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#sad musings
herlavendersyrup · 1 year
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“My destructive side has grown a mile wide
And I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?”
Follow my art here
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ichtios · 7 months
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Tired, sad, frustrated, anxious. Teary.
Every day I wake up early with a nervous ball in my stomach. With my heart beating too fast. I don't want to get up so early so I lie there, for an hour or more, trying to fall back to sleep, but most of the time I can't, anxiety is already there keeping me alert. Same thoughts running around in my head, over and over again.
Can I just.... not care anymore? About all of it? Just be like - oh, well, whatever? Joyce Meyer once said we need more of a "shrug therapy". Which is exactly this. Being like "oh well *shrugs*" basically most of the time. Because what's the point of fretting anyway. You can do what you can do and everything else is just.. is what it is. And turns for good most of the time anyway.
On the one hand many things seems to prove that my life is going - at least - in the right direction. After years of spiraling downwards the first breakthrough came 8th January 2020, that day early in the morning, in my lowest place, God met me and (to put it simply) promised to make it good. To make it gold even. From that time on, some things have started to change. From my long list of everything that is wrong, some things started to change for the better. Mostly career-wise. And I kinda have a feeling like for last 3 years it was slowly going upwards, and that now is the time for this progress line to suddenly go up more steeply. You know, kinda another breakthrough.
On the other hand I'm so used to tragedy, my brain is so wired to expect suffering, and basically the worst case scenarios, that it is hard for me to think the other way. And right now it has a potential for some really scary scenarios to hold on to.
I don't want to think that way. I don't want to wake up with that nervous ball anymore. I want to expect good, to expect progress, deliverance, love, change, to expect this gold, that was promised to me over 3 years ago by the One who is faithful. I want to rewire my brain from being alert all the time expecting danger, to being softly relaxed into pure trust. Trust. It always boils down to trust.
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shortgirlartlady · 2 years
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I could sleep for an eternity. I could crawl into a hole. I could go to ground like a vampire that has seen far too much of this world and just sleep. Sleep and listen like its all just some far away dream world until a hunger to live pulls me back to the surface.
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nymathenemo · 2 years
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I hide. I hide pain. I hide tears. I hide the sadness behind my smile. I hide because I know I can’t explain. People ask for explanations. They ask for words but all I can do is stammer & mumble under my breath. I hide. I hide my pain. Explain? How do i explain?
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conretewings · 2 years
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September feels like a beautiful lie
It dresses in Summer's cloak but you can see the holes and tattered hem, the fading colors
It dances with the goldenrod and dying asters, the browning queen anne's lace as if to say 'look there are still flowers here!'
The sun rises too late and vanishes too early; at six I should feel the warm dawn rays on my face and at six it should still be high above the trees
The morning is too cool, and there's a subtle edge that didn't exist in August
By the end of September my heart has surrendered itself but in these first few weeks it rages
How dare you steal her away, my sweet summer, with your pretty peeling mask and her dying mantle
You feel like her, but a pale shadow of her, off and strange
I cling to Summer's last embers, saying my goodbyes and hope I will see her again
And September continues it's dance on her grave
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heartache-avenue · 1 year
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A VECES UNA CANCIÓN VALE MÁS QUE MIL PALABRAS
Esta publicación es simplemente canciones que dedicaría para ciertos momentos:
Lo estás pasando mal: Valientes-Malmö 040
Me siento utilizado :  ​fake love don’t last-Machine Gun Kelly
Se siente mal por ser buen@:Lo malo de ser bueno-El cuarteto de nos
Dejan a un amigo o para mi mismo: Jose sabia-La vela puerca
Sientes que solo vais en círculos: Circles Post Malone
La sigo queriendo pero se que simplemente no se puede: Make Up Sex-Machine Gun Kelly
Ella se acuerda de mi despues de cortar: Los cobardes viven siempre-Malmö 040
Las últimas canciones: La última canción Rels B y La última canción Malmö 040
Cuando ya pienso en que te tengo que dejar ir: maybe-Machine Gun Kelly
Canción que siempre guarde para cuando se muriese mi abuela:Life Is Beautiful-Lil Peep
Cuando quiero tanto a una persona que prefiero que se feliz con otra persona que conmigo: Die for you-Joji
Cuando quiero que dejemos de pelear: Dispara-Malmö 040
Cuando solo quiero intentarlo y que pase lo que tengo que pasar Último Impacto-Malmö 040
Una canción para después de una discusión: El mundo en nuestro sitio
Esta cancion es solo de una persona: Like u do Joji
Cuando quiero que alguien sepa como me siento cuando estoy pasando fatal: Para no verme mas-La vela puerca
Personas que me han cabreado y solo han sido egoístas conmigo: burbujas-La vela puerca
Una canción para cantar juntos en el coche: 23 Morat
Cuando vuelvo a estar solo: Alone Again
Para cuando te sientes solo y desconectado de todo: Night Rider-Joji
Cuando vuelvo a casa después de verla: Qué bonita DePol
Cuando estás luchando por ser feliz sabiendo lo difícil que puede ser: Modus-Joji
Cuando pensabas que se acababa pero no: Worst Day-illenium,Max
Cuando sabes que te van a dejar como ya te hicieron antes y sabes que te quemara por dentro verla con otra persona: Luv Me A Little-ILLENIUM
Cuando simplemente eres un tipo raro que estas deprimido: Matar la pena-Besmaya,Malmö 040
Cuando realmente la quisiste y no era vuestro momento. La perdiste y estas muerto por dentro: Lo que hay x aqui Rels B
Hiciste todo lo que pudiste la sigues amando pero estas dolido: La inocente Mora, Feid
No es buena para ti y te daño totalmente: Venenosa Ambi
Cuando la quieres con locura: Stereo Hearts-Gym class
Cuando te quedas pensando en todo lo que podía haber sido:Counting stars One Republic
Cuando todos tus pensamientos son esa persona:Let You Break My Heart Again-Laufey
Para escuchar con el corazón roto: Heartbroken - Brixson
Sientes que no ha servido para nada todo tu esfuerzo: Que bien te quedaba Walls
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depressedmusings · 2 years
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i miss you so much that my soul aches for you
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4tlas-hyper · 1 year
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Look, I'm not going to take for granted how lucky I am to get the chance to do evening classes. School has been so much less stressful because of it, and I'm actually confident now that I won't end up dropping out and that I'll actually earn my diploma, on time, even...
...but...
...one of the tradeoffs was that...I had to miss out on my favorite holiday...
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artoriyasart · 2 years
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I am once again losing the motivation to write, depression just wants to keep me down. The only thing that seems to drive it away is Sylvanas reading to me and maybe my birthday if I can afford the present I want.
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tag-ulan-cuddles · 2 years
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Man, I really want to write a story about the goddess of the moon and the goddess of lost things falling in love but I don't know where to start.
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lunarad · 2 years
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I found this tiktok of this singer called @/madellines.music on tiktok and girl... It's my fucking situation. I love music just because of this, the art of putting words to years of trauma and emotions it's perfect to me.
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forkingandcunt · 2 years
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Something i think about often is a post i saw about WTNV and how it, among other queer horror podcasts, become so beloved is the fact that you could *live* there. Sure there are monstes and demons and supernatural things but thats here to. And here we just die. There i am strange and i am loved. Anyway the post was medium length and beautifully written.
I often think of Hello from the Hallowoods. I want to live their as Nikignik reads his eulogy of our world. I could live there I think. I would live with the scouts i would be a good nurse and a good teacher. I think i would be loved there.
I think of this often.
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ichtios · 1 year
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It is Sunday and I'm being absolutely pathetic.
Pathetic pile of goo.
One week till Christmas - this is making me nervous and overwhelmed.
3pm apparentely it is getting dark. 2 more weeks and days gonna get longer again. But I'm not sure if it makes me happy. Everything feels like a drag.
I told ya I'm pathetic today.
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shortgirlartlady · 2 years
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"Oh, how I ache for you to return to me. How I ache to not feel so empty and alone in ways I cannot explain."
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justanothergreb · 9 months
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Sat waiting to go on my break watching live sentencing updates on a murder case which happened on the street I grew up in and in which I know 3 of the people convicted. I don't think a lot of people quite believe me when I say how different my childhood and adult life could be until I say things like this. My family is a mess but they did their best to make sure I didn't end up like so many people I was surrounded by.
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vodkatales · 2 years
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For old times sake is actually such a heartbreaking and beautiful sentiment. Like, let’s do it for the love that used to be here. It is reason enough.
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