#ramble bramble

[painted-bees]

Thinking about the depictions of Magritte's neurospiciness vs Raf's and

Magritte's struggles are a lot more easy to depict in small little vignettes. Her impulsive, disorganised, scattered nature erode her relationships and hinder her obligations, all which are long term consequences, but the behaviours themselves are spontaneous and can be often adequately captured with in a single scene.

Raf's however…I  cannot fit so neatly into the same kind of 'single moment' vignettes. I can depict an instance of his overthinking and layered thoughts, and give a quick taste of how it colors his mood and outlook for a flash. Like--his ptsd and general anxiety symptoms, I can capture and depict in this way. But the real insidiousness of his personality disorder in particular is that it's always on, and it heats up slowly over days…weeks…months before it hits a boiling point. And if he's not attentive, it can make him mean--cruel, even. The same intelligence and quickness of mind that lends to his timely, insightful, nurturing sentiments and clever, kindly gentle observations are the very same traits he will wield as a violent weapon when he becomes like a fearful animal backed into a corner. He'll say the meanest fucking shit in the fewest amout of words. A snipey comment that'll cut straight to the core, and even if he, in his right mind, didn't mean it, it doesn't matter because it wouldn't be in his mouth if it hadn't been pulled from a thread of truth. No amount of "sorry" can heal that without a leaving behind a nasty scar.

But I can't just illustrate him aggressively shooting off this kind of commentary in a short comic without including the weeks of small, seemingly unrelated occurrences that built up to it. It would just be a comic of him being brutally mean over something seemingly benign, and then feeling bad about it…which I suppose is true to how it would look from the perspective of most people in his life, but it's not accurate to his experience and it doesn't actually say what needs to be said.

It would take more panels than I can afford–to illustrate the numerous tiny, benign comments and gestures made to and around him that get folded into the slowly-growing malignant mass of misinterpretations, uncertain observations, suspicions, and worries. He's gotten so good at identifying them, dismissing them as irrational, and pushing them to the back of his mind. The idea of overreacting to a 'non-issue' or an imagined slight is mortifying to him and doesn't align with the kind of person he wants to be. But--these things sit hot in his brain regardless of how he reacts to them--and often times, he will hold them there whether he means to or not. The temperature builds up with each new situation, thought, concern…and he may fail to notice when his brain has reached a boiling point--he'll meltdown. 

In fairness, his episodes usually see him shutting down and isolating for a few days…a few weeks…a month.

However, should anyone reach out during that time, it is most certainly because "they can't just leave me alone, people are always, always gonna bother me for shit they want from me. They just can't fuckin' help themselves, they can't let me be." And any attempts to converse with him will be stilted at best, unpleasant more often than not, and relationship-shattering at worst. Again, if he feels backed into a corner, if he can't get far enough away, left alone, given his "space"--he'll say the meanest shit. He'll make you go away.

Unfortunately, ghosting people; cutting them off and going completely awol for weeks at a time can be just as cruel and destructive to a relationship as a sharply pointed, brutally wielded comment or accusation might be. 

He has so many friendly acquaintances, but genuinely no friends. No one who will text him after work or ask to hang out with him on the weekends. Partially, he does not want this kind of relationship, and actively discourages them (as he once had done with Magritte). Largely, he still has not figured out how to maintain or enjoy them. They feel unsafe.

After all, not everyone is as patient, understanding, forgiving, communicative, and accommodating as Magritte has chosen to be. But even Magritte finds herself in the splash zone of his negative, paranoid moods and behaviours. She is quick to point out that, save for one time, Raf has never been mean to her. But the eggshells she has to walk on sometimes are there because she hates to see him upset and hurting--and it can be so difficult to know what will make him clam up or become defensively grumpy. That, and she can't help but feel personally responsible for his worst moods, even though he himself would rather hammer nails into his own palms than accuse her, in earnest, of being a source of misery in his life.

Raf works so hard at keeping a lid on his cruellest personality traits. It's exhausting, but "paranoid, mean, and unreasonable" is so far away from who he wants to be. He hates that it's who he is in his weakest moments. And--especially after reading online about the experiences of other people who've been in relationships or had parents with his particular disorder–the fear of exhausting Magritte's patience and becoming a "traumatic past experience" in her life is an ever present anxiety. 

But at least he can talk about it with her.

And trust her with it.

#ramble bramble #Hi-Note #magritte #rafael

[accidentwithapen]

its so hard to like. translate the Vibes of the gigs in space au into actual coherent thoughts. Its like phasmo and lethal company and mafia movies and futurama all rolled up into a silly little package. like!!!!! the sillies turn into a space crime family!!!! they are so!!!!!

#gigs in space #ramble bramble

[faffreux]

(This is not a vent post and I just wanna make that clear... but it IS something I wanna talk about briefly..)

Too many people don’t seem to understand how special interests work in the sense of like… it not being a hyperfixation. Like sure, they can look similar on the surface but they’re ultimately not the same. (under the cut bc it’s long)

With hyperfixations there’s often an expectation from everyone around you (and yourself!) that you WILL eventually get over it, that you’ll move onto something else with the same intensity, etc. But here I am for three years straight,  fully expecting and KNOWING this will continue most likely forever. I don’t feel the same highs and lows as I do when I’m having a hyperfixation… I also don’t experience the fear of losing that interest that tends to be associated with them as well.

With this there’s a confidence and calm that it's something I get to continue loving the same way because it’s not going anywhere… ever.

This is a part of my life, a source of constant passion, a warm hug on a cold day, a warmly lit candle in the dark. The energy is steady, not erratic. There’s a stability about it that’s hard to put into words but I’m doing the best I can anyway, LOL.

In my experience some people have a really hard time wrapping heir minds around this. I’m just as sincere and passionate about Fawful as I was at the beginning of it all.

They have what essentially amounts to a threshold of tolerance for intense interests in that they’ll support you wholeheartedly at first but eventually grow tired and numb to it to the point where they no longer care at all. It can feel isolating at times, honestly... bc it makes me wonder for a split second if there really IS something wrong with me... even though I know I’m honestly just fine and I wouldn’t change anything for the world even so!

But I felt like bringing it up so maybe if any other folks can relate to this they might know they’re not alone. 

It sure is a journey, haha.

#ramble bramble #autism #fawfultalk

[flowersdaggersviolasandblood]

I've been getting this innate urge to just make this blog a journal blog not only about my BG3 characters, but my other CRPG characters because thanks to this blog, I've never been more motivated to power through games this tough. It's helped me keep track of what I've done, really force me to explore and immerse myself in the game, and seeing the likes and reblogs of everyone who has passed this humble blog has made me a even more motivated to want to continue documenting my experience.

#ramble bramble #the only problem is I don't want to add more unneeded space because I had to remove my other games to ensure BG3 would run smoothly #;A;

[thingymaboby]

AAAHHH, I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT THERE IS A GIANT OPERATION GOING ON RIGHT NOW IN MAKING AN ENERGY SOURCE THROUGH METHODS TO THAT OF THE SUN. ONE OF THE BIGGEST COLLABORATIONS OF ALL TIME. ONE OF THE MOST COMPLICATED ENGINEERING PROJECTS OF ALL TIME. AND THEIR FIRST TEST LAUNCH IS NEXT BLOODY YEAR. AND ONLY IN 2035 WILL IT BE ACTUALLY USED (by their estimates anyway). I mean. 18 to 20 BILLION DOLLARS. I get that these science projects take a lot of money, but thats more than personally I can even comprehend. I mean twenty is already a stretch but a BILLION DOLLARS.

METHODS TO THAT OF THE SUN

#THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL #with how fucked up most of the 21st century is this isnt really a breath if fresh air #more like a pretty thing to look at #reminds me of the the meme with the smothie and an emu? ostrich? dont know #like #hey what you got there 21st century? #this cool ass machine #whilst the geopolitical state of the world is just #there #fucking up like usual #anyway #SCIENCE #but also like sci-fi #but not #this was a weird one #rant post #ramble bramble #small rant #sun in a box #and it looks crazy #H that is Deuterium meets H that is Tritium and BAM #neutron #and Helium #physics

[sootburs9000]

not a bur but that reblog resulted in 15 or so burs getting MAWLDE w/ kisses (whether it means sootbur nonsense I’ll leave that up 2 y’all)

#monitor rambles #ramble bramble

[star-kissed-snowdrop]

ohhhh I've been too insecure to do much s/i stuff but I started playing ace att*rney 3 and um....well............ 😳😳😳😳 this is dangerous for me

#ramble bramble #oh no mister coffee prosecutor dont speak nonsense at me for an hour ill fall madly in love with you

[youngchronicpain]

I'm honestly so tired of people telling me they think I can do more. I am already struggling to do what I am doing now. I don't think it is a compliment, even when it is meant that way. It feels like they are saying, "What you are doing now is inadequate, you aren't living up to your potential." When I feel as if I am just trying to keep my head above water as it is. I'm trying so hard, why can't they see that?

#chronic pain #rambles in the brambles #thoughts

[the-one-that-weeps]

I don't think we talk enough about Rui's directing.

Rui who rewrites stories,

Rui who creates a new story where the Ugly Duckling is accepted nonetheless,

Rui who creates a Red Riding Hood where the grandma shares the pastries with the wolf,

Rui who takes ancient tales of knights killing dragons and makes them friends instead. Not pets, not subordinates — friends.

Rui who takes all these gruesome stories about hatred and death that are supposed to educate kids about the Earth they live in and reshapes them into kinder, softer, more colourful worlds for all the world to see.

Where the wolf isn't a synonym for villain, where a child would never be abandoned, where innocence is neverland and never lost.

Where all that is broken can always be fixed and where Cinderella can kiss her princess under the moonlight with no worry in the world.

#pjsekai #pjsk #project sekai #wxs #wonderlands x showtime #wxs rui #kamishiro rui #rui kamishiro #mine ☜ #bramble rambles #talked about this with a mutual last night and #yeah i think Rui's stories would grow up to be something that his younger self would've loved #i think Rui grows up to save himself.

[reunioninn]

REMEMBERED THE DATE

#17th anniversary what in the goddamn #bramble rambles

[kingscourthouse]

hold up i NEED to know more about your Xisuma Views thing.... I just saw the art with Joel and i'm obsessed

Well it's just how it sounds, it's Xisuma's view of the world. Unlike other players, he can't see the layers they have to hide.

Lemme put it like this. You're making a minecraft skin and have your second layer, yeah? That's their base layer. And then there's a second layer that's more heavily concealing.

Xisuma isn't from minecraft and his code is glitched, so not only do layers not work for him, but he can't see the layers either. Some people use only base layers to hide "actual forms" if they have one, and others use a second layer to hide scars or parts of their body that don't need a heavy cover.

So Xisuma sees people in a bit of a weird way. He thinks how he sees people is how everyone sees eachother. He sees their true character.

Skizz is a really nice guy. He's always looking out for people, tries to be there for someone, some people say he acts like an angel.

And so Xisuma never questions it. He sees Skizz as an angel, other people supposedly see him as an angel. Skizz is just an angel, why would anyone see anything else? It's just Skizz.

Though the Skizz people actually see is his layers with the torn suit and brown hair. The layers also affect his interactions with people too. If he's around Skizz, he tends to squint alot or avoid looking in his direction if he's not in his armour. Skizz is blinding to Xisuma, so he has trouble looking at him. Though Skizz does have features, but he's too bright to see any of them.

Xisuma also has a type of layer as well, but it's not on him. He's too broken in the games code (that's a whole 'nother can of worms) for him to use layers. So what does he do? He adds a layer to everyone else.

Xisuma doesn't leave hermitcraft too often, so everyone outside it will see what he really looks like. In the server though? Everyone has a layer that covers Xisuma from their eyes. He's lucky his admin panel isn't from minecraft or else he'd be screwed.

What's fun with Xisuma seeing people's real forms is that (in my au at least) he's kind of a grey character. If there's ever a fight or spat between hermits, he can have trouble taking sides. Not all Hermits are angelic or aliens like Skizz and Joel. There's hermits who are monsters and beings who do or did bad things in the past. Not all Hermits talk about those things.

He can get better insights to people's decisions or just things about them. Joel has a habit to make things around bright areas or access to a lot of light. Maybe because he's made of it. Skizz only ever keeps one pair of elytra. Maybe because he's missing his second pair of wings that can't glow anymore.

He can see people for who they were. Keralis is an eyesore (literally) and can hurt to look at. Grian has too many evenly split scars across his body and Xisuma knows what's behind them. Doc isn't a creeper.

There's a lot to Xisuma's View thing and I do wanna eventually start drawing how everyone looks to him, but I'm indecisive and don't know where to start. So idk maybe I'll open ask box for hermit requests. Can be interactions between Xisuma and specific hermits (both ones seen and not) or it can just be their design.

Idk but feel free to ask about them, I have designs for every hermit, empires member and even everyone in the life series. So he's got plenty of people to show you.

#xisuma #xisuma views #hermitcraft #brambles of rambles

[cryptidclaw]

Au where hollyleaf lives, forgives everyone exept Bramblestar and then kills his ass after she realizes how abusive he is to her mom.

#let holly kill bramble <3 #Squirrelstar and hollyleaf Deputy after #cryptid rambles #warrior cats

[the-owl-tree]

it still kind of shocks me that they wrote a scene where hollypaw is like "hey is it normal for ashfur to be beating up lionpaw" and brambleclaw's response was like "yeah he's just making sure lionpaw is ready to be a strong warrior" and we're genuinely supposed to read that and not think that maybe brambleclaw isn't a very good father and that's a horrifying to say when you've been told your kid's teacher has been beating on them

#warrior cats #deer rambles #bramblestar as both an abuser and complicit in his own child's abuse. who woulda thunk #all im saying is if /i/ were a bramble fan i would be pissed that they didnt choose to portray this- #-as bramble having a skewed idea of “training” due to his dictator daddy #we have multiple male characters in this series who will be absent or complicit in their child's abuse #but if you point that out well-

[cerinelle-stellarium]

Tfw you look at a piece of media for the very first time and internally going 'This will be the death of me'.

#mob psycho 100 #the dragon prince #tokyo mew mew #tokyo mew mew new #gravity falls #precure #killer frequency #lies of p #my friendly neighborhood #princess peach showtime #bramble the mountain king #ceri rambles about stuff

[bramblequeen]

Small doodle of Terra and Aqua, as well as some whump Terra & Aqua headcanons underneath…

I wonder in the future when the Terra and Aqua are going into their later years, will getting white hairs give Terra and Aqua PTSD flashbacks?

The time she spent under the effects of Darkness was small, but I suspect she had some inkling of what she looked like as Anti-Aqua. We know that she took Master Eraqus words on Darkness very seriously, so I think she’d be quite embarrassed and mortified by it. I can only hope that in her later years, she’s made peace with that ideology. But when the white hairs start coming in, she starts to nightmares about transforming back into Anti Aqua. Thus, she ends up throwing herself into training to distract herself.

Meanwhile, Terra gets the worst of it. The guy spent 10 years under the control of Xehanort, so he has a lot more to unpack with his trauma. Much like an old wound, the deep aching fear of Xehanort coming back and taking his body again haunts him for years. Some days are good, some are bad.

When the white hairs come, he starts to have panic attacks and those nightmares. Those would get really bad if he starts losing hair. He could be found shaking after waking up from a nightmare and even screaming. It’s not a fun time for either with them…

I doubt that Nomura and the KH team would actually go this way with characterisation (let alone write about so far into the future), but it’s interesting to think about

#kingdom hearts #bramble Rambles #Kh #terra kh #terra #Xehanort #master xehanort #anti aqua #kh aqua #aqua kh #terraqua #I blatantly ignored drawing terra’s armour and aqua’s gloves #man I’m really bulling the Wayfinder Trio this month

[bramblewhisker]

I'll make jokes about it (because heehee tongue), but I actually genuinely adore the concept of "sharing tongues" as introduced in Into the Wild. The later series sort of de-emphasize its role in clan culture, but it's honestly so important.

For one, it's a very real cat behavior, and I like when the warrior cats accentuate their culture with influences from cat behavior (it's cute!). But also in warrior society having a very physically intimate act that is divorced from romance/sex feels important. It's a way of sharing intimacy and vulnerability with your clanmates to help solidify bonds of trust, and I believe they even mention cats across clans sharing tongues at Gatherings sometimes? Don't know if I'm making that up but it makes sense for it to happen; it's a way for the cats to assert "we are different, but we are one." Having such close moments, the polar opposite of a border skirmish, feels so critical to keeping their society going.

In a world where your next meal needs to be caught and your everyday patrol might end in a fight, you need these soft intimate moments with the cats around you. Not just the ones you have a specific sort of love for, but even that other guy in the warriors den who's a little annoying but who you know will have your back out there. How can you not have the back of a cat who helped you groom yours?

Obviously it can be something more to cats who are romantically involved, and I think that just makes it a stronger societal element as a whole.

#bramble ramble