#sam suffers and its like. get over it. cope better. fuck you

[aerialworms]

I posted 38,500 times in 2022

23 posts created (0%)

38,477 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@theunicorncomic-blog

@fellshish

@sztefa001

@captainclickycat

@gingerswagfreckles

I tagged 14,512 of my posts in 2022

#spn - 3,762 posts

#fanart - 2,295 posts

#deannnnnn - 2,057 posts

#castiel - 2,000 posts

#destiel - 1,753 posts

#comics - 1,055 posts

#art - 978 posts

#our flag means death - 932 posts

#kitties - 922 posts

#suggestive - 671 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#everytime i talk to a quilter its like. this is gonna be the best quilt ever! *5 secs later* don't you ever even think about quilting. it wi

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

[In "take a fucking sip babes" cadence] It's the fucking fifth babes

12 notes - Posted November 6, 2022

#4

New AU idea:

Cas is the half-Vulcan Captain of a Federation starship. Dean is his First Officer, who was assigned to him on his first mission as Captain and annoys the shit out of Cas cause he’s just as stubborn as Cas and is way better at socialising. They have the same kind of love/hate relationship as Spock and Bones, which makes being on the Bridge insufferable for the rest of the crew, especially Sam, whose low-grade psychic abilities mean he was perfect for the role of Ship’s Counselor but also means he has to feel their emotions all the goddamn time. He is suffering so much.

14 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

#3

My fics!

Supernatural

Who are you? 500 words

Written for Whumptober 2021 prompt #9: "RUMORS OF MY DEATH HAVE BEEN GREATLY EXAGGERATED"

Dean, Jack, and Sam get Cas back from the Empty, but there's a hitch.

Going Under 500 words

Written for Whumptober 2021 prompt #11: Drowning.

Dean's been under for so long. Set during Dean’s possession in s14.

Beaten 500 words

Written for Whumptober 2021 prompt #14: Beaten.

Dean's unhealthy coping mechanisms strike again. Set during the s13 Widower Arc.

Watch 100 words

Set in S5. Cas learns to cope with life on Earth.

Fill for the PB100 prompt "Watch".

One Year 100 words

Just past midnight, Dean and Cas celebrate their anniversary.

(100 words of fluff to celebrate Dean and Cas' one-year wedding anniversary. You go you funky little husbands!)

Hold Me Tight 699 words

Set during S9 E6 Heaven Can't Wait, the morning after Cas and Dean have defeated the Rit Zien.

Of course, they decided to share a bed, but things look different in the morning light.

~~~

BBC Merlin

Autumn Brings A Change 1002 words

“Get away from me, Merlin!” “Arthur, please! Just trust me! Please!”  

Arthur crawled backward, dragging his leg over the ground, sword raised to point at Merlin. “How can I trust you? You lied to me, for years, about everything!”

Arthur finds out about Merlin's magic in the middle of a battle, but once it's over, he can't threaten or get away from Merlin due to a broken leg...

~~~

Good Omens

Three Things Crowley Can Do With His Tongue 1048 words

A Nice and Accurate Account of the three ways the demon Crowley – a wily old Serpent – uses his tongue.

See the full post

19 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

#2

It’s like a behind the scenes pic? Not sure where it’s from

ohhhh that's so cute!!! I hadn't seen it before, I thought you'd edited it!! so weird to see misha in non-cas clothes on set :0 Thanks for telling me!!

21 notes - Posted July 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

It's a quiet night. More than a year later, and Dean's still getting used to it. The silver band on his finger glints in the moonlight as he drums his fingers on his sternum. He shifts underneath the blanket, listens for the water lapping gently at the lake outside. It must be past midnight now.

Cas stirs next to him, arm tightening where it's wrapped around Dean's waist, sleep-mussed head rising from the pillow to squint at him. He's frowning. Dean smiles back, heart thumping in his chest.

'Dean?'

Dean presses a kiss to his husband's lips. 'Happy anniversary, Cas.'

31 notes - Posted February 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #ehehehe still spnposting on main babey #and i aint stopping anytime soon #me #spn #destiel

[svmbucky]

no because like. imagine, for a second, that everything about endgame and tfatws stays the same fundamentally, but rather, BUCKY gets the shield and BUCKY is the protagonist of the show. in what world does he not get miles of text posts and metas and fanfic about how hard this is for him and how much he’s struggling with this burden?? in what world does the #endgameisn’tcanon train NOT include “steve would never drop that weight on buckys shoulders at such a rough time in his life”?? and when BUCKY gives up the shield, in what world would we hear complaints about walker like “if bucky hadnt given up the shield this wouldnt have happened” and “he let steve down” etc. you can’t look me in my eyes and say the fandom wouldn’t use this as another excuse to baby him, add it to the list of things to write angst about, all of that. because it WOULD.

but where’s that energy for sam, y’know?? 

like, you see, when sam-- a black man-- exercises his god given fucking right to say no to the insane expectation being put on him, sam antis flood out of the woodwork to call him a failure. but i bet if everybody’s favorite white man did it.....

#deer.txt #racism tw #sam wilson #tfatws #bucky barnes #captain america #fact of the matter is. u actually just dont give a shit about complex black characters yknow?? #bucky suffers and hes uwu so soft doesnt deserve this etc which is its own problem (bc uhhh ableism) but then like #sam suffers and its like. get over it. cope better. fuck you #its almost like you can only sympathize with trauma and struggles making you do questionable things when the character is white #also i resent the notion that sams decision to give up the shield was a 'questionable thing' as well #sam refusing something he didnt want doesnt make him a bad person and i wish that wasnt like a hot take #sam refusing something he didnt want isnt a bad DECISION either #and because ive seen this take around. him not explicitly saying no in endgame (although honestly he alludes to it) #but then explicitly saying no later?? thats actually fine and good for him to do as well #HES FUCKING ALLOWED TO BOTH REFUSE AND CHANGE HIS MIND. EVEN MORE THAN ONCE!!! fucking shocker right?? #god. this fandom

[themculibrary]

Steve Rogers-Centric Masterlist

Adjusting Focus (ao3) - charlesdk Rating: Mature

Summary: “What's this Bucky like?” Sam asks. “He a good neighbor?”

“I guess,” Steve says with a shrug. “We talk occasionally, whenever we run into each other. I think he works from home, has a lot of late nights doing whatever he's doing. Sometimes he still hasn't slept by the time I go for a morning run with Alice.”

OR— Steve gets a dog and a new neighbor. Also, there's a cat.

Back to Basics (ao3) - The_Buzz Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: When Steve is hit by a spell that takes away the effects of the serum, he's worried that he won't be useful again.

breakthrough (ao3) - MusicalLuna Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: Steve is the leader of the Avengers and he has to conduct himself accordingly--even when he's suffering.

That's his job, isn't it?

Captain Fraudulent (ao3) - Ellidfics Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: SHIELD did its best to help Steve Rogers adjust to modern society. Too bad they forgot to warn him about the 24 hour news cycle.

Oops.

Heirloom (ao3) - HunterPeverell Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: 5 times Steve Rogers lost himself to Captain America and 1 time Steve Rogers showed everyone who he truly was.

Homefront (ao3) - copperbadge Rating: Explicit

Summary: Steve Rogers is a capable leader, a kind and cheerful man, a good friend, a strong role model, and a loyal soldier. He's also teetering on the edge of suicide.

How to Measure Distance Between Two Points (ao3) - frostian Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: “They were kidnapped six weeks ago,” Pepper answered, her gaze falling to her hands. “And nobody noticed.”

“What the fuck,” Bucky hissed. “How is that possible?”

If You're Reading This, Steve Rogers (ao3) - fallendarlings Rating: Mature

Summary: Nobody tells Steve it's okay to cry.

Nobody touches him.

Nobody remembers Steve Rogers is a person under the mantle. It's okay. He hasn't felt like a person since he watched Bucky fall.

Life Goes On (ao3) - Miko Rating: Explicit

Summary: Wanda's method of coping with Pietro's death has been to bury herself in being an Avenger. Steve knows all too well how little that helps. Maybe between the two of them, they can come up with something better.

Looking For Answers (From The Great Beyond) (ao3) - nerdwegian Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: After the Battle of New York is over, and Loki and the tesseract are returned to Asgard, Steve takes a road trip across the country, and tries to figure out what he wants to do next.

Not About Superheroes (A Private Little War) (ao3) - AnnaFugazzi Rating: Mature

Summary: In less than a year, Steve has been brought back from the dead, adapted to a whole new world, plunged right back into battle again, and moved in with a bunch of superheroes. He's handling everything remarkably well. Except when he's not.

Please Don't Call Him 'Winter' (He was as Warm as the Sun) (ao3) - InfluentialPineapple Rating: Explicit

Summary: War is a desperate time. Soldiers do desperate things. Including, but not limited to, sharing their sleeping bags to stay warm during miserably cold nights. It happens all the time, right? No shame here, just good old-fashioned survival. Not weird at all.

Steve can't say the same about the erection he keeps getting with his dearest friend laying right next to him.

Rebuilding from the Ashes of Regret (ao3) - JarvisUandDUMEtoo Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: Four months after the Civil War, Steve and the rest of the Rogue Avengers return to the US to prepare for the coming of Thanos. His relationship with Tony had been on the rocks even before their explosive fight, as Steve struggled between trusting Tony and protecting him. Now Steve wants to repair things between them but there might not be anything left to salvage.

Soft Skills (ao3) - Lady_Ganesh Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: "So," Bruce said carefully. "You're saying that your tower became a big target for an alien army, so you're going to rebuild it as an even bigger target?"

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds stupid," Tony said.

The team tries to bring Steve Rogers into the 21st Century. It mostly works.

the hip and the dead (ao3) - hollimichele Rating: General

Summary: When she asks about the other tenants in the building, the realtor just throws up his hands and says, "Look, I don't know. They're artsy types, if they live around here. You know. Hipsters."

The Sky and Everything Beneath It (ao3) - jibrailis Rating: General

Summary: Steve goes on a road trip to clear his head, but the other Avengers won't leave him alone.

To Get Lost Is To Learn The Way (ao3) - Diamond_Raven Rating: Explicit

Summary: While waiting for Bucky to get out of cryo, Steve realizes his life has no direction and his depression rapidly worsens. He knows he won’t find happiness or purpose amongst the modern marvels in the Wakandan city, but he thinks he’ll have better luck in a small, rural fishing village on the outskirts of Wakanda.

what makes you happy (ao3) - icoulddothisallday, Lena7142 Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: The world has changed, and none of us can go back. All we can do is our best, and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over.

#themculibrary #mcu #marvel #steve rogers #steve rogers masterlist #masterlists

[cherryblossomriot]

I haven’t posted for a while but I feel that in light of the supernatural series finale, I have a lot to say. 

I...feel used. Severely. I feel mislead and heartbroken and just really upset that I was given a sliver of something I so desperately wanted and then told to fuck off. Look, going into season 15, I knew Destiel would never happen, and I made peace with that, because I knew that even if I didn’t have a canon-confirmed relationship, I still knew, inherently, that Dean and Cas were in love, and that I could always read about them being so via fanfiction. But then, s20e18 rolled around, and I dared to hope. I wanted their love to be confirmed so badly that I let myself hope, which was something I had warned myself against time and time again. And with the finale....I was so hoping we’d get Cas back. I was so hoping for an “I love you too” from Dean, but instead, I got Dean dying young and Sam in a spray-paint beard and all my brain was doing was trying to cope by thinking “It’s all wincest?” “Always has been.” 

And I was trying to think to myself, I should be happy, after all the show does have a focus on Dean and Sam, and its okay that they got that time to say goodbye to each other. But then I thought, “Wait wtf no”, because there’s nothing about that whole ending that made it better. It was just ye ole codependency for the win, and 2 mentions of Cas that I clung to like I was drowning and someone had threw in some fishing twine for me to pull myself out of the water. Maybe if Dean had died, and CAS greeted him, it would have sat better with me, but he didn’t, and Dean drove off in his car (because that’s still apparently his longest canonical relationship which is so SAD supernatural please just let him be bi and happy) and nothing felt right. I feel sick. Numb.

I don’t have cable, so originally, I had planned to wake up severely early before my 8 AM class and cram the finale in before hand, but I woke up at 1 and just thought, “Screw it.” I was giddy, nervous, and stupidly, stupidly hopeful. And I know the hope I felt, like the hope we all felt, was not my fault, but it still hurt to have it thrown back into my face, like gritty bits of sand flung onto an open, palpitating heart. 

And I know I should be mad at SPN. I should be raging and furious at the writers and should be upset that ANYONE thought that THAT monstrosity would satisfy fans after EVERYTHING, but I don’t have the energy. All I want to do is sit and cry and pretend I never watched the finale, that I was mistaken, and that tonight’s Wednesday, and there’s still one more day, still 24 hours of looking forward. But its not. 

You know what’s hilarious? Between the time I fell asleep last night and the time I woke up to watch the finale, I dreamt of Dean tearing down the world for Cas, and when I woke, all I could think was, “maybe that’s what’ll happen.” 

Oh, how I wish I’d never woken from that dream at all, and slept right up to just before my class starts. It would have been better than this. 

And no, I didn’t need a kiss, though I severely wanted one, and y’know, it’s not even that much to ask. But you know what I did need, that should have been a necessary part of the two episodes after Cas says “I love you” and Dean can’t process it? An “I love you too”, because without it, it just feels like another unraveled thread from a tapestry that has been weaved over fifteen years, with parts added to it only to all be reduced to the place where it started. Because without it, Dean Winchester is only bi in theory, Cas died for nothing, and 12 years of slow burn just resulted in a match dwindling down so low it burnt my fingers, then went out. 

It means the characters that mean so much to me-that helped me though emotional turmoil and taught me so much, whose relationship is so forceful and beautiful and compelling to me-they didn’t get what they deserved. They were what they always had been, “not cut-out for the apple-pie life” and “not family”. 

And the queerbaiting, I want to yell about it, I want to tear down the world like I wanted Dean to for Cas, but I’m so tired. You guys rage all you want....but I can’t anymore. 

And the homophobia.....I know Misha and Jensen aren’t homophobic, and in my heart, Dean Winchester’s queerness is such an inherent, integral part of his character that I could never once, not even for a joke, call him straight, but I feel as though this show really said, “You’re queer? Here have the most beautiful love story ever but it’s never explicit and one sacrifices himself for nothing after an open-ended confession and the other dies two days later anyway and they don’t see each other on screen again. You’re queer? Here, have this relationship that can never fully be confirmed because somehow your love is less than, your existence is meant to be shoved aside for gray wigs and classic cars, your relationships aren’t worth it.”

And I wish I could petition for more, I wish I could pull a Sherlock fandom and believe that there’s another secret ending out there, but it’s done. And I’m done. They can’t hurt me anymore, because there’s no more skin left to burn, no more heart left to stomp on. They’ve done it all already. 

Now, I get to ignore the canon like I always meant to. I get to sleep at night knowing that Dean Winchester helped me figure out my own sexuality, but he did that because I wanted him to. I get to read fanfiction and know that Castiel will always fall for Dean, that Dean will always love him back, and there will be no restrictions on their love, no rules, no policing, no subtext to be mocked for reading into.

Like Pur(gay)tory, their love is pure, untainted by straight producers who want to warp our minds, homophobic tv channels, antis who just want to see people suffer. 

Dean and Cas is mine. And all of ours. Not the show’s. Not the writers’ or the producers’ or anybodies’ but OURS. And I will go to my grave believing that. 

“You asked what about this is real. We are.”

#supernatural #supernatural fandom #Destiel #season 15 #s15 finale #s15 spoilers #dean winchester #castiel #DEANCAS #castiel and dean #bi dean #bisexual dean winchester #like yayy its voltron all over again but i don't have the emotional spryness of my youth to fuel me to murder #cas #purgaytory

[ppaperheartss]

Godzilla

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader

word Count: 5.7K

Warnings: a lil angst, some swearing

A/N: Hey! I really hope you enjoy this, I’ve worked really hard on it. Inspired by Godzilla by Kesha. Any comments or feedback are appreciated!

-

Bucky Barnes wanted to find peace. His whole life had revolved around fighting and angst and fear, and now he decided it was time for that part of his life to be over. It took him a long time to readjust to a life without meaning, without something to fight for. He spent his days wandering around the compound looking for someone he could spend time with, but most of the time the compound was a ghost town. So he kept himself occupied with therapist appointments, catching up on pop culture and exploring different music genres.

(Rumour has it that Bucky was seen working out to Taylor Swift’s new album, but he always denies it regardless.)

He was proud of everyone else on the team. Sam took on the role of Captain America with both hands and was eager to help the country with the pressing issues which the Avengers never got the chance to handle. Captain America is now the frontface for Black Lives Matter and is tackling gun violence one day at a time. He is making America great again. 

Wanda has taken on the role of training new agents and works very close with orphanages in New York to rehabilitate young people who have led traumatic lives. She even introduced the Pietro Maximoff Foundation which aims to find people that had been injured in all Avenger fights as collateral damage and get them the help they so rightly deserve.

Scott spends a lot of time with Cassie to make up for all of the years that they missed together, and he even has another little one on the way with Hope. Though Bucky isn’t very fond of children yet he’s open to the idea of a miniature sized version of Scott running around the compound and causing havoc. Even the thought of it brings a smile to his face. 

Parker recently graduated high school and now works with Bruce a lot of the time in their own lab in the centre of the city to continue on with the work that Tony had started. After the whole fiasco with his identity being outed he tends to keep a low profile, taking his time to get used to the spotlight that is everyday life as an Avenger.

Bucky is still coping with that too, honestly. It’s strange walking down a street knowing that everyone probably knows his name and his history, and has an opinion of him, when he has never seen them before in his life. Maybe he has. He struggles with his memory too.

When he was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety, it was a strange experience. He had a little knowledge on it from his uncle who had fought in war before him and suffered from the illnesses, but it was different knowing about it and being diagnosed with it he realised quickly. He’s cautious around strangers and struggles to speak to someone who he doesn’t know if he can trust yet, but his therapist Dr. Walker says he’ll develop with time. He just needs to focus on his breathing and find something to distract hunsekd. 

And he did. He went from not being able to open up the door for his takeout - which the app to order said takeout took him just a bit too long to understand - to being able to speak at veterans meetings with Sam in front of a couple dozen people. He connected well with the other veterans, especially those who had lost a limb in war, and found himself looking forward to the meetings for the chance to speak to people who shared similar life experiences and didn’t give him a sad look whenever he opened up about his nightmares. Knowing he wasn’t alone gave him a sense of belonging, something that he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

He retired from the Avengers and moved to a small apartment in Brooklyn that Sam helped him look for. He even went couch shopping with him, making sure that he bought the deepest and comfiest one there. He didn’t mind, he loved how comfortable modern things are compared to the 30s, but he wondered why he insisted on getting that particular one. That was, until one night Sam came to his apartment blackout drunk and slept there for 15 hours straight. He only woke once to complain drunkenly about how small the blankets were, to which received a pillow to the head.

Bucky enjoys having his own place to live. He wakes up early in the morning to go on a leisurely run through his neighbourhood and watch the sky turn from red to pink to blue. He stops at the cafe at the bottom of his street for whatever pastry is fresh and a sweet coffee.

He then comes home to his cat and plants, and spends his days loving and caring for them. He found Alpine on what could have been one of the worst nights he’s experienced in his normal life. It had been raining heavily for hours and Bucky was walking home from therapy when he was jumped by a group of men. In the panic of it all he lashed out, and having not been in the field for so long he underestimated his strength.

A civilian got hurt in the scrapple, but she was so scared of who he was that she refused to take help from him. The police then arrived and Bucky had to fight his case for an hour in the pouring rain with only a running tee on. It was a witness from an apartment block on the other side of the street who came to Bucky’s aid and explained how he hadn’t started the fight and didn’t hurt the woman on purpose. He walked home in a storm of a mood, his whole body shaking with anxiety and the cold seeping into his bones, when he heard a faint meow come from a dark alley. 

He quickly swooped into action without hesitation, fishing the small creature out of the soggy box it was in and shielding it under his arm as he started to jog home.

That’s how he found himself an hour later sitting face to face with a small white cat with eyes he thought resembled his own in a strange way. He knew he was going to keep the cat without hesitation, he just wondered how something so pure could have made its way into his fuck-up of a day.

He even got a job in a coffee shop for a short while when Dr. Walker felt he was ready for it, so he could work on his social skills and how to control situations positively. He lasted a whole month in the shop and he made fairly good relationships with his colleagues and frequent customers, but he was asked to leave one afternoon as they had had a complaint from a daily customer about him. Apparently Bucky has a resting face that looks intimidating, and made the customer feel anxious. He had a tough time in his head that night. It took him a few days of wallowing in self pity and several conversations with Sam and Dr. Walker to realise he didn’t do anything wrong. He had to accept the fact he couldn’t convince everyone he was a good guy, and this is something he is still learning to accept.

He had felt so much misery over his lifetime that he thought he would never get the chance to be happy again, perhaps this new life would be enough for him. Though, he had to admit, that the fact that the only constant human interaction he had on a daily basis would be with store workers when he went grocery shopping, it was starting to make him feel lonely. It was like he lived on the moon, only watching others live their lives from a distance as he lived his own mundane life. That, of course, was before he met you.

You came shining into his life like a beam of sunlight that made him feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. There wasn’t a moment where your beautiful smile didn’t grace your face, and the joy on you radiated instantly made his day a whole lot better. You had been neighbours for quite a while before your first interaction, though you would always give him a chipper smile when he passed you in the hallways to which he responded to with a bashful grin.

Bucky woke up with a feeling something was wrong one day, and his suspicions were confirmed when he got a call from the nursing home informing him that Steve was sick. He knew he had to visit right away, just in case, but he didn’t know how long he would be gone and refused to leave Alpine alone. He couldn’t ask Sam, he was too busy being Captain America and a dumbass to properly care for a cat, so he moved onto what seemed to be his only other option.

The super soldier stood in your door frame (which was just too small for him to stand at his full height comfortably in) with a cat carrier in hand, blue bag slung over his shoulder and a desperate smile on his face. “Hi, I’m Bucky. Barnes. Bucky Barnes. Your neighbour. Room 6? Anyway, I need to ask a huge favour of you. I have to visit a friend out of town but I can’t leave Alpine alone - she doesn’t like it at night, and I was really, really, hoping you could watch her for a few days. I understand if you’re busy or have plans, though!”

You listened to his ramblings with an amused smile on your face, hand on the doorframe and leaning forward slightly. “Alpine?” you mused, eyebrow raised slightly.

His cheeks tinted instantly as he nodded down to the now meowing carrier. “Yeah, my cat. She’s two. She’s lovely, I promise. Doesn’t scratch or anything, she’s a real doll. You won’t even notice she’s there.”

You had bent down to look inside the carrier as he continued to ramble, only to be met with remarkable blue eyes which matched its owner’s perfectly. Cooing softly at her, you look up to meet the other pair of striking blue eyes. “Of course I’ll watch her for you. What else are neighbours for?”

He smiles instantly, shoulders relaxing as he lets out a breath. Holding out the carrier to you with his metal arm which you took instantly, he starts, “Thank you so much…”

“Y/N. Y/N L/N.”

“Y/N.” he repeats, setting the bag at your feet. “My number’s in there if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call. I’m better at calling than texting. Thank you, again, I owe you.” He smiles before waving quickly as you exchange goodbyes, turning on his heel and walking quickly to his car with keys in hand. 

After closing your door you set the carrier down and open it up, lifting out the small white cat into your arms. Smiling fondly, you press a kiss between her ears. You wandered over to your window to see Bucky climbing into his car as he held a phone between his ear and shoulder, and something deep inside of you knew this was the start of something special.

After that first encounter, you and Bucky seemed to be glued to the hip. It started off as a coffee date as a thank you after he got home from the weekend in which you watched Alpine, and you were glad to hear that Steve was well. It then evolved into a home cooked dinner from you the next day because Bucky refused to let you pay for your coffee even though you insisted and you wanted to pay him back somehow. He was always a gentleman with you. 

It then turned into weekly Friday night movie nights to catch him up on what he had missed movie-wise and supermarket shopping together the next morning because Bucky loved shopping in near-empty supermarkets just as much as you. Somewhere along the line you both got keys cut for the other’s apartment and you more often than not spent everyday together, even if it was just spending your hour lunch break from work sitting on a park bench chatting. You both had formed the best friendship possible, so it was no surprise to anyone that you wound up dating. It was meant to be, really. Soulmates. 

But not when Bucky went to the gym, because there was no way you would be caught dead doing physical activities.

You loved being around Bucky; he was sweet and caring and loved to try whatever new hobby you were experimenting with. He would always taste-test your cooking and baking and never say anything mean about it - even that time you made cupcakes and used salt instead of sugar he was quick to force it down and sing its praises. He cries at dog movies and volunteered at the local animal shelter weekly after you informed him one night that he could because he was just desperate for some interaction with the dogs. You were surprised he hadn’t come home with every single dog his first day there because he just wanted them to be loved so much. 

Bucky Barnes was a Saint sculpted by gods who had a heart of gold, and you could never see him any other way. Sure, you knew his history. Hell, you had even written a paper all about him and the Howling Commandos in your college History class, but none of that mattered to you. The Winter Soldier had been gone for over a decade, the trigger words meaningless and the mystery over, and you just wanted to know Bucky. Not his past - not that he could remember much of it anyway - but his and your relationship’s future together and what possibilities come along with that.

-

Bucky loved going shopping with you. He would give you an armful of clothes and make you give him a fashion show, where he would cheer for you and clap obnoxiously and shower you with the sweetest compliments, and you both savoured every second of it. You also had a fairly decent understanding of fashion, so you would help him keep up with all of the trends and keep him looking as gorgeous as he always is. So a Saturday spent together roaming the mall should be the perfect outing for the both of you. If only you could do it alone.

You held his hand tightly in yours, fingers intertwined and palms sweating slightly, but you were sure it was only his that was. You kept him near to know he was safe and coping, because crowds were one hundred percent not his thing. Maybe that’s why recently he had taken a liking to online shopping, because you could still have your famous fashion show in the comfort of his safe, judgemental free apartment. You could feel every set of eyes follow you and the six foot ex-assassin beside you for longer than necessary as they walked past you both, but you kept your head held high. No one was ever going to make you feel bad for loving Bucky. Not now, not ever.

“Oh my God.”

“That poor girl.”

“Stay back, he’s dangerous.”

“Do we just let murderers walk free now?”

You don’t know if the people walking by tried to be discreet with their whispering or wanted you both to hear, but you could hear them so Bucky definitely heard them. Looking up at him as you feel his breathing hitch, you follow his eye line and find a small girl being whisked away by her mother with fear evident on her face. The air around you grew thick, like you could feel his suffocating anxiety grow. He didn’t want to scare anyone, and this sight seemingly pushed him over the edge into a downward spiral.

Tugging on his arm you grab his attention, flashing him a reassuring smile.

“Why don’t we get food? I’m starving.” He simply nods in response, not trusting his voice.

You sit across from him in the booth in the corner of the food court, eating happily as you watch him visibly relax into his surroundings. He has a mountain of food in front of him but you know it’s never enough, and you just grin as he reaches over to swipe some of your fries.

You both talk mindlessly about insignificant things; a jacket that caught his eye, where you’d like to go next, how you both are craving ice cream, oblivious to the numerous pairs of eyes staring at you two. The flash of a camera and a series of giggles catches your attention. You quickly look to Bucky to see his reaction, but just smile at him distracted by his milkshake which has now covered his face. You lean over the table to wipe it away with a napkin before kissing his nose gently, and he smiles happily at you as his cheeks tint red.

“Why don’t we just leave after this?” He looks up at you, and it pains you to see the hope in his eyes at the thought of leaving. “We can go to that ice cream parlour at the bottom of the avenue and have a walk in the park instead.”

You smile at him. “That sounds so much better than shopping, baby. Let me go throw all of this in the trash then we can go.”

“No, I’ve got it. I’ll be two ticks.” He slides out of the booth, pecking your lips quickly as he picks up the trays and walks over to the trash. You still have a smile on your lips as you pull on your jacket and pick up your purse, but it fades quickly when you hear a crash and yells from behind you.

Jumping out of the booth quickly you turn, finding Bucky standing with a now empty tray between a bunch of chairs and a woman draped across the floor covered in the remains of your lunch. Bucky’s shaking as he tries to stammer out an apology. You assume that they’ve bumped into each other, and with Bucky’s strength she fell back hard. 

People had started to crowd around as the woman went into painfully fake hysterics about how he had attacked her, and Bucky just stood there like a deer in headlights. Pushing through the crowd you run to him, grabbing the tray from his hands and setting it on a table. You take his hand in his, holding onto it tightly, and he leans into your touch to try to make his body as small as possible.

A hush settled over the crowd as the woman’s cries turned into whimpers when she realised she had an audience. “That thing just assaulted me! Did you see it? Doing this to a vulnerable woman!”

A few people murmured agreements to her accusations, and it only made your blood boil more. 

“Bucky is a person, not a thing,” All eyes turned on you, and you only stood taller to secure your confidence. “and he wouldn’t harm a fly. I’m sure this was all just some sort of accident.”

She scoffed as she was helped up to stand from a few bystanders. “He’s a criminal. He knows nothing but hurting people. Just look at that,” she gestured to Bucky’s metal arm that he was now trying to hide away behind his body. 

Just as you tried to defend Bucky, the crowd started getting rowdy again and you felt a tug on your hand. Looking back you see a mortified looking Bucky with glistening eyes. His voice is so weak you almost don’t catch what he says.

“Just leave it, Y/N. Please. I want to go home.” You nod quickly, fixing your bag over your shoulder and delivering the woman a scowl as you turn and practically run out of the mall together. You didn’t want to make a scene, because it always affects Bucky worse. 

The car ride is silent, you in the drivers’ seat and Bucky bouncing his knee beside you, eyes shifting around frantically. You sit in the parking lot of your apartment block for a while, Bucky’s head on your shoulder and your hand running through his hair softly as he finally lets himself go. You stay there until his shoulders ache and he can’t find anymore tears to cry. You hold him close as you walk to your apartment, and he sits on the bathroom counter as you run a warm bath. You drop in his favourite bath bomb, and that at least brings a smile to his face.

He finally begins to relax as he sinks into the warm water and you sit on the edge of the tub, treading your fingers through his hair gently. It’s quiet for a while, but both of your minds are loud. 

“I wish they would see you like I do.” Your voice cuts through the air like a knife. He sighs, shaking his head. 

“They never will. Why should they? I’m a monster.” Bucky sounds weak. He’s tired of living like this, scared that he’ll make one wrong move and his face will be plastered all over the news. 

“You’re not a monster, Buck.” You keep your voice steady. “You're the kindest, sweetest person I know. I don’t care about your past at all, and I… I love you.”

You weren’t planning to tell him you loved him for the first time, but it just seemed right in the moment.  He’s quiet for a while, and you begin to wonder if he actually heard you or has fallen asleep from the warm water and lavender. 

Bucky takes a deep breath before he speaks again. 

“I love you, too.”

You can’t control the smile that takes over your face and you lean forward, planting a kiss on his head. You hear him smile and he moves to see you. The water swishes as he moves. A wet hand cups your cheek and you lean into the touch, watching his eyes stare at your feet as he struggles to get his words out. 

“I love you so much it hurts. I wake up in the morning and see you laying beside me, and I know that I’m where I’m supposed to be. I just don’t want to screw it all up.” He finally meets your eyes. They’ve turned a stormy blue, and you can see all of his emotions swirling around them. 

You turn your head to the side and kiss the palm of his hand, your fingers still running through his hair gently. He leans in, the tension escaping his muscles. He sighs as he pulls away, resting his forehead on yours. You smile at him, pecking his nose quickly. 

“You could never mess this up. You’re my soulmate. Now, how about we have that ice cream now?” the two of you share a knowing smile. 

You squeal as Bucky pulls you in for a hug, both of you laughing as he soaks your clothes and peppers your face in kisses. 

-

“This is wrong, this is all wrong. I told you I should’ve worn a tie! Even Steve agreed with me on that one! I look so stupid wearing, why the hell am I wearing a leather jacket to meet your parents? Can we turn back? I’ll change quickly. Let me cut my hair. Is it too long?” Bucky pulls down the passenger mirror to inspect himself, his forehead creasing as he tries to perfect his already styled hair. 

You sigh as you reach over from the steering wheel and take his hand, bringing it over to kiss his knuckles gently. “You look great. It doesn’t matter what you wear. They’ll love you no matter what.”

He grumbles a disagreement as he sinks back in his seat, changing the song playing through the car radio until he finds a depressing song to play to match his mood. You had noticed he did that a lot after only a week of dating. Whenever he’s happy you will almost always hear Michael Jackson or Queen playing from wherever he is in the apartment, and he had downloaded Spotify’s Sad Songs for whenever he felt down. 

You reach over and change the song quickly, which earns a sharp look from him. You scoff, but you both know that it’s not malicious. “Calm down, Buck. You’re just nervous. We’re having a barbecue, not a fancy meal in a fancy restaurant.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just don’t want them to hate me. Would you leave me if they hate me?” He sounds like what a sad puppy would if it were able to speak. Stopping at a red light, you turn your body to face him. 

“I love you, okay? Nobody will ever come between us, not even my parents. Just flash them that charming smile of yours and they’ll have you hooked.” He smiles bashfully at you, and you grin as you kiss him quickly. 

After that the ride is short and sweet to your parents’ home. Honestly, you didn’t know how they were going to react to Bucky. You hadn’t told them who he was specifically, just that he was your handsome boyfriend who you loved very much. They had always been accepting of whatever life choices you made, even when you decided to drop out of college. They just wanted you to be happy. And Bucky made you happy, so that means they should accept him. 

You held onto his hand tightly as you walked up the driveway, and before flashing him one last reassuring smile you knocked the door. The air was tense and time seemed to stretch as you waited for one of your parents to open up the door. Even you were becoming slightly nervous. 

The door handle jiggles before the door flies open, and you smile fondly at your mother standing in the doorway. Bucky smiles too, though it’s a nervous one. 

It had been so long since he had felt any parental love - he thinks about his family everyday - and as selfish as it sounds he was hoping he could use this as an opportunity to finally have a stable father figure in his life. From the stories he had heard from you, he decided you had lived the life he had always dreamed of. Family trips, game nights, going out for special meals together. Even just the little things, like how you called them every night to say goodnight. He craved stability in his life, and this may be one way he can achieve it. 

She looks between you both, the smile on her face fading the longer she looks at Bucky. Just as you open your mouth you see her eyes flit downwards - straight age Bucky’s metallic hand. He adjusts his hand to loosen his grip on yours and swallows dryly. A strangled gasp escaped her lips before she grabbed your empty hand roughly, tugging you inside and scrambling to lock the door behind you. 

“Y/N! What were you thinking, bringing that monster here!” She searched your face as if she was hoping to find bruises under your makeup, and your blood boiled. 

“What the hell?” You shouted at her. Reaching back you feel for the door handle, but she takes your hand in hers before you can. 

“Do you not watch the news? He’s dangerous.” She pulls away, staring at you like you were crazy. “Has he been lying to you?”

“I know exactly who he is mom-”

“Then it’s… it’s Stockholm Syndrome. I’ve read about that! I think I’m using that right.” she says. You scoff at how ridiculous she’s being, fully conscious of Bucky standing behind the door. She only frowns. 

“I can’t believe you’re doing this. That’s my boyfriend that you just locked outside.”

“Whatever’s you’re feeling isn’t love, honey. I’ve heard everything about him. Did you know he attacked some poor woman in a food court a few days ago?” There's a tinge of pity in her voice, and it only makes you more angry. 

“Oh my god,” you moan. “He is my boyfriend! That’s the James that I told you about! And you just slammed the door on his face and called him a monster.”

Her movements falter as realisation dawns on her face. She actually loves the monster, is what you assume she’s thinking. You turn and swing open the door, only to see Bucky seemingly frozen in place in shock and mortification. He just blinks and stares at you, and you just want to swaddle him up into a blanket and hold him close right on the spot. 

You reach your hand out for him, but he flinches back and stumbles down the steps. 

“Th-This is all wrong. I’m sorry. I knew I shouldn’t have come.” He sounds weak, like a child after being scolded.

He stands there looking lost, like he wants to run away and never come back but is also too scared to turn his back on you. He isn’t leaving you, just the situation. He doesn’t know what to do. Will you hate him for this? Are you angry that he isn’t standing up for himself? But he doesn’t want to shout what he wants to say. He wants to be calm. He’s learned how to be calm. How can he learn to be calm after everything he’s gone through, but no one else can?

Your dad comes to the door and you know things will only get worse. You step down to stand beside Bucky, holding his hand tightly. 

“Y/N, what’s going on here? Who is that man?” Your dad seems just as confused about the situation as you are. 

“Mom just- ugh. I can’t believe this is actually happening.” You didn’t want to cause a scene, just because of the sheer fact that your mom knows about what happened the other day so if one person sees this who knows what it will be escalated to in the media. 

“She ruined today. Today was supposed to be amazing and she messed it all up because she didn’t want to give Bucky a chance.” 

“Sweetie, look at him,” your mom began to defend herself. “Can you blame me? All I know is that he is a killer with an arm made of metal. He could hurt you!” 

“Like you are?” She stared back at you in shock. “You took one look at him and decided he was a monster. He’s a person just like us, and he deserves to be treated like one. I’m sorry, but I can’t stand here and allow you to treat him like that. I love him and he loves me, and that’s all that matters.”

Your dad calls on you as you storm to the car, but you don’t listen. Slamming the door behind you, you push your foot in the ignition and drive away as soon as Bucky gets in the car. 

Bucky doesn’t know what to do. Normally he knows how to help you, but he’s never seen you like this before. You’re shaking, and he doesn’t know if it’s from anger or fear. Fear that you’ve lost your parents? He’s so lost and feels terrible that he can’t help you. 

It takes about fifteen minutes for you to stop seeing red and finally slow down to the speed limit. It was like something else took over your body and you were watching from five feet away. Everything happened so quickly. What actually just happened. Are you in the wrong? Maybe you should’ve told them about him before. You don’t want to have to but you know you should have. Explain it. Him. Bucky. 

Looking over you see him half smiling patiently at you. He’s the one hurting right now, but he’s hiding it so he can be there for you. You don’t mean it, but the look he gives you when your lip trembles causes the floodgates to open. 

He manages to reach over to the wheel and guide the car off the side of the road when the road begins to get blurry from tears. 

“I’m so sorry, Bucky. I didn’t know she was going to do that. Never in a million years did I think she’d do that! She-she’s horrible and nasty and-”

“Y/N, please.” Bucky reaches out and holds your hand, his other reaching up to wipe the tears off of your face. “You don’t mean that.”

“But it’s still not okay.”

“I know it’s not,” he sighs. “I just thought they would be more like you.” He smiles weakly at you. 

“So did I.” You sniff as you lean over, resting your head against his shoulder. His lips instantly reach down to kiss your head gently. 

“Let’s leave it for now, and you can call in a few days. Maybe we can convince them to come around to me. I know you want them to like me.” Bucky’s voice doesn’t sound as hopeful as his words, but he wants this for you. You’ve always had a good relationship with your parents and he doesn’t want to be the reason it’s all messed up. He knows he’s not worth it. Well… yes, I am worth it, he forces himself to think. 

He knows his worth in this relationship. He knows he means so much to you. You mean the world to him. He hopes you know that. But he knows how much your parents mean to you, and he would never want to make you choose. That’s selfish of him. 

You look up at him and smile. “You know I love you, right?” 

He smiles back. “You tell me everyday.” He bends down, capturing your lips in a kiss. 

Bucky still had a long way to go with his recovery, but you made everyday easier. He couldn’t imagine his life without you anymore. You were the reason he got out of bed everyday, the reason he cared for himself, the reason he smiled. 

Who knew Godzilla could fall in love?

#bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #marvel #mcu #steve rogers #sam wilson #wanda maximoff #kesha #fic #fanfic #5k #6k #sebastian stan #james buchanan barnes #avengers x reader #avengers #winter soldier #godzilla

[spn-samcasdean]

I hate you

This is my first fanfic, I’m still learning and hope my writings get better with time. This one was important to me, I had to get some feelings off my chest. I understand what its like living with Depression, severe anxiety among many other issues. If anyone ever needs to talk I’m here.

Summary: Y/N had been struggling with her inner demons for years, when an old friend makes a comment pushing her over the edge will Dean be able to help her through it

Pairings: DeanxReader

Warnings: Anxiety, Depression, self hate, a hint of fluff, and some angst 

It’s 2 AM and your standing outside the bunker, you’d held in your tears the whole way home, you can do it until you reach your room, just hold it in a little longer, same as usual hold yourself together until no one is watching, then let it all out and the next thing you know your wearing your brave face again. That's how it’s always been. You take a deep breath and slowly open the bunker door doing your best to be quiet and avoid any further social interactions, you’d had enough for one day. 

(A couple hours earlier)

You sat at a booth in the bar waiting to meet with a couple friends who were now married, leaving you once again the third wheel, the only person any of your friends knew that was still single. “Y/N” Hailey exclaimed, spotting you as she walked in with your other friend Matt, her new husband. “Hi,” you say, getting up to greet your friends. The three of you sat down and talked for a couple hours before as usual, you still being single became the new focus  of the conversation. You try to make a joke out of it, after all humor has always been how you cope, your defense mechanism. “Yep forever alone, maybe I will become the crazy dog lady” you say jokingly “Couldn’t be the crazy cat lady, cats creep me out” you giggle sipping your drink. But then Matt had to be his good old brutally honest self, which didn’t usually bother you, but this time, it hurt. “Yea I see you as always single, I never pictured you with someone, but you can always adopt a kid” he says sipping his drink. You felt your heart sink, were you really so bad that no one would ever want you, was all the horrible things you say to yourself on a daily basis actually true. You had always believed the voices in your head that said you weren't good enough, but for your friends to think that about you too, that hurt. But you bite your tongue and put on a brave face and go along with it, the negative thoughts swirl your brain bringing you back into the darkness once again. After another hour you called it a night said goodbye and drove back to the bunker, holding in all your emotions promising yourself you’d wait until you got to the comfort of your own room to cry, just in case the boys were still up, you didn’t want them to see your puffy eyes, so you would wait, just like you always did. 

(present time)

You close the bunker door softly. All the lights are off which means the boys are sleeping. “Good” you whisper to yourself. You make your way quietly to your room and lock the door behind you. Your room is simple, you had your closet, a full length mirror in the corner, a dresser, a desk and your bed. You sat on the corner of your bed looking at your own reflection. The negative thoughts swirled your brain as Matt’s words repeated over and over, until your own thoughts took over. You will never be good enough. Your friends don’t really like you. No one has ever or will ever love you. You're going to die alone. Your ugly, stupid, useless. The thoughts swirl your brain until you break. You sob into your hands finally looking away from your reflection, the image of the person you hated most… yourself. You felt anger and sadness take control. “I hate you” you whisper looking back up into your own eyes. “I hate you” you sob a little louder and suddenly you're on your feet again, still looking into your own pathetic eyes. Worthless. Useless. Unloved. Ugly. Stupid. “I hate you” you sob louder stepping close to your reflection. “I hate you” you yell, losing control, you punch your mirror shuddering the glass, you keep going “I hate you!” another punch thrown. “I fucking hate you” another punch, both hands covered in blood. Someone is knocking on the door but you don’t hear it, you’ve lost control. “I hate you!” you scream again still attacking the mirror destroying it more and more with every blow. “I fucking hate you” you scream, hot angry tears stain your cheeks. Suddenly someone is in your room, strong arms wrap around you dragging you away from the horror that is your shattered mirror stained with your own blood. You're dragged out of your room into the hallway, kicking and screaming, Dean turns you around and pulls you into a tight hug trapping your head against his chest. You squirm against his hold sobbing into his chest. You eventually stop resisting, and Dean sits in the hallway with you in his arms holding you tight against his body. You continue to sob into his chest clutching his shirt with your bloody hands. A few minutes later your calmer, and you suddenly hear Sam’s voice “Y/N, I need to pull the shards of glass from your hands, can you let me do that” he says in a soothing tone. You simply nod, your face still buried in Dean’s chest he continues to hold you close as Sam begins to pry your hands from Dean’s shirt to pull out all the glass. “I need to give you some stitches” Sam says a few moments later “Can I do that?” he asks still in a calm voice. Again all you can manage is a nod. As Sam cleans your cuts and stitches you up you feel Dean still holding you close drawing soothing circles on your back. And the next thing to know your eyelids feel heavy and you fall into unconsciousness. “Sam we need to call Cas” Dean says, picking you up and carrying you towards his room. Sam follows close behind “Do you know what happened?” Sam asks puzzled. Dean lays you down on his bed and pulls a blanket over you. “I heard her crying and suddenly she was yelling I hate you so I got worried and picked the lock, when I came in she was still screaming I hate you and attacking her mirror” Dean says still watching you as if he were to turn away you’d disappear. Finally he felt the strength to look at his brother, both boys were holding back tears. And suddenly with the familiar sound of wings Cas appeared beside you. “It’s gotten worse,” he says looking down at your resting body. “What do you mean?” Dean says concern and anger lining his tone. “Her depression” Cas says, tuning his attention to the boys. “I’ve always been able to see it because her soul is cloudy and doesn’t shine as bright, it's dull” he says looking between the boys. “And you never thought to say ‘hey guys by the way Y/N is suffering from depression maybe you should help her’ what the hell Cas!” Dean says as he feels his heart drop “It wasn’t my place, and it seemed to be getting better, but now” the angel says looking over at you then back to the boys “It’s bad, I can see it more than before, its as if there is a thick cloud covering her once bright soul” the angel says looking back to your tear stained face Castiel places two fingers on your forehead and heals your hands. “I suggest that someone is here when she wakes up.” Cas says, looking to the boys. “I’ll do it,” Dean says, grabbing his desk chair and pulling it up next to his bed where you lay unconscious. “Dean” Castiel says putting a hand on the older Winchester’s shoulder,” I’ve been in her mind, when I healed her,” he looks to Sam, and back to Dean “it's full of sadness and so much self hate, please help her” he says finally before the familiar sound of wings and he’s gone. “How could I not know Sammy, why didn’t she talk to us?” Dean says taking the seat by your right side. “Dean, she was obviously hurting badly, telling someone the horrible things you think about yourself is hard to do, especially when you feel you don’t deserve a shoulder to cry on” Sam says taking the chair on the opposite side of the bed. “How could I be so blind” Dean whispers. “She was good at hiding it” Sam says shrugging “Which means she's been like this for a long time, no one is that good at hiding it without practice” Sam says letting out a huff of air. “Sam what do I do” Dean says tears in his eyes “I knew how to help you because you talked to me and your my brother, I knew you better than anyone else but Y/N, we don’t know what's going on in her head what if she won’t let us help her” Dean says wiping away tears. “Talk to her,” Sam says, sighing as he gets up to exit the room

A few hours later your eyes flutter open and it all comes rushing back, all the events of last night before falling asleep. You feel your chest tighten and you start breathing heavily. An anxiety attack, you’ve had them before, but this one was bad, the boys had seen you, they saw you being weak, they’d surely think less of you. You start hyperventilating fighting for air. Until you hear his voice and then he comes into view Dean is grabbing you by the shoulders “breathe Y/N breathe for me, you need to calm down” He says wrapping you into a hug similar to the one from the night before, “breathe with me Y/N match my breathing” Clinging to his shirt you take in a deep breath, in and out. A few minutes later your calm and Dean releases you, “why didn’t you tell me?” He says looking to you, worry etched into his face. “Why didn’t you tell me you had depression.. that you were hurting, I could have helped you” he says, sadness in his tone. “I didn’t want to be a burden” you say looking down at your lap, you couldn't look in his sad eyes. “Y/N you are not a burden let me help you please” Dean practically begged. “I just...I hate myself so much, I have these voices, they tell me that I’m worthless, that no one loves me, and other terrible things, I just hate....” you swallow the lump in your throat “I just hate me” you say as a single tear falls from each eye, Dean instantly wipes them away with his calloused thumbs. “Y/N, I am so sorry I didn’t see it sooner, those things aren’t true, you shouldn’t hate yourself, your strong, smart, kind, beautiful, brave, your amazing Y/N, your the most amazing woman I’ve ever met” He says, his hands still cupping your face forcing you to look at him. “Please don’t lie to me Dean” you say letting more tears fall but Dean continues to wipe each one away gently “Your just saying that because you think you have to” you say rolling your eyes sniffling. “No Y/N I mean it, your the most amazing person I’ve ever known, I love you” he says still holding your head to look him in the eyes “I love you please believe me, those voices are wrong, listen to what i'm saying, you are not worthless, you are not a burden, you are not ugly, and you are worthy of being loved, please let me help you see it” he says as a single tear runs down his cheek. “I want to believe you, but I can’t just make it all go away at once, it's going to take time” you say looking into his eyes looking for any sign of dishonesty, but all you see in his eyes is honesty, love and a hint of sadness. “Then let me help you, please let me show you how wrong those voices are, you are worthy Y/N let me help you please. I want you to see yourself the way I see you.” He says, still searching your eyes for a hint of trust in the words he’s saying. “Okay” you say softly. “Okay?” he repeats, “Yea” you say with a small smile. “I love you so much,” he whispers, pulling you into a hug. “You mean that?” you ask as he releases you from the hug to look at you, “Of course, I’ve loved you since the day we met” he says searching your eyes for confirmation that you believe him. “I love you too Dean” you say with a soft smile, the next thing you know he’s cupping your face and brings his lips to yours, softly but passionately, you kiss back softly until you both pull away for air, he rests his forehead on yours. “I know this will be hard, but I know I can do this with your help” You say with a soft smile. “We can do this” he says in a whisper before pulling you in for another soft but passionate kiss, and in that moment you knew you would be okay, it would take time and you would need help, but it was going to be okay, eventually.

#fandom #spnfamily #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #dean #dean x reader #dean x you #always keep fighting #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #spn x reader

[fogsrollingin]

2.11 Playthings Coda  Pairing - Sam & Dean, WC - 1.3k Summary/tags: hard gen or queerplatonic, cuddling+snuggling, sharing a bed, angst, shmoop 🤗, no warnings necessary A/N: Thanks to @spnfanficpond for the template on how to make tumblrfic pretty! ❤️️ ~ fogsrollingin.  Edit: 6/28/2020 this fic is now posted to AO3. 

It was a lie.

Dean knew it was a lie before he said it and yet he said it because Sam was drunk and getting worked up and sometimes just giving him what he wanted to settle down was worth a lie.

You have to watch out for me, all right? And if I ever turn into something that I'm not... you have to kill me.

I promise.

Heavy lie, though.

Sam's body shuddered where he lay on the bed. Dean got up to throw a blanket over him. As he did, he realized Sam was still awake. He'd been turned away from Dean but now he could see Sam was just staring at the wall, eyes wet, breathing a little choppy but keeping it together. Sam's arm was extended because of the cast. It made him look like the kid he still was, falling apart under his own father's prophecy that he would...

Dean shook his head clear. Dad's last words were bullshit. For the reasons he gave Sam about how you don't just lay that on your kids, but also the deeper reasons Dean was still grappling with himself. Dad's last words to him had betrayed the love and trust Sam not only deserved, but had fully earned from his family. How was it even possible for the man to say what he did when he and Dean had both had the same priorities where Sam was concerned for the past twenty-plus years? How could the man see even a kernel of malice in Sam?

Sam sniffled, pulling Dean out of his thoughts and turning back to the emotional drunk of a little brother he had laid out before him. He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, placed a hand on Sam's back. After a few moments of quiet, of making sure Sam would let him, Dean slid his palm up and down his back, along both sides of the kid's spine, warming his shoulders. Gentle pressure, reassuring, comforting. Sam cut off a drunken sob with a wheeze.

"Oh come on," Dean huffed testily, lowering himself so he could cover him with a hug. Sam tensed at first but then relaxed, his breath easing. It made Dean feel better too even though Sammy’s hair smelled like sweat, booze, and the old musty floral perfume that pervaded this house and all its spooky-ass dolls.

Sam whimpered something unintelligible to Dean and turned, reached out to hold onto Dean like the hazy, clingy drunk he was. Dean wouldn't mind it if Sam wasn't so noticeably desperate, pain and fear over his future telegraphed so plainly in the way he grasped Dean, fingertips straining to hold onto his big brother like he really believed Dean was his only hope for salvation.

It was so strikingly wrong that even if Sam didn’t remember this, even if little brother was three sheets to the wind right now, Dean had to stop whatever was going on here.

"Dean-"

"No, shut up,” Dean interrupted harshly, masking how frightened he was to hear whatever Sam would say next. “Just... shut up. You talked. Now it's my turn."

Sam swallowed, looking up at Dean with familiar unconditional trust in his glassy eyes, and Dean felt the equally familiar rush of affection for Sam run through him. Sam clenched his jaw and nodded. It was Dean's turn to talk now.

Dean didn’t know where to start so he rearranged them on the bed, Sam on his side and Dean lined up against his back so he didn't have to look Sam in the eye while he said whatever terrifically maudlin crap was gonna come out of his mouth... but also so he could still hug the kid, still hold him if Sam had to curl up and cry for a spell.

"Dad didn't get it. I don't know how he didn't get it but..." Dean sighed, pressed his forehead against the back of Sam's neck.

Sam pulled his good arm up across his chest to hug himself and Dean reached over and did the same, gripping Sam's wrist, trying to pour so much security and love into his actions here because he couldn't find the words.

"I only believe what I know, and Sammy, I know you. I know you better than I knew dad, better than I know or understand his last words to me, better than some vague destiny. I know you." Dean pushed their hands against Sam's heart. Sam ducked his head and curled in a little. Dean compensated, covering him protectively. "Do you understand me?"

Sam nodded shakily.

They rested for awhile, just breathing.

Sam wasn't settling. He twitched in Dean's arms, fingers playing at the edges of his cast.

"I don't want to turn evil," he whispered. His cries were soft but clear and it was like a reflex for Dean to hold him tighter.

"You won't, Sam, you never will," Dean promised. He pulled back and Sam rolled over, reached for his brother and buried his head into Dean's chest, ashamed but needing it and if it made Dean feel better too, well, he wouldn't admit it. That promise, that lie, wasn't them. He felt dirty for having said it. And screw Dad for doubting Sam, for seeding this darkness into them. 

But this-? Holding Sam together while the kid coped, it wasn't exactly good but it was grounding. This was what he, what they both, knew; it was familiar ground they'd tread. They were there for each other, believed in each other, propped each other up when the other was down. And Dean honestly didn't know what was wrong with the world that it seemed like Sam kept getting the wrong end of the cosmic stick but Sam was handling it. Barring sudden midday binges during a case, Sam was handling it.

Sam chose that moment to speak, voice wet and weak under Dean's chin.

"It just feels like… it feels like something's coming to fuck me up so bad that I'll go evil."

Dean closed his eyes and sighed under the weight. He knew what Sam was talking about. He felt it too. He cursed their father again, those insidious last few words working themselves out in both brothers' heads: only the worst, most devastating trauma could rewire Sam's brain so much that he'd make a fundamental change from good to evil. But honestly, how had he not already suffered that?

"Sam, you lost the woman you were gonna marry, your home, your entire future, we've lost Dad. If anything bad was gonna happen that'd make you go dark side, it's already happened. And you're still one of the good guys."

"With you."

"With me." Dean nodded in idle agreement. Sam looked up at him with that puppy thing he did. "What?"

Sam pressed his lips together, red eyes glistening with tears but he just shook his head and turned around, backed himself against Dean. 

Suddenly Dean understood.

"Hey." Dean wrapped his arms around him. "Sammy, I'm not gonna leave you."

"You could die."

"Even if I did, you'd be okay."

"You wouldn't be around to kill me if I wasn't." Sam's voice was flat, toneless. It hurt. 

Dean squeezed Sam. "Don't say things like that. Don't even think them."

Sam huffed with drunken indignity, then sighed as Dean ran his fingers through his hair. "Just sleep, Sammy. It'll be better when you wake up."

"Okay," Sam whispered, finally relaxing against his big brother and gripping Dean's arm tight against his chest.

Dean decided to close his eyes too for a spell, just until Sam was all the way out, and then maybe he could slip out for his own drink. He'd seen the bar downstairs, the older gentleman who'd cheerfully mistaken them for antiquers manning it. 

But for now, just for a little bit, Dean could linger here, curled up with Sammy in a soft bed with a sturdy locked door keeping everything out. He could let go and relax as he listened to his little brother's even breath, let the warmth of their bodies soothe him. 

Sam began to snore softly. Dean smiled and tucked his head against Sam's. 

Just a few more minutes.

Fin

#my fic #spn fanfic #spn fic #sam winchester #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester #my spn fanfiction #sam and dean #my spn fanfic #my gifs #my spn gifs #my tumblr fics #my tumblr fic

[pepperony3000-archive]

Wait Endgame is your second favorite? That's surprising! No judgement though, but now I want to know how you rank all of them

Oh goodness… that is TWENTY-THREE MOVIES to rank! That’s hard! This might get very jumbly at around the midway point…

1) Iron Man 3 - Everything about it is so perfect. The Iron Fam being chaotic but also 100% supportive of each other? Tony being the first superhero in history to deal with mental disorders blatantly!!! onscreen!!! The action is top notch. The final battle needs to be taught in film school because it’s literally a metaphor for Tony’s main personal theme of feeling like he’s nothing without his armor, but then at the end he’s able to leap from one to the other because it’s not the armor itself that makes him powerful, it’s that he has the powerbravery/will to leap from one to the other.

2) Avengers: Endgame - Y’all are looking at it wrong. Pretend the Infinity Saga is a TV show and it just ended, and now the rest of the MCU is a spinoff show featuring some of the newer/recently introduced characters, but without the core group of the original show.Suddenly the most important characters getting to leave with a bang isn’t as frustrating.But I also love it because it got my two favorite characters so beautifully right! Tony and Natasha, because they are the two who are deemed worthy enough to be turned into the big talking points of the movies, got to end their TV show finale with a huge glorious heroic sacrifice that will make them remembered forever!The time travel is also REALLY clever. And this is coming from someone who has watched a LOT of time travel shows/movies. There is literally only one movie I’ve ever seen that handled time travel better, and that was Arrival. They did away with the time travel paradox by having every past even just create an alternate timeline. And really? They only asked for suspension of disbelief in service of a joke that was not even that funny and I sort of hated and because they wanted the old Steve scene to have a particular emotional resonance, and having him come back through the portal old… wouldn’t have done that. 

3) Iron Man - I firmly believe that this is the best movie in the entirety of the MCU. It was the first, and yet it has never been topped. (and yet it’s #3 on my list rofl)It gave us a very complex lead character with a supporting cast that had a lot more depth in their first outing than some of the OG6 had after four movies (*cough*Clint*cough*Thor*cough* - Thor only got good development after Ragnarok). There was also subtlety to the story that it seems hollywood writers in general (and MCU specifically) is incapable of anymore.

4) The Avengers - the very first time in history we get a massive teamup of superheroes? sign me the FUCK up!Loki was a fantastic villain, the characterization of all of them (except for Clint… sorry, pal) was absolutely amazing, and it’s just pure unadulterated fun. Not much more to say than that.

5) Black Panther - Live Action Lion King (2019) WHOMST? There was a live action Lion King in 2018 and it was called Black Panther!I have a few issues with it fuck YOU vibranium! but it’s SUCH a good movie. T’Challa is quite possibly the noblest MCU character/lead, and the supporting cast are all incredible. I also loved the idea that the villain was… actually… right? Oh he was wrong a FUCK in deciding that the way to go about getting it was through violence, but his end goal was correct.Which is actually very subtle (and again… one of the very few MCU movies to do that) and very important message - because so often people seem to think that violence is the answer. Because the cause is “right” and “just”, excessive violence or threats of violence are considered the proper course of action. But as Killmonger proved, that wasn’t the way. Instead we all need to be like Nakia - who wanted the same thing, but worked for it through kindness, sacrificing her own desires, and making the first tiny hole in the dam.

6) Captain America: The Winter Soldier - I firmly hold that this is one of the most overrated MCU movies, and it’s what started Steve Rogers down his path to… the character he ended up becoming… but it is an excellent movie!Natasha gets amazing development, Sam Wilson is better in this movie than he has been since, and the emotional stakes are very high and very well thought out. Also I’m sorry but the bold political statement of “nazis torturing people is bad” is… not all that subtle? or bold? I don’t know why people are saying that this is the movie that addresses difficult political questions because… it doesn’t?

7) Spiderman: Far From Home - I’m sorry y’all, but I love my boy Peter Parker and if you don’t like this movie then I might just fight you.It was a terrific followup to Endgame, and Peter’s trauma was dealt with in a very realistic and unbearably painful way. Mysterio was the perfect villain for Peter to face, because he forces him to confront his trauma… even though he forces it by first torturing Peter with it, but Peter is forced to find a way to cope with his fears, his grief, and his feelings of inadequacy. Also Peter/MJ is the literal cutest and I love them so much.

8) Avengers: Infinity War - ngl this was a VERY tough battle between this and FFH, but FFH won by just a hair.Thanos is the greatest villain of our generation, quite possibly of the past 2-3 generations. The characters they chose to pair up together worked extremely well - I didn’t know how much I needed the Thor/tree/rabbit teamup until it happened. And then that ending… never before has the world held its breath together in such shared anguish as when we watched Spiderman all the characters we love so much fade away into dust. And there was a great cry in all  the world, such as never has been or ever shall be again!

9) Captain America: The First Avenger - Steve Rogers has never been better than he was in this film. Unfortunately it was all downhill after that, but it’s because of this film that he was my second favorite character for a good five years. There is a gentleness to this Steve that is utterly lacking starting in The Winter Soldier, where he becomes this machismo who obsesses far too much over anything he has one (1) emotion about because he doesn’t know how to handle it.This Steve Rogers is emotionally very intelligent, and is genuinely willing to do whatever it takes to do what is right.And I will say, I can understand why he made the decision he made in Endgame, because Peggy is such a brilliant and dynamic and interesting person, I don’t think anybody could have resisted staying with her (if she agreed to have him). @Marvel please bring back Agent Carter, because I need more Peggy.

10) Captain America: Civil War - This movie did a lot of studio mandated things, and because of that was weaker than it might have been, but I hold that it is a very good and very solid movie. Unfortunately, a big fault of the movie is that I don’t think Chris Evans believed in what he was performing, and so couldn’t give it the complexity that it needed (particularly as the Russo’s take input of their cast into consideration when making their movies… actors get to choose a lot of their own character beats unless it’s a plot-mandated beat). And unfortunately, Steve Rogers suffered for this.If The Winter Soldier is the one where he began obsessing over anything that gave him one (1) emotion, this is the movie where that tendency grew two extra heads and turned into a monster. Steve sees this argument the way a soldier who is used to following orders during wartime would, whereas Tony sees this argument the way a strategist during peacetime might. Steve thinks Tony is “trying to win a war before it starts”, while Tony thinks he’s deescalating rising tensions. And unfortunately, Steve is too blinded by his one (1) emotion to see the complexities in the situation.Which, while it frustrates me how poorly this movie did Steve’s personality, those dynamics are very interesting to watch play out onscreen. Plus, the dialogue is sharp and witty, and the emotional beats - particularly everything that has to do with Tony, is some of the most beautifully written and performed drama I’ve seen in a while.

11) Spiderman: Homecoming - This movie did such a good job of giving us a teenaged Peter Parker. All the other movies, Peter didn’t feel like a teenager. He felt like a grownup. This Pete is definitely a teenager - he’s a young kid in a big world trying to be a superhero, and because of that trying to take on problems that he is not experienced enough to take on.The journey he takes on this movie is to learn just exactly that, and by the end he probably is experienced enough now  to take on those bigger threats, but he makes the mature decision not to do that quite yet - proving exactly the kind of man he will eventually grow up to be.

12) Thor: Ragnarok - Finally Thor gets developed. Hemsworth really shows off his acting chops in this movie. He’s always been very charming as Thor, but this is the movie where we learned that he’s not just charming, but also a very talented actor. I personally found some of the clumsiness/slapstick around his character a bit much, but Hemsworth performed it perfectly.This is a movie where the story doesn’t actually matter. Honestly… who even remembers the story? The important thing about this movie are the characters, and they are all done incredibly well, except possibly Loki, and even he got some good development at the very end of it. Thor is finally an interesting character, Hela is an amazing villain, Bruce got some fun development, and Valkyrie should have been introduced five movies ago (@Marvel give me a Valkyrie movie! Why the FUCK are we reportedly getting Thor 4 when you could have had Thor stay behind as king of Asgard and giving Val her own  movie instead? Especially since all of Thor’s important relationships are dead or in the gotg movie, so he has nowhere to move on to! If we don’t have good characters/dynamics, Thor 4 will suck! It will also suck because the heart of his movies have been his relationship with his brother, and that’s gone now).

13/14) Ant Man and the Wasp/Ant Man - Honestly these movies can just be grouped together, because they’re very very similar, and all I would have to say about one I’d say about the other.

The Antman movies are very light hearted and comical, and the important thing here (like Ragnarok) is not the story, but the characters. The family relationships explored here honestly feel like real families - they just happen to live in a world with superheroes. I think AMaTW is the better of the two, but only by a little bit.

15) Iron Man 2 - This is another movie that was made lesser than it could have been due to executive meddling. Honestly, if you re-cut the movie and just take out all of Coulson’s scenes it becomes a much better movie (and would have gone higher on the list).As it is, Coulson dumps expositional world building that doesn’t really work in the context of the movie.What does work is the chaotic-yet-supportive Iron Fam (once again), and the introduction of Black Widow. I think Natasha might have had the best introduction in the MCU, because the audience was who she was fooling. Her job is to manipulate people and fool them into thinking she’s what she wants us to think she is, and only reveals the truth when she’s ready for it. And that is exactly how we were introduced to her. The underlying plot of Tony struggling with his imminent death was also incredibly well done. He wanted so desperately to not be dying, but there wasn’t anything that he could do. And when he ran out of options, he behaved in such a way to make things worse for him (health wise), because nothing was worse than sitting back and waiting for death to come. Better for it to come quickly and for the agony of just waiting for it to pass. Unfortunately Coulson takes away some of the gravitas of that by forgetting Tony was dying and threatening to taze him…All in all, a weak story but fleshed out by some of the best characters the MCU has ever created and introduced.

16) Doctor Strange - A decent movie with decent characters. There is nothing particularly memorable about it, but also nothing particularly bad about it either (beyond casting a non-Asian actress as the Ancient One).

17) Thor - Sort of like Doctor Strange, a decent movie with a charming lead but mostly terrible supporting cast. I will hold that none of the human characters are actually very good. At all. The best thing Ragnarok did was drop them all like the movie ruining load that they are.Once again, Loki is a good villain and an interesting character, and while Thor is underdeveloped he’s incredibly charming and likable in spite of that.

18) Captain Marvel - Yes I am a woman. Yes I disliked Captain Marvel. Can we move on from that please.If Thor is a decent movie with a charming lead, Captain Marvel is a decent movie with a terrible lead. I do not find Carol to be particularly interesting, and will hold that Brie Larson was incredibly miscast in the role. (if you want to hear why, you can peruse this). In general, it’s also a movie that relies a little bit too much on 90s nostalgia, and as somebody who personally hates when a movie relies on nostalgia to be considered “good”, all of that rubbed me the wrong way. The same applies to Ragnarok tbh, but I didn’t mention it up there because I wanted to rant about wanting a Valkyrie movie. (@Marvel please)Unfortunately, this movie is also not one bit subtle with it’s message. And as a woman, I do not relate to a woman whose only personality trait is “stand up to men”. Every other female character in the MCU is quite capable of standing up to men, and they all have a lot of character outside of that. And I will stop there because even saying that much risks me getting blocked right off of this hellsite…

19) Guardians of the Galaxy - I am definitely in the minority for this one, but I never liked this movie. If the 90s nostalgia in Captain Marvel rubbed me the wrong way, the 80s nostalgia in this movie was rubbing me the wrong way. with sandpaper.But my biggest problem with this movie is that Quill is not interesting enough (in my opinion) to be the central character. These characters all feel like sidekicks, and without a strong central lead for them to be sidekicks to, everything just feels very underdeveloped. I also find the humor in these movies to be very cheap and childish.However, I love that the team very much became a family. I believe in their relationships with each other even if each person as an individual character feels very weak.

20) Guardians of the Galaxy 2 - If you took GOTG1 and flipped it on it’s head, you’d get GOTG2. This is quite possibly the worst MCU movie ever, except that… somehow… it has some of the most heartfelt and meaningful emotional beats out of all of them.I felt every single emotional beat, and the fact that the characters were all sidekicks… actually worked well for this movie. They didn’t need to be more than sidekicks, because the “kick” part of sidekick stands for “kick ass”.However, the story was atrociously bad, and one of the worst the MCU has ever done, which is why it’s below GOTG1. But only slightly.

21) The Incredible Hulk - Does anybody even remember this movie? It was boring, uneventful, had the wrong guy playing Bruce Banner, and was just poorly written throughout. 

22) Thor: The Dark World - This movie is a boring, dreary, horribly written, badly directed mess. Some of the stuff up on Asgard was decent except for the fact that they fridged Frigga for no goddamn reason, and everything that happened on earth was goddamn awful, verging on embarrassing. And don’t even get me started on the dark elves. They were rightfully dropped from the MCU and never mentioned again because they are just That. Bad.

23) The Avengers: Age of Ultron - the movie where Joss Whedon fucked up Natasha’s backstory for the sake of his self-insert ship, infantilized Wanda Maximoff by insisting the woman with cleverly displayed cleavage who was clearly in her 20s was actually only 15, did not solidify the team as a family (THIS IS THE MOVIE WHERE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN GODDAMMIT), and disrespected literally every movie that came before (including his own goddamn flick).Wow I just realized that most of the awful shit he did was done to the female characters. Can you believe this disgusting asshole has the audacity to call himself a feminist? Fucking disgraceful…Fuck Whedon. He doesn’t deserve to come within a thousand yards of a woman.

#ranking mcu movies #Anonymous #Ask me a question #long post

[elizabethrobertajones]

14x08 watching notes

This episode is the Worst I had to lie to my mum when I came downstairs trembling and tear-stained to get a cup of tea to recover, and play it all off as cold symptoms, and now I feel complicit in some sort of deceit with the episode and like Meredith broke the fourth wall through sheer pain.

Good morning, I slept in until seven after they started digging up the road outside at 9pm at night, so I still kinda have a lingering headache from that, but I'm pretty sure Meredith is about to make good on the Dean n Jack murder pact or something else of that level of awfulness so... *deep breath*

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YAY it is Lily!! I mean it was pretty obvious from the costuming because wow she's a distinct person but idk maybe some people thought it was her mom?

Anyway getting a recap just of how terribly Jack is doing and then also a reminder of Lily Sunder is just.. Good recap. *kisses fingers*

(*curls up in agony*)

In all the drama I never noticed Rowena being among those who yelled "Jack!" when he went down and to be honest she knew him five minutes and I'm crediting all that panic in her voice to his absolutely ridiculous powers of being the most adoptable creature in the cosmos. You take one look at him and you want to make sure his shoelaces are tied properly and he has a glass of milk.

Anyway he totally caught Rowena off her guard and made her express an Emotion(TM) that was not spite and a good chunk of that is new and improved Rowena of the last year or so, but also just... She bonded HARD :P

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Ironically I left the spoon in my coffee in my haste to get up here and start watching so now I will drink it like that and possibly exit the episode also wearing an eye patch

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I watched a second and tucked the largest, most comforting stuffed toy this family owns under my arm. Yes, not my personal stash of friends, the family heirloom squishy guy who has been with us through all the worst stuff D:

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The framing is Sam sitting at Jack's bedside, Dad no.1 as season 13 firmly established for us, and the dad with the closest traditional relationship of father/son to Jack. Then Cas hovers nearby, struggling to be as close but still Dad no.2 with the ongoing and uncomplicated connection to Jack in the sense that both just sort of accept they're now father and son without any debate or internal wrangling, and that's always been Jack's in with the family and the way he inadvertently got Cas to vouch for him from beyond the grave when he said Castiel was his father and Sam immediately just flipped to Team Jack, not, of course, that he'd not been giving him a huge chance and trying to reach out to him already, but that was his "oh shit this is now my son because Cas is dead" moment.

Finally, Dean fills the foreground, face in shadow, the conflicted Dad no.3 who can't even face his dying son, taking it personally because this is literally the fourth smol child he's taken under his wing who he then lost, from Sam, Ben, Emma, a truly tragic collection of lost children. He resisted adopting Jack because he couldn't be a parent again, not after what Sam put him through as a parent, and yet Jack, the most adoptable boy in the cosmos, eventually wormed his way under Dean's skin too, and by the end of season 13 Dean was acting fatherly towards him and by this season Dean's been opening up the doors and letting Jack be his son. And. Whoops. As SOON as you took him on a hunt for one on one father son bonding time, look what happened.

And so Dean will lurk in the foreground, not looking at Jack, peering moodily into some dark empty box that metaphorically is his soul or his remaining ability to cope with losing children or some such nonsense. The pandora's box of parenthood. He's full on dark romantic hero brooding.

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OH  NO  IT IS A RECORD PLAYER NOT A BOX

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I need our family to retroactively adopt a larger, squishier friend to hug in this trying time

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Having archived every single one of my watching notes ever between last episode and this episode, I'm more than usually pained by Dean's "not meant to be crap" line because he's been resisting it the entire frikkin time, when Sam kept, even long long long before they knew their real destinies, musing if HIS own personal angst was meant to be and Dean was like don't give me that destiny crap. I swear there's lines about this back in season 2 or 3 when Sam is musing on his powers and the grim lot fate had dealt them. This is a callback line to Dean dealing with his own sense of unravelling control and pure panic about what was happening to Sam, back when that was a thing in the very early seasons and he was having to face the kid he raised from a baby amongst all that tragedy now recklessly declaring all sorts of horrific things about not being able to resist his destiny. Oh, also, in season 2, while under a murder pact from John about killing him if he couldn't save him.

Honestly, it's barely a relationship worth mentioning if you don't have a murder pact going with Dean. Ben is literally the only one of all 4 children AND CLAIRE who hasn't had one with Dean.

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If this episode involves Dean bringing any of his records in to play for Jack I'm gonna go out in my pyjamas and take a long walk to the sea and then keep walking once I reach it

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Dean you did not walk nearly far enough for Jack to not hear you thump the wall outside his room

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PS: totally figured the promo scene was an early emotional beat between Dean and Cas which utterly delights me because the earlier that came in the episode the better as it meant less and less chance it was about anything other than Dean and Cas having an intense relationship over this whole thing.

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Jack is the absolute worst about dying. He's this saintly angelic little boy from like, no later than 1900s literature, who exists only to bravely suffer and love with his whole heart. He's snatched out of an era when kids needed morality tales about how to die politely of consumption with the least amount of fuss for their parents and 300 siblings.

How dare you fucking die selflessly. Humanity is at its Bithc This Isn't Fair stage. Throw a fit. Go walk into the sea out of protest.

-

Okay you're in Kansas I understand how that is an unrelastic option and I grew up spoiled by the immediate location of the sea should I ever need to walk into it.

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This show has never made me cry before the title card before.

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This is the Pippin and Gandalf scene from Return of the King with the whole Into the West thing that they wrote for a sick fan who died before the movie came out and literally Annie Lennox sings what would be Jack's THEME for this scene.

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Sam is horrified that Jack didn't even live long enough for a LotR marathon to explain the reference that's making him bawl.

-

I LOVE that this scene with Dean n Cas is just about Dean being a wuss about watching his son die because that's so much worse than Jack having asked for a mercy kill or anything. And this all before the title card. Cas tearing Dean a new one about going in and watching your son die smiling beautifully like a little cherub who can't wait to find out what happens next.

-

Jack's gonna be dead before the title card, isn't he?

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Oof.

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Hey, Dean, one more reason to hate yourself :) :) :)

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Also robbed Cas of watching him go.

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But I think tbh they could have done this if Dean wasn't being a coward about watching Jack die that they would leave Sam to sit at this side in the last moment.

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Ugh, my eyes are leaking too much to type. What the hell is all this wet stuff coming out of them.

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I've never seen a TFW shot where Sam was the shortest but he is slumped over like someone cut all his strings.

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"Your brother's in pain" AND WE'RE NOT? YOU'RE NOT? CAS ISN'T?

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Dean stopping Cas going after Sam with just a catch of his shoulder... Ugh. The two of them are still connected through all this in a way where Cas and Dean are connected whether Dean's in the most obvious pain or Sam is.

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Cas, pls be selfish and in the most obvious pain at some point this episode.

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Oh please don't make me watch Dean telling his mom that Jack died

please

I beg you

-

They put a photo of Kelly next to Jack's bed D: Or has he always had that?

-

That's not even the photo that Cas had pinned to his board in 12x10 and yes I went and checked, I'm leaking tears too much to watch because Cas is standing over him and this is going to be the worst while Dean's answerphone message lays over the top.

I'm so not here to watch TFW mourn their son.

-

They had him for like a WEEK this SUCKS.

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ALso I said "please don't make me watch" so they cut away to Cas mourning silently while Dean talks to Mary's answerphone because Meredith is an evil fairy who whimsically takes your wishes and twists them into even worse options.

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*takes my glasses off and throws them aside angrily when Sam emerges carrying a duffel over his shoulder and wearing the fucking orange jacket he first met Jack in*

-

God, I don't even wear them for focus, just lack of headaches. Why was I bothering.

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7x10 and this episode are probably going to be unholy companions in this show's canon

"She's come down with acute Tear Duct Blockage. The only option is head amputation or we make her cry, NOW" "Don't worry, I have just the thing."

-

Dean this answerphone message huuuurts

Also explains the Buckleming issue of not calling Mary, to just say, yeah, it escalated, rapidly.

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Your brother is storming off and Cas is broken.

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If I have to see Cas see a set of PB&J crusts and a glass of milk identical to what Dean saw in 9x10 I'm - well, I'm still here instead of walking off into the sea so my threats are starting to look a bit performative. BUT I'M THINKING IT.

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Cas watches Sam go, while Dean is being dwarfed by the bunker and obfuscated by its maze of corridors.

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*presses my hands over my eyeballs* STOP. STOP IT. GOD. You're not even sobbing or anything you're just lEAKING. This is so annoying! I'm gonna dehydrate and they'll find a shrivelled skellington here and I'll go with just a few quiet sniffs and a dumb smile on my face like fucking Jack did.

Now I'm just distraught about the first time ever in canon we see Cas drive, it's in his dumb blue car and Dean's broken and not up for driving even if Sam presumably hadn't stolen the car for his errand/driving until he finds the sea and walking off into it mission. All my myriad fantasies about Cas behind the wheel of the impala and Dean grinning at him like yeah that's my baby (which one is he talking about?), and nope we're getting Cas's little partymobile and Dean's mute expression of grief.

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NEVER MIND THEY SHOWED ME SAM CURLED UP ON THE GROUND USING THE IMPALA AS A BELOVED FAMILY HEIRLOOM TO HUG AND I SOBBED OUT LOUD FUCK  YOU MEREDITH FUCK YOU

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I need the tissues why were they not here in preparation for this episode

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I need to avoid my mum all day on the ground of spoilers because my face is a walking spoiler

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"TELL ME YOU DIDN'T  MAKE A DEAL" "wha- no, I'm trying to make a pyre"

Making a pyre doesn't usually involve curling up on the floor.

Cas is getting an accidental glimpse of 13x01's emotional landscape, not that anyone will tell him this was what it was like for Dean, that we now have Sam in the spot of. We're getting some mirror image missing moments, like we just saw Dean get the axe out but did see him begging God... in this one we see Sam go take it out on a tree.

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Incidentally I re-read all of Terrible Coffee AU two days ago for Reasons and the scene where Sam is whaling on a tree while screaming into the sky is pretty much this. Which is fucking hilarious that 2 years ago I decided Sam taking out his feelings on the local trees was a Thing when he was depressed.

(I wrote that scene the day Eileen was murdered on the show and honestly at the time he was mostly just angry on canon!Sam's behalf and I figured I'd come up with plot reasons later.)

-

Oh, they weren't driving the party!mobile, they were driving something else. I'm not even gonna ask where they get these vehicles

-

Yeah I'm harping on Dabb vs cars because Cas is talking about Jack's story ending like this and certainty of death for angels and this is just... the worst.

-

the story line - Cas deciding how their stories go. Dean resisting the how it's supposed to be of Jack's death. TFW want to take the narrative into their own hands. We KNOW in this world deaths are stored in notebooks, potential ways to pass that you skate past until one claims you. They're free to write their own stories but the ending is always pre-written for them... It's just a matter of which one. But Cas especially... Jack was supposed to bring paradise, and maybe the emotional landscape between season 12 and 14 is a gulf of difference in their openness and bonds, largely facilitated by Jack's presence in the narrative and relentless open love for everyone who was nice to him and even those who weren't in Dean's case. He breezed through their lives, manic pixie dream girl'd them to emotional health, and mayfly'd out. But that's THEIR stories. That's not JACK's story. That's not the epic destiny something as cosmically powerful as him was due, and the potential he was shown to have... It abruptly gets into the territory of Dany having her whole Stallion That Mounts the World prophecy for the son she lost... I've not watched the TV show since it diverged so wildly I couldn't hack it any more, but the books with everyone wondering if, like, Jon Snow was this guy instead, etc, picking this that and the other guy... what if Dany's lost child WAS the only one it applied to and the prophecy just fizzled out? ASoIaF looms over Jack's narrative... He's literally been framed against an Iron Throne in the past, and his character arc for parts of season 13 was a sort of anti-Joffrey in many ways. And then in death, GRRM's unromantic look at fairytales and heroic narratives comes for him too, that maybe it doesn't always happen like the stories say...

... but of course, he also has LotR coding, and in THAT regard, Sam Gamgee has his good old speech about the heroes in the stories and how we relate to them and are inspired by them and become them. The stories that matter. And Jack's was supposed to be one of those. In a way, their lives have been so epic that Jack mostly having a personal impact rather than a cosmic one seems wrong to them. That he didn't become the great hero of his own story, but was a tragic hero who ran a dramatic but personal arc and burned out because his asshole father killed him and his asshole uncle presumably finished him off with an experiment in grace transfusion. At least if my dashboard is to be believed :P It's inconcievable to TFW, the "making it up as we go" people who tore up the script and threw away the pages, that they can't just make this happen or that Jack didn't serve some great purpose. Even men as weary of Destiny as they are, struggle. Just because that was their lives, so how could the son of all three of them not follow in all his fathers' footsteps?

-

"Jack being taken before his time... Being taken before *me*" Cas shut the fuck up.

But that is the speech from Theoden, and once again Sam is Gandalf, which is fucking hilarious that Sam's been Gandalf TWICE this episode.

Ever it's grown on the tombs of my forebears...

you have four bears???

-

God dammit that joke didn't stop me crying as they go knock their glasses together and hold Jack's lil 3 dads wake

-

3 Dads Wake is a great name for a whiskey

-

God, Cas is drinking.

-

CAS.

-

They need to give him like one bottle to every finger of whiskey they drink but dammit if they don't get Cas loaded.

-

Letting them talk privately about how aweomse Jack was and not letting us hear it is a crime

-

Listen you don't even know me if you didn't think as soon as the nougat appeared on screen I didn't hit pause and sob for a whole minute with my hands over my face

-

Officially worse than bobby and the goddamn licorice conversation

-

Cas laughing with caramel hanging out of his mouth is the worst thing the sho whas ever done and I'm suing for emotional damage

-

Imagine being one of the bitter stans who hates one or more of TFW or Jack right now watching this scene. God, are you even human. They're eating Jack's secret nougat stash they all pretended they didn't know he had.

-

I can't believe I'm now thinking that Lily showing up will probably be a lighthearted way to bring up the mood of the episode.

-

Cas is offficially wobbly! We have Cas tipsyness!!

-

Sam tapping out first. Oh no. Don't leave. Don't.

-

Fuck you Sam Winchester how dare you canonically be the most lightweight of TFW consistently for the entire show and need to go crash off the side of your bed and sleep on the floor while Dean n Cas are still drinking together.

-

Did Dean seriously outdrink Cas.

-

Well that's... something.

I am gonna cling to that like a rock in the churning sea I have walked out into.

-

Also I managed to calm myself down with walking around my room taking deep breaths so I could go downstairs pretending not to be a wreck, so I could get tea, and my mum made me finish the sudoku for her. I don't have the heart to show her this episode. She loves Jack more than anyone in this god damn fandom and maybe more than Cas does. Maybe I'll lie to her and say the show ended last episode and Jack was fine hahahahaaaa

-

OH FUCK I hit play and there was a single line of dialogue for the whole wake. Dean drunkenly slurring to Cas, I think, you know we did everything we could, right?

I'm...

*walks further out into the ocean*

-

"Here's to you Jack, wherever you are" I am not okay.

-

Oh fork you Meredith we did not need to see the boy in Heaven eating burgers.

-

Oh fork you Meredith we did not need to see the boy in Heaven eating burgers while on a case with all of his dads.

-

OH SON OF A BENCH THIS IS THE DODGE CITY CASE AKA 13x06 MEREDITH YOU DINK.

-

Oh dear, Heaven is broken. Who was the ashhole who was saying that Jack should die so that he can go to Heaven so he's well-placed to help deal with all this nonsense.

-

LOL Jack would be the sort of person who goes to Heaven and doesn't need more than a second of prompting to be  like oh wait I am dead and in Heaven, and just, like... Go open the door. Just pop his head out like cooee I wanna hang with my dads anyone here to replace the bulb in the sun so I can carry on hanging out here for eternity?

Like, seriously, I'm dead, this is when I am supposed to catch a break.

-

Let The Boy Say Fork.

-

Listen, secondary to his power to be adopted by everyone on sight, Jack is uncanny also with just walking into trouble.

-

And to try and be clam for a moment, this is Jack getting pulled back into the story, but not just by unfortunate happenstance, because he was the one with the sharpness, the cosmic awareness even on this level that Heaven just doesn't quiiiiite work for him in the way it's supposed to even if say it was at full power, that he is the one who voluntarily not just understands instantly that something is wrong, but then is fully snapped back to his old self, and chooses to open the door, and that is the moment of choosing to continue his story, at least for now.

It's like how the last time we saw Bobby chronologically was in Inside Man and Cas and Sam woke him from his repose and got the fighting spirit back into him enough to open his own door and rejoin the story for one last hurrah... And it was a choice there too, a moment of once more telling the natural order to screw itself, Bobby could step outside the proscribed ending of his narrative one last time.

Unless Jack finds him and is adopted on sight today.

-

Sam looks way too healthy.

Invigorated by having a Plan

-

Lils. Finally getting to see the Bunker filled with all her stolen research notes.

And no that wasn't canon before, but boy am I hoping she recognises her research amongst all the bunker's angel lore.

-

Men stealing fuckin everything

-

"We've never looked through Kevin's angel tablet translations"

HAVEN'T WE?

NO

WE HAVEN'T

THEY HAVE BEEN THERE

FIVE

FUCKING

YEARS

And every forking time something comes up where they might be useful I say, HEY WHAT ABOUT KEVIN'S ANGEL TABLET TRANSLATIONS?

and the show says

hey so we don't have the angel tablet but we do have the demon tablet

and I'm like I'm sure that won't have any dumb side effects that could be avoided by having the angel tablet translation just on hand in your archive

did Meredith hear me screeching

because I screeched very very loud after 13x14

13x13 sorry

that was Bucklemming handing her the wrong fucking tablet

-

this is bitter vindication but feels even better than her and Bobo remembering the grace extracting needle in 12x19

-

Glynn is a fucking gift.

-

On the other hand this episode now is pulling on 9x06 and 12x10 at once and that makes me feel woozy

I can't deal with a Glockeybo combo

-

Also waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Kevin's handwriting. I can't deal with that AND Bobby memories AND FUCKING NOUGAT DEATH

-

Which I mean I do feel instantly better about once he opened the door and let himself back into the story and I stopped crying at once and cheered up and Lily is indeed providing much needed relief, wild as that all sounds.

-

Lily trying to explain her soul magic to Sam and Dean, rubes who haven't done a single enochian calculation in their lives.

Wait, no, Sam has done one, in ... 12x19 ...

But yeah, a rube and a completely self-taught asshole who knows like one thing about it.

And she's like oh yeah just use his soul and they're like AAH WTF LILY and she's like er this is the most obvious thing in the world what is the problem here

-

where are my cas reaction shots

-

Jack wearing an eyepatch for the rest of the show would be adorable and hilarious

-

"it won't cost much... he'll never miss it" trust me his soul is enormous and boated with sweet nougat love, he can spare it, guys.

-

Dean being able to say "Jack's dead" one day later, when he couldn't say it about Cas practically until he was BACK

-

Nice trade. TECHNICALLY nothing dodgy about it at all, at least in the sense that aside from resurrection consent issues from Jack, once he's back the choice is still on him to choose to grow old and die as Lily has done, or even to stop using the magic to sustain himself and die again immediately if he is squicked out by it... Or it all comes from trading on his OWN soul power.

Definitely better than demon deals or having any favours looming over them etc

And with Heaven in the state it's in, honestly sending Lily there might be easier than they think if NO ONE IS LEFT TO RUN IT.

Er, imminent ghostpocalypse issues aside.

-

We're in ghostpocalypse territory as of a minute ago show time, btw.

-

Cas has quietly observed all this chatter and we get back to him when he says, "Don't you think Jack should decide for himself" so honestly Cas is right there with me, and I always like when me and Cas are the ones agreeing on a thing in the episode.

-

Obligatory reminder that Sam is more aware than most about soul stuff

*takes another piece of coal off the pile I was going to send Meredith for ruining christmas*

-

HEY, ANUBIS.

Don't tell him about what they did to Osiris

Unless that would amuse him

Wait never mind Meredith is literally throwing in amusing snark about 7x04 which I think when Adam Glass disowned that episode (despite how I actually think it's really good and he was too hard on it) he never expected anyone would ever want to throw in amused references about it in canon ever again.

-

"When God left - sorry, long story - " Lily is one of the few people who seems able to conceptually roll with the nonsense TFW deals in all day.

She should join the squad. Always room for a 100 year old badass with deep enochian lore knowledge.

-

I'm sorry has Jack crashed Kelly's heaven or is this a rando little girl. I immediately thought she was Kelly in the long shot and they substituted a lil girl for POV when we got closer and actually had to go back and look again and she was the little girl all along.

-

This also conceptually looks so much like Cas's eternal tuesday afternoon.. A rainy, flower-filled garden.

-

Roosevelt looks SO much like the doggie in 11x20 aside from anything else

-

IT IS KELLY

-

This is horrifying since they never ever got to meet ever until now and I'm suing Meredith

-

I mean I'm already suing her but I'm just adding this to the list of complaints. My laywers are working overtime on this episode.

-

FORK!! THEY GOT HER BACK FROM LEGENDS OF TOMORROW FOR A DAY!!!!

-

Can Kelly and Jack go on a rampage around Heaven to fix things?

-

Her hair is suspiciously darker from the back which I think is her Legends look from the gifs I've seen

-

Wait, Bobby had a forking dog called Rumsfeld, and Kelly has Roosevelt.

-

"Hi mom you're dead"

".......................................................... NOooOoOooooOOoo No no no baby no"

Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

-

Dean resisting the spell and complainging "gotta happen, no other way" is making me feel like the Heaven Drama is going to smack them right before they can get it all done and give them a LOT MORE to worry about than Jack but also give them a roundabout way to see him again and also, of course, mean Lily might be useful for an entirely other purpose while she's here...

-

Dean right now is rationalising this through the lens of that all their terrible deals have been terrible and that this is just one more step on the Winchester life and death merry-go-round, and of course that Jack is about to get the full family treatment he deserves. But that's the Winchester lens of looking at things that even when deaths are brutal and lives cut unfairly short, there's going to be a way to bring them back if they haven't finished their stories. John finished his, in 2x22 seeing Dean get the revenge he needed to be at peace, but everyone else...

Is it ethically right to put Jack on that merry-go-round when he smiled sweetly and died with as much enthusiasm as he gave pretty much everything in his life?

-

The table lamps are out in the bunker D: them being dark is so ominous

-

And Cas shows up like shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit something worse going on guys

-

They're so casual about just summoning gods into their front room these days

Of course they're doing it in the spot in front of the door with the war room behind in one direction... The opposite end of the library to where they opened the rift.

-

Sam picks his way through the wet paint but Dean stands right in the centre of this circle for SUMMONING THE GOD WHO DECIDES WHO LIVES AND DIES AND WHERE THEY GO to have this lil chat with Lil?

-

And now Dean steps out of it and corners her with the obvious question - what's wrong with your magic and why are you risking going to Hell to stop using it entirely?

-

I'm so sorry you have to look at more dead angels, Cas

I'm also so sorry they were killed by black slime because wow after season 7 that was a laugh and a half for you

-

... Can you swear in the hallways of Heaven?

-

DUMA LIVES

(probably "for now" though hopefully longer than that)

Ma'am are you aware you have a Nougat on the loose too

I'd love it if Cas is like hi what's happening also have you seen my son

-

This actress needs to come back for a 3rd time to follow Dean around in a crisis moment.

-

OH NO now Cas is coming to the heaven memory and seeing what Jack considered his best memory

-

YEAH. I knew Naomi would show up, I just didn't know when :D

(She wasn't in the credits as far as I could tell but I already sort of knew they were leaving people off? Or maybe I was thinking lol I bet Amanda Tapping is in this episode and they won't tell us... On the other hand she mAY have been in the credits but I was WEEPING MY EYES OUT so didn't clock her despite my efforts to hold myself together and see who was coming up on screen)

-

Naomi doesn't have the most dramatic entrance on the show but she sure is racking up points for good entrances one at a time each time she appears. She never just, like... toddles onto screen normally.

-

"Perhaps the angel side of him knew he was in Heaven" honestly the most tragic thing I was trying not to think about is that he knew the entire time but he was willing to play along and enjoy hanging with his dads for eternity despite that.

-

Oh man it's another dispute over who owns Jack. Is this kid never going to be allowed to just sit and eat burgers and nougat? (Hopefully not at the same time)

-

Also based on last episode where it seemed like the Empty was awakening but had Lucifer's eyes and we were all NOOO fork that!! is there some more complicated forked up aspect to what's going on or is it just itself and awake and coming for Jack?

-

I love how Naomi just casually knows how many people are in Heaven

-

"What's one nephilim boy against all that?" "But he's MY nephilim boy!!"

-

OH NO NAOMI

-

NOT LIKE THIIIIIS

-

We better get an answer on her state by the end of the episode because she's my fave villain bar Metatron on the entire show and devouring her in shadow is just... yikes.

-

"give it a sec" *POOF* Anubis is prompt, okay.

-

He probably honestly is somewhat slighted that they're 14 years into their career and he hasn't clapped eyes on them.

-

"Yeah, we've died." "A LOT."

-

I honestly, at this point, do not blame them for their lax attitude towards the permanence of death. They need a lot of counselling they're not getting and until they do they really are going to always be terrible at this.

-

A brief moment where Anubis is like, am I going to get Flirty Banter with Dean Winchester?? and he looks at him and Dean's eyes are all dead and "my son is dead" and Anubis sighs like welp not today oh well better luck next time, if I survive this...

-

Getting flirty banter with Dean is a sign of high honour and takes you to some very interesting places.

-

Into Dean if you stick with it like Crowley did

-

And Lily's been standing there this whole time like wow these boys suck up all the attention in the room and I kinda hate them

-

Oh I LOVE this abacus. Is this some nerdy ass research that meredith did to know better than most what to expect here? Even I haven't heard this one, though I haven't really revisited Egypt lore after the expected Egyptology phase as a kid...

Anyway the half white half black beads are super interesting in a wider show symbolism way.

-

Oh deeear, Lily.

-

Of course that instantly makes you fascinated about what would happen if TFW stuck their hands over it.

-

What a good line on the show's philosophy about making your own fate - it's not destiny or a choice from above or anything like that. Your individual actions get you sent to Heaven or Hell in the natural course of things and it's weighed in such a way all he can do is use his equipment to read which way you're going... Everything else is down to you. Free Will, write your own story.

Of course, if Lily did some huge sacrifice I bet she could change things.

-

CAS LAUGHED

ugh this episode should be banned.

-

If you hug Kelly I'm rioting.

-

Everyone who ever hugs Cas slaps their hands firmly on Misha's broad shoulders like it's law and digs in and I don't know if it's because Cas has this wonderful presence about him that even when you're around Misha acting him in the moment you get swept up in it, or you just want to hug Misha like that, but Cas hugs look like the most amazing hugs in the universe and everyone just GOES for it.

Also I am typing this nonsense because I literally used up my box of tissues earlier and the next option is stealing a roll of toilet paper. So I will snark and try and ward off the sobbing.

-

"I'm so sorry. I failed you." Kelly, who has spent about 5 minutes in Jack's presence and understands his nature even beyond her blind faith in him from before but now gets to see the evidence of it: "You didn't. You didn't."

Yes, please can more characters tell Cas that he did a good job even when things don't quite go to plan. Dean's drunken slurring about how they did the best they could, this...

Kelly tells Cas how wonderful Jack is like Cas doesn't know and Cas breaks up.

And you know what this looks like and I'm not going to survive typing this and can already feel my eyeballs filling up with water... 10x20 and Jimmy and Amelia talking about Claire at the end of the episode oh god I hate it take it away from me.

-

Oh good Cas telling Jack we need you alive to fix Heaven but just in a passive way where you not being dead means the Empty backs the fuck off rather than you having to DO anything

-

Ooops the Empty is here as Dumas. I suspect she's not surviving this episode but MAYBE Naomi survives.

-

I am saying with full wishful thinking after seeing her completely consumed by black goo

-

I do like the concept of "THERE ARE MAJOR STAKES TO RESURRECT THE BOY. BRING HIM BACK THIS INSTANT. LITERALLY SAVE THE UNIVERSE BY BRINGING THE NOUGAT SON BACK TO EARTH." because that makes it so much different from "hey bring me back and maybe accidentally unleash some terrible evil in the process but we'll deal with it later  because that's what we do"

-

"HE'S OUR KID" Sam snaps

I hate it, thanks

For the love of god appeal to  her more as a fellow parent.

-

Dean DIRECTLY EQUATES Jack and May

Hold me

-

Equating no soul to not being human in front of Sam aka our no soul test case. Owie. Another reminder of just how hard Dean took it in season 6 until he got Sam back, all that skin crawling feeling of being around him...

You know what? Jack reminds me of the sort of example nice ensoulled Sam stuff we saw in 6x12 when Jared was allowed to play over the top sweet and uncomplicted for a few scenes, just to be a total contrast to how he'd been acting thus far in the season. Of course, we saw him for like 3 scenes of Dean smiling in pure relief when Sam did Nice Things before it all got complicated again, and Jack's been a long-time character :P But Sam does have a sweet street that when it emerges in the rare times it can be uncomplicated, is I think the closest equivalent to where Jack's innocent sweetness is drawn from. He's the son of Sam's puppy dog eyes specifically.

But yeah I think Lily just needs to have this resistance and anger about it all to make it so much more of a flip if she were to decide to do the spell, so that it counts as an even gooder good deed to MAYBE flip her chances. By giving her a good work to do.

And hey maybe if she meets Jack for a minute she'll love him and then be changed by the experience and go out and do more good things etc etc.

-

DUMAS IS SO GOOD AT BEING CREEPY!!

-

Misha hammed the FORK out of being the Empty and now she has to live up to it and she IS.

-

CAS don't fight the Empty by trying to stab it, fight the Empty by humming this is the song that never ends.

-

*makes a disgruntled sad noise about being forced to see Jack laid out on a table in his cute lil PJs with his cute lil socks*

-

Wait, if Lily does this spell does this mean she's using up the last of her soul to do it and going to the Empty anyway?

-

ANGRY LIONESS KELLY COMING TO YELL AT THE EMPTY AND GIVE IT A PIECE OF HER MIND

I've just paused after her yelling "STOP" but whatever happens next, she leaped in when Cas was getting kicked around and that's BAD ASS.

-

Hitting Kelly is like... probably a rage button Jack didn't even know he had so I would like to see how that goes over, but we cut to them trying to resurrect him.

-

I forking love how this is 2 seasons in a row where the message seems to be that you live to spite nihilism and the bitter end of death.

-

D'aw even though Sam said they'd pray it was Dean who used prayer to reach out to Cas in Heaven to give him that heads up. Like, totally practical rather than the sort of prayer he's made before to Cas that was all emotional appeal, but, let's save our son, huh?

-

CAS NO DON'T SAY THAT

The Empty might also really want to think about that because it knows you forking suck to keep around so trading yourself for Jack is like... really? do I really want that? :P

-

"Not for years. EONS, MAYBE." Cas, bud. I love you. I want you to stay alive that long. Do you really forking think that with the life you lead you have eons left? I mean it's really heartening to hear you talk about yourself this way. But I have to ask.

-

The Empty telling Cas that it'll come for him when he finally lets himself be happy is forking hilarious. Cas hasn't been happy once in his life and he doesn't plan to start now. Eons, maybe.

Just like that, he's unlocked eternal, grumpy life. Take notes, Lily.

-

I mean on a practical level this is basically like, yeah, this is why Destiel isn't canon, because as soon as Cas allows himself to be happy, he's ALWAYS known he gets punished for it. In 4x20 he rebelled for Dean and was instantly dragged back by Naomi... This sense of another mission, never belonging, always being on the outside and not getting the emotional resolution he needs, and actively running from it at times or throwing himself in the way of danger to make Dean be happy without him... it's interesting honestly that the Empty is here as Duma and not Naomi as she's been the agent of hoiking him back from happiness enough times in canon... And that fear of losing everything as soon as you're happy? That's what first kept Dean from Jack and then as soon as he really truly fathered Jack, happened to him. Like, that's Team Free Will's entire life story, starting with Jess, to date, here with the Empty making this threat.

-

Duma survived!!

-

Cas... really could have just bought a few minutes to do the spell rather than given himself that burden >.>

But he's determined to make a more lasting sacrifice, one that ensures this won't happen again with Jack, that he can always die whenever he wants and go to Heaven and not be bothered here.

-

Oops Jack's angry now. Now he's seen a dad sacrifice for him, he's suddenly got a case of the Winchester Angsts. Dean in season 2, for starters. Not a good place to be D: Dean in season 2 is proportionately his worst season.

-

I'm not crying because I think I already died earlier in the episode, but that was... truly awful... to watch Cas tell Jack he's at peace with it and he loves him and everyone loves him and then Kelly butts in like I LOVE YOU TOO and mom him a bit with straightening his jacket and hugging him and... UGH.

-

Lily has either the start of a heart attack or loses her soul entirely in the background and wanders into a corner to die? Er.

-

OH HEY WE ALSO MANAGED TO GET THE WORST DEAN HUG SINCE 2x22 WHEN HE GRABS JACK. NEVER SEEN HIM HUG LIKE THAT BEFORE, DON'T WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN THANKS

-

Nope, she just dieded.

Let's hope she went to heaven and we get a super corny young Lily surprise Alicia Witt return moment at the end since this episode is just throwing everything at it.

-

It's Anubis' office!!!

Wow, that's a noisy annoying place to work

Still, I LOVE these visualisations of where the cosmic forces of the universe work

-

I called it super corny but I'm DYING to see Lily's fate change.

-

"Say hello to your daughter for me" DOn't make me cry about Lily please I beg you I am run dry

-

OH THANK GOD NAOMI SURVIVED. Hooooooraaaaay!!!!!!! Oh this is a wonderful ending to a perfect episode to not have to deal with her having being consumed and left dead off-screen somewhere.

-

LOL that slam as he realises what's up and even though she obviously can do what she wants, he's still protectively closing Kelly's door to put a barrier between her and Naomi.

-

"I'm here to thank you"

Oldest trope in the book, but I love when they look over their shoulder to see if "you" is someone else, and Cas, unflappable Cas, in Naomi's presence, still checks the infinite empty corridor.

-

*double checks*

"...... you're welcome?"

Wheee unlocked new plot for altrusim!

-

Ahahaaaahaaaaaaaaa Jack wrapped in a fluffy grey robe. Listen. I am

not

okay.

Jack with his burger and Dean's dead guy robe, spitefully living...

-

I bet Dean made the burger

-

WHY did I type that when I knew how likely it was to make my eyes burn.

-

I did not cry at the last scene of them all at the table so I am going to eat extra cookies at lunch as a reward.

And Jack and Cas sharing a little glance, knowing what Cas did. Father and Son's first dire family secret! :')

-

And gently roll the camera away to credits to leave them to their happy little scene.

-

Presumably with a slow fade so you can fumble for some more tissues.

Gyah.

#14x08 #season 14 spoilers #I am angry about how in the last 3 seasons multiple episodes have wandered around like hi I am the new best episode of the series #make up your MIND #remember when Baby felt weird like it was the first in years that had smashed the season 5 barrier of where all the Best Episodes were #and like aside from 6x11 and 7x10 we'd long passed the episodes that were utter stand outs in their field? #and now you have a like 50:50 gamble you're just going to walk into the Best Episode of the Show #it's fucking annoying #my stuff

[sambukasam]

"It's cute how you think you're in charge."

Summary: You help distract Sam from how wrong everything is

Square Filled: Dom/Sub

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warnings: scruffy sam because it’s important, rough sex!! but its consensual rough sex ok, dom/sub themes, breathplay

Word Count: 1312

A/N: set loosely around 14.01, so beware of any spoilers!! also i uhh couldnt think of a title so i took a quote from this

Created for @spnkinkbingo

Kink Bingo Masterlist ↔︎ Normal Masterlist

You had never considered getting with Sam before the whole apocalypse world mess, but with the two of you struggling to cope with the loss of Dean, it just seemed like a good way to distract yourselves.

He felt like you were the only person who understood exactly what he was going through, the pressure of being responsible for everyone who was living with him now on top of the fact that the longer it took him to find Dean, the more he could be suffering - or worse, he could be long dead, burned out and a human morph suit for Michael to walk around in.

He was gone for the day following a trail that he already figured was stale before he left, and you knew his suspicions were correct when he came back empty-handed and dragged you to your bedroom the second everyone left him alone.

You went along pliantly, knowing he needed a way to let off the steam brewing up inside of him and you were more than happy to be the one to help. You didn't ask him how the trip went, instead staying quiet and pushing him to sit on the edge of the bed while you stripped your clothes for him.

You started with your shirt, slowly unbuttoning the flannel you were wearing and leaving you in the thin cami and bra you were wearing underneath. Next to go were your jeans, you slid them down your legs and kicked them off unceremoniously while he stayed seated on the bed, a predatory look in his eyes.

He reached out to grab you and you pushed his hand away, intending on keeping up the teasing a little longer to drag it out and give him a break from the world and it's problems. Of course, this all backfired when a dark look filled Sam's eyes and he reached forward again, tugging you harshly onto his lap and forcing you to straddle him.

You put your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself and bit your lip at the dark look in his eyes, waiting to see what he would do next.

"It's cute how you think you're in charge," he said quietly with a small smirk, and his tone of voice had your entire body buzzing with arousal. "But you need to remember that I'm the one who calls the shots here, and you know how much I hate teasing."

With that, he cupped your ass and stood up quickly, holding you up before turning and dropping you on the bed. He roughly spread your thighs for him to fit between and you resisted the urge to moan at how hot he was when he was in charge.

He grabbed the front of your cami and quickly ripped it open, making you gasp at the sudden movement as you felt a surge of wetness between your legs while he flung it without a care to the floor.

He didn't bother trying to take your bra off, instead settling on tugging your boobs out over the cups and immediately pinching and tugging at your nipples, sending sparks of pleasure-pain straight to your clit. "Sam," you whimpered, not sure if you were begging for more or for him to stop as you tried to grind up against him.

"Ah ah," he tutted, his hands pinning your hips to the bed. You never felt smaller than you did when you were with Sam, but there was something different about when you were having sex. You felt vulnerable, exposed more than you've ever been while you just sit back and let him do whatever he wanted to you - not that you were complaining. You always ended up loving it.

He was staring at you intensely and you almost thought that he was going to kiss you for a second, which was something you'd never done even after two weeks straight of messing around. The moment disappeared when he got off of you and turned you over, manhandling you and putting you on your hands and knees.

Your panties were ripped the same as your vest, and they pinched your hips sharply before they gave in to Sam's strength, making you whisper out a quiet "fuck". You heard him unzip his jeans and felt his cock trace your leaking slit, gathering your wetness. He didn't waste time teasing you, too worked up from the false lead to put off his pleasure.

He pushed in firmly, filling you to the brim and stretching you around his thick cock. It was still hard to adjust to the size of him, meaning he had to wait and let you adjust before he started fucking you. He reached a hand around your waist and rubbed two fingers at your clit slowly, relaxing you and distracting you from the slight burn.

You nodded your head almost imperceptibly when you were ready for him to start fucking you, but it was all the confirmation he needed. His hips drew back and slowly slid back in, building a faster pace with each thrust.

His fingers remained on your clit, rubbing it furiously while his other hand reached around and grabbed your throat. He pulled you up by your throat to press your back against his chest, cutting off your airways as you went up. You arched your back to try and keep the pressure off of your throat and struggled to keep your balance as his hips were pistoning against yours. Your hands grabbed at his forearms, but his strong grip didn't budge.

Your thighs shook from the effort of holding yourself up in the awkward position and how close you were, and you knew you wouldn't last much longer. Sam wasn't in much better shape, panting loudly as his sweaty chest pressed against your back. He put his mouth on the base of your neck, sucking lightly on the most sensitive part of your neck before lightly biting it, not breaking the skin.

The feeling was enough to tighten the ever-growing ball of pleasure in your stomach, showing you how close you were.

His hand tightened around your neck, and this time your arched back didn't save your breath. Instead, you were left unable to breathe while being overwhelmed by the combination of that, his fingers on your clit and his teeth digging in harder on your neck. It was all so much at once, and though you had been on the verge of coming since the beginning, you still felt like your orgasm came out of nowhere, slamming into you like a freight train.

You shuddered as you started to come, and Sam only fucked you harder, rabbiting his hips to prolong the orgasm while you clenched around him. Your mouth was open in a silent moan while your body shook, coming harder than you had in a long time while he took his hand away from your throat.

Sam stilled suddenly, burying himself in as deep as he could and holding you in place while he came inside of you, filling you full of his cum while your body was still shaking with the aftershocks of your orgasm and your chest heaved as you regained your breath from him choking you.

When he pulled out he let go of you and you fell forward onto the bed, feeling practically boneless. Sam chuckled and rolled you over onto your back, pushing your sweaty hair out of your eyes.

"Still alive?" He asked while he tucked himself back into his pants.

"Barely," you muttered, your hand absently rubbing over your throat.

His eyes immediately flicked down at the movement, and you could see worry fill them instantly. "Did I go too far?"

"No, it was great," you replied quickly, hoping he could tell you were being honest.

He nodded though he didn't look entirely convinced and fixed his clothes, walking to the door and throwing you a small smile before he opened your door and walked out.

-

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@imjustafriendlynobody

#spnkinkbingo #sam winchester smut #sam x reader smut #sam winchester x reader smut #sam winchester #sam x reader #spn smut #supernatural smut #sambukasams writing #s14 spoilers #ill tag for spoilers just in case

[pika-ace]

How about a Babadook AU? I think it could work with Usnavi and Sonny as Amelia and Sam, or maybe with Vanessa or Nina as Amelia and a future kid as Sam

Oh my god, you got me to watch the movie and I am IN LOVE!! And, hmmmmm, as much as I’d love to explore vulnerable!Vanessa or Nina and explore how they cope with losing Usnavi or Benny…I REALLY like the Usnavi and Sonny version more cause it can symbolize Usnavi coming to terms with losing his parents.

So the first part of this premise is that Usnavi’s parents died on the day Sonny was born, driving Usnavi’s aunt to the hospital to have the baby, which plants the seed of resentment towards Sonny in Usnavi at about age 9.

And while it would be super easy just to make this EXACTLY like the movie with adult!Usnavi and child!Sonny, I kinda wanna add more to this cause I love this movie and premise so freaking much.

So Usnavi’s 9 when his parents die and when Sonny’s born. Abuela takes him in, since she lives right next door to his house and has been a family friend since Usnavi was born. Sonny and Jane, his mom, visit very often, mostly so Jane can check on Usnavi since she feels guilty about his parents. But Usnavi doesn’t resent HER, it’s Sonny who he doesn’t like, especially as a kid. (When Sonny was a baby, and Usnavi was left alone with him for a moment, he just stared at baby Sonny and just went ‘I hate you,’ but Sonny only laughed). Jane and Sonny visit a LOT more often when Sonny turns 5 or 6 (making Usnavi about 15), but always because of Sonny’s insistence. Jane mentions to Abuela that Sonny must really like Usnavi, because whenever they have some free time, Sonny ALWAYS asks ‘Can we go see Usnavi? I wanna see Usnavi.’ But Jane worries because Sonny acts COMPLETELY different whenever they visit. Whenever they’re there, Sonny always talks to this imaginary monster and Jane gets even MORE worried when she finds out that Sonny has made weapons to fight the monster. He almost took Usnavi’s eye out with a dart-crossbow and Jane is so confused. Sonny NEVER acts this way when they’re at home. And meanwhile, Usnavi just thinks his little cousin is the biggest pain, but he understands that he has to take care of him while Jane and Abuela are busy, so he begrudgingly does so. One night, Sonny spends the night, and asks Usnavi to read a book that randomly appeared on Abuela’s shelf, called ‘Mister Babadook’. After reading it, and scaring the shit out of Sonny, Usnavi hides the book under the floorboards in the attic and they don’t speak of it. Sonny suffers from a few nightmares, but the eventually go away. But then things get complicated when Jane gets sick when Sonny’s about 10 and dies, leaving Sonny in Usnavi’s care. Since Usnavi’s 18 now, he decides to move back into his parents’ old house so he and Sonny won’t take up all of Abuela’s space. The first few months of Sonny living with Usnavi DOES NOT go well, as Sonny not only brought all his homemade weapons from his old home, but he starts acting strangely in school, constantly talking to ‘the Babadook’. And on top of Usnavi having to work a part-time job to support them, the stress is NOT good, especially when Sonny keeps screaming at him about the Babadook. Thankfully, Abuela is there to help keep Usnavi grounded, and things kinda revert to normal, but not really. Usnavi takes care of Sonny just fine; the only downside is that they never really celebrate Sonny’s birthday, since it was the same day Usnavi’s parents died. Jane let them celebrate it, but they never really did on the day, since work always seemed to call her away, but now, Sonny’s birthday is hardly even mentioned now that he’s with Usnavi. But anyway, Usnavi’s doing okay, and the only occasional downside is when he gets woken up by the brat because he thinks the Babdook’s in his room. But one night, while Usnavi’s searching Sonny’s room for monsters, he finds the Babadook book in Sonny’s closet. He asks where Sonny got this but Sonny denies knowing it was there. After giving him a degrading lecture about how he’s 10 and he shouldn’t be afraid of monsters, Usnavi tears up the book. Life goes on, and despite Usnavi and Sonny not being exactly as close as they should be, they get along. Thankfully, as Sonny gets older, he stops talking about the Babadook in public so Usnavi thinks he’s grown out of it. However, he doesn’t know that when Usnavi gets very withdrawn around Sonny’s birthday when his parents died, Sonny stays up almost every night, weapons at the ready to take on the Babadook. But then, five years later, when Sonny turns 15, Abuela dies, and that’s the tipping point. Abuela was the last line of defense against the Babadook, and Sonny finds out real quick that he has to protect his cousin. The Babadook book shows up again, taped together despite being torn up and has new pages added, depicting a figure that looks a lot like Usnavi, being taken over by the Babadook and eventually killing their dog (oh yeah, did I mention that Chip is in this? Also, he’s going to live in this cause my puppy ain’t getting his neck snapped!), then killing Sonny, and then himself. Usnavi burns the book, but things just keep going downhill from there. Usnavi becomes isolated and starts snapping at Sonny for little things and is just all around miserable. Meanwhile, Sonny’s trying desperately to figure out what to do, and occasionally speaks to the monster alone in his room ‘Listen up, you freak; you better stay the fuck away from my cousin. Cause if you touch him, I’ll fucking kill you, got it?’ Meanwhile, Usnavi’s being haunted by visions of the Babdook and eventually goes to the basement (where all his parents’ old things are) and he sees a vision of his mother. His mother hugs him and says that they can all be together again. Usnavi and his parents can be a happy family again…if he gives her the boy. Usnavi realizes its a fake and runs away, but finally gets possessed by the Babadook. After chasing Chip away, Usnavi then comes after Sonny and just…this whole scene is so amazing, I wish it was real! We’ve yet to see LMM play a character that’s NOT the usual adorkable clumsy nice-guy; just imagine him doing this scene with Sonny:

‘You little brat! Fifteen years old and you’re still talking to monsters! You have no idea how many times I wished it was you that died instead of them.’

‘I-I just wanted you to be happy…’

‘HAPPY?! …Do you know what would make me happy, Sonny? If I could take your head and smash it against a brick wall until your fucking brains pop out!’

‘…You’re not my cousin.’

‘…What did you say?’

‘I said, you’re not my cousin!’

‘I͢ ͢A̶͝M̨͜ Y̶OU҉͜R͏̷́ ̴͟C̛O͝U̶̢S̕IN̴!!!’

Amazing. Anyway, Sonny busts out his old weapons and traps from his childhood and manages to lure Usnavi to the basement where he knocks him out and ties him down. While Usnavi tries to escape, Sonny tries to get Usnavi to snap out of it. ‘Look cuz, I know you never wanted me…I know you never loved me…but I love you, Navi, and I always will!’ Unfortunately, Usnavi escapes and starts to strangle Sonny, but Sonny lovingly caresses Usnavi’s face, making Usnavi spit up a bunch of black ink and getting the Babadook out of his body. They travel out of the basement when Sonny freezes. Usnavi asks what’s wrong, and Sonny says ‘You can’t get rid of the Babadook,’ and an invisible force pulls him upstairs into Usnavi’s room. Usnavi gives chase  where Sonny’s being dragged and slammed against the wall and manages to grab him and cover him on the bed. He finally asks what the Babadook wants and Usnavi’s forced to watch a vision of his parents dying in the car crash on the day Sonny was born. After that, Usnavi finally confronts the thing, while Sonny hugs him from behind, and orders it to leave. ‘This is MY home…and you’re trespassing! Leave now! …And if you ever touch my kid again, I’ll KILL YOU!’ The Babdook tries one more time to pull Sonny into the darkness, but Usnavi hugs him close and literally screams into the darkness, eventually making the creature retreat in fear and run to the basement. Usnavi locks the door behind it and the two cousins lie on the couch together, finally safe. After that, Usnavi and Sonny slowly recover, both of them becoming much closer and affectionate. One night, when Sonny’s about to go to bed, Usnavi hugs him and tells him he loves him, which just about makes Sonny cry cause Usnavi’s NEVER said that to him his entire life until now. The Babadook’s still in the basement, and Usnavi and Sonny feed it worms from their garden that Chip digs up. Sometimes it tries to attack Usnavi, but he always manages to calm it down. After feeding it, Usnavi goes back and he and Sonny head out, as they’re going to a restaurant to celebrate Sonny’s birthday, on the exact day, for the first time in fifteen years and everything’s good. 

#in the heights aus #ith halloween #the babadook #this is my new fav au #move over exorcist au you finally have some competition #i didn't know what i was expecting from this movie #but i freaking loved it to death #why does no one talk about this movie more?? #it's amazing #thank you netflix for having this gem #sonny de la vega #usnavi de la vega #abuela claudia

[moviemagistrate]

“Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri” review

For those of you that don’t know, Martin McDonagh’s debut feature-film “In Bruges” is my favorite movie of all time. Well, maybe 2nd (it’s either “In Bruges” or “Die Hard”), but considering how many movies I’ve seen in my life, that’s saying something. It’s a masterfully written, brilliantly acted, and wonderfully atmospheric dark comedy/crime drama that just gets better every time I see it. I could write an entire essay gushing about it, but I’ll move on.

Taking that into account, it’s with no small amount of excitement that I was awaiting his new feature “Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri”, a film about a frustrated mother of a murdered daughter who goes to war against the town police for failing to identify and catch her daughter’s killer by renting some billboards outside town and advertising their failure. This sets off a gradually escalating conflict between her, the police, and their community. To reveal any more would be to deprive you of an endlessly surprising story filled with fascinating, well-developed characters and McDonagh’s trademark pitch-black, razor-sharp humor, but this isn’t so much a murder mystery as it is an exploration of grief and anger and the corruption and injustice suffered by people on a daily basis.

If you saw McDonagh’s previous film “Seven Psychopaths” and were slightly disappointed that it focused more on being a meta-deconstruction of genre films rather than being its own tight story, rest assured that “Three Billboards” is much closer to the “In Bruges” side of McDonagh’s film scale. While being as funny (or even funnier) than any other film released this year, “Three Billboards” actually feels more like a drama with comedic blood rather than an outright comedy. For every hilarious one-liner, there’s a profoundly touching moment of human emotion that really wallops you with how honest and affecting it is. Even the humor itself often feels more like the characters coping with their suffering than a typical yuck-fest. It’s really surprising, especially in the third act, just how moving this film is. The world is a hard, complicated place, and there are no easy, cathartic resolutions for these characters, try as they might to achieve them.

Frances McDormand plays Mildred Hayes, the aforementioned bereaved mother, a fierce take-no-prisoners woman with a single-minded determination to see justice done and to tear down (verbally or otherwise) anyone in her way. Although she has so many great lines, Mildred is a character whose most powerful moments can come from a simple glare or a weary smile, wordlessly communicating her inner rage and pain. In what I consider to be the best performance of her illustrious career (yes, even better than “Fargo”), McDormand absolutely kills it with this complex character. Her equal (or perhaps better) is Sam Rockwell as a violent, drunken, imbecilic cop whose own failures in life only exacerbate his awful abuses of power. Despite how easy it would be to make him a simple villain, his character undergoes a remarkable and believable arc, with Rockwell nailing both the worst and best of his character. Rockwell starred in “Seven Psychopaths”, “Moon”, “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind”, and several other films he should have gotten Oscar nominations for, but with his own career-best performance here, he’s due for a Best Supporting Actor award more than ever. Rounding out the excellent cast is Woody Harrelson as the weary police chief, Caleb Landry Jones as a smartass advertising agent, and Peter Dinklage as “the town midget”, among others.

McDonagh’s writing is second-to-none. I’ve mentioned how dark and angry this film feels, but I want to emphasize again just how fucking funny it can be. Every character has at least one howlingly-good line, and there’s an all-timer monologue where Mildred rebukes a priest trying to get her to stop her campaign against the police. It’s remarkable how McDonagh moves so smoothly from drama to comedy while never once losing his grasp on the tone of the film. He can reliably be counted on for a great script, but McDonagh has also shown remarkable strides as a director in his 3 feature films. He makes great use of the small-town location and framing of characters and their conversations, and even puts together an impressive (and wince inducing) long-take in which one character blindly takes “justice” into their own hands. Aesthetically and atmospherically, the film often feels like the best film the Coen brothers never made, but still with its own distinctively original voice and style.

As with “In Bruges”, I could go on why I love this film, but honestly, you should see it for yourself. It’s profane, violent, hilarious, touching, heartwarming, heartbreaking, sobering, intelligent, witty, bold, and pretty much every other positive adjective in existence (except “callipygian”, which wouldn’t make sense). This is easily the best movie I’ve seen all year and I will nun-chuck myself in the balls if any other 2017 movie even comes close. This is an all-time great film, destined to be rewatched (by me, anyway) many times over. I literally cannot think of a single flaw; maybe one scene has slightly dodgy animal CGI but that’s being nitpicky even by my standards. When I saw this movie at TIFF, writer/director Martin McDonagh, producer Graham Broadbent, Frances McDormand, and Sam Rockwell were all onstage together at one point to introduce it, and every one of these people deserves an Oscar (not just a nomination, but the actual award) in their respective categories. I still like “In Bruges” slightly more because of how brilliantly structured it is, but make no mistake about it, “Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri” is a profound, insightful, honest, often side-splitting and sometimes even inspiring look at human nature that makes for absolute can’t-miss cinema. I don’t care if it sounds like I’m just shilling for my favorite writer; it really doesn’t get much better than this, folks.

#three billboards outside ebbing missouri #martin mcdonagh #frances mcdormand #sam rockwell #tiff #film #review

[soy-em]

New Fic: Stone number one

Title: Stonen umber one

Pairing: Gen but also platonic Sam Winchester/Dean Winchester

Rating: G

Warnings: PTSD

Summary: Pressing on his scar helps Sam to cope with Lucifer's presence, but not nearly as much as being near Dean helps.

For @nisaki-chan as part of my 200 follower celebration.

Prompt:   Wincest, hallucinating Sam + hand holding and/or bed sharing. I just want Dean taking care of broken wall! Sam <3

Hope you like it!!

On A03

It’s been a month and a half since Sam first saw Lucifer, and it’s almost old news by now. Almost.

He’s found his ways of coping. The scar on his hand, Dean’s stone number one. A hefty re-investment in the maelstrom of feelings he’d felt during his teenage years, when he’d been able to steadily ignore unpleasant people at will (sulking, Dean had called it).  A healthy dose of Winchester stubbornness, and the inherited ability to drown himself in work.

But above all else, Dean.

Dean might think that the scar is most important, but really it’s the memory of Dean pressing on the scar that makes it work. Better than that is Dean within his sightline, and even more helpful is Dean touching him; a friendly hand on his shoulder or their arms brushing together as they walk doing more to dispel Lucifer than a million busy days.

Best of all would be Dean holding onto the scar again, or just holding on to Sam, really; but Sam hasn’t quite worked up the nerve to ask for that yet.

***

He suffers through another two weeks. It’s getting harder to sleep; nightmares come so frequently and he’s always so, so cold. Dean wakes up, sometimes, when the nightmares are happening; if he does, he wakes Sammy, waits until he’s calmed down and sometimes even strokes Sam’s hair until he falls asleep again. Its wonderful, and it’s not what Sam needs.

***

Sam’s sitting in their motel room. Or at least he thinks he is; he doesn’t remember motel rooms being this cold in the middle of summer, and Lucifer is grinning at him from across the room. He’s doing handstands and cartwheels, and bouncing across the beds in a desperate attempt to get Sam’s attention back on him.

Sam is focused on his research into Dick Roman. They seem to have hit a brick wall in terms of publically available information; he’s brushing up on his hacking skills to see if he can break into Richard Roman Ent. systems. It seems like their only hope of a breakthrough at the moment.

Over the past few weeks, the level of concentration required to delve into the latest hacking techniques and learn the latest code would have been more than enough to let him keep Lucifer at bay. But Sam can almost feel his resolve weakening day by day, and Dean’s been out for hours. The noise Lucifer is making is starting to trickle into his brain, tickling at his concentration, and setting Sam’s teeth on edge.

Sam is close to breaking and phoning Dean when he brother breezes into the room, bringing fresh air and the faint smell of barbeque with him. Dean dumps two paper bags on the table, both almost see-through with grease, and hands Sam a small ice-cream tub.

“Treat time Sammy!” he says cheerfully. “Since you’ve been such a good boy, I’ll let you have dessert before dinner.”

Sam scowls at him on principle, but warmth unfurls in his chest at the reminder of Dean’s go-to reward from their childhood. He starts to spoon the ice-cream into his mouth (pistachio, his favourite), but it’s cold. So cold. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Lucifer wink at him.

Remind you of something, Sammy?

Only Dean can call me that, Sam thinks fiercely; but he can’t bring himself to pick the ice-cream back up. Instead, he snatches at one of the bags, finding a big greasy cheeseburger inside.

“Double blue cheese on steak. Only the best for my little brother,” Dean says proudly.

Sam looks at the burger with distaste. He can almost see the grease dripping from it.

“Eat up,” Dean says more softly. “Gotta get some flesh on those bones.”

Sam’s vaguely aware that he’s losing weight, and this isn’t the first time that Dean’s referred to it. He knows this is Dean’s way of trying to look after him, so he takes a big bite, juice running into his mouth and cheese smearing across his lips.

“Good boy,” Dean says, deliberately patronising, and Sam throws the ice-cream at him.

***

The warmth from the burger, and Dean’s concern, can only last so long though. Sam wakes that night with a scream, the raw feeling in his throat suggesting it might not be the first.

He quickly realises that Dean’s not in his bed; nor is he in the bathroom. It’s late, very late, and Dean’s absence, on top of the lingering fear from the dream, makes Sam panic.

By the time Dean comes back into the room, ice bucket full, Sam’s breath is whistling in his chest.

“Sammy!” The bucket clangs as it hits the floor, Dean speeding across the room to Sam’s side.

The second Dean’s hands cup his face, Sam’s breath eases. He struggles for a moment to coordinate his movements, feeling like all the synapses in his brain are shooting in different directions, but finally he manages to get his left hand on Dean’s right. He pulls Dean’s hand away from his face and pushes Dean’s thumb into the scar. It’s still new enough that it sends a dull pain aching through his hand, and Sam focuses on that pain until his breathing evens out some more.

When he comes back to himself, Dean has settled himself on the bed and is still cupping Sam’s face with his other hand. It feels so, so warm and incredibly good; and because all Sam’s defences are down, he nuzzles into Dean’s hand before he can think better of it. The loud, sarcastic Awwwww from across the room is thankfully drowned out by Dean’s soft chuckle.

“Used to love me doing this when you were little,” Dean says, confidingly. His soothing tone seeps through Sam, and he tilts his head for more. “Used to sit with you for hours, especially when you were sick. You got an ear infection one time, that’s how it started. Do you remember?”

Sam shakes his head minutely.

“I guess not. You were really, really small. You grew out of it by the time you were 7 or so.”

Sam can’t imagine why he would ever have wanted Dean to stop doing something that felt so nice.

“Feeling better now?” Dean asks.

Sam nods, manages a small smile. Words are still a while away.

“Okay.” Dean presses his thumb against the scar. “Want anything? Water? Soda? Whiskey?” The last is said with a ridiculous little wink, and Sam snorts, then shakes his head. “Ok, Sammy.”

Dean sits next to him until Sam’s breathing is completely evened out. The problem is that once he can hear beyond his own breathing, he can once again hear Lucifer on the other side of the room.

Aww, Sammy, look at you sitting with big brother. Feel all better now, don’t you? Lucifer is cooing, making ridiculous faux-sympathetic faces. You think big brother loves you, don’t you? He wouldn’t love you if he knew about Hell.

Sam turns his face away at that, even though it means losing contact with Dean’s hand. Dean must take that as proof that Sam is feeling better, because he moves to stand up. But all Sam’s barriers are down tonight and it gives him the impetus to ask for what he’s been wanting for ages.

As Dean tries to pull his hand out of Sam’s hold, Sam tightens his grip, and pulls Dean back down towards him.

“No, Sammy? Still want me to stay?”

Sam pulls harder. He still can’t quite get words to travel between his brain and his mouth; everything feels out of sync and out of his control. But he knows what he wants.

He pulls again, harder this time, and Dean jerks forwards. Sam uses his other hand to direct Dean down beside him, and settles back against his pillow.

Dean snickers, nervous. “Too big for this now, Sam. Come on, I bet you’ll fall right back asleep if you let me go back to my own bed.”

Sam doesn’t let go. Dean is tense against his side for a while, and Sam can almost hear his thoughts churning. But eventually, Dean relaxes. Pleased, Sam lets his eyes slip closed.

They shoot back open again when Dean pulls away, and Sam makes grabby hands at his brother. It takes a moment, but Dean gets hold of his wrists and pushes them carefully against his chest.

“Just going to take my jacket off and hit the head. I’ll come right back here, I promise. But if you don’t let me go, we’re going to have a situation on our hands.”

Sure enough, Dean shrugs out of his jacket and heads to the bathroom, and within minutes he’s back at Sam’s side. Sam latches on to his hand immediately, pressing Dean’s thumb into his scar; and then before Dean’s brain has time to remember all the reasons why this might be a bad idea, he pulls Dean down against his side.

It takes them both a minute to get themselves sorted out. Dean struggles to get underneath the blankets, and Sam has to find a way to tuck his big frame into Dean’s chest without kneeing his brother in the balls. But they manage, and soon Dean is lying comfortably on his back, Sam’s head pillowed almost against his underarm and both Sam’s legs wrapped around him.

“You always were a fucking octopus,” Dean says, laugh rumbling in his chest. He picks up Sam’s left hand and presses his thumb again. “You gonna be able to sleep now?”

Sam nods. Blessed heat is spreading through him and it’s the warmest he’s felt in months (years, decades, who knows?).

Such a burden for big brother, Sam hears from across the room, but he can’t bring himself to care. Dean is here with him, holding him close, and Sam wants nothing more from his life right now.

“Night night, Sammy,” Dean murmurs, hand soft in Sam’s hair. Sam’s eyelids droop, and he slips into sleep.

#wincest #Wincest fic #sam winchester/dean winchester #sam & dean #soulmates #hallucifer #spn s7 #my writing #prompts #200 follower celebration

[lady-thor-foster]

Good Boy, Stevie // Steve Rogers x Reader (P1)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x POC Reader, a tiny bit WinterWidow and ScarletVision Word Count: 3.7k+ Warning: Language, fluff, Slooow burn, Sub!Steve, Dominant Reader   Summary: Steve discovers he really enjoys you on top and in control. Pietro and Sam find out a little more about Bucky Barnes than they ever wanted to know. Wanda is a surprising supporter of *ahem* kinky things.

A/N: You really thought I was going to leave you hanging on ‘Oh Captain!’ like that? I’m not that sadistic. Okay…maybe I am but this story practically begged me to write it. Who am I to refuse?

Previously on Oh Captain: Good Boy, Stevie // Part 2

It’s been three weeks.

It’s been three weeks since you absolutely rocked the hell out of Steve’s world. Every moment alone he had he spent reliving the feeling of your grip on his jaw and your thighs around his waist. Every night he exhausted himself to the memory of you whispering ‘cum for me, Stevie’ in his ear. Every morning he had a raging hard on he spent way too way too many damn hours in the gym or on the track trying to work off. Passing you in the halls between mission briefings and operation updates and seeing that sly smirk on your lips wasn’t helping matters at all. He felt like he was losing his mind. He might actually be losing his mind. He didn’t know what to do anymore.

Steve had never been power hungry; he knew being Captain America was a great responsibility and he accepted it. He loved taking care of his country, fighting so that kid he used to be, that kid he still sees in the mirror, never had to deal with bullies again. He loved fighting to protect a nation of outspoken runts with a strong moral compass had a chance to change the world. But sometimes…sometimes he wished someone would take care of him. Then he met you.

Since that night, he’d been trying to get up the courage to talk to you. He wasn’t exactly sure how to approach you. Your collective responsibilities as Avengers and Agents of SHIELD kept the promise of a second date and the promise of ‘next time’ hanging in the air. What happens now? What if it wasn’t good for you? What if you changed your mind? What if you met someone else? His anxiety had been particularly brutal to deal with lately.

“You don’t understand, Buck. I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t stop dreaming about her. Stark was in the middle of showing me a new weapons defense system for the Compound and all I could think about was how good she felt around me. I’m pretty sure I accidentally called Nat by her name during training once,” Steve confessed. Bucky couldn’t help but snort at his best pal’s dilemma. They were currently in the gym (when are they not, honestly?) working off some steam from Bucky’s latest mission. Steve seemed so wound up over Y/N. Women of SHIELD had a particular way of wrapping a man around their pinkie fingers. Bucky understood that more than words could express.

“Oh-ho, Nat noticed. She’s never going to let you live that down, punk,” he laughed.

“Jerk,” he shot back, “What am I going to do?”

“Do about what?” came the voice of a very grumpy Sam Wilson. He leaned against doorway with a furrowed brow. He was exhausted; how he was still standing and functioning after the insanity of this last month was unknown to even the gods. He looked like hell. And considering he’d just finished running 10 miles at the orders of Captain America, he felt like hell too. Goddamn super soldiers.  

“Steve’s all twisted up over Y/N. He hasn’t quite figured out how to talk to her after she fucked him silly,” Bucky replied, “You look like shit, man.”

“Yeah well, not all of us are lucky enough to have super soldier serum to keep us going after a 3 week long grueling mission in goddamn Siberia,” he snapped. Bucky chuckled wryly.

“Do you always use such fowl language at 7 in the morning, Sam?” Steve asked, laughing at his terrible pun. Sam shot him a dirty look.

“Give him a break, Wilson. [Y/N] is the first time he’s been laid in months since Sharon broke up with him. He doesn’t know how to cope with anything other than exercise.”

“Just because the Capsicle here was in hibernation for-fucking-ever doesn’t mean everyone else is as well rested. I need my sleep man!” Sam Wilson might have been a well-trained soldier but he was a man who took his sleep seriously.

“Language!” Steve chastised.

“Bite me, Rogers,” Sam hissed. Bucky just snickered at the both of them.

“Give him a break, punk. He did just come back from a 3 week long mission in the frozen tundra of Siberia. Let the poor man have a nap.”

Steve sighed. Maybe he had been working everyone a bit too hard. [Y/N] had him twisted in a bad way. Bucky was right: this was his issue. It wasn’t fair to make everyone else suffer just because he can’t get up the courage to speak.

“Alright, Sam. Go get some rest, you earned it.” Sam visibly slumped forward at the prospect of passing out in his bed. Mock saluting the two super soldiers, he all but raced to his quarters. Bucky’s amused snorts echoed through the gym. Steve couldn’t help but crack a wry smile.

“Do you want my advice?” Bucky asked.

“No. I’ve just been standing here venting about her for no apparent reason. Of course I want your advice.” Steve replied sarcastically. Bucky just chuckled at his best friend; dramatic was always Steve’s forte.

“Just talk to her. Isn’t that what you told me about Natasha? ‘Just tell her how you feel’?” Steve just looked at Bucky incredulously. Surely it couldn’t be that simple?

“Yeah, punk. It really is that simple.”

“After all these years, I still don’t know how you manage to read my mind like that.”

“I know you.”

“Alright, fine. I’ll talk to her. But if this goes sideways, I’m blaming you,” he said. Bucky held his hands up in mock surrender as he backed away from his friend. Laughing softly, Steve watched him grin like a Cheshire cat and slink out of the gym.

If Steve was slowly going nuts over memories of the two of you, you weren’t faring much better.

You dreams were littered with depraved thoughts of Steven Grant Rogers on his knees before you. Your sadomasochistic brain kept conjuring images of him bound to your bed, ass up with cherry red cheeks. The sting in your palms was imagined so often, you could virtually feel it. You could still hear him whimpering underneath you. Your libido practically screamed at you to bed Steve again. Fuck.

Clint and Natasha caught you zoning out of meetings so much they started taking bets on how soon you’d get caught. (There were currently six hundred dollars in the pot.) Getting your hands on Steve again wasn’t just a want; he was your poison and antidote.  Luckily for you, the universe was on your side. You couldn’t have known it then, but soon you’d be able to have Steve in every which way you so desired.

Today started out normally: morning workout, breakfast with whichever Avengers and agents were off mission, briefings, mission planning and debriefings, status updates and training then lunch. Following lunch, you oversaw new recruit training and finally you were done for the day. After cool down yoga and a hot shower, you liked to relax buy cleaning your guns and sharpening your knives at sunset. It was more than just making sure your weapons were always field ready; you’d discovered that tranquility of was found in repetition of routine. Cleaning and prepping your weapons gave you time to de-stress while keeping your hands busy.

You’d just finished loading the clip into your last gun and flicking on the safety when a tentative knock came at the door. The screen on the wall revealed a mildly nervous Steve bouncing on the balls of his feet. How cute. After giving FRIDAY the go ahead, your door slid open.

“Y/N!” he started, “I wasn’t sure you’d be in.”

“I’ve got a few of weeks of downtime and prep before SHIELD sends me on a two month mission with MI6 in London. You coming in or not, Rogers?” you asked. He grinned at you sheepishly and stepped into your room. FRIDAY closed the door behind him. You could feel his anxiety spike the moment the door shut. For just a moment, you could see the man underneath the serum clearly. Barely ninety pounds, adorable and shy around women; you ached to have him writhing beneath you.

Steve felt like he was nineteen years old again. His body might have changed but a part of him would always be that spry runt of a man who could appreciate a powerful woman. Something about the way you looked at him made him feel small in a way that he loved. Something about you made him feel like he could just be an unencumbered Steve and you’d take care of him. He wanted that. He wanted you.

“What do you need, Rogers?” you asked suggestively. You knew what he sought from you, you just planned to make him work for it. The double entendre wasn’t lost on him at all. His cheeks were tinged with pink; he refused to look you in the eye.

“I was wondering…if maybe…we could—I was wondering if maybe we could talk?” he asked. He could feel a brief surge of confidence; Bucky was right, telling you how he felt was the best course of action. He hoped. Double checking the safety on your gun, you put it back in your weapons cache. The pregnant pause blanketed the air around you as you made yourself comfortable near the foot of your bed. You gestured at the space next to you; Steve took his seat obediently.

“What’s up, Stevie?”  At the sound of that otherwise simple nickname, his cock twitched. One of these days he’d start remembering going commando with you around was a terrible idea. He could feel his ears burning furiously.

“I want…you,” he whispered. He could sense you grinning like a cat that finally captured its prey; your smirk radiated satisfaction.

“Not everyone is lucky enough to have serum enhanced hearing, Stevie. Care to speak up?” It must have been something about the way you teased him…you suddenly found yourself inches away from mildly defiant baby blue eyes. His soft full lips were mere millimeters from yours; the sound of heavy breathing was the only thing heard.

“I want you.” The timbre of his voice sent shivers down your spine. As much as you wanted to mount him right there, you had to be sure this is what he really wanted. Snaking your arm up to his short hair, you curled your fingers and tugged his head back. He offered no resistance as you exposed his throat. The urge to sink your teeth into his skin and mark your territory was almost blinding. You could hear him breathing harshly; a quick glance to his lap revealed a ready and eager hard on. Was he…going commando? Fuck.

“And what is what you want…Stevie?” you purred. He closed his eyes briefly and groaned inwardly. You’d hardly touched him and he felt ready to explode. Opening his eyes, he met your gaze. He reached for your other hand and guided it to his throat, squeezing ever so softly. He groaned again. You bit your lip in effort to silence yourself. His large hand dwarfed yours around his throat, yet you’d never felt so in control.

“I want you…in control. I want this.”  There was no hesitation in his voice. In fact, it was the most confident he’s sounded since he set foot into your room. Here he was: Steven Grant Rogers, Captain fucking America, gifting his willing and eager submission to you. You swallowed hard; goosebumps covered your skin. When you seduced him all those weeks ago, you never could have imagined this. You never could have even dreamed to imagine this.

Squeezing the sides of his neck softly, you watched his eyes fluttered closed. “Are you sure, Steve?”

“Call me ‘Stevie’, please,” he whined. That sound went straight to your core. Releasing his throat, you pulled his face closer. Flicking your tongue out, you nipped his bottom lip; the wetness in your panties was threatening to soak through. His breathing hitched at the feeling of your teeth sinking into his flesh; you were so tempted to lose yourself in his kisses. Unbeknownst to you, Steve could actually smell how turned on you were. Thank God for the super soldier serum. You let go of his hair and forced yourself away from his sinful mouth.

“Okay, Stevie. Before we do this, we have to set some ground rules. But before we can do that, I need to know how much of this you’re aware of. How much do you know about what you’re from asking me?”

He half rolled his eyes at the absurdity of your question. “I’m over ninety years old, I’m not dead. I know what I’m asking for, Y/N.” The snark laced in his tone irked you. He wanted to be cute. You gripped his jaw in your hand and leveled him with your gaze.

“Don’t sass me, Rogers,” you hissed. He gulped audibly and nodded. You freed his jaw.

“You’d be my first, but I’m not entirely new.” Cocking your head, you looked at him and considered the weight behind his words. You could work with this.

“Are you familiar with the color system?”

“Yes.”

“Recite it to me.”

“‘Green’ means I’m all good. ‘Yellow’ means slow down or I need a break. ‘Red’ means stop immediately,” he replied.  

“Good. Are you comfortable with any particular titles?”

“I figured I would leave that up to you,” he murmured. His shyness was back. Why was it so endearing?

“This is as much for you as it is for me, Stevie. Do you have anything you’d prefer to call me?”

“I like ‘Miss’.” The fact that he could hardly say it without blushing sent goosebumps across your skin; he was so adorable.

“‘Miss’ it is.” You pushed him backwards onto the mattress and mounted his hips. His eyes widened at the sudden yet pleasurable pressure on his cock. Bracing yourself on your forearm, you ran a gentle thumb across his bottom lip. You could feel his heart racing in his chest, a mere echo of your own. 

“You’re so pretty, Stevie,” you crooned. His cheeks stained pink under your heated gaze and soft praise.

“You think so, Miss?” 

“I do. You looked so pretty underneath me last time. I wasn’t sure I’d get to see you again.” Despite your confident demeanor, a small part of you worried if you might have been too much for the good Captain. It pleased you so much to know that wasn’t the case. Steve tensed underneath you; he wasn’t sure how to explain that he’d spent the last three weeks with his cock in his hand imagining you having your oh so wicked way with him. Your watchful eyes didn’t miss a thing.

“Is something wrong?” you asked worriedly. When he didn’t immediately respond, you sat up and crossed your arms in front of you. If he changed his mind about everything now, you wanted to be prepared. Rejection was a bitch to deal with. Steve’s eyes met yours; the emotions swirling behind his gaze seemed to scream for understanding but you couldn’t grasp any of them.

“I need you to use your words, Rogers.”

“Stevie,” he corrected softly. You smiled warmly at the shy man underneath you.

“I need you to use your words, Stevie. Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”

“You are,” he whispered. You arched your eyebrow in confusion. Sitting up and pulling you close, he took a deep breath and continued, “I couldn’t get last time out of my mind. Every free moment I had to myself I spent thinking about you…about everything…I wanted. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Really?” you half whispered in shock. He nodded, eyes shining brightly. “And what do you want?”

“I want to be with you. I want to give myself to you, to let you take care of me. But I want to take care of you too, not just in the bedroom. I want it all,” he admitted.

You weren’t entirely sure how to process his confession. Excitement coursed through your body; he wanted an honest to goodness relationship? You’d been single for a good while and enjoyed every moment; you’d be lying if you said the prospect of having someone to come home to every night didn’t make you happy.  What did you have to lose?

“Okay,” you said.

“Okay?” he asked, disbelieving.

“Okay,” you repeated. Steve beamed so brightly, you half wondered if he was actually radiating sunlight in your face. He was beautiful. Leaning in, Steve placed a tentative yet sweet kiss on your lips. Such a simple gesture stole your breath away. It was a kissed laced with the promise of something wonderful, loving and soul shaking. You pulled away, much to his disappointment.

“You know what this means now, don’t you, Stevie?” you said with a wolfish grin on your face. He shook his head in mild confusion. You reached up and fisted his hair in your hand; he groaned in pleasure.

“You’re mine.”

Steve wandered around the Compound with the most infectious grin on his face. Everyone was already used to a relatively sprightly Captain but this was next level. He had to thank Bucky for giving him that kick in the ass he so desperately needed. Talking to you, working out rules, kinks and establishing your relationship put him in the absolute best mood; his anxiety was long forgotten. Whistling a happy tune, he half danced around the kitchen fixing lunch. In the midst of his perky preparation, he missed Sam and Pietro strolling into the open concept kitchen.

“What’s got him so happy,” Sam whispered to Pietro. Sam was significantly less grumpy after getting so much needed sleep.

“Do you think its [Y/N]? He hasn’t stopped talking about her for weeks,” Pietro replied.

“Cap and [Y/N]? Seriously?! Man, what else did I miss while I was in Siberia? I’ll never forgive Tony for not keeping me updated,” Sam grumped. Pietro just snorted at him.

“Keeping you updated about what?” came Wanda’s lilting voice. The boys shushed her almost immediately. “What’s going on??”

With a finger to each of their mouths, Sam and Pietro pointed at Steve’s humming and dancing figure in the kitchen. Wanda turned a particular shade of scarlet. This did not go unnoticed by either of the other Avengers. Leading her to the living room space, the boys all but held her hostage on the couch.

“What do you know?” they asked simultaneously.

“You know, sometimes I wonder if you two aren’t the twins instead of me and Piet,” she said while trying to sidestep their invasive question.

“Don’t try and change the subject woman, spill the beans,” Sam ordered. Pietro’s intense stare on her face only made her blush deeper.

“Shit, it’s good isn’t it?” Pietro asked. Making a locking motion in front of her lips, Wanda just shook her head in protest.

“Oh shit! It’s really good! Now you have to tell us,” exclaimed Sam. She shook her head harder.

“What are we telling?” asked Steve as he wandered into the living room with his impressively massive sandwich. Damn super soldier serum. Everyone yelped in surprise. Steve chuckled while settling into his favorite recliner. For a bunch of well-trained spies and secret agents, they sure were terrible at not getting snuck up on.

“Oh, nothing really,” Pietro lied smoothly, “Sam here was just talking about how he wondered if Tash and Bucky were into really kinky sex.”

Steve nearly choked on his lunch in surprise. Of all the things to come out of the young Sokovian’s mouth, that one hit a little too close to home. Pietro yelped when both Wanda and Sam smacked him in the back of the head.

“Oh come on! You can’t tell me you never thought about it? She’s like freakishly flexible.” Steve just shook his head at him.

“On that note, I’m out. I do not want to think about whatever kind of freaky sex Barnes is having with one of the deadliest women I’ve ever met in my life. In fact, I don’t ever want to think about Barnes having sex. If anybody needs me, I’ll be in the lab with Bruce and Tony trying to get these mental images out of my head forever,” said Sam. The awkward tension he left in his wake was nothing short of legendary.

“You know? I think I hear Stark calling me? I think I’ll just--.” Pietro didn’t even finish his sentence before he literally ran away from any kind of continuance of the current conversation. Wanda laughed at their collective ridiculousness.

“Do I even want to know?” asked Steve, mid sandwich. Wanda sighed in resignation. He was going to find out one way or the other.

“If you must ask, they were talking about you and [Y/N],” she said softly. Recalling the events from less than an hour ago, Steve blushed furiously. Now was a really unfortunate time to remember Wanda was a telepath.

“How much do you know?” he asked without meeting her amused gaze. Wanda stood up and walked over to the recliner he was sitting in.

“Enough to tell you that I’m not judging you for any of it; we all need our escapes,” she patted him on the shoulder gently, “don’t worry, Steve. Your secret’s safe with me.” He released a heavy breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

“Thanks, Wanda.”

“She’ll take really good care of you, Steve. You couldn’t have asked a better person,” she said approvingly. He met her gaze and smiled softly. Nodding at the hungry super soldier, Wanda glided into the hallway. The images playing in both Steve and [Y/N]’s head had gotten her a bit worked up. It was time to teach Vision a few new things.

Steve relaxed into the recliner, sandwich in hand. If he’d been told three weeks ago that he would willingly and eagerly submit himself to you, he’d have laughed himself into the sunset. He shivered lightly as the words ‘you’re mine’ echoed around his brain. In more ways than one, you’d completely captivated him. He was looking forward to tomorrow night.

This was going to be so much fun.

END P1

Previously on Oh Captain: Good Boy, Stevie // Part 2

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