#sadkidenergy

[shortkidenergy]

okay animal/pet death tw

i want to ask if anyone has advice for coping with impending pet euthanasia. my dog who i've had since i was 9 (in 2009) is very elderly and suffering from dementia, a mouth infection, and blindness, and my mom is looking into options for putting him down as she thinks he's really past having any kind of good quality of life. it's especially hard because my mom and dog now live on the other side of the country from me, so this past holiday was probably the last time i'll have ever seen him.

just wanted to know from anyone who's gone through something similar, if there's any advice or suggestions on how to cope. billy is an incredibly sweet, incredibly obnoxious little dog who's gotten me through a lot of loneliness in his little life. and i'm just. overwhelmingly sad to see him finally go.

#pet death #animal death #euthanasia #death #advice #my brain words #sadkidenergy

[shortkidenergy]

It’s been eleven months.

[Image ID

9 photos with text over them

Photo 1: a vase of sunflowers in front of a window that looks out over the street. Text Id: I keep dreaming about the house

Photo 2: a close up of a homemade cake with a pink flower on top and lemon slices along the bottom sitting on a blue spotted plate. Text Id: but enough of me knows that it isn’t mine anymore

Photo 3: a messy bedroom reflected in a sliding mirror closet door. there’s a stack of folded blankets on a spotted blue desk chair and several cardboard boxes. Text Id: because it’s always the last few days

Photo 4: a bee mid-flight over three candy-striped pink roses growing very close together on the same bush. Text Id: it’s always my last chance

Photo 5: a rainbow cast on dark ceiling next to a window with black curtains over it and a string of monarch butterflies hanging from the curtain-rod. Text Id: to be here

Photo 6: a crowded kitchen counter. there is an electric tea maker with dark tea in the bottom and a yellow sticky note on it that says in handwriting: “Lars, this is fresh tea” it is signed with a heart and “mom”. There is a second note in the same handwriting on the counter on a white piece of paper taken from a real-estate notepad that says: “Lars, put the bar in the back door track when you leave. See you tonight!” It is also signed with a heart and mom. Text Id: to be home

Photo 7: the same messy bedroom from photo 3 also taken in the closet door mirror but from a different angle. There is a white dresser with a hat on it and a person sitting curled up on the unmade twin bed. Their face is obscured by the head of a guitar on a stand in front of the mirror. Text Id: but it isn’t

Photo 8: a close up of an orange tabby cat whose face is obscured by motion blur. taken outside at night. Text Id: because I keep dreaming it

Photo 9: a wide shot of a messy living room. Wooden blinds are closed over the windows, but the front door is open letting in a stream of light that silhouettes a small dog standing in front of it. Text Id: again and again

Completed poem text:

I keep dreaming about the house

but enough of me knows that it isn’t mine anymore

because it’s always the last few days

it’s always my last chance

to be here

to be home

but it isn’t

because I keep dreaming it

again and again

End Id]

#my brain words #poetry #photography #dreams #writing #I made this four months ago #I’m still having the dreams #I would like them to stop #sadkidenergy

[shortkidenergy]

mmmm is it weird to go to a concert by yourself and more so than that what if u are scared of everything and everyone

#Shayfer James is performing like 20 minutes away from where I live :(( #the ticket prices are so reasonable :((( #what a perfect social opportunity #for if someone didn’t happen to be scared of everything and everyone all the time :((((( #sadkidenergy #my brain words

[shortkidenergy]

love how my sense of stability can just be completely uprooted without my input or control

#company time #my brain words #sadkidenergy #sad kid energy #i can’t remember what my vent tag #i’m probably being dramatic but #i’ve had it in my head this whole time that if my manager quits one day i’ll definitely quit then #but he’s not quitting they’re just…….moving me??? maybe?????? #i still don’t know what this means and i just feel sick #really hard to focus on what i need to do right now when i feel like i’m going to vomit because i might have to start from square one #in terms of feeling comfortable around people #and just #i don’t even KNOW that it means that #i just feel like i’ve been like okay okay this will get better #and now we have to start all over again without the only thing that makes me feel like it will #fuck

[shortkidenergy]

this morning I almost put my retainer back in after brushing my teeth, said out loud “that’s not where that goes” laughed once and almost triggered myself into hyperventilating so…..that’s where I’m at I guess

#my brain words #sadkidenergy #(that tag is for ur filtering purposes I tag everything even vaguely venty as sadkidenergy feel free to block it) #this was actually kind of funny tho #I’m more succeptable to…meltdowns? when I’m tired cold and in the morning #the Trembling Hour strikes again asfghjkk #I need this weekend I think lol

[shortkidenergy]

owwy

#my ear hurts so bad #my brain words #sadkidenergy

[shortkidenergy]

Me: you know there’s a lot on my plate right now but I’m actually doing pretty ok :)

My stomach: *producing so much pain*

My neck, shoulders and jaw: *holding so much tension*

My skin: *breaking out*

My sleeping: *absolutely fucked*

Me: yeah idk it’s just not really getting to me :)

#my brain words #the joke is that it absolutely is #and I’m completely aware of that but also like #it’s kind of in a box :) #and that box can stay closed :) #at least until I’m done with this round of stuff then we can have feelings again it’s fine lol #sadkidenergy #block that tag if you don’t want to see my complaining lol!! #something that’s making me sad tho is I’m working on a group project p much all through this quarter #and we do these little daily checkin prompt things #and the first question is ‘how are you?’ and I swear #everyone answers tired or stressed like 90% of the time #and it’s so fucked up!!! #like wtf is school doing to us that it’s just bludgeoning everyone’s health??? #and we’re just #chill with it!! #like we joke about it because it’s exactly what you expect and like #that’s so fucked up #being half asleep and fucked up on cortisol is not!! a good state!! for learning!! or anything!!! #just like. legitimately wondering how much of my lifespan I’m shaving off by living like this....you know?

[shortkidenergy]

see the problem with leaving an email intentionally unread because i need to remember to do the thing it’s about but keep putting off because i don’t want to deal with it is that i will never know a moment of peace while the little red 1 in the corner of the email icon is there haunting my every waking second

#my brain words #sadkidenergy #I keep. clicking it

[shortkidenergy]

excuse me while I actually cry while trying to text another human being my age

#I’m like #laughing at myself for crying #while actively crying #it’s fine we’re fine #oh and it’s BECAUSE I have to talk to someone my age if that wasn’t clear #sadkidenergy #my brain words #im turning 21 in a month

[shortkidenergy]

PERHAPS IF YOUR TEST IS 6 QUESTIONS LONG AND NOBODY CAN FINISH MORE THAN ~2 QUESTIONS. PERHAPS IT IS A BAD TEST

#sadkidenergy #I Know this is just how he does tests and that he's SUPPOSED to curve a fair amount but like #feels Bad loll #school

[shortkidenergy]

getting kinda tired of strangers calling me sweetie

#and asking how old i am #im not a teenager im not a child im not a girl #makes me think about cutting my hair again and dressing masc more #but i dont want to do those things for *me* #i just want to do them so that people see me closer to the way i see me #and that sucks #my brain words #sadkidenergy #vent

[shortkidenergy]

idk think maybe the minimalism trend has something to do with like every industry working together to make everyone entirely dependent on computers? like… if you don’t have interesting things in your house to occupy your time that frees you up to look at more ads on a screen….

#my brain words #sadkidenergy #owning things means we can’t make you pay us every time you want to use it…. #capitalism #sorry this is where my brain’s at these days lol

[shortkidenergy]

mm maybe this is a hot take. but if your 2 unit class takes 28+hours of work every other week. maybe. it’s a bad class.

#literally 50% of the class has dropped #this professor gets TERRIBLE reviews #his labs are 20+ pages long and extremely poorly laid out #there's TYPOS that actually affect what you end up doing #it's literally 'can you decipher this man's bs and figure out what EXTREMELEY SPECIFIC thing he's trying to make you do' The Class #i've been on the verge of tears for three days lolll #vent post #sadkidenergy #pls block that tag if you don't want to see my bs loll

[shortkidenergy]

when you grew up being told you were really good at handling other people’s emotions and now you don’t even know how to handle your own ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#I think... #I have anger issues :( #my brain words #sadkidenergy

[shortkidenergy]

I would like to maybe once be able to have a pain and not perhaps both cry about how maybe I’m dying and also cry about how much I am exaggerating and wasting everyone’s time when I talk to a professional thank you

#my arms just #hurt #and its weird and i dont know why and it hurts to hold things and also hard to sleep #but then i dont take pain killers and feel like an idiot for it when i talk to a doctor bc wow ive really been making a big dealoutofnothing #anxiety #sadkidenergy #im gonna tag any venty posts as sadkidenergy from now on so pleassssse block the tag if you dont want to hear my bs im begging you