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#rude humour
sarcasticphilosopher01 · 10 hours ago
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It’s funny how after an argument, I manage to think of really clever stuff I should have said
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I’m the person that you have to explain to your friends before they meet me
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Sometimes I thank God that people can’t hear what I’m thinking, and sometimes I wish they could
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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure
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I was asked what I look for a relationship. Apparently “a way out” wasn’t the right answer...
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It takes patience to listen, but it takes skill to pretend you’re actually listening
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Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won't text me back
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Some relationships really inspire me to stay single
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... On the bright side, I’m not addicted to cocaine
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I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ‘em later
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Three stages of life: 1) Birth 2) WHAT THE HELL IS THIS 3) Death
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I love hard but I hit harder. It’s your choice, unconditional or unconscious.
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Laughing so hard, no noise coming out, so you sit there clapping like a retarded seal
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Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you’re bad luck.
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Me: “At last, I’m finally happy.”  Life: “Lol, wait a sec.”
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I am presently experiencing life at a rate of several WTF’s per hour
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I’ve learned a lot of great lessons from a few fucked up people
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Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that caused the stress to begin with
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