Raven Eyes
Summary: Half-Demon and half-angel, the reader struggles to control her outbursts of anger. Until she meets someone who makes her blood boil in a whole other way. She searches for her half-sister, Claire, with the help of the Winchester brothers and finds that, maybe, being human isn't all bad.
Requested by @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld : “Hey can i request a Dean or Sam Winchester x reader where the reader is a Nephalem (half angel half demon) and super powerful because Nephalem are the most powerful hybrid and Dean or Sam fall in loved with her because she is so sweet, shy, etc and in the end they end together? With smut is you want to added"
Pairing: Dean x Nephalem!reader
Word Count: 11,913
Rating: mature 18+ MDNI
Warnings: not canon, language, mature themes, reverse age gap (kind of), violence/blood (gun, biting, restraints - Claire is tied to a chair), smut (p in v, unprotected sex), brief mention of body insecurity, injury, nightmares, maybe some anger control issues, angst, a little pining, kissing/cuddling, reader has one defining characteristic (raven eyes), star wars trilogy spoilers? (brief mention), mention of Sam and Dean slash fiction
A/N: This really got away from me, especially the word count, lol. The reader has both sweet/shy moments and bold/sassy ones; but I thought it was a good mix of energy for an angel/demon hybrid. Enjoy!
_____
Ugh...
You kicked the empty can under your foot down the dark alleyway. It landed in a puddle with a splash and you growled and kicked the glass bottle next. It shattered against the brick wall at the dead end, scattering into a myriad of pieces that rippled the top of the same puddle.
Finally, that felt great.
You just needed to break something. So, you did it again, lining up the next beer bottle. This one, full and unopened. You'd brought it outside with you from the bar you were currently venting behind.
Alcohol did little to nothing for you, you were pretty sure the only buzz you ever got off it could be chalked up to a placebo effect.
The bottle hit the wall, popped, and fizzed as it streamed down the bricks. The amber liquid staining a trail to the pavement below. It was somewhat satisfying, but... you wanted to break more shit.
So much more.
It was the demon’s blood in you, the urge to create chaos and torment just for fun. Although, ninety percent of the time it lost out to the half of you that was part angel.
You didn't want to be evil and you didn't want to be good. You were all shades of grey and that was fine because you knew exactly who you were. Sort of.
You were a Nephalem; half-demon, half-angel.
Yeah, your parents were a piece of work. Try growing up in that household. Literal definition of having an angel on one shoulder and a devil -or in this case, a demon- on the other.
But opposites attract, right.
You never really fit in. As a child or now as an adult. Not with your father's angelic colleagues or your mother's demonic friends. You were one of a kind.
'Unique. Unlike any other.' Your father would tell you.
'Powerful. A force to be reckoned with.' Your mother would say.
You loved them, your parents. Even if they drove you nutty and pulled at your limbs like some savage game of tug-o-war. Castiel and Meg had good intentions but you needed to stand on your own two feet for the first time.
So, here you were hanging out in the back alley of some highway dive off to the side of some two-star motel. Popping the cork on your own internal bottle of frustrations. The blood in your veins could only be shaken so much before you lost control and that was the point of breaking shit.
To calm your nerves and it usually worked, but not tonight. Tonight was different.
Your -sort of- half-sister, Claire, called you up for some help on a case she was working on. Fucking werewolves. She needed back up but when you arrived you couldn't find her. Anywhere!
When you asked the greasy bartender if he'd seen her and showed him her picture on your phone, all he said was 'I wish I had, damn'. Then he proceeded to shake out his hand as if he'd touched something hot and made a crude face with a little wink added in your direction... you almost ripped his face off right there, but there were too many witnesses.
A waitress flirting with some guy with more hair than a barbie doll and some guys playing pool; one of them obviously hustling the others. He was kinda cute actually -had a nice smile, short dirty-blonde hair and a scruff on his jaw that was way too trimmed to be natural- but you weren't here for that.
You had to find Claire.
You fisted your hands until your fingernails dug into your palms and bleed. Then hissed and watched the skin stitch itself back together under the orange flood lights of the alleyway.
That helped a little. The pain. You did it again, satisfying the demon within and hissing out a breath at the sharp sting each nail made as they buried into your flesh. Then. You breathed in and out like your father taught you. Slow and steady.
Inhale: one, two, three... Exhale: one, two, three...
Then repeat as many times as it takes to appease the angelic grace entwined within your soul.
When your blood was at war it felt like the epic internal battle of a Jedi struggling with the force -you had forced your father, Cas, to watch the recent Star Wars trilogy with you a couple of days before you left to meet Claire and really connected to the Kylo Ren/Ben Solo character and his dilemma of whether to embrace the pull to the light or give into the dark side- but a nephalem didn't have that choice. The only solution was to embrace it all, whatever murky shade of grey that turned out to be. But there were times you still struggled with it, times you wished you had more control over your heart and mind.
Times like now with that fucking bartender. Who even has frosted tips anymore, seriously?! What a douche.
He knew something and he wasn't telling you, you could hear his heart beat just a fraction quicker when he lied.
You let out a frustrated howl and kicked at the puddle, splashing and jumping until your boots and pant legs were soaked. You growled and fisted your hair in your hands and pulled. Frustrated to no end.
"Now that's a losing battle, if I ever did see one." Said a husky voice and you spun around to nothing but shadows behind you at the mouth of the alley.
What? "Who said that?"
"Don't get me wrong, that was entertaining as hell but that puddle's always going to be a puddle." A man stepped out of the shadows with a twisted smirk. "Unless you have the right tools... Maybe a mop and bucket." Oh, he thinks he's funny. You didn't laugh, you glared and he stepped directly under the flood light near the rear door. He pumped his eyebrows once and rubbed the trimmed scruff on his chin. "Geez, tough crowd. Why you so pissy, squirt?"
"Fuck off." Your guard was up.
"Big language for such a little girl. You're trouble, aren't you?" He said with a deep laugh. He fucking laughed. And took a step closer when you didn't respond. "You kiss your momma with that mouth?"
"My mother would rip you to shreds just for sneaking up on me."
Seriously, how'd he do that? You were usually hyper aware of your surroundings... but you were also in your head, duelling it out.
He looked you up and down, his eyes lingering on your wet jeans sticking to your calves. His tongue teased his bottom lip and he met your stare again. You scowled knowing exactly what he was thinking and crossed your arms in front of your chest to obstruct his view.
"You got some fire in you, squirt."
Screw you, pretty boy.
"Call me, squirt, one more time. I. Dare. You." You said through clenched teeth and stepped out of the puddle, bringing you chest to chest with this man.
Okay, maybe chest to chin -you still had to look up at him- but you weren't as small as he made you sound, at least you didn't think so. But one thing was for sure, you were a lot older than you looked, probably older than him... but you were kind of immortal too, so there was that.
You looked near the same age though, for what it's worth, and you felt young. Out from under your parents' -hypothetical for the most part- wing for the first time. No more babysitter.
He looked amused, "Okay, little trouble. Wanna tell me what's got your feathers in a fluff?"
"The hell do you care?"
His expression turned emotionless like a poker face, "Maybe I don't." Then he smiled, "Or maybe, I do."
You knew where you'd seen him before now, playing pool inside, "How'd you do with your little side hustle?"
"Oh, I cleaned up," he smirked, he saw you watching him inside. "I'm Dean, by the way... Winchester. And you are?" He asked, keeping his arms crossed against his chest and mirroring you.
"Leaving," you said quietly and unintentionally shoving your shoulder into his as you walked for the exit of the alley.
Fucking Dean Winchester. You knew exactly who he was, you just didn't know what he looked like, until now. Your father warned you to stay away. Said he was the type to shoot first and ask questions later and if he found out you were a nephalem, that's exactly what he'd do.
"Hold up a second, squirt." He called as he jogged after you and grabbed your arm.
Dean yanked you back and you spun around, twisting out of his hold. You smacked him in the chest and he shoved back into the brick wall. Hard. You always forget how fragile humans were, you didn't spend much time with them after all.
He huffed like the wind had been knocked out of his lungs. His eyes wide and watching you. Yeah, you were strong as hell and that was only ten percent. You felt a little bad for the poor guy but he did ask for it. You clearly wanted to be left alone.
"I told you not to call me that!" You growled, pointing your finger in his face. "I don't have time for this."
"Why? Got some mailboxes to knock over?" He teased and rubbed his chest when you backed off. "Oh, please tell me you're gonna spray paint obscene doodles on the billboard across the street... I'll help. Need a lookout?"
If he was flirting, it wasn't landing and if he was teasing, it was pissing you off. You weren't some teenager tagging billboards, even if that jackass CEO, Dick Roman, deserved it. You didn't know why, you just didn't like him or his cheesy smile, but he'd get his, they usually do.
"What do you want?" You huffed at him, glancing down at his hands just in case.
You heard the stories of the Winchester brothers. They weren't opposed to sucker punches, especially with an angel blade. Even if an angel blade could hardly hurt you, your mother trained you to always be prepared, vigilant.
"You were asking around about a blonde girl, Claire Novak, I'm a friend of hers. Actually, more like a big brother and I haven't been able to reach her." He confessed and took a step forward, then another and another until you were the one backed up against the opposite wall of the alleyway. "What do you want with her?"
For a human, you had to admit, he was fucking intimidating. His eyes hooded, nostrils flared and you felt his hand fist the collar of your t-shirt. You could easily push him off if you wanted but the brush of his knuckles over your collarbone made your knees knock together and you practically swallowed your tongue.
The feuding blood in your veins quieted as your heart beat a little faster and sweat broke out across your skin. Your lips fell open and you just stared up at him. At a loss for words.
Was this what it was like to feel... human? Desire? Vulnerability?
But you weren't vulnerable, not physically, your power outmatched that of a nephilim. Nephilim had the inconvenience of having to be half-human where that half of you was all demon. Pure darkness and indignation.
Being a nephalem wasn't easy. Especially being the only one ever known to exist. You had to carve your own path.
You had a conscience about the bad things you did and a will to do good, but nothing was ever that simple. You'd do a good deed to appease the angel grace pumping in your veins but it would always turn out sideways. And when you did something bad -perhaps out of selfishness and greed- you'd feel bad.
Demons had it easy. Do what you want, when you want. Angels had it even better though, their good always turned out good. Despite the fact that not all angels were all that good and not all demons were all bad.
If they couldn't figure it out with one blood line, how would you?
You felt like you were constantly at battle with yourself. But, at least, you weren't human.
Compared to the man in front of you, he was like a fly. A gnat. And you'd toy with him for a bit if he could keep making you feel this way.
Calm.
The crimson waters in your veins were quiet -for the first time in sooo long- and all you had to do was look into his eyes. They were hooded in the darkness of the night but you felt it, his soul staring back at you. You often wondered if you had a soul.
Probably, everything else seemed to have one.
Perhaps, not everything about being human was terrible. It beat the hell out of the internal anguish, always fighting with yourself, always angry. And suddenly you never wanted Dean to leave. Even if your father did warn you about him.
Maybe humans were powerful after all. Maybe, it was just this one human.
You grabbed his wrist above his watch -his fist still clutching your collar- and exhaled over his lips, only an inch away from yours. His breathing turned sharp too and you smelt whiskey on his breath. Peach whiskey. You gave him a cheeky smile.
That was a chick's drink.
"Why are you looking for Claire?" He repeated, his eyes somehow darker in the shadow of the night.
"She's my friend," you lied, continuing to pretend he had you right where he wanted you.
It was really the other way around.
"You're friends?"
You nodded, "Yeah, some people have those."
You kind of wished Castiel had told Dean about you. It wouldn't come as such a surprise then. Maybe you could hide it, though, and tag along to find your sister. It could be fun to watch the brothers in action. Plus, everything was so quiet around him. Even in his intensity and you didn't want it to stop.
"Claire doesn't have friends." He stated.
"She has at least one."
He didn't need to know that you were kind of related to Claire, just that you didn't mean her any harm. Most of the time. Sometimes she pissed you off and sometimes you pissed her off.
"Wait, friend as in 'friend'?" He said as if he used air quotes but he didn't let go of your shirt collar to actually make them.
What the hell else did 'friend' mean? -Ohhhh... good for Claire. But gross, she was your sister. You had flashbacks to reading fanfics of Sam-slash-Dean online. Your father told you to stay away, but you were curious and although it may not have proven for the most serious intel on the boys, the stories were captivating.
You scrunched up your face and stared at him. You couldn't tell him you were sisters. So, you just shook your head.
Dean laughed, "Huh, didn't know that kid could stop pissing people off for a second long enough to make a friend."
You nodded but frowned when he released your shirt collar and took away his hand. If you had wanted him to back off, you would've made him. You kept a hold of his wrist.
"Let go, little devil."
If only he knew how ironic that nickname was. You were the daughter of a demon not Lucifer but, same diff; it was close enough.
You let him go. You didn't want to, but you did.
"Do you know where she is?" You asked, both wanting to keep the conversation going and needing the answer.
"Nope. Was hoping you did."
"The bartender knows something." You mumbled.
You breathed a heavy breath, letting the anger from before defuse a little as it tried to resurface. No losing control this time. Your parents weren't here to help you this time. No cleaning up any messes. You were on your own. Like you wanted.
"Let's go talk to him, then." Dean grinned and patted your shoulder.
His hand slid down to the small of your back as he led you back around to the entrance of the bar. Every ounce of anger flushed away with his touch and you no longer felt that inch of demon blood in your veins.
_____
Dean wiped the blood from his knuckles with a rag from the trunk of a shiny black muscle car parked in the lot. You stood next to him and watched stoically as he did so. He glanced up at you and mistook your awe for fear.
"I'm sorry. I should've warned you when someone messes with my family, I get-" He started in a soft voice but cut himself off before he could finish. "Just sometimes, things get... messy."
Messy?! He beat the ever-loving hell out of that bartender when the guy hit on you again and evaded all your questions... Until he didn't.
Dean was just as fucked up as you were. He was angry and at war with himself, constantly, you could see it. You saw that look in the mirror all the time. He took the bloodiest route to being good. He was all shades of grey, just like you. And you had to admire how much he cared about the people he thought of as family.
"Don't ever let a man disrespect you like that." He locked eyes with you.
Something different in his gaze this time. Warmer and intense. Too intense, you had to look away.
You never did let guys get away with it, but you couldn't exactly go all super-girl on the bartender's ass either with Dean watching, now could you? Super-girl was a hero, though... You weren't the villain but you weren't the heroine either. Maybe an anti-hero, actually? Like Ben Solo? You could live with that.
"So, what now?" You asked, sitting on the edge of the open trunk next to him. "We go to this Haden-guy's cabin in the woods? Sounds like a trap."
The bartender said Claire had her eye on some regular guy all night but never talked to him. Though, she did leave right after he did. That was the only lead we had since this shit-hole had no working security cameras.
"Exactly, that's why we're gonna get Sammy first." He said, tossing the bloody rag into the trunk and securing the hidden hatch shut after pulling out a case of silver bullets.
Sammy, his little brother, you knew as much about the boys as every other demon or angel. You just didn't know how being around Dean would affect you.
"Where's Sam?"
Dean gave you a half smirk and a little shrug of his shoulders, then he winked at you. And what the hell did that mean?
Oh wait, you suddenly remembered seeing a walking L'oreal-ad-of-a-man, matching Sam's description, flirting with the waitress before stomping out to the back alley to have your little temper tantrum like a child. You blew off steam though without hurting anyone so you weren't embarrassed. That was a win in your book.
"I'll go get him, you wait here." Dean said, cocking his freshly loaded gun with silver bullets and tucking it into the back of his jeans. "Don't disappear on me, little devil."
You smiled, actually starting to like that nickname as you watched him walk towards the motel across the parking lot. He knocked on room number sixteen and waited a long moment before he pounded harder on it.
You stretched out your legs and pushed up from the edge of the trunk but something kept your ass in place. Like you were frozen, sort of, you could only move further into the trunk.
Something was wrong.
You glanced back quickly before Dean could notice you struggling to stand up like an ordinary human. You twisted in your seat but there was nothing unusual in the trunk, then you looked up at the lid.
Fucking hell.
There was a demon trap on the upside of the trunk lid. You glanced back at Dean who was now striding back towards you on bowed legs.
Shit. You twisted your arm above you and scratched at the edge of the trap. Glad that the front of the car was facing Dean instead of the back.
"He'll be out in a minute," Dean said, rounding the back of the Impala just as you snapped up from your seat and slammed the lid shut. He narrowed his eyes on you, "Everything all right?"
"Yeah, peachy." You dusted off the back of your black skinny jeans ungracefully.
"O-kay," he stared at you for a moment as you shifted from heel to heel, "Get in the car."
You walked around to his side of the car, knowing Sam probably had dibs on the passenger seat and opened the rear door. You hesitated and looked inside, checking for more demon traps.
"Something wrong?" Dean asked and you noted Sam exiting the motel room, he walked towards you as he buttoned up his blue flannel and straightened his jeans. "Don't tell me you're scared?"
"Hardly," you said unconvincingly and crawled into the backseat when you didn't see any reason not to.
"Don't worry, sweetheart, Baby here is stocked up like a tank, we can take whatever's waiting for us. Trust me."
He was cocky, wasn't he, but it made you laugh. He had even more artillery than he thought, with you around.
Dean shut the door behind you and dumped himself into the driver's seat, Sam joining only moments later.
"Uh, hi?" Sam said to you, half turned in his seat.
"Hi," you waved shyly.
He was a lot bigger in person. The top of his head nearly hit the roof and his hair was gorgeous and thick. You played with the ends of your hair, wishing you had less split ends. Maybe you should cut it. Also, what kind of all powerful nephalem still gets split ends?! Talk about unfair.
"She's a friend of Claire's." Dean said, revving up the engine and peeling off down the road.
You didn't know how he knew where he was going. You didn't look at any maps with him. Maybe they'd been here longer than you and already surveyed the area? Claire probably called them too, you didn't have a cell phone and relied on her praying to you when she needed you. She didn't always trust you'd show up and she wouldn't have told them about you.
"Does 'the friend of Claire's' have a name?"
Sam asked his brother and side eyed you.
"Yeah, of course she does."
"And?" Sam inquired.
Dean hesitated and chewed his lip as he glanced at you in the rearview mirror. He never asked. "What's your name, little devil?"
Sam screwed up his face and mouthed 'little devil' dubiously to himself. You guessed it wasn't a typical nickname he gave women.
"Y/N."
You didn't give a last name. You supposed you didn't really have one. Castiel and Meg could never settle on one long enough.
"Y/N," Dean repeated in his deep voice. It felt like wings in your stomach to hear him say your name. "You don't look like a Y/N."
"Well, it's the only name I got." You snapped, a little hurt. You liked your name, it was the only thing your parents ever truly agreed on.
Dean chuckled and glanced back in the mirror again. "You’re cute when you're frustrated, Y/N."
The dork was teasing you. He either thought he was funny or flirting, you couldn't tell which. Maybe both, you didn't like it. It was new territory for you. You didn't often bother with humans, but Dean was different. He was a lot like you in many ways and he was -mostly- adorable. When he wasn't intentionally trying to be annoying.
You blushed -first time that ever happened- and kept quiet for the rest of the drive. Dean explained to Sam what you were about to walk in on and they already seemed to know it was werewolves so you didn't bother to pipe up.
The woods were dark and the sound of wind eerily howled through the treetops. You'd have shivered if you were scared at all but you couldn't be harmed, not really. Someone would really have to get the drop on you for that to happen. And what else was there to be scared of?
You only worried about Dean. It was nice having him around. You realized now why your father liked him so much. You didn't know Sam all that well, though and he kept giving you ‘off’ glances as if he was trying to figure you out. As if he knew you were hiding something.
Barbie doll was too smart for his own good.
"Here, take this?" Dean said, shoving a silver gun in your hands after he'd parked down the road from Haden's cabin.
"Uh-" you held it between your forefinger and thumb, as if you really didn't want to hold it. You never used a gun before. You never had to and you rather not. "I'm good, thanks."
You tried to hand it back to him before it went off. As if it was that touchy. He just stared at you confused.
"You need something to defend yourself. You have done this before, right? Hunting? You're a hunter?"
"Yeah, totally!" You over sold it.
Sure, you hunted before, but you used your powers and let’s face it, nothing was ever a challenge. Even a pack of werewolves couldn't take you. You could fight and hold your own but you never needed a gun.
But how could you tell Dean that?
You stared at the gun, still holding it in the air between you and he sighed, "Here, hold it like this."
Dean stalked behind you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders. You felt his chest on your back and you leaned back into him. Looking over your shoulder at his face next to yours. He let out a single puff of air, amused, and turned your head forward again with his hand on your chin.
His scruff brushed your cheek as he lined up the gun in both of your hands in front of you. You smelt sweet peaches on his breath again and melted in his arms as much as you could without him really noticing.
"Finger off the trigger. This hand-" he grabbed your non-dominant hand and wrapped it around the other already gripping the gun, "-goes here. Keep your thumb there." He pointed to the switch next to your thumb, "Safety's on," he switched it off, revealing a red dot in its place, "Off. Line up this point with this one." He pointed out the sights of the gun. "Never point it at anyone you don't plan on shooting. Got it?"
"Got it," you breathed.
Dean switched the safety back on and let you get used to the feel of it in your hands. You could use this hunk of metal one time, you guessed.
If a human could then why not? You were superior in every way. Super-powered anti-hero in human disguise to the rescue!
It was quiet outside in the woods as you inched towards the cabin. And before you knew it, you were inside searching for signs of Claire when you heard the boys bashing around in the other room. Grunting and smashing into things. Glass breaking and shots firing.
You had split up and with no sign of Claire you made your way back to them to help out. Finding Dean pinned by three werewolves while Sam fought off one with another on his back trying desperately to bite his neck.
The pack was bigger than the boys anticipated. And brawling.
You didn't expect aiming the gun to be so difficult and after missing the first couple shots -hitting the drywall in front of Sam and scaring the shit out of him, which he showed with a glare in your direction and a shout of 'Stop helping!'- you aimed again. At the werewolf on Sam's back and shut your eyes.
You squeezed the trigger fast three times then listened as a body fell to the floor.
Thump.
You grit your teeth together, hoping and praying and peeled open your eyes.
Sam was still standing. Thank granddad. Dean would've hated you for friendly fire. You aimed at the werewolves standing over Dean next and emptied the rest of the clip into them.
They fell to the floor and Dean fought off the last one as Sam finished off the other.
Then things were silent again.
"Holy shit! Good shootin', little devil." Dean laughed and fell against the wall to catch his breath.
Sam just clenched his jaw and glared at you.
What was his problem? Did he know you closed your eyes? You aimed better that way anyways.
"Where's Claire?" Sam grunted and rubbed his neck where the werewolf had tried to bite him. But his hand was covered in blood, "Dammit."
"What?" Dean asked, standing tall and glancing at Sam's hand. "You're bit?... Sammy?!"
Dean's hands were in his hair and he spun around on his heel in disbelief. Then stalked over to his brother and pulled aside Sam's shirt collar.
"No. Fuck, no!" Dean shouted and punched the wall next to them.
Then he threw the only lamp left standing across the room. It shattered in his fit of rage and he pulled down the bookcase for good measure.
You set down your gun and padded over to Sam. Sam, eyeing you the whole time with zero trust in his stare. You popped up on your tiptoes and pulled him down by his shoulders to whisper in his ear.
"Close your eyes."
Sam furrowed his brow while Dean was busy hyperventilating in the corner. Rubbing his hands all over his face and scrolling through contacts on his phone, probably trying to find some non-existent cure.
But Sam was bit and Sam would turn if you didn't do anything.
"Trust me for one minute. What do you have to lose?" You whispered again and Sam let his eyes fall shut.
You placed your palm over the bite and channelled your energy into healing him. A blue light pulsed from your hand and Sam hissed. It probably stung like a bitch. But it beat turning into a werewolf and having to munch on cow hearts just to survive.
You wiped away the blood from his neck with your sleeve, inspecting your work. The skin was perfectly smooth like the wolf's fangs never punctured through.
You smiled, finally something went the way you planned. Doing good felt good, when it went right.
"How do you feel?" You asked just to make sure.
"Better, I guess." Sam's eyes fluttered open and met yours. His gaze of hazel softer than before, though still hesitant. "Thank you, I think."
"No biggie. Just a little spell I picked up over the years." You shrugged. You didn't think the boys noticed the lie.
Them thinking you dabbled in witchcraft was probably safer than them knowing the truth. At least for now.
Dean stood up, hanging up his phone mid-ring and walking over to Sam to check out his no longer existent wound. He glanced at you and you noticed his itchy trigger finger at his side.
"You're a witch?" Dean accused as if you kicked his puppy.
"No."
"Bullshit! That wasn't elementary magic, Y/N!" He shouted but still didn't raise his gun.
"Dean, calm down, man. She saved my life." Sam said, stepping partially in front of you. "Just this once, don't freak out how you always do."
Huh, save his life once and the big guy's already on your side. A turn of events you didn't see coming. Maybe there was more to him than just barbie doll hair and fault-finding glares. He knew you were hiding the truth but he didn't seem to care anymore.
"Shut it, Sam." Dean gave his brother a sideways look. "You know how I feel about witches. Blood sacrifices, hex bags and bones everywhere. There's always a price with them."
He gestured towards you and you scowled back at him. Not only a little hurt because you just said you weren't a witch but also because... didn't he feel what was between you, too? Or was it all one sided?
Maybe you should've let Sam die. He'd still think you were human then. You could've hidden that part of you forever. Or, at least, until he started to notice you weren't aging.
But, no, Sam was cool. You were glad you saved him. Maybe you could erase Dean's memory of the past five minutes. You never tried that before but it should be possible, right?
"'M not a witch," you mumbled and watched your boots. "I'm not bad, I want to be good."
That was true. It was the most honest you'd been with a human or anyone ever and you really wanted Dean to like you. Maybe this was the way to go. With honesty.
"I could've hurt you. I could've killed you both." You glanced up and met Sam's hazel eyes then Dean's green ones. "And I wouldn't need the gun to do it."
It was a bit of a threat, but an honest one. And they both seemed to get the weight of your words when neither one of them looked away. They looked anxious like they didn't want to be caught off guard by your next move.
"I'm on your side as long as you're on mine-" you cut yourself off thinking you heard something.
There it was again. Like a banging in the distance. Did they hear it too? You furrowed your brow when you noticed Dean was speaking.
"What do you-"
"Shh," you cut him off and titled your head towards the noise to hear better.
Dean took a couple steps towards you. A glint in his eye.
"Did you just shush me, little dev-"
"Shhhhhh!" You shushed, pressing your palm over his mouth and listening intently.
Dean raised his eyebrows and you felt a smirk tug at his lips, which he clearly failed to hide and Sam huffed out a laugh at the scene.
"Do you guys hear that?" You asked but didn't remove your hand from Dean's mouth so he just shook his head.
"What is it?" Sam inquired.
Dean rolled his eyes and muttered something muffled. You flattened your hand over his mouth more and he groaned but didn't move away. He looked silently amused. Maybe, even... turned on?
"Claire," you said and the boys' eyes widened.
You walked away from them, towards the back of the house and then outside. Sam followed first, nearly tripping over your heels as you led him towards a shed at the edge of the property. Where the banging got louder to the point where you knew they could hear it too.
Dean came up from behind, all man-on-a-mission like, and pushed you both aside. He tried the door knob and when it didn't budge he proceeded to throw his body against the door. But it was sturdy as hell and he was only human.
You put your hand on his shoulder to stop him. Dean puffed hard and gave you a questioning look.
You punched out the deadbolt and twisted the knob until it gave way and the door slowly pushed open.
You smiled up at him and held out your hand as if to say, after him.
Let him go first. Let him feel useful.
He puffed out his chest and squared his shoulders. Silly, little human... but cute, silly, little human.
Dean took the opportunity and entered first, gun drawn. Sam next. Then you padded in afterwards, seeing Claire tied to a chair that was bolted to the ground.
Her wrists were bloody and raw and her nose looked busted. You scrunched up your face, hating seeing her hurt like that and waited for Dean to first untie her before you made your way over to her.
Claire ripped the duct tape from her mouth, "About time you showed up," she snapped at you.
"You were supposed to wait for me." You growled back, already feeling that anger bubble up within again. "Ungrateful, little-"
"Thank you."
She must've seen the surprise on your face and started laughing.
"It's way too easy to bust your balls, Y/N, lighten up a little, would you?" She smiled and you saw the blood dripping from her nose and staining her teeth. "I'm starving. Got anything to eat?"
Sisters are a pain in the ass. You didn't care if you were supposed to love her. She was beyond difficult and she knew it. But, you did still love her.
You touched her forehead, fingertips humming and glowing blue for a moment as you healed her. You didn't care if the boys saw, they already knew something was up.
And after everything, you wouldn't be so easily dismissed if they decided you were a threat. Dean was yours -you decided- but you wouldn't force him even if you could make his life a living hell if he didn't want to be a part of yours. You needed him to keep those parts of you quiet and he was damaged, too. He could use you, too. You could help him; help each other. You could try. But would he let you? If not, maybe you could be satisfied with just checking up on him from time to time.
You hesitated a glance up at Dean, expecting contempt in his eyes. You should probably leave, take the memory of the way he calmed you and use that as an anchor, don't sully it with the look he'd give you now. Or when he found out what you were -who you were. But you couldn't stop your eyes from finding his. And you couldn't decipher the look.
"I need a drink," Dean started, "and a burger." He looked at Claire, "I'm phoning Jody." Then back to you, "And we're gonna talk about this. All of it."
You nodded and waited for them to lead the way back to the Impala. You hung back with Claire.
"Do they know?" Claire whispered over to you.
You shook your head, feeling what could only be described as bubbles in your stomach. You decided it must be butterflies. You never had them before now.
What was Dean doing to you?
The more he looked at you the more you felt the way humans were supposed to feel. But you didn't think you were changing at all, not on a molecular level, anyways.
"Are you gonna tell them?" She asked.
You shrugged, you didn't want to talk about it, you didn't want to think about it. Claire didn't seem to understand and continued. As sisters do.
"Do you want me to talk to him? Maybe Castiel could-"
"No." You answered flatly.
Your mess, your problem. You didn't want your father cleaning things up for you again. Although, this time things were different, cleaner. You could keep it that way. You wouldn't hurt them and you wouldn't force them.
You wouldn't use your powers against them at all; you promised yourself.
"Cass?" Dean overheard and turned around to walk backwards. "You know Cass?"
Fucking Claire.
Don't lie. Don't lie. Don't lie... -Okay, little lie. Tiny little white lie. Teeny-weeny.
"No-"
"-Yes." Claire answered at the same time as you.
Fucking sisters, you scowled to yourself.
"A little," you corrected yourself.
That wasn't a lie, was it?
"Mmm," Dean sighed and pointed. "No more lying, little devil."
"Oh, for the love of-" Claire exhaled way harder than necessary. She had less patience than you. You would've thought she was half demon. "He's her father!"
"Claire!" You growled.
Don't kill her. Don't kill her. Do not kill her!
You glared.
Inhale. Exhale.
Dean stopped dead in his tracks, you didn't notice until you ran face first into his chest.
"Ouch," you grumbled and rubbed out the pain from your nose.
You were all powerful, sure, but you still felt pain. And your eyes watered.
"Your Cass' kid?" Dean grabbed your shoulders and really looked at you. "How?"
You didn't look much like your father. You had Y/H/C hair and raven eyes. If it weren't for the whites around your eyes you could pass as a demon even when you didn't lose control. That was the main reason everyone was always scared of you. You looked -you laughed at yourself- like a little devil.
You could act like an angel a hundred percent of the time and as soon as they found out you were part demon and nephalem, not nephilim, they'd only see that and scatter.
Bite the bullet. Come clean. But if Dean didn't like you as a witch then-
"Remember Cass had that demon girlfriend?" Claire continued, as always, not minding her own damn business.
"Meg?" Sam asked, he'd stopped too.
The fucking car was right there. Thirty feet away! So close, yet might as well be an ocean away.
"So, you're a nephalem?" Sam asked again.
Did this guy live in a monster library?! Seriously, didn't he know someone with such great hair shouldn't be a total nerd, too. Like give the less L'oreal-inclined a chance, for crying out loud.
You didn't know what to say. You couldn't deny it and you refused to defend yourself to measly humans who'd probably still judge you by your eyes despite anything you said.
So, you nodded. And you realized Dean was still clutching your shoulders, a little tighter now that you noticed.
"Cass and Meg?" Dean said aloud like he was trying to process the information but his brain wouldn't let him.
You didn't dare move a muscle, not because you were scared but because you were scared of scaring them off. So, you just kept your eyes on his green orbs. Willing him to feel anything other than contempt for the demon blood inside you.
How did puppy dog eyes go again? Castiel taught you it in case you ever came across the Winchester brothers. He said it would come in handy as opposed to using your powers. Not everything had to be taken by force. Not everything had to be a feat of strength. 'Sometimes honey works better than vinegar', he told you.
You ran down the checklist in your mind: (1) tilt your head down, (2) soften eyebrows, (3) look through your lashes, and (4) open your eyes just a fraction more -but not too much or you look surprised, not adorable. We want adorable. Oh! And (5) -this one was optional- pout your lips. This step was always a fail for you, though... you disregarded it and followed through with the rest.
Sam was soulless once and Dean still loved him. You had a soul, you thought, would he see it in your raven eyes?
Claire broke the silence, slicing through the thick air with her loud voice, "She has a temper sometimes, but she's never hurt anyone that didn't deserve it. Can you guys say the same about yourselves?" What was she doing? You knew they couldn't, that's one reason your father wanted you to stay away. "Because I can't."
"So you're part angel, part...?" Dean asked, his hand sliding over your cheek to brush at the skin under your eye.
Puppy dog look was working! That never happened before! You were giddy inside but kept the look, letting him explore the depths of your eyes, letting him see everything.
"Part demon."
"No human?"
"Not enough to count."
There was a fraction of you that was human. The equivalent to a 0.0001 percent on an ancestry test.
When you were a child you wanted to be human, you refused to use your powers even and asked your parents if you could go to school with the other kids. But you grew faster than them so you weren't allowed.
That's partially why it's taken so long to learn your powers, why you stayed with your parents until now and you still struggled with keeping control; because you kept them caged up for so long, like a wild animal and now they raged against you with any strong emotion. Pain, pleasure, fear, anger, anything in excess was a trigger.
"So, 'little devil', huh? You must've had fun with that one." Dean chuckled and you placed your hand over his still cupping your cheek.
His skin was warm on yours but, funny thing was, you never felt cold until you felt him.
"You have no idea." You smiled sweetly.
Again, not the daughter of the devil but demon was close enough. Lucifer was kind of your grandfather by creation, or your uncle? Both? You didn’t know, those things were hard to keep track of and you weren’t on speaking terms anyways.
"Do you eat?" Dean asked.
You shrugged, "Sometimes."
"But you don't have to, do you?"
"No." You admitted and looked away. "I do love anything with cheese, though. Cheese is the greatest thing your kind ever invented... food wise."
"Really? Not chocolate?" Claire gaped.
"Umm," you thought about it, "it's a close second."
Dean laughed with a warm smile, "Let's get you something cheesy, then."
You beamed.
You honestly didn't expect Dean to react this way. You thought it probably had a lot to do with Castiel being your father. They seemed close, in the past. Or you were getting played, big time.
Let him try something if that's what he was up to. He couldn't hurt you and chances were if he could, he wouldn't know how tonight. They'd have to research since even you didn't know your weaknesses, there wasn't much lore on the matter.
You wanted to trust Dean and it was kind of fun to play human while you were around them so you tagged along to the restaurant.
Claire frowned and pouted as she ate her pasta forcefully. You thought she bit her fork once but kept going. There was sauce all over her chin.
Dean had called Jody on the ride to the diner and Jody chewed her out over not waiting for backup. She deserved it, but it was a little harsh.
Claire saved a couple of kids from that shed before she got nabbed. It wasn't just that she let her guard down. She did good.
You didn't tell her that, though. It would only enable her and if anything happened to her you knew your father would be upset. She was a small human, not incapable but there was an advantage to being either powerful, like you, or big and strong like Dean and Sam.
"Earth to Y/N." Dean waved a hand in front of your face.
You didn't realize you'd been staring at his forearms, the sleeves of his flannel rolled up just enough for you to see his muscles move as he ate his cheeseburger. Sam had a salad, what the hell? Didn't a moose need more fuel?
"How's your poutine?"
"Pure cheesy goodness." You sighed and picked out another fry, twirling the melted cheese onto the end of it and sticking it between your lips.
You hummed at the taste. When Dean asked if you'd ever tried poutine and you said 'No', he completely flipped out and demanded you order it. There were no regrets but your mind was wandering with him sitting right in front of you. There was nowhere else to look and he was a masterpiece.
Sam had his perks, too, his shoulders were massive and you never noticed things like that on humans before but you think you liked that. Big shoulders. Dean had them, too. Must run in the family.
You sucked the gravy from your fingers and let out a slow breath with a little sigh. It sounded like a light moan.
"Y/N," Claire hissed and elbowed you and you saw her blush. "Can't you be normal? One time?"
You pouted -not really sure what the big deal was, it wasn't that loud- and picked up another fry. It's been a while since you ate anything, since you didn't really need to eat anything and it tasted really good.
You held up the fry, sticking out your tongue and sucking the melted cheese thread from the end of it into your mouth. You circled the tip of your tongue, collecting the thread until the fry met your lips and Claire jabbed you in the side again.
You glared at her, muttered a 'What?!' and rolled your eyes.
"Enjoying yourself?" Dean asked, his gaze heavy and his food left abandoned on his plate as he watched you.
"Mhm. Want some?" You offered innocently and sucked the gravy from your thumb.
"No. I'm having fun watching you, little devil. Keep going." He said and wet his bottom lip.
What did he just say?! You blushed. Hard.
You absolutely loved the butterflies he made come to life in your chest and stomach. Yeah, you were keeping him.
"Here. Just use this," Claire shoved the unused fork next to your plate at you. "And stop moaning, for fuck's sake."
"Sorry," you grabbed the fork and stuck it into a couple of fries. "Happy now?" You asked sarcastically, demonstrating the use of a fork by shovelling it into your mouth like Claire had done with her pasta.
You pouted to yourself, it tasted better with your fingers. That was weird, though, right? Next time you'd get it to go and eat alone in your motel room the way you wanted.
You'd given up on being normal a long time ago. Weird was your forte. You were Castiel's daughter, after all, and Castiel was the king of weird. He made it cool.
Your father brought you up to love yourself and Claire was just being Claire. Sometimes you got along and other times, you didn't. You thought having the boys here kind of put her on edge, too. Like she wanted them to approve of her and by extension, you.
You had an inkling Dean approved of your eating methods, though. Maybe not Sam, even if he was all shades of red right now, and avoiding all eye contact, and he kept shifting in his seat like he was uncomfortable. It was funny.
_____
Dean refused to stay at the motel near the dive you met him at -the closest motel in town- and instead drove for two hours to the next one. Which didn't look a whole lot better. It could only have, like, maybe half a star more than the last place.
You had a room all to yourself, as did Claire and the boys shared a room with the two queen beds. In the morning they were set to drive Claire back home to Jody and the others. They wanted to make sure she actually got there and didn't run off again to do something stupid, as usual.
You didn't think it would matter, she would do whatever she wanted as soon as she got the chance. So, why delay the inevitable? As long as she called when she got in a jam and kept someone up to date on where and what she was hunting, you let her do her thing.
Even if the worst were to happen, you could always bring her back. You successfully resurrected a bird last summer. Castiel tried to explain balancing the universe or something but you didn't understand letting things suffer if you could give them a second chance.
Like the bird who was minding his own business, pecking for worms in the grass in the rain when this plump house-cat came along and snatched him up. That bird probably had a nest to feed and that cat was just bored. You gave him a second chance. How could that be a bad thing?
That being said, you weren't about to take any strolls through the cemetery to awaken the dead. Even you had your limits. But you'd break the rules for the select few you truly cared about.
You sat on the edge of the bed in your motel room, flipping aimlessly through the five channels on TV. It was late, you were bored and you didn't sleep. You should've told Dean not to bother with a room for you but you didn't want to leave them just yet and he didn't ask.
Three quick knocks came at your door and you checked the digital clock on the bedside table.
Three-O-two A.M.
You shut off the TV -not wanting to watch the weather channel anymore, it was boring and repetitive, but you liked the tune they played in the background over and over- and walked towards the door. You undid the locks and opened the door.
You understood why people in horror movies were usually scared if something like this happened, but when you're nearly invincible, nothing like that really scares you anymore. Other things scared you, though, like if Dean left without you in the morning.
Sure, you could easily find him anywhere he went, but if he didn't want you around... that would be scary. Because, you really liked him and you drew the line at actually forcing yourself on him, even in a friendship.
But there he was, standing in your doorway and looking like he'd just woken up.
"Hey," he rasped, "Can I come in?"
"'Course," you stepped aside and shut the door behind him. "Something the matter?"
"Uh," he brushed his bedhead back in an attempt to comb it and glanced around the room. His green eyes settling on your still-made-up bed. "You don't sleep?"
It was more of a statement but you answered anyway.
"Do angels or demons sleep?" You shrugged and he acknowledged with a nod. "Dean? Are you okay? You look frazzled."
He laughed at your term and hung his shoulders as if you saw right through him and he knew he couldn't hide it with you. He sighed and sat on the edge of your bed, head in his hands.
"I had a nightmare." He swallowed like he was waiting for you to laugh, but you didn't. "It's always the same fucking thing." He continued and you stayed silent, crawling into a spot next to him on the bed. He didn't look at you and exhaled again. "I'm back in that house and it's burning, but I can't find Sammy and my dad's... just -gone. I feel the heat on my skin and in my lungs and I can't breathe… and then, I wake up, and I still can't breathe.” He looked up, finally meeting your eyes. "I don't know why or how, but... I can take a breath around you." He lifted his shoulders and turned towards you. "I had to make sure you were still here."
"I am," you nodded and smiled softly, "Is that a good thing?"
He huffed out a laugh, "Didn't you hear what I just said?"
"Yeah, I'm your inhaler."
"Damn, sweetheart, you really do take after Cass, don't you?" Dean smirked.
You were aware of how clueless your father was with pop culture references, it was something you were working on with him. You supposed you took after him a little, you always liked when people pointed out your similarities, even with your mother, too. Not all stuff demon was bad.
"Like father, like daughter." You shrugged.
********************************************
When Dean wasn't paying attention -lost in your raven eyes- you hit him in the face with one of your pillows. His face blanched and you giggled and spun away from him. His arms wrapping around your waist before you could hop off the bed.
"Naughty, little devil." He growled in your ear.
You barely hit him! And squirmed against his hold, I'll bet, not hard. You were pretending to be human again. It was nice for a change letting someone else be all powerful. Especially someone like Dean who felt powerless. You could see it in his eyes when he was talking about his nightmare.
Your back pressed to his chest and you felt his heart beat fast against yours. You liked being in his arms, you never felt so calm with your blood moving as fast as it did. Usually when your heart beat fast it was because you were angry. Demon blood -almost literally- boiling.
This feeling was so far from that. Your whole body buzzed like it was electrified and tingles curled your toes. Then Dean's palm found the hem of your shirt and snaked up underneath it, laying flat on the skin of your stomach.
Dean groaned and shifted behind you, his bowed legs wrapping around your hips and his arms pulling you with him as he leaned back against the headboard. He breathed hard into your hair and kissed your ear.
"If Cass knew what I was thinking about his little girl right now..."
"I feel it, too."
You threaded your fingers through his as he clutched you to him. Dean's grip easing a little as you melted into him. You turned your head to meet him with a slow, soft kiss and then he dropped his forehead to yours.
You breathed heavy and added, "But stop mentioning my father."
Dean barked out a laugh and turned rosy, "Last time. Promise." And he kissed you again.
"This is kind of crazy." You panted between kisses, neither of you pushing for more just yet.
"Mmm," Dean agreed, continuing to attack your lips until they felt swollen against his. "Do you wanna stop?"
"Never." You giggled. "Don't stop. Please."
You turned and straddled his lap. Dean brushed the hair from your face as he stared into your eyes. Frozen and lost in their endless depths.
"Your eyes are incredible," he breathed and you shied away. "Don't look away. Look at me."
You exhaled nervously and chewed your lip as you pressed your forehead to his and met his gaze again.
Nobody ever looked at you like that.
His hands on your back roamed up and down, squeezing anything he could get a grip on. His fingertips indenting your skin under your shirt when he held you and shifted his hips down the bed, just enough so you sat in his lap like a puzzle piece, as he leaned his mouth into yours and captured yours lips.
"It feels like you were made for me." Dean groaned and his hands fell to your ass. "We just fit so perfectly together."
He pushed your hips down and his bulge pressed between your legs making you moan softly in his ear. You were both still very clothed but it felt nice to finally fit with someone. Like you knew where you belonged all along.
"I need you." You breathed into his ear, sucking his lobe between your teeth and nibbling. You felt him catch his breath and kissed down his neck. "It feels right with you. Don't leave me, ever."
You knew you were coming on strong but he had to already know what he was getting into. Cass' daughter and a nephalem, stronger than any other being on earth including Chuck. He had to know you weren't some one night thing. He certainly looked at you like you weren't.
"I don't plan to." Dean vowed, tugging the hem of your shirt up.
You let him strip it off of you and he went for your bra next. Covering yourself when he threw the wire beast to the floor. He met your eyes lovingly.
"Don't hide from me, little devil." He murmured and pulled your arms away from your chest. "You're the most beautiful creature I've ever laid my eyes on."
"You really know how to make a girl melt, don't you?" You laughed and hugged him, pressing his cheek to your chest. "Your turn."
You leaned back from him and tugged his shirt over his head. Trailing your fingertips over his anti-possession tattoo while he watched you with lust blown green eyes.
Dean threw you onto your back and climbed over you, ravaging your neck as heat throbbed between your legs. You moaned and felt him pull at your leggings. He tugged them down to your knees and you heard the zipper of his jeans follow.
You pushed the rest of your clothes off with your heels and Dean rid himself of his, then plastered his body back to yours. Feeling every inch of his skin pressed against yours.
He settled between your legs and his green eyes met your raven ones. A smile quirked his lips and he kissed down your chest as he hooked your knee with his arm, spreading you open.
His lips teased your nipple and you whimpered and threaded your fingers through his hair. Tugging when he teased the sensitive flesh with his teeth.
Dean grunted and kissed his way back to your lips. Trailing his moist breath over your skin and sending shivers through your body, down to your toes.
Fuck, he felt good.
Your body was humming when he nudged between your legs, lining himself up and thrusting inside of you in a single push. You cried out and held his shoulders, feeling him breath deep and his muscles move slowly as he rocked into the apex of your thighs.
Pleasure quickly filled your veins and you latched your ankles around his lower back, keeping him pressed to you. Your breasts flattened against his chest and his thrusts grew faster and stronger as you tried to keep up, moving your hips in time to meet him.
Your hips bumped into his and you felt his tummy tighten against yours as he grew more desperate for you. His hand gripped your ass as he pressed himself more into you and your fingers tangled into his hair at the sensation, pulling the short strands and making him groan.
Fuck, he felt great!
Inside of you, on top of you. You felt grounded like you belonged exactly where you were. Like this was always meant to happen. Like you couldn't contain whatever was building between you. Like you were about to burst in the most unimaginably delightful way.
He grunted in your ear and the heat between your legs blossomed, your eyes rolling behind your lids as you shut your eyes and rode out your orgasm. Holding onto him for dear life.
He was a god among men.
Dean groaned louder, feeling you clench around him as he continued to push into you again and again. Pumping a few more times as he chased his own end and he started to come. He breathed heavy and loud in your ear, burying himself inside you with one final thrust and holding your hip with his hand as you felt warmth spill inside of you.
You didn't know if you could actually get pregnant by being with a human, your body was still flesh and bone to a certain extent, but at the moment you didn't care.
Dean fell onto you, pressing you into the mattress and you held him, tracing circles along his shoulders with your nails and kissing his cheek. He sighed, hot breath in your hair and on your neck and his lips found yours again. Kissing you deep and needy until the urge for air burned your lungs.
"Y/N..." Dean started and puffed against your lips, still trying to catch his breath. "I..."
"What?"
"It's never been that good."
But he shook his head and kissed you again. His kisses soft and pliant, easing as his heart fell back into a steady rhythm.
You did it again about a half hour later. And showered together as the sun rose, barely getting any sleep. Or Dean barely got any sleep. You were sure today would be one of the lucky days that Sam actually got to drive the Impala and you planned to spend the car ride holding Dean as he slept in the backseat.
********************************************
After dropping Claire off with Jody -whom you got to meet and genuinely liked- you tagged along with the boys to a few other cases along their route back to Lebanon. More than one of those cases taking you way out of the way.
The detour was scenic and pleasant and you weren't in a rush for the road trip to end. You weren't entirely sure it ever ended for them. And you wanted to stick around for a while, find your sea legs and stand on your own, but with them by your side. With him.
The infatuation didn't end in that motel room and neither did the sex. But it was getting harder and harder to find time alone and you were ready for some time with just Dean, a bed and maybe some cheese -not in bed but maybe between romps in it.
The Impala -or Baby, as Dean called her- rolled into Lebanon late in the afternoon and up to a red brick building that looked like a warehouse. This must've been the bunker that your father often talked about. And when the car took the road around the back towards the secret entrance to the underground garage, there he was standing guard outside, just waiting.
Your father. He looked angry -his facial expression never actually changed, but you knew his cues after the years- and he held your eyes through the window of the Impala. Shit.
Castiel stood outside waiting for who knows how long. Trench coat blowing open in the breeze and his tie loosened a bit more than usual.
You might've sent him to voicemail more than a couple of times over the past weeks -after Dean insisted you get a phone to keep in touch- and when you listened to the messages, he wasn't all that thrilled about you hanging around with the boys, especially Dean. And especially since he knew how Dean was with women. You liked to think you were different together, though, it wasn't like you had much luck with serious relationships in the past either. So, you would figure it out together.
It wasn't your father's business but it was clear in his eyes when you stepped out of the car to meet him that he wasn't getting that.
"Cass-" Dean greeted as he climbed out of the car with you, a giant smile plastered on his face as he approached his friend.
Cass glared at him and touched his forehead. Dean instantly fell to the ground unconscious before you had a chance to catch him. Luckily it wasn't pavement so it wasn't a hard landing.
"Was that really necessary?" You snapped at your father.
Sam rushed to park the car and jumped out to check on Dean.
"Cass, what the hell?!" Sam growled, kneeling next to his brother and Cass touched his forehead next.
Sam fell over awkwardly on top of Dean and you thought maybe you should push him off but then your father spoke to you again.
"It's time for you to come home. You had your fun, Y/N." He said and stuck his hands into the pockets of his trench coat.
"I don't want to." You glowered. "You're pissed, I get it, but why are you taking it out on them?"
"Dean can't love you," Cass explained and his blue eyes flicked down to Dean's unconscious face, half hidden under Sam's arm. "He won't ever choose you over his family... over Sam. Me and your mother will choose you every time. Come home."
"I don't need him to choose me over his family, I want to be a part of their unit, I want to grow with them-"
"You can't grow with them, Y/N, you'll watch them grow old until the day they die. You could watch a million generations fly by before you even age a second."
"I don't care! I want him while I can have him! As long as he'll have me." You screamed and your chin trembled so you clenched your jaw tight.
"You'll care in ten years when he gets injured easier, twenty when he starts looking more like your father than your boyfriend-"
"Stop."
"And in thirty years, he'll probably be dead, hunters don't last long, Y/N, especially human ones." Your father vented almost like he wasn't just trying to convince you.
Cass and Dean were close, he wouldn't just let him die. He wouldn't just continue on without him. Dean would impact your father on a deep emotional level before his time came, he already did, you saw it as much as he tried to ignore it. Or not think about it.
"Please. Stop." Your voice was quiet now and Dean started to stir underneath Sam's limp body. "If he can't live forever, I want to be human, too."
You looked up at your father with tears in your eyes. You hardly ever cried and Cass steeled his jaw.
"I'll find a way," you promised yourself and wiped away a tear.
Your father's face fell, like he wasn't expecting that response and breathed out a long sigh, "Your mother isn't going to be happy about this." He shook his head and loosened his tie a little more. "But I'll help you, if you're sure. Because I love you."
Your father would do anything for you even if it broke his heart to do it. There were ways to get the best of both worlds, though. You never tried it but if an angel lost their grace, they turned human. You could siphon your grace and store it for the future, then you could grow old with him for as long as it lasted.
The only problem was the part of you that was demon. You didn't know how that would balance out if you lost your grace. But you'd find a way.
You hugged your father when you saw his heart breaking and assured him that he wasn't losing you. And who knows, maybe you'd find a way to make Sam and Dean live forever instead, and then you wouldn't have to give up anything.
Dean groaned and pushed at Sam's arm, shifting out from under his little brother's heavy body.
"What the fuck, Cass?" He groaned as he checked on Sam and stood up. He saw you hugging and nodded like he understood, "Guess, I may have deserved that."
"I'll be watching you," Cass said, squinting his steely blue eyes and pointing between them and Dean. A reference to a movie Dean probably made him watch. "She's my baby, Dean, treat her like she's your Baby."
He nudged his head towards the Impala and you laughed as you skipped back over to Dean and into his arms. You held him tight around his waist and squeezed until you heard him huff in pain and curse.
You loosened your grip but didn't let him go. You have to squeeze adorable things, everyone knew that; Dean was tough, he could take it.
"Fuck. I don't want to be on either of your bad sides." He admitted and kissed your forehead. "You did good, Cass, she's beautiful... and strong as fuck. Shit, little devil, I think you just cracked my ribs."
Cass quirked an eyebrow at the endearment and you laughed at your father's face turning sour. Then Sam groaned from the ground behind you; which was a good thing, because Dean was going to need backup.
_________________________
Dean:
@akshi8278 @laycblack @thoughts-and-funnies @mrsjenniferwinchester @crustycheeks @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @lyarr24 @suckitands33 @eliwinchester99 @yvonneeeee @igotmajordaddyissues @djs8891 @leigh70 @globetrotter28
SPN:
@hobby27
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Helluva Boss Theory: Blitz Is Verosika, Fizz and Barbie’s Scapegoat...Part 1
[Note: Reading This Is Optional, also gonna put “not for kids” and “mature audience only” for this, just in case...]
because of how I’m feeling right now, I will be breaking this into parts, possibly just two parts...
it might be possible that Blitzo, isn’t fully to blame for his bad luck in relationships, he just ends up in toxic-relationships that end up breaking his heart.
and what ever went down with Verosika, Fizz and Barbie, it might not of been fully Blitz’s fault, and yet he is made the scapegoat and all the blame is placed on him...
we only know some of the story between him and Verosika, and we do know that Blitz and Fizzy use to be best friends until something caused them to fall apart.
we don’t know much about how Barbie and Blitzo were together during their childhood, but for all we know, Barbie’s poor relationship with her brother, could not be fully his fault and she doesn’t want to take some of the responsibility as to why it had become broken.
also I want to say, that I decided to check the AO3/Archive Of Our Own again, and it seems there is something different now.
it says "We'll be back soon!" and even has some info that says it is currently offline due to a DDoS Attack.
and they are working on the mitigations and hope to return to service soon, and to stay tuned to the AO3 status on Twitter or on Tumblr for updates.
well, guess things are looking up.
I am gonna make sure to keep a eye out and even if it might take time for AO3 to fully get better, I still hope it gets better soon, but how long it will be, well it might not be right away, but I’m gonna wish those who are working on the problems, some luck.
I hope no one was trying to update their story when that mess started, that would really suck....I know I brought this up before, when I posted that one post some hours ago, that talked about a bit about whats going on with AO3, and well at least we got a bit more info about it and hopefully it will be fixed soon.
anyway, back to the theory about Blitzo being made as Verosika, Fizzarolli and Barbie’s scapegoat, it is possible that there is more to the stories between Blitzo and those three, than just him being bad at relationships...
the problem with those three, is that they seem to want to pull that scapegoating, and make it seem that Blitz is to fully to blame for why their platonic and romantic relationships with Blitzo had broken and fell into pieces.
it is possible those three, had did some emotional damage to Blitz, which would explain how he acted at Bee’s Party, and once again it might be the Embodiment Queens that have more sense and possibly more empathy than the Embodiment Kings.
Bee might feed on the energy of some of the gluttony of others, but it might only be the positive side of it, and not the really bad negative side of it.
Bee could see that Blitzo was in emotional pain and know he was gluttonying in the wrong way and for the wrong reasons, and she wanted him to get some form of help and she possibly wanted him to feel better and could sense something deeply hurt him to the point of him drinking and kissing strangers for the wrong reasons.
(feel free to skip some of these parts and skip down to where it goes back to talking about the whole Blitzo being Verosika, Fizzarolli and Barbie’s scapegoat to their broken relationship with him. keep a eye out for the bold.)
I think the songs that would fit my feelings are "Monster" by KIRA, 2018 Song Called "Bulletproof" by Godsmack, "Bulletproof" by La Roux (yeah they both have the same name, but different lyrics.), "Break Me Shake Me" by Savage Garden, Undertale Parody Song Of "Stronger Than You" from Steven Universe....it would be the Chara Version of the Parody.
and the song "F*** You" by Lily Allen.
I like those songs, and well I think I had just learned about the Bulletproof by Godsmack, it is pretty good.
hopefully things can become a bit more better, and one of the things I can hope for is that I'm NOT Jesus's Descendant, don't mind if we are distant cousins (because we are both descendants of King David, but my being a descendant of King Solomon & His Son Rehoboam, still ain't a curse....it's a blessing, because I don't have to take that throne...)
I'm pretty sure that being Jesus's Descendant & Cain's Descendant, would be not so great because of some info I had found before....
and yeah, just because my blood type is O RH D Negative doesn't mean it is proof that I'm Jesus's Descendant, plus that blood type might of been around way before Jesus was born into human form...
also if it were possible and if I was allowed to by both the Heavenly Father & Earthly Mother, I would punch Archangel Samael so freaking hard on his arm....
I think I should try to do some stuff to make me more happy and do some healing, cause I am so tired of Male-Angels crossing lines they shouldn't freaking cross.
and there is possibly only a few I can trust not to push me to the limit...I want to try to hope things can get better, but even if it does, it doesn't change anything....
I don't think my trust issues with some Male-Angels (not just the Fallen ones...) can just be "fixed", not after some damage has already been done...
oh yeah, another song that would fit would be "Apologize" by OneRepublic...
and I want people to try to understand my feelings and not tell me "you should give your full trust to them." and "I'm sure they have their reasons."
yeah, like I said....even if I can trust some Male-Angels.....but my trust for all of them, is not likely gonna be for a very long time....not after the messed up stuff that has been going on.
maybe with any luck, there are some Male-Angels & Female-Angels that are trying to fix things, and try to get more trust back....cause this Earth Angel Enbirl, will need to see some form of improvements...
a weird thought pop into my head just now, and it has to do with the Goddess calling Lucifer "Morning Sunshine", like it is a cute nickname....like a Mom would give to one of her babies...not sure if she would really call him that or if that is Lucifer's nickname, another thing that pop into my head is the word "Little Morning Sunshine", and "Sparkle Star"....
ya know, even if he still shouldn't of done it, but Lucifer could of waited to do his little rebellion until AFTER the balance between the Masculine & Feminine energies were fixed....
if the Earthly Mother Goddess allowed me to, I would slap Lucifer over the head....it is possible because it wasn't fixed during those times, the Masculine energy has been all infected with toxic energy...
and yeah, some of the toxic energy is in the feminine energy now, but lucky for us, it isn't as high as the masculine one...
it is possible that the energies has been trying fix the damage done to it, after some idiot human ancestors back in the days of the Indo-Europeans, had foolishly dethroned the Goddess...
lucky there was still some humans keeping the faith of her alive and well, and can we NOT use the word "woke" the way some people have been doing so...
it's bad enough some humans misuse that word, so please don't say I'm being "woke".....also I know it is possible I have been a bit bittersweet at times lately, but with the bull slag that has been going on for me, and the other stuff that is going on, I can at least try to do stuff to make me happy to help with those bittersweet feelings.
I mean I had to put up with some bull slag stuff in 2015, and I ended up a mess and at some point I couldn't take it and ended up in a depression, and oh let's not forget that even after I got better from that, it was either in 2016 or 2017 that I ended up falling into another one, and this time it wasn't because of family stuff going on in real life.
and it took time for that second depression to fully heal, and it felt maybe a lot more worse than that first one, even if I still had stuff and people to make me feel a little happy, but that not so great feeling was still there.
and when watching Boss Baby, I had laughed in a way that was a sign I was getting better, it was possibly one of the good signs that I was healing.
my personal space wasn't being respected enough in 2015, I couldn't even write or draw in private without one of our house guests coming into that room and invading my personal space...
it got so bad, that when I ended up showing a type of look, my much older cousin got on to me for it, and I had to go to the bathroom and cry....I was living in a personal heck...
if I was giving a "dirty look" or whatever, it's because you all wont stop coming into that room and just leave me the frag alone, I need my personal space, and I don't like people looking over my shoulder when I'm trying to draw or write, and I'm the "bad guy" for wanting you to stop invading my personal space?!
everyone needs their own personal space when they need to be left alone, and I hardly got that when we had some people staying over and they wouldn't stop coming into the room I was in.
I can still talk to others when I'm able to, but that stuff that happen before, I just can't stand how it went....I just like to be alone at times, like family can still be in the house...
but I rather be in a different room, by myself when I really need it....and it can suck when you do get that full happy energy back, it is once again taken away from you, and you be lucky to just have some happy energy left.
it can also suck when you are talking to someone, but they give off the whole "they are just looking for attention.", talking about another person....
and you might feel you can't truly tell them some deep and troubling feelings you have at times, because the thoughts you might get is that "they might think I'm just looking for attention as well."
like even if I can talk about some feelings, but maybe there are some things that I shouldn't talk about.....and there is some stuff I do keep to myself.
anyone not just me, would need time to be alone, and it can be to heal.
anyway, we might get more of the story between Blitz and those three in the future, from what we seen in a flashback in one of the episodes, it did appear that Blitz and Fizz were really close like brothers, but something happen between those two that cause them to hate each other.
Blitz not hating Barbie, might of shown that he still held some form of hope to patch things up with her, but he might can do better than her...
he has a new family, even if it isn’t perfect, at least he found a kindred spirit with his daughter, Loona.
it might be possible that Blitzo, has emotional trauma, and one of them being his bad and toxic-relationships that involved Barbie, Fizz and Verosika.
the other emotional trauma, might have to do with his Mom, and we don’t know what happen to her or if she is still alive.
there could be other emotional traumas that Blitzo has been hiding from everyone around him, and not just about his Mom or his Sister, or even Verosika and Fizzarolli.
something must of happen in Blitzo’s past that had did some serious emotional harm, and we might find out more about it in the future, but it might be a while before we do so.
it might be possible that Blitzo, had romantic feelings for Fizzarolli, if that hallucination he had has anything to go by....
each of those who showed up in his hallucination, were these characters...
Striker, Fizzarolli, Verosika and Moxxie.....and lastly, Stolas.
those five were love interests, Blitzo possibly had formed feelings for Moxxie before Millie and Moxxie met each other, but Blitzo never really got to form a romantic relationship with Moxxie, but he still seems okay with Moxxie and Millie being together, and they might be viewed as his OTP.
Striker might of notice that Blitzo had formed a small crush on him, and used that to try to talk him into working together.
and it might be possible that Verosika was only with Blitzo, for just one thing...
which if her little solo song at Ozzie’s has anything to go by...
it is lucky Blitzo wasn’t a human, or else she would of sucked the life right out of him, even if it does turn out that Blitzo is a quarter succubus...
it is possible that the succubus, well the full succubus and not the hybrid ones, will be a bit more dangerous, if they take too much lustful energy and life force from humans, and if they take too much, it could cost the humans their life.
for demons, like hellborns and sinners, it only drains them enough to make them tired and make their stamina low.
also there might be a reason why Blitzo couldn’t please Verosika, and there might be a reason why he took off, and it wasn’t originally just to max her credit card on horse riding lessons, and it was originally to get away from Verosika and how she has been treating him.
and if it is because how Verosika had treated him, and he only left to get a break from her and how she had been treating him...
even if she might be upset with him, but she could at least try to see from his point of view and how he might of not been happy with how things went between them, like he could of really loved her, but she made their relationship all about the physical love, and even if Blitzo might view Stolas’s actions being like Verosika’s....
it could turn out that it not fully true, because unlike Versoika, Stolas does care about Blitzo, and knows to treat him like a person with feelings.
Stolas would be willing to just sit with Blitz and just talk and maybe even talk about their feelings, that is how much he loves Blitz.
Blitz might of got use to being treated a certain way by those he formed a romantic relationship with or one-sided feelings for...
while it might be possible that his feelings were one-sided for Striker and Moxxie....it might be unknown with Fizzarolli, if it was one-sided on Blitz’s side or if it use to be mutual or if it was just platonic on both sides.
the weirdest thought, would be if Barbie might of had a Brother Complex, but the chances of that are VERY small, so it might not be likely and there could be other reasons as to why their relationship might not be the best.
Barbie didn’t appear in that hallucination of Blitzo, and those who did, appeared to be those that Blitzo had formed romantic feelings for, but they had ended up in heart break....and since Fizzarolli was in there, then maybe it was at first platonic and in time, Blitzo had formed feelings for Fizzarolli but something happen, and he possibly never got the chance to tell Fizzy how he truly felt.
Blitzo’s feelings to Barbie, is the family type of love and he does seem to care about his sister, even if things aren’t really the best between them right now.
and this theory might be debunked and I don’t really mind if it does, but my theory is that Barbie had formed a brother complex, which would mean that she saw Blitzo as more than just a brother, and I don’t mean just a friend....it is possible that the rehab place she was send to, wasn’t just for those who get hooked on beezle-juice, it might also be a type of rehab that helps with other problems as well...like those who form complexes...
it could be possible that Barbie could have formed her brother complex sometime before Stolas went to the circus with his Dad-Butler and his Bio-Dad Paimon...(still gonna view that Imp Butler as Stola’s True Dad, even if he isn’t his biological dad.)
before rehab, the feelings could of been small, and Blitz’s Mom had been taking Barbie to some form of therapy, possibly in the Sloth Ring, to help her daughter get over her small yet unhealthy crush on her brother.
but as the years went by, it only got worse and they had no other choice but to send Barbie to rehab.
Barbie might of got over her Brother Complex, but she could still end up placing the full blame on Blitz, even when he rejected her feelings.
but it could be possible that Barbie doesn’t have a brother complex, but something else was the cause of her and Blitz’s family bond breaking.
fans could come up with different theories about Barbie and Blitz.
and well, with any luck, the brother complex wouldn’t be canon, but I would be surprised if it did turn out to be true.
Blitz does love Barbie, but only as family and not anything beyond that.
and that theory about Barbie, having a crush on Blitz, might be incorrect.
and the broken relationship between those two, could be in the platonic zone.
while the broken relationship with Fizzarolli and Verosika are in the romantic zone, and Blitz could of had romantic feelings for Fizzarolli, who was possibly his first love, at first his feelings were platonic love for Fizzy, but over time it had grew into romantic feelings, but something happen to cause Blitz to resent Fizzarolli, even his Robotic Fizzarolli Copies...
Blitzo might not want to form a romantic relationship, but at the same time he still wants to, but because of bad experience and fear, but that might be only some of the reasons, and we might find out more about it in the future besides what we have seen so far.
Blitz might not be fully to blame for his relationships with Verosika, Fizzarolli and Barbie had broke and fell apart.
and yeah, even if not everyone has to agree on this theory, I think it could still be possible that that those three have been scapegoating Blitzo, and not taking part of the blame on why their platonic and romantic relationship with him had fell apart, and even became a toxic-relationship.
anyway, I will talk more about this theory about Fizzarolli, Verosika and Barbie scapegoating in the Part 2 of this...
I’m going to check out a few more stuff on here, and then watch some show or movie...or both, like watching a show first and then a movie...
also if by chance some didn’t skip some of the off topic stuff...
I hope some can understand why I feel like punching Archangel Samael on the arm, and if if the Heavenly Father & Earthly Mother allowed me to do so...
I would gladly punch him in the arm, like REALLY hard....
also I hope friends and other people, understand and respect on my feelings, like how I at times need to be alone for some time to myself.
anyway I think I am a bit tired, maybe after checking out a few more stuff on here, I will go to sleep...and it might not be today, and maybe not tomorrow, but I will try to find time when I can to write the part 2 of this, that has to do with Verosika, Barbie and Fizzarolli’s scapegoating Blitzo.
not everyone has to agree on that theory, but I still think it is possible that Blitzo isn’t the only one at fault for the broken relationships that involve those three.
maybe I can try to do some form of meditation, which just has me closing my eyes and listening to music, and I think I will listen to the song “Release Me” by Agnes. and maybe after listening to that song, I can listen to “don’t go breaking my heart” by Agnes.
not all meditations have to be 100% the same, not even the music that is listen to during it....and yeah, it might be weird, but those songs are great to listen to for meditation, and if I want to close my eyes and do some form of meditation that has me listening to them, then I will. I can try that later...
and with how some toxic-humans have been triggering me in the wrong way, maybe it be good to do some meditation and listen to some music at the same time, it might help a lot and well that, and reading some of the books I have, as well as watching some episodes of some shows I like and even a movie...
but if it turns out I am not able to to find a movie to watch today, I can try for tomorrow....anyway, if I’m not able to make a part 2 of this theory about Blitzo being Barbie Wire, Verosika Mayday and Fizzarolli’s scapegoat this month.
I will try to make part 2 maybe next month instead...
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