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carrymelikeimcute · 6 months

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Going over the izzy/lucius/shark exchange is so interesting in the context of this being an episode about apologies. About making concessions and trying to fix things.

(In this ep there's a lot about ed making amends/accommodating the crew's triggers and trauma. It's also about stede having to fix things when he upsets the superstitious crew by not treating their feelings as valid.)

At the start we have Ed's (probably well intentioned) but evasive, non-apology. He does an 'I'm sorry you feel that way' sort of apology about 'whatever that bad stuff was'. It's a wish to do better, but it doesn't really cover what went before. A lot of people interject here, but Izzy remains completely still and silent, off to one side.

Lucius says he never used the word 'sorry' and rightly calls this out. Roach however, says he's never heard an apology before - and liked it - so this seems like as much as it's a first for Ed to take even some accountability, it's probably the first time some of the crew have seen a captain (or anyone else) do this too.

Archie says 'They just get away with it and we move on'.

Lucius rounds on Izzy, because obviously Izzy should have the biggest grievance here. But Izzy responds to the question about Ed's apology as if it was about piracy in general - clearly showing that the cycle of abuse is a feature, not a bug. This is part of his life and identity as a pirate. This is, actually, things going back to normal. You get whipped (and we see these scars on him later) no one apologises, and you just reset to how it was before, pretending nothing has been altered until it all bubbles over again.

Ed then tells stede that he's never apologised for anything. Confirming that most of the crew's responses are in line with their past experiences.

Then Ed goes to fix the door and tells it that it's not its fault that it's broken, it was just doing it's job. This directly parallels Izzy's rant to the figurehead about it failing to do it's job. Ed could be talking about himself here, as Izzy was talking about himself - but to me it doesn't fit that well, because what 'job' was Ed trying to do? He could instead be acknowledging, indirectly, that he is aware that Izzy was doing his job - trying to make sure they all survived and functioned as a crew. Ed probably broke that door, and he broke Izzy. But he has yet to talk to him about it.

Immediately following this, is when he scares the BEJESUS out of Lucius and tells him 'it would be faster to get all this out in one go'. It sounds like a reasonable suggestion, but we know that it doesn't actually work. Lucius pushes him off the boat and it doesn't help. Because 'I hurt you, so now you hurt me' doesn't benefit the abused, it's still about making the abuser feel better - making them feel punished and therefore redeemed, even when their victim isn't healed. I don't think Ed is trying to manipulate Lucius here - both of them think it might help to 'fix things' but fixing things takes emotional intelligence that's not really developed yet.

ENTER, THE SHARK

Izzy starts working on the shark, after the non-apology. He doesn't have it in the 'candle fighting' scene obvs - but he does receive an apology in that scene, when stede says 'feet' and then corrects himself to foot. It's a simple straightforward apology, even if he does sort of laugh awkwardly. Izzy also at least attempted to apologise to Stede in ep. 3 - so he clearly sees the use in apologies - AND right after the apology, Izzy agrees to help stede. Their relationship changes. It gets better and they're no longer stuck in those old patterns. Izzy is full-on gentle parenting stede - even when he shoots down a fucking sail.

He also, notably, states that the crew's feelings on the curse are important. Meaning, how the crew feels is important to him, period.

After this, we're back to Lucius throwing Ed overboard. But it doesn't work because Ed doesn't remember the talent show thing, he doesn't really know why Lucius was so blindsided by that betrayal of trust. It's not about who goes overboard. It's about the dynamics underneath that and those can't be fixed by just trading places for a moment.

FINALLY. We see Izzy finishing the shark, and he's completely unsurprised that Lucius pushing Ed into the water didn't fix things. Izzy's done this 'tit for tat' thing - betraying Ed to the English over being banished - and it ended terribly for both of them. It escalated things. He knows it's not as simply as getting even with someone.

The solution Izzy has chosen to the cycle of his relationship with Ed is to pretend that Ed hasn't done anything to him. A shark did it. Like with the non-apology, blame is being shifted to a third party 'the bad things' the 'bad times'. Lucius (rightly) points out that this is not healthy, but Izzy's response, that's better than not moving on, clearly resonates.

Izzy's response to being hurt was to 1. Get even and 2. (when that proved deeply unsatisfying and made things worse) to put the unresolved conflict behind him. Because he doesn't think Ed is ever going to apologise or change, and wanting those things just hurt more.

Anyone who has parents/a partner/friend who's NEVER apologised for anything, knows how he's feeling. You stop trying to have it out and fix the relationship, and it starts to wither, even though the other person thinks it's healthy.

'Not moving on is worse' is a warning, and it's one that Lucius takes to heart, immediately trying to centre positive things instead of resentment and anger. He shares his feelings with Pete, and their relationship thrives.

The issue here, is that denial doesn't work. Lucius might be able to move on from what happened to him without a proper apology from Ed, but that's because he's not in a relationship with him. Izzy's the one who's really in it with Ed - he's had DECADES of this shit. That can't be willed away.

Stede's resolution to the curse conflict models a healthier method and one that I'm hoping we see in a future episode between Ed/Izzy. He validates the crew's feelings, make a sacrifice (the suit) and TOGETHER they collaborate on a solution to the issue that is mutually satisfactory - he even gets to keep the shirt, as a sort of compromise. It isn't about just making stede or the crew feel better, it's about moving on together.

This happens with Ed and Fang! Ed actually apologises once he realises what, specifically he did wrong. Fang says they're 'sweet' because he beat Ed to death (oof) which outwardly seems like retaliation working - but there has also been an actual apology and Fang wasn't retaliating against Ed, he was standing up for himself - a physical version of saying 'that wasn't OK - you need to change'.

This method of resolution is echoed in the final scene, with stede and ed. They reach an understanding about the pace of their relationship and find a happy medium (holding hands) - mutually satisfied and moving forwards.

Bottom line? I hope we see 1. Ed actually apologise to Izzy and 2. the pair of them outline what it is they want to change in their relationship moving forward, ending the cycle for good.

Thank you for coming to my Ed talk.

#ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 #izzy hands #edward teach #lucius spriggs #sprigghands #ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #blackhands #edizzy #israel hands #thank you for coming to my ed talk

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celaenaeiln · 9 months

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I know we talk about Dick's insecurities about Bruce, but can we talk about Bruce's insecurities about Dick?

The man is terrified of Dick not liking him. A 30 year old is scared and lonely and loves his son so much that he wants to only show him his best sides. During the comic Bruce doesn't respond the first time when Dick tells him that his greatest fear is Batman thinking he's a failure, and I thought Bruce was just being an asshole as usual. But after rereading this panel from Bruce's perspective, I think Bruce intentionally let it go unanswered the first time because he wants Dick to keep looking up at him.

In a selfishly manipulative way, he wants Dick to continue seeking his approval so that Dick will stay by his side and turn to him and only him for everything.

While Dick always talks about the importance of Bruce to him, he fails to realize the hold he, himself, has on Bruce even now.

Dick just assumes it's because Bruce doesn't trust him but holy crap, he has no idea that it's actually because Bruce wanted Dick to trust him.

Bruce is so not normal about Dick.

It's weird that Dick had some expectation of being best man to Bruce's wedding but it's weirder that:

Bruce also thought the same! He feels guilty and admits that he was reluctant in choosing between Dick and Clark but ultimately chose Clark because, yeah, traditionally it is not exactly conventional to choose a man not your own age. Although, since he's older and has kids, he could've chosen any of his children but for some reason- it's weirdly fitting that they both expected it to be Dick.

Yet despite this situation being crazy, I don't think it has ever felt more right that they're feeling these exact emotions and are in this situation. It just feels right for them.

Dick always feels like he has something to prove with Batman but he doesn't know that Batman feels the same with him which is why they end up devolving into fights. They're living in a codependent relationship with no clear lines and that makes things very messy.

#there's a lot I want to say about Bruce and Dick's relationship but the post would be too long if I added to this one so I'll make another #dick grayson #nightwing #bruce wayne #batman #their weird relationship means everything to me #batfam

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rogueddie · 2 months

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Leap of Faith T | 1,286 words Prompt for @steddielovemonth: Love is saying 'I love you' even when you're scared

Eddie has never been very good at figuring out where his limits lay. It's something that usually proves good- he's willing to try to do anything, sure he can do it and he usually finds that he either can or he can pick up the skills neccessary very fast.

When it comes to romance, he's never quite got it.

He's not sure Robin "gets it" either, but she knows Steve better than he ever could. He trusts her to plan something that would, at the very least, be something Steve would enjoy.

It might not get him a boyfriend at the end of it, but it will at least make Steve happy. It's the best Eddie can bring himself to hope for.

But, even with all of that in mind, Eddie is terrified.

"You'll be fine," Wayne reassures him, for the eighteenth time. "That boy adores you. Even if this don't work out, you'll stay friends."

"Yeah, I know, but..."

"It's still scary," Wayne wraps an arm around his shoulders. "I get it, son. This ain't ever easy. I can't imagine how much harder it is when it's with another boy. But I know you. You're gonna do great."

Before Eddie can respond, there's a knock at the door.

"Oh, shit, I almost forgot-"

Eddie darts off to his room, quickly grabbing the tickets Robin had got him. He can hear Wayne and Steve talking, which makes him rush back.

"Hey!" Eddie says, slightly out of breath. "Sorry. You, uh... you look good."

"Thanks," Steve grins, glancing down at himself.

Objectively, Eddie knows it's an outfit he's worn before- a striped, yellow polo with his favourite jeans and go-to white sneakers.

But he tries to be optimistic, and it's easier than he expects. He's told Steve that those types of jeans suit him, he's told Steve that yellow looks good on him...

"You look good too," Steve adds, looking him up and down.

"Thanks. Uh..." he hesitates, glancing at Wayne, who pointedly raises his eyebrows. "We should head out, right? Movie starts soon."

"Did Robin tell you what movie we're going to see? She gave me the weirdest rundown of tonights plan."

"She told me not to tell you."

"Great," Steve sighs. He tries to frown, to look annoyed, but it fails completely. His excitement is too obvious.

Eddie holds the door open, gesturing Steve through.

When he turns back to say bye, Wayne mouths "good luck" at him, giving him a thumbs up too.

Eddie rolls his eyes. "Thanks. See you later, old man."

Steve is already stood by his car, expression making it clear that he'll lose if he tries to argue that they take his van instead.

"We're not going in the van," Steve says, the second Eddie pulls out his keys.

"I know! Just- one minute!"

He climbs in the back, shoving things aside so he can grab the small box, grabbing the flowers once he's climbed back out.

"For you," Eddie says, holding them both out.

The carnations aren't anything special- Eddie had only picked them specially because they're cheaper- but Steve holds them delicately, eyes full of awe.

"Thank you," he breathes, finally tearing his eyes away from the flowers. "They're, uh... they're really pretty."

"Yeah, they're... you're welcome."

"Could, um... you don't mind if we stop by my house, on the way, right? I should- these need to be put in water."

"That's fine, yeah, I don't mind."

The ride to Steves is quiet, but tense. Eddie keeps his eyes firmly forward, struggling to keep his expression neutral with how Steves eyes keep boring into the side of his head with his glances.

When Steve darts inside, Eddie grabs the box that Steve seems to have missed with the flowers stealing all his attention. He carefully props it on the steering wheel.

He keeps glancing at it as he waits. By the time Steve comes back out, he's wiping his hands on his jeans, anxious.

"Oh!" Steve grins, grabbing the box, excited. He only hesitates for a moment, glancing at Eddie, who gives him a nod. "It's not even my birthday."

He freezes once he finally opens it. He turns to look at Eddie after a moment, expression blank.

"It's, uh... you said you liked it," Eddie explains. "Saw one the other day and, uh... here we are."

"Thank you. Really. I didn't think you'd... well, it's great. Thank you."

The ring is almost plain, a silver band with simple designs carved. It doesn't help that it's old, clearly second-hand.

Eddie thinks the age adds to its charm and, judging by how Steve immediately slides it onto his finger, he seems to agree.

"We're eating after we watch this film, right?"

"Yeah. I thought we'd go to that little burger joint?"

"The one ran by Diane?"

"I think it is. It's got those weird tablecloths with the-"

"The lace things, yeah, that's the one. I love that place!"

Thankfully, conversation comes easy after that. It makes the journey to the cinema less tense. By the time they park, they're teasing each other as usual.

The movie, for Eddie, is boring. Another rom-com that Steve loves.

Eddie spends almost the entire time staring at Steve, enjoying his love of the movie, basking in the second hand joy.

He's almost disappointed when the credits roll.

Their meal makes up for it though. Steve spends the entire time talking about the movie, gushing about the parts he loved and why. The lovesick expression he has, when describing the love the protagonists shared, is worth the price of admission.

Steve gets out, when they pull up to the trailer park, walking him to his door.

"Eds," Steve says, quickly, grabbing his arm when he goes to unlock the door. "You know, tonight was amazing. It was really fun. I'd, um, love to hang out again. If you want."

"Yeah?" Eddie shifts, nervously glancing around. "What if, um..."

Steve waits for a moment but, when it becomes clear that Eddie is too nervous to continue, he asks, "what?"

"I don't want it to be a hang out," Eddie rushes out to say. The words jumble together in his rush, making him almost unintelligable. "I want it to be... to be a date."

"Really? That- yeah. Yeah, I'd love that. Was- this was a date too, right?"

Steves smile is wide, eyes crinkling at the corners. It makes Eddies heart flutter.

"Yeah, I mean, if you want it to be, because... I do. Want it to be a date, I mean."

"It was a date," he nods. "And it was a great date. Perfect."

"Good." Eddie shifts a step closer, taking a shaky breath. "Sorry I didn't ask you, like, properly. I really, um... I really like you, Steve."

"I like you too."

"No, I mean... I'm pretty sure I love you."

"Good, because I'm pretty sure I love you too."

He leans in, quickly kissing Eddie on the cheek. His cheeks are flushed as he quickly looks around.

"Oh, look," he snorts, pointing to one of the windows- Maxs face is peering through the curtains and she gives them a thumbs up. "Brat."

"You... don't mind? That she saw?"

"No? She's like family, man, she's safe." Steves smile falters. "Unless you don't want them to know? Is it too soon? Am I-"

"No, it's great. I just wasn't sure."

"Well, to be clear, I'd scream it from the rooftops if it didn't put a target on your back."

"On our backs."

"Eh, I've got a nailbat, I'm fine. You've been through enough."

"So have you."

Steve rolls his eyes, sighing. "Sure, yeah, whatever. Come on, let me kiss you again before we say goodbye."

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #steddie fic #ficlet #nav.slm #day 20

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miguel-owhora · 4 months

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thinking about price taking you in as a stray and letting you join 141. at first, god, you're aggressive and defensive, baring your teeth at them and snapping if they get too close. unlike the other squads, they don't judge you, they don't get angry with bow much you react. they're patient and willing to work with you, because they were once like you.

you react with violence and aggression, with a type of reaction that only former fighting dogs have, because that's what you were taught. ghost doesn't speak much with you and instead fills the silence with his presence. he'll stand in front of doorways and block you from leaving, forcing you to get used to his presence, holding eye contact even as you glare at him and snap his way, because no, [name], this isn't how we do things here. i was once like you. you'll come around to see that we only bite at our enemies, not our family. he's forcing your instincts to calm down, forcing your mind to rewire itself and to recognize that he's not a threat. only does he leave when you don't react when he moves a little too fast.

soap follows you and chatters away with you, and every growl and snap and flash of your eyes is just met with him blabbering away. it's his way of bonding with you, of also forcing you to get used to him. it throws you off when he just laughs when you snarl his direction and speaks his scottish tongue, his accent thick and heavy and leaving you confused. he's friendly and bubbly, if a bastard, and goes quiet when you don't glare his way whenever he speaks a little too fast and a little too loud.

gaz is a mixture of both. sometimes he won't say anything, he'll force his way into your proximity and hold eye contact when you try to scare him away. or he'll let his voice be soothing and calm, and make conversation with you, even if you don't respond. sometimes he'll be repairing something or cleaning his weapons, and he'll make light conversation. he notices you're calmer when his voice is quiet and even, and how you focus on his hands. not fearfully, but more grounded. he makes note of this.

price is the only one who gets physical with you. he first notes how you react to certain things, how you flinch and snarl and lash out. then, he forced you to deal with them. he'll struggle with you and wrangle, unflinching even when you bite his forearms and kick at him. he's a captain for a reason. you might've been his most challenging one yet but nothing he can't break.

and break you does he. not maliciously, no, but rather, he breaks you out of your old mindset. a once fearful soldier burdened and haunted by his past, willingly seeks out his teammates.

you cling onto ghost and invade his personal space, forcing your way onto him and sleeping on his chest like an oversized cat whilst he scratches at your scalp. or blabbering with soap and having conversations and jokes that don't make sense to anyone, teasing ghost together until he throws you two a dirty look. or spending some quality time with gaz and sparring with him or even just having lunch together, mingling together on the couch like slime, content to be in each other's presence m, whether if you're talking or just quiet.

and price, oh price. you seek him out the most. he's your favorite. you're his favorite, especially when you pull his pants down and nurse his thick cock into your mouth. the captain isn't harsh with it, he's gentle and patient, gently scratching your scalp as a low groan slips out of his mouth, your mouth warm and wet. trained by the best, you're a pro at taking his cock, at licking at the vein trailing up his cock and making it jolt. oh how he smells so delicious.

#tldr #i just want price to call me his boy #he's the biggest father out there #wait actually #price miguel n peter b are the biggest fathers #i lobe them

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diagonal-queen · 14 days

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HELLO!! i keep requesting them sotty im obsessed but what about hunting dogs with a s/o who has a child😅😅i got silly again

Hunting Dogs with your child

♡ pairing: Fukuchi Ouchi, Jouno Saigiku, Tecchou Suehiro, Teruko Okura (platonic), Tachihara Michizou x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: How do these goofballs fare as stepdads? (or, in Teruko's case, fun auntie?)

♡ cw: Swearing, unofficial stepfathering, unrealistically good stepfathering, reader's ex situation is not established but it's assumed that their baby momma/daddy is not in the picture (Tachihara), mentions of violence

note: I just haven't written anything in ages, and for that I apologise. Wow, being in university is time consuming! I've had block for months and it's been an absolute pain in the arse but I'm back babey! Keep your requests coming anon- I am the Hunting Dogs whisperer and I will write them till I die. Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fukuchi:

My dude is so so so enthusiastic. You mean to tell him that he gets a beautiful loving partner AND a new little guy to hang out with?? Sign him tf up

This man buys your kid so many presents it's genuinely concerning. Your child is spoilt to hell and back by Fukuchi. You need to discourage him from this behaviour STAT

He constantly uses dad words like 'buddy' and 'pal' and 'kiddo' to refer to your kid and they eventually start responding to these nicknames lol

He would totally also do dad stances and just embrace the fatherly aura that is slowly overtaking him day by day (bro starts falling asleep on the couch while the game's on at 9pm)

He's actually surprisingly gentle with your child. If they cry he'll pick them up and comfort them very well. He's like a whole different person when your kid is scared or sad- it's the cutest thing ever

If your child ever gets him a Fathers' Day present he'll probably cry like old man tears of joy. In fact if your child ever does anything nice for him he'll be incredibly touched. Kinda reminds him what he's doing his job for :')

Tells your child great exaggerated (CHILD FRIENDLY) stories about his heroic achievements as a soldier before bed. It's genuinely super cute you guys

If the kid ever runs up to him in excitement when he arrives home in the evening he returns the energy and is like 'omg there they are! that's my kiddo! how have you been??' and picks them up and AUGH they're so cute

Just....🥺🥺

Jouno:

Your child is probably scared of him at first. Within their first meeting he probably makes them cry.

Sorry y'all 😭 but he doesn't exactly come off as much of a teddy bear...and nor does he really act like one with anyone else other than you in private

Jouno just isn't good with kids. Not in the sense that he's scared of them but that he doesn't really know how to interact with them without being intimidating or otherwise just detached

But he really loves you, and he wants to be a good parental figure to your kid, so he tries to warm them up to him by getting them a gift. That probably helps- he might not know much about kids but he's right to assume that they fucking love receiving gifts

Whatever your child's hobbies/interests are, Jouno genuinely does try to connect with them over it, and after a while it does work.

Soon enough your child and Jouno are inseparable and your child is spewing sadistic military rhetoric and oh dear god you've made a terrible mistake introducing the two of them

Yeah, Jouno probably teaches your kid all KINDS of horrible things. He will tell your child stories about times he's tortured suspects, or slaughtered gangs, and just stuff that is not family friendly. You have to nip that behaviour in the bud or else...

He's generally pretty good at taking care of your child, but like, if your kid cried because they were scared there was a monster under the bed, Jouno would probably be like "Yeah. There is. Good luck." and then turn off the lights and leave 💀

Just give him time. He'll learn how to be an emotionally available parent at SOME point

Tecchou:

He's not the step dad. He's the dad that stepped up

Tecchou is definitely very aloof and awkward around your child- like, he knows how to interact with you, but children are different. Children are frightening. And they are his biggest fear maybe

In spite of this, he is fiercely protective of your kid. He will make sure that child is as safe and calm as possible at all times, and he certainly prefers to show that he cares through actions rather than words.

He usually wouldn't initiate physical contact with your child but if they hugged him he would hug back, if they gave him a hi-five he would do it back, etc etc. he will never let your kid down

If your child likes make belief, you can bet you'd walk into a room and find your kid all dressed up, off their rocker in full theatre mode, while Tecchou is sitting on the floor, also dressed up, but looking more depressed than ever before

Save him from your baby. They are taking YEARS off his life

He probably accidentally sends your kid to hospital at some point because he cooked for them. Damnit Tecchou, how don't you realise that a child's stomach wouldn't be able to handle a combination of chocolate and beef

It's okay though, he does learn from this. Plus, he takes care of your child and buys them presents and hangs out with them until they're better <3

He might not join your child in the ball pit, but he would watch them swim around in there with the softest, faintest, most affectionate smile on his face. And that is all that matters folks

Teruko (platonic):

The funnest, meanest, coolest auntie ever

Teruko will lead your child down a dreadful path. Limit their visits to holidays and birthdays for your own sake and the sake of your young one

She's really more than happy to negatively influence look after your child if you need her to though, and they love her because she's super chill and lets them get away with all kinds of things (that aren't violent crimes against humanity)

Your parent says one cookie after dinner? Screw it, have six. I won't tell if you won't. - Teruko, probably

She uses her ability to entertain your kid sometimes- usually she'll decrease her age so she can join them in things like building pillow forts and playing on jungle gyms

I'm just picturing them playing at the park and some concerned parent coming up to them asking where their guardian is and Teruko just fucking transforms into a grown woman on the spot and goes 'WHO'S ASKING' 😭

Teruko is a super cool fun aunt. But she is very wise, and she really will give your kid good life advice on occasion.

She'll also cheer them up when they're feeling down, and if they're feeling scared she helps them step out of their comfort zones and confront their fears (in a safe way!!)

If your kid is like, getting picked on at school or something, Teruko will nag you to phone their school about it. If you don't, she does. If they don't do anything about it, she does. Bottom line is NOBODY fucks with your kid when Teruko is around

I guess technically she really is scary dog privilege lmao

Tachihara:

Help he's so nervous at first? Tachihara this is a child, not a wise sage- you can be normal around them

He just wants to make a good impression on the child okay he's doing his best

But (obviously) your kid immediately loves him, and thinks he's the coolest guy ever, and wants to hang out with him all the time

Tachihara has a bit of a concern that the kid will think that he's trying to replace their other parent, which is fair, but it's unfounded because your child absolutely adores him and does not care about that at all

If your child ever calls him 'Dad' watch his soul fucking transcend to a new plane, he's so surprised and honoured that this beautiful person's child would consider him their parent

Your kid has Tachihara wrapped around their tiny finger. He will oblige them with anything- if you've got a toddler who likes uppies and piggybacks, say your prayers for Tachihara's upper arm and back muscles because he will carry them for hours

You really need him to stop leaving weaponry around the house, though- the absolute HEART ATTACK you had when you saw your precious baby carrying around an unloaded pistol

Also, Tachihara, babe, STOP SWEARING SO MUCH AROUND THE BABY. I CAN'T HAVE MY KID SAYING 'FUCK' TO STRANGERS - you, probably

Doesn't really ever talk about his job(s) with your kid, all they know is that he 'kills bad guys', and they think that's cool as fuck

He's not perfect, sure. But he is trying so hard to be The Perfect Parent™ and, more importantly, he loves your child to bits

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

of course, thank you to anon for this req!

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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AITA for snapping and scaring a kid?

Okay first, some background, I (F20) am a sorta bnf in a fandom I write and draw for and I am a group of roughly 10 other kinda bnfs who do the same and are all 20+.

We all reblog from each other and support each other, and one unique thing we also do is block minors who are open about being minors that we see anywhere and/or that interact with us.

We DM each other their usernames to weed them out of circle even though all of accounts are PG and do not have and dnis or warnings that minors will be blocked. We don't let anyone know we do this, make no posts about it, no warnings, they just get blocked without any exchange.

There's a few reasons why we do this:

to encourage kids to not let their age be publicly know.

to make sure kids are not getting normalized to interacting with strange adults online

kids, to put it kindly, are fucking lame once you become a certain age through no fault of their own. There's nothing in common after a while. They don't understand adult life and can't relate in the same way another adult can, and this is just no good reason for an unrelated strange adult online to let a kid interact with them that's sketchy and weird as shit

I grew up lurking and with strict internet safety lessons. Nowadays, kids seem to not know how to lurk and basic internet safety anymore. I've tried to make post upon post warning them of the dangers of putting personal information, especially their age, online, but it's done nothing to make the minors interacting to act more safely.

But me and my friend group have found that the only way to get kids to lurk and not put their age online like they should is if they get loose access the things they want because of their age is public.

So many of the kids who follow me have been blocked and they realized why they're getting blocked and came back on a much safer lurker account. I know I'm not the asshole for doing this and encouraging others to do this because ultimately it keeps the kid safer.

What I do think I may be the asshole is when one kid in particular, I'll call him X, spent months testing me to figure out and confirm that I was blocking minors who are open about their age and then spent weeks after that threatening to call me out and accused me of being agist, a pedophile because why am I so scared to interact with kids, and lying about being cis-queer because queers wouldn't discriminate like this.

At first he was was just the usual kiddo with his age in his bio, so I blocked him, and while I didn't notice it at first, he kept making more accounts with his age in the bio and following me. I caught on when I was curious about why do many 14 years olds were following me in a row because normally is varied from around 10 to 17, and I noticed similarities across the account and realized it was one kid desperately trying to following me.

I figured I just keep blocking until he figured out how to keep his age offline, and it seemed to work when I got followed by an identical account with the age missing from any posts and the bio. I let him keep following, not interacting because he's 14 and that'd be fucking weird, but then a week into following me on this new ageless account I got a DM.

It was full of screenshots of me blocking him on he openly a minor accounts and then him just accusing of what I said above. I blocked, not caring to respond to a 14 year old, but he keep making burners to DM more and more accusation.

I just kept blocking without responding, not wanting to waste my time, but then he treatened to call me out for being all those things. I've seen first hand how life ruining those accusation and false callouts can be, how people see those accusations and do no research and let their instinctual disgust and fear of those people drive the accused to going offline or even committing suicide.

I did not want this, and the fact that this may become a possibility due to a kid who just couldn't accept not everyone wants known minors following them, made me super pissed off.

And so to "scare him straight" and to prevent him from making this callout post, I photoshopped screenshots of both a police and cyperbulling report being submitted and police thanking me for reporting this and how they'll check it out.

At the time, still being super angry, it was very satisfying to see him come apologizing, saying he'll stop stalking me, and asking for me to tell the police and cyberbulling that it was a fake report and that it's been handled.

I didn't bother responding and just blocked him, and this time, he didn't make another burner. In fact, he deleted all his accounts.

A few months have past, and now that my anger has melted into annoyance, and that annoyance into realization I may have went too far.

X, while annoying, and could have really hurt me with a fake callout, is at the end of the day, 14, still a little kid.

X probably just didn't know better and I could have just tried to talk to him and reason rather then scaring him. I feel especially bad because if he was a POC and/or an abuse victim still living with his abusers he may have and possibility still be fearing for his life. Also it made me look like a bootlicker and I would kill myself before I ever support a cop

So I'm wondering now if I may have been the asshole here for snapping and scaring a kid

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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sixty-silver-wishes · 1 year

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everyone shut up this is ACTUALLY what fans of different composers are like

Mahlerians are PROUD TO BE ABSOLUTELY INSUFFERABLE DRAMA QUEENS, THE LIKES OF WHICH EVEN THE WAGNER CULT COULD NEVER SO MUCH AS ASPIRE TO BE. WE ARE ONE WITH THE UNYIELDING EBB AND FLOW OF THE BOUNDLESS UNIVERSE, DAMN IT ALL!

Shostakovich fans are like Mahler fans except they actually understand what sarcasm is. We also all really like the Muppets for some reason. Most of us own cats and likely have at least one mental illness.

Liszt fans are either tweenagers who love anime or salty old pianists who know a disturbing amount about music theory. These two factions are constantly at war.

Copland fans are either very, very far right or very, very far left. Either way, neither side actually listens to all of Copland's repertoire.

Tchaikovsky fans are either Russian grandmas or LGBT orchestra kids on Tiktok. Either those or the one noob who heard there were cannons once.

Wagner fans. Yes, there are the cringey neo-Nazi Wagnerians, but anti-Nazi Wagnerians are a whole new level of chaotic good. They spend their time dreaming up the most disastrous, chaotic Ring productions possible, with the sole purpose of making Richard Wagner's entire family simultaneously spin in their graves. They take "death of the author" to a whole new level and constantly run on nothing but 100% pure spite. You want a Wagnerian who would beat up Wagner in a Denny's parking lot on your side.

Prokofiev fans will unironically say "ackshually...". That's it.

Dvorak fans are homeschool kids. They're either soul-crushingly innocent or devastatingly horny.

Sousa fans are just high school band directors who try to convince themselves they like Sousa to get through the semester.

Joplin fans constantly argue over whether Joplin's music should be played twice as quickly or twice as slowly than it's actually written. Also sick of hearing about Janis.

Chopin fans are exactly like Liszt fans, except there are 20% more "uwu softboi flowercrown" edits of Chopin than Liszt floating around on Instagram and Tumblr.

Holst fans will drag you into an alleyway and beat you up with their bare hands if you so much as mention The Planets.

Bernstein fans are either horny theatre kids or communists, but it's more likely they're both at once. They are very opinionated about recordings, and express their approval of the ones they like by gyrating excessively to them. If you put a Bernstein fan, a Mahler fan, and a Shostakovich fan in one room, they will either topple a national government or have a threesome.

Ravel fans are inherently Wes Anderson fans. You can be friends with one for years without knowing a single thing about their personality.

Schoenberg fans are like Mahlerians but with worse memes.

Brahms fans are... I have never met a Brahms fan. I'm sure they exist, but I'm pretty sure my own taste in music scares them off.

Paganini fans are almost always TwoSet kids, particularly the ones who try to convince people that "classical music isn't boring because it's basically metal." If you tell them Paganini played viola, they will spontaneously combust.

Rachmaninov fans are ultimately really chill, but are often socially awkward. If you ask a Rachmaninov fan "how are you?", they will most likely respond with "you too."

Schumann fans are Mahlerians on medication.

Stravinsky fans think they're chaotic and unhinged and listen to the most obscure underground shit, but in all actuality they just decided to enter their edgy phase after a lifetime of being sheltered and forced to listen to nothing but Handel by their parents. Possibly homeschooled.

Ysaye fans are like Paganini fans, except they're depressed graduate music students with permanent calluses on their fingers.

Debussy fans go to art school, decide they don't like art school, but have been doing art school too long to turn back, so they can't get out of art school. They may be high on weed at any given moment.

Satie fans are just possessed vessels of Erik Satie. Death cannot hinder Erik Satie. Erik Satie will return to this mortal plane. Search your feelings. You are already Erik Satie.

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measuredingold · 8 months

Text

fallingforyou

authors note: finally finished this folio piece i've been working on for about two weeks!!! i enjoyed writing this a lot and wish i had wrote it a bit longer, but i'm trying to work on not writing as much for short one-shots (unless you guys like longer writing!) as always enjoy and feedback is appreciated :)

pairing: nick folio x reader

cross-posted on ao3

word count: 4.8k

cw/tags: friends to lovers, p in v, unprotected sex (be safe!!!!! wrap it up folks!!!), fluff, nick being a sweetie, drinking/alcohol consumption, 18+ minors do not interact

The whiskey hit the back of his throat with a burn. Nick's face scrunches up in displeasure as he swallows it down, body tingling from the alcohol. He didn't expect himself to end up here, but his friends wanted his first few nights at home to be exciting. His friends told him he’d have enough time to sleep later. He had been touring almost for five months straight, and the thought of getting the next almost three months off was pure heaven to him.

Someone next to him called for another round of shots, probably whiskey again, and Nick had to say a prayer to himself before bringing his beer bottle up to his lips. He cleansed his palette, which is hilarious when he realizes he's doing it with more alcohol, but it tastes better than the whiskey his buddies have been pounding down for the last hour.

"So, Folio," One of them said, leaning towards him across the table. "Meet anyone special out on the road?"

He snorts, head shaking. "Nah, man. Barely had any time."

"Seriously?" Another one says. "Thought you'd have hundreds of people throwing themselves at your feet."

"We're not like that, dude." Nick responds, a tipsy laugh tumbling from his lips. "I mean, don't get me wrong - we've hooked up with people before but," He shrugs. "We're kind of really boring."

"You? Boring?" His friend across from him snorted, throwing his head back in laughter. "Dude, you were fucking crazy in high school."

"Yeah. High school." Nick rolls his eyes. "I'm 26. I'm old, man, I can't keep up anymore."

The table breaks out in mumbled agreement. It's clear that they're all getting older, and things aren't how they used to be, and Nick kind of likes it that way. Yeah, he likes to party, he fucking loves to drink, and a hook-up here and there is nice every once in a while. It just doesn’t do much for him anymore.

He likes to take it slow; he likes exploring with his friends when they’re in a city they’ve never been to before, and he really likes to sleep. A lot. Jetlag is a bitch and the more you fight it, the more screwed you’re going to be. Trust him, he knows.

The conversation switches and Nick’s only half listening, eyes scanning the bar to see if there’s anyone he may know here. It’s a long shot, because most of the people he knows is already here with him, but he looks anyways.

His eyes find you before you ever find him.

You look as beautiful as ever and the smile adorn on your lips has Nick's stomach turning in a way he hasn't felt in ages. Probably since the last time he saw you. You met in high school and became somewhat friends, you had been dating a buddy of his, he eventually dated a friend of yours at one point, and so on and so forth. You were always around, and he liked it.

He had seen you at a wedding last summer, no date just like him, and the two of you had spoken for hours that night as if no time had passed. It was nice, but he won't forget the ache in his heart when you called it a night. He walked you out to your car and you had left him with a kiss on his cheek and a playful threat of fighting him if he doesn't text you the next time he's in town.

He never did.

Your eyes finally catch his and something crosses your face, but he can't quite put his finger on what it is exactly. He's nervous, scared you'll be upset with him for not letting you know he's home - and for a while at that - but your lips are stretching into an even wider smile and his shoulders relax.

"Look what the cat dragged in." You say, a teasing grin settling on your lips as you walk up to his table. He smiles up at you.

"Long time no see, stranger."

"And who's fault is that?" You tease before sliding in the empty chair beside him. He's sure his buddy can find another place to sit.

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that."

"Be like what?" Your head tilts, feigning innocence. "I'm not the one who promised to tell me the next time they'll be in town."

He gives you a sheepish look, leaning away from you as he slumped back into his seat. "You got me there."

You smile at him now, a real one, and place a hand on his arm.

"Hey," You say softly, "I was just joking. I know you're busy flying around the world being a fucking badass. I'd probably forget, too."

"I won't forget next time. Swear." Nick holds his pinky up for emphasis and you immediately wrap your own around his. He smiles. "Plus, I'm home even longer now."

Your brows quirk up in interest. "Oh?"

"Mhm." Your pinkies are still wrapped around each other's, and his gaze drops down to them before looking back up. "Almost three months. You're gonna be sick of me."

"Holy shit." Your eyes widen. "Finally gonna take me out to lunch then, huh?"

His brows scrunch together in confusion before realization dawns on him. He laughs, unwrapping his pinky from around yours to bring his hand up to run through his hair.

"How the hell do you remember that?"

It was yet another promise he made at that wedding last summer, when the two of you had sat by each other at the reception. A few beers in, feeling a bit tipsy and a lot brave, Nick had brought up one of his favorite lunch spots at home. You'd never been there before, only heard of it in passing, and he had told you he'd take you there the next time he was in town. His treat, he had said.

"You promised!"

His pauses for a moment, eyes locked on yours and he can't help but smile to himself. You're seriously the most beautiful person he's ever laid eyes on, he decides right then and there.

"Looks like I'll be taking you out then."

Before you could reply, Nick’s buddy is back with shots and handing them out to everyone at the table. He groans to himself when one finds its way into his hand, and he gives you a look. You’re already laughing.

“What? Can’t do shots anymore?”

“Dude, this is like my 4th one. I’m not sure how many more I can take.”

His friends held one out to you, brow raised as an offering. You take it.

“Here,” You turn your body towards Nick, holding the shot glass out. ”I’ll take one with you. Only one,” With your free hand you hold one finger up, lips curling into a smile. “Still gotta get my ass home.”

Nick groans again. “I wish I had that excuse. My buddy drove me here, so now I’m literally forced to drink.”

“Oh, you poor baby. Whatever shall you do?”

He rolls his eyes but knows his cheeks are heating up, the term of endearment getting to him. The table cheers in unison and he clinks his glass against yours before bringing it to his lips. You keep eye contact as you do the same, and the both of you swallow down the shot. You make a face first, visibly shaking, and then Nick follows, laughter soon escaping him.

“Holy shit, that was terrible.” You cough and Nick only laughs harder.

“Who can’t take shots now?”

You glare at him, though he knows there’s no malice behind it. “Watch it, Folio.”

He’s already feeling good, the alcohol slowly getting to him, and he leans into your space.

“Or what?”

You pause, gazing into his eyes. His heart thuds against his chest when he watched your eyes drop to his lips but in a split second they’re back on his, and you lean forward.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

This cat and mouse game between the two of you has been going on for years now, but Nick was too scared to make the first move. You were friends, who’ve been kind of flirting for years, and he’s seriously thought about kissing you ever since junior year. It’s crazy how he hasn’t… yet.

“Actually, I think I would.” His arm settles around the back of your chair, but he doesn’t touch you.

You don’t budge, holding his steady gaze, but Nick can see the flush beginning to form on your cheeks. You don’t respond and he tilts his head, giving you a pointed look, and before he could say anything that could get him in trouble his friend is shouting across the table.

"Folio!" The both of you turn your focus to his friend, and Nick's brows furrow together. "You guys wanna play?"

He holds up a pool stick and Nick grins before looking back at you, raising a brow in question.

"You wanna?"

"I don't know," You say with a shrug, your lips already curling at the end. "You any good?"

"Oh, sweetheart." He coos softly. "I'm the best damn pool player in Maryland."

"Is that so?" Nick nods proudly and your lips stretch into a grin in which he returns, and you push your chair back. "Well, isn't it my lucky day?”

"It sure is." He pushes his own chair back and stands up. "I hope you're ready to kick some ass."

It wasn't too hard to beat Nick's friends, them being a bit too intoxicated to really take the game seriously. It also helped that he was actually good at pool, not fibbing to make himself seem cooler in front of you. You were a pretty decent partner too, getting a few balls down yourself, and when the two of you came out triumphant for the third time in a row, Nick didn't stop himself from wrapping an arm around your shoulder to pull you into his side.

"We make a pretty good team, huh?"

You look up at him and smile prettily, and it has Nick's stomach turning, and lean into his touch. "I say we do, Folio."

A few more rounds, all won by your team, the group finally decided to call it a night. Nick walks you out to your car, telling his friend who drove him here that he'll be back in a second. He was a gentleman, so of course he'd make sure you made it back to your car safe. He also wasn't ready to say goodbye yet, chest already heavy at the thought.

"You free Friday?" Nick shoves his hands in his pocket, tongue darting out to swipe over his bottom lip. "We could get lunch then. If you'd like."

You look up at him through your lashes and he feels his heart thud sporadically against his chest, but he tries to play it cool.

"I'd like that a lot." You say softly.

"Cool. I'll actually text you this time." He teases and you laugh, and it sounds like music to his ears.

Nick watches as you pull your bottom lip in between your teeth, trying to keep your smile from spreading. His body warms at that, and he finds it becoming hard to look away from your mouth and the curve of your lips, wondering what they would feel like pressed against his own. He finally gazes back up to find you staring at him intently, brows furrowed as if you're in deep thought.

"What's going on up in that head of yours?"

"Tell me if I'm crossing any lines here." You rub your hands nervously together, “I kind of don’t want tonight to end just yet… I really like talking to you.”

His cheeks flush. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You smile, all shy and cute and it has Nick wanting to reach out and kiss you right then and there. “Do you… want to come back to my place? To hang out. Me and you.”

His eyes widen. Oh. You’re asking him to go back to your place, alone, and even though you could very well just want to talk, it still has his body heating up.

“Oh.” He says dumbly, still in shock.

"Fuck. Did I read this wrong?" You begin to panic, your cheeks heating up with color. Nick notices immediately and is quick to shake his head, eyes widening.

"No! I mean," He clears his throat, giving you a bashful smile. "Um. No. I don't think you read this wrong at all."

He catches your eyes and sees you visibly relax, but the flush to your cheeks deepens.

"Oh." You drop your head, hair falling in your face to hide your burning cheeks. Nick can't stop himself from smiling. "Really?"

"Yes, really." He laughs. "I like hanging out with you. I always have."

He hasn't had a sip of alcohol since the shot the two of you took together hours ago and he knows he can't blame this bravery on that, but he likes to think that maybe there's still some liquid courage coursing through his veins. You look up again, a shy smile on your lips.

"So, you’re saying it wouldn't be too crazy to ask you to come home with me?" You ask softly.

Your words have Nick's body tingling, excitement running through him. He's not sure what you mean exactly, and maybe you seriously just want to hang out more and talk - in which he's completely okay with - but there was a look in your eyes, something he caught the last time he was with you, and his stomach turned again.

"Not crazy at all." His tongue darts out to swipe over his bottom lip one more time before looking off to the side to hide the growing smile on his lips. "Let me just... Let me go tell him you'll be taking me home, okay? I'll be right back."

You nod, still smiling prettily, and he watches you get into your car. He turns to find his friend leaned up against his car a few spots down already staring at him, brows raised in question.

"Uh, I think she's taking me home tonight."

It takes a moment for the words to settle, his friend’s eyes widening. "No fucking way."

"Not like that!" Nick's quick to get out, but he knows he's lying. It's definitely like that. "We're just catching up."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll be catching up alright." His friend teases and Nick rolls his eyes.

"Dude. Shut up."

Nick waves him off as they both say their goodbyes and he made his way back to your car. He takes a deep breath before getting in, giving you a smile while he buckled himself in.

“Ready?” You question, already putting your car in reverse.

Nick settles back against the seat, getting himself comfortable, and nods.

...

The two of you sit across from each other on your couch, beers in hand as Nick goes on another story about his recent travels. You had been the one to ask him, curious about what life is like on the road, and with the alcohol still coursing through his veins it was pretty hard for Nick to stop talking.

"...Sorry," He lets out sheepishly, head dipping down to hide his blush. "I'm probably boring you."

"No!" You quickly get out; your cheeks now flushed a light crimson shade. "No, it's fine. I like hearing your stories."

"Yeah?" He lifts his head up and gives you a smile, which you return easily.

"Of course. It's so exciting to hear about all the places you've been," You pull your legs up onto the couch and rest them underneath you. "I also just like hearing you talk."

"So, what you’re telling me is that you like my voice?”

"Mhm." You nod. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

Nick looks at you, and your eyes meet, and he feels the world kind of... stop. He can't even blame this on the beer, because even with the alcohol flowing through him, he's always thought you were beautiful. Especially your eyes, a shade of green he wasn't familiar with, all round and pretty and welcoming.

"I don't think I've ever told you this," His fingers grip around the glass bottle in his hands and he shifts on the couch, subsequently moving closer to you, "but I think you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen."

This catches you off guard and you laugh, light and airy, and Nick loved the way your eyes crinkled. Your face flushes a deeper shade of pink, probably from the alcohol mixed with the unusual compliment, and he smiles.

"No, you've never told me that." You say once your laughter has died down, eyes landing back on him. "Thank you, Nick."

"Of course."

A pleasant silence falls between the two of you and he's just noticed how close you were, your legs pressing against each other. He tries to ignore the way his heart hammers against his chest, and he sucks in a breath when your hand comes down to rest against his thigh. He drops his gaze to your fingers before flicking them back up to yours, and you’re already staring, bottom lip pulled between your teeth.

Nobody moves for a solid minute, just the two of you staring at each other to see who makes the first move. Nick doesn’t miss the way your eyes dropped to his lips like they had in the parking lot, the way your chest rose and fell with a deep breath, and he leans over to grab the beer bottle still secure in your free hand but surely forgotten. You don’t say anything when he places both your forgotten bottles on the coffee table beside the couch before turning back to face you, shifting his body closer to yours.

He places a hand against yours that still rests against his thigh, and your fingers easily slide in between his own. He looks down at them, smiling softly at the way your hands fit together almost perfectly before he feels your hand underneath his chin, tilting his head up.

“Wait.” He says suddenly when he feels the two of you start to lean in, lips barely inches apart. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Nick,” You huff out, your hand now moving to cup the side of his face. He leans into the touch immediately. “I don’t think you understand how badly I want this.”

He laughs. “Oh, babe. I think I do.”

You lean in closer now, nose brushing against his and if he just tilted his head down just right your lips would be touching. His stomach swirls with butterflies and squeezes your hand that’s still in his.

“Then kiss me.”

Fuck it.

He tilts his head down, capturing your lips against his own. You let out a noise, something mixed of a sigh and a whine, and your hand squeezes his. Your lips moved together slowly, unsure, before Nick released his grip on your hand to reach up and cup your face. He was determined now, tongue darting out to swipe at your bottom lip, and you made another noise. It went straight through him, body buzzing in excitement at this newfound territory that he didn’t want to lose just yet.

You pull away, only to your shirt off of your body, and then you’re leaning back against the couch, pulling Nick with you. He follows, the two of your shifting around for him to easily slide in between your legs before his lips are back against yours and with a purpose.

You feel soft in his hold, and the way your body pressed against his was something he’s never experienced before. His hands shook as they gripped your hips, rolling his flush against yours, and the sound you let escape was heavenly. He groans, his cock hardening with each roll of your hips and he has to pull away to catch his breath.

He looks down at you, your eyes hooded, and lips parted, and he has to bite down on his lip to hold in the groan that’s threatening to escape. You look so fucking beautiful underneath him, the fucked-out expression you wore on your face is something he’s never going to forget, tucking it into the back of his mind for another time. He sits up to remove his shirt, tossing it somewhere in the room and you’re already shimmying out of your jeans, kicking them off.

“Eager much?” He teases, though he’s a little breathless at the sight of you only in your underwear. He’s already messing with the zipper of his jeans before you even respond.

“Fuck you.”

“That’s why I’m trying to do here, darlin’.”

A whine pulls out from deep in your chest and it goes straight to Nick’s already achingly hard cock, and he’s quick to rid himself of his jeans. He’s on you again in seconds, lips finding yours again as he finds solitude in between your thighs. He rolls his hips down and moans against yours lips, the feeling of your clothed and already damp core against his cock has his mind going hazy for a second or two.

“Fuck,” He grunts out, pulling away again briefly. “Do you have a condom? I wasn’t exactly prepared for this.”

Your arms move to wrap around his neck, pulling him back down to you. “I’m on the pill, and I don’t think I’m patient enough to dig around for one. I need you now.”

His cock twitches at your words.

“Are you sure?”

“Nick.” You groan this time, annoyed, and you nip at his bottom lip before pulling back, head pressing back against the arm of the couch. He sucks in a breath when your eyes meet. “I trust you. And if I’m being honest, if you’re not inside me in the next ten fucking seconds I will lose my goddamn mind.”

Nick lets out a surprised laugh and your cheeks flush. He sits up to pull his boxers down and watches you shimmy your underwear down, sitting up briefly to remove your bra before falling back on the couch. He settles back in between your legs, lifting them up to wrap around his waist.

“Demanding little thing, huh?” His voice is low as he wraps a hand around his aching cock, the tip glaringly red as he gives himself a few strokes. “I like it.”

You keen at his words, eyes fluttering shut and he has to collect himself and not pound into you immediately. He takes his time, though, slowly sliding the tip up and down your already soaked folds. The moan that rips from you the second he pushes in has something beneath his chest twisting, the butterflies in his stomach fluttering around wildly.

He’s not even all the way in but you already feel incredible, your cunt clenching around him as you take him inch by inch. He’s sure by the scrunch of your face and the way your nails dig into his forearms that the stretch isn’t the most pleasant, and he leans over, fluttering kisses around your face.

“Okay?” He questions, voice already strained. You give a little nod but don’t bother opening your eyes. “Taking me so well already, baby. So fucking good.”

Your whole body flushes at his words and you clench around his length again, and Nick’s vision blurs briefly. He’s not sure how he’s going to last longer than thirty seconds at this point. He sucks in a deep breath when he finally bottoms out, hips pressed flushed against yours, and you whine.

He stills, worry rushing through him. “Feel alright?”

You finally open your eyes, lids heavy and gaze hazy, and give another nod of your head.

“Mhm. Just feel…” You whimper out, hips wiggling down before you gasp. “So full.”

“You feel fucking incredible.” He groans out, forehead pressing against yours. Your arms reach up to wrap around his neck and he kisses you, soft and gentle. “Tell me when I can move.”

“Move.” You whine, hips wiggling again. “Please move, baby.”

The first roll of his hips has you moaning out, but Nick swallows it with another kiss. His hands roam over your body as you move together and he feels you shudder in his hold as he gives a rather deep roll of his hips, gasping out his name softly. He can’t help but whine into your mouth, wanting to make you say his name over and over and over again. It sounded like you were meant to say it, all pretty and fucked out, nails now digging into his shoulders as he picks up speed.

He reaches down between the two of you, pressing calloused fingers against your throbbing clit and rubs circles in time with his thrusts. You throw your head back, eyes squeezing shut as a low, deep moan falls from your now swollen lips, and Nick leans forward and presses open mouthed kisses along your exposed neck, his thrusts or fingers not letting up.

“Nick…” You whimper out, nails digging even further into his shoulders that he’s sure there will be a mark tomorrow. He’ll be surprised if you don’t break. “Fuck.”

“I love when you say my name.” He groans against your neck and gives another deep roll of his hips, causing your back to arch off the couch. “You close, baby? Tell me what to do, wanna make you feel good.”

You moan. “Keep doing what you’re doing, please. Don’t stop.”

He doesn’t, continuing to rub your swollen clit in time with his thrusts, your cunt clenching around him so tightly he almost forgets how to fucking breathe. You feel other worldly, like something he’s never experienced before, and he swears he sees fucking stars the second he feels your cunt clench around him one last time. You come with a shout of his name, body shaking under him as your orgasm spread throughout your body.

He moans, pressing his face against your neck as he chases his own high, and he somehow remembers to pull out, fisting his cock and giving it a few sharp tugs before he spills all over your stomach. His chest rises and falls heavy with each breath he took, hair falling in his face as he tries to come back to earth. He looks down at you and his heart skips a beat, as cliché as it sounds, at the fucked out grin on your lips.

Nick can’t help himself and he leans down, lips catching your own in the most tender kiss he can muster up at the moment.

“Where’s your bathroom?” He questions once he pulls away, moving some hair out of your, and tsks softly when you try to push him back and sit up. “No, no, no. Stay here. I got it.”

You pause, peering up at him before you slowly lay back down. “Down the hall, first door to the left.”

Nick pulls himself up from the couch with a groan, eyes scanning the room to find his boxers before he reaches down for them and puts them on. It doesn’t take him more than a minute to get to the bathroom and find something to wipe you off with, and he comes back into the living room to find you right where he left you. He wipes up the mess he made on your stomach and is gentle in between your legs, lips curling in a slight smirk at the way you squirmed when he did so.

You’re quiet when you finally stand from the couch, searching for you shirt. He can’t help but watch, the curves of your body forever embedded in his mind, and his eyes linger when he notices the bottom of your shirt barely covers your ass. You turn to look at him, cheeks still flushed, but you wore an expression as if you were in deep thought. He thought it was the cutest thing ever, his lips tugging into a smile.

“What?” He questions, leaning back against the couch. You shrug, a smile slowly creeping onto your own lips.

“…Would it be crazy to ask you to stay the night?”

His smile only widens at your words, heart thudding against his chest.

“As long as you let me buy you breakfast in the morning.”

“Breakfast and lunch?” You reach out for him, and he lets you tug him up from the couch, lacing your fingers together as you drag him towards your bedroom. “Sounds almost as if you like me or something, Folio.”

“Maybe I do.”

You pause in the doorway, looking up at him with wide, pretty eyes and he doesn’t stop himself from leaning down, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. You giggle when he pulls away and tug him into your room.

“It’s a date.”

#bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fanfic #nick folio fanfiction #nick folio fic #mine

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a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual · 8 months

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These Nimona headcanons are dedicated to the people who keep asking me how I come up with them (short answer: I have no fucking clue)

While Ambrosius is the one to keep the house clean Bal is the only reason their schedules are even somewhat put together

This man has multiple calendars one physical calendar in their living room

A digital one for just him that’s dedicated to things that he knows the duo would be bored by

And a digital calendar for the trio themselves which is his pride and fucking joy

His baby a digital miracle and what he genuinely considers to be his magnum opus

Because Ambrosius and Nimona are the hardest people to organize schedules with

Every conversation with them would go something like this “Hey what are you doing next week” “Oh I’m going to work” “Okay do you know what time you have to head in” *shrugs* “Do you know if you have days off” *shrugs again* “do you even know what days you’re going in” *shrugs one last time*

And then Bal would have to walk away because he was really to commit a crime

No one knows how he actually got their schedules

Nimona doesn’t know how Bal scheduled plans for them when he didn’t have their friend's contact info

It scares Ambrosius how Bal’s able to fit is incredibly hectic days in nice neat color coordinated boxes

The duo doesn’t ask questions and they don’t fuck with the schedule

They just follow it cause it’s always right

Which is kind of horrifying

There is one chore in the house that not even the resident clean freak (my baby golden boy) likes

And that’s washing the dishes

Not a singular person in that house will ever do the dishes without complaining even a little bit

They always take turns and it’s always a lose-lose situation

Because even though there’s this feeling of “dodged that bullet today” they’re also a little guilty because they know the person doing it hates it just as much

They bought dish gloves because that slightly helped the problem

But those things tear like it’s no one’s business which is the fucking worst

One time Bal walked into the kitchen to see Ambrosius crying over the dishes

He asked what’s wrong and all he had to say was “glove”

And Bal knew what he meant because Ambrosius swears that having wet rubber rub up against your skin is almost as bad as touching the bare dishes

Every time Ambrosius or Bal have to leave for more than a couple of days the other will joke that they're a single father

Anytime someone checks in on them they’ll say something like “The life of a single parent is hard but fulfilling”

This basically just translates to them missing their spouse so could someone please bring them back as soon as possible

Nimona always jokes they’re a child of divorce when the boys make that joke

The jokes range from “Being a child of divorce is so stressful” to “Good riddance I never liked him anyway”

Mind you those remarks come after Nimona hung off their legs as they walked out the door

One time when Bal went on a solo trip Nimona asked Ambrosius to go to the park with him

He didn’t question it just packed up the car and drove them to the nearest park

And he swears he only took his eyes off Nimona for a minute and when he turned back around he saw a group of sad-looking kids and adults crowding around a kid

And he instantly knew where he went

He watched in horror as Nimona pointed up to the sky and said “Dad!” a mom asked with a sad voice “Is your dad a pilot sweety?” to which Nimona responded with “No but Papa says he’s in the sky somewhere which is why he never visits”

He just scooped her up apologizing while making a run for the car

A lot of parents were very concerned about why the kingdom’s golden boy just snatched a random child they’d never seen before and will never see again

And they genuinely debate on calling the knights while Ambrosius fireman carries this cackling child away

They do and Ambrosius has to have a very awkward conversation with his old coworkers

#nimona 2023 #nimona movie #nimona headcanon #nimona #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister x ambrosius #goldenheart #If someone ask why they dont use the dishwasher I'll know they're white #Asian people don't believe in dishwashers #And if I do use the dishwasher it's after I've already washed the dishes #you call it impractical #I call it clean

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vaspider · 1 month

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If your first instinct is to respond to someone talking about how people are conflating Zionism and Judaism in dangerous ways with 'why am I seeing Zionism on my dash,' you are part of the fucking problem, asshole.

My old shul just finished installing concrete blockades around the playground just in case someone decides to try to drive a truck across the playground while the kids are out there. Every synagogue I know has added more guards, more security. There was a car crash tonight outside a synagogue a friend of mine attends, and for a second when everybody could see one of the cars veering off the road toward the synagogue, the thought went through their head, essentially, oh, it's starting.

And the fact that posts like this, posts made by people who are tired and scared because they're being held to account for the actions of a country halfway around the world, over which they have no control whatsoever, posts of people saying 'please fucking listen to us,' are literally being held up as evidence that we're Bad Evil Zionists who should be purged? That's a fucking problem.

Since 2016, 2017 -- basically since I became Jewish -- I have made it a policy never to talk about I/P online because I don't actually think it's productive, and I have more productive shit I can be doing. The fact that I don't talk about it has been held up as ironclad proof of my opinions.

Think about that. The fact that I said 'I will not tell you what my opinion is because I think the way this is handled online isn't productive' seven years ago is held up as absolute proof of what I think now, and that those opinions are the somehow magically opinions that people who already think I'm a piece of shit want me to have so they have more reasons to say 'yeah, spider sucks.'

I didn't even have the same pronouns seven years ago. I lived 3000 miles away from where I live now. I own a company. I have two wives. But you're right, I must think the exact same thing about this thing that lets you hate me without thinking, 'am I the baddie?'

It's so fucking transparent. Zionist is now just "Jew I don't like," and Zionism is "any act Jews take which makes them visible in ways that don't involve groveling or dying." It's fucking pathetic. If you have spoken to a Zionist, you're a Zionist. If you have ever expressed any opinion about Israel that isn't 'it and all Israelis should be of course set on fire,' you're a Zionist. If you express no opinions at all about Israel, you're a Zionist. If someone already doesn't like you for whatever reason, they'll decide you're a fucking Zionist, and then that's all they need. Nobody ever questions it when they're told a Jew online is a Dirty, Evil, Zionist, and if you say you're not, actually, then you're a Lying, Dirty, Evil, Zionist.

Like, could y'all be any more transparent?

#the people calling me a Zionist also tend to misgender me #but i'm sure that's nothing that needs to be unpacked #no sir

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shegeekery · 2 months

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Reparenting Loki

I want to talk about a dynamic in the Loki/Mobius relationship (in the Loki TV-series) that I've seen touched on but not really discussed in depth.

Note to Lokius-lovers: nothing I say here in any way precludes a healthy romantic relationship. They're both consenting adults, after all, and this wasn't a formal therapist-client relationship.

There's a technique in therapy called "reparenting". The idea is that trauma and behaviors caused by bad parenting can be addressed to some extent if the therapist assumes the role of a "good parent".

I think we can all agree that the "All-Father" was crap as an actual father. Odin knew that Loki took after him even more than Thor did, but many of those shared traits were things that he tried to hide from everyone, while Thor better represented the image he wanted to project. The result was a cruel favoritism, which was picked up by Thor and the rest of the Asgardians. Frigga's love and support wasn't enough to counteract that cruelty, particularly in a strongly patriarchal society like Asgard.

Side note (because I'm that kind of geek): there were so many similarities between Odin and Loki (Odin's friend and blood-brother rather than his son) in the old Norse myths that some scholars have suggested that Loki was at one point simply an aspect of Odin. There's also evidence that the stories as they came down to us were manipulated by the Christians who committed them to writing to shoehorn Loki into something more like the Christian Devil.

Anyway, getting back to our guys... Within the context of the TVA, Mobius represented an authority figure to Loki, who had a long history of rebelling against (or betraying) authority for obvious reasons.

I think the first turning point in the relationship for Loki was:

Loki: I am smart!

Mobius: I know. Loki is rarely left speechless, but his only response to Mobius's simple affirmation was a very un-Loki-like "Okay..." He didn't know how to respond because he wasn't used to that kind of thing, particularly from someone who had power over him. It happened again with:

Loki: A villain.

Mobius: That's not how I see it.

The dynamic between these two people throughout Season 1 was like that. Mobius's genuine love (whether you read it as romantic, platonic, fatherly, brotherly, or a mix of any or all of these) for and non-judgmental acceptance of Loki was apparent from the start, but of course Loki's experiences during his very long lifetime made it nearly impossible for him to trust that until Mobius's actions convinced him that it was real. Learning to trust Mobius also allowed Loki to see himself in a new light.

For his part, Mobius consistently modeled what a good father would have been: loving and accepting, yes, but still able to apply "tough love" when that was warranted. Mobius didn't put Loki into the bad-memory loop to punish him because he was angry (though he was angry, or at least a bit hurt and disappointed). He was just trying to force Loki to acknowledge a truth about himself so that they could move forward — and it worked!

Mobius's instincts and experience as an actual father to two boys, one reasonably well-behaved and the other a mischievous troublemaker, served him well in this, even if he didn't consciously remember his life on the timeline.

Mobius all but confirmed this when he said:

Mobius: I see a scared little boy, shivering in the cold...

It's also significant that when Loki brought this up later, he called it "patronizing", which we usually use to mean "condescending", but can also mean "supporting" and has its root in the Latin word "pater" (father).

I see the hug in episode 1-5 as a sign that the reparenting had taken hold, and that Loki, while not completely healed (it would take a lot more than that!), was at least in a place where he could trust someone, accept love/friendship, and think beyond his own wants and needs.

By Season 2, the relationship between the two men was evolving into one of equals, but even then Loki still occasionally looked to Mobius for guidance. Mobius's approval had become important to him. When Loki witnessed the firm but compassionate way in which Don dealt with two boys who were so like himself and Thor (despite being a stressed-out single dad rather than a god-king with tremendous resources at his disposal), he had to have seen that this was at the core of who Mobius was. Moreover, Loki — and any viewers who had similarly survived a traumatic childhood full of emotional abuse and neglect — probably guessed that Don himself was a survivor who was determined to see to it that his boys would never have to deal with that. If that was the case, then Mobius didn't just see his own son in Loki. He saw himself and couldn't help but empathize.

Don wasn't perfect. His frustration with his younger son was very evident, but Loki, observing, could see the love that lay under it. He may even have thought of times when Odin was driven to anger by Loki's actions and realized that the anger didn't necessarily mean that Odin didn't really love him. Learning to forgive what can be forgiven is another aspect of recovering from childhood trauma.

It's worth remembering that Mobius knew Loki in much the same way we do. We got to see the things that Loki never let anybody see: the fear, the vulnerability, the pain, the longing, and the sadness. (Doesn't hurt that TH can turn a simple reaction shot into a freakin' soliloquy!) The difference is that, while we only get to see the highlights (and lowlights) of Loki's life, Mobius had access to all of it and he had centuries to study it.

Mobius literally knew Loki better than anyone else in (or out) of the multiverse. How could he not love him? And for Loki, knowing that somebody who knew him that well genuinely cared so much for him (same with Sylvie, who understood him in ways that only another Loki could and vice-versa) had to have shaken him to his core and made him rethink a lot of things. The fact that it was Mobius to whom Loki turned in episode 2.6 when he thought he might have to kill Sylvie shows how much he still looked up to Mobius in many ways.

This was a show about redemption, yes, but also about healing from childhood trauma. They did an amazing job with it.

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki series #loki mcu #reparenting #lokius #mobius #childhood trauma

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freddie-77-ao3 · 6 days

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Snippets of the Travis Stoll fic because i need motivation:

“I’m mature because you left me to take care of an entire cabin of people when I was twelve.” Travis rubs his arms self-consciously. “I had to grow up. Kids would die if I didn’t.”

Travis Stoll loses his virginity when he is twelve years to a sixteen year old daughter of Demeter on the grass behind the Ares cabin, and honestly, he wishes that their landmines had blown him up.

He is twelve years old and a counselor now, and Tammy is in charge of the camp store.

He's counselor now. The children shivering on the floor of cabin eleven, they're his responsibility.

But he doesn't have enough money for blankets and toiletries, and Tammy-- Tammy tells him that if he comes with her and does what she asks, she'll give both of them to him for free, so he does.

He goes with her.

He's twelve years old. He knows what rape is. Knows this isn't it, because he consented, right?

(Wrong.)

Travis’ leg is bouncing up and down. It’s a bit rhythmatic, and calming, if anything could be considered calm. He’s tense, and stiff, and the sound makes him wince every once in a while, when he forgets it’s his leg that’s tapping on the cool flooring, and not someone else’s winding footsteps. Malcolm would just pop! Into existance, scaring the shit out of Travis, but at least letting him know it wasn’t someone else, but… Travis doesn’t want Cecil, or Connor, -or anyone else really- to see him like this.

Not now, when they’re all so scared- when he’s so scared.

“Come on,” Travis fake whines at one point in an attempt to forget everything, “Drop the illusion! Become your true self!” He pouts, as Malcolm continues to ignore him, typing something without looking, at a speed that most would probably consider fast. “Your authentic identity! Drop all pretences in a society that worships fakeness! Embrace your realist inner spirit! Should I go on?”

Malcolm sighs, and while he rolls his eyes, he mutters, “You’ve been spending too much time in Cabin Ten.”

“Have not,” Travis scoffs.

“Have so,” but he shifts anyway, ceasing the- admittedly childish- argument (which was not cool, thank you very much, some of us have bad and annoying coping methods, Malcolm-), the short blond hair shifting to a slightly longer, curlier brown, and the grey eyes turning green.

It didn’t change much, really- Malcolm was still incredibly short- seriously, 5’2?- but Malcolm now had two bandages around his mouth and nose which were slightly wrinkled due to his mouth being shut.

Travis assumed Connor put them on. Malcolm often didn’t bother with bandages, and Drew was more clinical in her approach. It didn’t matter, really, except it made Travis wonder if Malcolm was missing them. His friends. His friends Travis has taken from-

Malcolm nudges him, whispering, “Hey. You alright?”

Travis opens his mouth to respond, but the only thing to come out is a strangled sigh.

Travis is prone to wandering. He thinks it might be a Hermes kid thing, the reasoning spread somewhere in between the cabin being so incredibly small that you share bunks and sleep on the floor, and that if you ever have to go to the bathroom in the night, chances are the entire cabin knows about it because they either get stepped on, or move, or the fact that Hermes is the god of travel.

Travis doesn’t really like either explanation- he was selfish like that, wanting one thing to himself, just one thing, but, well. He was counselor, wasn’t he. Chiron always said, counselors have to share, counselors have to–

Why isn’t he allowed to be selfish?

Travis started in on the waffle fries, drizzling them with syrup first.

“You know they’re called waffle fries,” Malcolm pointed out, looking slightly disgusted, “because of the shape, not because they’re actually made of waffles.”

“Don’t limit me.”

“It’s another cabin eleven thing, isn’t it?”

“Camp thing, really. Surprised you haven’t noticed yet- you’ve been here, what, two years now?”

“It’s not like I often go to the dining pavilion,” Malcolm retorted, and Travis gives a Cheshire Cat grin at the opening Malcolm has given him.

“So you admit you never eat? Cause you know what that sounds li-”

“I do not have an eating disorder, I simply prefer eating in the kitchen before everyone else.”

“So what problem did this come from- ooh, wait no, let me guess- it is because,” Travis waved his arms for dramatic affect, “you were having too many sensory overloads so you got permission to eat in the kitchens, come on, Mr. Pace, congratulate me!” Travis half bowed in his seat, but Malcolm didn’t seem to notice, staring at his own hands a moment too long.

“Hey,” Travis tries. “You okay?”

#pjo hoo toa #my fanfiction #wip snippet #travis stoll

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blacklegsanjiii · 1 month

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The crew having to get used to Rengoku would be so fucking funny. He's in his demon corps outfit and Sanji is like 'yeah we can't have that because otherwise the Navy is going to find out about everything' and Rengoku is smiling at him and is like 'haha, sure Sanji' and lets Sanji dress him up. He refuses to take off his kimono most of the time and so between that and his hair he stands out like a sore fucking thumb.

Rengoku also watching Sanji and Zoro fight and Sanji not using a sword has gotta make him laugh. He will join in randomly and there's a reason he's a Hashira so when he uses flame breathing Franky flips out to not burn the Sunny. Also Rengoku who is a year younger than Sanji and Zoro but knows Sanji from their younger years and at one point he just brushes the side of Sanji's head, runs his fingers through his hair and gives him that caring smile and says he misses Sanji's old hair, the side shaved with a long ponytail.

Sanji waves him off by saying being a pirate with a high bounty and being wanted by the Navy was enough hassle, adding demons to that mix would be too much. Rengoku laughs and agrees. Everyone is like wait, hold on, wait. Everyone is asking why Sanji had his hair like that and they explain it was for identification purposes mostly because demon corps members don't live long normally, and if they die but aren't eaten marks and such are easy to identify because who knows what will be left.

Like it's a very grim reality the demon corps lives in. Zoro asks why they're in it. Sanji reminds him he's retired technically and Rengoku says it's a family thing, his family have been Flame Hashira for centuries. There haven't been sightings of ranked demons in years so Sanji felt comfortable leaving the corps fully to commit to Luffy and go for his dream. Rengoku says if this is the demon lord of old that he's only going to leave a good example for his little brother.

At some point, maybe a few weeks in, Zoro talks to Kyojuro alone and asks him what the cook was like when he was in the corps fully. Why he gave up the sword for the most part. Kyojuro smiles wistfully and chuckles.

"Love is burdensome, he refused and still does to be that burden. We graduated together from training and he thought either way he would free his father of that. He has known death will come for him some day, as it will come for us all, he saw a way to partially hide from demons but he is known well. His acceptance has never wavered and I always admired him for such, it has made him an admirable comrade." Kyojuro smiles.

"Made him suicidal." Zoro mutters and Kyojuro laughs loud and boisterous.

"You plan to become the greatest swordsman, correct? To take the title from Mihawk, Sanji's father. That itself is a suicidal title, a worthy one, but still the point remains. Demon Corps members don't live long. Perhaps he thought he could free himself of such tendencies, but he hasn't I see." Kyojuro responds as he eyes the galley.

"He doesn't think he's worthy of saving most of the time." Zoro huffs.

"None of us do." Kyojuro says after a moment. "We are often inflicted with mortal wounds that even those of us who use fruits and haki cannot withstand. Demons cannot use fruits as they are not living, most members don't use them because we die young." He tells Zoro and turning to look at the green haired man. Zoro stares back at him, his one eye wide as Sanji comes out of the galley with snacks for everyone.

"Your hair is getting long." Kyojuro says to Sanji.

"It's going to take more than a demon lord to scare me." Sanji waves as he leaves the two with their snacks.

#black leg sanji #roronoa zoro #rengoku #fuck you i ship them #vinsmoke sanji #tanjiro!sanji #rensan #its just ace in a different flavor

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digital-chance · 9 months

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writeblr intro

hey i'm chance! i've done a writeblr intro recently but i didn't like it, so this is take 2. here's the old one.

─── about me -⋆⋅☆

name : chance

pronouns : they/he

likes : cyberpunk, romance, anime, kpop, music, history, design

age : 20

i tend to swear both on here and in my writing, so if you're sensitive to that, i don't think my blog or work is for you. i also use the word 'queer' a lot since i self-identify as such, when i do choose to self-identify.

i'm interested in so much, which would be impossible to fully state. there are so many new things out there and i love learning about them all!! this blog is mainly for writing but i'm not strict on that.

i also am pretty sure i'm neurodivergent (no diagnosis or anything yet) and tend to delve into hyper-fixations for weeks at a time. if i haven't posted for a while, it's probably because of one of my other hyper-fixations or school.

i'm going to college for my bachelor's in graphic design, which might make my responses during the school year delayed.

i'm always open to ask or tag games!! it might take me a few to respond but i'll respond.

─── writing -⋆⋅☆

you'll find a lot of diverse characters, the found/chosen family trope, romance or rom-com, angst, and references to actual history or historical events within my work. sometimes i throw in a little art fact since i'm an art student. in nearly every one of my works you can find a prominent lgbtq+ character, too.

i write for original works and fanfiction alike. i often alternate what project i'm writing on and tend to leave wips unfinished. there's no one specific fandom that i'm in since i tend to dabble in everything.

i enjoy reading all sorts of stories, but some of the tropes and genres that have a special place in my heart include:

[ genres : romance . action . sci-fi . dystopian . heists . cyberpunk . horror . comedy . mystery ] [ tropes : friends to lovers , enemies to lovers , fake/pretend relationship , college au , coffee shop au , domestic , fluff , angst ]

─── ⋆ looking for ⋆⋅☆

more writers to follow!

good vibes & friends

writing advice & critique buddies (will help critique ur work too)

─── works in progress -⋆⋅☆

nova futurum | original work | #wip: nova futurum

─── ⋆ status : brainstorming

a lgbtq+ mafia cyberpunk story with the working title "Nova Futurum." i've got the general information down and i'm currently working on fleshing out my main characters. for now it's in the very basic stages, but feel free to ask me about it or give any tips!

you still would've been mine | fanfiction | #wip: yswbm

─── ⋆ status : outlining, research, & writing draft 1

Steven "Steve" Rogers wakes up in the 21st century after crashing into the ice in 1942, leaving behind his life as the mascot of the USA along with his childhood in Brooklyn NYC. The Winter Soldier, a man left behind in the war recovers his memories as the man known as James "Bucky" Buchanan Barnes after meeting Steve in the modern time. Steve and Bucky recall their childhood and their experience in the war as they recover.

matchbreakers | original work | #wip: match

─── ⋆ status : brainstorming

xavier works at match breakers. instead of setting people up on blind dates, he goes to dates and breaks up the couple. all sorts of people hire him, disapproving parents, jealous ex's, and those scared to see their ex's angry side. what he doesn't expect is falling in love with one of his own clients.

scars of duty | original work | #wip: sod

─── ⋆ status : plotting

Lucian is a hero who protects the city of Haines and the other members of his hero's league. They're a small-name hero just trying to make do with what they've got. A villain new to the city shows up and shakes Lucian’s perception of their own superpowers and the world.

< tag lists: if you'd like to be added for any project, let me know. i'm not the greatest at remembering the tag list but i will try! >

─── ⋆ more of my socials & my design portfolio

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ikamigami · 3 months

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Solar seems to cope similarly to Sun.. they both kind of repress their trauma..

And also they both view themselves as they're bad and not good enough and they blame themselves for things that went wrong..

I think that the difference is that Solar thiks that he's bad due to trauma and circumstances and it shows in the way of how he responds to our Sun..

He pushes him away because he doesn't want to go through the same thing like it was with his Sun and that's why he keeps Sun on distance and seems even sometimes passive aggressive towards Sun..

This is quite common thing for people who were traumatised the way Solar is.. Just avoiding the same circumstances that led to your trauma - even pushing someone away if needed..

Sun on the other hand seems to believe himself to be bad.. and it shows in the way he acts and in his general behaviour..

Sun also tries to avoid the circumstances that led to bad things that happened before.. but you can clearly see from the way Sun responds to events that are happening in his life that Sun thinks that no matter what he'll do or say he'll always mess up..

The difference between feeling that you're bad and believing that you're bad.. is that the first one is simply normal response to trauma and typical for many mental issues.. the second one on the other hand isn't a normal thing.. you believe yourself to be evil without a reason (some reason can also be there but your mind just always exaggerates everything to absurd scale)..

But funny thing is that you're trying your best to be good.. but in your mind you'll never be able to do something good not because you're not doing good things.. but simply because your mind will always find something to complain about you.. for example:

You: I'm going to buy this lovely present for my bestie <3

Your mind: You're only doing this because you want them to perceive you as a kind friend.. but actually you're doing it to boost your own ego.. you're definitely not doing it because you simply like your friend...

Or another example:

You: "I love you, mom" <3

Your mind: Why did you say that if it's not true? Cause if you genuinly loved your mom you wouldn't act like you do...

It's simply that that you don't believe that you have any good intentions ever... Unlike in first case when you believe that you're not good enough so you try harder and better and even sabotage yourself.. in the second case it's just everything can be fine, you can have good grades, be a good parent, spouse or kid or sibling.. but in your head you still view yourself as the most awful being.. your life can be good but you won't stop believe that you're evil...

In both cases 1) when you feel like you're bad and 2) when you believe yourself to be bad.. you're unable to accept kindness of others and happiness in your life which applies to both Sun and Solar..

In second case people also often perceive you as dishonest and two-faced.. just like many assumed about Sun at the beginning of the show.. iykyk💀

And also the anger issues and people telling you "you need to chill" - happened to Sun and me as well..

Cause I'm talking from my experiences..

Also when you believe yourself to be evil you often times let other overstep your boundaries cause when you speak up others often read that as you being too pretentious and/or angry..

That's why Sun most the time doesn't tell people to stop treating him the way it hurts him because he feels that it's both deserved and it would be seen as if he's asking for too much (even if in reality that's not true)..

Also did you realize how Sun always seem to be concerned about Moon's safety whenever the things about Old Moon are brought up? He rarely says that he's scared that Moon will start to abuse him once again.. It's more like "I'm scared that Moon will start acting like Old Moon and do something rush and endanger himself" (not real quote but example).. It's almost never about how Moon treated Sun but how Moon will potentially do something that may lead to him being harmed or even to his another death...

I don't even know if Sun fully processed Old Moon's abuse and aknowledged it as something true that happened.. Remember like Sun hallucinated Old Moon and he told the hallucination that Moon wasn't like that.. "maybe at the beginning but he changed".. and it was a response to what OM's hallucination told Sun that he represents Sun's fear that Moon never loved him.. and Sun later said "I loved you.. I did"

Also the example I gave with telling your mom that you love her also fit Sun's situation - remember how many times Sun told Moon "I love you"? Compared to how many times Moon told that Sun it's like he almost never told that (on-screen, Sun told Moon that he used to say that more often but Moon didn't like hearing Sun saying that)..

I believe that Sun wasn't saying that many times that he loves Moon because he simply felt that it is fake due to how he was unable to help Moon and how many times he screwed up everything..

You may think that I'm exaggerating but.. the fact is that I know that it bothered people - the fact that Moon who isn't as emotionally open up as Sun says that more often than the supposed to be more emotionally open up Sun..

And I can't blame them, it's like I said people viewed Sun at not so kind and as if he hides a dark side to himself or that he's straight up two-faced because of how more Moon talked about his feelings and how little of Sun's p.o.v. we've ever gotten..

Sun tries his best but whenever he messes up even something insignificant and small or when things are going downhill he immediately takes the blame (internally) on himself and try doing things from a different angle and then again and again and again.. and list of ideas for what to change in himself and how to approach this problem differently for all those previous times that ended up horribly are getting shorter and shorter and shorter.. until you don't know what to do.. and everything is crushing you from the inside and often times you start to think that the only solution to all the problems is to kill yourself - not only because you want to end your own suffering but also because you don't want to be a burden and a problem for others...

I hope that what I wrote makes any sense.. even a little bit and I hope that I didn't make mistakes cause English isn't my native language.. QwQ

#sun and moon show #sams #sams sun #sun and moon show sun #fnaf sb #fnaf sun #sams solar #sams moon #tw suicide #tw trauma #tw mental health #sams thoughts

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