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yurtletheturtlehenderson · 1 year

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How You Met THE SPARROW ACADEMY:

PAIRINGS: Sparrow Academy x Genderless!Descriptionless!Reader

FOLLOW UP TO: How You Met - The Umbrella Academy

A.N: we need more sparrow content ASAP. I fell quick and I fell hard

WARNINGS: Quick and minor mention of a bus crash (under Marcus tab), varying degrees of content for each character, me borrowing a villain from the comics I don't know shit about other than what i read off of TUA Fandom Wiki, and me still getting the hang of this format and writing and just having fun and being silly with it more than taking it seriously

LINKS: main masterlist || sparrow masterlist

MARCUS HARGREEVES:

Ahh Marcus 😍

He's really just so... 🤩😍🤪🥰😚☺️😅😘☺️🤩

Yeah

Oh my gosh seriously, theres a reason he's number one and it's because he's the biggest dork

You knew a thing or two about putting up about three different kinds of walls until you could hardly recognize yourself, what with you basically being the Lila of the Sparrows

It's complicated how you met but also, not in the slightest

True, there was only one Handler and the only kid she ever "had" was Lila

But she wasn't your mother, she was your boss

One that you only ever met once or twice, but you can hardly remember it, it was so long ago

You were recruited by her, however, at a unusually young age annnndd long story short, you quit

Working for an organization out of time sounded cool, and was. For about 2 (non)minutes

Then it just got depressing and way WAY confusing and downright dangerous

It took so many (non)years to plan an escape and then another two or so to actually put it into action and escape

Nothing unusual, you were constantly jumping from year to year, place to place, never staying one place too long. (Kinda like couch surfing! Time surfing if you want to put it that way)

It went off without hitch, your little plan, and had been going fairly smooth for what you perceived as about four or five years

Then said "pitstop" in good ol' 2009

That's when your path collided with the Sparrows

And when it did, you crashed

No literally, there's a literal crash involved

It was definitely something that happened by total chance

And yeah, you could argue that's how most things are, but, hopefully you get what I mean

Like, it's crazy how you just happened to forget something when you left for your walk for work and decided you had time to go around the corner and get it. Crazy that you had just enough time to catch the next bus

And that next bus just so happened to be the one that got caught in the crossfires of a Sparrow vs Villain of The Week fight

Thankfully nobody was seriously hurt, but there were a great number of close calls

You being one of them

And you had Sloane Hargreeves to thank

In a spur of the moment as you were fleeing the bus with the rest of the crowd, she pulled you lot from across the street and out of harms way

When the fight had died out, the weirdo supervillain calling himself the Murder Magician was taken away (his sidekick, the assistant as well) And the Sparrows were swarmed with press and thankful citizens

You think, because of this, it'd be virtually impossible to get any face time with the famed sparrows, right?

Wrong

Again, it's crazy how you just so happened to be trying to make a beeline out of there (what? being on the run meant blending in, and you couldn't very well do that from here) when you ran into a very handsome wall

"Oh! My apologies, I didn't see you there"

Okay, so. Not a wall. Just a very tall, very handsome, and very very famous man you knew more about than you probably should thanks to your old job maintaining timeliness and such

You insisted you had to go, but wouldn't you know it, your little streak of luck wasn't over yet

That murder magician guy? Did I mention? He had a little something called a murderbot

Kind of makes sense now, I guess. Usually, supervillains aren't as cool with being caught unless they have another trick up their sleeve

So, kinda awkward, but

the thing kinda took ya hostage along with some other unlucky few in the crowd thanks to advantage it got witht he element of surprise and all

Marcus and the sparrows handled it fairly quickly but it was still upsetting!

Experiencing a bus crash, a murder magician, his murderbot and then two rescues all in one morning can take a lot out of you!

Marcus, having already ran into you and then letting you get kidnapped right in front of him immediately after, he felt kinda responsible for you. call him old fashioned (lol)

He asked multiple times if you were okay

He did not want to leave your side until he knew you were okay

He'd invite you back to the academy where Grace could check you over for potential injuries (concussion, internal bleeding, etc) and he could be certain you'd be getting good medical care

(even though EMTs are right the f there lmao)

He may be a dork but he's also a spoiled rich kid like his siblings lskd8v8

You, all the meanwhile, having a whole different timeline's worth of knowledge on him and his siblings thanks to your time at the commission (this excludes the kugelblitz since that was technically not supposed to happen... I think) felt like you were treading dangerous waters interacting with someone so famous in history

I kinda lost where this was going lol but I do know that after all that, it was a bit harder to say no to Marcus and the little soft side he started to show when he was getting worried

Cause you were definitely started to get a little dizzy and you definitely hit your head at some point in all that chaos

And a very handsome, very famous, very dorky, and very kind man was now very worried about you

Okay, so maybe you could be a little bit late to work

SPARROW!BEN HARGREEVES:

I finally understand the term poor little meow meow

He is a wet cat

Angry and petty and snippy

And inexplicably ruthless

You two would probably meet somewhere totally unexpected

Hold on let me think of it real quick

I guess I could see you working their PR or something, if that was even a thing for them (you being newer, and ofc around their age)

Idk I feel like, with Sparrow Ben, and how much of a little shit (affectionate) he is, I think it would be kinda hilarious and yet totally on brand for him to have a connection (good or bad) with someone who got paid to tell him what to do - ie, he thinks he doesn't need it and that it's the others that need to behave and rebrand themselves when he's like, right there

His promo poster was literally the Had To Do It To Em pose, you know I'm right about this

Not exactly the kind of image that's super great for, you know, a superhero

So yeah, he would have to listen, but he'd give a stink

And even a bigger one when you threw it right back

I'd think you'd have to have that kind of skill, at least to some degree, after working in such a field

Or maybe I'm just talking out of my ass

The point is, y'all would likely be bitter, but like, the kind that got comfortable after a while?? If that makes sense??

Either way, he's such a little shit and i just don't see an instance where you meet and it's perfect sunshine and rainbows right off the bat pfft

FEI HARGREEVES:

BIRD SANCTUARY!! BIRD SANCTUARY!! BIRD SANCTUARY!!

YOU WORK IN A BIRD SANCTUARY

You two are a match made in the cosmos and its sickening 🥰

Fei, like her aforementioned brothers, takes herself and the job pretty seriously

So it can be a bit rare for someone to see her in her true element

Or at least--

People who really know her

Her family

So, when a total stranger just comes along and just,,

✨️✨️✨️

Its really special

And what better than bonding over birds, and nerding out over birds?!

I feel like she wouldn't exactly shy away from whatever she may be feeling

But I also think she'd try to underplay it

Ya know, keep it cool and not make a huge deal

You know, it wasnt a huge deal that one day, on her day off, she decides to visit a reveried bird sanctuary just outside of town

And that, upon that visit, she happened to stumble upon you, unable to stop yourself from spewing bird facts and hey? Did this random visitor know about the loyalty of crows and all the limitless examples of humans befriending crows??

Well they did now

Oh no did she love your corny enthusiasm over birds - crows especially!!

She just couldn't help herself when she first overheard you and wanted a better view

Sure she spent her time communing with the birds around her, but a select few of crows--her crows--adopted a sudden interest in you and your info-dumping to unwilling visitors, flocking to you wherever you went

It wasn't unusual for birds to bond with caretakers but you didn't recognize these crows that now seemed to follow you everywhere, always keeping a polite distance and paying careful attention to anything you had to say

Soon enough, you were fully conversing with these crows, making sure they were comfortable wherever they might have come from

That pretty much sealed the deal for her

From then on, she knew she had to make herself known to you; introduce herself, commend your respect for her birds (and the others in the sanctuary)

Yall hit it off immediately, no surprise ajdkps

Oh she's also so fucking smooth adjsjs

Idk, shes just kinda sweeps you off your feet when she finally introduces herself to you, commending you for your respect to your birds (totally teasing you for how you, by extension and strictly technical terms, treated her through her birds) and is such a coy little fker who loves seeing you get all flustered

My god though, shes also so fucking soft and sweet and loyal when you earn her trust

Either friend or partner, she'll come across something she'll think you'll like and give it to you next time she sees you (ohh idk, like a crow)

Shes so fucking loyal and just so heart melting while also being the coolest, smallest fker ever and AHHH

I just love her

ALPHONSO HARGREEVES:

Jskapsoyc

He's so boyfriend shaped

I love him, I need to know more about him, and I'd love to say how you guys met was some miraculous coincidence that makes perfect sense like Fei, but honestly he just really strikes me as someone you just Bump Into, ya know?

He's a guy, and he's just around

Maybe you met in a convenience store

That feels like something that would happen (or maybe I'm just still thinking of his fight scene with Diego)

Oo! Honestly, some place like a bowling alley or arcade

He, like Marcus, is such a dork

But he holds himself as like, a, Cool Dork, ya know?

And it's not as hidden

It's not hidden at all, he's such a snarky pizza-eating, soda-chugging, quick-as-a-whip dork

He feels comfortable in public, for not all the right reasons

And he's easy to run into

He gets a lot of mistreatment by Sparrow fans, but his attitude is much like his power

Arguably, it's because of his powers

He's rubber, they're glue; what bounces off of him sticks to you

ie, he's so good at letting a bad attitude bounce off of him and stick to his attackers

And yeah, sometimes his walls are down and stuff gets to him when he isn't prepared, but overall he is sadly (and infuriatingly) used to it

He's not always the favorite among fans, is what I'm trying to get at

>:( fucking stupid if you ask me

But!!

Woah woah woah. Hold on...

Back up

Apparently he's... your favorite?

Lol okay, yeah, sure, you're totally not trying to be nice, he thinks (note the sarcasm)

Like I said, he's used to feeling the occasional tap on his shoulder -- like now, where he stands in line for some good ol' mediocre bowling alley hotdogs -- cause someone recognized him

He was, arguably, one of the more recognizable sparrows after all, behind Christopher obviously, so

Here we go, he thinks, turning around, hands lazing in his pockets and quite possibly the least enthusiastic look any living thing could conjure on his face

And just like anyone else, you stood waiting as he turned to face you, smiling in a way that was all too obvious you were trying to hide your excitement

"Hey," he nods

"Sorry," you laughed, but not in the usual way. More like an awkward chuckle that sounded nervous. That wasn't too unusual, either

"Sorry," you said again, burying your hand back inside your pocket like the other. "you probably get this all the time, pretty much everywhere"

He shrugged it off, not appearing too bothered by it

"No problem," he said, glancing back ahead to check the line. It still was pretty long; some issue with the deep fryer holding up the line, by the looks of it. He had time. He looked back at you, waiting indifferently for whatever to come. "What's up?"

Judging by the looks of it, you had already started backtracking the moment you got his attention. You were second guessing getting his attention. Cause figures

"Just a big fan," your hands were still in your pockets, fiddling and moving around visibly through the thin cotton, maroon zip-up sweatshirt

You had shrugged, and thats when he noticed your zip up was familiar; it was a piece of sparrow merch

An older one, judging by how worn it looked

The little sparrow insignia higher up on the left breast of the jacket was still there, but it was significantly faded, and the matching white rope laces dangling from the hood were fraying at the ends

He nods again, leaving the future of the conversation up to you

Wildly inconvenient for you, you thought, considering you hadn't exactly thought this far ahead. At least, if you had, you immediately forgot.

You said the first thing that came to mind, cause of course you did

"I loved the Sparrow comics when I was younger,"

Okay, yeah, you definitely regretted this. This was mortifying. Plain and simple.

Sadly, however, Alphonso saw this in your face and misconstrued the reasons for regret

He thought you were regretting talking to him when really you were just getting in your own head

You quickly assure him though, that, actually, he's your favorite and you think he's super cool and you've actually been a fan of his since yall were kids

He takes the information like any other fan interaction,

That is until it really clicks for him you're being totally serious and your enthusiasm is genuine and he kinda :o

Then he's such a suave little shit I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

Goes straight to his head, God bless <3

SLOANE HARGREEVES:

Love of my life, bane of my existence 🥰

She's perfect and such an inconvenience to me personally

I love her entirely <3

She's the sweetest of the sweet and sunshine in every sense of the word

Huh? Oh right!

How you met... *ahem* ☺️

Oh no biggie, she just uhh, saved your life is all

Okay okay, maybe not your literal life but she did save your morning shake which saved your morning which saved your ass from your boss

She was a blushing mess despite the grace of her powers and agility -- but it technically had been her fault

Sloane had been in such a rush, she unintentionally collided with you on one of the busier streets downtown

Totally cliche and a meet-cute right out of the movies

I honestly don't think I have much else to say about that, it was pretty straight forward and sweet (like her)

Admittedly you had been rattling around her head for a few days afterwards cause hey 👀👀👀 she can appreciate what's in front of her - and yet, she was kicking herself for not doing something about it

She held a lot of responsibility as a sparrow and part of her was afraid, not so much upholding the sparrow image, but disappointing her siblings

Sloane dreams of a having a life of her own, unsanctioned by her father and/or her brothers and sisters. She's been planning ahead for her inevitable exit, why had she chickened out with you??

Almost two weeks had passed since she ran into you and thirteen days since she talked herself into giving up on anything happening.

She had scolded herself, really, how foolish it was of her to think she could have something sweet and endearing with a very cute person like you

Sloane is a romantic in every sense, and this had merely been proof. How naive

And...

How naive of her to think she saw you standing out like a sore thumb in one of the sparrow crowds stationed outside for one of their outings

She had to do a double take when you gave her a shy wave, and she definitely had to make sure she wasn't making a fool of herself as she made her way over

You had sent her a grateful nod when she covertly steered you two out of the reach of cheering fans crowding around you trying to get to her and her siblings

Sloane may or may not have failed in her attemps to tamper down the corny smile that came with your being here

You looked almost, shy

"I thought you seemed familiar," you smiled, looking up over her shoulder at one of the many huge banners plastered on the academy. She followed your gaze over her shoulder and then quickly averted her gaze, not overly eager to see the sight

Were her cheeks always this sore?

JAYME HARGREEVES:

She was forged by the gays, for the gays

I love that trope where the sunny sunshine one is the grumpy grumps favorite

I feel like that could easily apply to her

But I also feel like it wouldn't be like that immediately, if at all

Not even soon

It would be a long process to get her there cause she's a sparrow after all, and being a sparrow means you come with an ego and stubbornness so strong it might as well be its own superpower

When she met you, she was irrationally and entirely furious

A big part of it was you kept cropping up everywhere

You delivered a pizza to her and Alphonso once upon a time and ever since, by total coincidence, you kept reappearing

She didn't believe it was accidental ofc

She thought you were some stalker

Meanwhile you were just as confused

It wasn't exactly love at first sight for you, either

Jayme was brash and short tempered, but when she was around you -- bumped into you on the street, out for a run in the park, whatever -- she was just plain cruel

And the thing is, she didn't know why

All you had done was the deliver the pizza, made light conversation with Alphonso and wished them both a good day before leaving

The fucking nerve of you

She's just crushing hard, actually

Nah, you're just annoying to her, that's totally it

She totally didn't think you were infuriatingly attractive, fun to be around or anything. And the display of dry humor she witnessed when you were chatting with her brother totally didn't anger her in a way she couldn't understand because she wasn't used to cute people saying stuff that she almost laughed at

But she didn't laugh. So there

She won, you lost

And you didn't even know it.

You simply thanked Alphonso for the early arrival tip, nodded a goodbye to both of them and then left

Just like that. No fan freak outs despite you knowing who they were, no autographs. Just a "thanks for saving the day" and a "let it cool for a few minutes, the pizza oven can get pretty hot and it was a short drive here"

That's it.

But that's just the thing.

That was never it.

There was always more, and Jayme wasn't buying it.

You were too calm, like you had been planning that meeting for ages

Maybe you were, even if that didn't make a damn lick of sense

Alphonso calls her out on her shit and he's the only one she really listens to even though she's not happy about it

On some level she knows she's being an asshole but it's kinda hard for her to help

Oh, real quick, by the way

If you're in the community and that's the context between you two for this preference, I don't mean to say she's acting like this cause of internalized homophobia or anything, she's just kind of an asshole skskxhcppff

This girl knows she's gay

Like Ben, she's more like a cat than a dog

She's cute, but she bites, and she's quick and really, she's just a total dick

It's also just kind of a Hargreeves thing, too to be fair

But, like cats, it's kind of, weirdly, part of their charm

She does make an effort though, after her talk with Alphonso, to be less... dickish

It works

Kind of

After a few practice runs

And lots of pizza orders later

But eventually, she's working her way up to answering the door and getting the pizzas from you with one goal in mind

Not making you storm away in rage

I mean, sure, part of the reason she gets so mad is cause you can actually keep up with her

It's never been this hard for her to get the last word in cause you actually can keep up with her and whatever she dishes out to you, you dish right back

In a way, she's kinda met her match

And that made things worse

But. You were still human and she was the one who was a literal super whose specialty was finding someone's weakness

(Actually Jayme sometimes worries she does that somehow without actually using her powers, so that was a big part of her wanting to be better ☹️)

And she's making mild progress!

It isn't until she's dialing the pizza place and working through her nerves as she does so that she realizes why she's so nervous

And then she throws the phone on the couch in embarrassment cause ew feelings

But one thing keepa her from giving up completely:

For whatever reason, you keep coming back

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cas-backwards-tie · 11 months

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Chapter One: The Intrusion

Just Like Me

Masterlist | Next Chapter

Five Hargreeves x Sparrow!Samantha

Summary: Arriving home from school, you find there are a group of intruders in the compound. Friend, or foe, it isn't clear. Though you don't use your abilities anymore and aren't much of a fighter, you're curious to learn more when the intruders mention growing up in the same house and sharing a father. The only question is: will they explain?

Warnings: Cursing, Violence, Anxiety, Insecurity, Angst, Complicated Family Relationships, Degradation

Words: 4.9k

A/N: So while I meant to write the same story going off my interpretation of the comics two years back, I decided I'd just try and fit my OC (though it's written in reader style, her attributes scarcely mentioned) into the show considering that I've recently finished the third season! Details about the OC's backstory will be revealed throughout the series.

Your hands release the grip on your backpack’s shoulder straps and come up to cup your ears. It’s the alarm blaring throughout the house’s speakers. “What the hell?!” You grumble to yourself. “Really?” Through the foyer, you can spot five strangers all dressed in black, bewildered looks on their faces. Each person’s clothes are different–no uniform look to them–and they all differ in shape, size, and style from what you can see. If they’re robbers, they’re downright stupid showing their faces, and even attempting to rob the Sparrow Academy. The sound of your Father’s voice lets you know that whatever is going on, there’s a disagreement in progress. Ready to confront the situation and get answers, you walk through the doorway and stop once the five intruders become six upon better view.

“Wrong again. This isn’t your home, this is-” Father speaks, his know-it-all tone eliciting a wry look on your behalf. Not wanting to deal with his holier-than-thou attitude, you attempt to emotionally brace yourself. Leaning against the doorway, you watch the scene before you in silence, trying to gather information. If anything, stealth has always been your strong suit. Always surprising people with your light heel-to-toe steps, it’s unintentional the way you’ve gotten everyone in the house scared at least once or twice simply going about your business.

“What are you talking about? This is the Umbrella Academy,” the dark-haired female questions. With her back turned away, you don’t get a good look at her, yet your eyes flit to the person closest to you. A small, thin, seemingly frail person with shoulder-length brown hair. Arms crossing over your chest, you next spot the knives within the shaggy-haired man’s vest. Your heart beats a little faster. They could be dangerous, you think. Beside him stands a lanky man in a trench coat and a cowboy hat–an odd look to say the least–and finally, across the room stands a boy who looks around your age in appearance. It’s funny, though you’re dressed alike, it appears as though his uniform is too small, while yours finally fits perfectly. His outfit looks like a knock-off version of the Sparrow Academy uniform, only if the colors were reversed. Clad in a maroon blazer with the Academy’s insignia on the breast, you don a matching tartan skirt, maroon and navy, along with white knee-high socks, and mary-jane shoes. After years of thinking your uniforms would never fit properly, you’ve finally grown into them over the past year or so as your teenage body continues to grow.

“-This is the Sparrow Academy.” He finishes his explanation. Father’s hazel eyes take in your appearance, though you have no idea what he’s thinking or planning. Your eyes flit between him, the intruders, and up to the second floor. It doesn’t slip your notice that the shaggy-haired man withdraws a knife from his vest.

“Dad, who the hell are these assholes?” Ben’s disgruntled tone breaks the silence as all eyes shift over to him. Just as you’re about to verbally add on, yet you’re beaten to the punch.

“Shit…” the intruders all murmur simultaneously in an unsettling and eerie manner. Silence overtakes the room for a moment as they all simply stare at your brother in wonder. Maybe they’re just crazed fans, you realize. It wouldn’t be the first time someone has attempted to break in with ideas of catching a view of the infamous Sparrow Academy and getting an autograph, photo, or some shit.

“Ben,” the soft tone that leaves the cowboy hat-wearing man feels wrong. The look in all their eyes is seemingly that of one who stares fondly at their favorite work of art, or muse. While you truly know Ben, it’s always the fans who make him out to be some admirable and righteous guy as if he’s not a giant asshole now.

“Is that really you?” The big one asks, stepping closer to him. Whatever wrong feeling lies in your gut only amplifies with those words. There’s no mistaking that of the tone someone only uses when they know someone personally. And you’ve never seen these people in your life. They could be from before, you mentally remind yourself, a sullen feeling swirling in your gut at the thought of your lost time. Yet, the look on Ben’s face is one of perplexion, confusion, and worry. That’s all you need to know that these are still, in fact, strangers.

“And who are the weirdos on the balcony?!” The accusatory comment flies immediately after the big one’s question, all eyes drawn up to said location. Using this opportunity of distraction as a means to move, you slink past the small and thin person diagonal to you and stand next to Ben. He doesn’t seem keen on your appearance, not a word uttered in greeting. Shifting the backpack to sit more evenly on your shoulders, you wait for someone to say something- for Dad to explain, or at least tell them to get out of his house.

“They are the Sparrows. My children.” A faint rumbling shakes the house, and whether or not it’s either fans outside, more intruders upstairs, or someone’s upset feelings leaking out through their powers, you brace yourself. Whoever these people are, the stunned expressions on their faces don’t sit well with you. So… they’re not fans, you question, suddenly at a loss again.

“I’m sorry, what do you mean your children? That’s not possible, old man.” The teenage boy stupidly asks as he starts closing the distance between your Father and himself.

“Well, clearly it is since we’re standing right here,” you point out as if it’s obvious. Which it is. Though your mothers were from different parts of the world, and your births having happened in minutes, spontaneously, it was certainly an event. Nevertheless, Reginald Hargreeves is your Father.

“Of course it is! I think I’d know, wouldn’t I?” The preposterousness of his tone only mirrors the amusement and ludicrous nature you hold in your own demeanor as it seems these people might be… well, delusional. Clearly, since they’d thought to break into the world’s biggest crime-fighting legion.

“How was school?” Marcus asks you quietly as he approaches to stand on your other side. He still listens intently to the conversation, even if he actually acknowledges your presence and the fact that you’ve only just gotten home. Before you can respond about how it’d been boring considering you’re only starting to learn about basic chemistry and things that, honestly, you’d already started to learn at the Academy before things went… haywire, someone speaks up.

“Everyone else can see Ben, right?” Cowboy Dude (as you’re now referring to him in your mind) proposes, gesticulating as he starts to approach all of you. Brows furrowing in confusion at this statement, you shake it off and turn your attention back to your older brother to your left.

“Well, certainly not as exciting as whatever the hell is going on here,” you joke, eliciting a chuckle from both Ben and Marcus. Surprising that the prior was even listening.

“Cute hat, Sundance,” Ben remarks, never failing to miss a chance to whip out a comeback. The disturbed looks from the intruders only elicit an amused smile from you. It’s then that you make eye contact with the little one of their group, his eyebrows furrowed similarly to the one you held earlier when trying to decipher who they were. His head tilts slightly as his green eyes search yours. Suddenly your Father’s voice attracts everyone’s attention once more.

“They call themselves the Umbrella Academy, a group of scheming, perfidious malcontents who accosted me in the fall of nineteen sixty-three when I was away on business in Dallas. Be warned, they claim to be my spawn.”

“What?” Trying to process and take in this information, it makes no sense that they’d been alive in nineteen sixty-three, and yet one of them looks your age. They’d all at least be well into their sixties by now. The following words from the dark-haired, cape-wearing woman drone in one ear and out the other as you try to wrap your head around everything your Father had so casually said.

“I don’t know yet, but it’s concerning,” the little one garners your attention again, your eyebrows now mirroring his as you try to piece this puzzle together. Siblings? There’s no way… is there? Wouldn’t you know? Wouldn’t this have come up, before? Why does Father look on edge if this is the case? Why would they accost him, then? There are too many questions and too little information to come to any certain conclusion.

“Is he telling the truth?” Marcus asks. Even if this is all new information, he’s always the best at keeping things going and taking assertive action. It’s why he’s Number One.

“Does that mean they’re our…” you cut yourself off, not daring to voice the thoughts going through your head. “That’s impossible.”

“You’d think,” the little one comments.

“Says the kid who would be in his sixties if it were true,” you respond lamely, not really intending to speak it to anyone in particular.

“Yeah, well the truth is mercurially dynamic at best, little girl,” the kid bites back. He moves his jaw in an unsettling way, your own jaw clenching at the degrading nickname. Despite your outward appearance, you are not a little girl, by far.

“Not the part about us being perfidious,” the thin person, who you can now see is a woman, defends. Her voice is fairly quiet, yet with all the thick tension in the air, there’s more than enough silence to be filled.

Cowboy Dude backs her up. “No, we’re amateur-fidious, at best.”

“-but we are his children. This is our house.” She claims. Samantha takes the moment to gauge her sibling's reactions, everyone looking about, if not more, stumped than she is.

“Yeah, yeah. We, uh… grew up here.” It’s the Big One, now. Alphonso takes the opportunity to mock him, which only irks you and elicits an eye roll because something doesn’t feel right about this. Though it’s unlikely and something only someone desperate would come up with… for some reason you believe there’s a possibility they’re telling the truth.

“How’s that possible?” Your voice is quiet, mind turning its gears as you can’t work out what’s missing in this equation. A few theories have formed in the last minute or so, but there’s no definitive answer here. There are still crucial parts missing in their explanation.

“I kind of think we would have noticed you,” Sloane remarks, pointing out something that all of you had to have been thinking, her soft voice helping to ease the tension if for only a moment.

“Hi, I’m Luther.” The Big One extends his hand out to Sloane, yet she doesn’t move. Smart, on her part, though the sudden shift in attitude and the kind smile on his face only make the whole situation that much more eerie and confusing.

“Hi Luther,” you respond with a small wave and a remiss attitude. It really doesn’t seem like the time, nor place, yet you play along.

“Okay. None of you belong here.” The dark-haired glove-wearing girl asserts, clearly having had enough.

“Woah! What?” Taken aback by the sudden aggressiveness in her tone, you take a step back. Defensiveness ebbs into your being. Alphonso audibly gawks at her words, Jayme making a noise of discontent and incredulousness, Ben almost growling under his breath.

“Oh! Well, then. I guess we’ll just pack our bags and move out,” Fei remarks sarcastically, eliciting a smile thrown over your shoulder to her. She’s always been much faster with comebacks than you, though not as good as Ben. It’s a quality you’d never been able to pick up, really, and the whole… IceCube Incident didn’t exactly help.

Christopher plays along with Fei, though proposes that the supposed ‘Umbrella Academy’ will have to beat us if they want our spots in the house.

“You slay me, Chris,” Ben chuckles. Christopher’s remark elicits a few laughs from your siblings and a tight-lipped look from you. It’s hard not to smile, knowing they have no chance of beating you all, yet you don’t want to appear cocky. After all, you don’t want anyone to fight. Fighting is never the answer.

The telltale sign of heels clacking against the black and white tile of the foyer announces her presence. “I wasn’t expecting company,” Grace sighs. “This is the best I could do on short-” she starts to malfunction, one eye rolling slightly as she struggles to get her words out, voice box revealing a deeper tone than that of the tone she’s been programmed for, “-short notice.”

“It’s fine, Grace. Thank you,” you respond, a small and tense placating smile on your lips.

“Mom,” the shaggy-haired man practically whispers, breaking the silence. Mom? Out of all the things he could’ve said… he said that. His tone was soft… again, a familiarity echoing the similar manner that, Luther–you now know his name–addressed Ben earlier.

“Mom? She’s a robot, you perv.” Despite the seriousness of her accusation, Alphonso chuckles, of course. Their humor is… something, alright. The two of them, together… yeesh. They never fail to surprise you with what will come out of one of their mouths.

“Jayme,” your tone comes out as a warning.

“What?” She defends, “It’s creepy as hell.”

“It’s not a robot!” The man defends.

“Hey, don’t you call him that!” Luther steps in.

“Or what?” Ben instigates, stepping closer to Luther.

“Why don’t you come closer and find out?” He quips immediately.

“Wow, okay,” your exasperation is evident in your voice. With a shrug of forfeit, you turn your questioning gaze toward Marcus, who meets your eye contact with an expression of anger, patience being tested.

“Luther! Guys, chill!” The small woman begs, coming closer as if to intervene if something were to go down. Though considering the size of Luther and Marcus, you doubt she’d be able to do anything besides get crushed between them.

“Think I’m afraid?” Ben posits, puffing out his chest as if to scare away the giant of a man Luther is. Though an honorable notion for protecting your home, it’s… all too cocky of him. But really, it’s Ben; what do you expect from him?

“Stand down, Ben,” Marcus’ warning tone brings you a sense of relief, not wanting to have to fight this… Umbrella Academy.

“Look at that! She’s got a voice!” Ben taunts the small woman, amused by her attempt to dissuade them. So much for that, you think.

“How about I hide that big Rubik’s Cube up your ass?” Shaggy-hair threatens, eliciting a fire you hadn’t realized had been slowly boiling in the pit of your stomach.

“Christopher isn’t a Rubik’s Cube, you ass!” Marcus extends his arm in front of you before you can properly lunge in the man’s direction. Always the big brother. In a split second the room erupts into many separate conversations, comments, threats, and warnings. It catches your eye–the familiar glint of Jayme’s spit–the black liquid hitting Shaggy Man’s cheek. Eyes widening, you whip your head around to her. “Jayme! You just started things!” You whisper yell at her.

Your older-looking sister squints her eyes at you before rolling them dramatically, a sigh falling from her lips. “Well someone had to. Besides, he started it when he called Grace ‘Mom’ like some kinked-up weirdo,” she asserts, “and now? I’ll finish them.” Arms crossed over her chest, she sits on her hip in triumph, eagerly watching the Shaggy Man go through whatever delusion his mind conjured through her spit. Hazel eyes returning to him, you watch with concern, eyes shifting as you spot the teenage boy eyeing you behind him. As soon as your eyes meet, he looks up at Marcus. Taking him in, you don’t think it’ll be hard to take out this supposed Umbrella Academy if it really comes to it, though you’d rather not. Cute as the boy is, even if rudely witty, he doesn’t have to get hurt.

“I don’t know what circus you escaped from or how you got past our security, but we’re done here. You got 30 seconds to get out of our house.” Marcus has his famous eerily calm mask on in spite of the obvious tension simmering in the room.

“And if we don’t?” Cape-Girl bites back, crossing her arms over her chest with a smug look upon her face.

“Marcus,” your biting tone has a tacit plead in it, one he’s very familiar with. Though you haven’t been on a mission since the IceCube Incident, you still try to prevent fights from breaking out within the walls of the house, begrudgingly to your sibling’s amusement, it always seemed. Luckily, for the most part, Marcus would take your side and help rein in the chaos Jayme, Alphonso, Ben, and Chris always seem to want to participate in.

“Then we’ll have to settle this the old-fashioned way.”

“Ugh,” you groan. Of course it would come to this. As you hear Ben crack his neck and watch Marcus get into a defensive stance, you crack your knuckles. Everyone’s stances mirror similar defensive poses with little idiosyncrasies within each person.

“Sam, go!” Marcus instructs, pointing toward the doorway. He knows how you feel about fighting, yes, but more than anything he knows you won’t use your powers after the Incident. Regardless of whether they’ll need them or not, without using your powers, you’re a liability. Someone he doesn’t need to be distracting him from fully being invested in the fight.

“No! I’m not going.” Getting into a defensive position next to him, you ready yourself, not bothering with your backpack since this will be quick. “If we’re gonna do this, might as well get this over with.”

“Go,” he quietly pleads in the same tone you’d used earlier. Just to spite him, the way he’d ignored your request earlier, you decide that fighting these punks of intruders and letting off some of the rising anger they’ve caused you is the healthiest manner of coping. You’re not going anywhere, because defying your big brother is about the most satisfying thing you could do.

“Agreed,” Luther responds. Readying themselves for a fight, they clearly don’t care about your little side conversation as everyone watches to two biggest members of your family square up.

“Get him, Luther!” Cowboy Dude seems more enthralled to watch, yet his optimistic and supportive attitude seems amusing in juxtaposition to the situation at hand. Does he really want to watch his brother get beaten to a pulp?

“Look we just fought a literal army. Okay? This doesn’t need to get ugly. Let’s all just calm down, and let’s talk.”

“A literal army? What the hell…” Eyeing the woman with confusion, you’re starting to worry Dad was right. Maybe these people are liars and far more crazy than he’d made them out to be.

“Psst-” the sound captures your attention, hazel eyes shifting over to Cowboy Dude. “-Ben-er-rino! You look so much better alive than you do dead. Am I right? Except that haircut.” Lips forming a small ‘o’, a silent ‘ooh’ leaves your lips. You know that’s it. Ben won’t take that.

“What the hell did you just say?” Ben retorts, obviously offended. Yep, you called it.

“Wait, dead? What are you…” It’s then that you register his words, murmuring more to yourself than anyone, it’s just another piece to the growing puzzle.

“Come on, come one, stop will all the hostility, Mr. Grumpy Pants. Oh wow, nice scar. Muy macho.” Cowboy Dude persists, approaching your brother with a passive disposition.

“I wouldn’t if I were-” the comment leaves your lips before you can stop it.

“Shut your mouth!” Ben yells, readying himself for a fight.

“You shut your mouth and just hug your brother-” Ben punches him square in the jaw. The hat goes flying as the man stumbles backward, rolls over, and off the coffee table, which really, seems a bit dramatic to you. Ben can’t punch that hard. Maybe Marcus, but Ben? No way.

“What the hell? You didn’t have to do that!” Luther raises his voice, closing the distance between him and Ben.

“Oh, I’m pretty sure I did!” Ben bites back.

“That’s right, he did,” Alphonso comments.

“Yeah,” you agree. The man did come off as a bit aggressive and forward.

“Hey, get back!” Marcus warns, swooping between Ben and Luther easily, keeping them apart physically.

“Luther, hey!” The small woman yells. Marcus shoves Luther away when he won’t stop closing the distance.

“Back off!” Marcus shouts.

“Marcus!” You shout. Luther winds his arm back and throws a punch. Marcus dodges and easily kicks Luther square in the chest. The big man goes flying back through the air.

“Oh shit!” Someone says before the big man lands on top of the Cowboy Dude, knocking over the couch, cupboard, and all the decorations atop it.

“Bad touch, Luther! Bad touch!” The pinned man yells, yet your attention follows your Father leaving the room. All of a sudden, Marcus is hopping over the coffee table towards Luther, the teenage boy is running your way, Sloane, Alphonso, Jayme, and Fei all go their separate ways, leaving you open and vulnerable. Panicking, you step aside, Ben still holding the space he’d been in, readying himself for the incoming kid with a devilish look in his eyes.

“Come at me, litter box!” Shaggy Man yells at Christopher, who you spot floating a few feet above you, heading in his direction. With a relieved breath, you gather yourself, eyes flitting from person to person as you try to figure out where to insert yourself. In the midst of your panic and internal struggle, you see the kid punch Ben backward out of the corner of your eye. Ben immediately comes back to punch him, but the kid dodges only to kick Ben away.

“Don’t hurt my brother, Short-Shorts!” You yell, the attempt at name-calling simply coming off the top of your head as you charge at the kid, going to punch him, yet he elbows you in the stomach before kicking you down, all without sparing a glance in your direction. To be fair... announcing your incoming probably wasn’t the smartest idea you’ve had. Ben knees the kid, all while laughing, as he dodges the incoming punch.

“That’s the best you got, really?” The amusement quickly shifts. “Don’t need your help, pipsqueak!” He yells, still fist-fighting the kid, eyes on him, yet you know the words are directed at you. Ben finally manages to get a punch in before swiveling around the kid’s punch and landing another right in his stomach. With a grab of his arm and another quick shift of position, he’s got him in a headlock. On your feet, you stand in front of them with an unamused look on your face.

“At least I’m trying,” you huff, “more than I can say for you!” The kid suddenly disappears with a fwip sound, and both you and your brother’s eyes widen in surprise. Ben looks around, as do you, yet the next fwip sounds to your left, signaling his appearance.

“You’re alive-” The kid stumbles backward, regaining his balance, “-that’s great… or possibly horrible, I’m not really sure yet.” Fixing his hair, you take in what he’s said, more than plan what to do next.

“Is that some kind of weird smack talk?” Ben questions. It’s the second time someone’s mentioned him dead, is it really possible that-

“-It’s more of an existential problem, really, Ben,” he’d cut off your thoughts, attention shifting back to the moment before you. With a wide step and a cocked fist, you punch him across the face, sending him stumbling back again.

“Awesome! Here’s your next problem,” announcing his next move, you know what’s coming. A tentacle lunges from his chest toward the kid, only for him to disappear with another fwip. Left reeling for his position, it’s only as your attention draws back to Ben that a look of astonishment takes over your face. Pointing up to the balcony, you tacitly give him a heads-up by pointing the boy out.

“You know, even though you’re a total asshat now-” Ben sends his tentacles surging toward him again, giving you the perfect opportunity to escape. Running toward the foyer to head upstairs and get the kid, you pass Fei fighting the Cape-wearing woman, who you happen to trip on the way up the stairs. Mary janes shoes clomping up the many steps as fast as you can, you quickly find that the kid has vanished, again. Leaning over the railing he’s down below; a groan escapes your lips. As you turn to head back down, a burst of energy hits you, smacking you against the railing, and taking your legs out from under you. On the floor, you start to get up, only for a knife to plunge into the wood a few centimeters away. Breath caught in your throat, you stare in shock and disbelief, fear, and adrenaline surging through your veins.

“Chris!” You yell, running toward the knife as you spot Christopher floating in the opposite direction, Shaggy Man following suit on the other side of the walkway. Attempting to dislodge the knife from the wood is hard, it’s smooth, and the wood now is splintering. With a few grunts of effort, you extract it, readying yourself as Christopher leads him past you and goes over the railing. Not expecting the man to follow, you throw the knife, sending it flying right where the railing stops. Shaggy Man does a flip over the railing, leaving you wide-eyed, mouth agape. The knife misses him by an inch or so, going into the wall on the other side of the living room balcony.

“See? We’re hugging! This is progress!” Cowboy Dude yells, despite being squished in a constricting hold of Ben’s tentacle. Though amusing, you know you need to help. Turning to head back down to the first floor, you spot the kid having teleported onto the walkway with the cape-wearing woman above the foyer. While they’re on the opposite side of the adjoining room, you watch as Jayme strides toward them.

“Hey, Short Pants! What’s up?” Her taunting voice asks him. As you start to head in their direction, you hear the boy tell his accomplice to leave them so she can help the others. “What are you, their mascot?” Jayme quips.

On the other side of the balcony, you stop dead in your tracks as he teleports again, the now familiar fwip telling you so. “More like their ringer,” he answers her question.

Punch sending her to the ground, you can’t help but let out an audible “Ooh,” as it looks like it’d hurt. Just as his eyes draw up to you with surprise and a deadly look within them, Jayme’s spit lands on his forehead, hand following suit.

“Hey, gross, all right?” The slowing of his movements tells you he’s in whatever delusion his mind conjured from her venom. Taking the opportunity to finish closing the distance between you and your sister, you both watch the boy act out whatever’s going on in his mind.

“Really? You’re no help,” she grumbles at you, disappointment and annoyance evident as she dusts off her pants and stands.

“Delores?” The boy questions, your eyes following his line of vision, even if you knew nothing was there. You can never be too sure, you figure. Today has already been weird as hell. As the boy starts walking toward the other staircase, you give Jayme an unpleased look. “Mi sei mancato anche angelo mio, più di quanto tu possa immaginare. Vieni da me.”

“Italian?” You question, eyes locking with hers, a surprised look on both of your faces.

“Yup.” As it starts to look like he’s making out with someone, your sister lets out an “Ugh,” which elicits a laugh from you as your eyes land on her rather than the disturbing image before the both of you. “Are they all perverts?” You shrug. Jayme walks up to him and doubles him over with a roundhouse kick. He tumbles down the stairs, his sounds of pain elicit a grimace, nevertheless, you join your sister at the staircase’s landing. With a flip of your hair, you turn and run towards the other staircase, heading back down to the living room. Spotting Luther slipping through the bookcase passageway and the kid gone from his spot on the tiles, you try to find the others. Just as you’re headed back through the foyer, another fwip resounds across the table. With a yelp, the kid appears.

“Shit, it’s gone!” he looks around, eyes landing on you for a moment before finally resting on the scene in the living room.

“What’s gone?” You ask, yet his attention makes yours shift as well. The thin woman lies on the floor moaning in pain.

“Vanya, get out of there!” He yells, approaching the living room. Without thinking, you follow suit, intent on keeping him back as no one else needs to get hurt. It’s sad, really, but you can’t save everyone. Her hands are clenched in fists and you watch as your siblings form a circle around her, slowly closing in. With a stumble backward the kid suddenly disappears again. In the split-second all you’d seen was panic and fear, leaving you afraid of whatever he’d been afraid of. By the time you look back at the living room, a burst of energy suddenly sends you flying through the air backward, your whole body smacking against the wall, knees buckling as you slowly crumble to the floor.

~~~~~~~~

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