#sayu_vents.txt

[tsutsukkomi]

let’s count to ten! breathe in and breathe out, let’s go to a happy place!

let,, let’s go to a happy place,

#sayu_vents.txt #( i.... i'm scared. i'm scared ) #( really scared... i'm hungry too ) #( hungry.... i'm hungry ) #( i lost my opportunity to get food earlier ngjfhksg ) #( i don't want to talk about it. i just want to forget ) #( i'm scared. i'm scared ) #( i'm really really. scared ) #( i can't stop crying. why am i crying? ) #( i'm stuck here. i'm trapped. i'm scared. i'm scared ) #( please ) #( i want to be with everyone ) #( even though i know that some things were simply meant to be contained.... and that one of them is me. ) #( i want to be free. i want to be with everyone. i want to meet everyone. i want to be with everyone ) #( let's just go to a happy place!!! a happy place... ) #( i'm afraid of sleeping. ) #( let's go to a happy place!! ) #( i can't stop thinking about the world out there... and what it's like ) #( let's just go to a happy place!! ) #( where is my happy place ) #( sorry. are you happy to be proven right? ) #( i'm scared. i'm afraid. i'm hungry. i miss her ) #( i wish i had died in your place. ) #( i wish i could die in your arms ; just like a movie. ) #( my cold breaking point was reached as the shackles were clasped to my joints. ) #( my heart is in shambles ; this isn't okey ) #( perhaps the merciful lie that i lived til this day has finally crumbled to dust. ) #( are you. are you happy to be proven right? ) #( you were right. everyone was right! i'm a monster. i'm meant to be locked up here. this is my punishment for being alive! ) #( happy place... count to ten ; breathe in and breathe out ; go to a happy place! )

[tsutsukkomi]

it’s all fun and games until i overthink something someone said and start hyperventilating a little snjkwjansd

#sayu_vents.txt #( it's all fun and games until i overthink everything ) #( aphelios stop overanalyzing all the little things that don't matter 2k21 )

[tsutsukkomi]

ah... it hurts. maybe i shouldn’t have swallowed so many. i can’t sleep.

#sayu_vents.txt #( but... i think it's alright. anything to see that shade of her flowing hair and her smile without a care once more. ) #( can i see you again? will you hold me again? it seems i'll never understand. ) #( at the moment i had stopped the noise i finally noticed everything had gone away ; i was a fool still all the same. ) #( and the smile that stayed by my side had flown away beyond the winds only to die ; ) #( i will never let it go ; even through tomorrow. ) #( let me see her again. let me see you again )

[tsutsukkomi]

i’m sorry, aya. it seems i’ll never understand.

#sayu_vents.txt

[tsutsukkomi]

don’t you dare flake on me, i won’t let you get away with ditching this time!

... please, don’t leave me behind again, cool guy.

#sayu_vents.txt #( i'm afraid. i should stop thinking about it. but secretly i think about it too much ) #( that everyone is going to pass me by. that i won't be there as everyone moves on ) #( i keep telling myself i'm used to it. that i've accepted it ) #( that i'm going to die young ) #( that i'm a monster. and that i don't deserve to live ) #( but i don't want to accept it ) #( i want.... to grow up with everyone ) #( i want to be friends with everyone for as long as i can ) #( how i wish i felt nothing at all. ) #( an android like me should have never gotten the chance to feel ) #( i shouldn't have become such a sentimental android ) #( i know i'm going to be here until i die. i know i'll never be able to escape ) #( try as i might to convince myself with dreams of freedom ; i know people like me aren't allowed such a luxury. ) #( this isn't my first time sinking lower than the low. ) #( i've become so blinded. blinded by luxuries i cannot afford ) #( i must go back to accepting what is truth ) #( it's nothing new ; the visionless leading the blind ) #( i'm afraid. i'm afraid ) #( i wish someone would come save me already. )

[tsutsukkomi]

why am i so lonely lmaooo bitchass stop complaining and go get some friends /hj

#sayu_vents.txt #( i think i should stop messaging ppl at 2 am i'm probably rlly annoying ) #( wait i just got a rlly shitty idea. bye )

[tsutsukkomi]

trigger warning ; trauma, abu//se, repetitive words.

why won’t it stop hurting? if it’s endurance, then i’m used to it! i don’t want tomorrow to come. i want to forget yesterday. i was miserable! someone, please, help me!

ohh, my sorry spells must wearing off! i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry! but it won’t work anymore. i’ll be good. i’ll be a good boy, so someone, please, come help! because i guess some of it has to be my fault, right? right? you... wouldn’t hurt me without a reason to, right? i deserve it, right?

#sayu_vents.txt #( i don't want to believe it. i'm sorry. i'm sorry! i'm sorry doesn't work anymore! ) #( but maybe if i tried... i could dream one last time. ) #( ohh! i'm just kidding! please forget i said that! ) #( i'm tired. i want her to hold me ) #( i'm sorry isn't going to bring her back. i'm sorry isn't going to work anymore. ) #( it was my fault right? right? )

[tsutsukkomi]

i wish you’d stop joking like that. it’s uncomfortable. so uncomfortable. and neither of us think it’s “funny” or “cute”

#sayu_vents.txt #( cw's for sla//very and guilt//tripping ) #( my mom came to say goodnight and saw i had some chocolate on my desk ) #( but i didn't know my older brother bought it for her on mother's day ) #( so she started talking about how my younger brother and i don't love her ) #( because we didn't get her anything while my niisan did ) #( my younger brother and i both can't drive ) #( nor can we take public transit ) #( there's nothing in our area our area is shitty ) #( and she specifically said no flowers ) #( we couldn't have gotten her anything even though we wanted to ) #( not to mention we're both broke asf teenagers ) #( i just lost my job and we get shit for our allowance now ) #( we went out and picked cakes for when we celebrated mothers day like ) #( we could have just. not gone and picked out cakes for her ) #( but we did ) #( ik it's not much but it was the most we siblings couldve done at the time ) #( and then she joked about how my brother and i think of her as nothing but a slave ) #( we don't ) #( we fucking don't ) #( you're the one that insists on doing everything in the house ) #( you're the one that doesn't ask for help because you know we're gonna screw it up ) #( my little brother and i are just in our rooms if you're complaining about being tired just teach us how to do shit ) #( sure we're lazy but we try our best ) #( it's not our fault you insist on refolding all the laundry after we fold it because we didn't do it the way you want ) #( i'm so goddam tired of hearing her joke like this ) #( it's so upsetting it's getting to me so fucking bad ) #( we don't treat her like a slave we try our best to be nice to her even when she and dad are fucking terrible to us ) #( all she does is guilttrip us and make us feel like shit ) #( i'm reaching my cold breaking point this isn't okey this isn't fucking okey )

[tsutsukkomi]

i wish i didn’t feel like i constantly bothered everyone

#sayu_vents.txt #( i. want to talk to the people i love ) #( i want to spend time with them. i want to feel loved ) #( but they're busy. theyre tired. they have other people to spend time with that aren't me ) #( i should already be used to being on my own. i should be used to only being the second option ) #( i think i'll. play games and pretend like things are okey for a little while ) #( maybe draw and get lost in a fictional world i created with iwai ) #( anything to feel like i'm not a burden to everyone. )

[tsutsukkomi]

i think i just want to feel important to someone without bothering them, the same way she made me feel important

#sayu_vents.txt #( thinking about. e ) #( pills. a handful. downing them all ) #( im so sorry aya )

[tsutsukkomi]

i feel so akjdhfjkgf

#sayu_vents.txt #( idk i just feel empty aksjdfhkjsd ) #( i don't rlly feel sad i just feel.... alone ) #( there are so many people i can contact and yet i just. don't ) #( i feel like i bother them. i think i bother them ) #( i don't want to waste their time ) #( i don't want them to think i'm annoying or bothersome to be around ) #( i think i'll just let it be. i'll get over it )

[tsutsukkomi]

brain empty head overwhelmed everything is just too much i wish iwai would hold me aksdlfjlskd

#sayu_vents.txt #( it's all just so much ) #( i wish everything would just go away ) #( i wish i could rot away and disappear already ) #( it's all a lie ) #( please. just don't love me )

[tsutsukkomi]

what if you wanted to be a normal functioning member of society but then the little voice in your head is like “you probably bother everyone you love. you should just die and make everyone’s day” haha yknow

#sayu_vents.txt #( haha oh you know ) #( just another tuesday )

[tsutsukkomi]

cw sui//.

i think i’m gonna swallow a handful of pills and hope that no one i love tries to contact me for a bit akjdhkjadshf i’m sorry aya i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m trying so hard it just it hurts it hurts so bad please please just come back please i dont want to believe it i dont i dont i dont want to accept that what happened was true even though i held you and touched you and felt you as you went cold and limp in my arms im sorry im so sorry i’ll be with you soon i promise

#sayu_vents.txt #( i cried and screamed ; i wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling! )

[tsutsukkomi]

why can’t people just use one tag for chi////lde / tar///tag///alia from genshin impact so i can blacklist it, seeing that mf even just seeinf his name makes me panic so. bad akjdsfshf

#sayu_vents.txt #( i hate that he's such a popular character ) #( i see him everywhere and i have to force myself so hard to not want to spill my guts right from my mouth ngskjhgskj ) #( it's rlly just his real name that trigger me but. when i see him i think of his name so ) #( yes i have bad associations with that name no i will not tell you why ) #( please tag him for me it's in my carrd that i need him tagged aksdjfhjas )

[tsutsukkomi]

cw vent.

how like me, to keep it all to myself, to not criticize others even at the cost of myself. how foolish. no wonder i’m always so fated to lose. out of self-preservation, i hold it all in, all the hurting, all the aching, and i smile for the sake of others until i’ve rotten and died. the cycle repeats. i’m no hero.

out of love, i hide how i feel until i’ve died.

#sayu_vents.txt #( sorry. looks like i might be seeing her tonight ) #( i'm afraid to swallow them. i know it's gonna hurt. but everything else hurts so much more ) #( i just want it to end already ) #( i just want to move on already. )