Tumgik
#sass post
sassycc8 · 2 years
Text
Indrid: Well, I can turn into a cow. … No, I can’t actually do that. That’s a wild thing-
Lulu: C-can you really?
Indrid: …No! I can turn into a big moth, sometimes, but not now.
58 notes · View notes
lochness-tess · 1 year
Text
I’m sorry for having a f*cking personality (I’m actually not)
0 notes
my-archerboy · 6 months
Text
Alec Lightwood - King of Sass 👑
Updated sassy quotes master post!
Now includes “A Tale of Brunch” and The Lost Book of the White
Son of the Dawn
I’m Alexander Lightwood. I’m basically twelve. 
Not for Humans
Stop this pointless flirting, or I will bash my head through this pastry case. 
City of Bones
*muttering* Fucking asshole. 
I kind of doubt he sent a ravener demon to her house because he wants to “get back together.” 
Magnus: Am I in trouble with the Clave? Jace: No. Alec: Probably not. 
Alec: But you said there wasn’t much demonic activity—you said the levels were low! Jace: they were low! Alec: your version of low must be different than mine! 
Alec: I should’ve guessed you were Jace’s sister. You both have the same artistic talent. Clary: Jace can draw? Alec: Nah. I was just kidding. He can’t draw a straight line. 
Kissed
Izzy. My sister. She told me you liked me. Liked me, liked me. 
City of Ashes 
Alec: Just because you said dragons demons were extinct—Jace: I said mostly extinct. Alec: Mostly extinct is NOT EXTINCT ENOUGH 
Jace: what’s that on your neck? Alec: what? Jace: looks like a bite mark. What have you been doing all day anyway? Alec: Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head. Jace: and ran into a vampire? Alec: what? No! I fell. Jace: on your neck?
The Course of True Love (and First Dates)
Alec: oh, this is a real emergency? I figured it was one of those things where you arranged to have a friend call you so that you could get out of a sucky date. Magnus: Ha ha. I didn’t know people did that. Alec: uh huh. 
I have no idea what I’m doing and you’re, um, glamourous. 
What to Buy the Shadowhunter Who Has Everything 
Raphael: Aren’t you twelve? I distinctly recall you being twelve. Alec: uh, that was a while ago. 
City of Glass
Magnus: you’re an idiot. Alec: Is that why you haven’t called me? Because I’m an idiot? 
The Red Scrolls of Magic
I’m going to pass on the beret. Again. But thanks. 
Look, that one is…Dave…the Hunter…and that one is the…Frog, and…the Helicopter. I don’t know constellations, sorry. 
Alec: What sort of stuff? Magnus: whatever it was we wanted. Massage our feet, run naked through the village square, throw rotten eggs at members of the clergy. You know, normal things joke cults do. Alec: Sure, normal things. 
Magnus: are you all right? Alec: *sliding off the side of a train* all going according to plan!
Magnus: ah, Venice. There is no city in the world like you. Alec: it’s a bit smelly. Magnus: that’s the ambiance. Alec: well the ambiance is pretty strong. 
Dryad: ix-nay on the adowhunter-shay. The adowhunter-shay is right there and he can ear-hay ou-yay! Alec: yeah, I’ve also cracked your secret code language. 
Lily: oh, right, you’re Magnus’s latest disaster. That’s what Raphael calls you. I’m Lily. Alec: didn’t realize Raphael and I were on pet name terms. 
Lily: I’ve decided I detest you. Alec: It’s mutual. 
Alec: I’m just here to have a good time. Helen: In the subbasement of a former cult headquarters, during a downworlder party full of miscreants, armed with a seraph blade? Alec: that isn’t your idea of a good time? 
Alec: there’s a manufacturer’s sticker here. Someone bought this in a souvenir shop. If this thing is magical, then I’m the Angel Raziel. Magnus: The shadowhunters really wouldn’t approve of me dating the Angel Raziel. Alec: But they’d have to be nice to you or I would smite them. 
Magnus: you have to lift your left foot as you’re applying gas with your right foot. Alec: oh no. I have to move both feet at the same time. How can I possibly handle such demands of my agility. 
Magnus: don’t bother with the map. All roads lead to Rome. Alec: the map definitely doesn’t agree. 
Shinyun: I’m leaving. Alec: Like, forever? 
The thing is, Jace is a beautiful antelope who has to be free to run across the plains. 
Aline: Helen, are you all right? Helen: I am. Are you all right? Alec: I’m fine. Not that anyone asked. 
Shinyun: are you suggesting that I should date Magnus? Alec: You tried to stab him, so obviously not. 
Magnus, I’ve been waiting for this for so long. If we don’t do this literally right now, I will jump out the window. 
City of Fallen Angels
Isabelle: here, look at this. Does anything strike you as odd? Alec: you mean besides the fact that no band promoter could possibly be interested in Lewis’s sucky band?
Next time fall in love with an insurance adjuster. 
City of Lost Souls
Magnus: she wasn’t very pleasant the last time I saw her. Of course that could be because I’ve got an eighteen-year-old boyfriend with a stamina rune and she doesn’t. Alec: as the person being objectified, I…object to that description of me. 
The only way you could raise enough money to hire Magnus by selling lemonade is if you put meth in it. 
… If you keep preventing me from from going back to my room and getting dressed, I’ll get Magnus to summon up pixies to tie your hair in knots. 
Alec: I was walking around. Magnus: around where? Alec: places. You know. Mysterious places. 
Simon: I hope you told him you were bitten by a gay spider. Alec: I’ve read Magnus’s stash of comics so I actually know what you’re talking about. So would that give me the proportional gayness of spider? Magnus: only if it was a really gay spider. Alec: *punches magnus in the arm* 
City of Heavenly Fire
Jace: you’re pining. Alec: look who’s talking. ‘oh she’s my sister. Oh I love her. Oh why why why—‘
Emma: do you worry about him? Alec: all the time. Jace could get himself killed putting his pants on in the morning. 
Jace: simon, you’re blushing, and you’re a vampire and almost never blush, so this better be really juicy. And weird. Were bicycles involved in some kinky way? Vacuum cleaners? Umbrellas? Alec: big umbrellas, or the little kind you get with drinks? 
Alec: I did not make a pie for three reasons: one, because I do not have any pie ingredients. two, because I don’t actually know how to make a pie. Jace: and three? Alec: because I am not your bitch.
I just want you to know, that I realize that to you vampires, this feeding business sometimes equals sexy times. My sister may have told me more than I wanted to know. anyway, my point is that I’m not attracted to you in the slightest. 
Jace: walk of shame, boys? Alec: it wasn’t sexy. Simon: it was a little sexy. Alec: it wasn’t. Simon: I had some feelings. Alec: do feel free to agonize about it on your own time. 
WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING? WHY CAN’T YOU GO SOMEWHERE ELSE TO DO THESE HORRIBLE THINGS? MY EYES
Straight people. Why can’t they control themselves? 
Jace: I grew on you though. Alec: Eventually. Like moss, or a skin disease. 
There’s a hot silent brother’s calendar? Do they sell it?
Born to Endless Night
Alec: you know he bit that mundie on purpose. Lily: it could have been an accident. Alec: oh, it could’ve been his seventeenth accident? 
Y DO U SAY THINGS R XTINCT WHEN THINGS R NOT XTINCT
Y R U THE WAY THAT U R 
Simon: so you don’t hate me, and you don’t hate clary. You don’t hate anyone. Alec: I hate people forcing me to talk about my feelings. 
A Tale of Brunch
Clary: Yeah, what gives? I thought Williamsburg was all, you know, illegal art galleries in abandoned factories. I thought that’s why you lived here. Magnus: When you were children it was like that, a little. Now it’s all high-rises and artisanal dog bakeries. Alec: Do the dogs run the bakeries? Alec: Did Lily show up? Maia: Alec. Vampires don’t each brunch. Alec: why not? brunch is great.  Alec: They’ll send Leon Verlac from Paris and he’ll try to seduce everyone. Man, woman, faery who looks like an anthropomorphic plant. Everyone. Simon: That’s oddly specific. Alec: I have a very specific recurring nightmare. 
The Lost Book of the White
Alec: Uh, hi. I’m home. Please don’t shoot me with magical rays.  Magnus: you usually use the door. Alec: sometimes I like a change of pace.  Magnus: *opens portal from living room to Max’s room* Alec: Sure, that seems much easier than just walking down the hall.  Ah, the institute has a very old magic woven into its walls. I shall now use it to commune with my mother, wherever she might be found. MOOOOOOOOOOM!  Hey, they who don’t do well in stop-and-go traffic, also serve the Angel.  Alec: we’re not here to interfere with the way you do your Shadowhunting. Tian: do you say that in English? ‘Shadowhunting’? Isabelle:  no, no one says that. Alec: well, maybe we should start . Jace: can’t sleep either? Alec: what are you mooning around about? I’m the one whose boyfriend has a big magical X carved into his chest by a crazy person.  We have a very annoying blood sommelier to meet with.  Magnus, do you think maybe I have brain damage?  Alec: that doesn’t seem so bad. Magnus: until the power overwhelms them, and they either die or are stabbed three times by the thorn and become the willing lackey of the demon who rules the realm. Alec: that’s seems pretty bad.  Alec: *kissing Magnus in Diyu* Jace: not the time! Alec: always the time. Just working to keep up morale!  Yes, Shinyun is clearly deranged.  You two get out of here before my brotherly instincts kick in. 
Thanks. Now I’m prepared just in case my sword suddenly turns into a dude.  Alec: cozy. Do you think you could summon some comfy blankets? Magnus: from where, exactly? I got rice and water from offerings to the dead, but the pickings are slim down here for luxury items. Alec: the…Hell of Comfy Blankets?  Magnus: we have no idea what it would do. What it would mean for you To take some of this weird magic. It’s connected to Sammael somehow, and you’re full of, you know, angel magic. You might explode. Alec: i probably wouldn’t explode.  Alec: if we put the rune on and something goes wrong, we’ll scratch it out. It’ll be fine. Magnus: I have to give on this because I said ‘it’ll be fine’ about the bait thing and you agreed, right? Alec: there are some who would consider that a valid argument, yes.  But you used your sumptuous brains and you’re all okay! Take that, pessimism guy!  Tian: you must understand how much of an inspiration you are. Your family—the two of your and your son—just by existing, by being so prominent in the Clave, you are doing much. Your family—if the Clave is to survive, that is their future. It must be.  Alec: no pressure, though.  Alec: have you told Isabelle and Simon yet? Jace: we went to Isabelle’s room, but they seem to be, uh, busy.  Alec: that’s my sister. I didn’t need to know that. Clary: at least you didn’t have to hear it.  Alec: dear God, I am removing myself and my baby from this conversation. 
The Land I Lost
Max: hate you, daddy. Alec: that’s a shame. I love you both. 
[listening to Simon’s band] Clary: this is fine. Alec: this is terrible. Let’s go for tacos. 
My man would eat you for breakfast!
Maybe take them alive! Not that [dead] guy, obviously. 
Alec: solomillo– Lily: steak? Alec: dammit 
Alec: I don’t suppose you have any ideas for how I can explain all this to magnus? Jem: I think you’ll find all the words you need, Alec. Alec: thanks, that’s very helpful. 
Lord of Shadows
Magnus: Alec, we have kind of an emergency here. Alec: small children who are awake are also an emergency. I’m just saying. 
Alec: sleep. Adorno. Christina: that means ornament. Not sleep. Alec: *sighs*
Kit: Jace isn’t much like you. Alec: that’s an understatement. 
zara: well wouldn’t that be better? Then you could get old and die at the same time. Alec: at the same time? How would you suggest we arrange that? Jump off a cliff together when one of us started feeling sickly?
I expect you meant to be rude and cruel, but I doubt you meant to sound stupid as well. 
Because he’s three thousand times the human you’ll ever be. Now get out of here before I risk his life by waking him up so he can turn you into a garbage fire. Something that would match your personality. 
Queen of Air and Darkness
isabelle: has anyone ever tried ketchup on a s’mores? alec: this is why you’re a bad cook. You actually like disgusting food. It’s not, like, an accident. 
Emma: have you ever wanted a really big tapestry of yourself?Alec: why? do you have one?
You know, vampires are really good at taking down a person without killing them. Just grab a person, drink enough blood, and voila. 
horace: this is a serious matter, not a game for children. Julian: no one said this was a game, dearborn. Nor are we children.alec: I’m certainly not. 
zara: and we found their bloodstained clothes. We know [jace and clary] are dead. alec: people drop jackets sometimes, zara. 
zara: if those who died on the field could have voted, Alec Lightwood never would have won! alec: I will work toward your rehabilitation, zara. 
A Love That Never Tires
Jace: in another life, I could have been a surfer. alec: you would have spent all your time jumping off the board and punching sharks. That’s not really surfing. 
alec: are you alseep? jace: I’m not asleep. I’m thinking. alec: ah. Difficult is it?
547 notes · View notes
canon-gabriel-quotes · 2 months
Text
Transcript:
Machine, can you not out girlboss me?
Transcript:
Machine, you cannot out girlboss me.
End transcript
Audio source
308 notes · View notes
ofbakerst · 5 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
my dear fellow
267 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
911 + Text Posts pt121/?
90 notes · View notes
link-is-a-dork · 10 months
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Fi: “To transport the Water Dragon’s basin to the volcano, you will need to enlist the service of that transport robot.  Shall I send word to him?
Link: “Not that guy...”
Fi: “Master...unless you plan to carry the tub on your back, now is not the time to be picky about who will help you. I will call for the robot”
325 notes · View notes
socksandbuttons · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
A whole Lunar post because he... is my baby now. I have decided he needs the world and look at him go. Beautiful. Watch ONE show and suddenly u have blorbo. Lunar being from the Sun and Moon Show on youtube. The lore got to me.
Bonus Lunar alt stuff cause i wanna try giving him soemthing. i love seeing the multitude of many deisgns people have done. I also love the new design look at him. Showtime.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
the sleeves ar enice but also fluffy.... but it hides his arms which i like the gradient so.
603 notes · View notes
littlelovelore · 12 days
Text
Tumblr media
imagine trying to cheer him up -
and he shoots you this look
51 notes · View notes
agrebel18 · 9 months
Text
I wanna get more friends/moots who like webtoons, so I’ll start by saying that some of my favorite webtoons are: 
Jackson’s Diary 
Not so Shoujo Love Story 
I Love Yoo 
Purple Hyacinth 
Heartstopper 
Nice To Meet You 
Eaternal Nocturnal 
Brass and Sass 
unOrdinary 
Homesick
240 notes · View notes
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
They love Droids
2K notes · View notes
sonicattos · 11 months
Text
Tumblr media
chronic pains been a bitch lately, but i needed to doodle this to spread my sonic, shadow and amy besties propaganda
DONT TAG AS SHIP I’LL KILL YOU. DONT EVEN IMPLY THAT
256 notes · View notes
an-theduckin · 4 months
Text
Made a compilation of everytime Billy Hendricks sounded sassy for no reason at all 💅
69 notes · View notes
blippin · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media
334 notes · View notes
i-need-entertainment · 7 months
Text
Type? What, no that's ridiculous I don't have a ty-
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
I am weak to gray haired men who don't smile
85 notes · View notes
inthememetime · 2 years
Note
DP × DC but it's a tired and burnt out Danny that makes landfall in Gotham, in this AU Danny is a halfa but it is his sister that plays the role he does in Canon and he only got his powers via ectoplasm contamination. He got burnt out acting as his sisters occasionally sidekick and her alibi in regards to their parents, so after he finally graduated from Casper High he opted to find himself while Jazz joined the Justice League.
So here we have a severely overtired and burnt out Daniel Fenton working at a local Lexbucks Coffee Shop when out of the blue he gets involved in the usual Gotham drama that results in a drive-by shooting wherein Danny gets shot. Danny, being a Halfa, gets up despite having been visibly shot in locations that would be fatal to anyone else but for him it's nothing and he goes back to work.
So begins the interest in Gotham's newest criptid; The Undead Barrista.
👀👀👀
(Lmk if you'd like to read this on my A03, and/or a version from his coworkers POV!) Ok so I did a fic!
Length: short boi. Save about 10-15 minutes.
Summary: see ask above. PLUS Danny sasses Gotham's Rogues Gallery into submission and finds out he really wasn't as useless as he felt.
Danny was second; he was the second child. The second smartest child. The second best as dealing with people. The second one to DIE and get superpowers.
At first, it was exciting! Phantom and Wraith, superhero duo of Amity Park! But Jazz- or Wraith, when she was in ghost form- had the ability to make people feel safe. To calm down situations before they ever started.
Danny had the ability to tear enemies to shreds, destroy infrastructure, and scare people.
Even Sam and Tucker agreed, although not in so many words. They didn't need to; after Dan, after they knew what he'd probably become, things really changed. He was watched, less to make sure he was safe, and more to make sure he didn't become Dan.
When he started sympathizing with that Fruitloop, Vlad, he knew something had to change.
So he flew up, up, into Earth's orbit, so he could look at the planet below. He didn't know how long he stayed there, but when he saw the sun set over the Himalayas, he felt something in him... settle, somehow. And he came to the realization he needed to leave.
It wasn't their fault- his sister, Sam, Tucker. He was the worse liar, so their parents suspected him of everything. He dealt with ghosts better than people, so Wraith was more trusted. As they aged, and Wraith looked the same but older and Phantom started looking like Dan- well. It wasn't the people of Amity Park's fault, either. Besieged by monsters, who would want to rely on one?
He got his things and left. He left a note saying he needed a fresh start, and then took off. He didn't leave the name of the city he was moving to. He didn't know.
That was how he became a barista at a Lexbucks in Gotham with a tiny loft apartment. And for the first time since he was 15, he was happy. Really, truly happy. He made friends in an astronomy club, and got together every other Friday withe people to watch old movies.
He was about to start a management program at Lexbucks. He would be 'needed' by Clockwork every Monday for an unknown amount of time (it was hard to tell time when CW paised as needed. Sometimes Monday lasted weeks, if he thought it was warranted.)
Clockwork being Clockwork, that sometimes meant he needed to solve some ghost issue, or fix a paradox, or come over for dinner, or take a vacation. (Was there a portal in his closet? Yes. Yes there was.)
He saw Frostbite once a week too, Gotham being closer to the Far Frozen, and was learning Greek- both ancient and modern- from Pandora.
He was finally going to ask out Eduardo from the bookstore across the street today.
That meant, of course, he was shot right outside his apartment. Danny left for work around 3 AM; his apartment was pretty close to the edge of Crime Alley, he was the store opener and they started serving customers at 4 AM. A match made in hell.
He heard the gunshots before he felt them, and reflexively turned invisible to change into Phantom. The drive by shooting ended as quickly as it began, leaving Danny to curse and change his shirt. Dammit.
Ah well. Gotta love Tuesdays, right?
Next Tuesday was when Condiment Man walked into the Lexbucks. Probably to try and rob it, but it was difficult to understand over all the giggling from his regulars.
"Bring Gotham to-"
"Sir, this is a Lexbucks. Please just order your coffee, tea, other drink, or something to eat."
Condiment Man gaped for a moment. "I- I don't want coffee. I want villainy."
He nodded. "Fair. But this is a Lexbucks. No villainy, just coffee, tea, sodas, food. No evil available except the evil inherent in corporations."
"I. Um. Ok?"
After a moment, Danny cleared his throat. "So about your order?"
"Um. Well. Can I order you to join me in my quest to bring Gotham to its knees?" He asked nervously.
"Kinky." He said, and Condiment Man sputtered. "But no." His calm demeanor changed in the blink of an eye. "Get your hand off the trigger for that mustard right now, or you'll be cleaning every inch of this place with a toothbrush until it sparkles!"
Condiment Man yelped and left. The locals- regulars and newbies- started laughing. He was pretty sure somebody started crying. His tips were glorious.
Maybe Tuesdays weren't so bad after all.
XxXxXx
"I got a hit on Danny!"
Jazz spun around. "Really? You're sure, Tuck?"
"About 50%, the video is pretty grainy. But you tell me somebody else who deescalates villains with sass."
"Where?"
"That's the problem. They were using a VPN. It's somewhere in the US, probably Gotham, Metropolis, or League City- Gotham Rogues get around sometimes."
Jazz's face started to fall. "Tucker, thank you, but- it's been 5 years. Are we sure his face didn't totally change? I mean, remember Vlad's before and after?"
He sighed heavily. "Jazz, we failed him. I failed my best friend. I missed that he was hurting for 3 years before he ran. No matter what that note said, I was probably part of the problem. Give up on him of you want. But I'm gonna keep looking."
God, those notes had been like kicks in the teeth. If it was Vlad, he'd say it was orchestrated. But it was Danny. He very much did not blame them. He didn't want to go. And what was carefully not said, but pieced together when they compared the note left for him, Sam, Jazz, and the elder Fentons was they were the biggest reason he left.
XxXxXx
"I, the Baffler, will bring chaos and confusion to Gotham's streets with your assistance, Undead Coffee Person!"
That was, oddly enough, better than Inviso-Bill. Still. "Hey man, this is a Lexbucks. And I have a name."
He seemed delighted. "Wonderful! What is your villain name?"
"No, no, no villain name. I'm not a villain. Just a barista. My name's Jack. What's your order?"
The baffler seemed. Well. Baffled. "But aren't you going to join me in my life of crime?"
Danny sighed heavily. "Dude. I just wanna pay my bills. Coffee, tea, what do you want?"
"You can pay your bills with crime!"
The Baffler seemed so honestly pleased it was hard to get angry. Just a big guy in a dumb costume, and Ancients he missed his dad. But then he shot the cash register. "See? Crime!"
Danny snarled and, quick as a blink, The Baffler's hamds were frozen to the counter. "You have ice powers?!"
"And you have dumbass powers, you knockoff Riddler. I'm calling the cops."
XxXxXx
"You must be truly desperate to come to me for help," Vlad said with amusement plain on his face.
Sam narrowed her eyes, and Tucker scowled. "Yeah, well, we need untraceable cash, and you're the kind of guy to keep that on hand."
"And why do you need it?"
Sam grit her teeth, but replied, "let's just say if we find what we're looking for, the number of halfas might be back up to 4."
His eyes flashed brightly. "Well, then. How much do you need?"
XxXxXx
"Together, we will bring Gotham into the next ice age!" Mr. Freeze roared.
Danny narrowed his eyes. "Doctor, this is a Lexbucks. What do you want to order?"
"You, too have powers of ice! Together, we can bring Gotham into the cold!"
He sighed. "Ok. So frozen. Small, medium, or large?"
"I- I am ordering destruction, not coffee!"
Danny pointed to the menu. "Do you see destruction on the menu here? No. No, you don't. Your order?"
He gaped. "Chai latte? Mocha cappuccino? You seem like a smoothie kind of guy, want one of those?"
Mr. Freeze cleared his throat. "What kind of smoothies do you have?"
XxXxXx
"Are you seriously going behind my back with Plasmius?"
Wraith stood, arms crossed with a scowl. "Oh back off, you're nowhere near as scary as Phantom. Or even Skulker." He snapped.
Batman cleared his throat. "I'm told you have information about an incredibly dangerous illegal meta in Gotham?"
Sam shook her head. "I wish I could say I couldn't believe this. He's your brother."
Jazz swallowed. "You don't even know for sure if this is Phantom. This could be a legitimate threat."
"Every time I start to wonder why he left, all I have to do is remind myself about-"
"Sam."
"He's our best friend, Tucker! And she just might've gotten him thrown into Arkham, because Batman doesn't believe in rehabilitation!"
And another argument began.
XxXxXx
"I'm so sorry, Jack. I really like you, I do! It's just..." Eduardo trailed off, shaking underneath Danny's jacket.
"It's ok. You didn't sign up for getting kidnapped by the Penguin in a sick job offer."
He smiled a little shakily, and Danny hugged him tightly. "I'll see you around, ok?"
"Thanks, Jack."
Why the hell was he so broken up over a guy who didn't even know his real name?
XxXxXx
Thursday began at the sight of the Joker prowling around. Danny let his jaws drop and released a hiss that made fully grown ghosts back the hell up, following it by the unearthly rattle he learned from Fright Knight.
The Joker backed up. Swallowed. Put on his trademark grin, and stepped back in. Albeit a little further from the front counter. "Now, now, kid, I'm a clown! Kids love clowns, yeah?"
Another hellish hiss echoed from behind the Joker. He paled, then stiffened as a massive blue hand was on his shoulder. "Perhaps this isn't the best place for you."
The Joker laughed shakily. "Hey, pal, I'm-"
Plasmius' glowing eyes flashed, and the Joker's started glowing red. The clown's face fell slack. "This isn't the best place for you."
"This...isn't the...best...place....for me." The Joker slurred.
"Leave." Commanded the vampire ghost.
The Joker staggered out drunkenly. Plasmius turned his attention to the counter. "Can I get a large black coffee? With a shot of espresso, please."
Danny cocked his head and tried not to laugh at Kristen's face when the fruitloop sat next to her. "Sure. Kristen?"
She looked at him, wide-eyed. "He's not going to hurt or overshadow you. Right, Plasmius?"
"Of course," he agreed magnanimously.
Plasmius drank his coffee at the store. He bought a blueberry donut. Gave him a $500 tip. "The number hasn't changed. Call me, and we'll see about moving you before Batman and his friends crash the place."
"I can fly, you know."
"He has multiple jets. And besides, from what I've heard, Wraith is helping him track down the big, scary meta."
"Thanks for the warning, Plasmius. I'll think about it."
The elder halfa nodded and left, phasing through the door.
Jazz was hunting him. Jazz was hunting him. His sister was- it wasn't fair. He left her the entire territory of Amity Park. She had the undivided love and attention of everyone in Amity Park. Inside the roll of $100 bills was a business card.
He pocketed it, and yet another super came in. Plasmius was right. They were hunting him. Red Robin frowned at the menu.
"Hey, do you still have the mint hot chocolate?"
"Yeah," he said quietly. "Small, medium, or large?"
"Large, please." Red Robin waited in silence while his drink was prepared. "So, Jack Walker isn't your real name."
Danny shook his head. "Nah. If you're going to arrest me, might as well just call me Danny."
He observed him carefully, then nodded. "I'll see you around, Jack. Try to keep out of trouble."
XxXxXx
"He isn't a threat!" Tim snapped.
"You deliberately disobeyed me! We agreed not to approach the person who can use mind control!"
"You agreed, B. Wraith, just leave him alone, ok? He just wants to make his coffee and leave every day."
"Is he my brother or not?"
"Does it matter? He left." Tim snapped. "That guy is just trying to make a living. He's not going to hurt anyone who doesn't start trouble."
Jazz embraced both Sam and Tucker, feeling real, true hope for the first time in years. "It's Danny! Guys it's Danny, we can bring him home!"
"None of you are leaving until we can bring him in for questioning."
Jazz's face hardened, then she agreed. That was alright. She had a secret weapon. Two of them, actually.
XxXxXx
"Jack, you've got people asking for you."
Danny groaned.
"Sorry Jack, you're the one who made the rule about people in weird suits with guns."
"Yeah, fair. Thanks."
He stepped out behind the counter, and froze. "Danny?"
He swallowed. Blinked to make sure he was seeing what he thought. "Mom? Dad?"
For the first time in 5 years, he was embraced by his parents. He didn't feel bad about the tears. He couldn't. "Let's go home, baby. Let's go home."
"I can't. I- I'm not..."
"It's ok, Danny. We know now. About Phantom."
"I'm so sorry we made you feel your only recourse was running away."
XxXxXx
He had started to get the idea Jazz might be hunting him in a violent way. The only violent thing was the force of her hug, and the way her nails dug into his shoulder to keep him close.
Danny couldn't quite understand her over the blubbering, but that was fine; he had always been a sympathetic crier. Although the way all of the bats, Constantine, and Superman were shifting awkwardly, trying not to watch them while watching them, was pretty funny. It got worse when Sam kicked Batman in the knee and joined them. Then there was Tucker, and his mom, and- his dad was squeezing them tight enough to pick them up a few inches.
It took a ridiculous amount of time to get them all to stop crying- and Danny included himself. He had a good 5 years of believing he did nothing but harm to his human(ish) family to cry over.
"So just to be clear. You are not a villain."
"Yep. Used to be in the hero game, even."
"And you're not going to start being a villain."
He chuckled. "No, I won't."
"For now, your stay in Gotham is fine, though you should start using your legal name. If you don't like Danny Fenton, you can always legally change it. Can we call on you if we get a ghostly threat closer to home?"
"Absolutely."
"Wait! Danny, you're going home, though, right? With us?" Jazz asked hopefully.
"I'd like to visit," he said quietly, "but Jazz- I scare humans. Pretty badly."
"The ghosts negotiate with you, they listen to you! And people- look, now that Phantom's not there stopping fights by talking to ghosts before they start, or helping the new dead solve their murders- well. Phantom has been missed."
"Jazz, you do all that too. And you calm humans down way better than I ever have, so-"
"Danny," Tucker interrupted, "please, buddy. You don't have to stay, just come for a week. Things are different now. Promise."
And. Well. Even if they were wrong, he missed them. So much. "I can do a week."
881 notes · View notes