#reasoning: personal experiences as a neurodivergent girl | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

starrixle · 3 months

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simpbur headcanon dump ♡

a bunch of random headcanons for simpbur that i thought of !! (all under the cut because there is a lot...)

his birthday is december 11 and his height is 5'4 (this is actually canon but im including it anyways)

he goes by he/they/she (in order of preference). he's genderfluid, but more masc aligned. he is also bisexual and horribly closeted (the closet is as clear as glass)

he is neurodivergent, he also suffers from lots of anxiety. he is very anti-social

he and liliana (the e-girl) were both just not great for each other. it was not just simp being toxic to the e girl, but she was toxic to him as well to a certain extent. she isnt a bad person, and neither was simpbur, they were just a pair that wouldnt work out

part of the reason why simpbur is so insecure abt himself is bc liliana tends to be a judgemental person. she has standards that simp didnt meet, and that made him go into the mindset of changing himself to suit what she liked. however, this failed and they ended up breaking things off instead

his breakup with liliana destroyed simpbur's mental health, especially with him being a very fragile person to begin with. this is where his obsession began due to still having a very strong attachment with what he once had with her, along with having extreme jealousy over the thought of her being successful in life with someone other than him

his favorite vape flavor is bubblegum. he would smoke cigarettes, but he doesn't like the smell, and he just prefers vapes

he is horrible with being responsible with his money. even though he struggles to pay rent and works a minimum wage job, he usually spends his money on games and anime stuff

types with stuff like uwu, owo, :3, :<, XD, ^_^, (*≧з≦), etc.

used to live with his mom, but now he lives in a tiny apartment on his own. it's not very well kept or clean, and he often just throws his junk around everywhere since he never has the energy to clean the place up. the only place he bothers (kinda) decorating is his bedroom

cries over small things easily, like when he gets a paper cut, stubs his toe, when his food order is wrong, etc.

can't handle spicy foods whatsoever

he has a shoe box full of random stuff he stole from liliana, such as pens she used, her clothes, trash, hair, etc.

kicks ass at competitive games, such as first person shooter games. he is a chronically online gamer and he lowkey acts toxic sometimes while gaming

he sometimes just goes "gg :3" in the chat whenever he manages to dominate the game. he doesnt like using vc bc he doesnt really like his voice, so he usually sticks to typing, esp bc hes a pretty fast typer (100+ wpm)

he collects a ton of anime figures. usually leaves things in their packaging. he cringed whenever liliana took them out of the packaging, since she didn't understand why he left them in the box instead of taking them out

he blasts music at full volume, especially while gaming. he listens to a lot of vocaloid, breakcore, krushclub, hyperpop, indie rock, etc.

his diet consists of fast food, take out, ramen, microwaved food, soda, snacks, anything that's unhealthy

he usually hides his figure with thick, oversized clothing

he doesn't usually express his style much outside in public, but he likes experimenting a lot with outfits at home, especially ones that aren't typically masculine

he's secretly a furry and has a fursona. he usually acts as if he thinks furries or cringe, but he would have anon alt accounts where he'd look at furries online and talk about how cute they are

his feelings towards his body changes depending on his mood. although he doesn't completely mind being assigned amab, he does wish he looked more feminine, or at the very least androgynous

at a certain point in his life, he denied his femininity and attempted to retain a super masculine appearance and personality. it didn't make him happy, instead it made him more insecure

coming to terms with being not cishet was extremely difficult. he was in denial that he was bisexual, and even more in denial he wasn't a cisgender man. altho he's grown to slowly be more comfortable with his identity, he's still struggling to accept himself

he switches from being masculine and feminine a lot. other times he simply just does not want to be perceived and would avoid people

he loves the idea of romance and intimacy, but the actual act of doing romantic/intimate things freaks him out. he craves for love, but he's terrified to act on it, especially with his last relationship with liliana failing

he posts rants/vents about his thoughts anonymously online on places like reddit

he grew to be good at stalking, even learning strategies to keep himself hidden or quiet, along with learning how to unlock windows or doors. he thought he was insane for doing it at first, but he's grown more used to it being a routine

his eyes are actually dark brown. i just draw them pink because it's just an artistic choice i like in his design

he has sharp canine teeth

he says "im gonna kms :3" and makes all kinds of self-deprecating jokes very often

he often writes random songs in his diary and sings to himself/plays guitar in his room. it's very comforting for him, as its a form of coping

even tho he dislikes his voice, he's very good at singing (insert the entirety of the e-girl trilogy here)

if i ever come up with more headcanons i will make another post as a part 2 !! this guy is constantly living rent free in my mind 24/7 i am so perfectly sane about simpbur i swear. completely. 100%. *eye twitching*

#simpbur #incelbur #bursona #bursonas #wilbur soot #starrixle talks

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silvermoon424 · 9 days

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Unpopular opinion: when it comes to the relationship dynamic between Neurotypical and Neurodivergent girls, the neurotypical girls often act as "social correctors" (basically, people who set the rules on how certain people are supposed to act and carry themselves) because they learn social skills/rules earlier due to the many invisible expectations put on them, as well the punishments given when they aren't meant, and thus, ND later girls pick up on it due to the necessity of being socially adapt as a girl and mask, this starts earlier depending on how much a society is gendered.

There's actually been a lot of research into the fact that, for many years (and to a lesser extent still today), autism was very under-diagnosed in girls for exactly the reasons you laid out. Love and peace to all my autistic brethren, but let's be clear- girls face a lot more pressure to conform to societal standards than boys do.

In my experience, girls are also better at masking for that reason. Speaking from personal experience, I felt intense pressure as a young girl to fit in, be pleasant and inoffensive, and not be "weird." I'm not saying that boys don't face this pressure, they very much do, but it's just so much heavier for girls.

#asks #Anonymous

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acesstark · 9 months

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My favorite details and little moments in Red, White, and Royal Blue

I’ve been thoroughly annotating Red, White, and Royal Blue, and even though I’ve read it nearly a dozen times in the last few years, there’s so many things I didn’t fully appreciate and little details I didn’t notice until I took the time to read every single line (I read very fast. Somehow I retain the information. I don’t know either.)

So here is a list of some of my favorite little details and moments that I appreciate a lot more lately:

1. “Nobody needs to know how hard he’s kicking underwater”

2. Amy is Ellen’s favorite secret service agent

3. Growing up June and Alex were forced to talk about their feelings

4. Zahra is a Howard graduate + from New Orleans

5. The lists Alex hid under a cushion as a kid that he still creates to make things make sense in his too-fast mind

6. Alex being perpetually bitter over Henry being taller than him

7. Henry walks around barefoot at Kensington, which isn’t important but is something I find interesting for no reason other than the fact that being barefoot is a horrible experience for me personally

8. Henry and Alex are both insomniacs

9. Alex physically got into bed with all of the kids at the hospital to read to them

10. “Alex crosses his arms, a mirror to Henry’s tic…” They’re both so neurodivergent

11. Alex and Raf sharing tropical skittles

12. June eats Margherita pizza, Alex eats mushrooms on his, and Ellen very possibly eats hers crust first

13. Ellen made a PowerPoint when Alex got his first girlfriend

14. Shaan has a motorbike

15. Henry’s favorite food is cheap falafel

16. Henry infodumps about classical mythology, the stars, sailboats, and Lord Byron, and bonds over Pride and Prejudice with June

17. Nora caught Alex watching videos of Justin Trudeau speaking French on multiple occasions

18. Mr. Wobbles and David are mates :D

19. Great British Bake Off is Henry’s comfort show because the colors and music are soft and everyone is nice to each other

20. “Alex was student body president and lacrosse cocaptain and prom king and valedictorian” just so that he wouldn’t have to think about his home life

21. Alex was a Boy Scout

22. “Henry doesn’t want the spotlight, and Pez naturally absorbs what Henry deflects”

23. A girl from the MCU Spiderman movies tried to hit on Alex at the NYE party

24. Nora then proceeded to flirt with the Spiderman girl

25. “‘m not bored,” Henry mumbles.

26. Alex listens to Kid Cudi

27. Alex has the highest approval rating in his entire family.

28. Alex keeps Captain America bandaids in his bathroom

29. Nora’s apartment is full of books and plants

30. Nora has also witness Alex shotgun a bottle of bbq sauce

31. “Alejandro”

32. Alex ranted to Nora about going down on a girl

33. Henry showing up to Alex’s bedroom 6 minutes early

34. Henry knew Alex wanted him before Alex knew he wanted him.

35. “[Alex’s] primary turn-on has always been competence”

(An ever growing list as I continue my reread)

#Henry is actually so autistic he’s just like me #autism x adhd duo and it’s just firstprince #firstprince #red white and royal blue #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #rwrb book #rwrb movie

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1863-project · 9 months

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One of the reasons I really don’t engage much with fandom spaces at all these days is just how much casual ableism there is in fandom spaces, a lot of which is internalized ableism. And unfortunately, when you try to explain this to people, they often don’t want to hear it or accept that the ideas they’ve latched onto are actually often pretty harmful to people in the real world.

An example, one of many: people have had theories on N being a Zoroark since Black and White first came out in 2010. That was ableist then, and it’s ableist now - the changeling myth is thought to be rooted in children turning out to be neurodivergent (especially autistic), and if you’re looking at a human character that feels neurodivergent-coded and going “What if they’re not human?” it’s...well, neurodivergent people are already dehumanized in the real world. We’re so often treated as less than human that having a character who comes across as neurodivergent suddenly being not human can feel like a slap in the face to our own humanity.

(Ironically, neurodivergent people often found representation in non-human characters before human characters with neurodivergent traits started popping up in media - this goes back at least to the half-human, half-Vulcan Spock in Star Trek, and possibly far, far further. But that’s a topic for another time.)

Every time I see a character who feels pretty damn neurodivergent, I also see a wide chunk of the fandom interpret their neurodivergent traits really negatively, and it hurts. I don’t engage with the Submas fandom anymore outside of answering people’s train questions that they bring to me because enough people in said fandom looked at Emmet, a character who is more like me than any other fictional character I’ve ever seen in my life, and decided he was scary and unhinged, creepy because of the way he talks when he isn’t close to someone, potentially violent because of his intensity. He’s none of these things, he’s just one of the most autistic characters to ever be written. But the damage was done, because when I saw people treating a character just like me like that...well, it basically told me how they saw me, too.

I graduated high school way, way back in 2007. Some of the people on this website now weren’t alive back then. I wouldn’t get my autism diagnosis for two more years, and all I knew was that I was somehow different from the kids around me, and so many of them had bullied me for this. I was treated horribly because I was intense about my interests, talked differently, walked differently, and acted differently from them. It more or less went on for my entire time in school before I got to undergrad. That shit stays with you. I had this notion that this was how everyone saw me, and that still sits in the back of my mind in my 30s. It’s actually one of the things that prevents me from trying dating, because my bullies were primarily my male peers growing up. It was so important for me to see Ingo and Emmet being themselves and being accepted as themselves, because it meant that maybe people could accept me, too. Except then PLA dropped, and a bunch of new people came rushing in...and enough of them reacted in ways similar to how my bullies did when I was younger, so I had to disengage because it hurt too much.

And the cycle continues with every new character that takes the stage. Nemona debuted in Scarlet and Violet, and once you get more of her backstory in the later game and eventually the postgame you realize she sounds like a neurodivergent person surrounded by neurotypicals. I’ve seen headcanons of autism, ADHD, and a few other neurodivergencies, all of which were definitely people relating to her experiences with their own - Geeta even introduces the “weird girl” to the “new kid” at the beginning of the game in the hopes that she’ll make a friend, a common experience for neurodivergent kids growing up. But then I started seeing people calling her a yandere, and they weren’t joking, and I knew that people who related to Nemona who saw that were going to feel hurt the way I did with people taking Emmet’s autistic traits so negatively.

Fandom spaces tend to be online bubbles, so to speak, and people don’t often realize the impact that these attitudes have in the real world. It’s important for people to have representation and see themselves in the media they interact with, because that’s extremely affirming and validating. Seeing a fictional character just like you being accepted for who they are goes a long, long way when you’re being bullied for who you are in your real life. When you see a bunch of people looking at those harmless traits of yours that people bully you for and interpret them in ways that portray you as scary, creepy, or even unhinged and dangerous...it does damage.

I think about people with psychosis. I think about how media has portrayed them throughout the ages, and how stigmatized they are as a result. I think about people with personality disorders, about people with OCD (of which I’m one myself), about autistic people and ADHD people and people with Tourette’s and other tic disorders, about plural people/systems...the list can go on, and on, and on, and this post doesn’t even touch upon physical disabilities and how ableist fandom spaces can be to them, too (cons being physically difficult to navigate are just one challenge of many they face). I think about how desperate we’ve all been to see ourselves as characters - nuanced characters that feel like real people, not caricatures. The days of the “evil, unhinged schizophrenic” need to be over. We know people with disabilities and mental illnesses are more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators; we have so many studies affirming this. And yet the rest of the world is taking a long time to catch up on this.

Sometimes, you’re 12 years old and you make an edgy OC who wears a straitjacket because they like to stab people, and then you get a little older and you realize that was pretty ableist and you grow and change as a person. That’s normal - you’re learning about the world around you and learning how to be more kind. But if someone who’s out there in the real world explains why something is ableist towards their disability or mental illness, and they provide examples, that’s not the moment you double down and act like you can do no wrong and that everything you’ve written is fine. It’s supposed to be a learning moment for you, a chance to step back and try to do better. And this especially applies to internalized ableism - like I said, so many fandom spaces are heavily neurodivergent, and the internalized ableism I’ve encountered in fandom spaces has grown substantially with the rise of social media. Sometimes the call is coming from inside the house, and we need to be mindful of how we’re portraying people like ourselves, too.

I think it’s a good idea to really try to be aware as we engage with others in fandom spaces and try not to perpetrate harmful stereotypes or portrayals, and becoming more thoughtful and nuanced about how we depict characters is a big part of that. If you’re writing something edgy just for yourself, that’s for you, and you don’t really have to think too hard about it. But if you’re sharing it in a public space, remember that anyone can encounter it, and it might do damage you’re not really thinking about. It’s important to remember that the internet is a public space, too, just like the places we go in real life, and that we should carry ourselves the way we would if we were interacting in person - we need to try to be respectful, and accept feedback and improve things when we accidentally aren’t.

As an extra reminder, here’s a great graphic from Sonny Jane Wise on Instagram that shows just how many things fit under the neurodivergent umbrella:

Please do your best to do no harm, but if you accidentally do, please listen to the people who are being harmed and want to help you do better.

#ableism #tw: ableism #fandom ableism

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jasontoddssuper · 5 months

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Fandoms have really worped peoples idea of what punk is.Obviously the misconceptions and straight up lies about us didn't start with them but they were definitely a huge help in spreading them due to media and the lack of comprehension of it therefore.Like i said in the caption of my recent meme that blew up,being punk is not an aesthetic but a subculture and a policitical movement with the requirements to be one of us being fighting against corruption and helping and generally being kind to minorities and if a character is just edgy without doing that,then they don't deserve to be grouped in with us when they haven't earned it

In real life,when someone goes punk,it's almost always because they're a minority and faced so much discrimation and abuse because of it that they decided to do something about it and that's how they made their decision.I'm not gonna give out details because that would be traumadumping but the reason i went from regular pastel to pastel punk is that i'm a biracial afrolatina who was raised by the white side of their family,mentally disabled because of having a bunch of disorders including autism,mspec and aspec and a former tomboy kid turned femme genderfluid and bigender transmasc.That probably gives you an idea of all i've experienced and those experiences are the reason i decided to start going punk,not because i wanted to be 'cool'.Not that that's inherently a bad reason to but it is a rather ignorant one

Like,look at the characters i used in that meme-Hobie Brown,a black teenager who was forced to grow up too fast or he wouldn't survive,Ichigo Kurosaki,an autistic boy who saw his mom die when he was only a child and was never given therapy and resorted to repressing his emotions to cope and had deal with everyone assuming he was a delinquent based off nothing but his hair color so they treated them badly because of it as far back as middle school,Katara,an indigineous girl born during a 100 year long war who saw her mom get murdered when she was only 4 and adultified and parentified for the next 10 years straight afterwards even though she has an older brother,Luz Noceda,a second gen afro-dominican inmigrant who's bi and gender nonconforming AND neurodivergent and had no friends until her series began because of it,Stephanie Brown,a girl who was emotionally and physically abused by her dad and nearly got csa'd by one of said dad's friend's which traumatized her so much she remembered all the details years later and had to take care of her mom who was a drug addict and then had to deal with a man twice her age constantly degrading her for not being his adoptive son yet calling himself her mentor

Percy Jackson,an adhd and autistic person who's abusive stepdad used their insecurities over their intellegence as insult fuel and grew up poor and getting bullied nonstop and with their teachers not only never helping them but AGREEING with their bullies that they were a bad kid and punishing them for nothing and then spending all five books of the original series having to deal with an older man who'd gaslit them into trusting them so he could kill them when they were only 12 AND literally almost every authority figure(the gods)treating them like shit including the one who's their dad that abandoned them at birth and never made up for it,Dabi Todoroki,a physically disabled man who's disabilities were caused by him trying please his dad who'd started abusing his entire family the second he didn't get what he wanted from them and has been having to deal with everyone praising him as just an anti-hero for almost a decade

They're all punks,some intentionally,some not,but the REASON they are is that they have the punk mentality and show it in their actions,not because some of them are edgy and some of them not being edgy dosen't mean they 'don't count as/can't be' punk and that was caused by their experiences as minorities,not anything else and that's not subtext,it's just text.You don't HAVE to be a minority to be punk but the characters i've seen labeled as part of us more often than not are the ones actively hurting the ones who are and that inherently means they can't be because the whole reason punk was created was to be anti-bigotry and protecting and loving opressed people

Someone who dresses in dark colors and alt accesories and goes out of their way to mistreat people who don't deserve it and are already thought of as subhuman by society isn't a punk,they're a bully and an abuser in the making and if they're an adult,then they already are one and no,them being abused dosen't justify any of that because MANY irl actual punks went through and are even still going through it but didn't have the privilige to turn into a tormenter with no consequences over it.And sorry to tell you this but if you think they are or should be instead of getting justice served on them,then you're not punk either

#like-i'm not an expert on punk culture i only started being a part of it this year so i'm still learning #but even i can tell you punk isn't just 'rebellion' or 'oooooh i'm so edgy' it's a force against f///ascism and that's so easy to learn #hell it was the first thing i DID learn when i started my research!#so the fact that so many people are still on the 'punk aesthetic' bullshit after a whole decade is just embarrasing #we're not an aesthetic we're not an x reader trope WE'RE A MOVEMENT AND A FUCKING *CULTURE*.HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THAT OR STOP TALKING US #punk #pastel punk #anti harry potter #anti taylor swift #anti hawks #anti zutara #< implied for me saying zuko isn't punk as he's not only not anti-establishment but a monarch-of a nation that colonized the whole world💀#summercore #💌#hobie brown #ichigo kurosaki #katara #luz noceda #stephanie brown #percy jackson #dabi #ichihime #i'm black tag #i'm biracial tag #latina tag #dominican tag #autistic girl summer #mental health tag #bi pan trans and aspec #letters from summer

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punkeropercyjackson · 2 months

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Is the Pjo fandom aware that Percy is like.......actually not a normal person.Not the demigod thing,i mean he's neurodivergent and has mental illnesses from trauma so his set of beliefs,thoughts,onward actions and tastes are completely different from society's ideals and norms.It's not like he acts the way he does as a joke or to look cool,it's kinda a big thing he can't stop acting like himself no matter what???It gives him self-eestem issues but it really is for the better for everyone involved because it makes him an actual role model for irl troubled kids who got to read him grow all the way up until adulthood alongside us and him never masking being potrayed as what made him the best and realest hero in the whole franchise

He's never been tempted to join the gods and talks shit to them because he has no interest in power and they're child abusers who run an oppressive system,not because he's a BAMF and 'sassy'.He dosen't try to cover up his 'sensitive' and 'soft' emotions because he thinks they're stupid,it's a defense mechanism from growing up with an abusive stepdad,ableist bullies and teachers and a society that expects peak masculinity from him despite his desire for femininity instead and there's a reason why almost all his friends in the og series were girls and he insults other guys based on being too manly

Related to that,her complete lack of romantic interest in Nico wasn't because she's 'a tragically straight boy' but because she's A)At least only partially a man(transfem bigender)and he's gay and B)Too old for him and has some damn decency so she loves and treats him like her little brother and pseudo-son instead and she shouldn't be expected to return his feelings,much less be called a bad person for not,when she never fucking said she likes him or flirted with him and he loves her as his older sister/brother and sees her as mom/dad back and she also proceeds to do the same with Hazel within ONE book of knowing her since she's in the same parental situation as Nico and she used to take care of Tyson before he moved in with Poseidon and of Bianca as well before she died

Her loving and dating Rachel at one point wasn't 'toxic' or 'unrealistic' or especially not 'one-sided',they were just two teenagers finding solace in eachother due to similar experiences and being happy to indulge in the other's interests to the point where it became some of their's too and y'all deserve to get smacked upside the head for having the AUDACITY to make fun of her when Percy was all over her and Jason more than he was Book!Annabeth's little femcel ass(not you Leahbeth,never you Leahbeth)and erase her to say 'Percy's type is blondes' as if any actual punk like Percy would be into someone because they live up to traditional standards and when she hates 2/5 of the blondes y'all are talking about(Luke and Apollo)and her demisexual ass barely knows 1/5 of them,them also having an actual canon bf(Magnus + Alex)

They never wanted to be normal or special,they wanted to be ACCEPTED.They're an outcast because they can't hide who they truly are even though none of what makes them different is bad but they're not this or they're so that so it can't possibly be actually good that they're the way they are and do the things they do and that's how they get treated in-universe AND by bloggers who have 'a woman's place is in the revolution' or 'Boykisser' on their theme but get squeemish at the thought of positive change or queerness that's not packaged shipping tropes.Percy Jackson's not suddenly 'the standard protagonist' instead of a staple of representation for freaks because you're a poser

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dykesynthezoid · 8 months

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There’s something that feels so inherently silly about rsd because it’s just so intense and so extreme and so often out of touch with reality. And I’m lucky in that I don’t have to deal with it as often as I used to and I can regulate a lot better, but when it does happen it’s that same horrible sensation in your chest and stomach that feels like the whole world is ending. But in reality you’re just responding to a mild instance of possible social rejection and it’s literally fine. Like it’s fine, it’s totally fine, there is no actual reason to feel like you’ve just been set on fire and rolled over a field of crushed glass. You are not dying actually. (If only you could get your brain and body to understand this)

And it’s doubly embarrassing because there’s often a sensation of like. Regressing in that moment. Of feeling like a little kid again. Usually because there’s so many key experiences with rejection that neurodivergent people have in childhood. Which is scary to experience in the moment, but also there’s still an inherent absurdity bc it’s like. That person who unfollowed you just now is not one of the girls who made fun of you in middle school. That wouldn’t make any sense. Everything’s okay I promise

#obviously dealing with that also requires having compassion for yourself #but also it’s all so silly. why would humans have that as an instinct that’s a terrible idea #rsd #rejection sensitive dysphoria

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drill-teeth · 11 months

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It’s genuinely so infuriating how little I see transmasc erasure acknowledged by people who don’t experience it.

Also, by the way before I get into this. Transmasc erasure is not the fault of transfem people, so do not say bad shit about transfems on my post.

That being said. I’m going to dig into this topic of transmasc erasure based on my experience. And being transmasc is not a monolith so like. Genuinely go out and find others talking about this. There have been many before me and there will be many more.

But like. The amount of transmasc people (including myself) I see who are basically told “oh you’re just a butch girl” is unacceptable. Like. People LOVE to go “masculinity is gross! it’s a curse bleh bleh I hate men!” without pausing to think that the painting of masculinity as inherently evil is a TERF talking point used to target all trans people. People love to go “you don’t really want to be a man”, but it’s like. Yes. I do, actually. I want to be a man. The problem is you have painted an evil caricature of “man” in your mind and applied it uncritically to literally everyone who is masculine. Is toxic masculinity real? Yes. Are there plenty of men who suck? Oh for sure. But that is not the point. I want to be a man. I want to redefine masculinity for myself in a way that’s healthy for everyone. The problem is this whole “men are evil” mentality kills all effort to do that. To redefine masculinity in a way that’s healthier for everyone.

And for the record. Transmasc people are oppressed. They are targeted in specific ways by anti-trans rhetoric. As a transmasc person, you do not get the privileges of being a man because transphobes do not see you as a man. You get all the disadvantages of being afab AND trans. You get all the “oh you’re just doing this for attention”, “you’re being overdramatic”, and “you’re throwing a fit for no reason” that every afab person gets on TOP of people pretending you don’t exist. Pretending you’re not a man because “no girl would ever want to be a man!”. You see all the “neckbeards are gross lmao”, “acne is nasty lol”, and “bald men are so ugly” jokes and shrivel up inside knowing people think major parts of your transition goal are undesirable. You never see yourself on TV. For me growing up, the closest I got to seeing someone who resembled me in media were characters who fit into the “effeminate gay predator villain” trope and that’s a whole painful thing to think about. The anti trans bills being passed right now affect transmascs.

I don’t really have a good way to end this, so I’ll just say this.

Transmasc people I love you. Fat transmascs, disabled transmascs, poc transmascs, transmascs who pass, transmascs who don’t or can’t pass, transmascs who don’t want to pass, neurodivergent transmascs, transmascs with neckbeards, transmascs with acne, transmascs who are balding, transmascs with boobs, all transmascs. I love you. You and your pain and joy all exists, and for all of us I hope the world sees us more as we are.

You can all reblog this btw. No infighting and no derailing unless you want a block from me.

#otto thoughts #transgender #transmasc #tw: transphobia

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cringefailcabitha · 3 months

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Hope you don't mind if I brain dump about Cabby into your inbox, I don't really post about II on my own blog and also I know you always have good Cabby thoughts.

First off: man!!! poor girl was beating herself the hell up the whole episode. her personal final boss is her own internalized ableism! and like, on the one hand, after a few infamous disability related writing fumbles on AE's part it was refreshing to see something so similar to my own neurodivergent experience reflected onscreen, on the other...good god it hit close to home in a painful way.

on a related note to that, every time bot, yin-yang and clover came to her defense it warmed my little heart. like you go! make that sad file cabinet feel good about herself!

also...the only interaction test tube and cabby had was test tube thanking cabby for apologizing, which is...kinda positive? and I mean, then test tube immediately listed all the contestants except cabby to vote for, but it's...a little progress, maybe?

and FAN??? he was the last person I was expecting to be in cabby's corner! the joy it brought me when he said he wanted test tube to make up with cabby was indescribable. wingman of all time.

I do wish the episode had more cabby in it, but then I wish every episode had more cabby in it.

anyways, if you have thoughts I'd love to hear them! no pressure though

I certainly don't mind.

The lack of anything between Test Tube and Cabby is killing me like... the last time Test Tube revealed anything about what she thinks of Cabby now was all the way in Blue Buried (where she was mad for no reason despite her exit interview suggesting she would not be that angry about it. I have so many reservations about her behaviour in Blue Buried... but that's a post I almost certainly made already). And now as you stated, the only interaction Cabby and Test Tube have in this part of the finale is her saying she thinks it's right for Cabby to apologise (hasn't she apologised enough.. but whatever). And whenever Cabby comes up, Test Tube either has a thoughtful expression, or a blank unreadable one. And then when everyone is fighting about who deserves to win the most,,, Test Tube considers the merits of both Balloon and Silver as winners, but says nothing about Cabby. And then when Fan straight up says hey I thought you two would have worked it out, she says nothing about it, and then the scene has to transition to the meeting between Fan and Bot which went about how I expected.

It really feels like the writers are intentionally keeping what Test Tube thinks a secret, for the sake of something that will happen in the second part of the finale. I really hope it has something to do with Test Tube realising how much she hurt Cabby because I honestly don't think it's occurred to her. I actually think she's generally bad at noticing that stuff (the dark side of social ineptitude... rip). I don't know how apt it is to draw a comparison between how she made Fan feel in the last 2 most recent episodes of season 2 and how she made Cabby feel in episode 7 since she was closer to Fan at that point than she was to Cabby, but they're both arguably instances of Test Tube accidentally hurting someone without realising it because she was focused on doing what she thought was right. And if the resolution is in any way similar to what happened in Hatching the Plan, someone is probably going to have to point it out to her for her to realise it.

#inanimate insanity #inanimate insanity invitational #ii cabby #ii test tube #ii spoilers #iii 18 #iii 18 spoilers #please finale cabby testtube reconciliation... please... i'm dying...

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haroldherald · 2 months

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You know how T4T is for trans people that are dating? Well, there is something similar for autistic couples?

I'm asking you this because for some reason a Harold fan feels like the right person to ask.

"a harold fan feels like the right person to ask" 😭

as a non-binary and autistic person i feel like i can speak on both sides of this

i actually didn't know i was autistic until i was 15 and by then i had been in relationships with guys but it just never felt right... when i realised i was a lesbian i thought maybe being with a girl wouldn't feel as awkward for me

it turned out i still always just felt like there was a gap between me and my neurotypical partners because i struggle a lot with communication and my boundaries (VERY common on the autism spectrum)

in my experience i've had much easier friendships AND relationships with other neurodivergent people because a lot like being trans it's a very unique experience and you'll see the world very differently from all the "normal" people around you

for that reason both transgender and autistic people prefer to date within identities under their umbrellas ^^ not always but it's very common and valid !!

thank you so much for the ask i hope this helps ^^

#thank you for the ask!#autism #autistic #actually autistic #neurodivergent #non binary

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futabairl · 11 months

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― 🎮 PROMO && INTRODUCTION POST

tags : : @dowllie @puriette @sakosai @hauntingidol @scytheral @lovesse @delusielle @puriette @m00nystars @yourdarlingness : : feel free to rb but no need to ! ! / ask to be removed

Hello , nice 2 meet u !! The name’s Navi or Mimi , but cy who navigates go by a lot more xD ~ this is a blog where she who remains in her room is willing to create ;

_> Genders && Terms && Identities

_> Flags ( Pronoun , Gender , Sexuality , Mixed < ex . demigirl bisexual she/it pronouns flag > )

_> Flag redesigns ( As long as the original creator is okay with it ! :P )

_> Pronouns suggestions

_> MAD pride related terms ( Limited to : ADHD , Social Anxiety , Dyspraxia , Sensory Processing Disorder and the general terms : Neurodivergent < Disability > , Invisible / Undiagnosed Disability )

― 🎮 BEFORE YOU REQUEST :: under the cut you’re going to find the stuff you must know before sending her who consists of buttons and wire a req.

MEDIA WHITELIST ~ aka the list of medias the hacker of justice is going to always accept.* :: any persona game , genshin impact , honkai star rail , honkai impact 3rd , project sekai , enstars , bandori , idolmaster , bungou stray dogs , vocaloid , lucky star , your turn to die , death note , madoka magica , needy streamer overload / needy girl overdose , toilet bound hanako kun , chainsaw man , muse dash , clannad , higurashi + umineko when they cry , stanley parable , slime rancher , hunter x hunter , neon genesis evangelion , serial experiments lain , tokyo revengers

*That doesn't mean she who befriends the space bar won't accept your request if you request from another media. as long as it's not on the blacklist , there's a huge chance that the navigator is going to accept it :]

MEDIA BLACKLIST ~ aka the oracle won’t do anything related to these medias < due to her personal reasons > :: omori , dsmp , qsmp , BNHA, YBC , homestuck , blueycapsules , marvel , attack on titan , lore olympus , south park , anything with real people in it.

OTHER BLACKLIST MENTIONS ~ no -songic ( ever ) or -charic genders unless it’s a character from any series listed on the whitelist. i won’t do any MAD pride related terms to disabilities i don’t have ( whitelist / disabilities i have listed above ) . I won’t accept any mspec lesbian / gay, demiboy lesbian / demigirl gay, lesboy etc. related requests as i don’t share an opinion about these terms ( i'm neutral on them .) No paraphilia / transid / kink ( ew get out !! ) . The coded one doesn’t accept anything that contains slurs either . no gorey / gross / nsfw themes.

ADDITIONAL INFO ~ please be nice while requesting and remember that I won’t realize your req right away , as i’m not always active on tumblr && have other things to take care of. I’ll make sure to do it ASAP tho :]

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fadingwinnerpirate · 7 months

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You Should Play Noisz Starlivht

Noisz Starlivht is a rhythm game bullet hell RPG microgame collection rougelike Visual Novel, and if that laundry list of genres doesn't catch your attention, then the fact that it's the most diverse and inclusive piece of media I've ever experienced probably will. The premise is that four post high-school, if not post college, idols are performing a show when they're attacked by a Noisz Beast, which is basically the physical manifestation of a piece of music, and they're conscripted to repel these monsters using the Noisz by the mysterious Beyond. It's an odd mix of an idol story and a magical girl story, where the themes and tropes are more similar to the former, but the actual story structure is more reminiscent of the latter.

Also, everyone of the main characters is queer in some way, except one, and her straightness is used more as a joke than anything. The player character, who serves as Starlivht's Producer, is a wheelchair bound sapphic woman who's definitely not important to the plot haha. There's one trans man and a nonbinary person who changed their pronouns between this game and the prequel 2econds to Starlivht (which you should also play), which is neat! Two of the main characters are in a relationship from the word go, and the other is a trans woman who's voiced by a man in the songs because she's confident enough in her own presentation to not need to train her voice (she might also be too lazy lol). She's helped me cope with my own voice dysphoria because it makes me realize that people actually won't really notice or care if a woman has a deep voice, and the only reason you should do voice training is if you WANT to, if you try to do voice training purely because you think you SHOULD sound more feminine or whatever, you'll never be satisfied with the results. Uh, one of the protagonists is also ace, which is revealed over the course of the story, which is neat.

There are also a number of characters with disabilities and neurodivergencies. The Producer has already been mentioned, but one of the protagonist's big sister is also wheelchair bound, and there's even a little scene where the Producer recommends their wheelchair model to that character. There is also two characters who are a part of a system, which was a bit of a surprise for me, but not unwelcome. It also behooves me to mention that these characters talk like they're in a Discord chat half of the time, which is hilarious to me.

Also, the game is completely free to play, though it is greatly improved by spending the twenty bucks for the full version. It also works remarkably well for being a mobile rhythm game and (usually) only using your two thumbs. It's actually reasonably challenging, if that's something you care about, though there is an option if you just want to experience the story.

tl;dr- look at what.

YOU WANT TO PLAY NOISZ STARLIVHT

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dumbdomb · 2 months

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NO: lurkers, likes only, inactive, empty, or blank blogs. DO NOT "LIKE" MY CONTENT. DNI. ♥️

🫸 if you have any questions, ask or dm. 🫷

Men: Hard BLOCK ME right now if you're "mostly straight" or "attracted to women" or like "whatever you're into" and your blog is mostly about M/F relationships, thin white and nude women, or just imagery of women, only going to like or reblog visuals of my body, don't know much of anything about gender and sexuality...

Women: Hard BLOCK ME right now if you're "mostly straight" or don't like nonbinary people, bisexuality, queerness, if you have a problem with men, masculinity, butches, or only view me as a man or woman...

trans masc ≠ trans man. if you're younger than me, i am not your older person fantasy. actually read my entire pinned post and be respectful of my boundaries or block me and close the page.

Blogs I block on sight: underage, no age, likes only, lurkers, spam likes without reblogging anything, no content on blog, not currently active, new blogs, people from other platforms, people with r/196, tirffs with iv> and ∆ and ∆⊝ and |⃤⃝ and other signifiers in their description, ALL conservatives and discourse blogs. i'm not here to change your mind. dni if your heart and mind are filled with hatred and negativity. ⛔️

Do NOT Interact means Do NOT like, reblog, reply, comment, direct message (for anything other than polite and respectful clarification).

DNI: no/maps, loli, icky kink, "icky" blogs, unspecified "hard" kinks, unspecified "gross" kinks, unspecified "taboo" kinks, unspecified "dark" kinks, ddlg (specifically, doesn't apply to all cgl), older men / younger women, incest, forced fem, detrans kink, misgendering, misogyny, matriarchy, patriarchy, race fetish, fat fetish, feeder, gainer kink, dyke breaking, corrective rape, tradwifery, cucking, infidelity, cheating, hot wife, trophy wife or husband, cucking, pregnancy, alphas, sigmas, femcels, beastiality, zoophilia, allocishet "straight people" kinks and any conservative ideals romanticized or fetishized in kink play or in vanilla romantic and sexual relationships.

if you use afab/amab and tme/tma terms seriously and definitively, if you have an issue with "transandrophobia" or the experiences of transmasculine people, if you're prejudiced against butch, intersex, nonbinary, genderqueer, agender, or gender nonconforming (cisgender people included) then steer clear of my blog.

ℹ This is a personal blog. I do not conduct professional business here. All posts are lifestyle kink and thusly for Myself. The boundaries I have in place reflect these intentions and were written based on how people have treated me. I don't send anons, but love receiving them. I am very much against anyone sending hate for any reason whatsoever. Body and Kink Positive. 💝

Black ▪︎ grey-ace ▪︎ androgyne ▪︎ femme ▪︎ bi and queer ▪︎ transmasc ▪︎ they/them ▪︎ neurodivergent

SoCal 🎃🦇

October '90

Dyke Fag QUEER

Femme Pillow Princess

I am NOT a "Soft Dom" ⚠️

Dominant Bottom (Sadist Top)

Sir, Mister, Miss, Daddy, Goddess

bro, babe, dude, pal, a friend 💕

✅ Turn ONS:

humiliating, degrading, and dehumanizing My partner(s). seeing them in zentai or a gimp suit. i like my chest, being spoiled and cared for, being treated gently, depravity, perversion, Cnc, omo, piss, sweat, drool, dacryphilia, medfet, gfd, fdom, blasphemy, denial, scent, primal, terato, sanguine, impact play, whump, fear play, leather, masks/hoods, snuff, necro, horror fantasies, weaponry, stockholm/lima, cute clowns (not scary), kawaii kink, tickling, feet, pegging from the bottom, hypnotism, forced masc (but only for the affirming celebration of masculinity, i don't like the forceful part), being overstimulated to cum multiple times until i'm catatonic and involuntarily convulsive or nearly passed out and totally limp (physically weak)...

❌ Turn OFFS:

being submissive, switching, topping, straight people, being praised, being called a good girl or good boy, being called mommy, breeding, ovi, impreg, cum, facials, lactation, hucow, Master/slave terms, diapers, scat, rape play, rough or forceful play, pussy slapping, tit torture, age gap, fauxcest, furries (ally, but personal squick), abo, sissies (tfem and not forcefem is ok), anal, the mainstream version of many popular kinks are often done in an unappealing way for me...

100% Dominant ❤️ 94% Sadist 🧡 92% Rigger 💛 75% Degrader 💚 74% Master/Mistress 🩵 70% Voyeur 💙 67% Boy/Girl 💜 62% Primal (Hunter) 🩷 results 🖤

i tag reblogs from other people and on my original posts. some warnings i use are: food mention, eye contact, weapons mention, religious mention, alcohol mention, drugs mention, smoking mention.

⬇️ posts: domb brain | pics: virtueldom ⬇️

#domb brain #virtueldom #vr #ily 💕#dom bottom #pillow princess #needy dom #my favourite thing 🥵#needy sadist

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bayfuzzball7050 · 3 months

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INTRODUCTION POST AND RULES 🔥🔥🦾🦾🦾🦈🦈

More under the cut :P

Hello bitches, bros and non binary hoes 🦾🦾 The name’s Andrés or Diego. Call me whatever ya want, idc

I’m a Trans Guy, he / him and if you don’t know me a they / them it’s ok I don’t mind that much. NO SHE HER IMMA BEAT UR ASS

☆ neurodivergent

☆ Artist

☆ Art requests are open!! I draw anything but nsfw/kinks and proship stuff

☆ Writer (no fanfic here tho)

☆ don’t ask for pics you ain’t getting em

BY THE WAY!!

☆ if I reblog a proship artist/art accidentally please forgive me :( I usually don’t check blogs before reblogging so it’s my bad if anything :((

So, I think imma make a dni list but it’s just basic dni criteria.

SHIT THAT GETS YA BLOCKED ‼️‼️

☆ Proshippers, Comshippers, anti-anti’s and profiction mfs

Why, you may ask? Horrible past experiences with these mofos and *other* bad experiences that ain’t really related to ‘em but remind me of so like if ur a proshipper just block me and move on I don’t want y’all around.

☆ ON A SIMILAR NOTE! even if I do hate proshippers, autoshippers/selfshippers are cool like hell yeah you go marry your blorbo 🔥🔥🔥

☆ Transphobes / TERFS

I think the whole ‘Im trans’ shit explains it well enough 💀

☆ Misandrists and radfems too like why you here 💀if you hate all men you hate me too

☆ Transmeds/Truscums/anti-MOGAI mfs get the hell out of here I hate you

(Imagine gatekeeping gender thats stupid af 😭😭)

☆ on a similar note, Transid/transx mofos can also get the hell out of here now what y’all do is extra stupid

(YOUR ASS IS NOT TRANS RACE STFU(this doesn’t mean xenogenders y’all are super cool))

☆ NSFW agere blogs (SFW agere it’s cool I don’t mind)

☆ pedos/MAPS 🤮 I want you hanging on the STREET

☆ Misgendering kink blogs cuz WHY THE HELL ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME WITH YOUR NSFW BLOG¿ AND IM TRANS WTH¿¿

☆ kink blogs in general actually ☠️

☆ Pro-ANA or Pro-MIA mofos y’all please seek therapy

To be honest I don’t check the blogs of most people who reblog or like but- Ricky when I catch you Ricky

(I mostly notice when I get followed but- anyway 😻)

THIN ICE:

☆ Giomis shippers

Why? Cuz not all of them are proshippers but a vast majority is and giomis kinda weirds me out💀ik the age gap small but still it’s kinda….

☆ dsmp fans

As much as I enjoy the Fanart and maybe the roleplay was interesting I have like personal beef with the fanbase and creators

☆ Hannibal Fans

The franchise is fire but I also have beef with Hannibal fans cuz for some reason most of them proshippers

☆ MHA fans for the same reason as Hannibal fans

☆ Same with South Park

☆ Same goes for Homestuck fans

☆ ONE PIECE fans, y’all didn’t do anything wrong it’s just that I haven’t caught up with the show 😭😭

ANYWAY

Languages I speak:

☆ Spanish (mother language)

☆ English

☆ A tiny bit of Italian

FANDOMS IM IN (but I forget sometimes 😿)

☆ JJBA (where I’m in mostly)

☆ Madoka Magica

☆ ikigusare (best virtual girl band ever fr fr)

☆ Gorillaz

☆ Good Omens

☆ Moral Orel

☆ Dorohedoro

☆ My Little Pony

☆ Sonic fandom

☆ Undertale / Deltarune

☆ Breaking Bad / Better Call Saul

☆ El Cuarteto De Nos

☆ Azumanga Dioh!

☆ Vocaloid

☆ Project Sekai

☆ D4DJ

☆ Food Fantasy

☆ FNAF (grrrr I love fnaf,,)

☆ Emo / Scene / Scemo (I just don’t have money for clothes nor the patience to make a blog only for that 😭😭)

☆ actually like another shit ton more but I can’t remember 😔

Socials:

☆ [Reddit (u/BayFuzzball7050)(old account, permanently banned, abandoned)](https://www.reddit.com/u/BayFuzzball7050/s/0imM8wWepg)

☆ [Reddit, current account(u/BayFuzzball404)](https://www.reddit.com/u/BayFuzzball404/s/j0itlKumXa)

☆ ofc Tumblr

☆ Wattpad and AO3 but we ain’t talking about that 🤫🧏‍♂️

☆ …

☆ also I might or might not have a questionable side art blog

ALSO, IMPORTANT REGARDING MY SOCIALS

☆ I had beef with a transphobe in my old account and he has a Reddit account that is u/BayFuzzball7050_ but has a pfp of the trans wojak killing themselves. THATS NOT ME. Stay safe.

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midnightlovestories · 1 year

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Arguably, there are few things that we would call an indisputable canon in the Addams Family:

- they are close, loving and very supportive family unit - Gomez and Morticia are madly in love - they love all things macabre - they are not afraid of violence, death, dying, fighting etc. (Yes, yes I'm still salty about that bullshit swordfighting scene in Netflix's Wednesday)

And of course, Christina Ricci pretty much established what is perceived as canon for the character of Wednesday Addams.

Other than that? There's not much set in stone. Continuity? Please, TAF wouldn't know continuity if it stepped on it, things are all over freaking ship, so it's very likely that, as a fan, you will love some iterations of Addams Family and hate others, that is completely normal, not all content is created for you. Let's accept that.

At this point, with the success of Netflix Wednesday this fandom reached its, arguably, largest audience. Whether you hate or love the new show, is irrelevant - it's success is indisputable, and it brought a lot of new fans, often completely new generation of fans who will interact with the Addams Family in a completely new and different way than you or me or Jerry next door.

Does it irk you that creators and more and more fans focus on Morticia solely as a mother figure? Yeah, it irks me too, no really, it annoys the hell out of me but at the same time... it's my freaking problem not anyone else's, the least of all the new fans, and allow me to explain why:

How we react to any given character is deeply, deeply personal. We come to the show with our own, unique set of experiences and those experiences will largely inform which characters we're going to relate to and what those character will mean to us. It can be and, very very often is, completely irrelevant to canon.

So say, each iteration of Mortcia is slightly or even vastly different from the other but some people will inevitably see her as a surrogate mother figure (or Gomez and Morticia as dream parents, whatever) and there can be a number of reasons for that, maybe some folks just didn't have great parents, maybe they had no parents, maybe... whatever - it doesn't matter, they are allowed to see that character as parent figures even if others don't.

Do I see Morticia as a mother figure? Nope. Never did, never will, although she's a fantastic mother. To me personally, she was always a representation of bad ass, empowered femininity - a strong female role model. I adored her since I was about 6 or 8 years old but she was never a mother figure to me. I love how she's happy and content in her role as a wife and a mother - that's her thing, she adores her family and that's where her focus is and she's absolutely unapologetic about it. She's like a really awesome, badass housewife, she's telling you to do you, irregardless what the current trends for women in society are, but especially, at the time when women were told to have it all blah blah blah, and being a housewife was all but frowned upon - Morticia's like no thank you, fuck that shit (except those odd times when she wants to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade). And I always loved that, to me she exemplified the true meaning of feminism - the right to chose whatever the hell you want to do in life as a woman. Career woman? Go girl. Housewife? Awesome, if that's what makes you happy.

Where am I going with all this?

Bottom line, do you want to ship Wenclair - hon, ship them to your heart content if that's what brings you joy or helps you feel represented. Do you want to ship Gomez and Morticia ? - bless your little, tender heart, join the club! You want Morticia to be your surrogate mother - go ahead, enjoy! Do you want those characters to be the representation of your experience as a gay, trans, neurodivergent person? - baby, go for it. Especially if it helps you go through some really tough shit.

Yes, your personal fanon might disagree with mine, it might even piss me off - I might hate everything about it and secretely bitch about it to likeminded fandom members, and I do. I might hate your take on the Addams Family altogether - but remember! that's not your problem, it's mine. You do you, whoever you are.

#The addams family #morticia addams #netflix wednesday #wenclair #Gomez x Morticia #Personal opinions #wednesday addams

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queerwolfsstuff · 9 months

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TW: mentions of bullying, suicidal ideation, and a toxic fangroup in the SPN fandom

This is all I’ll say about the recent revelations, and forewarning, a lot of swearing ahead:

I have a genuine question. Why is the Supernatural fandom as toxic as it is? Don't get me wrong, there are pockets of joy and wonder, forces for good, and a mobilization for worthy causes I have yet to see in any fandom except maybe that of the Our Flag Means Death fandom (albeit on a slightly smaller scale, and there’s quite a bit of crossover).

Like quite a few of you, I curated my own little chunk of paradise in this fandom in making three amazing, true friends (@anyreiart, @eyesofatragedy67, and @punk-is-notdead), and while I don't actively engage very much with the rest of the fandom, because it overwhelms me, the few times I have, have been generally good experiences. Has it all been sunshine and gay angel rainbows? No.

All of us have experienced negative things in some capacity. A rude comment on art or fanfiction, specifically in mine and Any’s case: a relatively well known fandom persona told people not to read the last chapter of one of our fics, and that was because that person didn't like a section of the last chapter. I’m sure that person justified to themselves that telling other people not to read someone’s work was some sort of, misguided warning, and all because that one person didn't like one part of our fanfiction. But I digress, we have seen the capacity for toxicity, but a lot of the time that has been part of the “ship war” discourse. Again, in our case, it was a brief negative interlude with a mod at the now closed SPN newsletter.

All water under a murky bridge, but the revelations of late are absolutely abhorrent. Fandom to me, as someone who has been involved in several fandoms for the past 22 years, has always been a safe space, especially as a neurodivergent queer person. I started at 17, in the fandom for the wizard boy series I won't say because of the TERF who shall not be named, but it was… not like this.

Now it's very possible that I didn't see as much (hell, I had no idea about any of this SHACgate garbage until this week because I don't really interact with folx much), but unlike now, during the wizard boy series time, I was very active, accepted into elite LiveJournal communities and while I was never a “BNF”, I got to share spaces with some incredibly talented people. And I do not ever remember the sort of discourse I have seen in the Supernatural fandom. Not even whispers of it. Ship wars have been and sadly probably always will be a thing, but this infighting, vicious, manipulative, cult-like shit? Nah, man, at least not as far as I saw.

A majority of us recently found out in the SPN fandom, and specifically among the Destiel shippers, multiple adults in some elite discord server, got involved in multiple bullying campaigns over the years and toxic, (and let's be honest) evil fucking behavior all over the simplest, or even pettiest fucking things. And what kills me, is a good majority of the orchestrators and primary toxicity peddlers, say they are neurodivergent, and/or queer, and/or disabled. That means, statistically, they themselves have probably been bullied at some point in their lives.

Yet they still chose to harass, block and ignore, “mean girls” burn-book fellow fandom folx, supposedly even their friends, all because "so and so told me to" or because they felt justified in doing so for whatever seemingly honorable reason. Many people who have come forward about their previous or prior involvement state their participation or silence in these campaigns was for fear of retribution or cancellation. Which to a degree is perfectly understandable, but in chasing the divine, these participants compromised their own values, and just because they used their fame for good a lot, doesn't really balance out how they used their fame for evil, too. Personally, I don't think it works like that.

But I'm not here to soapbox about the morality and ethics of their choices. Either they know they did bad things and are working toward undoing the damage and darkness, or they're going to continue to blame others and refuse accountability by releasing disingenuous apologies that essentially equate to, "He only gets mean when he drinks." Either way, that's between them, their friends and family, and their flying spaghetti monster.

No, what I’m genuinely confused about is why the toxicity in the SPN fandom seems so particularly… PG&E in Erin Brockovich about things. I mean, come on. Seriously? A bunch of grown ass adults bullying people, sending death threats, doxxing, harassing, pulling some high school bullshit, block and ignore tactics to dehumanize and traumatize people, some even to the point of suicidal ideation? I'm sorry, that’s fucking gross and this whole goddamn thing is fucking ridiculous. Especially if these perpetrators were bullied themselves at some point in their lives.

And don't get me wrong, with a history of loving problematic ships, I absolutely live for redemption arcs for villains, but the reality is, there needs to be a glimmer of goodness inside for that to work, and how any adult can think that sort of behavior is okay, or justified … I don't know. Some of the perpetrators may be past a redemption arc. Too far gone. In Ted Lasso (spoiler obvs) everybody got a redemption arc except for Rupert, and that was because he was irredeemable.

This behavior should be irredeemable, but that’s my personal opinion, and everyone is allowed their own. But I will admit, even my own opinion can waver. There needs to be a sense of sincerity in the first step, which is accepting responsibility and apologizing, hence why I don’t think every single person who participated is irredeemable.

I applaud the victims, those who were hurt, in finding the ability to forgive their bullies, and I also applaud those who have drawn strict boundaries. At the end of the day, the perpetrators are the ones who will have to live with the fact they chose to commit these acts and ruin fandom entirely for someone.

I don't care if it was all orchestrated by some mastermind lone wolf evil caricature of a Destiel shipper, or a select few wannabe Legion of Doom motherfuckers, your decisions are your own. Your choices were made, and when a friend told you that so and so was mean/bad/wrong, you attacked without a second thought, and why? Up until this past week, you were reaping the benefits of your elite status and living your best lives, enjoying your fandom experience. Maybe you felt safe and content with your ingroup, maybe you didn’t, but you were probably enjoying yourself. Now, how would you feel if someone did to you what you have documentedly done to others? Chased you off of social media, doxxed you, harassed you, made you feel unsafe when you unlock your phone? I won’t deny, to some extent, some of you probably have had tastes of those attacks from outsiders, but never from within, because you had the protection of your BNF cohorts. And luckily, for you, the majority of us don’t believe in bullying, so you’re never going to have to truly find out what that feels like, but I hope you think about it.

You know what happened when someone was mean to one of my friends? I stood up for said friend, while remaining calm and collected, then proceeded to block and be done with it. I didn’t reply or engage when their response turned vicious. The entire exchange was out in the open, on a public thread, and name-calling and gaslighting only ever came from one side, and it wasn't mine. I get the urge to be protective, I do, but did it just not ever occur that you can be protective of people you care about without resorting to bullying tactics? And if you have to commit these acts for fear you'll lose your fame, your place in a server, your "friend", then you've proven you don't care about people outside of what they can do for you.

A demon some of these perpetrators will need to exorcise if they truly want to learn and grow from this.

Anyway, I don't understand how or why that sickness of bullying to such a horrific extent thrived for so long in this fandom. And continues to thrive in other pockets of the fandom. Why? Why the fuck are so many adults in this fandom such childish bullies? And it's not even like we can blame it on the younger, newer fans, because they’re the ones that end up being the victim half the time from the looks of things. A bunch of quarter-life approaching middle-age folx caused this and proved that a little bit of fame in the wrong hands turns people into monsters.

For the perpetrators, I hope no one does to you what you have done to countless people in this fandom. And even more, I hope no one does to you what you did to your victims who left the fandom entirely. May you never understand that pain.

For all of their victims, I hope you find peace and I'm glad you came forward to put a stop to this madness. It was scary, and how many friends and followers the perpetrators have, this could have gone the other direction, and ended very badly. Thankfully it didn't, and hell, you got someone who never really participates or engages in fandom discourse to write a TLDR freakin’ Tumblr post about it. I am sorry for everything you experienced.

As for the rest of us? We’ve got a helluva lot of work ahead if we want to turn the Supernatural fandom into a true, safe fandom space. But I think this could be a good place to start.

#spnfandom #stop bullying #tldr #bullying in the spn fandom

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