#queerphobia anecdotal

[thesilveregg]

New red flag just dropped its hating the concept of polyamory

#polyamory #I’m not polyam but my partner is and like #it’s always just queerphobia It’s ALWAYS Queerphobia!!! #every bad thing I’ve heard about polyamory is just anecdotal and are just as likely to happen in monogamous relationships #when a gay couple has a messy break up i don’t say ‘welp I guess gay people are bad now w’

[jewishvitya]

Something frustrating is like.

"This is the bigotry that I see in my daily life in this society. It's widespread and normalized and it practically makes you an outlier if you don't hold this attitude."

"Can you give an example?"

"Here are examples from my experience. They're not the extremes, they're the norm."

"Sounds like you have a problem with these individuals."

It makes me want to scream.

Sometimes it's from conversations about misogyny or queerphobia and things that impact me. This time it's from trying to share with someone the racism against Palestinians that I see in Israeli society. But every time it happens, it's like. These anecdotes are meant to illustrate. They're not the entirety of the issue.

#riki babbles

[teaveetamer]

Edelstans really lack self awareness huh? "We never said she had no agency, that's why we stalk and harass these haters/gross fujos cause how dare they say she did those bad things, she was forced to do so and it wasn't too bad, and it's the victim's fault for existing, and Dimitri's just as bad, etc etc uwu" And I especially like how you noted that they were going to look at your blog and throw a fit only to do exactly what you said. Very charming on their end.

Of course they did exactly what I said they would. They're in too deep to stop now. They need to keep justifying to themselves why it's "okay" for them to attack us, otherwise people there might start catching on to the fact that what they've been doing is abhorrent.

Anyway, a bit anecdotal but it's definitely not just "one or two" people doing this to Edelgard either. Let's just set aside for the moment the "better than canon" fanfic they always rec which spends the bulk of it's text treating Edelgard like a sad little girl with no agency. Let's talk about the most ridiculous example I've encountered of Edelgard stans completely refusing to acknowledge her agency.

I have had some really intense arguments with Edelgard stans insisting that she never set Bernadetta on fire. When I could prove with actual, literal, video evidence that she does set Bernie on fire, I was told that it was a programming mistake/glitch/bug because Edelgard would never.

Like holy shit. When you're to the point of accusing the programmers of making a mistake because you, the end consumer who did not work on this game in any capacity, can't reconcile your reading of the character with things that canonically happened... I don't know what you want me to say.

I also didn't include this screenshot because it wasn't really relevant to the point I was trying to make, but a few replies down turns into a full blown r/SelfAwareWolves moment. Someone (paraphrased) says "people only want us to acknowledge her agency because they want us to think she's a villain"

You're so close. The reason why so many of us don't like Edelgard has nothing to do with misogyny or queerphobia or whatever. It's because we looked at the decisions she made, acknowledged that she made those decisions with full agency, and we think those decsions were wrong. I think starting a war of conquest is wrong. I think trampling the sovereignty of two independent states is wrong. I think continuing to work with people who perform human experimentation is wrong. I think benefitting from the genocide of a race is wrong. I have seen no convincing argument from your side on why I should change my mind.

Fuck me man, all three of those arguments have their own agency stripping counterarguments that I've been hearing since 2019. Literally everything from "defensive invasion, she knew Claude and Dimitri were going to invade her so she had to attack them first!" to "Fodlan was never REALLY three independent countries so she didn't REALLY decide to trample on their sovereignty!" to "she had to because she had a gun held to her head and the Agarthans forced her!!!" to the classic "um, she was like 9 when that happened" (She was not 9).

Do y'all not see how ALL of that completely strips her of the agency you keep insisting she's so feminist for exhibiting, and why some of us might think that's super lame?

[wreckitremy]

As much as I usually agree with the point of the posts that have a certain kind of phrase in it, I'm getting tired of these phrases in general and I've finally pinpointed why.

These phrases are usually something like "irl communities don't care about your discourse" or "only people who've never interacted with the community in real life, would be so concerned about this"

These are usually said in response to exclusionists, as a flippant dismissal of their hatred. Now flippant dismissal has its place, but not in the essays these phrases are in. It's usually mixed in with explanations of history of the community, and personal anecdotes about time spent in irl communities.

Up until last month, I hadn't really gone to any places for the community. There isn't much in Kansas. So I didn't feel I had the right to speak up about this phrase. But then we had our first state pride event last month.

Now, I was prepared for it to be underwhelming bc I was already somewhat aware of how pride seems to be romanticized (as social events usually are) and, as previously mentioned, it's Kansas. But that didn't mean some things didn't sting. And they have me thinking on these phrases that keep cropping up.

These phrases, while said by people against exclusionists, imply a lot of things, that don't necessarily help.

They imply that irl communities are inherently better

Irl communities are going to be varied. Just bc irl communities in L.A. are really great, doesn't mean that the ones in rural red states are going to be great. And even the best ones, are going to be white skinny cis gay centered.

I don't think we had more than 100 people show up to our pride event, most of them only showed up half way through, and I got misgendered 4 times. I didn't even bring out the super difficult pronouns, just they/them.

They imply that only interacting with the community online is inherently toxic

A lot of people still believe that trolls don't act that way in real life, despite studies showing that they do act that way offline. They just do it behind closed doors, or to people in customer service.

Not to mention, online communities are the only way a lot of ppl have to interact with the community, be it bc of rural problems, disability, or safety reasons.

If it weren't for online communities, I would have probably never even heard of any of my identities. I didn't fall for exclusionist rhetoric, bc my identities are their targets.

Those who aren't a target, avoid falling for it bc they haven't been exposed to it, or they personally know someone who is a target, not bc they've been to a bar has a pride flag hanging somewhere on the premises.

They imply that not caring is the same as acceptance

Our community has a real problem with acting like coming out is a big one time event where you either get kicked out/beaten up, or you get glowing acceptance out the wazoo.

But the reality is that you have to decide to "come out" every time you interact with anyone, and a lot of that is just quiet indifference or the silent treatment. Getting treated like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, just for not hiding your queerness, isn't acceptance.

I call this being in the glass closet, bc I never hide any of my queerness, but the assumptions that come from non queer people, are still the ones associated with being in the closet.

Now a lot of the reason non queer people never treat me with obvious queerphobia, is bc my identities aren't one of the basic ones that even non queer people have heard of. My oldest one is my ace identity, which brings me to my final point.

It mirrors exclusionist rhetoric

Now if you"re thinking that 'too many people are crying terf/exclusionist rhetoric these days' you've already swallowed more of it than I'm willing to get into today.

One of the most popular phrases that exclusionists still throw at aces, is "nobody cares what you do in the bedroom"

It was said to shut aces up, bc by pretending that aces aren't oppressed, they could justify not making space for them in the community. And if any aces tried to call this out, it was met with something like "oh I don't hate you, I just don't care".

These phrases get plastered onto ace PSAs, trying to keep aces from speaking up, making space for themselves in the community, and educating others on what support the ace community needs. And then these people have the audacity to say they are neutral on ace discourse, bc they don't hate ace people, they just think they aren't a real identity.

They apply this across the board to any identity they feel is unworthy to be considered part of the club.

So when I see claims that irl communities don't care about the infighting, all I see is that they will choose neutrality and side with the oppressor.

Not caring enough to hate, is not acceptance.

#aphobia discussion #exclu mention #terf mention #asexual #ace #microlabels #queer pride #aphobia #pride events #lgbt+ #queer #pansexual #panphobia #not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you #october 2022

[pizzacrustdisposal]

Peepaw, I have to write a terrible no good awful essay for a class I could care less about…my topic is trans hate online (because I wanna slowly hint I’m trans too allll my teachers without having to send an email). Do you have any anecdotes I could possibly use to help inspire my brain?

(I don’t actually hate writing, I just hate writing for school because it sucks)

Big mood that last bit...

I’d say, above all else, that transphobia (and other queerphobias) is inherently selfish, because these things only affect one person and that’s not you — and, like all other internet hatred, posting bigoted shit online is a coward’s game. In your comfy chair with no real person to call you out, the worst you can do is get blocked by a few people... I bet people like that feel sooo smug about it but they’re literally scum.

I don’t really have anything else to jump-start your juices but I’ll certainly try again if needed!

#curse my lack of brain cells #pizza crust delivery #pizzacrustdisposal

[palominodragon]

I don't want to spam the replies of that nice TIRF I was talking to, but I did want to write down more of my thoughts on the subject so that I can refer back to them if the conversation continues, or just have them on hand.

To the TIRF looking for community: You mentioned men being centered in discussions of feminism. How often have you actually seen men "centered" in these discussions and how often was it just that men were included? When I've seen a feminist post/essay/etc that focuses on men, it's been because that was the specific part, out of many parts of the subject, that a person was talking about in that instance, and that they had also written pieces about feminism which focused on women.

It is a fact that patriarchy harms men too. Including this in the conversation and having compassion for those men does not detract from the fight for gender equality.

(In terms of harm, I'm thinking of how, according to studies as well as personal anecdotes, single men tend to be much more lonely than single women because men are taught not to be emotionally vulnerable with their platonic friends, whereas women more often have friend circles they can be fully open with, and that this is one among other pressures resulting in men being unhealthily obsessed with finding a romantic partner.

I'm thinking of how being born with a penis only gets you a fragile hold on male privilege. To keep it, you also have to look and act the part. If you'd rather express yourself in ways not considered masculine, then you will be the target of ridicule from your peers and often violence.)

Discussing this - sharing the psychology, the studies, the anecdotes - can accomplish only one thing, and that is to make more people (men and women alike) aware of the harm that patriarchal society has done and continues to do.

The act of including men in the discussion gives women more allies.

perspective: I am a masc-leaning nonbinary who didn't recognize my dysphoria as specifically gender dysphoria until my early thirties - and thus lived as a woman until that time. My parents were both outspoken feminists and I have continued to surround myself with feminists throughout my life. My father in particular was always striving to base his relationship with my mother and other women, both friends and lovers (my parents were polyamorous) on equality. He also often made self-aware comments on his own emotional reactions and how they conflicted with the expectations/peer pressure of patriarchal society. He probably put more effort than anyone else into teaching me the nuances of its influence - its direct and indirect negative effects on society and individuals, as well as its ties to queerphobia and racism.

#feminism

[g-r-a-y-p-h-i-c]

Hubris

im a very reckless, outspoken person when it comes to antagonism (and honestly just in general); a personal joy of mine is telling a nazi dipshit exactly what i think of his pitiful attempt at significance, and his rather ridiculous idea of how much he can get away with when theres people like me around.

theyve backed off so far, or at least redirected their attention to screaming at me, which is preferable to them bothering someone else. but.

someday, statistically speaking, one will hit me. and im Very ready for that. ive probably got more experience fighting for my life than they do, anyways. ill greet it with an incredulous, shit-eating grin.

like i said- Hubris. im pretty unapologetic about it. never claimed to be a wise person.

#forage the ruins digital art arts artists firealpaca fire alpaca #look everyone around here irl thinks im a pitiful degenerate for being an autistic grey aroace enby and being PROUD of that #and im used to it #doesnt mean i take it lying down tho; Oh No #I Make It Very Clear How I View Their Ridiculous Opinions On My Worth As A Human Being #im a very intense person whos learned to become permanently semi-disconnected from pain #i grew up being shoved against walls and thrown out of cars until i was big enough to defend myself #i was stalked everywhere and suicide-baited #any fuckwit republican who thinks they can ruin my day is SORELY mistaken #telling them exactly what i think of their antagonism and bigotry is a treat #instead of being fazed i just become delighted i get to verbally eviscerate a bully #self portrayal #Abstract Background #anti-nazi tag #queerphobia anecdotal #ableism anecdotal #bullying anecdotal #suicide-baiting anecdotal #abusive parenting anecdotal #FUCK i forgot to draw my glasses again #its almost eight am ive been up since uhhhhhh.... before dark yesterday?? like mid-afternoon at least #so ig its understandable that i Only Now Literally Just Noticed I Forgot The Fucking Glasses Again

[aaronexplainsitall]

But when you say that you're friends with cishets and don't see a problem with that it invalidates the experience of people who have legit trauma because of straights and queerphobia which you've obviously never experienced. And FIY boasting about being an assimilator wanting to be friends with straight people makes you look like a bootlicker.

Full offence, you’re a fucking moron. Four things: 

One: I’m not invalidating anyone’s experiences by talking about mine. If you don’t like the content of my blog and the things I talk about, then leave. I’m not putting a content warning on posts which talk about me having straight friends, that’s absolutely batshit. 

Two: I have plenty of “legit trauma” as a result of straight people, but that doesn’t mean I’m never going to be friends with another straight person again. And go fuck yourself, telling me that I’ve never experienced “queerphobia”. I’ve experienced more than fifteen years of overt homophobia and you don’t know the first thing about me, so don’t come stomping in here with your little piss baby shoes on to tell me about myself. 

Three: The concept of gay assimilation and painting it as a bad thing is one of the biggest heaps of shit. Wanting to be treated like everyone else and have a quiet life isn’t something to be ashamed of.

Four: I’m not boasting about anything. I told an anecdote. The anecdote is that I was talking to two people at once: a gay group chat, and a straight guy. I was having to switch between kiking with the faggots and talking boats with the straight guy. I got confused and said, re: having surface time on a small vessel without changing tank or returning to shore, “mama, I can’t get into all that chaos, confusion and tomfoolery”. This was funny because this is typically how I would speak to gay people and not how I would speak to a straight person. That’s it. That’s literally all that you’ve managed to make this much of a fuss about. 

Go away now. 

#i don't want to have to turn off anon because some of y'all can't act right #but i have done before and i'll do it now if you don't chill #Anonymous

[animefeminist]

Beautiful, Broken, and Queer: The complicated interplay of sexuality and trauma in Banana Fish

CONTENT WARNING for discussion of sexual assault, child sexual abuse, pedophilia, and queerphobia

Banana Fish is a unique work. Yoshida Akimi’s seminal 1985 shoujo manga is famous for its dense, elaborate plot and high-adrenaline action sequences that stand out among its peers, as well as the intimate, ambiguous relationship between its two male leads. Its tremendous cultural influence and status as a relatively early example of a queer manga produced before the BL genre was clearly codified makes it an enduring and important subject of analysis even today.

In particular, its depiction of sexual violence as linked to queer and gay sexuality is a significant element of the story which continuously sparks conversation and strong emotional responses, as has been discussed by many different writers.

Author Anne McCaffrey’s infamous “tent peg” quote recounts the experience of an acquaintance who, supposedly, was wholly straight until being subjected to anal rape involving a tent peg, which over time acted as a catalyst for him “becoming effeminate and gay.” This anecdote posits gay sexuality as a corrupting force that stems from violence, an incredibly damaging idea that, ultimately, reinforces fear and revulsion of gay people and gives false credence to discrimination against gay teachers, parents, and so on.

Identifying as gay does not necessitate prior trauma, and a man’s experience of any form of sexual assault, including anal rape, at the hands of another man will not inevitably create sexual attraction toward other men out of thin air. It’s genuinely difficult to overstate how irresponsible, offensive, and hurtful this statement is.

And still. Although the effects of sexual trauma are nowhere near as simple as McCaffrey’s erroneous, homophobic statement implies, I can’t find it in me to completely dismiss the underlying question it raises. What is the relationship between trauma and sexuality?

I am a lesbian who was sexually assaulted as a preteen. Whenever I am distrustful and anxious around men, when I shy away from sex, when I feel profound discomfort in my own body, I am compelled to reckon with this question, with the fact that violence has inescapably shaped my sexual identity.

Read it at Anime Feminist!

#banana fish #ash lynx #asheiji #articles

[nsmama]

Recipe for Turnabout, in progress still

Not a lot of time to play recently but I’m jamming it into the corners of my life.

Short anecdote first. My child clients told their mom that I wanted to play my rainbow’s DS game and that I liked the lawyers in it. I owned up and showed my phone screen (do you all have Phoenix and Miles on the home screen? I’m sorry but I NEED them there) and the mom, who is a sweet Millennial, laughed and said, “Cartoon crushes are real,” when the 9yo scoffed. So, I’m out as lawyer trash at work.

So the thing I wanted to say is that I am *horrified* that my rainbow says Jean Armstrong isn’t a character we like because he becomes a cheap joke on gender stuff. I’ve just seen him in one scene so far and I was so pleased that there was a fat, stacked, make-up-wearing man who obviously liked pink and flowers and frills. That’s just a guy. I thought he was just a sort of affirming, happy character. My rainbow says he’s played for cheap laughs soon.

That makes me so sad. I loved him. Fudge-duck.

I’m sorry, y’all who play this game, that there is transphobia and queerphobia and gender nastiness written into my beloved Ace Attorney. That’s hard to reconcile with the joy I take from the game. :( Many sadfaces.

#ace attorney #recipe for turnabout #jean armstrong #transphobia mention

[korrasera]

Do you think a lot of the recent explosion of hatred for fanfic and such might be driven by aphobia? Speaking anecdotally, there are a ton of aro and ace people who write fic and the like, especially in smaller fandoms, and given how these people like to hide their bigotry by targeting groups that don't appear to be marginalized on the surface, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of it is just a convenient way to continue hating ace and aro people now that that's less cool to do openly.

It doesn’t feel to me like it’s driven by aphobia because that feels too targeted and too specific, as though any recent downturn in exclusionists was taken up by them just collectively moving over to being antis.

I think it’s much more likely that every authoritarian group that plagues us is going through cycles like the tides, because they’ve been surging and retreating aggressively for the last two years and building more even before that.

The way I’d describe it is this:

Right now we’re seeing far right extremism surge and along with it all of the other groups that are authoritarians but don’t necessarily see themselves as far right extremists. That’s a thing that’s happening and all you need to do is watch politics in any particular arena to see it.

The reason that I think that all of those groups feed of each other, even when they make for really strange bedfellows, is because they’re people who are driven by the need to police people and attack people in order to feel safe. When they see one authoritarian group making strides to that effect, they feel bolder about doing it in their own domain.

So you get TERF/exclusionists that hijack London pride with their transphobia and queerphobia. You get transmeds who parrot TERF rhetoric because it so accurately summarizes their attitudes as long as they snip out a few nouns.

Mind you, I imagine the Venn diagram of anti-shippers and any of those other groups has a fair amount of overlap, so I have no problem believing that there’s probably plenty of antis that are also exclusionists. If they’re going to be in a moral panic about fanfic then they’re totally capable of being aphobic bigots too.

#Anonymous