#recently i have been feeling good about my future in a way i havent for a reeeeeeally long time but like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thepowerisyouth · 2 months

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Eh mental health is annoying. Buying & cooking cheap low-FODMAP diet is annoying. My best top note for now is I'm using this blog to practice writing. I need more practice in it. I only know business, accounting & economics stuff. Its stupid stuff. Theres too much actual fraud everywhere that its annoying

Also I use mobile so formatting sucks cause Nvidia GPUs, or Arch dont like tumblr site. Or tumblr site dont like tumbkr site

Also also I 100,000% support all my fellow ones-and-zeros and their identity. Everyone is welcome here.

Except transphobes/zionist/long list of others but you get it. I'll help harrass any of those types endlessly if someone wants to tag me, and bring me in on an argument like that friend you call for backup with fights

Im unhinged so who's to say exactly what will end up here but this is also a completely public blog to me friends, family, hell, even acquaintances i dont give a fuc.

Blog should be expected to be roughly as child-friendly as simpsons or bobs burgers. But also boring like a civics/economics lesson sometimes. Yay

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I (and my husband) am ex mormon. Its a weird thing. Look into it if you havent recently. Realllllyyyy look into. Takes time to figure it all out in this fuckin fucked up world.

I just moved a year ago. Didnt watch the US stock market as much as I normally do. Had my first snowstorm 10 weeks ago, that was.. fun to handle while ill prepared. About 6 weeks ago I was hopping back on the market and notice its a huge tech bubble about to pop and all the conditions Ive been warned about my whole career imply this is not good. Just took a little more thinking & digging and I'm a little too confident to stop talking about it now.

(Oh I'm also care-free as fuc so I dont really read or desire to change past posts more than lil-nitpicks. More informative for the reader & myself-in-the-future-reading that way)

And I'm not kidding I do love feedback & questions. Its a very public blog tho so I get that part for sure.

If you search "life story" in my tags I had that pinned for a min Im just moving shit around rn

Being poor sucks. Will write more on that later.

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First of all-- the exact timeline of an "economic shock" is literal insanity. Dont worry about the exact timing of any of this-- just know its doomed to happen soon.

Here are some effects I predict of this upcoming economic downturn

If anyone comes across any sources for these events that support my arguments please feel free to add in comments, reblogs, etc.

This concise list is mainly for my own reference, but it would be great to add to it if any one has something to add!

0.5. US Stock market collapse-- I have no desire to try and predict this one exactly. Too many conspiracies are actually correct about this big guy. Lets just say 7 US Tech stocks are worth 25% of the entire worlds market, roughly. "Too big to fail"-- I believe is the phrase

1. Corporate (slightly later will be residential by extension) real estate crisis: currently way too overvalued. Most of the houses, land, & urban corporate property we see could stand to decrease by about 60-90% from its current price.

2. Bankruptcy crisis: similar to the after-effects of the 70s inflation-- we can expect to see a huge wave of bankruptcies affecting a variety of business: from the micro-self employed; to the small business with leased buildings; to the largest corporations who commit massive accounting fraud & hope to escape accountability in time

3. Bank runs-- there is an extremely high overreliance on the Federal Reserve, who does not have good control over this situation. Once it becomes clear that there is a crisis (we call this a catalyst event)-- bank runs for physical cash are a surety. Hard to say how long a crisis like this might last. I should ask my siblings who lived near the SVB bank crisis hotspot (but those were rich fucks they do their "bank runs" over the phone)

3.5. Global currency collapse, which takes effect in every single local, state, & national economy at slightly different times. This means prices lower. Much lower. But takes time

4. Whatever the fuck the geopolitics is gonna do???. Its weird. You got Russia wanting to invade Europe? (Look at global economic forum 2024) Trump wants to let them. Biden wants to be an establishment corporate ass. North Korea has changed its #1 public enemy to South Korea (dont remember my source but it was a couple months ago). USA is stationing more troops in Taiwan, but probably only because of semiconductor technology?

The scope of our global financial woes are larger than can be explained in any of our lifetimes. Its much, much closer to pre-revolution France or the late 1920s. Big change is coming. Itll be soon

5. More to come

#anti capitalism #economics #geopolitics #real estate #bankruptcy #banks #corporate fucks #pinned post #mental health sucks ball sacks #arch linux #nvidia is a scam bubble like enron #simpsons #bobs burgers #intro post #will change it more later

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i-sveikata · 10 months

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I've been reading various fanfics dealing with the series for a year now. Endless variations of Vegas and Pete, Kim and Chay... One shots, novels, longer stories. I feel like almost everything has been said and thought about. The fleshing out of the canon, the back story, the childhood and what might come after.

I developed a real addiction and couldn't get enough, especially of the complex relationship between Vegas and Pete and their respective very multi-faceted characters. The number of authors is huge, but I also spent a lot of time reading them. To my dismay, I am noticing signs of fatigue in me.

Now that everything seems to have been said, every possible happy or tragic ending seems to have been thought out and told, many fics veer off into alternative universes and genres.

It's all wonderful to read and I'm grateful that there are so many unknown but worthwhile authors whose work will never be printed but who are worthy of a large readership.

But: Since fanfiction is tied to concrete people and concrete, and to a readership that has seen the series. How do you see the future? The actors will take on new roles, if all goes well, new beautiful plots will be developed there too and good series or films will be made.

How long can the hype around KinnPorsch and the series continue? Do you have the feeling that everything is coming to an end, now that the anniversary of KP is being celebrated in a big way? Is boredom creeping up on you or is the end not yet in sight and is there still a lot that needs to be written? I have also asked this question to other writers because it really bothers me, but I would be interested in YOUR answer.

Hi there!! hmm interesting question and I don't really want to discount how youre feeling or anything but i do very much doubt that everything that could be possibly said and thought about for this fandom has been done already.

because this show isn't really that old? and the age of the show or when it finished really has no bearing on the existing fandom if you think about it. at a certain point fandom breaks away and becomes its own separate entity.

like i wouldnt say im an expert but the things that keep fandom alive are not really even directly related to whether there's new episodes or video clips or content about the actors from the show that the fans can consume.

take teen wolf for example (because its a fandom ive been in the longest) that show ended in 2017 and literally as of now when i've just checked it on ao3 it has 106,344 works written for it. A show that started in 2011 and finished six years ago. And people are still posting stories for it today! (i myself still have some WIPs which i eventually intend to finish off and share) ignoring the fact that there was a teen wolf movie recently that hardly anyone in the fandom watched it's still inspiring fic, and fanart even now six years later.

and why is that? because there's no time limit on a fandom, it's because of the fans creating things like fanart, fanfic, playlists, gifs, meta analysis, tumblr posts, twitter posts, fandom discords etc. because having a constantly running tv show or a movie or book doesn't keep a fandom alive. fans do.

to compare right now, the works i can see in kinnporsche tv series tag in ao3 havent even topped 10,000 yet. like seriously let that sink in. 106,344 fics to 9,556. like im not really trying to compare right now but its just to give you some idea that KP in particular is really just starting out, like we are literally dealing with a baby fandom here so i wouldnt despair just yet that people have already run out of ideas or that its already finished because if you have dedicated fans behind you you can end up with literally over one hundred thousand stories to read about that fandom. and tbh teen wolf isn't even the biggest fandom out there!!

And if you are feeling fatigue with the KP fandom right now then of course i would recommend stepping away from it for a while in order to give yourself a break. because at the end of the day it is totally up to you to customise your own experience.

im not really sure why it matters whether authors writing for this fandom will be published or not? im mean they literally cant legally publish fandom works? or profit off it? not without sanding the story down to repurpose it for entirely new characters. but you can always save or download copies of your favourite KP fic and if you are interested in a physical copy you could always get these bound into a book yourself (with permission from the fic authors of course).

im also a little hesitant to address the comment about 'worthwhile authors being worthy of a large readership' because it kind of discounts all of the other authors who are putting their time and effort into posting stories and might not be getting the same level of comments or kudos or attention as others. like the whole point of keeping a fandom alive is to interact with all of it and if you want to encourage more content than that means dealing with the fandom at a community level. (im not talking about the dont like/dont read elements of fandom obviously the rule of thumb there is to just click out)

But i personally really dont like the idea of setting some authors above the rest because their stories might have gotten more attention or traction within a fandom. it's meant to be a community. not a hierarchy. nobody should be on a pedestal in fandom. and i would hesitate to put any number of people above anyone else for this reason. like we really all are just people being inspired by the things we watch and experience. and by suggesting that some authors might be 'worthy' it also implies that others are not, which kind of goes against the spirit of fandom imo and can be really discouraging for people creating art or fic that might not be getting as much likes, reblogs, kudos, comments etc compared to others.

I also just want to point out that a lot of people come into fandoms without having ever watched the specific content that the fandom might be about? its actually a very common thing and they still read and engage with the fandom anyway in spite of this? so its really not tied to specific people or a readership that has watched the series.

At the end of the day i really don't think hype is what keeps a fandom alive, it's the dedicated people within that community who like and share and comment and talk to each other about the stories they love.

personally im not at all bored with this fandom (and tbh im still not bored with teen wolf lol) so i hope you aren't discouraged by the idea that a fandom simply will fall apart without its tv show because i absolutely can reassure you that it wont!

and also, taking time from a fandom can also mean that when you are ready to come back there's always the possibility of falling in love all over again. so really dont let the fatigue bother you! just because your love might be waning for the show doesn't mean that others are feeling the same way! there's always plenty more for people to share and enjoy and talk about so its not really over.

tbh fandoms dont ever really finish or disappear completely anyway. like at the end of the day you have platforms like ao3 where peoples works are archived for all time and tumblr where hints of fandom will always still roam about in reblog land. that kind of love doesn't just vanish!

welp this was a long response lol but i hope it helped in some way!

#on fandom #kinnporsche the series #teen wolf

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thirdtidemouse · 2 months

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dylan posting!!!!!! she gets me excited the same way i get excited whenever i see a corydora or loach. i’ve also read your taskmaster tactfully mastery breakdown a lot and it’s def on the list now. hoping to get to it along with a few things like golden kamuy and actually watching s3 of hilda. finals went well and im now in biomedical hell. oh and i’ve recently been thinking about possibly writing a little hilda fic as i’ve been getting into photography(odd combination that im welcome to explaining) but fear and hunger’s got me by the nose hairs. anyways im very happy to see dylan posting and forever looking forward to more as i lay down my life for her like im a red carpet. sorry for such a long thingy im just excited to talk to you. hope alls been well and that you’re days have been happy keep up the good work we all care for you :3

!!!!! i had to look up a corydora and outloud said 'oh my goodness' bc how handsome are these guys?!

i'm so glad you like her :-3 she's chilling out in kaisa's flat rn. your ask came thru the door like a letter and she is reading it and giggling delightedly. i prommy (promise) i will have more stuff to show for her soon (actual fucking lore maybe PICK UP THE PACE LILA!!) i've been so busy <3 & you should absofruitly watch taskmaster it's so funny. theres a lot of it you can watch on youtube !

i'm so glad finals went well CONGRATS!!!! does this mean you've graduated/starting your next year?! I'M SO PROUD!!!! your future is bright!!! we can celebrate together, i got accepted into my top choice uni the other day!!!

i'm keeping my eyes peeled for your hilda fic if you ever write it.. and i'm certainly interested as to how it intertwines with your interest in photography?!?! you know what since specialising in illustration i haven't used the darkroom at school. i rly like doing mixed media though so maybe i should get on that. feel free to send another ask and elaborate :-D

i also havent heard of fear & loathing or golden kamuy but they look very gritty and interesting.. don't apologise for a long ask!!! it's nice to hear how youre doing and i'm glad things are going good!! thank you for the well wishes im sending them right back <3 much love!!

#ask #yayy chit chat ^_^

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afaramir · 2 months

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LOLL i was gonna start like ‘hey there im denethor anon’ but u beat me to it. SIMILAR MINDS. Haha i read one of ur fics, was immediately smitten & was like i MUST follow them. (I’m glad i did, love the vibe of ur blog and the Flavour of ur opinions.. TASTY) so im a more recent follower but i’m gathering younger you weren’t a fan of denethor, huh? Can’t say i blame you. PJ certainly made some Decisions. he was like how do i convert a complex character into The most loathsome creature ever. He really did our fav gondorians sooo dirty. I literally watch through those scenes SEETHING in rage.

So I’ve been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for two days. like i am a denethor girlie. in my mind. spiritually. haven’t posted much abt him on tumblr. but nowww. you’re exactly right, ‘denethor Is a good leader…[insert ur paragraph here]’ yes yes yes you get it. listen denethor was a prideful, angry, resentful man but he was also valiant, resilient and noble. He guarded his city, alone (which takes GUTS, again, he was a badass!!), so well, for literal YEARS that Sauron was fearful/wary of him. i wish people were more understanding of him. he’s such an interesting character there’s so much to explore there. as you said the duty-vs-love, the weapon-first-person-next of it all. the layers. denethor as a weapon. denethor as a symbol of both sword/shield. AAHHH

BUT i think some people dismiss him hate him bc he is the mirror (the ugly side? if that makes sense) of humanity, of us. we ought to show him some compassion tho ‘cause havent u ever been taken under the darkness of life? felt the world slipping away & struggle to keep up w it? dont u ever feel hopeless? that things will never change, no matter what u do? DO YOU HAVE FEARS HAVE YOU FACED THE MONSTERS? WERE YOU ALONE, SCARED AND HOPELESS? AND HAVENT YOU MADE MISTAKES IN YOUR GRIEF AND PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY?? THAT’S what denethor experienced. He was described as a leader & a learned one at that for christ sake. He knew that evil was awaiting him and his kin and his people! he saw his future. yet. yet he soldiered on until. war declared. his sons killed (or so he believed). that’s when hope abandoned him. what was the point of staying alive now anyway? Evil was upon them, they would surely be tortured w a fate worse than death, so why should he not end the pain and kill himself? he fought the war against Time, Evil and The Dark Enemy himself and WON. he was a brave man indeed, to have fought these dark forces so much stronger than him. but he finally lost the war against Despair (and Grief), the cruelest of them all. imma cry 😭😭😭 no no no u don’t understand he didnt give up hope, hope abandoned him he- [GUNSHOT] (i don’t know how much of this even made sense lmao) anyway,

Faramir <333. do i even have to say anything about faramir? he’s the specialest little guy i love himm 🥰. On god i am one step away from rereading lotr just for him (plsss dont tempt me finals are in less than a fortnight) his and denethor’s relationship like u described my godddd XDD. fucked up familial relationships MY BELOVED. i am feral about this trope. the resentment… the jealousy… the mirror image of each other… the you’re-the-same-like-me-and-i-hate-that… mmmhm. hey do u ever think about 12 year old faramir admiring his father much the same way he did boromir and wishing he would grow up to be just like him? and do you ever think about 28 year old faramir knowing that he’s more like his father than anyone else and hating that? hating him? i do.

I’ll stop now lol im afraid my coherency has diminished by now. also sorry sorry for replying so late i am preparing for my exams. but rest assured i WILL be Rotating faramir around in my brain :3

hiiii denethor anon LOL this is the greatest ask ive ever received. every day i endeavour to provide only THE juiciest of opinions. aka this is my diary and you all are subjected to it. anyway im so glad you liked my fic i would love to know which one you read! i got into lotr via the films when i was super young so my past opinions were def coloured by The Choices. i have learned and grown since then<3 i was watching the book-to-film analysis vids on the extended edition dvds a couple weeks back and it made me so mad that i had to get up and turn off the tv. did you know there are other character options besides 'paragon of virtue' and 'one dimensional villain'...truly kind of a "nice dichotomy idiot! now what lies outside of it" situation. A Waste Of Your John Noble, To Be Honest. idk i still hold the films very close to my heart but the choices...i will simply respectfully disagree. and dont even get me started on faramir we WILL be here all night. another time. i have denethor thorongil situationship-fic to write. (i am serious about that) (i was simultaneously playing it 100% straight serious AND kind of joking about them. i shouldve known better. well.........we are so in it.)

you are so real for this. i have ALSO been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for days. weeks, even. sorry to everyone coming to the faramir goes to rivendell au for faramir and the fellowship the first 10k is literally just Keeping Up With The Stewards. we'll get there. i Will blame you for the impetus for my recent denethorposting on main but also encourage you to also do this. do whatever you want forever<3 nooo but straight up...guy who has so much strength and will that The Lord Of All Evil wouldnt contend directly against him and had to bring out the big palantir guns to bring him down. and if he'd not lost both of his sons i mean...who knows what would've happened. sometimes your sons ARE the only thing keeping you from killing yourself Do It For Them-style and lets be real that is a valid coping method. (i don't have an answer for that one and boy oh boy do i wish i did. it is going to become a massive thorn in my side in, oh, 70k or so when i hit rotk. well...i will blow up that bridge when i get to it.)

im actually putting a read more in this time bc this post broke a thousand words. continue at your own risk. there IS also faramirposting at the end here i promise.

just imagining denethor leading the siege of minas tirith. um. now stay with me here...riding out with imrahil's sortie. STAY WITH ME HERE. what do you think the livery of a steward going to war looks like. jesus christ i need to go lay down. yes i purposefully placed the read more before i decided to go momentarily horny on main. its also lowkey very vague au spoilers. sorry everyone but denethor IS canonically hot and we need to acknowledge it. Anyway.

denethor as a weapon denethor as both a sword and a shield...i am chewing glass for real. you GET IT. god i love person-as-weapon metaphor soooo much. When The Iconography Is Getting A Little Too Real. denethor as gondor, as her vanguard and standard-bearer and. i am straight up frothing at the mouth. all he ever wanted was to be a gentle lord in a time of peace.....and death was his reward...Sorry For Stealing The Fingon Death Quotation But I'm Right. so much of his behaviour and the strain on his relationships with his sons and all that is sooo...informed by the fact that to cope with having to be lord of a country at war he had to be so so unbending. he couldn't allow himself to waver, ever, not even for love, not even to save his sons.

did you know he was 21 when sauron returned. pov you are 21 years young and you have been alone all your life you are the steward's only son you are his strange numenorean heir and no one else has the LITERAL PSYCHIC POWERS AND VISIONS that you do and you have had to contend with that, alone. master your own mind, alone. learn how the shape of politics and lordship and life bends around you. and the dark lord the enemy who brought down your forebears has now set his eye on your lands again. Jesus Christ. How Would You Fucking Deal. sorry i would have a nervous breakdown and go and live in the desert. Man. TWENTY ONE? LIKE ME? most days i feel like a teletubby with a job and a credit card. if you scale it to account for numenorean lifespan inflation i mean i don't know how the math works but like. i bet it comes out to being like. 17. HELLO? basically everyone i know was barely a person at 17. the dark lord of all evil and he's MY problem to deal with?

i mean exactly. haven't we all been prideful and angry and resentful. haven't we all been there. once again [pippin voice] let's all understand poor denethor a little better. havent you ever been taken under the darkness of life [your paragraph here] yeah exactly what you said. the idea that he fucking won the war against the darkness and only lost to despair is..........so much! goodbye i have to go cry!

faramir, me AND fate's most special precious little guy....oh captain my captain....exactly. Exactly. i cant morally endorse a reread right this second but like. After. make it through finals and then it is Faramir Time. (and good luck! you got this!) tactical smartass little bitch master of both man and beast wizard's pupil (complimentary) star and hope and jewel of minas tirith knight in shining armour...my beloved. the idea that like faramir as presented, as the diplomat, as the scholar, as the numenorean, was supposed to be the one to go to rivendell...it haunts me. where is denethor sends the right son to do the right job.txt. he is gondor's no. 1 horse girl he is better suited to the wild than the battlefield he has read every sindarin text in the library he KNOWS the story of elrond and elros. he is literally telepathic and psychic and prophetic. thinking about him interacting with elrond and galadriel (and every other elf. but them in particular) makes me feel deranged. its very...self taught dnd wizard meets guy who went to wizard school energy. he's insane.

YEAH ITS CRAZY THAT THEYRE THE SAME GUY. it's. boromir gets to be boromir but faramir has to be denethor.txt. gracious and lordly as a king of old...now who is consistently referred to as noble and kingly...that a younger faramir would've looked up to...yeah. the perpetuation of denethor's second-best complex. i have a whole nother post in the drafts about that i CANT get into it here but jesus christ men who are NOT breaking the cycle. they even look the same. i mean 37 year old faramir as steward is 100% the spitting image of his father and that makes me....genuinely fucking insane actually. i mean like older councillors are doing double takes every time he walks by. i mean like sometimes people call him by the wrong fucking name. WOW where did that come from. the complex that that would give him...hello? turning this over inside my brain at WARP speed.

you are not late at all lol we are leaving little letters in each other's mailboxes to read when we have the time. i hope your exams go well!!! there will be more Faramir And Denethor Hours soon<33

#from the inbox #Anonymous #denethor anon #Another 1000+ Word Denethor Post From Yours Truly (both of us). Sorry To The Dash.#by the way the idea of ONE GUY bearing both sides of the sword/shield dichotomy made me feel like i was gonna black out in the coffee shop #that was crazy shit LOL #btw if u want me to talk about the denethor thorongil situationship I Fucking Will. idk if u were here before my faramir february url chang #but what has happened to me with them is soooooo typical abby rarepairnation behaviour. Hey Wouldn't That Be Funny. now hold on a second.#long post #denethorposting

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lhrry · 1 year

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Hey Agnes, hope you are having a good faith in the future day. I just wanted to share some thoughts about the album with you :) So, (tw: death) I lost my mum less than a year ago and I see myself a lot in louis and I get strength from him, seeing how even after all the tragedies in his life he is still here, being a wonderful person and living his dream. And im so so proud of him for that and he gives me hope.

After saying this, i just wanted to say that in his writing I can feel his grief in a way that maybe people who havent experienced such loses cannot. Of course not in every single song but there are some that might seem about the loss of a romantic relationship but when/if you dig deeper you can feel that loss and grief that i was talking about. Just having listened to the album 1 time I got this feeling with "holding onto heartache", "angels fly", "saturdays", "all this time" and "thats the way love goes".

But besides this, I can also see the hope in the future and the positivism even with all that pain and that is something really beautiful and healing in a way.

Sorry i dont know if im making much sense but i hope you got what i meant. Have a good day! :)

Hi, honey, I'm so sorry for your loss and I am so glad Louis has been helping you through it. It's not the same but I have always looked to Louis for that as well, I have previously said that my best friend died of cancer just a week before Two of Us, and recently my grandma passed and I've been returning to it a lot.

I think a lot of the songs on FITF are about grieving and loss and letting go of it, and letting of the loss and pain of the past and looking forward, and that grief relates to death as well as to the passage of time, mourning what one lost in terms of opportunities and hopes for the future, in terms of who one could have been and never was, in terms of wasted time (I think so many people have been feeling this especially after the pandemic), in terms of own past selves and potential selves as well as other people. But the thing is that the album comes to terms with it and is able to work through it, accept it as it accepts change and gradually it is able to find the new faith in the future and the options and possibilities!!

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babydarkstar · 1 year

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im going to fucking scream. last monday, february 6, i met with my history professor to discuss ‘concerns of academic integrity,’ and the meeting consisted of him screensharing and showing him taking my passage from the first discussion post and putting it into something called ‘chatgpt’ and having the first line get flagged as suspicious. basically he accused me of using ai to cheat on an assignment. if u know me, especially on this platform, then u know that not only do i take writing very seriously, but i also take pride in knowing that i’m good at it and can produce something good. ive already spelled it out, my ao3 link is in my fucking bio. i am a hot blooded writer with words swarming my brain every hour i’m awake and then into my dreams. that’s all i’ve known for sure about myself since i realized i had stories i wanted to write before i knew how to read, and had my parents telling me to draw them out instead. it was hard for me to hold back tears as i scrambled to explain to my professor that i never have and never will use ai to write for me, actively condemn the use of it, and have a portfolio of other writing samples he could look through if he didn’t believe me. he told me he would have to keep in mind that the writing level he gets from me might be better than he’s expecting, and while that sounds flattering, all i can think about is having to fucking deal with this shit again in the future. what the actual fuck. ive been so mad that i havent done any work for the course since out of some dumb self destructive sense of spite, and have considered withdrawing, but i dont want him to think that makes me guilty. i know he has probably received training in the recent months about the rising use of ai tech and the threat it poses to academic integrity, so he’s probably on high alert. and the university i attend has fairly easy gpa/test requirements to get accepted. but something about the way he approached me rubbed me the wrong way, and i feel this creeping, spiraling sense of dread and hopelessness that scenarios like this will continue and will only get worse for more people like me. what the fuck am i supposed to do about this. help

#i really really really miss my old college but only bc the professors were so much better #i mean obviously. the tuition was atrocious they better be good #but yeah im shitting and shaking and sweating and crying im literally ill over this #anti ai art #idk how to tag this but i need to know if this has happened to anybody else lately.#anya talks

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petscrub · 10 months

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i really do feel at a loss rn financially lmfao i think i have about.. $50 and thats before any kind of bills need to be paid... *clown emoji* (sorry im on desktop)

ive been thinking i need to make new tshirts to sell but the ones ive made in recent time havent been selling as well as my old ones, and my sales have dropped sooo much. idk i honestly feel like i dont have any ideas.

i’d love to make money off of prints or artwork like paintings but idk. i always feel unsatisfied with my work, to the point where i either give up or think no one would even want it. ive had a listing of one of my paintings on etsy for awhile, and its in someones cart but it hasnt been purchased yet (i listed it for $300 lol). ig i just genuinely feel like a subpar artist... i feel amateur and mediocre at everything i do, the only thing i ever see potential in is my music and even with that i think is not great lmao. i forgive myself more for that though because music is new to me still and is hard and i think im decent for someone who is still a beginner.

i wish i could offer the same space to myself with my other endeavors, but its hard, especially when the main thing on my mind is money. it really doesnt help the patience and skill that art requires when you are horribly broke and feel like you need to create in order to afford basic necessities.

so ig im just seeking any kind of advice or words, i dunno. i have a fine job right now its just become very monotonous and i dont make much money from it. ive grown tired of it and would love to be supporting myself on my own, through art or creativity in some kind of way.

i begin to feel hopeless about everything when im broke. i question myself and my abilities. ive been practicing guitar again tho, and it feels nice. i want to be able to improve and be able to play even if just at an intermediate level, though of course id love to be amazing at it in the future. other than that i havent been working on ableton, and i havent finished a song in forever.... i hate all my old songs because i can sense a sort of holding back and reluctance in them that i despise and am desperately trying to move past. so most of my old songs are duds because i didnt approach them in the way i need to and im not sure if they are fixable tbh...

anyway idk what else to say im just kinda down today. i go back to work tomorrow so thats probably why. i just wanna live a good life and enjoy things and love what i create.

#idk some updates

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despite-everything · 1 year

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hold on im sadposting

okay this is depressing but i cant get it out of my head. my closest friends have been asking me for a while to be honest and open about my mental health stuff, but i really only started sharing what its actually like recently. and then they got super worried and invested and then they inadvertently triggered and had to witness one of the worst ptsd attacks ive had in years and now things feel so strained. i reached out and explained what happened and why, as well as more details about what was going on that they didn't understand, as well as advice for how to help in the future. it was so fucking hard to do but they replied that they appreciated it and love me and all that. but both of them are leaving town this weekend and havent seen me since the incident, and we texted briefly once or twice and they said they'd figure out when to see me this week before they leave, but didn't. i reached out again today because i'm more schedule-oriented than they are, but no response. so there's only 2 days where they could possibly see me now (due to my work schedule) and i'm doubting it's going to happen. and then both of them will be out of town for a week, then we have a week and a half of classes left, so i probably won't see them much. then it's winter break, and i'll be alone again for several weeks. they said they'd like to go on a trip with me, but haven't confirmed anything at all so i think i'm going alone (i'm not shocked by that one - i was doing the trip anyway and figured they'd enjoy it, but i also didn't get my hopes up). and the thing is that they're good people. but ive lost friends before when they learned what i'm really like, and i think it might be happening again. i try so hard to get better but the fact is that ive spent my entire life sad. like some of my earliest memories are of hiding away and crying. and ive been in and about of treatment since 2008. i want to be optimistic, but my dad has told me he's felt this way for more than 40 years, and i'm scared that's going to be me too. the best i've felt in years was in the rainforest, and even then, the anxiety was lifted but i was so sad i could cry at any moment. i don't like living like this! i dont! and i do try so fucking hard to be better and do better. but i think my friends aren't going to be able to handle having a friend like me and i feel like i've fucked up years of work on building a close and healthy friendship by being fucking insane.

#i know that this makes it seem like im being overdramatic #but theres also a lot more to it that i just cant share #and i dont hold it against them. but im so sad #im so fucking sad #and ive been rattled and paranoid and not eating or sleeping #like its bad. and then my dad texted me asking how im doing #and i cant even respond #and my sister reached out about something and i cant respond #and my mother who i havent been able to speak to in months told me our dog is dying #and i still cant fucking respond #i just hate this. i just want to be happy #ive worked so fucking hard to try to be happy and it feels like someone out there hates me so fucking much #like god or someone.#and they hate me so much they cant let me be happy #im tired #sorry about this. its late and ive been thinking about this for several days now #tree talks

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jinxed-thoughts-by-ramona · 25 days

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Entry 4

(written march 15th 2024)

day/(night?)/part 4, while i have a somewhat clear head:

[tw: suicide mention]

never underestimate the importance of a good support system. can be 1 person, can be multiple people, can be a therapist, having anything is super important.

before this week, even with tons of people reaching out, offering support, etc. (which ofc im very grateful for), i still felt very alone, very lost, and very broken. i didnt feel like i had someone i could turn to that would truly understand what i was going through/the situation i was in or i felt like i was a burden on the few people i felt like i probably could open to. and ik ive been kinda mushy mushy about my gf the past few days, but after over a year of us dating and almost 6 years of us being friends, i finally allowed myself to open up about how the past year has been treating me, and about my past in general.

i talked about how, while i probably couldnt actually hurt myself, i did have suicidal thoughts, and that generally im just at the worst ive ever been. she took time out of her week and paid to come and visit me; while i understand that im definitely not,, "fixed", i still have a lot to work on (and im definitely gonna be a mess when she leaves lmao!!), it was so comforting to be able to /cry/ to someone. to let out my unfiltered thoughts and feelings and she listened. she didnt give me advice, she didnt give me a solution, she just understood, and i feel like i just really needed someone who understood.

i felt understood.

just need to repeat that a few times.

it definitely did help me process a lot of why im feeling this way, and i hope that the next couple of weeks will be kind to me, allow me to improve the parts of me that are broken, and hopefully mend any friendships i mightve harmed recently

once i figure out some financial stuff, im hoping i can try to figure out therapy. itll be a good step in the right direction.

im not better. i still feel like im in a very dark place, and i still feel... deeply lost. but i havent gone down at all. the past few days, ive stayed mostly the same, and mightve gone up, even just a little.

i feel safe.

still have about a handful of ideas i want to put out, but might give it a few days (since gf is leaving soon, gotta process that, and also want to chill and be a bit more positive), but im enjoying posting these. never intended for twitter to be my "personal journal"

but my handwriting sucks so i dont intend on using a physical journal anytime soon.

hopefully these help someone, either now or sometime in the future.

maybe they'll help me. we'll see

love you guys

#depression #venting #my post #mental health #mens mental health #support

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deathandthemaiden23 · 2 months

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Bro idk who's around me rn idk who's really still here in this fandom idk who will even see this or read it and i dont wanna get into it (proceeds to get into it) but ive been on a grand fucking expedition to confront past trauma and shit lately which whoopeee what else is new for what basically amounts to a dreamworks adult obsessed with the grim reaper from shrek specifically i think there's probably an actual good reason this is my biggest blorbo yet (which by the way, my good bitches, is truly saying something) beyond "big scary wolf sexy" but like anyways its been a hot fuckin second of me just sort of existing in purgatory with basically only this character to keep me real company the whole time chipping away at fanfic and makin doodles here and there while trying to solve the great big fuckin mystery of hey pal is there any particular reason you spend most of your free time fantasizing at length about being loved and cared for by literal fuckin death but um i kinda sorta had been making peace lately with the very real possibility that probably the only reappearances from Death we'd see going forward in this franchise would kinda just be relegated to stuff like being a playable character in that dumbass mario kart game they made recently that they had the audacity to charge $50 for the version with him in it and I was immediately prepared to shell out the fuckin money regardless anyways tldr this is my longwinded way of saying bless harvey fuckin guillen for supposedly saying he wants to reprise his role as perrito in shrek 5 and specifically mentioning he wanted to know more about his backstory including the near death experience he had in the sock that he still wears like ok let me be clear im not getting my hopes up for shit im super excited about the idea of harvey and everybody reprising their roles for future shrek installments but i know shit be disappointing sometimes and it just be like that sometimes blablabla alright nothing is set in stone in this cursed ass timeline we're in bbbbbbut

✨️H O W E V E R✨️

I cannot help but think in some kind of weirdly jaded optimism that surely dreamworks would not fucking let the absolute furry cashcow that Death is go to fucking waste if they're bringing shrek back to the big screen it just seems incredibly fuckin stupid this big fuckin bastard gave everyone a boner when last wish dropped to the extent that i actually didnt know anything about last wish going in to see it in theaters the first time knew nothing of the plot who was in it whatever right THE ONLY FUCKIN KNOWLEDGE I HAD OF LAST WISH PRIOR TO SITTING DOWN AND WATCHING IT WAS "OH I GUESS THERE'S A WOLF CHARACTER AND EVERYONE WANTS TO FUCK HIM" LMFAO UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE FUCKIN YEAR RIGHT LOL anyways if dreamworks doesnt seize the opportunity to give him at least one more like visible cameo appearance anywhere in whatever they can squeeze out of the shrek franchise after it was dead (lmfao) for like years (the puss in boots show is little known to anyone sadly and also it seems vaguely noncanonical if that makes sense stuff gets said on the regular in that show that just seems too batshit even for shrek standards) I'll genuinely like die of shock the entertainment industry is chock full of companies just like dreamworks always achin to get their hands on another iconic character they can squeeze money out of ad infinitum and like i dont want that to happen with Death I dont but also... please just let him show up at least one more time dreamworks throw this bitch a bone im begging you you will make so much money i promise u the thirsty tumblr fans are no joke we'll bankroll your ass to the moon and back

I feel it would be remiss of me not to offer some form of content after all this impassioned war and peace length solilioquy about the scu (shrek cinematic universe) so here's an old WIP from forever ago im like 90% i havent posted here (if i have oh fuckin well tbh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) its a lil scene from chapter 2 of my death fic where he gets caught redhanded picking flowers for his crush because he's a dork ass loser and wants to impress her without coming on too strong lmao like bro she's so into you just go for it

#puss in boots the last wish #puss in boots death #lobo #muerte #puss in boots wolf #shrek #ramble time i guess #i pity you if you make it through this whole post #idk what this is to be totally honest with you #i dont expect many will read it but #idk ive been gone for a second and i just read a screenrant article that gave me the happies #i wanted to release the happies here on the tungle #where surely civility reigns #sentences i will not regret later #tw mentions of death #i mean like #obviously lmfao #its shrek news idk if anyone still talks about shrek news on here #i guess im just excited to see what they come up with

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pesterloglog · 2 months

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Roxy Lalonde, John Egbert, Harry Anderson Egbert

Candy, page 38

ROXY: sup john

ROXY: long time no see

ROXY: well alright then pal

ROXY: i do believe u know the way to the living room

JOHN: yeah, yep.

JOHN: thanks.

JOHN: sorry for staring like an idiot.

JOHN: it’s...

JOHN: i just got done with a whole week of feeling weird about hanging out in my dad’s old house again.

JOHN: I kind of forgot to think about how it would be surreal coming back here, too.

JOHN: some kind of nostalgia whiplash, i guess.

ROXY: fair enough yo

ROXY: harry andersons out if u were wonderin

ROXY: hell scoot back home later so if you make it thru round 1 of awkward ex-family convos im happy to say you can be rewarded with another

JOHN: oh, cool.

JOHN: i’d like to see him, if…

JOHN: if it’s okay with both of you.

ROXY: ya we chatted bout it

ROXY: but like i said

ROXY: one thing at a time

ROXY: lets me n u tear this ol egbert/lalonde estrangement band-aid right the fuck off n see what we got goin on underneath it

JOHN: sounds like a plan.

JOHN: so, uh.

JOHN: i’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently.

JOHN: and i’ve realized some things.

JOHN: some stuff that involves you and some that doesn’t, but all things i think you deserve to know.

JOHN: whew.

JOHN: ok lemme think where to start...

JOHN: you know how jake left jane?

JOHN: i mean, i assume you know.

JOHN: though, uh, no offense, but jane’s version might be...

JOHN: skewed.

ROXY: oh lmao nah i didnt hear it from janey

ROXY: harry anderson filled me in on wat he got thru the teen grapevine

JOHN: oh!

JOHN: are you guys not...

JOHN: nevermind.

JOHN: i’m sorry, i came to apologize for my shit, not pry into your business.

JOHN: we don’t have to talk about jane if you don’t want to.

ROXY: janey n me havent been super tight of late

JOHN: ah.

JOHN: what about politics not coming between friends and all that?

ROXY: lmao well turns out sometimes someones politics make it p clear what kind of friends they value

ROXY: or dont

ROXY: and idk sometimes people you used to like when you were a teen grow up to be assholes or w/e!!

ROXY: i think i was clingin to somethin just to prove to myself that i was doin stuff right

ROXY: ol rolal

ROXY: hella normal

ROXY: v good at sticking with friends

ROXY: the more i thought abt it the more i figured holdin on to that one thing made me lose out on some other shit

ROXY: u might relate

JOHN: haha, you got me there i guess.

ROXY: anyways

ROXY: im not tryna take up all ur big speech time w/ my stuff

ROXY: you were tellin me about how jake n janey finally went splitsways and how it gave you some kind of epiphany

JOHN: no, it’s cool!

JOHN: i’m glad to hear it.

JOHN: we can come back to your shit after my shit, maybe.

JOHN: but yeah, jake, he uh...

JOHN: he and tavros are living with me now.

JOHN: i think for the foreseeable future. we were expecting jane to have kind of a fit about it, but all we’ve gotten so far are some divorce papers.

JOHN: if she knows where jake is and she hasn’t had a drone fleet dispatched to nuke my house off the planet i think that’s a good sign she’s actually just letting them go?

JOHN: which is kind of surprising, but, uh. good, i guess.

ROXY: ok ill b the first 2 admit that janes turned into kind of a jerk lately but u no shes not actually like

ROXY: literally evil

ROXY: lol

JOHN: that’s debatable!

ROXY: sry to disappoint but janes just a person and you cant actually blame her for everything that went wrong in our marriage like i was her helpless thrall or somethin

JOHN: that’s not what i was saying...

ROXY: ok neither of us came here to argue about janey did we

JOHN: you’re right. let’s just not talk about her.

ROXY: yea

JOHN: anyway...

JOHN: i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how things got to be like they are.

JOHN: i guess i’ll just come out and say it.

JOHN: i completed fucked up your entire life.

JOHN: i’m not going to pretend like there are two sides here. it’s my bad, totally.

JOHN: like, not just what happened to our marriage, though it’s also true that that’s completely my fault.

JOHN: but even before that...

JOHN: i think i fucked up on just this massive, fundamental level, and it’s what i did—

JOHN: or, well, what i didn’t do—

JOHN: that caused every stupid bullshit thing about the way this world is.

JOHN: none of this was supposed to be this way.

JOHN: honestly, it doesn’t feel right that we got married at all, does it?

JOHN: your life was heading in this whole other direction with callie, and i just...

JOHN: i dunno. i just kind of took that from you.

JOHN: i think i ended up taking a lot of decisions from a lot of people.

JOHN: everything took a backseat to what i wanted.

JOHN: whatever cosmic significance the lives here do or don’t have, all the pointless suffering i’ve created is... inhumane. and—

ROXY: oh nah ill stop u rite there my man

ROXY: im sorry john ilu but this is some hot steamin horseshit

JOHN: what?!

ROXY: its some real jerkoff emoji stuff is all im sayin!!

ROXY: you think you choice mattered so much that no one elses could measure up?

ROXY: n then what

ROXY: did u get what u wanted?

ROXY: did your life end and the points got tallied and you came out on top or like what?

ROXY: still p much seems like were movin to me

ROXY: and you sure dont seem like ur winnin so wheres all this good shit you got that you gotta go around handin out apologies for?

ROXY: also damn dude while were at it!!

ROXY: u forgot to actually say sorry in that apology!

JOHN: no, i didn’t — i just meant...

JOHN: i’m sorry for fucking up your life, or making it not—

ROXY: i like my life!!!

ROXY: i mean it aint perf and i got my share of fuckups n mistakes in there but you dont get to tell me its fucked up

ROXY: or that it isnt real or somethin

ROXY: its mine!

ROXY: i mean i felt... somethin i guess

ROXY: but its not just you

ROXY: youve never been the only player in this game u kno

ROXY: do u not remember who all was there when this all kicked off?

ROXY: me n callie wouldna told u u had a choice if it was all just some meaningless bs

ROXY: its not like i was ever some master seer of all that ever was or will be but i do know a lil bit abt what coulda gone down if things were different

ROXY: and u know what

ROXY: i like the way things turned out just fuckin fine

ROXY: so maybe u could stop wastin precious eternity thinkin ur so special that its ur fault everyones not perfectly happy

JOHN: i just kept wanting to find ways to make everything make sense, you know?

JOHN: but maybe it just fucking doesn’t.

ROXY: i know we became grownups in a world built specifically n cosmically for us

ROXY: so i get wanting to find a pattern in everything

ROXY: but not everything has 2 b that deep

ROXY: n when u think abt it

ROXY: lookin at it that way, like evrythin has to be this elaborately purposeful heroic design to be worthwhile

ROXY: is actually p shallow

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: yeah, i guess.

JOHN: i’m sorry. it’s just so hard to not feel like a total asshole.

JOHN: maybe i’m not some grand vizier of destroying time and space or whatever.

JOHN: but we KNOW that there’s a canon timeline out there.

JOHN: and it seems really obvious to me that we aren’t in it anymore.

ROXY: so what

JOHN: “so what”???

ROXY: yea

ROXY: so what

ROXY: tf do i care that theres some other reality out there some1 arbitrarily decided was the “real” one

ROXY: whats that have to do with the life i have now

ROXY: what is there actually that makes this one mean less than that one to the ppl who r actually in it

JOHN: you never feel like it would’ve been better if things had gone a different way?

JOHN: magic or no, i could have done a lot differently, for you especially.

JOHN: stuck around, or... fuck.

JOHN: stayed out of your way to begin with.

JOHN: let you and callie do your thing, or do whatever it was you seemed to be headed off to do.

JOHN: i just didn’t expect it to be me, after...

ROXY: nah dont say that

ROXY: i mean i accept ur apology this time but

ROXY: theres obvs all kinds of ways shit coulda gone

ROXY: and tbh back then

ROXY: with her...

ROXY: mostly i think i just wanted to do stuff right

ROXY: not that i knew wtf that even meant lmao

ROXY: which was prob the problem lmao lmao lmao

ROXY: just like

ROXY: we had this big fresh as hell start at bein people!

ROXY: i had all these conflictin thoughts abt how to be me in the first place

ROXY: like what it meant to date a beautiful skull alien

ROXY: sexualitywise and genderwise and person in generalwise

ROXY: for a while there i didnt know if i wanted ppl to think of me as a woman at all

JOHN: ah, i didn’t know.

JOHN: well, i guess maybe i wondered?

JOHN: but the way young idiot me would have wondered, so not that deeply.

JOHN: and it seemed like you’d forgotten all about it when we got together.

ROXY: i hadnt forgotten about it

JOHN: do you want to talk about it...?

ROXY: i coulda told you then but i kinda felt embarrassed abt flip floppin with my identity i think

ROXY: mean it isnt like i grew up with big airquotes society tellin me what was right n wrong like u did

ROXY: so it wasnt any kind of shamefest

ROXY: just a lot of abstract hypotheticals wed only just started talking about and never got very far into

ROXY: just idk i thought i might do things one way but then i stopped hangin out with callie as much

ROXY: its not like i stopped thinkin abt it

ROXY: or her

ROXY: but it never rly came up with anyone else and i didnt rly feel like i could talk abt it with you so i never brought it up again

JOHN: i’m really sorry you felt that way, roxy.

ROXY: its ok its not ur fault

JOHN: but you don’t regret it?

JOHN: not going for that stuff, and instead just... marrying me?

JOHN: i’m not asking so you can absolve me, i’m just impressed.

JOHN: how do you not second guess every choice you make?

ROXY: i havent stuck my head in the timeline vortex like u have so i dunno what its like to see other options

ROXY: i just do things the best way i think to do em and then shrug n hope it works out?

ROXY: i dont think i can regret anything

ROXY: theres not only one right way to be me imo

ROXY: i like the me i am

ROXY: its not like i went n decided “actually hell ya love to be a woman n do all the shit on the woman checklist”

ROXY: i get that thats prob what it looks like outside of my own self but i dont care abt that

ROXY: sorry lol im not good at this whole explainin what transpires in my brain thing

ROXY: idk this life ive been livin gave me harry anderson

ROXY: that kinda outweighs anything else just for me personally

ROXY: n its not like i ever totally quit thinkin abt that gender stuff

ROXY: i just found a different way to work it out than maybe i was originally gonna

ROXY: i...

ROXY: but lmao john were just adults

ROXY: were not dead!

ROXY: idk i mean were only what... barely middle aged in regular human years?

ROXY: we got all kinds of hypothetical but still prolly finite eternity to work our shit out

ROXY: who tf knows

ROXY: its not like you figure out who you are when youre 23 and then the rest of ur whole life is just sittin back watchin ur shit fall apart or not

ROXY: i mean maybe thats been it for u so far

JOHN: haha. ouch.

ROXY: i just dont think im anywhere near done buildin those roxy self actualization train stops

ROXY: who the fuck can say how many more i got lined up

ROXY: same goes for u

ROXY: if youre willing to look at this life as more than a cosmically pointless dead end failure that is

JOHN: i guess...

JOHN: there’s literally nothing to do but keep moving forward.

JOHN: i may as well not be a big fucking downer about it if i don’t have to be.

ROXY: thats the spirit

ROXY: weve got a million billion lifetimes ahead of us john

ROXY: u dont even KNOW all the ways u got left to fuck up in!!

ROXY: hows that for some inspiration??!

JOHN: it’s...

JOHN: it’s pretty fucking inspirational, roxy.

JOHN: thank you for trusting me with this personal stuff.

JOHN: i know partly you were telling me all that to kick my sadsack ass, but i know you don’t talk about this kind of thing every day.

ROXY: to be real i hadnt even let myself think abt it every day

ROXY: so thanks for lettin me ramble at u out loud instead of just almost thinkin abt it once every few years

JOHN: i guess sometimes it takes hearing the same shit over and over until it sticks.

JOHN: that’s mostly an own on myself by the way.

ROXY: lmao were just rippin off those bandaids left n right over here

ROXY: a coupla professional issue discussers

JOHN: yeah, i’m frankly baffled by how fucking good we are at this?

JOHN: where was this when we sucked so hard at being married?

ROXY: buried under a shocking number of issues is my guess

JOHN: well, it’s nice to throw a few off, for once.

ROXY: feel free to communicate with me instead of spendin the next 300 years in a silent prison of your own making if u so desire

JOHN: hey harry anderson.

JOHN: it’s really, really good to see you.

JOHN: do you wanna go for a drive?

HARRY ANDERSON: yeah, dad.

HARRY ANDERSON: that could be cool.

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #roxy lalonde #john egbert #harry anderson egbert #candy epilogue #page 38

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actuallyitsstar · 3 months

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1,2,4,10 and 13?

✨ send me a number and get to know me better! ✨

(one). what song makes you feel better?

the song i go to right away always depends on my mood and the current musical artist micro-obsession i am experiencing lol, but three top options i find myself going to in a stressful or hopeless situation include coast (it's gonna get better) by patrick stump, choker by twenty one pilots, and soft to be strong by marina (who is pictured in my blog icon actually!).

(two). what's your feel-good movie?

100% hands down back to the future. that is my MOVIE. i have seen it so many times theres no way i can count. i am a little rusty bc i havent been ~ in ~ that fandom like i was before super recently but i used to/kind of still do know everything there is to possibly know about that franchise. those are my comfort characters and plots and relationships <3 i will never turn down a chance to watch it again lol. in fact this past summer i got to go to the theater w/ my partner for an anniversary re-release and see it on the big screen for the first time! i highly recommend lol.

(four). what flower would you like to be given?

oooof this is tough! daisies are one of my favorites, but also just anything pink to be honest. i also used to love lilies but i have learned they are poisonous to cats so my home is a no lily zone lol.

(ten). what's something you're excited for?

aaaaaa idk tbh. it's a weird time in my real life atm and i have no idea what the future holds, but in the broad sense, i guess change? in the smaller sense, spring is approaching where i live, and i look forward to it being warm enough outside to go for walks again! and for finishing my wips lol <3

(thirteen). what's your comfort food?

pasta. any type of americanized italian food. carbs. cheese. i am very basic in this regard akdhfjgfhgj

(thank u so much for the ask and so sorry for the late reply aaa 💖)

#star unasks #brambleberrycottage #star.txt

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so-much-nonsense · 3 months

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potential

one of my niche interests is binge watching. i am almost always watching something. one point in my life i ran out of things to watch. well, not literally, obviously, but i only wanted to watch certain things i completed them. stuff i did not wanna watch very often ends up being bad and boring than not. so as my last straw i have resorted to all languages. i watch content regardless of genre, language, country, age restriction(ahem thats not to say i am not old enough). anyways, during this process kdramas stuck with me as something to watch while i go to sleep or when i dont want too much plot and worry about or even think about it. they never came across having potential to me. i know a lot of others out there would disagree with me but this is just what i feel. theyre always slow paced, very bright, when not very bright trying too hard to be too dark(and failing miserably), no plot that hooks us up. but, BUT, recently, very recently, just 2 hours ago i watched a kdrama named long time no sex. obviously started off bc of the title but god it is so good. i mean, i have only watched 2 episodes really and that is the problem. so far everything they have shown me i cannot wait another 2 days for another two episodes. basically a married couple with no kids, pretty in debit and paying off loans and interests, a couple of insurances, but live comfortably. they start blackmailing others involved in multiple relationships. now the plot might not be the most interesting one ive watched, but the way everything is portrayed bw these two main leads, is more than unique. truly there are only a handful of series or movies that show this comfortable couple dynamic interestingly and god did this drama nail it. though they were a very active couple, they just stopped having sex few months or years back unintentionally and neither of them have had a problem with it. how they never stopped loving each other even though they havent been intimate is portrayed really well. the husband is literally the greenest flag everrrr. let it be when he remembers every single detail about them from 7 years ago or when he tries hugging her and reassures her that its fine if they dont have sex, or when he talks about how having sex is not a duty for married couple and when he sees that shes actually interested he recommends trying to get in the feel by telling each other things they like about one another, every single thing he likes about her is spoken so well and it is very evident how much he loves her. whenever theres a disagreement both of them proceed to talk it out in literally less than 2 minutes. though it might not be realistic, i mean, why is it not realistic? exactly! that is what should be going on and not hours of unnecessary arguments. he is really never afraid of being "lady like" and that makes him all the more manly because he is always very thoughtful and considerate about her and deals softly. no fragile masculinity exists here. i could go on about this man but ill stop lol. i can guess what the future episodes could host but i dont want to this time. this time i just want to be intrigued by it. i cannot wait for them to start having sex again, or its ok even if they decide they are better off this way(which would be totally unexpected). ok i just said that about two characters in drama. guess whos crazy? AND, and the fucking trust they have in each other, shed trust him with her life. even though he is foolish at times she balances it out. when his car got totalled and she found out that he dint tell her she figured a way to get him money instead of getting back at him or starting a fight(not that hed let a fight sustain or theyd go on for more than a minute) bc she knew theres no point in getting upset now that the cars gone and the intention behind his lie is nothing. its almost as if they know each other and communicate. crazy right. its almost as if they love each other.

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wily-one24 · 4 months

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100 questions: 15*, 42, 84 *I ask this even though (or because?) I start forgetting my dreams as soon as I wake up.

This is the liminal space between Christmas and New Years, time does not exist. I posted the meme, built a chair, rewired the screen on my security door, had an afternoon nap, then bought some dinner for my kids.

But I am back and ready to answer questions!!

And these are some good ones, @dahllaz.

15. What's the best dream you've had?

This has me thinking, because... what IS the best dream I've had?

When I was younger, I used to have this recurring dream of flying. I mean, maybe not exactly flying... but.. extended leaping? Extended hovering? I would be able to step up off the ground and cover streets worth of distance in the air without touching the ground. Those dreams always left me feeling kinda... free? I always liked them, they were joyous dreams.

Havent' had them in a while though.

Not so pleasant recurring dreams I used to have were losing teeth. Those haven't happened in a while. More recently, I've had ones werein I am choking almost on excess amounts of gum... which is weird, because I don't chew gum. But, in my dreams, I"m just... choking on it.

I don't know.

Lately, I've been having these weird purpose dreams. Like, on a mission dreams.

I end up in a group of random people, a mix of people I know in real life and strangers, and there's something we have to do.

For example, I had one recently were I was in a car with a bunch of people that were, apparently, my ex husband's work mates/subordinates... and we were going to pick him up... but then ended up on some strange errand to drop something off at a university to some university lecturer at night, and going up an elevator in a darkened building to the one floor that was still open... but the building was still fairly busy... and it's hard to explain.

Also, for some reason, a lot of my dreams happen in houses that used to be part of my life, like my grandparents' house when I was young. Or my parents house that I left when I got married.

OOOH.

There was one recently (and by recently, I say a couple of months ago), in which I was at said parents' house (which I left when I got married, but I spent my formative teenage years there) as if I still lived there. There were some extended family members either there or about to be there, there were plans for people to come over.

And I was sitting there naked. Living my life. (as you do in dreams, apparently).

But it wasn't an "omg, I'm naked!" dream, it was very much a "fuck it, I'm naked and if they have a problem with it, they can damn well leave" dream.

Which, probably says a lot about my state of mind right now. I am who I am and I am not ashamed of any part of that. So... take me as I am, or GTFO. Basically.

That was a good dream.

42. Favourite song right now?

Probably no surprise, but "Set Me on Fire" by Missy Higgins, it's on my D5 playlist and I sing it very, very loud. Sometimes on repeat. It's very singable. But I do tend to put a series of four songs on a row from that playlist... which is starting from "I Need An Island", "I'm Alive", "Silence Is Golden", and "Set Me On Fire", which I have termed by "Olivia's State of Mind" songs. I sing to them all. Loudly. But Set Me On Fire just seems to hit a bit more, you know?

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?

I can't do both?

Perhaps the future. I would like to see how my sons turn out. There's a good chance that, if all goes well, I may just get to do that anyway. However, let's be real, I am severely chronically ill and I am on the waiting list for a multi-organ transplant. SO MANY things could go wrong. There is no guarantee here. So, that question would be answered, I want to see what their futures look like. Whether they have families, partners, and/or children, what they do with their lives, if they're happy.

I like to think they'll be happy in whichever way they choose to live.

HOWEVER, that said, there are some things I would like to do in the past. At least to know about the past.

I would want to meet my grandparents, they died when I was in my early twenties, but they lived rich lives. I want to meet them when they were younger. I want to shwo them pictures of their great grandchildren.

Plus, there is this huge big family mystery that will never be answered, because my grandparents never spoke of it after one night over fifty years ago. It involved them and their good friends. They never saw them after that night.

But it changed my Nanna, and by the time I was old enough to know her, she was mostly gone psychologically. My pop would never speak of that night or what happened, but she would always be paranoid about the police showing up to take us all away.

It was weird.

I kinda want to know what happened.

#look ma i got an ask #interesting stuff #wow i really went off on a few tangents there didn't i?#dahllaz

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