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#rock is gay not ace that was mistake
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Hey hey HEYYYYYYY it's 2022 Nanbaka Survey Results Time!!!
No I have not forgotten about the survey, I have just been quite busy in reality land. Today we are going to break down some of the data I collected over the past 2 months!!!
First things first, WE HAD PARTICIPATION. Like 95 people summited there info in contrast to the 30 ish people who submitted last year!! The main reason is probably because I had more connections, but I am still gooped gabed and gobsmacked at the amount of people who participated this year!!!
Also, in this year's survey, I got a bit more personal! For example, the who's your favorite character and how far are you in the manga questions, which I will elaborate more on when it is their time to shine!
Question 1: What's your Name? (Optional)
Um I ask this question to just so I know names and I feel like there is actual people doing the survey, I don't really need to, and it's just a thing I like. I'm not going to name any names here, but y'all have cute names, and ❤️I love all you❤️. Platonically.
Question 2: Which of these is you?
This is the gay measurement, Nanbaka is a gay anime, and I want to see the gayness of the fandom. Me myself, I am pansexual, and it's just a thing. Normally, I would screenshot the actual graph that Google created, but I made a giant mistake. I forgot to put gay/lesbian on the survey, and I ended up adding it later, in the middle of the time. So I'm just going to just type out all of the data as follows.
Pansexual: 14 people (14.7%)
Bisexual: 29 people (30.5%)
Asexual: 26 people (27.4%)
Non Binary: 16 people (16.8%)
Transgender: 14 people (14.7%)
Cisgender: 13 people (13.7%)
Gay/Lesbian: 12 people (13.2%)
Straight: 10 people (10.6%)
General Queer: 1 person (1.1%)
Aromantic: 4 people (4.4%)
Demiromantic: 1 person (1.1%)
Unlabeled: 1 person (1.1%)
Questioning: 3 people (3.3%)
Bioromantic: 2 people (2.2%)
Hetromantic on the Ace Spectrum: 1 person (1.1%)
Genderfluid: 4 people (4.4%)
Genderqueer Polysexual: 1 person (1.1%)
Omisexual: 1 person (1.1%)
Alrighty, so there is the data, but I am going to shout out specific hand typed answers that I thought where just great.
"Those straight people who think anime women are hot." (Incredibly Valid)
And the response that reminded me I forgot gay
"gay. Y'all forgot gay."
Question 3: How did you find out about Nanbaka?
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Alrighty so since Google is being a poopy face, I will rewrite the longer answers.
A gif of it from Tumblr lead me to check it out
Saw a friend get into it 5 years ago, so I got into it too
YouTube recommendations wouldn't stop showing EP 1 of Nanbaka on my recommended feed
Mi mi mi amv
I saw it on an ad while watching something else
I saw a fan made video on YouTube recommended
A Facebook page
Quite honestly I forgot how I found it.
YouTube is putting in the work and effort, to bring people here which is stunning, I'm glad that everyone has their own journey and good for y'all.
Question 4: How do you enjoy this Magical Mystery Ride?
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A simple one. It is so nice to just screenshot it and not have to deal with all of the extra stuff, and re type everything.
This question correlates with another question down the road but we will get there.
Question 5: Who is your Favorite Character?
We have lots of non choosers. This is what happens when the character creation is so good, that it is almost impossible to choose. Also we have a few "I can't choose one so I will choose multiple" which is also incredibly valid.
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Alrighty 5 minutes later, I now have a list! Now I will type out the list so y'all can read it better.
Enki: 1
Rock: 6
Jyugo: 20
Nico: 15
Uno: 19
Momoko: 3
Samon: 13
Qi: 3
Kiji: 2
Elf: 1
Liang: 5
Musashi: 5
Korjio: 5
Mei: 4
Ikkaku: 2
Tskuamo: 3 (still can not spell his name)
Honey: 3
Inori: 1
Building 5 in general: 1
Yamato: 1
Taura and Tauro Twisters: 1
Hitoshi: 1
Mikazuki: 1
Can't choose: 5
Zakuro: 2
Shiro: 1
Hajime: 3
Misturu: 2
Ido: 1
Shin: 3
Upa: 2
V: 1
Trois: 1
Kenshiro: 2
Ishal: 1
Yamada: 2
Blank?: 1
Kyuubi: 2
Mao: 1
Tengu: 1
Hina: 1
Five more minutes later, I have completed that list!!! I am surprised that there is so much underated character representation, and we stan. Also everybody love love loves Jyugo and I love that.
Question 6: How far are you in the series?
I asked the question for one reason and one reason only, to give people the resources so they can CONTINUE TO SUPPORT THE SERIES. and get to know all of the characters. Since Pocket comics is not working out so well for Nanbaka, I will give some Sho approved resources so your can read it in English and/or truck through it in Japanese. (Because that's pretty much what I do since not all of the manga is translated. You just gotta pretend you know what's going on.)
So there are some main categories for people in the survey,
1. The people who just watched the anime to the end.
If you feel content that's awesome, but also resources.
2. People who have felt the magic disappear, and where just done. (They don't truly have any interest in reading further)
Cool beans.
3. People who are stuck on 192.
It is the dreaded number of doom. It the last chapter available "illegally" on the internet, and is the last chapter formated by the legendary sleepykat.
4. People who have read what has been translated.
5. The people who have read all of the manga with or without translation. (Translation: they can read Japanese or can just suck it up like me)
So here are my resources, the "legal" ones.
The first one is the legendary Sleepykats blog : @when-will-i-sleep
This will get you to chapter 193-198. She also explains how to get into comico, which I will not be explaining because I'm surprised I did it myself.
Here is the Nanbaka Comico Page, where you will find Nanbaka in it's raw, uncut form. Yes! You will have to watch a bunch of stupid videos, play silly applications, or invest your own money into this! It is an investment! Because this is Sho Futamata's LIVELYHOOD. She lives, laughs, loves, off of this, so no complaining!
https://comico.jp/comic/27
This is the random word document that has all of the chapters from when sleepykat stopped, to chapter 333. Pretty legit.
https://drive.google.com/drive/u/1/mobile/folders/1-oUcoitDKmeU5RxgLz_8eskOgN8bREo6
And that is all I can do. I can not translate any of the further chapters, due to my inability to speak Japanese, I cant do anything. If I find anymore resources, I will try my best to give them out, but Nanbaka is kinda on it's way out, so hopefully there is a new titan of translation. But for now there is not.
Question 7: Age Range!!
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Another simple one!!
MMMMMMM pie graph.
Well, I hope that all of you feel enlightened and full of information about the lovely fandom that we have!! I would usually connect data, but this post is super long, so I'm just going to end it! I hope all of you have a great day, and stay stunnnnniiinnnggg✨✨✨
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tragedysings · 2 years
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Stats:
Stage Name: Yunseo Birth Name: Lee Yunseo Birthplace: Daegu, South Korea Nationality: Korean Birthday: March 17th, 1999 Zodiac Sign: Pisces Sexuality: Gay (closeted) Height: 182 cm (5'11") Faceclaim: Choi Yeonjun
+Traits: empathetic, kind, humorous, ambitious + hardworking, loyal -Traits: self destructive, impulsive, hypocritical, childish
Career (TW for brief mentions of bullying):
Lee Yunseo is a South Korean soloist and songwriter. He got his start on the survival show Luminary, where he made it into the final lineup which formed the group Nova. He was often regarded as the center and ace of the group, as well as a popular fan favorite on the show.
Nova was meant to be a permanent group and was even met with positive reactions when they debuted early 2019, they stood out with their brighter concepts and charisma. But after a seemingly successful year, due to many complications within the company (among them being financial) the group were soon forced into a hiatus that lasted about 7 months. This eventually led to the group's disbandment early 2021.
Behind the scenes there were many complications and conflicts between the members, as well as intense bullying. None of this was ever made public information. But speculations over a fallout between Yunseo and some of the other members have been made by fans due to his reluctance to talk about some of them, especially former leader Lee Donghyun.
Yunseo made his debut as a soloist in February of 2022 with a much darker and grungier sound than that of his former group. He's already caught many people's eye with his deep cutting lyrics and more rock leaning sound.
Backstory (TW for abuse, depression, self deprecating thoughts, mentions of self harm/self destructive tendencies, mentions of alcoholism):
Yunseo was born and raised in Daegu, South Korea by a single mother. His mother had him as a teenager, effectively having to put her life and plans on hold to raise him. This was a fact that she rarely ever let Yunseo forget.
Growing up, Yunseo knew his mother resented him. She was hardly the kind and nurturing type and every chance she got, she would remind him of all the things she had to give up just to bring him into this world, just to take care of him. Sometimes she could be rather cruel too, spitting venom at him, tearing him down when he stepped out of line.
By the time Yunseo is fourteen, his mother spends more time drinking and ignoring him than she does actually being a mother anymore. It seemed she was finally starting to give up. When she does talk to him, it's to remind him of her disdain for him, to convey her shame.
So Yunseo starts acting out, it doesn't help things. But he starts to feel trapped, an unexplainable ache inside himself making itself known. He's fourteen and he hates himself and he wonders how he could ever not when even his own mother doesn't want him. He gets depressed, his mind flooding with dark and ugly thoughts.
He starts to do bad things, he becomes impulsive. It's hard to care about yourself when you feel like no one else cares. Sometimes he feels like he's falling to pieces, other times it feels like he's untouchable. It all leads to the same thing, making mistakes and inflicting damage upon himself.
At his lowest he physically harms himself, it becomes a terrible recurring habit. It's one of the only signs his mother ever seems to catch onto that something was wrong. But all she does is yell at him and punish him for it, she doesn't really help him. No one really helps him.
When he's sixteen, he starts trying to find his own footing, tries to find some semblance of stability. Music helps a lot, saving up and buying a guitar, starting to write lyrics. He finds a way to empty all the ugliness inside his mind. He decides it's something he wants to pursue, he sees all these amazing performers on TV and realizes it's what he wants too. He thinks it'd be fun to learn to dance too.
Becoming a trainee was not the easiest of choices but it was his choice, even when his mother disagreed. As a trainee, even with how hard things got, Yunseo felt stable. He felt like he had something to work towards. It may just be what saved his life.
However when he ends up in the group after the survival show, he doesn't expect things to turn sour so fast. Donghyun, who he thought was becoming his friend, quickly turns on him, and turns most of the other members against him too. His closest friend remained Kyungtaek, the youngest of the group who he became close to on the show. He was also often a target of Donghyun's cruel behavior.
It was never an easy road for Yunseo, but still, he kept going. Which was quite the feat for someone who often felt like the world was caving in. Still, he kept trying—if not for himself, then for the few people around him he still held close.
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kahran042 · 10 months
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Incorrect Jonas Corbin quotes
Quotes that had to have been said in Jonas Corbin's Guide to Life, right? RIIIGHT!?
Jonas: *singing* I’ve got less than an hour and when this is ended, I’ll either be famous… Principal Mazlish: *singing* …Or you'll be suspended! (Source: A Goofy Movie)
Nate: Are you sure that's a wise decision? Jonas: I never made a wise decision in my life, and never will. (Source: Ace Attorney)
Jonas: Difficult-looking math books stand in a formidable row. They mock me. I tried reading one and it made my head hurt. When I closed it, it slipped out of my hand. Then my foot hurt too. (Source: Ace Attorney)
Kiera: Chloe, did you eat my food again? Chloe: Why, is there still some on my face? Kiera: No. Chloe: Then no. (Source: American Dad!)
Mark: I’m gonna go check out the situation. And you guys can check out my ass as I walk away. I think you’ll be pleased. (Source: American Dad!)
Thom (to Kyle): I hate you. I say that not out of anger, but simply as a fact. It’s 67 degrees outside and I hate you. (Source: American Dad!)
Jessica: I may be blonde with great cans, but I'm pretty smart when I've had my eight hours. (Source: American Dad!)
Connor (to Morgan): Please don't talk anymore, okay? It's only gonna upset me. (Source: Anastasia)
Morgan: My brother? You?! What can *anybody* see in him? Kiera: Look, will you help me or not? Morgan: Fine. If you like basket cases, I'll help you get him! (Source: Angel Sanctuary)
Nate: If you have ten cookies and someone takes half of them, what will they have? Chloe: A broken hand. (Source: Animaniacs)
Jonas: Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead. (Source: Animaniacs)
Nick: You won’t like me when I’m angry. Connor: I don’t like you ever. (Source: Aqua Teen Hunger Force)
Jared: I don't need no instructions to know how to rock! (Source: Aqua Teen Hunger Force)
Jonas: Lacrosse?! Kiera: Yeah, it's Algonquin for…bloodsport? Nate: It's not Algonquin for anything! (Source: Archer)
Kiera: What's your blood type? Adrian: How would I know? Kiera: How would you not? Adrian: Who am I, Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups? Kiera: You don't know your blood type, but you know who discovered them? (Source: Archer)
Jonas: What did you draw? Samantha: A stick. Jonas: A stick? Samantha: A stick from the park where you PROMISED TO TAKE ME TODAY! (Source: Arthur)
Richard: Isn't it amazing what brothers and sisters learn from each other? Samantha: I learn a lot from Jonas because he makes so many mistakes. (Source: Arthur)
Kiera: Chloe cheating? It doesn't seem possible. Jonas: Are you kidding? She copies off me all the time. Kiera: Then how come she gets better grades than you? (Source: Arthur)
Morgan: Connor, can I ask you a question? Connor: Sure. Morgan: What’s the matter with you?   (Source: Arthur)
Samantha: Maybe there’s a race for lonely children! Jonas: That’s “only” children, Samantha. A lonely child is what you’re gonna be when I sell you. (Source: Arthur)
Nate: Having fun isn’t hard when you’ve got a library card! (Source: Arthur)
Nick: People think I can't write a poem, but they are so wrong. I CAN write a poem. I wrote this one, I wrote this poem, and I gave it the title "Nick's Poem". So shut up! The end. (Source: Arthur)
Sarah: Morgan, are you gay? Morgan: The correct term is lesbian! Uh, not that I'm a lesbian!! (Source: Azumanga Daioh)
Chloe (mocking): Oh, you're amazing, Connor! I want to marry you so I can be Mark Urquhart. Mark: I wouldn't take his name. (Source: Bob's Burgers)
Jonas: You don’t want to mess with my half-sister. She’ll wear down your self-esteem over a period of years. (Source: Bob's Burgers)
Alicia (looking at Kiera and Connor): They make a great couple, don't they? Chloe: They certainly are standing next to each other. (Source: Bob's Burgers)
Jonas: Brad, we tried things your way. Brad: No, we didn't. Jonas: I tried it in my head and it didn't work. (Source: Bob's Burgers)
Kathleen: Believe me, Morgan. You don't want to end up like your brother. Without, you know, any friends. Connor: Hey! I do have friends. Kathleen: Nooo… Morgan: Connor has friends. There's Mark… Kathleen: … Connor: … Morgan: I shouldn't have made that sound like I was gonna have a list. (Source: Bob's Burgers)
Mark: I'm being blackmailed. Chloe: Blackmail? No one blackmails our brother but us! Justin: Messing with Mark is a privilege, not a right! (Source: Bob's Burgers)
Morgan: I made this friendship bracelet for you. Chloe: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person. Morgan: You don’t have to wear it. Chloe: No, I’m keeping it forever. Back off. (Source: Bob's Burgers)
Alicia: So, what do you think of Connor? I'm pretty sure he's into you. Morgan: Connor's my brother. Alicia: Ohhh, I was wondering why you both said "Bye, Mom" to the same lady. Still, there's something there… (Source: Bob's Burgers)
Mark: So I'm guessing you two have worked things out? Chloe (opening her door angrily): Mark, you’re going to have to choose- me or Justin? I lost one brother today, am I gonna lose another? Mark: I won't take sides, I'm like a sexy Switzerland. (Source: Bob's Burgers)
Chloe: Danger is my middle name. I spell it M-I-C-H-E-L-L-E. (Source: Bob's Burgers)
Donna: Someday I hope you have a kid who puts you through what I’ve gone through. Jonas: Yeah, Grandma says that’s what she used to tell you. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes)
Brad: I've been thinking… Jonas: On a weekend? Brad: Well, it wasn't on purpose. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes)
Jonas: Today for "Show and Tell", I have a souvenir from the afterlife! Yes, you heard right! Equally amazing is my own story of yesterday afternoon, when I actually died of boredom! I was doing my homework, when I suddenly collapsed! I felt myself rising, and could see my crumpled body on the floor. I drifted up in a shaft of light and entered the next world! Eventually, my heart started again and I came back to life… but not before bringing THIS back! Teacher: A yo-yo? Jonas: It was pretty boring THERE, too. Teacher: Let's have a look at that homework. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes)
Jonas: You can’t turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. Brad: And what mood is that? Jonas: Last minute panic. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes)
Jonas: The fact that Mark and Connor don't have girlfriends is one of the seven wonders of this school. (Source: Cardcaptor Sakura)
Nate: What I want to know is, if the witch can fly, how come she needs to climb up Rapunzel's hair? Jonas: Who brought you? (Source: ChalkZone)
Nate: Nothing can beat science! (Source: Chrono Trigger)
Brad: Is it weird to be the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off, or do you consider that an honor? Jonas: That's not… Brad: Let me paint the picture. You're in your bedroom, you've got Kiera's Instagram up on your weird off-brand cell phone… (Source: Dear Evan Hansen)
Morgan: Connor is a… complicated person. Chloe: No, he's a bad person. There's a difference. (Source: Dear Evan Hansen)
Jessica: I've been living a lie… Lauren: You mean you’re not a natural blonde? (Source: Digimon)
Connor: Sorry I'm late. I was supposed to get a haircut, but when I looked in the mirror, I realized my hair was already perfect. Morgan: The only thing is, he was staring in the mirror for over an hour. (Source: Digimon)
Mark: Don’t keep things bottled up inside! It’s not healthy! Connor: Don’t tell me about not being healthy. I’ve been not healthy my whole life, so I’m an expert, and if I want to keep things bottled up, I will. (Source: Digimon)
Alicia: I’m gonna sit here and stare at the flowers until everybody starts getting along! (Source: Digimon)
Connor: I tried thinking positive once, and I was positive about one thing- I positively hated it! (Source: Digimon)
Nate: In order to succeed, you have to work hard every single day! Jonas: Wow, that sounds awful. You just talked me out of wanting to succeed. (Source: Dilbert)
Monica: Where's Samantha? Jonas: What am I? Her keeper? Monica: Yes. Jonas: …Backyard. (Source: Ed, Edd n Eddy)
Kiera: Chloe, I apologize for all the bad things I've said behind your back. Chloe: And I apologize for the ones I said to your face. (Source: Elena of Avalor)
Brad: Face it, you're a sucker for a woman with blue eyes. Jonas: Aha! Her eyes are gray! Brad: Aha! Thank you for proving my point! (Source: Family Guy)
Connor: You don't remember what it's like to be my age! Morgan: I'm two years younger than you! (Source: Family Guy)
Jonas: Hey Brad, can you listen to this song I wrote for Kiera and tell me what you think? Brad: What's it called? Jonas: "Kiera". Brad (sarcastically): Wow, a song named after a girl. There aren't a million of those already. Jonas: Name 20! Brad: "Rosanna", "Roxanne", "Michelle", "Allison", "Sarah", "Angie", "Brandy", "Mandy", "Gloria", "Cecilia", "Maggie May", "Jessica", "Nancy", "Barbara Ann", "Billie Jean", "Layla", "Lola", "Polly", "Helena", "Jenny from the Block". Jonas: …Name 6 more! Brad: "Sherry", "Laura", "Wendy", "Maria", "Peggy Sue", "Minnie the Moocher". Jonas: …Name 5 more. Brad: "Tracy", "Jean", "Jane", "Mary Ann", "Eleanor Rigby". Jonas: … Jonas (storming out): Go fuck yourself! (Source: Family Guy)
Mark: Do you know what the capital of this state is? Nick: Um, New Hampshire City? (Source: Family Guy)
Mark: If something happens to me, all the world's women will grieve! (Source: Final Fantasy VI)
Nick: You're Thomas Anderson, aren't you? Thom: Hey! Call me Thom, or I'll rip your lungs out! (Source: Final Fantasy VI)
Connor: I have nothing to say. Morgan: That's okay, it was probably depressing anyway. (Source: Final Fantasy VII)
Jonas: It's noon-thirty! People are trying to sleep! (Source: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)
Principal Mazlish (to Jonas): I dislike you with great intensity. (Source: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)
Nick: No stupid little brother of mine is gonna tell me how stupid I am! 'Cause I know how stupid I-
Jared: *smiles*
Nick: …SHUT UP!
(Source: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)
Zane: It's Freshman-Free Day! It's Freshman-Free Day!
Jasmine: "Fair", Zane! Freshman FAIR!
(Source: FoxTrot)
Brad: Jonas, are you sure this isn't another one of your dumb hare-brained schemes? Jonas: No, Brad, this is one of my smart hare-brained schemes! (Source: Fraggle Rock)
Connor: You know, Mark, out of all the friends I’ve ever had…you’re the first. (Source: Futurama)
Jonas: Hey, wait! I’m having one of those things- a headache with pictures! Brad: An idea? (Source: Futurama)
Connor: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse. That’s what I always say. Mark: You should say something else. (Source: Futurama)
Kiera: (is crying) Jonas: If those aren’t tears of happiness, please stop crying. Do you need me to fight someone? 'Cause I’ll fight someone! (Source: Futurama)
Brad: Are you sure this is a shortcut? Jonas: Not as sure as I was an hour ago. (Source: Futurama)
Chloe: When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? Kiera: To be loved by my parents. Chloe: Whatever. The correct answer is to have super powers! (Source: Futurama)
Chloe: What’s your favorite color? Jonas: Kiera. Wait, what was the question? (Source: Gravity Falls)
Thom: We need to just learn to hate each other in silence. Kyle: You mean, like…what girls do? (Source: Gravity Falls)
Nate: I scheduled some fun last month, but I had to cancel. (Source: Hey Arnold!)
Kiera: Don't you feel better that you did the right thing? Chloe: No, not really. (Source: Hey Arnold!)
Jonas: Kiera. So moral. So compassionate. So giving. If only I were good and kind like that. But I’m not. So that’s that. (Source: Hey Arnold!)
Morgan: *thinks she's dead* Well, that's it. I must be in heaven. Oh, no! Connor's here! This must be the other place! (Source: Hey Arnold!)
Jonas: Would you just go to bed? Samantha: It's 2:00 in the afternoon. Jonas: What did I tell you about talking to me? (Source: King of the Hill)
Morgan: Connor, you’re my brother, I’ve known you my whole life. Connor: You don’t know me, I am unknowable. (Source: King of the Hill)
Nick: Jared! Get out of the hot tub! We're stealing a news van! Jared: It's the perfect crime! How will they ever report it? (Source: King of the Hill)
Nate: You have to understand my position. I'm a coward and Principal Mazlish scares me. Jonas: What kind of position is that? Nate: No position! That's my point! (Source: Labyrinth)
Nate: I didn’t get any studying done yesterday. Jonas: I actually put in a lot of effort this time. Brad: How much studying did you do? Nate: Only four hours. Jonas: A whole four hours! (Source: Lucky Star)
Jonas: Me? Sad? No way! Sadness is for softies, and I'm one happy dude! (Source: Monster Rancher)
Jared: There's a man at the door with a mustache. Nick: Tell him I already have one. (Source: Monty Python)
Jonas: I'm the main character! Brad: I didn't vote for you. (Source: Monty Python)
Chloe (to Kiera): You are pure pureness in its purest form. It's almost irritating. (Source: Moral Orel)
Jonas, narrating: I was bearing the situation with my usual grace and poise, of course. Jonas: Why? WHY do these things ALWAYS happen to ME!? (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
Chloe: Now, what have we learned? Alicia: Loss of control… Chloe: Good. Alicia: Screaming and hollering… Chloe: Yes. And most importantly? Alicia: Passion. Chloe: Right. So now that you know all the elements of a good cheer, let's hear one! Alicia: *breathes in; quietly* Yay. Chloe: Ugh. You're going to cheer for me like that? Louder. Alicia: *quietly* Yay. Chloe: Louder! Alicia: *quietly* Yay. Chloe: LOUDER!!! Alicia: *deep breath; quietly* Yay. Chloe: Ugh. Alicia: Too loud? (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
Nate: I've prepared our things! There are snacks, books, blankets, books… Jonas: You said books twice. Nate: …There are a lot of books. (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
Kiera: Adrian and I have always been close. He’s my BBBFF. Everyone else: *confused stares* Kiera: Big Brother Best Friend Forever? (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
Nate: *walking into an argument between Jonas and Chloe* What's going on? Jonas: Chloe thinks Alicia's a tree. Chloe: I do not think she’s a tree! I was just— Nate: Did you say she was a tree? Chloe: No! Well, yes, but not exactly. Nate: You know she’s not a tree, right? Jonas: She’s not a tree, Chloe! Alicia: *butting into the conversation* I’d like to be a tree. (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
Chloe (to Morgan): I don’t really hate your brother. I just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really dislike him. (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)
Chloe: Ah, yes, reading. That’s what they did before they invented fun. Nate: I heard that! (Source: Phineas and Ferb)
Jonas: See? One day you're gonna look back at this and laugh. Chloe: I personally assure you, for the rest of my life, every time I look back on this, I will drive to your house and slap you. (Source: Phineas and Ferb)
Brad: Only you can nerdify a great sport like baseball. Nate: Brad, hitting a baseball involves the basic principles of velocity, force, and geometry. Brad: You’re visualizing numbers in the air again aren’t you? (Source: Phineas and Ferb)
Brad, looking over his contacts: Nate, Kiera, Chloe, Alicia, Jonas. Nate, Kiera, Chloe, Alicia, Jonas? Nate, Kiera, Chloe, Alicia, Jonas?! How can I only have 5 friends?! And one of them is Jonas! (Source: Phineas and Ferb)
Kiera: Well, has Jonas been wrong before? Brad: How wide are we willing to open this up? (Source: Phineas and Ferb)
Chloe: What kind of fun can we have when it’s raining? Alicia: We could talk about our feelings. Chloe: Ok, I’ll rephrase it: What kind of fun can we have when it’s raining? (Source: Phineas and Ferb)
Jonas: Well, this is a cartoon. Nate: What did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall? (Source: Phineas and Ferb)
Nick: Prepare for trouble! Jared: And make it double! (Source: Pokémon)
Morgan: Stop running away! Connor: Stop chasing me! (Source: Pokémon)
Connor: There was something in my life that prevented me from having friends when I was a little boy. Mark: It must have been your personality. (Source: Pokémon)
Nate: Have you come up with code names? Jonas: My name is Tom Ato. Chloe: Well, my name is Anne Chovy. Brad: And I'm Caesar Salad. (Source: Pokémon)
Jonas: Don't rush me, Nate, I have to think! Nate: Well, this is going to be a brand new experience for you! (Source: Pokémon)
Brad: Rejected by the girl I loved! I'll never find another one like her again! Jonas: Don't worry, Brad! You'll find plenty of other girls to reject you! (Source: Pokémon)
Jonas: Can't you guys have a little confidence in me? Brad: We have as little confidence in you as possible. (Source: Pokémon)
Jonas: Whenever I'm around Kiera, I get this weird feeling in my stomach. Am I sick? Nate: Hmm. Maybe you harbor an infatuation with her. Jonas: Infatuation? Is that contagious? (Source: Recess)
Morgan: [watching an old video of herself] Man, did you see that catch? That was in my prime! Kiera: Morgan, that was 2 weeks ago. (Source: Recess)
Principal Mazlish: The criminal always returns to the scene of the crime. Jonas: But Principal Mazlish, you dragged me here! (Source: Recess)
Alicia: So you see, if we’re not nice to Mother Nature, she’ll kick our butts. (Source: Rocko's Modern Life)
Jonas: What do you think I am? An imbecile? Brad: Wow, Jonas! And it only took you fifteen seconds! (Source: Rugrats)
Kiera: *looking in a mirror* You look even prettier than you did yesterday! Adrian: You look the same to me. (Source: Rugrats)
Chloe: Do you always do what your parents tell you? Kiera: Yes. Chloe: Well, cut it out! (Source: Rugrats)
Jonas (facing the camera): This is dangerous, kids, so don't try it at home! Brad and Chloe: Like they could?! (Source: Slayers)
Sarah: Morgan, if we walk in here holding hands, everyone's gonna think we're gay. Morgan: Well, that's your problem. (Source: South Park)
Connor: I don’t *want* to go, I won’t know anybody. Robert: Well, it’ll be good for you to make new friends. You can’t just hang out with your buddy Mark all summer; people will think you guys are- you know- funny. (Source: South Park)
Mark: Wow! Nick and Jared really hate us, Connor. Connor: Yes, perhaps they're homophobic. Mark: But we're not gay, Connor. Connor: We're not? (Source: South Park)
Morgan: I just… I really need the support of my best friend right now… Sarah: Who’s your best friend? Morgan: You are, Sarah! We’ve always been best friends! We know everything about each other! Sarah: What’s my last name? Morgan (walking away): Goddammit… (Source: South Park)
Jonas (to the rest of the Core Six): You know, I've learned something today. Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's about who you care about. And that's why I feel like you guys are more than just friends. You're my family. (Source: South Park)
Chloe: It's a vast, swirling wonderland of sparkling white pleasure. Let it fill your senses with cascading, fluffy pillows of excitement and comfort, as you've never felt before! Kiera: Wow, Chloe, that was beautiful! Chloe: What? I was just reading this candy wrapper. (Source: Spongebob Squarepants)
Chloe: Bye, Jonas! Bye, Kiera! Bye, Brad! Bye, Nate! Bye, Jonas! Alicia: You said “bye, Jonas” twice. Chloe (dreamily): I like Jonas. (Source: Spongebob Squarepants)
Connor: Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player. (storms off to his room) Morgan: …Mediocre? (Source: Spongebob Squarepants)
Chloe (to Alicia): I respect that you don't eat meat. Please respect that I don't eat fake meat. (Source: Teen Titans)
Brad: Winning isn't everything. Chloe: It's just the only thing that matters. (Source: Teen Titans)
Morgan: Would it kill you to smile? Connor: *with a visibly forced smile* Maybe. (Source: Teen Titans)
Jonas: I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I’m dumb enough to try anything. (Source: Teen Titans)
Jonas: So we really are friends? Chloe: Yes. Jonas: And you really think I’m funny? Chloe: Don’t push it. (Source: Teen Titans)
Connor: I’m not creepy. I’m just different. (Source: Teen Titans)
Chloe: Let’s go out and get buffalo wings! Do you like buffalo wings? Kiera: More than life itself. (Source: Teen Titans)
Morgan: How's my favorite sibling this bright and beautiful day? Connor: Shut up. (Source: The Angry Beavers)
Jonas, narrating: That's when it hit me. The best idea I ever had in my entire life! Brad: That's the worst idea you ever had in your entire life. (Source: The Boondocks)
Justin: How come you get to be in charge? Mark: Because I’m the oldest. Justin: Yeah? Well, you’re also the gayest. So I think I should be in charge. (Source: The Boondocks)
Morgan: I love Connor, almost like a brother. (Source: The Boondocks)
Jonas: It was my idea. Nate: No, it was my idea! Jonas: Well, it was my idea to take your idea! (Source: The Fairly Oddparents)
Nate: Who’s the brains of this outfit? Jonas: Uh… Nate: My point exactly. (Source: The Lion King)
Connor: Mark, Mark, I'm only looking out for the well-being of my best friend. Mark: Yeah, right, I'm your only friend. Connor: All the more reason for me to be protective. (Source: The Lion King)
Jonas: I’m sorry, guys. You believed in me and I let you down. Brad: Come on, Jonas. We never believed in you. (Source: The Oblongs)
Chloe: *about Connor* Don't fall for him, Kiera. That boy is scum. Kiera: Then call me Mrs. Scum. (Source: The Simpsons)
Jonas: There's three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Jonas Corbin way. Brad: Isn't that the wrong way? Jonas: Yeah, but faster. (Source: The Simpsons)
Valerie: You'll never get a husband by being sarcastic. Chloe: All right, no husband. (Source: The Simpsons)
Principal Mazlish: I'm surprised at you, Jonas. Surely you knew as you were writing your name in forty-foot high letters on the field that you would be caught. Jonas: Maybe it was one of the other Jonases. Principal Mazlish: There ARE no other Jonases! Jonas: Whoops. (Source: The Simpsons)
Mark: They're cooking kids in our school cafeteria! Valerie: Listen, kids. You're fifteen and seventeen years old now. I can't be fighting all your battles for you. Chloe: But, mom- Valerie: No "buts". You march right back to that school, look them in the eye, and say "don't eat me". (Source: The Simpsons)
Peter: Sometimes, I forget how young you are. Colin: I'm only a year younger than you. Peter: Oh look, you're getting cranky. You haven't had your juice. Colin: Well, my straw broke off in the carton- that's not the point! (Source: The Simpsons)
Connor: What's your mom got against me? Mark: She says you're a bad influence. Connor: Bad influence, my ass! How many times have I told you not to listen to your mother?! (Source: The Simpsons)
Adrian: Kiera, I'm going out. If I don't come back, I want you to avenge my death. Kiera: Alright! (Source: The Simpsons)
Connor: I’d kill for you. Please ask me to kill for you. Mark: No, Connor. (Source: The Simpsons)
Teacher: Connor, what exactly are you rebelling against? Connor: What have you got? (Source: The Simpsons)
Mark: I am the perfectly capable and responsible big brother of the group. Chloe: Can Justin and I have a can of frosting for dinner? Mark: Sure. (Source: The Simpsons)
Mark: I feel like I'm going to die. Connor: We're all gonna die, Mark. Mark: I meant soon. Connor: So did I. (Source: The Simpsons)
Connor: Inside every person is a struggle between good and evil that cannot be resolved. Also Connor: ♫ I am Evil Connor! I am Evil Connor! I am Evil Connor! I am Evil Connor! ♪ (Source: The Simpsons)
Jonas: I'm not a nerd, I'm a jock who's too cool for sports. (Source: The Simpsons)
Lauren: Mom, am I a butch or a femme? Allie: Honey, you can be anything you wanna be. (Source: The Simpsons)
Chloe: Mark eats like a pig. Justin: I don't know… pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck. (Source: The Simpsons)
*At one of Morgan's jazz choir concerts* Mark: Hey, Connor, keep an eye out for the guy with the peanuts. Connor: There's no guy with peanuts, Mark. (Source: The Simpsons)
Newscaster: We interrupt this program to bring you an important announcement. Jonas: It must be really important for them to interrupt a video game! (Source: Tiny Toon Adventures)
Connor: I’m 17 years old and I’ve already wasted my entire life. (Source: Undertale)
Jared: Nick! Pick up your sock! Nick: Okay. (picks up the sock and puts it back down) Jared: Don't put it back down! Move it! Nick: Okay. (moves it two inches) Jared: You moved it two inches! Move it to your room! Nick: Okay. Jared: And don't bring it back! Nick: Okay. Jared: It's still here! Nick: Didn't you just say not to bring it back to my room? Jared: Forget it! (Source: Undertale)
Connor (to Jonas): You're funny, but keep it up and you'll piss me off. (Source: Xenogears)
*Peter and Colin get into a fight* Zane: Come on, you guys. There’s no reason to fight over this. Sarah: Maybe we should stay out of it. I think this is their bizarre way of showing each other they care. Zane: Oh, okay… I just hope they don’t care about ME that much. (Source: Yu-Gi-Oh!)
---
Mark: You know the friendship's real when there are rumors that you're gay dating. Connor: "Friendship" my ass. (Source: Tumblr)
Connor: Anyway, sorry for being mean and gay. Sike! (Source: Tumblr)
Nate: You're living. You occupy space. And you have mass. You know what that means? You matter. Jonas: That's the most inspirational pun I've ever heard. (Source: Tumblr)
Kiera: I kinda have a crush, but I’m a little embarrassed to tell you. Chloe: C’mon Kiera, you know I’m not gonna judge. Just rip that bandaid off. Kiera: It's Connor Urquhart. Chloe: You put that bandaid back on. You put that bandaid back on and you let that wound fester. (Source: Tumblr)
Jonas: Good morning, mother figure. Donna: Good morning, problem child. (Source: Tumblr)
Jessica: It's a truth universally acknowledged that I’m 100% that bitch. (Source: Tumblr)
Nate: 'Knowledge' is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; 'wisdom' is not putting it in a fruit salad. Jonas: That was deep. Chloe: ‘Philosophy' is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie. Jonas: That was deeper. Brad: 'Common sense' is knowing that ketchup isn't a damn smoothie, you nasties. (Source: Tumblr)
Kiera: Michelangelo painted this. Chloe: I'm not stupid, Kiera. I know the Ninja Turtles aren't real. (Source: Tumblr)
Chloe: Small creatures are way more vicious. It’s because there’s less room to contain their anger. Nate: That’s ridiculous. Name one example of this. Kiera: Wasps. Brad: Spiders. Chloe: Terriers. Jonas: Samantha. (Source: Tumblr)
Connor: My gender is “pretty boy”. (Source: Tumblr)
Jonas: We played Scrabble. It was a nightmare. Brad: Scrabble? Scrabble's great. Jonas: Not when you're playing with Nate, it's not. He puts down words like "iridium" and I put "pig". (Source: Tumblr)
Connor: I am made of sarcasm and homosexuality. (Source: Tumblr)
Connor: *wears dark gray* Morgan: I see you're breaking out the spring colors. (Source: Tumblr)
Kiera: I'm straight. Karin: Hey. Kiera: So it turns out I'm not straight. (Source: Tumblr)
Alicia: Roses are red, violets are blue…sunflowers are yellow…tulips come in all kinds of colors…daffodils are also yellow. Kiera: Was that supposed to be a poem? Alicia: No, I just like flowers. (Source: Tumblr)
Nate: Being the smartest kid in class is like being the only kid in class. (Source: Tumblr)
Connor: I love you like you're my little sister. Morgan: Connor, I don't mean to scare you, but I am your little sister. (Source: Tumblr)
Nick: Truth or Dare? Mark: Dare. Nick: I dare you to kiss the cutest person in this room. Mark: Hey, Jessica… Jessica (blushing): Yeah? Mark: Could you move? I'm trying to get to Connor. (Source: Unknown)
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ARC Review: Never Been Kissed by Timothy Janovsky
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Publication Date: May 3, 2022
Synopsis:
Dear (never-been-quite-over-you) Crush, It's been a few years since we were together, but I can't stop thinking about the time we almost... Wren Roland has never been kissed, but he wants that movie-perfect ending more than anything. Feeling nostalgic on the eve of his birthday, he sends emails to all the boys he (ahem) loved before he came out. Morning brings the inevitable Oh God What Did I Do?, but he brushes that panic aside. Why stress about it? None of his could-have-beens are actually going to read the emails, much less respond. Right? Enter Derick Haverford, Wren's #1 pre-coming-out-crush and his drive-in theater's new social media intern. Everyone claims he's coasting on cinematic good looks and his father's connections, but Wren has always known there's much more to Derick than meets the eye. Too bad he doesn't feel the same way about the infamous almost-kiss that once rocked Wren's world. Whatever. Wren's no longer a closeted teenager; he can survive this. But as their hazy summer becomes consumed with a special project that may just save the struggling drive-in for good, Wren and Derick are drawn ever-closer...and maybe, finally, Wren's dream of a perfect-kiss-before-the-credits is within reach. A feel-good summer LGBTQIA+ New Adult RomCom, perfect for fans of Red White & Royal Blue, Boyfriend Material, and What If It's Us.
My Rating: ★★★★★
*My Review below the cut.
My Review:
This was suuuuuuper cute. Wren does come across as very young at first, but as the story settled into its groove I felt like his reactions and thought processes were actually very accurate for a 22-year old. He starts the novel fairly immature and at loose ends, but through the course of the story he gains confidence in himself. This is helped along by his managerial position at Wiley's Drive-in (where he has to find the line between working with his friends and being responsible for his friends' mistakes), his blossoming friendship with reclusive former film star and director Alice Walker, and his rekindled friendship and burgeoning relationship with his high-school crush Derick.
What begins as a terrible drunk decision - sending emails to all his former crushes and almost-kisses - ends up with a real chance at happiness.
Wren's friends are adorably quirky - sometimes a little too much so - and sweet. Reading the scenes of them together took me back to my college friendships. Derick is a bit of a mystery for pretty much the entire book and I think it could have benefited from some Derick POV chapters. The mystery does add drama and move the plot along in places, however, so I can understand why the author chose to do it this way. I also really appreciated how many of the characters were LGBT+ and how matter-of-fact it all was. There was a little bit of drama between Derick and his family but it wasn't too much and didn't detract from the sense of queer joy that develops throughout the book.
I listened to the audiobook version of this and really like the way the narrator chose to read it. His voices for all the characters were easy to tell apart and fit the characters very well.
I was fully invested in the story from beginning to end, and came away with a lot of nostalgia and also a real appreciation for how the author handled the story.
Also! It was SO nice to see demisexual rep in this story! Ace rep of any kind is hard to come by in fiction, and demisexual rep even more so. It was also explained really well without taking the reader out of the story and really fit Wren's character and experiences. As someone who is demi, I really appreciated the rep. It made me feel that much more connected to the story and more sympathetic to Wren. Especially when he decides that "queer" is how he's going to identify, with the knowledge that he's also gay and demisexual. It was very relatable. Society doesn't know how to handle asexuality for some strange reason, and it can feel very alienating.
The best parts of the story, hands down, were the scenes with Alice Kelly, reclusive film star and brilliant director - and cantankerous old lady. She really came to life in my imagination and quickly became my favorite character. The way Wren approached his friendship with her, slowly drawing her out while making sure she is always comfortable with what is happening, was wonderful to see.
I loved her story that was slowly revealed even more than Wren's and Derick's tbh. I would definitely read a book about her life. I'm glad she became such an important character and her story interwoven so thoroughly with Wren's and Wiley's Drive-in.
*Thanks to NetGalley and Sourcebooks Casablanca for providing an e-arc for review.
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the-black-bulls · 3 years
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Alright, @esosquing​, take your boys! 😁
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dino--draws · 3 years
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head canons for the pokemon villians? how about tiso, vespa, or hive knight?
//slams hands on table// >:D Alrighty! I’m gonna split this into two posts because this is gonna end up turning into something long, I just know it.  So this one will be for the pokemon villians, and the one that’ll be posted right after will be for the Hive! (cause I’ve got some thoughts bout it)  Pokemon Villians that I have Headcanons for: Giovanni: okay I'm gonna be real this man has the most aggressive straight white dad energy I've ever seen. This man inadvertedly (and unfortunately) adopted several idiots upon forming RR. No he's not happy about it either he was expecting these people to be smarter and/or less disasters. Dad friend but also an asshole mafia boss whose gettin real fuckin tired of this bullshit. Cyrus: aro/ace and he/they motherfucker. I'm pretty sure its canon that his childhood was SHIT but oh yeah it defiantly was for this dude. If someone wants to destroy the world to recreate it / thinks emotions are a flaw at like age 27 (or less, cause this was probably premeditated for a good bit) then you fucked up somewhere as a parent like holy shit. //slams some gifted kid syndrome and a shit ton of expectations from parents onto that twink// Please get them some therapy for the love of Arceus. Also, for a bit of angst, me and some friends headcanon them as being childhood friends with Cynthia <:) Plus; I really like the headcanon that in a timeline Cyrus won, he’d take the form of Beta Arceus so I’ve just absorbed that headcanon askdhaksjdhaks I just think its neat.  Archie + Maxie (specifically ORAS): they're gay and stupid, your honor. And I love the rock twink and sea himbo. Maxie is absolutely the feral one out of those two, he can and will growl at someone. Archie could be considered the chill dad friend if he wasn’t trying to end the world atm.  They’re not evil, they just failed science class and need a little nudge in the right direction smh I feel like before they formed the teams Maxie was probably be geologist while Archie works in pokemon rehabilitation- specifically water types.  Lysandre: That's just thanos but ginger and gay. Sycamore, buddy, you deserve better- but that's not gonna stop your morally grey ass from going "I can fix him!", is it? //sigh// good luck you fruit. Ghetsis: //slow stare// aight I got nothing for this man aside from the words ‘rat bastard’ asdjhagsdgasd Lusamine: Scary woman winter. Also an asshole. Like Sun/Moon made her possessed but Ultra just went ‘lol she’s just an abusive prick’ and I’m sitting here like oh.  I also personally like to toss out the whole ‘kidnapped by RR’ thing and replace it with ‘she’s the one who brought them all here’ because I’d like to think that Giovanni came to her with the idea (cause she’s got the portal tech) and she was like ‘y’know what? fuck yeah let’s do this shit. pOwer.’ but jokes on her that’s gonna be a mistake because they’re all idiot disasters.  Also I’m a sUCKER for the Mapleshade Dynamic of a fuckin scary lady in charge of the villian squad. 
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astral-actias · 3 years
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So, okay, I don't usually like the gender to nonhumanity comparison but let's go with it for a second.
I have always felt...something. I've settled, eventually, as an ace, queer trans man with some additional nonbinary-ness. The road I took to get here was not short or simple, nor is it over, either; as long as I'm alive I could change and settle on another label, or even a whole different identity if that suits me better.
I know I have not really been entirely cis- or heterosexual, but what I have been has changed over the course of my life. I've been female and bisexual, but a tomboy; I've been female and not feminine but definitely a lesbian; I've been genderfluid, and attracted to only women; I've been nonbinary but statically so, and attracted to other nonbinary people; I've been a trans man and back to bisexual or pansexual again as far as attraction, though really mostly asexual insofar as sex being important to me or not.
I bring this up because it's become very common, especially in otherkin circles, to justify being otherkin as something like gender and orientation: it happens to you once and you have a One True You somewhere in there for your entire life, and the only direction you can go is towards this Real You. Anything else is a mistake.
This is nothing I've ever experienced with my own identity, which has wandered around in circles and occasionally gone sideways a bit, in any sense. Cool if that describes someone else out there, but it would be the height of ridiculousness to say that I wasn't really a lesbian when I identified as female and was solely attracted to females. Of course I was, because that's the term for someone like that, and that's the label I was proud to carry for that time. The person I was then with the understanding and feelings that I had then was a lesbian. That I later changed doesn't negate what was.
My understanding of myself is still evolving and will be until I stop breathing. So then, if being really, truly, for-real nonhuman is exactly like orientation and gender...well, then, that would mean that, at least for me, it would also evolve over time, and that each new step doesn't mean the ones that came before were somehow false, mistaken, or inauthentic. (What a horrible, high-stress thought...I couldn't deal with that.)
The other point is that my understanding of myself is, partly, not at all innate. I was not born with concepts or words for anything I've experienced. I didn't even realize that having attraction for more than one gender was anything unusual for my entire life up through college, and discovering the word 'bisexual' was a trip. I had never heard of trans people until later in college. I literally couldn't have identified myself as bisexual, trans, or even queer because those were not concepts I had. Being these things with these labels, as they're defined by others, is something that came to me through culture and society, and I decided eventually that they suit me as an expression.
This doesn't make my feelings more or less real. It's a lens through which I can process them. I could have had the same feelings, been the same person, and said, "I don't like these words. I think this isn't quite right." And really, even as I use them now, the nuance is close enough for rock and roll, but not entirely, 100% identical, but it's enough to be understood by others so it works.
Here's the part where I finally get around to what this has to do with otherkin. I don't see why any other aspect of identity has to be held to such a ridiculously high standard. Otherkinity itself is a community label, just like any other. If anything, it's most like gold-star gay (which is pretty outdated as a concept); you have to have always been this one thing and any deviation from the standard is grounds for losing your label.
I could, tomorrow, suddenly feel a very different way about my gender. Happened before, could happen again! I was still a trans man when I was one. Tomorrow I could wake up and not be fae anymore. I was still fae when I was fae. I wasn't mistaken, unless I choose to interpret it that way, but that's a choice I'm making. I've chosen to look at the evolution of my identity and give my past self the grace and understanding that I was not wrong when I decided who I was in the moment, and that life is defined by changes, and to give my future self the peace of mind and space to adjust course without fear of abandoning my own history.
I can't even imagine doing anything else, especially as so much of identity is informed by the culture around you. The discourse in the otherkin community regarding choice and its role in identity never seems to give the first thought to the fact that interpretation and labels are something external. Nobody is inherently otherkin, because otherkin is just a series of sounds; people may inherently feel that they're something other than human, but exactly what that is and what that means to them is a result of choosing to interact with others and accepting or rejecting various labels and defining concepts.
For my part, I can't breathe under the label of otherkin. I tried, but in the end, it was stifling, and had much more interest in telling me what I was not, by the standards of a bunch of people I've never met and don't think I would like much if I did. I'm happier being a faery without anyone else's rules telling me how I'm supposed to believe about past lives (all physically human as far as I know), or nonhuman memories (none whatsoever, thanks for asking), or whether or not I can choose to be this (I don't think I did, but I could un-choose it if I really wished to, and that's actually innate to my being fae).
And really, of course a faery is going to be happier without someone else's rules. If anything, deciding to not be otherkin is the more faery thing to do here.
Anyway this has been another vague, rambling post about why I don't like the label or the discourse and think they're both kind of full of shit, and also why I don't like the gender comparison that much. Gender is experienced just a little, if not a lot, differently by every person in the world, and for plenty of us, it's very malleable over time and probably better viewed as an ongoing process. Using it as a point of reference for something that's purportedly immutable by the most common definition is pretty damn silly in my opinion.
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beauty-abstraction · 3 years
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Title: The Best Ending
Pairing: Tsukkiyama
What you’re getting yourself into: confessions, first kiss
Synopsis: Yamaguchi finally gets Tsukishima to play a game with him, gay panic ensues
“Hurry up, Tsukki!”, Yamaguchi whined. “That’s rich coming from you ” Tsukishima replied, an obvious jab at the fact that he is usually the one waiting due to Yamaguchi’s near-constant penchant for running late. “Sorry Tsukki!! I’m just so excited that you finally agreed to play this game with me! It has been out for months now”, said Yamaguchi. “I would hardly call me losing a bet ‘agreeing to play that with you’” Tsukishima said sarcastically. “To be fair, I still have no idea why you bet against me in the first place! Do you not believe in my epic athletic abilities?” Yamaguchi replied with a teasing tone.
The bet was on whether or not Yamaguchi could get 5 service aces during the practice match. In all honesty, the real reason that Tsukishima bet against Yamaguchi was to give him something to focus on other than his nerves. Also, Yamaguchi was just so excited about his new game, and the bet gave Tsukishima the opportunity to cave to Yamaguchi’s puppy dog eyes without admitting defeat.
“It’s not that I don’t believe in you, it’s just that I do believe in the other team’s ability to get the ball up” Tsukishima said jokingly. “Whatever,” Yamaguchi scoffed, “Let’s go! There is an otome game with our names on it!” Tsukishima smiled to himself at Yamaguchi’s excitement before zipping up his bag and following Yamaguchi to his house.
For reasons that Tsukishima would never understand, Yamaguchi adored otome games. Where Tsukishima found them cheesy and disgustingly cliche, Yamaguchi found them sweet and interesting. Yamaguchi would often go into rants about how the character archetypes played into the overall narrative in each game and were decidedly not as cliche as Tsukishima found them to be, thank you very much. Despite Yamaguchi’s love for this genre, Tsukishima has never actually played one of these games, or watched someone else play one, preferring to just listen to Yamaguchi rattle on about his most recent playthrough during their lunch break.
After showering and eating dinner with Yamaguchi’s family, they retreat to Yamaguchi’s room where Yamaguchi reads off the synopsis of the game as well as the basic descriptions of each romanceable character from the promotional material.
“I’ll probably start with this one,” Yamaguchi says, pointing to a standoffish character with glasses, “the kuudere character route is usually the easiest for me to get the good ending on.”
“Kuudere?” Tsukishima asked, confused.
“A kuudere is a character that seems apathetic and cynical at first, but as you get to know them and gain their trust they show that they actually really care and that their personality is a facade they keep up to protect themselves.” Yamaguchi helpfully explains. “Their route always ends up being the cutest anyways, so we should definitely start there.”
Tsukishima tries (and fails miserably) to not think of the implications of this ‘kuudere’ type being the one that Yamaguchi finds the cutest while Yamaguchi boots up the game and the campy theme music comes blaring out of his laptops’ speakers.
The rest of the night is spent with Yamaguchi playing his game and Tsukishima desperately trying to pay attention to anything but his own racing thoughts. But the only girls that Yamaguchi has previously expressed interest in were nothing like this stoic character on the screen. In fact, there is only one person in Yamaguchi’s life that really fits that description… and that person is currently in full blown gay panic mode next to Yamaguchi on his bedroom floor. Then, to make matters worse, Tsukishima’s brain unhelpfully reminds him of the fact that Yamaguchi has mentioned playing otome games with all-male romanceable options as well. What does this mean, if it means anything after all? Does he like men? Women? Both? Neither? Or does he just play both types because they provide a different gaming experience? He looks up from the screen and studies Yamaguchi’s face for a bit, thankful that he is too engrossed in his game to notice the attention. Yamaguchi’s face is cutely scrunched up in concentration, his teeth nibbling his lower lip as he decides what dialogue option would be best. Tsukishima realizes that he has been staring perhaps a bit too long and quickly jerks his head in the other direction.
Unfortunately for him, this is around the same time that Yamaguchi pulled his attention away from the screen to see Tsukishima’s reaction to the cute line that the character just said, seemingly oblivious to Tsukishima internally screaming at himself for being so gay and in love with his best friend.
“Awww Tsukki! You like them too? That line they just said was just too cute!” Yamaguchi says excitedly, unintentionally misreading the situation. Tsukishima quickly reads the line on the screen and panics when he finds that it is just as cliche as he thought it would be. I mean, who writes this stuff?? More importantly, how is he going to play this off when his two options are admitting that he has a big, fat, stupid crush on his best friend or pretending to be attracted to some boring 2D character from a cheesy otome game? Rather than choosing the more logical option #2, Tsukishima decides to childishly give Yamaguchi the silent treatment while dramatically pretending to not hear him. This method seemingly works as Yamaguchi just giggles, rolls his eyes, then turns his attention back to the screen, dropping the subject for now.
After another hour or so of Yamaguchi playing and sneaking glances at Tsukishima to gauge his reactions to each new scene, Yamaguchi decides to shut off the game for the night in favor of helping Tsukishima set up the futon.
This is when he decides to bring the topic up again. “You seemed to be really focused on the game Tsukki! Especially that character. I told you they would be the cutest!! I really didn’t expect them to be your type though.” In a panic, Tsukishima goes back to his original method of avoiding the questioning completely, but he is out of luck as Yamaguchi is the most stubborn person that he knows and will not drop it again until he gets an answer. “Still nothing?” says Yamaguchi, “how about we do 20 questions?”
“...”
“hot or cold?”
“...”
“You tell me why you’ve been quieter than usual tonight?”
“What are you talking about?” Tsukishima demands, whipping his head up to look at Yamaguchi. “Hah, gotcha!” Yamaguchi gloats, “but seriously, what is up with you? You were fine until we started playing. Are you just too proud to admit that these games are actually entertaining or —” “I don’t like these stupid games, I like you!” Tsukishima interrupts in a sudden outburst.
Yamaguchi stands there with his jaw dropped open as they both struggle to process the words that just came out of Tsukishima’s mouth. “Really?” Yamaguchi finally says, his shaky voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah, so… yeah” Tsukishima replies eloquently as he turns away from Yamaguchi to begin quickly packing up his things in order to make a quick escape. He freezes when Yamaguchi lightly grabs his wrist to prevent any further movement. He is sure that his ears are bright red, betraying his emotions even though his face is hidden from Yamaguchi’s sight. Then, Yamaguchi starts laughing. “Great,” Tsukishima thinks “I just told him how I feel and he’s laughing in my face”. Tsukishima steals a glance at Yamaguchi only to see him laughing while fondly looking at Tsukishima like he was the most precious thing in the whole world. And maybe he was in Yamaguchi’s eyes. “Sorry,” says Yamaguchi while wiping a tear from his eye, voice still slightly shaking with uncontained laughter, “it’s just that you make fun of otome games for being cliche when you are the walking definition of a kuudere! I absolutely can’t deal with you!” Yamaguchi only laughs harder at the glare that Tsukishima sends his way until Tsukishima quietly says, “the difference is that you actually like those games…”
Yamaguchi pauses while he considers Tsukishima’s words. Was he really so oblivious to Yamaguchi’s many, many attempts at flirting? He was hardly subtle. Subtlety is definitely not one of Yamaguchi’s strengths, he is more of an ‘all or nothing’ kind of guy. What stumbles out of Yamaguchi’s mouth next could be considered somewhat of a hot mess as far as confessions go. “Are you kidding me? Like, you’re being serious right now? You’re not joking?”
“Yes.” Tsukishima replies coldly, ready to just make a run for it so he can go crawl in a hole and die alone in peace.
“Sorry Tsukki!” Yamaguchi replies hurriedly, “I just… it’s just… have you really not noticed?”
“...noticed what?” Tsukishima says, suddenly reconsidering his whole crawling-in-a-hole plan.
“I have liked you for so long, and I definitely haven’t hid it. I mean, I even regularly share my fries with you!” Yamaguchi half-screams, exasperated at how stupid his seemingly ‘smart’ friend is being. “That doesn’t mean anything if they’re just the ones that don’t meet your ridiculous criteria for a ‘good’ french fry and — wait what?” Tsukishima responds, cutting himself off as he truly realizes what Yamaguchi said. “I said that I like you too, idiot” Yamaguchi says fondly. There he goes again, looking at Tsukishima the same way that he looks at the shiny rocks that he picks up on the way home after practice sometimes. Perhaps Tsukishima has more in common with those shiny rocks than he cares to admit. “I am not an idiot” Tsukishima says instead, faking offense in a way that he knows will make Yamaguchi laugh. “Ehhh” Yamaguchi responds while giggling again.
In yet another lapse of judgement, Tsukishima leans forward to grab Yamaguchi’s face and pull him into an obviously inexperienced kiss. Realizing his mistake, Tsukishima quickly pulled away and apologized “ Sorry, I should’ve uh… asked first or something… you just looked so cute and I…” He was cut off by yet another chaste kiss from Yamaguchi. “It’s okay, you’re really nervous so I’ll let it slide,” Yamaguchi says with a small smile, his face still inches from Tsukishima’s own, “we should probably get some sleep now.” “Yeah, we probably should” Tsukishima agrees while pulling Yamaguchi in for another kiss.
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lunartearrose · 3 years
Text
What your fave Coroika character says about you - Team leader addition!
This will mostly involve recurring team leaders, but if it's popular i will make a post for the one off team leads! Anyways, here we go in order!
1. Goggles
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-you really thought he was Team Blue's leader and still consider him the actual leader
-you are actually super sweet and gentle!!!!
-currently ignoring the goggles crimes of public indecency <3
-you want him to habe more character arcs and make them with your bare hands! You're super creative with what you make and should share it more!!!!
-quite gay, likely neurodivergent!
2. Specs/Glasses/Megane(????)
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-really mad when people don't remember that he's blue team's leader!!
-you have anxiety
-pls b gentle on urself you're trying your best
-you have a firm belief that glasses should be smooched on the cheek
-you buy every single gear and weapon in game impulsively! Must have all!
3. Rider
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-you feel strongly about this boy's characteristics
-i betcha you have/crave black leather jackets and awesome punky platform boots
-you either love gorai or hate it with a passion
-Rider did nothing Wrong (except for the scene with metry we dont talk about that/make rider apologize for real in fanon)
-u would like to be held gently sometimes
-often the most mature of a friend group! The least chaotic
4. Army
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-you! Food lover!
-to-do lists and schedules actually work pretty nice for you
-you just thought he was really cute
-You draw/like it when people draw him with freckles on his lil squiddy face
-very mad about the bees
5. Aloha
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-YOU ARE SO BI AND HAVING A TIME(??)
-chaos flows through your veins and nothing can stop you
-one day you will show up at your friend's doorsteps and whisk them away on a lil urban adventure like gravity falls but with a little less danger and more running around roads/woods with sticks and fishing out pond gunk with said sticks
-with all that being said! Your brain has a good time till it mistakes your intense feelings for panic and makes it full on terror. You do not want it to stop you, but friends are more there to bring u down to speed
-funney little jokester
-you either make aloha as much of a party boi as he seems or take one look at the panels where he maked *those* faces and run with what bubbles beneath
6. Mask
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-you have a few mood disorders and i hope you're doing ok with them. But you did see mask and vibed!
-this is a character you vibe especially hard with
-fond of the "weird" pets such as rats, ferrets, snakes etc.
-salmon run arc was fun for you!
-gaymer big gay
-often a fan of the sad x ray of sunshine stuff!
7. Skull
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-you expected him to be super evil but fell in love instead
-likely on the ace side
-Sewing is either an aesthetic or a hobby of yours
-you just think skull is a neat sweet boy and you're so fucking valid for this
8. Gloves
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-him green!
-ok honestly Gloves lovers are the sweetest people ive ever met u rock I'm certain ive never met someone who faved gloves and was mean
-no bad vibes!
-you firmly believe this boy deserves the world
-you draw with the stitches and hc watermelon eyes
9. Emperor
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-you saw this smug bastard and knew. You love this fucker
-ya find yourself amidst debates a lot but there are hills you will die on for He
-you're so pissed off that they dont let you have emperor gear like COME ONNN
-Your feelings are rather intense! A lot of the times it gets tough but dont forget the support you have and like. Try to take it gently
-dont forget ur water! Or your meds!
-nb vibes
10. Vintage
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-you really like actiony anime! Not shounen per sey but as long as it has you saying "holy fuck shit's happening" you're watching it
-this bastard boy you feel might get the goggles friending treatment you know but you love him still the way he is and plan to love him after that
-ur not cis
-eye aesthetics are fun for you
-actually terrible at vintage's main but god dangit if you aren't learning it to cosplay in game...!
-you get into discourse like Emp does but you could honestly care less for the love of god you want these ppl to stop talking
-firm believer in the skull and vin were exes/are complicated hcs
-u want to have more fandom friends! But. You are nervous.
Welp, that's it! Definitely doing a part two since i couldn't fit prince or hachi or quite a few actually
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yikesharringrove · 4 years
Text
Devil Horns
Part 2/Billy version of Please Tell Me So
Read on Ao3
-
Billy was six when he realized his mother was different from the other kids’ mothers in his class.
Billy loved her more than anything else in the entire world.
She was young, no lines adorned her face. She wore long dresses and didn’t brush her hair. She was beautiful, and kind, and sang to him. She bought him comic books and read literature like Little Women to him. She would take him to the beach and braid his long hair, grown out to mimic hers.
She was young when she became pregnant. She dropped out of college at fifteen, a sophomore kicked out of her parent’s house. She found the only people that would take her in, friends from concerts and peace rallies that lived in tents and trailers on a large property together. She delivered him in a trailer, an older woman, the matriarch of the community, acting as midwife for all the young mothers. She screamed and held the hands of other women and brought a tiny pink son into the world.
She always cared for her baby, but a child herself, she made mistakes. She welcomed Neil back into her life, keeping correspondence through letters his entire deployment. She married him at the courthouse, Billy swinging on her arm, one little hand fisted in her white gauzy dress.
She made sure Billy knew he was loved for exactly who he is every single day.
But where she was kind, sunshine and flowers, Neil was mean, gravel and boulders.
Billy was six the first time his father hit him.
It was a quick backhand for talking back one night after dinner.
His entire life changed in one instant. The innocence of childhood melted right off him.
Neil Hargrove was an angry man. He liked things a certain way. A military man, he served his time in ‘Nam. He wanted the precision and order of boot camp in his everyday life. He married Billy’s mother when he returned for war, returning to a six-year-old Billy raised entirely by a community.
He was tight-laced, didn’t like the free spirit Billy’s mother passed onto their son. He didn’t like that the boy was soft. He cried easily over small, stupid things. His blue eyes would fill with tears at the idea of eating meat, traumatized at the concept of eating animals .
Neil didn’t like hippies. He saw them as the scum of the earth, people who did drugs and had sex and lived disgusting, dirty lifestyles. He was livid when he returned to California to find his only son growing up in a hippie community, being raised by many. Being raised to be soft, kind, to love anyone, everyone .
He never forgave the boy for being emotional. He was a crier, his heart broke easily and quickly. He felt the pain of others as his own. His father was pain incarnate. All he did was hurt .
He called Billy’s mother a whore, a dirty hippie, a beatnik . He called Billy a lardass, a pussy, a queer .
So Billy got angry. Internalizing his pain in any way he knows how.
He was seven when he first got in a fight. Just a little tiff between kids. He spat ugly names fairy, pussy, queer and threw his hands, trying to make any contact he could. His mother told him it’s not right to hurt others. His father called him a piece of shit and pushed him into the wall.
He was eight when he discovered metal in the record shop down the street. He loved the anger, the fire, the passion, the fun . He loved the men with tight pants and long hair. He learned that his mother, with her soft rock and psychedelic tastes would still dance around the kitchen to Black Sabbath and AC/DC. His mother smiled at him when he showed her the poster he bought of Jim Morrison, knowing she loved The Doors. He told her he thought he was pretty. His father called him a piece of shit and slammed him into the wall.
He was nine when he first heard another kid call his mother a name. Said hippie like his father did, as though it was a swear. He tossed a milkshake in the boy’s face, only to cry as his mother, a waitress at the diner, was forced to mop up the spill. She stroked his hair and told him it was okay and gave him an extra plate of fries. His father called him a piece of shit and slammed him into the wall.
He was ten when his mother left. She was gone by the time he woke up the next morning, her dresses and hats, her books and perfume, gone , only an empty space left in Billy’s heart. She called him a few weeks later, explaining to him that she loved him, but his father was causing her too much pain. His father cornered him in his room and slurred that his mother left because she’s a whore and that she never loved Billy.
He was eleven the first time he met Susan. She made dinner for himself and his father. He was told to be on his best behavior and set the table and clean the dishes. He complimented her hair and her cooking and met Max less than two months later.
He was twelve the first time he kissed a boy. He and Thomas met up under the boardwalk. Billy ended the short, sweet kiss by pushing him to the sand, threw the same slurs his father threw so easily, and screamed if you ever tell anyone, I’ll fuckin’ kill you . Thomas never spoke to him again, and Billy lost the closest friendship he had ever had.
He was thirteen when he finally lost his baby weight. He was lean, growing quickly and bulking up due to the sheer amounts of sports he was playing, at his father’s will. He grew strong, and his mean streak only widened, now backed up by a punch that could break. Girls started noticing him, women started noticing him, but he never noticed them. So he began to learn.
He was fourteen when he started going to parties. He learned to lean over girls, to wink at them, bare his teeth and stare at their breasts. He learned they liked it when he was mean, when they thought he was a bad boy in need of fixing . They would give him gossip, a warm body, and hold him when he wanted it. He learned to close his eyes and press their heads down until they choked on him. He learned that parties usually had drunk boys that would stare at him from across the room. He learned that a smirk and a long bout of eye contact was enough to let them know to follow.
He was fifteen when he spent all his savings on the Camaro, a junker he began fixing up entirely by himself. The car was loud, and made him feel free . He drove two cities over, finding a bar that catered to his type and got in with an unbuttoned shirt, tight jeans, and a well-timed wink at the bouncer. He learned he liked pretty boys, soft ones he could bury himself in. He learned he liked it when they moaned, high and breathy. He learned to pull hair and coo God, you’re gorgeous .
He was fifteen when he began lying every weekend. Citing parties and non-existent concerts as covers while he followed nameless men to motel rooms from the crowded gay bar he had chosen that night. He learned to spray dainty perfume on his jacket before he re-entered his house. He learned to toss around names like Amber and Courntey and Becky .
He was fifteen when he came home past curfew, with a hickey on his neck, on his chest. His father slapped him across the face and locked him in his room, took his keys with a reminder that he shouldn’t be driving yet . He learned that piercing your own ear doesn’t hurt that bad. He learned that he liked the way a gold hoop looked in his lobe.
He was sixteen when his father caught him with a boy, Seth from down the street. They were in Billy’s bed, kissing hungrily. Billy learned what it feels like to tumble down the stairs. He learned what it’s like to be hated. He learned how long the drive is from San Diego to Hawkins.
He was sixteen the first time he saw Steve Harrington. A beautiful boy with fear and sadness in his eyes. Tommy loved to spin tales of King Steve, the Great and Terrible , but Billy couldn’t match up the bullying douchebag with the sweet boy who looked at Nancy Wheeler like she hung the stars in the sky, just for him. He learned that Steve blushed when he called him Princess and Pretty Boy .
He was sixteen when he was angriest at Max, blaming her for the move, knowing it was his own preferences that brought them here. Knowing it was a father that hated him enough to move him to a place he could be killed for being himself. He learned to pick on her friends. He learned to break her things. He learned messing with her made him feel like shit.
He was sixteen when he met Steve at the quarry for the first time. They tangled themselves together in the back of Steve’s car, the air smelling like sweat and cigarettes and cum . He learned that Steve had a big house, that his parents were almost never home. He learned that Steve had nightmares and was afraid of his own swimming pool. He learned that Steve liked it when he was gentle and slow, treating the porcelain skin like it was made of porcelain glass, pressing kisses and pet names into his body. He learned that Steve fell in love quickly. He learned that he fell in love quickly too.
He was sixteen when he told Steve about his father. He came to Steve when he was hurt, angry and ready to break, to break something . He whispered about how his father hated him, hated people like him, like them. How it felt to fall downstairs. How it felt to have a split lip in the same pattern as his father’s class ring. He learned that Steve didn’t mind if he cried. He learned that Steve cried with him. He learned that trusting Steve made him feel lighter the next day. He learned what apologizing to Max is like.
He was sixteen when he planned for his summer in Hawkins, getting a job he was overqualified for. He drove to the mall as often as he could, eating far too much ice cream for someone who was about to spend all summer shirtless. He learned what Steve’s ass looked like in blue sailor shorts. He learned that Steve could be convinced to leave it on, Pretty Boy . He learned that he wanted to save up money for college, for California, for his future, for his future with Steve.
He was sixteen when Steve cooked him an elaborate dinner, early into summer, staying awake in the sticky night to count down to Billy’s seventeenth birthday. Billy learned that Steve preened when Billy told him he loved him.
He was seventeen when he began taking the lifeguard stand at the public pool. Overtired moms and bored housewives flocked to the sun loungers, watching him sit and blow his whistle. He learned that if he called them by their names they would buy him cold drinks. He learned if he smirked at them just so they would tip him for swim lessons.
He was seventeen when he got in a fight with Steve, disappearing in the Camaro to cool down and think things out. His car got hit, the right side smashing inwards, the windscreen splintering. He learned that monsters are real, that the stuff of nightmares lives in Hawkins, Indiana. He learned what possession is like.
He was seventeen when his veins went black. When he felt nothing but the urge to build it, build it . He hurt the people around him, offering Heather and her family to the creature, knocking out Max and the Wheeler boy, and taking El to impending death. He learned what being afraid was like, he learned that he had been afraid his entire life. He learned that some monsters are made from stolen flesh, some monsters are made from the flesh that created his own.
He was seventeen when he died. Rather him than any of these children . He was only a child himself, but a child that had seen too much, been hurt too much. He learned that death in that way is painful. He learned that resurrection is only more so.
He was eighteen when he left the hospital, the one run by the government. He left with scars, a limp, and a large sum of cash for compensation . He learned that Steve still loved him. He learned that Steve didn’t mind his scars, his pain, would hold him through the worst nightmares. He learned that Steve would take him to therapy, one at the government hospital, and one in a local church for Survivors of Abuse .
He learned that his father was killed by the monster, the monster that was Billy. He learned he didn’t know how to feel about that. Steve had just pet his hair, said fuck him , and you don’t have to mourn that asshole .
He was eighteen when he took his college fund, his compensation money, his savings, and Steve’s paychecks and put them in a box in the back of the Camaro. He learned that Steve had a hard time reading maps and that the drive was more fun when all that was waiting was love and warmth.
He was nineteen when he earned his G.E.D., citing severe injury as the cause to his delayed education. He applied to college. He got into college. He began going to college. He learned he loved meeting new people, being able to tell them about his boyfriend, Steve . He learned the California sun was more healing than any amount of physical therapy. He learned he was not ashamed of his scars.
He was twenty when he held Steve to his chest and rubbed his back and told him he was so sorry you had to go through that, Pretty Boy, when he finally let Billy in on the secrets that haunted his big brown eyes. He learned that he had saved Steve’s life as much as Steve had saved his.
Billy Hargrove was twenty when he learned what happiness was.
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buckyscrystalqueen · 4 years
Text
The Resistant Omega: Part 1
Pairings: Omega!Mickey Milkovich x Male Alpha!Reader
Warnings: Swearing, Smut.
Word Count: 2,513
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was no way in hell that anyone that didn’t live there could describe life in the South-Side of Chicago. Sheer chaos, destruction, and the inability to care from anyone that should except in situations where they shouldn’t. The system was ass backwards and rigged from the jump- but you made due, just like everyone else did. You just happened to do it a hell of a lot better than some; clawing and killing to become top Alpha in the dirty streets, leaving bullets and body parts in your wake without batting an eye.
The day you officially met Mickey Milkovich, you weren’t actually expecting to have a good day. Your electric had been cut off for ‘lack of payment’ in the middle of a damn heat wave, even though you had personally paid it in cash a week before it was due like you always did. Once they realized it was their (purposeful) mistake, the power company refused to come back out until the following week due to ‘lack of personnel in your neighborhood’. Which is why you found yourself, sitting on your porch, chain smoking cigarettes, when Mickey came tearing around the corner.
You could instantly smell the fear pouring out of your Omega; a classification he had obviously been hiding since he presented by the God awful stench of the suppressants that didn’t mask anything to you. Your head tilted to the side for a moment because you did recognize the man from the neighborhood, but not his scent; a mix of some kind of woods mixed with something else you couldn’t put your finger on. You whistled through your teeth and gestured behind you with a single bob of your head before grabbing your pack of cigarettes and pulling another one out. Mickey quickly vaulted over your fence and ran up the stairs past you and you couldn’t miss the way he stumbled across the threshold when he was enveloped by your scent as the door closed behind you.
“Hey… oh, shit.” One of the Alpha guys that had been chasing the Omega shouted as he rounded the corner and realized who he was talking to. “Hey guy, you seen which way that fucker went?” Without a word, you lifted your left hand and swept two fingers to the right, telling them that their target had continued on. “Thanks man.” With a single bob of your eyebrows, you took a long drag of your cigarette and picked up the ever present hand gun that was beside you.
“They’re gone.” You growled as you ashed your cigarette on the partially rotted wood steps. Your front door creeped open behind you, but you didn’t hear anyone moving to leave.
“I can’t…” He almost choked as strange waves of pheromones poured from your home. With a heavy sigh, you grabbed your smokes, and headed into the hot house.
“How long you been on those fucking suppressants, kid?” Mickey looked up at you as you shut, and locked your front door.
“Wha… what fucking suppressants?”
“The fucking suppressants that have you dropping to your Goddamn knees because you’re in your Alpha’s house, but instead of giving off the heavenly scent of pine, and cedar, which is what I fucking expect you to smell like, you smell like a chemical waste plant… here. Take these.”
“Fuck you!” He barked as he hit the bottle of stabilizer pills in the air, sending them flying across your living room. “I ain’t no fucking faggot!”
“Never fucking said you were.” You said, dismissively as you sat down on your couch, and adjusted your swelling length in your jeans. “Just trying to fucking help.”
“Yea, well I don’t need your fucking help.” You exhaled your breath and nodded as you laid your head back on the back of the couch because it was way to hot for you to do much more than that.
“Good to know.” You rolled your head and looked over at the wrecked Omega on your floor, who was desperately fighting his natural instincts as his heat started to burn out the cheap suppressants he had to have been picking up off the streets from someone other than your guys. “You can get the fuck outta my fucking house then.” Mickey almost instantly whined and balled up his jeans in his fists, but he didn’t stand up or move from the spot he was kneeling on the wood floor. Sweat began to bead on his forehead, whether from your lack of AC, or his genetics, you weren’t sure, but what you did know, was this little Alpha wannabe was going to fight his true nature. 
“Omega!” You barked, making his head whip toward you. “Come here or leave.” He shook his head and started to rock in place as he knuckles turned white. With a roll of your eye, you butt out your cigarette and got up to remove him from your home before you did something you couldn’t come back from. “Let’s go.” You growled as you grabbed him by the arm and yanked him to his feet because while he was only a couple inches shorter than you height, you had at least sixty pounds of solid muscle on him. “Move your fucking feet Milkovich, I don’t have the time or the fucking patience for this bullshit today.” He put the breaks on instantly and shook his head when you pulled your front door open the slightest bit. You could smell a slightly chemical tainted slick start to drip down his legs, so you paused for a moment to see what your next step was going to be. 
“Just…” He growled as he looked down in shame. You cocked your eyebrow, and waited for him to continue as he looked up at you through his lashes. “Don’t… make me fucking say it.”
“You can either fucking say it, or you can get the fuck out at the start of your first heat in who the fuck knows how long. I don’t fucking care either way. But one fucking way or another, you need to fucking accept the fact that you’re a Goddamn Omega and accept the fact that whether you fucking think you are or not, you’re gay or you can get thrown to the fucking wolves. I’m not fucking here for the fucking games…”
“Can you just…” He shouted as he ripped away from you but pushed your front door closed. He searched your eyes for a moment before he looked down at your nearly throbbing length. “Fuck… I need that…”
“Good choice.” You said with a smirk as you turned the lock once more and pushed him up against the wall. You gave him zero option to fight it and simply captured his lips with yours. He let out a small whine as you slid your hands down his sides to his ass. He became putty in your palms as you lifted him up, and headed up the stairs toward your second story bedroom. Mickey clawed at your back, which was currently only covered by a single wife beater, and leaned down to lick the sweat off your throat across your scent gland.
“Look at you.” You cooed as you kneeled down on the bed and laid him down on the pile of blankets you typically just pushed off you in the mornings. “Just opening up like a good little Omega.”
“Don’t…” He tried as he turned to look away. You growled and nipped his throat harshly before you, too, licked across his scent gland, purposely marking him as your own.
“You don’t make the rules here.” You growled as you sat back between his thighs and pulled off your shirt. “You’re in my fucking bed, you want my fucking knot, you play by my fucking rules, you understand me?” You could see the look of defiance on his face as you ripped open his sleeveless dress shirt, and an almost evil smirk spread across your face. “I know who you think you are, Milkovich; some hard ass, punk.” He looked up at you angrily as you undid his belt and popped the button on his jeans. “But I will promise you one thing…” You yanked his pants down and slid down the bed to his hips. “You abso-fucking-lutely will come back here again.”
“Unfffffuuuucckk….” He groaned as you easily took his length down your throat. His hips arched up for more as you pulled his jeans and boxers the rest of the way off, but you weren’t even close to ready to give him what he wanted. Your calloused hands slid up his legs until you hit his knees, which you used as leverage to bend him to prop him up for better access. You could almost hear his brain short circuit as you licked through his slick and across his puckered hole, something you could tell he had never had done before just by the way he tried desperately to reach your head to keep you there.
“You ever been taken care of like this before, Omega?” You asked as you looked up at him from between his legs. You hummed and pointed your tongue to get even deeper before replacing it with your middle finger.
“Holy fuck… oh, holy fuck.”
“Oh, I know.” You said before adding your tongue to open him up for you. Your own cock grew painfully tight in your jeans with every little whimper he made, and you reached down to remove your clothes with your non dominant hand. 
“Holy shit.” Mickey gasped when he watched your length fall free of its confines. He tightened around your finger in fear, and you quickly sat up and shook your head.
“Look at me.” You cooed as gently as you could as you continued to thrust your finger in his ass at a steady pace. “Just relax. Breathe, little Omega. Let me in. It’ll be painless, I swear, but you can’t tense up.” You wrapped your hand around his cock and brushed your thumb across the tip, which made a wave of slick seep out onto your fingers. You pulled out your middle finger and carefully switched it for your pinkie and your ring finger at the same time you bent down to lick a long stripe across his balls and up his length.
“Alpha…” He panted as you sucked him down your throat. You hummed and nodded your head as his breathing got more and more shallow and his body started to tense and quake. “Alpha, fuck! I uhnnnnn…” You hummed again and took him all the way down your throat as he came. You swallowed every drop, which was not a new concept to you since you didn’t give a shit who was in your bed at the end of the day, and sat up to look down at the wrecked man in your bed. “Fuck… me…” You smirked and started to separate your fingers to stretch him out.
“Don’t worry, baby boy. I’m not even remotely fucking close to being done with you.”
——
You were quite surprised how much stamina Mickey had, but by three AM, he was finally fucked into a coma and spread out across the bed beside you. You left him in bed and headed down stairs to roll yourself a joint, when someone started to pound on your front door. You grabbed your gun off the coffee table and cocked it before opening the front door that was thankfully lit by the streetlight on the corner.
“You better have a good fucking reason why you’re banging on my fucking door at this hour.” You glared at the thug who took a step back and jut his chin out at you.
“Sup. Heard you were the man to see about some bars?”
“Fucking heard wrong, mother fucker.” You snapped back quickly. “Suggest you fuck off now for I let the damn dogs out.”
“Hey man, it’s cool.” He said as he held up his hands. “I got the cash. I ain’t lookin’ to…” Before he could even finish, you grabbed him by the throat, and slammed him into your door frame as your mind skipped right past you getting busted by a possible rat to the Omega upstairs getting tossed in the hole by a possible rat.
“I don’t know who you fucking think you are but I don’t have any fucking idea what the fucking fuck you are going on about. You wanna give me free fucking cash, go right on ahead. But I don’t have fucking shit for you to buy unless you want some day fucking old banana bread. Now, you show up on my fucking block again and I will put a mother fucking bullet in your thick fucking skull and maybe that will get my fucking point across. Have I made myself crystal fucking clear?” He tried to choke out an answer but no sound came out. You startled when you heard the cock of your rifle behind you before the barrel appeared over your shoulder.
“He asked you a fucking question, mother fucker.” Mickey growled. “Fucking answer him.”
“Yes!” The guy choked before bursting into a fit of coughs when he fell to your porch. Mickey took a step around you, and kicked the guy down the stairs before closing the door and heading into the living room.
“Smokes?”
“Well look who’s still capable of walking.” You teased as you picked up a half full pack from the table and tossed it at him.
“Fuck you.”
“I did.” You reminded him as you grabbed a hollowed out Bible off your book shelf and flipped on a battery powered lantern.
“Yea, one desperate time.”
“Why do you fucking hate yourself so damn much?” You glanced over at him as he shook his head and scoffed. “Fucking Christ, someone did a real fucking number on you.”
“No one did a fucking number on me…”
“Whatever you say, sweetheart.”
“Don’t fucking call me that!” You reacted without thinking and pinned him down to the couch before he could even register you moved. He naturally arched into you and let out a barely audible whine, and you nodded your head.
“Yea.” You said with a nod as you sat up again and went back to rolling a joint. “Front doors unlocked. You wanna keep acting like a mother fucking homophobe, you can get the fuck out. Good luck on dealing with your mixed identity crisis and double up on your shit suppressants to kill your heat.” He managed to catch you off guard when he punched you in the jaw, but he quickly backed away from you when you pointed your hand gun at his cock. “Wanna try that again?”
“Fuck you!” He snapped as he turned and stormed out of your house. You sighed and shook your head as you set your gun back down and finished rolling your joint. Once you had sparked it up, you got up with a heavy sigh, locked up, and headed up to bed for the night.
Part 2
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toindeedbe-agod · 4 years
Text
random hcs for the deeply complex modern au i still thinj abt sometimes
neil:
hes in keatings class n hes a peer tutor for one of his lower grade classes AND in mr keatings secret club (dead poets society)
dads still forcing him into a career path n he gets so stressed trying to stay on top of all of his classes n he started emailing mr keating late at night, first it was like Teacher Approved venting but now he sends him memes at 3 am. mr keating always responds.
he n charlie got "married" in kindergarten
endlessly watches howls moving castle. he pretends that he only watches broadway bootlegs or artsy gay films but he literally watches howls moving castle in class all the time
hes on good terms with all his teachers so sometimes hes allowed to just... leave and take a nap in keatings class. keating repurposed the classroom closet to be full of soft things n a quiet space for kids because hes a good goddamn teacher
unironically still listens to be more chill
has a secret tumblr account bc his dad only lets him have a heavily monitored instagram
adores rent but pitts is rhe only one who will watch it Willingly with him anymore bc when he made them all watch it they were all so devastated. charlie didnt talk to him for 3 days
todd:
just moved here, hes neil's neighbor. charlie also lives in the neighbohood, and knox spends more time around there than his own home
his brothers the all star american boy meanwhile todd won the spelling bee in 3rd grade and gets star stickers on his creative writing assignments
has had like 3 interventions from teachers and he has to be like im really not super depressed i promise im just quiet
draws on himself a lot. hes not a spectacular artist but like... neil loves it
unfairly good at soccer but was too anxious to try out for the high school team
rlly rlly likes samurai jack. he keeps it a secret but hes absolutely obsessed
has a tik tok n most of his videos are of the dead poets its very sweet. he manages to get on the weirdest sides of tik tok tho, involving prison tik tok, serial killer tik tok, cartel tik tok, glitchcore tik tok, and one memorable time, bdsm tik tok
half his playlists r full of hozier.
shares his spotify premium with neil
that cool guy at school whos parents dont care about him so he can do whatever but unfortunate hes lame so he does nothing about it
charlie:
tik tok famous
keating lets him grade papers, and doesnt say anything when charlie fixes his friends mistakes, and once let him get away with erasing cameron's name from his paper so he had to redo the assignment
adopts freshmen
advertises parties on his snapchat
throws parties but not at his own house
horror movie fanatic.
obsessed with the sonic movie
his phone is full of selfies and really cursed memes
all his contacts have emojis
calls mr keating mom with confidence
has a massive crush on jim carrey meeks thinks its the funniest shit in the world
on a first name basis with the principals
meeks:
ppl paypal him to do their work for them
goes randonauting with pitts n sometimes charlie
little witch boy, but on the downlow
rlly into bugs
has every single streaming service but also watches more stuff online than charlie does
teaches all the boys abt queer media and teaches underclassmen or anyone who needs to know abt actual sex education despite being ace
office aide so hes rlly tight with the principals
watches a lot of bad tv from the 80s
has a terrible taste in music
eats sticks and rocks and mud
has 2 pet rats. secret rats. their names are rice and piss
says he shoplifts to look cool but has never stolen anything more than 2 dollars
has a rlly overbearing mom like he loves her but jesus christ please get a life other than watching over ur child all the time hes trying to be cool
hosts all the dead poets on holidays when he can. halloween is a blast
cant drive. none of them are very good at it but he doesnt even have a license
pitts:
so mad that thats his name
owns 4 different radios
actually in robotics. all the poets try to come to his matches, despite meeks being the only one who even vaguely understands it
2nd best driver. picks up neil if he ever gets stranded somewhere by his parents. it happens a lot.
owns a car
has been hunting a lot?? he doesnt even like it
bakes for the poets
takes cooking lessons sometimes, he likes to be self sufficient
likes to get into what all his friends r into so he can talk about it with them :) pitts is such a good guy id die for him
always packs snacks n stuff to feed to the boys throughout the day bc neil is physically incapable of eating at lunch time and the rest of them forget a lot
has a respectable amount of twitter and tik tok followers. is unaware of the significance of this. he just likes giving ppl helpful advice
gives good life tips and has high grades but hes stupid. set his hair on fire on a dare but it was mostly an accident. crashed a car into a brick wall. consistently has a burn on his hand
knox:
twitter bio definitely has "sad boy" in it
no thoughts, head empty
disaster in heelys and a cute top
LOVES tik tok
hydroflask full of pepsi
wears skirts bc fuck toxic masculinity
either shows up to school in a fit meant for the met gala or a hoodie and pants that are half on. there is no inbetween.
has tutoring after school like hes not behind in class or struggle too badly but he doesnt grasp what teachers fucking say half the time so they cover what he may have missed. good teachers. ideal world with teachers who care. jk only keating and his math teacher do it meeks helps with science
watched a livestream of a tv screen with the little blue ray video thing bouncing around for 6 hours and missed it when it hit the corner and cried about it for a day and a half
broke his wrist sophmore year in a heely related incident
has a snap score of like 30,000 idk i dont use snapchat i just know ppl who dont shut the fuck abt their snap score being like 30,000
goes thrifting a lot! barely owns fitting clothes
he n chris are bffs she taught him how to skateboard. is skateboard a verb? taught him how to skate using a skateboard
oh yeah. skater girl chris.
has a lot of anxiety about the state of the world anyways hes a vegetarian and tries to be zero waste to manage it. like he knows its corporations but it makes him feel good
plays lacrosse!
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despisydraws · 3 years
Text
Part 3/3
7. Neil Ward (he/him)
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Neil is not a child!! That's the mistake people make a lot when they see his childlike face and his rather small figure. He's seventeen, but people treat him as if he was twelve. He can't count the times he's been asked where his mama was anymore and in fact he doesn't know where his mom is or his dad or the entire rest of his family. But he's living his best life out there.
He loves vintage things, like old planes and maps and all and he collects basically everything he finds. He lives for his rock collection and the vintage motorcycle he found himself and has made himself a home inside a rusty plane that's been abandoned at its hangar. He'd do about anything to fly something some time but since he's from a rather poor planet there is pretty much nothing around that can fly. That's why he joins the group in the first place, because he hopes he'll get to fly a spaceship. But Ace and Cassiopeia wont let him touch anything on the control boards because "this is better left to the adults" (they are scared for the safety of their ship which is basically their baby. Also, about the ship, it's called 'the Egg'. It has literally nothing in common with an egg but they call it that. The dream vision said so. Also its orange and I hate that but I won't dare change it)
Anyways most of his life he was just wandering around (he's a true nature child) collecting stuff and selling tools he found and all. Also he may not seem like it but he heavily believes in the occult and likes doing his own little rituals. And he's gay. People tell him he's too young to already know things like that about himself. He rolls their eyes at them and remembers all the flings he's had before
One last thing: this dude is a total king and no one dare say anything else. His humor is on another level. Everything about him is on another level.
8. Sigrid Eichenlaub (she/her)
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Sigrid is... something. She's explosive, chatty, has a temper almost as vibrant as her fiery red hair which she mostly wears up in a ponytail. She's been in the military, but she got bored and decided she'd rather serve against the law instead of for it. She spends a horrendous amount of time in Berengers bar and became his best friend over time, gossiping with him every free second (they silently make fun of the other guests)
She likes the thrill of doing illegal stuff, and she's probably got quite a bit of experience in money laundry and theres a fair chance shes assassinated someone before. She knows how to scan people and who might have a bounty on their head. Also she's a pickpocket but that's like the least of her problems. The only one who's capable of stopping the things she initially wants to do is Berenger, who often just ends up being pulled into the situations as well. The two really do make quite the duo.
She (and Berenger) join the crew because she recognized Virgo at the bar without security around him, which made her suspicious. Berenger was able to talk her out of the most bad stuff, but got dragged along when Sigrid followed him to the ship, promising not to harm anyone, just wanting to 'take a look around for anything valuable'. The two idiots manage to get themselves locked up in some room so theres that. I'm telling you there is not one intelligent person among these OCs.
All in all a very feral aroace queen
9. Virgo Di Marcelli (he/they)
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There he is. The most dramatic of the dramatic. The queen himself. Pink, flashy, extra, super rich, super idiot. Born not with a silver spoon in his mouth but with multiple platinum spoons jammed down his throat.
Where do I start.
He's... a lot to take. He's dramatic, attention seeking, easily disgusted and will for nothing in the world get his hands dirty. Theres people to do that for him. He knows people love him and he bathes in the feeling of all eyes laying on him.
His wardrobe is big enough to dance in it and 3/4 of it are pink sparkly dresses or plastic jackets in holographic style. He never goes anywhere without stockings, stockings are his life. His hair needs to be protected at any cost. He probably spends two hours in the shower and another two hours to get ready afterwards. He's a total trend chaser as well as a total trend setter, yet he remains his steady aesthetic in holo-pastels and golden jewelry, all in the star theme.
And he's so damn annoying. His cousin Cassiopeia knows that way too well and she's so done with him but deep in her heart she loves him. They are best friends as well as the worst enemies. They would do anything for each other but all they do is fight about stuff. They both love the drama. He's got kind of the love-hate relationship with the rest of the crew as well. He keeps fighting with Ace and Berenger is more... silently rolling his eyes at the shit Virgo talks. He gets along greatly with Sigrid for some reason?
Another thing about him is that he doesn't understand how the world works. He understands even less that some people aren't venal, he's used to let money get him everywhere, so this adventure he finds himself on shows him quite a few interesting facts about how people live.
He has a few issues, apart from the already mentioned ones. He has quite the... party problem. He loves parties. And he loves expensive beverages. Many of those. He has a new relationship every week, only two of his have ever lasted for longer, the one with Indigo and the one with Echo. He's been on meds ever since he was a child and not even he knows why exactly he has to take those... he will find that out later tho and it will be hella fun to write :)
Also he was born under the name Uranus (because his dad thought it was pretty) but he got bullied a lot for that because hell it has such good joke potential. He goes with Virgo as his nickname now. Theres still some joking about that but its... subtler.
I could go on for an eternity about these but I think you, whoever made it to the bottom of this post, get the picture. Thank you for reading all of this, I wanted to gush about these OCs for an eternity now!!
Part 1 (Ace, Berenger, Cassiopeia)
Part 2 (Echo, Indigo, Lorelei)
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Text
the only exception
Title: the only exception
Word Count: 4,549
Summary: College!AU, Musician!AU. Patton shows up to a music festival that Virgil—along with his twin brother, Roman—is headlining, hoping to surprise him. Turns out, it’s Virgil that surprises him first. Romantic Moxiety, brief background Logince. Song-fic.
Warnings: lots of fluff and softness and sappiness, mutual pining elements, declarations of love, description of crowds, cursing, discussion of anxiety, mention of anxiety attacks, kissing, Virgil “writes” a song that’s actually written irl by Paramore but ssshhh Paramore doesn’t exist in this AU, please let me know if I forgot anything.
A/N: Someone on tumblr once made a textpost that said “The Only Exception” was a Moxiety song, and weeks later I listened to it and realized they were right. And then I had this image in my head that wouldn’t go away for like. Months. And then eventually I decided to write this. It’s basically a song-fic. Crazy self-indulgent, heh. Also, I’ve never written Romantic Moxiety before, nor have I written a Patton-POV focused fic. So writing this was a whole boatload of new. I hope it turned out okay! Edited by yours truly, so all mistakes are mine.
You can listen to the song Virgil sings at the end here! 
Tags: @creativenostalgiastuff, @helloisthisusernametaken, @ren-allen, @quoth-the-sparrow, @princelogical, @random-pianist, @ravenclawicecream, @erlenmeyertrash, @milomeepit, @at-least-seven-pretty-potatoes, @rileyfirstname, @pinkeasteregg, @sassy-in-glasses, @vigilantvirgil, @generalfandomfabulousness, @lacrimosathedark, @thepoolofthedead, @monikastec, @heir-of-the-founders, @yourworstnightmare999, @artistictaurean, @kanejandkruge, @cdragontogacotar, @damienswifeolicitydallysgirl, @angst-patton, @savingshae, @noneed4thistbh, @awesomelissawho, @unikornavenger, @bopthesnoz, @spiralofsilencetheory, @finger-gunsss, @crownswriter123, @swlotakulady34, @gaylotusthatexists, @analogical-mess, @dolphidragon, @flix-net, @narniasfinestavengingsociopath, @friedlieb-ferdinand-runge, @bibbidy-bobbity-booyah, @procrastinations-my-middle-name, and also @randomslasher because moxiety! ^u^
Present. March. Junior Year.
Patton shoulders his way through the crowd as rock music blares loudly over the speakers. The late March air is cool, and the breeze tugs at the COLLEGE-PALOOZA MUSIC FEST banner hanging from the amphitheater’s stage. A few people he recognizes from his classes wave to him as they nod their head to the music. Patton slows as he finds a small gap in the crowd, not particularly keen on getting into the tightly packed mosh pit that had formed right in front of the stage.
The sun is beginning to set, casting the sky in a light purple hue. Perhaps ironically, it reminds Patton of the guy he’s actually here to see perform. Patton glances at the stage, but there’s no sign of him. He checks his phone for the time. The group was supposed to be on now, but perhaps he’d missed them already.
He looks at the guy beside him—leather jacket and sunglasses, holding a Starbucks cup—and asks over the music, “Which group is this?”
The guy takes a long swallow and then jerks his head towards the stage. “Planets Align. They had trouble getting the sound system working, so they’re running behind.”
Patton nods his understanding, smiles, and thanks him. Planets Align was scheduled to go on right before them, if the pamphlet he’d found on Virgil’s desk was anything to go by. He’d felt terrible at the time when he realized that the band Virgil had formed with his twin brother, Roman, would be headlining a music festival the same day Patton had already promised to help with a group project.
But the other members of his group canceled the meeting earlier today and rescheduled it for next week. So Patton really didn’t see any reason why he couldn’t come support Virgil. And if he maybe didn’t tell Virge in the hopes of being able to surprise him… well.
Besides, he had a feeling Virgil could use a nice surprise. He’d seemed really nervous about the festival when Patton was talking to him about it when he found the pamphlet. Virgil often seemed nervous, but… more nervous than even Virgil’s normal.
Patton smiles a bit to himself when he remembers when they first met.
September. Sophomore year.
“For the purposes of this research presentation, I will allow you to choose partners. We will need one group of three, but that certainly seems manageable.”
Patton glances around the stuffy lecture hall. It was only the third time the class had met, so Patton hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to many of his classmates yet. On top of that, it was a pretty big class. Patton had a feeling that he wouldn’t know everybody even by the end of the year. The professor waves her hand to indicate that they should select a partner and begin discussing the project.
Chatter rose up—most people leaning over towards people they were sitting next to, a few calling to friends across the room—and there was shuffling movement and the scraping of chairs as students milled about to find a research partner. Then Patton caught sight of a black and purple hoodie in the back row.
What was his name? Patton couldn’t remember, despite the ice breaker during their first class. He does remember the snort the guy had released when Patton had made a pun about his name when introducing himself. He also remembers the way he’d immediately ducked his head a second later when Patton grinned at him.
Patton gathers his things and squeezes through his classmates. “Hey,” he says. The guy in the hoodie looks up, seeming startled. “Wanna be partners?”
The guy blinks at him, then shifts in his seat and motions to the empty chair on the other side of his desk. “Uh, yeah. Sure.”
“I’m Patton, by the way.”
“Virgil. What, uh, what are you studying?”
Patton pulls his laptop out of his bag. “Oh! I’m an early education major. What about you?” As he asks, Patton casts a quick glance at the laptop in front of Virgil and notices the stickers on it: SANDERS in messy black scrawl, a thundercloud with a bolt of lightning, a small circle with a paint-smear style gay pride flag, and a few music notes.
“Graphic design with a minor in music,” he replies. Patton notices him glancing at the buttons on Patton’s backpack that he threw in the empty chair beside him—some about cats, some about dogs, a heart with glasses that he thought was cute, and a pride pin from last year’s Pride week.
“That’s pretty cool. You play music?”
Virgil lifts a shoulder. “With my brother, mostly.”
“Wow. That’s… really awesome,” Patton says, sincerely impressed. He’d always loved music, but really only dabbled in the ukulele. He’d always thought musicians were cool: having skills like that took a lot of work, and a lot of dedication. That seemed pretty admirable to Patton.
Virgil smirks. “If you say so.”
“I do. I mean it.” For a fleeting moment, Virgil looks taken aback by the insistence in Patton’s voice. “What do you play?”
Present.
“Roman is totally the hot one,” Patton hears a girl behind him say to her friends.
“Elliot thinks he has a crush on Logan Berry, you know.”
“He’s gay?” The girl sounds surprised, but not hostile.
“Ace, I think. Panromantic, if the stickers on his laptop are anything to go by.” Patton recognizes that voice as one of the girls in the LGBTQ+ club that Patton was secretary for.
“You have class with him?”
“We had English 100 together freshman year. Elliot’s in class with him and Logan, though, and says they want to gag literally any time the two so much as talk to each other.”
Patton grins to himself. Subtlety when he had a crush had never really been Roman’s strong suit. That was another place where Virgil was markedly different from his twin brother. Both Roman and Virgil had ways of keeping their distance from others, but where Roman put up a front of fearlessness and confidence and friendliness… Virgil seemed more likely to withdraw into himself.
Patton had learned that, and many other things about Virgil, slowly as meetings for the research project gradually developed into hanging out regularly and casually. Patton picked up on things about Virgil relatively quickly. He gets quiet and irritable when he’s actually anxious about something. He tends to catastrophize, especially when it comes to academics. He hasn’t yet learned how to accept compliments—something Patton didn’t let deter him from giving them. He hopes that the more he’s able to expose Virgil to them, the easier it will eventually get for him to accept them.
Patton learned that Virgil is fiercely protective, too. The fastest way for Virgil to overcome his anxiety about a situation is usually when it’s related to someone he cares about. He still remembers the fire that had alighted in his eyes when someone had started harassing Roman when he, Patton, Roman, and Logan had been heading back from a party on a Friday night a couple of months ago. Logan had been the one to diffuse that particular situation, but Patton hadn’t missed the way Virgil hovered closer to his brother and looked ready to fight when he’d seen the shaken look in Roman’s eyes.
But then there were the softer moments from Virgil, too. The fleeting moments when Patton saw something gentle and relaxed from him that a secret part of Patton liked to believe were just for him. They were a sign of trust from Virgil, and Patton had always cherished that trust precisely because it was so rare.
   …
April. Sophomore year.
“What time is it?” Virgil asks with a yawn. He’s sitting on the floor of his dorm, his guitar in his hands. His back is leaned up against the drawers of his desk. Patton sits on the floor across from him with his back against the cinderblock wall and his legs stretched out in front of him.
Patton digs his phone out of his pocket and checks. “Almost 1 in the morning.”
Virgil nods and strums a few chords softly. “You’re welcome to stick around, Patton, but… y’know. It’s chill if you’d rather go home.”
Patton shakes his head “I like it here,” he says. For reasons he is still figuring out, there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.
Patton watches him; he watches the way Virgil’s bangs fall in a soft sweep across his face, the dark eyeshadow smudged under his eyes, the slight parting of his lips as he mouths unheard lyrics. He always loves watching Virgil play guitar. There’s something about watching him hold the light brown acoustic instrument—like it steadies him, like it’s a shield that protects him—that Patton can’t help but love. Virgil seems to… breathe easier when he has a guitar in his hands.
“Virgil? Can I ask you something?” Patton says suddenly.
Virgil glances quickly at him, then back down at the guitar in his hands. Avoiding his eyes. “Yeah. Sure.” His voice sounds oddly tight to Patton.
“Why do you play music?”
The question seems to catch him off guard. Virgil stops short for a moment, glancing back up at Patton. His hands still against the instrument, his eyes flit away in thought.
Then—to Patton’s surprise—he sets the guitar aside.
“It… gives me a space where I can… connect, I guess?” He rubs the back of his head, glancing at Patton as if unsure whether or not his own words made sense.
“Connect?”
“Well,” Virgil pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his chin on top of them, “Yeah. I’ve never been good at… at the whole…” He waves a hand and sighs. “At the whole ‘words’ thing that’s required for making friends or helping someone or… whatever. I’m always afraid I’m gonna say the wrong thing, or make them feel awkward, or… shit, I don’t know. But music is different. It…” He huffs a frustrated sigh as the words escape him. Then he tosses Patton a wry smile. “See what I mean? Words aren’t really my thing. Music is different, though.”
Patton nods. He glances around at the MCR and Dear Evan Hansen poster on walls of Virgil’s side of the room. “I think I get it. Music lets you speak from where you are emotionally at a given moment, and people can come to you—or your music—to find that connection and community. It… lets you express yourself, and by doing that, lets you connect to other people.”
When Patton looks back at Virgil, he’s looking at him with something like disbelief. But there’s a softness and light in his eyes that makes Patton’s stomach flutter. “Yeah,” Virgil says eventually. “Exactly.” Patton meets his gaze with a small smile, even as he feels suddenly like Virgil can see all the parts of himself that he wants to hide.
The corner of Virgil’s mouth quirks slightly and he digs a small purple leather notepad out of his back pocket. He grabs a pen from the top of his desk and scribbles something down.
“Whatcha writing?” Patton asks curiously.
Virgil folds it and slips it back into his pocket. “Nothing, Pat.” He still has that soft kind of smile and look in his eyes even as he grabs his guitar and pulls it back into his lap.
Present.
“Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Planets Align!” The emcee shouts into the mic as he runs on stage and the band waves as they exit to the cheers of the crowd. Patton applauds them and briefly considers moving closer to the stage before deciding against it. He’d never done well with tight crowds.
The sun has dipped below the horizon now, the sky darkening quickly. The lights from the stage bleed out onto the grass clearing, providing some lighting of the crowd itself as well. The air is a bit colder now, but Patton doesn’t mind. Besides, all the people around him moving and dancing have helped keep it from getting too cold anyway.
“Next up, the ones you’ve all been waiting for. Let’s hear it for… SANDERS!”
Patton lets out a cheer as the crowd screams. He sees Virgil’s twin brother—though you’d never know it from how differently they do make up and their hair—run on stage with his arms up to encourage the crowd’s response. The cheers get louder, and Roman grins and strikes a hero pose. He’s energized. Patton smiles at his evident excitement.
Virgil follows behind him, an electric guitar strapped to his back. Even from his distance from the stage, Patton can see him shaking his head at his brother’s antics. He gives a small, appreciative wave to the crowd. His eyes scan it, and a part of Patton can’t help but wonder if he’s looking for him someone.
Reasoning, though, reminds him that Virgil said he always tries to get a feel for the size of a crowd when he goes out on stage at a venue for the first time. It had started as a nervous thing—how many people might see me fail?—but as Virgil’s confidence in performing grew, it had mostly just become a habit.
“What is UP, everybody?” Roman says into the mic. He’s wearing a bright red leather jacket with a white shirt underneath, shiny gold skinny jeans, and red high top converse. “We’re so glad you could come out tonight. How about this awesome weather, yeah?”
More cheers. Patton watches as Virgil pulls the guitar from around his back with a smile. He’s in his familiar hoodie, purple shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, and his black sneakers with purple laces. At first glance, he doesn’t seem too nervous—Patton had long ago gotten in the habit of glancing at him to check if he’s okay when he knows Virgil might be getting anxious—but it’s hard to tell from this distance.
“My brother, Virgil, and I thought we’d kick things off with an original song. How’s that sound, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals?”  There’s louder cheering, and the two of them waste no time starting a song that Patton remembers from previous concerts of theirs he’d attended.
November. Junior Year.
Patton’s phone dings while he’s eating lunch in the student union and flipping through an education textbook to study for his quiz tomorrow on Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development. Exams are quickly approaching, and Patton had always struggled to remember theorists’ names for some reason.
It’s a text from Roman. Is V with you?
Patton frowns and types back quickly. No. It’s Tuesday. Then he sends a second text. Why?
The student union is bustling with students breezing through to grab lunch before rushing off to the library or their class. Groups are clustered around tables to hash out the details of final projects as their deadlines approach in the next week or two. Exhausted English majors slump over their stale coffee cups and computers as they edit their final paper for the eighth time. Engineering students running on caffeine and spite chug another energy drink before hurrying off to the lab building. A couple others that Patton can see are watching Netflix in a desperate attempt to give themselves a break before plunging back into the grind of end-of-the-semester assignments.
Roman’s reply comes almost immediately. He sent me a single letter text which usually means he’s freaking out but idek where he is
Patton stands up and forgets his half-eaten sandwich, dropping it in the compost bin as he slings his backpack over his shoulder and hurries out of the building. Have you tried calling him?  He texts quickly.
R: Yeah. No response… just lemme know if you see him or if he texts you or something ok
Patton rolls his eyes. As if he’s just going to go about his day and not try to help. Especially if V might be freaking out. We’ll find him, Roman. You check the science center and I’ll check the music floor of Stokes Hall.
R: ok.
R: Thanks
Patton turns his ringer on at full volume and braces against the cold air as he hurries to the building beside the Student Union. The November air is biting. Students bustle with their noses tucked into their scarves and red fingers curled around coffee cups. There was no snow on the ground, but the grass still crunches under Patton’s shoes as he hurries across the quad towards Stokes Hall. His light blue beanie is pulled low over his light brown hair.
He’s wishing he had a scarf to hide his nose in—instead opting to try to tuck it into the sleeves of the sweatshirt tied around his shoulders—when he walks straight into someone.
“Shit! I’m so sorry—”
“Virgil?” Patton asks, immediately recognizing the voice. He looks up, and Virgil seems frozen for a moment. It only takes Patton a second to realize that his eyes are red and sunken slightly. His usual sweep of hair is a disheveled mess under the hood of his sweatshirt that engulfs his frame.
If Patton’s being honest, he looks… rough. Concern twists in Patton’s chest.
“I’m so sorry, Patton. I’m an idiot, I just wasn’t watching where—”
“Hey, it’s all good, Virge,” Patton says, quickly but sincerely. He places his hands on Virgil’s shoulder to anchor him. “Breathe.”
Virgil laughs but it’s humorless and shrugs out from under his grip. Patton frowns. “I’m fine. I know I look like a mess, but really. It’s fine now. I was just. Um. Coming outside for some air.”
Patton considers the deflection and decides to meet Virgil half-way. “I could use some too.”
“You don’t have to do that—”
“Honest, V. The cold air is kind of nice.” Patton slips his phone out of his pocket and sends a quick text to Roman. Got him. He offers a small, reassuring smile to Virgil.“ You wanna take a seat?”
Virgil meets his gaze, then glances away. He seems to think about it for a moment, then relents with a slight sag to his shoulders. “Sure. Fine.”
Patton wanders over to a bench across the pathway and takes a seat. He looks around as students rush quickly towards their classes, smiling brightly as a service dog trots dutifully beside his owner and pushes the button to open the door as the student hurries inside. He intentionally keeps his gaze from lingering on Virgil, even as he hesitates before sitting beside him.
Virgil waits until most of the students have rushed off before breaking the silence between them. “You aren’t going to ask?”
Patton glances over at him. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, and you seemed reluctant to talk about it…. Should I ask?”
“No. Yes?” Virgil groans, zipping up his hoodie against the chilly air. “It wasn’t anything like. That bad. Y’know? I just get… anxiety attacks sometimes, and sometimes they get…” He trails off. Patton senses more than sees the way Virgil glances quickly at him. “Anyway. I’m fine now.”
Patton isn’t sure what to say. He’d known for a long time now that Virgil struggled with anxiety. That Virgil had anxiety attacks doesn’t exactly surprise him, and it definitely isn’t off-putting or anything of the sort. But Patton hates the way Virgil keeps trying to deflect… something. Judgement. Concern. Patton suddenly and fiercely wishes Virgil would just let someone care about him. Let someone love him.
Patton thinks maybe he already does.
“Virgil….” Patton says softly, looking at his hands folded between his knees, “It’s okay. You know that, right? You can talk to me about it. And I’m not gonna judge you or think you’re weird or that there’s anything wrong with you.”
“I… I’m fine.”
Patton lifts a shoulder. “Okay. But… it’s okay if you aren’t, too. And either way… you’re definitely not alone. You know? You know Roman’s there for you, but… but I am too. I care about you.”
In his peripheral, he sees Virgil look at him. “Patton—”
“There you guys are!” Roman exclaims as he jogs up to the two of them. Patton smiles at Virgil—who looks, for all the world, like the ground has shifted underneath him.
Patton wants to ask him why. He never does.
Present.
SANDERS has played through five songs, which means they’re nearing the end of their set. Patton is beaming. Virgil and Roman play off each other so well, and their music seems to be a blend of both of them in a way. They balance each other on stage. They’re fun to watch. Patton can’t help but think, though he may be biased, that if they really wanted to… they could make a career out of it.
But then they do something that surprises Patton, and apparently everyone else too from the way the crowd starts to murmur.
Virgil trades out his electric guitar for his light brown acoustic one. Roman grabs a wooden stool from one of the wings and sets it in the middle of the stage. Virgil adjusts the strap of the guitar around his shoulders, nodding his thanks to Roman.
“So I hope you all don’t mind if we close out with something a little different than our usual pace,” Virgil is saying into the wireless mic attached to him. “But I lost a bet against Roman, and that means I gotta do this.”
“If I lost I was gonna have to wear jorts for this concert. You all should be thanking me,” Roman quips back through his own mic. There’s a chuckle from Virgil as well as the crowd.
“Yeah, well. This is a song I wrote over the course of… probably about a year. It’s about someone very… important to me. He couldn’t be here tonight, but… he’s pretty great. Anyway, it’s a little different, so uh.” Even under the stage lights, Patton thinks he can see Virgil flushing slightly. “I hope you all like it.”
Virgil starts strumming and all Patton can do is watch him, transfixed by the sound of an acoustic guitar and the sight of Virgil under a spotlight on stage. It’s a much softer song already than any other song in their entire set. Virgil ducks his head slightly, his black sneaker tapping out the ¾ meter. And then Virgil starts to sing.
“When I was younger I saw my daddy cry, and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it.
And my momma swore that she would never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised I’d never sing of love if it does not exist.
But darlin’ you are the only exception. You are the only exception…”
As Virgil sings, Patton can’t help but feel rooted to the spot. Virgil sitting and playing his acoustic guitar reminds Patton suddenly of that moment again back in Virgil’s dorm room. That moment of honesty and openness from him that always felt so rare. Patton feels like he’s experiencing that again, despite the crowd and the spotlights. Because this is not performance-Virgil, this is just…. Virgil. At his most honest. At his mot exposed. And it’s breathtaking.
Patton doesn’t even fully realize that he’s moving closer to the stage until he almost trips over a girl that’s swaying and holding her phone with a flashlight up in the air.
Virgil breaks into the second verse, and Patton feels his stomach fluttering all over again at the sound of his voice.
“Well maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts.
And we’ve got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face.
And I’ve always lived like this. Keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I’m content with loneliness,
‘Cuz none of it was ever worth the risk.
Well you are the only exception. You are the only exception…”
And a part of Patton—a part he’s afraid to admit to—suddenly starts to grow insistent with the realization that he might be really, truly, unequivocally in love with the person singing on the stage in this moment. The one with his bangs falling into eyes that had always looked to Patton to be a little bit afraid and a lot brave.
This song, this moment, is no exception to that. Music, for Virgil, had always started from some place deeply personal. It is what allows him to connect to others, after all. And Patton doesn’t know if the song is about him, but he wants it to be. Because that deeply personal space that Virgil is singing from resonates with Patton in a way that leaves only one thought repeating in his head. I love you, I love you, I love you.
Almost as if he hears the thought itself, Virgil looks up and starts scanning the crowd again as he reaches the bridge.
“I’ve got a tight grip on reality  
But I can’t let go of what’s in front of me here.” He’s scanning, scanning, scanning…
“I know you’re leaving in the morning. When you wake up,
Leave me with some kind of proof it’s not a dream. Oh…”
And then his eyes settle squarely on Patton, and Patton swears he hears the very faint catch of Virgil’s breath through the mic.
Patton gives him a small, faint smile. There’s a brief moment where uncertainty flickers through Virgil’s dark eyes, and then something sets firmly in them. As if he’s made some kind of split-second decision. Virgil stands up from the stool and starts making his way towards the stage stairs, continuing to play and sing as he does so.
“You are the only exception. You are the only exception….”
Patton loses sight of him as he steps down to ground level, the crowd blocking his view. But Virgil keeps singing that line over and over, you are the only exception, as if imploring Patton to hear it and understand it and know it is meant for him. As if perhaps Virgil has to repeat it himself to fully believe in its truth, but each time he sings it, Patton can hear the conviction growing. Far ahead of him, Patton can see people shifting around in the mosh pit in front of him.
Patton doesn’t move. He doesn’t think he knows how to.
And then through the crowd of people in front of him steps Virgil, still playing. Still singing. And Patton can’t help but notice his eyes look wide and scared and vulnerable—but unwavering—as he sings the final line.
“But I’m on my way to believing…”
He plays the final chord and stands there, looking up at Patton. He’s so close. The guitar and a few inches is all that separates them. Patton swallows past the lump in his throat and brings a hand up to cup Virgil’s jaw before leaning his forehead against Virgil’s and whispering.
“Can I kiss you?”
His eyes are closed, so he doesn’t see Virgil’s relieved, crooked grin. But he feels it when Virgil presses his lips to his own.
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some-mad-lunge · 5 years
Text
What Might Have Been - Malex Fic
Alex leaves Roswell the day after his and Michael’s almost kiss. He comes back for his high school reunion and realizes some things never change, like the way a certain curly haired boy makes him feel. (Malex AU)
This is for @fraudulentzodiacs​ to make her smile. You are loved darling.
***************************
You can’t go home again, isn’t that what they say? What they should say is don’t go home again. Alex Manes had made that vital mistake, gone home and he regretted it. Why? Because he was sitting in a rented luxury SUV, AC running as he tried to pump himself up enough to get out of the damn car.
He’d had his reasons for wanting to show up his 10 year high school reunion but he couldn’t remember them right now.
Well two reasons actually, only two and he did remember them.
First, to throw a John Hughes style middle finger to the four years of hell he’d had within those walls and the people who’d made it that way.
The second? To lay eyes one more time on the boy that was the only reason those same years were even slightly bearable.
Alex wasn’t usually nostalgic, which was ironic given that he was a songwriter. He was paid large amounts of money to make melodies and prose into art, to make people feel something. It didn’t mean he always saw the beauty in the sunset or in the healing of a broken heart. It didn’t mean he looked backwards at all. He normally avoided it at all costs.
It just happened that his invitation to the reunion had arrived less than 48 hours after his interview with Rolling Stone. He’d been picked, along with nine other songwriters, to be a part of their “Voices Of A Generation” issue. It was a tremendous honour and a validation he’d never known he’d needed until he had it.
It didn’t matter that he had two Grammy’s, countless other awards and chart topping hits. It didn’t matter that he had Beyoncé’s and Taylor Swift’s personal numbers saved in his cell phone. It didn’t matter that he had a house in Malibu and an apartment in Manhattan. It didn’t matter what anyone in Roswell thought about him then or what they thought now, especially not Alex’s father.
No, what mattered was that he'd been chosen by Rolling Stone to represent the voice of the very people who had shunned him back in the day. They had tried to make him hate who he was and had failed miserably in their attempts.
Now they listened to his message, they sang along to his lyrics and that was a fuck you very much he wasn’t going to turn down delivering.
But none of it, not one single bit of it, would have been possible without Michael Guerin.
Alex could still remember it like it was yesterday, Michael’s lips, Michael’s eyes. Warm breath on Alex’s face and the moment of finally before it was gone and the soul crushing love of his life had pulled away before it could even begin. Instead it ended and so did any reason to hang on.
If that hadn’t happened Alex wouldn’t have packed his bags that night. He wouldn't have taken out all his savings, bought a bus ticket and gotten out of New Mexico before anyone knew he was gone. He wouldn’t have sat staring out the window as the dessert went by, not bothering to hide his tears as he wrote “Cosmic Love” in his spiral notebook.
It was a song about a love that you can run from but never leave behind. The kind of love that is everywhere and in everything, that sustains you just as much as it makes you bleed. A love that only two people could understand. The love Alex had always felt for Michael.
The lyrics had flowed out of him in one go, the notes he played the first time at a rest stop under a flickering light at 2:00am.
A song that less than a year later made the gay teenage outcast of Roswell a force to be reckoned with.
If Michael hadn’t taken away Alex’s only reason to stay, he never would have left. Alex felt like he owed Michael somehow for crushing his heart.
It hadn’t been that easy of course, but for once luck had been on Alex’s side. Los Angeles had been the escape he’d always dreamed of. He met people like himself, the outcasts, the freaks and the artists. He’d met boys, and men, unashamed to look him up and down, desire him. He’d been allowed to kiss in coffee shops and hold someone’s hand at the beach. He’d sat in the sand and played his guitar in between shifts at the souvenir kiosk where he’d gotten a job.
He’d been in LA six months when he’d met Jason. Alex strummed his guitar, black polish chipping off his nails, hard cement of the boardwalk under him. Jason, who had a voice like honey, sat beside him out of the blue one day and started singing along. Jason, who instantly became his best friend, and then shortly after became Jason Rast.
Cosmic Love had been Jason’s first single off his debut album, and it changed both of their lives.
Alex Manes might write the voice of a generation but Jason Rast sang it, gave it life. He was the epitome of a rock star with a heart of gold. Fame hadn’t changed him, or their friendship. Or how much he liked to text.
Jason - Have you seen him yet? Did he get fat? I bet he got fat.
Alex - I’m hiding in the parking lot.
Jason - You know you have two Grammy’s right? Fuck those people.
Alex - Why did I want to do this again?
Jason- Do you want me to send a jet to come get you? We could go to Vegas. Adam Levine is there, he always throws a good bender.
Alex - You hate Levine.
Jason - Everyone hates him. It’s like a rule.
Alex - No. I’m going to do this. I can do this.
Jason - MY MAN!
Jason - Let me know if he got fat.
Alex pulled himself out of the car, smoothed the front of his button down shirt. He could have gone full celebrity and worn something designer. That was probably what everyone was expecting of him but it didn’t mean that’s who Alex was. Sure his jeans were probably too expensive by most people’s standards but they made his ass look amazing. He did have to face the unrequited love of his life after all.
He walked through the parking lot filled with cars but void of people. He could hear the music coming from the open gym doors, the muffled voices of his past. The sun was starting to set, casting everything in moody pinks and reds.
For some reason he headed towards the football field. Not that Alex had ever played the sport or even gone to a game unless dragged there. No, he’d spent his time under the bleachers playing his guitar or smoking a cigarette when he should have been in class pretending anyone at home gave a shit about him.
Alex had perfected being moody and pissed about the unfairness of life as a teenager. It had been warranted but it was still a damn cliche.
He finally stopped with his hands in his pockets, took in the spot he’d sat with Maria or Liz, sometimes even Michael, but mostly alone. Just him and his guitar. This place seemed bigger back then, the whole world had.
“Looks exactly the same doesn’t it?” The voice from behind Alex didn’t make him jump, it never had. Instead it slide over him like a caress, heat and smoke, easy to fall into if he wanted. He took a deep breath and looked over his shoulder.
Time had been good to Michael Guerin. Correction, time had been sucking Michael Guerin’s dick and thanking him for the pleasure. He looked like sex personified, low slung jeans and curls that Alex still wished he had felt against his fingers just one time.
Michael was a little older, a little rougher around the edges but he still made a shiver go up Alex’s spine. It was like being 18 all over again.
“Of all the things I expect to change in this world Roswell isn’t one of them.” Alex smiled through the words. It was Michael and even when breaking Alex’s heart he was still the best thing about this God awful town.
He got a grin back, Michael walking forward so Alex can meet him in the handshake/half hug that seems to be the straight man staple. He felt breath on his cheek for a second so it was worth it.
“I can’t believe you came.” Michael seemed genuinely happy to see Alex, which he had to admit surprised him.
“Me neither.” He’s a liar but no one needs to know that.
“FYI, Isobel has your Rolling Stones cover up on the “Alumni Wall Of Fame.” It’s right next to Marcus Boyle’s USDGC gold medal.”
“USDGC?”
“United States Disc Golf Championship.”
Alex can’t stop the punch of laughter that escapes. Michael always did that to him, made him feel without fear. Alex could laugh or he could cry but it was easy, and it was safe.
“Is the medal in the shape of a frisbee?” Alex can’t help but meet Michael’s eyes, fascinated that they are exactly the same as he remembers them. Exactly like he still dreamed about most nights.
“No, but now that I think about it that is clearly a gross oversight.”
They stand side by side, their snorts of laughter fading into comfortable silence. Their kind of comfortable, with a pop of electricity that snapped between them. Alex would never forget how devastated he’d been when he realized he was the only one that had ever felt it.
He kind of wants to go back in time and give 18 year old Alex a hug. At 28 he’s unsure how to handle this feeling, 10 years ago must have been terrifying. He doesn’t remember it that way. Michael had never scared him, Michael had fascinated him.
“Should we head in?” Alex turned to the gym, as ready as he’d ever be to face the masses, but a hand on his arm stopped him. The fingers are so hot Alex wasn’t sure how he didn’t catch on fire. He had to fight the part of him that just wanted to press those hands to his bare skin and burn alive.
“Or we could hide under the bleachers with the cooler of beer I put there just in case.” Michael’s smile is small, and if Alex has read it right, a little bit unsure. A peace offering? Which was ridiculous, it wasn’t Michael’s fault that he hadn’t felt the way Alex always did.
No, it wasn’t anyone’s fault that Alex had spent most of his life continuously falling for Michael Guerin.
Alex had been so heartbroken he hadn’t realized when he’d run away he wasn’t the only one who had lost something. Michael had been Alex’s ideal, but Alex had been Michael’s friend. One of the choice few. For a moment he was ashamed of himself. But Alex had done what he needed to do for his own survival back then. He shouldn’t regret it now, but seeing Michael’s face, a part of him did. Alex owed him, even if it would probably smash his heart all over again.
“Lead the way cowboy.”
They ducked under metal bars and squeezed through small openings to get to Alex’s favourite hideaway. It was perfectly hidden, right where two sets of bleachers met in a corner. There were two blankets and cooler with a black cowboy hat perched on top. As Michael sat Alex pulled out his phone, took a picture of the initials he’d scrawled in black sharpie back in the day.
AM WAS HERE/QUEER.
There’s other initials now, some with the same message as his. It makes him feel connected to the kids who came after. The ones who hid here just like he had. He wonders if he’d helped anyone feel less alone.
Alex suddenly feels suffocated by Michael’s gaze, like it’s running the length of him in a slow trail. He’s imagining it, he knows he is, but he lets himself.
Finally he sits across from Michael, his legs tucked as comfortably as he can on the blanket left for him. He gladly takes the beer bottle handed his way, sighs after a long sip.
“So Guerin, do anything interesting in the last 10 years?”
And yeah, Michael’s laugh still sends Alex’s stomach into somersaults. Some things just never changed.
*********
They’re three beers in, the initial awkwardness gone. Their legs are spread out in front of them, Alex is mesmerized by the warmth of Michael’s thigh against his calf. It makes him want what he can’t have, but it’s a feeling he’s used to.
Alex is surprised that Michael never left Roswell, never went to university like he planned. He’s cagey on the details so Alex doesn’t push. Guerin doesn’t seem unhappy but he’s also not content. There’s something missing in his life. Alex can tell. They were always the same, the two of them.
They keep it light and easy. Alex shares stories of LA and the lack of glamor. How he enjoys fame without actually being famous enough to be recognized on the street. He’ll be the first to admit his life isn’t as exciting as people think.
Michael catches him up on Roswell and how much everything is basically exactly the same.
“I was sad to find out the museum closed, I thought I would check and see if they had any new displays.” Alex meant it as a joke but he watches something akin to pain flash in Michael’s eyes. Maybe it’s the shadows from the flood lights, or maybe…
“Michael?!” Alex would know that voice anywhere, Isobel Evans on the warpath. The beer had made him loose, or maybe it’s the insanity of the situation but he can’t help himself. He starts to giggle.
Michael shushes him but it’s no use, Alex can hear the click of Isobel’s heels as they come closer. He can’t stop, he just keeps imaging the blonde princess’s face if she discovers them. That is until Michael reaches forward, one hand to the back of Alex neck and the other to cover his giggling mouth.
He freezes, because suddenly he’s overcome with the warmth surrounding him. The fizz in his stomach now a full blown tornado and the sensation of fingers softly digging into his skin. Michael’s eyes are locked with his, and the world just melts away. He doesn’t know if Isobel has left. He doesn’t know if he’s dreaming but he can’t help himself. That was always his problem. His heart has a mind of its own and it’s always said one thing over and over again.
Michael.
He does the most insane and yet natural thing before he can think better of it, and presses his lips to Michael’s palm in a soft kiss. He does it selfishly, for himself. So Alex can say once, just once, that he got to.
Michael’s eyes soften, his hand gone from Alex’s mouth. Instead it palms Alex’s cheek, a calloused thumb ghosting against his mouth. The moan it brings out of him, Alex would be ashamed of it wasn’t the most honest sound he’s ever made.
It’s there, that flash of heat in Michael’s eyes. The one Alex always thought he’d imagined. It’s real this time and it’s everything he remembers.
They meet in the middle, wet and open from the start. Michael’s tongue a direct shock to his dick, already hard and wanting. Alex wants to weep when he finally gets to slide his fingers into that hair, feel the curls catch and release. He tastes like beer and every good memory Alex ever had.
Michael’s hands are greedy and they’re everywhere. Alex feels the imprint of them long after they slide from his shoulders to his waist, a hard tug as they fist into his shirt. Somehow he’s dragged into Michael’s lap, the earth hard on his knees as he grinds down. It makes Alex whimper, he has to lose those lips to gasp for breath and hold on.
Michael’s arms are holding him so tight, a hand sliding up under his shirt, teeth scraping against his neck. It makes his hips move faster, chasing something he can’t even name. They’re rhythm and Michael’s quick movements are going to end him.
Warm lips drag a path to his ear, breath heavy and wanton. “Always knew it would be like this.”
It sends shockwaves through Alex, digs in deep, the reality that he hadn’t been the only one all those years ago. That he isn’t the only one currently drowning now.
“Michael…”
He’s grasped tighter, held fast and whatever he was about to say disappears. They’re lined up perfectly and Alex has never hated denim more in his life. He wants to slow this down, take his time. He wants to imprint everything to memory, horde it for the lonely nights that are sure to follow. Michael won’t let him, maybe he can’t. It doesn’t matter, not anymore.
Alex needs to kiss him again, so he does. They’re too out of breath, too keyed up. They’re just panting into each other’s mouths and lighting the world on fire. It’s all happening so fast, years of feeling focused into right here and right now.
He’s so close, he’s so fucking close to dying and he can’t get their soon enough. Michael bites Alex’s bottom lip, pain and pleasure and everything in between. He forces his gaze to stay on Michael’s face, that fierce look of possession mixed with awe. Every dream Alex ever had paled in comparison to the real thing.
“Come on baby. I’ve waited a decade for this, don’t deny me now.”
That’s all it takes, the demand in Michael’s words and what they really mean. It’s pulled out of Alex, like a gut punch of galaxies, the burn of the sun. He’s not alone, he feels all of it. Michael’s pleasure, his own eternity and bliss, quakes with it in every nerve ending.
Finally he floats back down, weightless and perfect. His arms still wrapped around Michael, his face pressed into soft flannel. He never wants to let go. Hands are still clutched into his skin. Unheard words are whispered into his shoulder. Alex just tries to relearn how to breathe.
It’s fingers on his face that finally has him moving again, their foreheads pressed together.
“What the fuck was that?” Alex kisses it into Michael’s mouth, in awe of how much he still wants him. How much he always has, how much he always will.
Michael pulls back, runs his thumbs over Alex’s cheeks. His eyes are bright and brilliant, his voice clearer than it has any right to be.
“Cosmic Love.”
Alex stills for a second, has to close his own eyes from what it makes him feel. He never thought Michael would know the song was about him. He should of, of course he should have, who else could it have ever been?
“I went looking for you the next day. Searched everywhere. If I could go back...” Michael’s looking at him like he used to, another thing Alex hadn’t imagined after all. “I knew you’d leave Alex, but you were always supposed to take me with you.”
Alex sees it all in Michael's eyes, all the loneliness and pain of the past reflected back at him. So much regret it breaks his heart all over again. Only this time, this time Alex gets to do it right.
“How quickly can you pack?” He means it, God does Alex mean it. Presses his lips all over Michael’s face, soft and sweet. Years of love he finally gets to show, to give to the boy who helped Alex survive. Now the man he still feels every bit of it for.
Michael stops his caresses, something shutters in his eyes and it hurts. Alex feels the world start to cave in. He tries to pull away, because he can’t lose this again. Not after what they just shared, he won’t survive it.
“No, don’t.” Michael holds fast, searches Alex’s face. “I just need to tell you something first. It might...it could change things.”
“It won’t.” Alex knows it couldn’t.
“Alex…”
He runs his fingers through curls, revels in finally being allowed to.
“I promise you, it won’t.”
They’re still pressed together under the bleachers when Alex learns the truth. It should shock him, it should scare him. It doesn’t, not even a little. He just listens and he believes and none of it matters.
It’s Michael and him, it’s them and what they’ve always been. It’s cosmic, and now Alex knows why.
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iwasbornobsessed · 4 years
Text
The Jericho Four~Harry Potter AU
~Hogwarts Houses~
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Some headcanons + Moodboards:
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Markus:
Captain of the Gryffindor Qudditch team.
He’s a Chaser.
Likes wearing flannel shirts.
Because’s he’s gay.
For Simon.
Always gets the newest broom that comes out.
Talks about qudditch waayy too much.
Is practically a big soft jock.
Sticks up for the underdog.
Despite his fierce passion for Qudditch he loves his painting (obvi).
Care free spirit.
Leader material.
Most of the girls still have a crush on him even though he’s openly gay. Makes the straight guys question themselves sometimes.
Was once dared to do a strip tease for the whole Qudditch team during a rather rowdy party one time in his sixth year.
The team couldn’t look him in the eye for a solid two weeks without blushing terribly and running off.
Sometimes runs into situations without thinking.
People think his heterochromia is pretty.
Pretty much the only ‘hetero’ thing about him.
Is quite good at Divination.
Is quite good at most things.
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Josh:
Bookworm through and through and proud of it.
Helps everyone with their homework.
But kinda ends up doing it all himself without really thinking.
The people he helps take full advantage.
Both parties end up getting in trouble once teachers find 20 different essays with the same hand writing as THE star student that gets top marks in every class.
A first year cannot already know this much about dragon scales and write a detailed paragraph in an already six page long essay.
Is good at debating about literally anything.
Once had a debate about wether or not pink and white marshmallows tasted the same or different.
It was quite lengthy and people actually watched and participated in said debate.
Loves mineral crystals/rocks.
Has a nice collection in his dorm.
Head boy for Ravenclaw
Ace asf!
Books are his life tbh.
A few people still have small crushes on him though because he’s a cutey.
Has daily arguments with North.
Doesn’t matter what it is they will have a spat.
But their still good friends though.
They have competitions to see who can start the most arguments in a week.
Gives the teachers headaches.
Someone is always randomly appointed to keep score.
Once that person is found, said person then has to follow the pair around to keep track of the many quarrels.
A third year was once found hiding in a corner of a fifth year potions class with a piece of parchment clutched in their hands keeping score.
Josh and North had the most lengthy arguments in that class that day.
The third year was proud to be keeping score.
Dedication.
Josh will come at you with random facts and information out of the blue because that’s him.
Will hound you if you don’t do your work.
Stylish motherfucker.
Rocks the Crew-neck-over-collared-shirt look.
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North:
The bomb at potions.
Can literally make a potion to a fucking T.
Swears like the pettiest sailor you’ve ever met.
If she’s lost an argument with Josh,she’ll make up some rumour to say she won.(Josh does not appreciate these rumours).
Fucking owns fishnet stockings.
Is a bi queen, but has too many crushes on girls to notice guys exist. Has probably had a crush on like 2 guys in her lifetime.
Firewhiskey is the way to go!!
Whips people in the face with her hair, but claims it’s an accident and that her hair had a mind of its own at that moment in time.
Hates Arithmancy.
Almost set fire to the Slytherin common room once.
In second year.
Because she was doing ‘something’ and things just got out of control for some reason.
Was actually trying to brew a seventh year potion but like...it didn’t work.
Can brew a seventh year potion with ease as a third year though(cause she learnt from her mistakes).
A food fight broke out between Ravenclaw and Slytherin after North and Josh would not finish their daily arguments and North threw a potato at Josh’s head.
Will break your nose if you insult her.
Will love you to the ends of the earth if your not an incompetent fool and she likes you.
Can sang!
Tried to play Qudditch but almost fell off her broom during her first match.
Never played again after that.
Josh commented later that if she had somehow managed to injure herself beyond repair he would have no one to argue with.
North found this rather touching.
Likes to be fashionably late for class.
Once wore a onesie to transfiguration.
It had little snakes on it.
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Simon:
Big softie.
Has the softest hair ever.
Everyone wants to know his secret but he always says it’s natural.
And it truly is.
Is very good at playing guitar.
Sits in the hufflepuff common room every Friday night and sings songs.
People join him in duets or group performances.
North pops in as well.
Very aesthetically pleasing.
Also very gay for Markus.
Loves dancing like a crazy maniac.
Very supportive of Markus during his Qudditch games.
Even if his house is facing Gryffindor he will abandon them and sit with the lions.
Will then promptly apologise to his house later on but nobody minds because it’s Simon.
However if some else does it that’s just not on.
Loves to drink butterbeer.
Eats too many sweets from Honeydukes.
Has a rather large chocolate frog collection.
Some people have theories that he may have some Veela blood in him because he’s just soooo pretty and handsome!!!
Is nice to literally everyone.
Likes going to visit the house elves and see how their doing.
Loves flowers and has a collection of different pressed flowers in a book.
Always has flowers with him for dates with Markus.
Best at giving hugs.
Only one that can calm North or Josh after they’ve had a particularly bad argument and gets them both to apologise to each other.
No one knows why he even bothers when the both of them go back to arguing a day later.
The first years in hufflepuff absolutely love him.
Calms Markus’s reckless streak at times.
Markus is grateful to have him as his boyfriend.
Is just an all round good guy.
Just something random that came to me👌🏽
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