#scratched the surface with bangtan but i wanted to prepare for bangbangcon so i looked up the setlist and listened to it

[serotaejin]

💌

#this is gonna be long rant but also appreciation for serendipity/jimin/joon but also v personal so trigger warnings #negative / mental health stuff / drug mention / relapse tw #im quite shit at listening to previously released music and take a lot of time to go through the discography and tbh I haven't even #scratched the surface with bangtan but i wanted to prepare for bangbangcon so i looked up the setlist and listened to it #before the date and since then. i've been listening to serendipity every night and sobbing my eyes out. every single night. #jimin's vocals have always been my favourite. like ever since i first heard them in dynamite. and serendipity is just. ethereal #that song was MADE for him. he is enchanting. the yearning for this new thing to work when it's them vs the world. oh u can just feel it in #his voice. and the performance... i really cannot get through it without pausing every few seconds. jimin is SUCH a graceful performer #he flows to the music. he flows with the emotions and fuck it IS the most beautiful thing ever. only jimin could carry the tenderness #of this song so beautifully. when soulmate & i watched a performance she mentioned how she felt like she was being held in a trance #because she could mot take her eyes off of him and i knew exactly what she meant. bc every since the first time i listened to it ive been #wanting to relapse. the song/performance reminds me of how i felt when i was using. i used to use bc i was depressed as hell and needed #something to make me happy. and it made me happy. my chest would be filled with happiness but also ache. this is exactly how i feel now. #the lyrics... they hurt. a lot. joon writes so beautifully. he really is one of the greatest poets of our gen. idc it's a fact #the way it says that universe planned this. it planned us. you have nothing to worry about. we were meant to be. #and how the uncertainty is quelled over and over again by reminding themselves that the universe moved for them and fate/destiny is envious #he says he's afraid too but it goes away when they see him. when they touch him. all this had been planned ever since the universe was first #formed. yeah i can't.... 🤧 there is nothing more precious than this and it just makes my heart ache so much bc i want it so bad #i just wanna be in love. so in love. so consumed. im so sick of messing around with people who i don't care about. #i don't want to care about anyone else. just them and what we could build together. at the same time it disgusts me to see myself #be like that. i can't even think about it without shuddering. why am i so afraid. why can't i take my own advice and out myself out there? #why do i hide behind a wall. why do i not let myself form any type of feelings. i know that im not afraid of getting hurt SO WHY #i just can't being like this. i need to love. i can't relapse and escape my issues once again. i just cannot. #ig thank u jimin & joon for awakening something in me. i love u #please don't rb or if u have anything condescending to say keep it to yourself #some... thots