#remember to social distance

[pseudospectre]

Do you love this skull? And the old internet? And attribution? You might like this :)

#this is delightful #i really am enjoying the newish trend of tracking down sources and creators of iconic internet things #also i find it very funny and crazy that people finding old websites #can't seem to process the concept of personal webpages #so many times in these sorts of things i see creators puzzling over 'why this was made' #because we're so steeped in corporate hosted social media sites and presences #that younger folks are just too distanced from the idea of just #making a personal site with your own random stuff and interests #disconnected from a Facebook or tiktok curated page #go make a geocities site and recapture being free! #this has gotten away from me somewhat #but i really liked this video and all the effort that went into it #i remember being in 7th grade picking through various rudimentary search engines #because google didn't exist and different sites trawled different content #looking for cool gifs and art #because little pixelated dragon gifs were the coolest damn thing to me #yes I'm old as shit‚ sorry #and a lot of this video brought back some of that #i miss it #long live jazz skull #Youtube #skull #skeleton #Halloween #doot skull #trumpet skeleton #spooky gifs

[britneyshakespeare]

re: my last long personal post about the day i had at work today

i'm sorry like i just can't get over it, i can't get over it. i am not there to be ogled, i am not there to be objectified. i'm not there to be a petting zoo or a table. i'm not there for any of it. i feel different enough at work for my age and position.

i'm VERY aware little boys have crushes on me. every now and then, one of them makes it very obvious. it's seriously nothing to me, because it's always been respectful. kids have crushes on adults, especially young ones. but i have no more intention of being a seductress than i would if i were fifty and married. i just so happen to be 25 and single. oh well. i am equally disinterested, and would like to be presumed as equally disinterest-ing. if i get a little unfair halo effect sometimes, i don't care.

it has literally never been so sexual in nature before. it has never been so much about my body, my legs. i worry about the reaction to this being dampened by the effect of the other adults around me seeing that and being like, well, yeah, if he's gonna be interested in anyone's legs, it'll be hers. i feel embarrassed calling attention to the fact that a kid is attracted to me. it has always, always been a non-issue before this. it has always been innocent and respectful of my role as the adult.

i wanna say i don't worry about this happening again, because it is a first. it is a first for me in four years, with dozens if not hundreds of kids, that i've been treated so inappropriately by a child. i worry about this being seen as more natural because it happened to me. but it's not natural just because it happened to me. i'm the teacher that a lot of kids have little crushes on, whatever. i'm not the teacher kids get to pinch and gawk at; that's never happened.

if this happened to me and i were fifty and married, would it be more scandalous? would i just, perhaps, not be believed? i don't know. i don't know. i keep going down these thought spirals of why me. what is the reaction people have to it being me? because while the few people who saw/heard about this seemed not to condone it, they don't seem shocked either. but it hurts, it does, because i'm shocked. that it happened to me. it's like i don't really know if people can put themselves in my shoes more than they can put themselves in his.

a young woman being treated at her place of work as a piece of meat is offensive, but it's everyday. it's banal. a teenage boy having a preoccupation with an adult woman that he can't see as fully human also so normalized. it just feels like an unempathetic view for me is all i can expect. when i already experienced this alone. AND i have to be the one to take responsibility and make others aware about it. because it's not like he was going to... somebody had to. and oh, look, i'm the adult. that makes me somebody.

like i don't even want him to be "punished" per se. i just want to be assured that steps will be taken to stop him from objectifying more women and girls in the future. holy shit, WHAT if he does this to a girl his age? would he? i don't know. i don't know the kid well. i have an idea of why he targeted me, but i don't know what he wouldn't do to someone who was more of his equal. i can't speak for or predict that.

it's just fucking humiliating. hi yeah i'm the substitute from friday. yeah i'm the one he couldn't keep his hands off of. cuz i dared to wear a skirt. yeah, same skirt i've worn to work with kids a bajillion times in the past four years. yeah i guess i was just so seductive. like give me a break; i don't want to receive any more attention for this but it just feels like i'm gonna. i don't know what kind of response i'm going to get to the email i wrote the regular para.

i don't know if i'm gonna have to elaborate further. i feel like i shouldn't have to. i gave her all the details somewhat unemotionally; it just stings the more and more since i got out of work. like i just can't believe that really happened. and the shock was dulled while it was happening, because i didn't believe it was happening. the more hours go by the more i'm like, well, yeah, i did the right thing: escaping that situation as promptly as i could, telling another adult, and emailing the permanent teacher about it.

i keep wanting to act unaffected by it. but i'm just so offended and dismayed. i also feel powerless, because i couldn't be the one to get him to stop. something about my presence to him was an invitation to treat me that way, and my not being amused did not deter him. it feels like the interpretation he had of me was not at all in my control. he wanted to view me as an object, and so i was one in his eyes. the other teachers can scold him for that, make him feel bad for that, but i can't. i'm not really the authority. i'm just the pretty one.

#cont #long post #tales from diana #yeah i'm gonna be in a bad mood about this for who knows long #this was just today. hahaha funny thing is i'll definitely remember this for years! #idk. i have a feeling the principal will reach out to me if nothing else. definitely the permanent teacher will #but i dont really know that permanent teacher well so i have noooo idea what to expect #i got mixed reactions from the other two paras i was working with today when i told them #and again thank god for that social studies teacher who didn't try to draw attention to it but helped me create some distance #between the kid who kept grabbing me and calling me pretty while i was just trying to give him instructions #i was told this is new behavior from him. well the first time better be the last time. that's all i can say

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy #been feeling weird as hell these past few months #like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days #or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day #idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this #just thinking #meposting #I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying #I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult #I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad. #whatever #I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that #dissociation #me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though #she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety #and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’ #I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time #I’m so solid now #so stuck in the ruts of capitalism #fuck capitalism #I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled #sorry I love talking #and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn? #it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing #I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence. #like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5. #overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names. #can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school #bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude #I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time

[todaviia]

.

#The whole situation is just so completely absurd #It's like... today a very desperate family member of a client wrote to us begging us to help him #because said client was abducted by Hamas and is presumably being held in the Gaza strip #and since he's also a German citizen maybe we can get the embassy to help (except there's nothing anyone can do) #(this morning the embassy also told us they're essentially closed but if we want there are German army evacuation flights) #Simultaneously you're trying to explain to German authorities that you can't submit documents at the moment #Because there currently is no bureaucracy in Israel because everything is either closed or busy with the war #Then you open WhatsApp and see peoples status about their friend who fell today at the front #Then the siren goes off (we've had sirens during work hours every single day now) #and in between all of that you try to do your normal work and laundry and dishes and have a relationship #and try not to go crazy while reading all the insane takes on social media about what's going on #rn I can hear the sirens in the distance and several loud booms #and it's like my heart stops and then you just remember oh right this is normal now #it's absolutely insane that's what it is

[craycraybluejay]

Experiencing something like the sunk cost fallacy i.e; this may be useful or important later so regardless of how burdensome or hurtful it is I must not get rid of it.

What if (person) becomes nice later and will be in some way helpful. What if (thing) will be useful for something later regardless of whether I need it right now. What if learning about (depressive episode waiting to happen) will be useful in something important? What if (relationship) will increase in mutual benefit and this is one thing I'm gonna have to stick out?

The one upside to the scrappy mindset, is, well, it does what it's meant to do sometimes. Lots of junk material, parts, old pieces of metal, screws, fabrics, buttons, sequins, stones, etc etc. do end up coming in handy for some project or invention. Lots of people who make problems for me we end up working stuff out and help each other grow. Lots of stuff that may hurt to know is still undeniably helpful to be aware of when interacting with the world. But other times the scrappy mindset does Not work out and I end up having wasted time, energy, and investment, on a useless trainwreck.

Being too critical of things makes you close yourself off to opportunity. Being too open makes you liable to overextending yourself and your resources (putting your eggs into too many baskets). How to be the perfect judge to create the perfect balance.

Maybe I need to try harder to shop around. Put myself out there and really get my finger in every cake so I know which is creamiest. Or whatever. But moderation is difficult. There are always too many factors at play.

#rambles #sunk cost fallacy #better to invest in objects rather than people #at least an old flip phone isnt going to steadily ruin my mental health #yes- i love stuff- i love clutter and handmade items and paintings and trinkets #i think its better to try to make friends irl #i feel more positively when it develops more naturally and real-y #and when someone admires my droves of Cool Stuff and Things and my Lists then yk theyre a keeper #and when they also have Cool Stuff and Things and all sorts of hobbies and we can laugh together #and you can discuss misunderstandings and problems and stuff irl #online everything spins out of control so so fast #but in person you remember your manners bc the other guy remembers your face and u remember his laugh #and in real relationships you can take space without accidentally seeing each other and becoming more aggravated #online there is no space for distance or disagreement which is natural between people #social media is a cancer im with the boomers on this one #frying everyones braincells and emotional regulation and attention spans in real time #im gonna bring my screentime hours on socials further down #and maybe go on more walks and attend free groups for diff hobbies and whatnot #touch grass if you will #and im going to focus on things like work and healthy alone time #and wait for things to come slowly as they do. people places opportunities #though i admit id like to live in a major city-- cant help that urge to go fast fast fast

[solpng]

i feel as if i didn't express this enough in my other text post but honest to god y'all like i am actually so sooo upset and disgusted i caught covid again

#why can't ppl wear a fucking mask i'm begging like i'm on my hands and knees rn i can't keep doin this 💀💀💀💀 #either that or like keep away from me idk man #remember when social distancing was a thing? i miss that

[holyshit]

anons from earlier today ⬇️ (sorry for doing so much tag answering but it’s a heavy topic to me so i don’t want to get too... out there with it lol)

#'not ready' anon #oh yeah i completely agree with you 100% #it's a whole different beast and i really wish she was advised to put her socials on private bc it's gonna get brutal quickly :/ #so many aspects i don't like about this rip #'dare i say it' anon #yup exactly- it is a very uncomfortable choice in general from whoever was deciding this #and it doesn't surprise me that probably a bunch of men who are likely involved in this decision would not see how gross it is to actively #choose someone so much younger for him #like i fully expect they didn't recognize that it would be an issue because so many older men don't see an issue with dating women in their #early twenties #so it's very much a disappointed but not surprised moment for me lol #if they really thought this would be a good way to market to his younger fans- there are other! ways! you fuckers! #'answer in tags' anon #don't worry- you are very much entitled to feel that way and i totally understand where you're coming from #different topics are gonna hit different people harder and this is also a big Ick Factor conversation to me because of personal experience #so i 100% understand the feeling of needing to back off. even if this is not a breaking point for you i do always recommend taking steps #back occasionally to cool off and with that distance you can see whether you are still deriving joy from this fandom #or if the stress/things that upset you overrides it #also remember you are always free to dm me off anon if you ever want to have more of a one-on-one conversation about it! #i feel like i can at least give a decent ear since i have experience leaving fandom AND coming back lmao #asks #anonymous

[aesthetic-solar-space]

Bow Before The Elf Queen by J.M. Kearl

598 pages, published April 26, 2022 - 🌟🌟🌟🌟 So this book like the one before also has a sequel coming out, however, it seems hazy on when it's releasing since I can only find a date on amazon (which is October 26, 2022) This is another book where once I finished It and put it away, almost instantly things started to evaporate from my memory/brain.

#bow before the elf queen #long live the elf queen #chronicles of a sick person #college life #college student #adult ish #social distancing #it was always queue #all queued up #long live the queue #this one is hard to remember #blurry #magic #fae #human bride #enemies to lovers #faked death #spy time #fantasy romance #fantasy #romance #fantasy book #romance book #new books #book #book review #books #booklr #bookworm #book recommendations

[badolmen]

Actually I think I’ll die mad at my bros high school girlfriend. I hope she gets stuck in stop-and-go traffic for an hour every time she travels for more than 20 minutes.

#ra speaks #personal #sorry I remembered her today randomly and it made my blood boil #one time my bro said she thought I didn’t like her which wasn’t true at the time but ohhh girly if I see you on the streets… #you’re getting the coldest shoulder of your life #I got a notif from Instagram randomly the other day abt her that’s what reminded me #she and him dated p much his entire high school career #and she had severe anxiety but was also highly social #so as a result my bro was always supporting her + basically only hung out w her friends and such #which like isn’t a bad thing even tho I think he should’ve tried to make his own friends and time for them #she needed support and someone to talk her down over the phone at 9 PM or whatever and he was willing to do that #she’s a year ahead of him so she goes to college. they both know long distance is gonna be a pain #so they mutually agree that if it doesn’t feel like it’s working out they’ll talk face to face for a break up #I think almost a year into a pretty steady long distance thing with regular phone calls and irl vacations together #(also the calls were so well scheduled we literally called it T*** Time whenever my bro dipped to call her) #anyways she doesn’t answer his calls or texts for a few days and then she BREAKS UP WITH HIM OVER TEXT #she ignores his attempts to call her/stops responding to his texts abt it bc they BOTH agreed to break up face to face #she cuts him off burned bridges everything overnight no warning #and THEN. THEN. she has her DAD (who’s become a bit of a family friend up until this point) BRING OVER EVERY GIFT AND HOODIE MY BRO EVER #GAVE HER. EVEN FRAMED PICTURES OF THEM TOGETHER. and that was it. #I’m still. so fucking pissed on his behalf. frankly amazed he didn’t turn into an incel-type out of spite #like WHAT THE HELL happened to make her turn and cut him off so quick??? they were going steady and my bro was devestated bc he legitimately #didn’t know if he said/did something to upset her and she wouldn’t respond to let him know WHY out of a sudden and vague ‘I don’t think this #is working out’ which like. GIRL YOU COULDNT HAVE DROPPED A HINT OR TWO?? #idk it just feels like all the time he spent supporting her in high school/how much of HIS time was spent taking care of her #and exclusively socializing with HER friends (which he never really clicked w so to speak) #it’s like he was robbed of a fulfilling high school social life for nothing. to be dumped over text cold Turkey. #at least he has college friends now it only took him two years lol <- it took me four so I can’t judge

[thedreadvampy]

Autism doesn't equate to neurodivergence, it's a developmental disability that's present from birth. And physically disabled people who are born disabled as a result of brain damage in the womb are more likely to have comorbid autism. Just because allistic people on social media have defanged autism and call every specifically autistic trait "neurodivergence" doesn't mean it shouldn't be considered the separate thing that it is. "Neurodivergent traits" don't exist. Able-bodied men with autism being annoying doesn't make it okay for allistic physically disabled people to downplay autism. Most of us who have multiple disabilities end up under conservatorships bc of how debilitating our autism is, combined with presumed incompetence due to being visibly disabled as well.

babe what are you talking about for real.

#red said #i don't keep a mental tab of every post I've ever made and i don't think this is about anything I've said recently #bc like i don't THINK I've made any posts about autism or neurodivergence in a while #if i had to hazard a guess I'd say this was about a post I vaguely remember making like a year ago #in frustration about specifically able-bodied ''''high-functioning''''' autistic or adhd cis men dominating SPECIFIC conversations #as in. an observable pattern in lived experience. #i put high functioning in heavy quotes bc i think that's flawed and stigmatising language but clearly it's a relevant distinction to you #but. having said idk wtf you're on about. i still. disagree. #'neurodivergence' doesn't imply anything about the degree of impact a thing has on you #it implies a socially punished distance from an invented norm of neurotypicality #Mad people are neurodivergent. people with congnitive disabilities are neurodivergent. people with neurological issues like dyspraxia too. #autism is a subcategory of neurodivergent and most of the 'symptoms' overlap with other diagnoses which is why ppl call them nd #it isn't a defanging it's a recognition of shared struggle #and of the muddiness of diagnosis #also i feel like whatever you're referencing you think i was saying 'autism isn't a disability it's a neurodivergence' #which. no. i use a social model of disability. neurodivergence usually causes people to be disabled. it's usually a disability. #many people find their autism causes them to be disabled. some don't. those who do are disabled. #also the line about 'allistic physically disabled people' makes me think you are taking about me. I'm autistic. fyi. #whatever post you're responding to i think you're responding to a point different to the point i was making in it #i think. from your message. that you like a lot of autistic people have had your experiences regularly downplayed as convenient #and that you're reacting to that with a pretty understandable amount of anger #but like. i do not think i was saying what you think i was saying bc that doesn't. line up with anything i believe about autism???

[pechebeche]

sometimes im like maybe i overreacted abt how much my harassment affected me! and then i realize i haven't written anything in nearly two years and it's like no. no i think im still exactly as angry as i should be about losing my most prominent coping mechanism & ability to engage with media without paralyzing fear, lol

#personally #harassment tw #not to be constantly whining and stuff but like. remember that brief period of my life where i didnt want to die. man do i miss that #if you thought me being less active on tumblr was because i was building a healthy distance from social media #surprise! im actually just more depressed than ever #its at a point where my therapist was was talling abt how with a slightly different diagnosis id probably be on disability rn #so thats where i am (: #sorry for the sad stuff its 2 am and i was rereading my own old fics #and i was just like. man. god. i miss having a creative drive

[girlandherfandom]

I just had a dream involving my high school crush, and it was the most pleasant dream I have had in months. I have not been dreaming for a while now. I cannot remember the last time I dreamed, but last night was the nicest sleep I've ever had. Wherever you are, I hope you are doing okay. Thanks for popping into my dream and somehow making my day.

#it's me your friendly neighborhood hopeless-romantic #his girlfriend blockef me in all social media accounts we are friends #bestie I am not flirtatious like trust me I know how yo distance myself and respect others #welp I guess I will start crying today when I remembered that he used to bring me desserts during lunch because I like sweets #sorry for dumping all these cheesy stuff here Twitter does not have enough characters for this

[vziii]

Measurement methods of Politeness levels by Brown and Levinson (1987) :

P - Public

D - Displays of

I - Infection

#apparently this is how I make notes in class and it’s how I remember things better #and if anyone’s interested it’s actually Power levels Distance in social relationships and Imposition on what it costs the listener

[mrfoox]

Bruh. Self... Analyzing and reflecting on past relationships is.... Rough

#miranda talking shit #I mean i can see what i did wrong easily i have since early after but... Only recently really thought #Hard about the other party... And im like.... Oh thats.... There was quite a bit huh :') #I mean i hate talking ill of others and i know no one ever does something to me on purpose but man.... #My ex's insecurities really ... Have effected me a lot lol. Not like she was the only one who have made me feel some of the things #I felt. But it was worse bc it was... Her... My partner... Ya know? And now im like ah... That... Yeah #I never thought about how probably jealous she was? Of my bestfriend. She have done many small comments #About how much i talked about her and how much time i spent with her etc... I wasnt out partying or anything such for me i just spent time #With my best friend. And i remember how my ex had said at one point something like 'you really spend a lot of time with her' #I mean... I did. She was my bestfriend? But not until recently i think my ex was probably jealous... And its... I tried to adjust to her? #Like at the time i didnt see i did. But i did distance myself after she said such things bc i felt like i needed to appease her? #Meanwhile i mean. She was out at more social gatherings and parties. I cant remember me saying much else than #Have fun and be safe! Whenever she went. I was never worried that she would get with someone else or something? #I.... Trusted her in that way. I never saw that as an problem. But now i see she uh...probably didnt trust me in that way? #I cant say she was jealous like actually thought i was being unfaithful or something. But like yeah. #A lot of things werent great in our relationship but that thing i think impacted me the most. Bc it made me feel i was being... #Idk if i didnt give all my time to her she couldn't believe in me or feel safe with me? Yeah something like that #I mean i felt envy in the form of 'i wish i could spend time with her irl like others' so rather 'god wish that was me' but i never thought #Her being out with others and having fun was... Bad. I never sat and imagined things happening. I just hoped she had fun and that she was #Safe. I have my own insecurities. Had way more back then but for me it was not... I couldn't trust her to be faithful? #Or that i felt uneasy that she wasnt spending time with me... But i think that she felt that way and its... Sad. Not that she was controlin #Or super bad but like... She could make comments that were hinting at me talking or spending too much time with my bestfriend #I mean she did indirectly also pressure me in the intimate department by saying things that made me feel guilty #Glad i didn't just 'give in' in the end just bc she wanted to. That would be on brand for me but no i didnt #She made me realize how much trust is important to me. In intimate matters and overall. I probably didn't feel like she trusted me like i