i think if sanji and yamato took a moment they could be fast friends bonding especially so on fucked up dads and even more fucked up childhoods
they get so close in wano, after the battles and in that short period before they disembark from the land of wano. everyone thinks they're dating because sanji makes an extra set of snacks and drinks when he seeks yamato out for their late night talks and sanji only makes special snacks for girls and people he has crushes on (and luffy but that's something else entirely)
nami and usopp try to figure out if they're dating but she's so skeptical (nami, who finds sanji's flirting cringe even though she humors it endearingly: sanji? pull yamato? be serious, usopp. vs usopp, who has been on the other end of sanji's kindness and can see how charming he can be when he's not twirling: hey, you don't know what he's capable of. there's many attractive things about him. (that makes nami squint her eyes at usopp so he shuts up. immediately))
but when they find yamato and sanji its the both of them exchanging stories on who had the worst dad. "at least you could breathe," sanji says. "my sperm donor put a metal helmet on my face when i was eight because he didn't wanna see me anymore, announced i was dead to the country and threw me in jail."
yamato, equally outraged, "my dad threw me in jail when i was eight too! with other prisoners of war! i thought they were gonna kill me! one plate of food for the whole lot of us"
they both look at each other, and burst out laughing, at the sheer ridiculousness of it. they have to laugh. it hurts too much if they don't. sanji was able to escape long ago but his recent stint in whole cake island has brought memories he left in a life he abandoned back to the surface, and he feels a bit more brittle these days. more than he had had in over a decade.
smiling softly at a memory himself, yamato offers, "it was scary at first, and my hands were bound. but the prisoners. they were so kind, and helped me escape."
"i've gone hungry before, starvation and at the edge of death. but when i look back, i wonder if i would have preferred one meal and a group of samurai for company, who i did not know would be kind to me, or solitary confinement for months at end." sanji takes another drink. "but i wasnt starved in the dungeons. they still fed me." here he pauses, thinks, and adds as an afterthought. "i think you may have been safer with your samurai than i was there alone. my brothers came down regularly and beat me up, experimenting in new ways to discover just how fragile my human skin and my human bones were."
and now nami was there in whole cake island, she knows sanji's bio family are all bastards and they only let them live because sanji wanted to. but she hadn't known just how bad it was for him. and this is usopp's first time hearing this, and brave as he may be, as he is trying to be, he has always had a soft heart. nami hears a sniffle and sees tears streaming down usopp's face. nami blinks as tears she hadn't known were gathering fall down her own, and holds usopp's hand and leads him away. this isn't a conversation they are meant to hear.
sanji smiles when they leave and yamato grins too. they knew they were there, of course they did. sanji's observation haki may not be able as developed as luffy's, incapable of foresight yet, but he can tell when there are people around.
"they care about you so much, you know?" yamato says.
"i do," sanji smiles. "they could be yours too, if you come with us."
yamato takes a moment. "i know." and he sounds so sad but also determined. "i believe its best if i stay here right now. momo may be in a grown body, but he's still a child. and it would make me happy to be able to discover the country oden loved so much. all those years in onigashima, so near, and i've been unable to truly explore the home i call mine."
"whenever you want," sanji says, "luffy will welcome you i'm sure."
"so he's said."
and they're quite for a while. watching the campfire they built for a while.
"he reminds me of ace so much," yamato says softly.
"ace?"
"i think he was to me what luffy is to you. he would've set me free if he could've. he's so free, and i don't think i've ever laughed as much as the night i had with him."
sanji, familiar with ace, the way he lit up any room he was in, the charm he oozed and the easy smiles he had, says. "i know what you mean. the time he travelled with us was one of the best weeks ever. we were so surprised such a well mannered man could be luffy's brother."
and yamato laughs. because the ace he met immediately tried to kill him.
but sanji knows the sparkle in yamato's eyes, and so he starts explaining how they met ace. burning ships and travelling together in a desert. and when yamato laughs next, it's filled with love and joy and grief. not the kind of laughing you do to hide how much your heart hurts over the childhoods you had. and so sanji talks and talks about ace, informs him of their other brother sabo. the one he is yet to meet, but have heard stories of. he hopes yamato meets the other brother one day, the second in command of the fucking revolutionary army. the one who now holds ace's mera mera fruit powers.
yamato deserves nice things. he's learning he does too.
18 notes
·
View notes
There is such a profound sense of weariness that one cannot explain. It settles deep into your bones, into every joint, into every blood vessel, into every nerve. You lay down and rest but you never seem to wake up that way you did before.
Will it always be this way? Will the grief for the now and the future always play this omnipresent role in your life? You have been told it will get easier, however the grief will shroud you like a blanket for the rest of your days. Some days noticed more than others.
I am so tired. I am so profoundly tired.
20 notes
·
View notes
I think the saddest thing my fiancé ever said to me was when we were talking about my father, who died when I was 15. I mentioned that I never truly got to know my dad at that age. I wasn't old enough to care about who my father was as a person. I just cared that he was my dad. I regret it now, of course.
But my fiancé assured me, "You already know him. Because everything he ever was lives within you as the lessons he taught. Your honesty, your integrity, your compassion. Those were all his. And they live in you now. So yeah, you knew him on a personal level. You always did."
17 notes
·
View notes
this year has been…
well it’s certainly been a year
i lost my dad
i moved to a new country
decided i actually kind of hate it here
made the decision to drop out of what i thought was my dream university after one semester
and now i’m weeks away from finally returning home to a town i was certain before that i hated
now i’m not so sure
i’m in so much pain everyday, physically and mentally
i was wholly unprepared for what this year was to bring
but in all fairness i don’t think you could ever truly prepare for your father to die
especially when it happened so suddenly, without warning
when you had just barely graduated high school
no longer a child, but not yet an adult.
My dad was supposed to turn 50 this year
he never did
and now he never will.
how does one even begin to cope with that
to try to accept it.
i don’t think i’ll ever
2 notes
·
View notes