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frogocado · 4 years

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when the party’s over (Smosh imagine)

you’re shayne’s ex. the only positive thing it gained was your friendship with courtney. after a bad break up you and Courtney decide a masked Halloween party at Shayne’s house would be the perfect time for you to leave him a letter for closure.

I know it’s past Halloween, but it’s always Halloween in my heart. Inspired by my ex dumping me in a text and then inviting my best friend to a Halloween party!! This is 2.6k words and contains angst and mentions of alcohol.

That big, dumb, handsome, blonde idiot had ruined everything.

When Shayne had broken up with you in a text, you had screenshot everything and sent it Courtney’s way, not knowing how to say it any other way. She had stormed onto set and confronted Shayne so boldly, they asked her to leave for the day. You had been riddled with guilt, but Courtney showed up at your apartment with pints of ice cream and girl power movies, insisting things would be okay.

You thought of all the times you had driven the streets to Shayne’s house, finding that numerous stores had switched over in the recent months since you were last at his place. Courtney hummed along to the music playing in her car, gloved fingers drumming on the steering wheel. You smiled at her, glad for the darkness that enshrouded you whenever too far from a streetlight. Despite everything, she was always such a good friend to you and Shayne both.

As you pulled up to his house, you could already see activity inside. Shayne had placed fake candles in the windows and, even upstairs, you could see silhouettes of people in costumes wandering. Courtney pulled her keys from the ignition and you still hadn’t moved, looking towards the front door. The last time you were there, you had watched a movie and eaten takeout on his couch soon after the Defy shutdown. A day later, he had sent you a text to break up with you.

“Ready whenever you are, Y/N,” Courtney said gently, pulling you from your thoughts.

“I’m just worried about what he’ll say to you if he finds out I’m here.”

Courtney shrugged as she considered this, teeth pulling on her bottom lip. “Would you tell him I brought you?” When you shook your head, her features brightened again. “So it’s fine. Just keep your mask on.” She tossed the Spiderman mask you had discarded into the backseat.

This had been your idea, after all. It would be silly to back out now. You pulled the mask on, already regretting something so tight around your face. You were anxious enough and knowing the spandex would hold whatever perspiration you’d have against your face was enough to make you want to stay in the car the whole evening. But when you turned to Courtney, she was giving you a small, encouraging smile.

You knew how this had to look to her, despite all of her agreements and giggles about the plan you had hatched in her apartment a week before. You and Shayne hadn’t talked since he had broken up with you and there was so much left unsaid. You had written him a letter with everything you had wanted to say, hiding it in the waistband of your costume. The plan was to drink, see a few of Courtney’s friends, slip the note into the book he was reading on his bedside table, and get out before he knew what was happening.

Courtney didn’t open her door until you were out of the car, as if she thought you might dive back into the backseat and demand she take you home. “It’ll be fine,” she assured you as she put her arm around you, guiding you to the door.

She rang the door bell and you counted how long it took until Shayne got to the door. He opened it, grinning between your disguise and his friend. He was wearing a white toga and a golden laurel around the back of his head, his muscles painted a wash of egg shell white. He was dressed as a Greek statue, you realized. How fitting. “You made it! And you brought your plus one? Who’s this again?”

“Spiderman,” Courtney answered for you. “Thought it was obvious that I’m Emma Stone as MJ.” You dumbly offered a hand to your ex boyfriend who gently shook it in return. The urge to slip his fingers to interlock with yours made your heart jump. This was a dumb idea. You were happy for the mask to hide the emotion on your face.

Shayne chatted with Courtney as he welcomed the two of you inside. He was questioning your matching costumes, asking her if she thought dying her hair a ginger brown was just an excuse to dress up as every actress and fictional character she’s ever had a crush on. The house was decorated with orange string lights from the ceiling, bat garland swaying in the breeze of people dancing in the living room. It wasn’t like Shayne to decorate his minimalist castle with anything but a few plants and a patterned rug. “Would your friend like a tour, or—?“ Shayne’s question died in the air as you navigated around people, making your familiar way into the kitchen.

There was a large buffet table set up with various Halloween treats scattered across it. Bat shaped cookies, peeled grapes disguised as eyeballs floating in a blood red punch bowl, marshmallows on skewers to look like ghosts, gummy worms in Oreo pudding dirt cups…. None of this was Shayne. You were even impressed by the alcohol selection. People were slipping away from his bar cart with green, sparkling cocktails in martini glasses or drinks that resembled purple potions bubbling in mule mugs.

As you felt yourself begin to reel, you felt a gentle hand on the middle of your back. You spun, meeting Courtney’s concerned look. “Lost you there for a minute, Spidey,” she gave you a sheepish grin.

You stepped closer to her, cupping a hand over your mouth as you whispered into her ear. “Since when is Shayne into decorating?”

Your friend shrugged, squeezing your shoulders. “It’s been a weird few months, dude. Let me get you a drink.” Before you could protest, she slipped away from you and you found yourself too lost in the mob of noise and music and people. You were in such a familiar place and everything felt brand new and fresh, a place without any memory or acknowledgement of you.

You waited a few more seconds for Courtney before you peaked over guests’ heads to find that she was happily chatting and giggling with the girl that was making the drinks. Someone bumped into your shoulder and your attention turned to them instead. “Oh no, I’m so sorry, uh… Spiderman,” Damien said, putting the mugs he was juggling down on the table near you two. He was wearing a dark blue sports coat and a black and white mask over his eyes.

“S’okay,” your automatic response tumbled out before you could think of your disguise. He didn’t seem to recognize your voice underneath your mask and you chewed your lip, knowing that it was just pure luck that you hadn’t been found out.

“I’m Damien. It seemed rude to not introduce myself in front of a superhero.” He gave you a big, goofy grin so adorable you could feel your own cheeks stretching into a smile for the first time that evening. You considered he wouldn’t be responding the same way if he knew it was his best friend’s ex and the realization of anonymity made the whole situation so much sillier.

When you and Shayne were dating, Damien would often tag along on any hang out that wasn’t exclusively romantic. You had never spent any time with him one on one and would often only see him by himself if he was leaving Shayne’s house and you were heading in or visa versa. You recalled Damien heading into Shayne’s house the night before he broke up with you and for months, you had wondered if he ever known, if Shayne had confessed to him his desire to leave.

You didn’t realize there was a stretch between when Damien had finished introducing himself and your lack of response until Courtney reappeared at your side. “Here, Spidey, I got you an elixir.” She wiggled her eyebrows playfully towards you, head tipped low. Always the dramatic. You rolled the very bottom of your mask up to reveal your mouth and chin and happily took the beverage out of her hand.

“Who is that in there?” Damien asked, squinting and inspecting your face.

Courtney protectively slung an arm around your shoulder. “I thought you were a nerd, Damien; you know who Peter Parker is.”

Damien rolled his eyes and Shayne was pushing his way through guests, heading right for you. “Peter Parker does not have a mouth like that,” Damien continued. “Right?” He turned to Shayne, who was grinning at the girl making drinks for everyone.

Shayne snaked his way over and began to giggle. “How do you know what Peter Parker’s mouth looks like?” He asked before sliding away again.

Courtney and Damien continued to prod at each other playfully over your mysterious identity, but you were watching Shayne now. He embraced the girl at the bar cart and you felt your stomach twist as he rest his cheek on the top of her matted black wig. She was only as tall as his shoulder and you remembered the way he’d rest his head on your shoulder during a movie or just because, always murmuring about how you were the perfect height for him to feel safe. You found yourself drifting away from Courtney again and, as you pushed through some of Shayne’s cast mates and friends, you noticed the bar girl’s hands clutching the waist of Shayne’s toga like he was the mast of a rocking ship.

Your feet were carrying you upstairs before you could stop them, the image you just took in stark in your mind. The sound seemed to fall away from the wooden floor and carpet separating the two floors and you sighed in relief as you found the landing empty of people. Your hand traced the wall as you entered his bedroom, gazing around.

This was the Shayne you remembered—books on every surface that could hold them, a black comforter over white pillows and sheets, clothes hung neatly in the closet. Your eyes traveled to his desk where a small makeup bag sat on top of a novel you had given him when you first started dating. You sat in the desk chair, looking at your reflection of a beauty mirror propped on the table and against the wall.

You tugged the rest of your mask off and drank half of your drink in one go. It was delicious. Of course it was. He had a new partner and she was perfect and he didn’t need you poking back into his business again. With shaking fingers, you pulled the letter out from your costume and unfolded it, your eyes blurry with tears as you tried to trace over the words you had written. You felt like such a jerk.

“Shayne? Buddy?” Damien’s voice was suddenly on the landing of the stairs. You jumped and began to quickly refold the letter, but it was already too late. The floor seemed to sigh as Damien entered and you could see his reflection gazing at you from the mirror on the desk. “Y/N?”

You wiped at your eyes quickly and pulled your mask on. Your skin was already beginning to itch and irritate from the wetness on your cheeks. “No, I’m Spiderman,” you said lamely.

To your surprise, Damien sat down on the floor beside the desk, eyes tracing over your costume. “Figured it was you,” he admitted in a low tone. “Recognized ya’. Don’t need the mask anymore, Y/N.”

“Only my mouth was showing when you saw me,” you protested, shaking your head. A blush was beginning to cross over his features as he offered a trace of a smile.

it isn’t that I don’t love you. I think part of me is scared that some other people around you might love you a little bit more. you made me feel like I was enough, like I could be better. I want to be better for me now. You deserve someone who sees you for you. We’re two different people. That works in friendships but not in relationships. I’m sorry.

Recalling a snippet of the text Shayne had sent you led you into another memory, one of Shayne and Damien getting into a heated discussion one day the three of you had planned to hang out. You had heard the two of them arguing as you turned off your car in Shayne’s driveway and all of the noise stopped as your door closed and you locked them, as if the mechanical sounds were pulling them out of it. Damien had exited Shayne’s house before you were even at the door. He gave you a look that wasn’t exactly a smile and had whispered some unintelligible apology about having to leave right away, that he’d see you another time.

The silence settled around the two of you for a second time that evening and you nodded your head toward the makeup bag. “New girlfriend, huh?”

“I don’t know, not really.” Damien shrugged, looking away. “They never stay for too long and he always winds up yelling, so…” his words drifted and you were nodding slowly, still stuck between running out again or staying put. “What about you?”

You laughed in response and he grinned, though it seemed every action was causing him a great deal of pain. “I’m sorry you got dumped,” he said.

You shook your head. “You didn’t do the actions, Damien.”

“Yeah, but…” He looked like there was something he wanted to say but when your masked eyes landed on his, you could see the words getting stuck in his throat. You pulled your mask off, thinking that might help his words come a little easier. Instead, he gave a small laugh, a rumble that seemed to hurt him further as it rose from his chest. “Y/N, I recognized you by your mouth and Shayne has no idea…” His hand was rising as if it was going to rest on your cheek, but he just shuffled his hair again.

You finished the rest of your drink and then turned to him, watching him watch you. “Can I hug you?” You asked, feeling stupid and sad about everything.

He nodded almost immediately and before he could move or stand, you were down on the floor with him, holding his chest against your own. “Oh, you’re…you’re right there then, huh?” He stammered. His arms enveloped you lightly, as if he was surprised by the movement and the contact. After a beat, they closed tighter, his hands clutching at his opposite arm. You sat together for what felt like a minute before you both untangled at the same time, both sighing with content relief when you broke apart.

You tugged the folded paper out again and looked down on it, watching Damien’s chest rise and fall. “What’s that?” He asked in a whisper.

You unfolded it partially before you tore it to pieces, tossing it into the waste basket by the desk. “I was going to leave a really mean note for Shayne to find after the party. I came to destroy him,” you admitted, pulling your body off the floor to stand again.

“That’s actually… really impressive. You’re a devil,” Damien shook his head in what seemed to be dumb amazement, grinning at you. “Are you leaving?”

You collected your mask off of the desk and nodded. “I think I made a mistake.”

“I think he did, too,” Damien rose as you began to leave. You paused, turning back to him again. “And so did I,” he said gently, as if it were a confession. You didn’t know what to say so you pulled your mask on instead.

“Bye, Damien.”

“Wait, Y/N,” Damien followed after you, back onto the stairwell landing. Shayne’s voice was filling the living room below you. “Think I might see you again? You know, like, when the party’s over?”

You hummed at the question and grinned, despite the mask. “We’ll see.”

#smosh #shayne topp #smosh imagine #smosh fic #shayne topp imagine #shayne topp fic #post-shayne x reader #my tags will reveal everything sorry bois #damien haas #damien haas imagine #damien haas fic #fic #mine #courtney miller #courtney miller imagine #smosh squad

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crowdvscritic · 4 years

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round up // JUNE 20

The quarantine continues, and so does my insane level of film consumption. As you’ve probably discovered in your many a Zoom call, if you ask, “What’s new?” you usually get a, “Nothing much since we last talked.” Of course, these days no news means good news, so I’ll happily confirm the same is true here at Crowd vs. Critic. In this time of no movie theatres and few new releases, I’m catching up on a lot of classics and squeezing in a yoga sesh and reading in between. Perhaps these pop culture pieces that brought me joy in June will bring you some in July!

June Crowd-Pleasers

Yoga with Adriene

Adriene is all about finding what feels good, and her yoga videos have been helping me feel good during quarantine. I’m a big fan of browsing her YouTube playlist of 20-30 minute practices and picking whatever focus sounds like it would, well, feel good on my lunch break or when I wrap up my work day. If you’re looking for a way to stay active, destressed, or stretched out, Adriene’s (and her dog Benji’s) friendly videos have become my go-to.

The World According to Jeff Goldblum (2019- )

You know those people who can make anything interesting? Jeff Goldblum is the quintessence of that kind of person. Every episode of this Disney+ docuseries covers a broad topic that happens to intrigue him, including ice cream, tattoos, denim, RVs, and jewelry. While I don’t have many questions about ice cream, per se, I’m happy to just ride along on his trips all over the US to learn more about it. He finds niche communities, game changers, and new technology I suspect most won’t be familiar with, and he finds ways to get involved, a lá giving someone a Jurassic Park tattoo or getting custom grills made for his teeth. Truthfully, I don’t care much about what Goldblum chooses to explore as long as he’s stammering and sing-song-ing his way through as only he can.

Double Feature – Historical Action Flicks: The Quick and the Dead (1995) + Troy (2004)

I told you last month I’m working on the Western genre, and The Quick and the Dead (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10) is a ‘90s entry from Sam Raimi featuring a rare female lead (Sharon Stone), the babiest of Leo DiCaprios, an evil Gene Hackman, and an epic tournament of duels. If you’d prefer your adventure several thousand years back, Troy (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10) is a star-studded interpretation of The Iliad featuring a plethora of togas, romance, and epic battle scenes.

Double Feature – Corporate Espionage Thrillers: The Firm (1993) + Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014)

Two unassuming guys start jobs bright-eyed and leave jaded, one a fresh-out-of-law-school attorney and the other a quit-school-to-save-the-world CIA analyst. The Firm (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10) is the critical winner of the pair, but Jack Ryan (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10) is a more satisfying action movie than its Rotten Tomatoes score would suggest. (Another example of why we should take those numbers with a grain of salt.) Bonus: Another evil Gene Hackman in The Firm!

Double Feature – New Crime Comedies: The Lovebirds + My Spy (2020)

For a family movie night in, I recommend My Spy on Amazon Prime (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10), which holds the honor of the last movie I watched in theatres before everything shut down. For date night in, I recommend The Lovebirds (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10), which made me ready for Kumail Nanjiani to become a superstar. You can read my full thoughts on this fun pair of laughs on ZekeFilm:

The Lovebirds

My Spy

Double Feature – Heist Thrillers: Now You See Me (2013) + Finding Steve McQueen (2019)

Close up magic hasn’t been as cool as Now You See Me(Crowd: 10/10 // Critic: 8/10) since Houdini was escaping handcuffs. This, of course, has less to do with the magic shows and more to do with the Ocean’s Eleven/The Sting-style plot. I love a movie that pulls the wool over my eyes—Hollywood, this is your call to trick me more often! And who says “cool” like Steve McQueen? While I wouldn’t have minded another pass at the dialogue in Finding Steve McQueen (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10), this based-on-a-true-story heist targeting President Nixon looks as cool as it is funny.

Double Feature – ‘80s Comedies: ¡Three Amigos! (1986) + Coming to America (1988)

The stars of early SNL & Friends make movies! Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Chevy Chase bring an alternative version of The Magnificent Seven with more jokes and fewer successful heroics, and I’m surprised at how most of it (save a few moments) has aged well. (Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10) And who knows when we’ll get the sequel Coming 2 America that Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall were going to star in this year, but the original sweet and silly romantic comedy about a Prince looking for love is worth revisiting so we’re ready whenever it drops. (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8/10)

Cinematic Cities: New York by Christian Blauvelt (2019)

I started this Turner Classic Movies book to prep for my first visit to New York City in March...well, we all know what happened there. Kudos to this writer and the book designers who helped me wrap my head around how the neighborhoods are connected in this city and where to find famous movie locales, plus a few off the beaten path. Now I have more places I want to see and taste and experience when I finally go, but until then, I’ve got a list of movies to watch so my vacation doesn’t feel so far away.

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Summer Stock (1950)

The plot is hackneyed and the songs are hokey, but, gee, if I didn't spend the whole time wishing we had more movie stars like these clowns, Gene Kelly and Judy Garland. Twice I tried to wipe the smile off my face as Gene danced, and I just couldn't do it. The corners of my mouth twitched back up because a newspaper and squeaky floor were competing with Judy for his best dance partner! 70 years later this movie still won't let someone wipe a stupid grin off her face—three cheers for camera-magnetic movie stars! Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 6/10

Air Force One (1997)

Sure, it’s Die Hard on a plane, but when you nail the formula this well, I think you get more than a pass. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

June Critic Picks

The Sting (1973)

I jumped out of chronological order in my Best Picture watch because I liked Butch and Sundance so much. It’s an unusual winner, but it holds up well. Scroll down a bit for two reviews, or catch ‘em here:

Crowd

Critic

Double Feature - World War II Action Dramas: Saving Private Ryan (1998) + Enemy at the Gates (2001)

Watching this pair back-to-back makes for a poignant compare and contrast of how the United States and Russia managed their campaigns during World War II (at least as they’re depicted here). In Saving Private Ryan (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 10/10), Tom Hanks and Co. are trying to save one soldier just after D-Day; in Enemy at the Gates (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Jude Law is a legendary sniper trying to give hope to his comrades. Compare how both armies fight against all odds, and contrast how one life matters to each country.

Anna Karenina (2012)

Joe Wright reunites with much of his Pride and Prejudice cast, and it’s as magical and beautiful as you’d hope. Keira Knightley stars as the tragic heroine alongside a stacked cast including Domnhall Gleeson, Jude Law, Matthew Macfayden, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, and Alicia Vikander. Fun fact: I just learned my grandfather calls Knightley “his girlfriend” because he thinks she’s so cute in Pride and Prejudice—no word yet on what he thought of the gorgeous gowns she wore in this movie, but my podcast co-host Kyla and I loved them in our most recent episode. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 10/10

Double Feature – Humphrey Bogart: The Maltese Falcon (1941) + Key Largo (1948)

Plenty has been written about how The Maltese Falcon (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10) is the epitome of Film Noir. Now that I’ve met Sam Spade and his femme fatale (Mary Astor) and watched their hunt for a McGuffin, I’ll just join in the chorus. And now that I’ve watched all of Bogie and Bacall’s features, I’m picking Dark Passage as my favorite and Key Largo (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10) my second. In their last film together, she’s a war widow and he was a soldier who knew her husband. When he comes to visit her at her hotel in Key Largo, they end up stuck inside during a hurricane with gangsters—tension ensues.

Da 5 Bloods (2020)

While Spike Lee’s latest was a little long, it’s hard to know what to cut when its updated take on The Treasure of the Sierra Madre is so engrossing. Between the performances, the action, and the treasure hunt plot, it’s the rare Netflix original in which you won’t be tempted to look at your phone. I’m hoping Delroy Lindo is in the Oscars conversation come next April. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

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Long Gone Summer (2020)

The summer of ’98 was big for me: My sister was born, my family moved to a new house, and I turned six with a Mulan-themed party. (Yes, I was the height of cool.) It was also the summer Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa faced off in a home run battle to beat Roger Maris’s regular season record, which even then I knew was a big deal. This ESPN 30 for 30 episode interviews McGwire, Sosa, and everybody in their orbit, but the real heart is the tribute it pays to St. Louis, Chicago, and baseball as a whole. I knew baseball films make me cry, and it turns out good baseball documentaries do, too.

Women In Music Pt. III by HAIM (2020)

The sisters are back with an album made for late-night driving with the windows down, and “I Know Alone” feels like a COVID anthem.

The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964)

If you loved La La Land like I did and haven’t seen this musical, just get around to watching it already! From the colorful aesthetic to the melancholy plot structure, you can literally see Damien Chazelle’s inspiration for his modern musical. And if you can find an answer as to why the Academy found this film worthy of consideration at not one but two Oscars ceremonies, let me know—I’ve yet to solve that mystery. Crowd: 7/10 // Critic: 9/10

Double Feature – Gregory La Cava Class Comedies: My Man Godfrey (1936) + 5th Avenue Girl (1939)

I don’t think I’ve watched a film from the 1930s that isn’t about money on some level, and these two from director Gregory La Cava are no exception. In Godfrey (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Carole Lombard is a socialite who brings a homeless man in as their family’s new butler (William Powell), but there’s more to him than they know. in 5th Avenue (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8/10), Ginger Rogers befriends a lonely businessman (Walter Connolly), and though their relationship is platonic, that doesn’t mean he won’t hire her to make his philandering wife jealous. The moral of both films? Rich people be crazy, which is a great set up for comedy.

Also in June…

In addition to Anna Karenina, Kyla and teased our self-made millionaire hair and introduced our butler Max to discuss the ‘80s rom-com procedural Hart to Hart. If you enjoy detective shows, it’s a fun spin on the genre you may enjoy.

I watched and reviewed Best Picture winners The Sting (above) and the worst one I’ve watched yet, 1933’s Cavalcade. Read the Crowd and Critic reviews to know why it’s not worth your time.

I updated my Letterboxd with a list of all the movies in Cinematic Cities: New York, and my quarantine watch list is almost to 250.

Photo credits: Yoga With Adriene, HAIM. Cinematic Cities my own. All others IMDb.com.

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