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vanderlustwords · 3 years

Text

We're Going There || part i

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Please do not repost/translate anywhere. Reblogs/Comments are much welcomed ♥

Masterlist || Taglist

Summary: Bucky's just bidding his time because something's always in the way. When you have someone, he doesn't. When he has someone, you don't. But the way you look at each other, Bucky knows exactly where it's going. [angst with happy ending]

Note: Inspired by the song 'There's No Way' by Lauv ft. Julia Michaels. Bucky as an ex is unparalleled. There'll be 2 or 3 parts to this! Comment to be added to a taglist for the next part! :) *psa this isn’t a cheating fic*

If any of you watch psych, know that I extra love you LMAO

Warnings: Pining, a lil spicy, petnames (honey, doll, baby), a lil angst.

Count: ~3k

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You fall back against the wall, chest heaving heavily.

You try to pull back, but there's nowhere to go. You don't think you want to go far, anyway. It's evident in the way your hands are clutching his dress shirt desperately.

"We shouldn't. This is a bad idea," you whisper.

His eyes open, and you feel your heart flutter at his cobalt eyes, dark with desires as he stares at you. You can feel his breath on your lips as he pants.

Bucky grins at you, encasing your head between his arms. "Is it, though?" He brushes his lips against yours, sending chills down your spine. "Or has it been a long time comin'?"

Bucky keeps pressing his lips against yours over and over in short, chaste kisses. "I haven't stopped thinkin' about you since the day you left, honey."

He tastes like whiskey and mint, and your hands clench tighter unwittingly. Your body feels flush with heat. You still stand by your words—this was an undoubtedly bad idea. There had been a reason you left after all.

"Admit it," Bucky lifts one of his hands from the wall, cupping your jaw lightly as he caresses your cheek with his thumb. "Six months of all that tension has just been a lead-up to this. We're going there, honey. We're going all the way for good this time."

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You felt your heart fluttering in your chest, filled with nerves and anxiety.

It's been two years—two years since you've been James Buchanan Barnes.

Two years since you've broken up.

You run your hand through the side of your hair nervously, trying to not think about it. The last argument, the last words, before silence.

"Are you okay?"

You turn your head over and smile at the concerned look.

"Yeah," you put your hand down in your lap. "It's just been a while since seeing the entire team, you know? So much has changed."

There's a deep, gravelly laugh before a large hand settles on top of yours. "Yeah, you probably weren't expecting to be in Santa Barbara that long, but chasing powered serial killers take longer than you expected, huh? Also doesn't help you met an incredibly handsome man. You nervous about introducing me to the team?"

You cock your brow at him with a smirk. "You nervous about meeting a bunch of superheroes?"

"Oh, but sweetheart, I'm also a superhero," he puts his fingers up dramatically to his temples. "A psychic."

You roll your eyes playfully as your shove him with a laugh. "Santa Barbara may buy that, but I saw through that schtick after our first case. You know Wanda and Vision will know immediately too, right? In fact, many of them will be able to figure it out."

"Well, I mean...psychic is such a loose term. Who can truly say my skills of deduction aren't visionary?" He puckered his lip in avoidance. "What matters is that my visions stay visionary in Santa Barbara. So..."

You sigh, "Already ahead of you. I've already emailed Natasha that my boyfriend, Shawn Spencer, is a fraudulent psychic and to please ask the team to say nothing about it."

Shawn whines, "Babe! You're not going to even try to let me see if I can trick 'em?"

"Shawn...there is a literal magical witch, an AI that can read your mind, a God and multiple trained biologically enhanced agents. You're not fooling anyone here."

"You, my dear, are a spoiled sport," he sticks his tongue out at you, and you laugh as he leans over and kisses your nose. "I'm really glad I could come with you."

You continue to smile because you like Shawn, and Shawn likes you. Despite everything that had happened, Shawn wanted to try to make it work even though you were being hauled back to New York.

You wondered if it would work. After all, you were anxious to see Bucky again, and Shawn had been anxious to leave Juliette behind.

"Me too."

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Bucky checked his reflection in the mirror for the 16th time that day.

He just freshly got a haircut and had that stubble you always liked. He wasn't trying to do it for you per se...but knowing you were coming back after all this time, Bucky was nervous as hell.

Two years of silence gave him a lot of time to miss you. Shit, he'd been such a punk. He should've let Steve and Natasha smack him upside the head when it was all going down.

Knock some sense into him that he was losing the best thing in his life.

Honestly, the worst part is that Bucky doesn't even remember what the two of you even argued about daily. There had been deep, underlying issues that you had tried to bring up and that he was trying to suppress.

The nightmares.

The lack of communication.

The mandated therapy.

You had felt alone.

Bucky sighed. Shit, he really was an asshole.

But Bucky was ready to prove to you that he's changed. That losing you had changed him. He had gone to therapy religiously and done the work to help himself.

He'd also seen people on and off, no one ever really sticking the landing for him. Bucky knows it's probably because he's holding out for you.

There was a sudden knock on his door.

"Come in," Bucky said as he tried to fix up his hair one last time.

"Hey."

Bucky could see in the mirror that it was Nat. She looked rather tense as she had her arm crossed.

"What's wrong?" Bucky asked as he turned to her. "We should probably head down soon. She's gonna be here in an hour."

"Yeah," Nat said softly. "About that..."

Bucky's heart immediately starts to speed up, worry wracking through him.

"What? What's wrong?" Bucky immediately asks again. "Is there something wrong with her flight? Is she—Did she decide she's not coming back?"

Nat shakes her head. "No, no. She's coming back. I just checked my emails, though, and thought I should warn you."

Bucky stares at Nat, silent as he waits for her news—bad news, it seems.

"She's dating, Buck. She's bringing her boyfriend home with her."

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Everyone was outside the Compound, ready to greet you, when your cab pulled up.

"It's been way too long," Natasha said as she pulled you into a tight hug. Wanda hugged you right after Natasha let go.

"It's not the same here without you," she said in your ear, and you smiled and patted her back.

"Yeah, I'm really happy to be home too," you say.

Steve pulls you into a hug that lifts you off the ground and a spin. "Good to have you home." He lets you down before he joins Shawn in pulling your bags out.

"I got it," Steve said as he clapped Shawn on the back in greeting and pulled out the bags at once with ease.

"I could've lifted it," Shawn says with a joking jilt of his chin.

"But I just wanted to see your muscles in action. I'm trying really hard to not have a man-crush on you right now. Can we take a picture? Gus is going to be so jealous."

Steve laughs with a shake of his head as he sets the bag down and leans into the frame of Shawn's phone for a photo.

You sigh as you turn to everyone. "Well, this my boyfriend everyone. Shawn Spencer, everyone. Everyone, Shawn Spencer."

"Nailed the introduction, firecracker," Tony smirked as he bumped fists with you and turned to Shawn. "So, this is the famous psychic we've heard literally nothing about except for a paragraph long email today?"

"That would be me," Shawn dramatically bowed.

"Don't buy it one bit," Tony puckers his lips. "But I guess it's just observation skills, meh."

"Please do not reduce my powers to such things, Mr. Stark. In fact, let me get a reading on you," Shawn brings his fingers to his temple, and you sigh again as Tony looks curious.

Shawn does that thing where he squints, and you try to not roll your eyes with a laugh. "You, Mr. Stark, have had three and a half cups of coffee, you've been wearing the same shirt for 3 days now, and you're in the midst of a breakthrough on your prosthetic project but your lovely wife has specifically threatened to strangle you and leave you in the dog house if you didn't take a break. You're supposed to call in and check in with her in the next..." Shawn hums, "ten minutes to let her know how my lovely girlfriend is since she couldn't make it."

Tony's mouth drops. "What—How did you—"

Shawn looks so smug as he cockily swipes his thumb under his nose. "What can I say, the spirits speak to me."

"And it's your B.O. that we can all smell, the coffee stains on your pants and tremors in your hand, you're still wearing a prosthetic prototype, and you keep checking the time so you don't miss check-in time with Pepper," you drawl.

"Ugh, babe!" Shawn whines, but there's a twinkle in his eye.

You shake your head as everyone introduces themselves to Shawn. As people begin to crowd around him, you're finally left with the last person in view.

Your breath hitches in the back of your throat.

Bucky Barnes stands in the back, looking equally winded by seeing you.

He looks...good. Healthier, happier than the last time you saw him. The dark circles have vastly reduced, and while he was always muscular, he looks like he hasn't skipped any meals. He's not as pallor.

The chattering becomes a distant noise as Bucky approaches you.

"Hey," Bucky says first, and his tone is so gentle, so soft that it makes you sigh with relief.

"Hey," you give him a small smile. "You look really good, Bucky."

He smiles back at you, genuinely happy, but there's something sad just underneath it. "Thanks. After you—uh—left, it kicked me into gear to get the help I needed. I don't even have to see my therapist anymore, but I still check in every three to four months."

Your smile gets wider, but your eyes are slightly sad. "I"m really happy and proud of you, Buck," you say, and you are. You really are. But at the same time, you can't help think there's a little tragedy that you had to leave, that things had to end for Bucky to decide to want to help himself.

Bucky swallows. "You look good, too. All that California sun did you good, huh?"

You bring your hand to your mouth as you laugh a little. "It did. It was a good change of scenery."

"Happy to be home, though?"

You stare at Bucky for a long moment before you nod.

"Very happy."

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Bucky stares at you in the distance as he holds his drink and lingers at the bar.

He watches you laugh and something Natasha says and watches your boyfriend place his hand on the small of your back.

It's just a small get-together to welcome you home, though the floor is packed because so many people are happy to see you. You were always the brightest part of people's day. Of course, they're so glad for you to come home.

Bucky tries to not feel devastated about the fact he probably dimmed a little bit of your light the last few months before it was over and before you left.

But that light looks like it returned, and Bucky is happy for it as much as he's heartbroken. Because it's not him that helped you get that light back. It's your boyfriend, who seemingly only has a wardrobe of oversized jeans, run-down sneakers, and dress shirts. It's a very odd combination.

"How you feelin', pal?"

Steve slides up to Bucky, drink in hand as well, and Bucky just shrugs. Steve knew that Bucky had been so excited for you to come home, so excited to try to make things right and win you back.

"Think I blew it," Bucky admits as he keeps watching you. unable to rip his eyes away. "I should've called her, should've gone to Santa Barbara but I really wanted to get my shit together before I saw her."

Steve purses his lips as he looks down, unsure how to comfort his best friend.

"It'll be alright, Buck," he says as he bumps his shoulder against Bucky's. "If it's meant to be, it will. If not, you'll have her as a friend if you want and there's plenty of fish in the sea."

Bucky snorts. "Now that you're dating Sharon, you're full of wise dating advice now, huh?"

Steve grins. "Can't always be a punk."

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"You sure you're good out here?"

You nod as you kiss Shawn on the cheek. "Yeah, go on back inside. I know you want to try to lift Thor's hammer. You've got to facetime Gus too so he can be here in spirit. Gus'll never forgive you if you forget."

"Oh, right," Shawn laughs. "Alright, see you in a bit?"

You nod again.

When you're left to your own devices, you let out a sigh.

Things are strange. A part of you doesn't really know if bringing Shawn was the right idea—if trying to make it work was the right idea.

You had seen his phone earlier, just by coincidence, when he pulled it out to check who was calling him.

It was Juliette, probably checking to make sure things were okay.

You love Juliette, you do, and you respect her as a colleague and a friend you've gotten to know. You just try not to think about how she's probably still in love with Shawn, that the reason they had only split up was that she wasn't ready to get married when Shawn popped the question six months ago. Shawn said she had stuttered when he tried to ask her when she'd be ready.

It was surprising to everyone.

You think Shawn's probably still in love with her, too, but he's just too good of a guy to not try to make this work between the two of you.

You can't blame him.

After all, one look at Bucky Barnes had you swallowing back all the feelings, the denial you were still in love with him too. But you were still going to try to make it work with Shawn because you think there's just too much history between you and Bucky to try to make it work.

There were too many hurt feelings, and things left unsaid when it was over.

The balcony doors open, and you jump in surprise.

"Oh, shit—sorry, I didn't think anyone was out here."

You place your hand over your heart and calm yourself when you realize it was Bucky.

"Just getting some fresh air. It's getting a little overwhelming," you let out a chuckle.

"Yeah, you're definitely the center of attention tonight with it being your party and all," Bucky grins, and you grin back.

Bucky comes and joins you over the railing as you peer out into the distance, into the trees and night sky.

Silence envelopes the two of you.

You suddenly feel more melancholy.

"I'm sorry," Bucky suddenly says.

You turn your head and blink at him.

"Sorry?" You repeat unsurely.

Bucky turns to you fully and nods somberly. "For everything that led up to you leaving. For the terrible, terrible things I said. For how I really hurt you when you were just trying to help."

You instantly feel something raw claw at the back of your throat, something stinging in your eyes.

You suddenly hear the last words Bucky had said to your flash in your mind.

"Jesus fucking Christ! Do you know how unbelievably aggravating it is to have you bring this up every other day? I'm not one of your little projects for you to fix. I've asked you to leave it be for me to deal with and you're constantly getting on my case about it. I can't get a moment of peace with you around!"

You pinch your forearm subtly. That had been two years ago. It didn't hurt as much anymore, but it had been those words that pushed you to the outside.

But Bucky is standing before you now, apologizing and looking better, and you just want to let it go.

"It's okay," you give him a small smile. "I know you were just hurting."

Bucky purses his lips because it's not really okay, it'll never be okay, and he wants to make it up to you even if he doesn't know how exactly yet.

"Are you happy?" Bucky asks, and you look surprised.

"Happy?"

Bucky nods. "No one deserves to be happier than you, not in my book anyway. Even though you were gone, I never stopped caring. I'll never stop caring."

The words ring your heart painfully.

A part of you wished Bucky never said that, and a part of you can't help but be elated.

But caring hadn't been enough the first time around. It's probably not enough now.

"Yeah, I think I am," you tell Bucky. "Shawn...gets me. I get him. We're working with what we have and I think that's enough for me."

It's a strange answer, but Bucky nods because despite him thinking you deserve more than that, you said it was enough for you.

Bucky wonders if he should hold on or let go.

But as you smile at him before turning back, the moon illuminating you with a slight breeze, Bucky doesn't think he can ever let go.

So, he's content to watch you.

"I'll always care about you too, Bucky," you say softly. "I hope we both get to be happy. You deserve happiness too, more than anyone. At least to me."

Yeah, Bucky thinks as he feels an odd pang thud in his chest, right against his ribs. He's content to watch until he knows he can't anymore.

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