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#queer experiences
nonbinarymlm · 3 months
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The urge to become a house husband is real
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lierdumoa · 6 months
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i didn’t fully understand how qpr’s work but now i think i found someone i want to be in one wirh but there’s no way i’m bringing that up =]
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decomposingpoet · 9 months
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Fuck it let's talk about wholesome queer stories vs tragic queer stories in media
When I was younger I loved media that portrayed the pain of being queer. I loved the books, poems, songs, movies etc about the unrequited lesbian love for a straight girl, the hiding of who you are until it starts to eat at you from the inside, the guilt, the conversion therapy, the societal hatred, the self-hatred, etc etc.
I guess I liked them so much for two reasons
1. I was at that age when girls romanticize suffering which is a whole other conversation (thank God I'm not in that mindset anymore 💀) 2. These stories seemed to accurately reflect the reality around me. Almost everyone I knew in real life was homophobic, including my family, church and friends. The queer people I knew in real life were closeted and struggled with internalized homophobia. The one gay kid I knew who was openly and unapologetically gay was mocked and despised.
I even remember disliking positive queer representation like Love, Simon and Everything's Gonna Be Okay because they seemed childish and unrealistic to me. I would watch them and almost feel mocked like something I couldn't have was being flaunted in front of my face.
Now, looking back, I understand the damage that this caused. My experiences in life and the media I consumed created a self reinforcing cycle that further and further pushed the idea that this is what a queer life is. Mainly it taught me two things.
1. I subconsciously became convinced that queer joy was rare if not impossible. I thought it was a fantasy that only someone born in New York City with ally parents could achieve. Not someone whose life was already predetermed to be suck because they were born in a church and with unaccepting parents.
2. This topic is a little tricky, but in my opinion, even if a piece of media doesn't condone something it portrays, this doesn't let it off the hook completely. Even though the internalized homophobia portrayed in the media I consumed wasn't condoned, it was still normalized in my mind as I saw one queer on TV after another fall into self-hatred or even commit suicide. Subconsciously I came to believe that this is how it's supposed to be. To me, being proud and unapologetic was just as much of a fantasy as being happy and fulfilled. I became to hate myself too and look at myself with disgust every time I yearned for a girl. Monkey see, monkey do, I guess, especially when the monkey is young and impressionable.
As I became more hopeful about my future, however, I began to realize that positive queer rep is not as stupid as I thought it was. In fact, it was more important than I ever imagined it to be. And sad gay stories weren't just something fun and innocent for me, they were one of the reasons I became to hopeless. Positive queer stories, on the other hand, hold so much incredible potential to inspire the viewer to hope, love and strive that I can't believe how I overlooked their importance in the past. Long live positive queer representation!!!
(As a sidenote, I still whole-heartedly believe that sad queer stories NEED to be told, unless you wanna just erase all the pain of LGBT. However, happy queer stories also need to be told. Both need to coexist.)
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bxdtime-ceai · 8 months
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I've been basically forcing myself into talking with people on dating apps mainly to prove to myself that 1. I like people and 2. I like girls and although it's made it clear to me that the answer to both of those questions is yes, it's given me a lot of something I can only describe as asexual burnout
It's near impossible to find people who are down to not have a sexual relationship especially since asexuality is unknown to im betting 99% of people where I live. It's also near impossible for me to tell whether I pursue dates with men purely for the benefits (learning cool places to visit around the city, practicing the language, etc) or because I actually want a relationship. I keep gravitating to the aromantic label but I know I am 100% attracted to people romantically, I just don't feel great being in the romantic game at this current time
Overall using dating apps has made me more confused about myself even as it has brought me clarity in other areas. The other day I finally deleted all the apps and I can't describe the immediate relief I felt. This will now be a chapter of aggressive introversion, self-care, and self-reflection on my part
I'm happy I came to this conclusion
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flyingdumpsterfire · 11 months
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You know that moment where you're feeling quite dysphoric so you tie back your hair so it looks like a longish tomboy/pixie haircut then turn up to a zoom class
and your teacher asks "Hey, did you cut your hair? It looks good!"
and you feel so gender affirmed in that moment that you want to cry
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I fell in love once before, I tell the empty subway car, it was a long time ago, and I guess maybe the wound never healed right. Still aches when rain is coming. Twinges when there's going to be a storm. Swells a little in the early morning when I've just woken up from a dream--
As if on cue, blood drops, meaty and congealed, onto the floor.
It's healed a little, I insist, clutching at the wound edges. Just not all the way.
It's healing, I say as we slide into the station before mine, the buzzy florescents banding across the floor, glimmering on the slick surface. I was in love a while ago and it has to be over now. I have to stop hoping because everytime--
A woman gets on the train. She sits in the opposite corner, doesn't blink at the thick, coppery scent. I finish in a whisper--every time I think about him it gets deeper. It might not heal.
I button up my sweater, wipe my bloody hands on a Pret napkin. Leave the napkin on the blue seat, leave the chunky puddle on the train floor.
I wait for the doors to open. Breathe through the pain on the escalator up to the sun.
I was in love once-- Nevermind. It needs to be over now. I swallow tepid Manhattan morning, square my shoulders. Can't get blood on the corporation. Got to man up. It has to be over. The longer my body holds on to hope, the larger the wound tears. It choose when it's done grieving.
I'd rather clean desolation then bloody, spewing hope.
I hope it runs out soon. The hope. I wash my hands when I get to the office, watch the water run rusted brown. Laugh with a coworker-Cold, isn't it? That HVAC, ha, hotter it gets out there... - gesturing to my sweater. We both politely ignore the seeping orange around the buttonholes.
At some point I'm going to throw up a kidney or lung or something in these sinks. A heart. Not even throw up, might just adjust the sweater and it'll fall out.
I hope it stops soon. Before I scare a coworker. I'm glad the office carpeting is black.
I go to my desk, trying not to think I've been in love--
8.8.22
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anerdberri · 1 year
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Yesterday the university that I want to enter just posted an ebook to help study for the entrance exams. To get it you needed to fill in a Google form. So the third question was about your gender it included a lot of options like nonbinary and trans and I felt so happy.
So I went to another and wrote agender and send it.
I know it was just to know about the target group but it was my first time filling something as a queer person. And I know most forms especially in my country aren't inclusive.
But it made me so happy for some strange reason.
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veil-of-exordia · 1 year
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Being aroace vs pop culture
Being aroace has a pretty big influence on my disinterest in pop culture. I don’t think it’s only due to allonormativity. It’s also how pop culture is mostly aimed at teenagers and young adults.
I prefer media aimed at other age groups: -Media aimed at younger audiences typically do not involve detailed romance or sex and thus I can headcanon many characters as aroace (or at least ace) and enjoy the story from an aroace perspective.
-Media aimed at older audiences may portray the topics of romance and sex using a more nuanced perspective (i.e. romance and sex are not automatically perfect ideal things), which makes them more approachable for me.
But teenage-focused pop culture doesn’t do these. Oh well.
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outlinesnotghosts · 1 year
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there's something about being Seen, even if it's by a complete stranger, that can just knock all of the breath out of you sometimes
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our-queer-experience · 5 months
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nonbinarymlm · 2 years
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Sometimes in relationships you'll do things that hurt each other. In a long term relationship these things are guaranteed. Hopefully it will be unintentional, but stuff will happen. This will especially happen if you're both marginalized or neurodivergent. What matters is that you deal with it with kindness.
I wanted to play a video game with my boyfriend. We're both gamers, but we hadn't played a game together in years, and playing games with other people can be a really fun time. I wanted to. I wanted to play Portal with him, which I hadn't played since High School and is a really clever game. Also, it meant we could work our way to co-op in Portal 2. I brought it up on weekends when we weren't doing anything. He was reluctant, but he agreed to set it up and give it a try. He made it five minutes in before he had to stop.
He didn't like puzzle games because doing puzzles in front of people tied in with bad childhood experiences, from being taught math in the way that involved a lot of yelling and judging and not a lot of actually learning. Also childhood memories of a traumatic autism evaluation (he's not autistic, some of adults in his life were just trying to fix/solve him). So we stopped. I gave a little apology.
Later that night, though, he had screaming nightmares. I talked to him about it in the morning and it turns out Portal was genuinely triggering to him. From the childhood trauma and from other experiences being (at different times consentually and not consentually) institutionalized for mental health reason. Portal mimics institutions in an exaggerated ways, white walls and formal language. It also traps your character and forces you to do puzzles while being watched, connecting to a lot of past trauma. Engaging with it as an interactive medium was particularly triggering.
And the thing is, I knew about these past traumatic experiences. They were all a long time before I met him, but he told me about them. Maybe I could have figured it out. Except he'd never been triggered by content like that before (not that there's a ton of other media like Portal that we'd consumed) and nothing that we'd consumed had been triggering like that because it hadn't been interactive first person. It was something even he didn't really know about, except for general reluctance. But maybe I could have done better.
I got permission and even encouragement from him to share this, because it demonstrates a lot about people and relationships. Sometimes you don't know what will trigger you and triggers can be really unexpected. Sometimes you'll end up pushing sensitive spots on people you love. We're okay, because we're kind to each other and communicate. Communication kind of needs kindness to facilitate, because communication requires vulnerability and that's not going to come naturally without kindness. Also, listening is important. If someone wants to stop something, even a video game, its important. Sometimes unexpected things can really get to people.
Relationships aren't always easy. There are complicated and tough times as well as the easy bits. This can be especially true for anyone who's neurodivergent or marginalized, because we can have more unexpected sensitive spots than others. But these complexities are part of relationships. They're part of what makes it real and they're okay to have, as long as you're respectful to each other about it.
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queer-ecopunk · 5 months
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So, I'm trans. And several years ago, I was at my great grandfather's funeral. 17, newly on T, barely out to anyone other than my close friends and family. And I'm standing there at the refreshment's table, surrounded by strangers and members of my family's church, when George walks up to me.
This man is ancient, bent like a finger and frail. Tufts of white hair surround his wrinkled face. Like always, he's wearing thick glasses, massive hearing aids, and his veteran's hat. George was my first introduction to the concept of war, when he told me as a child why he was missing two fingers on his hand. He's been a fixture at church since I can remember. I've only ever seen him at there or in uniform at parades, the rest of his time spent in a nursing home somewhere. He picks up a deviled egg and says, in his quiet voice,
"You know, before your grandfather died, he told me that now he had 3 grandsons."
I'm frozen in place. I don't know what to say to that, if I should say anything at all. This is not a conversation I expected to have, especially not with this man. But he continues.
"I didn't know what he meant! So he explained it to me."
And I can imagine it. My great grandfather, uninformed and opinionated but supportive, explaining to his friend the news he barely understood himself over after-service coffee and cookies. His eldest grandchild was now a boy.
"And, you know, I didn't know what to think."
Here, George looks me up and down. This 90-something year old war veteran, who knew me mostly as the little girl playing in the church kitchen with his wife, processing what my great grandfather had really meant. It feels like a long pause, even thought it probably passed in a second.
"But you look good. So, eh!"
And then he smiled, shrugged, and walked away without another word. If I was fine, if I was happier, then that's all that mattered.
George passed away this week, at the age of 99. This memory has been bouncing around in my head for a while, but I wasn't sure if or how I should share it. It was a conversation that meant very little, but also meant the world. It was scary, and funny, and the moment when I realized that sometimes the people you least expect will accept you. Sometimes, even if they don't fully understand, even if they barely know you, someone will choose to support you. And that will always matter.
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gingerthee · 26 days
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whoever created professional dress codes me and my ill-fitting chinos and sweater need to have A Word with you
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radioactivedishsoap · 3 months
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"I just wish you could just be a normal older sibling" "just be normal"
That kinda hurt but I'll pretend I didn't hear it.... Anyway who left their sock here 😍
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ricegrains-n-rosess · 4 months
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sapphic experience of the girl i'm seeing but she's not actually my girlfriend but also i call her my girlfriend but just to myself because deep down she's my girlfriend even if she isn't my girlfriend
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