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#retrospect
tiktoks-repost · 9 months
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Twin Peaks s1e4 "Rest In Pain" / Twin Peaks s1e6 "Cooper's Dreams" / Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
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pratchettquotes · 1 year
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"She actually tried to dance with the Wintersmith," Miss Treason repeated. "I told her not to."
"Ach, people're are always tellin' us not tae do things," said Rob Anybody. "That's how we ken what's the most interestin' things tae do!"
Miss Treason stared at him with the eyes of one mouse, two ravens, several moths, and an earwig.
"Indeed," she said, and sighed. "Yes. The trouble with being this old, you know, is that being young is so far away from me now that it seems sometimes that it happened to someone else. A long life is not what it's cracked up to be, that is a fact."
Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith
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monikatouhou · 2 months
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[takes a few doses of estrogen] "you know i think it/its pronouns are cool, maybe i should try them"
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usstrekart · 7 months
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I am impressed with the "He-said she-said" story in "Retrospect" (S04E17, Stardate 51658.2) because the real villain of the story is someone who jumped to a supposed victim's defense so quickly. The Doctor made a massive mistake and has to live with it, but sadly we won't get to see that development.
I went through several ideas of how to convey Seven's torment in my poster, but nothing was really coming together. What I came up with is Seven with a muted colors palette. Can she trust her memories in the midst of her survivor's guilt?
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slut4poets · 3 months
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Maybe I should watch it all again
From the beginning to the end
The rise and the fall of it all
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horsechestnut · 4 months
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Voyager has a habit of putting the characters in really interesting situations that are still (unfortunately) relevant to current situations, but than ending on... really weird conclusions about them.
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bostoncreampi · 5 months
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I might go MIA for awhile.
There's only like 200 of you but yea. Sad hard times right now.
Stay safe, be strong, and hold those you care for as close as you can
(I'm also using tumblr and the visuals here to distract myself from life so I may not go MIA)
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hathaway-hayes · 9 months
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Abigail and the Ending
She cried at the concept Of her Perfect age – An era shining early, At twenty with “Ticks,” and, “tocks,” Whispering a path to Eighty or so; Ninety should the bombs never fall.
She cried when she Imagined that one, “The,” One, hand in hand, Together And just before the step unto Eternity post decades, accolades, Facades, failures and Decadence born others – Smiles opposed to the innards by The only, lonely human named, “Envy.”
To this day, I still don’t know whether to commend her Or condemn her? Certain in only her conviction To that one thing I’d hadn’t anymore, As my birdy’d long departed And the clothes still hang from that day.
Yeah, the wind’d kept its whisper and I’d whelp a time or twenty, But from a concept so very cold; A calling, the other, “her,” A harlot christened, “Road,” As far as distant could ever be; But yes, tears of joy I believe and for the Love Of a different kind – Away, under grave and With not one visitor above;
Sure,
As my father dies, as friends come, As friends go, after birdy’d flew And only the covers could stay, I witnessed hands in prayer, Tears in tomorrow, an organism blessed And the hair on the back of my neck Reminding me that Reckonings happen, should you desire Or not; And like a pock atop perfect skin, I grow slightly, silently envious of This girl with a tear for only him.
     - H.H. (2013)
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sotoro-strarts · 2 years
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I have been commissioned by @whirlwindwonderland to draw his character Retrospect!
Such a fun goddess to draw~
Also definitely check them out!! They are an amazing artist with very fun concepts!
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every now and then there’s a yt horror story that goes along the lines of “cosmic eldtrich horror is discovered/revealed. humanity defeats and contains it for “research”. then the narrative tries to convince the audience that the deity is the overpowered one
bro
humanity just bitch slapped a deity and u want me to worry about the deity’s unchecked powers???
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chasingthelight-blog · 10 months
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If I am being honest with myself I never thought I would be back here. In this place, this feeling. Stuck. Stagnant energy anchoring down my heart and soul. Like wading through muddy water: it is exhausting and feels like it will never end.
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whirlwindwonderland · 2 years
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Sometimes you think about old stories and think about how you could write them better and wind up adding new scenes which really just act as an excuse to put your favorite oc in a pretty, sparkly dress.
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soujux · 2 years
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[ HYUN. ]
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— i'll try not to miss you.
When Taehyun wakes up from an open-eyed dream, Yeonjun loses the power to sweep him off his feet. It causes them to part-ways, months after convincing themselves that they were in love. To not have someone chasing after him, Yeonjun should have taken the opportunity to start anew. But why does he keep searching for Taehyun now that he's gone?
forum. a place, meeting, or medium where ideas and views on a particular issue can be exchanged.
— pairings: kang taehyun x choi yeonjun
— genre: childhood friends to lovers (?), engagement arrangements, first love, unrequited love, one-sided pining, lots of yearning, aged-up, online forums, angst/fluff, retrospect
[📃 NOTE ! this is a fruit of my writer's block written with little to no effort, so excuse my metaphors, dialogues, and picked figurative language.]
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HYUN Ask! PrettyBoy
This is my first time joining a forum and I honestly never imagined myself sharing anything on the internet about my love life, but desperate times call for desperate measures—here’s a kettle full of something you can fill your cup with:
Hello. You can call me Hyun. I am engaged to my first love that only sees me as a brother. What should I do?
THE STORY GOES a little bit like this. 
Firstly, Taehyun doesn’t remember not knowing Choi Yeonjun. He’s intelligent, endearingly close to his mother, everyone’s friend, handsome (so handsome), and popular since childhood—which only worsens as he grows older. Taehyun knows Yeonjun well, maybe even too well since the fox-boy’s family visits his household every Saturday from the day he was born. 
You see, here’s the thing. Their parents had always been close—best friends forever, ‘my ride or die’, or call it whatever you want close, that close—and it strings along a whopping ten albums worth of his childhood pictures with a snotty Choi Yeonjun. 
They were together most of their lives and Taehyun’s sister was so blatant about being tired of the Youngest Choi™’s face.
“I think she hates me,” Yeonjun jabbed Taehyun’s side gently when the girl rolled her eyes. Their mother just announced that he’ll be attending her wedding as the groom’s best man, because unfortunately for her, she ended up marrying Yeonjun’s cousin. “Seriously, why is she frowning like that?”
“She’s tired of your face.”
“So, she hates me,” Yeonjun concluded then and there.
“Erm, probably,” Taehyun doesn’t say that he’s feeling a bit tired of Yeonjun too.
Secondly, when Taehyun’s sister married a Choi, their families got closer… and closer. Worse than before. On every family trip, family celebration, and grand family meal; The Chois™ are there. Present and blending in with the family.
“I think at this point we should all just live together,” Taehyun made a joke with roasted garlic on his plate. He doesn’t miss the smile on his parents’ faces. “I’m… I’m joking! Don’t think about living together. This is enough.”
“We know, Hyun-ah. It’s just funny to see you all worked up,” He receives a kiss on the cheek. At least that was a good compensation for a fear that he just discovered.
Thirdly, Taehyun and Yeonjun are inseparable. It wasn’t even a choice anymore.
One day, Taehyun woke up and started his first day in high school, only to find Yeonjun waiting for him at the front door, because—surprise!—they go to the same campus. Years later, they’ll be going to the same college, same dorm building, same cafe, and even the same barber. God. It was a game that never ends.
Although, don’t get him wrong. Yeonjun wasn’t horrible. It’s quite the opposite.
Yeonjun is an absolute sweetheart. Almost like a daydream. He dresses like he’s for the runway and dyes his hair in different hues. People in the university fawn over him as they become friends; he’s easygoing like that. He’s an insider. A social butterfly with the prettiest wings. He dated people like a player, but remained everyone’s dream boy.
Oh, he seems unreal. Taehyun thinks he’s too good to be true. Sometimes he’ll receive a text from Yeonjun asking him to hangout and he’ll have a brief moment to pause and regain composure because he absolutely loses his crap every time ‘The Yeonjun’ comes knocking at his dorm room with fried chicken.
One of those starstruck moments was this one, when Yeonjun sat comfortably on his floor with food on the low table. His hair was pushed back and his jacket laid on the couch, leaving him in his plain white shirt. Taehyun hopes he can conceal the blush in his face.
“Your mother called and asked me to pick you up,” Yeonjun said, munching on a drumstick cutely.
As much as Taehyun would want to coo in adoration, he was more perplexed than flattered. “What for?"
“No idea,” Yeonjun shrugs. “She said it wasn’t urgent, but she needs to talk to us today.”
“Oh, okay. Let’s go after this.”
“Got it, Tyunnie.”
At one point, Taehyun questioned everything about Choi Yeonjun. His words, his thoughts, his care, and his actions—but he seems to be as good as an open book. Yeonjun was genuine and honest. Anyone could see right through him just by looking at his face, yet Taehyun still felt the need to deny so much when he knows too much.
The last part of the story was delayed for several more years. They graduated from university, met new people, got busier, and spent more time apart.
Perhaps that’s what time does to relationships; it makes them harder to think about because there’s nothing more for one to wonder. Taehyun still saw Yeonjun every month and they still shared meals while they talked about work, but there’s an invisible wall that built itself between them through countless changes.
Since—lastly, Taehyun and Yeonjun got engaged on a haphazard day. Like a raging wave in a calm sea.
And he pretends not to read Yeonjun every time he wears his heart in his sleeve.
HYUN Thread! PrettyBoy
I didn’t expect my first post to blow up like that, but to clarify, my fiance is a close family friend and I grew up with him. I started liking him in my second year of high school, when he was leaving for college, and I never really acted upon it until years later.
It took me such a long time because he’s improbably charming and attractive, so I was not the only one that liked him. I think he had a serious relationship in college, but it didn’t end well because of something I didn’t really find out. Even after that, he was always seeing someone, so I took it as a sign that confessing will be useless. But realizing that I need to get it off my chest, I still ended up confessing on his graduation day.
His reaction was fine. It was a bit awkward—sure—but he wasn’t a jerk about it. He gave me a hug and told me I was cute, but he made it clear that I was being rejected. That’s why I’m as lost as everyone about the ring on my finger.
He’s just… confusing.
GRADUATION DAY.
Yeonjun was everywhere from being dragged left and right by his ocean number of friends—he’s probably in everybody’s celebratory post at this point. His smile beamed along with countless others, but Taehyun still saw it like the morning sun.
“Tyun! You’re late,” Soobin spotted him first. Just like Yeonjun, he was graduating today and he’s currently bouncing around with his medals and glorious flowers. “Take a picture with me!”
Soobin.
Yeonjun’s first boyfriend that met his family. He was tall, a lot taller than Taehyun, and he had cunning dimples that everyone was obsessed with. Soobin was kind. Probably the kindest person Taehyun knows; and if he wasn’t such a jealous bug, then maybe he would have rooted for their relationship. Either way, it didn’t work out, but they’re still great friends. On certain days, Taehyun accompanies Soobin to try every pastry in a newly opened bakery—talking about school, games, boys (er, Yeonjun), because Soobin figured him out way easier than he would have thought.
"So, you're finally confessing?" Soobin asked after studying the tense state of the younger boy. "You should do that. help yourself by doing that before it's too late."
"It's not like he feels the same way, hyung. I just want him to know and finally move on."
Soobin merely smiles before they part. Taehyun goes to garner courage once he faces Yeonjun with a rather nervous stutter.
Frankly, the confession was a mess, an accumulation of all the harboring feelings and all the fear that Taehyun has hidden in every corner of his heart. Even his mind was a blur when Yeonjun heard everything he had to say—it was one of those rare days when Taehyun couldn't read Yeonjun's face.
"Do you like me? like, actually like me?"
Taehyun succumbs in embarrassment. "Please, don't make me say it again."
After that comes an adorable laugh that wasn't anything relatively close to a mock. it was genuine, just Yeonjun. "You're so cute, Tyun. Calm down for me, hm? You're shaking so much."
Let me down slowly.
"I'm just saying. I'm not expecting anything in return—I mean it! You're... really important to me, hyung, and I need to get this off my chest before you leave," Taehyun doesn't look at Yeonjun's face, but feels the hands delicately holding his waist. "I also think you deserve to know. You need to know about how much people love you."
"That's very sweet," He failed to find better words to fill the gaps. "Thank you," Yeonjun ended it at that, and perhaps Taehyun was lying about being content.
Saying that he wasn't expecting anything at all was easier than actually not expecting. In the end, he hugged Yeonjun one last time and never saw him again.
It wasn't a new constant per se. Taehyun and Yeonjun do bump into each other sometimes and share a meal out of courtesy, but it wasn't the same as the old days with oily fingers and fast food. Now, meals are shared in a rather more professional setting, less carefree. The joke doesn't land even if Taehyun tries.
Yeonjun works for his own company, while Taehyun was out pursuing a fickle music job that his parents weren't exactly on board with. In just a couple of years, their worlds grew distant, moving farther and farther.
Taehyun convinces himself that life drove them away from each other because they were growing, but when Yeonjun abruptly called him up for a meeting, their worlds collided.
"Marry me."
It came without a warning, yet solemnly—the epitome of what it feels like to love yeonjun all this time. He's a surging wind on a summer day, rain on your favorite day; but Taehyun loved him still, as if he was the same high school boy that patiently waits for something that will never come.
"Are you drunk? I can't just marry you when we're not even…” Taehyun finds it hard to comprehend.
Yeonjun pushes relentlessly. "Then date me. I'll take you out every Friday and we'll spend time together until you deem it enough."
"Hyung, you're confusing me. I know that you don't like me, so what's this about?"
Taehyun shouldn't have asked.
If Taehyun was good at reading Yeonjun like an open book, Yeonjun was better at knowing the ways to Taehyun's heart.
"I want to try it, with you," Rigid breathes between the silent gaps. "Love."
How can Taehyun say no to that?
Re: HYUN Thread! Endolphin Answer MolangLover
Mr. HYUN, your submission has been haunting my mind for nights! I had a similar experience with my last boyfriend, that’s why I broke up with him when I became more self-aware. He cared for me—I know he did—but I wanted to be loved, and he couldn’t give me that. So, I knew it was better to just move on with our lives and meet other people.
I want to ask about how you’re doing, because that kind of relationship is tiring (must be for you, especially). If you could tell me anything—what you feel, what you think—it would be lovely, but if you’re uncomfortable, then feel free to ignore my reply.
Have a nice day!
Re: Endolphin Answer HYUN Thread! PrettyBoy
Hello, Endolphin. I would add something before your name, but I wouldn’t want to misgender you.
Thank you for this reply. It makes me feel comforted that somebody is going through or has gone through something similar to me. If you could probably tell, I am more than fine to answer your question.
Surprisingly, I am feeling well. My fiance takes me out on a date every Friday and it gets cancelled so often because of his not-so-flexible schedule compared to mine. However, I try to be happy. He’s never rude to me, he’s always kind, but it’s nothing close to showing romantic interest.
As for what I think, I think about so many things. I always worry about being well-behaved and being pliant to not upset him. I also worry about my job and other things in my life.
Endolphin, if it’s not so rude of me, may I ask you about the breakup with your last boyfriend? How did he react? How did you do it? Now that you brought it up, I’m starting to think if it’s the best thing to do in situations like this.
THERE ARE PROS AND CONS in being engaged with Choi Yeonjun.
Firstly, he’s Yeonjun. The man Taehyun has been in love with since he was a literal teenager.
He had dreamed about being with Yeonjun, going on dates, holding hands—anything lovers do. But it was not a dream that Taehyun thought would come true. Heck, meeting the famous gay celebrity icon, Beomgyu, sounds more attainable than getting his lips anywhere near Yeonjun’s pretty ones!
Deep breath. Inhale, exhale. Taehyun tries to stay grounded everyday.
Yeonjun would never kiss him.
Should that be a negative streak? It’s a personal agenda, so maybe Taehyun can forgive him for that.
At the end of the day, Yeonjun offered some sort of a course of learning. Love in particular. Which is absolute bull because when you’re learning how to love a person, that means you never loved that person at all.
Among the list of pros is this: Yeonjun was easy to read.
“It’s an emergency, Tyun. Will you wait for me?”
“Hm, okay,” Taehyun once looked at Yeonjun with a smile. It was on a Friday night, inside Yeonjun’s office. He had to put a song on hold just to meet Yeonjun for an expected date, but his fiance couldn’t do the same. “I’ll be waiting in the lobby.”
Yeonjun takes his hand before he can go. “Just stay here. It won’t take too long.”
“I’ll be quiet.”
Deep breaths. Inhale, exhale. Taehyun learns to be patient. Despite knowing each other for eternity, Yeonjun was a lesson to learn. How he acts and how he talks, how he works and how he thinks—Taehyun understands like the lover he is.
He grew not to bother about certain truths that he had no control of. Like how he will never be a priority, how Yeonjun merely had him on display in his life—or how in all the hours that passed since Taehyun sat on the couch, Yeonjun never checked up on him even once.
“Hyung,” Taehyun wants to go home. “Let’s just cancel today. I’m tired.”
Yeonjun hums, “I’ll let my secretary drive you home.”
“No, it’s fine. Good night, hyung,” Taehyun fixed his stuff before making his way to the door. Before he opens it, he stops. “I love you,” He said without looking back.
After all, seeing Yeonjun’s face drop was harder than not seeing his response at all.
Cons of being engaged with Choi Yeonjun: He will never say he loves you back
HYUN Ask! PrettyBoy
Today’s TMI: I live with my fiance, but I barely see him home. Is this even a TMI? People are asking for updates, but I’m literally waiting for the same thing.
Our penthouse is approximately thirty minutes away from his workplace, so it’s only natural that he’ll be staying somewhere nearer on weekdays. On weekends he would stay over, but he often locked himself up in the office. He’s a workaholic. My workaholic. I think I’ve seen him pass out on his desk more than I’ve seen him sleeping in his bed, and he mumbles jargon in his sleep.
Anyway, tips to make your significant other fall in love with you? I don’t want studious relationships, I want mutual obsession.
LIVING TOGETHER WAS Taehyun’s idea.
They got a place in a quieter part of Seoul and settled in quite well. Taehyun had always been a neat person, so Yeonjun never had an issue. Even so, they still have someone that does the cleaning for them once a week. Splitting chores was not an option since they’re both equally busy, so it was the greatest resort.
Much to Taehyun’s dismay, they don’t share a room. They room across from each other, Yeonjun’s being the most empty because he rarely occupies it, but Taehyun has his place filled with instruments and gadgets.
It shows in aspectects like that; one was more enthusiastic among the two. Taehyun doesn’t mind as long as Yeonjun comes home every week.
“Just move in with me. The kids need a babysitter anyway,” Years later, the Anti-Choi Yeonjun™ movement lives on inside of Taehyun’s sister. “Yeonjun is barely home. What are you supposed to do here all alone?”
“Sleep, eat. I bought a PS5,” Taehyun knows there’s no dancing around this, but he still tried.
“Hyun, dump his ass. You’re an idiot for getting yourself into this, but if you’re actually thinking of settling then you need professional help.”
“Noona, I’m not crazy.”
“Then get a hold of yourself. I know he’s the love of your life or something, but this is not good for anybody,” She dragged the boy on the couch. “Do you actually believe that he’ll fall in love with you?”
“You’re making it sound like I’m unlovable.”
Smack. “Dummy. I love you! You’re the most amazing person there is and it’s Yeonjun’s loss for not seeing that, but my point still stands. You can’t force yourself to be in love. It doesn’t work that way.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Taehyun finally unraveled the last card in his hand, drawing a desperate look on his sister’s exasperated state.
Taehyun sleeps over at his sister’s that night. He doesn’t let Yeonjun know—he probably won’t notice anyway—but he returns the next day before following a routine of washing up and preparing breakfast.
What he failed to notice was a sleeping figure on the couch, snoring soundly in deep sleep. Yeonjun was still in his suit, all wrinkled and altered in his rest. His tie was left on the table and his socks kept clinging around his laying feet. The position was rather uncomfortable with the head painfully placed on the headrest. For all he knows, the man’s gonna end up with a stiff neck once he wakes up.
It’s seven in the morning; he’ll wake up soon. Taehyun doesn’t have to bring him to his room or wake him up. All he could offer was a cup of coffee placed beside the discarded clothing on the table.
“Tyun?”
“Hm?”
“Where were you?” The words came out a bit slurred, throat dry and muscles weak. Taehyun felt bad after seeing Yeonjun wince as soon as he sat up.
“Out,” Taehyun answered vaguely. “It’s Friday. Why are you here?”
Yeonjun scoffed, albeit dryly from his slumber. “It’s my house too, you know?”
“I don’t mean it like that.”
“I know. I came home because I felt bad about last week. We… always cancel our dates,” Yeonjun’s voice was small. As if he was unsure of his words.
“It couldn’t be helped. You don’t have to feel bad.”
“No, I want to go out. With you, I mean. I don’t have anything scheduled today, so we can spend it together.”
“But I have work,” Taehyun wanted to say, but he ended up just nodding to Yeonjun’s smile as a silent agreement that he’ll go wherever Yeonjun goes.
This is enough, Taehyun thinks. It’s enough for Yeonjun to only come for him when it’s convenient.
They can start from there.
Re: HYUN Ask! BEN Answer TeddyBear
Love is a mysterious thing. You see, HYUN, there is no step-by-step process to falling in love. It’s like tumbling down a flight of stairs, toppling and terrifying, but once you reach the last step, you strangely still find yourself in the place you wanted to be in. Then, you think you can never do that again.
My lover used to do the same thing as you; he’s like a restless storm. In several ways, he tried to romance me—heartfelt and genuine and I do miss dearly. I only realized how much I loved dancing in the rain when it stopped. Now, the sun doesn’t feel warm on my skin anymore.
Oh, I didn’t mean to stray, but I only mean one thing.
Trying to love someone tires the heart and soul, but most of the time, you are already in love even before you begin.
I hope this helps.
SOMETIMES, HOPE IS A flower that Yeonjun brings home. 
He would tell Taehyun good night with a smile on his face before retreating to his room while someone giddily sets the flower on a vase for the empty kitchen counter they barely use. It’s a rose, thornless by somebody else’s hands. Taehyun admires it every morning and every night, until the next Friday that arrives with a new replacement for a wilted plant.
“How did you know that I like flowers?” Taehyun had to ask as it seems like Yeonjun found a new habit of setting his heart in motion through a single gesture.
“I didn’t. You’re just pretty with flowers,” Yeonjun doesn’t look him in the eye, but the tint on his cheeks was enough for Taehyun to smile.
Sometimes, hope is a warm feeling in Taehyun’s heart.
It’s terrifying to realize that he’s committing to a possibility to only fall deeper, but with every smile and every word that Yeonjun seemingly pulls from something in the air, there was nothing else that Taehyun could see himself do.
Yeonjun knew all the ways to Taehyun’s heart, and it’s so cruel. He could lift Taehyun high and have him fall without caution—Taehyun will never, never have anything to hold on to.
Hope is a fickle thing.
Taehyun realized it on the day he visited his parents.
“I don’t remember inviting you,” Yeonjun merely laughs at the ‘greeting’ he received from Taehyun’s sister. “This is a ‘Kang Only’ zone.”
“Noona, stop embarrassing me,” Taehyun helps her forfeit and leave his fiance alone the entire night. After everything he’s told his sister, he wasn’t sure if the hate-esque approach was just a joke anymore. It all came with good intentions—he’s sure, but Yeonjun was still a guest and a close friend before the whole predicament. Basic respect was the bare minimum. “I’m sorry about her. She’s just protective.”
“I understand, Taehyun. You don’t need to explain,” Yeonjun reassured with a hand pressed against his back. “Let’s go meet your mom.”
“Okay.”
It started well. He started hopeful—when Yeonjun helped him with his chair and offered him side dishes, they blended in with the ideal figure of a happy relationship. Taehyun didn’t think about his failed attempt to hold Yeonjun’s hand under the table when the man swiftly pulled away without sparing him a glance. He didn’t think about the dismissive silence when his mother asked them about marriage.
It’s an ugly feeling, but maybe it has always been there. If Taehyun could burn every pain in his heart, he’d be in the fiery pits of hell. There was no adequate word to explain it.
“I’m still not there, aren’t I?” Taehyun showed vulnerability in the car. The only thing he hates the most, being breakable, he shares with Yeonjun too. “Hyung, you will never love me.”
“Let’s not talk about this now.”
“When will we?”
“You had a few drinks.”
Taehyun shakes his head in exasperation. “I’m not drunk. I know what I’m saying.”
“We’re tired,” Yeonjun breathes roughly, plausibly frustrated. “I don’t want to say something that will hurt you.”
What would change? “You’re hurting me now.” Taehyun shouldn’t have hoped in the first place.
“Good night, hyung. I’m really tired.”
Re: HYUN Thread! Endolphin Answer MolangLover
Hello, Mr. HYUN. I am, in fact, a gay man! You can use any pronouns on me, I really don’t mind. However, I do mind my late response. I just read your reply, and so I only have answers to your questions today.
My then boyfriend was always calm. He’s always logical and handles everything maturely. That’s why I expected him to take it well when I told him I wanted out, but I guess I didn’t know him well enough.
Trying not to give specific details: our breakup happened through dinner. It’s incredibly anticlimactic because we didn’t even cry—he didn’t even say no. Or at least, that’s what I thought, because the very next day he was at my door telling me that he’ll drive me to work.
It pretty much started from there. Just. He’s suddenly everywhere. It’s a mess.
However, one piece of unsolicited advice: some people are not for you, and realizing it later is better than not realizing it at all.
Mr. HYUN, I hope you grant your heart solace. Please be happy. You owe yourself that the most.
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From: Soobin binsoochoi
Hello, Kang Taehyun. How are you? I forgot to ask for your number on my graduation and you’ve deactivated all your social media accounts, but I heard that your email is active as ever.
You are one of my most treasured friends despite all the years that passed, and I want to tell you this myself even if you probably already know from the mail I sent last week.
I am getting married! *Break dances*
All the details are in the invitation, so please come or else I’ll cry.
Also, despite the given circumstance, I’m sure Yeonjun wants to see you again.
IT ALL BEGAN WITH SPACE, A PERIOD before a crash. The silence that drove Taehyun deaf until he surrendered to the lonely call of his bedroom for a night's rest. Nobody told him that solitude takes form when it gets overwhelming—that it will hold him by the neck until he blanks and wakes up feeling disoriented for a plight to occur all over again. 
His sister always called him crazy for sitting through the neglect. But if they were to toe the path that led them here, Taehyun still found his own hand tracing the very ring Yeonjun got him that night. It was the thread that he sewed to the plot, his contribution that now made him cynical.
If he said no, would he even see Yeonjun after that night again?
It only dawned on him then, when the door opened and he didn’t bother looking out to check who it was, because welcoming someone home would only apply if home whirled every particle in the area. But everything was foreign and cold.
Taehyun, despite his efforts to keep Yeonjun by his side, already lost him somewhere along the line. Yet, he’s still here. In this house like a madman devoured by lonesome.
His sister was right.
“WHY DID YOU GIVE HIM my number?” Exasperation always, always found its way to Taehyun even after so long.
And yet, Soobin had the audacity to sigh from the other side of the line. “I’m sorry. He just looked so sad. I couldn’t say no.”
“Soobin hyung.. You can’t just give people my personal information just because you’re an empath.”
“I know, I know—I'll have them serve you your favorite wine at the reception next week. I promise,”
It’s a tempting offer, but Taehyun was some kind of a selfless soul. “It’s fine. Just don’t do it again.”
But take that with a grain of salt.
For the past few days, he’s made regrettable decisions that may or may not require shutting doors, walking out, and avoiding someone like the plague. He, for a lack of better word, would skedaddle across the world if he didn’t have a job to keep and a point to give.
Going back a few pages, the story went a little bit like this.
Firstly, Taehyun and Yeonjun had a mutual agreement that the arrangement wasn’t working. Or at least, that’s what Taehyun thought.
You see, the conversation was brief—maybe shorter than Taehyun would have guessed, but most of it was one-sided. Yeonjun, the entire time, barely even spoke. He merely looked at Taehyun with wide eyes and steady breathing; a complete contrast to his then fiance’s stuttering state.
He only said one thing. “You’re leaving?”
Really? After a long monologue about feeling out of place, floating in the air, and feeling desperate—Yeonjun doesn’t even prove him wrong.
“It’s not working,” Taehyun told him. “Why are we even doing this?”
The story continues with boxes and empty cupboards. Packing used to be Taehyun’s most dreaded activity, but packing from the penthouse felt like severing invisible strings. It tickles his skin and his heart, leaving his soul yearning for Yeonjun to stand by the door and ask him to stay.
But even if he did, even when Yeonjun stood by the door, it was to send him off.
“Did you ever love me? Even just a speck..” It was his last resort, but the answer never came out loud. It’s in the air. “Oh, I see.”
He leaves for the door, not before Yeonjun holds his hand for a split second that gives him hope.
He looks back to see Yeonjun’s warm eyes. “Take care, Taehyun.”
Hope is a fickle thing.
The story should have ended there. They never see each other again, they go separate ways, they meet again years later when they’re both happy with all the broken pieces fixed. It was the probable situation that Taehyun pictured.
But Yeonjun had different plans.
HYUN Ask! PrettyBoy
It’s been a few weeks since I last posted anything in the forum, and I still very much find the whole ordeal of letting strangers answer your question a bit skeptical and dumb. However, this is all I got for now, so bear with me.
Hello. I’m Hyun. I broke up with my fiance last week, and last night he came knocking at my door asking if we could be friends. What the fuck is happening?
IT WAS MIDNIGHT WHEN Yeonjun knocked at his door relentlessly. Like who he is. Even when Taehyun pretended to be asleep, even when ten minutes passed—it kept going.
He stumbled to walk across the apartment he got himself close to where his sister lived, wanting to be closer to his family. Sleep got the best of him when he opened the door to a surprised Yeonjun. “Do you want me to call the police on you?”
“I-I..” Yeonjun toyed with the end of his sleeve.
“Did you come from work?” Yeonjun nods to the question. “Okay. Why?”
“Huh?”
“Why are you here?”
Yeonjun points at the sky, awkwardly looking back and forth to seemingly prove a point. “It’s night time. I was too sleepy to drive all the way home.”
It was a bad idea to let Yeonjun drive him to his address last week.
“Sounds like bull—don’t you stay somewhere near your office?”
“It’s boring. I want to stay with you,” Yeonjun said dryly. “Let me sleep over, like the old days.”
Taehyun had to snort. He was not in his best shape. “Hyung, are you drunk?”
Taehyun knew that Yeonjun was anything but ordinary™, especially with his hair tousled and clothes wrecked like he’s gone through hell driving all the way here, but he would have at least expected Yeonjun to reply like a normal person. Instead, the man leaned forward with playful eyes and nose barely missing Taehyun’s skin.
He blows. “What do you think?”
“Mint,” Taehyun babbled. “You. Move away!”
Who makes other people smell their breath like that?
“Let me stay over.”
“No. Hyung, go home. You look fine!”
Yeonjun finally, after what it felt like eternity, gifted Taehyun distance. “I’m tired. You know how fast I fall asleep when I’m tired—I don’t even notice it.”
He has a point. “Clothes. You don’t have clothes. You can’t sleep in that.”
“Then, let me borrow your clothes.”
“What?!”
Needless to say, in Taehyun’s calm sea, Yeonjun will always be the raging winds that start the surging waves.
BEFORE SUNRISE, TAEHYUN got a man in his guest room and the same man wearing his clothes like they’re made for him.
Taehyun falls asleep with frustrated sighs.
HYUN Thread PrettyBoy
Pardon me, but this is not a laughing matter. I think my heart is about to combust and my brain is going into overdrive. Here, let me paint you a picture: sometimes people are dumb enough to act on their instict that they refuse to acknowledge their effect on others. What does that sound like? Insensitivity. Indifference. They lack empathy and I am close enough to beg for sympathy at this point.
He was already everywhere when he was not. What do I do now that he’s actually close enough for me to touch? Sometimes I believe that between the two of us, he’s the one who needs more saving.
WALKING AWAY WAS THE EASIEST thing to do, but if the slope was treacherous, Taehyun found no other way to move forward than just stop. 
And with Yeonjun, nothing ever goes smoothly.
He wakes up to Yeonjun’s cooking. Something that teetered between familiar and foreign. His stomach refused to flip out of hunger, but rather of awe when he got a reminder of what Yeonjun looks like in the morning: messy hair, pale cheeks, and round eyes. He failed to take away the domesticated feeling in his system.
Stop. Pause. Breathe.
Sometimes, to get through a heartbreak is another, but Taehyun wasn’t ready for anything as close to what Yeonjun made him feel the first time.
Instead of a morning greeting, he settles with a blank stare. “Why are you still here?”
Yeonjun should have left—for work, for errands, or anything else that doesn’t require him imprinting his ghost on every corner of Taehyun’s home.
“I made breakfast. I wanted to take a shower, but I don’t have spare clothes,” Yeonjun replied normally. Nonchalantly. It’s almost frustrating to know that he could act indifferent when Taehyun stirs the turmoil in his chest.
He sighs in exasperation. “You didn’t have to. I’ll leave for work anyway.”
“Wait! Have breakfast,” Yeonjun pulls a chair out. “And let me borrow clothes again, please?”
“Hyung,” It’s a warning.
“Please?”
“Just go home,” Taehyun heads to the bathroom, but for Yeonjun to grab his shirt from behind. He groans.
“Taehyun, are you seriously kicking me out?”
He faced Yeonjun with his arms flying to his hips. “Are you seriously not leaving?”
“We’re friends!”
“Friends don’t always do sleepovers!”
“They do! I used to sleep over at Soobin’s a lot.”
Taehyun stepped back in disbelief. “You used to date each other.”
“And we didn’t?” Yeonjun shrugged. He does it with a simper. “We were engaged.”
“Fuck you.”
He gives up. In annoyance, he takes Yeonjun’s car keys and makes harsh stomps at the door. Without hesitating, he throws them out to earn a gasp on Yeonjun’s end. When he was certain that the other would take the keys back by stumbling across the room and outside, he smirks. 
Here, by the door, he wasn’t sure if this was the last time, but he took his chances. “Take care, Yeonjun.”
Close.
Re: HYUN Thread Endolphin MolangLover
Well.. that’s quite an interesting predicament, Mr. HYUN. However, I completely empathize with you since I was in your shoes a while back. I guess our exes were always meant to be our significant bother.
Perhaps, to leave you with a sentiment, I will say this: communication actually works. Instead of dancing around the growing conflict with your ex-fiance, you should face it head-on. If you want him out of your life, tell him that as it is; but if you actually plan on indulging his friendship offer, then that’s something you still have to talk to him about. 
Although, I am one of those people that strongly believes that exes are exes. Never friends.
ㅤㅤ
Re: Endolphin BEN TeddyBear
Exes can be friends.
ㅤㅤ
Re: BEN Endolphin MolangLover
Who
ㅤㅤ
Re: Endolphin BEN TeddyBear
Your friend.
ㅤㅤ
Re: BEN Endolphin MolangLover
Who asked?
TAEHYUN THOUGHT THAT WEDDINGS are odd.
Which is unexpected from someone who’s on the brink of getting married before.
If Yeonjun never offered, Taehyun thinks. I would have never thought of it at all. He finishes with a truth he never knew existed. 
When Soobin leaned in to kiss his partner, Taehyun wondered if they were ever afraid. After all, it’s not easy to admit that marriage was threatening, especially by someone who is already in love. Marriage binds you, colliding two worlds to become one. If that’s not terrifying enough, think of the puppies you’ll share, think of children, home, land, memories, happiness, and an entire language only the two of you understand.
Taehyun smiles. This is why I can’t get beautiful things. He will never understand what comes after fear.
“You’re crying.”
“Stating the obvious,” He wiped his tears away. Soobin was evil for putting Yeonjun and him together in one table. “I’m happy.”
Yeonjun nods, more attentive of Taehyun’s every move rather than Soobin’s first dance. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
He is not.
It was hell to sit through the entire celebration with Yeonjun by his side. “You’re lying,” Yeonjun said. “I know you better than you think I do.”
“Whether I am or not. I don’t think that’s your business,” Taehyun responded. The sweetness in Yeonjun’s voice is a contrast to the bitter feeling he left Taehyun before. This was a problem. Just when Taehyun finds the courage to leave, Yeonjun stays. “It’s not fair,” He added. It comes out of his mouth like a curse.
“Taehyun,” Yeonjun doesn’t continue. Whether he was lost for words or had a thousand things to say, Taehyun doesn’t know. It was one of those days when he found Yeonjun difficult to read. His eyes wide, anticipating, and his chest rising as if it’s holding onto composure.
Taehyun merely looks at him before paying Soobin all the attention he deserves. It’s not about him, it’s not about them. Nothing was ever about them after they failed—if there was even a chance to begin with. If the universe were to sew two people together, they were sown apart, and that’s how it should be.
But he loved him. He loves him. Taehyun always does. And that was the problem.
If Yeonjun looks at him again with hopeful eyes, he would just crumble from the very concrete he’s been building. Falling, falling… never ending. Love was cruel, but to love Yeonjun was the loveliest privilege he had earned.
He says this in the form of a plea, “Help me, hyung,” He had a drink or two, successfully sneaking out to the open parking space. But it was closing in. “Help me, will you?”
“Anything,” Yeonjun shouldn’t have.
“Looking at you only reminds me why you’re not mine, and it feels like shit,” He laughs, the humor absent despite it all. “You’re so selfish. You’re in my home, you’re in my clothes, you’re in my mind—hyung, what else do you want me to offer? How am I supposed to get over you?”
“Why do you think I’m doing this?”
Taehyun chokes a building cry. “Don’t make me ask for something you can’t give.”
Yeonjun had the audacity to chuckle. The same sound that memorized every corner in Taehyun’s love, triggering more and more until it became unbearable. It was fire in Taehyun’s heart to hear Yeonjun laugh; it was fire in Taehyun’s skin when Yeonjun touched him like a delicate figure. 
And he was. Fragile. Scared. Vulnerable.
“You already have all of me,” Yeonjun whispered, not needing to be louder. His lips on Taehyun’s ears, hands on his waist, nose nuzzling the disheveled locks on Taehyun’s cloudy head. He was close, bearably close. 
“You’re drunk.”
“I’m sober enough to know what I’m doing.”
Yeonjun sighs, “Push me away. I’ll stop.”
He leans in, that’s not the last time he did.
[06:13] Choi Soobin (University): Taehyun, did you get home safely last night?
[06:20] Taehyun: Hyung, I fucked up. 
[06:23] Choi Soobin (University): Why, what happened?!
[06:23] Taehyun: Hyung..
[06:25] Taehyun: I slept with Yeonjun-hyung.
[06:25] Taehyun: He’s still sleeping and I’m freaking out in the bathroom.
[06:28] Taehyun: I need to go. I really need to leave. 
[06:28] Choi Soobin (University): ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!
[06:30] Taehyun: I’ll cry. I swear. Why am I so dumb?!
[06:30] Choi Soobin (University): ... Was he good?
[06:31] Taehyun: SHUT UP!
THERE WAS A RULE THAT TAEHYUN swore he would never cross, but life took a turn, and now he found himself untangling Yeonjun’s arms around him to collect every article of clothing he could find that was his. Never sleep with an ex, he said. No cuddling, he added. Apparently, besides Korean and English, he was great at speaking bullshit.
He left before Yeonjun woke up. He pretends like it was easy to walk away, but the stares he got from people passing by was a tattletale. He doesn’t fully understand the extent of Yeonjun’s imprint on him, failing like the way he tries to find a part of him that Yeonjun didn’t touch.
And goodness, losing like this felt so good. 
But Taehyun knew that ecstasy doesn’t last long when foolish acts were easier when he was younger. Now, however, he has aged, a lot older than his escapades with exploration and discovery. To make it worse—it’s Yeonjun. The Yeonjun. The man he knew too much about, the man that his family treated like their own. He can’t just sweep this under the rug and pretend like he hasn’t seen all of him. 
It was unfortunate, but luck always had a conflict with him from the beginning. He just wishes that Yeonjun would act indifferent enough for him not to turn red every time they meet.
[08:27] Yeonjun: Tyun? You weren’t here when I woke up :(
[08:30] Taehyun: Sorry, hyung. I have work in the morning. 
[08:30] Yeonjun: Should have woken me up :/
[08:30] Yeonjun: Did you have breakfast?
[08:35] Taehyun: Yes.
[08:35] Yeonjun: Good! Do you want to have lunch with me?
[08:36] Taehyun: No thank you. I already have plans. 
[08:36] Taehyun: Meeting a client over lunch. 
[08:37] Yeonjun: Dinner?
[08:40] Taehyun: Okay.
[08:40] Yeonjun: Great! See you later :D
ABORT MISSION..
Something about Taehyun is that… he’s great at remembering. His memories often come to him vividly and it flows like a second chance to live the moment when he gets lost in his head.
So, maybe it wasn’t a very good idea for Yeonjun to invite him to his place for dinner. Why here? He hissed. Anywhere else would have been fine. He complained. Yeonjun was far too happy to just have him in his kitchen as he cooks to even notice Taehyun’s discomfort.
It’s quiet. Too quiet.
“I’ll… turn the TV on,” Taehyun stutters. He used to complain about the television set in the kitchen, but now he’s grateful as anyone to be offered something useful. It was so unlike him to intently watch the news with Yeonjun around, especially in a set-up like this.
“Wine?” Yeonjun got a bottle from a cupboard.
Taehyun shakes his head, “No. I’m good,” He declined. He doesn’t trust himself with the smallest alcohol in his system. Not with the lingering reminder of what just took place in this very home.
He takes a deep breath, feeling his lungs relieved. “Hyung, you don’t have to cook. We could just eat out. It’s easier and faster that way.”
“I want to. Cook for you, I mean.”
“Hyung,” He groans.
The frustration finally reached Yeonjun with tense shoulders. “Did… Am I doing something that upsets you again?”
Yes. “No,” Taehyun shook his head. “I’ll wait.”
The thick atmosphere somehow melted when Yeonjun finally beamed. “Okay. I have to tell you something later, okay? Wait for me in the living room.”
It was inviting, yet Taehyun settled with plopping his things on the kitchen island. He was too tired to even question every little thing that confused him. “I want to stay. Can I watch you?”
Yeonjun’s smile only grew.
HYUN Thread PrettyBoy
He's a fantasy. I can't believe that I could see him in a light that nobody else can.
And I love, love him. My life has been a constant cycle of me falling in love with him, and he will never know how much I feel. 
What now? It never was a problem before when I learned how to be carefree, but I felt pain so great that I forgot how to love without being afraid. Yeonjun is a dream, I didn't think he would ever love me back beyond an alternate reality, but what's this now? Why is he sleeping in my bed? Why is he calling me beautiful? Why is he kissing me close?
It's sending me in a spiral, but I was sure of one thing. 
If he tells me he loves me, I'll never find the strength to leave again.
[Saved as Draft]
“HYUNG.”
“Hm?”
“Let’s be friends.”
THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS that Taehyun is great at; acing his majors, correcting the uneven strands of his hair, preparing coffee that just suits Yeonjun’s taste, and apparently—driving Yeonjun insane. To the limit.
What Taehyun wasn’t great at, unfortunately, was losing. After playing mouse with Yeonjun who played as a predator chasing its prey for so long, there was only one way to end the fiasco Yeonjun had placed them in. But he starts with nothing.
“Hyung, are you okay?” He tipped his head to get a response from the other but to no avail.
Taehyun had nothing on his sleeve, he merely had it laid before them when they ate dinner. Homemade. It’s a little jarring to use that term when he once searched for home in Yeonjun’s presence and now he’s here.
“Friends,” Yeonjun stuttered. He stuttered. His eyes wavered and came washing were emotions he wasn’t planning on feeling tonight. “Oh,” He said. “You want us to be friends.”
“Like you said.”
You. Yeonjun didn’t miss the emphasis on that word. It was as if Taehyun got him figured out and knew how to press his buttons to the maximum. “Like I said... Us, friends,” He was trying to comprehend. He was, after all, the one who pulled the whole joke from the beginning. Now it was backfiring over his well-made pasta.
And Taehyun. Oh, Taehyun. He had the guts to smile ever so innocently. A menace. His menace. “Yeah, actual friends. Like how we used to in high school.”
“I don’t sleep with my friends,” Yeonjun declared, a little too confident.
That’s when Taehyun ever slightly faltered before coming back. “Was that necessary?”
“We can’t be friends after that, Taehyun. I don’t just sleep with anybody,” Yeonjun huffed. “I never wanted us to just be friends in the first place. Back then, it was the only option I had to see you, so I took it as it is. I didn’t care how dumb it was before, but hearing it now, I thing I’m going to puke my guts out.”
“You may.”
“That’s all you’ve got to say after all of that?”
Taehyun gulps down what he just chewed. The meal was irrelevant at this point. “I already told you everything, hyung. When I left. You never said anything to make me stay.”
It was still a blur, but Taehyun could never fully forget the way Yeonjun wished him goodbye. He was there. He could have done something to stop Taehyun from leaving but he didn’t. And now that Taehyun’s gone, Yeonjun thought it was a good chance to pull him back all over again. 
Taehyun was, and is still, very much in love with him, but if Yeonjun won’t give him a reason to try again, then why should it even be in his mind? He’s been there, he’s done that. It’s not a pleasant feeling to love alone, and it’s not a feeling he would want to have again.
“Can I be honest?” It’s everything that Taehyun wanted.
“Please.”
“I think I love you from the very beginning.”
“Think?” Taehyun had to make sure.
And Yeonjun seemed hesitant. Or maybe he was nervous. His grip on his chopsticks was tight like he’s bracing for something to come. Taehyun, this time, didn’t have to read him to understand. It was the first time that Yeonjun finally found a voice to tell Taehyun something he wanted to know. “I know I love you.”
“You-”
“Let me,” Yeonjun cuts him off instantly, breath hitching. “Do you remember when we were in high school and we would watch crappy rom-coms in your dorm?”
Taehyun nods. “You would bring fried chicken.”
“I would bring fried chicken. I would. And you would let me eat on your floor even though you’re such a clean-freak.”
“I am not.”
“You are,” Yeonjun ends the argument with this. “Times like that never felt different. It didn’t excite me, it didn’t bore me either. I didn’t care if you fell asleep somewhere during the movie or if I fell asleep while we’re still talking, being there just felt so calm and normal and-” He paused. “Coming to you always felt peaceful, and I thought it was like that with everybody.”
“Was it?” Taehyun had to ask, wanting to know if Yeonjun had something to say. 
Yeonjun shakes his head with a growing smile. “No. It was just you,” he said. “The moment I realized that nobody else was going to make me feel the way you do, was the moment I tried to convince myself that nobody would make me feel that way at all. Not even you. Especially you.”
“I don’t understand. If you weren’t planning on anything then why get me into this. We were fine, hyung.”
“We were not fine, Taehyun. You could barely look me in the eyes! And the- the coffee hangouts? You don’t even like coffee, Taehyun. Do you think I don’t know what you were doing?” Yeonjun was teetering towards a cry. “You were making me feel different. And I didn’t like it. I hated it. You treat me the same way as the people you had to tolerate, and it made me sick in the gut.”
“I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t,” Yeonjun calmed down. There was no use to getting mad. “You didn’t, but it made me feel that way.”
Taehyun knew he wasn’t innocent. He solely blamed it on the time, the growth, and the distance, but he had his fair share of blame when he grew ashamed of the feelings he harbored through the years. Yeonjun was his friend before anything, but he forgot about that for the longest time. 
But still. “So, you thought it would be fun to play with my feelings and lead me to this?” He retorted. It wasn’t something he thought well of before spitting it out for Yeonjun to hear. 
“What, no!” Yeonjun stood from his place. The movement alone made Taehyun lean back in surprise. Like this, Yeonjun loomed huge. He was already taller, but with the suppressed tension his presence seemed heavier. “I proposed because I wanted to be with you, but I..”
Taehyun still crossed his arms. “You proposed because you wanted to be with me?” It didn’t sound believable.
“I was impatient,” Yeonjun huffed. “I felt like I’m taking a very long time, and I didn’t want to wait. It terrified me to know that I could mess this up and I’ll lose you forever, so I wanted to be sure while letting you know that I wanted to love you the way you do.”
“And I’m sorry for telling you this now, when the damage is done. I love you, Taehyun. Even then, I do. I just didn’t know for the longest time, but now it’s all I think about when I’m with you.”
“You’re stupid,” Taehyun whispered. He never looked away, but somehow he was still in a daze. “You’re so stupid.”
“I’ll be anything you want me to be,” Yeonjun comes closer and Taehyun can’t breathe. It’s only when the distance ceased to exist when he remembered how to gasp for air before diving into a kiss he met halfway. 
And he was reminded of everything Yeonjun was with a single touch. The trembling of his lips as it moves with ease, the gentleness of his hands around warm cheeks, and the heating gaze of his tongue on the seams of soft lips. Yeonjun was everything combined, kissing Taehyun with certainty laced with fear, and a muttering of all he wanted to convey. 
“I love you.”
Taehyun smiled with a heart that ached in glee and learned how to wrap his arms around Yeonjun’s neck to tug him close. “I heard you the first time,” He’s lifted up to the kitchen island, and merely had time to fix himself before getting drowned in the same love Yeonjun surrounded him with.
Just say the words and I’ll come to you.
HYUN Thread! PrettyBoy
Hello. I have no time, but basically my boyfriend found this forum and read one of my posts about him and now I have to delete everything before he reads more. 
Bye.
ㅤㅤ
CYJ Answer NickWilde
Too late, babe.
ㅤㅤ
HYUN Thread! PrettyBoy
Fuck.
ㅤㅤ
Endolphin Answer MolangLover
At least it’s your boyfriend who found your posts. 
ㅤㅤ
BEN Answer TeddyBear
I can be the boyfriend who found your posts.
ㅤㅤ
Endolphin Answer MolangLover
For the last time, if I were to get back with an ex-boyfriend, you would be at the last of the list.
ㅤㅤ
BEN Answer TeddyBear
I’m on the list?!
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GOING TO THE BEACH wasn’t the plan. It was so early in the morning when Yeonjun came knocking on Taehyun’s dorm room, his lips trembling and eyes red with remnants of tears, and he didn’t need words to know that holding Yeonjun was a start to where they’ll be later.
And now, Yeonjun was standing on sea stones, pressing the sole of his shoes. The calm sand was trampled on from early footsteps and playful fingers that drew words. If Taehyun didn’t know any better, he’d think it was a secret language that they only shared, now gone from the sea waves that climbed their way up with a mission to efface every single one. 
“The sun is rising,” Taehyun said behind the phone, holding it up for the camera to hit Yeonjun’s eyes. “Do you want me to take pictures of you?”
Yeonjun smiled. “Yeah.”
Will you remember this? Taehyun mused with short breaths in every take. He was still too young to know why Yeonjun looked so pretty even after he cried. Eyes twinkling and hair falling all over the place, dancing in the wind with the flush of his cheek. On moments when questions don’t belong are moments when reasons don't matter, yet Taehyun already knew the alibi to his weak knees when Yeonjun smiled with the redness of his nose at nineteen.
“Do you want to ask about what happened?” Yeonjun asked in the air. Unconsciously bringing Taehyun’s head back from the clouds when their eyes meet one-sided. The camera falls low enough for Taehyun’s face to show, but he lets out no answer. “I broke up with Soobin.”
“Oh,” was what Taehyun could only find himself to say. Words didn’t seem fair when they started scrambling away from his mind. “That sucks,” He mustered up to babble like an eloquent scholar he was.
But it was enough for Yeonjun to crack into a fit of laughter. “You’re not great at this, aren’t you?” 
Taehyun shrugged, hands having a mind of its own when the camera came back up. It rendered silly candid shots of Yeonjun making fun of his pathetic talent to comfort people, yet he’s never seen anything as pure as it. “Did the sea not give it away?”
“No, I don’t need the sea to feel better,” The shaking of Yeonjun’s head wasn’t enough to paint him every picture of what he meant. Taehyun forgot that despite not having anything to offer, Yeonjun still came to him. “But the sea seems to always go with you, Taehyun.”
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[📃: This was something I wrote in a month or two and was posted on my main account first before coming here. Needless to say that this is not the best of what I can do, but this was what impatience brings! Also, the last part is from the mistranslation to Yeonjun’s caption on a TAEJUN post. I thought it was so cute.]
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singingbun · 11 months
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So when I found out about the show 'The Glory' everything about it, from premise to the nature of its bullying got me thinking back to another manga title: "LIFE"
Trigger Warning: Anecdotes of Bullying, mentions of assault, SA and SI.
How many people remembered this manga when Tokyopop was at its hayday?
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Back when manga was still new to me at 14, I remembered borrowing Fruits Basket volumes and would sometimes see this image as a manga advertisement. All the while, it gave a clear warning it was rated r18+ due to its violence and heavily mature themes. It took me 3 years later to finally get access into reading it. and what I saw both horrified me, and opened up wounds I never thought I had until I read it.
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This panel specifically. The moment I realised I was bullied was when the heroine Ayumu had bravely said to her bullies that she would rather be alone than to suffer under these girls' torments.
The story of LIFE contrary to The Glory, was about a girl Ayumu who was estranged from her friend in middle school and went through a point of her grief that led her to self-harming herself. After the estrangement, she had found herself starting anew in her high school, and found herself befriending another girl Manami and hoped to live through her high school years without failure. That was until Manami's crush assaulted Ayumu, creating a horrifying misunderstanding which led Manami brutally bullying Ayumu with every opportunity she gets. From drugs to assault, from self-harm to brutal violence; everything about this manga felt like a survivor's story of how someone who lived through it all.
Everything about this manga, from its beginning to end was one of the hardest stories I've ever read. down to the finish line, some plot threads presented didn't feel as conclusive as any reader may have hoped. But, that was the point of the manga. The title itself, 'LIFE' was intentional, as it felt like the author's cry to the readers to see life in its cruelty, just as she tries her best to aspire hope to those who fell victim to bullying.
I must confess, that now that I am older, the memories of my own psychological scars feels more painful now than it did almost an entire decade ago. Even just the first 20 minutes of the Glory's first episode was already reopening those wounds for me that I couldn't bring myself to even continue it. From the physical scars to the scars unseen, a part of me felt angry to hear the opinion that bullying depicted in these stories are an exaggeration.
Stories like 'the glory' and 'LIFE' are far from an exaggeration when it came to bullying in East Asia or even South East Asia. There was a reason I've come to hate the memories I had from my birth country. And much of the cultures that exhibit such violent behaviours are just the tip of the iceberg. I've seen my brother held down as he was getting kicked by boys who were twice his height. My sister was bullied by boys as a child to the point she hated men for almost all of her entire primary years. I've seen the girl whom I once 'idolized' as my friend corner another girl just because she didn't like her habit of apologising. Throw her bag to the ground and scatter her notes just to prove a point that the girl needed to 'fix' herself. And like an idiot that I was, I earnestly believed I was the one in the wrong for being rejected by my bullying friend just because I kept saying sorry. That girl was the start to my suicidal ideation and to this day, I could never forget the day she mocked my tears as she continued to torment me.
Everything about what is depicted in both the Glory and LIFE may be seen as an exaggeration. Now to be fair, I'll give these perspectives the benefit of the doubt, because all who make such light claims must've come from a place where they haven't experienced the same horrors that the characters depicted have gone through. But that's not to say their struggles are lesser. It's only that it does bite at me when people make this matter lighter than what it actually is.
After I had discovered the real-life counterpart that inspired 'the glory' in the first place, my heart breaks at the confirmation. And it is true that more times, life imitates art, its stories like LIFE and the Glory that proves that art truly does imitate life.
All of this now said, to those who had suffered under such scrutiny, harm and violence altogether. To those who had endured such cruel experiences of being bullied. Hold onto hope. As harsh and as cruel as it is, for as long as you live, you can still find it. You can still find the strength to hold on. Maybe these words come off as hollow, but as I write this, I'm telling myself the same words everyday. There is always a way to get back on your feet for as long as you live. It's just the matter of building up the courage to find strength to stem that tide.
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rh2log · 1 year
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