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angelltheninth · 4 months

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WOOOHOOO YAAAAAY REQUESTS ARE OPEN! Request of the day with our lovely Mizu. Mizu and a shrine maiden reader. She stumbles into the shrine all bloodied and bruised and falls uncoincious and reader takes care of her. Mizu ends up staying for a longer while at the shrine, feeling pulled towards reader for saving her and wanting to thank her. Can be nsfw if you wanna!

I wrote shrine maidens before in other fandoms, it's always fun.

Pairing: Mizu x Fem!Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, fluff, kissing, gentle sex, injury recovery, fingering, slight corruption kink, nipple sucking, dirty talk

A/N: I think... I think I might have a corruption kink.

Mizu was no stranger to crashing in abandoned houses and shrines when she was injured

On occasion they weren't abandoned but she always managed to work something out for a few days

You were the only shrine maiden there so she was sure you'd let an injured samurai stay there for a bit

Except you insisted on her staying there until she's fully healed

Mizu tried to push your hands away when you wanted to clean her wounds. "I'm fine. I should already be on my way. I've taken enough of your time already." And put you in enough danger by staying here. It was a risk to host a demon samurai, but you felt it would be a bigger risk to her if she left.

"You're not healed yet. If you walk away from here and then die I will pull your soul back and scold you for it." Mizu laughed, her eyes joyful behind her glasses.

"My bad. Would you really pull me from Hell just for that?" What a question, of course you would. You weren't scared of her now, much less if she were a ghost. Besides since she trusted you with her secret you didn't think she'd be an evil ghost.

She's not sure if staying with you longer was good for her

For her health yes, but not not so much for her heart because the more time she spent with you, helping you around the shrine, watching you, enjoying means with you the less she looked forward to leaving

Now she knew she would eventually, she won't give up on her mission

But she thinks she may allow herself to call this place home, to call you home

The first kiss you share makes her cry, knowing it will hurt that much more when she goes traveling again, it may not be in a few months, maybe a year from now but it will surely hurt

"What about staying here forever. Don't you like it here?" You asked as you cuddled against her chest, listening to her heartbeat. She sighed when she pulled you up and kissed your cheek.

"I do like it here. I like you even more. Which is why I'm dreading leaving here." You knew it was a hard choice to make but at he same time you were grateful that she considered staying here for even longer then usual. When ever she kissed you it was one kiss more then she ever gave to anyone else. When her hands shifted to your bare skin it was with more love then she touched someone with for a long time.

Mizu loved quiet nights with you, spent slowly kissing you, drinking in your moans and sighs and teasing you when you pull away from her touch out of shyness. You want to give yourself to her fully, yet you're scared of making her eventual leaving even more difficult.

She was very gentle when she first made love to you, so gentle and patient, looking at you like you were a goddess

Also she managed to find a loophole to save your virtue, that your god cared so much about apparently

If you told her you couldn't give yourself to a man well then it was a good thing she wasn't a man at all, she was a demon

A demon who managed to charm and corrupt a shire maiden

Maybe you do have a slightly lesser chance of going to Heaven after all, but at least Mizu will have good company in the afterlife now

Mizu kissed your breasts with glee as you eased yourself on her two fingers. "I'm sorry I don't have anything bigger for you but for your first time I think this is enough. Or would you prefer demon cock?"

"I prefer you. Just you Mizu." You cup her cheeks and kiss her lips, feeling how hot they are, how contrasted from her cold looking eyes. "I want you." You moaned shamelessly as you felt her fingers curl inside you when she moved them in and out. "I love you." You confessed as you had a hundred times before, only this time it sounded so sinful. That was a given because it was layered with continuous wet, sloshing, slapping sounds of her hand smacking between your legs and into your dripping cunt.

"I never knew that shrine maidens were so slutty. Or is it that," Her lips kissed your breasts, directly over your heart, fully letting herself worship you, "you were just waiting for someone like me to wander in here and corrupt this pure soul of yours. Just listen to how your cunt wants it." Your legs shook when her fingers pressed along your front wall, making your hips jerk in her lap. "I-" She waited, bit back her confession, words that she had yet to say.

"Love you." You finished for her, repeating the phrase until you shook in her lap, flooding her hand and fingers, tightening around them as you kept riding them while holding onto her muscular shoulders.

"I love you." Mizu confessed at the height of your orgasm, when your moans and whimpers could cover it up. When she didn't have to think about it and could focus on the pleasure she gave you. She didn't have to think about it. Not yet.

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amputeewomen · 3 months

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What do you think about this dress?

Mia: Hey, Sophie, do you think I can pull off this dress?

Sophie: Mia, you look stunning! That shade of blue is gorgeous on you.

Mia: Thanks, Sophie! But do you think it looks odd with my flat shoes? I have to wear them because of my prosthetic.

Sophie: Not at all, you look chic and comfortable. It's all about how you feel in it, and honestly, I think the flats add a cool, casual vibe to your look.

Mia: I was a bit self-conscious about it. I want to look nice but I also need to be practical.

Sophie: Trust me, Mia, you've got both down perfectly. You're rocking that dress, and the flats are a smart choice. You're showing off your unique style, and that's what fashion is all about!

Mia: You know, Sophie, it wasn't an easy decision, but I'm actually happy I chose to amputate. Those endless surgeries to save my leg wouldn't have been worth it.

Sophie: I can't even imagine how tough that decision must have been, Mia. But seeing you now, so vibrant and full of life, I think you made a brave and wise choice.

Mia: It felt like I was taking control back from my situation, you know? Instead of being stuck in an endless loop of surgeries and recovery.

Sophie: Absolutely. You took charge of your life, and that's admirable. And can I just say, your prosthetic is seriously cool. It's like high-tech fashion.

Mia: Really? I guess it does have a kind of modern edge to it.

Sophie: For sure! It's sleek, it's functional, and it represents your strength and resilience. It's part of what makes you unique, Mia. And paired with your style? Unstoppable.

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blue-grama · 2 months

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The Sign finale probably should have disappointed me, but... didn't?

It's been a heck of a run lately with Thai BLs that haven't quite stuck the landing, and it's got me pondering why The Sign worked for me despite sometimes feeling like a storyboard for a longer, better show.

I don't think they pulled off the emotional payoff they needed, despite that last reunion scene being so pretty and well-acted, simply because too much happened offscreen, from Khem's recovery from a gunshot wound to the entire multlifetime Tharn/Chalothon dynamic getting resolved without us seeing any of it. But somehow I wasn't that mad about it? And ultimately I think it's because this show did so many things well and so many things I'd love to see more of that I'm just like, yep, I enjoyed that ride sirs, please show me something this gorgeous again. In that sense it's joining something like Manner of Death or Kinnporsche where it's like, plot holes? Yes. Bizarre tonal shifts? Absolutely. Occasionally insane writing choices? Uh-huh. Love it anyway? You betcha. So here's what really, really worked for me:

Premise

I am always going to be onboard with QL that isn't solely coming-of-age or coming out. I'm not against those stories, of course, but give me gay romance with adult characters who know themselves and are doing adult things. I'm also a partisan for romances with high external stakes, so the mixture of crime and reincarnation was catnip to me.

Do I care that none of this training makes any sense? No.

2. Setting

Listen. Is The Sign the reason I have a document on my laptop titled "Imaginary trip to Thailand without ever seeing a beach?" Not exactly. But it's also not not the reason.

I am being willingly manipulated by the Thai Tourism Authority.

Kidding, kidding, but I do love when my Thai shows feel Thai or my Korean shows feel Korean, etc etc. I want to be driven to Wikipedia to learn more! Half the fun of watching stuff from not your own country.

3. Chemistry

I think @biochemjess covered what was underwritten about the romance in The Sign. Billy and Babe carried it on their backs and it was hard to dislike their romance, even when the series skipped over key beats.

Any time the pink lighting came out, you were gonna be in for a good time.

4. The camerawork

I don't know enough about film to speak intelligently about this, but the camerawork and aesthetics of this show were just so lovely to watch. It was really doing a lot. @chaos0pikachu wrote about it better than I ever could.

LOVED THIS. LOVED IT. So good.

We had some really lovely storytelling and visual parallels, too, like the first episode and finale both having a big action warehouse scene, or the multiple times that Phaya and Tharn ended up overlooking the Mekong river.

5. It was always kinda off the rails

I know some people felt this show started out with a strong premise and didn't live up to it, but I gotta say, I didn't have that experience. It was always kinda a bonkers watch for me. There were long training montages, random bodies in the shallows, missing genitals, extended performance art, that comedy flashback to Khem and Thongthai's college years... I never knew what I was going to get each Saturday. And I kind of loved that? I'm into unhinged. I was comparing this in my head to Last Twilight, which did disappoint me in the end, and I think it's because Last Twilight was NOT always bonkers and DID set itself up to tell a straighforward story, then dropped the ideas it had been juggling in the last episode. The Sign always felt chaotic to me, so a chaotic ending was par for the course. This is where I'd compare it to KinnPorsche, which had the weirdest fucking ending, but like, okay??? Why not!

End result? I see the flaws, but I'm giving this show tender forehead kisses anyway. Here's hoping for more like it.

#the sign the series #the sign #the sign meta #the sign bl #phayatharn

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inkskinned · 2 years

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i sat next to him, dipping chips into the bowl of salsa, thinking about how i couldn't have enjoyed this 5 years ago. something strange: recently it's been about chaos theory for me.

a butterfly makes a tornado. the infinitely small becomes the chaotic whole. the universe bends towards entropy, and yet, chaos theory seems to argue - small motions make big changes.

chip goes into salsa. i eat a little bit. later, the chip is energy. later, the energy is movement. later, the movement is a memory. later, the memory shapes who i am.

i used to pretend i had already eaten. i used to be 30 minutes late so i could say eat without me. i used to say i didn't like chips or salsa. i'd chug my water and pray nobody noticed i was still nibbling the same chip i'd first picked up. i missed a lot of hangouts because i didn't want to grab lunch. i would eat by myself, curled up in the parking lot of a supermarket. hurried, anxious, embarrassed to be overcome.

5 years ago, i started saying yes to one more chip. 4 years ago, i could munch my way casually through a couple dozen. these days i am the one saying - can we have more chips when you get a second?

it didn't start with big changes. i thought it would have to - something was massively wrong with me, so i assumed recovery would take a natural disaster. the only way to fight fire was with an explosion. i would buy organizational journals, angrily clean my house for 10 hours straight, promise myself never again and know - i'd always slip backwards. i'm always going to be this way.

it wasn't big, though. 5 years ago i made a promise to stop it with the i'm going to kill myself jokes. for the sake of additional challenge, i also stopped saying i'm stupid. just two things.

i'm genuinely funnier these days. people laugh more with me. i find more things funny. when i mess up, it doesn't crush me. suicide no longer sits at the front of my brain. it is no longer the first option i picture. i forgive myself so easily. i no longer believe every mistake is emblematic of my personality. i have actually started to believe i am clever and smart - although i still want to add the prefix barely.

i still apologize too much. i still beat myself up. i still agonize over certain choices. i know i am not perfect. recovery is not linear.

but the joy in me is bigger. every time i choose to believe in it, every time i choose to make a little change towards hope - that joy in me grows.

when entropy rises up in my heart and i backslide and everything goes dark: the joy doesn't fully evaporate anymore. i slide just a little less. i bounce back just a little more. i go further this time. learn about myself. crawl up that slope with new skills in tow. i know what i'm doing these days; am getting good at finding handholds. i have started to learn how to catch myself while falling - instead of letting myself go.

a little change. ten years ago i googled depression self-help tips. little butterfly keystrokes. in the moment, nothing really happened.

ten years in the future: my life is full of love and healthy coping mechanisms. i have minimized a great deal of my symptoms. i spend a lot of my time laughing and creating and going out with friends. every time i hit a wall, i convince myself to get up, keep going, if it's hard just be harder, choose hope, choose just a little bit further -

i want to tell that version of myself, stranded in the desert: if you keep walking, all that sand will one day be water.

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autistichalsin · 2 months

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I have very complicated feelings about Halsin's Drow brothel dialogue that I want to share. I want to say, immediately, that I am not telling any other survivor how to feel about this, because we all have our own experiences that affect how we feel about this, and I will ask that you show me the same courtesy. I have had past posts of mine met with rudeness- from questioning whether I really had seen the scene in question to someone accusing me of having a "fetish" for rape recovery- telling me "go do Astarion's storyline instead"- to someone saying "the entire concept" (of trauma recovery, I guess?) is "western nonsense". Do not do that on this post.

The most common statements made as criticisms against Halsin's scene, post patch 5* are the following:

*Pre-patch 5, most of the criticism was about how out of left field it is and how there was no ability to follow up with Halsin about it/ask if he's okay.

It's OOC (or at least just nonsensical) for Halsin; he's a big, strong, wise Archdruid, so it makes no sense that he was raped.

Halsin obviously healed completely from his Drow-related trauma offscreen, and any statements from the player questioning this are condescension and/or infantilization and/or the same as demanding Halsin go through therapy onscreen- demanding all survivors have the exact same cookie-cutter reaction to be "valid".

The presence of the one rude "sounds traumatic, you may need to reflect on that" line means the entire scene is condescension as well.

Halsin's trauma isn't actually trauma/Halsin doesn't count as representation because it was not put in the story in good faith/was a joke, and it's insulting to change the scene to be more serious.

By changing these lines, the creators have prioritized one group of fans (those who wanted to see Halsin discuss what happened to him as an assault, not as a "fond memory") over another (those who felt this conversation was an indication Halsin had already had a complete recovery).

Gently and respectfully, I don't agree with any of these arguments. My feelings on these, point by point, are:

Rape can and does happen to anyone. Quite the opposite of being OOC for Halsin, it's important to have Halsin as representation alongside Astarion, to show that big, strong men can be victimized too, by any gender. Victimization can happen to a wide range of people, be committed by a wide range of people, and can have a wide range of effects on the survivor.

I love healed survivors, and I would love to see more in fiction. However, Halsin never once came across like a healed survivor to me, in this scene or otherwise. He came off like someone deep in denial (or perhaps just crisis mode) who was victim-blaming himself to downplay it. He called his rapists "hosts", himself a "guest, prisoner, and consort", himself a "foolhardy young Druid". Those are worrying ways to describe being made a sex slave for three years. I personally can't imagine how we were supposed to hear that repeated denial/downplaying/use of euphemism and infer healing from that. If that was truly what the writers intended, I think an exchange to the effect of "are you okay?" "Yes, it was a long time ago, and the wounds have healed" would have been acceptable- it's weird to think that wanting to be able to talk to Halsin after that and ask if he's okay is the same as "demanding he go through therapy for us" to some folks.

That one line isn't the best or most sensitively phrased, but it is HARDLY unique in that respect; there are many moments where your responses to delicate situations are awfully callous instead, even your "nice" ones. (See: immediately after Wyll gets his horns, where your nicest option is "The Blade of Frontiers has some explaining to do." No "oh my gods, are you okay? Are you in pain?") The lines following the nasty option include some wonderful choices (and a few callous ones, as per usual); "It's not for me to say- I wasn't there. But I'm here now, if you wish to talk," for example, which leads to Halsin thanking you and explaining that he hasn't had anyone to confide in for a very long time. Also, the offputting "you may need to reflect on that" option isn't the only way to get to the following lines; a Seldarine Drow, for example, can offer empathy by telling him he threaded the needle by surviving Lolth's pitiless followers at all. Sometimes, a writer's abstraction of situations like these can be really hard, and sometimes writers for dialogue trees fail to anticipate the responses players will want to give. (I.E. not foreseeing that players might want to sound less judgmental to Halsin's recovery, or that players' first concern will be with Wyll's wellbeing in the aftermath of him growing horns, not anger at his "dishonesty".) I would like alternatives to those callous responses, sure, but I don't think they imply bad intentions. Occam's razor and all that.

The truth is that we will never conclusively know what the intentions were behind the original version of that scene. However, in following with Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation is the best one, and it is almost always simpler to assume good intentions than to assume malice. With the care this game showed to rape, slavery, and other issues in the rest of the game, I find it much easier to believe that there was just bad conveyance of Halsin's past than I do that it was intended as a meanspirited joke against sexual assault survivors. Even if it was intended as a meanspirited joke, quite a lot of people had already found comfort in Halsin's character. There is no un-ringing the bell, so the best alternative was to improve the writing to address fan concerns.

Truthfully, any decision made could be argued to be prioritizing one group of fans over the other; if they had kept the status quo, they would have been prioritizing the group of fans who liked Halsin's downplaying of his trauma. Ultimately, Larian has shown that they enjoy making changes to the game over time (sometimes over the objections of fans, I.E. Gortash's letter); if they truly felt the true vision of their story was the original version and they felt it important to stick with it, they would have had no problem ignoring those fan complaints. Hell, one of THE most common complaints about Halsin is regarding his polyamory (especially from Early Access fans on the forums, who are quite vocal about feeling betrayed that Halsin isn't monogamous), and Larian has kept him poly because it is how they intended him to be. Larian didn't change Halsin's post-Drow scene solely because of fan outcry- they changed it because they wanted to. They have no problem keeping unpopular characterization beats and scenes in the game. If it were really a matter of "fan outcry = changed scenes" there would be an evil ending epilogue by now too.

Those are just my thoughts on the issue. I am leaving this untagged out of respect for other survivors who may not agree, but please feel free to reblog or comment- as long as discussion stays respectful.

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dr3comebackera · 4 months

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Daniel Ricciardo on his Zandvoort crash, surgery on his broken hand, recovery process, and return in Austin

Tom Clarkson: "Now you mentioned the elephant in the room, Zandvoort. FP2, Turn 3, what happened?"

Daniel Ricciardo: "I *awkward laugh*, I mean I obviously can remember it very clearly, since I didn't hit my head. Erm, but, so you come through, turn, I guess it's Turn 2, and it's over kind of a crest, but then you stay quite tight, because, then the line for 3, you ride the top of the banking. So you know, you're not taking a conventional racing line, so you're not like looking at the apex, you're looking at the top of the corner, pretty much. Like, as a driver, we're always looking ahead and normally like at the apex, but the way you exit 2, you then kind of look straight ahead and pick your braking point."

DR: "So at that point, I'd exited 2, I hadn't seen any yellows, nothing like that. And then by the time I've looked and braked, I then looked where I need to turn, and I see Oscar. This all happened so quickly, but I remember, I can, obviously I'm picturing it in my head now. So I remember, okay, the line we take is high and by this point I'd braked, so I'd already committed, so I knew the speed I was going. My only choice was to take the high line, but I could see his car was at the top of the track. So there wasn't enough room for me to pass through the high line. I'm going too fast to take a low line, so it was either, probably look like a real idiot and crash into him, or try and just slow the car as much as I can, and likely just crash into the barriers, which is what happened."

DR: "But yeah, because it was all, I guess I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do, by the time then I'd committed to just going straight, I hadn't then realized, 'okay, take your hands off the wheel.' And a lot of us still don't do it, because crashing is not natural. And it happens so quickly, because you don't plan to crash, so a lot of the time you don't kind of have, yeah, the time to be like, 'okay, I'm crashing, what do I need to do? Brace myself, okay, take my hands off the wheel.' Sometimes you just don't have the luxury of time."

DR: "So, that was it, I hit the wall. I've only watched one replay, but I just don't, I don't want to. Basically, when I've gone in, I'm pretty sure like the right front, it's just the angle, right, the right front would've grabbed the Tecpro [barrier] first, and then that's, like, pulled it in, so it's, it's like I've turned really hard right, the way obviously it's grabbed the wheel. So because the wheels then turned so quickly, I've basically lost grip, so it spun out of my hands, and the bottom of the [steering] wheel, which is pure, hard carbon, has then come up and basically karate chopped my hand."

DR: "So then, you've got the shock of the crash and then adrenaline, so I've come on the radio, and I'd, I think I'd been like, oh sorry, like I've crashed or something. And then, is he like 'oh, you alright?' or 'can you continue?' and I was like, 'no, the car is damaged.' And then, I could feel my hand, and I was like, 'ow, my hand, my hand.' And then I just, it started to, like the pain just went, obviously ramped up really, really quickly, and I feared that something was bad. So, as I'm, I wanted, I was like, 'I need to get my glove off, I need to get my glove off.' And as I'm pulling my glove off, I remember, I was thinking, *awkward huffy laugh*, I was like 'if there's a bone through the skin, I'm gonna pass out.' So that's all, I was just like 'please, please don't let me see anything gruesome.' I'm not good with this stuff, I'm sweating telling it, like I'm serious. I suck at this.

TC: "Have you broken a bone before?"

DR: "I broke my arm as a kid at school, throwing a tennis ball. Anyway, yeah, another very random accident, and I didn't need surgery, that was like a long, long healing process."

DR: "But yeah, so, alright, so I've pulled my glove off, and I, I could see it was already quite swollen, but no bone through the skin. I was like, 'okay.' But then the pain just got so bad, so as soon as I jumped into the medical car, I was *long pause* making a lot of noises, because I was in a lot of discomfort. So I knew that it was not good. I knew immediately, obviously, I wasn't going to race on the weekend. Like I didn't need a doctor to tell me. I feared it was a broken bone. I think the first thing that really kind of just made me sad, was I just had a very, very productive summer break. I felt really, really good physically, and I was just, yeah I was just ready to go. And this just felt like an unfortunate setback. But I was just more worried about surgery and all that, because I'm, again, I'm a bit of a wuss.

TC: "What happened next, I mean, you went down to Barcelona, to Dr. Xavier Mir, who is renowned in the MotoGP world, for mending those sort of breaks. I also think he was, didn't he help Lance Stroll earlier in the year as well?" "Yeah" "So who put you in touch with him, or did you know him already?"

DR: "So from the medical center, we went to the hospital there in Amsterdam. Got scans, and they're like, 'yeah, it's broken.' And by this point, it's the size, like, looked like an elephant stepped on my hand. The doctor there said, 'look, I would recommend surgery.' He's like, 'you can have it here, but you probably want to wait anyway a few days for the swelling to go down. Speak to whoever you need to speak to and obviously you can have your surgery wherever you want, I'm just going to give you my advice.' So then we reached out to Lance, we reached out to, well Jose, a friend of ours who works with Alpinestars, so he knows all the MotoGP guys, and he, he's Spanish as well, so he knows. So he, I think, put us into touch with Xavier Mir, and then, yeah, Lance was like 'go to him' as well. All signs were just pointing to, this guy's done this too many times, just go see him. Like, like don't even bother, just go there.

DR: "So it was, it was a blessing and a curse because, *laughs* he does a lot of MotoGP guys, who, are not human. They are not. It's fact, they are not. So, I think there's an expectation of me going in there, he's like 'oh, F1, MotoGP, same! Not human, don't feel pain.' 'No, doctor, I feel pain. I'm going to cry for the next 48 hours whilst I'm in this hospital.' So it was just funny, they, I think, you know, all the doctors and nurses and that who were helping me, and they were great, but I think they were, they were just quite, they would laugh a lot, because I would wince and pull away and ask questions every needle that went into my arm. Erm, so I think they just thought I would be tough like a MotoGP rider, but I am not."

TC: "I'm sure you were."

DR: "No, no, trust me, I'm not. The break itself was quite significant. It was a shatter, like it wasn't like, oh you just break it clean down the middle. I think it was in eight pieces or something. So it was also, for a bone that can be quite a simple one, it wasn't too pretty."

TC: "So it's your pinky that was being affected by it?" "Erm, well..." "On your left hand?"

DR: "It's like the outside of the hand. So that's the bone I broke, in between like the wrist and the pinky, like that knuckle. So like along the outside there. But even me just rubbing my finger over the top of my hand, hurt like crazy. Maybe I just feel pain more than others, I don't know. *laughs* But er, sorry, I just want to, just let's also say one thing. There was also the reality where, yes, I would moan and complain because I don't like the pain. But it was a broken hand, so there was also a part of me which was like, 'look, dude, yes you're in pain and it's going to be a bit of a process, but people have worse injuries, people have bigger accidents.' So don't get me wrong, I also tried to reality check myself through it all, and I think that's what made me quite, like remain quite positive."

TC: "You missed five races, you came back for Austin. Was there any talk of you getting back earlier, maybe for Qatar?"

DR: "So I knew, I was doing physio every day, and I was, I was doing what I could to come back as soon as possible. But I also wanted to make sure, and I think, you know, Red Bull/Alpha Tauri were really good with this, I wasn't fighting for a world championship, like it's not like, dude you need to just drive through immense pain and just get a point, you know because this is your titles on the line. Like it was, let's make sure you do this and heal properly, and get the right treatment, because also you've got, hopefully a second part of your career which is going to be long and glorious. So it was just, don't compromise anything that you then have a bum hand for the next two years of your career, three years, whatever. So it was good, I could just do it properly."

DR: "Qatar was talked about, I went on the sim the week of Qatar, on the Monday, but I couldn't, er, yet, drive with the full force of the steering, like so we would like bring the feedback down. Er, I just couldn't grip it and do more than like two laps at full strength. So it was very clear that Qatar was out of the question, and also for me to come back and like, yeah, I don't know, not drive at my best and then, no, that no one benefits. I don't benefit, the team doesn't. So er, it was that, at that point we're like, let's just go all in for Austin and make sure I'm good for that."

TC: "And Liam was doing a decent job as well"

DR: "Exactly, he was doing well and there was also, I think Red Bull were great to give me a contract whilst I was injured, to give me a contract for next year. So I, I had that-"

TC: "That was very significant, wasn't it?" "Yeah" "They actually signed you long-term when you were on the sidelines?"

DR: "Yeah, there's so much about being back in the Red Bull family this year that's felt good and right, and I think that was such a, yeah just such like a big thing for them to do that. I think obviously it showed they have a lot of faith in me. It also put to bed if anyone was like, 'oh you know, is there still any issues from their previous relationship years ago? Like is there any carryover tension or whatever?' Like, for them to do that, I think it was very much like, he's our kid and we're going to support him because we believe in him and- So that was really nice."

TC: "So you come back for Austin, and were there any ill effects there? Because I mean, that's a quick track, sector one in particular."

DR: "Er, no, like in, in short no. Erm, I think the race, I got into it quickly and, and, and I was actually honestly expecting more pain in Austin. I was expecting like every kind of bump or kerb I'd hit would be like 'ow, ow, ow.' But it was okay, and erm, I think it was just an endurance I needed to build so like, towards the end of the race, I could feel like my grip strength was maybe not as good as at the start of the race. But honestly, I was, I was fine. And I think that was another thing, I didn't want to get back into a race and then be like, 'yeah I could have done better, but you know, my hand was not up to full strength.' Or like, I was like, this can't be an excuse, and it wasn't, so it was all good."

TC: "And Daniel, you were never going to miss Austin, right?"

DR: "No, I couldn't. I would've loved the result to be better, but no, I couldn't miss Austin.

TC: "The track, the place"

DR: "Yeah, yeah. I love it."

#daniel ricciardo #f1 #i've listened to this beyond the grid podcast a few times now and i just need everyone to hear/read this part #he gives so many details about everything that happened including all the pain he felt :(#very much would like to give him a hug #also the broken arm/throwing a tennis ball story is crazy too #he talked about it in another video #i think a red bull on the sofa end of year video #and he said it snapped random because he had a medical issue (but didn't know about it) where his bone had been weakening over time #and it just hit its limit and snapped that day when we went to throw a tennis ball back to some classmates #also i forced myself to change all his ums and uhs and curb to the way he would spell them #i wanted this to be in his voice lol #dutch grand prix 2023 #dutch gp 2023 #zandvoort #daniel and his broken hand #the image of him crying in the medical car and hospital makes me sad :(

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cleolinda · 8 months

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youtube

Here's another song I had wanted to write about: Hozier's "Movement." It is a fact of my existence that I get into a musical artist/band about 10 years after everyone else does, and then they become 30% of my personality (see also: Florence and the Machine). So I didn't really get with the program until Wasteland, Baby, and even then, it was for an unusual reason.

When did this album come out, spring of 2019? I had spinal surgery in early 2018. A discectomy, L4/L5; the disc had gradually become herniated due to a fall I'd had at a convention. My surgeon was required to warn me that surgery would come with a (low) chance of paralysis; it was my choice to make. After two weeks of seizing up in pain every hour or so, confined to my bed—hydrocodone did nothing—I chose the scalpel. Even then, it was another four weeks before he could work me into the operating schedule. Trust me when I say, no matter how I'm doing now, I do not regret having that surgery.

But he also told me, "You will always be a person who has had spinal surgery." Since anything was better than screaming every time I moved, I didn't fully understand what he meant until a year or so later, when I was still in pain—a chronic but lower-grade pain that came and went depending on how much activity I dared try that particular day. It was infinitely better than before. And, but, yet, I still deal with that chronic pain today. I will always be that person.

"Walk," he told me. I had a packet of therapy exercises to do, sure, but he was firm on this point. "That's the main exercise you need. Just walking." Which I couldn't do at first—I didn't have to learn to walk again or anything, but I was in a wheelchair early on, then on a wheeled walker for a couple of months. I also have inherited neuropathy in my feet, which was exacerbated by electrically painful sciatic nerve damage down my right leg while I waited for my slot in the surgery calendar. (I swear to God I will start talking about music soon.) I only walk across the longest side of my backyard. I don't leave it and walk around the neighborhood, because I generally have about two minutes upright to get back to the house once my feet start hurting.

So I had been struggling with my walking assignment for about a year when "Movement" came out. Of course it's literally about physically moving (and emotionally being moved), but that wasn't what captured me. The song starts out slow and reflective; it was a gentle tempo for a time when I couldn't walk very fast, and I still use it as a warm-up today. But there are two other things I love about it. One, the willow tree in the chorus, as I was walking my little runway back and forth under a canopy of wild water oak draped with wisteria, looking up into the sun through the leaves and snowflake flowers of an overgrown cherry laurel. Sound met landscape.

But the other thing is how—generous? accepting?—the words are of the "you" of the song. This person, the lyrics say, does not have to be a virtuoso dancer like Fred Astaire or Sergei Polunin (who's in the video up there). Instead, "you're Atlas in his sleeping, and when you move, I'm moved." My absolute favorite part is,

Move like grey skies Move like a bird of paradise Move like an odd sight come out at night

What the fuck even are these lyrics. I can't. That's so good. You ever sit there as a writer and think, I'm so mad I didn't come up with that? Just the pure unexpectedness, "I'm telling you how earthshakingly amazing this person is. Like a beautiful willow, like a rare bird, like some weird-ass cryptid in the night, I don't even know what that was about but I love it." What even. So good.

And I was for sure an odd sight shambling back and forth across the back of my yard: five minutes at first. Then ten the next week, working my way up to thirty, still in a dull roar of constant pain a year into my recovery. But this is a song that says, your efforts to move are moving, whatever movement is natural for you; you may be sleeping just now, you may be moving without moving, but you are wonderful not in spite of being strange in your movements, but because of it. The song always feels like a friend walking along with me, no matter how many setbacks I have, or how slow I have to go.

Anyway, Unreal Unearth comes out next Friday. The five songs Hozier's put out so far are ridiculously good, and I've scheduled a couple of months to be completely feral about it. When the weather is less dangerously hot, we'll find out which songs are good to move to.

#music #music discussion #me for some reason #long post #hozier

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mandos-mind-trick · 3 months

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Hi.

It's currently 8:00 on a Sunday night so I don't think anyone is gonna see this but if I don't do this now I'm going to talk myself out of it.

First off, I wanted to say thank you again for everyone's kind replies and messages regarding my last post. I do appreciate every single one of you and your kindness. It's nice to know others do/have felt the same way. Y'all really are too kind. I'm honestly not sure if recovery is possible for me but it's nice to hear about others who have recovered.

I now come to you to share a bit more of what's going on and why things are just so fucking bleak for me. I'm honestly a little ashamed to even be sharing this and everything in me is begging me to not say anything which is why I need to post this now before I talk myself out of it.

So, late last year I found out that I was likely going to be laid off from my job sometime in January. I kind of knew it was coming and expected it but in December (literally the week of Christmas) I learned that it was going to happen for sure. I still don't have a date, and still have a schedule but those of you that have been laid off know it could literally come at any time.

Of course I was saving money through the busy season (or at least trying to, I'll get to that in a moment) because I thought I was going to get laid off last week, or even the first week of January. A lot happened in the last couple months that really kind of threw things into the toilet. I had to start paying on a student loan (a private one so I have no choice) and I had some back pay on some stuff that I had to take care of to avoid you know, getting sued.

Things would have been fine, it all would have been okay, except that I wasn't expecting my job to cut my hours so drastically before they laid me off. I went from 40 hour weeks to 24 hour weeks. So yeah. I'm kind of fucked right now.

I haven't even been able to pay rent this month and it's not looking like I'm going to be able to. I'm not at risk of being homeless yet. My landlord can be willing to work with people but they've been lenient with me in the past when I've struggled and I'm not sure how willing they will be to do that again.

And before anyone asks, no, I don't have family or friends that could help. I'm quite literally on my own in this world so that's not an option for me.

So, on top of everything else, I also have this to deal with.

I appreciate everyone's kind words and offers of help but there's no help for me. There's no hope for me anymore. This is why death feels more welcome than whatever the hell I'm doing now. I wouldn't call it living.

#trigger warnings...i don't even know #suicide i guess

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krakenartificer · 11 months

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Notes on therapist selection

(From someone who is getting a good grade in Having a Therapist, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve)

Some friends were discussing their work to find a therapist today, and I noticed some unspoken assumptions that can sometimes get in the way of finding someone who's a good fit for your recovery needs, especially around deciding what specializations to look for when no one covers the full range of your crazy. So a list of things to think about that -- as always -- may or may not be useful to anyone except me.

1) On overlapping specializations Anyone who specializes in ADHD or Autism will also have experience dealing with trauma, because every school system I've ever encountered has been traumatizing for NDs. They may or may not call it trauma in their own minds, but they know how to handle "a bad thing happened in my past and it's fucking up my present" problems.

Likewise, everyone who specializes in trauma has experience with anxiety. PTSD was, until 2013, classified as an anxiety disorder. DSM-V puts it in its own category for presumably good reasons, but everyone with PTSD has anxiety (or close enough that you can't specialize in trauma without knowing how to deal with anxiety).

That said ... 2) On picking your therapist based on vibes

Vibes are really more important than specialization. Specialization is important if, like, you have one (1) specific problem and you are looking for a solution for that problem. Like, if your life is fine except that you have ADHD and the executive dysfunction is causing you to be unable to write English essays, then you definitely want an ADHD specialist. But if your opening session is going to be

Therapist: So what brings you in? Me: Well! -straightens lapels- -pulls out easel- -pulls out prepared presentation notes- I have a list

Therapist: So what brings you in? What changes are you looking to make? Me: This -gestures- Therapist: You just pointed to all of you Me: Yes.

then any generic psychologist is as good as any other. You got shit in your head and you gotta detangle it and it's all snarled together anyway, so it's a lot more important that you find someone who you're willing to be working with for years.

3) On finding "the one"

Odds are really really good that you're gonna have more than one therapist in your recovery arc. I did 2 years with one who specialized in psychological impacts on physical health, and it did so. much. for me, and I don't regret it for a moment, but also ... I reached a point where that wasn't the specialization I needed anymore, and also the shit in my head I needed to deal with was the kind of shit that (for trauma reasons) I couldn't talk about to someone in that therapist's demographic. So I left that practice, and found my current therapist.

My current therapist is great, and I'm really glad I'm working with him, but it's entirely possible that he's not going to be able to sort out this entire mess. We may reach a point where his specialties of relationships and adhd are not my bottlenecks any more, and he doesn't really have the tools he needs to handle what my next bottleneck is, and I'll go find someone else who can meet my needs at that time. This is normal and expected, and it's entirely fine to plan on it by (for example) deciding that you want a specialist in this thing right now, and you'll go find a specialist in this other thing later.

4) On Shopping

It's entirely reasonable to have more than one therapist this week. You are in no way expected or required to pick a single therapist based off of some profile pictures, a bio on the website, and a phone call, and then you're stuck with them forever. It is normal and understood that you will set up appointments with half a dozen therapists, and then pick two (or three) to do another session with, before settling into a single choice. Or don't! If you like two therapists for different reasons, and you'd rather work with them simultaneously instead of serially, then feel free to schedule with twice as many therapists, half as often. This ain't a wedding; you don't have to restrict yourself to only one.

Narrow down your choices as quickly as you want to based on your anxiety about not having a decision, based on your executive dysfunction and inability to track multiple things, based on how you feel about each one ... but don't narrow them down to one just because you think that's "the rules", somehow.

5) On Being Abrasive

If you know, upfront, what some of your dealbreakers are, just straight-up say that as you're scheduling the appointment or in the first session. My last therapist became a problem for me because she expressed empathy in a way that was too similar to the way my abuser used weaponized politeness to deny me boundaries; I couldn't talk to her about my violations because her demeanor was too similar to the person who violated me. So when I first talked to my current therapist, I told him, "I need someone who, if they think I'm full of shit, will say 'I think you're full of shit.'" He replied "One of my other clients calls me 'Deadpool'." I said, "Perfect. Let's give it a shot."

So if you really care that someone will let you schedule appointments online, or will never touch your wrist, or will treat your "disorder" as a neurodivergence to be accommodated rather than a problem to be solved, then say so. The sooner you both know that, the better: if you have particular needs, they need to know that now; and if they're not willing to meet your needs, YOU need to know that now.

(You will not, of course, always know your dealbreakers upfront. When I picked my first therapist, my primary problem was hip pain, and I didn't know it was PTSD. It was through her help that I realized that (a) I had trauma and (b) she was way too like my abuser for me to treat PTSD with her. This was not a failure. This was a massive success, because learning that was what allowed me to find someone who could help me (see point #3). It's fine if you don't know, right now, what you need -- that's part of why vibes are so important (see point #2). But whatever information you can give them, it is helpful to do so, and (despite what people in your past have implied) it is not rude, it is beneficial and desired.

6 - not advice, just a reminder

You are beautiful and brave and strong and I am so proud of you for fighting through all the shit -- both internal and external -- to get yourself help. No one ever talks about how hard it is to get to the point where you schedule that first meeting with that first therapist, and I want you to know that it is painful, it is challenging, and you're not lazy or stupid or whatever other lie your brain is telling you.

#therapy #how to life #how to recovery #long post #recovery #trauma cw #abuse cw #mental illness cw #gpoy #PTSD cw

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deiaiko · 3 months

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#19.1 Anticipation

Grace opened the door to their dorm, and wasn't surprised to find that the room was dark. "Agni?"

Velt swam past him and whistled along, as if she was also calling for her master.

"Coming," Agni called from the mezzanine floor and Grace felt his presence descending the stairs.

"I'm going to turn on the lights, ok?" Grace warned before clicking on the lights. Colors returned and painted the familiar figure on the staircase.

Agni’s right hand was gripping a walking cane that Grace hadn't seen in years. It was back when Agni was severely burned that they also discovered damage to his left knee. Agni never told him exactly what happened, but the doctor that tended to him said that it had broken so many times that it would likely never heal completely.

The recovery took weeks, but Agni was able to walk normally again. He avoided frontline fights from then on, but if there was no choice, he was careful with his moves. Someone must've caught him off guard to be able to land a hit there. Could it be that this was the cause of his bad mood?

"Hey," Agni greeted Velt as she swam beside him. He patted her once before resuming his steps, making his way to Grace. "Welcome back."

"What happened?" Grace asked. He brought his hand to caress Agni's hair, undoing the clip and slipping his mask off his face.

To Grace's surprise, Agni smiled fondly. "Mini-me figured out my weak points."

"Well…" That probably wasn't it, then. It looked like he had a good time with them, especially with Khun's progress. "As expected from you."

Agni chuckled and took control of Grace's lighthouse. "Yeah. Kind of proud, perhaps."

"Glad to know you both get along."

"As good as currently possible. It's still a work in progress."

Grace gave Agni's mask back and trailed after him to the living room along with Velt. He resisted the urge to hold Agni's arm to support him, knowing that Agni hated being coddled when he was clearly capable by himself.

"I healed the worst of it. I just need to rest it a little." Agni assured, reading Grace's worry easily. "It should be good tomorrow."

Grace felt a little comforted after hearing that, knowing that it wasn't as serious as he had feared. Although he could still feel some uneasiness radiating from Agni.

"How's your day?" Agni asked, as Grace set the food and drinks down on the coffee table.

"Master called me after our call ended. After some explaining and persuading, he left me to practice together with Bam. I'm currently trying to teach him how to use reverse flow control for a wider range." Although it was a bit hard when Bam didn't have his emotions under control, so they were quick to call it a day and just sat together until Bam's curfew.

Agni hummed thoughtfully, "That gives me an idea for our next mock battle. I’ll think about it first."

"Cool." Grace joined Agni to sit on the floor, side by side. "How about you? It seems like you have something on your mind."

"Yeah, it's…" Agni avoided his gaze by staring ahead, "...not really about today's spar."

Grace raised his eyebrow. "Is everything okay?"

"I will tell you after dinner, alright? Go take a bath first. I've prepared your clothes in the bathroom."

Grace obediently got up when Agni nudged him away, though he gave Agni one last glance before turning around the corner and locking the bathroom door. He went on autopilot as his thoughts spiraled. Nothing major should be happening to the team right now, but what else could be the cause of this unease? It feels as if…someone they know had just died.

Masterlist

Let me know your thoughts in the reblogs <3

☕ Buy me coffee ☕

If you're curious, I'm putting their dorm room design under the cut

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dark-night-hero · 1 year

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Imagine being Gojo Satoru's significant other.

Imagine having enough patience to be his childhood friend, classmates and let alone his lover for years. Or maybe you don't have the patience, rather you manage to get used to him and his attitude, the way he treats everybody and anybody throughout the years where you've been by his side.

Imagine being on the same year but instead of being put on the same team as him and the others, you were in tasked on a solo mission just like Geto's s/o but was overseas by the time you were at the jujutsu high. Not that you don't mind being away, but unlike Satoru who can do whatever he wants being the most powerful sorcerer alive. You who was the only descendants of a ruined clan have no choice but to obey unless Satoru stepped in, in which he never does, not because he doesn't care but because you never let him know.

"Awwe how come you always accepted missions overseas?" "Well Satoru, other people needed some aid you know." "But why does it has to be you? It's like the elders have been doing this on purpose." "We-" "Should I just kill them all?" "..." "Just kidding babe. Muah!"

Imagine being the dumb and dumber couple. Always making trouble for the principal when you were together. Going on a days when you both have times and making it always fun and memorable. Being with Satoru was like being in the eye of the storm, whenever you were with him everything was calm and bright, like everything was alright.

"Do you really have to go?" He was pouting like a child you're rather finding him silly than cute. "This job is the most suitable for me" You spoke, caressing his cheeks, looking at those mesmerizing blue eyes underneath those black glasses of his. "Don't worry, I'll be back before you knew it like always. Besides don't you have your own mission to do?" You remind him as he pout once again. "Oh come on you big baby. Stop looking at me like that, I'm not going to change my mind"

Imagine your mission being longer than what you've imagine, plus the danger you've faced was far more worse when you face it. As if someone was trying to get rid of you on purpose by not giving the right details about your mission. Nevertheless you manage to survive, thought attaining a few major and minor injuries, there was nothing that can stop you going back home.

Imagine the confused look on your face. The man right in front of you was the man you've loved the most at the same time he wasn't. He looked and sound the same and yet.. There was something different. He wasn't the only one. Everything seems to have changed. You want to asked him, really. But as soon as you went back to jujutsu high, you were put too focus on your recovery.

"You good?" He sat on the empty chair right beside your bed. "Yeah, just a little bit tired but I'm good." You replied not wanting to worry him. "How about you?" You asked, finally looking at him who was wearing his usual glasses. I heard from Geto that you... That was what you wanted to ask but you hold back. "I'm fine, aren’t I the strongest as ever?" He smirked playfully at you. But wasn't it we that it used to be?

Imagine being in the middle of a mission when you have heard the news about his best friend being wanted as a curse user. The look on your face as you hurried off and went to finish the work so that you could go home and head towards your lover.

Imagine as you burst enter his room, there he was sleeping peacefully, making you sit on his bed side as you watch him breath peacefully, only when times like this does it seems like he was a normal person, a beautiful normal person not the strongest jujutsu sorcerer in the history of sorcerers. But you knew that was never the case, reaching out to touch the lost strand of his white clocks on his face, your hand was blocked by an invisible barrier. A bitter smile making its way on your lips.

Imagine as you were about to leave him be for the rest of the night and was about to come back the following day, as you were to retract your hand, you found yourself laying on your side, his arms wrapped around your waist, his front pressing on your back as you can feel his breathing upon your neck.

"You're leaving me again, aren't you?" His voice was emotionless. It almost made you stop breathing for a second. "No. I'm not." You said with a sigh. "I'm staying for the night." You heard him chuckle after that. "Just for the night, heh." You felt his hold tighten around you. "No. I'll stay by your side as long as you like." For the first time in your life, you felt the strongest sorcerer tremble upon holding you as he buried his face upon your neck.

Imagine as times goes by, you learn how to love and adjust this new Satoru. In the first place its not like you stopped loving him and vice versa. It's just this Satoru was a little high wild. And also.

"Who's this kid?" You spoke upon seeing the little boy beside him. "Did- did you kidnapped a child?! OH MY GO-!" "Hey!" He spoke putting you on a headlock and eventually messed with your hair. "Babe stop!" You laugh, pushing him away. "But seriously who is this child?" You spoke once again referring to the kid that was looking at you two with emotionless. Just like that Satoru lean close to your ear and whispered. "He's a Zenin." Enough for you to know what he was referring to. "We're going to be his guardian." "What?" You look at your lover with a flabbergasted look on your face.

Imagine as you two spend the rest of your days together, as the two of you continue to love each other, days where just passing by. You slowly grown to love the child that Satoru have picked up. It was peaceful, though can a little bit of a mess sometimes because of your lover, it was wonderful.

Imagine, as at least you thought, as you were both teacher at the jujutsu high, you can agree at Satoru's decision when it comes to the vessel of Sukuna, Yuji Itadori was a bright young man after all. Though everything was a bit of a hellish mess, everything was fine, until the real tragedy came, the Shibuya Incident.

#gojo x reader #gojo saturo #jujutsu gojo #gojo imagine #gojou satoru x reader #gojou satoru x you #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu x reader #jujutsu kaisen fanfic

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i-am-the-oyster · 3 months

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Hi there, I also have a quick question about this post (Paul's guilt about hurting John, possibly evidenced in song notes during the making of RAM, and its source—that he left John, despite having promised not to).

Are you saying Paul felt guilty towards John, and knew why, during the making of RAM? And, if so, how would you square this with Paul's notorious 'grief rant' phonecall with Hunter Davies shortly after John's death, where Paul appears not only upset by the idea that he hurt John, but also unaware of what he could have done to cause this hurt?

"But what had really got Paul upset that day was an interview with Yoko in which Yoko was quoted as saying that Paul had hurt John more than any other person. Paul thought they were amongst the cruelest words he ever read." (Hunter Davies grief rant fun)

Was Paul bullshitting Hunter? (Go, Paul)

Was Paul being defensive and angry b/c Yoko blamed him for hurting John in public?

Was Paul not surprised to hear he'd hurt John (after all, they hurt each other often), but struck by the 'more than any other person' part?

I don't mean to say you're right or wrong. I'm just curious to hear you elaborate on this. Meaning, your take on Paul's guilt, and how accessible it was to him consciously. I've long been thinking about him hearing this claim, 'you hurt him more than anyone else', and how different that would have landed, depending on how aware/guilty he felt.

(Whether Paul was right to feel guilty or not is a completely different matter, and doesn't play a role on my question.)

Thank you for the wonderful meaty (sorry Paul!) ask!

I think Paul *did* feel guilty at the time, but I wouldn't exactly say Paul was bullshitting Hunter. The thing that always jumps out at me from that transcript is where Paul says:

There's only one incident I can think of that John has mentioned publicly.

(emphasis mine)

Isn't that an interesting distinction in the context? It makes me think that there were deeply private things that they each did to the other but Paul feels certain that those things would never end up the subject of public discussion.

I don't buy the image of Paul as lacking self-awareness or self-reflection. BUT he is extremely good at re-framing things in a positive way "so many times I had to change the pain to laughter" AND he is a very contrary person. He seems to often instinctively push against whatever narrative the person opposite him is proposing, especially where the topic needs some nuance. (eg the one time he approaches the topic of Jim's violence is in response to Stern pushing Paul's own "idyllic childhood" bit).

So back to the version of their story that had in mind when I made my original post. (Which I'm not married to, but seems like a plausible scenario worth exploring). Paul and John are in a codependent relationship, John has clearly expressed his terror that Paul might leave (as he did with Cyn). John's behaviour has become erratic and (at least borderline) abusive. Paul knows that if he lets go John will "take a tumble", but he's exhausted and Linda is teaching him to take his own desires and needs into account in a much healthier way. (Not to suggest Paul was never selfish in the 60s lol, but he wasn't practicing actual self-care).

John is spiraling, and pushing Paul away in that heartbreaking pattern I call "see I knew you were going to leave". (I'm sure there must be a name for it in psychology). Linda doesn't yet realise the depth of feeling she's dealing with. Paul knows how terrified John is, he's promised he won't be like the others, he won't leave. But he can't do it any more. John finally convinces him that he actually wants him to leave, he bawls his eyes out in front of Mal, and he disappears to Scotland.

I think he would be absolutely wracked with guilt.

And then I think as part of his recovery from that depression he would reassure himself that he did need to leave, that it was the right choice, that he and John could continue to care about one another deeply and move on.

I think Yoko's statement was unnecessarily cruel hurt him, and triggered that contrary response. What's she even talking about? What did I do? The worst ever?!

Thanks again!

#that got tangenty #i hope you like text :)#crepe ask #paul's guilt #the breakup

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linkemon · 8 months

Text

Confession headcanons 2

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here.

This was written around the 3.1 version of the game so characters' personalities and information about Sumeru might differ today.

Tighnari

✧ To say Tighnari wasn't happy with your behaviour would be an understatement. When he found out that you decided to eliminate the withering part of the forest yourself and you were injured, he was furious. He yelled at you first. Soon after, however, he calmed down.

✧ He didn't say anything the whole time he was tending your wound. At first you tried to explain yourself but you saw that he didn't want to listen to you. There was only dead silence.

✧ Collei gently investigated things between the two of you in the following days. She was also the one who came to change your bandages. You were very concerned that Tighnari didn't come to see you even once during your recovery. He made an ointment for you but he never came with it himself.

✧ Once you felt well enough to be able to stand on your own feet, you decided to talk to your friend. He received you and listened to you. However, he couldn't forgive you for putting your health at risk. He asked you to tell him why you didn't ask other forest rangers for help. You were afraid to tell him the truth. But what scared you more was the thought that he would fire you and you'd never see him again. So you did it.

✧ When you said it was because you wanted him to finally appreciate you because you fell in love with him, he didn't say anything for a moment. Only in retrospect did you realize how stupid you were. So you waited with your heart pounding for what he would say.

✧ What give Tighnari were his ears. He moved them towards you. After being with him for a long time, you were able to read his signals. He was happy with the confession. The boy didn't say anything for a moment. He walked over to you, pushed your hair out of your face and made you promise never to scare him like that again. He was mercilessly worried. As you nodded your head, he placed a soft kiss on your lips.

✧ Somewhere from the house next door, you could hear Collei's excited squeal. She was bad at pretending she didn't know anything in the days that followed.

✧ You have been punished for insubordination however. Even as Tighnari's girlfriend, you won't get a adventage. He won't tell you that he planned to give you a month to check the lamps and instead you got a week...

Alhaitham

✧ His confession was unplanned and somehow forced by an unfavorable turn of events.

✧ When you told him you only had a few minutes to run, he looked at you with disgust. How did you know he'd be here at this time? He didn't tell you anything about trying to steal forbidden books from the library. And you showed up there in the middle of the night.

✧ You led him towards a secret passage. Or at least that's what you thought it was. When he asked you why he should trust you, you were stunned. You thought you knew him better. And he was afraid that you would hand him over to your enemies. Hearing footsteps, you told him he had no choice anyway. So he followed you, clutching a bag of valuable information.

✧ When he found the guards at the entrance, he was ready to blame you. Until you started using your vision, screaming for him to run. A curtain of water covered his figure. The Akademiya couldn't find out that he had robbed them, otherwise it was all for nothing. Eventually, however, the man pulled you by the hand, saving your life at the last moment. Now he really believed you.

✧ You almost made it past the last patrol under the cover of night. As you mingled with a group of people having fun, the chase eyed you suspiciously. At that moment, only one thing came to mind. Saying a silent apology, you pulled Alhaitham's lips to yours. You drowned in a colorful, slightly drunk group of party people. To your surprise, the man didn't stop kissing you even after the pursuers left. He pulled you to him again.

✧ On the way to the port of Ormos, you asked him if those kisses meant something. He answered the question with a question: did you want them to be something more? He never planned to fall in love with you and has never been in a normal relationship, but he's willing to try for you.

Dehya

✧ Serving the Homayani family, it was not difficult to run into Dehya more and more often. She seemed to be an even better person each time. Her strength and devotion to Dunyarzad particularly touched you.

✧ Dehya as an intelligent woman realized her feelings before you realized yours. But she preferred to wait. After all, she was supposed to leave here in a while. Was it wise to associate with anyone?

✧ As the head cook, you always managed to leave some baked goods for her or cook her favorite dish on the side. It has become a tradition to such an extent that when she didn't find you in the kitchen one time, she immediately knew something was wrong. She asked the helpers, who said that you felt worse and went back to your little room.

✧ When you didn't answer her knock on the door, she decided to just come in. The sight of you, unable to move, terrified her. She knew the sight of those scales. Words stuck down your throat. She had never seen them pn you before because you hid them so well under your uniform. Dunyarzad also suffered from Eleazar, so she couldn't believe she hadn't noticed sooner.

✧ Despite your protests, she asked her employer to stay at the mansion today and spend the rest of her day looking after you. She didn't tell your secret to anyone.

✧ She asked how much time do you have left. However, she had a feeling that whatever you answered, she would consider it too small a number. It was the first time you saw Dehya shed a tear. You wiped it with your hand, saying that sadness doesn't suit her.

✧ This evening she decided to confess her feelings to you. You protested that your illness would only make her suffer. She said she didn't care. All that mattered was whether you felt what she felt. You confessed your love to her, she kissed your forehead, after which she fell asleep in your arms.

#genshin impact x reader #tighnari x reader #alhaitham x reader #dehya x reader #dehya #alhaitham #tighnari #genshin impact #headcanons #over teyvat

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chaotic-banana-fish · 9 months

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ASH LYNX'S NAME

(I already posted this in my main account but thought it was a good idea to repost it here to get the blog going + it has some additions)

I love the possible significance of Ash's different names. He's named Aslan, which means dawn, by his mother, as a symbol for a bright and beautiful beginning, but then he changes it to Ash, which evokes images of death and endings. In the dawn the light is beautiful and soft, while Ash implies burning, perhaps even the burning of oneself.

When Ash reveals his name to be Aslan to Eiji along with its meaning he allows him to see that part of himself as well as allows himself to be that person for a while. With Eiji he doesn't need to burn or destroy, he can be a dawn, which is in a way a sort of rebirth. It's therefore, also symbolic that so many scenes between them occur at dawn or the sunset, as that's what Ash embodies when he's with him, like Max says "just a boy of 17 years". As he lets his guard down around Eiji and calls himself Aslan, he rises from the Ashes of his name like a Phoenix. I like to think this was also somewhat intentional given that his character was based on River *Phoenix*.

I also feel like this really ties into the symbolism of fire in banana fish as well, which in different instances serves as a medium for both destruction and rebirth. For example, Ash uses fire to burn Shorter's body along with the laboratory, and it also appears as a haunting image in the opening, with Ash staring directly into it. Fire however, is also what rids Ash of his past, as Max burns all photographs and evidence of it. His name is just like that as well, Ash implies destruction, yet also rebirth as a phoenix that can rise from the Ashes, perhaps also showcasing his capability for recovery, that despite what he might've thought he wasn't unsalvageable. This is also present in "RED" one of the outros, with the lyric "if I decide to burn (like ash) instead of fading out (like dawn)". Which once again shows the two sides of Ash and the way they're embodied in his names, as well as the idea that perhaps after all, he did have a choice, unlike the leopard from the story he tells Eiji. (Conversation which I may add, happens at dawn.)

Finally, in Garden of Light, Eiji puts up a picture of him in a gallery (it's one of him sat at the window, calm) and titles it "Dawn". Obviously this reflects the actual background of the picture, as well as his name in a subtle way. But with it he's also choosing to remember Ash for his gentleness and brightness rather than the burning violence his life ignited in him. Ash is remembered by who he really was, or rather who he should've been able to be. His real name however, Aslan, Eiji keeps for himself, a touch of light that only he'll ever know.

Aslan was a Dawn cut short, by a sun that came too soon, too cruel, now re-birthed and remembered, by the eyes that caught its light before it burned into Ash.

#banana fish #banana fish analysis #banana fish rant #ash lynx #ash lynx analysis #eiji okumura #aslan jade callenreese #shorter wong #yut lung lee #🍌🐟

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klanceogies · 1 month

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hi i have klance f1 au brainrot

i can't stop thinking about little story details and backstories like. keith's dad was in f1 before. i feel like he didn't die in an f1 crash. maybe a regular car crash. the irony of this guy who races in incredibly fast speeds to be killed by something so ordinary, in a car, but not an f1 one. and it wasn't even his fault. some drunk driver or something. he didn't die on an f1 car because speed isn't what kills you, it's suddenly stopping that does.

also still talking about keith's background, keith coming from an f1 family background makes so much sense in my mind. him being an orphan would make it basically impossible to sustain himself in such an expensive sport as a kid like that. but since he was already in the scene, and people respected his dad, he had connections and sponsors (not to mention he had always shown that he was a prodigy in the sport so people were willing to bet on him and support him and his career). he met shiro through that environment too.

he also skipped f2 like a lot of really skilled rookies, but he popped into f1 seemingly "out of nowhere" years after a controversy in his f3 days. it goes like this: james, little asshole james coming close second in that season, is a shit person. he is just fucking mean. and keith has been having a shit year. and idk if you're gonna agree with this but hear me out. shiro crashes. like badly. like career-ending crash. he loses his arm and he is in the hospital, and of course he eventually makes a great recovery, but right now no one knows it yet. they just know that at the very least shiro is never going to race again. they don't know how his recovery is gonna go, IF he is going to recover.

keith is alone. since the death of his dad, he is completely alone. so yeah keith starts to lose it a little bit. and this season has been proving harder than expected, james closing the point gap for first place. the media can't stop making up stories about him, shiro was in the hospital, he had a lot issues with his team manageament, which made his season unnecessarily harder. with all of that, keith becomes more reckless. he has nothing to lose--only the championship.

so, a race happens. bad choices are made. of course james provoked him, coming too close, crashing into him races before but not being too penalized for it. saying some very unkind things about keith and his brother, who was still on the hospital. being a little shit overall. so keith closes in on james, a similar situation as hamilton and verstappen in silverstone back in 2021 (as a max girlie this makes me pissed off but oh well). james runs into the wall. thankfully james's injuries weren't very serious, but he got a broken hand which was enough to make him unable to drive until the end of the championship.

now keith was the champion, right? without james on the next races there is no competition anymore. but keith isn't very happy. his impusiveness damaged his car, and at the very least he will get a grid penalty for provoking that accident. well, it is worse. he is black flagged (idk a lot about black flags but like. provoking a crash like that SHOULD prompt a black flag tbh). his engineer tells him he might be suspended for a few races and he LOSES IT. he really needs more mental health help cause he disobeys the black flag and is even more severely penalized. he really is suspended for the next few races, and basically, it screws everything. he finally lost everything he ever had. and maybe, in some twisted way, he felt like he deserved every single part of it. self sabotage and all of that. well, the media goes crazy because everyone thought he would be the next schumacher when he got older. he dips out of the face of the planet. no one thinks this kid will ever race again. "too unstable" some say. "he is just crazy" others mutter. with no one to help him and sponsors dropping him he is now helpless.

that year, lance won the f3 championship. which pretty much sucked. with keith and james out of picture he was the obvious third place. it helps him get promoted to f2. he was doing great already, but he still felt so undeserving. he didn't beat james nor keith. he was just put on that first place podium. he didn't work for it.

after that year lance and keith didn't talk for a while. keith is benched. put out of the spotlights for a while. he does other races, but out of the classic formula path. just because his team hasn't given up on his world champion potential just yet. so they keep him at arm's length, but further from the media than if he was an actual competitor. to the average fan he just disappeared (well, the average fan doesn't even watch f2, much less f3). in the end, his return is even more impactful, memorable.

about 3 years later keith comes back. he first starts as an f1 reserve driver. substituting another driver that year make people actually see him again. how much he has changed. and how much he is still is hungry for speed. hungry for victory.

#kl f1 au #klance #hello #this is like so niche.#also ive been an f1 fan for about only one year so like. if im saying a bunch of innacurate thing i apologize #im just having fun

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