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#sean sent a text this morning i guess but like the number of kids he raised who weren't even his you'd think someone would give a shit
fooltofancy · 3 years
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lonely sad and my head hurts, maybe i can actually get some work done
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earlgreymon · 3 years
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otp meme - koukari
these came to my askbox:
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i was ready to answer these, and then someone came in with this:
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mind. blown.
i guess it’s time for the koukari cult to have some fun. but first of all, i’m gonna answer the numbers from gen and becky.
2. do they fight often? no, not really at first—but that was because they’re so guarded and lack of verbal communication. sure, they often get each other without even doing a single talk. yet relationship is about communication, right? after they have been together for a long time, hikari pesters him every time koushiro forgets to tidy his workstation.
18. who cooks? hikari, but koushiro always helps her on weekend.
20. who said “i love you” first? koushiro. indirectly and unconsciously. read here.
28. who’s more protective? BOTH. they have past traumas; koushiro with his parents issue and hikari with the digimon issue. so... yeah.
29. who gets jealous easily? hikari. it’s in yagami’s gene.
the rest of the answers are in the cut below. thank you @animegenork, @stoppingtosmelltheflowers and of course @tangledupblue​. you guys all deserve koukari’s smile! \^^/
[otp meme] send me a number and a pair!
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1. who’s messier? koushiro. cue to tri when jyou visited his place and he was up all night for working. this time, imagine it was hikari who picked up the rubbish.
2. do they fight often? no, not really at first—but that was because they’re so guarded and lack of verbal communication. sure, they often get each other without even doing a single talk. yet relationship is about communication, right? after they have been together for a long time, hikari pesters him every time koushiro forgets to tidy his workstation.
3. who’s the funnier drunk? koushiro. he’ll be putting his sentence as if he uses thesaurus for every word (yes, i’m talking about friends episode where joey wrote a letter), and when people don’t get him, he’ll be mocking these people by consecutively using 214 other words for “stupid” listed on yourdictionary.com (and yes, taichi held the record by hearing 49 of them already).
4. who’s uncomfortable with PDA and who loves it? koushiro is reluctant. hikari secretly loves it; she’s very snugglish.
5. who texts more often? hikari. she often checks on him because he forgets his meals. but when he’s having an overnight, she often stays quite until the following morning because she knows he needs a full concentration.
6. big spoon/little spoon? they’re both smolbeans!! same old. she’s the small, he’s the big one.
7. who made the 1st move? hikari, just because he’s so dense. i think i mentioned before that she sent him a honmei-choco on valentine’s day.
8. any nicknames? not for each other, but their friends using the code name “lady bug” for hikari because koushiro’s close association with bugs and hikari being… well, koushiro’s lady. imagine hikari entering the apartment for mimi’s weekly gathering and miyako announced, “the lady bug is flying! I REPEAT: THE LADY BUG IS FLYING!” as if hikari’s a queen of england.
9. the most embarrassing music on their phone? koushiro: bar bar bar – crayon pop and the muppet’s version of bohemian rhapsody hikari: eenie meenie – sean kingston ft. justin bieber
10. what’s “their song”? venus – sleeping at last. just a simple song with a hint of science! i love the line “astronomy in reverse, it was me who was discovered” because i think it describes koushiro who often explore things but now it’s hikari who find him and love him.
11. who reads more? both! they have bookshop dates, excuse me. they even find a book together each month to discuss about—you know, something like a private book club. this helps koushiro to get out of his computer routine.
12. who remembers anniversaries? hikari, just because koushiro doesn’t keep tracks of days and dates, generally.
13. who is better with kids? hikari. pretty self-explanatory due to her job.
14. who tops/bottoms? why do they have to pick top or bottom when they can be on par?
15. what’s their favorite activity? TEA TIME TOGETHER. NO ONE CAN MESS THIS HEADCANON UP. (see this post)
16. weirdest hobbies? collecting tea bag tags.
17. who would make a blanket fort? would the other help? hikari. she says taichi often built it for her. koushiro actually looks up how to make it on wikihow.
18. who cooks? hikari, but koushiro always helps her on weekend.
19. how do they eat ice cream? what’s their favorite flavors? hikari loves waffle cone sooo much. if the ice cream parlour has a waffle cup, she’ll also go with it. and sprinkles. she’s got to have them on top. her favourites are either plain ol’ vanilla or rainbow sherbet. koushiro’s the cup type of guy because it’s more practical and he can put it beside his computer. too little time to pick toppings. favourite flavour is hojicha or matcha just because no oolong tea-flavoured ice cream. and oh, regarding the mint-choco thing: hikari likes it, but koushiro doesn’t. it’s because hikari fooled him once by giving the mint choco, saying that it’s “matcha with choco chips” and when he tasted it, it felt like swallowing toothbrush. there was a big chance that he doesn’t really hate it, but the experience was kinda traumatic.
20. who said “i love you” first? koushiro. indirectly and unconsciously. read here.
21. do they go on dates? what are they like? yes! (see this post too)
22. christmas traditions? they have a special christmas tea blend which they only brew on 24th and 25th. they never share the recipe although sora is dying to have them. also, at one point, they recycle koushiro’s unused cd to christmas ornaments.
23. do they go trick or treating? who stays home and hands out the candy? nah, they stay at home, using the most normal halloween costume, and bake some mini cupcakes for the children.
24. do they stargaze? expand. yessss! they went to planetarium once where koushiro basically explained EVERYTHING to hikari, and finally hikari said, “must be nice if we can see these directly in the sky.” so koushiro spent some time to search for a place with the best night sky. he even asked yamato about it.
25. who’s the laziest? they’re actually quite diligent, but of course hikari has a day when all she wants to do was petting a cat.
26. who complains more? koushiro. it’s his nature when everything goes off from his thoughts.
27. who wakes up earlier? hikari. she goes to work quite early.
28. who’s more protective? BOTH. they have past traumas; koushiro with his parents issue and hikari with the digimon issue. so... yeah.
29. who gets jealous easily? hikari. it’s in yagami’s gene.
30. how do they cuddle? when and where? under the blanket, with tea and a cat.
31. how did they meet? neighbours unite. thanks, taichi.
32. what do they smell when they smell amorentia? (actually had to google what amortentia is loooool) koushiro: the smell of his mother’s cooking, the smell of old books, the mild smell of wetlands that tentomon once flew passed. hikari: the smell of summer when they had their first adventure, the smell of the pork bun koushiro bought him at hong kong. eventually, together they smell their christmas blend.
33. what lockscreens do they have? koushiro never changes his lockscreen after he bought his phone. if he misses his loved ones, he will just open the gallery. hikari’s lockscreen is the photo they took before leaving the digital world, but her home screen is a photo of tailmon and tentomon when they had a hanami together. she’s too shy to put a photo of her with koushiro.
34. how many emojis do they use and which ones? hikari: 😸 and then every cat emoji. koushiro: doesn’t use emoji that often (BUT USES A LOT OF CAPS) but his favourite is 👽 (only if he feels cheeky)
35. who throws ill-advised parties? koushiro with jyou.
36. who sets the other’s ringtone to something loud and obnoxious behind their back? hikari—but for good reason! Koushiro often ignores calls, so it has to be done so he eventually checks his phone.
37. lick-claiming. who does it? is the other deterred? ??? you mean like a cat?? hikari??????
38. who glitterizes everything? hikari, before she finds the minimalist style of life.
39. who is obsessed with HSM? both.
40. who draws sharpie dicks on the other when they get blackout drunk? taichi and takeru hikari??? just because she always keeps a marker pen in her bag.
41. who uses chopsticks/can either of them use chopsticks? plot twist: koushiro only learns how to use chopsticks properly in high school after yamato found out how messy he was when they were eating ramen.
42. when they can’t sleep what do they do? koushiro: open his computer hikari: looking at the pictures from old time. koushiro of course joins in.
43. what order do they wash themselves in the shower? head first. practicality.
44. who impulse buys? koushiro. it gets to hikari’s nerves because his impulse buyings are pricey electronic stuffs. (“why did you buy a mi band when you already have an apple watch?”)
45. who’s clumsier? koushiro.
46. what are their coffee orders? coffee what coffee.
47. what apps do they have? not sure about this, but i know hikari has adorable home on her phone and koushiro probably has a bitcoin app he never touches.
48. what are their favorite TV shows? they have a k-drama night sometimes!! start-up is their latest favourite.
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krustywhore · 5 years
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ten thousand words ch. 10
whoomp can y’all believe i was gonna end this at 10 chapters yike (if y’all missed chapter 9, here u go)
anyway, hhh good luck not loving austin my dudes
check her out on ao3 here 
For weeks Race couldn’t get that night off his mind for two very different reasons.
One, it was one of the last times he and Spot were alone together that didn’t feel like Spot was terrified out of his mind the entire time. It broke Race’s heart, despite him telling himself that this was exactly what was going to happen from the beginning. He set himself up to be heartbroken, he knew it, but it still hurt like hell to know that, after that night, something happened that broke whatever amazing thing they had going.
And two, apparently someone liked him. Like, liked him.
A guy had shown up at his dorm room, told him Jack had given him his room number, and that he wanted to take him out for coffee. His name was Austin Newman, he was a sophomore with a world history major who grew up in Maine, and Race liked him.
He couldn’t sign more than the alphabet he learned in grade school, but he had more patience than anyone Race had ever met as he took the time to write down everything he needed to say in a little notebook Race had started carrying around since their first date.
He had a car, which was great considering the closer it got to winter, the harder it was for Race to breathe after an embarrassingly short amount of exertion.
And they went for coffee before Austin’s early morning practices on Fridays. Austin would pick him up and they’d go to a little coffee shop a block away from his practice field and then Race would sit on the bleachers and watch his hot pitcher kinda-boyfriend.
That wasn’t Spot.
Yeah, every time he went to bed, he’d see a framed selfie he took with Spot that night on the rooftop beside his bed, but then he’d open up his phone and see a picture of Austin at his latest baseball game.
He didn’t love him. Hell, they weren’t even dating, but he liked being with Austin. Moreso, he decided, than he liked being with Spot while Spot was with Isabel.
Oh, that and he had to come out to Spot. That wasn’t hard, per say, it was really just the way that Spot reacted that really stuck in his head. He looked almost relieved. Sure, maybe he had thought something bad was going to happen when Race had sent him a cryptic “we need to talk” text, but it looked like more. Sure, Race gave up overthinking it after a few days, but Spot definitely didn’t.
But he had Austin to keep him busy.
Austin, who liked Lord of the Rings and could drink a dozen cups of coffee a day and still be tired as hell. Austin, who didn’t like holding hands because he was self-conscious about his long-ass legs and worried he would walk to fast for Race to catch up. Besides, he preferred keeping his hand in the boy’s back pocket like all of the old John Hughes movies he pretended to hate.
It was a pretty fucking amazing month and, as much as he doubted it was possible at first, he realized maybe he didn’t need Spot around as much as he thought he did.
Spot Conlon was fucking miserable.
After about a month or so of practically ignoring Race entirely, he broke it off with Isabel. Or, more accurately, she broke up with him.
He couldn’t stop thinking about it. He even skipped his class with Race for the first time just so he wouldn’t have to tell him they had broken up. In fact, the things she had said to him he couldn’t stop from repeating over and over in his head.
“You know what this is about, Sean,” She warned him. He nodded, sighing as he ran his hands through his hair.
It had been a while since he had cut it. Race told him he thought it looked nice longer. Isabel told him she missed his shaved sides.
“Yeah,” he groaned. “Yeah, I know.”
“I don’t wanna’ say I don’t like him because I know you do,” She continued.
Wait, what?
“What do you-” She interrupted him.
“He’s your new best friend or whatever, I get it, but I’m not like that with my friends, Sean,” She kept going. Spot felt trapped. “I would never trade time with you for time with them. I’m sorry, I just wouldn’t. They’re my sisters and I love them, but I love you, Sean.”
He nodded, dragging his hands down his face as he sat down at the end of her bed.
“I know, we spent a lot of time together at the beginning of the year, it’s just…” He trailed off. “You know I never really did the whole ‘friend’ thing growing up. I guess I just don’t know how to figure out a good balance, Iz.”
She nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. Spot couldn’t tell if she looked convinced or not.
“You love him too, don’t you?” He froze.
“What?”
She scoffed, brushing the hair away that had fallen into her face. Spot could see her eyes watering.
“I know you love me. I can see it whenever I look at you,” she spoke, almost like a whisper. “But you love him too. I don’t even need to look at you to see that.”
“Iz, you know I don’t-”
“The way you love me isn’t the same way you love him, Sean. I know that,” She finished.
“Thank you, I was worried you thought I-”
“You’re not in love with me.”
Her words hung in the air for longer than either of them would like to admit. Spot couldn’t bring himself to look up once he heard her start sniffling.
“I know I have a piece of your heart, Sean. I know I have since I met you. You’ve never needed to tell me that,” She paused. “But you’re not in love with me. He has that part of your heart now.”
And deep down maybe he knew she was right. He hadn’t been in love with her for a long time. They had changed so much over the years and it was about time they noticed, maybe it wasn’t for the better.
Looking back on their relationship, it was almost obvious. He legitimately couldn’t understand how they had been together for over two years at that point. They were so freakishly incompatible, yet they were so happy for so long. He loved her. He knew there was a time back when they first met where he thought they’d be together forever. It seemed like such a novel idea now. Spending the rest of his life with someone? Getting married? Maybe even having kids? It was almost like he’d just realized that could very realistically happen in the coming years. He was twenty-one, newly single, and living in the greatest city in the world. He could find a girlfriend if he really wanted to.
But maybe he didn’t want to.
But , Race had a boyfriend now.
Oh, and also maybe a different guy would be okay too.
It was three weeks after their first date that Austin finally got his shit together and asked Race to be his boyfriend. And Race said yes.
It had been three days since Race told Spot the good news. And Spot told Race his. Race had made sure not to talk much about Austin and, for the first time since that night on the roof, they stayed up in Race’s dorm until the early hours of the morning, only moving from their comfortable Netflix-binging position to watch the sunrise from Race’s shitty window the size of a sheet of paper.
It was as if the weeks in between that night and this one had never happened. Race was okay with that. Spot wasn’t sure if he was.  All he knew was that as they watched the sun come up that morning, all he could think about was that if they could go back to that night on the roof, he would’ve kissed him right then and there. And that was definitely a novel idea.
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racehas2hands · 7 years
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Sprace- Astraphobia
TW- Panic Attack and implied child abuse
Race ran into his apartment complex as a flash of light flickered across the sky, followed by a delayed rumble. Race sighed as he tried to find a dry spot on his shirt to clean his glasses. He swung the door open to his apartment expecting to see the familiar Friday-night-sight of his boyfriend waiting on the couch with popcorn, but was met with darkness.
He flicked on the lights, “Spot?”
The only reply was another bang of thunder.
Race checked the rest of the apartment and although the tv in their bedroom was on, every room was empty. He turned it off and plugged his dead phone into the charger, guessing Spot must have ran to the store for their movie-night snacks. Grabbing the notepad on his nightstand, he reminded himself to buy more contacts before peeling off his shirt and throwing it into the laundry pile.
A few minutes later, Race’s phone turned on with a bright white screen and a loud buzz. He plopped onto the bed as another bang rattled the sky. Quickly after, he received three missed calls and ten texts from Spot, eight of them frantically demanded him to come home before it starts to storm. The last two sent panic up his spine. He felt his throat get a little tighter as he read them, picturing Spot as he typed them out.
Tony goddamn it I need you! I thought I was over this but I can’t fucking breathe and if you don’t come home right now then I’m breaking up with you I swear
Tony you piece of shit I’m shaking please come home I can’t fucking do this on my own
Swallowing hard, Race sat up and dialed Spot’s number only for an area on the bed to vibrate. He frantically searched the bed as if finding Spot’s phone under the unmade covers will lead him to Spot. He hung up on himself and ran to the closet to grab a shirt, already thinking of places he might be.
Race’s quickly found out that all of those places were wrong.
On the floor of the closet, Spot sat curled up in the corner with his back against the wall. His hands were clamped over his ears, holding them so tight that they were bright red. His face was hidden in his knees and his shoulders were barely rising, as if he was holding his breath and only letting go for shorts bursts.
“Spot?” The name came out in a whisper and Race slowly dropped to his knees.
Another bang of thunder hit and Spot flinched, pressing himself closer to the wall and letting out a small whimper.
“Spot?” Race said louder now, but he still didn’t reply. Cautiously, he tapped his shoulder and Spot yelped.
“Pa, I’m sorry!” He scrambled, throwing his head up so fast it hit the back wall with a painful sounding thud. His arms were up as if to defend himself and his eyes were squeeze shut, his head to the side and his breathing growing heavy.
Race all but managed to whisper “Sean”, his heart breaking in his chest. He’s seen Spot broken and vulnerable, but never like this. He looked like a little kid.
He gently grabbed one of Spot’s hands, lowering it slowly as he softly spoke. “Sean it’s me- Racetrack, Antonio. You’re okay, it’s just me. You dad isn’t here. You’re going to be okay.”
Spot flinched against Race’s touch, but he slowly opened his eyes as Race rubbed calming circles in the center of his palm. He wiped his puffy eyes with his other hand as Race brushed aside a few flannels and climbed into the closet with him.
“Focus on me, Spot. Focus on your breathing. You’re going to be fine, I promise. If there’s anything I keep, it’s my word, right?”
Spot sniffled and closed his eyes again, squeezing them less tight. He held onto Race’s wrist and winced at another hit of thunder. Race mentally cursed the sky.
“I need you to breathe with me, okay? Listen to my voice, remember where you are. Exhale.”
Spot shakily did as he was told.
“Inhale to five, hold two, exhale seven. Ready?”
Spot nodded and the two followed the breathing technique. They sat in the closet breathing together for thirty-five minutes until Spot could breath normally, only having two short-lived setbacks from the thunder.
Slowly, he opened his eyes again, blinking a few times before they focused on Race. He inched closer and let go of his wrist to wrap his arms around Race’s torso and bury his head in the crook of his neck. He used Race to ground himself, repeating his senses in his head and then subconsciously whispering them to himself.
Touch- Race’s skin.
Smell- Race’s cologne, the smell of cinnamon.
Taste- Dry?
Sight- An ugly wall.
Hear- Race’s breathing and thunder. It’s just thunder.
Race held on tight as Spot repeated himself until his psyche was convinced that the banging wasn’t his dad. Another jolt of lightning tracked thunder behind it and Spot twitched, but he let go of Race and sat back. He took one last drawn out breath. After a few minutes, he cleared his throat. “Would it be in bad taste to joke about us being in the closet?”
Race snorted, “Spot Conlon, you’re unbelievable.”
“Unbelievably tired.” Spot crawled out of the closet and stood up, stretching and closing his eyes for only a second as the sky banged. “You can pick the movie tonight, but technically it’s my turn so choose an action.”
Race crossed the room and took a shirt from one of the draws. “Spot, we need to talk about why you didn’t-” he turned around, but Spot was already gone with a pillow and blanket. He sighed and told himself ‘tomorrow’.
In the living room, Spot was curled up on the couch wearing one of Race’s sweatshirts he left lying around. Race poured a bowl of Spot’s favorite chips and two glasses of water, placing them on the table. He climbed under the blanket as the big spoon and quickly chose whichever movie he thought would have the most explosions to drown out the thunder while Spot slept.
The next day, Spot was gone before Race woke up. He left a note on the table simply stating “Be back later. Remember to pick up milk when you come home from the Optometrists. Love, Spot.”
Race sighed and checked his phone, 7:00 am. He groaned, knowing Spot had nowhere to be at this time and was just avoiding him because of last night. Race sent a text to all of his friends, asking them to send Spot home if he showed up, and stayed in the apartment all day. Around 3am, he fell asleep in an empty bed.
Two hours later, Race woke up to rustling in the kitchen. He rubbed sleep from his eyes and sluggishly dragged his feet towards the noise, flicking the lights on as Spot peaked his head out from behind the refrigerator door.
“Morning, princess.”
“Fuck you.” Race spat. He crossed the kitchen, shoved Spot aside, and slammed the refrigerator door. “How fucking dare you ignore me all day and act like everything’s okay-”
“Everything is okay.”
“You had a panic attack, Sean!”
Spot froze and clenched his jaw. He subconsciously straightened his back and stood taller, as if Race hasn’t learned to see through his tough-guy facade.
Race balled up his fists, “Just because you act like it didn’t happen, doesn’t mean shit! I’m sick of you always acting so goddamn tough. Fuck you and fuck thinking it’s you against the world.”
Spot stepped away from Race, looking a little shell-shocked.
Race ran a hand through his hair and spoke softer, stretching out his fingers at his side. “I just want you to talk to me, Spot. You can shut out your emotions to everyone else, but don’t try that shit with me. How can I protect you if I don’t know what you’re running from?”
Spot took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, reminding himself that Race wasn’t the enemy. He rubbed the inside of his palm with his thumb, “Look, Race, I don’t know what you’re expecting from me. This isn’t something you can help with, it was triggered by trauma from a long time ago that you can’t undo, alright?”
“I just want to know why you didn’t tell me until it’s too late.” Race took Spot’s hands in his own, “I know you grew up without anyone to help you, but you don’t have to face everything alone anymore. Get that through your dumb, thick head. I love you, jackass. I want to help you.”
Spot looked down at their hands. and mumbled, “Fine.” For a few moments, he was quiet until pulling away and wrapping his arms around Race’s neck. He leaned their foreheads together and kissed him quick.
“For you, I’ll try.”
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