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kelseytheballerina · 9 months

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Reflections on building a better me

Exercise is not optional. Mental satisfaction from completing yet another workout cannot be overstated. Physical satisfaction from feeling good and enjoying your body in clothes, the mirror, and photos cannot be overstated. Stop messing around, stop info hoarding, go exercise. And tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day.

Looking your best depending on circumstances (ie, casual, dressy, bedtime, etc) is not optional. External confidence from taking care of your appearance top to bottom and loving what you see in the mirror is highly valuable.

You feel better when you eat better. You’re proud of yourself when you eat better.

Hobbies, hobbies, hobbies. Do you feel embarrassed when someone asks what you do all day and you can’t come up with an honest answer that doesn’t make you sound like a loser with no life? You need hobbies. Some that are outdoors, some that are indoors. Some that are taxing, some that are relaxing. You will enjoy life more, become a more well-rounded individual, and have positive ways to spend your time rather than racking up more hours on your phone. Get some hobbies. Plural.

Procrastination and laziness should disgust you. You shouldn’t be able to relate. You should strive to be above that. You like yourself better when you complete your tasks and get things done in a timely manner. You’re proud of yourself when you’re on a roll and have a productive streak. You’re impressed by productive people and no one likes a lazy bum.

Decide what you want from life and pursue it ruthlessly. Don’t take advice from people who don’t have the life you want, unless they were once on your desired path and fell off. Even then, you listen to them when they say what NOT to do (learning from their mistakes) but clearly they don’t know what TO do bc they didn’t make it to the finish line. Take “do this” advice from people who crossed the finish line and have what you want. You’ll find that the amount of input that is actually valuable to you has suddenly dwindled. Good. Less chatter in your ears.

Get yourself in order before you go around critiquing everyone else. Get YOUR face in order. Get YOUR body right. Get YOUR money up. Get YOUR style in order. Get YOUR relationship together.

Stop coming to everyone for validation like a toddler. Validate yourself. Do you like it? Okay then. Are you over it? Okay then. Stop being so weak. Stand tall, lead yourself. Stop being such a follower.

Be a good person. Help your family, lend a hand to strangers, give back, say sorry, do things for loved ones just because, show affection, work things out, watch your mouth, speak respectfully, remember that the world owes you nothing. Stop being an insufferable freak.

You can’t change anyone but yourself. Get yourself in order and be a good role model. That’s all you can do. Give people advice when they want it and then go about your business. Get yourself in order. Get yourself in order.

Outrage content is the lowest form of entertainment. Engage in things that make you happy or educate you. Doom scrolling only leads to doom. Don’t like this person? Don’t click on their articles or videos. Unfollow and block. Don’t like these people? Leave their spaces. You don’t have to be outraged every day.

Always keep your word to yourself. Make a plan, stick to the plan, always deliver. If you can’t be reliable for yourself then who can you be reliable for?

#yours truly ♡

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rthko · 2 months

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Hey so here's a conversation you might or might not be interested in having but if you'd like to, it's been my understanding that you participate in the time honoured tradion of cruising (TM), so I was curious about how/why you first started engaging with that? Was it an intentional choice? Are there still live spots around where you live? Natural continuation from the grindr life? Feels like it isn't really a natural part of gay life for a lot of people these days and more of an active choice.

I do like having conversations like this! Now I do cruise, but not in the ways that first come to mind with the term "cruising." My experience is limited to bathhouses, bars, and parties with play spaces, but I haven't done it in, say, a park or a highway rest stop. Cruising refers to looking for sex in places known for the practice. Said sex does not have to occur there, so finding someone at a cruising spot and going to a second location is cruising, but a couple arranging to have sex in a park is not. There are definitely gray areas--is Grindr cruising, or is it an existential threat to the culture? What's the line between a plain old bar hookup and cruising? Is going to a cruising spot only to have sex with people you already knew cruising? Maybe someone reading this knows better than I do.

Knowing spots is and always has been a matter of word of mouth, but sites like squirt . org and Sniffies have made it a lot easier. People looking to cruise might look at these sites, or look for advice for their city in forums, or just know the right people who know their way around the "pickle parks." The spots I've been to are the easiest to find--obviously people are going to be having sex at a bathhouse. But there are other options--informal, discrete spots that don't (or can't) require an entry fee. You'd be surprised just how many there are, and not just in the cities you'd suspect. I just don't know much about this world, aside from the "official" brick and mortar spots.

I started going first out of curiosity, but then I kept finding more and more reasons. It wasn't a natural continuation from Grindr life but rather a reaction against it. I was sick of Grindr. I wanted to work on people skills, like dishing out and taking rejection respectfully, and without the ego-preserving move of a block button. I had a roommate and felt awkward inviting people over. I didn't have a car and had a hard time even getting to other people's places, and by the time I got there I'd lost my sexual appetite. I found being naked or in a towel in a space full of equally naked people helped me be at ease with my body. The men I had sex with couldn't find and contact me after the fact unless I deliberately gave them contact information. I felt more freedom to say no or change my mind in a place full of sexual possibilities than I would at someone else's apartment. I found a lot of reasons beyond finding voyeurism and exhibitionism hot--which I do.

I have learned not to focus too hard on the why. A lot of different types do it for a lot of different reasons, and that's part of the appeal for me. There are closeted and experimenting men, out and proud gays who view the baths as part of their identity, disrobed white collar professionals visiting my city for a conference, locals who can't host, and nobody's really asking who's who. This is the sort of contact that Samuel R Delany wrote about, overcoming the guiding rule of cities that we "don't talk to strangers." Michael Warner also has great writing on cruising and public sex, and challenges the idea that gay victory will look like normalcy and the end of cruising. Cruising is not as popular as it used to be, and I think it's important to acknowledge a lot of this comes down to policy and not a change in the gay conscience. Ironically, the very gentrification that scrubs away these spaces has made them necessarily through a tightening housing market where fewer people can host. I would not be surprised if I heard it confirmed that more gays lately are choosing to cruise--or already are and don't realize it. At the risk of over-simplified sentimentality, I'd be glad to hear it.

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dollfaceksj · 8 months

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we need to know what happens when they share that tent NEOW!!!

alright alright!

warnings: nuthin much just a bit of a vibe switch…. y’all will get it when u read it + a bit of jungkook lore

taste of a poison paradise | jjk (m) #11

masterlist

<- previous ; next ->

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

TELL YOONGI YOU’RE NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS 55,3%

TELL YOONGI YOU REALLY LIKE HIM 44,7%

291 votes

you chose:

TELL YOONGI YOU’RE NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS

↓

you take a breath to gather your courage

“did you know i,” you start, “i had a big crush on you like two years ago?”

he raises his brows as he processes the new info, a small smile on his lips. “i did not.”

he’s so cute guys ohmydhskdjdjdn

you continue, “well, seeing you again made me…” you sigh as you rub your forehead and avoid his gaze, staring down at the ground. “i got excited and let myself get carried away, you know?”

he nods and just lets you speak

you sigh softly and force yourself to look back up at him

“but since then.. since 2 years go i’ve.. i’ve met people,” you say, “i’ve gotten into some situations and i’m realizing now that i’m still thinking about them too.”

yoongi just stares at you as you talk

and it feels like your throat is tightening

just wrap it up you’re dragging it out!!!

“what i wanna say is that, i’m not looking for anything serious right now. not when i know my mind is still clouded by others, i don’t want you to feel played or anything cause i do enjoy spending time with you.”

wow

that took

a WHOLE bunch of courage to say

you stare at him, waiting for a reaction

then, he smiles. “take a breath.”

you hadn’t realized you were holding your breath

anticipating his reaction

you take a deep breath, fingers fidgeting

he nods his head. “that’s okay.”

just as you part your lips to say something, he continues, “i totally understand what you mean when you say your mind is still clouded by someone else cause i still experience it too. i’m glad you had the courage to tell me cause i’m not sure i could’ve admitted that.”

he’s so

wow

need him. RN.

you blink at him. “so, we’re on the same page, then?”

he nods but then tilts his head to the side. “of course. thanks for being honest and making me realize some stuff too.”

a small smile creeps on your lips. you’re glad it worked out

but his next few words knock the air right out of your body

“will you still let me kiss you?”

aaaaaa

AAAAAAAAAA

you bite your lip in an attempt to hide your smile and nod your head, taking a step closer to close the distance between you two

he cups your cheek and brings your face closer to his, gently pressing his lips to yours

your own hands move up to his biceps, softly squeezing them as you kiss him

he’s so fine

his arms fit right into your hands

like you were made to hold him isn’t that crazy

he slightly tilts his head to the side, allowing himself to deepen the kiss

his lips are so soft, you’re convinced you’re being caressed by clouds

you sigh contentedly into the kiss, goosebumps popping out of the upper layer of your skin

oh how you wish you could have him in sinful ways

his hands respectfully drop down to your waist as he pulls you even closer, pressing your chest flat into his

you smile into the kiss and this makes him poke through your lips with his tongue

you part your lips, allowing him to lick into your mouth

you continue to make out with him in front of dirty tables and dishes that are begging for attention

but standing here with him makes the world around you fade away

and you allow yourself to melt into his kiss, his touch, his embra–

“i don’t mean to ruin your kdrama moment but you’re blocking the way. i can’t reach the dirty plates.”

your heart freefalls to your feet

no, not freefalls

PLUMMETS

into the pit of the fucking earth

your lips part from yoongi’s and you turn to look to the side

to see

jungkook

staring you down

eyes slowly dragging down your body

pinch in his brows

tongue rolling against the inside of his cheek

eyes hooded

FUCK

he just went to go pee, of course it wouldn’t take long for him to return

what if he thinks you’re kissing yoongi just in spite of him?!??

“oh, my bad,” yoongi doesn’t seem to notice the tension between you two as he just pulls you to the side to let jungkook get to the plates

the three of you continue to clean up in silence

it’s

fucking

awkward

then, hoseok calls out yoongi’s name

“i’m gonna shut the tent and you’re not getting in if you don’t come right now!” hoseok yells from wherever he is

yoongi chuckles and then reaches out to rub your shoulder. “i gotta go. you can handle the rest, right? i mean, you’ve got jungkook too.”

damn

if only he knew

you force a smile and nod.

he’s so sweet :(

“okay. goodnight.” he gently taps your nose and walks off

oh :(

he’s so cute

you do really like him :(

you watch his figure disappear in silence

you turn to the tables and continue cleaning up

jungkook doesn’t say anything at all

you’ve finally cleaned everything up. “shall we go sleep?” you ask as you turn to face him

he nods as he uses his sweatpants to dry his hands

you quietly follow him to his tent, crouching down to follow him inside

well

“i can’t see anything,” you mumble

he doesn’t say anything as he turns the flashlight on on his phone and turns it face down so it lights up the tent

why is he so quiet :/

“we should reserve our battery as much as we can.” you remind him that you’re still in the middle of nowhere

he shakes his head, wordlessly dismissing you

can he stop being so

quiet?

you’re not used to it from him

you quietly watch as he zips the entrance to the tent back up

you just remembered you have to change your clothes with him.. in one tent

now you’re here, on your knees

he’s on his knees too

and he’s reaching for his own luggage

you slowly reach for your suitcase and open it up, picking out the first pajamas you see

when you look over your shoulder to ask him not to look

he’s

shirtless

with his back to you

changing

his clothes

and then

you notice

an entire fucking sleeve of tattoos

oh shit oh shit

he’s hot as fuck😭

you frown. “since when do you have tattoos?”

his head shoots up and he turns to look at you. “ogling me, you perv?”

this damn junior…

well at least he’s talking again

you roll your eyes as you turn back to your own suitcase and tug your shirt off

the silence makes him speak

“i’ve been getting them since a year ago but i don’t like that the sleeve is unfinished so i don’t like showing it yet.”

is that why he wears rash guards when you go swimming?

“oh, ok.” you slide your pajama shirt on and start buttoning it up. you’re trying so hard not look at him cause he’s so fucking hot and you’re stuck with him in one tent

just

act like he’s not here.

ACT LIKE HE’S NOT HERE

okay. that’s good.

“wanna see?”

fuck

FUCK

you do

u really do

you glance at him as you button up your shirt

your eyes trail his bare chest and torso as he’s now fully turned to you

he’s so toned

he looks…… really good

you glance up into his eyes and he is staring straight into your eyes

he knows you just eyed his body

but he doesn’t comment on it

you finally glance down at his arm

he takes his phone into his hand and directs the flashlight at his arm

you see a whole bunch of tattoos, eyes tracing each line

you reach out and trace the lines with your finger

you glance up at him and he’s not looking at his arm

he’s staring straight at you

look away

LOOK AWAY

before you do something

so fucking stupid

…

NOW

you shift your eyes back to his arm. “what does this one mean?” you rub one flower that he has tatted on the inside of his arm

“that’s my mother’s birthflower.”

you glance up at him and this time he’s staring at the tattoo as well instead of at you

“that’s sweet,” you say, quietly

he nods. “yeah. she always said that if i do ever get tattoos, i’d better start with something in honor of her,” he says with a soft smile as he gently rubs his inked skin

you smile. that’s really cute. who knew he was such a softie? “what was her reaction to seeing the tattoo?”

silence

wow

suddenly

the atmosphere changes

maybe you shouldn’t have asked that

he scrunches his nose up for a split second and then tugs his arm from under your finger away

he reaches for his sweater and slides it on, same with his pants. “she never got to see it.”

and with that, he crawls into his oversized sleeping bag and turns his back to you

thats

what happened with his mom?

you stare at his back for a moment longer

you slowly and quietly crawl into your own sleeping bag and try to sleep without another word

“you’re trembling.” his voice is groggy and quiet

how long have you been trying to fall asleep?

you glance at your phone, it’s 2am

“yeah, well, it’s cold,” you mumble, trying to stop yourself from shivering

he says, “come here,” with a soft sigh

huh

come

come WHERE?

“i’m good.”

“stop being stubborn and come here.”

wow

breathless

that’s the only way to describe what you’re feeling right now

you slowly scoot closer to him. you grumble, “don’t talk to me like that, i’m still your senior.”

“yeah, yeah,” he says as he dismisses your comment and slowly starts unzipping your sleeping bag and his

your breath hitches in your throat

is he telling you to crawl into his sleeping bag?

wait

WAITTTT

“don’t touch–”

“i’m not gonna touch you. there’s enough space.”

you glance at him for a moment longer but you can’t see much

he quietly sighs at your accusing gaze. “not everything i do is underhanded, y/n. sometimes i just want to help you, alright? you’re making it really hard to want to help you.”

well

you can’t help it !! you just don’t trust him

but you’re fucking freezing and you don’t know what else to do

you sigh and slowly crawl out of your own sleeping bag into his

you turn on your side, turning your back to him

it’s quiet

it doesn’t seem like he had any ulterior motives cause you can hear the soft puffs leaving his mouth and it actually sounds like he’s sleeping again

he’s right, it’s quite spacious

your bodies haven’t touched

but his body heat is radiating off of him and you don’t feel so cold anymore

alright

you close your eyes and try to fall asleep

and you’re slowly

dozing

off

…

“i’m glad you hit it off with yoongi. he’s a good guy.”

oh shit

your eyes shoot open and you turn your face over your shoulder to look at him

what

don’t do this.

“you deserve someone that’s going to treat you well. i know we’re always teasing each other but i really do want what’s best for you.”

he continues to talk with his eyes closed

is he talking to you in his sleep?

do you believe him? or is this another one of his tricks?

will he remember even inviting you into his sleeping bag tomorrow morning?

your lack of response makes him open up his eyes, staring directly into yours

you can’t see much but you can definitely see that

so he was awake

you turn your face back to lie back with your back to him and close your eyes. you can’t look into his eyes for much longer. “i told him i’m not looking for anything serious.”

there’s a beat of silence

“why?”

you’re quiet this time

very quiet

his breath hits the back of your neck in the meantime

makes you see every celestial body in the universe on the back of your eyelids

nerve endings set alight

goosebumps all over your body

you finally reply, “i’m sure you know why.”

…..

he doesn’t respond to that

and before you know it

you’ve finally dozed off

light

light hits your eyes

scrunching of shoes against branches and grass reach your ears

you stir

trying to recognize your surroundings

your eyes are met with someone’s back

oh right

you’re in the tent with jungkook

but why

the fuck

is your arm

around jungkook’s waist

WHY ARE YOU SPOONING HIM

STOP

take your arm back without waking him up NOW

you slowly start pulling your arm back, but his own arm is caging yours in

you bite your lip as you continue to try to pull your arm back undetected

but

that mission FAILS

when jungkook suddenly jerks and turns around in one swift motion, wrapping his own arm around you as you lie flat on your back

you almost yelp but looking down at him, you realize he’s still asleep

you freeze

his face is directly in the crook of your neck, breath hitting your skin and awakening goosebumps all over your body

his arm is lazily slung around your waist and his legs are intertwined with yours

you hold your breath as you try to think of a way to get out of this without jungkook ever being aware of it

STEADYYYYY

you slowly move to untangle his legs from yours and it’s extra hard cause you can’t actually see your legs

okay MISSION SUCCESSFUL

WOW he didn’t wake up once

he must be a heavy sleeper

Now moving onto his arm around your waist, let’s get that–

“BREAKFAST IS ALMOST DONE! EVERYONE WAKE UP!”

FUCK

FOR FUCKS SAKE TAE!!!!

he’s yelling it around all tents

jungkook

suddenly

jerks

and you almost whimper at how his lips graze your neck

“hm?” you hear a soft hum coming from him

fuck FUCK HE’S WAKING UP

you shut your eyes tightly as he slowly starts to recognize his surroundings

“oh… Oh?” jungkook suddenly scoots back, creating a bigger gap between your bodies

he looks just as surprised as you

“i’m so sorry,” he quickly says as he turns onto his back and rubs his face

you glance at him, noticing how his ears have turned a bright shade of crimson

“it’s okay,” you mumble as you sit up straight, rubbing your own face

you both sit there for awhile just waking up slowly

“come on, breakfast is ready,” you mumble as you start unzipping his sleeping bag further

“wait–” his hand tightly grips your wrist as he tries to stop you in your movements, his entire upper body slouched over your lap

you frown and glance down at him

he slowly lies back down, his hair sprawled out behind his head on his makeshift pillow of rolled up pants.

did he? give you? his pillow? while you? were sleeping?

you say, “what?”

“i uh,” he scratches his head with his other hand

your frown deepens as you encourage him to finish talking

you’re so confused

so damn confused

he suddenly??? turns his back to you???

“never mind. go ahead.”

huh

????

you frown. “what are you doing? breakfast is ready.”

“i’ll come later, okay?”

your frown deepens. “but there might not be anything left for you if you wait.”

he mumbles, “that’s okay for me. you should go, though.”

“jungko–”

“i’m hard as fuck right now, alright? just go. Damn.”

it’s morning

he’s uhhh

experiencing

morning wood?

okay

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

without another word.

you.

get.

the.

hell.

out.

and after you’ve washed up

you see that the table only has two vacant seats left, one next to yoongi that he probably saved for you

and the two empty seats are right across from each other

meaning you’re gonna have to stare straight at jungkook when he joins y’all for breakfast

after what just happened

while sitting right next to yoongi

😂😂😂😂😂😂 life is so funny

to be continued

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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AITA for going no-contact without warning in perhaps the pettiest way i could?

Context: I(20m) had a falling out with my friend (18m) about 2 years ago. We were in this discord server with our friends, and I woke up one morning to find it gone. I asked him, and he dm'd me and began with "I just wanna say, I mean this respectfully;" followed by THE LONGEST RANT about a bunch of things I did (including not giving feedback on other people's art, dominating the conversation, and being "hard to corral into one topic" which i still don't fully get). He said "everyone else in the server feels the same, you make people really uncomfortable." I asked who had what gripes, so I could apologize, but he said nobody really wanted to hear it and this was a mutual decision. I respected that, cried for a day or two, moved on.

Enter a few months ago. I up-heaved my entire online presence, recreating my friend group from the ground up with people who were more up to my style of interaction, and got better with boundaries. We open a roleplay server for a fandom my old friend liked, and it'd been a few years, so I decided to hit him up, invite him and try to mend some things. I was different after all.

Shit hits the fan, let me keep it brief- a different friend (it/its) makes a comment about eating something that's gonna make it sick later, because it has IBS but it's fuckin hungy and wants pepper poppers. The old friend dms it and says "hey, you shouldn't talk about self harm in this channel, it's gonna make people uncomfortable!!!" Which. first of all, yikes, but secondly, nobody else seemed uncomfortable. I was in a vc with my friends which is where it told me about the dms, and everyone else agreed that yeah, he seemed to be overreacting a little. But I started piecing shit together.

Even though I never talked to most of the people from the old server ever again, none of them reached out to me either. Not even to ask for an apology or where I'd gone. I was just kind of relying on what my friend said to be true. I asked someone from that server, and they said that besides a few gripes mentioned here and there, nobody seemed that uncomfortable with me. In fact, many of them- whom i hadn't spoken to in two years- asked where i went.

I got pissed, and probably could have handled it better, but I didn't wanna see his face anymore. So I removed him from the server, and when he asked me why, all I said was: "I just wanna say, I mean this respectfully;" and blocked him. Part of me still thinks about it. I felt like a hypocrite, and wanted to explain what I'd found out and ask him about it instead of jumping to conclusions, but the deed was done and I figured I'd feel better if I ignored it. I do feel a little better, but I just wanna know if I was the asshole.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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jahayla-parker · 1 year

Text

Royal Comfort : Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

Description: 2.1k wc sick!reader fic where reader is Nikolai’s wife and becomes sick after not heeding advice to rest her voice.

Warnings: illness/sickness, mentions of eating and drinking/soup and tea, mentions of Nikolai being shirtless (just fluff though, I promise), Nikolai bring a protective!simp for reader. 🖤

Note: full disclosure this wasn’t a WIP but rather to help my little sis @ell0ra-br3kk3r feel better 💜

“I thought you agreed to take it easy today” Nikolai sighed, walking into his office and seeing his wife y/n tidying up.

She turned to him with a guilty smile.

“How’s your throat?” He questioned, stepping to her.

“It’s gr-“ she coughed, “great”.

Nikolai gave her an incredulous look.

“Milaya, I heard you singing to yourself again” He informed her, reaching for her hand.

“Habit” she mumbled, shuffling her feet against the wood floor.

He grinned softly, “I know. And it’s precious, truly. But, you have to rest your voice”.

“Are you telling me to sh-“ She coughed again and groaned, “to shut up?”

Nikolai smirked, “If that’s what gets you to rest your throat, then, yes”.

She gave him a weak glare before spinning around to resume her cleaning.

“My beloved wife, we have people who can do that, you mustn’t fuss over it” He reminded her.

“You want them going through your documents?” She questioned softly, holding up one of his more confidential notes.

Nikolai hummed and took it from her, “Fair point Darling. I’ll handle this, you should see if Genya or someone can aid your throat”.

Y/n shook her head and took the paper back from Nikolai before setting it on the desk.

Nikolai watched her silently as she guided him to the lounge chair across the room.

She popped down and signaled for him to join her.

Once he sat down beside her, he moved to pull her to his chest and placed a tender kiss on the top of her head.

—— Time Skip 1 Day ——

“Darling” Nikolai scolded, arms crossed as he stared down his wife.

She winced slightly and covered her mouth.

He signed and walked to her before lowering her hand with his.

“I’m just worried you’ll make yourself worse” Nikolai explained.

She nodded, “I’m not trying to be difficult, it’s just so routine”.

Nikolai pulled her to him, resting his chin on her head, “perhaps you should stay in bed where you don’t have a reason to sing?”

Y/n looked around the room she’d been painting in and frowned.

As she turned back to Nikolai she shook her head with a pout.

He chuckled softly, “alright, but then the signing has to be put on hold hmm?”

She sighed but nodded reluctantly.

—— Time Skip 1 Day ——

“Your highness?” Sentinel Ivanov whispered, standing behind the King as Nikolai attended yet another boring meeting.

Nikolai nodded in response to his wife’s personal guard member, but respectfully kept his eyes on the meeting’s current speaker.

“It’s the Queen,” Sentinel Ivanov began, stepping back when Nikolai’s head whipped around instantly.

“What is it? Where is she?” Nikolai questioned, diregarding the meeting he was in.

“She’s fallen ill, she hasn’t left your shared chambers but has requested your-“ Sentinel Ivanov explained cautiously.

Nikolai stood from his seat and quickly walked to the exit.

“I have a family matter to attend to. General Nazyalensky will take over” he breathily rushed out before exiting the meeting room.

Nikolai ignored the way his staff in the hall turned to watch him speed down the hallway.

Upon reaching their bedroom door, he impatiently waited for the guards to part from their blocking of the entrance and then dashed inside.

Nikolai frowned so deeply his forehead wrinkled as he saw the state his wife was in.

Y/n lay there wrapped up in the comforter in the middle of their bed, tissues scattered across the sheets, head slightly hung, and sad eyes.

He nearly choked when she glanced over to give him a weak smile.

Her nose was red and stuffy and the smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Moya tsaritsa” he whined, rushing to her bedside.

She pointed wordlessly to her neck and frowned.

Nikolai sighed as he took her hand in his, “your sore throat worsened?”

She nodded and then paused as a shiver took over her body.

Nikolai felt her forehead with the back of his hand and let out a sigh of relief.

“No fever, let’s keep it that way, hmm?” He advised, scanning the room.

“It’s just a stuffy nose and re-“ y/N’s voice cracked, “really bad sore throat”.

Nikolai nodded and gently moved the pillows behind her before scooping her up in his arms.

He delicately placed her back down on the bed, closer to the head of it this time.

“Let me change and then we’ll cuddle and get some rest okay?” Nikolai offered.

“You could get sick Kolya” she whined followed by a small coughing fit.

He raised an accusatory eyebrow, “you expect me to care about that?! Especially when you’re ill?”

Y/n smiled softly at him but nodded.

Nikolai chuckled softly as he removed his uniform top.

“Your guard informed me that you requested my presence “ Nikolai grinned, although he was inferring that information as he hadn’t let Sentinel Ivanov finish before he rushed to come to her aid.

Y/n coughed loudly, making Nikolai’s head whip around to look over her.

As she lowered her arm from her mouth she sighed, “I’m okay”.

He shook his head and resumed changing his clothes.

“I didn’t think about it when I asked for you” she mumbled, “but I don’t want you to get-“

“Enough of that y/n,” he warned, “I won’t have it. You are my one true love and I’m not leaving your side until you’re well”.

“Bu-but you don’t have time to-“ she argued weakly.

Nikolai turned to her, his robe hanging open around his torso as he stared at her.

“Y/n/n, I always have time for you. I love you” he cooed as he made his way back to her.

“Even when I’m sick?” Y/n questioned, followed by another cough.

Nikolai pouted and softly pulled her arm away from her face after she finished coughing, “especially when you're sick. Sick people need even more love and time than usual, you know."

Y/n whimpered quietly as she reached to her husband, “…… I love you immensely”.

He smiled and slid into the bed beside her, his arms instantly closing around her frame.

“I love you too moya tsaritsa, now how can I help?” He questioned, kissing her forehead.

She shrugged, desperately clinging onto him, “don’t know. I’m fine”.

Nikolai sighed, moving one hand from her back to her chin and tilting her face upwards, “what’s the matter?”

“This is humiliating” she pouted, eyes darting anywhere but his face.

“There's nothing humiliating about needing help once in a while, my love” he promised, smiling tenderly at her.

She finally made eye contact with him and sniffled, “but you have more important-“.

“No” Nikolai stated, his hand placed over her mouth.

She gasped and then giggled against his hand, making him smile as he pulled his hand back.

“Don’t make me risk you having to cough because I had to cover your mouth. You’re not permitted to finish that sentence” Nikolai alerted her.

“Per-permitted?” She coughed and rose her eyebrow at him.

“You know I’d never restrict you milaya, but this is one exception. I will not stand for you insinuating that there’s anything in this world I would find more important than you” he affirmed, holding her closer to his bare chest.

Y/n laid her head against his torso with a smile on her lips.

“You’re sitting though” she teased quietly.

Nikolai chuckled loudly and tickled her sides.

As her laughter turned into coughs, he abruptly stopped and held her still as his eyes scanned her face.

“I’m terribly sorry love, that was a bad idea” he apologized frantically.

“Moi tsar, Moi Kolya, it isn’t y-your fault” y/n assured him, her voice cracking slightly.

Nikolai bent his head down to place a kiss to her stuffy nose.

“Shhh y/n/n, you don’t need to talk love” he advised, shifting so she could rest on his chest again.

A few calm moments passed before y/n pulled back to glance up at her husband again.

Nikolai smirked at her inability to stay still and nodded for her to explain what was on her mind.

“You’re not mad at me?” She questioned in a breathy whisper.

Nikolai’s eyes nearly crossed as he tried to figure out where she’d get such an idea from.

“Course not, why would I be?” He wondered, staring deeply into her eyes for an answer.

“I..” she sniffled and rubbed the tip of her swollen nose with the side of her palm, “I didn’t listen when you said to stop singing”.

Nikolai let out a gust of air as he broke into a smile, “it’s okay milaya, I love your singing. Just didn’t want you to hurt is all”.

“You love my singing?” She whispered.

He cupped her cheek and guided her head back to his chest, “I am in love with your singing, y/n”.

She hummed softly but stopped as she rubbed her throat in pain.

Nikolai pursed his lips before he began to slowly moving out from behind her so he could set her against the pillows.

“I’m going to get you some tea” he informed her when she frowned at his movement.

She pouted and shook her head as she tightened her grip on the edges of his robe to try and hold him down.

Despite the fact he could very easily escape her grip, he didn’t want to; and she clearly didn’t want him to either.

So, he placed a tender kiss to the top of his wife’s head.

“Sentinel Ivanov” Nikolai called out, his hands placed over y/n’s ears.

There was a firm knock on the doors of their bed chambers as Sentinel Ivanov responded, “Korol Lantsov?”

“You may enter” Nikolai confirmed, lowering his hands from his wife’s ears.

“Korol, Koroleva” Sentinel Ivanov bowed as he reached the end of the couple’s bed.

“Ilya, please rise” Nikolai said at the same time y/n said, “you don’t need to do bow”.

Ilya smiled and nodded at them as he waited to hear why he’d been called.

“Would you please have the kitchen fetch some warm tea, and perhaps honey if there’s any, for my loving wife?” Nikolai requested, rubbing y/n’s shoulder that wasn’t pressed against his chest.

“Of course moi tsar, anything else for Koroleva Lantsov?” Ilya replied with a nod.

Nikolai glanced down lovingly at his wife, “anything else you think will help, darling?”

She shook her head and then pulled her shirt over her nose as she coughed again.

Nikolai frowned, glancing between his wife and Sentinel Ivanov.

Ilya gave Nikolai a sympathetic look, knowing full well how much y/n’s discomfort was impacting the King.

“Has anyone brought her food today?” Nikolai questioned Ilya upon remembering it was nearly noon.

Ilya shook his head, “no one other than yourself has left nor entered these chambers today. Well, and now myself”.

Nikolai nodded, sighing as he looked back at his wife.

Y/n lifted her head to make eye contact with Nikolai as she felt his gaze.

“It hurts too much” she whispered.

Nikolai pressed his lips into a fine line as he thought of how to make sure she still ate.

“Perhaps there’s some soup or broth in the kitchen?” Nikolai asked as his eyes snapped to Ilya.

“I can certainly check sir” Ilya agreed.

Nikolai hummed and nodded, “that’ll be all. Thank you”.

—— Short Time Skip ——

“You must love me a lot” y/n croaked a Nikolai lowered the spoon back to the bowl of soup.

“Obviously, you idiot” Nikolai smirked, bringing up another spoonful of warm broth.

She squinted at him but sipped the broth from the spoon in his hand.

“Now you’re insulting a sick person?” Y/n huffed.

He chuckled, “only when you say such obvious things”.

She smiled and softly pushed his hand back down to the dish has he brought up another spoonful.

“You’re full?” He questioned warily.

She nodded and he grinned as she let out a yawn.

“Fair enough, but you’re going to have some more tea before we go to sleep” he ordered as he set the bowl on the bedside table.

—— Short Time Skip ——

“Don’t” y/n whispered, eyelids blinking slowly.

She yawned and snuggled into Nikolai’s embrace even more, “don’t stop.. your fingers…”

Nikolai hummed tenderly, his fingers still moving through her hair.

“Your fingers” she repeated lowly, “feel so nice in my hair”.

He smirked to himself before lowering his head to press a kiss to her head.

“So cozy Kolya” y/n mumbled, her eyelids closing.

Nikolai watched her closely until he saw the rise and fall of her chest.

Once he noticed her eyelids and facial features relaxed, he let out a satisfied sigh.

“Rest well my dear Koroleva” Nikolai hummed, letting his own eyes close.

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#king nikolai #prince nikolai #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lanstov #nikolai duology #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai imagines #nikolai lanstov x y/n #Nikolai lantsov x y/n #Nikolai lantsov x you #Nikolai lanstov x you #privateer sturmhond #sturmhond #netflix shadow and bone #shadow and bone #sab #original post

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smokingtiger · 4 months

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Don't Be Weird

a reminder during this difficult time...

if you are willingly seeking out unofficial pictures of the boys, trying to find their military schedules, looking up what they're eating every day, describing throwing/using weapons of mass destruction as a fun 'adrenaline' inducing activity... please respectfully get help. If you are trying to actively romanticize the military despite this being a forced conscription, you need to reevaluate your position as a fan and realize that this isn't some fun summer camp. They are being taught how to kill people. They are being forced to give up over eighteen months of their lives for a war decades older than they are. Both Namjoon and Yoongi have written about the subject of enlistment in quite a harrowing manner. I recommend you look into their works and stop viewing a government institution built on turning Korean men into personal property as something cute and quirky.

I have seen way too many people look into military schedules and make heart-and-rose-type posts about the members throwing grenades. Fucking grenades. BTS are already going through an extremely difficult time and they do not need an army of stalkers endangering them further.

Also...

DON'T FUCKING WRITE THEM LETTERS.

The company already addressed this several times with both Jin and Hoseok's enlistment, so if you write them a letter, you're not a fan -- you're a terrible person. I'm not going to sugarcoat that because you're actively going against their wishes.

Anyone who makes the military about ships gets a hard block from me. Anyone who tries to leak personal information gets a hard block from me. You will also be reported for actively trying to doxx someone. I've seen some people pass around that blurry picture of Jimin and Jungkook in a military classroom being like "SEE, THEY'RE NOT SITTING TOGETHER SO THEY'RE NOT ACTUALLY COMPANION SOLDIERS/DATING" as if you know how the seating chart works in the fucking military. No Sasaengs. No unconfirmed sources. No shippers. Nothing.

Get. A. Grip.

This type of obsession is not normal.

I'm stuck with you all until 2025, so I'm not going to sit here and watch you all call forced conscription sexy. As a non-religious person, I'll still say that you're going to hell for that.

See y'all in six months when Jin is discharged; we're in for a hell of a ride.

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maknaeswrld · 6 months

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a life forgotten | l.mh, h.js

memories are both a treasure and a curse, and the bliss of them barely outweighs the pain that comes with bearing them

wc: 2.1k

genre: soulmate au; reincarnation au; fluff; angst; poly!minsung x reader

cw: marriage; cheating/allusions of cheating; mentions of pregnancy/parenthood; mentions of food/eating; I’m sure there’s other things, please let me know what you catch🫶 no happy ending for you; memories of past lives in italics

a/n: IN HONOR OF MINSUNG OUTTING THEMSELVES???????? respectfully I have no other explanation, enjoy!!!

Soulmates were an unpredictable thing. Everyone has them, but not everyone meets theirs.

Some actively avoid trying to find them, some do everything in their power to seek them out. You had always been in the boat of knowing it’ll happen when it happens, and if not in this life, then in the next. You had always been at peace with the knowledge that your soulmate was the one person you’re meant to find in every lifetime, so you didn’t see a point in searching for or avoiding them.

Everyone grew up hearing the stories, that seeing your soulmate for the first time will feel like instant recognition, like deja vu, and slowly as you spend more time together and see each other more, your memories of your shared past lives slowly unravel. You could understand why some would be scared of that, of the knowledge of who you were in a completely different lifetime, but you liked to think it was natural, otherwise it wouldn’t happen.

You always assumed you’d find your soulmate in a normal setting, meeting on the street or at one of your places of work, feeling the tingly feeling of familiarity and planning to meet up for a coffee, giving it the natural time to build to see if it was actually the soulmate bond or just mutual attraction. You found solace in inevitably becoming a statistic, in seeing your soulmate for the first time and them seeing you and everything happening the way everyone always told you it would.

But as your best friend was telling you about her current favorite band, listing off members names and facts faster than you could think, swiping through pictures of them all, you felt your heart sink as your eyes met the digital ones of two frighteningly familiar faces, your mind buzzing with soft recognition.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe as you grabbed your friends phone to swipe back to the picture, your brain alighting with renewed interest at the second look of the boys on the screen.

Water surrounded you in every direction, the sounds of laughter coming from behind you. You felt relaxed and happy, your body swaying with the peaceful rocking of the boat.

You startled only slightly when arms wrapped around your waist, a chin propping on your shoulder and a kiss being pressed gently to your cheek.

“Where is your beautiful mind right now, my love?”

“Just lost at sea, I suppose.” You laughed, turning around in his arms, one of your hands coming up to cup his face, the other reaching behind him to the other man. “Just thinking about how happy I am.”

Jisung’s smile lit up his entire face, his eyes twinkling as he leaned in for a quick kiss.

“Come back to the group, love. The boys are going to start their whining if you ignore them for too long.” Minho groaned, squeezing your hand lovingly.

“Just the boys?” You ask teasingly, raising a brow at your lovers, Jisung grinned sheepishly.

“You know how your boys can get.” He waved nonchalantly.

You excused yourself, apologizing for cutting the lunch date with your friends short, but you needed air. Stumbling down the street, you were thankful the place they picked was only a block from your apartment.

The cool spring breeze calms your nerves and clears your head enough so you could watch where you were walking. You stumbled through your door, kicking off your shoes as you made your way to your couch, sitting heavily, head in your hands as your leg bounced.

A path cleared between two groups of people, a beautiful altar covered in vines and wildflowers at the end of it. Everyone present was looking at you, but you couldn’t take your eyes off them.

Jisung had a lovesick smile on his face, Minho’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears. You felt weightless as you made your way to them, being the center of their attention making you feel like the most incredible person in the whole world.

Chan passed you off to them with a kiss to your cheek and a teasing threat towards your lovers, filling in for the father who disowned you for loving two men. They took one hand each, guiding you to stand in between them, all three of you giddy throughout the entire ceremony.

The rings Hyunjin made for the three of you were intricately beautiful, you saw them for the first time only as they were placed on each finger.

It was a fairly small and sweet affair, but you wouldn’t want to have had it any other way, everyone that mattered most to you and both of your husbands were present.

The night ran long as your love was celebrated, and ran even longer once you three finally got a moment for yourselves.

You felt numb, staring blankly at your floor while memories seemed to drown your mind.

“Do you ever feel like there’s something missing?” You asked quietly into the darkness. The arms around you tightened as Minho sucked in a deep breath, you knew he was frowning.

“What do you mean, darling? We have everything we could possibly need or want right here in this home.”

You didn’t disagree. You were happily married to the love of your life, three beautiful children sleeping peacefully just down the hall. You were safe from the wars raging in distant lands, your husband was far from being called to join, but yet you felt as if there was a space that was yet to be filled.

Sighing, you propped your chin up on Minho’s chest, squinting to see his face through the darkness.

“I think you know what I mean. I cannot explain it, but you must feel it too.”

You knew you and Minho were soulmates, you had no doubt about that, the endless shared memories in different worlds proved it well enough, but it almost felt as though that bond didn’t fully seal, despite everything.

“I think you should be worrying more about getting proper sleep so our child you're growing stays healthy than to worry on about something neither of us can actually explain, my love.”

Your hands slid down to your stomach, rubbing it as if second nature. You tried to ignore the pang in your heart now, knowing that what was missing in that memory was your second soulmate.

You got up from your spot on the couch, realizing it was already dark, and stumbling your way to the kitchen to make yourself some dinner.

“You two are never allowed in this kitchen again. I’m serious. How do you burn water?”

You and Jisung couldn’t stop giggling as you held each other, the both of you also confused as to how you’d managed that particular situation.

“Does that mean you’ll take care of us and cook for us every single day of the rest of our lives?” Jisung asked teasingly.

“If I did, it would only be to save our house from burning down.” Minho grumbled.

“Awe! Min loves us, Sungie!”

You and Jisung’s giggles started back up as you both took a side to sandwich your lover into a hug, heart fluttering when he didn’t reject it and instead wrapped his arms around you both to drag the two of you in tighter, nuzzling his face in the nook between you.

“Yes. I absolutely do.” Minho muttered into Jisungs shoulder.

You didn’t think soulmate bonds worked this fast. You were always under the impression that it took time for the memories to surface. You felt dizzy by the non-stop assault, heart swelling with love and breaking with loneliness at the same exact time.

The early morning light cast a gentle glow across the kitchen, the birds were chirping peacefully, and the welcome scent of fresh coffee was filling your house. But your morning was far from peaceful.

You had barely moved from your spot on the couch all night, refusing to lay in a bed that was half empty and unable to sleep while your husband was God knows where.

Jisung had stormed out last night, leaving you sobbing and took nothing but his keys. You weren’t even certain he’d come back at all unless it was to get his things, and it was honestly your fault.

You had always despised cheaters, they were amongst the worst kind of people in your mind, but when you’d met Minho, he drew you in the exact same way Jisung had. You couldn’t fathom how it was possible, you and Jisung were soulmates, you had loved your husband more than anything in the world, but you somehow also shared all of that with Minho.

You never should have hid it, Jisung was a kind and understanding man, he would have been willing to at least hear you out before leaving you, but instead he found some of Minho’s belongings in your shared home. You tried to explain it to him, but he wasn’t in the mind to listen, just repeatedly asking for your secret lovers name and leaving the second you’d finally uttered it, ignoring your pleading for him to stay.

The wedding band on your left hand felt heavy as you twisted it subconsciously, as if trying to remind yourself that Jisung was still your soulmate and still legally bound to you, you hadn't lost him. At least not yet.

You leaned against the counter, trying desperately to keep yourself from breaking down again as you stared at the extra mug you had subconsciously poured for your husband.

“Can you poor another one of those, Y/n?” You whipped around at the sudden voice, fear and love filling you at the same time at the sight of both Jisung and Minho standing in the doorway, holding hands. “I think it’s gonna be a long morning.”

Grabbing your laptop, you settle into your bed, looking up your best friends favorite band and throwing yourself into compilations of your soulmates. The proof of them being soulmates was glaringly obvious, the subtle glances and touches, the soft looks, all the little things that scream they're in love, you truly couldn’t comprehend how people could look at it and assume it’s all perfectly platonic.

The more you watched, the more you fell into a pit of confusion. You didn’t miss the endless amounts of fans claiming to be any of the members soulmates, claiming they remember things, that if they could just be given a chance to meet up, the members would see. It was glaringly obvious that if you’d tried to reach out, you’d just be marked off as another fan seeking a way in to the bands inner circle.

Memories continued to interfere with your research on your soulmates throughout the night, in between ‘Minsung’ edits and compilations of the whole band. You could see why your friend liked them so much. They were the type of band with a bond so tight it was obvious their loyalties lied with one another first and foremost. From what you knew of the K-pop industry, that wasn’t standard.

The more you watched, the more you started to recognize all of them from your memories, not just your soulmates. Tears pricked your eyes at the thought, the fact that this group of souls seemed drawn to each other in every lifetime, and you were supposed to be one of them.

A quick search proved that they’ve talked about it before. Not much, mostly only in small subtle jokes, like one of them saying they all clicked so well from the beginning cause it just felt like they already knew each other. It was never actually said outright, but the evidence that they all knew they were a friendship that transcends lifetimes was obvious to anyone seeking it.

You could feel your soul longing for its other parts, and you began to wonder if there were more of you out there. Soulmates of your other apparent friends who know exactly who their souls belong to, and know that in this lifetime they are essentially unattainable. Your heart aches at the thought that if that were the case, there are more people out there that are likely extremely important to you that you won’t get to meet in this lifetime.

That realization hits hard. The reality was you wouldn’t meet the loves of your life, you wouldn’t meet the friends you have endless memories with, and you’ll never remember the rest of those friends or get to learn their faces and the memories you hold with them in this lifetime.

Because soulmates are an unpredictable thing. Everyone has them, but you wouldn’t get to meet yours.

a/n: I’m sorry?😅 I’m really not🤧

Part 2: a life remembered

#minsung #minsung x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids #han jisung #stray kids fics #han jisung x reader #lee know #skz fanfic #skz x reader #lee know x reader #my world is in flames lol #soulmate au #no happy ending I’m sorry #poly!skz #poly!skz x reader #poly!minsung x reader

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pandoraslxna · 2 months

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Hi everyone.

As you all know, I’m usually not the kind of person to address these things publicly, but there is a situation going on that leaves me with no choice but to speak up about it. I‘m deeply sorry for disrupting the peace that I tried to maintain on my blog by bringing unnecessary and childish drama on here and I hope that I will only have to speak up about it once. Writing this down already makes me feel so stupid, but I just can’t keep ignoring this, hoping it will eventually get better, when I know it won’t unless I share my side of the story.

Last week it was bought to my attention that @teyamshuman had updated her blog to make it look extremely similar to mine. And I’m not just talking about a few similarities by taking inspiration, I’m talking about a direct copy of my layout, navigation, masterlist, guidelines and even my about me post.

I’ve put them side by side as demonstration:

While I tried to think of it as a compliment, it still bothered me to see someone else basically copying me and all the hard work I’ve put into creating my blog and my layout, which is why I decided to reach out to her. I tried to approach this as respectfully as possible, even asked my friends for advice because I didn’t want to come across as rude or entitled and explained my feelings about this to her.

Here are our conversations:

While she agreed to change it up, it took her almost a day and barely any changes were made. I had to explain to her again and in detail what exactly was bothering me, but I continued to be respectful and kind. A day later there were still some major similarities on her blog, and I was honestly running out of patience. I still didn’t want to make a big deal out of this so I simply decided to block her for my own peace of mind and also because I didn’t feel like checking her blog every other day to check if she had changed anything or maybe even copied me again —which is a valid fear and I’m fully standing behind my own feelings and won’t apologize for them.

Only then did @teyamshuman change her blog theme enough that there was barely any resemblance to mine. She then decided to reach out to my friends and sent some of her moots to try and talk to me / ask if I can unblock her / telling me she wants to talk and apologize, etc. I choose to ignore this because my decision was already made and I was honestly annoyed by the fact that she only made those changes on her blog after I decided to block her.

Now to the main reason why I am even making this post.

After this, the following days my inbox kept filling itself with weird, rude and straight up hateful asks that were seemingly coming out of nowhere. I got suspicious but thought nothing of it, since I don’t take bullying to heart, especially not by someone hiding behind the anon button. It was then bought to my attention that @teyamshuman, who had by then blocked me as well so I couldn’t see her posts myself, published several asks of stories about me being rude and straight up toxic to others. Some of these asks even included the names of my close friends that had absolutely nothing to do with this whole situation. In her responses to these asks it seemed like she was agreeing to everything that was shared about me, some of these asks also contained misinformations and descriptions of situations that were completely out of context. This all reached a point where suddenly people were bragging to her about reporting my blog and simply stating that they now hate me after whatever she had told them about me.

The asks she responded to:

Unfortunately that is not all.

Apparently, @teyamshuman has at some point decided to stop sharing these asks, yet that didn’t change what was already done. I tried to be the bigger person in this and just continue to ignore her, especially since she told these people to leave me be, but my inbox still fills itself with hateful asks, even death threats and people straight up asking me if I’m the blog everyone is talking about / if I am "that toxic writer."

These are just some of the asks I’ve received, because I’ve immediately deleted most of them when they first started coming in. Sadly there are more and more coming every day.

While everyone is free to have their own opinion and I, by all means, can’t and won’t force anyone to like me, seeing these things about myself really hurt. I‘m trying so hard to be nice and respectful on here, even if I don’t get the same treatment in return, and I simply choose to ignore so many things that are being said to me and the way I’m treated by some people, yet the one time I decided to speak up for myself and address something that made me uncomfortable, this is the outcome.

What genuinely confuses me up to this point is that this whole situation has taken a turn where I feel like I did something wrong, when all I did was try to protect my peace and express my feelings after someone made me uncomfortable. It was never my intention to come across as rude or passive aggressive while doing so.

Now with that being said, I hope everyone is now able to see this from my point of view and make their own opinion about it. I also hope that the people behind these asks will reflect themselves and realize that what they’re doing is not okay.

Lastly I want to remind you all that this will continue to stay a safe place for everyone and I’m not trying to cause drama over something so silly, something that could’ve been handled so much better, so please don’t send any hate, threats or rude messages to anyone involved in this. This post isn’t meant as an attack against anyone, it’s meant to protect myself and bring peace.

Thank you.

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swords-and-chaos · 2 months

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I’m about to go to sleep, but respectfully, I understand that y’all have important causes to talk about, especially right now, but could you please try to properly tag or trigger warning posts that are like “you’re an awful person if you don’t do x, y, and z” or “you aren’t really x unless you do y” . like we need to come up with a new trigger warning, because that shit is awful for my scrupulosity OCD and I’d imagine for others with it as well.

I’ve had to block several tags that I’d be embarrassed to say that I blocked just because all of the posts about it freak me the fuck out and make me have a panic attack about what an awful person I am that I’m not actively doing something about these issues at all moments of the day. I understand that these situations are important and difficult, but what good to the cause does giving people panic attacks do? I know y’all have the best of intentions with these posts, but they’re not always the most helpful. Like, people who aren’t triggered by them but dissagree probably will just be annoyed by them.

anyone who wants to add on mentions of similar formats of posts that can also be triggering in that way are welcome to.

#personal #ocd #actually ocd #scrupulosity #moral ocd

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booksandpaperss · 1 year

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idk who exactly on this tag needs to hear this but it’s definitely a lot of you:

it is perfectly okay for a fanfic writer to have Mike and Will having physical and sexual thoughts about each other. They are teenagers and it completely normal for allosexual and even acespec teenagers to have sexual thoughts about the person or people they like. Yes adult fanfic writers can do this too it’s literally not weird as long as it’s written respectfully and accurately, and I’m actually so fucking tired of all this discourse that is so clearly rooted in people feeling uncomfortable with two boys being sexually attracted to each other, or even queer teenagers in general having sexual thoughts about each other.

I do think it’s weird to write explicit sex scenes between minors and especially in this case when these characters are represented by real people with real bodies who were minors while filming the vast majority of the show, but honestly anything suggestive between two 14/15 year olds and up that’s not explicit and/or sexualized is normal. And before any of you come at me saying I’m sexualizing minors, you can fuck right off bc I am 17 and I am sick and tired of teenagers and especially queer teenagers being shamed for sexual thoughts that are perfectly normal.

I understand if you personally are not comfortable reading and writing anything suggestive, that is fine bc I have a solution for you! Wanna guess what it is??

Just. Don’t. Read it.

If it’s content u don’t like, simply don’t interact!!! No one is forcing you to read or write anything that you don’t want to, so simply don’t. It’s that easy 😱

I will say though, that if reading an even vaguely suggestive thought in a byler fic makes you extremely uncomfortable, maybe you should take a moment to ask yourself why that is. Bc love between teenagers is not all fluffy and pure and innocent, and its honestly way weirder to have that ideal than to write teens having sexual thoughts, so maybe do some self reflection. If you’re ace and suggestive content in general makes u feel weird then that’s different, but if that’s not the case then if you’re allo and u still feel this way… idk just take a moment to check and see if you’re internalizing anything before complaining about it and spreading legitimately harmful discourse.

So, to recap:

-it’s normal for teenagers to have suggestive thoughts about each other and it’s normal to write it

-writing teenagers having sexual thoughts and making out with each other is not sexualizing, fellow queer ppl who think this literally why do u hate ur community so much 😑

-anything short of an explicit smut scene between minors is fine as long as it’s done accurately and respectfully

-it is still weird to write explicit smut in the byler fandom specifically (and any other ship between teens in ST) just bc you’d be describing the bodies of real people that were minors until very recently with actors who have stated that they’re not comfortable being sexualized like that, but first and foremost…

-…if something makes you uncomfortable or you don’t like it, simply don’t interact

-stop shaming queer teenagers for being physically attracted to each other, and stop idealizing teenage queer love as something completely pure and innocent, if you’re going to do that, please keep it to yourself

If after reading this post you 1). want to block me bc you think this whole post was sexualization or 2). plan to use this argument as an excuse to actually sexualize minors and write hardcore explicit smut between them, block me. Weird reformed purity culture is not welcome on my blog and neither are people who enjoy sexualizing minors. Fuck you ❤️

#this goes for any fandom pulling this shit but I’ve noticed it a lot on the byler tag #I’m STILL seeing it even after we’ve already closed this discussion multiple times #byler #byler tumblr #byler fandom #elli talks byler #elli talks stranger things

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hartlesshart · 2 months

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I have something to say - If you aren’t going to read the whole thing, then skip it. But I really hope you do. My intention is not to cause drama. I just felt this was important to say because I love this community and I want it to be the best it can be.

A few days ago, a very unfortunate thing happened on a certain post about Talanah and Seyka. I called someone out on what was a case of weaponizing a racist incident. Instead of having a meaningful discussion, my comments were deleted and called “inappropriate accusations.”

Long story short - several reblogged and commented on this post about how Talanah was constantly being tagged as Seyka. To be clear, this is not a good thing and I believe every single one of those post to be valid in their frustration. But I have also seen it happen the other way around to my own work (Seyka tagged as Talanah). None of this is okay but while it is exhausting, remember that mistakes do happen.

So I made a comment about my experience and my comment was dismissed because apparently it “hadn’t been seen.” I responded to this with an honest truth of how dismissals of experience affects people like me.

The thing about racism is that it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. You don’t get to pick and choose who it happens to just to fit your narrative. Dismissing it because you didn’t personally see it is harmful, especially to fans from marginalized groups who may not feel comfortable sharing their experiences in the future.

My comment was deleted and later referred to as an “inappropriate accusation” and “harassment.” Was it an accusation? Yes. Was it inappropriate? No. Was it harassment? Absolutely not - I took time to respond so it wouldn’t be seen that way. However, the comments involving Talanah mistags were kept. The comments defending a fictional character. To be clear, I am not saying these comments are not justified. It is incredibly frustrating to work so hard on a piece only for it to be tagged as another character. However, the fact other comments (including my personal experience), that challenged the narrative that these mistaggings were only happening to Talanah, were being deleted is problematic and a form of silencing. Intentional or not - this is a racist microaggression - and yes, I do deal with stuff like this in real life.

It became immediately clear to me that the goal here wasn’t to raise awareness or do anything about the racist misnaming but instead use it to put down a group in this community. And judging a whole group by the actions of a few bad apples is literally where prejudice begins. All of this pettiness stemming from - let’s face it - an unnecessary shipping war in a FICTIONAL STORY. I was incredibly disappointed and saddened because I know we are better than this.

I am not speaking out because I want to cause drama. Undoing systemic racism is something I am deeply passionate about because it affects so many people in my life. If someone calls you out on a problematic take, please take a moment to listen and reflect, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Do not follow the impulse to block or delete. This work is extremely exhausting for everyone, but it is SO important. We all carry prejudices and biases. We are human. But we can also learn because we are all human. I have been called out many times in life by my friends. I have made so many ignorant comments and mistakes. And I will still make them. Hearing I have is not easy at all but it is all part of growing.

Speaking out like this isn’t really my thing but I felt the need to make a comment that can’t be deleted by anyone. I love the Horizon community and I want it to be a safe and inclusive space for everyone no matter where you are from. That is what these games are about. Understanding people from different backgrounds, opinions and traditions in order to work together.

You don’t have to be fans of the same characters. You can love or be disappointed with the canon. You can respectfully give and listen to critiques of these characters. And you can celebrate representation even if it’s not the direction you wanted Horizon to go in.

Whatever these games have given you is yours to keep.

Just don’t be an asshole about it (at least in public, what you do in private is none of anyone’s business so…) -> that goes to all fans in all groups. It is never okay to harass or hurt anyone - and especially over fictional characters.

(Also please respect the devs - we are lucky they are able to pour their hearts into this game for all of us to enjoy and frankly the direction is their creative choice)

This vibrant community is full of so much talent and love for this amazing series. I have made some truly incredible friends, worked on some hilarious and delightful collaborations and have seen wicked talent come together to make something special. Just look on the horizon, and you’ll see a certain 100% fan-made game coming soon, which has a little something for everyone!

Keep creating. Ignore the bad apples. Don’t be an asshole. I’m going back to drawing silly things. - from the hart

#horizon zero dawn #horizon forbidden west #horizon critical #horizon fandom #talanah #seyka #burning shores #fight racism #microaggressions #be antiracist #horizon #hfw

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scrollonso · 12 days

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First Kiss (Race 11)

A strollonso AU where 18 year old rookie Lance Stroll falls helplessly in love with the notoriously mean world champion. (2k words, kinda nsfw) [@v3lnys @biancathecool] {I like this one and IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT ONE}

last part - masterlist - next part

Fernando entered the paddock with Giancarlo, a comfortable silence between the two before they began signing whatever fans pushed their way, asking how the two felt about today, asking if they felt they were going to perform better this week.

Lance was in the middle of an interview, his eyes wandering to Fernando as he answered the questions, the man behind the camera was quick to notice how distracted the driver was, following his eyes to the world champion

"Well, that's enough. Thank you, Lance"

Lance looked back at the interviewer, nodding as he thanked him before beginning to walk towards the Spaniard

"Your boy is coming over" Giancarlo spoke, nodding over to Lance's direction

"My boy?" Fernando questioned, looking at Lance and smiling before turning back to his teammate

"Are you two not..?" He sounded surprised "I figured you two were together."

"We- huh?" Fernando laughed nervously, shaking his head at the assumption "No, we- we are friends"

"Sure" The man said sarcastically, patting the Spaniards back before leaving his side to go to the garage, Lance finally reaching him

Fernando watched him leave, a strange feeling in his throat as he thought about what he said, his boy?

"Nando, hola" Lance said cheerfully, a bright smile on his face as his arm fell over the mans shoulders

"Hola, Lancito, how are you?" He asked as if they weren't texting that morning, Fernando too busy in his phone to realize Giancarlo had been speaking to him.

"I'm good" Lance nodded, looking at Fernando as he spoke, the Spaniards hair already beginning to grow back out "Gonna get on the podium this time?"

Fernando smiled, eyes slipping down Lance's face to his lips as his teammates words ran through the back of his head "Only if you are on it with me, mi sol" He said as he elbowed the boy, too absorbed in their conversation to think about how they were standing in the middle of a walkway, blocking peoples path.

"I'll be on that top step, get ready to look up to me, Nando"

"Am always ready to look up at you, Lancito" The world champion shook his head, attention leaving Lance as he heard the boys engineer calling for him, watching as he quickly excused himself and disappeared into the white and pink garage.

Quali was stressful, Nico and Lance qualified 9th and 11th respectfully, both fairly close to the points. Once they made their way back to the garage the team began discussing strategies for tomorrows race, everyone desperate for points, even if one of them just barely brought 1 the team would be overjoyed, it had been so long since the team scored anything that the thought of double points seemed like a fantasy.

Lance wanted to get points for his team, wanted to do well, wanted to make them proud but as the season progressed and he began doing worse and worse he realized he was slowly losing faith.

Despite the realization the rookies both promised to try their hardest, wanting nothing more than to both bring home points for another race.

Lance hadn't seen Fernando since before quali, he had embarrassingly enough stayed back later to see if maybe he'd come to look for him but he hadn't.

He gathered his things, most of the team having already left for the night, then he left the garage.

"Lancito" He heard a voice from the Renault garage, eyebrows raising at the name, having not expected to hear it again that night

Lance was quick to turn back to the yellow and blue garage, shocked look quickly turning to adoration as he saw the man sitting by his car, quickly motioning for the Canadian to come over

"Am I even allowed in here?" Lance laughed as he headed towards the Spaniard, not caring if he was or not

"Is just us, no?" Fernando smiled, looking around as if he wasn't already aware everyone had left "Am sorry I didn't see you sooner, was so busy after today"

"It's okay, Nando" The rookie smiled, taking a seat on the floor next to Fernando "So this is your championship winning car?" Lance turned his head, looking at Fernando before reaching out and tapping the car

"Have not won the championship with this car, mi sol"

"You will, Nando" Lance said plainly, leaning forward to lay his head on the livery

Fernando smiled slightly, thinking about how pretty Lance looked next to blue and yellow, his eyes slightly lidded as he smiled against the carbon fiber. He looked good leaned up against it, hair messily laying on the yellow as his fingers trailed along the blue.

As his eyes wandered so did his mind, the image of Lance bent over progressing into Fernando holding him down as he fucked him on top of the car, the rookie whining sweetly at the new feeling and gripping tightly onto the edge of the livery. He could picture the boys moans, how he breathes out his name and begs for more. He felt dirty for the thought, dirty for thinking of Lance that way because he was so young but he couldn't help it, he craved him.

"Nando?" He spoke up, turning to face Fernando, now sitting up straight

"Hm? Sorry, mi sol, I got distracted" Fernando hummed, biting his lip slightly as he was snapped back to reality, trying his best to imagine Lance doing anything else.

"What hotel do they have you staying at?"

"Le paddock" He answered, glad Lance started a conversation, he desperately needed to get his mind off of the fantasy.

Lance groaned, eyes rolling at the realization that Fernando had a hotel so close to the circuit "Lucky ass"

"Is yours far? You know you are always welcome in my room, Lancito." He offered, well aware at Lance's lack of a car (and license) at this point

"Could I? I sorta missed my ride hoping you'd come talk to me"

"Ay, Lancito, why would you do that?" Fernando laughed, pushing himself up and holding a hand out to the boy, not able to stop himself from licking his lips at the sight of the Canadian sitting below him "C'mon, am tired"

Lance nidded, grabbing onto Fernando for support as he stood up, a bright smile on his face as they left the paddock together, the dim light of the moon on their skin being practically the only light as they found the Spaniards car.

"Ladies first" Fernando teased, opening the door for the Racing Point deiver

"Thank you, el viejo" Lance smiled as he got into the car, giggling at the sight of Fernandos face after being called an old man

"Maybe I should force you to walk back, eh?" He said as he got into the drivers side, starting the car as he looked at Lance, pretending to consider the idea

"Yeah, yeah, let's just go to our room" Lance waved his hand, leaning back into the seat

"Buckle up and we will"

"Come on, it's not far, I'll be fine" The Spaniard rolled his eyes, leaning over to buckle up the boy, looking down as it clicked before making eye contact with Lance, faces centimeters apart "Safety first, mi sol"

Lance swallowed dryly, nodding as the man went back into his seat, buckling up and leaving the parking lot. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, unsure why his body was reacting this way, all Fernando did was buckle is seatbelt for gods sake.

The two got to the paddock together the next morning, Lance having woken up just minutes before they had to leave. The Spaniard thought he looked so peaceful asleep in his white sheets it would be cruel to wake him up as early as he was going to.

Lance yawned, stumbling slightly as he closed his eyes, wearing a pair of Fernandos sweatpants and a team t-shirt

"Sleepy?" Fernando spoke, moving an arm to Lance's side as they walked, worried the boy would fall

"Nuh uh" He mumbled "Wide awake"

The man smiled, shaking his head at the obvious lie. He made sure to walk Lance to the Racing Point garage before turning back to go to his, Lance still on his mind after he'd long left his sight.

They lined up on the grid, Lance finally awake as he thought over the strategy again, knowing Nico was on a similar one, the teams main goal was to get the two into the points.

He raised his eyes to the lights ahead as they turned on one by one, foot hovering over the throttle, not blinking as they went off, pressing hard as he made it his goal to overtake Coulthard straight away, which he did.

Ten laps passed with no progress from Lance although Nico had passed De La Rosa with ease and was now in 8th.

Lance was now coming closer to De La Rosa, determined to overtake him like his teammate did. He was stuck behind for two more miserable laps before being able to push past, Nico overtaking Fisichella soon after.

"How's my pace, Brad?" Lance asked, the two good overtakes fueling his ego, he was confident, really confident in the strategy.

"You're doing spectacular Lance, you're faster than Fisichella, you'll be able to pass within 5 laps."

Lance hummed a response, waiting impatiently for an opprotunity to come to him.

He got a chance three laps later, hungrily taking it as well as 8th place, he could see Nico ahead of him, the pink livery hard to miss.

"What place is Giancarlo in?" Fernando asked, still maintaining second

"He was just passed by both Racing Points, now in 9th."

"Both?" Fernando echoed, knowing that meant Lance had fought his way into the points (so had Nico but Fernando didn't care about his result nearly as much)

"Yes. Now focus, Fernando."

Lance could hear his heart in his ears as he zoomed by the chequered flag, hearing an excuted voice on the other side of his radio

"THAT'S 8TH LANCE. 8TH. P8."

He'd almost forgot that he wasn't in 11th anymore, now processing that him and Nico managed to do it, managed to get points for the team for the first time since the European Grand Prix

"FUCK, BRAD. THANK YOU, SO MUCH, GOD I LOVE YOU" He laughed, hands hitting his steering wheel as he entered back into the pit lane, Nico close ahead

"BUBU" Nico called as he stepped from the car, Lance wasn't sure where the name came from but Nico had promised it didn't mean anything bad, Lance just "looked like a bubu"

"NICO, WE DID IT, MATE" The two were shouting, harshly pulling eachother into a hug as they started jumping, their team quick to join in on the clebration

By the time everyone calmed down Lance was practically panting, so out of breath from the screaming that he hadn't noticed the podium celebrations had ended.

Fernando went to Lance first, speeding past his own garage to pull Lance into his arms in Racing Points

"DE PUTA MADRE!" He exclaimed, Lance laughing at the Spaniards enthusiasm "Ay, Lancito, you are brilliant, brilliant, so amazing, mi sol"

Lance beamed, eyes twinkling as he hugged Fernando tightly "You did good, Nando, I wish I could've seen you on the podium again"

"You always have next week" He hummed, lips close to the boys ears as he spoke

Lance pulled back, hands on Fernandos shoulders as he shook him, obviously excited about the point he scored, Fernandos cheeks hurt with how big he was smiling, insanely happy for the boy, more happy for him than he was for himself. "Next, let's get you on those steps with me, eh?"

Lance smiled, nodding before pulling Fernando into another hug, a perfect way to end the week.

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