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#resident evil shitpost
snekbyt3 · 9 hours ago
Chris was so attached to Finn because he had been dating Claire for a week and could've continued the Redfield bloodline
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scar-queen-owl · 21 hours ago
Lady Dimitrescu's thoughts when she sees Heisenberg everytime be like:
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sukipershipper · a day ago
I am 100% confident that if Moreau didn’t wallow is self pity for majority of his game and brushed everyone’s insults off like they were nothing, he would be pretty fucking aggressive and powerful.
I know majority of the reason he isn’t as aggressive is because he’s in pain as well but imagine if he just ignored it all and went full on malicious...honestly I think he deserves to after what he goes through
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strange-meat-pie · a day ago
Residelt Evil: Village ending more like
Number 15: Ethan Winters hand lettuce
The last thing you’d want on your Ethan Winters Ethan is someone’s zombie fungus but as it turns out, that might be what you get
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Karl, Magento, and Toph Beifong meet each other.
Metal Bending contest y’all!
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emothirst · 2 days ago
Res8 vines to ease my disappointment in the E3 showcase (has spoilers for res8)
Heisenberg: *exists*
Me: AA
Ethan: *is revealed to have been dead this entire time*
Capcom: *shows only 1 minute of res8 info before tricking me into watching what is basically an esports ad*
Alicia: *to Ethan and Heisenberg, While banging pans together* I AIN'T GET NO SLEEP CUZ A YALL, YALL NOT GONNA SLEEP CUZ A ME
Heisenberg: *breathes*
Ethan: Wow :D
Heisenberg: Mom, I got something to tell you
Mother Miranda: what is it honey
Heisenberg: I got an a-bor-tion
Moreau: road work ahead? Uh yeah, I sure hope it does
Heisenberg: hey man you wanna see a picture of my cock?
Chris: hell no
Heisenberg: *shows him a picture of a rooster* picture of my cock
Chris: that's a chicken motherfucker
Donna: *plays flute during traffic jam*
Mia: hi, I'm Mia Winters and I'm your freestyle dance teacher
Mia: *proceeds to dance atrociously*
Mother Miranda: oh sorry I fell asleep while I was waiting on you to make me a sandwich
Heisenberg: go back to sleep and starve
Mother Miranda: BI-
Chris: hey ya-
Lycan: *snarls*
Heisenberg: it don't bite
Chris: YES IT DO-
Chris: ...
Heisenberg: 0.o
Heisenberg: Siri what's my name?
Phone: you're Karl. But you asked me to call you vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina va-
Ethan: I have a job, a wife, a kid and a mortgage, and if I drop a bag of chips on the ground I don't cry about it.
Alicia: Drop the knife!
Ethan: why don't ya come a get it?
Alicia: *shows her finger claws* I said drop the knife
Ethan: fuck you
Heisenberg: hey how much you pay for that taco
Moreau: ay you know this boys got his free taco- *falls on his face*
Angie: hi, I'm attorney Angie. Have you or a loved one been injured in an accident? Sucks to be you I guess.
Ethan: oh no
Heisenberg: oh no
Sturm: *busts thru wall* OH YEAH
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mx-k · 2 days ago
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Airachnid: Stupid human. I will hunt you down and put you on my wall!
Simp: Oh god, PLEASE do
Airachnid: What the frag? Human, I mean I'm going to stuff you-
Simp: -with what tho? 👀
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ashykneesbro · 2 days ago
my contribution to the lady d simp community. @nothingfunnyidk I hate you for giving me the courage to post this.
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Shit I say/think of since I live in a house with a fuckton of cats: But it's Alcina at her daughters
Daniela: *scratching at the door at 3am wanting to go outside.*
Alcina, wiping her palm over her eyes, nose and mouth: “Absolutely the fuck not. No.”
Daniela: *mews*
Alcina: “No.”
Alcina, snuggling up to her daughters: “Stinky babies. Stinky bastard babies. You stinky bastards.”
Alcina, after booting Cassandra out of the winery: “Get out of this room you whore.” *but she says whore in a loving voice.*
Alcina: “I swear to fuck if I step in shit, I will drop kick you to space.”
Alcina: “DANIELA, STOP ATTACKING MY FEET, YOU SLUT.” *but also lovingly*
Alcina, after catching Daniela outside when she's not allowed: “Get inside, you whore.”
Alcina, when Daniela, Cassandra and Bela are all laying on her, with Daniela on her neck and shoulder and Cassandra and Bela are on either leg: “This is fine. This is my life now and I've accepted it.”
Alcina, when she wakes up and she's piled underneath her daughters: “Today's cancelled. My daughters have claimed me and I'm not moving.”
Daniela: *attacks Alcina's bare feet.*
Alcina: *almost instinctively kicks Dani into the stratosphere until she realizes who it is.*
Cassandra: *lays on Alcina's chest and purrs.*
Alcina: *snuggles up to her.* “Precious baby.”
When Bela puts on a little more weight:
Alci: “Chonky.”
Daniela: *traps herself in a curtain.*
Alcina: “You OK, kitten?” *doesn't get up.*
Daniela: *struggles more.*
Alcina: *sighs and goes and helps her.* “Where is your neck? Ah.” *grabs her and untangled her.* “Please don't bite me. Are you ok?” *picks her up, and kisses her head.*
Daniela: *immediately goes to the door after Alci puts her on the ground.*
Alcina: “You're not going outside, you whore.”
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laxsland · 2 days ago
Factory fail movie night
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Mother Miranda: “Alcina, whatcha got there?”
Alcina, with her growing army of wives: “A blood smoothie.”
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ramshackledtrickster · 3 days ago
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Hi sorry for not being on for. A while 💀 I just finished graduation and my brain and art hands are fried so I’m taking a lil break but I’ll be pumping more art out soon I swear (and some requests I have to finish up but one’s gonna be a comic so 👀)
In the meantime have this perfectly not self indulgent doodle (also I may have gotten into re8 as a whole Moreau is my fave tho)
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