#saving shirou was enough to let him live with himself after losing everything

[1986omega]

anyway talk all u want about kiritsugu’s unhealthy marriage but if i see someone say he doesn’t love illya im gonna go buckwild

#ooc. #joint custody agreement or riot #gay mums one week depressed dad and little brother the other #ok but seriously. #kiritsugu using what little time he had left in the world to try and see his daughter to assure he didn't abandon her #until he literally couldn't travel anymore #thats not done by a man who doesn't love his daughter with every fibre of his being #that's not trying to alleviate guilt #because if that were the case he'd try maybe three times before giving up #saving shirou was enough to let him live with himself after losing everything #he didn't need to save her to save himself #he did it for her sake

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 78 Rundown

Code Geass: Lelouch finally confronts Charles in the Human Instrumentality Elevator but before his laser Geass bullshit can kill him, he steals C.C.’s Code and becomes immortal. Now that Charles is at the highest Geass level, C.C. like “Oh yes Imperialist Daddy kill me cause Lelouch is too chicken to” because she wanted an out for her immortality all along. But she’s been saving Lelouch this whole time and didn’t force the Code on him like was done to her so she clearly has a soft spot for him. Also Viletta and Sayoko are having a ninja fight over Ohgi and Nia’s developing nukes or some shit. Ironically now that we finally know who C.C. is, she’s lost her own memories so her character is always incomplete. But Lelouch has busted up the Thought Elevator and Charles is stuck there so showdown postponed I guess.

Inuyasha: Naraku continues his plan to cover Sesshomaru in his goo and take him inside himself… not gonna bother rephrasing that. But he gets jumped by Inuyasha’s barrier breaking powers and absolutely wrecked by both of them once Inuyasha inadvertently saves Sesshomaru. Ironically Inuyasha’s able to stop himself being absorbed while Sesshomaru isn’t, implying he’s stronger at this point but who knows. Anyway Naraku just kinda rockets away on a poison cloud and Sesshomaru’s about to turn full doggo and chase him but the writers remember we’re never allowed to see full demon Sesshomaru again until he regains his arm and Naraku tells him “Hey yo Rin’s about to get murdered, better go take care of that instead of finishing the series now” and Sesshomaru’s out of bluffs pretending he doesn’t care. Everyone realizes if Sesshomaru catches Kohaku killing Rin or about to kill Rin he’ll straight up murder Kohaku which is exactly the level of head-fuckery Naraku wants. They stop Kohaku from killing Rin but he keeps attacking Sesshomaru and Sesshomaru’s like “Oh, you WANT to die, well tough shit buddy, I’m not in an accommodating mood today so you live mother fucker” because even he realizes Naraku wants him to murder Kohaku for some reason. It’s interesting to see him spare a human out of spite but also kind of take pity on Kohaku, his tolerance for humans is slowly but surely growing.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Well we’re on the boat to the Dark Tournament, aka the first episode of Hunter x Hunter, and the totally not Genkai Masked Man uses the move Genkai taught Yusuke to wipe out all the competition, wonder who they could be. Like even Kuwabara’s guessing it’s Genkai at this point, we have no excuse. Anyway the other demons get pissed at the loss and everyone has to murder them all to be let through, including one dude Yusuke kills while still sleeping off his training hangover. We meet two of the first team they’ll be facing and it’s standard “Grr rawr, we’ll crush you” shit from a little boy and an Buttrock Band singer. Also Keiko and Shizuru are on the way to the tournament courtesy of Botan and Yusuke’s mom is left at home for no reason despite being in the arc in the manga, we just couldn’t handle more Milf Urameshi action.

Fate Zero: This is basically a summary episode, we have Kirei/Gilgamesh and Kiritsugu summing up where we’re at right now with the war and who’s involved. Kirei doesn’t have any more ninjas so he’s out but the Grail’s like “Nuh-uh, get back in here loser” and gives him Command Seals back even though he doesn’t have a Servant to use them on. Gilgamesh is all “What if we teamed up? Haha, just kidding… unless?” And weirdly enough Kirei is kinda into the soap opera bullshit going on with Kariya trying to save Sakura and being turned into a mummy for it. He’s like “what kind of fucked up person would like seeing a man being eaten from the inside out to save a child in vain?” Gilgamesh is all “Joke’s on you, we’re into that shit”. Also Iris is dying or something so they move into Shirou’s home and Saber ironically makes the transmutation circle in the shed that Shirou will bleed on later and summon her in UBW, guess it makes more sense why Shirou lives in a bullshit dojo house now that we know it was a originally a mage base fortress to harbor his girlfriend and Stepmom’s forbidden lesbian affair.

Konosuba: We kick of Season 2 with everyone throwing Kazuma under the bus for him to go to jail and then Aqua showing her whole damn ass during her pathetic breakout attempts. Then we shift Ace Attorney/Chrono Trigger mode and get a recap of all the shit Kazuma’s done over the past season. It’s kinda funny people don’t really know how to feel about him because he is a scumbag but he’s a net positive for the community. He eventually uses his lie detector skills to clear himself but because this is a kangaroo court he get found guilty anyway. But SINCE it’s a kangaroo court Darkness is able to use her own even higher levels of royal bullshittery to void the verdict and delay the case until Kazuma can prove he’s a harmless scumbag instead of a traitor. And they lose Darkness and get all their shit taken. Like I get that’s the nature of the show and the main joke but I kinda wish we’d get more story stuff or have them thrown a bone every once in a while, not a huge fan of shows like Marrier with Children or Everybody Hates Chris where you know shit’s just gonna fall apart in the end somehow, it makes it hard to care. Like this isn’t THAT bad about it but I just wish we’d get a few more serious/wholesome moments thrown in because everything else is just a fakeout.

Sailor Moon Crystal: So we’re getting close to the end of the season here and Beryl’s here and Mamoru just kinda… watches as she fights the Sailor Guardians in an alternate dimension because apparently Ami can just do that, like aside from their signature attacks I feel like the limits on what the Sailor Guardians can and can’t do are very vague, seems to be a problem with a lot of shojo action at the time since powers are more focused on emotion and it just ends up being “I can do whatever I feel like”. Anyway they summon the Meteor Sword from Avatar and cut off Beryl’s power necklace and she just kind of… dies for some reason? Like she was a reincarnated human just like everyone else but she just kinda melts after her necklace is chopped off like she’s been alive a thousand years. But yeah, possessed Tuxedo mask has the crystal and the sword and apparently the sword is the key even though we only started hearing about it like three episodes ago. Usagi follows him to Antarctica or whatever and the Sailor Guardians just… fly there, see this is what I mean apparently they could fly the whole time and just never did? They fight the Four Kings and reawaken their memories but Metalia blasts them away in seconds which if she could do that to the people that were kicking the Sailor Guardians’ asses five seconds ago couldn’t she just do it to them too? Anyway the girls’ former boyfriends are dead and that’s sad I guess even though I don’t think we ever really established which one was dating who so idk if it matters unless they’re all one big polycule. Usagi tries her bullshit fixer beam power and it doesn’t work so her next solution is just stab everyone and sort it out later, not a bad plan honestly, she cuts down Mamoru and then herself and is like ah fuck it, the end.

Durarara!!: The Saika arc concludes and we get Anri fucking up Haruna while Shizuo pounds the whole town in the park with his new demon gloves. But basically because Anri is a little ball of dissociation and trauma more than a person she’s a perfect host for a sword that’s yandere for the whole human race, the void contains the explosion and all that shit. However now that there’s been a Saika riot but Mikado and Masaomi are scared and mobilizing the Dollars and Yellow Scarves (also oh yeah Masaomi is the leader of the Yellow Scarves but you should know that already) to fight Saika to protect Anri except Saika IS Anri and Izaya’s just having fun stirring the pot and Anri’s the only one who knows he’s behind it because turns out when you have a hundred peoples’ memories swimming in your head it kinda helps you piece shit together.

#ooc #Toonami #Custom Toonami Block #Code Geass #Inuyasha #Yu Yu Hakusho #Fate Zero #Konosuba #Sailor Moon Crystal #Durarara!!

[animebw]

Binge-Reading: Fate/Stay Night VN, Heaven’s Feel Day 16

In which everything crumbles away into dust, spiraling into a vortex of despair that finally bears ghastly fruit. Holy fucking shit, this route.

Stopping Point: Dawn of Day 13

Degradation

Let’s be real, fighting in the Holy Grail War has got to be one of the most exhausting things a person can do. You need to be constantly alert and at the top of your game, always ready to throw down with opponents who may be far more powerful than you. And the scars and wounds you pick up along the way are only gonna make things messier as everyone gets more and more beat down. Even for mages who’ve trained their whole lives to participate in this death match, this is in no way a walk in the park. So imagine how exponentially worse it must be for someone like Shirou. Not only is he an amateur mage working with flawed methods, not only is he still in the throes of inescapable childhood trauma that’s reinforced by almost every enemy he has to fight, he spends the majority of each route of Fate/Stay Night getting the everloving shit kicked out of him until he finally manages to scrape together a victory. He’s a kid with a bad leg who just got enlisted to run the Boston Marathon with no proper training, and then he’s forced to run it in the middle of a raging thunderstorm. But even that comparison doesn’t capture just how fucking brutal Heaven’s Feel, in particular, has been on him and his allies. Between losing Saber, having his ideals bent out of shape, almost coming to blows with one of his closest allies, losing his arm, forced to become the vessel for power he has no way of controlling, and caught in the dark throes of whatever’s going on with Sakura, this route has beaten him down like no other route’s even come close to. Forget the thunderstorm, this is more like running in the middle of a goddamn hurricane.

And that pressure is really starting to take its toll. The various cross-streams of magic bullshit chaining Shirou down aren’t just sapping his energy, they’re sapping his memories too. And let me tell you, after spending this entire VN following the intricacies of Shirou’s every last waking hour from his perspective, suddenly jumping huge gaps and leaving huge blanks in our knowledge of what he’s been doing is chilling. We don’t even find out we succeeded at projection until later in the evening. I know I give Nasu shit sometimes for how exhaustively he details pretty much every moment and thought, but let me tell you, the shock of losing that all-encompassing daily routine, of having missing links when everything used to be so filled-in, is all the more terrifying for it. And even in the moments Shirou still remembers, his mind is hazy and sluggish and completely off its game (”And doing it rough is okay too, I guess.”) There’s even a point where he outright forgets about his old ideals. When he realizes he and Rin aren’t strong enough to stop Zouken yet, he thinks that there’s no reason to patrol since they can’t save Sakura when they’re this weak, only for Rin to remind him that hey, we can still try to protect the countless innocent bystanders that are also in danger here. He was focused on nothing but Sakura and forgot about saving everyone he possibly could. That’s fucking nuts. At this point, we’re pretty much watching the Shirou we’ve come to know crumble and crack before our very eyes. And everything that used to make Shirou, Shirou, can suddenly no longer be taken for granted.

No Salvation

And yet, Shirou doesn’t stop pushing. How could he? The scars of his trauma won’t let him rest until he’s in the grave himself. Everywhere he looks, he sees his mistakes, his weaknesses, the things he wasn’t able to fix, the things he feels responsible for repairing. Everywhere he looks, he sees something in need of saving. But in darkness this thick, the chance to actually save them is slipping further and further away. Just look at his heartbreaking conversation with Ilya in day 12. As they skip down the street coming home from shopping, Ilya singing the innocent melody that played over her death in Unlimited Blade Works, Shirou is so overwhelmed with emotion that he can no longer maintain the unspoken agreement he and Ilya have shared to not think about their futures. He can’t stay with her any longer without offering her a place in his home- a real place. Kiritsugu abandoned her, and then he died before she could find closure for losing her father. That battered man will never walk between his two children on the way home from a walk; such a dream can never be. Shirou wants so badly to repair the damage his father’s done, to do what Kiritsugu couldn’t, to be there for Ilya as the family she never truly had. But it’s all couched in the language of what Shirou feels he needs to do. As Kiritsugu’s son, he believes he must assume his duties to set right what was made wrong so long ago. But what good would it do for Ilya if he only stayed with her out of duty? Would that really be so different from Kiritsugu’s own detached relationship with her, unable to give her the warmth she needed until it was too late to ever see her again?

The truth is, right now, Shirou is stuck. He’s stuck between a million impossible situations, a million problems that can’t be fixed, a million loved ones he doesn’t know how to save. As Ilya points out, both of them are on ticking clocks now, and it’s unlikely they’ll both make it out of this mess alive. And what point is there to Ilya joining Shirou’s family if Shirou is no longer there when all is said and done? He has enough on his hands trying to stop Sakura from sinking into her own demons, and that isn’t exactly going well either. He’s just one boy; one lost, scared, unprepared boy who’s only growing weaker by the day. Unless something drastic changes, he’s not strong enough to save everyone entangled in this web of sorrow. And trying to do so will only hasten his approaching collapse as he uses up what little energy he has left in store. I don’t know what the solution here is gonna be. I don’t know how we can possibly find our way out of this thicket. But I do know that if Shirou doesn’t figure out something soon, it’s already going to be too late.

Because you know the worst part of this whole mess? As badly as Shirou’s doing, he’s still in infinitely better shape than Sakura.

Slipping Away

Which brings me to quite possible the single most heartbreaking moment in this entire fucking VN thus far. Sakura, sick and weary, insists on cooking dinner on her own. She sees how badly Shirou’s pushing himself, how much pressure Rin is putting on him, how incapable she is of doing anything but watch as her sister and the boy she loves walk a path she can never hope to follow. So she throws herself into cooking, the one constant in her life with Shirou, the one role she’s always been able to fulfill. She wants so badly to convince herself that everything’s fine, that she’s still normal, that they can keep on living the lives they’ve always lived and stay happy like they’ve always been. But when the food arrives at the table, it’s all wrong. It’s not awful or anything, but it’s underseasoned, or off balance, or something that turns the usually lively dinner table silent as a grave. Sakura’s cooking has betrayed the inescapable truth: she is not okay. Everything is not fine. Her condition is growing worse by the second, and she’s unable to hold on to the life she’s so desperate to believe in. Even at the table, she’s even more out of it than Shirou, silently dropping her chopsticks over and over again in a numb daze as if picking them up for the first time every time. And all her friends can do is eat silently, pretending not to notice, as if they could wish this awful reality away by never acknowledging its existence.

Folks, this moment ripped my heart out of my fucking chest. I don’t know how I managed to stave off the tears, but they were scrambling to get out. God, Sakura Doesn’t Fucking Deserve This(tm). Her sense of stability is crumbling out from under her, and there’s no recourse left but for the beast within her to lash out with increasing fury. And Christ almighty, the moment Shirou almost made the connection between Sakura and the monster chilled me to my fucking bone. For just a few brief seconds, his mind almost grasped the horrible truth of why this shadow’s presence felt so familiar. But no sooner does he make that connection than his mind shuts out the truth, finding any way it can to deny he obvious. He loses himself in denial, in sex with Sakura, anything to block out the truth, anything to keep the bond they share from shattering. He tells her that she’s just sick, that her fever is the only reason her cooking was so off, that she just needs a good night’s rest and everything will be better in the morning. But deep down, both of them know how wrong he is. Both of them know that this is no mere illness or bad day. This is something far more alien, monstrous and evil than either of them are able to accept. This is a darkness neither of them have the strength to face. But no matter how much they deny it, they cannot stop its coming. It will find them. It will chain them.

And nothing will stop it from dragging them both into the abyss.

Eternal Nightmare

And all this rising tension, all this terror and portent and characters breaking down into shells of their former selves, climaxes in the dead of night of the twelfth day. Sakura’s shadow wanders the streets, once more looking for victims to slake its hunger. But something is different this time. This time, the shadow is no mere empty vessel running on hollowness. This time, the shadow is happy. It’s enjoying itself. It’s reveling in the first time that Shirou asked it to make love. It’s more in touch with itself than ever. It feels like it’s grown used to its eldritch, inhuman existence. There is no more torment here, no more despair at its own ugliness. There’s is merely contentment with being a monster. There is, for the first time, the desire to let this awful dream continue and search for another meal.

But then, chaos descends. Gilgamesh, one of the two last surviving servants, finally finds his prey. He descends on the shadow with the full fury of his Noble Phantasm. Blood splatters through the streets. Pain lances through the shadow. It begs to wake up from this dream, to wake up and leave this nightmare behind, to wake up back in bed with comforting arms around it and forget this ever happened. But the blows rain down endlessly. The blood continues to flow. Pain becomes agony. And still, it does not wake up. And still, it does not wake up.

And still, it does not wake up.

And the horrible truth finally becomes inescapable: the figure being torn to shreds on the dark street is not an eldritch demon from beyond the grave. It is not the figure of a dream that can be woken up from.

This nightmare is one that exists in the waking world.

This agony is the inescapable agony of real life.

And this shadowy demon, this incomprehensible monster, is none other than Sakura Matou herself.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Even if this resolution has been clear for a long time coming, the impact of its enactment still utterly shattered me. There was never any distance between Sakura and the shadow. There was never any difference between the girl who needed to be saved and the monster who needed to be stopped. There was no dream to wake up from, no nightmare to wish away, no possible way to escape what she had already become. Sakura was this monster from the very start. Its darkness was always within her. There was never anything she could do to deny the truth of her reality. And after days of despair and degradation, days of watching her stable life crumble away, days of losing everything she held dear, days of her worst instincts being fed and fueled by people who either didn’t care, didn’t realize, or actively wanted her downfall, the monster has finally taken over. The truth has finally come out. Now, at last, Sakura sees herself for who she truly is, with no dark corners left to hide in and no deceptions left to hide behind. This nightmare is painfully, agonizingly real. And she’ll never be able to escape it no matter how many times she wakes up.

And so, she gives in. She lets the demons consume her. She lets darkness spill out and rewrite her identity until the monster is all that remains. She drags Gilgamesh down into her gaping maw, the mighty king of heroes no more than a morsel. Now, the playing field is clear. Now. only Rider remains untainted. Now, there’s nothing stopping Zouken’s plan from entering its final stage. And for the first time, the being that was once Sakura starts heading to the breeding area of its own free will, returning to the bosom of the trauma that gave birth to it.

The darkest night had descended upon Fuyuki City.

And unless Shirou can pull himself together in time, this is one nightmare that will never end.

Odds and Ends

-”But I decide not to ask why the toast looks like coal.” pfft

-Oh shit, we’re gonna project a Conceptual Weapon? Symphogear GX says hi.

-”Your response was exactly what I wanted, but actually hearing it makes me mad.” Lol.

-”Do you get it? Shirou is my familiar until the war ends.” This is a side of Rin we haven’t really seen before, and it’s terrifying. The Tohsaka heir is real.

-Also, it’s interesting that Ilya already knows about the Archer/Shirou connection. Wonder how she pieced it together?

-”It’s total stillness, brought on by the death of everything in the area.” Well, that’s comforting.

-”How can he detest people who aren’t his enemies anymore?” You may live to regret thinking that way, Zouken.

-”Then I should give him the pleasure of killing it.” FUCK YOU ZOUKEN

We’re in the endgame now, folks. Pray for my soul. See you next time!

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #heaven's feel #Fate/stay night #fate vn #fate hf #shirou emiya #rin tohsaka #sakura matou #saber

[atopearth]

Fate/stay night Réalta Nua Part 6 - Heaven’s Feel Route (2/2)

Day 11-16 Aww, Illya was so sweet and thoughtful to wake up early and help suppress the pain on Shirou (from Archer’s arm) while he was asleep. I found it really cute how Shirou nonchalantly asked Sakura if it was all right for Illya to stay in the house forever, and that since she’s his partner and this is her home as well, he thought he should ask her for her permission and opinion. Sakura blushing was adorable haha. I loved how awkward it was when Sakura and Rin made lunch together, but I loved how Shirou gave Sakura the courage to call Rin “nee-san”, so that now they can finally kinda chase back the times they lost as sisters. I find it hilarious how Shirou always says unexpected things to Rider and it makes her put her guard down lol, he’s like her weakness since she can never keep up her cold exterior for long when it comes to him. It’s so cute how Rider was self conscious about her height haha. Shirou is right though, Rider is so tall and beautiful, it totally suits her. I also really liked how Rider seemed to appreciate Shirou going all the way to the shed just to give her his morning greetings (even though it was afternoon lol), it was funny when he admitted that he forgot about her until now lol, because I totally did too.

I feel like Shirou and Sakura don’t get to talk about much (aside from cooking and blushing at each other lol), so I’m kinda glad they got to have a little talk about how even though she and Rin weren’t really “allowed” to interact, Rin would still greet her at school and watch her practice at the Archery club. And it’s nice to see that Sakura appreciated her doing that. Lol at Sakura being subtly ruthless about Shirou being crappy at magic🤣 She’s probably right about Shirou being the “strongest” out of them three though, I think his pure determination and will is something that cannot be matched. Not sure what Sakura was talking about, but does that mean Shirou actually only has 7 days to adjust to Archer’s arm or he’ll die? Aaaand, no I don’t feel sorry for the piece of shit Shinji lol. I can understand why he’s the way he is, and sure you can blame the grandfather and his own father for raising him to be like that, but honestly he was a shit from the beginning. He always thought he was special and great because of their family origins even though he didn’t have magic circuits, but he always treated Sakura like trash and a servant because he was happy that he “was better” than her, that he was learning magic and she wasn’t. So when he realised that he was the actual trash that wasn’t the successor, and his grandfather and father stopped pretending to be nice to him, he just outright hated Sakura even more because she’s the actual special one, and she’s apologising to him for taking his place that was never his. He hates being pitied as trash and that’s probably why he hates Sakura, but really, even if Sakura wasn’t there, that place never would have been his either way. And he’s treated Sakura so badly her whole life, I honestly don’t care about him and never will. He’s so entitled and is like the epitome of everything I hate in a person, I would never feel anything for him tbh. I’m so glad Shirou took care of her right.

Umm, I hope Shirou isn’t being controlled or whatever and is doing some of those killings at night… Or maybe he’s just losing his memories due to the effects from Sakura draining his magical energy? I feel for Sakura though, she can tell that she’s slowly losing her mind but she doesn’t want to lose Shirou to anyone and wants to be beside him as much as she can because she loves him more than anything else. It’s just heartbreaking that he’s the thing that’s giving her some sanity but at the same time, his existence is causing her to want to destroy everything in their way so that she can keep their life together. I’m starting to think that Sakura might be a yandere and kill Illya and Rin to keep Shirou to herself though, very worrying… And is she turning Shirou into a sex craving monster?? Loll. Like, just as she needs to do it for magical energy, will it in turn consume Shirou to the point that he’s going to die if he doesn’t do it with Sakura or something?? It was saddening when Illya told Shirou that it was impossible for them to live together forever, because they both don’t have long to live… It’s also pretty saddening to see how much Shirou wants to ignore the fact that everywhere the shadow lingered, it smells and reminds him of Sakura. I guess that’s understandable though. Initially, they believed that since Sakura hadn’t killed anyone yet, she could be saved and should be saved. But if he were to realise that the shadow is actually Sakura, he’ll have to accept that Sakura has killed lots of people, numerous people, and she continues to kill people as long as she exists and there’s nothing that can really stop her. Not only will he then have to accept that he must kill her to stop her, he will also have to accept that it was because of his decision to save her instead of kill her back then that has caused all these people to suffer and die. How many people can really accept such a thing? I feel like Shirou’s gonna break at this rate… On the other hand, Sakura’s already broken lol. I guess by getting hurt by Gilgamesh and then swallowing him whole she’s finally realised that these “nightmares” of a monster walking around town was really just her going on a feeding spree. Not sure if she can accept it though, since she only seems to focus on the fact that for the first time, Shirou asked to have sex with her and not the other way around, so she thinks that she has to do anything she can to preserve and protect the life she has right now. By allowing her to live this long, Shirou has only caused Sakura to become more greedy and desire him more, and that’s probably facilitating her desire to need to “eat more” and never feeling satisfied, because in the end, what she wants is Shirou, and she needs to survive as long as she can to experience this happiness as long as she can…

I was wondering when Rin being fond of Shirou due to her seeing him high jumping would be relevant, and OF COURSE it would be heard by Sakura to further agitate her and think that Rin is stealing everything from her, whether it be the “good life” she could have had or the guy she likes the most. Not to mention Rin is telling Shirou that if it comes to it, she won’t hesitate to kill Sakura and told Shirou to think about that too, so yeah… Honestly though, at this rate, I feel like Rin dying might be the only way for Shirou to “wake up” and force himself to realise that he can’t let Sakura stay like this any longer. Or I guess killing Illya would also cause the same effect. Zouken took the broken fragments of the holy grail from the last war and embedded it into Sakura??? I’m surprised there was anything left that could really be put into someone but okay… I guess that’s why the shadow exists to “collect souls”, since it’s basically the holy grail that wants to complete itself by consuming souls? I’m not sure what Zouken wants by telling Shirou to kill Sakura before she becomes even more berserk? Is it because she’s not the holy grail he wants now, so it’s best to get rid of her? But anyway, I guess it’s making more sense now as to why Sakura is losing her human functions such as not being able to move etc, since she consumed so many Servants, and the more she consumes, the more she’ll need to use her functions to maintain them rather than to maintain herself as a human. She is losing herself at a rapid rate and there’s no way to really save her… It was kinda sweet to see Shirou being happy that Illya was fine and would still be able to retain herself as Illya even if she consumed Rider and Assassin as the holy grail. Or maybe Zouken is trying to get Shirou to kill Sakura just to get her to be even more out of control lol.

Honestly, when Shirou wasn’t able to kill Sakura, rather than resolve, I felt apathy and acceptance. Apathy towards Sakura killing so many people, and acceptance of the fact that protecting Sakura means betraying all his beliefs and his whole reason for living all this time. It felt like he accepted that there was no going back after this, and I guess Sakura felt that, because she laments about how her weakness is causing Shirou to break and be in pain for every step he takes in protecting her. Although I do blame Sakura for causing Shirou to have to make such difficult decisions and break himself over it physically and mentally, I was really happy when she forced herself to stay awake and not sleep, so that the shadow couldn’t go around feeding like the “nightmares’ she always had. I was also happy when she used her last Command Spell to order Rider to protect Shirou until the end. Even though Sakura is the cause of all Shirou’s problems, I can see why Shirou is willing to sacrifice everything for her. The fact that she can remain so pure and thoughtful despite her experiences is somewhat of a blessing, and honestly the problems she causes are out of her hands most of the time and is all because of Zouken, so I can understand why Shirou would be so adamant on saving her when the world has always been so unfair to her. Well, I guess I’m not surprised that this "impurity” within the holy grail is what “created” the black shadow and it’s now practically consumed Sakura enough for them to be like “one”. But her sanity restricts it, so as long as she’s Sakura, she can still restrain it~ but that thing that will be “born” from her with the collection of all those souls the shadow is eating sounds dangerous… Hmm how interesting that in order to save Sakura, the only way is for her to completely become the holy grail, and then for Shirou to use the power of the holy grail to eliminate the crappy stuff inside her while she’s still sane for those few seconds or whatever.

I have to say, seeing Sakura desperately want to protect the secret that Shinji was raping her all this time from Shirou was pretty saddening. Saddening that it was what ended up breaking her sanity and forced her to numb herself to the fact that she had killed her brother, and that killing someone could be so easy, as long as she wanted it, she would have the power to kill them. It was saddening to see that happen. As expected, Zouken wanted Shirou to break Sakura by betraying her, and in the end although Shinji was the one who pushed her into it, her love for Shirou contributed to it. Honestly, seeing Illya sitting down on the porch thinking about whether Sakura would come first to kill her/take her as the holy grail or whether Shirou would come and take her away with him was saddening. She’s accepted her fate that she’ll die no matter what, but I’m sure she really wants to spend whatever time she can with Shirou instead. On the other hand, I’m pretty disappointed in Sakura, understandable but still disappointed, because from her talk with Rin, you can tell she’s still her, she’s just allowing her negative emotions and thoughts overtake her and it’s honestly disappointing to see, mainly because all I can think about is that Shirou sacrificed himself for “this”, he sacrificed everything he was to help her and yet the one that isn’t helping her the most is Sakura herself. Although I kinda feel that she’s doing all this so that Shirou can be thoroughly disappointed in her and “give up” on her and kill her to prevent any more innocent people from dying, but still, I’m annoyed at her always being the one to give up when Shirou never gave up. I know she thinks it’s too painful to see Shirou compromise his morals and beliefs for her, but at the same time, now that he’s already done it, I really wanted them to power through it together to find a way to save her instead of resorting to this. Nice reassurance to have Rider save Shirou from herself though~ it’s kinda funny that even though Illya is the “youngest”, she’s probably the most mature and understanding one (despite how childish she can be when she’s with Shirou lol), she knows and accepts what her role is and is not one to falter against it. Illya’s farewell to Shirou was pretty heartbreaking.

I loved their interactions when Shirou reunited with Illya at the castle. Shirou’s pure desire to save Illya from all this even if it’ll end badly was honestly touching, mainly because Illya is obviously trying her best to do all the risky stuff so Shirou doesn’t need to, but seeing Shirou come to save her from it was just sweet. Illya’s smile is definitely worth it, and if I have to be honest, I much prefer and enjoy Shirou and Illya’s relationship in this route than with Sakura lol. LOL at Illya and Kotomine thinking Shirou was insane for jumping from the third floor of the castle without magic (although he did strengthen his feet) even though he just followed them because he didn’t want to fall behind haha. Although I knew Kotomine isn’t one to really sacrifice himself, I didn’t expect that his teachings of God was something that could kill Zouken. Now that I think about it, I think one of the reasons why I like Saber, Rin and Illya more than Sakura is because I feel like despite how logical they are, they would always prioritise protecting Shirou even at the expense of themselves, and that’s something you see in Sakura at times but I feel like most of the time it’s Shirou who does that instead.

I liked Shirou’s fight with Berserker, it was pretty cool how he was able to take off the cloth on Archer’s arm and project Berserker’s own weapon and fend him off, obviously it wasn’t possible for Shirou to really win, but it was Berserker’s hesitation in hurting Illya that allowed Shirou to actually win though. I’m surprised that Kotomine actually had a wife and child in the past because he wanted to experiment whether he could love another person, and she even killed herself to try and prove to him through her death that he loved her. Honestly, even though he thinks he didn’t love her, I think in a certain sense, he actually did, not necessarily romantically, but I think through her, he was able to understand that although he enjoyed seeing them when they suffered, he stopped experiments like these after her death. Regardless of what he truly feels, I think a part of him wasn’t interested in seeing such a thing happen again, and in a way I guess that was his kindness and love after dealing with her death? Or maybe I’m just thinking too much haha. Although, I do believe so, mainly because when you watch Fate/Zero, when he saw how devoted Maiya and Irisviel were towards Kiritsugu, I think aside from his hatred of Kiritsugu having everything he wanted (emotions etc) yet discarding them for saving humanity, it also reminded him of this wife he once had that possessed the same undying devotion to him as they did for Kiritsugu. I think even though he didn’t really “feel it”, he was touched by it in his own way. White hair Sakura looks all right, but yeah honestly, Kotomine is right, this “evil personality” of Sakura’s is really just herself. She just can’t accept that she has such dark thoughts and hates everyone so she tries to make it as if all these disgusting parts of her aren’t actually a part of her, when really, they’ve been a part of her all this time. It really shows how pitiful she is and how saddening her life is though. She’s been wanting to keep herself “pure” and kind so as to be good enough for Shirou, but really, Shirou would embrace her darkness if she allowed him to.

Ohhh so the thing Sakura is “giving birth” to is the eighth class of the Holy Grail War that the Einzberns broke the rules to summon and tainted the Holy Grail… Hmmm, I knew that since the Servants just get absorbed back into the grail when they die it didn’t really matter whether the Masters fought and died or whatever, but I didn’t realise that everything about the war is actually done to achieve this immortality miracle called Heaven’s Feel, which is some sort of sorcery (something that cannot be achieved with magic) that is the ultimate goal of every magus, and I guess that’s why Tohsaka’s dad was so intent on winning the war previously. And I guess we can see why Zouken wanted to achieve this so much, since Heaven’s Feel elevates the soul to a higher dimension and allows them to still influence the physical world, so I guess basically he’ll be like some kind of god or being that won’t die, but would still be able to stay in this world as a “human”. And hmmm I see, the Great Holy Grail is the magic circle that uses the land administrated by the Tohsaka family and it is with the combination of this and the Holy Grail by the Einzberns that they can use the absorbed spirits and everything to open a hole to the land where they can get unlimited magical energy. The story of the anti-hero Angra Mainyu where he was used as a sacrifice in a small village to be viewed and tortured as the epitome of all sins and evil in this world in order to create the impression that everyone else must be good because he embodies all evil already was just ugh. Not that it’s not believable, just…bland and unnecessary imo. And this embodiment of evil is the shadow of Sakura wanting to kill all humans because that’s what his role is I guess.

Initially, when Shirou took Rin’s pendant with him to hold onto whenever he felt like he would lose consciousness, I thought it was just his way of thinking about the person who saved him and getting some motivation from that, but now that he’s talking about it with Rin without realising what it actually is anymore (due to the side effects of using projection with Archer’s arm, which leads to him being unable to retain a lot of memories), it might actually be because Shirou is being influenced by Archer’s memories and emotions as well. Archer really cherishes that pendant alongside Rin, and seeing Shirou cherish it so really made it touching. Even if Archer is gone and only his arm is here, Rin remains the most important person in his memories. I’ve been waiting for Rider to do something again, so I’m happy that she’s cooperating with Shirou because she understands that Shirou’s goal has never changed, he will be on Sakura’s side until the very end, just like she is. Honestly though, Tiger Dojo 38 was pretty cool, you get to see Saber and Shirou face off against each other and Shirou actually wins! Well, he sacrifices his life to keep Saber there and allow Rin to go save Sakura, and we don’t know what really happens, but I think it was nice to see that Shirou was able to fight so vigorously and win. I thought it was really sweet how Shirou went around the house before the last battle and was able to recall all those precious daily memories of Sakura and how important she is to him in his daily life. Even if his memories are foggy and even if he is in pain, Sakura drives him on and renews his resolve for saving her. Even if he’s forgotten everything, he won’t forget her and I think that’s really heartwarming.

Ooh so Zouken’s main body is still alive, I was wondering how anticlimactic it would be if Kotomine really killed him in the forest lol. I think it’s more fitting for Sakura to be the one to kill him, especially since he’s the one who tortured her all these years and is still doing the same thing right now. Honestly, Zouken’s end was pretty cliche, but it was pretty satisfying to see Sakura squish him like the worm he was. To think that the worm inside of her was his real body though. I’m glad he’s done though, Zouken was a pretty boring villain tbh. Tiger Dojo 40 was pretty saddening! Like, I can so imagine Shirou not being ruthless enough to kill Saber even though he has the chance, but his kindness ending up leading to Rin’s death is so real and sad. Rin deserves better!🥺 I love how in the Tiger Dojo, they tell Saber fans to give up on getting a good ending for Saber in this route because there’s none, and that if they want one, they need to go to Saber’s route hahahah. Time to do the normal ending first! I really felt the pain and grief when Shirou stabbed Saber though. It was honestly heartbreaking to see all his memories with her flash, and see how in order to save Sakura, he needed to harden his heart and sacrifice others that he could not save. He chose the path of killing others to save Sakura, and he killed someone that was once so faithful to him. I guess one of the reasons why I don’t like Sakura as a villain is because in a sense even though she’s not as disgusting as Shinji, she’s similar to him in the sense that everything she does is as if she’s throwing a tantrum. Throwing a tantrum that she’s the only one suffering, that no one cares about her and that everyone is living a good life when she has to suffer. And just like Shinji, she doesn’t really use her brain to fight, she just uses whatever powers she has accumulated through her hatred to deal pain on all the people around her until she satisfied, it’s just that she can never be satisfied.. Honestly, I feel like the way Rin is towards Sakura throughout this route has felt rather…awkward and a bit unlike her imo, but I guess maybe it’s because of how awkward her relationship with Sakura is. The only obvious thing was that at this point, even though Rin excelled against Sakura in battle experience and brain in using the gem sword against her etc (which I’m honestly surprised that Sakura’s use of magic is limited by her weakness as a mage even though she has an inexhaustible amount), with Sakura crying at how painful her life had been, and with how much Shirou had all this time shown to Rin his resolve to save Sakura, it was expected that Rin wouldn’t be able to kill her. It’s just terrible that it took Rin to die for Sakura to realise that everything she wanted was already there, she just allowed her negative feelings to take over her.

Honestly, I felt rather dissatisfied with the normal ending. Using a projection of Caster’s Noble Phantasm to break Sakura’s contact with Angra Mainyu was nice and interesting though, didn’t really think it would work that way for this too. Anyway, my dissatisfaction! Maybe it’s because it played out as expected with Shirou sacrificing his life to save Sakura, or maybe it’s because I was dissatisfied at how Sakura chose to live her life after Shirou sacrificed his for hers. I think it’s probably the latter tbh. I just keep thinking about everything that happened across the 16 days, about everything that happened between Sakura and Shirou, about how difficult it was for him to give up himself to save her, about how much he loved her and gave her his everything, and yet what happened in the end? She spent her life protecting his house and wallowing in their past memories! Like, yes it’s romantic in a sense, and it totally suits Sakura’s personality to do that, but it killed me! I feel like Sakura’s love is just so “blind” that it fails to grasp what Shirou wanted for her. He wanted her to live a life of freedom, and a life of happiness with others like her sister. But instead of achieving that, Sakura just felt estranged by something new (instead of her past, it’s now Shirou), guilt at being the one who survived and feeling like she needed to stay in his house and isolate herself. Honestly, it felt so much like a bad ending lol. I guess as Rider said, Sakura needs Shirou to be there with her in order to really live, but seriously I’m still annoyed though, because it felt like such a waste. I understand that Sakura isn’t someone that can stand up by herself or be supported by anyone aside from Shirou, but sigh, such a waste. I felt like if she at least tried to fulfill things Shirou wanted to do with his life or what he wanted to do with her after saving her etc, it would have been much nicer. Sigh.

Ooh so for the true ending, Kotomine is there trying to protect Angra Mainyu. Before this, I didn’t really understand why he wanted it to come into being, but after his talk with Shirou, it’s understandable. Kotomine has at a certain point onwards always thought that it’s because he had a defect from birth that caused him to become a person that can only live happily by seeing people in pain and in grief. But what if he’s wrong? And I think that’s what he wants to explore. What if all along he was blaming it on something outside of his control, but really it actually was within his control? And I think that’s what he wants to see from this birth. When it’s born, will it have the emotions to understand what it has done all this time (killing people) and grieve over it or laugh at it, making it “evil” because it can differentiate between good and evil. Or will it instead just continue to be what it is not knowing emotions, and thus unable to be “evil” because it doesn’t understand what evil really is and only does what it has been born to do? I mean, it’s crazy for Kotomine to give it a chance to live and kill people, but it is something to be curious about haha. Honestly Zouken still being alive was so suitable for the worm that he is, but I really didn’t care for him finally coming to terms that he had to accept the Makiri line ended with him because he was lacking rather than because the land wasn’t suitable for them, and that living was more painful than death anyway. Like, at this point, he better be dead! Lol. I’m so sad. I honestly didn’t want to see Illya have to be the one to die instead of Shirou, but I know that if Shirou died, Illya probably wouldn’t be able to have the same happiness she has now anyway, but still!😭 Oh wow, Rider in casual clothes is certainly different lol, still beautiful though. Hmmmm so even though Shirou’s body died, Illya was able to use the Third Sorcery to revive Shirou’s soul and give him a body free of wounds, so even though that body isn’t really Shirou, it is Shirou since it’s his soul, so basically he’s just in a new form but he’s who he is haha. Although the ending felt lacklustre, it was really nice to see a more mature and beautiful Sakura and Rin, they look so good!!

However, I find it difficult to describe my feelings when I think about Heaven’s Feel overall. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either, and I personally think it’s due to the lack of emotions I felt towards Sakura. In terms of the story, like others have said, it is the “darker” route, but in all honesty, I felt like that was it all it was. A lot of the route involves building up Sakura as an unconscious killer that isn’t redeemable, yet Shirou chooses to sacrifice everything for her, which is all right, because I really felt his feelings of love and resolve, but that was only in the first half. In the second half, I felt the story was lacking, and even the emotions it rode on was lacking, the only thing that wasn’t too disappointing would be the fights, but since the first half is literally just Sakura eating everyone, there aren’t that many fights to begin with, but at least they weren’t as frustrating as the fights with Caster in UBW lol. Anyway, I really wanted to relate to Shirou’s strong determination towards saving Sakura, but I couldn’t. Sakura felt so much like a two dimensional character to me that I just couldn’t relate to how much he loved her and was willing to sacrifice for her, and unfortunately since the whole route is focused on that, the ending and everything didn’t move me at all, I felt so apathetic. I honestly felt more for Illya than Sakura. I feel like Sakura’s route wanted to show something like bitter happiness with Shirou’s physical and mental sacrifice of his whole being for her, but it’s hard to relate when Sakura isn’t worth it lol. I’m sorry, Sakura. 

I also think the thing with Angra Mainyu and the Great Holy Grail etc was boring and unnecessary. But I do acknowledge that Sakura was never meant to be a great villain or last boss kinda thing since it has always shown that this was all caused by her immense suffering and negative feelings that couldn’t be controlled, she’s really just a nice girl. But that made it boring imo. I related to her desire for an ordinary happiness, but I got a bit tired of relating to her needing everyone to die or suffer for it. Heaven’s Feel just really didn’t have the same relatable pain that Saber and Rin’s routes brought out within me even though their respective routes had their own problems. But I guess that’s what stories are like, none of them are flawless, but if they affect you, then they’re usually good, and I could very assuredly tell you that the Fate and UBW routes portrayed the goals of their routes very well, but HF didn’t. I also think HF is lacking because it doesn’t build up Shirou’s thoughts and emotions as well as the other routes too. In HF, he’s constantly losing his memories due to Archer’s arm etc so all he really does is recall his past with Sakura in the first half which can be nice and emotional in itself but it’s repetitive and bland because they’re just flashbacks lacking depth imo, and since most of the second half is Sakura kinda finding a way to die with Angra Mainyu without hurting the others, you really don’t see any more development for Sakura. So yeah, sadly, HF has more cons than pros and I can’t find it in myself to like it even though technically it seems to have less problems than the other two routes haha. Oh well.

#fate stay night

[writer-and-artist27]

Random Question! Do you have a moment in any of your fics that you are particularily fond of?

Funny that you come by a few hours before my final exam for Summer Session, but thank you for the ask, Chief. I needed a break.

Still. A single moment…? 

(smiles sadly) There is one, but it’s part of a oneshot. I thought of it after you sent me your most recent music recommendation. So yeah. 

I don’t think a lot of my reader base from CP has read this story because it’s a spin-off of spin-offs, but I’m still proud of it because it is a moment that, to me, defines Tomoko’s character in all of her hidden glory. It’s a moment where no one from Extended Team Minato and the other ninja gets to hear. Not even Kei, her reincarnation buddy and closest friend from The Sea and Stars gets to witness this. 

It’s just Tomoko. Expressing her thoughts on life to a former Hero of Justice.

And that’s the beauty of it.

She would never say this otherwise to anyone and to me, it just highlights how emotionally powerful and lonely she is inside when no one is looking.

No one has made the same decision as her, and she has to live with that everyday when seeing ninja go off and fight for their lives. She has to deal with the eventual truth that Kei and the others may die before her for a nation that doesn’t treat everyone equally.

And yet she still believes in her choice to not participate in the fighting. It’s something.

Snippet below.

———————————————--

“Tomoko, what would you do to save someone?”

He was not expecting the immediate answer. The only signal he had was the way Tomoko’s mouth transformed from a surprised “o” to a warm and confident smile as she inclined her head.

“Well, I’d be by their side and hug them, reminding them that they are loved, of course!”

He couldn’t help it. He simply said a disbelieving, “What.”

That was far too simple. Hell, it was far too quick of an answer.

Why was she so confident? It was too naive of an idea. Her entire answer screamed shades of “Emiya Shirou,�� and Archer bit back the bitter taste in his throat.

The smile in his direction had turned almost sad as Tomoko blinked at him, turning on her sandal to face the sky above them. “Your face says you weren’t expecting that. And,” she made a circle in the air with her pointer finger, “you’re wondering why I said all that, huh?”

Bullseye. For once, no words left his mouth, and Tomoko took that chance to continue, taking a few steps forward towards the nearest sword. “Just to let you know, saving someone doesn’t restrict itself to saving a life during a battle or something. From my own experience, there’s only so much you can do for someone aside from fighting. The ninja already showed me that fighting makes one lose themselves if they’re alone. And I’ve been alone too, when they don’t see it.” She tilted her head back towards him, a sad gleam in her eyes. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m not trying to be a hero. Everyone I love would call me out on it, even my past people. Dying once before does something to a person, anyways.”

Archer blinked. Then the cold hit him. “Wait, you—”

Tomoko took a part of her skirt to curtsy. Whether out of playfulness or sorrow, Archer couldn’t tell. “I may not be a Heroic Spirit, but reincarnation is something I’m familiar with.” She bowed her head before looking up at him with a small smile. “Why do you think I recognized you and Saber despite the world around us not even knowing what Japan is?”

Fuck. This was worse than he could have even imagined. He suspected something, but not to this extent. It took a lot of his self-control to not even fall over from the shock. “So then, when you recognized Saber as King Arthur—”

“Yep.”  

“And,” his mouth felt increasingly dry with the cold, not helped by the wind generated by his Reality Marble. “Your piano—”

“Uh-huh. Memories from the past. Anime, video games, anything my past self can still remember, really.”

He couldn’t even help the last question. It was a morbid one that he probably should not have asked in hindsight, but it left his mouth anyways. “How did it happen?”

Tomoko’s expression seemed to be caught between understanding and sadness. “Have you ever died slowly and painfully in your own blood? While your family and friends were trying to save you, telling you that the accident wasn’t your fault? When you couldn’t even find the strength to say your last words?”

Archer immediately closed his own mouth. It didn’t feel right to justify those questions with a response, more so with the nagging feeling in his chest that said she was being serious. It didn’t help that she was starting to sound like himself. He could still vaguely remember the rope that tied his own neck so many years ago. Even as a Counter Guardian, that memory still stuck. Hell, the shocked blue eyes of one Tohsaka mage was still burned in his mind.

That explained everything. It explained why Tomoko’s eyes initially unnerved him. She was reminding him of Tohsaka. His Rin. Not the Rin he got to know as a Master, but his Rin that he knew as a friend. The Rin who tried to save him at the very end, only to fail. But the look in her eyes right now — it looked like someone else to the point of being uncanny.

‘Sempai—’ echoed quietly in his mind. What ironic timing. Archer couldn’t help but feel morbidly grateful Tomoko wasn’t facing him, because the face he was making in this situation probably wasn’t right for a Hero of Justice. “You still live,” he said quietly instead.

“And it’s why I don’t fight like Kei and the others do,” Tomoko concluded in that same light yet terse voice. Her right hand reached out, as if to grasp the handle of the sword closest to her, but hesitated. Another second saw her take that same hand back, hunching into herself. “There’s so much time you can get to yourself in the realm between death and life. A lot of things to think about. What could’ve been done, what didn’t actually happen. How saving means different things for everyone. How you can’t really help everyone when you can’t even help yourself.” Her sandal threw up some of the sand around them as she swayed back and forth on her feet, her dress flowing behind her. “Weird, huh? You’re the first one aside from Kei that I’ve given details to that sort of thing.” She laughed, a soft tinkly noise that would’ve been alright in any other circumstance if not for Archer sensing that small bit of regret. “I’m sorry for rambling. Went a bit too far there. I get that the subject is uncomfy.”

“Don’t—” Archer took a breath and shook his head, keeping his hands to his sides. And he thought he saw hell. In a fairy tale, this would be a time for the hero to hug the princess, to remind her that she wasn’t alone, but life was never a fairy tale. “Don’t apologize. You were making your point.” He couldn’t help but feel apologetic. He extremely underestimated his Master, again. And here he thought he learned from his time with Rin. “I’m… sorry for bringing it up and being an asshole.”

Tomoko immediately swiveled her head to give him an incredulous stare. It probably was because of his cursing. “Sorry? Archer, there’s nothing to be sorry about.” She trotted over to him, reaching up with her right hand. Archer closed his eyes, expecting another “boop”, but found nothing of the sorts. Instead, a light touch covered his left cheek, and his eyes flew open. She was using her entire hand. And that same smile from before was back. “You’re fine. Right now, we’re fine. And besides.” She lightly patted his cheek with that same hand, her voice light with that brightness he first got to know her with. “I have you here with me now to keep the loneliness away, don’t I?”

He blinked. He could feel his heart expand with warmth from the words, and a scoff caught between bitterness and sweetness left his throat. “You are quite the foolish Master, you realize this?”

Tomoko still smiled. “Hey. I’m fine with being a fool if it means everyone else is a bit happier.” She withdrew her hand after one last pat to his cheek, taking a few steps back to turn around and look up towards the artificially clouded sky. “And besides. Life isn’t just about survival and killing. The ninja I know might have to live with that as an occupation, but I don’t want them forgetting the small things. Forgetting the happy things.” Her hands clasped one another behind her back as her hair flared out from the wind. “Everyone deserves a chance to be happy. And the world is shitty enough as is. I’d rather be kind and not spill any blood at all than be another cog in a machine that doesn’t know when to stop. I’d rather be myself and help others find some source of comfort through little things like music and hugs, even if the songs aren’t entirely my own.”

“So, when you said your answer about saving someone…”

Tomoko turned back to smile at him. Brightly, warmly, and confidently. “I meant every single bit.” She inclined her head, exposing the small braid on the left side of her head as the clouds in his Reality Marble proceeded to break. “And it’s why I want to be with you, Archer! You deserve something nice too!”

#chiefladylightyay #heroic spirit emiya #hoshino tomoko #asks #ask #writer thoughts #healing over time #AU things

[senjutsunokoutei]

Ares Reflections

So Ares has finally ended… Here are my thoughts on Ares as a whole and some interpretations & headcanons on Nosaka and Nishikage’s relationship. ...The latter is, uh, really long. 

My biggest gripe about Ares is the poor pacing, but I enjoyed the overall plot and characters. Ares had a lot of potential and I think a lot opportunities were wasted because everything was so rushed.

I think one of the problems was the fact that there were so many characters in Ares. They had most of the original characters on top of Asuto, Haizaki, and Nosaka. It’s so hard to squeeze screentime for ALL these characters in just 26 episodes. Ares definitely deserved at least 52 episodes. They tried to balance the content between the original characters and the new Ares protags, but they ended up not giving enough time to both sides... I would've liked more content on Kira Hiroto and Atsuya since they're dead in the original timeline… I got really emo about Atsuya because Shirou suffered so much with his personality complex in the original series. I wanted to see gradual character development for the new Ares characters, not some abrupt, sudden change of heart.

Also remember how Asuto overheard Nosaka’s conversation with Anna? He knew about Nosaka’s brain tumor but he wasn’t really… affected by it? It would’ve been nice if Asuto faltered even the slightest bit because of this information, just for the sake of character development. Because I remember Endou felt really bad when he found out Kidou was fighting for Haruna’s sake? I wanted Asuto to go through something similar to that…

I also didn’t like how Nishikage and Nosaka just pulled new hissatsus out of their asses? I guess since they were the opponent team and not Raimon, development isn’t as important to them… But a little bit of development would’ve been nice. The final match had way too many hissatsus and it just felt extremely rushed… Heck, the entire show was rushed what was I expecting. I was very happy with Goujin’s development though. He had one of the best character developments in Ares.

It also felt like Nosaka’s personality (or, at least the depiction of him?) kept changing too abruptly. He was framed as a cold, emotionless character at first but warms up to Raimon super quickly. I get that some of that has to do with him trying to keep up a strong image of himself. I also don’t get why Nosaka was like “I will win… I have to win…” during the match. I understand he wanted to fight Raimon fair and square and let the match decide the fate of Ares, but at the same time it seemed like he was desperate to win? When deep down, he was really hoping to lose… And then now he’s suddenly buddy buddies with Asuto and Haizaki. I mean, I understand why they’re friendly now, I just don’t like how it happened so fast. I like his mischievous side though, it’s really cute. I hope he continues to troll Nishikage and Haizaki in Orion.

Basically, I like how they set up Ares, and it had potential to be so much better, but they ended up rushing the plot so they missed a lot of opportunities to make the show more dramatic. Hopefully Orion does a better job of character development and interactions. I have high hopes in Orion.

One last thing -- honestly, I am really perplexed by the whole Anna thing. This isn’t even because I ship Nosaka and Nishikage - I just really do not understand what the point of framing Anna as a love interest. First, they framed it as if Nosaka were interested in Anna (with the whole “is it even possible to have feelings for a girl” thing). I didn’t like that to begin with because they literally had JUST MET by pure coincidence because Nosaka happened to collapse and Anna happened to witness it. Anna’s a nice girl so of course she helps him out. During the Outei and Seishou match, Anna was upset that Nosaka used such low-handed tactics. There was absolutely no reason for Anna to develop feelings for him after seeing a shitty play like that. If anything, she’s just worried about him just like any other nice girl would because he’s literally at risk of dying. Then, out of the blue, in the last two episodes, Anna for some reason seems to have developed a thing for Nosaka? She makes an attempted confession (it was strongly implied, at least), only to be rejected by Nosaka before she even got to confess. Nosaka and Haizaki makes more sense as a ship… Heck, even Nosaka and Asuto make a better ship. Like honestly I’d support them if their relationship actually /made sense/. Everything they share is so... shallow... like their interactions were so trivial. Perhaps it’s just my personal preference because I like ships where one character does something to influence the other character in some way. I /guess/ I can see why Nosaka would be slightly interested in Anna because she was nice to him and I guess he’s not used to people being nice to him. I don’t think Anna’s a bad character, I just don’t like how they wrote her interactions with Nosaka. I do want to see Nishikage and Anna become friendly with each in Orion though, since they haven’t had a proper interaction yet.

Okay here are some thoughts and headcanons about Nosaka & Nishikage’s relationship. Perhaps I’m reading too much into their lines, but I’m a shipper who loves to overanalyze so take these with a grain of salt.

Nosaka confesses that he wasn’t really trying to achieve anything in particular; he just wanted his existence to be acknowledged by somebody. Before meeting Nishikage, he was neglected and likely abused by his parents (primarily his mom). He would probably do his best to get his mom to acknowledge and be proud of him, but she would ignore anything he did. He lived a sad, lonely childhood and desperately sought attention. When he saved that girl in the fire incident, he knew that if he could save that girl even at the risk of his life, he would be able to make an impact on the world. Surely, he’d be acknowledged for that. At that time, he wasn’t scared of losing his life because he didn’t really have anything to live for. He was ready to sacrifice his life if that meant he could be acknowledged, because he desperately desired recognition. Nishikage was the first person to ever acknowledge and respect Nosaka, which made Nosaka happy.

Nishikage saw his action as a selfless, courageous act and fell for Nosaka. Nishikage wanted to save the girl too, but gave up because the flames were too strong. Nosaka went into the building without hesitation, and Nishikage was smitten by his bravery. I don’t know what sort of past Nishikage had, but here’s my headcanon. He wasn’t born in a bad family - in fact, he was probably pretty well off. However, he was either bullied or was deceived and swindled a lot, which made him lose faith in humanity. He’s a good boy at heart so he initially tried to put his trust in people, but after being cheated over and over, he loses hope for the world. At some point, he decides to fight back against his bullies. He’s naturally strong and tough, so he wins all his fights. He probably makes a name for himself through all his fights and turns a bit delinquent. I don’t think he’s the type to start fights, but he definitely won’t go easy on anyone who tries to pick a fight with him.

After meeting Nosaka, he realizes there really are good people in the world. Also, after hearing about Nosaka’s situation, he realizes that Nosaka is similar to him in that the people around him didn’t treat him well, but Nosaka took a different approach. Nosaka was also treated badly by the world, but that didn’t cause him to turn his back against the world. Instead, Nosaka wanted to make the world a better place. That lights a fire in Nishikage’s heart and inspires him to help make the world a better place instead of despising the world. He vows to change the world alongside with Nosaka. Nishikage fell for his courage, determination, and sense of righteousness. Nosaka becomes a role model to Nishikage, because to Nishikage, Nosaka is the kind of “ideal” person he aspires to be. Although Nosaka admits that he was ultimately doing it for recognition, Nishikage acknowledges that Nosaka has good intentions with his actions and will still continue to support Nosaka all the way because he trusts Nosaka’s judgment.

When they first meet, Nosaka mentions changing the world with the Ares program. This was back when he wanted to something big so he can be acknowledged. Nishikage likes the sound of it, and vows to follow and support Nosaka in this cause. Nosaka is under the impression that Nishikage is only following him because of this goal to change the world. As the first and only person who has ever praised him, Nosaka was really happy and wanted Nishikage to stay by his side. He was scared Nishikage would leave if he found out that he was only trying to be acknowledged, so he desperately tries to keep up the strong image that he thinks Nishikage has of him. At the same time, having Nishikage around kept him in check, as Nosaka admitted in ep 26. Nishikage was the motivation for him to keep going this whole time. Nosaka definitely would have broken down if Nishikage weren’t there with him... Imagine all the pain and suffering he must have endured because of his brain tumor… Uuuuu... The reason why Nosaka didn’t consult Nishikage about his suspicions about Ares at all was because Nishikage was under the impression that the Ares program was meant to make the world a better place. Nosaka didn’t want to cast any doubt on Ares for Nishikage since that was pretty much the foundation for their dream of changing the world.

I think Nosaka wanted to tell Nishikage about his illness at some point, and probably even made an attempt to, but couldn’t because he didn’t know how to bring it up. He didn’t want Nishikage to worry, and he didn’t want to show signs of weakness either. He hid his illness from the entire team so they would be able to focus on the matches and not have to worry about his illness in the back of their minds.

In episode 24, Nishikage gets caught up in his emotions and says he wants to be with Nosaka longer and even tries to demand Nosaka to stop playing soccer. To Nishikage, Nosaka’s life is more important than achieving this goal. When Nosaka realizes that Nishikage found out about his brain tumor, he panicked. He frantically needed to maintain his strong image, which led him to do the kabedon. After the kabedon, Nishikage takes some time to cool down (he must be full of emotions after that). He takes the time to reflect about Nosaka’s actions, remembers that’s what he loves about Nosaka in the first place, and decides that he will support Nosaka all the way till the end. When Nishikage confesses why he fell in love with him and says he’ll support Nosaka’s cause until the bitter end, Nosaka looks away for a bit because he feels bad because deep down, he’s really not trying to achieve anything in particular. But he still looks back and smiles at Nishikage because he’s still happy to hear those words.

Nosaka finally confesses that he’s not really trying to achieve anything and apologizes to Nishikage for not being able to be the “perfect person” he thinks he is. Given how the game was going, he had pretty much accepted that the Ares program was bad at that point, so he knew he couldn’t keep hiding things any longer. Nosaka apologizes because he thinks he has disappointed Nishikage, but this doesn’t change how Nishikage thinks of him. This is a nuance that gets lost in translation, but in episode 26, when Nishikage says “you are my hero,” he uses uses casual speech to Nosaka for the first time instead of his usual polite speech. After hearing Nosaka’s confession, he realizes that Nosaka was likely keeping up his strong image just for his sake. He realizes that Nosaka doesn’t exactly want to be treated like an emperor. He drops his polite speech for that line to show that he doesn’t see Nosaka as just his perfect emperor, but as his hero. I headcanon that Nishikage had fix his bad mouth in order to get into Outei Tsukinomiya, so he practiced polite/formal speech with Nosaka and got used to it. He holds a lot of respect for Nosaka, so using polite speech to him was something he felt obligated in doing anyway. I also think it’s highly possible that Nishikage said to Nosaka the exact same line (“you are my hero”) in the past when they first met. So he says it again in the same connotation as the first time, just to ensure Nosaka that he still sees him as his hero, just like before. I hope he drops the polite speech in Orion because I want them to see each other as equals.

Anyway, while both of them deeply cared for each other, they seemed to have some misunderstandings about each other, which caused a bit of tension throughout the show. After the match, I’m sure Nosaka explains to the rest of the team about his entire plan. I’m sure he and Nishikage have a heart-to-heart conversation and clear up their misunderstandings, which prompted me to draw this comic.

I think it’s sweet how they show affection to each other in their own ways. Nosaka loves to tease and mess with Nishikage, which is kind of his way of showing affection. He’s comfortable around Nishikage and loves seeing his reactions. Nosaka is a bit mischievous in his nature and it’s really cute (like how he trolled Haizaki with the handshake). Nishikage will do every little small thing for Nosaka… He carries all the bags when they go shopping (in the official postcard art). He has a towel prepared for Nosaka after he’s done washing his face. He guards Nosaka when Haizaki showed signs of aggression. He really did treat Nosaka as his emperor…

Nosaka kept in a lot of these emotions to himself. No matter how strong-willed he is, there is still so much he can take. In this final episode, he finally shows a little bit of his weaknesses. He hides his brain tumor from everyone on the team because he doesn’t want them to worry for him. He doesn’t really have any interaction to anyone outside of Outei, so when he met Anna, he took that opportunity to talk about himself. I think he confided in Anna because he probably felt that it was safe to tell her about himself since he didn’t expect her to spread any of that information to the rest of his team. I like the idea of Anna being the middle person to help Nosaka and Nishikage patch up, but again I don’t really like how they developed her character...

Anyway, I’m super excited for the Nosaka manga that will be published in MangaOne. Who knows when it’ll come out, but I can’t wait to read it!

[wroughtironhero]

In Circles

@nordiixa

Chaldea Security Organization, Western Europe 02/08/2016 22:58 Humanity Foundation Status: Critical

     “Are you sure it’s wise to be using our resources so frivolously?  Our summoning materials are limited and you haven’t exactly had exceptional luck with-”

     The shield sparks to life with magical energy once more, before fizzling out into nothingness once more.

     “Damn it!!”

     My Master tugs at her own hair and doubles over as she screams in frustration.  It’s now late in the evening and she’s been trying at summoning since this afternoon.  Even Miss Kyrielight has abandoned her for the necessity of sleep.  At the moment, the two of us are the only ones still awake in the halls of the Chaldea Security Organization.

               No, that’s not entirely true.  Doctor Akiman is awake as well, but the man only rests when he eventually faints from exhaustion.  It’s a worrying habit, but one that would be inappropriate of me to correct.  As a being that truly does not require rest, it’s not my place to object to the Doctor’s chosen schedule.

     The well-being of my Master is an entirely different story, however.

    ��“Why...  Why won’t anyone show up...?”

     The pitiable young woman I’m contracted to is now on all fours and the verge of tears.  I walk to her side and crouch beside, gently placing a hand on her shoulder in a pithy attempt at comforting her.

     “There’s no need to be distraught, Master.  Grief won’t improve your chances of success.  Regardless, you already employ the services of several strong Servants.  We are not without the means to defeat our enemies.”

     I mean to console her, but the strength of our ranks is no lie.  Aside from myself, there is also Lily, Heracles, Altera, Drake, Jack, and a number of... other powerful Servants.  Ones who I’m less than enthusiastic about working alongside.

     She glances up at me still distraught, wiping away tears with the sleeve of her uniform.

     “But we are!!  We’re still not strong enough!  Solomon, he...”

     So, that’s what this is about.

     Darkness clouds my expression as I remember our encounters in the London singularity.  As though encountering Mordred, Zolgen, and his twisted abomination of Saber were not unpleasant enough, we also had the misfortune of learning the identity of our greatest enemy.  The being who intends to permanently eradicate humanity is none other than the King of Magic himself, Solomon the Wise.  Wielding the power of the Grand Caster vessel and that of the complete Ars Goetia, it’s a wonder to think he can be called a Heroic Spirit anymore.  Even fighting with everything we had, we only survived because he chose not to destroy us.  Unless we can find some way to level the playing field, the human race is doomed.

     That’s why she’s so desperate to summon another top class Servant.  Humanity’s continued existence is riding on her and she doesn’t have the luxury of failing.  To be burdened with such an awful responsibility as not even an amateur magic user, it simply isn’t fair.

     Yet even so, she took it upon herself.

     I let out a sigh, folding my arms and shutting my eyes before responding.

     “Don’t tell me you’re losing sleep over something like that.”

     That comment seems to catch her by surprise.  She stares at me in confusion, her breath hitching with her sporadic sniffles.

     “Of course I am!  Everyone’s counting on me, but I... I don’t have any idea how we’re supposed to beat him...”

     I shake my head at her like a bemused parent and help her to her feet.  Once she’s steady, I turn my gaze upwards to the spinning globe of Chaldeas hanging above our heads and the darkened world it displays.

     “Sure, Solomon can burn the world to cinders.  He has an army of infinite demons behind him and he’s the most powerful magus in existence.  He clearly thinks he’s invincible.  So has everyone we’ve defeated before him.”

     My Master is not without her own problems so it would seem.  You could say I sympathize with her.  I know that it’s like to be thrown into an unreasonable situation.

     An amateur magic user fighting against impossible odds in a Holy Grail War with the fate of the world at stake.  This goes a step beyond nostalgia.  It’s more like a waking nightmare.  She knows she’s walking into hell, but she keeps trying to save everyone she can with a smile on her face.  Honestly, I’m getting tired of seeing this old reflection.

     “Hubris is the word for it.  Underestimating your enemy is the surest route to defeat.  Solomon will discover this in time, same as the others.  I’m sure of it.”

     Even so, I can’t help but be fond of seeing it.  In a way, she’s like proof that these ideals lived on.

     Yeah, I am sure of it.  She’s cleared up any doubts I still had.  My Master really has a beautiful dream.

     She swallows hard, trying to regain her composure as she stares up at me.

     “How...  How do you know that for sure?”

     Surprised to hear such a question from her, I look down to meet her eyes and give her my answer.

     “That much should be obvious.  It’s because you’re my Master.”

     Shock spreads across her face for an instant before it gives way to a rosy cheeked smile.  Before I can react, her arms are latched around my midsection in a tight hug.  A single quiet chuckle leaves me as I allow her embrace to continue.

     So this is the Grand Order, huh?  It really is unlike any other conflict I’ve been a part of.

     I pat her head gently and she eventually lets go, crossing her arms behind her back.  Her smile only grows brighter as she beams up at me.

     “Thanks, Archer.  I’m glad I have such a reliable Servant.”

     Normally, I’d fight the smile such an exchange would threaten to bring out of me.  For this moment though, I’m willing to make an exception.  This girl really is something else.

     “And I’m fortunate to have such a persistent Master.  Here,” I say to her as I reach into her bag.  Withdrawing a handful of Saint’s Quartz, I place it into her open palm.  “Just one more shot and then we’ll call it for today.  Okay?”

     She nods, smiling through the tears still formed in her eyes, and grasps the magical energy constructs in her fist with confidence.  “Okay!”

     Striding up the shield, she crushes the prisms in her hand before opening it outward to the shield, offering the miraculous energy as fuel for the summoning.  The shield comes to life once again, a summoning circle made of light hovering above it.  After a moment of hesitation, her incantation begins.

     “Heroic Spirit unbound by time, hear my call.  We stand at the precipice of mankind’s ruin.  If nothing is done, our plunge into darkness will be final and absolute.  Answer me and fulfill your role as a hero of legend.  Join my cause and fight by my side against the enemy of humanity.  I ask of you...  No.  By my command, come forth, Servant Lancer!”

     The summoning circle emanates forth a blinding golden light.  As the light fades and my vision returns to me, I’m made aware of the statuesque feminine figure before me.  She’s an unspeakably beautiful Nordic warrior, clad in intricately detailed armor and wielding a menacing spear with two giant blades at its tip.

     My Master winces in pain as the red markings on the back of her hand flash with light.  Staring at the newly arrived Servant and then her command spells, she sports a toothy grin before leaping in the air with a pump of her fist.

     “Haha, it worked!!  Archer, we’ve got a new Lancer!  ...Archer?”

     My Master turns to me in confusion, curious as to my lack of a response.  My eyes stare past her, transfixed on the Noble Phantasm of our new arrival.

     Using my structural analysis magecraft, I can scan any weapon in my sight and learn the entirety of its history.  This skill and my extensive knowledge of mythology allows me to determine the identity of other Servants far more quickly than your average Servant.  In this case, discovering this Lancer’s identity is easier than usual because of her Noble Phantasm.  None could wield that spear save for the tragic heroine of the Volsung Saga herself, the maddened Valkyrie, Brynhildr.

     Her eyes snap to meet mine as I feel her read my soul just as I read her polearm.  It’s the basis of her personal skill, Hero’s Bridesmaid.  It allows her to learn the legend of any Heroic Spirit she faces, gaining an advantage against and becoming infatuated with them if their legend is a romantic one.  Of course, becoming the object of her affections has an obvious end result, as the man who slew Fafnir could no doubt tell you.

     An incomparable agony assaults me as her search begins.  My mind strains in protest as she delves through my past, desperate to find the intimacy she seeks and sink her fangs into it.  Static fills my vision as my resistance renders me paralyzed in concentration, denying her taking every ounce of energy available to me.

    ‘          I ask of you.  Are you my Master?’

     Precious memories hidden deeply within me are laid bare before the Valkyries prying eyes.  Days spent together even in the midst of War, I treasure them all more than any sword I’ve ever beheld.  Even fallen to the depths that I have, I never allowed myself to forget those golden moments.  The Valkyrie feasts on my sentiment like a leech on an exposed vein, empowering herself through my weakness.

     ‘          I finally understand.  You were my sheath          ’

     Despite my protests, she sees it all.  Every awkward conversation, every stubborn argument, every fight for our lives, every private moment; the dream we shared is on full display to a third set of eyes who should have never seen it. Her assault seems to go on without end until finally she finds the moment she sought.

     ‘Shirou          I love you.’

     Damn it.

     The struggle barely lasted longer than a second and it’s decided just as quickly.  Raising my hands up and projecting swords into them, I just barely block the spear’s thrust tip as it hovers perilously close to my chest.  Brynhidlr’s absurd speed to meet me created a gust of wind so powerful my Master was blown off her feet.  While struggling against the Valkyrie in bladelock, in the periphery of my vision, I see my Master crawling to bring herself upright, staring at me with a single eye open and a baffled grimace across her face.  As I attempt to speak instructions to her through my clenched teeth, the weight of the Valkrie’s weapon increases, launching me backwards into the depths of the facility.

     The sound of clashing metal and searing magic echoes through the halls of Chaldea, warning any staff awoken by the sound to take cover.  Sadly, it’s not the first time something like this has happened.

     The spear’s blade narrowly passes over my head, taking a few loose hairs with it, before carving out a deep gash in the hallway’s interior.  Her next swing meets Bakuya solidly, shattering the yin sword and prompting a new projection to take its place in the same instant.  I attempt to use the opening to deliver a plunging counter attack, but she bats away my stab with a deft twirl of her polearm and forces me to retreat even further backwards.

     My cloak’s in tatters.  I’ve suffered a dozen different grazing blows I’m doing my best to ignore.  As for the facility...  Well, I’m glad there are Casters on hand.  Our new recruit’s wrecked every inch of this place she’s been through chasing after me and doing the repair work by hand is not a pleasant thought.  Granted, I’ve contributed to the property damage a good deal while trying not to die, but I don’t think anyone will hold that much against me.  Assuming I survive, of course.

     Another sweep leveled at my head.  She seems to be targeting my head and chest exclusively.  I can only assume the face and heart focus are symptomatic of the homicidal obsession.  I continue to dodge and parry her blows as we move ever further through the labyrinthine facility.

     Alright, I think it’s time I was honest with myself.  I might have bitten off more than I can chew here.  I’m at a severe disadvantage fighting Lancers and seeing as the Sabers aren’t arriving as backup, this won’t end well at the rate we’re going.  She’s backing me into a corner and I’m running out of space.  Unless I pull a win out of this quick, I’ll be completely at her mercy.  My thing for dangerous women might finally be catching up to me.

    As her spear comes for me again, I catch it between my monochrome swords, bringing us to a temporary standstill.  Desperation and adrenaline pumping through my veins, I decide to employ one of my more unconventional tactics: conversation.

     “Listen, this might be a bit late but,“ I say to her, increasing my volume so as to be heard over the sound of our straining steel.  “I’m not Sigurd.  Killing me would be of absolutely no benefit to you.  You know that, right?”

     While trying to reason with the Valkyrie driven insane by heartbreak might not seem like the best idea right now, I haven’t tried it yet and until it makes my situation worse, I’m willing to give it a shot.

#nordiixa #Fallen Valkyrie #long post #Or: Why Are Lancers Always Trying to Kill Me #Pardon the absurd length and feel free to cut everything above the divider

[kelpie-keeper]

Title: Nothing but a façade pt 2 of 4 Rating: NC-17 Pairing/Characters: Yonekuni & Shirou (young) Series: Sex Pistols Part of: Alt Universe; Second part to Nothing but a façade pt 1 For: Arsenic Notes:  What if Shirou found out the clinic Yonekuni was taken to when he rescued him after the swim tournament?  What if he snuck into the room after the nurse left to see Yonekuni and left something behind, allowing Yonekuni to find the one who saved him?  For Arsenic, who wanted to know what would have happened if Yonekuni & Shirou met while they were young.  This is a shot in the dark about their personalities and I hope I do an okay job.  Sorry, reads kinda dull ;_;

Comfortable where he lay, the early morning light filtered through the open window as a breeze picked up, spreading the morning chill everywhere.  Slowly awakening, his eyes fluttered a little before closing as he burrowed deeper into the heat and the silken fur under his hand.  He paused, cracking his eyes open and finally saw it.  Finally saw what he knew all along.  Reaching out, fingers sliding through the gray and white fur, up to trace the edge of fur covered ears, watching them flick away from his touch.  A large yawn, swallowing when he caught a glance of sharp teeth and the familiar sound of a pop as Shirou awoke.

White hair replaced dark, pale eyes instead of dark and seeing the shy smile that the male gave him, the sound of his name being murmured softly.  The smile on his partner’s face died when he sat there shocked.  He watched as ears laid back, as if in submission or uncertainty while the bushy tail against him seemed to curl in, trying to tuck between his legs.”Yonekuni?”  He shook his head, the male must not know.  Leaning in, brushing his lips against Shirou’s parted lips, he told him to look in the mirror.

Long legs unfolded and got up from the bed, watching then following the naked male.  Enjoying the sight of the bushy tail that seemed to sway with every movement of its owner.  He could easily see the marks he left on Shirou’s back along with his shoulders and the back of Shirou’s neck.  A feeling grew inside of him at the sight of the marks and wondered if the male would even notice what he left on him.  When Shirou finally found a mirror, he saw eyes widen and a mouth open before he rushed forward to cover the boy’s mouth with his hand, attempting to muffle the sound of surprise.  ”Shhh, I don’t want you waking anyone up.”  Whispering into Shirou’s ear, the nod of understanding and pulled his hand away.

“I knew I couldn’t be wrong.”  He flicked his fingers along soft ears again, watching as they twitched away from his teasing touch.  Peeling away the shorts he wore, crusty and dried with his cum, letting them drop to the floor.  He knew he had Shirou’s attention, could feel the interested glances Shirou gave his body and the heated looks before he turned around, blushing hotly.  Taking the pair of pants that Shirou handed him, a pair that wasn’t covered in his dry cum, among other bodily fluids.

“What do you mean “You couldn’t be wrong?””  Shirou asked, as he dressed.  His body sore in different ways, rolling his shoulders and felt where the blond had sunk his teeth in.  Could feel where Yonekuni rubbed against him last night, settling against his ass.  He flushed, ignoring the flacking of his dried cum on his stomach, pulling his shirt over his head and took a seat on the bed, waiting patiently for Yonekuni to explain.  But what the blond said wasn’t what he was waiting for.  ”If you’re a wolf, why are you living with monkeys?”  He caught the tone of disgust in Yonekuni’s voice, but pushed that out of his mind for now.

“My real parents were sick and because of that, they had me be raised by my adopted parents.”  He explained the best he could with what he could remember.  ”They would look after me whenever my parents had to go to the hospital, which was fairly often.”  He peeked out of the corner of his eye, seeing the blond take in all of what he was saying.  Reaching out to touch Yonekuni’s arm, feeling the blond tense up at his touch.  Seeing lips move but unable to make out what was being spoken.  Leaning in, he finally caught what Yonekuni was saying.

“Do something about it.”  The mumble, feeling his cheeks heat up and his heart pick up in speed.  ”It?”  Groaning under his breath, of course Shirou wouldn’t have a clue to what he was talking about.  Slipping the bracelet from his right hand off, reaching and grabbing Shirou’s hand, slipping the bracelet over the wolf’s hand and to his wrist.

“That should do for now until I can properly put a scent brand on you,” he looked into pale eyes.  ”Now, just pull back and hide your true soul.”  The confused look once again, he sighed heavily again, wondering what he got himself into.  Several hours later, after being surprised by Shirou’s adopted mother once again.  Her surprised look and the excuse he gave when she asked why he was in her son’s room.  Giving her his charming smile, watching as she left them alone, never knowing what was being to her son.

Turning back to Shirou, explaining how to pull his soul back and watched as the canine concentrated as he attempted to pull his soul back.  After several tries, Shirou seemed to get it.  Watching as white hair being replaced by dark, gray eyes returning to normal while Shirou’s ears and bushy tail disappeared.  Once he was sure that Shirou had it down, deciding to test the male’s will and control, he leaned in.  Seeing eyes widen before closing his eyes and stealing surprised lips.  Teasing and taunting the male with his tongue, fighting with himself to keep from pushing Shirou down on the bed and doing what he actually wanted.  The sound of a gasp and a noticeable pop as he got a result he wasn’t hoping for.  Instead of the boy having more control, he let go and let it out.  And yet, instead of being frustrated and irritated, all he could do was chuckle against parted lips and ignore the heavy pounding in his chest, the nervousness and want of more.

Attempting to cut himself off and away from the emotions that were running wild in him, the knock on the bedroom down and the sound of someone calling for Shirou.  The tone of voice, the familiar way he spoke through the door didn’t sit right with him.  Turning his attention to his partner, seeing the realization on his face and knowing the fact that Shirou seemed to know the male.  ”Who’s that?”  He demanded, wanting to know who was calling his partner, the one he had chosen.  The words of “Childhood friend” reached his ears.

Telling him to pull his soul back in, he waited and saw as the wolf did, struggling a little more before ordering him to stay seated, it wouldn’t do him any good if Shirou’s friend saw him like that.  Unlocking the door, opening it just enough for him to see the person on the other side while blocking the male from seeing inside.  Never bothering to hide the irritation he felt, glaring at the one who interrupted them.  A sniff to the air, the same scent that he caught yesterday, a scent that lingered in Shirou’s room.

Watching as the unnamed male stepped back a bit before standing his ground.  ”What do you want with Shirou?”  Keeping his spot at the door, his stance becoming more rigid with every second passing.  Feeling the looks Shirou gave him, but at the moment he was more pre-occupied with trying to get rid of the unwanted male at the door.

“I shouldn’t have to answer you,” came the offended reply.  Having tossed and turned the night before, nightmares plaguing him of losing his friend, losing a chance to be happy.  With little sleep that morning, he thought of how he was going to handle everything.  Recognizing the one who stood in front of him, the same one who beat one of his teammates at the swim meet a week ago.  ”So you’re the one who left those marks on Shirou,” he stated, though mostly to himself.

“And you’re the one who tried to spread his scent on his room, though you did a pathetic job at it.”  A retort back, his hackles rising at the look.  He was higher in rank in both life and in madararui world but the fact that Shirou’s friend knew more about his partner than he did.  ”But you didn’t think to put your scent on him.”  An arrogant smirk twitching on his lips.  ”You’re too late, though.”  his smirk froze when the male spoke up.

“Your scent could always be replaced.  Especially when you don’t even go to the same school.”  Words stopped when the flare erupted, stepping back when he realized what Madarame was.

Looking over his shoulder, seeing Shirou start to blush and fidget in his seat.  That male was right and he had another year to go until he got into the last three years of school.  ”How many days do you have left of your summer vacation?”  He shot out, watching as Shirou jumped at his demand and the tone of his voice.

“About two weeks,” came an answer and his mind worked, his smirk grew.  ”Pack some clothes, you’re coming with me for those two weeks.”  Turning back to Shirou’s friend and mouthed the words “Tough Luck” and closed the door, ignoring the sounds of pounding and the protest.  With his back to the door, he watched as Shirou pulled out a bag and started packing a change of clothes along with some books.  When Shirou caught his look, the words of “Summer homework” hit him.

Cursing, he knew he forgot about something during the time off he had from school.  ”Along with training you to keep your soul hidden, you can finish your work.”  The smile sent his way and the touch to his arm caused him to muffle a sound of want, a sound that would alert the wolf to his hidden desires.  Grabbing the male’s hand once he was done, leaning him by the hand out of the room and past the still angry male that stood in the hallway.  Shooting Shirou’s friend a look, hearing the apology the heavyweight gave his friend before dragging his chosen partner away.  Muttering under his breath, unaware that Shirou could hear him.

Heart swelling, understood what Yonekuni was saying, his grip tightened a little on Yonekuni’s hand and enjoying the darkening of cheeks.  His mother waved them off, seemingly unconcerned about him leaving for nearly two weeks.  Walking in silence, his hand empty after Yonekuni dropped it a block from his house.  ”So, where do-” his words died in his throat when he caught the look the blond sent him.  An uncomfortable feeling rose up in him, unsure of why Yonekuni was giving him the silent treatment.  Was he misreading Yonekuni?  Was he wrong about the blond liking him?  He wasn’t sure as he followed close behind, approaching the train station.

Looking around, he couldn’t help feeling shocked when he saw hints of others.  Turning his attention away when they’d look at him, wanting to ask Yonekuni what was happening but the fact that the blond wouldn’t speak to him, he kept his questions to himself.  The sudden feel of a strong grasp on his hand, the feel of being pulled and dragged away from the station platform and towards the bathroom.  ”Um, Yonekuni?”  He ventured, speaking up.  ”What about the train?”  His question was silenced by lips, allowing himself to be pushed into a stall and against the wall.  Breathing heavily when the blond pulled back to look in his eyefs.

“We’ve got time,” he licked his lips, tasting Shirou on them.  ”I’ve been holding myself back, wanting to touch you so much.”  Dropping his head on the broad shoulder before him as he tried to rein  in his want.  He wanted to get off so badly, wanted to bend the heavyweight over and take him.  To suck the heat out that Shirou’s body so readily offered.  And as much as he wanted to do so much, he couldn’t do that here.  Not with others that might see what was his only.  A buck of his hips, a slow rub against the wolf, showing him what he did to him.  ”I can’t do what I want to do to you,”  Yonekuni confessed as backed away a little and adjusted his pants in an attempt to hide his erection.

Movement caught his attention, watching as Shirou slipped his bag off his shoulder and onto the hook on the door.  Being pushed back against the wall by Shirou, watching as the blush spread across the male’s face as he knelt on the floor.  ”Just stay there,” licking his dry lips in anticipation.  Watching a hand come up, rubbing him through his pants and palmed his hard and twitching cock through the borrowed pants.  Mind racing, imagining and feeling the sudden heat as the button of the pants slipped through the small hole while the zipper was lowered carefully.  Eyes narrowing in on the sight of Shirou’s tongue peeking out, licking at the head of his cock as he was worked out of his pants.

Having a better view of himself disappearing the wet heat of the wolf’s mouth, sensations running up and down his spine.  Splaying his hands on the wall behind him to keep himself from sliding down.  Though his technique wasn’t the best, he knew that with practice, the wolf would get better.  A hard suck, light scraping to his sensitive skin before cool air hit him.  Trying to glare down, seeing the boy nuzzle against the base of his cock while hands worked down his legs and to his own lap.  the quiet sounds brief sucks to the side of his flesh, the faint rustle of clothing as Shirou’s hands slipped inside his pants.

The sight of his partner’s hand slipping inside his own pants, being taken back into Shirou’s mouth.  Running his fingers through dark hair, cupping the back of Shirou’s head a little and pushed his hips, fucking the wolf’s mouth softly.  The sudden grip on his hips, forcing him back and keeping him in place.  Trying to glare down at Shirou, gray eyes flashing up and a swallow around him.  Muffled sounds of pleasure, the feel of teeth gently nipping at the crown while Shirou’s free hand curled around the base, working in time with his mouth.

Tightening his fingers in Shirou’s dark hair as he came, the rhythmic movements of the hot mouth and teasing movements of Shirou’s tongue.  Shuddering, feeling cool air hit his wet moist skin, he looked down and caught the sight of Shirou licking his lips, as if he was making sure nothing leaked out.  Rough panting, watching the male’s hand worked himself and the shuddering of Shirou’s body.  Seeing the boy reach for some tissues, wiping away the cum that stained his hand, flushing when Shirou caught him watching.  Warm hands toughed his softening flesh, carefully tucking him back into his pants before grabbing the dirtied tissues and tossed them into the trash while standing back up.

Waiting as the wolf washed his hands, he leaned in, sniffing and hiding the grin that wanted spread across his face.  His scent seemed to have spread.  A deeper, strong and more prominent scent than earlier.  Strong enough to chase others away that might come sniffing around his chosen partner.  Arriving back at the platform with barely enough time, following Shirou onto the train as it pulled up.  Taking a place on the crowded train, Shirou’s back to his chest, he leaned in.  Whispering to the wolf that he needed to pull his soul back more, especially when he saw the interested looks of those around him.

Catching dark eyes, seeing the nod and watching the boy did what was ordered of him.  The sudden feel of Shirou’s supple ass rub against back against when the train went around a a curve, forcing him to bite his lip.  Even though he had came awhile ago, his body wanted more.  He couldn’t do anything here, not with them being surrounded by others.

By the time their stop, his desire had been curbed by the heat and smell of others that got on and off at each stop.  And while he usually liked the feel of heat, the heat of both madararui and monkeys did nothing for him, not when he had his own personal furnace.  Once off the train, a breeze of fresh air against his face and Shirou by his side, he escorted his partner to his home.  ”We can’t go in through the front,” he explained as he lead Shirou around the back.

Reaching and squeezing Shirou’s hand in reassurance before bringing him inside, leading him close by.  Within a few feet of entering, the sounds of his youngest brother as he ran on short legs with Kunimasa hot on his heels, both hearing the sigh of relief when Manami came to a stop by running into Shirou’s legs.

“Yonekuni?  We’ve been wondering where you disappeared to last night.”  Kunimasa bent over, scooping the young child in his arms.  ”Shinobu wouldn’t say where he took you.”  Dark eyes narrowed on the one who stood next to him.  ”Who’s this?  The one you were talking about?”  A slight incline of his head.  A brief nod, turning to see Shirou introduce himself.  He waited to see if his brother would say something, anything.  But when he just turned around, muttering about the smell of monkeys as he walked away.  Seeing the flash of hurt in Shirou’s gaze, he wanted to comfort the male.  But the shake of a head, the whispered apology stopped him.  This would be the very first time he’d see Shirou’s tenacity and knew it wouldn’t be his last.

“Everyone’s probably busy with the restaurant, we can see them later.”  An offhanded comment, showing  the way to his personal room.  ”Unfortunately , I forgot that the rooms that we have are under construction, so you’ll, uh-” he looked away, lying between his teeth about the rooms and hoped that Shirou would believe him.  ”Be staying in my room.”  A look back at the wolf, seeing him nod and barely catching the words

“That’s fine.”

An awkward silence, wanting to say more but chose to nearly pull the male towards his bedroom, anxious for reasons he knew but didn’t want to admit.  Hallways passed were empty and quiet, opening his bedroom door to let his chosen partner in.  In his haste to get over to Shirou’s house last night, he left his room a mess.  Clothing strewed everywhere, his bed unmade and some discarded condom wrappers.  Blue eyes widening, he didn’t want Shirou to know about that side of him just yet.

“It’s okay, Yonekuni,” he turned at the calm voice, seeing Shirou slip off his bag to drop it at his feet.  With the heavyweight’s help, the clean up of his room passed by quickly.  Thought he quickly picked up the condom wrappers and threw them away, along with any hint of him having girls over.  Smoothing out the bedspread, everything was done and cleaned.

“It’s a little hot in here,” wiping away the sweat from his brow, turning as Yonekuni opened the window to let in a breeze that picked up, cooling the room just a little.  ”Sorry, I don’t turn the air conditioner in the summer.”  He saw the confused look Shirou wore, of course he didn’t know.  The boy didn’t know anything about him, didn’t even know what type he was but that was going to change.  ”I’ll explain it to you later,” waving his hand, seeing that Shirou seemed to get it and let the subject drop.  Feeling a little disappointed, hoping that maybe the male would try to push the subject and try to get him to reveal more about himself.

He didn’t see the curious look Shirou sent him, didn’t know that he had to hold himself back from asking.  He knew that there was so much that he didn’t know, things that he needed to know.  Wanted to know.  His hand reached out, attempting to grab the blond by his hand but the quick, rapid knocks on the door caused him to pause and drop his hand.  Turning and watching Yonekuni open the door, revealing an older male.  Seeing him pause in his step and the faintest of a smile before it disappeared.

“So he’s the one you needed to see last night, right?”  Turning his head, seeing the slight darkening of the blond’s cheeks.  He held back the chuckle at the sight of Yonekuni looking a little flustered and embarrassed.  Stepping forward, he introduced himself and nearly faltering when he saw eyes narrow.  ”It’s still leaking out,” the murmur, watching as Yonekuni’s brother brought his hand up, cupping Shirou’s chin and turning his head a little before dropping his hand.  ”Your scent is covering it up, mostly.  But you really need to train him more to control his soul better.”  He caught the look Yonekuni was given.

He couldn’t help the feeling of embarrassment from Shirou’s look, a look that said it all.  He didn’t want Shirou to know he had to nearly plead with his older brother to get him to Shirou’s house and he must know how Shirou got his scent on him.  ”I’ve got to go back, but bring him by later tonight.  That way we can see how much control he has and how much training he needs to go through.”  He didn’t say anything as Shinobu left, finally leaving him alone with Shirou.  He could see what the older male was talking about, could easily see the parts of the heavyweight’s soul leaking out.

A shake of his head, he could worry about that later.  Much later when he would lock the door and take things into his own hands.  Offering Shirou a seat on his bead, getting started on their work, the knock on the door pulled them out of their quiet discussion.  Opening the door, revealing his younger brother who held up several of his books.  Annoyance filled him at constantly being interrupted but stepped aside to allow Kunimasa in.  His brother had a lot of pride and for him to come for help meant something was up.

“Fujiwara,” blue eyes narrowed at his brother’s tone.  ”So you’re the one Yonekuni had been bothered by.”  Turning to see the slight fallen expression Shirou wore before the quick recovery.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way,” the nekomata explained, opening his book and pulling out some papers.  ”It’s just that I’ve never seen him like that.  A little nervous when he talked about you or when he was alone.”  He chuckled underneath his breath, ignoring the dark glare sent to him.  He knew his brother was still upset at him for walking in while he was jerking off, knowing he was still embarrassed about being caught.

He didn’t think much about Fujiwara, only that if he made his brother happy, who was he to judge.  Still, he couldn’t deny that he was curious to know what drew his brother to the male when he had a choice of any female he wanted.  A glance at the work that lay in Fujiwara’s lap, a little shocked that his work was more advance than theirs.  Leaning in even further to get a better look, he felt the sudden heat of an angry glare being sent to him.  Heh, looked like his brother didn’t like him getting that close to the boy.

Holding himself back from snapping at his brother, he couldn’t understand the feelings that rushed through him when Kunimasa got too close to Shirou.  The urge to monopolize the male’s attention, to be the only one Shirou is kind to, to be confided in and to be the only one the wolf thought of.  His brother must have caught look sent his way and felt pleased with himself.

As they studied, he unconsciously moved closer to his partner.  Knees brushing, shoulders bumping and hands grazing against each other when he reached over.  The tripping of his heart, the elation and joy when the wolf would lean against him, helping with some problems, giving explanations.

“Really, you two,” Kunimasa sighed as he stood up and closed his book.  ”It’s like I’m not even here.”  Walking to the door, he paused as he opened it.  ”If you two do something tonight, don’t be loud.  I’ve got to watch Manami tonight and he’s too young to know what you’re doing.”  Speaking and staring at his brother before closing the door behind him.

Once he was sure that his brother wouldn’t walk in again, he turned towards Shirou.  Watching him push his glasses up, a lick to his lips and felt the flame inside him flare, despite being caught staring at the dark haired male.  The look Shirou wore, leaning in and finally taking the boy’s parted lips, his sound of satisfaction muffled only to groan and pull away when the sound of the door slamming open.  The formidable presence of Karen stopped him from cursing at the interruption yet again.

“What’s this about you finding a partner!?”  The demand, the angry tick on her forehead.  ”You haven’t introduced her to me?”  Silence filled the room before he coughed into his hand.  ”This is him, Fujiwara Shirou.”  Seeing the smile twitch at her lips as she eyed the boy that sat next to him, seeing the wheels turn in his head and felt a twinge of dread.

“Yonekuni, I’m taking him with me for awhile.”  Her hand shot out, grabbing and pulling Shirou out of the room with her.  Speechless, he started to follow only to be stopped by the glare she leveled at him.  ”I’ll bring him back unharmed and untouched.  I want to see what draws you to him.”  Uncomfortable with the grin she gave, he caught the look Shirou gave him over his shoulder as Karen dragged him away.

Once they turned the corner, his hand was dropped and he followed the older woman.  ”How did you meet my son?”  Her nearly friendly tone was now gone, replaced by a cold and distant tone.  As if she was trying to test the waters with him.  ”I first saw him at the swim meet last week,” he started, resisting the urge to flinch under her gaze as they walked.  ”I followed my gut and found him on the floor of the locker room.”  Confessing, blushing when he remembered feeling Yonekuni grabbing onto him from the floor of the locker room.  He ended up spilling about his parents, never noticing her eyes widen nor did he know that her mind raced as she thought before speaking.  ”He may brought you here for one reason, but I’m going to train you for a different reason.”

Feeling a shiver run down his spine, he sighed and picked up their discarded books, setting them off to the side to be worked on later.  Laying back on his bed, he eyed the door before closing his eyes in a vain attempt to distract himself from thinking about what Karen was doing with Shirou.  He didn’t know what Karen was up to, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t like it.  He wasn’t sure what he wanted with Shirou and what he planned, he wasn’t ready to think that far into the future.  But would he be willing to give Shirou up to another when the time came?  A shake of his head, he couldn’t stomach the thought of doing that.  Couldn’t even think about letting Shirou be with someone other than him.

Was he ready to settle down with just one person?  Feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, reaching in and pulling it out, flipping it open to see a name he was familiar with.  Talking quietly, he turned down the invitation, clicking his tongue when the person on the other end hung up.  It wasn’t his fault that his body wouldn’t react to the invitation.  Hearing the breathless voice on the other end would usually turn him on and he would head over.  But now, the voice on the phone was nothing but an annoyance, nothing like the sound of Shirou’s breathy cries as he came and the sound of his name being uttered.

Swallowing hard, his hands slid down his body, teasing himself at the edge of his waistband of his pants before undoing the button and carefully lowering the zipper.  A hand sliding inside, pulling himself from the clothing he wore, images running rampant.  How would he do it?  Pushing Shirou’s chest to the bed, molding his chest to the boy’s back.  Nuzzle hair away from the base of the wolf’s neck to suck and bite as he slid himself inside.

Or would he push Shirou onto his back?  Kneel between parted legs, raising his lover’s hips and rub the tip of his cock against Shirou’s hole.  Teasing the heavyweight until he begged for Yonekuni to fuck him.  Sink himself into the body, feeling Shirou’s legs come up, as if he was giving him more room.  Would he lean in to whisper against Shirou’s lips as he moved?  Tasting lips, swollen from possessive kisses, his hand curling around the wolf’s cock, getting him off as he rocked into his his lover’s body.  What kind of sounds would the wolf make if he denied him completion?

Thoughts out of control as his hand moved, slick and covered with his pre-cum.  Would he see it again as Shirou came?  His body tightening, one name leaving his lips as his back arched, spilling into his hand.  Eyes heavy and chest heaving, he didn’t see the frozen figure at the door, only lifting his hand to see his cum clinging to his fingers.  When he finally noticed the figure, his hand was being pulled away.

The flushed look on his partner’s face, the hesitant way the pink tongue peeked out to run up the sides of his fingers.  A low throated groan, watching as his seed was licked clean before he pulled Shirou close, forcing the male across his chest.

“So what did Karen want?:  He asked against the bare neck, nuzzling the one spot that seemed erupt in the wolf’s scent.  The trembling form above him tried to speak, licking his lips as he tried before unintentionally pushing down against him.  ”She, ah!””  Smirking against the suck mark he made against Shirou’s neck, telling the male to continue.  ”She’s going to show and train me some ways that-”  A groan, sliding his hand up the back of the male’s shirt.

‘Really,’ he thought to himself.  The cries of Shirou were so much better than the voice on the phone earlier.  ”She didn’t got into much detail.”  He pulled back, watching as Shirou continued to struggle and enjoy the light touches to his back, surprised when Shirou reared back and sat back on Yonekuni’s lap.  He could feel himself start to twitch back to life but the flushed look and gray eyes glazed, he forced Shirou to lay on the bed.  The minute that Shirou’s head hit the pillow, the poof and the sight of the exhaused canine.

“Just as well,” words from the doorway and he scrambled to cover up his exposed crotch.  The sight of Karen, his mother and Shinobu stating in the doorway, he reached and pulled a blanket up to cover the wolf’s form and himself.  ”He didn’t react to any of Shinobu’s attempts, but the minute that he came back to you.”  The laughing smile Karen wore, the calculating gaze his mother wore before he managed to chase the three away while he sat on the bed.  Getting up, closing and locking the door, he returned to the bed.  ”Really,” he mumbled as he pulled the wolf closer.  ”What have I gotten into?”  Nuzzling into the warm back, he drifted off.

Each day became almost routine.  Studying during the day, finishing up their summer home work and at night, under the cover of darkness, heated touches were exchanged.  Sliding against soft sheets, he marveled at the quick ways Shirou picked up on things.  The heat surrounding him, fingering the bottle he bought earlier that day, giving the cashier a look that told him to shut up when he started to ask questions.  Watching as the dark head bobbed, trying to gain a rhythm that would suit him.

The way Shirou’s tongue seemed to wrap around him as he swallowed and sucked, teased and tormented him.  Fingers brushing away dark bangs, wanting to see himself being taken inside before he pulled Shirou off of him, shivering from the lack of heat.  ”You sure learn quickly,” kissing wet lips, ignoring the foreign taste of himself on the male’s mouth and inside.  His hands sliding down the male’s back, down and cupping Shirou’s ass through his pants.  Rubbing the seam, pushing a little harder before Shirou pulled away to toss his head back.  Hand abandoning the back of Shirou’s pants, slipping down the back to caress the soft skin of the wolf’s cheeks, moving his hand as much as he could.  Fingers inching inward, rubbing closer to the tiny hole, breathing hissing out when Shirou’s fingers curled around him.

“Why don’t you strip?”  Biting his lip when the hand left him, watching as Shirou grabbed and slowly pulled the shirt he wore off, tossing it to the floor.  Carefully standing up and off the bed, his resolution dissolved, he reached and pulled Shirou close by the belt loops, swatting Shirou’s hands away. “Let me,” when the wolf started to protest.  ”I want to see the body I’m going to fuck.”  Catching the blush, fingers easily unbuttoning and lowering the zipper then parting the flaps.  ”Heh, I think you’re more excited than me,” a tease, pushing the male’s pants down to his hips to pool at their feet then pushing the underwear down.

The view of a pale body, the dark flushing of Shirou’s cheeks and the fine hair that was growing around the boy’s hard cock.  Pulling Shirou close, tilting his head and kissed his soon to be lover quickly, only pulling away seconds later.  ”I wonder,” eyes narrowing, pushing the naked male to the bed.  ”I’m the only one who’s going to touch you.  You’re mine.”  Kneeling between slightly parted legs, his blue eyes slitted while gray eyes flashed up at him.

Taking his time, slowly spreading Shirou’s legs even more, he reached for the bottle of lube that lay to the side on the bed.  ”Do you know what I’m going to do to you?”  Flipping the cap of the bottle open and squeezing the cool, clear gel onto his fingers before slipping them down, past Shirou’s swollen member and taunt balls to the small hole.  Rubbing the lubricant against the puckered hole, feeling the shiver running through the wolf’s body.  ”I’m going to take you.  Fuck you and make you mine, so you’ll never look at anyone else.”  His words trailed off into a moan as he pushed on finger in.  ’So tight,’ he thought to himself.  ”I’m the first and only person that’s going to do this to you.”

He couldn’t help the flush to his cheeks at Yonekuni’s words.  The discomfort feeling from the blond’s finger seemed to dull as he listened to the heated words.  The soothing of the blond’s hand against his stomach, as if Yonekuni was trying to distract him from feeling a second finger being pushing in.  His expression must have shown more then the slight discomfort as Yonekuni shushed him softly, taking his softening cock in his hand and working him slowly, trying to get him hard once again.  Whimpering when Yonekuni’s fingers left him, the feel of the cool gel against his heated skin.  Distracted by the feeling of Yonekuni’s fingers pushing inside again, spreading the lubrication inside, barely even noticing the hand abandoning his cock.

He couldn’t get over how tight Shirou felt on his fingers, twisting and scissoring while he covered himself with the cold lubricant.  Reluctantly pulling his fingers free, the loud whine from his partner and the pleading in gray eyes.  Hitching Shirou’s ass on his knees and with the confidence that he had enough lubrication on, he guided himself to the small hole.  Nudging the head of his cock, rubbing before slowly pushing in.  Worried eyes flitted from where he slowly sunk into his lover’s body to Shirou’s face, seeing the grimace of pain settling on the heavyweight’s face.  Little thrusts, gentle in nature as he pushed a little deeper inside while Shirou’s gasps escalated, pain etching his face.

Pausing, only a little less than halfway in, asking if Shirou was okay and if he wanted to stop.  Seeing tears start to gather in dark eyes, the feeling of his lover pulling his head down and softly kissing his lips.  The whispered response, the sounds of encouragement as he continued, shuddering  and cursing as he came to a rest against the wolf’s body.  The heat was nearly unbearable and the tightness was almost too much to handle.  And yet, he craved so much more from the male.

Arms came around his shoulders, pulling him close as he picked up a rhythm that they both could handle without hurting the one below him.  Gently working Shirou back to hardness, he moved in time, mindful not to hurt Shirou too much.  Cries of his name, feelings and emotions echoed in both his ears and his heart, stealing lips to muffle his cries as he came.

Body sticky with sweat and other fluids, he held Shirou close while the canine quietly slept.  Everything that he experienced so far in life paled so much in comparison to the one he held in his arms.  The marks left on him and the ones he left on Shirou would last for a while,  until he could reinforce both them and his scent again.

Closing his eyes, the last sight he saw as hell asleep was the deep, bruising mark.  The one spot that he licked, sucked and bit down when Shirou tightened around him earlier.  Clamping down him, tight enough to be painful and forced him to come, flooding the wolf with his seed.

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