The Man with the Child in his Eyes
Levi x Eren
1k words
cw: post-rumbling levi is not really coping with eren’s death but instead finds comfort in his ghost
playlist: The Man with the Child in his Eyes - Kate Bush (honestly such a good fit for them), creature - iris, (Talia - King Princess)
He wasn't always there. Levi had no control over when he was there or not. He just knew he wasn't alone. Not like the world thought him to be. He had someone, someone to come home to. Someone to talk to. Someone to listen. Even though he never replied.
He did get lonely. On the nights when he didn't appear. The silence would be deafening on these nights. The loneliness suffocating his whole being. But soon he appeared again. Came back, like he always did. Whispered words of apology for only Levi to hear. That only Levi could hear. But he didn't care. He knew he was okay, would be okay, as long as he kept appearing.
Soft voices. One reminiscing, one softy laughing. At the memories. The ones made, and the ones never to be made. They were all real to him. To them. To the them that was still in his mind.
“Will you still love me? When I'm no longer young, and beautiful?” the man asks.
“Yes, yes l will” the other answers, “always” he whispers into the empty night. The tears that marked the sheets were now so normal that they went unnoticed. As long as he could stay in this moment. He would be fine.
At least his calm was better than the screams. That was what they all thought. As long as he seemed better, that was okay, right?
Right.
That was what he thought too.
When he came, all was better. All was better than before. He could be with him again. They could be again.
Anything was better than the void he had left him in.
Anything.
His arms. Even though they could hold nothing. They were his.
His voice. Even though it could say nothing out of Levi's recreation. It was his.
His. His, to have and to hold.
At night time. That was when he often came. When Levi turned around in bed, ready for another sleepless night. But then his arms were there. For him to crawl into. Forming a shelter for him.
“I'm here” he would whisper, “I'm always here” as Levi cried into his embrace.
Sometimes he would tell him stories. About the sea.
Sometimes Levi would tell him stories. About his day.
Some days were quiet.
Sometimes Levi wouldn't speak for days, weeks if he didn't appear.
But then suddenly, he's there again.
Before he goes to sleep. When he tuns the lights off and turn over. And the mattress dips with the weight of another, the feel of warm arms around him. And Levi grabs on to anything, everything. Grounding it, grounding himself. Pulling the other closer by the fabric of his shirt. The reunions were always coloured by tears. Tears marking the cloth of Eren's shirt.
“Ssh” he stroked Levi's coarse hair, “I’m here again.”
“You’re here again.”
As his heaving breaths reduced to sniffling. “You’re here again.” As his breath returned after being taken for days, weeks, lifetimes it felt like. His voice was raspy from unuse, like his morning-voice had been on the few nights they had gotten together.
“Tell me about the sea.” And he would. He would tell him about the sea for hours. Like he had talked about the sea when he was younger. When he was still hopeful. Before all this shit had gone down. When there had still been a child behind those eyes. But this was Levi's world. In this world his eyes were still shining. Glistening with the hopefull joy only a child could have. He was happy here. Telling him about seashells, sand and salty water. All the things they discovered together. About vast oceans that seemed never ending, the places they had yet to discover.
And Levi smiled again. He was whole again. Curled up in the sheets with his invisible man, he laughed again. Laughed as they gestured towards an image that only they could see.
“Tell me about the sky” the invisible man would ask. And Levi did. He told him about the things Eren had never had the time to think about. In his desperate search for freedom. Levi would tell him about the trees, the never ending sky that stretched even longer than the ocean, the new stars he had discovered.
The sleepless nights filled with tears would turn into sleepless nights filled with conversation.
And his joy was back. His life was good again.
He smiled again, and they stopped worrying. As long as he seemed better. But they didn’t know about his invisible man. They still thought he was lost. Unlike Levi.
When he came home he would tell him about his day. He would say “Hi!” as he opened the door, and start talking to the house as he undressed his outer layers. This was his routine now.
Sometimes he even warmed enough water for two cups. One was left at the counter.
He was so understanding. Very rarely did Levi have to explain his feelings about something. Eren knew. Almost magically. He knew all about Levi's situations, and they would laugh about them together. Sometimes even before Levi had finished talking about it. As if he already knew everything Levi went through. The facade was slipping. But Levi didn't notice. Or chose not to notice. But he worried. He worried that some day he would disappear and never come back. But until then, his love was for eternity.
Until then, they would have tea together at the end of Levi's day. Until then they would laugh together at all the antics that the others pulled. Until then he would fall asleep in Eren's arms every night. To the sound of his breaths against his skin.
Until then, he would always be waiting for him to come back.
Hush.
He's here again.
The man with the child in his eyes.
Until death do us part, again.
©sugawara-levi: do not copy or republish as your own
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Love Bites Ch 27
This is the twenty-seventh chapter of a modern/vampire AU riren fanfic. You can also read it on Ao3. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | Special | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27
Next
Eren wakes up with aching fangs and a dry mouth. He frowns, fingers curling into his comforter as he unconsciously lets out a few grumbles and stretches his legs out beneath the covers. He’s so fucking thirsty… When did he fall asleep? He was supposed to drink yesterday. Now he needs to drive all the way to Levi’s with his stupid achy teeth—
“Finally up?”
Eren’s eyes snap open, mind going completely blank when he sees Levi standing above him, drying off his black hair with a towel. Levi raises a thin black eyebrow at him, a droplet of water slipping off the ends of Levi’s bangs and landing on the black blanket.
Black blanket? Eren’s blanket isn’t black…
Eren slowly pushes himself into a sitting position, glancing around the room. The dark walls, the desk by the window with the worn recipe books—this isn’t Eren’s apartment.
“I’m still at your place,” Eren says, turning to look back at Levi.
Levi snorts, patting his head dry with his towel.
“No shit.”
Eren places his hand on his forehead, trying to remember what happened as his fangs throb, reminding him that he still needs blood. They finished sparring… Levi fell asleep while Erwin and Hanji were leaving, and then… and then…
It’s no use. Eren can’t remember a thing. He must’ve fallen asleep not long after Levi.
His fangs throb again. Eren sighs, massaging his jaw with his hand.
“Thirsty?” Levi asks, moving to drape his towel over the edge of his desk.
“Mmhmm…”
Levi chuckles, walking back to the side of the bed. When he’s close enough, pale fingers grab hold of Eren’s chin, tilting his head up.
“Come here then.”
Eren swallows, green eyes immediately drawn to Levi’s neck, where the collar of his shirt is low enough for Eren to plainly see the Mark on his throat. The two small scars made by Eren. The physical imprint of their promises to each other on Levi’s skin.
Eren’s fangs throb. Again. He reaches out, hesitant fingers ghosting over the Mark.
“Here is okay?” Eren whispers.
“You’re going to ask that every time?”
Levi tilts his head, making room. Eren sits up a little taller, and Levi steps closer.
“Go for it, Eren,” Levi says, and Eren takes a deep breath, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed so that he can face Levi properly.
Eren places his hands on Levi’s shoulders, green eyes locked on the Mark, fangs aching, mouth watering. He swallows, scooting closer to the edge of the bed.
“You’re going to stop me?” Eren asks. “So I don’t drink too much?”
“I will.”
Eren takes another deep breath, his grip tightening on Levi’s shoulders. When he leans forward, one of Levi’s hands moves to the back of his head, pale fingers curling into long brown hair, ready to pull him back. Eren closes his eyes, and his lips find their way to where blood thrums strongly beneath Levi’s skin. Levi’s skin is still damp from his shower.
Eren tries to take a deep breath again, but the inhale is shaky, mouth watering, fangs aching, throbbing, and his brain full of thoughts of blood and Levi—fuck, he’s thirsty.
“I’m gonna start.”
“You’re drawing this out too much, brat.”
Levi’s right. Eren doesn’t waste any more time, mouth parting and biting down hard. His fangs pierce the pale skin, and he sighs in satisfaction as the warm liquid hits his tongue, sweet as always. Eren’s hands slide down Levi’s shoulders, clutching the man’s biceps instead. Levi’s fingers massage Eren’s head as the ache in his mouth subsides, and Eren sags, focused completely on drinking his fill, on Levi, on the heavenly taste on his tongue.
“Happy now?” Levi asks, and Eren hums slightly in response. So good. It’s so good, like always. Warming him from the inside out, filling his mind with a pleasant fog. God, it tastes so good. He wants more, wants to just keep drinking forever—
But a firm tug on the back of Eren’s head reminds him that he can’t.
Pouting, Eren pulls his mouth away from Levi’s neck with a gasp, though he remembers last second to dive down and sweep his tongue along the scar.
“Too much… Too fast,” he grumbles, squeezing Levi’s biceps with a frown.
“What is?” Levi asks, running his fingers through Eren’s hair.
The movement is distracting… And relaxing. Eren’s going to get sleepy again. Even though he just woke up. It’d be nice to sleep again, actually. He and Levi have been training so hard… So much sparring. Eren’s so glad he doesn’t feel sore anymore. Thanks to Levi’s blood. Nice, warm, sweet blood…
“Eren.”
“Huh?”
Levi nudges Eren’s chin with his knuckles, a tiny, half-hearted punch.
“What’s too fast, Eren?”
“Oh.” Eren scowls, squeezing Levi’s arms again, as if the man is a stress ball. “The blood… from your neck. Comes out too fast. Wanna drink for longer… since you taste so good…”
Levi scoffs.
“Really.”
“Yeah!” Eren exclaims, leaning back. Immediately, Levi’s hands on his head move to circle around his waist, holding Eren upright. “When I drank from your wrist, I got to drink for a long time… Taste for a long time…”
“Hm.” Levi’s arms around Eren’s waist curl in a little more, holding him tighter, closer. “We can switch back if you want.”
“Switch back…?” God, Eren feels so warm. Drinking blood is like drinking a super hot coffee… Heats him right up. “But, uh…”
Eren scowls again, nose scrunching.
“What are we talking about?”
Levi rolls his eyes, dropping his forehead against Eren’s.
“It feels like you get more drunk the more we do this.”
Eren frowns, lightly punching Levi’s arms instead of holding them.
“‘S not my fault I get all drunk…”
“I know, big guy,” Levi says, leaning close until their lips meet, briefly. That tiny bit of contact immediately puts a smile on Eren’s face, a different kind of warmth flickering to life in his chest. “We were talking about if you wanted to go back to drinking from my wrist.”
“Right,” Eren says, nodding, though his range of motion is a bit limited by Levi’s forehead pressed against his. “No, I don’t want to.”
“Why not, if you want to drink for longer?”
“Mm… Cause…”
Eren’s cheeks burn, and he pulls away from Levi a bit, a frown on his lips.
“Eren?”
“It’s…”
Eren tilts his head from side to side, debating on whether or not to say it.
…Fuck it.
“It’s more… exciting to drink from your neck,” Eren says. “Don’t wanna switch back.”
Levi is quiet, and Eren frowns, leaning close to get a good look at Levi’s face. The man’s expression is relatively flat, though his eyes are narrowed slightly, darker than usual as he meets Eren’s gaze.
“Levi? What’s wrong?”
Levi’s mouth opens and closes for a moment before his head suddenly lowers, and the man heaves a sigh. Eren’s eyes grow wide, clasping his hands on Levi’s arms again.
“Levi?!”
“I’m fine,” Levi says, his voice low. “Just… debating whether I should ask you what you mean by that shit.”
“Oh.” Eren’s entire face scrunches as a confused frown forms on his lips. That’s it? “I could tell you—”
“No,” Levi says quickly. “No. I’m just not going to think about it.”
“Ohhh…” A grin forms on Eren’s lips, and he slides his hands back up to Levi’s shoulders, then down the man’s chest. “I get it.”
Levi sucks in a breath, removing one of his arms from around Eren’s waist to hold Eren’s wandering hands in place. Levi lifts his head again, and green eyes lock onto gray.
“Do you?” Levi asks.
“Hmmm…” Eren leans closer, glancing at Levi’s lips but stopping just before they can kiss. “Maybe?”
“Maybe,” Levi repeats, and Eren can feel the press of Levi’s fingers on his hips, the man’s grip getting tighter, firmer.
“Mmhmm… I wonder if I do…”
Eren leans up a little, lips landing clumsily on the shell of Levi’s ear as he fails to hold back a smile.
“Want to tell me what you’re thinking?” Eren whispers, and Levi inhales sharply, fingers pressing harder into Eren’s waist. Pale fingers. Strong fingers.
“I’m thinking…” Levi says slowly, “you really like to fuck with me when you’re drunk. Little shit.”
Eren’s not sure what about Levi’s words causes a giddy bubble in his chest, but that bubble rises up his throat and bursts out of him in a loud laugh. Eren throws his head back far enough that his upper body swings back with it, and he grabs the front of Levi’s shirt and drags the man down with him. Levi barely catches himself in time to stop himself from falling on top of Eren, two hands braced on either side of Eren’s head to keep them separated.
A deep scowl is etched onto Levi’s face, and the sight of it makes Eren laugh again, his shoulders shaking. God, Levi’s face. Eren’s laughter continues, flooding continuously out of his chest until he can barely breathe. God, and he’s still so warm, warm all over. His face is warm, his stomach is warm, his struggling lungs are warm, and—how do people stop laughing again? God, it was so fucking funny.
“Ha ha,” Levi says, still frowning, and Eren covers his mouth to stifle the sounds escaping him, still not quite remembering how to make the laughing stop.
“‘M sorry,” he says before the sound forces its way out again, and Eren’s eyes are watering at this point. Fuck, he can’t breathe.
“No, you’re not,” Levi says, and Eren squeezes his eyes shut, trying hard to get himself to stop now. Fuck, he can’t breathe. How is he supposed to stop?
Eren moves his hands away from his mouth to slam his fists against his chest, and finally, the laughing stops slipping past his lips, stops shaking his shoulders. Eren gasps, trying to get as much air into his lungs as possible, eyes still watering. Fuck, his throat even hurts.
What was he laughing at, again?
“Levi?”
Levi sighs and shifts over to lie beside Eren instead of hovering over him. The bed wobbles a bit as Levi plops down beside him.
“What, brat?”
“Blood really messes with my head.”
Levi snorts.
“No shit.”
Eren frowns, still warm, but now his throat is sore, and his eyes feel heavy. He rolls over onto his side, grabbing hold of Levi’s arm and squeezing.
“‘M sorry…”
Levi sighs again, turning to face him.
“It’s alright.”
Eren blinks slowly. Fuck, he’s so tired all of a sudden. Didn’t he just wake up? His throat hurts. Why did he laugh so fucking hard? It wasn’t even that funny.
Levi’s expression softens, and he reaches out, brushing a strand of Eren’s brown hair behind his ear.
“What’s wrong, Eren?”
“Mmm…” Eren rubs his eyes. “...Don’t know… Don’t feel good all of a sudden.”
Levi frowns.
“Are you going to throw up?”
Eren quickly shakes his head.
“No… I just… I don’t feel good.”
His eyes are watering again, even though he’s not laughing anymore. And now they’re filling up, spilling over—fuck, fuck—
“Sorry,” he says, trying to wipe his eyes but his hands feel heavy, clumsy, and suddenly there are so many tears, even though there shouldn’t be any, even though he was fine, and even in his clouded headspace, Eren knows this is more than just being blood drunk. This is Eren being fucked up as always—
“Hey.”
Levi’s fingers are on his cheeks, wiping away the tears as they come. Eren sniffles, turning his head away, pressing it into the sheets.
“Sorry.”
“It’s alright, Eren.”
“It’s not.”
One of Levi’s hands lands on the back of Eren’s head, pulling it closer to Levi’s chest, and the other moves to the center of Eren’s back, moving in slow, soothing circles that make Eren’s body feel heavier, that make it harder for Eren to open his eyes, even as the tears continue to slip through his closed lids.
“Go ahead,” Levi says, and Eren can feel kisses against his shoulders, his arms, everywhere. Little reassuring presses of Levi’s lips all over him. “It’s alright.”
Eren shifts a little, turns just enough so that his face is pressed against Levi’s chest instead of the sheets. His fingers curl into Levi’s shirt. Eren’s so warm. So heavy. So tired.
“Thank you,” he mumbles, and another kiss lands on top of his shoulder.
Fuck. Fuck, Eren’s so lucky. So, so damn lucky. He puts Levi through so much and yet somehow they’re still here. Together.
Happy together.
“I love you, Levi.”
For some reason, Levi chuckles.
“I love you too, dumb brat.”
~ ~ ~
Eren wakes up in Levi’s bed with strong arms wrapped around his waist. This time he can’t mistake where he is. Who he’s with. His eyes still feel puffy from earlier. How long has he been asleep?
When he looks down, Levi’s head lifts away from his chest, as if sensing that Eren woke up. Levi’s eyes narrow, blinking slowly.
“...Morning,” says Levi, and Eren smiles.
“Is it morning?”
Levi scoffs, curling his arms tighter around Eren’s waist.
“Fuck if I know.”
Eren laughs, and the corners of Levi’s lips twitch.
“Feeling better?” Levi asks. Eren’s cheeks warm, and he averts his gaze.
“Yeah… I don’t know why I was… like that.”
Levi shrugs.
“You were drunk. And I’ve been putting you through stressful shit for the past month.”
Eren rubs his eyes, smiling a little.
“Yeah, I guess planning to go kill my own brother and end his weird death cult is kind of stressful, huh? Who would’ve guessed?”
Levi rolls his eyes.
“You think you’re funny, don’t you?”
“I am funny,” Eren says. “You laugh at me all the time.”
“Yeah. At you, not with you, dumb brat.”
“Shut up.”
Levi chuckles, shifting upwards to press his lips against Eren’s. Eren’s eyes slip shut, leaning into the kiss as Levi’s lips slide against his own, gentle but firm.
As usual, Levi is the one who pulls away first, but his thumb finds its way to Eren’s bottom lip, brushing across it slowly, teasingly. Eren’s breath stutters, green eyes narrowing.
“I could get used to this,” Levi mumbles, leaning in to kiss Eren again, a brief touch that Eren wants more of. His fingers curl into Levi’s shirt, by his waist. Levi’s eyebrows dip down slightly.
“Get used to what?” Eren asks.
“Hm.” Levi shifts beneath the blanket, moving up and forward until he and Eren are chest to chest. Eren tenses, able to feel Levi’s heartbeat through his own ribcage, that strong, steady thumping. A sensation Eren can’t mimic. “Waking up like this. Next to you.”
Eren’s cheeks burn instantly, and he slides back on the bed so that he can cover his face with his hands.
“Levi.”
“What?” Levi asks, and there’s a teasing lightness to his voice, an air of playfulness. “That was too much for you?”
“You can’t—can’t surprise attack me like that right when I wake up! I’m the one that’s supposed to say that kind of shit! You’re not allowed.”
There’s a moment of silence, and although Eren’s hands stay stubbornly pressed over his face, he can imagine Levi rolling his eyes.
“You’re banning me from the sappy shit?”
“Yeah,” Eren says, as seriously as he can manage. “You’re forbidden.”
“I can never win with you, brat. You used to get mad at because I couldn’t say shit like that.”
“Well, I changed my mind.”
Levi scoffs.
“You’ve got to be able to handle more than that, Eren,” Levi says.
Eren can hear the rustling of the sheets and the blanket, can feel the bed dipping slightly as Levi moves, can feel the heat of Levi’s body as he gets closer, as his lips get close to Eren’s ear, fuck—
“This isn’t even me at my worst.”
Eren shivers, breath catching in his throat, cheeks burning with an even more violent blush, and he’s so, so thankful that his heart can’t beat because he’s certain it would give away how much Levi has wound him up with just a sentence—
Levi sighs a little, moving away again, and Eren frowns, lowering his hands away from his face just enough to look at Levi over his fingertips.
“Alright,” Levi says, flipping to the other side, “I’m done fucking with you. I’d better find out what time of day it is before I miss my shift—”
Eren only realizes that he’s grabbed the back of Levi’s shirt when the man looks back at him, thin black eyebrows raised in question. But Eren’s tongue is clumsy, uncooperative, and the blush painted on his cheeks feels nearly permanent. He can’t even bring himself to look at Levi’s face.
“Eren?”
Eren jolts, biting his lip, fingers gathering more of Levi’s shirt in his fist. He opens his mouth. Snaps it shut. Opens it again but falters, and his mouth falls closed once more. Levi turns to face him in the bed again, the corners of his lips pulled downwards.
“What?”
“N-nothing,” Eren says quickly, pulling his hand back. “I… I just…”
This is stupid. Maybe… Maybe now isn’t the time.
Even though he really wants to kiss Levi again. And again. Over and over again. Fuck.
“What is it, Eren?”
Fuck it.
Without warning, Eren reaches up, grabbing fistfuls of Levi’s shirt and dragging the man down on top of him. Levi barely has the time to fling out his arms and prop himself up, and Eren keeps hold of him, not wanting the man to pull away.
Levi’s eyes narrow, and he raises an eyebrow at Eren.
“This feels familiar,” Levi says.
“I know. But I’m not laughing this time,” Eren says, tugging on Levi’s shirt, and the man leans down, closer to Eren, without resistance. “I’m not drunk. I’m not fucking with you.”
Levi’s gray eyes darken, like a storm cloud in the nighttime.
“What are you saying, Eren?” Levi asks, but his voice is flat, and it doesn’t feel quite like a question. It’s demanding, almost like an order.
“I—” Eren’s face is burning again, and he shifts a bit beneath Levi, trying to get the words to form on his tongue. “I, uh—Isn’t it obvious?”
“I don’t want ‘obvious,’” Levi says, voice low, eyes narrowing even more, and now he’s leaning down, leaning closer without Eren having to pull him down. “I want you to say it.”
Eren’s breaths are shallow, heat pooling in his stomach along with his cheeks.
“L-Levi—”
“I need to know you’re sure, Eren,” Levi says firmly, and he’s close enough that Eren can feel Levi’s breath on his lips. “Tell me what you want. Say it.”
Eren’s chest jumps with the small inhale he manages to take in. That… That was an order.
“I… I want you… Levi.”
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