there are so many "if this gets (insert number) notes i'll do something productive/good for me!" but has there ever been one where someone goes
if this gets 10k notes i'll slap myself in the face
i suppose i'm wondering
would people be so eager to reblog if it would cause something slightly unpleasant?
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Every month or so I get a big family scare and have nowhere to turn to but my fictional family and lovers and friends otherwise I might genuinely fucking lose it
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Do I miss killing eve? Yes.
Am I gonna watch killing eve? No.
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playlist: going insane in my room 🥴
Thank youu ari mwah <33 here's your playlist!
Send me a title and i'll make you a short playlist!
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DEE'S YUMMY LULAWLU FIC RECS
Compiled in this post you'll find all of my favorite LuLawLu fics! Enjoy your reading and make sure to leave kudos/comments on the fics you enjoyed <3
The fics are listed in no particular order other than Completed vs Ongoing.
I will update this list as I find more fics that I enjoy, also to add some that I've probably forgotten.
Completed works:
when we go, we go together. by happychi
3,694 words, M
"When Law dies, he spends an eternity searching for forgiveness. It was the first time anyone had smiled at him in over a century." Beautifully written fic where Law is cursed with being a reaper. This fic made me cry, it's absolutely gorgeous and bittersweet.
The "D" stands for Daddy by bokkuroo
9,033 words, E
Bonney uses her powers to age Luffy up, and Law starts gay-panicking! I am insanely weak for dilf!Luffy and this fic hit all the right spots with the delicious smutty goodness. A new favorite of mine!
Fanservice. by Mil0o2
23,169 words, E
Law gets a new neighbor who happens to be his favorite dom pornstar "PirateKing56". Incredibly hot BDSM smut and I love the way this author writes both Law and Luffy. Delicious fic, definitely a favorite of mine.'
Keep You Safe by Rei_the_Rat
7,904 words, E
"A favor and a threat that could destroy everything they hold dear, bring Law and Luffy a new opportunity to face unspoken feelings from a previous encounter." LuLaw Demon AU! This fic is gorgeous and the ambience is fantastic. Definitely a classic and a must-read!
carve your name (eat you like crème brûlée) by Trashgalore
11,556 words, E
Luffy is insatiable and Law has to deal with it. PWP! Check the tags for potential CW!
Slipping Through My Fingers by Camafeu
8,525 words, E
Luffy takes care of Law and eats him out. Porn with feelings!
Pride is Before the Fall by Heart_Core
2,232 words, E
"Law’s pent up from all the stress of traveling with the straw hats. When Luffy offers to help, how can he refuse?" Super yummy PWP by one of my favorite LuLaw authors!
Seashell Lovers by cosmicatta
2,020 words, E
"Law is learning to be free. Luffy helps him." This fic is so beautiful and soft and I'm smitten with how gentle and understanding Luffy is in it. Definitely a must-read!
Inhuman Potential by sydneyxface
82,094 words, E
Exciting thriller featuring vampire!Luffy and pathologist!Law! Bloodplay ensues. Check tags for CW!
My Heart Is Still Beating (But I Lost It Long Ago) by betsib
27,097 words, E
Post Apocalyptic AU! "Law is travelling alone between quarantine zones when he comes across a young man with three bullets in his torso and an unflinching look in is eyes." Extremely well written and thrilling fic. Read tags for CWs!
feel the rythm in my chest by shishiswordsman
9,140 words, Gen
Bodyswap AU! "Law and Luffy decide to swap hearts for a moment. They end up swapping much more than that." I love this fic so much, it's funny, has angst AND fluff!
Ashes of Life by chenziee
10,248 words, T
Canon Compliant series filled with Hurt/Comfort and lots of fluff where we follow the two captains relationship from Zou until Wano. Beautiful!
melting into you by adore_yuu
9,873 words, E
Luffy discovers fanfiction and Law has to deal with it. Gorgeous and delicious one-shot!
Curiouser by xairylle
10,125 words, E
Luffy asks Law to read him to him while he fucks him. Law complies reluctantly. Smutty goodness with great dialogue!
Stow Away Captains by xairylle
1,884 words, M
Zoro POV. Law sneaks into the men's quarters on the Sunny and Zoro doesn't know how to deal with it. Awkward and funny as hell!
lowkey by gentoopengwyn
6,350 words, T
Fluffy and hilarious Modern AU where doctor!Law has a secret husband who turns out to be Luffy.
more than a physical attraction (it's a passion) by gentoopengwyn
11,517 words, M
Luffy simps for Law! Fluffy goodness.
I Could If I Wanted To by dunkinicedcoffeebeverage
5,615 words, E
Law can't lie due to unforeseen circumstances and Luffy shows up! Smut and fluff.
promises under the rising sun by Yakarmi
3,736 words, T
"Luffy promises Law freedom." Canon compliant one-shot set on Zou. So sweet and soft!
quote, liquid courage, unquote by naturecalls111
7,475 words, E
Law consumes aphrodisiac and Luffy kindly helps him with his problem. Smutty goodness.
Trials and Titillations by Callunar
42,796 words, E
Luffy eats a mystery fruit and grows tits. Jealousy and misunderstandings ensue.
cough it out, loverboy by frogsterz
4,029 words, Gen
Law comes back from Punk Hazard with a mating bite. Who could the mysterious alpha be that gave him the mark? Fun and cute omegaverse AU!
Saline by pbjnotes
19,321 words, M
Modern AU with organized crime! Law is a doctor and has been terrorized by Doflamingo for many years, enter Luffy!
Aurum by bimarian
13,177 words, Gen
Soulmate AU where Luffy learns about colors and the feelings they represent for him. Beautiful and soft.
Find Our Place in the Sky by lampalot7
4,615 words, T
"Luffy is the Sun, Law is the Moon, and an eclipse brings them together." Beautiful and soft Moon/Sun God AU.
Modern Medicine Didn’t Prepare Me For Transmigration by betsib
17,018 words, T
Isekai AU! Law gets transported into the world of the fantasy romance novel he's reading and adventures ensue!
Hook, line and sinker. by Mil0o2
1,323 words, E
"Law is drunk and horny and makes sure Luffy knows exactly that." Service top Luffy PWP!
As Warm as the Sunlight by Camafeu
6,160 words, E
Modern AU Porn with Feelings! Luffy finally gets to put marks on Law.
How To Top A Cop by initforthelolz
5,895 words, E
Luffy is caught speeding and tries to convince the cop pulling him over to forget his crime with questionable means. PWP!
House Call by ZuviosGemini
4,854 words, Gen
Sick Fic Modern AU! Law nurses Luffy back to health. Very sweet and fluffy comfort fic.
Meet Me in the Drift by riverofnara
28,460 words, T
Pacific Rim/One Piece fusion! Luffy tries to convince Law to become his Jaeger co-pilot.
Shoot Me with a Smile by OliveGardenSafeSpace
42,161 words, M
Mafia AU! Law is a mafia family boss and rescues Luffy during a heist gone wrong.
A Shiver of Pleasure by Camafeu
6,805 words, E
Modern AU! Porn with Feelings and fluffy blankets.
i think she might be robbing (she can take what she wants) by Trashgalore
13,821 words, E
Fem!LuLaw! Everyone is genderswapped in this roomate to lovers story. Fluffy and smutty!
The Straw Hat and Heart Pirates 'Alliance' by KivaEmber
6,706 words, Gen
Smoker cockblocks Luffy and Law and hilarious situations happen in this series. Fluff and humor!
What Feelings? by Brewit
2,680 words, E
Law is the last one to learn that him and Luffy are in a relationship. A story about how their relationships evolved! Fluff and a bit of smut.
You Don’t Love Me by xairylle
2,312 words, T
Hurt/Comfort. Law has forgotten how to be honest.
A Summoner's Worst Nightmare by cringewerewolf
34,199 words, T
"Law summons a demon to help him take down a crime lord. It all goes downhill from there." Hilarious AU where Law summons demon!Luffy!
Two Sinners' Conversation by bimarian
7,599 words, M
"In which Luffy and Law redefine what a conversation is on their wedding night." This is technically part of a series, but this can be read as a stand-alone one shot. Fluff and smut!
Sick Heart by Cel0x
7,427 words, E
Law and Luffy had been apart, missing each other deeply, and they have a delicious reunion. Porn with Feelings!
The Morning Comes Early by Alte
7,813 words, E
"Law finds a new way to get a good night’s rest after forming an alliance with the Straw Hat Pirates." Very sweet and one of my comfort fics!
Not a Ball or a Chain by HollowIsTheWorld
79,341 words, T
Modern Soulmate AU! Asexual Luffy, Demisexual Law. Law grows up hoping he'd never develop a soulmark and tries to avoid meeting his soulmate.
the sea throws rocks together by manhattanvalleys
2,072 words, E
Future Fic. Porn with feelings. I would recommend reading the three fics from this author in order. This one first, then the two below.
(but time leaves us polished stones) by manhattanvalleys
3,133 words, E
Future Fic. Porn with feelings.
something that you might perhaps forgot to say by manhattanvalleys
4,391 words, E
Future Fic PWP. Gorgeously written and a fic I can re-read over and over again.
Bloodied Knuckles by bimarian
9,099 words, E
Flower Shop and Tattoo Parlor AU! Porn with Plot. "In which Law saw Luffy punching the life out of his rude customer—and decided right then and there that his ass was getting laid tonight." Dark Luffy, and Law's into it. Read tags for CW!
what the ocean gives by betsib
5,570 words, T
Merman!Luffy gets saved by doctor!Law! This fic has a special place in my heart, it's very cute and funny.
To Call Myself Beloved by purplehairedwonder
13,202 words, T
Luffy tries to get Law to marry him, and Law tells Luffy he'll have to catch him first. Betrothal Chase AU!
Give Me A Reason by betsib
6,400 words, M
Band AU! Law does a cover of the Straw Hats' new single and it gets recorded in secret by Shachi and it goes viral, the attention eventually reaching Luffy who is intrigued by Law. Then they meet!
A Different Type of Hunger by karategal
25,111 words, E
Luffy is King of the Pirates and he's "hungry for Torao". A game of cat and mouse begins. Funny and smutty!
Burning by vantrums
8,245 words, E
Omegaverse PWP. Law is in heat and Luffy conveniently makes an appearance to help him out. One of my favorite PWPs!
Nothing compares by JustPassingBy19
4,261 words, E
"Law and Luffy reunite after a long time away from each other's arms." Dilf!Luffy!!! Porn with Feelings!
combustion by Anonymous
3,799 words, E
"Law pines and gets railed, both in and not in that order." Smut with a touch of angst!
Make Me Feel Good by sydneyxface
21,529 words, E
Law seeks the help of Luffy, a professional cuddler, to help him get through university. Angst with a happy ending! This is one of my comfort fics and a favorite of mine.
Let's do It! by KhonekoChan
4,659 words, E
Law and Luffy enjoy some sexcapades after the liberation of Wano. Smutty goodness.
find me in the shell's whisper by Deleted Account
5,441 words, M
Law and Luffy run into each other on an island and Law pines.
Safe and Sound by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead
15,726 words, M
Law gets taken hostage and Luffy is on a mission to rescue him. A lot of hurt/comfort with a lot of hurt before the comfort.
Practicality is Useless Around Here by Ghosty_Bee
28,248 words, T
Modern AU with magic! "Law's luck runs out when a series of events forces him to open his eyes to a world completely different from his own, full of magic, monsters, and danger. Luckily, or maybe not, he's found a crew of seers to help him out." This fic has fantastic world building and is a thrilling ride!
Tell Me That You Love Me (I’ll Never Ask You Why) by Itycos
3,557 words, T
"After Wano in a nameless port-town two captains reunite. Not all alliances are the same." Very sweet and beautiful fic about the two captain's finding something in each other they didn't quite expect.
Like Sails on the Breeze by HollowIsTheWorld
5,115 words, Gen
Corazon Lives AU. Luffy kisses Law and then he leaves. What's next for them? Bittersweet and fluffy in the end!
between you and i (the throths, the tide) by shishiswordsman
20,630 words, E
ARRANGED MARRIAGE AU! Law is set to marry the future king of Dawn. Luffy is certainly not what Law expected.
What Is This Thing You Call An Alliance? by cywscross
13,701 words, T
Eustass Kidd observes Law and Luffy after the fall of Kaido. Introspection, light angst and fluff!
and all the things that keep us here by qunlat
9,323 words, Gen
Law gets a second chance. "(Or: the one where they get married, in secret, at someone else's wedding, and make Usopp late to his.)" Law and Luffy elope!
My Love For You Is Choking Me by ObsidionWingsofMidnight
56,880 words, T
Hanahaki disease AU! Very angsty with eventual happy ending.
the white city by tciddaemina
32,328 words, Gen, M
"Nika/Sun God!Luffy AU, set during the genocide in Flevance." Very interesting and beautifully written series.
Total Eclipse of the Heart by Aspiring_Trashpanda
33,401 words, M
"Luffy almost dies, makes a deal with a god, and falls in love. Law's along for the ride." Slow burn-y goodness!
Keep This Close To Our Hearts, Love by riverofnara
3,884 words, T
Modern AU! Luffy's prank on Law says everything he hasn't been able to put into words. Fluffy!
sol ex machina by Almageist
3,757 words, Gen
Angel AU! I don't want to say too much about this one as I believe it's best experienced going in blindly. One of my faves!
Meat Cute by marimoes
66,823 words, T
Modern AU! Law has a literal run in with Luffy's dog "Meat" and they have a meet cute! Long fic with all of your favorite tropes!
king of my heart by frogsterz
7,411 words, E
"The AU where rookie Trafalgar Law and the Pirate King walk into a tavern. Things only get better from there." The summary says all you need to know. One of my favorite LuLaw fics EVER.
Sabishigari-ya by Alexgrand
15,943 words, M
Modern AU. "Law finds a website where he becomes infatuated with a user named Mugiwara22."
Who, Me? My Hand? by dunkinicedcoffeebeverage
8,903 words, M
"5 times Luffy holds Law's hand, 1 time Law holds Luffy's." A getting together fic filled with fluff and beautiful moments between the two captains. The art accompanying this fic is also gorgeous!
Luffy's Law by JadedCoral
32,630 words, Gen
Modern AU where Law starts a rumor about himself and hilarities ensue. This fic made me cackle out loud, it's so funny and sweet!
as I hold your hollow heart by betsib
24,962 words, M
Soulswap AU! "...Law wakes up in Dressrosa, with Doflamingo's symbol tattooed on his chest and servants calling him "Corazon". Very interesting AU that I loved reading, many twists and turns and suspense!
Grand Line Carnival by Bubblegumbeech
24,140 words, T
Modern AU with horror themes. "Law doesn't want to go to a carnival ever again, but his crew doesn't know that and they insist that he has been spending far too much time in the hospital.." Spooky things happen and Luffy and the Straw Hats are unintentionally creepy!
Ongoing works:
from us, to the rain by toricola
10,835 words, E
Modern AU LawLu. One of the most beautifully written fics I've come across so far. The characterization of Law is one of the best I've ever read, and I am dying to read more from this author. If you want to feel, definitely don't skip this one!
white elephant gift exchange by happychi
15,184 words, M
"Law’s troublesome coworkers are on thin ice after gifting him a male escort for his Christmas vacation. Now he’s snowed in with a complete stranger for an entire weekend." Things aren't as they seem in this Modern AU. The author's portrayal of Law in this is on of my absolute favorites. Excited to read more of this!
Critical Fire Weather Pattern by lettersinpetals
7,787 words, M
Journalist AU! Law is an editor at One Piece News, and Luffy is the newly appointed weatherman. A super fresh and unique AU that I immediately fell in love with!
The Beast of Buckden by Callunar
11,537 words, E
"Law has moved to a sleepy little countryside village. The people of the village warned him not to go out on the night of the blood moon, but he finds himself lost in the woods anyway." Werewolf!Luffy AU that has quickly become one of my favorite LuLaw fics. Read tags for CW!
The Pirate King's Treasure by Callunar
64,842 words, E
Another fantastic work by Callunar, this time it's PWP! Luffy becomes interested in Law after a heated argument. Extremely smutty and kinky.
Broken Heart Syndrome by Callunar
115,597 words, E
Surgeon!Law and boxer!Luffy. AND THEY WERE NEIGHBORS. Slow burn!!!! Another one of my favorite chaptered fics.
Chasing the Sun by illusiverose
174,160 words, E
Another one of my favorites! Modern AU Surgeon!Law and Firefighter!Luffy. Law has dark secrets but becomes enamored with Luffy, the embodiment of sunshine. Exciting plot with a slice of Mafia!
Red and Yellow by BewitchingDemon
20,214 words, M
Pokemon Fusion AU! A true joy to read this fic. Strangers to lovers with a lot of awkwardness and slow burn. One of my favorites!
(We Would Never) Break the Chain by cosmicatta
15,507 words, M
A Modern AU set in the 70s-80s where you get to see Law and Luffy grow from childhood friends into something more, with a lot of pining and angst in between. A beautifully written fic.
Haze by initforthelolz
56,381 words, M
Fantasy AU with dystopian themes with fantastic world building and intrigue.
Godslayer by initforthelolz
19,611 words, M
Fantasy AU where Law is a Godslayer and his purpose is to defeat one of the god's that terrorized the world. Things don't go as planned. Incredibly well-written fic with solid world building and a plot that draws you in instantly.
for a wilted rose not yet withered by ame_kko
45,682 words, T
Ancient Greek Gods AU! A strangers to lovers fic with Luffy as Persephone, God of Spring and Law as Hades, God of the Underworld. An all time favorite for me!
Hearts Spring Eternal by riverofnara
34,386 words, E
Law performs the Perennial Youth Surgery on Luffy out of desperation, but Law somehow survives. Angst and complications happen.
In the Sultry Summer Calm by Alte
15,563 words, M
Omegaverse Flower Shop AU! Two of my favorite things combined. "After the loss of his adoptive father, omega Trafalgar Law is forced to give up on his dream to become a surgeon in favor of taking over his father’s flower shop." Very sweet and I can't wait for this to be updated!
In the Night by TheeGirlWonder
8,273 words, M
Fantasy AU! Vampires, werewolves and witches! Law is a vampire and helps werewolf!Luffy escape Doflamingo's clutches after being captured.
Saint Peter's Keys by Aspiring_TrashPanda
52,560 words, E
Modern AND Canon Div AU! A story involving parallel universes with a fantastically written story. Slow burn!
It Was Always Blood With You by initforthelolz
14,970 words, E
Vampire!Law AU! "Luffy finds a vampire on the side of the road and decides to bring him home... against better judgement that he does not possess." I immediately fell in love with this fic, the summary says it all!
The Night Is Darkening Round Me by purplehairedwonder
17,415 words, M
Haunted House AU! Law buys a haunted house and who are you gonna call? The Straw Hat Paranormal Group of course! "Nothing is ever what it seems, and Law is haunted by more than just spirits in his new house."
The Compounding Impact of Time by salient17
14,889 words, M
Time Travel AU! "It didn't matter where, or when, because Luffy would find him--time and time again." Luffy is lost in time, will he find his way back?
The Years We’ve Lost by Heart_Core
24,618 words, M
Time Travel AU! "In the middle of the War on Onigashima, Law wakes up to find himself 19 years into the future. Luffy had long defeated Kaido, believing Law to have died in the war." Love this fic and can't wait for an update. Can never go wrong with dilf!Luffy either.
At the Heart of Worship by Heart_Core
8,014 words, E
Sun God Luffy AU! Luffy has had his attention captured by Law.
always too much (never enough) by Jien_o
21,303 words, E
Modern AU cockwarming fic of my dreams. This fic has me in a chokehold. CRAZY good!
within & without by Jien_o
68,686 words, E
Arranged Marriage AU! LawLu. Enemies to lovers-esque type story, where both Law and Luffy are very flawed and many misunderstandings ensue.
The Omegaverse Clothing Exchange Service by bananabunch
8,162 words, E
Super cute A/B/O fic with a really unique plot! I love this fic so far and can't wait to read more.
As Sunflowers Do by martilla
95,283 words, E
Modern AU! Luffy is in an accident and gets amnesia and forgets all about his relationship with Law. A lot of angst and heartbreak with an eventual happy ending.
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Not Your Boyfriend
Well 5800 words later.... Here ya go!
Your boyfriend, Joseph, comes home dressed as Eddie
SMUT AHEAD
You watched the live show from your laptop, grinning at the sight of your boyfriend on his first ever talk show. You were so proud of him and what he’s managed to accomplish. Since Stranger Things season 4 had come out, Joe’s life had been hectic. But he’d always made sure to set aside time for you. He was so sweet. But hearing your name being spoken brought you out of your daydream, your eyes and ears now focused on the screen.
“My girlfriend, Y/N, really is amazing. The best girlfriend ever, really. She’s really the one who helped me get the American accent perfected since she’s American. We were stuck together in my flat in London throughout the pandemic and quarantine and everything so I had a lot of time to really study the way she talks and I kind of used that as a guideline for how I made Eddie sound.”
Your heart swelled hearing him talk so highly of you and how you actually contributed to the beloved character Eddie Munson. You couldn’t keep the smile off your face as you watched the rest of the show, eager for your boyfriend to return to the hotel.
You watched a couple episodes of Stranger Things season 4, drooling over your boyfriend as Eddie Munson, before turning it off and just scrolling on your phone. You must’ve fallen asleep while waiting for Joseph to return because you woke up to the opposite side of the bed dipping and an arm wrapping around your middle and pulling you against a broad chest. Your eyes fluttered open and you craned your neck to peek behind you, only to see your boyfriend grinning at you.
“Didn’t mean to wake you, darling.” he said, leaning over to press a chaste kiss against your lips.
“S’ok.” you mumbled, sleep lacing your voice as you rolled over to face him. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, lovey.” he said, his breath fanning across your face as his hands skimmed over your side down to your thigh, pulling it up over his own so he could be impossibly closer to you. You whined, feeling his half hard erection pressing against you. “Are you too tired tonight, baby?”
“I’m never too tired for you.” you said, pressing your lips against his and whining against his mouth when his hips rocked against yours. “Make love to me, Joseph. Please, baby?”
“What my baby wants, my baby gets.” he said, moving to stand up so he could push his sleep pants and his underwear to the floor before crawling back in bed to lay down next to you. His lips immediately found yours and his hands found your hips, his fingers digging slightly into your love handles. You disliked them but Joe seemed to love them more than you ever thought possible.
“Joe… clothes…. off.” you mumbled between kisses. He smirked against your lips before pulling away to sit up and gently tug at the fabric of the oversized shirt you wore to bed. You sat up and lifted your arms, allowing him to tug the offending garment over your head before tossing it to the floor. You laid back down as Joe moved to sit between your legs and his hands gently cupped your breasts in his hands, letting his thumbs gently rub over your nipples as they hardened under his touch. His hands didn’t stay there nearly long enough for your liking, him deciding to move his hands down your stomach to the waistband of your panties.
“Lift your hips for me, darling.” he ordered quietly, his fingers slipping under the elastic band and tugging them down your thick thighs. He sat back, staring down at you in awe. “Fuck, you’re so pretty.”
“Josephhhh!” you whined, his immense staring and lack of physical contact driving you insane.
“Sorry, darling. I just couldn’t help myself. You’re stunning.” he said, moving to hover over you. He reached his hand down to gently rub his fingers up and down your slit, groaning at how wet you already were. “And you’re already so wet for me, baby.”
You couldn’t help but whine and buck your hips while he teased you, taking his slick coated fingers and rubbing slow circles over your clit. He chuckled at the way your hips stuttered against his hand before moving his fingers down to your hole and gently pushing his middle finger all the way inside you.
“Joseph! Oh fuck!” you moaned, feeling him begin to thrust his finger in and out of you at a lazy pace.
“Does that feel good, baby?” he asked, curling his finger against your inner wall, making your eyes roll back. “Do you want more?”
“Yes… please I need your cock, baby.” you begged, staring at him with wide eyes knowing that your sweet Joseph would cave and give you exactly what you wanted. You almost whimpered as he removed his fingers from your cunt but you were cut off by the feeling of him rubbing his tip through your drenched folds.
“You ready, lovey?” he asked sweetly, smiling down at you.
“I’m ready.” you said, grinning up at him and wrapping your legs around his waist and pulling him into you.
You both moaned at the feeling of finally being connected and you wasted no time in rocking your hips, encouraging him to move. He did as you silently asked, slowly pulling out about halfway before thrusting back in.
You gasped, feeling his tip nudge gently against your cervix, effectively knocking the wind out of you. He grunted into your neck before kissing and sucking on the sensitive skin, leaving dark bruises behind. Your fingers tangled in his curls, holding him against you while he continued to thrust into you and mark up your neck. Your eyes closed on their own accord, little whimpers leaving your mouth with every thrust.
“Oh… oh fuck! Joseph… baby…”
“Mmm does this feel good, my love?” he asked between kisses and nips against your throat.
“Yes! Yes, baby. Keep fucking me just like that.” you moaned, tugging on his hair to maneuver his lips back to yours.
“Anything you want, love.” he mumbled before pressing his lips hard against yours. He kissed you like you were the oxygen he needed to breath, his tongue dancing sensually with yours. Your brain was getting foggy, forgetting where you ended and he began. Everything was a blur of emotions and pleasure, so much so that you didn’t even hear yourself talking.
“Mmm oh god, fuck, Eddie! Oh fuck!” you moaned against his lips, too focused on the pleasure for your brain to register what you’d just said. But Joseph had heard you loud and clear. His hips came to an abrupt stop and he pulled his lips from yours, staring at you with wide eyes. You looked at him with your eyebrows scrunched together, clearly confused. “Joseph, baby, why’d you stop?”
“Darling…” he started slowly, his mind racing trying to figure out a good way to approach this situation. “Do you really not know why I stopped?”
You shook your head, staring up at him in confusion.
“No?”
He slowly slid out of you and laid down next to you on the bed. You began to worry, not understanding why he was being so quiet. Then he took a deep breath before looking over at you.
“Y/N, you moaned out ‘Eddie’ instead of my name.” he stated. You felt your face heat up in embarrassment. You were absolutely mortified. You had tried so hard to hide the crush you had on the character that he played, but apparently you just told him in the worst way possible by moaning said characters name during sex.
“Joe, baby….” you started, not quite sure what to say.
“Baby, it’s ok. Please know I’m not mad. I’m just shocked. I thought Eddie wasn’t quite your type.” he said, giving you a half smile, still trying to assess the situation. You on the other hand were still horrified at what you’d said, pulling the blankets up over your body and clutching them tightly against your chest. “Is Eddie your type, love?”
“God, I don’t know! I’m so sorry, Joe. I didn’t even realize I’d said it!” you sputtered, fumbling horribly over your words and refusing to look at Joe, instead choosing to stare at the ceiling. You clutched the blankets tighter to your chest in an attempt to calm you down. “It’s not that he’s my type or whatever, but he’s the type of person I gravitated towards back in highschool. Hell, I was exactly like Eddie back in highschool. Tight jeans, leather jacket, metal music… the works. But fuck, I just can’t help but be attracted to him. I mean, he’s got your face for heaven's sake so obviously I’m gonna think he’s hot. And I watched a couple episodes of Stranger Things before you came back so I guess he was just on my mind. Fuck, I am so fucking sorry.”
You immediately felt his arms wrap around you, pulling you tight against him. You were stiff in his arms, afraid that if you relaxed the tears would start to fall. You felt his chin rest on your shoulder and you glanced over at him, only to see him grinning at you and his wide brown eyes staring into yours.
“Baby, it’s alright. I love you and you have nothing to be ashamed of. We can forget this ever happened, ok? Would that make you feel better?” he said. You nodded your head quickly, wanting this conversation to be over. “Ok then, this whole situation never happened, my love. Now just relax and let’s get some sleep. We have a flight first thing in the morning.”
And just like that, the conversation was over. For months it was completely forgotten about and you two had gone back to normal life. At least it was normal until Stranger Things season 5 had started filming. Joseph had a habit of bringing you on set with him whenever he could. And that involved you seeing him in costume… as Eddie.
You thought that you were being discreet about how you looked at him while he was in costume. He gave no hints that he knew you were practically fantasizing about ‘Eddie’ instead of him. Well…. It technically was him if you really thought about it. But you couldn’t help the feeling you got while seeing him dressed as your fictional crush.
About halfway through the day when they were taking a break, you decided you were gonna head home for the day. You quickly told Joe goodbye, pecking his lips quickly before you left and made your way back to the house you were staying at while he was filming.
You took a deep breath as soon as you walked in the door, feeling like you could finally breathe. You didn’t realize that you had been practically holding your breath all day. You knew Joe had a short day today and would be home in about an hour, so you decided to relax, or at least try to.
The bathwater was steaming hot when you stepped in and smelled like vanilla and spice. Candles were lit around the room and the lights were off, leaving you in glowing light from the flames.
Reminiscing on your thoughts, you felt almost guilty about how you’d been thinking of your boyfriend as Eddie. You’d had that one slip up and never spoke about it again… but now you wished you had. Your thoughts were racing as you laid back in the tub and you could feel the familiar heat begin to bloom in your belly. You knew you shouldn’t be thinking of him that way but you couldn’t help it.
You quickly pushed the thoughts away and just focused on taking your bath. You weren’t quite sure how long you’d been sitting in the tub, but the water had begun to chill so you decided to get out and get changed into your pajamas. Maybe something sexy for when Joseph got home. Ya know, to make up for the thoughts you’d been having about Eddie… the same thoughts that Joseph was completely unaware of.
You dried yourself off and wrapped the towel snug around your body as you went to your bedroom, digging through your dresser drawers for something sexy yet comfortable you could wear. You smirked as your fingers ran across the silky fabric you’d been searching for. This would be perfect. You pulled out the black satin nightie and smiled, knowing just how much Joseph loved seeing you in it. It barely covered your ass but you didn’t care. You slipped it on over your head and right as you were smoothing out the wrinkles a voice interrupted your thoughts. And not the British voice of your boyfriend, no…. A very AMERICAN voice.
“Fuck, sweetheart, you look good.”
You spun around on your heel and your eyes went wide with shock as they landed on the person leaning against the doorframe to your bedroom. The black jeans, the hellfire club shirt, the handcuff belt, and the long curly hair that you desperately wanted to run your fingers through. You quickly caught your breath before speaking.
“Joe, you scared the shit out of me! Why are you still in costume? Does the costume department know you brought all of this home with you?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Joe? Oh honey, he’s the one who sent me here.” he said, still in that American accent and giving you a smile while pushing gently off the doorframe and taking agonizingly slow steps towards you and making you back up towards your bed. “As a matter of fact, he told me that a certain naughty little girl has been having some very dirty thoughts about me. He said you were staring at me all day today. Ya know, he even told me that you moaned my name during sex once. So tell me, sweetheart, is it true?”
By the time he’d stopped talking he was directly in front of you and the backs of your knees were pressed tightly against the edge of your bed. You had nowhere to run. You were cornered… but you weren’t sure that you wanted to escape. You gulped hard and just nodded your head, too embarrassed to speak.
“Sweetheart, I’m gonna need you to talk to me if this is what you want.” he coaxed, his voice gentle yet demanding.
“Yes… it’s true.” you whispered. He smirked down at you.
“That’s a good girl.” he cooed, his hand coming up to let his fingers stroke gently over your cheek. “Now, do you want this? Do you want me to fuck you until your screaming my name? If not, I can walk out of here right now and tell Joe that you didn’t want me after all, but if you do want this then I’m gonna need your verbal consent. This is a one time offer, sweetheart.”
You thought for a moment, wondering just how tonight would go if you said yes. Joseph had really gone all out for this. There wasn’t a single hint of Joseph in sight… it was all Eddie. The clothes, the hair, even the tattoos. He’d done this all for you, knowing just how badly you wanted a taste of your fictional crush. You’d be stupid to pass up the opportunity to sleep with THE Eddie Munson.
“I want this.” you said quietly, grinning up at him.
“That’s what I like to hear, princess.” he said, leaning down so his lips hovered over yours. “Can I kiss you, Y/N?”
You responded by bringing your hands up around his neck and pulling him to you, crashing your lips together. It was hurried and rushed, teeth clashing and lip biting. The moans spilled from your lips freely, unashamed at how turned on you were. His hands grabbed at your hips, holding you close.
“Please…” you whimpered between kisses, wanting more than he was giving you.
“What do you want, sweetheart? I’ll give you anything your naughty little heart desires. All you’ve gotta do is ask.”
“I… I don’t know.” you said, becoming shy all of a sudden. You were used to asking for things and being confident when it came to being with Joseph, but now that he was standing in front of you as Eddie, practically radiating confidence, your own confidence had been diminished.
“Babydoll, if you want this to work you need to talk to me. I’ll absolutely worship you, give you everything you need… but you’ve gotta talk to me, sweetheart.”
Your breath caught in your throat and your heart was threatening to beat right out of your chest.. You could feel yourself get wet at his promise to worship you. Now you just had to find your voice so he would give you what you wanted. It took a few moments, but you finally managed to make yourself speak.
“I… I want… oh fuck, just touch me! Please!” you begged, looking up into his eyes. You were sure you looked pitiful, begging for him to touch you, but you didn’t care.
“That’s a good girl, asking so politely for what she wants.” he teased, letting his hand move down to your thigh before slowly dragging it upwards and toying with the hem of your nightie. Your hand gripped his shoulders and you held your breath. The feeling of his hands on your bare skin had your heart racing.
“More… please, Eddie?” you asked quietly, still not used to calling him ‘Eddie’.
“Oh, baby girl, you learn so fast and you asked so nicely.” he cooed, his eyes practically shining with adoration as he moved his hand to the inside of your thigh before letting his fingers trail further up. His eyes went wide and he gasped, a smile forming on his face as he felt your bare pussy. “No panties, princess? So fucking naughty.”
His fingers delicately traced the outside of your pussy, gliding along the outside of your slit, making your eyes flutter shut. He chuckled, letting his fingers gently part your folds and rubbing his middle finger from your clit to your weeping hole and back up to the sensitive little bud. Your legs buckled slightly as his finger flicked your swollen clit. He chuckled, moving his finger back down and pushing gently inside you, curling ever so slightly against your front wall, making you moan.
“Oh god, Joseph!” you moaned. He immediately withdrew his fingers and brought his hand up to your face, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him.
“That’s not my name, sweetheart. You just can’t help but say another man's name, can you? First it was my name while you were with Joe and now you’re moaning his name while you’re with me. Such a little slut.”
You shivered and you could feel your cheeks begin to burn, but not with embarrassment. Hearing him call you a slut made your stomach do flips and made your pussy clench around nothing. It was a surprising reaction for sure. Joseph had never called you anything so degrading before… but you were now realizing that you loved it.
“I’m sorry, Eddie.” You cooed, letting your shaky fingers play with his wavy hair and giving him the best doe eyes that you could. You draped yourself in this false innocence in hopes it would get him to call you dirty names again.
“Why don’t you make it up to me, princess? Let’s take off that pretty little nightie you have on and lay down on the bed for me.” he said, smirking down at you. His hand grabbed the edge of your nightie and slowly tugged it upwards. You lifted your arms obediently, allowing him to pull it over your head. He let out a low whistle as he dropped the satin fabric to the floor, making you blush. “Such pretty tits, babydoll. Now lay down for me.”
You did as he asked and got on the bed, laying back against the pillows. Your breathing was shallow from how nervous you were, making your breasts heave every time you inhaled. Your knees were pressed tightly together, hiding your most intimate part from his hungry gaze.
“Are you gonna join me, Eddie?” you asked, your voice dripping with innocence as you batted your eyes at him. He smiled at you, your sweet Joseph shining through for just a moment before smirking, switching back to Eddie.
“Of course, baby. Now open your legs and let me see how fucking wet that slutty little pussy is.” he commanded. Your pussy clenched around nothing at his words but you did as he asked, slowly letting your legs fall open.
“Am I wet enough for you, daddy?” you asked innocently, casually dropping in the previously unused nickname. You had no idea where it came from. It just… slipped out? You didn’t know how he would react either.
“Daddy? I’m your daddy now? Ohhh, I really like that, princess. But to answer your question, fuck yes. I can see how fucking soaked you are from here.” He said, shrugging off his jacket and pulling the iconic hellfire shirt up over his head, tossing them both to the floor. His eyes held contact with yours as he unbuckled his handcuff belt and unbuttoned his pants before shimmying them down past his hips so he could kick them off. You bit your lip as you watched him, your eyes wandering to the tattoos that were on his skin.
You let your hands begin to wander your body, fingers gently tweaking at your nipples before running down your stomach to your aching cunt. You let your fingers wander the inside of your thighs before letting one finger dip between your folds to gather your moisture before bringing it up to slowly circle your clit.
“Eddie… oh fuck, daddy.” you whimpered, your eyes meeting his once more as he was pushing down the blue boxers he had on. You moaned loudly upon seeing his hard cock slap up against his stomach, your finger instinctually moving faster on your clit.
“Do you want daddy's cock, princess?” he said in a teasing tone, crawling on the bed to hover over you. You bit your lower lip and nodded eagerly. You brought your hand up from your clit only to wrap your fingers around his throbbing cock, stroking him slowly, twisting your wrist with every upward stroke around his tip. The moan of your name that you managed to rip out of him was heavenly. “Oh- ohhh fuck, Y/N!”
“I want your cock, Eddie. Please?” you whined, purposely running his tip through your wet folds. His eyes practically rolled back but he stopped himself, pulling away from you before grabbing your hips and roughly flipping you over on to your stomach. You yelped at the sudden manhandling but the heat that had flared between your legs had betrayed you.
“Sweetheart,” he cooed, running his hands up the backs of your thighs to your ass, squeezing hard and giving each cheek a hard smack, letting out a chuckle at your little whine of pain. “You didn’t really think you were gonna get away with moaning another man's name, did you? Oh baby girl… Your boyfriend, Joe, might have let you get away with it in the past, but here’s the thing, I’m not your boyfriend and I don’t take too kindly to being called someone else’s name while I’m the one making you feel good. So you’re gonna lay there and take your punishment like a good girl, aren’t you, baby? Then if you’re good, I’ll fuck you like the little whore that I know you are. Sound good?”
“Yes, Eddie… I’ll be a good girl.” you whimpered, trying not to focus on the heat blooming on your ass where he’d previously smacked you.
There were a few moments of complete silence where neither of you dared to move. Out of nowhere his hand came down on your ass, hard, making you yelp and jump at the sudden contact. Not even three seconds had passed before his hand came down on the other cheek, just as hard. You yelped again and squeezed the pillow to your face to muffle the sounds. You didn’t want him to think you were weak. Six more hits came down in quick succession, giving you absolutely no time to process the pain. The heat spread quickly and you knew you were gonna have some handprint shaped welts on your ass and possibly a bit of bruising. You were so shocked that you didn’t even realize that some tears had escaped from your eyes, but he did.
“Awww, is my pretty baby crying? You look so pretty when you cry, angel. Makes daddy’s cock so fucking hard.” he said, leaning over you and pressing his cock against your ass, letting you feel just how hard you made him. You almost choked on a sob as you tried to speak.
“Please, Eddie. I’ll be a good girl for you. Oh fuck, please, daddy. Just wanna be good for you. Wanna feel your cock filling me up, daddy. Please, I’m begging you, fuck me!” you begged, tears continually streaming down your cheeks while you arched your back in invitation. He chuckled behind you.
“Crying AND begging? Oh, princess, you’re such a good little girl for me. Turn over and spread your legs, baby.” He said, sitting back, allowing you to turn over on your back. You hissed at the sensation of the sheets rubbing your raw ass where he’d spanked you, but you did as he asked and spread your legs wide for him.
“You gonna fuck me now, Eddie?” you asked, reaching a hand up to your face to wipe away a stray tear off your cheek. He smirked down at you.
“Only if you promise to scream my name, Y/N. My name… not Joe’s. ‘Eddie’ should be the only name coming out of your mouth, do you hear me?”
You quickly nodded your head but that wasn’t enough. He shook his head and almost looked mad.
“Y/N…” he warned, his voice dropping down to a growl. “Do you hear me? My name only.”
“Yes, Eddie. Your name only.” you agreed quickly. You reached your arms out towards him, making grabby hands so he’d finally hover over you. He dropped the stern look and replaced it with a smile, moving to hover over you and pressing gently pressing his lips against yours as you wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him still so you could kiss him harder. He chuckled against your lips at your enthusiasm.
“I’m not gonna go easy on you, princess.” he warned, pulling back far enough so he could look at your face. “I’m gonna fuck you. Hard. I don’t know how your boyfriend fucks you, but I can garuntee that you won’t be able to walk when I’m done with you. You ready for that, baby girl?”
“Eddie, please!” you whined, your hands cupping his face, forcing him to look in your eyes. “I want this… I need this. I need you to fucking wreck me. Please, baby!”
You could feel his cock twitch against your hip at your words. You rolled your hips against him, encouraging him to finally take the plunge and fuck you senseless. And thankfully it worked.
He reached down, positioning his cock at your entrance and teasing you by slowly prodding his tip against your aching hole but never pushing in. He could feel you clenching around his tip, trying to pull him inside you. Your whines echoed throughout the room as your hands gripped at the sheets while you arched your hips in an attempt to get more friction. You knew you sounded pitiful, but you knew he was loving every second of it by the smirk on his face.
“Here ya go, princess.” he grunted, slowly pushing his length inside you. “Take daddy’s cock like a good girl. Oh my god.”
“Eddie!” you gasped, your hands moving back up to clutch tightly at his shoulders. You were sure there would be little crescent shaped nail indents but you could care less. Your voice sounded weak as you whined pitifully. “More, daddy!”
He smiled at your begging, but only gave you a few seconds to adjust to his size before pulling almost all the way out before forcefully slamming his hips against yours. You almost screamed, the pain mixed with pleasure being too intense. You could feel your nails beginning to break skin on his shoulders and you briefly wondered if you’d drawn blood. But you didn’t have time to think about it because he quickly did it again, pulling out before slamming back inside you. His pace picked up, his hips repeatedly slapping against yours while your eyes rolled back every time his cock brushed against your g-spot.
“You feel so fucking good, baby. So damn tight around my dick. Scream my name, baby girl, so everyone knows who’s fucking you this good! Do it!”
“Eddie! F-f-fuck, Eddie… Oh god!”
“That’s right, angel. Oh fuck, your pussy feels like heaven! So fucking wet!” he groaned, leaning down to nip at your neck while he pounded you into the mattress. Your breasts bounced hard with his thrusts, making his cock twitch inside you as he watched. You wrapped your arms around him, holding him for dear life while he fucked you the way he promised to. He said he would fuck you hard and damn if he wasn’t living up to that promise. But you had a better idea.
“Eddie, stop. Baby, stop for a second.” you whimpered in his ear. He stopped thrusting and pulled back and looked at you, concern shining in his eyes. For a brief moment he was no longer Eddie, Joseph's typical features taking over as his eyes scanned your face for anything wrong. Before he could talk and break character, you continued. “I’m fine, baby. I promise. But I kind of have a request.”
“And what would that be?” he said, still sounding confused but the American accent stayed.
“Can I ride you?” you asked, batting your lashes at him and biting your bottom lip in an attempt to look innocent. He broke out into a huge grin before pulling out of you and laying down on his back next to you.
“Climb on up if you think you can handle it, baby.” he said, gesturing to his hard cock that was slick with your juices.
You quickly straddled his hips, sliding your pussy over the length of his cock before slowly sinking down. He felt deeper in this position, making your eyes flutter at the feeling of his leaking tip kissing your cervix.
“So deep, Eddie.” you moaned, beginning to rock your hips as you adjusted to the feeling. His moans echoed off the walls as you began to move faster, bouncing in his lap.
His hands moved to grasp at your hips, helping you bounce faster. You had to brace your hands on his chest to keep from falling over. The feeling of his hard cock slipping easily in and out of you had you whimpering loudly, making him smirk up at you. You wanted to knock that smirk of his face so badly. Smiling to yourself you clenched hard around him on purpose while you continued to fuck yourself on his cock.
“Jesus, fuck! Y/N, baby, are you trying to kill me?” he groaned, his nails scratching hard down the front of your thighs as he tried to regain his composure.
“Don’t die on me yet, big boy. I wanna cum on your cock. Wanna feel you cum inside me.” you moaned, moving your hips faster, feeling the familiar warmth begin to spread.
“Mmmm baby girl, I can feel your close. I can feel your pussy clenching me so damn tight. I’m right there with you, baby.”
You kept up your pace as his nails continued to dig into the fleshy meat of your thighs and hips, never staying in one spot for too long. Your breathing was labored and you were finding it harder and harder to catch your breath as you rocked your clit continuously against the coarse hair at the base of his cock. Your eyes watered slightly and the warmth in your belly spread and the coil wound itself tighter and tighter, threatening to burst.
“Eddie! Mmm oh god, baby, I’m gonna cum. Can I cum, daddy?” you begged, staring down into his eyes.
“Yes, sweet girl, cum for me! Oh fuck!” he groaned, tensing up below you. You could feel his warm seed coating your walls, causing you to tumble over the edge with him. You collapsed on top of him as your cunt contracted hard around his length, milking him for every drop while your body shook with the intensity of your orgasm. Your whimpers and moans came out broken as you tried to catch your breath.
The feeling of his hands rubbing gently up and down your back, his fingers gently skimming over your sweat slicked skin, slowly brought you back to reality. You slowly glanced up to see him already looking down at you, a wide smile on his face. You leaned up and pressed your lips against his, barely moving, just savoring each other's lips for the moment.
When your lips separated from his you reluctantly slid off of his cock and rolled on to your back, still breathing heavily. He chuckled at your fucked out state.
“I’ll be right back, baby.” he said. You could barely nod your head in acknowledgement to what he’d said.
Your eyes had fluttered closed as your racing heart slowed back down to a normal pace. You didn’t know how much time had passed when he’d finally returned to bed with a warm, damp cloth, gently cleaning the insides of your thighs. You hissed slightly as he ran the cloth over your puffy, sensitive lips.
“Easy, darling. It’s just me.” came the British voice of your boyfriend.
Your eyes snapped open, revealing your boyfriend. No more wig, no more rings. He’d even scrubbed off all the fake tattoos. You smiled at him and slowly reached for him. He put the cloth to the side and laid down next to you, enjoying how you instantly curled into his side, your head resting on his chest.
“I love you, Joseph.” you mumbled, tracing lazy patterns on his chest.
“I love you too. Get some sleep, darling. I can tell you’re exhausted. I think Eddie wore you out.” he said, chuckling a bit to himself.
“Hush…. But you’re right. I’m so tired. Eddie did wear me out.” you said, yawning at the end. “But I prefer my boyfriend… just so you know.” you said, craning your neck to look at him.
“Good to know. Now get some sleep, lovey.” he said, kissing the top of your head and nuzzling his face into your hair. You sighed as you let your eyes flutter shut once more, inhaling in the scent of your boyfriend. This was your happy place and you never wanted to leave.
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wibta if i straight up told my s/o they can’t bring their dog when they move in with me?
i (early 20s ftm) and my partner (late 20s nb) are moving in together next year. we’ve been planning this for a couple of years now, but it’s been taking a while to plan out because we live on different continents and we needed to sort out visas, travel, work situation, and getting an apartment for us for when they arrive.
importantly to this story, my s/o has a dog. this dog is large and VERY loud - barking 24/7 at everything, crashing into furniture, loud whining, pushing people over, and growling at people who get too close to s/o.; this has included me whenever i visit.
the apartment we got has a one pet policy and all of our neighbours are elderly people as the building used to be assisted living (basically housing for the elderly where they have direct lines to nurses and disability accommodations). it’s a pretty small block, it’ll just be us, one guy across the hall, one woman directly below us, and one across the hall from her.
because of this, as soon as we got the apartment we realised we wouldn’t be able to feasibly take s/o’s dog. she’s too big for the apartment, she’s loud enough that all of the neighbours will be hearing her at all hours, and there is nowhere nearby she’ll get enough exercise for her size. on top of that, she’d have to be in quarantine for 6 months once she’s here as is my country’s policy for pets travelling which doesn’t seem fair to her, and this is AFTER a 15 hour long plane ride where she’ll be alone.
i will admit that i have kind of selfish reasons for this as well. i’m autistic and i have both anxiety and c-ptsd on top of that, and all of those things are set off by loud noise, especially loud noise that is constant or repeated. even when i’m on the phone with them, their dog is always barking and hurting my ears and sending me into sensory overload, as is how loud they have to speak over her and when they shout at her to quiet down etc. when i visit i have to make excuses to leave or go somewhere else for a breather because within minutes i’m so drained and overwhelmed and upset just because of the dog’s insanely loud barking. i was also attacked by a large dog when i was very little and ever since then i’ve been wary around Big dogs, so although i want to work on it and i’ve been trying to (i love dogs), having one so big and jumpy be aggressive and growling at me makes me incredibly on edge.
s/o was sad because they really love their dog but ultimately agreed, on the condition we can get a cat instead as they’ve always wanted one but were never allowed. i agreed to that, i’m much more of a dog person and i’m a little sad we won’t be able to get one but a cat seems a fair compromise for them having to leave their dog and i don’t mind cats either, it will be easier to care for and hopefully just as cuddly!
so i thought that was all agreed on and done with
months later i mention looking into cats and they go “but wait! that means i cant bring my dog!” like this was the first time it had occurred to them. i was kind of caught off guard and was just like “…yeah, but we can get you your cat instead!” and the conversation kind of died out and moved on quickly
but ever since then they’ve been making little comments about bringing their dog and what we’ll do with her when we live together and it just… doesn’t seem to be sinking in that they cannot bring their dog.
i feel awful because like. i can’t emphasise enough how much they love this dog. they cuddle up together in bed, they’re always calling for her, always talking about her, always taking pictures of her. when they visit me they talk about missing her.
i know when it comes down to it they’ll choose to move in with me over staying to keep her, but i worry that i’m being selfish by making them choose in the first place. i feel like i need to make it clear once and for all that the dog absolutely cannot come with them and make sure it sticks, but i honestly don’t know how to do it in a way that will make them realise while not hurting their feelings because we’ve already gone over the reasons and they initially agreed.
AITA for making my s/o give up their beloved dog?
What are these acronyms?
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cold season ☁️ lee heeseung
pairing : bff!heeseung x gn!reader
genre : fluff, comfort
warnings : mentions of food
word count : 0.6k
a/n : flirty heeseung with zero survival instinct comes to cuddle while you’re sick.
“you look so hot right now.”
you winced your eyes open to look incredulously up at your doe-eyed best friend. it’s too damn bright in this room, you thought, as your head continued pounding. there were more things about the condition of your room you were unhappy with at the moment: the suffocating humidity from you staying cooped up here with the doors closed for nearly three days straight; the mess of your bedside table, littered with tissues and soaked tea bags; and your own nightmarish appearance, violated by swollen eyes and hair matted by sweat. you felt somewhat sheepish, letting yourself be perceived by heeseung in this state, but you were also too relieved to see him to shoo him away — or register the undertone of his comment.
“yeah, that’s a 101 degree fever for you.” your voice was so nasal, you wondered if the words were actively coming out your nose.
heeseung pouted, taking your clammy hand in his cool ones. “have you eaten? want me to order soup?”
you shook your head weakly. “no need.”
“to eat? humanity has proved otherwise.”
you rolled your eyes, trying to slip your hand out of his grip, but he held on tight.
“chicken noodle would be a bit basic, wouldn’t it? maybe something spicier? gamjatang?” with his free hand, he was opening the delivery app on his phone. “when i had that nasty cold like a month ago, this place absolutely saved me—”
“i really appreciate the thought, hee, but i swear i’ve got no appetite.” you squeezed his hand this time, hoping that, like a chinese finger trap, he’d let you go because of it.
when he showed no signs of doing so, you added, “do you really want that nasty cold back? i’ve been quarantining for a reason, idiot.”
heeseung only chuckled at the nickname. “perfect, just ordered. should be coming in the next 20 minutes or so.”
“heeseung.” you used all the energy left in you not to sound pathetically silly.
“yes, darling?”
you frowned at his response. “you’re seriously calling me darling right now? when i look like this?”
“’course i am,” and he took your hand up to his lips for the softest, sweetest peck, “as i said, you look so incredibly hot.”
suddenly, you felt the urge to punch him for being so unserious. (and for making you blush from more than your heightened body temperature.) but instead, against your will, you found yourself tugging him by the hand with such raw, instant force that he lost his balance, falling over you onto the bed and narrowly missing the headboard.
on second thought, you hadn’t seized him with that much force — definitely not enough to trip him over. but before you could open your mouth to apologize, at least out of courtesy, heeseung was adjusting himself to lie parallel to you, hand still intertwined in yours.
“ah,” he sighed, turning onto his side and shifting closer to you so that his face was almost entirely buried in your neck, “your bed is insanely comfortable.”
you sniffled in faux disgust, sliding to the edge of the mattress as if you actually had a chance of escaping his embrace. much to your surprise, he pulled you right back into him by your waist.
“your white blood cells are so pissed at you right now,” you huffed, trying not to betray how flustered you were by his touch.
“okay, nerd,” he shot back, snuggling ever closer into your backside. “you know, i’m starting to regret ordering that gamjatang.”
“and why is that?”
“because now that i’m here, i’d never want to leave your side.”
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SERENDIPITY ✦ DR3
“Serendipity is an unexpected and very lucky finding, that is, a coincidence that fills us with happiness. Serendipity in love implies the feeling that the universe conspires in our favor, bringing that special person into our lives at the right time and oh boy, did the universe send her everything she ever needed in the form of a 5'10" man with a built-in accent, a love for Tim Tams, adrenaline-fueled spirit and a smile that could light up a whole town.”
✦ pairing: daniel ricciardo x famous!latina!reader
✦ type: social media au
✦ face claim: becky g
✦ warnings: female!reader, covid-19 & quarantine mentions, age gap, language.
✦ pit wall live: HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY BESTIES! 🤗💗 I've been working on this for a month, honestly I thought I was gonna finish it fast but tbh that was really naïve of me 🥴 the amount of times I ended up changing almost every little thing is insane lol but today I sat down and commited to finish and post this! this is my first ever smau or any kind of 'x reader' really, so please be kind 🤍 and of course it was going to be about the love of my life!
— oh btw, my idea is to get to present time and make it angsty so let me know what you guys think! I really hope you enjoy!
─── The Joker & The Queen (Masterlist)
JANUARY 01, 2020
yourinstagram and danielricciardo added to their stories!
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danielricciardo has followed yourinstagram!
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yourinstagram
♡ liked by anitta, danielricciardo and 6,546,214 others
yourinstagram 2019 was full of happiness, pain, healing and growth. I loved a lot, I cried a lot and I laughed a lot. I'm grateful for a lot of things in life, but I'm specially grateful for you guys ❤️🥂 I LOVE YOU! ❤️
tagged: selenagomez, fioamato, iamdannaschwarz, itsvittoriasousa
View all 17,321 comments
fioamato It's out with the old and in with the new ⏭️😜
iamdannaschwarz this could be the start of something new indeed 😏🤭
yourinstagram 🙈
user yourinstagram girlieee does this mean you found your Troy Bolton tonight? 👀👀👀
iamdannaschwarz what a year it has been! Through the ups and downs you prevailed. So proud of you! Cheers, amiga! 🥂❤️
itsvittoriasousa u deserve the whole world, i wish everyone knew ur heart 🥺 love you biiiiiiig ❤️
user1 can we talk about that dress!!!! jaw dropped 🤯
user2 Mami 🔥🔥🔥
selenagomez ❤️🥂🎆
user3 danny ric you ain't slick baby we can see u 👀
user4 words on the streets that they were seen pretty close the whole night 👀
user5 girlies do we think the writing on the napkin belongs to mr. ricciardo? 🧐
user4 what about the last pic?? could it be about a nod to him???
user3 somebody call the fbi and the cia we need to decode this 🔎🔎🔎
sebastianyatra una locura de año 🚀 happy new year penguin!
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JANUARY 25, 2020
justjared
♡ 9.075 Likes
justjared New couple alert?! YN LN, 21, and Formula 1 driver Daniel Ricciardo, 30, were spotted on a walk and getting cozy during a night out in New York. More photos now on JustJared.com #YNLN #Daniel Ricciardo Photos: Backgrid
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user1: well that's a couple nobody saw coming 😶 good for them tho
user2: These pictures are so creepy as to get these they literally have to stalk these people and are probably hiding in bushes or wherever to get the shots
user3: he's a full-grown man in his 30s messing around with a teenager how shocking 🙄
user4: how is she a teenager if she's 21??? she is a consenting adult and has been for a while...make it make sense
user5: it's a 9-year age gap not 25 😑 y'all should learn to mind your own fucking business
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FEBRUARY 05, 2020
danielricciardo added to their story!
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yourinstagram added to their story!
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yourinstagram
♡ liked by danielricciardo, greeicy and 7,452,325 others
yourinstagram starry nights, sunsets, little moments, deep conversations & special feelings 💖🃏
View all 19,358 comments
iamdannaschwarz pov: you were there to witness the first conversation 🤣
itsvittoriasousa never knew a person could blush that hard 😂
yourintagram you are both getting blocked 🙅♀️
fioamato 🃏🃏🃏
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michaelitaliano and scottyjames31 have followed yourinstagram!
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MARCH 11 & 12, 2020
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yourinstagram has added to their story!
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APRIL 09, 2020
yourinstagram
♡ liked by danielricciardo, jbalvin and 5,723,498 others
yourinstagram Quarantine with an aussie boyfriend: turns out, 'G'day mate' is the only greeting you'll ever need. Who needs handshakes anyway? Also, you get to excessively use the word 'mate' without being judged. It's basically a linguistic free pass 🤷🏽♀️😂🇦🇺
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user: OMG OMG IT'S FUCKING HAPPENING!!!! EVERYBODY STAY CALM!!!
user: Dan-Y/N nation how we feeling today? 😍
user: wasn't she dating sebastianyatra tho?
user2: nah they've been friends for years
user3: «cristina» is lowkey about her tho 🤭 "you were 19, i was 23"?? and there's a 4 year age gap between them?? they deffff had something going on a few years back AT LEAST 👀
user2: who knows maybe they did, but they refer to each other as "like-a-brother" and "like-a-sister" so as far as we know they are only best friends 🤷🏽♀️
fioamato what do you say titi yourmomsinstagram does it get the seal of approval?
yourmomsinstagram 🤔🤔🤔
yourinstagram she face-timed me and told me to pass the phone so she could talk to him. They talked for an hour. They are besties now, she's just trying to play hard-to-get 🙃
danielricciardo and 5,345 other liked it
fioamato 😂😂😂
jbalvin encantado de verte feliz hermanita ❤️
danielricciardo tell your boyfriend he's really lucky 🤙🏼
yourinstagram thanks will do, mate 🤙🏼
user OMG??? you guys are so unserious 😭
user2 MOM??? DAD???
user3 danielricciardo yourinstagram i'm glowing, flourishing and thriving 🥰😭
michaelitaliano shitty accent though
yourinstagram I love my haters ❤️ you guys are my motivators ☺️ btw don't you have a kangaroo to fight?
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APRIL 29, 2020
yourinstagram
♡ liked by michaelitaliano, danielricciardo, lewishamilton and 6,498,498 others
yourinstagram Spanglish country…we’re doing it!! Watch kanebrown_music and I blend sounds, languages and dance moves in #LostInTheMiddleOfNowhere (Spanish Remix) 😜 song and video OUT NOW 🔥
View all 11,598 comments
iamcardib OKAAAY MAMAAA 🧊🧊🥶
lali ALTA DIOSA 🔥
user she 👏 never 👏 misses 👏
itsvittoriasousa BRO U ABSOLUTELY ATEEE
user jaw drops to floor eyes pop out of sockets hearts out of chest 😍
danielricciardo wow caliente 🔥
user the amount of unwell I am in this exact moment
user2 daniel is right. muy caliente 🥵
user3 i'm losing my mind over 2 words + emoji okay
user4 daniel stop being a cunt and make an appearence in one of Y/N's ig lives
user5 user4 you could totally hear his voice in the last one lmao
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MAY 03, 2020
danielricciardo
♡ liked by pierregasly, jensonbutton, iamdannaschwarz and 710,610 others
danielricciardo Just a bunch of life 🤠🚜🇦🇺🇺🇸
View all 1,097 comments
yourinstagram awesome taste in music mate 👍🏼
danielricciardo big fan of hers 👍🏼 love finding new underground artists ☺️
user imagine calling THE yourinstagram an "underground artist" lmaooo
user2 they're both such little shits i love them your honor 😭
kristenanniebell ❤️❤️❤️
scottyjames31 I see you're in good company mate
corey_wilson goodness I miss the ranch so much
user daniel said lemme give you thirsty bitches a few droplets of water
user2 there's so much to unpack here omfg
iamdannaschwarz you're welcome 😌 also there's a no-return policy in the contract ok bye
fioamato you're welcome 😌 x2
itsvittoriasousa you're welcome 😌 x3
danielricciardo nah i think i'm gonna keep it for a long while thanks. i'll rate you guys with 5 stars 👍🏼
user3 THE LETTER ON THE LAST PHOTO ???? I'M SENDING Y'ALL MY THERAPY BILLS
user4 THE MATCHING RINGS PLEASE!!!!!!! 😭😭😭
user5 all this soft launch shit is killing me guys help somebody let them know that we already know so they can stop playing!!!
yourinstagram but where's the fun in that babes? 😌
user holy shittttt!!!! y/n ???? i- 🤯
user5 OH MY GOD!!!! HI MOTHER AJKFFLAHDASD
user2 it's a fucking confirmation!!!! dan-y/n nation we got it!!! it's crumbs but we got it!!!!!
user6 we stan a suportive bf ☝️🤩
user7 999 for grammy's best album of the year ✨manifesting✨
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─── Please don't forget to reblog & comment! ♡
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The Other Ones
Synopsis: During quarantine, F2 driver Y/n L/n takes a page out of the F1 drivers’ book, and convinces her friends to stream with her. It makes 2020 more bearable.
A/N: kinda weird for this one; im gonna use the 2023 F2 grid for a fic set in 2020. i know it doesn’t make sense at all, but I wasn’t into motorsport in 2020, meaning I have barely any idea who the drivers were, so 2023 f2 grid it is. also this is basically a crack fic
. alright basically
. like everyone else in the world during 2020, you were going insane during lock down
. the racing season wasn’t set to start until july, and you hadn’t raced for almost 7 months
. you were stuck in your house, and you loved your parents and everything, but you were crazing interaction with people other than your family
. you were friends with most of the other f2 drivers, and you did talk a lot, but it still wasn’t the same as seeing them in the paddock
. one day during another search on the internet for something entertaining, you found out that a few of the F1 drivers started streaming on Twitch
. and then you got an idea
. you didn’t want to say you copied the older drivers
. except that you totally did
. shamelessly
. you rounded up your closest f2 friends in a group chat, explained your brilliant idea, and a week later found yourself streaming on Twitch
. it took a lot of coordination, starting a streaming channel is a lot harder than it looks, but the results definitely paid off
. your version of the “Twitch Quartet” consists of Fred Vesti, Ollie Bearman, Arthur Leclerc, and of course, yourself
. Arthur was the first to post on his Instagram to promote the stream, and once you all followed, the chaos began
. it started with a game of among us
. it was a lot more intense than anyone realized it would be
. Arthur has trust issues
. you jump at anything that moves
. Ollie is scarily good at lying
. and poor Fred just wants to fix the lights
. “oh my god Arthur this is literally the fourth meeting you’ve called”
. “OLLIE SHUT OFF THE LIGHTS! I SAW HIM“
. “EVEN IF I DID YOU CANT SEE SOMEONE SABOTAGE”
. “you are all ridiculous! now let me go back and fix the turbo engine thing-“
. “y/n stop following me, I promise Ollie is not going to kill you”
. “yeah well that’s what he said last time and then he stabbed me in Comms so-“
. “you are in my way! I am trying to keep us all alive here”
. “I don’t know what you expected me to do. the lights went off and you came into Comms alone, did you really think I wouldn’t kill you?”
. “Arthur I SWEAR-“
. that first stream gains a lot of traction, and before it even ends, you four are getting game recommendations and requests for more content
. fall guys is next the game the catches your attention
. no one but you is surprised that your absolute shit at it
. Fred wins like every round because he’s takes it the most serious
. Ollie and Arthur are screaming, accusing the other of sabotaging and whining once they both lose
. “I DON’T UNDERSTAND I LITERALLY JUMPED BUT THE STUPID THING DIDN’T MOVE I SWEAR I JUMPED-“
. “OLLIE STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME”
. “THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR PUSHING ME OFF THE SPINNY THING”
. “fredvesti7 is the winner!”
. “I’M TRYING TO KICK THE BALL! IT WONT LET ME KICK THE BALL I HATE THIS STUPID THING-“
. “HEY! HEY! HE’S PUSHING ME LOOK HE’S TRYING TO PUSH ME OFF THE TILES”
“WELL YOU’RE THE ONE WHO JUMPED ON MY HEXAGON AND MADE ME DIE SO-“
“fredvesti7 is the winner!”
. the most common game you play is sim racing, for obvious reasons
. “Ollie you just pushed me off the track”
. “no I didn’t that was Fred”
. “hey! I’m all the way up here don’t put this on me”
. “Arthur, you better stop swerving or I’m gonna crash into you”
. “haha I won you all suck”
. “yeah because you PUSHED US INTO THE BARRIERS”
. “WELL MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED SWERVING-“
. your personal favorite streams are “f2 after dark” a series of streams that occur usually past midnight
. they originally started when you four were all on facetime at night
. then decided to play a game
. and by the 12am rolled around, you guys were setting up your cameras and mics
. traditionally, you guys play horror games, all ranging from Granny to Phasmophobia, all scream inducing
. “Ollie if you leave me before we walk into the basement I will kill you”
. “oh my god- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SOUND”
. “we are so dying”
. “I say we sacrifice Arthur, he’s shouting too much”
. “OH MY GOD IT’S RIGHT THERE”
. “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT”
. “Ollie why did you push me towards it”
. you guys did try to play uno once
. “OLLIE STOP LOOKING AT MY CARDS”
. “Y/N’S CHEATING”
. “this is NOT HOW WE PLAY UNO IN DENMARK!”
. “I wish we were playing in person SO I COULD THROW THIS STUPID CARD AT YOU”
. “I HATE THIS GAME”
. “IF YOU GIVE ME A PLUS 4 ONE MORE TIME ARTHUR I SWEAR-”
. and then didn’t play again
. eventually, the F1 drivers realize you guys have been streaming on twitch like them
. and come up with an stream idea that you still consider the most fun you’ve had in quarantine
. “hello everybody! this is a very special stream because today, we are collaborating with the F1 drivers in a Mario Kart 8 showdown! We’re doing team mode first, Twitch Quartet vs Us, let’s see how it goes”
. you were originally kind of nervous about this stream
. and they didn’t tell you but you were pretty sure the others were kind of nervous too
. besides the exception of Charles and Arthur, f1 and f2 drivers don’t interact much, so you’ve never really gotten the chance to get to know any of the four
. and now suddenly you were streaming on Twitch in front of thousands of people with them
. very big change
. you didn’t have anything to worry about though, the stream went very well, especially the “every man (or woman) for themselves” round
. “I don’t know why you would chose rainbow road, it’s genuinely the worst track”
. “alright Lando there’s no need for slander”
. “George I am not Alex, do not crash into me”
. “Charles if you push me off this ledge I am locking you out of the house next time”
. “you’ve got to leave the space!”
. “if i have to be stuck behind Ollie for another lap i’m just gonna push him off the map”
. “Fred, you are pushing me off the track again”
" i am not that is y/n!”
. “you’re such a snitch”
. “they’re going wheel to wheel!”
. “George you are not Martin Brundle”
. “Arthur if you break test me one more time, I’m locking YOU out of the house”
. “I’m going to kill you if you keep pushing me into the barriers, Lando”
. “you’ve gOT TO LEAVE THE SPACE”
. “FRED QUIT PUSHING ME OFF THE TRACK”
. " and the winner is….. me. obviously”
. “I don’t know Y/n, I’m pretty sure you cheated somehow”
. “I saID THE WINNER IS ME”
. anyway
. that stream collected the most amount of viewers any of you had ever gotten
. you eight are already talking about another one soon
. the entire streaming idea was a lot of fun
. and you’re very glad you did it
short little blurb that I hate but i posted it because i’ve been kinda interested in f2 recently and decided to make it so why not
also if this looks familiar, it is, I originally posted it a couple weeks ago, decided I hated it, deleted it, and am now posting it again
still hate it though
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Could you have Reader dating Andrew and Ashley (separately).
That Reader appears to be the type of person: kind, adorable, friendly, cheerful but it's all a facade. Reader is actually a cold, cruel and sadistic hitman/hitwoman.
ABSOLUTELY! Ugh! I’ve been trying to find Fanfic of the Graves siblings!
INFO: Please note this might have spoilers for chapter one AND two. I’m kidding it’s gonna have a lot of spoilers. Please read with caution.
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Andrew Graves with G/N Reader, who looks innocent but isn’t
INFO: Blood, Gore, Cussing, G/N Reader, Mention of cannibalism
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At first he thought he would have to protect you from Ashely, but you left him thinking otherwise
Ashley actually likes you! She’s learned to except you, especially since you all are stuck in quarantine with each other, “Hey Y/N! Wanna help me prank Andy!” “This is so bullshit! They’ve left us in this apartment… and I’m with the two flirty and scandalous people I know!”
When you guys eat the human flesh, you’ll be disgusted at first. But then you’d say it’s not too bad. “Yes 911 I think my lover is going insane. HEY DON’T HANG UP YOU PRICK!”
He’s overprotective of you JUST as much as he is Ashely. Considering their parents practically abandoned them. He’s scared he’ll loose you.
The moment you first ever protected Ashley, you had NO mercy. He watched you destroy the cultist.
He loves you just as much as he loves Ashley, no matter what. Even if you are kinda like Ashley sometimes.
Your good with guns, you then explained to them that your father was a former hit man.
“Mom would be so proud of you Andy.” Ashley would say as she had her hands on her hips smirking. “I’m kidding. I love Y/N.” Andrew then looks at Ashley. “First off, my name isn’t “Andy” second, shut up and get rid of our parent’s blood.”
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Ashley Graves with G/N Reader, who looks innocent but isn’t
INFO: Blood, Gore, Cussing, G/N Reader, Mention of cannibalism
———————————————————————
Since she looks at her brother in a more of… romantic way. She also looks at him as a threat to your guys relationship. She tends to be VERY overprotective since she has abandonment issues, and she feels like you’ll leave her.
Jealousy. Just jealousy. “Who was that Y/N” “Who the FUCK was that bitch you were talking to?!” “Am I not your favorite person anymore…” in the end you both end up cuddling.
She always thought you were the innocent one, sometimes she now thinks… you’re worse than her. With no mercy you and protected her from a warden, the bloody mess, EVERYTHING. She then figured out that day. Don’t. Make. You. Mad.
Somehow you knew how to clean up blood perfectly… you explained to her that your parents were VERY popular murderers in the city. You thought this would make her break up with you. “Baby I’ve eaten human meat. I find it sexy.” She would smirk at you, and then you both would make out on the couch.
Bitch is oddly lovely dovey, even if your covered in blood from saving her from a Warden
You sometimes join her in messing with Andrew
“WOULD YOU BOTH FUCKING STOP?!” Andrew said as you kept on repeating “Andy”. Ashley jumped in saying, “Surrrrre Andyyyy”. You both were then forced shut up with food.
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I really hope this is what you’re looking for! I’m not the best with fan-fiction… please be patient with me while I figure out my writing style. ❤️
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JUST A FAN... RIGHT?
summary: during quarantine you find yourself finding comfort in an up and coming rapper from louisville who is pretty active with his fans, a couple later you end up messaging his fan number never expecting anything from it...
a/n: sorry if this sucks, this was one of those pieces i wrote mostly for me and what i wish would happen when i message that damn number lol, anyways hope you enjoy!!
Jack Harlow had always been one of your favorite artists since the early start of quarantine when you had seen a tik tok of a baby-faced rapper promoting a song that you had not been able to get out of your head.
At first it was just his music, you loved it and literally couldn’t get enough that you would spend your quarantine listening to it and soon it followed with you diving head first into his interviews and ‘Funny Jack Harlow Moments’... you were infatuated with and it bled into Twitter.
You used your personal twitter, never fully committing to the whole stan persona because you were still kinda iffy about all that.
In late 2020 and early 2021 Jack was still so active with everything and all the indirects he would get, he was especially active with the tweets that would come from you. You quickly became one of his favorite accounts.
You were super surprised one random day when he followed you, sending you a DM with your tweet linked to it.
YOURTWITTERNAME— dua lipa is stuck in my heaaaaaaad
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JackHarlow: My song or u just gotta crush on her ?
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YOURTWITTERNAME: DUA LIPA IM TRYNA DO MORE WITH HER THAN DO A FEATURE
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JackHarlow: You comin to any shows?
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YOURTWITTERNAME: maybe
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JackHarlow: Daaaaaaaaamn Y/N don’t treat me like a second choice
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YOURTWITTERNAME: next time to do something problematic so it’s easier to get tickets
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JackHarlow: Mmmmm
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YOURTWITTERNAME: not too much now sassy pants
It was the first and last time that the two of you had exchanged more than a few words or emojis from when he would reply to you on the timeline but it was also the last time that the two of you would talk before he went on tour and stopped getting so active on twitter in general.
You also slowly but surely stopped talking about Jack on Twitter since going back to school in person and just finding a social life, leaving your parasocial relationship with him in the past.
That was until a week ago when he had randomly dropped another album, and decided to promote it by releasing a number that he would be able to communicate with his fans with. It made you smile, this album was for him and the people who truly got him.
You couldn’t help it, even though you hadn’t thought about Jack in a while it still didn’t stop you from listening to his album and eventually messaging the number.
Y/N: i love the album, i know I don’t know you like that but it feels so you… proud of youuuuu
You never expected a response especially since you were so sure that his inbox was probably flooding with messages from other fans but on the other side of the U.S. Jack’s eyes had caught your name, his head flashing back to yours and his relationship from once before. His number one.
Jack: I’m so glad you love it Y/N , your opinion always gonna mean so much to me
Y/N: questions so about meeeee
Jack: Funny girl huh? You the one who stopped texting and tweeting making me think I fell off
Y/N: WAIT.. not you really texting lmao i thought this was AI
Jack: {SELFIE} Hi
Y/N: still sexy i see
Jack: Staaaaawpppp dont make me blush
Texting Jack felt so weird this time, because it felt normal… like there was no gap between the two of you. Like the two of you had known eachother forever and had always been friends.
When you texted he would respond and sometimes he would even text you first. Things even started getting insanely personal and close when he had requested you on Instagram, something that completely took you by surprise since you had never even given him your name like that.
Y/N: did u just request me?
Jack: Was that weird?
Y/N: I’m confused…
Jack: Nothing confusing just press confirm
Y/N: ok smart ass u know what i mean
When you had finally accepted him he was quick to text you.
Jack: I’m lurking
Y/N: are you now?
Jack: You’re really fuckin pretty how come I never knew that?
Y/N: i don’t know about all that
Jack: Why is ur face not plastered everywhere
Jack: It should be everywhere
Jack: Gorgeous
You could feel your heartbeat increase and as much as you wanted to allow yourself to feel something you couldn’t because you didn’t know him enough to take it seriously. He could very well be saying this to all his fans. Because that’s what you were… a fan.
You were in a random Barnes and Noble when an unknown number started calling you, you gave your phone a confused look before declining it going back to looking at the shelves.
Unknown: Answer the phoneeee
Y/N: do i know u weird ass?
Unknown: Damn ur mean
Unknown: Answer the phoneeeeee
Your eyes widened as a live picture of Jack Harlow sent after the last text and then the phone began ringing again.
Was Jack Harlow calling you? There was just no fucking way.
“Did I win a giveaway or something?” You spoke softly into the phone and you almost dropped your coffee as a familiar voice spoke back.
“That’s how you sound? This shit is crazy…” Jack sighed.
You giggled, “I’m confused?”
“You sound just how I pictured.”
“Why are you calling me, Mr. Harlow?”
“I want to meet you Y/N…” Jack spoke lowly, “I’m gonna keep it a buck and shit if you wanna sell this story to TMZ let me know but I don’t really do this and you know people want a lot from me but I feel like you don’t and shit I may just be talking but… Why you laughing?”
You smiled, “Because you’re you and yet you're stumbling all over your words.”
“What would the world think?” You could almost hear his smile.
“Jack…”
“Y/N…”
You bit your lip confused, “Why do you want to meet me?”
It was quiet for a second before Jack spoke. “Can I be honest with you?”
“Always.”
He let out a chuckle, “I believe that I have a crush on you, Y/N.”
“And what are you gonna do about that?”
And that was how you ended up in Las Vegas after being flown out by Jack Harlow…
You had told him once that you lived in Los Angeles, you didn’t expect him to remember but he did.
Should you have been scared? A man you never met flying you to him to meet for the first time? Sure, but you weren’t because this was Jack, someone who you had been having regular conversations with daily for the past few months. The same guy who admitted to having a crush on you.
But then again this was Jack, a guy you really didn’t know if you were actually being serious. This could have been all a part of a really weird Hollywood cult initiation thing.
Jesus, everything that was coming out of your mouth sounded insane.
To say you were second guessing everything and anything was an understatement, and you were just about ready to hop on the next flight back to Los Angeles— Until you saw him, all covered up in a New Balance set as if it was doing a lot to hide his tall figure.
You smiled at him, instantly grabbing his attention making him do a light jog to you.
His smile was even prettier in person and if you took the time you could count all the freckles on his face.
“Hi.” Jack smiled at you, before pulling a bouquet of…
“Are those Hyacinths?” Those were your favorite flowers, you don’t think you ever even told him that yet there they were in a bouquet in his hand.
Jack shrugged, smiling even bigger. “Like I said I was lurking and may or may not have found through a tweet about animal crossing, which by the way I would love to visit you on your island.”
He was perfect, insanely perfect.
You grabbed them, pulling the bouquet closer to your chest. “They're gorgeous, thank you so much.”
“This is gonna sound really middle school but can I hug you?”
You laughed, before wrapping your arms around him feeling his wrap around you too. You could hear his heart beating.
You looked up at him seeing that he was already looking down at you, “It’s nice to meet you Jack.”
“Right back at you, pretty girl.”
You felt like you were floating as Jack threw his arm over your shoulder, leading you through the busy airport to where his car was waiting.
“Finally, they were just about damn ready to arrest me for parking here.” A familiar face appeared as you walked up to the car.
“Not your fault of course,” The guy winked at you, “I’m Urban.”
Jack quickly brought you closer to him, laughing. “She doesn’t care Urb, now get in the back.”
You smiled, “He doesn’t speak for me. Nice to meet you Urban, I’m Y/N.”
“I hope you chill him out, fame has gotten to his head.”
“I’m sure.” You gave Jack a look before hopping in the passenger seat.
Jack sighed as he got into the car, “I’m not sure I like what’s going on here.”
The drive back to the hotel was full of laughter and getting to know Urban as he talked all the way back. You thought he was funny and could see yourself getting along with him.
Your eyes widened as you rode the elevator up, having to tap the card and put a special code to ride up to a private floor that Jack was staying at.
“I’m not being promiscuous by the way, this penthouse has four rooms so you get your own, but if you want like your own room-room that’s cool too and I can make the call I just want you to be comfortable.”
“It’s fine,” You smiled up at Jack. “It’s perfect.”
“Like you.” Jack winked.
“And that’s my cue.” Urban groaned, “Let me know when yall are done being all cute and shit.”
“Gonna be a while, I don’t think she can.”
“Goodbye!” You could hear the elevator close leaving just you and Jack in the suite.
“I’ll show you your room, so I can put down your heavy ass bag.”
“I told you, you didn’t have to carry it.” You said as you tried grabbing the bag from him, making him pull it up out of your reach.
“Nah, nah.” He shook his head, leading you to your room, the bag still being held up high, “I just did arm day so this is something light.”
You looked at how toned his arms looked as he set down your bag on the dresser in the room he had for you.
You sat down on the bed, “Comfy.”
“Better be, shit cost a ton.” He sat down next to me, “Still not used to all this.”
“Are you excited?” You asked him, “For tomorrow? I was lurking on Twitter and I saw that a lot of your fans are coming.”
“Yeah, I love em’.” Jack smiled, “Want to put on a good show for them especially for canceling so last minute last time. I even had my manager plan a little secret missionary party for them to get to know each other tonight.”
“You’re so sweet, are you gonna make an appearance?”
He shook his head, “Got something else planned for tonight.”
“Like?”
Jack shrugged, “I don’t know, like taking a pretty girl out on a date.”
You nodded, “Hope she has a fun night… I might go visit that Jack Harlow fan party because you know I’m a fan.”
“You’re more than that to me, Y/N.” Jack shook his head, “I hope you know that.”
You wanted to believe it, you really did. But seeing as Jack had chosen a weekend where Vegas would be littered with his fans making it easy to move you into the fan category if he wanted to in case people started asking questions.
You nodded, “Okay.”
Your eyes opened slowly as you woke up from an accidental sleep, you blinked as the once bright room was covered in darkness. How long have you been asleep? How did you even fall asleep?
The date, shit.
You quickly got up, heading to the restroom that was connected to your room brushing your teeth and splashing your face with water to wake you up some more.
“She’s asleep… She got in early… No, it's only been like an hour and a half… Thanks, I'll let you know how it goes… I’m not talking to her… Enough, bye.”
You could hear him talking from the other side of the door. You waited for him to finish his conversation not wanting to interrupt anything.
Slowly, you opened the door walking out in the living room area. His back was faced to you but it didn’t take long for him to turn around, giving you a smile.
“Have a nice nap, pretty girl?”
“Why did you let me fall asleep?” You asked, a little upset that you had wasted precious time with Jack.
He stood up, walking over to you. “It’s okay you weren't even asleep for a long time. Plus that was my bad for booking you such an early flight. I would have done the same.” Jack took your hand leading you around the couch, “Hungry?”
You gave him a deep stare, “Starved.”
Being around Jack felt surreal, almost like you were in a daze.
Eating breakfast, giggling like high schoolers, and just overall getting to know one another was unlike anything you had experienced previously. You were excited about it all— Until reality came to view.
Right when the two of you were about to head out to the dinner that Jack had planned for the two of you he had gotten a call that he had to take in the other room, leaving you with your thoughts about everything that was going on and how everything would end up when you eventually would have to leave.
You frowned as Jack came back in with an annoyed look, “I’m gonna make this up to you pretty girl. I promise.”
“What happened?”
“Club called, wanted me to do an appearance tonight supposedly it was on the contract which is bullshit.” He sighed, “I gotta be there for at least two hours.”
“Two hours?”
“Look when I come back we can—”
You felt like someone had slapped you in the face, “You want me to stay here?”
Jack felt like an asshole. “Pretty girl, it’s just… At these clubs it’s a lot and people take pictures and I don’t want them to ruin this.”
Right. Of course he wouldn’t want pictures of the two of you together. Gosh, you hope your sadness and disappointment show on your face but when Jack looked at you again you could tell it did. He was looking at you as if you were a kicked puppy— like the girls used to in middle school when you wanted to hang out and they didn’t have the guts to tell you no but they weren't exactly gonna tell you yes either.
“Oh, yeah that makes sense I guess. Um…” You didn’t know what to say in a situation like this, you couldn't exactly argue the two of you were nothing. “I’m tired anyways so yeah… Have fun Jack.”
Jack shook his head, “You’re not tired and you know what fuck it. I’m my own person and if I wanna bring a girl out to something I can.”
Okay, now you were confused which was easily filled in by Jack.
“My management has this thing with image, they portray me exactly how they want me to be and if a heartthrob rapper is who they want me to be I can’t exactly say no… or I couldn’t before.” Jack sighed, “Look Y/N… talking to you these past few months on the phone, in text, and everything in between that's the realest I’ve ever felt with someone in a really long time.”
“Jack…”
“Mm-mm.” He shook his head, “I see the way you’re holding back with me and I don’t want you to. I flew you out to Miami because I needed to meet you, to see you, and I want to continue to see you because I really like you.”
“I’m nobody though, Jack. I’m just your fan.”
“And I’m obsessed that you're my fan but you're much more than that to me.” Jack smiled, “You’re Y/N, a girl who’s obsessed with Taylor Swift, and corrects people when they call Grogu ‘Baby Yoda’, you're someone who loves a cute drink even when they taste horrible, you're the only person I know that can spend hours at Barnes and Noble… You’re much more than my fan Y/N.”
You had spent so much time thinking all of this was one sided like you were the only one learning things about him but it just wasn’t true because he was listening. He was listening to it all, even the smallest details about you that you had only brought up for a second.
“That was the most romantic thing that’s ever happened to me.” You smiled.
“Not the paid for airplane ticket and expensive ass suite.” Jack smiled back at you cheekily.
You shook your head, moving closer. “I’m gonna kiss you now.”
Jack leaned down, “I’d be offended if you didn’t.”
And just like that, all the doubt and negative thoughts had washed away when his lips met yours because now you knew that it was all real. Every single feeling that you felt, every feeling that he felt… It was real.
The two of you pulled away breathless.
“I’ve been waiting to do that since you stepped off that plane, and I don’t think I’m ever waiting again.” Jack brought his hand up to cup your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek. “My pretty girl.”
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5/?? The pseudohistory of Prometheus
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We return to a movie I wish to send on a journey down the Kola Superdeep Borehole, Prometheus.
And my insanity truly begins in this segment. We are only 1/10th of the way through the movie so far. Content warnings for discussion of racism in pseudoscience and historical anthropology, Spider getting hung up on logistics and space nerd stuff, and pictures of Yuri Knorozov, the most sour-faced man to ever live.
The cast sits down for a briefing. This is a scene with an easily identifiable narrative function: providing exposition to the theater audience. The act of doing a briefing makes sense. It is the last thing here that will.
We are introduced to a hologram of Peter Weyland, the financier of the expedition. The name means all sorts of Lore to the series, but what’s intensely distracting is that we seem to have caught Weyland halfway through applying his zombie makeup.
Weyland is played by Guy Pierce. As of the filming of this movie, he was somewhere around 45 years old. Yes, they smothered this Australian in old man drag so that he could play this character. This is a baffling decision, that only gets slightly less baffling if you know the production history of the movie, which I did not at the time.
Guy Pierce was hired to play a younger Peter Weyland. There’s a promo video out there of him giving a fictional TED Talk in the not-to-distant future of next Sunday AD 2023, there were various plans for him to appear in the movie proper. None of those scenes are actually in the movie. They refused to double-cast the role for some reason. While the practical effects in the movie are generally excellent and it does make the tiniest smidge of sense that a hypercapitalist asshole would be portrayed as a literal rubber-faced movie monster, this, like many things in Prometheus, made the movie a very weird sit. One where I was increasingly less open to going along with the movie’s fiction. You are telling me that this is an actual human man. I am not buying it. He looks far less human than David, the only non-human there.
Speaking of David, Weyland calls him “the closest thing to a son I will ever have”, and then immediately says David is an inhuman lesser being, who does not appreciate the specialness of his existence because he does not have a soul.
Which is funny, because I think you can see David’s soul leaving his body at this exact moment.
Weyland then tries to mash in some existential weight to the movie: they might finally get an answer for “why are we here?” and all that jazz! He also tries to explain why naming a ship Prometheus is totally not like calling it Titanic II: Don’t think about the part of the myth where Prometheus is chained to a rock and has his ever-regenerating liver eaten by an eagle every day! Think about the bit where he brought fire to mankind! We’re gonna bring back that bit!
And then the archaeologists take over the briefing, and this, THIS, is the bit where they entirely lost me. My suspension of disbelief had already been strained by multiple oddities up to this point. My skepticism about these characters in particular was already a bit elevated by their implied invocation of the ancient astronauts concept.
Turns out, only Vickers, Shaw, and Holloway know why they’re here.
Two years away from Earth. On a massively expensive expedition that intends to make first contact with an alien culture, the first alien culture that humankind has ever found evidence of. Nobody has been briefed up until this point.
This is lunacy.
Explanations have been figured out by fans since then: this is a passion project by Weyland, an annoyance to the rest of the corporate structure that nobody else believes in. The movie eventually intimates this, through Vickers.
Fans have thus speculated that Weyland was just quarantined off to do his little alien hunt, with no logistical support that would make it actually functional. He believed a crazy theory put forward by Shaw and Holloway, and everyone else wasn’t actually best-of-the-best, they were just whoever would take a big paycheck to do fuck-all for nearly five years of sleeping their way to and from their destination.
I am willing to consider that this was intentional. The movie possibly tries to confirm this with Mr. “I’m here for the money” Fifield, but none of the other characters have enough characterization to determine if this is the general trend.
How could we make a story that more clearly spells this out? Maybe Millburn the biologist could encounter more of the crew talking about the payout from taking the job, or reveal that he himself has some project he needs money for. It would also chip away at the dearth of character-building dialog for most of the cast.
As a result of those deficiencies in characterization, a lot of my discussion of plot points is going to be focused around what they do, rather than why. …Except when it is about the why, at which point the main commentary will be “WHY.”
In any case: while it makes sense, I'm still not certain the film meant for this character motivation. Prometheus is just so loudly explicit with so many of its plot points that it doesn’t seem like this is the case. The movie certainly believes in the sincerity and correctness of the archaeologists, though.
Unfortunately, it also immediately tells me that they’re a couple of wingnuts. I’m not sure if it intends to, for reasons I’ll get into after I foam at the mouth for a little while.
They present a series of artifacts to the crew: Egyptian, Mayan, Akkadian, Sumerian, Hittite, Hawaiian, and their Scottish cave painting. All of them feature “men worshiping giant beings”, who are pointing to what stargazer nerds call an asterism: a pattern of stars. Shaw and Holloway believe that these are aliens that engineered humans into their current state. Shaw literally says “it’s what I choose to believe” as the entirety of their justification for this.
Again: I knew the movie wanted me to take this as truth, within its universe. That’s the implicit deal the movie has made with the audience, this is truth. You are supposed to be contemplating the "whys" of it all. But the movie had also smacked me in the brain so many times in the past five minutes, that I, like Millburn the Biologist, was ready to call bullshit.
I appreciate him for doing so, and it shows he could have been a smart character, but sadly, he is in Prometheus.
Because he is a fictional biologist and I am an actual biologist, I will expand on his argument, as I descend into ranting for the rest of the post.
Millburn objects on the basis of evolutionary history, which the movie only partially succeeds in papering over: the implication is that evolution on Earth was directed with the deterministic outcome of creating something like humans.
This opens up a whole new can of worms that the movie doesn’t get into–when exactly did this engineering start? When great apes evolved? When mammals did? Tetrapods? Skeletons? DNA itself? After all, we know the aliens, now dubbed Engineers by the archaeologists, have DNA. Did they seed all life on Earth? How did they evolve? Our last universal common ancestor is believed to have already been using DNA 3-4 billion years ago, evolving out of a likely RNA-based genetic standard. Hominins diverged from other apes around 15-25 million years ago. What sort of culture would undertake a project that required at least 15 million years on the extreme low end?
All excellent questions! The movie is not concerned with them. I am, and that is part of why this movie still lives in a special, awful place in my head.
This isn’t actually what made me become actively hostile toward the archaeologists, though. What managed that, well! It was their archaeology. Anybody who had an Ancient Egypt Phase in their childhood should be able to articulate multiple reasons why the academic community would’ve laughed these guys out of the building.
Bigness in ancient egyptian art does not indicate literal size. It indicates importance. In fact, the artifacts the movie uses exclusively come from artistic traditions which feature hierarchical or non-literal scale. Do the Engineers turn out to actually be eight feet tall? Yes! Am I still annoyed by this? ABSOLUTELY.
You know what else is a big problem? Many of the cultures they reference here had written language! A LOT of written language! They include Egyptian, Sumerian, Babylonian, and Mayan art in their evidence, all of which not only wrote a LOT of things down, but had a habit of annotating a lot of their art with labels to tell you what was going on! You can actually see some on the props they used in this scene!
Beyond that, they had very prescribed formal styles, where you can follow the action entirely through gestures, held objects, attendant symbols, and clothing! If all these cultures, as implied, had actual, direct contact with aliens, recorded in the art presented here, we would know what they were told.
Skipping ahead of the movie for a minute: the Engineers were apparently not telling humans “we’re here in these stars, come find us”, they were telling humans “settle the fuck down or this is where the hurt’s going to come from”.
Here's the thing. Ancient peoples weren't stupid. They wouldn't just not talk about this. If giant aliens came down from the sky and gave them a stern talking-to that contradicted their religion, that would be a big deal. And these characters specifically say the Engineers are being "worshiped" in these images! They're apparently taking onboard what's being said!
It is certainly possible for information to be lost. Over long time scales, that's unfortunately the rule, rather than the exception. But again: half the artifacts have writing on them!
I chose to believe that Shaw and Holloway simply did not attempt to read any available translations of attendant texts, and they were thus cursed for their foolishness by the ghosts of Mayan Studies pioneer Yuri Knorozov and EgyptologistJean-François Champollion, and the still-extant spirit of Assyriologist Irving Finkel.
Knorozov knows your sins against Mayan Studies. Knorozov is a vengeful god. Chapollion and Finkel are likewise very cross.
Two last things stood out to me in the theater. One of them was extremely petty but tied into some very serious issues with pseudoscience, and the other one was not.
Pettiness first: the asterism shown in the artifacts is a pattern of six stars. The movie wants you to believe that it is very spooky that the only asterism that precisely matches this pattern are six stars that are too faint to see with the naked eye. This is laughable, both because the asterism is so generic-looking that I can think of several very visible asterisms that are good matches for the pattern, but it also recapitulates a bunch of really fucking annoying shit from pseudoscientific bullshit.
First: Pseudoscience and pseudohistory likes to make a big deal out of the fact that every culture has stories about the stars. Why?
The sky is very important to every culture’s mythology, because every culture can see the sky. Like, that’s literally it. People can see the sky. They tell stories about it. There’s not much to do at night except look at the sky, when even keeping a fire lit can be an expensive prospect. It is not even the least bit weird when multiple cultures–all of them in the northern hemisphere in this case!–have stories about the same stars.
Second: Cultures vary in their ability to faithfully reproduce celestial landmarks in art and align their architecture is variable, and not as exact as modern techniques can manage. Pseudoscience will claim that they are exact, when it fits their pre-existing theory, or fudge the difference if they want something to fit their claims.
(This is a photoshopped image, by the way.)
Were the stone age temples of Malta secretly aligned with a particular star that foretold the doom of Atlantis, precisely tracking its location through the sky over thousands of years of Earth’s axial wobbling? No! They were roughly aligned with the sun. Sunlight is important when you don’t have electric lights. Were the Great Pyramids of Giza laid out ten thousand years ago to match the layout of the stars in Orion’s Belt, according to the designs of a legendary lost race of highly advanced non-African people? Were they tapping into the Earth’s magnetic field to generate energy? No! They were aligned with the cardinal directions, and they got them a bit wrong!
Hell, if we want to play at that game, I found a decent match for the asterism in Stellarium's Egyptian constellation set. Just flip this 90 degrees clockwise and you'll see I'm totally right. Aliens confirmed.
I know the movie is trying to tell me that all the asterisms in the art are precise matches for each other and are thus impossible to explain without intercultural contact (or aliens!!), but it is also showing me that they are not that precise. So, it’s just showing me stars. At least in some of them. Their little charcoal lad from the Isle of Skye may be throwing fruit at his audience.
In fact, there's a further, probably unintentional link to pseudohistorical claims in the artifacts presented: the Maya artifact shown does not actually depict a "giant figure" being worshiped, in fact, it shows one instantly recognizable, known figure in Classical Maya history: It is an altered version of the ornately carved coffin lid of Kʼinich Janaab Pakal I (24 March 603 - 29 August 683), with the top quarter of the carving replaced with a star pattern that looks nothing like the ones on the other artifacts.
The carving shows Pakal in the pose of an infant, entering into death and being reborn. It is packed full of so many symbolic elements that can be easily recognized by those more familiar with the Classical Maya than I am.
Conspiracy theorist Erich von Däniken thought that it showed Pakal rocketing away on a spaceship. Däniken proposed this because he didn't understand the cultural symbolism, but he had seen pictures of astronauts before.
And on that note, 2,400 words into this rant, we get to the actually bad shit. Unfortunately, it ties into the issue I had with the premise to begin with: the real-world context of pseudoscientific claims of ancient alien contact. Specifically, the racism.
We’re going to unspool this more near the end of the movie, because there was further behind the scenes I was not aware of when I first saw Prometheus, and it just compounds this stuff.
So, when I went on my first tangent on how unpleasant ancient alien theories are, one thing I highlighted is that the further from Western Civilization you get, the more these theories presuppose that fellow humans are incapable of building great works or imagining interesting things. No, they had to be guided, and explicitly shown things that they copied down to the best of their limited capability.
The only european example of alien contact they show is from the Upper Paleolithic, 37,000 years ago. All the examples around the Mediterranean and Mesopotamia range from 5,500-3,700 years ago. The examples from the Classical Maya and Hawaiʻi are from 620 and 680 CE.
During this period, Tang Dynasty merchants were creating the first paper money as the famous female emperor Wu Zetian was on her way to the throne. The Prophet Muhammad went to al-Aqsa mosque, and we’re only eight years before the birth of Charlemagne’s grandfather. We’re no longer talking ancient, it’s just old.
I want to emphasize that the movie is presenting these not as depictions of myths that have been passed down–though there are more problems with that I’ll get into shortly–these are implied to be contemporary depictions of events witnessed by the artists, who were quite possibly instructed by the Engineers to record a precise pattern of stars. An equivalency is being drawn between stone age Europe, bronze age Africa and the Middle East, and a couple of startlingly recent Mesoamerican and Polynesian cultures.
But let’s be generous. Maybe these aren’t supposed to be contemporary accounts in these two outlier cases: the movie’s script will certainly indicate later that they have no idea what they’ve implied here. Perhaps these are story traditions that were handed down from the Olmecs and Melanesian precursors of the first to sail to Hawaiʻi.
Unfortunately, this just recapitulates a different racist trope: that European and more “developed” civilizations invented so much cool and comfortable material culture and philosophy that they forgot the Mystical Religious Truths of the old ways, which were preserved only in Primitive Lands and among Uneducated Peoples, where they never found anything better to do with their time. Oh, if only we had heeded the warnings from those spiritually attuned non-white people!
(Look, I only remember Devil (2010), which has 50% on Rotten Tomatoes, because M Night Shyamalan wrote and produced it, and this was two years after The Happening came out, so I watched it out of morbid curiosity. It's not as unbelievably bad as The Happening, but as shown in the clip above, the spiritually attuned latino security guard Ramirez attributes toast landing jelly side down to Satan. That is an actual thing that happens in the movie. He is proven right.)
But let's be even more generous: someone probably realized that they'd focused near-exclusively on Middle Eastern cultures, and wanted to throw in a couple from elsewhere. Sitting here, having seen the movie in full, this is the most likely option: their inclusion creates a contradiction with a later scene, and was thus probably not checked for consistency. These cultures were thrown in as a bit of background flavor. I list this last, because in the theater, there was no way to know this at the time.
That answer's still not great. Still leaves us in the same position, where Europeans are pretty much given their own agency, while other cultures need to be led.
Oh, and to anyone else who’s made it this far and knows the production history of Prometheus: don’t worry! I know what Ridley Scott told that one interviewer, about a contact between a less-ancient European power and the Engineers. I’m saving that one. I like to save that one, because strategic deployment of that quote made some of my IRL friends scream.
Next time: the Prometheus descends to an alien world, and I descend further into madness. I am going to drag you all down with me.
(Pictured: Yuri Knorozov, and my present mood.)
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Citations for alt text ramblings:
https://www.almendron.com/artehistoria/arte/culturas/egyptian-art-in-age-of-the-pyramids/catalogue-fourth-dynasty/
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On Dieter, Goya's Black Paintings, and Pedro on Talk Art
Alright y'all, it's Saturday evening, I have nothing better to do (I actually do but I don't feel like it), so welcome to my mini TED Talk about 'how to pay too much fucking attention to the Pedro cinematic universe'. None of this is new, and maybe everybody already knew about this, but I didn't... so here's a nerdy tangent courtesy of googling/wikipedia-ing.
I was reading a Dieter!fic (this one right here by @chaoticgeminate - go read her writing!) earlier today, which refers to the 'Saturn Devouring His Son' painting - that giant mural Dieter is working on in The Bubble:
(his brush isn't even touching the wall tho, ha)
The original 'Saturn' by Goya
The fic mentioned its part of 'The Black Paintings', so I got curious and started googling. I'm no art major or expert, so please allow me to just paraphraze the Wikipedia page. 'Saturn' is part of a group of 14 Goya paintings that are called Pinturas Negras/The Black Paintings. They "portray intense, haunting themes, reflective of both his fear of insanity and his bleak outlook on humanity" --this was late in Goya's life, and was connected to several illnesses he had experienced (and the fear of relapsing) and political turmoil in Spain at the time (post-Napolean war, changing Spanish government, etc.
Trivia fact 1: Goya actually made these paintings right on the walls of the Quinta del Sordo (so-called Deaf Man's villa) where he was staying -- so I love that Apatow had Dieter also paint right on the walls.
Trivia fact 2: while Goya was living in this villa, he actually became gravely ill (again) - not by a pandemic obviously, but it's hard to not link that loosely to the COVID period. He had never intended for these 'Black Paintings' to become public; "these paintings are as close to being hermetically private as any that have ever been produced in the history of Western art" (the murals were eventually transfered to canvas by other folks once he had moved out of the villa). Switching back to The Bubble -- I love how the tragic influence of Goya's illness(es) and art/things 'made at home away from the world, not intended for an audience' (so obviously, in a bubble) has that connection to the COVID experience and how many folks were suddenly homebound, along with the burden of illness in many ways (lord knows this all did a serious number on our mental health). In the movie, Dieter and the others do not want to go into isolation again, but that solitude is what eventually led him to painting on the walls in his room. This is not a 'grand discovery' of any kind, but I got a kick out of the parellels once I read up on it - and honestly makes me appreciate the movie a bit more, haha.
Not happy about another quarantine period.
Alright, more hyperfocusing after the cut:
Some googling led me to a post from last year by @nicolethered (gifs in this post are hers), and she included screencaps of the walls of Dieter's room (during that drug scene), which I hadn't even noticed while watching the movie. Upon taking a closer look, I noticed they're outtakes from other pieces of Goya's Black Paintings! I thought that was really cool, they sure worked on the details with that set (there's one more that's shown in a different shot but I can't exactly figure out which outtake that is):
First one is a mirror image from Two Old Men Eating Soup and the second one is basically Satan aka 'The Great He-Goat' from the Witches' Sabbath painting. Which IMO makes for fucking hilarious perfection a.k.a. trivia fact 3 -- because we all know about Dieter and his little emotional support goat, LOL. Excellent connection.
*insert sound bit from Hot Ones interview* : "Just let me love you!"
Anywaaay there's more. The Bubble was shot during Feb 22, 2021 to April 16, 2021, right? Pedro has spoken about how his input in shaping Dieter was mostly regarding his outfits (the Crocs, the robe, etc). But then I suddenly remember the Talk Art interview he had done in 2018, and how he namechecks 'The Dog' by Goya - and lo, guess which painting is actually part of the 14 Black Paintings? Yeap - the dog! So I checked the podcast and he was asked, 'if you could be any painting, what painting would you be?' by Russell. Here is the painting, and below it is what he said on Talk Art:
'The Drowning Dog' by Goya
"I think… it's a Goya. Yeah, old school. I think it's called 'Dog Buried in Sand' or something like that. It's so… I remember feeling it was such a visual representation of helplessness, in such a… come on, let's all admit that helplessness is a very recurring feeling for many of us, you know what I mean? When it comes to so many things. I guess… I was in Spain, in Madrid, and I was 20. And I went to the Goya museum.
What's interesting about it is that the head of the dog is really quite small and sort of adorable, it looks like a stray mutt, and the painting - if I can remember it correctly - is very rectangular. There's so much above him, like the world just seems so big. It's quite incredible, isn't it? I know it's really sad, and sort of dark, and maybe I really like enjoy perceiving myself like..." (He gets interrupted by Russell, and then continues;) "Yeah, he's certainly not dying, it's sort of - it's a moment", (then interrupts himself with;) "Maybe he's totally dying, there's no way that dog is getting out of that. That dog is SO fucked. Anyway, that's the painting that represents my life". (All three of them burst out into laughing.)
If you're still reading this - I am impressed with your dedication to my silly little post, haha. Anyway, I just thought it was so striking that there basically is a straight line from the painting he mentioned in Talk Art to what Dieter is painting in the Bubble. Makes me wonder if perhaps he - or even Russell/Robert - had any input in that part of Dieter's backstory.
Thank you for attending my TED Talk on artistic analysis of Dieter Bravo during COVID, we now resume your regularly scheduled program for Saturday night. 🤪
(Have I been smoking because a local dispensary actually had 'Mando' bud? I sure as fuck have and I blame that for this post.)
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I WANT PART 3 OF SABRINA CARPENTER
here it is !! the final part (for now) of their series ! i really hope you like it and as always, i’d love to hear your feedback !
PREVIOUS PARTS
ask me anything | masterlist | likes and reblogs are appreciated | support me <3
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yourinstagram two shows to go and my love on tour run will be over 🥲 forever thankful for the way this tour changed my life
and thankful for you 💖 @harrystyles
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ynfan1 MY BABY IM SO PROUD
harryfan2 she should stay for the rest of the tour
billieeilish ❤️❤️
harrystyles Lucky xx
↳ harryfan1 UMMM luCKY for wHAT? what did i miss
↳ ynfan1 cutie
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harrystyles Love On Tour. Madrid. July, 2022
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harryfan1 BABYYYY
jefezoff ❤️
yourinstagram i don’t wanna go, mr styles 🥲
↳ harrystyles You won’t x
↳ harryfan2 he comments with his dick
↳ ynfan2 WHATS GOING ONN
liked by harryfan1, ynfan1 and 6,098 others
allthingsharry Deuxmoi via instagram stories 😳😳 what do we think
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harryfan1 SOMEBODY SEDATE ME
ynfan1 oh i knew it
harryfan2 i can’t believe you’re believing deuxmoi
↳ ynfan2 well… they’re literally kissing on that pic
harryfan3 YES MAKE IT PUBLIC
ynfan3 I KNEW THEY WERE TOGETHER
liked by harryfan1, ynfan1 and 3,096 comments
harryupdates Harry cheering for YN during her final Love on Tour performance 🥹
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harryfan1 HES THE BIGGEST FAN
ynfan1 i’m going to miss yn on tour
harryfan2 he watched her perform every night my heart
ynfan2 CAN THEY MAKE IT OFFICIAL
liked by harryfan1, ynfan2 and 5,267 others
loveontourdaily HARRY AND YN PERFORMING TOGETHER TONIGHT 🥺🥺
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harryfan1 THEY FCKING KISSED LABDKA
ynfan1 COUPLE. CONFIRMED 😭
harryfan2 their outfits match im crying
ynfan2 IM LOSING MY MINDDD
liked by harrystyles, oliviarodrigo and 605,973 others
yourinstagram tonight was the final night of love on tour europe. as you can see in the first picture, i cried as soon as i got off stage because i’m so emotional over the most amazing experience of my life coming to an end, and my head just can’t wrap around the fact that i spent all my time during quarantine covering harry songs and now i get to be part of his life.
THANK YOU to everyone who came to the shows. to my band, crew, glam squad and everyone who made my set happen every night, i love you guys so much
who knows, maybe you’ll see me during love on tour north america, but this time in the audience cheering for the man of the hour 👀💖
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU
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ynfan1 MY BABYYYY
harryfan1 IS THAT HARRY???
madisonbeer that’s my friend and i’m proud 🥲
ynfan2 DID SHE HARD LAUNCH THEIR RELATIONSHIP??
harrystyles People destined to meet will do so, apparently by chance at precisely the right moment. Thank you for coming to my life x
↳ harryfan1 STOP IT STOP
↳ harryfan2 MY HEART OMFG
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harryupdates Harry via his Instagram stories 🥺
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harryfan1 BABYYY
ynfan1 i love this relationship sm
harryfan2 HE’S A BOYFRIEND
ynfan2 and for loving me i’m crying
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harrystyles Love On Tour. Lisbon. July, 2022
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harryfan1 MY BABYYYY
annetwist ❤️❤️
yourinstagram that’s my boyfriend
↳ harryfan1 LAJSIA THERE IT IS
↳ ynfan1 SHE DID IT
↳ harrystyles He is x
↳ harryfan2 IM GOING INSANE
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I'm waiting for this migraine to die so I'm gonna tell you guys about Marshall, the dog who made me quit. read on if you wanna learn about extended quarantine and why this job sucks sometimes and other times is the most rewarding thing on the planet, often for the same reasons lmao.
in 2021, the weight of covid was kinda crashing down. i heard this was the case for a lot of health workers. we switched into emergency mode throughout 2020 and powered through, then the rest of the world decided to try and "get back to normal" a year later, giving no regard to the people who'd been working like a speeding train with the brakes off all that time. i was losing it!!! add a few more hay bales to my back when we hired a new doc who was the most demanding dude I'd ever met (still is, but we've come to some understanding lol) and who decided to run me as ragged as possible the first day he was left to his own devices.
that was the day Marshall came in.
i didn't talk about this back then because the outcome of the case was uncertain and the details so specific, but here's the run down knowing that 2 years later, Marshall is living his best life. when he was a baby, too young to have received a rabies vaccine, his owners found a rabies positive bat in the house. the state vet will always recommend euthanasia in these situations, OR, if you can somehow find and afford the option, a 6 month quarantine. this was such a tragic situation the owners were willing to try to save him. my clinic happens to have a decent isolation ward that's rarely in use; we use it for infectious patients like parvo puppies, uri's that have to be hospitalized, etc. so my boss agreed to take him for those 6 months. but the owners' caveat was that if he wasn't mentally adjusting to isolation after a couple weeks, they would euthanize so as not to put him through it and leave him with lifelong behavior issues.
that day, when animal control brought Marshall in the middle of an insane rush, we were short staffed and already at the end of our ropes with this new doc. i was the only qualified person who could talk to the officer. i was the only person who could take him back to isolation. the act of putting a 12 week old puppy in a 4 x 4 run where i knew he would either spend 6 months untouched, or never see the outside again, broke me. last straw.
i was a mess, for the rest of that day and the rest of that weekend having to go in and take care of him, when it was too early for him to adjust so i was sure he wouldn't make it. I'd come home sobbing. eventually jose was just like, "this isn't worth it any more," and i sent in a two weeks notice. i'd come close to doing so many times in the previous 6 years but never pulled the trigger. it took a total meltdown. my managers responded with regret, but understanding.
i wish i could've just felt free and done with it but for those two weeks i was just uncertain. this job is so complicated. the benefits for my pets are enormous; it's my main social network; it's income; I'm good at it and it gives me purpose. it's just also hell on earth! with no pressure from anyone else one way or the other, by the end of two weeks I'd decided to instead try going part time. that's where I'm at 2 years later so guess it worked lol.
but! there was still Marshall. shortly after we took him, we also happened to get a call for the same situation on 2 cats, and decided to take them as well. 3 animals on a 6 month quarantine. very new and daunting for all of us.
that first weekend was hard, but slowly, Marshall figured things out. it was the least ideal situation imaginable and i was at rock bottom and so was he, but i had this moment of like.....ok. if he wants to make this work, I'm gonna do as right by him as possible. and of course all us techs were helping him (one of my road dog coworkers always opened so i referred to her as his "morning mom") but i in particular took a special interest in training and enrichment. it became a passion. i was working less, but i volunteered extra weekends so i could see him more.
he was so young he hadn't even done much basic command training, and the fact that i couldn't touch him at all was a challenge. i started with a clicker to signal I'd rolled a treat into his run, since i couldn't give it to him directly. over those months we went through the basics: sit, down, paw, touch, using a back scratcher for a hand. part of the worry was him getting enough exercise; we noticed that when he'd get agitated, he'd jump on the bars non stop. i was like hmm that might be our only option, so i made "up" a command. i'd basically run burpies for exercise, up-sit-down-sit-up. he was a fast learner, very attentive. seeing him keep his wits about him like that was straight up thrilling. he even "potty trained" himself, barking like crazy whenever he'd go to the bathroom so we'd know right away he needed the run cleaned.
in the ward, there are 2 runs and 3 kennels. i trained Marshall to go back and forth between runs so we could clean. we'd have his food waiting for him in the next run over so he could eat while we'd clean; at the midday switch, he'd have a doggie popsicle. he was such a smart dog i knew toys and treats alone weren't cutting it for enrichment, and i couldn't constantly train him when i still had to be doing the rest of my job.
i started having everyone save every single box and paper-packaging that came in. i'd unfold some boxes for "bedding," so he'd at least have something between him and the concrete (he'd chew and eat any blanket we tried giving him). the rest, i turned into puzzles. i put treats inside and closed them up. put big boxes on their side in his run so he could go in and out. crumpled up paper-packaging with treats mixed in for him to dig through. every day i'd turn one run into a box-toy paradise, let him in, clean the other, and by the time i was checking back in on him he was snoozing in a pile of destruction. success. when other techs wouldn't go to the same lengths, i'd stay late pre-making his boxes and telling people to just throw them in dammit. i also queued several ambient sound playlists, birdsong cityscapes etc, to play on the weekend days when he was alone for long periods.
the months went by like this. i learned more about training, enrichment, and most specifically quarantine than i ever had outside of my experiences with my own puppies. we fell into a routine. we straight up loved each other, he was part of my life. he'd been this horrible trigger and pretty much doubled my workload, but he got to live.
then there were the cats! they were a little easier than Marsh just because they were already adults so didn't have all this energy to wrangle. for them, daily cleaning of course, taking turns going into the 1 empty kennel where i'd have treats, catnip, and other "new" smells waiting for them. for enrichment i focused on reconfiguration. every 2-3 days i'd rearrange things in their kennels, with the big pieces being a litter box, a bed, and an upright sturdy box (so they could either be in it or on top of it, giving them one upper level). it was habitat tetris. we'd play with strings and use the back scratcher for pets. then about every week, i'd switch their kennels to slightly change their view AND traded beds to mingle scents. they were from the same household and we were worried there'd be difficulty re-bonding after not being in direct contact for so long. they also did very well by the end of 6 months aside from gaining a lot of weight (oops). i learned just as much from them, and would love to help anyone else who might struggle with needing to quarantine pets.
i've seen people posting for help about similar situations and just wanna scream from the rooftops: the beginning is very daunting and hopeless, but animals aren't like us!!!!!! they do the best with what they got!!!!! if you work hard and keep them clean and develop a routine it'll all work out!!!!! Marshall walked out of there at 6 months a normal happy puppy in desperate need of a haircut.
it's interesting because i've never interacted much with his owners. i don't think they know i'm the one who kept him from losing his mind in there, even though everyone else at the clinic does, and i'm weirdly ok with that. the other day he came in cuz the dummy ate a bunch of meds he wasn't supposed to; the doc brought him to the back and instantly, Marshall rushed right for me. he still remembers me in a good way. there's still love. it's like...one of the few patient relationships i've had that feels truly deeply personal. in retrospect i think he had a bigger hand in healing my relationship with this career and animals in general than i realized at the time.
so thanks for making me quit Marshall. i feel a lot better now.
(i don't have any pics of him from that time (tragic ssd card accident) but he was an overgrown doodle puppy so he looked like this.)
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