the more graphic scenes, it was just really important to immerse myself enough to make it believable, but also I made sure not to let myself fall in too deep in scenes where it gets too heavy."

I turn to Seb, "he's delved into war films before, so he might have a different answer."

Sebastian to my right, suddenly whips his head to me, "wait, what?"

I turn to him, placing my hands on my lap, "you've done a war film before."

"I have?" he scrunches his brows, causing annoyance to rise up my neck.

"Why are you being so annoying so early on in the interview?" I blurt back.

Sebastian breaks into a airy chuckle, "I'm not!" he raises his hands up, "I was just asking!" He snorts, adjusting his jacket, "I just didn't know you were so," Sebastian turns away from me to the interviewer, and shrugs, "obsessed with me."

I immediately straighten up and scoff out breathy chuckles, "Ho, ho, ho! He's saying this," I start, throwing my thumb to my right side, "as if he didn't turn red while he talked about me during that-- what," I place a hand by my ear, "that's right, 2019 red carpet interview. You know the one!"

I snap a look at him.

He had his head thrown back in laughter, hands on his face.

I break into my own sardonic chuckles, demanding satisfaction, "you know the one! You know the one! Pull up the receipts right now. Pull up the video where he sees me and turns red!"

At this point, Sebastian is pretty red now too, even after his attempts to literally wipe it off his face.

I pull my upper lip up, "don't test me, boy. I know I'm hot."

"Damn straight," he responds.

I break into a chuckle, "damn straight."

Exhibit 2: prank attempt #1

"This is a really bad idea," Sebastian tells the cameraman as he holds a plate, practically overflowing with whipped cream.

He sighs and wipes his lips down to his chin with his free hand, "like you don't even know how bad this idea is. That girl has spidey senses and can tell I'm doing some [censored] a mile away."

Sebastian sighs again then turns to the ceiling, muttering some sort of prayer under his breath. He walks in on set and slowly makes his way to his victim.

Everyone was in on it, so it should have been easy, especially since the prank was masked in a casual interview with a fake reporter.

Except-

"Don't you dare," I say loudly, not even turning away from interviewer when I said it.

Sebastian scrambles from behind, in a failed attempt to try and hide. The jig was up though. Though Sebastian himself was quick, the cameraman was not quick enough.

I storm over to the camera man and release chuckles of disbelief, "I knew it!" I chuckle, pointing to the camera accusingly, "I knew it the moment Ronald pulled me aside for such a random interview without you that something was up."

The entire crew at this point broke into laughter.

Sebastian makes a face at the camera before revealing himself and his plate of whipped cream.

"You scheming rat?!" I burst out, making everyone around me burst out in laughter with me.

Sebastian brings a hand to his chest, "it wasn't me! It was advertising! I was a pawn in this elaborate game of chess!"

"You look like you are clearly enjoying yourself though," I chide, placing my hands on my hips.

Sebastian stutters out, still holding the plate with one of his hands, "I-I hated every moment."

I roll my eyes, "well, have at it then and be done with it."

"Oh, I couldn't possibly-" but he quickly cut himself off by pressing the plate of whipped cream all over my face. I was too stunned to do anything and I was too caught up in the chorus of laughter from the crew, Sebastian, and my own, to react in any form of contempt.

Sebastian cheers, raising a fist as he pulls me into an embrace, licking the side of my face.

I let out a shrill and surprised squeal because of it, promptly calling out his full name in anger.

"Gotta blast," were his last words to the camera before running away.

Exhibit 3: makeup tutorial <3

"Look at this," I sigh as I bring a mirror up to my face, "this is probably the worst thing you have ever produced in your entire life."

"Thank you," says Seb with a lopsided smirk.

I point to my face as I look dead into the camera, "look at my face. This is disappointing," I turn back to the man beside me, "your mom is going to watch this video and be fully and utterly disappointed by you."

Sebastian, still on theme with his smirk, shakes his head, "already is."

We both break into laughter. Sebastian's hearty chuckle is not halted by the slap of my hand to his chest, "Sebastian!"

"What?" he shrugs, "when you do it, it's funny, but when I get in on the self loathing, it's not?"

"It's because-" I choke out with a laugh, "you didn't even try."

"Baby girl," he starts of stern and serious, "this is the best try I have ever done," he finishes breaking into deep laughter, losing his breath as he examines the creation he's done on my face. It's joker-like lipstick, messy bright eyeshadow on the left, even messier dark shadow on the right. Eyeliner drawn out to make me look like a panda, along with unnecessary marks on my cheeks and forehead.

"No, it's not!" I exclaim, "no, it's not, you absolute liar."

"Nah, nah, I genuinely tried at first," Sebastian says as I put down the mirror in my hand, "but then I got the eyeliner wrong, and it just felt better to do!"

"That's why they gave us wipes and makeup remover, Seb!" I call in annoyance.

"I'm sorry," he says, raising his hands in defeat.

I hand him the mirror and gently move his face towards me to show him the makeup I did on his face, "now look at what I did."

"Oh wow," Sebastian says breaking into a smile. He puckers his lips out, "I totally get this pose now."

I, and everyone on set, break into a laugh.

Sebastian chuckles, catching his breath before he seriously asks, "is this is? This is it, isn't it. Am I a baddie? This is what a baddie is?"

He looks around the room, fully enjoying the reaction he elicited, though he didn't get a response as everyone was losing their breath laughing.

Exhibit 4: crushes never go away

"What's my favorite thing about her?" Sebastian repeats the question letting out a long breath.

"Easy there, Stan," I warn in an amused tone.

Completely ignoring this, he narrows his eyes and trails off, "gee golly... it's been a long time since I've confessed my love to her, and since then," he puffs out a breath as he shakes his head, "I've been... disillusioned."

I break into a high pitched, shocked laugh. It's so funny and unexpected that I don't even think of a witty comeback and simply allow myself to laugh out loud.

Sebastian is pleased by my reaction and corrects himself, "no, but seriously. You know," he straightens up as he turns to the interviewer, "what I knew about her then was just a tidbit, a tiny speck of knowledge, but now that I've," he turns to me and takes a moment before continuing.

Having calmed down and caught my breath and I nod, encouraging him to continue, "now that you've breathed the same air I have."

He chuckles, pointing to me, "yeah that," he starts, breaking into another chuckle before continuing, "she's..." he lets out a breath and shakes his head, "she's honestly such a great gal, a great actor, amazing work ethic, amazing personality. 10/10," he ends with his signature stoic and casual look.

"AWWWwwwwwww," I burst out, placing my hands over my chest, "Sebas!!! I was so not expecting that!"

"Yeah, well, there you go."

Conclusion: the red carpet footage

"Celebrity crush," Sebastian repeats, the question. He looks absolutely dashing on this red carpert, bow tie, slicked back hair and all.

"Well, you know, there's this film I've been rewatching recently," he starts, mentioning the movie name, and the main actress casually.

The interviewer gasps at this, "really?"

"Yeah, she's great. She seems like a lovely person."

"Do you actually think so, or are you just saying that because she's walking by?"

Sebastian, as if the light had been drained from his eyes, blurts out, "she's walking by?"

He quickly whips his head back just as I was passing by right behind him. Because of this, he and I catch each other's gaze.

I offer him a smile and wave. I break into a chorus of thank yous when he says that he loves my work.

"Holy [censored]," Sebastian breaks into a laugh, cupping his face as it naturally burns bright after the encounter.

"Oh my gosh, look at him," the interview coos, breaking into a laugh. She fans Sebastian, allowing him to graciously take a moment for himself, "so? How are we feeling?"

"I swear to god, I had absolutely no idea she was even here," Sebastian chuckles out bashfully, still recovering from the encounter. He then lets out a breath and pulls on the collar of his shirt, "it's getting a little hot in here, don't you think?"

#sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan #sebastian stan crackfic #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan imagines #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan fic #marvel fanfic #marvel actor fic #seb fic #sebastian fanfic

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chrisevansonly · 1 year

Note

Ok imagine Sebastian Stan and his wife or girlfriend, reader has a premature daughter or son. Seb and reader are loving and protective parents over their child

Little Miracle

Sebastian Stan x Wife Reader

Summary: Being parents for some people was a dream come true, for you and Sebastian the arrival of your daughter Elodie was a miracle, for the first few weeks you both thought she wouldn’t make it, but she proved you two wrong

Warnings: talks of hospitals, depression, some angst, very soft and loving dad and husband Seb, just very sweet

A/N: Thank you for the request anon, this is my first time writing for Seb! I hope I did this request justice and that you all enjoy it!

Word Count: 914

Elodie spent those two first months in the NICU at the best pediatric hospital in New York City, being cared for by the sweetest team of nurses and doctors, you two would always be so grateful to them for taking such great care of El. Of course, the two of you couldn’t stay at the hospital with her, so everyday you’d wake up, go to the NICU, and spent the day with her, doing skin to skin, talking to her, and helping the nurses feed her.

It was a trying experience and one that Sebastian will never forget, he’d never seen someone as perseverant as you, his wife, who despite not sleeping, battling depression, and having a hard time eating, was getting up and taking on the day with purpose, and with strength and determination for the better days to come.

“You just going to stand over there gawking handsome?”

You smiled looking over at Seb who was still leaning against the wall, a smile now on his face as he heard your voice

“I was thinking about it yeah”

The soft sound of Elodie letting out a few squeaks caught your attention, and you looked down, she was growing slowly but surely, and god she was looking more and more like her daddy everyday

“Yeah, you want some attention from daddy too huh?”

Sebastian laughed and finally joined you two on the couch, settling down softly in behind you, letting you rest your weight on his chest, his arms wrapping around the two of you. When he ran his fingers across Elodie’s little cheek she took his pointer finger in her hand and just held it there, you couldn’t help the tears that welled in your eyes

There were so many moments in the past three months that really allowed you to reflect and in turn feel so lucky that the universe allowed you to be a parent to Elodie. From seeing her tiny body in an incubator hooked up to wires and Sebastian watching her with a fierce protection, to now watching as she holds onto him gently. Moments like this still to this day bringing both the unwelcome memories as well as the new welcomed ones, you were so caught up in your head, you hadn’t realized the rush of war tears cascading down your face

“Baby? What’s wrong, does something hurt?”

You shook your head quickly, rotating slightly so you could look up at him, his eyes filled with worry

“No, I-I just was thinking a-about everything that’s happened, I’m fine really…promise”

He brought his free hand up to wipe your cheeks before holding your face gently

“It’s okay to let it out pretty girl, you’ve been through a lot the past three months, even the strongest of mom’s need to feel and let go every once in a while”

Seb watched you carefully his eyes never leaving yours, he didn’t want to look away for one second, knowing he almost did lose you a few weeks after Elodie was born, you were his entire world

“I will always be behind you to support you, lift you up and remind you of how strong you are, how beautiful you are, Elodie is so lucky to have you as her mom, and I am even luckier to have you as my wife. You continue to amaze me every day with the strength you use to fill our days with laughter, smiles and pure genuine love”

He leaned down to press a gentle kiss to your lips as you sniffled, closing your eyes for a few short moments, his hand smoothing over your head a few times

“I love you Seb, I don’t say it nearly enough, but I wouldn’t have made it through this without you, Elodie and I are so fortunate to be loved by you, I hope you know that”

Seb smiled and nodded his head as you settled back down on his shoulder, his little bee still fast asleep on your chest, a mental snapshot he’d remember for life

“I love you too baby, you don’t always need to say it, you show me throughout each and every day, I’d bring you two the moon and the stars if I could”

The moon and the stars that littered the night sky, which was your ceiling for a lot of your first dates when the two of you met. It became a saying every night when he dropped you off, because if he would, he’d bring you and his precious baby the entire night sky and all it’s beauty. So, laying here, underneath blankets, wrapped up in an abundance of love, he made a promise to himself that he was going to do whatever he could to bring you both the whole universe, because you deserved nothing less.

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x wife!reader #sebastian stan x pregnant reader #dad!sebastian stan #seb stan x reader #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan imagine #rueswrites #sebastian stan x fluff #sebastian stan x you

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crashdevlin · 10 months

Text

Losses and Gains 1- She Deserves Better

Author’s Note: This is the first chapter of Losses and Gains, the second part of To Have it All. This is Something More...from Jensen's side!

Summary: Jensen doesn't take it well when Y/n catches the eye of a certain British gentleman.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader, background Reader x Tom Hiddleston

Word count: 4149

Story Warnings: open marriage, mentions of depression and heartbreak, the beginnings of bad things

~~~~

I knew. When I watched Y/n ride away in that Uber, I knew that Danneel had broken something. Months of getting closer, being in love with each other, building some secret something with her...all torn down with one catty, jealous comment from my wife.

I was hoping she'd come back around but I knew that I had one shot to see her and bring her back to me. I was hoping that showing her that I was still in love even when she was clear across the continent would work. I called her every night after we wrapped. The calls were short, fifteen minutes, usually, but I managed to make her laugh at least once a day. It was a good thing. Made me feel like there was still a connection between us.

I spent my days sad and my nights dreaming of her. I missed her so much and I knew, I knew it in my heart, that she was pulling back and that I was at risk of losing her. Losing her...well, that was going to be the worst thing I could think of.

When she went to Atlanta, I was excited. She'd be alone. She'd be able to remember how being with me felt. At least that was the way I thought it'd go. I mean, especially when she actually called me at noon on the first day of her shooting with Marvel. "Hey. How's your first day on a major motion picture going?"

“Uh, it’s good. My hair is super red. My voice is already tired," she said as I sat in my recliner in my trailer. "You remember when Rich was directing and he made us do the French Toast scene thirteen freakin’ times? Nothing compared to these Marvel guys.”

I chuckled as I remembered the day a few months ago. “You havin’ fun, though? Meet any of the biggies, yet?”

“Yeah, actually. Most of my scenes are with Tom.”

“Which one?” There were several Toms in the MCU so that was funny to me.

She laughed and I smiled. She hadn't really laughed since she went home...not with me, anyway. “Hiddleston. Sinthea has most of her scenes with Loki. I have a small interaction with Stephen Strange and two tiny scenes with Thor, but that’s it. So, I’m sadly not gonna have any screen time with Robert Downey Jr. or Sebastian Stan." She sounded so excited. "Oh, they did tell me something cool and super-secret-keep-your-mouth-shut. I get the mid-credits scene.”

I was filled with pride for her. That was a big fucking deal. “No shit?”

“No shit. Well, me and Tom, but… it’s Sinthea’s reveal, which I can’t go into because it's super-secret-keep-your-mouth-shut.”

“So, you're already callin' him by his first name, huh? I knew they’d take to you as fast as we did.”

There was a long moment of silence before she gave a little sigh. "Yeah, um, about that…Tom asked me for drinks after we wrap tonight.”

Drinks. I knew what that meant. He was making his move on her. Already, he was making his move. He hadn't even known her six hours! And she was going for it? “You said 'yes’?” I asked.

“Of course, I did," she practically squeaked.

I got irrationally pissed off. I was losing her. I was losing her to Tom fucking Hiddleston on the day they met each other and there was nothing I could do about it. But I wasn't pissed off at her…no, all that anger was directed at Dee and Hiddleston. “No, you’re right. I've got no claim to you, no right to stop you from your life. Hell, I’ve got a wife. Look, I gotta go. Bob’s calling. Talk to you later.” I was shaking as I hung up the phone. I literally hung up on her.

I jumped up and started pacing back and forth in the living room area, trying to deal with the anger. I threw my phone at the plush back of the recliner and rubbed my hand across my face as it bounced and hit the floor. What was I going to do? Was there anything I could do? I was stuck. I could only sit back and hope the man wasn't as charming as he seemed. There had to be something wrong with him, right?

"Wishful thinking, first of all. He's a complete fuckin' gentleman, by all accounts," Jared said when I told him what soured my mood. "Besides...this could be a good thing for her! She deserves a nice guy!"

"I'm a nice guy!" I argued. "She already has a-"

"Jensen, she doesn't have a nice guy in her life that can be a public part of her life and she deserves someone who won't treat her like a dirty little secret."

I clenched my jaw and my fists. "I have never treated her like a dirty-"

"The first rule of your relationship is that I'm the only person other than your wife who can know about Y/n. That is, exactly, treating her like a dirty fucking secret." Jared shrugged. "Come on, Ackles. Don't act like you don’t know how this played out for her. I told you how it was affecting her and how much worse it could get. You're lucky, and she's lucky, that she found someone else before either of you got in too fucking deep."

I scoffed. "She's not his yet. I can still pull this out. I can still fix-"

"Jensen!" His tone snapped me out of my monologue and I looked up to catch his eyes. "Stop. Just fucking stop. She's not his yet, but she's not yours either. She put up a wall and you need to respect that shit. Call your wife and work on fixing that instead."

"Are you kidding me right now? Dee is the reason that Y/n was emotionally available for this asshole to swoop in and turn on the charm! Why would I want to fix anything with-"

"Because she's your wife and you love her and she needs to be more important than your ex-mistress, okay?" Jared patted my shoulder and walked away as I processed his words.

He was right. Jared usually is when it comes to other people's lives. But I didn’t want him to be right. I just wanted to have both of the women I loved. Is that so fucking wrong?

So I switched my flight to Atlanta. I was planning to fly out Friday night to get there for her birthday Saturday, but I needed to get there as soon as possible to mitigate the damage.

Tom Hiddleston. Why did it have to be Tom Hiddleston? Why did she have to be interested in him? All that Loki energy rolling off of him.

I spent the rest of the day pissed off. Luckily, it worked with the episode since Dean was having to deal with Jack and spent half the episode irritated. We wrapped at about 1 in the morning. I was exhausted, cold, and still pissed as I trudged toward my trailer. I was planning to call her and leave a message before I went back to the condo...but my phone rang before I could get there.

"Hey." From the heavy way she said the greeting, I could tell she was drunk. It was 4 am in Atlanta and she was drunk dialing me. "Jensen, I’m drunk.”

“I can hear that," I said as I opened the trailer and stepped up into it.

“I’m drunk and I’m alone.” Alone now or alone completely? “I didn’t go back to Tom’s hotel with him, which...he's in the Ritz, by the way...because I was left with the distinct impression that you are mad at me and I don’t want you mad at me, Jay.”

Of course she thought I was mad at her and not him. She's got the self-esteem of an abused puppy. I couldn’t let her keep thinking my issue was with her so I scratched my head and sighed. "I ain’t mad at you. I know I…” Words. What words are the right words? Why do I struggle to say the right shit to her so often? “I’m married. We aren’t dating. I knew we were temporary when we started it." Which was painful but true. "I just didn’t expect you to leave me as soon as you…left Vancouver.”

“I’m…sure it’s temporary with him, too. It fuckin’ always is. Look, I’m not going anywhere, Jay. I…I’m part of the Family now, right? Even if Tara gets killed off, I’m part of the Supernatural Family. Even if we aren’t together, I’m gonna be around. Right? You aren’t gonna cut me off just because-”

“No! God, no!" The very idea of it...never...I could never. "Come on. Don’t…look, I’m not mad at you. I just really wish I could give you what you deserve.”

“I deserve a chance with Tom. Since I can’t have you…I deserve Tom. But I deserve to be your friend, too. Please, don’t take that away from me.”

I didn't think I could watch her be with him. I couldn’t stand idle as she started a relationship with him. I knew it was going to hurt too much, but still I said, “I won’t. I’m here for you. Promise.”

“Good. I have to get some sleep so…Jay. Don’t hang up on me again. It hurt.”

I shook my head at myself. I never wanted to hurt her. “I know. I’m sorry. Hey, but I’ll see you at the Atlanta Con, right? You don’t have any shooting for this weekend, do you?”

“Yeah. Definitely. The director cleared me for that weekend before I even got here.”

“Okay, great. I’ll see you then, Baby Girl.”

“Good night, Jay.”

I bit my lip as I disconnected the call. At least that hadn't changed. She still called me 'Jay' and it still made my heart thud out an extra beat.

~~~~

Clif didn't like the idea of me going to the convention alone. I was supposed to be with Jared. I was supposed to stay guarded. But I promised him that I was just going to sneak into the green room and surprise Y/n and then I was gonna grab a drink with her back at the hotel. He insisted on coming along anyway.

I made it to the con hotel about a half hour after karaoke started and I found the green room by memory from the last time we did a con in Atlanta and from there, I had a smitten volunteer take me to the backstage area. I could hear Y/n's voice as we approached. She was singing a duet, some Meghan Trainor thing I had heard her sing in the kitchen while making dinner. But instead of her singing the male and female like she did when she was frying chicken, there was another voice coming through the speakers.

I was, for the first time, irrationally pissed off at her. She brought him to our space. Conventions were ours. Conventions were for the Family and she brought this guy she barely fucking knew into our place.

I went back to the green room and started pacing. "Can you believe that shit? She brought him to a convention! She should know better! He's not one of us! Why would she bring- isn't it bad enough that he's stolen her away?" Clif just shook his head at me and went out into the hallway. He was not shy about the fact that he was on the 'let it go' train Jared was driving. I kept pacing for a few moments before sitting down on one of the couches, seething at her and at him. Tom, who walked in as I was debating leaving the con and pretending that I’d never been there. He stopped at the door and I glared at him. I couldn’t help it.

Y/n followed him into the green room about a minute later, practically bouncing with happiness. “Hey! You were amazing! Your voice is like velvet!” she exclaimed.

He gave her an uncomfortable smile and nodded toward me before he said something I couldn’t hear. She looked over at me and gasped before rushing at me. “What are you doing here on a Friday?!”

I stood up and pulled her into a hug. It felt good to have her in my arms again but I was still pissed off so I just licked my lips and stepped back. “Well, your birthday’s tomorrow. I didn’t wanna miss out on your big two-nine. Though, I kinda feel like I may be a third wheel now that I see him. I cannot believe you invited him to a con.”

She literally rolled her eyes at me and grabbed my hand, pulling me across the room toward him. “Tom, this is Jensen. Jensen, this is Tom.”

He extended his hand for me to shake it and for a moment I almost let him hang, but the look in Y/n’s eyes told me I couldn’t really do that. If I did, I’d be spurning her. So I took his hand and tried to crush it in my own. To his credit, he didn’t show any pain. He just smiled politely and nodded. “It’s a pleasure,” he said and I forced myself to nod at him.

“Right,” I agreed, as I stepped back from him and turned my focus on Y/n. “So...how about a drink, Y/n/n? I mean, if your friend doesn’t mind.”

“I agree, a drink is a wonderful idea. Should we wait until the karaoke fun is over or-” It made me cringe that he answered for her.

“Oh, we definitely have to wait for the finale!” Y/n exclaimed. “Everyone’s gonna sing ‘Carry On My Wayward Son’! If Jensen goes out to sing with us for the finale, the audience will freak the fuck out! He’s literally never here for karaoke!”

I didn’t really feel up to it. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was there except her. “Yeah, I, uh, don’t know if that’s such a good idea, roomie. I just came early for a birthday drink with you...and after you bringing your new friend, I’m sure they’ve probably had enough excitement for one night.”

She immediately slipped into her puppy dog face. “Oh, come on, Jay! The fans will love it!”

I ran my hand down my face and shook my head. “Fuck. You sure do know how to use those eyes on me, don’t you? I...guess I can do some Kansas. But after ‘Carry On’ you and I are grabbing a drink...just the two of us,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t put up any protest. If she protested, I’d just go have a drink by myself...and I thought I was going to have to do that because she looked over her shoulder at Tom, like she was asking permission.

“It’s fine. I’m sure you two have quite a lot to talk about with your...roommate. Meet me back at my hotel afterward?”

His hotel? She was staying at his hotel?

She nodded. “I’ll text you when I’m done. Just to make sure you’re still awake.”

“I’ll put on the strong tea.” He winked at her, then kissed her cheek and left.

I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I wasn’t sure what to say. I was so full of anger and pain. “So, you’re staying with him now?”

She shook her head. “No. I’m still at the Holiday Inn Express. I did stay at the...Ritz last night. And it looks like I might be staying there again tonight.” I was so hurt and pissed off about the very idea that she already fucked him that my stomach seemed to burn inside.

“Wow, that was fast. I mean, took me months of flirting with you before we made it to the bedroom,” I snapped. I didn’t want to make her feel bad but I was pissed. I could see the offense on her face and I felt bad about it but I was too pissed off to care much.

“Jensen, I had no fucking self esteem when I met you. I-I couldn’t even imagine that someone like you was flirting with me. But...you did and...because you showed me that I was worth the attention of a...of a god among men, I was able to see it for what it really was when Tom asked me for drinks.”

I scoffed. “Oh, so you’re saying that it’s my fault that you’re fuckin’ that guy? That...stupid...British...ginger…” I couldn’t articulate my anger. I couldn’t articulate my feelings.

She looked away but nodded. “In a bit of a roundabout way...yeah. I’m sorry, Jay. It’s just...we can’t ever be more than what we were. You’re married and you love her.”

“Yeah, of course I do, but you and I both know that my love for you didn’t start or stop at the bedroom door,” I reminded her and she looked away from me.

“But the way you love her...your love for her and your kids...it’s all-encompassing. You...can’t…” She sighed and looked away from me. “Jensen, I will always love you. Always, but...I deserve to be someone’s one and only. I would never be more than a--a distraction for your long days away from home. I deserve more than that.”

“I…” I shook my head and looked away from her. “I know. It doesn’t mean I gotta like it, though. I thought we were happy with our prior arrangement.”

“We were...until...I wasn’t.”

“Because you met him,” I accused her.

“Because I realized I wanted more,” she responded.

I was on the verge of tears, my heart breaking at the idea of her wanting more than what I could give her. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to stick around for the finale. Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just...not into it,” I said, starting to walk away.

Her hand wrapped around my wrist and I looked back at her. “Jay, please don’t shut down.”

I couldn’t hold back my anger anymore. “What do you want from me?” I snatched my hand away from her. “If you had told me ‘no’ in January, then it could’ve been okay.” No, it wouldn’t have. It would have hurt if she told me no, but it wouldn’t have hurt like this did. “We could’ve stayed friends but after everything we’ve been through...Y/n, you’re leaving me for Loki. It’s that simple.”

“We weren’t dating, Jensen!” she whispered, furiously. “I was your sex toy. I was something for you to play with when you were away from your wife!”

“I love you and you know that!” I growled and I was a little bit louder than I should have been.

“But you can’t be with me,” she whispered...and her voice was full of so much pain...and that hurt me.

Fuck, I just wanted everything to be okay. “What if I could?” I asked, before clarifying. “What if...we were really together?”

She looked around, obviously making sure that no one was around to hear what I’d said. Obviously, I wouldn’t have said that in front of anyone. She shook her head. “You’d never leave her and I would never want you to. It’s the last thing I want to be a homewrecker and she is your home. Her and JJ and A-to-Z.” I love the way she called the twins ‘A-to-Z’ but I couldn’t appreciate it right then. “I would never want to break that up. But I deserve to be with someone I can tell my family about. I deserve to be with someone for more than just the few weekends we do conventions and the couple weeks I shoot on the show. I’m not gonna be on Supernatural forever, Jay, and what then? I deserve-”

I couldn’t hear her say anymore. “I know that! I just wish I could be what you deserve.”

She looked irritated. “If I’d met you before 10 Inch Hero...but I never would have...before…” She shook her head. “Jensen, it’s just not in the cards for us. You should find someone else because...I’m moving on.”

“I don’t want another girlfriend. I want you.”

She looked away from me and sighed. “Fuck, Jay. I’m ready for a grown-up relationship. I am ready from more than just sex.”

That. That hit me harder than anything else. “Is that what you think this was? You can’t really think that’s all you and I had.”

“We couldn’t ever be anything else!” she hissed at me and I could see that she was as hurt by the whole argument as I was but my anger and hurt wouldn’t let me empathize. “We were never going to date or-or have a relationship that I could ever tell my friends or family about. I was always going to be a secret. What we did, for the past eight months, was hide in dark corners and behind bedroom doors and I knew for the last couple months that I wasn’t ever going to get more than that. I thought it was what I wanted. I thought that was less drama and it would be a good idea because the last time I tried to have something real was when I lost everything. I lost myself in Nate but I’m better now. I’m a fuckin’ adult, Jay, and I deserve-”

“I know!” I couldn’t help but lose my temper because she was right. She was right and I didn’t want to hear it. I just wanted her. Why did that have to be so fucking hard? “I get it! I’m not giving you what you deserve! But I’m not gonna stand here and pretend to like this shit because I don’t!”

“Keep your damn voice down!” she demanded, looking around nervously. I didn’t even care if someone heard at that moment. My world was crashing down. Her eyes were sad but she was breaking up with me and there was too much happening in my heart for me to care about what some fan or one of our friends was gonna say. “Fuck, Jensen...I can’t do this. If you want to push me away...if you wanna end our friendship over this…” She got a little fire behind her eyes as she stepped up closer and looked up at me. “If you wanna act like I’m fucking wronging you by stepping away from my status as your sanctioned fuck-toy, especially when I know that your wife was not as on-board as you both made it seem...Fine,” she bit out before stomping away.

“Oh, yeah, ‘cause I’m the fuckin’ bad guy here, right?! Happy birthday, Y/n!” I shouted as she disappeared into the hallway. I punched the nearest chair but it didn’t make me feel better, so I moved to the closest wall. I was about to do some damage when Clif walked in.

“The hell do you think you’re doing? Padalecki’s the one who’s supposed to get his ass hurt.”

“I don’t wanna hear it, Clif.” He scoffed as he followed me out the back door of the green room, heading toward the parking lot.

“You’re being a dumbass,” he said as soon as we got in the SUV.

“Said I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Yeah, but you need to. Am I your friend?”

I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. I didn’t want to hear how I’d fucked everything up. But I didn’t have anywhere to go once he started driving to the hotel.

“Course you are.”

“And you know I’ve been watching. I’ve been around. I see things a lot of folks don’t, right?”

“Yeah.”

“She was on her way out before Danneel even met her.” I glared at him in the rearview mirror. Yeah, I just heard her say the same shit, but I didn’t want to believe it. “I could see it in her eyes after you started with the lovey-dovey bullshit. As much as she wanted you, she knew that you couldn’t give her what she needed...and you can’t.”

I shook my head. “Clif...you don’t understand.”

“I do. I watch, remember? You’re so in love. I know. But now you have to give her an opportunity to have something else.” I looked out the window as he pulled into the parking garage at the hotel and parked. “I’m not going to tell you to focus on your family or any of the crap Jared’s been telling you. I’m going to ask you: does Y/n deserve someone who can shout his feelings from the rooftops, or should she stay someone’s secret for the rest of her life?”

I didn’t have to answer. We all knew exactly what Y/n deserved.

#cassie writes stuff #spn rpf #jensen x reader #angst #tom hiddleston x reader

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im-in-love-with-pizza-bites · 2 years

Note

For your celebration could you do

"Can I start a lemonade stand?"

For Sebastian Stan?

Lemonade

Sebastian Stan X Daughter!Reader

Summary: You start a lemonade stand to buy yourself a scooter.

Warnings: none?

Reader's Age: 8

A/n: Thank you for the request!! Here you go I hope you like it.

Prompt: "Can I start a lemonade stand?"

1,500 follower celebration

"Dad! Please let me get it." You begged. You wanted a new scooter, you broke your old one last weekend.

"Draga. I'm not buying you another one you have to earn it. You already broke two." Sebastian says. He has no clue how you did but last weekend you came home with your second broken scooter of the summer. He's been hesitant to get you another one cause he doesn't want you breaking it. "If you want a new one your buying it yourself."

"Then can I start a lemonade stand?"

"Sure sweetie. I'll help you set it up."

"Yay! What do we need?" You ask.

"Well a table, a jug, some lemonade, cups, and a jar for your money. Also you need to make a sign."

"Okay! I got this." You hurried off to your room. He smiles before going to find a table you can use. He found an old folding table in a closet and put it by the door for you.

———

"Okay! I got the sign! How much should I charge?" You asked him carrying a piece of paper with you.

"How about a dollar for one cup." He suggests. You nod and write it down. "Okay lets go to the store and get you everything." He says. You grin hurrying to get your shoes on. He slips his on before you both leave.

You both make it to the store. You guys get disposable cups, stuff to make lemonade, and a jug. You make it home and get setup in front of the apartment complex. You sat at the table and Sebastian was next to you doing something on his phone. You were making a lot of sells. Your piggy bank that you had sitting next to you was filling up quickly.

Sebastian looks up from his phone, you were selling to a woman and who he'd assume to be her 3 kids. He smiles at her before looking in your jar. It has quite a bit of money in it. He knows you probably wont make enough right now but he might be willing to double your earnings today. You guys lives in a pretty busy area so you've been able to make a lot of sells. He hopes that you'll be more careful with the scooter now that it's your money not his.

You'd been out there all day. Only time Sebastian left was for the bathroom or to grab you two lunch from inside the apartment but he left you with you elderly neighbor who absolutely adores you. The only time you left was to use the bathroom or make lemonade. It's currently about 5pm its getting dark out and is a lot cooler out then it was all day.

"It's time to go inside let's clean this up baby. Then we can count it." He grins standing up. You give the last customer a cup before you two start cleaning it up. Soon everything was put away and you were dumping the money onto the counter.

"One- two-" you counted slowly. Sebastian smiles at you before he starts cooking dinner.

"You want to help?" He asks. You look at the pile of money before looking at him.

"Yeah please." You nod. He puts the food in the oven before sitting next to you and counting the money.

"Alright you made a 70 dollars!" He grins.

"Awesome! How much is the scooter?" You ask a huge smile on your face.

"About 60 dollars."

"So I made enough?"

"Yep. I'll take you tomorrow to get it okay?"

"Yeah! Thanks dad!"

Sebastian Stan Taglist: @high-on-darren-criss @gengen64 @ellerosie2332 @marvelobsessed10031917 @coolbeans32 @piggyjeans @mischiefsemimanaged @bunnyweasley23 @buxkybarnesy @hamiltonstann @depressed-barnes @spidyyparker @roseeditsss

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sebstanaddict · 11 months

Text

Love Song

Sebastian Stan x Female Reader Story

Summary : A romantic comedy story between Sebastian Stan and female reader where we witness their journey after they said I do.

Sebastian found himself depressed and frustrated after Y/n asked for a divorce from him. His depression took a toll on him that it got in the way of the shooting of Thunderbolts. Will he be able to overcome his depression and maybe even try to get back with Y/n?

Pairings : Sebastian Stan x Female!Reader

Chapters : 19/22 (might add more)

Chapter list >

Warning : angst, violence a little

Word count : 5.3k

This is a sequel to my first Sebastian fic Always You. If you want to understand more about Sebastian's and reader's relationship, please read it first. But it's not necessary to understand this story. Check it out here.

---

Chapter 19 - Officially Missing You

All I hear is raindrops

Falling on the rooftop

Oh, baby tell me why'd you have to go

'Cause this pain I feel

It won't go away

And today I'm officially missing you

I thought that from this heartache

I could escape

But I fronted long enough to know

There ain't no way

And today

I'm officially missing you

Oh, can't nobody do it like you

Said every little thing you do

Hey, baby say it stays on my mind

And I (and I), I'm officially

All I do is lay around

Two years full of tears

From looking at your face on the wall (face on the wall)

Just a week ago you were my baby

Now I don't even know you at all

I don't know you at all

Well, I wish that you would call me right now

So that I could get through to you somehow

But I guess it's safe to say, baby, safe to say

That I'm (that I'm) officially missing you

Officially Missing You - Tamia

---

Atlanta, Georgia - June 5th 2023 - 10 am

The sad melody of the song Officially Missing You by Tamia came out of Sebastian's cellphone speaker. He didn't choose the song. His Spotify app was playing random recommended songs and the sad song was chosen, much to his annoyance. As if the app could read his mind and knew the song that represented his heart.

He was sitting at the dining table at his rented apartment in Atlanta, eating a somewhat late breakfast. He was scheduled to have his first shoot for Thunderbolts that day. He needed to go to the set in an hour, but he felt lonely eating alone. So he put on Spotify and decided to listen to some songs so that the room didn't feel so quiet.

When he digested the lyrics of the song he felt a pang in his heart. How so very true to his heart the lyrics were.

It's been exactly 5 days since Y/n left him. Not a day went by without him thinking about her and Starlene. Not a second went by without him missing both of them so much.

He often wondered how things could've gotten so bad in less than a month. His mind wandered back to the very beginning of their relationship and he realized that yes, their relationship was so full of obstacles. It was a miracle that they were both alive and married.

Maybe she was right. Maybe they weren't meant to be.

His heart ached tremendously as he thought of that possibility. He didn't want to accept it. Deep in his heart he knew they were meant to be. But he didn't know how to fix their relationship. She was asking something he couldn't possibly give her.

He felt disappointed at her for requesting something he could never fulfill. He thought she understood him. He thought she knew that for him being an actor was something like being his mother's son. A status he was born with. An identity he couldn't let go even if he wanted to. Being an actor was like his life's calling. He couldn't possibly give it up.

Of all people he never expected Y/n to ask him that. She was supposed to be his soulmate. Someone who could understand him and accepted him the way he was. But then, maybe soulmates just don't exist. And in the end, all anyone can think about was their own happiness. He thought bitterly.

He sighed and continued to eat the scrambled eggs he had made for himself. He was eating the last piece of scrambled eggs when a familiar melody came out of his cellphone's speaker.

His heart seemed to stop as he listened to the song. It was Endless Summer Nights by Richard Marx. The song that he and Y/n danced to the night he first confessed his love to her.

Summer came and left without a warning

All at once I looked and you were gone

And now you're looking back at me

Searching for a way that we can be like we were before

Now I'm back to what I knew before you

Somehow the city doesn't look the same

I'd give my life for one more night

Of having you here to hold me tight; oh, please

Take me there again

Oh, oh

And I remember how you loved me

Time was all we had until the day we said goodbye

I remember every moment of those endless summer nights

He felt his eyes prickling as he listened to the song. Now that their relationship was different, the song meant something different to him. It was originally a break up song. But when he danced to it with Y/n more than a year ago, he was focused more on the melody and on these lyrics as he tried to persuade Y/n to agree to be in a relationship with him.

There's only so much I can say

So please don't run away from what we have together

It's only you and me tonight

So let's stay lost in flight

Oh, won't you please surrender

Now he realized it really was a break up song. And listening to it just made his heart spiral into more sadness.

His mind wandered back to the day she left him. He couldn't be alone that day dealing with the heartbreak by himself. So right after he left the airport, he went straight to his mother's house.

"Oh, Sebby honey. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you." His mother had said as she gave him a tight hug.

He sobbed on her shoulder and cried his heart out. Her mother rubbed his back gently and whispered calming words into his ears. Eventually his cry subsided and he was able to talk more about his situation with Y/n.

After explaining everything to her she looked at him with a slight disappointment in her eyes. But then they quickly cleared into a loving and understanding look.

"Marriage is not just love, Sebby honey but also consists of honesty, loyalty, good communication and compromise." She had advised him.

"I know, mom. I'm shocked too that we both have problems with being honest with each other." He sighed.

"Well, you have to remember that the reason you lied to each other is because you didn't want to hurt each other and not because you hid an affair or something bad like that. I mean, you didn't cheat on her nor she on you. Right?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

"No, Mom. We didn't cheat on each other." He replied.

"Well then in my opinion there's still hope for you both. You just have to learn how to compromise." She advised.

"But mom, it's her who didn't want to compromise. I told her that I was willing to lessen the jobs I accept in a year. I asked her to come with me to Atlanta. But she wouldn't accept. She kept asking me to stop being an actor." He said, his voice raised a little.

"Well, try to put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel being harassed by those fans? How would you feel dealing with all the hate and negative talks by the public?"

"I got the hate too, Mom." He protested.

"Yes but not like her. I'm guessing she received more of the harassments than you did. Even if she didn't, you had experience with this kind of thing before whereas she most likely didn't. Try to understand that." She said, putting her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently.

"Yeah, I get it. I just.. can't believe she would ask me to stop being an actor." He said, his face went sour.

"It's probably the only thing that seemed to make sense to her. And from what you told me, it seemed you contributed as well." She said, giving him a stern look.

"What do you mean I contributed, mom?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"You're not exactly innocent. I mean, leaving your wife alone with a sick child on your honeymoon? I thought I taught you to be a gentleman." She reprimanded him.

He sighed. Every woman he talked to had a problem with that. He realized now that he really was selfish.

"I'm sorry, mom. I guess the excitement of being a first time producer and how I got my first Cannes premiere blinded me."

"Yes. You need to put your priorities straight. Family is number one, Sebby honey. Always remember that." She said.

"Well, what good does that do now that she doesn't want to be with me anymore." He pouted.

"Oh Sebby honey. I've never seen a couple more in love with each other than you and her. Give her some time and space. I'm sure eventually she'll come around and will want to get back together with you." She encouraged.

"You think so, mom?" He asked, doubt in his voice.

"Yes, Sebby honey. Having been in a failed marriage myself I know true love when I see one. What you and her have is true love. You have to believe that."

"She said love is not enough." He replied, looking down in defeat.

"Oh Sebby honey, she was probably too emotional when she said that. Love is enough but you also have to put in the work."

"I feel like I have put in the work, mom. But it's not enough for her." He complained.

"Well, from what you told me you still have some improvements to do. You said that she wanted you to help out more around the house. That's something you can definitely work on, right?"

"Yeah.. I guess. It's just that when I'm about to shoot a movie I tend to focus more on preparing for that. I mean, I think that's normal, right?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Well it is. But in this case you have to consider what has been happening to her. All of the things that had happened since your wedding must have taken a toll on her. She's now so stressed out that her fight or flight reflex kicked in. She needed you to be there for her to help deal with her stress but you were busy with your own thing. So instead of fighting she chose to flee because she thinks it will give her a reprieve from all the stress."

Her mother's words shone a light in his mind, making him understand more about her reasons for wanting to get a divorce.

"You're right, mom. I've been such a bad husband." He said, his voice shook and a tear dropped from his eyes.

"Oh Sebby honey, I'm glad you realize that. But don't kick yourself too hard. As long as you realize it then it's a start. Now you have a film to shoot. Try to focus on that. Before you know it she might just come around and come back to you." She said, putting her hand on his cheek gently.

"Thanks mom." He nodded.

Her mother smiled and gave him a warm tight hug.

He wished he could stay at his mother's house longer. He knew being alone in Atlanta would just make him depressed. But he had a job to do. He couldn't just not show up.

Richard Marx's voice brought him back to the present moment. He pressed the stop button and the song stopped playing. He needed to get his s**t together. He thought as he wiped a tear that had dropped from his eyes. Today was the first shoot for Thunderbolts. He needed to focus and be professional. He couldn't let his personal life get in the way of his job.

He had arrived in Atlanta days before to settle in and to have meetings with the director and other cast members as well as fitting for his costumes and fixing the look for Bucky with the make-up team. Some of his cast members had started shooting a couple of days ago. His first shoot was scheduled for that day, and his scene was with Wyatt Russell, the guy who played John Walker.

The scene was a rather intense scene involving a hard debate and eventually a fight between them. He had prepared for the scene since before his wedding. And he had some time back in New York to practice the fighting with his trainers at a gym near his apartment. He had also spent several days in Atlanta practicing with his stunt team.

Despite all the training that he had done, he felt he wasn't ready. All he wanted was to just stay in his room, lying down on the bed and mope.

Everyday since she left him he had thought of calling her, or at least sending her a text message. But he knew she needed some space and he was afraid of bothering her if he contacted her too soon. He was hoping she would contact him first. But it's been 5 days and he had only received one text from her, right after she arrived in California, letting him know that she and Starlene had arrived safely. He had texted her back saying he was glad that they had arrived safely. But after that there was no more communication between them.

Since he didn't dare to contact her he ended up contacting her father everyday. Just to check up on her and Starlene. Her father thankfully didn't mind. He did however scold him the first time he contacted him. Reminding him about his promise to take care of his daughter and not hurt her.

He had explained the situation to her father and eventually he understood, much to his relief. He had advised the same thing to him just like his mother did. Which was to give her some time and space. He also promised to try and persuade her to come back with him. He was so glad her father was so supportive of him. He and her father had become rather close in the past couple of days. He kind of reminded him of his own father, and the feeling felt bittersweet to him.

He glanced at the clock on his cellphone and decided to call her father. He still had about half an hour before he had to leave so that should be enough to check on her and Starlene.

He swiped on his cellphone and pressed the call button on his father-in-law's number. It didn't take long for him to pick up.

"Good morning Mr.Y/F/L/N." He greeted him.

"Oh good morning, Sebastian." Her father replied cheerfully.

"How are you today, sir?"

"I'm good.. I'm good. Just slightly disappointed that our flat screen TV in the living room has ceased to stop working for no reason at all." He sighed.

"Oh. That's too bad." He replied.

"Yeah. Anyway, I still have an old TV that still works. So, it's no big deal." He shrugged.

"Oh that's good."

"Yeah. Anyway, I'm sure you want to know how my daughter and granddaughter are doing."

"Umm.. yes, sir. How are they?"

"They're fine. Starlene is still asleep and Y/n is in the kitchen preparing some breakfast."

"Oh that's good. Has she.. has she mentioned me at all?" He asked nervously.

"Not exactly. I mentioned you to her though." He said, making his heart skip a beat.

"Oh! And what did she say, sir?" He asked as his heart rate increased.

"Well, I asked her how you were doing and she just replied that she didn't know because you haven't been communicating. I asked why not and she said she still needed some time. I'm sorry, Sebastian."

His heart dropped to his stomach as he listened to her father's answer. He really had ruined it all hadn't he? He thought, kicking himself up.

"Oh. I see. Well, thank you for mentioning me Mr.Y/F/L/N."

"No problem, Sebastian. You know, it's been a while. There's no harm if you want to try and contact her first." Her father suggested.

"Yeah. Maybe I will later on today. I have to go to the set in a moment."

"Ah, your shoot for Thunderbolts is starting?"

"Yes, today is the first day."

"Good luck then Sebastian. If you see Harrison Ford, would you tell me I said hi. You know I'm a big fan of his. I loved him in Star Wars and Indiana Jones."

"Oh I didn't know you were a fan of his." He chuckled.

"Yeah, I am. Oh, I have to go, she's coming my way. Talk to you later, John." Her father said, making his eyebrows raised.

"Uh.. yeah. Thank you, sir. Talk to you later."

Her father then hung up, leaving him hanging. She must have been quite close to him that he resorted to calling him John. He shook his head as he felt a great sadness in his heart.

Maybe he was right. There's no harm in trying to contact her first. He was about to send her a text message when he heard a knock on the door.

That must be Wyatt, he thought with a slight annoyance.

"Sebastian! Are you ready for our fight?! Cause I'm ready to kick your butt!" He heard Wyatt calling him from behind the door, making him roll his eyes.

"Coming, Wyatt!" He called out as he put his cellphone in his pants' pocket, stood up and cleaned the dining table.

After putting his breakfast plate and fork in the dishwasher he went to his room to grab his wallet. His wallet was inside a dresser in the nightstand. He pulled out the drawer and picked up his wallet. His eyes glanced at a box placed underneath his wallet. It was a velvet box Y/n had given him as a wedding gift. He had put the heart shaped and key shaped pendant along with the necklace she gave him into the box yesterday before he went for a fitting for Bucky. Bucky wore dog tags and that was what he had worn since yesterday. But he realized he hadn't taken off his wedding ring yet. Bucky wasn't married so he should take it off.

He glanced at his wedding ring and couldn't help but be reminded of the day they exchanged their vows.

He remembered every word she said to him that day.

"Today, in the presence of God and all our loved ones, I promise to always love you, adore you, support you through all the joys and the sorrows. I will stay by your side as we sail through this life, with all the storms and sunny days. My heart belongs to you.. forever and always. I love you."

A tear dropped from his eyes as he remembered her promise to him. A promise that he felt she couldn't keep.

He knew that in this case it seemed he was more to blame than her. But he couldn't help but feel disappointed that she would think of divorce so soon without trying to fix things first. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't understand why she would give up their love so easily.

His heart ached in disappointment as he slowly took off his wedding ring and put it into the velvet box. He wondered whether he would ever wear it again. Will she accept him back or will she continue to ask for divorce? At this point he didn't know. And the thought frustrated him.

He snapped the velvet box close and returned it back into the drawer. He turned around feeling the familiar heaviness in his heart and stomach as anger started to seep into him.

He took a deep breath, counted to ten and let it go. He decided to channel his anger and frustration into his work today. Something he often did whenever he showed up for work. Thankfully the scene he was shooting that day required him to feel anger and frustration. So he just let the feeling simmer in his heart.

---

The Set of Thunderbolts, Marvel Studios, Atlanta, Georgia - June 5th 2023 - 2 pm

"You will never replace him, Walker! Don't pretend that you're like him!" Sebastian, as Bucky, yelled at Wyatt, as John Walker.

With all the anger and frustration in his heart he lifted his hand and punched Wyatt in the face. His right fist connected with Wyatt's left cheek hard, leaving a bruise on his cheek.

"Oh my God! Wyatt I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" Sebastian broke out of character as he realized what he had done.

Wyatt touched his cheek with his hand, looking at him with his eyebrows furrowed.

He wasn't supposed to hit him for real. He was supposed to hold back a little and Wyatt was supposed to pull his head back a little.

"Cut!" The director, Jake Schreier yelled and immediately came to them.

"Wyatt, are you okay?" Jake turned to Wyatt.

"Yeah, it just stings a little." Wyatt said, dropping his hand from his cheek so Jake could see the damage Sebastian had done to his face.

"Well you have a bruise forming there." Jake commented.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, Wyatt. I'm sorry Jake. I got carried away." Sebastian said, his head hung.

"It's okay, Sebastian. We actually got a really good shot of you." Jake said, turning to him.

"Is it okay if we continue the shoot?" Jake asked, turning to Wyatt.

"Yeah.. yeah.. sure. It doesn't hurt that much. And the make-up team won't have to put a bruise on me now." He chuckled.

"Okay then. Well we already got the shot of you Bucky, hitting Walker." Jake said, turning to Sebastian. "Now we just continue on with you, Walker, attacking Bucky back." Jake explained, glancing at Wyatt.

"Okay. Sure." Wyatt nodded and Jake left them.

"Oh God, I'm really sorry, Wyatt." Sebastian said again, feeling so guilty and embarrassed.

"This never happened to me before. I swear. And I will not let it happen again." He promised.

"Hey, it's okay, Sebastian. Sometimes the feelings the characters are having on a scene impacts us for real. I get it. Don't worry about it." Wyatt said, clapping his back and smiled at him.

"Thanks for understanding, Wyatt." He said in relief.

They continued the shoot but Sebastian felt he couldn't focus much. He was afraid of hitting Wyatt again and that made him forget the moves that he was supposed to do.

After what felt like a hundred takes Jake finally asked them to stop and asked Sebastian's stuntman John to replace him. His focus was so bad that Jake resorted to use John for the scenes where Sebastian was supposed to be in.

Sebastian slumped on a chair on the side of the shooting area. Watching John and Wyatt fought each other, feeling so disappointed with himself.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop thinking of Y/n. Aside from being afraid that he could hit Wyatt again, she was one of the reasons why he found it so hard to focus.

The anger he felt at her earlier was now gone, replaced by utter desperation. He wondered what she was doing. Whether she was thinking of him too or not and whether she still loved him or not. He rubbed his ring finger absentmindedly but then stopped himself when he realized he didn't have the ring on.

He closed his eyes and shook his head hard, trying to let go of the thoughts of her.

For the next three days he found it really hard to focus. He ended up being a coward and didn't send her a text message or call her at all, thinking that she might need some more time and space as he remembered what her father said to him, that she still needed some more time.

But not being able to contact her put a toll on him. He found himself hard to fall asleep at night, his mind overthinking everything about her and their relationship so that during shooting he felt much like a zombie.

He did a lot of wrong moves during fight scenes that John ended up replacing him again. He often forgot his lines and said the wrong lines that it took many takes until he got them right.

His inability to focus and perform well hadn't gone unnoticed by Jake and his other co-stars. By the third day Jake finally pulled him aside.

"Sebastian, I'm really sorry to ask you this. But.. are you okay?" Jake asked.

"Yeah.. I'm okay. Why?" He asked, feeling embarrassed that Jake had to ask him that. He really needed to get a grip on himself.

"It's just that.. I'm sorry, but I can't help but notice that your focus isn't here. And I'm sorry again but I expected a lot from you. I know you can do better." Jake reprimanded him.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, Jake. It's just that I'm in the middle of a break with my wife. And I find it hard to focus because of that. I'm sorry, I'll try and do better. I promise." He pleaded.

"Oh, I see. I thought you guys were alright. I mean.. I saw the interview where you clarified everything."

"Yeah.. she.. umm. She asked for a divorce after that interview. Please don't tell anyone about this. I really don't want anyone else to know." He replied, feeling more embarrassed that he had to share that heartbreaking detail about his life to Jake.

"Oh, okay. That's tough. I understand. However, I hope you can find a way to deal with that so you can get your focus back on shooting this movie. You know, every single day we spend thousands of dollars filming this and we have a schedule to follow. So I would really appreciate it if you could try harder and focus on shooting." Jake requested.

He nodded. "I'll try my best, Jake."

"Tell you what, why don't you take a break now and do whatever you need to do so you can come back tomorrow and focus. I'm just going to continue shooting the action scenes with John now." Jake offered.

"Oh, Jake. That's really thoughtful of you. Thank you." Sebastian said.

"I suggest you get some sleep. You look like you haven't slept in days." Jake commented.

"I will, thanks Jake." He nodded.

He felt utterly embarrassed but also felt somehow free. He felt exhausted and sleep was something he really needed.

"No problem. See you tomorrow, Sebastian." Jake clapped his shoulder and nodded. He then left him to explain things to John and his other co-stars.

Sebastian looked up and saw John and his co-stars looking at him in concern.

He hated to disappoint everyone so he would try to do his best tomorrow. But for now he was free. So he gave his co-stars a wave and a smile then turned around and headed back towards his trailer.

He was almost near his trailer when he saw a familiar face. Anthony Mackie was walking towards him. Anthony noticed him and his face broke into a wide smile.

"Seabass!" Anthony called out to him.

"Mack attack." He smiled wide as they stopped in front of each other.

"How are you, man?" Anthony asked him as he opened his arms wide and engulfed him in his embrace.

"Good.. good.. how are you?" He asked, hugging Anthony back.

"I'm good too. I was about to pay you a visit on set. I thought you were supposed to be shooting?" Anthony asked, his eyebrows raised as he released him from his hug.

"Uh.. yeah. John is replacing me for the rest of the day. Jake is just going to shoot the action scenes." He explained.

"Huh? I thought you usually do the action scenes yourself. Well.. most of them anyway." Anthony commented.

"Yeah. I.. uh.. have been having some difficulties in concentrating today so Jake gave me permission to take a break for the rest of the day." He responded.

"Difficulties in concentrating? Is there a problem, Seb?" Anthony asked, his face showed concern.

"Yeah. There is. Come on, let's get inside my trailer. This will take a long time to explain." He said as he put his arm around Anthony's shoulder and guided him towards his trailer.

It really did take a while for him to explain everything to Anthony. By the time he was finished, Anthony gave him a look of complete disbelief.

"Your wedding and honeymoon story sounds like a movie." Anthony commented.

"What?!" Sebastian exclaimed out loud. Leave it to Anthony to make weird comments like this.

"I didn't mean that to hurt you. That was a compliment." Anthony corrected.

"Uh huh yeah. Well it's a nightmare for me." He sighed.

"I bet it is. And I'm really sorry that you're going through this right now. Speaking from personal experience, divorce is hard and messy. I don't ever wish it on anybody." Anthony said, leaning back on his chair and looking at him with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah. But you got through it. And you even got back together with your wife. How did you do it? I really can use some pointers right now." Sebastian said, a glimmer of hope entered his heart somehow. If Anthony could get back together with his wife after years of divorce, then surely he could too.

"Well.. for starters we have four kids. So, they're our main reason for getting back together. But in the end, no matter how cliche it is, it's always because of love." Anthony replied, smiling a little.

"Love huh?"

"Yeah, good ole' plain love. I realized that I can't live without her and that there is no woman out there more perfect for me than her." Anthony said, his eyes glazed with love a little as it seemed he was imagining his wife.

"I'm happy to hear that Anthony. But, she said love is not enough." He said bitterly.

"Oh she's right, it's not enough. You still have to put in the work, communicate better and compromise. But without love, you wouldn't have cared to do any of that, right?"

"Hmm.. true." He said, rubbing his chin as he contemplated what Anthony just said.

"Anyway, you still love her right?" Anthony asked.

"With all my heart." He replied wistfully.

"Then fight for her. Win back her heart. Remember what you did back then to win her heart when you were just starting out and do that again. No wait, don't just do that again, but do it better." Anthony said as he leaned across to him and clapped his shoulder.

"You can do this, Seb. I have faith in you. And I'll help you out if you want me to." Anthony winked.

"Thank you so much, Anthony." He smiled wide.

Listening to Anthony made him feel like the fog had been lifted from his mind and heart. He could see the sun now. He could see that he still had hope of getting back together with her. But like what his mother and Anthony said, he needed to do the work. And that was what he intended to do.

"So, do you remember what you did in the beginning of your relationship?" Anthony asked, leaning back on his chair.

"Yup. I do. But you know what, I think I'm going to use a somewhat different strategy this time." He replied with a twinkle in his eyes.

---

A/N : About Anthony Mackie's status, here I mentioned that he got back together with his wife. In real life I think he's still divorced. Just FYI in case you guys are wondering. But he does have four kids.

Chapter 20 >

Taglist

@sebsgirl71479 @dhoruwolfie

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastianstan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan fluff

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yourloverfromthepast · 2 years

Text

𝑰 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑺𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑻, 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑰 𝑨𝑳𝑾𝑨𝒀𝑺 𝑾𝑰𝑳𝑳

Sebastian Stan comfort one shot

𝑵𝒐�� 𝒍𝒐𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈...

SUMMARY: Reader is having a bad time and her boyfriend Sebastian does his best to help her

PAIRING: Sebastian Stan x F!Reader

WORD COUNT: 1.5k

WARNINGS: None

𝑷𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕...

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Ok guys, I really put a lot of effort into this, and I'm actually very proud of it (even tho after a couple of more readings I immediately began to have second thoughts😭), so please, don't be rude if you really don't like it. Constructive criticism and advices are more than welcome. Let me know what you think about it with a comment or a message! Thank you! <3

𝑫𝑶𝑾𝑵𝑳𝑶𝑨𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑷𝑳𝑬𝑻𝑬! 100%

P.S.: Before leaving you to the reading I wanna recommend you the three songs that I listened to while writing. Just choose the one that inspires you the most as a soundtrack, and if you're curious enough, in the future you can read this again while listening to another one! Sorry for the interruption! Bye! <3

That day? It was a shitty day. You couldn't help but feel tired and depressed at the end of it. You were angry at yourself, because the only thing you did was trying to find any possible excuse to stop whatever you were doing. In one word?

Procrastination.

And that shit? It was your biggest enemy.

It wasn't making you feel just furious, but also scared. You were scared of falling back again into that bottomless hole. That cold, deep, dark hole. And sometimes, when a specific habit that you had during that extremely bad period returned, a knot started to form in your stomach, and anxiety started to run through your veins and entire body. When one of those damn habits was coming back, the same extremely frightening gut feeling was coming back too.

You closed your eyes shut; the urge to cry was too strong. You put your right hand on the table in front of you and covered your mouth with the left one, in order to be as much silent as possible, while crouching on the floor at the same time.

Now, in your head, you were standing in front of that mirror again. The same exact mirror that you used to imagine whenever you felt like crap; the same exact mirror in which you always saw yourself from the past.

"No, I don't want to see you again.."

"I don't wanna be you anymore!"

"I am a better person now..."

"Stay away from me!"

"Please..."

"I. AM. HAPPY."

Who knows, maybe a few times it had really made you feel better, or maybe you were simply trying to convince yourself of that, since you had always created a whole fake scenario with your mind just because you were a coward and didn't have the courage to do it in real life. You stood up and walked to the living room. Your boyfriend, Sebastian, was quietly reading a book, sitting on the couch.

"Sweetheart! Can't sleep huh-"

You didn't let him the time to finish the sentence nor to look up at you, because you immediately sat on his lap and weakly hugged him.

"Babe..."

He put the book aside and placed one hand on your back and the other on your shoulder. You buried your face in his chest, and as a respons, he tightened the grip on your body. You did the same.

"It's okay doll, I'm here with you"

He kissed you on the head and then gently leaned on it with his chin. At the contact, you broke out. But those weren't tears of sadness; no, on the contrary, they were tears of joy.

Yeah, just that.

Pure joy.

You were so grateful to him, because even if he didn't know anything about how you were feeling, even if you didn't say a single word, even if you interrupted his activity, his little moment of peace...he didn't hesitate to cuddle you. He didn't hesitate to make you feel safe, protected, to make you feel...simply loved.

You sobbed. "I love you!" you said with a quite frustrated tone.

"Aww sweetheart" he chuckled and started to gently stroke your hair and back as he began to rock slowly, like when you have to cradle a newborn baby. "I love you too". His tone was sweet, calm, reassuring. "So, tell me. Did something happen?"

"No.."

"Are you feeling blue?"

"More like of a pitch black actually"

He pouted "No, doll, why?"

"I would like to know that too..."

He laughed "it's okay angel. It is completely normal to feel like that sometimes..." he cupped your face with his hands and forced you to look at him while drying your tears with his thumbs "but I don't think you're telling me the truth in this moment, hm?"

You didn't answer.

"Come on love, tell your amazing and incredible boyfriend what really happened".

That statement made you chuckle. "Ooh, look at that! My lovely girlfriend smiling! This is what I live for" he smiled back and kissed you on the tip of your nose. Then, he continued: "AAH, oh my GOD! Now I understand what people mean when they talk about 'cute aggression'. You are just SO, INCREDIBLY, CUTE! The only thing I wanna do is LITERALLY shower you with kisses!". And as he said that, he really started to "aggressively" kiss you all over your face and body.

"GOD NO! BABY PLEASE!" you burst out laughing "IT TICKLES!". Wriggling in a vain attempt to free yourself, you lost your balance and fell backwards to the ground, dragging him with you. "FUCK- honey are you ok??"

"No, I'm not..." worried, you immediately turned to him "becAUSE I WASN'T DONE YET!". He quickly climbed on top of you and started to tickle you again.

"NO SEBASTIAN, PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU" you were literally crying with laughter. "I- I GIVE UP- I GIVE UP!". He stopped immediately.

"What did you say?"

"I give up!" you answered breathless.

"Perfect". With the proudest expression you had ever seen and a quite hot smirk, he stood up and offered you his hand to help you, almost like a real knight who has to help a small, poor defenseless damsel to get on his white horse.

"Are you feeling a little better now?"

"Yes, thank you"

He quickly kissed you on the lips and went to the kitchen to grab your favorite mug. "Ok doll, please, sit on the couch and try to tell me what happened. In the mean time I'll make you some hot tea". He was so thoughtful, caring. For a split second you felt your heart skipping a beat. For the very first time, you thought that if one day he would have left you, you would have probably died. He was the one and only man you wanted by your side for the rest of your days.

"Well, I don't think that you remember this, but...at the beginning, when we had started dating, I told you about that- dark period I had been through years ago"

"Yes, of course I do remember...it is..happening again?"

"Nonono! Thank god no! I swear honey, I'm ok, don't worry. It's just..." as you were trying to find the words to continue your speech, he sat on the couch with two steaming mugs in hands "sometimes I'm scared it can happen again". You shyly looked at him to check what kind of reaction he might have had, but before he could even try to open his mouth, you proceeded: "I- I know it seems ridiculous! I know that, but I always have this...this extremely strong and- heavy feeling...I simply can't help it".

He put the mugs on the small table at the side of the couch, where he left the book he was reading before. "Y/n, now listen carefully to what I'm about to say" he grabbed your hands and stared right into your gorgeous eyes "you have to fear nothing with me by your side. Absolutely nothing" he paused for a second. "You see, babe, sometimes...life simply sucks. It doesn't matter who you are. If you're rich, poor, young, old. It doesn't even matter if you always had to fight or not. I guess you're probably thinking: 'but this is not fair', and you're right. You're absolutely right, it's unfair, but unfortunately we can't do anything about it" he lowered his gaze, looking at the floor. "I understand how you're feeling, trust me, I've been there too...many times actually". You put your hand on his left cheek and caressed him; at the touch, he automatically raised his brows and his eyes got shiny with tears. He looked at you and forced a smile before clearing his throat. "But I am a lot better now. Why? Because I always kept going on, and that is something you MUST do, every single time. I'm awfully sorry to tell you this baby, I know that in some cases knowing the truth might be..unpleasant, and I know that I'm supposed to make you feel better in situations like this but...in life you'll feel like giving up a lot of times. Of course I hope the opposite, you should know that I just wish the best for you, but I think that being aware of the thing will make it...a bit easier" you cupped his face and kissed him on the forehead. "In any case, as I told you before, you don't have to fear anything, because I am, and will always be ready to back you up! No matter what". You gave him one of your purest and most dazzling smiles and hugged him.

"Thank you Sebastian. I-" you sobbed, and as you felt tears forming in your eyes, you hid your face in the crook of his neck "I love you with all my heart and soul...I really mean it" you whispered. With your right hand on his chest, you felt his heartbeat increasing.

He kissed you on the head and finally said: "I...I really love you too, sweetheart. And I always will"

Thank you so much for reblogging and liking my last post! ^^ <3

@uditadas

@criticaltrinket

@captain-asthmatic

@thyarttrash

@dreamboatt

@hallecarey1

@fangirlfree

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wintersoldiersoul · 6 months

Note

I just realised you already have a post similar to my previous ask so maybe could you write something where Bucky noticed reader was struggling with self harm a while ago and thought she was better but she isn’t and he helps her 🥺

TW: self-harm, blood, depression, please do not read if any of these things will upset you. Love you all and reach out to someone if you need to <3

You didn’t know what had happened. You couldn’t even remember how you had ended up where you were. One second you were crying in bed and suddenly you were on the bathroom floor, blade in your hand and covered in fresh cuts.

It had been so long. You were doing so well, about a week away from being 2 years clean. You tried so hard to prevent it from happening but Bucky being gone made it so much harder. When you had first told him about your self-harm and depression, he had sat down with you and made a “safety-plan”.

“If you feel like you’re gonna hurt yourself, the first step is find me, okay?” He had spoken sternly. “If I’m not here, you call. And if I don’t answer on the first try, you keep calling. Second step is to distract yourself. Go on a walk, bake something, it doesn't matter. Just don’t let yourself sit in the dark thoughts.” As he spoke, he wrote everything down on a piece of paper. “And listen,” he grabbed your hands and looked into your eyes. “If I don’t answer, for some reason, you call someone else. You call Natasha or Tony or any other person in your life. You cannot let yourself be alone when you feel this way.” You nodded, fully planning on doing just that if the time ever came. But when you woke up this morning filled with a primal need to hurt yourself, you didn’t even remember the plan.

It was like nothing mattered except for feeling the blade against your skin and watching the blood pour out. The emotional pain that you were in needed to escape. You needed to feel it in a physical capacity. So you didn’t call Bucky. Because you knew he’d stop you. And you didn’t wanna be stopped.

You regretted it the second you made the first cut. All of that progress you had made, gone within the blink of an eye. You’d have to remember to erase the day marking your 2 years clean on your calendar. The shame you felt didn’t stop you though. It just made you want to hurt yourself more. You were ashamed and felt like a failure. You cried as you dragged the blade over your wrists, mumbling to yourself how stupid and worthless you were. How you always let everyone down.

You dissociated as you cut, robotically moving to your thighs once you ran out of space on your arms. You couldn’t stop, even as you grew dizzy from the blood loss. Your head was pounding from it and the dehydration caused by your tears but you couldn’t bring yourself to get up off the floor. Eventually, you put the blade down but you continued crying, the crimson of your blood staining the white-tile floor.

You didn’t hear the front door open. Didn’t hear Bucky calling out for you, home from the mission. His heart sped up as he walked further into the house, hearing your broken sobs coming from the bathroom. “Y/N? Sweetheart?” He called, getting closer. He didn’t wanna frighten you but his gut told him that something was incredibly wrong. He knocked on the door, but you didn’t register it. There was no time for you to even attempt to cover up what you had done, plus you knew he’d find out eventually. Bucky’s favorite thing to do when he got home from a mission was to rip your clothes off.

His heart stopped when he opened the door. There you were, hugging your knees to your chest, crying hysterically and bleeding out. There was so much blood coming from your arms and your thighs. “Oh my god,” was all he could say as he rushed over to you. “Oh my god, oh my god,” he kept repeating, trying to assess the damage you had done to yourself. “Baby, can you hear me? It’s me, it’s Bucky,” he said, trying to get you to calm down and talk to him. You were still in your own little world as you cried.

“I’m sorry,” you cried, fully realizing that he was there. He grabbed you and hugged you tightly and you could feel his body shaking as he did. “I’m so sorry,” you sobbed into his chest.

“Baby, we gotta stop this bleeding or I’m gonna have to take you to the hospital.” He wanted to talk this out with you, to comfort you, but right now, you were bleeding out in his arms. “Can I move you? I’m just gonna sit you up on the sink, okay?” You nodded and he gingerly moved your body so that you were perched on the sink, back against the mirror as it was hard to hold yourself up. He created makeshift tourniquets, a skill that he still had from the war, and wrapped them around your arms and legs. “Oh my god,” he said, once again.

You looked up at him with wide eyes. “I got blood on your shirt…” you whispered quietly.

“It doesn’t matter, don’t worry about it.” He assured you, cupping your face in his hands. “I gotta clean these cuts, I’m sorry,” he said, removing the tourniquets once the bleeding had mostly stopped. You winced as he dabbed at your skin, the sting from the contact immediate. “I know, sweetie, I know, I’m sorry,” he repeated words of encouragement to you. “Just breathe, please. Take a deep breath. It’s almost over.” He took his time in ensuring everything was clean and that the bleeding was stopped before he applied bandaids. “What did you do, baby?” He looked up at you with sadness in his blue eyes. “You-you’re covered,” he said, voice dropping to a whisper as tears started falling down his face.

You looked down, too ashamed to look him in the eyes. “I don’t know what happened… I just woke up today and it just hurt so much and I just… I don’t know. I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Why didn’t you call me? What about your plan, remember?”

“I knew you’d stop me…” Your voice held so much shame.

“You’re damn right I would have!” His voice grew loud, but he wasn’t yelling at you. He knew you couldn’t help the mental illness you struggled with. And he saw how hard you fought every single day. Even though you had slipped up, he was still so incredibly proud of the time you had spent clean and he would dedicate every second to helping you get back on track. As long as you were willing to try, how could he be mad at you? “I’m not angry at you, I’m just… oh god, I’m terrified. I’d be worried no matter what if you relapsed but baby, you did some serious damage.”

“I know,” you said. “I’m so angry at myself. I was a week away from 2 years. And I fucked it all up!”

He tilted your chin up so that you were looking at him. “Do you wanna stay clean again? Do you wanna get back on track?” You nodded. “Then you didn’t fuck anything up, okay? You’re human and you struggle. That's normal and okay. Of course I wish you didn’t do this. I hate seeing you in pain more than anything in this entire world. But baby, don’t be angry with yourself. Use that emotion as motivation to continue getting better. Please don’t let this send you spiraling back down into a place that’s gonna be even harder to get out of.”

You wiped some tears off of your face. “It’s so hard being alive, Bucky. Even on the good days, the depression is always there in the back of my mind. Even when I’m happy, it’s like I’m never really happy. Maybe true happiness just isn’t in the cards for me. I just wanna end it.”

“Honey…” your words broke his heart. You could see it on his face. “I know how hard it is and how much you struggle. You have no idea how badly I wish I could take away all of your pain. Seeing you like this… god, it breaks me apart. I’m so scared for you. I’m so worried about you,” his body was still shaking slightly. “But you deserve happiness. You deserve it more than anyone. You have such a beautiful soul and you inspire me every single day that you get up and live your life even though you struggle. Happiness is in the cards for you. I know that because I will spend every waking minute of the rest of my life trying to make you happy.” He brushed your hair behind your ears. “I love you so much. Please don’t leave me here alone. I-” he took a deep breath, trying to hold back tears but failed as they slipped out anyway. “I can’t do this without you. I can’t be in this world without you.”

He pulled you into a tight hug, resting your head on his chest. The two of you stayed like that, both crying against each other’s bodies. It was heartbreaking, the way your sadness broke him, too, like you were one soul sharing two bodies.

“Let’s get you into some clean clothes, okay? You’ll feel better.” Your shorts and shirt were both stained with red. He helped you change into a pair of clean pants and a sweatshirt, being extra careful as he noticed your grimaces of pain each time the material touched your skin. You both got into bed, exhausted from the intense emotional turmoil that the night had stained you with.

The two of you lay on your sides facing each other. Bucky wordlessly stroked your hair, looking deep into your eyes. “I’m never gonna abandon you. No matter how many times you slip up. I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed your forehead before pulling you into a tight hug. “Never.”

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lilacwineandthesinkingsun · 1 year

Text

Avengers - and their actors - themed stuff - Masterlist

Chris Evans x reader fluff oneshot where reader is shy and Chris just wants to marry her

Steve Rogers x reader angst ( Steve leaves for Peggy, reader becomes villain) repost from old blog

Andy Barber x highschool!sweetheart reader fluff

Avengers themed stuff:

Sidejob (oneshot) (stucky x reader)

Always feels like summer.. (series):

Part 1; Part 2;

Electricity (Steve x Bucky x Sam x Reader SMUTTY GOODNESS)

Chris Evans and his characters he played:

Defender (Lloyd Hansen x tripleagent!reader x Nick Fowler )

Chris Evans x reader oneshot w japan love hotel on honeymoon

Chris Evans x reader fluff oneshot where reader is shy and Chris just wants to marry her

Steve Rogers x reader angst ( Steve leaves for Peggy, reader becomes villain) repost from old blog

Andy Barber x highschool!sweetheart reader fluff

Sebastian Stan and his characters he played:

Forbidden Fruit (oneshot) ( dbf!Bucky x reader)

Desperate for love (oneshot) (bucky x depressed reader)

The man behind the curtain.. (oneshot) (sebastian stan x reader)

I’ll be there for you.. (oneshot) (bucky x reader)

My reality (oneshot for a challenge) (tfatws!Bucky x reader)

Lavender-Haze (series)

Part 1

Part 2.

Part 3.

Part 4.

#the avengers #marvel #bucky #steve #steve rogers #bucky barnes

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marvel-sluts · 3 years

Text

Request #1 - hey please can you do numbers 5/6 with Bucky Barnes x reader and make it extremely angst :) - @bonk-3

Request #2 - Hey do you think you can do 5 and 7 from your prompt list with bucky? I've been having a rough time lately and relapsed with my self harm and I love your writing if not that's completely understandable thank you! - @but-my-tongue-is-a-wepon

5 - Finds you self harming

6 - Finds you trying to commit suicide

7 - Finds you having a panic attack

Prompt list

The escape you craved

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: self harm, attempted suicide, panic attacks, swearing, angst, ⚠️don't read this if it will trigger you⚠️.

Summary: Bucky finds you self harming and makes you promise to come to him whenever you feel like that again, but after a bad day you decide that you don't want to bother him.

A/N: If anyone ever needs anyone to talk to I'm here, I know what it feels like to go through self harm and suicidal thoughts, but I promise you will be glad you stayed when you get through it. Enjoy <3.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

The first time Bucky found you self harming was a few months after the two of you had started dating. You were sat in the bathroom with a blade held to your leg and blood dripping onto the floor when he burst in, his eyes going wide as soon as he saw what you were doing.

"I'm sorry." You choked out, tears dripping down your face as you dropped the blade onto the floor.

Bucky kicked the blade away instinctively, as you started to breathe heavy. Your heart felt like it was about to beat right out of your chest and you couldn't breathe properly.

"Hey doll it's alright, I'm here, I'm not gonna leave." Bucky said, wrapping his strong arms around your small figure curled up on the floor.

"I can't breathe Buck." You sobbed, you felt your chest tighten as you gasped, trying to get air into your lungs. It felt like no matter how much air you breathed none of it was getting to your lungs.

"It's alright, calm down, I've got you. Your having a panic attack, follow my breathing and it will pass." Bucky reassured, "breathe with me okay? In." He said breathing in, you mirroring his actions. "And out. Okay one more time, in." The two of you breathed in like last time, holding your breath for a few seconds. "And out." Bucky said, as your breathing slowly started to stabilise. "Good girl, you keep breathing like that and I'm gonna clean you up okay? Then we can get to bed." Buck said before going to the cupboard and taking out the medical kit.

He started swabbing your leg carefully, pausing slightly when he saw the deep scars that littered your skin but not saying anything. Your breathing had mostly returned to normal thanks to Bucky but you were still worried about his reaction to what he had caught you doing, what if he left you?

Within a few minutes your leg was bandaged up and you were in bed but Bucky still hadn't said anything about what he caught you doing. "Please Buck, say something." You murmured as he came out of the bathroom.

"I know what your going through, when I came out of Hydra I felt like I had nothing. Half the world wanted me dead and the other half wanted me locked up. Steve helped me cope and got me out of that dark place, and when I met you, I had a feeling everything was going to be okay. You and Steve have been there for me through everything, now it's my turn to be there for you." Bucky said, turning off the light and crawling into bed beside you. "Please tell me if you ever what to hurt yourself again. I'll always be here for you. Always." He said, wrapping his arms around you securely.

"I will" you whispered back, glad that you had Bucky by your side.

After that whenever you felt the urges again you would find Bucky and curl up on the sofa with him. He never pressured you into telling him what was wrong, but would always listen to you if you needed to talk. You would often do the same for him, if he was feeling insecure about his arm or having nightmares about what occurred when the winter soldier was in charge you were always there to reassure him.

You were always scared about bothering Bucky, that he would get bored of you and leave or that he would get fed up of dealing with your problems all the time. Because of this you would sometimes not approach Bucky about what you were feeling, you knew that you were being stupid but you couldn't shake the feeling that he would get irritated of you sooner or later. Thoughts like these often resulted in you curled up on the bathroom floor trying to resist the urge to drag the blade against your skin until blood was all you could see.

»»————-　♡　————-««

You burst into the bathroom with tears running down your face, fingers shaking as you locked the door behind you. Everything that could have possibly gone wrong today went wrong. You had to give a presentation in front of the whole team today on the new type of weapon Hydra had that would be used against them in the next mission. You had already had a bad day mentally, so when you got up there you kept stuttering over your words, nothing coming out the way you wanted it to. Because of this the new person in charge of your devision had a very stern talk with you about how high the stakes were on the next mission, like you didn't already know that. Bucky was going on that mission and you were worried sick about him.

As soon as you had finished getting told off you had ran into someone carrying a lot of very important looking papers, causing them them drop the large pile. The man that you had bumped into was obviously in a bad mood. He had got pissed off at you despite your profuse apologies and, once he had picked up their papers, had stormed off down the corridor.

This then led you to running to your room and locking yourself in the bathroom before breaking down into tears. You felt so stupid having a breakdown over such small things, but your mental state today had been awful, and Bucky had been busy all morning so you hadn't wanted to bother him.

You hated feeling this way, you hated hating yourself so much and you hated knowing that you would have to live like this for the rest of your life because it's a chemical imbalance in your brain. The only thing that was going to make you feel like everyone else was taking medication for the rest of your life to survive in a world that you don't want to be in anymore.

Your gaze landed on the razor sitting on the side of the bathtub, these last few weeks you had stopped using it for anything other than its designed purposes. But in that moment all of the progress you had made was completely lost to you.

You grabbed the razor, not caring about how much your hands were shaking or where you cut, you just needed that release. Rolling up your sleeve you pressed the blade to your skin, slicing it in one long stroke. The effect was almost immediate, blood pouring from your arm all over the floor. You had cut deeper than you planned but you didn't care, if this was the end you embraced it with open arms.

Several cuts later you were beginning to feel lightheaded, the floor was patterned with a mixture of the tears falling freely from your eyes and the bright red liquid that was pouring from your sliced up arm. In the past you had always avoided using your arm for cutting but today you didn't care, you needed the release too much.

I wonder if they will miss me. You thought as you drifted in and out of conscious but just as you closed your eyes for what you hoped was the last time

"Y/n!" You heard faintly, causing you to open your eyes again. Bucky was standing over you, tears in his eyes. "Hold on y/n, I'm calling for help." He said.

How did he get in? Oh the door is open, he must of busted the lock. You thought, the lack of blood in your system making your brain go fuzzy.

"Come on y/n, fight it. Please don't leave me, I need you. I love you." Bucky said, falling to his knees beside you. "Don't close your eyes y/n, no keep them open."

You felt yourself being laid on a stretcher, presumably to take you to the medical room, and Bucky's voice assuring you that you would be okay as you let the darkness consume you.

»»————-　♡　————-««

The first things you hear as you slowly come back into consciousness was the faint sound of a heart moniter and soft voices around you.

"Shes going to be okay." You heard Bruce say.

You heard your boyfriend breathe a sigh of relief at the news.

"She's going to have to go to some sort of therapy though." Bruce said regretfully, knowing how much you hate that sort of thing.

"She's not going to like that." Bucky said, "she told me that she didn't want to see a therapist when she told me about her self harm."

"I know, but hopefully it will help" Bruce said, as you slowly started to open your eyes.

"I'm not going to therapy." You said stubbornly, your voice scratchy from unuse. "How long was I out?" You asked.

"A few hours." Bucky replied, taking a seat in the chair next to you and taking your hand in his.

"I'll leave you two." Bruce said as you heard the sound of the door opening and closing again.

"Why didn't you come to me?" Bucky asked, looking hurt.

"I didn't want to bother you with it, I was scared that you would get fed up of all my shit and leave me." You mumbled, looking down shamefully. "I had a bad day, mentally and physically. Everything just seemed to wrong. I have everything I could want, an amazing boyfriend and amazing friends. I don't want to seem ungrateful and kill myself when there is nothing physically wrong, but the minute things started going down hill I realised that I finally had a reason for the escape that I craved." You explained.

When you finally looked up at Bucky you saw that he had tears in his eyes, he hated the thought that someone he cared about so much had to go through thoughts like these.

"Next time you have thoughts like this, please come to me and never be scared of it, I don't know what I'd do without you." He said, tears falling down his face. "We can talk about therapy later, for now, rest. Talk to me if you need to."

"Thank you Bucky, I love you." You murmured, suddenly realising how much he cared about you.

"I love you too doll, so much. Oh and Nat and Wanda brought you flowers and food to make you feel better." Bucky chuckled, wiping his tears before pointing to the vase of flowers and endless amount of baked goods.

"Tell them I said thanks next time you see them." You said, laughing as you finally realised how many people cared about you. You had so many 'get well soon' cards from the team that you didn't know what to do with them all.

"Now go to sleep, we can talk when you wake up." Bucky said, picking up on how tired you still were.

"Can you stay with me?" You asked timidly, not wanting to be alone.

"Of course, I'll always be here." He said, crawling into bed with you and pulling you into his chest, taking comfort in the feeling of you against him. If you had died he wouldn't know know to do with himself, in that moment he made a promise to himself that he would cherish every second he got with you. Today made him realise exactly how much you meant to him, and how short life was. He wasn't letting you go for anything.

As the sound of Buckys steady heartbeat lulled you to sleep you also made a promise to yourself. To always go to him, and not suffer alone. He needed you, and you needed him, you couldn't leave him alone. Maybe there was something worth living for, him, your friends, the team. They all cared for you, you realised that now.

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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years

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Hii can you write something for sebastian stan??? probably like this one chris evans fic.... im kinda in the mood for some sebastian fluff

-😩🧡

MY LOVE I DID IT I CANT BELIEVE I DID BUT I DID IT PLS READ IT I ACTUALLY THINK IT"S REALLY CUTE AND FUNNY MUCH LOVE

#request #anon ask #polar opposite #sebastian stan fic

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mox-writes · 2 years

Text

You Are Worthy. (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Warning: depression, suicide attempt, angst, crying, hurt/comfort

Word Count: 2,104

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: Your smile faded, skin going cold as you realized he was there, watching you at the end of your life. You didn’t want him to see it, you couldn’t face him in this state and you didn’t want the memory of your death to linger with him forever.

A/N: This isn't very good, there's no real plot here, I was just really down today and needed an outlet. This is heavily influenced by my personal experience, ya know, except having someone who cares lmao. The end was very, meh, because I started to feel better so it's just thrown together. Crossposted on moongoddessmox!

“Whoa, I haven’t seen her, what happened?” Steve sat up in bed, suddenly wide awake at the urgency in Bucky’s voice. The super-soldier could barely breathe, one text from you sent him into a panic and he was worried for your safety. Steve could see the tears streaming down his face, eyes swollen red and voice cracking with each sentence.

“Where is she?!” Bucky yelled through the halls of the Avengers compound. He had been searching everywhere for you, all night and now into the morning. He banged on the doors of everyone who was there, frantically trying to find any clue as to where you were.

“She texted me last night, something about how she’s grateful that she met me and she loves me,” Steve furrowed his brow.

“That doesn’t sound bad?” Steve sat on the edge of the bed, watching Bucky pace with his hands rubbing down his face, tears soaking his palms.

“You don’t understand, it was a goodbye, Steve. It was a final statement, I think she’s going to hurt herself.” Bucky sobbed, swallowing hard trying to contain himself but he couldn’t. Steve looked alarmed and stood up, placing his arms around the other man and bringing him into a tender hug.

“Alright, Buck, we’ll find her.” Steve knew you had always been troubled, it wasn’t the first time you wanted to hurt yourself, it wasn’t the first time you tried. But you had been so good with Bucky, you balanced each other and they thought you were doing better. Little did anyone know, you were miserable. You wished it was enough, the Avengers, having a purpose, saving the world, Bucky, but you couldn’t shake the feeling. You didn’t want to be alive anymore and you didn’t know what to do. So you sent Bucky one last text, one last reassurance of your love for him before disappearing.

You were on the top of a tall building. Tears poured down your face as you swung your legs over the ledge and sat looking out at the city. Every emotion felt amplified, it felt like your body might explode and your heart burst into a million pieces. You couldn’t shake the feeling of your chest tightening, it was like a pressurized chamber that was ready to release steam. You watched the people and cars below, wondering what they were doing, what they were thinking, where they were going. What problems did they have, were they suicidal? Would this be their last day on earth, or would they live another fifty years? Did they have people who loved them, or were they alone? So many lives, so many stories, the world felt so full and so overwhelming. There was too much going on, too much to focus on, too much to handle.

You’d spent your whole life trying to live up to others’ expectations, to their dreams, navigating through a life that wasn’t yours. A pawn in a game you didn’t want to play. Just an object for others to use for their personal gain and needs. Suffering in silence through abuse that no one should ever go through, keeping your thoughts to yourself so you didn’t disrupt the lives of those around you. You had tried to end it before, to be rid of this life, but it only blew up in your face. No one ever let you live it down, “how could you do this to us?!” instead of “how can we help?” and it made you retreat into yourself even further.

Bucky had been a constant reminder that you were loved, someone who understood you and cared about your wellbeing so thoroughly that it felt unreal. His love was all-consuming and genuine and it made you feel unworthy. Nothing in your life had ever reassured you that you were worthy of that type of love, that your life meant enough to accept it. You felt he was better off, that he should refocus his love somewhere else on someone who deserved it. You wanted so desperately to accept all he had to offer and to repay him, but how could you? What about you was good enough for a life of true love? What about you was important enough for him and the life you’d build together? You couldn’t see it; you couldn’t see past the black smog of your past, you only saw the inevitability of death.

You inched closer to the edge, your hands gripped the cement ledge behind you as you leaned forward, looking down past your feet. You were about fifty stories up from the busy city streets, legs dangling against the skyscraper and tears dripping into your lap. You took a deep breath, squeezing your eyes shut as you prepared yourself to jump. This was it. This would be the time you successfully ended it. You sat for a moment, taking in the cool breeze at that height. It chilled your cheeks and ran goosebumps down your neck. Slowly you let one hand go, tipping forward even further until you were just held up by the grip of your left hand. If you let go, the weight of your body would thrust you forward until you were tumbling through the air.

With your eyes still shut, you tilted your head up until you could feel the sun on your skin. It was warm, contrasting the breeze, and made you smile. Finally. The sweet relief of death. You thought about everything you’d be leaving behind, Bucky’s face appeared in your thoughts and you sobbed for him. You’d be missing his touch, his gentle caress as he soothed you at night, the feeling of his hands on your body as you made love, his sweet voice ringing through your ears, calling your name. You swore you could hear it then, his voice echoing through the air, getting louder and louder until it pierced through your thoughts.

He was there. Standing at the other end of the roof, watching with wide, terrified eyes as you hung from the ledge. His voice was broken, seething with pain and confusion as he called out to you, unable to find any other words but your name. Your smile faded, skin going cold as you realized he was there, watching you at the end of your life. You didn’t want him to see it, you couldn’t face him in this state and you didn’t want the memory of your death to linger with him forever. He’d been through so much.

“Please…” his voice made you cry, it was so dejected. “Please don’t,” you could hear him inching closer to you, the atmosphere shifting around his presence and the air was thick with grief.

“Please don’t come any closer,” you cried, slipping your hand up the edge of the roof until only your fingertips held you in place.

“Y/N…please, don’t do this,” there were no words he could form to fully convey the weight of his emotions at that moment. He could only beg. Beg for you to stop. Beg for you to realize just how much you were loved. How much your life mattered.

“I can’t get it to stop, Buck,” you cried into the morning sky.

“Get what to stop?” he asked as he inched closer, hoping to keep you talking until he could grab you back to safety.

“Does the feeling ever go away? The feeling of wanting to die? I just don’t feel good enough, Bucky, I can’t help it,” you couldn’t stop crying, your throat was hoarse and sweat had run into your crying eyes and made them burn. You rubbed your free hand over your face in an attempt to clear up your vision. The hand that held you up was getting clammy, eventually, you’d slip and fall, but you held on, waiting for the right moment. Bucky’s presence put a halt to your plan–something in you wanted to run to him, to just be held until all your worries were gone, but you just wanted to be done with everything. You didn’t want to hurt anymore.

“Y/N, I promise you, you’re going to get through this. There is always hope as long as you hold on. You are so loved by so many people-”

“No I’m not–I’m so replaceable, Buck, give it time, I won’t even be a passing thought,” you cut him off, your mind edging on the decision to let go. It was like a weight balancing between the two choices, little by little the decision to jump was weighing further down.

“Listen to me, Y/N, I won’t ever get over you. I can’t do this without you, you are everything to me,” Bucky was only a few feet away now. His voice was only a whisper as he choked on his tears. “Y/N, I’m begging you, let me help, let me love you so thoroughly you’ll never question if you matter again.” You opened your eyes, feeling the weight shift to the other side of the scale, questioning whether this was the right decision.

Bucky reached out for your wrist, slowly to not startle you. Just as his metal fingers were about to meet your skin, your hand became too clammy and you slipped. The fear of losing everything you had rushed through your body as you fell; your life with Bucky, the life you made as an Avenger, all the people you’ve saved, you realized in that split second that you didn’t want to die, you just wanted the pain to stop.

Your scream rattled Bucky to the core, it was a long and pained sound, something so earth-shattering that Bucky almost didn’t react in time. As you felt the gravity pull your body to the ground, churning your stomach and dropping it like you were on a rollercoaster, Bucky reached over the edge and grabbed your wrist. Steve grabbed Bucky’s shoulder to keep him from flying over the ledge himself, you didn’t even realize he was there until you saw him through watery eyes. Bucky’s features were twisted in agony, his face scrunched up and sopping wet as he cried out a groan pulling you to safety and yanking you into his arms. He held your body so tight against his that you thought the force would crush your bones. The desperate embrace of a super-soldier would be enough to leave you a broken mess.

“I love you so much, god I love you so fucking much, Y/N,” Bucky cried into your hair, not risking loosening his hold on you, afraid you’ll disappear from him again. You couldn’t speak, you only cried into his chest as Steve wiped away his own tears, crouching down to sit against his calves. He tried to compose himself as he watched you and Bucky, the fear never leaving his soul.

Bucky carried you home, taking you to the compound to get your shoulder checked. The force of him catching you had pulled the muscle so you had to wear a sling. He never left your side the entire time, watching you so intently as if you’d vanish into thin air before his eyes. You barely spoke; ashamed and embarrassed about the event that took place. You were in a haze of dread, a zombie walking through the halls filled with shame and pain. Pain that numbed your soul and kept your mind blank as Bucky navigated you where you needed to be.

He kept reassuring you that he loved you, promising to take care of you and to take you away for a while. And he did, he stayed with you while Steve and the others loaded up a car and got everything ready for your departure. Bucky held you close, arm wrapped around your shoulders as he walked you out and helped you into the passenger seat.

“Y/N, you are so loved here, I am so sorry for everything that you are going through, but I need you to know, even if you don’t believe it, that you are so important to all of us.” Steve had placed his hand on your weeping face as he spoke to you through the open window of the door. You could only manage a soft whisper of a “thank you” before Bucky held your hand, driving off to a remote location where he could take care of you, holding you and letting you cry into him for days until you couldn’t form tears any longer. Somewhere where he could make you believe just how much you meant to him.

And you finally believed you were worthy.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes angst #tw depression #tw suicide #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan x you #fanfic #bucky

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moongoddessmox · 2 years

Text

You Are Worthy. (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Warning: depression, suicide attempt, angst, crying, hurt/comfort

Word Count: 2,104

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Masterlist | Mox-Writes

“She texted me last night, something about how she’s grateful that she met me and she loves me,” Steve furrowed his brow.

“That doesn’t sound bad?” Steve sat on the edge of the bed, watching Bucky pace with his hands rubbing down his face, tears soaking his palms.

“Please don’t come any closer,” you cried, slipping your hand up the edge of the roof until only your fingertips held you in place.

“I can’t get it to stop, Buck,” you cried into the morning sky.

“Get what to stop?” he asked as he inched closer, hoping to keep you talking until he could grab you back to safety.

“Y/N, I promise you, you’re going to get through this. There is always hope as long as you hold on. You are so loved by so many people-”

And you finally believed you were worthy.

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