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popculturebuffet · 10 months

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It's Not the Years, It's the Mileage: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Commission for WeirdKev27)

Welcome back all you happy archeologists, to "It's not the Years , It's the Mileage", my look at the indiana jones films… and my return to reviewing after a brief sabbatical!

Yeah long story short a combination of burnout and a mounting move soon got to me and I needed a week to recharge. And now my atomic batteries are to power and turbines to speed enough, we can get back to indiana as we cap off the original trilogy.

We last left our hero with the uneven as hell temple of doom: the action beats, Harrison Ford and Kim Quay Quan's acting, and the cinematography were all top notch, as was the darker atmosphere, but the rampant racism including, as I feel needs repeating making the British colonizers of India the GOOD GUYS and them slaughtering a wave of Indian cultists one of the rare big damn heroes acts that's also a massive uncomfortable hate crime and misogyny baked into the character of willie scot.

So while the film once again made a binload of money, it was one both men were ashamed of… particularly Stephen Spielberg. Spielberg was in a much better place, having both the giant money piles from the first two films and a happy relationship with Kate Capshaw as a result of the last film, one that's lasted to this day.. but it's clear the fatigue of doing a big franchise, the only one he'd do , was getting to him and he was fine with asking Lucas to stop the bus and get off here because he's a factory. And given he had to give up on both Big and Rain Man to do this, it's not hard to see why: While Indy is a great franchise and it's largely Spielberg's deft direction that made it so, he had other things he wanted to do and I can't blame him.

So the two launched into creative mode and a panoply of chaotic first drafts the like of which i've never seen and may have to cover on their own at some point.

Inaitially Lucas once again brought up the Scottish Castle Idea, which i'm BADLY hoping someone used in a comic or something because it's damn good. It's clear that Speilberg wasn't the only one who read Carl Barks as a Kid. But I can't fault Speilberg for not wanting to do it, both due to being similar to poltergeist.. and because a haunted house film just dosen't fit indy that well. The previous films were globetrotting afairs and even with Doom largely set in one country it still had a lot of travel before we settled into the final location.

Lucas then wanted to use the Holy Grail and while that would eventually come back, in this version it's a pagan artifact for some reason which is also in africa, for some reason, and involves Sun Wukong FOR SOME REASON, called "Indiana Jones and the Monkey King" because George Lucas is apparently physically incapable of waking up in the morning without doing something shockingly tone deaf. And yet somehow

Because he then handed it off to Chris Columbus, the one people actually liked.. at least before the mid 2000's. This isn't as weird a move as it sounds as while Columbus has only written a handful of his own films, before he became a director he wrote Gremlins and the Goonies, both produced by speilberg, both classics, both super succesful, and since the Goonies did have a similar adventure vibe, if more of the plucky group of kids variety than the pulp adventure, it did make sense.

To Chris' Credit, he did make some adjustments to make this ten page idea george lucas had into an actual story: while the story was still in Africa, he specified the country to Mozambique, and while still oddly involving Son Wukong despite his journey to the west not remotely touching africa, he at least changed the artifact to the Garden of Immortal Peaches, a chinese myth that explains why the gods live forever. He still proved to have his own brand of accidetal racisim as he included a sterotpyical cannibal tribe and a 200 year old pygmy, but, so he's not entirely off the hook, but it's still more ignorance of the time than.. whatever George Lucas is. ti'd also include a new love intrest, the Kathrine Hepburn style Dr. Clarke, Scraggy Brier, an old friend of Indy's, a nazi cyborg because apparently Arakai wasn't the only guy to think of that, though at least this one isn't a hero, Kenzure, a pirate , and Betsy, a student suicidally in love with indy because THAT'S A FUN TWIST ON THAT JOKE AMIRITT. Also Indiana Jones came BACK from the dead thanks to the monkey king, yet the pirate dies because he's not pure of heart. Had.. had Chris watched the other films?

Chris did get a second draft that did thankfully remove betsy and added an interesting new rival, Dash, an expatriate bar owner working for the nazis. The Monkey King was also a villain now, zombies were included, and one of the big set pieces is Dash and Indy playing chess with real pieces and the losers would really die. So while it was marginally calmer, it still needed to lie down a bit.

To their credit.. Lucas and Speilberg realized the film was a touch racist and more than a touch bannnanas, with Speilberg admitting it made him feel too old to direct it. It's clear that whatever else I could say about Temple of Doom, and I did.. Speilberg did take it's faults to heart and worked to correct them when given the chance. Lucas admitely did too.. it just didn't seem to stick.

It was here the film started to really take shape, as going back to the grail, Spielberg suggested an addition: Indy's Father and a focus on their relationship. This came from a personal place: Spielberg was estranged from his own father, the two not having had the best relationship. Thankfully much like INdy and Henry the two would, with capshaw's help, reconcile soon after this film.

Lucas was worried it'd pull focus from the grail, but Speilberg rightfully convinced him that it'd add an emotional core to the film. While the locations were diffrent for this draft, a lot of the core of the story came into focus: the addition of Sallah, the holy grail. As is the trend for this film's early history ther'es still some batshit to be worked through as Indy stabbed a demon with a holy dagger. I mean it's no stabbing a dog reincarnated with the soul of hitler but even Indania Jones can't be brock sampson and he's fine with that. Also Henry ascends a stairway to heaven because of course he does To finish the job, Speilberg brought in Jeffery Boam. BOam is a writer I hadn't heard of but has a pretty stacked resume having written The Dead Zone , The Lost BOys, Innerspace and Funny Farm, the last two i've only heard of but have a great rep. He also wrote the witches of eastwick, but I won't hold that against the guy. He's done more than enough good to make up for that and if his film work wasn't enough he also made The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., a western starring bruce cambell I haven't seen.. but i'ts a western starring bruce cambell. It's gotta be great or at least cheestastic. And given Kev shipped me the complete series of jack of all trades , I don't think this one is out of the question either. Sadly Boam passed in 2000 from heart failure and will be dearly missed.

Boam decided to emphasize the father angle, moving up Henry's introduction and feeling that's where the heart of the film lied. After all the last two films ended with our hero finding and getting the artifact. While he lost it in some way, the Goverment took the arc and he willingly gave the stone to the village, It was still the crux. Boam instead gave the film it's truly heartrending resolution.

After this the next few rewrites wer ebasic stuff: elsa was moved from a nazi villianess to her currnet role as colaberator, more characters were added and the film went into production, with said production being fairly brisk and uneventful for a change. The main challenge was doing the train scene as the mechanical effects supervisor noted "You can't just stop a train if it misses it marks. It takes blocks to back it up. " They also, horrifyingly ordered 1000 disease free rats for the catacombs scene and got 5000. That's. that's more rats than i'm comfortable with. Unless it's this rat

So 5000 rats, several rewrites and one sean connery later the film was a MASSIVE success, commercially and once again critically.. there were a few negative reviews, because of course, but the one Wikipedia spotlighted was Hal Hinson of the Washington Post who described the film as "They've carried their series deeper-Deeper into hooey". I could go deeper into the pretentiousness of the review, but I think that clinches it. So with that Indy road off into the sunset.. for a few years till Young Indiana Jones Premeried. And as you can probably guess.. i'll be skipping over it. I'ts not bad, but the fact is it's 20 film length episodes, in a project that's both time sensitive and is already costing Kev a bit to commission. Neither of us wanted to do that. Now would I be willing to visit episodes of the series? Absolutely. Feel free to commission them and I might even find one to review pro bono at some point. But I just don't have the time or review space to cram it into this project

What I do have the time to cram in is the rest of the review under the cut.

Family Truly is the Greatest Holy Grail Of All

Last Crusade's biggest strength and biggest improvement from the last film is it's focus on Indy and his dear old Sean Connery. One of my complaints last go round was that there was no character arc for indy in temple after getting a truly riveting one in raiders, but I can see why it might of been an issue: Indy's arc was mostly done: he started robbing temples to get by and ended with his love of the craft back. So reaching into his past instead, looking past who he is as a person and into one of the people who made him such a cranky bastard in the first place was genius.

The intro brilliantly sets it up and is in general a masterful bit of work. Like Indy's distant relationship with his dad, Indy being a boyscout comes directly from Lucas' life, with him having become an eagle scout in good distinction, as was harrison ford. So having the start of the cold open not be indy but him as a teen was a genius way to set up Indy's distant relationship with his dad by showing it to us: the later arguments wouldn't of been nearly effective if we hadn't seen Indy nearly die trying to save a priceless artifact from some shady archeologists, only for his dad to be too deep in his grail research to notice… or to care when the cops force indy to give it back because cops have always been dicks who believe rich men. Honestly hearing the ending to this little adventure ahead of watching it, as i'd forgotten this cold open, I was dreading it, feeling it was a depressing end. But what makes it work is a mysterious man in a hat, who despite being Indy's compettiton not only encourages the kid but give shim his iconic fedora. He may of lost today.. but there will always be a tommorow

There's a lot of little origins to how Indy does things baked into this intro. None are really necessary but their done in a neat enough and subtle enough way to be just fun origins instead of SEEE SEE THIS IS WHERE THE THING CAME FROM. Unlike some prequel bits in more recent projects. SImple things like Indy using a whip to get a lion to backoff, getting harrison ford's real life scar from the whip, and falling into a snake bin just seem so seamless. While it's clear this was a very formative day for indy, none of it feels forced. He clearly already had a love of archelogy, some skill and had the fearlessness to fight the criminals. Who indy was was there, and there was still years of experience to be gained> This was simply an interesting chapter. This intro was so good in fact Speilberg actually wanted to do spinoffs with River Phoenix, who was picked due to having played Ford's son in Mosquito Coast before this and looking near identical, but pheonix's sad passing meant this never happened, even if we did eventually get the similar young indania jones. And the cahtarsis of seeing a modern day indy finally get the cross of Coronado back and into a museum… which probably isn't exactly where it belongs but it's still better than in a sweaty rich mans hand.

We also get another classroom scene like raiders, which brings us to another little detour: this film borrows Raider's plot structure to a point, and it was deleberate: after their disapointment with Temple of Doom and their dodged bullet with The Monkey King, the two wanted to get back to basics. You get the thrilling opening, indy selling the fruits of that cold open to marcus brody, his class filled with women in a trite gag straight out of the 40's, an offer from a person to go on the adventure for a holy artifact, some nazis to punch in the face because every decent human being likes seeing a nazi get punched in the face, and one of the vilians getting melted.

Yet it's really.. only on the surface. The pieces are there.. but their all rearranged so differently. The biggest example of this.. is Indy himself. Part of Temple's lack of emotional core.. was INdy didn't have one since Raiders hadn't happened yet. This time around we're back in a moving timeline, so we can actually see how Indy's doing post character development. Indy's cold open in Raiders was an attempt to squeak out some money in a fairly shady way and then having it all stolen by someone even worse. His class was filled with people not really interested in what he had to say, and his life was kinda hollow. While he lost marion between films, which i'd be angrier about if they didn't course correct that next time, he's still doing really well. While his class is still full of fangirls because a large part of George Lucas is still 12, it's clear many are paying attention to his lecture as much as his physique and when he goes back to his office, he find sit packed with assistants and students. The scene's not only incredibly funny it subtly shows Indy has TONS of students and has likely taken on more classes. Granted he could've easily had a bunch of classes we never saw in the first film, but the intent with that scene was to show his academic career was only doing marginally better. It's also a nice show of just how much Indy truly loves what he does: he's an adventurer sure, but he's an academic just as much. He's just a hands on one. It's also nice to get that refresher before we meet someone even nerdier than him in his dad.

It's the same scene with the same purpose, showing what Indy's life is like between adventures, but it shows a very diffrent indy, one whose genuinely happy again and doing well. It also makes his reluctance when called upon by famed philanthropist and business man Walter Donovan to go on a grail quest like his dad make a ton of sense: in the first film while he did it for the right reasons, Indy badly needed the big adventure and jumped at it. Here he just got done with achieving a lifelong dream, getting the cross back, and has no time for his father's shit. He only decides to take up the mission when it's clear his father is missing. It also nicely sets the stakes: Indy isn't on this mission for the Grail, he's not even sure his dad's actually found it at first as Henry has been looking for the grail since before Indy was born, he just wants to make sure his dad is okay. It's a perfect portrayal of an estranged parent relationship, i've been there: you may not be really on the same page with your dad but if he got hurt or was in real danger you'd drop everything to help. Indy may be fed up with his dad, and as we'll get to for VERY valid reasons, but he still loves the guy.

The next chunk of the film shows just how much the father-son aspect is vital… as it's the weakest part. It feels like a weaker retread of the snake pit from raiders but without the tension. It has more rats but that's about it. The film dosen't pick up again till we get to the castle their holding Henry in, a fun way to likely recycle some ideas from Lucas' castle pitch. We also get overly scottish indy in one of the films funniest bits.

Once Henry enters though the film hit's it's stride. The casting was genius: Sean Connery was an action star himself, having started the Bond franchise and had previously been in highlander just a few years before this. And while I may not cover the franchise as a whole, depends on if someone wants me to, that is a film that i'd love to tackle sometime. It has sean connery as the cool mentor, clancy brown devouring every bit of scenery while still being intimidating an da soundtrack by queen. What else do you need? It also inspired both one of the venture bros best gags and one of it's best episodes.

Reluctantly putting Highlander aside, Sean Connery was a huge enough name that he'd not only be able to go to to toe with harrison ford without being overshadowed, but was just as much a draw as the headliner, something needed since while he comes in about a third of the way in, Henry is the films deutragonist, being just as important as his son. While the Ark was a personal goal for Indy, this is one for his father. The grail is his life's work.

The real genius though was that Connery plays mostly against type. He still has that connery charm: a lot of the comic bits were his idea, he genuinely charmed Elsa, and he's smart. But Henry essentially Indy's professor side , I realize as i'm typing this the way Indy conducts a class may be trying to emulate his father and the only way he does, without the punchy two fisted hero: he has all the charm and smarts, but is essentailly if a real life archelogist who just so happens to end up on a pulp adventure, unlike Indy who seemingly can't get five minutes before he gets a lead on his next globetrotting escapade. There's similarities: their both stubborn, they both have an easy way with women, and their both smart, but their very different people and it only further explains why the two grew so far apart.

It also allows for a LOT of great comedy. While he had some moments in highlander I had no idea Sean Connery was THIS funny. The film in general is really damn funny, something me and jess noticed when we watched. I could spend all day pointing out the great bits from both jones responding when a yes when someone asks for "dr. jones", to Henry subtly revealing that he slept with Elsa too with "she talks in her sleep" a line connery adlibbed. The film has a sense of humor about it that really helps keep the energy up and Connery and Ford just play off each other perfectly: indy gets annoyed at his father's lack of field experince, obession with the grail, arrogance and the fact their now weiner cousins, while Henry is entirley baffled that this is what his son does on a weekly basis. Despite being a non action person there's a LOT of scrooge mcduck in henry: the arrogance, the tendency to double down when called out on his shit, the obsessiveness. Maybe Stephen Speilberg's dad is just like scrooge mcduck. I don't know. What I like though is that Indy's conflict with his dad. Sure it's in parts your standard father son film drama :

But it works well in the specifics: Indy resents Henry so much because his whole life Henry has ignored him, somethign the intro set up well. Indy sums it up perfectly during a discussion later in the film

"What you taught me is that I was less important to you than people who'd been dead for 500 years in another country…and I learned it so well, that we've barely spoken for 20 years"

While Henry is arrogant enough to assume he was a good parent… Indy spent his life after his mom died basically alone… and as we learned earlier fully blames his dad for it. That last part.. feels like Speilberg putting his own life out there, if exagerated slightly: as shown by his most recent film the Fablemans, a fictonalized but still mostly accurate account of his life, Speilberg was VERY close to his mom, while his dad wrote off his filmaking for some time as a hobby. The two reconcliled, I evne found out while researching this his dad funded close encouters of the third time, but at the time they were estranted once again and you can feel Speilberg still felt on some level his dad pushed his mom away. And like with Speilberg himself.. the truth is way more complicated.

To quote the scene. "This is an obsession, Dad! I've never understood it. Never! And neither did Mom." "Oh yes she did. Only too well. Unfortunately, she kept her illness from me until all I could do was mourn her.:

It's such a cutting, raw scene because in a film with snake filled crypts, tank fights and melting buisnessmen, it's so realstic: Indy never forgave his dad for his mom's death.. and it's clear Henry never forgave himself.. and that despite his obession with the grail… he would've dropped EVERYTHING if he could've. It's two men in pure pain. While there's plenty of great banter.. at the core of the film is a son who resents his father and a father whose too much of a proud arrogant ass to admit that he loves his son. IT's only when indy seemingly dies that Henry breaks down the walls a bit, truly mourning his son and realizing he (nearly) lost him because of his obession with the Grail. Indy came out here to save him despite everything. It feels like the real turning point in the character: While the jones men never stop bickering, it's in their blood, Henry dosen't come off as dismissive.

Indy similarly has his walls break down when Donovan shoots Henry , using him as a barganing chip to get the grail. Ford's acting, much like connerys in the tank scene, is truly hearbreaking, as he begs for his dad to pull through. Despite all the crap between them, all the bad history, all the obession.. these are a father and son that love each other and indy went through hell to make sure his dad lived on.

This all cumilates in the climax: when Elsa, and we'll get to her and walter shortly don't worry, tries to take the grail out, the temple collapses and she dies unable to let go of it.

Indy however reaches for it. It's a truly powerful scene, as Indy reaches for it, both to make Elsa's death mean something.. and to make his dad's LIFE mean something. This is his dad's life work and no matter how many times he choose it over his boy.. it's still important. But then… for the first time in his life.. Henry Jones.. chooses wisely… and begs his son to let it go. Henry also sums it up beautifully after they escape.

"Elsa never really believed in the Grail. She thought she'd found a prize." "And what did you find, Dad?" "Me? Illumination."

It took far too long… but Henry found what was really important was right in front of him. Sure the two bicker about indy's name on the way out, but it's in a far less bitter way, a more relaxed way with Henry just casually revealing Indy's name is actually Henry Jones JR the two's bond is restored and while Crystal Skull confirms Henry passed sometime between this film and 1957, the two at least had whatever time henry had left together. And that truly is the greatest treasure of all.

Piggybacking on Hitler

Something intresting about The Last Crusade is how it handles it's Nazi's. Their threat is still assured and we get an extra chilling scene in their home turf, watching them burn countless books. indy even gets the worlds worst autograph from hitler. But unlike Raiders where they were the main driving force and Belloq, while certainly one of the big bads, was working with them, both villians in Last Crusade are simply playing them. Neither actually care about the nazi cause or even want to work with them, but their willing to if it advances their goals. It's an interesting way to use the third reich, a sentence i'm GLAD I don't have to type all that often: their basically mooks with no named officers this go round, though speilberg again takes steps to assure us that no, these guys are still the worst evil the world has ever known with the book burning.

It's also the smart option: while Toht wasn't the standout villian of the two from raiders, he'd already filled the position of cold nightmarish nazi badguy, and while not a nazi mola ram had also given us a rather cold, intimidating monster to fight last time. It made sense to pivot to two more fleshed out villians ala beloq instead and have the nazi's still be a huge threat, but simply more for what they are and what hitler could do with the grail than being the main focus.

My faviorite of our two is easily Julian Glover as walter donovan. Donovan enters the film as a seemingly harmless philantrohpist: Indy has heard of him as a big name donating to countless museum and trusts him with no question. It's only later when their at the castle does the mask come off: Donovan is really a man who will gladly work with whoever or whatever it takes to get what he wants. He's a smug rich bastard, while still being somewhat charming. The nazis are a means to the end: if they get the grail, who cares? As long as he can use it first what does it matter. Donovan reminds me a lot of belloq, both being smug rich bastards, but contrasts him well enough to not be a boring retread: Belloq really just stole whatever he was hired to, while still having a passion for the thrill of the chase adn the game with indy. In contrast while Doonvan is just as cordial to Indy, this isn't a game to him: the grail is his key to never growing old and he will have it. If he has to work with Nazi's so be it. He lacks Belloqs talent, but has a drive rene never struck me with: Rene went after things because of the challenge. Doonvan is OBESSED with the grail as much as henry is and it does him in. I also gotta admit his shooting henry was a brilliant if utterly horrifying gambit.

The other side of the coin is Elsa. Elsa is interesting because like Belloq and Doonvan she sold out, like henry she's obsessed.. but like none of them she regrets it. The book burning horrifies her, she genuinely loves both jones men. So then why does she sink to these lows? Simple… that obsession I mentioned. Like Henry she badly wants it, but unlike henry it's for the glory and not simply to keep the thing safe from those who would use it. You can say a lot bad about Henry, I certainly have.. but he's not wrong that the grail CANNOT go to the nazis and that while they certainly weren't around the whole time he was looking for it it's not like humanity's ever lacked for dickheads with a power complex, he still fully registers how much of a world ender i'td be for the nazi's to get the grail. Elsa.. dosen't care as long as she gets her prize, just like doonvan.. and like that it does him in. While she tricked him with a false grail, her refusal to see she can't have the grail dooms her. She's easily what Herny could'v ebeen had this journey not changed him and serves as a nice parallel: Henry realized over the quest what he'd done wrong, while Elsa just can't ever seem to understand what she's done to people or that saying sorry or feeling bad isn't enough to repair the damage. She feels bad.. but not enough to leave the quest or help our heroes. In the end she's left with nothing not even her life while Henry had the rest of his ahead with his son by his side.

Odds and Ends

There's a bunch more to talk about,but since I either couldn't or forgot to fit it in above, here's the various other bits about the movie that stuck out to me.

First is the other characters: Marcus Brody is a great addition, not only revealing he' san old friend of Henrys but that he's just as inepet abroad, if not more so. The cutaway to him hoplelessly lost after Indy hypes him up, as well as Indy having to somehow explain to Marcus oldest friend that he was bluffing, is fucking gold. We also get a great bit where Sallah tries to rescue him but it takes a few minutes

Sallah is back and.. he sure is there. John Rhys Davies is as good as ever, and while a person of middle eastern descent should be playing him and i'm honestly suprised with that he's comign back, he still does a fine enough job. He's just not that vital to this one: he feels like he was brought back because he was popular in the first one and while they thankfully avoided shoving himin more scenes than necessary, he feels weirdly out of place.

The Grail Knight is fucking awesome. Robert Eddison does a fantastic job, and heartwarmingly enough.. the guy was actually really nervous about it often asking if he did okay despite being a vetran stage actor. "He choose.. .. poorly" is a meme for a reason. The set pieces as usual are great: I will say of the films so far this has the weakest.. but ti's really ionly in comparison: the fun castle fire, tank battle, the traintop opening and the cool as hell temple sequence in the climax are all bangers, and what isn't is still pretty solid. Overall.. Last Crusade is truly excellent and out of the films thus far is easily my faviorite: having Raiders breezy pace, some great action and humor and thankfully sallah is the only questionable bit in the film. It's a well done action film with a hell of a character arc , taking what Raiders did right and making it even better.

Next time we dive into the penultimate film in this retrospective.... and easily the most hated> It's time to nuke some fridges, meet some actual cannibals shiah le bouf and get some shiny skulls, it's Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull!

#indiana jones #indiana jones and the last crusade #henry jones #stephen speilberg #george lucas #sean connery #harrison ford #allison doody #sallah #elsa schnider #river pheonix

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