Oh yeah. I’m a total mess now..... “Take Two” really did me in....
My eyes are probably gonna look like Kookie’s did, the day after the rainy day fight..... just sayin’.
Bless all of ARMY’s hearts, today. It’s not an easy time in many ways, yet we do have BTS and we have each other to help through.
I know we have more solo work coming from Kookie and Tae, but the reality of their MS is looming. It’s going to be hard once they are all in.
2025 can’t come fast enough. 💜
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jumpscared by rhys darby in modern family this afternoon and oh my god i did not realize how much i missed seeing him on my screen
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Black Water Demon Xuan
"Although his steps appeared slow, the distance between him and the two brothers grew signifcantly shorter with each one he took. It looked as though, in just a few more steps, he'd be able to touch the hems of their robes."
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One of the most tragic parts of Oliver's story in Saltburn is the way that he started out as just a very lonely, socially awkward person who was, I suspect, genuinely looking forward to Oxford as his chance at a fresh start, a place where he was going to Do Better and Make Friends and Be Normal.
And then the first person to talk to him when he arrives at Oxford - all wide-eyed and dressed up like he's going to an interview instead of starting University - is some random guy who makes fun of his jacket.
And then the only person to talk to him at dinner is some guy who is immediately insistant that he and Oliver are doomed to be friendless loners forever, and Oliver shouldn't even bother trying to make other friends.
(And I think he did try to make other friends - the next thing he does after that first dinner is sit himself down in an empty common room, alone but approachable in a public space, while no one tries to approach him or talk to him.)
And then he discovers that even the professors think he's kind of weird, when his tutorial professor responds with surprise and almost discomfort upon learning that Oliver read the entire summer reading list. Academia was probably one of the few things he could take refuge in and be proud of himself for, if he managed to get a scholarship to Oxford, but now he's at Oxford and even his academic smarts aren't as important as knowing the right people and saying the right things.
Which is a lesson he learns when it turns out the other guy in his tutorial is the same asshole who made fun of his clothes on move-in day, and the professor forgives this guy for being late on Day 1 and takes his side on academic arguements even when this kid hasn't done the reading, because the professor had a crush on said kid's mom back in the day.
We see Oliver get bullied, we see Oliver get treated with awkward dismissiveness, we see Oliver repeatedly told that he'll never be friends with anyone at Oxford but Michael Gavey (by Michael Gavey, who never seems particularly concerned with what Oliver thinks about the matter).
We see that Oliver is unhappy, that he is alone, and that even when he tries to put himself out there in public spaces that he doesn't know how to make himself the kind of person that other people approach or talk to.
Until finally, he takes a more active approach and engineers a "chance meeting" with Felix.
And Felix thinks Oliver is great.
Felix tells Oliver that he's kind; Felix talks to him and touches him and smiles at him without reservation; Felix kisses his bike helmet while telling him he loves him. Felix asks for his name and repeats it over and over like Oliver is a name Felix wants to have in his mouth, and then he even gives Oliver a nickname that same day while riding off to his tutorial on Oliver's bike.
Honestly, it's no wonder Oliver's crush went from intense and maybe a bit creepy to fullblown obsession, when Felix is the first person at Oxford to seem overtly, openly, unreservedly excited and pleased every time Oliver is around.
No wonder he got so desperate to keep that feeling, even as his own happiness around Felix started being consumed by his fear of Felix getting bored of him, his fear of Felix abanding him. He could tell himself that all the stress, all the anxiety, all the lies and compromises to his own selfhood and integrity would be worth it, as long as Felix still looked at him like Oliver Quick was someone worth looking at. As long as Felix still looked at him like he was something special, like he was something good.
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One thing about Shen Jiu that is really sad to me is that despite everything he’s been through and everything he’s become, despite how he acts and how he treats others, at the end of the day there’s still a little part of him that wants to do good.
Impulsively, he still tries to save people. Obviously with Yue Qi’s case that could be contributed to the attachment between them, but even with Liu Qingge— both when fighting the well ghost and in his (failed) attempt to save Liu Qingge from qi deviation. This is someone he hates, who he ambushed multiple times, who he has threatened with death over and over again, and yet when it comes down to a split-second decision, Shen Jiu still chooses to save him.
From what he says and how he acts normally, it’s easy to say that he doesn’t care about anyone, and certainly isn’t protective. And for the most part that’s probably true!! But when he has to make a split-second decision— let someone he loathes die or help him— he still tries to save them.
Until he fails, and Liu Qingge dies.
I think that impulse just about went away entirely after that point.
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