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#quiet matthew >:
firstfullmoon · 1 year
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Matthew Dickman, from “Grass Moon,” in Wonderland [ID in ALT]
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skeleton-deer · 2 months
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Botw/Totk are great games because you can just go birding..
screw any and all quests and go birding instead
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Great sky island birds
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lilacthebooklover · 6 months
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Paul would be a nightmare to buy birthday/Christmas presents for. He doesn't want anything. Everyone would just end up giving him amazon vouchers or smth.
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tkachukapologist · 3 months
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audio about matthew tkachuk with no context
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fierysword · 10 months
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Julian of Norwich calls God “the True Rest” who wants to be known and who finds pleasure in being “our true resting place.” This teaching echoes that of Meister Eckhart who talks of how all creatures seek “repose” and how “God enjoys the divine nature which is repose.” All creatures are born of repose, it is our origin. God seeks love in creatures but also repose in them. How is this done? By offering a “quiet heart” says Eckhart. “Nothing resembles God so much as repose,” he insists. This repose can happen in the midst of activity and is part and parcel of our creativity and co-creation with God.
Naming the Unnameable by Matthew Fox
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healyh8ter · 1 year
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yup
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cillmequick · 10 months
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Sorry for the wait on this but I’ve been having one of those weeks. To make up for it being slow, it’s slightly longer than the others. Enjoy!
Summary: Holly leads Emmett into the city in search of the medication she needs. But not everything goes according to plan and Holly finds herself reconnecting with someone from her past.
Warnings: No smut for once (sorry!) but usual bad language and themes around death, loss and pregnancy. Cheery stuff! 🙈 The dogs are all ok in this one tho, I promise!
Word count: 6148 PART 4 | SERIES
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Part 5: Wreckage
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They stopped a safe distance from the underpass that took the highway into the city, warily eyeing the darkness where the road disappeared. The dogs paused with them, most turning to look at the humans they’d acquired with interest. To the right of the road was a steep slope choked with undergrowth - almost impassable and almost certainly would create an unhelpful level of noise if they tried.
From what they could see of the left, it was less overgrown, possibly with a shallower gradient. But their access to it was blocked by a tangled mass of car wreckage. Bumper to bumper as people had attempted to flee, the damage much worse than back where they had joined the road a few days earlier. All that was left was a twisted, mangled metal obstacle course.
Anxiety prickled through her as she surveyed their options. Setting down her pack, she pulled out her whiteboard and motioned for him to do the same, sitting down on the asphalt to balance the board on her crossed legs. The collie, who didn’t have a collar but who had been the first to befriend her and now tended to stay closest to her, padded over and sniffed at the board as she wrote.
Left or right?
He sat down beside her and looked both ways again, the sigh he was struggling to contain evident in his whole demeanour. There were only three bad choices here. Four if you counted doubling back because they would lose so much time they would have to stay in the city overnight. The German shepherd, which according to her collar was called Mimi, came to sit next to him, head cocked and big pointed ears sitting high on her head in curiosity.
Tunnel? he wrote back, seeing her eyes widen as she read it. She began to scribble furiously.
No fucking way.
He rolled his eyes at her and she glared back, rubbing out her words and quickly replacing them.
They’ll hear us in there. She jabbed at the board in emphasis, as if he couldn’t hear her dismissive tone ringing in his ears. He scribbled in response.
And if one of us knocks something in that mess over there then we’re dead anyway.
He pointed to their left at the dangerous pile of metal, just waiting for a wrong move to snag them in place or clang loudly, attracting unwanted attention.
She set down her board and pushed her hands up into her hair, kneading her temples. This whole escapade was such a fucking Bad Idea it was the champion of Bad Ideas. And she’d brought him here, she thought, a pain twisting in her gut as she glanced at him, his face tense and waiting for her reply. She’d brought him here and now he might die because of her.
She squeezed her eyes shut and prayed for divine intervention. She didn’t even believe in god but now seemed as good a time as any to hope for them to give her a ‘told you so’ moment and perform a good old fashioned miracle.
The collie nudged her arm, his nose wet against her skin and she looked down at him. But sadly he didn’t have the answer and was just after head scritches. Breathing a half laugh-half sigh she gave in, rubbing him behind the ears, feeling Emmett looking at her.
But then a movement to the side caught her eye. The labradoodle and another dog, some small brown and undefined breed, were disappearing into the cars. After a moment she could see the lab’s head halfway across the choked highway. She waved a hand at Emmett to attract his attention, pointing to the dogs that were looking back in their direction.
If we’re careful I think we can make it, she wrote, pointing to where the shaggy labradoodle had re-emerged on their side of the freeway, its tail wagging as it looked meaningfully at them. Or perhaps she was just ascribing meaning to its stare, but either way it seemed preferable to the dark unknown that lay ahead.
Meeting her eye he nodded and he saw her swallow anxiously. He gave her a grim smile and packed away his board, petting the big black and brown dog beside him as he did so.
She did the same, letting him help her to her feet. She stood, suddenly very close to him, and he rested a large hand on the back of her neck.
“It’ll be ok,” he murmured almost inaudibly, but she heard him, nodding faintly. He pressed his lips to her forehead, just for a second before stepping away, turning to face the wreckage.
Following the dogs a little further back down the carriageway she could see a more pronounced gap in the vehicles, wide enough for them both to begin squeezing through. Somehow the animals seemed to know where the spaces were, carefully working their way through and trotting back, making sure the humans were following. Holly took the rifle off her shoulder and held it above her head so it couldn’t accidentally clang off the misshapen hunks of metal she was weaving through. For a moment she felt like the game piece in one of those buzzer circuit games where you have to move the little metal loop from one side to the other without touching, and buzzing, the wavy central bar.
They were about halfway across when she caught a movement in her peripheral vision that wasn’t one of the dogs. Emmett bumped into her backpack as she froze, grabbing her waist to stop them both from stumbling. Confused, he followed her gaze as she silently lowered her weapon into a loose firing pose. He could hear her breath coming in quick gasps, his own heart pounding against his ribs, and rubbed soothing circles with his thumb against her hip.
Up ahead, a creature was crawling out of the tunnel, still several hundred yards away. They watched fearfully as it climbing like a spider along the roof and out, swinging up onto the ground above. It didn’t seem to have noticed them… yet.
But they were pinned in place. If they tried to move and made even the slightest sound they were sitting ducks. He saw the german shepherd slightly ahead of Holly, doubling back with her head cocked in confusion at their stillness, and held out a hand to stop her. All the other dogs were motionless. They hadn’t survived for all this time without knowing when to be quiet.
The creature stopped, the sections of its head splitting wide grotesquely, amplifying its hearing as it searched for any sign of prey. Holly carefully put a hand over her face to muffle the sound of her breathing, praying it would be enough. Cold sweat made her hair stick uncomfortably to the back of her neck, trickling down her spine and she felt like her heart must be audible, it was beating so fast. Behind her, she felt Emmett press his face against her pack to quiet his own breath, the heavy warmth of his hands on her hips oddly comforting in the face of almost certain death.
Sensing nothing of interest, the creature’s head resumed its closed position and they watched, wide-eyed, as it sloped off in the opposite direction, heading for the city.
The pair stayed stock still long after it disappeared from view. Experience had taught them that those who blinked too quickly didn’t survive to blink much longer. So they waited, the minutes stretching by, every nerve and sense straining, searching for another predator.
Eventually she lowered the gun and her free hand found his, still pressed against her side, squeezing around his fingers gently. With even greater attention to every step, every movement made, they continued on the arduous journey through the mangled maze around them.
After what felt like an hour they finally emerged at the far side of the road. He helped her over the high-sided barrier and followed, both dropping down to press their backs against it, sweaty and mentally exhausted. Retrieving his pack he scribbled something out of sight before passing it to her.
Tunnel would have been easier
She glared at him and took a swig of her water bottle as the dogs settled on the yellowing scrubby grass around them, enjoying the morning sun that was now beating down hard. The slope from here was gentler than it had been on the other side and after a short rest they set off again, easing their way carefully down the hill and away from the freeway.
As they set off towards town, she realised the dogs had stopped following. She stopped too, catching his attention, turning to see the animals slightly further back. She beckoned the collie but it stayed put, waiting for her to come to it. Lowering herself down to its level she stroked his silky head as he looked up at her with intelligent eyes. Emmett crouched next to her.
“I don’t think they go into the city,” she whispered. They’d only spent a couple of hours with the dogs but already she was loathed to part with them. She hugged the collie who panted happily in her ear, fluffy tail waving behind it.
“Smart creatures,” he whispered back, seeing her try and hide a wry smile against the animal’s fur.
“We’ll see you when we come back,” she murmured to it, feeling a lump forming in her throat as she sat back. To her right, Emmett was petting Mimi, big hand scratching behind her ears. She caught his eye, surprised to see him looking as emotional as she felt. She jerked her head and he nodded, both rising with stiff knees to carry on with their journey.
As they headed into a more built up area, she looked over her shoulder, but the dogs had vanished.
They wove their way through the streets. Following the main road this far brought them quickly into the heart of the city, rather than having to trek through suburbia. She had been gone for almost eight months but aside from things looking even more dilapidated, not much appeared to have changed in the neighbourhood she used to call home.
For Emmett, however, it was a shock to the system. He used to hate going into the city - he lived out where he did for a reason - because it was always too busy and noisy and there were too many people getting in his way. Nora used to make fun of him when they would venture in on their annual Christmas shopping trip, laughing at how he would get consistently more grumpy until she had to take him for a steak dinner to make up for the trauma.
But now those busy streets, once bustling to the point of irritation, were completely devoid of life. Everywhere, the large shop windows that used to be filled with carefully curated displays, enticing shoppers in, were smashed to pieces. Those who survived had looted what they needed - and probably a lot of things they didn’t need - he thought unkindly as he trudged past the damage. The high rise buildings around him were pockmarked with missing lumps of masonry, telltale signs of the creatures who could climb and leap from great heights. On many he could see the bright green sprouting of vegetation that was slowly beginning to reclaim the brick and stone and concrete and glass of human endeavour.
She led him through a maze of streets, passed the main shopping precinct, into an area he didn’t recognise, at last stopping outside a tall nondescript building. She paused for a moment, taking a breath to steel herself against what must be done. She could feel him beside her, looking quizzically between her and the building, which was clearly not a medical facility.
Before he could speak, or scribble something infuriating and only partially legible on his whiteboard, she set off through the broken doors. With no alternative, he followed.
She loosened her knife from its sheath at her waist and held it out in front of her, a small torch in her other hand. The building used to have large, airy windows that lit the lobby and flooded the stairwell with light, but these were now grubby with lack of cleaning, cracked and, at the lower levels at least, shrouded by enthusiastic foliage. She pointed upwards as they reached the foot of the stairs and he prayed that wherever they were going, it was on one of the lower floors.
He had no such luck.
On and on they trudged upwards. She set a slow pace to limit the noise of their feet on the tiled floors and also because she knew how high they had to climb and measuring the effort was key. Eventually, and to his immense relief as his thighs burned, she led him off the stairs and along a corridor lined with doors, stopping in front of the one at the end of the hall. He could see her jaw working as she rested her fingers lightly against the wood. There was no need for a key; the lock had been broken, the doorframe splintered from the force of the entry. Bracing herself for a squeak that mercifully didn’t come, she quickly pushed it open and waved the torch around before stepping through.
He followed her in and closed the door behind, moving so she could rest a heavy mattress against it.
“It’s safe if we’re quiet,” she whispered, shrugging off her heavy belongings and rolling her neck and shoulders.
He did the same and looked around with interest. It was dim inside, the large picture windows that framed the left hand wall and wrapped around to the wall opposite the door, were shrouded with blankets and lumps of foam. It looked oddly familiar and in a rush it hit him where they were.
“This is your place?”
She nodded mutely and he noticed her swallow.
Which was understandable because the place was a mess, clearly having been turned over by someone, or many someones, after she left. Her belongings were strewn across the floor, cupboards and drawers left hanging half open like the aftermath of a burglary.
She cleared her throat briefly. “Wait here, I’ll only be a minute,” she said quietly, disappearing down a corridor off the main living space, leaving him alone with the remains of her life.
Carefully pushing open the door to her - their - bedroom she found it in a similar state to the rest of the apartment. But for some reason seeing their private, most intimate space violated like this was the straw that finally broke her. Sinking down to the floor, kneeling by their bed, she gathered what would have been Zach’s pillow and pressed her face into it, trying to convince herself she could still smell him there as the tears she’d been holding in started to fall.
She shouldn’t have brought Emmett here, to their home. It felt like such a betrayal. And the fact she was only here because she was carrying another man’s child, just made her cry harder.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry chanted across her mind as her breath heaved against the pillow.
When she didn’t reappear after a few minutes as promised, he made his way towards where she had gone. It was very soft but he thought he could discern muffled sobs coming from behind the ajar door at the end of the hall.
He could only imagine what it must be like for her to be back here, to see it like this. And he knew he would never take her to his family home, no matter that he was the only one left alive; it would feel like a violation of their memory. Not wanting to make things worse, he backed off, fiercely wishing he could just leave.
As he retreated he felt rather than heard a slight crack under his foot and looked down to see he was standing on a photo frame, carelessly tossed from a nearby set of shelves. The image was face down and stepping to the side he bent to pick it up, the glass sliding away as he did so, landing quietly on the rug.
Turning it over he saw it was a picture of Holly, her face lit up with the widest smile, the like of which he had never seen from her in person. Her whole being seemed to beam out of the image, radiating pure joy as she enthusiastically held her left hand up at the camera, a sparkling diamond winking in the golden glow of early evening sunlight she was bathed in. Beside her, arm around her and grinning just as happily was a tall, broad shouldered man with a mop of brown curls, eyes squinting against the sun, a turquoise ocean framed behind them.
He felt a small stab in his stomach as he stared at them. The love pouring out of this single moment suspended forever in time. Their youth, not in years, but in the innocence of the time before knowing what it was like to truly lose everything that mattered.
A movement behind startled him and he turned to see her, eyes red-rimmed, an unreadable expression on her face. She looked down at the rectangle of paper in his hand and her lip wobbled dangerously. He handed it to her and stuffed his hands in his pockets, trying to look anywhere else but her. Her grief an almost a physical entity between them.
She was silent for a moment, staring at their smiling faces, tracing his features with a fingertip as the knife twisted in her stomach. She remembered everything about that day. The warmth of the sun on her back, the feeling of the sand between her toes as he got down on one knee and took her breath away.
Those smiling, happy fools. They had no idea what lay ahead.
And for a moment she was unable to stop herself from hating them for their blissful ignorance.
“We have a problem,” she said at last, sniffing as she lifted her head from the photo and he finally met her watery eyes.
“What kind of a problem?”
“It’s not here.”
His eyes widened, his stomach dropping in fear. “What do you mean?”
“I had a stash of them here, just in case—”
“Wait.. you’re telling me you had some of these drugs and you didn’t bring them with you?!” Her eyes narrowed at the unintended sharpness of his tone, crossing her arms in front of her chest and he immediately regretted his reaction.
“Yes, because - and not that it’s any of your business - I left here in something of a hurry and I didn’t think I would ever need them again. If I even thought of them at all,” she snapped back, and he at least had the good grace to look ashamed of himself.
“But as you can see,” she continued with a wave of her hand, “I am not the last person to be in this place. They’ve been taken.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… But you’re sure? ‘Cause this place is a mess, they might have fallen or be hidden under something… I could help you look?” He took half a step towards the bedroom.
“No!” She shifted automatically, blocking his way, and again he remembered where he was and held up his hands in apology, running one through his hair. Jesus fuck but he was making such a fucking hash of this, he thought, the weight of sadness in these rooms making it hard to focus.
“They aren’t here, I’ve looked. And we both know it’s exactly the kind of thing that gets taken.”
She brushed past him, trying not to look at the damage, the wreckage of her life, her memories so casually tossed around, and gathered her bag. “We should get going, we need to make another stop and we’re going to be pushing it to get back to the motel tonight.”
“Where are we going now?”
“The only other place that I know will have them. I hope.”
*****
The descent was much quicker and in no time they were out in the deserted street again, the sun high in the sky. She led them on a short walk through the streets until they reached a large hulking building that even from a distance he could see was a hospital. The upper storeys were half destroyed, marred by clear signs of the creatures’ violence, with large holes in walls and windows smashed.
He saw a painted set of arrows on the wall as she led them down a gap between the main hospital and an outpatient building. Ahead, he could see a side entrance that looked like it might have been a service entry once upon a time, though now its heavy metal doors were sporting large dents and one was hanging at a precarious angle. A large red cross was painted on the wall beside them.
She went straight in without a pause and he caught up just in time to see her punch the call button on a large service elevator to their right. To his surprise it lit up and he could hear the gears working inside.
She pointed up, seeing his eyes wide above his face covering, pulling her own down. “Solar,” she mouthed.
Even though he knew there was no way she would have used it if it made a sound, he still found himself braced and ready to run as the doors slid open, waiting for the characteristic ding of arrival. She must have seen it because she shook her head and rolled her eyes at him as she stepped in, waiting impatiently for him to follow. Pressing the button for Level -3 he felt the car jolt slightly and then begin to descend.
It spat them out deep underground in a nondescript lobby, with a big handwritten sign on the double doors ahead announcing itself as reception.
“You can talk down here, they can’t hear us,” she said in a low voice.
He looked around at the pale blue wall, which were scuffed but clean. Pinboards were filled with handwritten instructions and notices, interspersed with the occasional missing persons flyer. The latter looked considerably older than their counterparts, faded and more ragged around the edges. It had been a long time since people had the hope to search for the missing.
“What is this place?”
“The morgue,” she answered, mostly to enjoy the slack look on his face as she spoke. This day had been about as shit as it could get, so she took her kicks where she could get them.
“Wha—” He looked pale under his weatherbeaten tan, a frown forming as he saw her begin to grin.
“It used to be the morgue. After they came, we moved the hospital down here.” She grew serious again and he noticed her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “We lost so many people up there,” she continued, eyes lifted to the ceiling. “Sometimes the sick go quietly, but not always.”
Gazing upwards, she missed the darkness that flitted across his features.
“And pregnant ladies are hard to silence during labour,” she continued. “At first we didn’t know of course, but even when we tried to deliver them all by c-section we were attacked so many times. Newborns don’t know how to be quiet.”
She swallowed and he could see the pain of her own memories clearly flitting across her face. “We had to give up and bunker down. Now this is all we have left.” She gestured at the double doors ahead, squaring her shoulders slightly. “When we go in there, let me do the talking, ok?”
He nodded silently, out of habit more than anything else, and followed her through into the main room. The large metal structure that he assumed would have held the bodies of the deceased still lined the walls but the space was still large enough for a small reception area and a ward of beds and a nurses’ station. Only five of the eight beds were occupied. Through doors to his right he could see another, similar ward.
The reception desk was empty but the nursing staff looked up as they arrived, dismissing them almost as quickly. Clearly neither of them were sporting life threatening injuries and they had work to do. Holly thought she recognised one of them but not the other. The turnover rate had always been high.
Letting her bag fall to the ground, she propped her gun against it, motioning for him to stay with it as she ventured forth.
“Holly…?” came a voice from behind her and she felt her heart lurch. Slowly she looked around, back to where they came in.
“Hey Bea,” she said softly.
He watched the two women eye each other for a moment, before suddenly the petite Black woman, dressed in green scrubs, launched herself at Holly, wrapping her in a bone crushing hug.
“I thought you were fucking dead, you bitch,” she cried as loudly as she dared, as Holly clung to her in turn, rocking them back and forth on the spot.
“No such luck, I guess.”
Bea hiccuped a laugh that was more of a sob as she finally released the taller woman. “Where the fuck have you been? You just left.”
Holly’s eyes unconsciously flicked to Emmett, over Bea’s shoulder, and she turned, seeing the shaggy-haired man with pale, piercing eyes standing there.
“I had to get away after… after what happened,” she explained quietly, wishing Emmett wasn’t standing in earshot of what was likely to be hugely embarrassing. Bea was many things: top of her class in medical school, attractive, an incredible surgeon, one of the funniest people she knew… but she was not known for her tact. Or her discretion.
Her head whipped back to look at her friend, forehead puckered in a frown. “Who the fuck is he?”
“I’m Emmett,” he volunteered, stepping forward to offer his hand and she saw Bea recoil at the dirt that was seemingly ingrained on his skin at this point. And as a medical professional Holly could not for the life of her have explained why she found his filthy hands so fucking hot. But she did. Dragging her attention from them she saw him clearly clock Bea’s reaction too as she shook it politely for a nanosecond and he withdrew it, shoving them both in his pockets self-consciously.
“Emmett lives in the same town as me,” Holly explained, shooting him a look.
Bea eyed him shrewdly for a moment with her hands on her hips, correctly guessing the nature of their relationship, before turning back to Holly.
“So what are you doing here? Are you back?” The hope in her voice made Holly shift awkwardly on the spot, hands twisting in front of her. “I take it that’s a no,” she sighed sadly, seeing her friend nod slightly. “So.. what is it you need, babe?”
She saw Holly shoot another look at Emmett and the penny dropped.
“Oh holy fuck. You’re fucking pregnant, aren’t you?”
Holly’s face paled. “How did you know?”
“Because you keep fucking looking at what I can only assume is baby daddy over there.” She swivelled, catching Emmett looking at the ground, rosy-cheeked with embarrassment. “You move fast, Matthews. How long has it been..? Six months?,” she added, seeing his head snap up with interest as she turned her attention back to Holly.
“Eight,” she whispered. “Bea.. I…”
The other woman waved her stuttering attempt at an explanation away, her whole stance softening. “Please. No judgement. We do what we do to survive, right?”
“I really need the pills.”
“I wish I could help you babe,” she sighed with a long exhale. “But I don’t have any.”
Holly felt like the floor tilted beneath her feet and she grabbed at the edge of the empty reception desk to steady herself. “But… we had plenty. I know I’ve been gone a long time but—”
Bea shook her head sadly. “We did but he took them.”
“You’re fucking kidding me..” she breathed in disbelief, now leaning with both hands flat against the table, squeezing her eyes closed against the nausea rising in her throat. “How could he..?”
She heard her friend give a rough, dry laugh that made a shiver run through her. “You know better than any of us that he takes whatever he wants.”
Emmett saw Holly’s shoulders tense at her words. She looked crushed, her face washed of colour, exhibiting all the telltale signs he’d come to know over the last few days that she was feeling sick.
“He got his woman pregnant,” Bea continued, voice flat as Holly forced herself to stand up straight and look at her again. “Brought her here demanding that we fix it. So we did. But apparently that was enough for him to realise just how lucrative access to that kind of care could be. Came back a week later with his lackies and a load of guns and made us hand them over, along with a bunch of other things. Only left us with the stuff we really need to treat people, because he’s such a kind hearted soul.” Her tone dripped with venom.
“Not that there’s much left of the things we really need. We ran out of morphine a month ago.” She ran a hand down her face and sighed. “I don’t know how much longer we can carry on here in all honesty.” The grim, defeated look on her face made Holly want to cry. Bea was one of the most committed members of staff - one of the first in the early days to get things set up down there, working tirelessly, putting her own life on the line over and over trying to save others.
“You were right to leave when you did, babe. Since you’ve been gone, things have gotten much, much worse.”
Holly pulled her into a tight hug, feeling tears prick her eyes, feeling like a selfish bitch for having abandoned one of her best friends like this.
“I’m so sorry, Bea. I should have been here.”
She felt the smaller woman shake her head against her shoulder as she squeezed her back. “I get why you left. You needed to go. You can’t feel guilty about that, Hols.”
Pulling back, she wiped her face and fixed Holly with a firm, appraising stare. “You’re not taking care of yourself though, girl. C’mon, I’m giving you a check up.”
Holly groaned. “Bea, I’m a doctor, I don’t need a check up.” But she knew there was no point in arguing when her friend had put her mind to something and with a wave to Emmett to stay put, she let Bea drag her into a side room, clogged with equipment they had salvaged from the hospital above.
As soon as the door closed, Bea rounded on her. “So, who the fuck is he?”
Sitting on the edge of the gurney, squeezed in amidst the various machines, Holly pinched the bridge of her nose, staving off a headache. “A mistake I couldn’t seem to stop making,” she said eventually with a sigh.
“And what, you left town and immediately forgot your medical training and, y’know, the basics of contraception that you’ve known since you were a teenager?”
Holly hung her head as she explained the error with the pills she had taken and Bea groaned in sympathy.
“Well, shit.”
“Quite,” Holly agreed tiredly.
“How far along are you?”
“About six, maybe seven weeks.”
“I could do you a scan?” Bea offered. “Check everything’s behaving in there.”
She saw her friend pale even further as she shook her head violently. “I don’t want it to be behaving, Bea. I need it to be gone. You know as well as I do what happens if I try and have it.” The last thing she wanted was to see it. Hear its heart beat. Make it real.
The other woman nodded, reaching to squeeze her hand. “Sorry, I get it. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“S’ok,” she whispered, squeezing her fingers in return.
“How’s the sickness?”
“Horrific, though slightly less so over the last couple of days, thank god.”
“Are you getting enough food, fluids?”
She nodded, letting Bea go through the standard procedure, the old familiar rhythm of it oddly comforting, even if she was used to being the one asking the questions.
“Ok then,” Bea stepped back having just taken her blood pressure. “You’re fine. A little anaemic I would say but show me someone who isn’t these days.”
“I’m trying to grow peas and spinach in my yard,” Holly offered and Bea laughed goodnaturedly in her face.
“You?! Gardening? Seriously, what’ve you become?!”
Her laugh softened into a sad smile and Holly stood up, giving her another hug. “I’ve missed you,” she murmured and she felt Bea’s shoulders shake a little.
“I’ve missed you too, every day,” she managed to stumble out between quiet sobs. “It’s not the same without you.”
A gentle knock at the door interrupted them and Bea called for them to come, hastily blowing her nose. The nurse Holly didn’t recognise put his head around the door.
“Sorry Bea but some guy has just been brought in with a nasty abdominal gash from an attack. Looks like we’re gonna need you in the OR.”
“I’ll be right there,” she nodded and she turned back to Holly as he disappeared. “Sorry, I have to go.”
“No it’s fine. They need you,” she smiled, fighting to stop her lip from trembling.
“You’re going to go after him, aren’t you?”
Holly nodded, squaring her shoulders. “I have to.”
“But after what he did to—”
“Bea, I have to,” she said firmly. “If he wants to try and kill me, he can try. It makes no odds. Because if he doesn’t give me what I need, I’ll be dead anyway.”
“Don’t say that,” her friend pleaded, eyes filling with tears again and Holly put her arms around her shoulders.
“I’m not going to let him kill me, Bea. He’s going to give me what I need, or I’m gonna kill him.” She released her and held her at arm’s length. “Now you need to go and save someone’s life.”
Bea nodded briefly, pulling herself together, and they headed back out into the main ward. An orderly was busily mopping up a heavy bloodstain as Emmett watched on, looking a little shell-shocked. He looked up as the women approached.
“You ok?” they both asked at the same time, smiling awkwardly as Bea rolled her eyes, watching them. Holly and Zach had been perfect for each other, the kind of couple who you just knew they would grow old, sitting on a porch together. But seeing her with Emmett she was inclined to think he wasn’t quite as much of a mistake as her friend wanted to believe. They looked good together, in a slightly post-apocalyptic survivors kind of way.
“You take fucking good care of her, do you hear me?” she said to him, pointing threateningly, and she saw him quail slightly. Which was impressive when she only came up to his chest.
“I promise.”
“Please, it’s him that needs taking care of,” scoffed Holly, a note of mischief dancing in her eye as she caught his.
He opened his mouth to argue but Bea cut him off. “I need to run,” she said, stealing a final hug. “Take care you, ok? I love you.”
Holly squeezed her tightly, willing herself not to cry again in front of Emmett. “I will. And you too, yeah? Be careful.” She pulled back, wrestling with the pain in her chest. “Love you, too.”
Bea cleared her throat and let go of her completely. “Go, get the fuck out of here. Some of us have work to do.”
And with a final exchange of watery smiles, she left them, hurrying towards the former autopsy room that they had turned into a surgical suite.
“You ok?” he murmured, tentatively stroking her back. Her eyes were still fixed on where Bea had disappeared and he saw her swallow hard.
“Yeah.” She shook herself and looked at him, green eyes still swimming with tears. “C’mon, we have a visit to make.”
Shouldering their gear once again, he held the door open for her as they headed back to the elevator.
“Who is this he? I assume that’s where we’re going?” he asked as he pressed the button.
“His name is Hunter,” she said quietly, as they waited for it to arrive, screwing her face, his name leaving an unpleasant taste in her mouth. “And he’s the man who rules the city now.”
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PART 6
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I know the readership for this story is quite small cos Emmett is a bit niche, so if you are reading and enjoying it I would LOVE it if you would stop by and let me know. It’s hard to keep the motivation going sometimes and your messages really make my whole day 🤍 Thanks
Masterlists: CILLIAN | SERIES | MAIN
Tag list: @zablife , @look-at-the-soul , @buttercupsandboys , @notyour-valentine , @valentinabloom , @elliotshelbyjones , @shelbydelrey , @theshelbyclan , @theshelbyslimited , @pintofsweets , @flyingjosephine-blog , @christinasyellowflowers , @midnightmagpiemama , @l1-l4 , @allie131313 , @star017 , @lespendy , @heidimoreton , @dragons-are-my-favorite , @raincoffeeandfandoms , @cillianmxrphy, @alessioayla , @lyarr24 , @dumb-fawkin-bitch , @forgottenpeakywriter , @kittycatcait219 , @cybernuttragedy456 , @babaohhhriley , @watersquirtpewpewboomm , @stevie75 , @padfootdaredmetoo , @moral-terpitude , @shaddixlife , @peakyscillian , @majesticcmey (unable to tag) , @rangerelik , @guenievresworld , @margew76 , @camilleholland89 , @woofgocows , @cilliansangel , @cljordan-imperium , @elenavampire21 , @elk96 , @esposadomd , @grapejuiceblues , @throughgoeshamilton , @polishcrazyone , @shjjpm , @duckybird101 , @maeleeme , @scorpiussage , @cillixn , @dandelionprints , @trixie23 , @boobooquicksilver
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credulouskhaleesi · 11 days
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Y'all don't understand...this Spring/Summer I'm getting fed...and I'll have a lot of wonderful changes coming to me in my life (moving away from current abuse/oppression and poverty and will be back with my supportive parents, baby brother, and nephew) on top of that, Rory Culkin pics will be aplenty since he is doing Spookala in APRIL, Bill Skarsgård's movie 'Boy Kills World' will be out in APRIL as well. MAY Joseph Quinn's 'Hoard' will be available to watch and then JUNE I have 'House of the Dragon: Season 2' with my mans's's Tom Glynn-Carney, Ewan Mitchell, and Matt Smith. JUNE will also be the premiere month of 'A Quiet Place: Day One' with Joseph Quinn again and then JULY we have Bill Skarsgård as Eric Draven in the reimagining (I put that word in italics for a reason as some people are too daft to understand it's more of a love letter than a remake or copy of the original. Simmer Down.)'The Crow'
Like.... I literally feel like I'm the Universe's favorite at this point. Not only do I feel a glow up coming for the Spring/Summer, but I have a feeling my career and love life will finally start to bloom as it should as I will the healthiest I've ever been in a long time now that I'm back on the right meds and know and love myself enough to know what I do and don't need to do to survive in this crazy world we live in.
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typicalopposite · 2 months
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Ya know it may just be that I’m that far gone in the brainrot, or that I’m going through extreme withdrawals from lack of new content… but I just got this weird gut feeling that we’re about to get jumpscared with something… and like… my gut feelings are right a lot of the time 👀 just putting it out there
🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️
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cujoforever · 5 months
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Auston Matthews makes it a one goal game and brings Scotiabank Arena from their knees to their feet
Tampa @ Toronto November 6th 2023
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moeblobmegane · 1 year
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THIS GIF changed my life btw I owe Chuu-nim everything
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belle-keys · 1 year
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i will never understand why people are saying the love triangle was "bad". like it's literally not unrealistic for matthew to have developed feelings for cordelia (there were signs of this since the start of chog) and it's not unrealistic for cordelia to have developed feelings for or an attraction to matthew (he's matthew. he's a close friend. he's beautiful; a lampshade could develop feelings for him). i'm of the opinion we needed more love triangle to make jordelia have an even better payoff by the end and for the emotions surrounding the different pairings to hit harder.
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skeleton-deer · 5 months
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Incase you ever wanted an adorable fact about the cutest little tiny bird that is the black capped chickadee:
I see them eat flesh every winter..
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thegoliathbeetle · 7 months
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i like moriarty the patriot but i need more louis. he’s my fav. i want more of him. 
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darkconsumed · 3 months
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@tattlesandtales (van) gets a post season 2 plotted thing.
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The day she walked out of those doors, she promised herself that she would never again see the inside of a hospital. Making promises, even to herself, were never a sure thing to do because the future was unknown. Didn't matter how much she wanted and did believe that she was better, that she wouldn't go off of her medication again, that she wouldn't see things anymore. And for a while she was better, she was great, but at some point she began to slip back into that mentality of a scared lonely girl in the wilderness.
Just like before, though not as much, death surrounded her and reminded her that she was not better. She had tried to save them all out in those woods twenty-five years ago and she had tried again all these years later. The minute Charlotte realized what was happening ( seeing a therapist that never existed and not knowing for how long ) she had tried to save her friends by making them leave. She should have been more firmer, but she was still that lonely girl who wanted true and genuine friendship. So she caved, easily, and joined them in the brief fun that they had created.
Maybe it was seeing Natalie happy that made it hard for her to resist, to put her foot down. Maybe it was seeing them all happy after so long. Maybe she just didn't want them to leave. It didn't matter, not in the end, because what was done was done and there was no fixing it. The only thing she could fix was herself or at least attempt to do so, again. She could only hope that this time around she could make it stick and pray that the others could forgive her and one day see that she tried. But she wasn't expecting that to happen anytime soon.
So it came with some surprise when Van showed up one day a few months later. They as well as Taissa had assured her that they would visit, that it wouldn't be like last time. At the time, in her state, she didn't believe either of them as that's what her parents had told her; We'll see you soon, Charlotte, we promise. They never did visit regularly, only on her birthday and occasionally Christmas. And even after being put on medication once again ( the right dosage and heavily monitored this time ) Lottie held out on hope that they would show. She didn't expect Taissa, not with her being a busy senator, but Van...she hoped that they would show.
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You'll see, she had told them and she believed herself. Even now, that whatever was going on with them, it would be resolved after that night. So seeing the redhead sitting in the visitors room, she couldn't help but smile. "Hello, Van," she said softly as she moved from the door, coming to stop near the sofa. "You..." Lottie began, words trailing off as she looked over her, smile remaining. It was back, that light that surrounded Van; or maybe it was the fluorescents. "You look well."
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824 The One Where Rachel Has A Baby
Her face and the way she squeezes him and rises on her toes and smiles is wonderfully beautiful in this scene.
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