#professor quotes

[out-of-context-professor-quotes]

You don't understand, you just know how to make it work

Computer science professor

#programming #computer science #comp sci #engineering #college #university #professor quotes

[college-funnyquotes]

Professor: “I was a poor student once…now I’m a poor professor.”

#gen z #college #college funny quotes #professor quotes #college professor

[clairdeluneandmurder]

A selection of unhinged quotes from my political theory professor:

"Socrates has a tiny ghost in his head telling him when things are wrong. Unfortunately, it doesn’t tell him when things are right so he’s just really annoying."

*Brings a 1-liter bottle of sparkling water to every class and drinks the whole thing during lecture.*

“The flood happened because God looked down at earth and said ‘I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do with this’, and so he nerfed us again.”

“God comes down and asks ‘Where my people at?’ And Adam and Eve are like ‘We done fucked up’.”

“Any schmuck can match their socks to their shoes but the mark of a true gentleman is matching your socks to your mood.” - said because someone insulted his neon pink socks.

“At that point, everyone else would be dead and it would just be Carl Schmidt waddling around Germany all alone.”

Prof: “Is the Illuminati still a thing with your generation?” Student: “Yeah” Prof: “The number one rule of the Illuminati is toughen the fuck up.”

“You can read Hobbes’ Behemoth if you're like a glutton for punishment or something.”

“The neat thing about soup is that you can start with the same ingredients and end up with a new soup every time.”

“If any of you steal my pies I’m going to assume you’re possessed by a demon... I made a pie yesterday. You have NO IDEA how much fruit goes into one of those fuckers.”

“The great thing about Locke is he’s dead. Once you’re a corpse you can be used for anything.”

“I am the crazy leftist professor your parents warned you about. I will make you read Marx and I will say that racism is bad. Sue me.”

"de Sade would be great at being on the internet. And I do mean that as an insult."

Brought a jar to class and put a dollar in it every time he used the word ‘neoliberal’, said he'd give us the money that goes in at the end of the semester. (we each got 3 bucks, there are 15 people in the class)

"Time is a flat circle and I am but a lonely goldfish cracker."

“By a show of hands, who is hungover today? I’ll go first to make you feel better. I am hungover today, be nice to me."

Starts lecture by writing on the whiteboard: “THE ECONOMY IS STUPID”

“Just to be clear, I’m not saying we should guillotine people who open soap shops on Etsy.”

“People don’t get my Simpsons references anymore. You kids today with your sponge bob and anime.”

“If you need help, please ask for it. The worst thing that happens is I send you a super condescending email and you’re no worse off.”

“You’re a shitty libertarian if you accidentally become a Leninist.”

“Anyone seen one of these modern garbage trucks? It’s sick right?! Pretty fucking cool!” proceeds to do an impression of a garbage truck “Marx would love to drive around a dope robot truck.”

"That’s what makes babies just awful. They don’t understand that they don’t always get what they want."

"For how many of y’all does getting stoned and staring at a wall to ponder morality sound like a great class?"

“I once had a student use the topic 'The only way to commune with the aliens is through nuclear warfare' for this assignment, nothing you write can scare me anymore."

“I'm not going to make you read this. It’s 4 volumes, 2500 pages, and mostly about how linen is produced. Moments of brilliance though.”

“I think we should replace the death penalty with public humiliation. ”

"Crude Freudism will get you 80% of the way there 90% of the time."

"I’m going to throw my uncle under the bus here… Actually, I fucking hated that guy and he’s dead so whatever."

"The best thing you can do for your future happiness is to never think about politics. …I say to a bunch of people enrolled in a 400-level political theory class. Y’alls mental health is fucked I guess."

"God tells you not to do the one Bad Thing and Eve is just so sexy that man has to do the one Bad Thing."

"I haven’t worn a 1950’s bra but I’ve heard they’re very uncomfortable. …Not that I’m opposed, I just don’t have the access and I've been banned from three museums so far."

"Course evaluations are available now y’all. I don’t care what you say about me or the class, but make sure you mention how great my hair is."

"Identity politics can be useful, but I think we’ve probably taken it too far since now we’re at the point where Kid Rock is shotgunning 18 packs of bud light on Twitter as a form of protest."

"We basically live in an aristocracy where you can vote. Sorry to disappoint you if you think Joe Biden is a communist."

"Do you know why we didn’t celebrate international workers day on May first? Because America says fuck you, that’s why."

#professor quotes #unhinged quotes #political theory #he is seriously the best professor I've ever had #yes i have more quotes #they're all this insane

[undead-queer]

Favorite quote from my professor

“The solution is, of course, pissing constantly”

#it’s an ecology class #can you guess what he’s talking about #ecology #college #university #professor #professor quotes #quotes #quoteoftheday

[susidestroyerofworlds]

my prof used the phrase "dito" in a proof

#mathblr #professor quotes

[fourraccoonsinacoat]

*One night at camp.*

Gale: Surprise camp safety drill, everyone! Cultists of the Absolute are attacking, what do you do? Go!

Astarion: Gods below, not this nonsense again.

Gale: Time is wasting, people! What are you doing?

Lae'zel: Chk! I am going to bed. I will not waste my time with hypothetical pondering.

Gale: Alright, Lae'zel has taken an arrow to the face and is dead. Next person!

Astarion: I don't know, I do what any reasonable person would do. I stab them!

Gale: Wrong. They began their attack with archers and you are shot through with arrows before you can get near them. Astarion is dead. Next!

Wyll: Can't Shadowheart just heal them?

Gale: Shadowheart, would you like to heal Lae'zel and Astarion?

Shadowheart: *Considers.* Nah.

Lae'zel: *From her tent.* K'chakhi!

Astarion: I stab Shadowheart.

Gale: The two of you don't get opinions. You're dead. The cultists are now inside camp, what are the rest of you doing?

Durge: I cast fireball.

Gale: You cast fireball...on the camp?

Durge: Well, first I make sure that Scratch and the owlbear cub are at a safe distance, but yeah. I cast fireball.

Gale: Okay. The camp goes up in flames. The cultists are dead, but so are your companions.

Durge: Wonderful. I go to bed and have the most restful and uninterrupted sleep that my broken mind can remember.

*Lae'zel approves.*

- - - -

BG3 Incorrect Quotes Masterlist.

#Professor Gale Dekarios would take safety drill day at school very seriously and you can not convince me otherwise #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur’s gate iii #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate #bg3 memes #bg3 incorrect quotes #astarion #lae'zel #gale of waterdeep #shadowheart #wyll ravengard #the dark urge #durge bg3 #bg3 funny #bg3 astarion #lae'zel bg3 #bg3 dark urge #bg3 gale #bg3 shadowheart #bg3 wyll #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 headcanons

[maltmilkshake]

in honor of my first semester of grad school being done here’s a list of things one of my professors said over the course of the semester with no context:

- “alright, fuckers!”

- “i’m pro-scooter”

- “you know, the fuckability of a profession”

- “who cares, she’s dead anyway”

- “this is a thick ass packet…my thickest yet”

- “gaslighting only works if you’re sick or in love”

- “i’m not doing a virtual conference. i’d rather be dead. shoot me. actually, drunk first, then dead.”

- “prometheus is my bowling name because i roll like motherfucking thunder and lightning”

- “she’s given birth and stuff, she’s a big breeder”

- “she’s become annoying since her man died”

- “i drank a lot, i tried to procreate, i wasn’t successful”

#guess what i’m studying #professor quotes #all of these are real #funny stuff

[justanotherhumanbeing]

here's an update on my philosopher professor quotes

#college #professor quotes #philosophy

[its-short-for-jackalope]

no thoughts today, only ✨️memes✨️ (1/3)

Bailey's stripper jacket my beloved

#jack jabbers #hatchetfield #starkid #hatchetfield memes #incorrect quotes #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #black friday musical #workin' boys #stephanie lauter #solomon lauter #miss tessburger #steph lauter #officer bailey #gary goldstein #linda monroe #wilbur cross #general john macnamara #lex foster #professor hidgens #paul matthews #emma perkins #paulkins

[tolkienillustrations]

“Some who have read the book, or at any rate have reviewed it, have found it boring, absurd, or contemptible; and I have no cause to complain, since I have similar opinions of their works, or of the kinds of writing that they evidently prefer.”

— J.R.R. Tolkien, foreword to the second edition of The Lord of the Rings, October 1966

#LOTR #Tolkien #quotes #get ‘em professor

[carrotkicks]

this place feels familiar...

#the text in the drawing is a quote from professor N btw. #ignoring the fact that i suck at rendering. i'm super happy abt this #there was some vague color symbolism happening in my mind while coloring this. chuuya red. the world is blue. yeah.. themes. motifs. #and that's the part where cloneboy's hand slams against the tank next to chuuya's hand... that scene lives rent free in my head #<- merged with the scene where he sees verlaine's memory of rescuing him. #bsd #bungo stray dogs #stormbringer #chuuya #verlaine #rimbaud #actually i'm really growing on this coloring style.. grainy low contrast type. and textures #OHYEAH the first chuuya nakahara stormbringer angst brainrot art of 2024!!!! #.png

[out-of-context-professor-quotes]

"If you don't like trigonometry you'll suffer"

#electrical engineering #engineering #professor quotes #university #grad school

[college-funnyquotes]

Professor: “If you learned anything this semester: It’s rob a convenience store and not a bank because then that brings in the FBI.”

#college #college quotes #professor quotes #gen z

[marksandrec]

Marks and Rec: Misc #2564

Excited about Puppet History~ (Dialogue from tumblr.)

#puppet history #the professor #ryan bergara #watcher #incorrect quotes #marks and rec misc #source: tumblr #it's dangerous to go alone #vid: the dreadful demise of the dinosaurs - puppet history

[golden1u5t]

Requesting a story in which professor Reid discusses the psychological significance behind a woman having daddy issues and a desire for authority figures and he notices that reader seems to have a thing for it. One thing leads to another etc🤭

Warnings: praise, a little bit of degrading, choking, unprotected p n v, dom!Spencer, professor!Spencer, age gap(40s and 20s), public sex, fingering

"Daddy Issues- the term used by many- isn't a recognized psychological term or diagnosis." Your professor, Dr. Spencer Reid, walked back and forth in front of the class of college students, hands in his pockets. "The appropriate term for this type of trauma is attachment disorder. When analyzed, it really comes down to the absence or inconsistent love and connection from a parent."

You quickly jotted down what he was saying in your notebook, making sure you got the important parts just incase it happened to be on the test.

You had originally only enrolled in Spencer's class because you thought he was an attractive man, hell, majority of the school did. He was everyone's "hallway crush", both the men and women. He was so oblivious to his attractiveness, always assumed anyone who flirted with him was just being nice.

Or maybe he did notice and just ignored them all. You thought he could have a wife already, he didn't wear a ring though, maybe he had a girlfriend. Those were the only logical explanations you could think of that would cause him to be so oblivious to all the people that threw themselves at him, especially the woman that walked around looking like pure angels.

"....deserves to be treated poorly by men. With that being said, a woman with attachment disorder - or daddy issues - would tend to chose unfit men, men that would be unfaithful, emotionally unavailable, and sometimes even abusive, verbally and physically." You zoned back in so you could write down his words but quickly zoned back out.

You gaze fell down to Spencers backside while he had his back turned to you, gently biting the tip of your pen. When he turned around you got a good look at his bulge that showed through his pants even though he wasn't turned on. It could be that his pants were a size too small or he really was just that big, you decided you would go with the second option.

Before you could stop yourself, you were beginning to imagine how it would look hard and out of it's confinements, waiting for you to wrap your lips around it. You eyes moved to his hands that were moving around in front of him while he talked. You thought about how nice they would look on your body, how nice they would feel inside of you while he marked you as his.

Your legs started to press together, trying to relieve some of the ache in your core. You squirmed in your seat slightly, almost gasping when you accidentally found the right pressure against your clit. Your face flushed and that caught Spencer's eye, he smirked to himself when he noticed your thighs clenched together.

"Another result of attachment disorder in women would be into dating much older men, men old enough to be their father, and dominant men. Men that would be protective, caring, and extremely dominant."

You could've sworn you heard his voice drop an octave or two. You could've sworn he was talking more to you than to the whole class, looking at you like he could see right through you. You held eye contact with him for what seemed to be minutes when in reality, it was only a few seconds.

"It looks like we're out of time. We'll pick this back up next week, have a nice weekend everyone." Spencer walked to your desk and cleared his throat. “I’d like to see you in my office.”

Your body jerked up when you heard his voice so close to you, you closed your bag and stood up. He said goodbye to a few other students that were passing by.

"Sir-"

"Now." His voice was stern, left you no option but to obey him. You slid past him and made your way to his office which just so happened to be only a few doors down the hallway. Spencer went to his desk and started to gather his things. He took his time walking to his office, he wanted you to squirm from the wait.

When you heard his office down open you smoothed down your skirt and cleared your throat. Spencer sat down in front of you after shrugging his blazer off and putting it on the back of his chair.

"Do you need to skip this portion of the lesson? You looked very uncomfortable and squirmy in class today." He leaned forward and tilted his head to the side.

"N-No. I just- I just think I'm coming down with something, maybe a cold." You nodded your head, mostly to convince yourself that the lie you just told was good enough. Spencer nodded slowly and stood up, he rounded his desk and sat on the edge of it in front of you.

You subconsciously shifted away from him, leaning back in your chair and keeping your eyes focused on your lap.

"You know what I think, Y/N?" He pulled you chair closer to him which made you look up at him. "I think you're attracted to me. I think the reason you were so squirmy was because I just so happened to describe you, your need for an older man to take care of you."

"Dr. Reid, I don't know what you're talking about." You shook your head and scooted your chair back, you picked up your bag and started to walk away from him.

Spencer caught you wrist in his hand and pulled you back until you were standing right between his open legs. "I also think that if I were to kiss you right here, right now, you wouldn't pulled away. Am I right, Y/N?"

Your breath got caught in your throat but you still nodded. Spencer pulled you bag off your shoulder and set it down in the chair you were sitting in before he grabbed your waist and pulled you closer.

"I need to hear you say you're okay with this."

"Yes, I'm okay with it." The words barely got out of your mouth before Spencer was standing up and crashing his lips into yours. The way you gasped against his lips only made him kiss you harder. He pushed some of his things off of his desk behind him before picking you up and turning around to sit you on it, all while still kissing you.

Your arms and legs wrapped around his body so you could pull him closer, you wanted to feel all of him. Spencer's hand wrapped around your neck, gently squeezing and causing you to moan into his mouth.

Spencer took in every sound you made with pleasure, pushing his tongue into your mouth and doing everything he could to pull more sounds from you. When you pulled away from him to catch your breath, he moved to your neck. sucking and biting the soft skin.

"Sir- please-" Your fingers made quick work on unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it off of him and tossing it somewhere in his office. Your skin was burning hot, everywhere he touched, it burned.

"Tell me what you need." He pulled away to look at you, a teasing smile on his face.

"I need you to touch me, please, sir." You whine, grabbing his hand and pushing it under your skirt. Spencer's eyes darkened when he felt the damp spot on your panties. He was quick to kiss you again, quick to push your panties to the side and run his finger through your wet slit.

He pushed a finger through your entrance, you broke away from the kiss and let your head fall onto his chest. Once he felt like you were ready he pushed another finger in. Spencer’s fingers were long, they touched places you couldn’t, places you didn’t know were there.

You bit down onto his shoulder, not too hard but just enough to muffle your moans and whines. He curled his fingers against your spot which made your walls clamp down on his fingers, your hips rocking into his hand.

“You’re so close. Cum for me, sweet girl. Let me feel you cum around my fingers.” It wad like his voice was the magic key, hearing him tell you to cum for him pushed you over. Your head fell back and a loud moan flew past your lips, your orgasm washing over your body, taking the air out of your lungs.

Spencer was hard, so damn hard. Now that he knew what your pussy felt like when you had an orgasm, he couldn't wait to have the feeling surrounding him, pulling him under the pleasure. He pulled his fingers out of you and placed them in his mouth, cleaning your juices off of them.

You looked at him and gave him a lopsided smile, leaning forward to lay your head on his chest. "Thank you."

"Don't think I'm done with you, now" He picked you up off the desk and carried you over to the couch, laying you down and hovering over you. Spencer lifted your shirt above your head and tossed it behind him, leaning down to kiss you again. You made quick work of unbuckling his pants and pushing your hand down his boxers.

"Need you to fuck me, sir." You pulled your hand out of his pants and pulled your skirt and panties down, spreading your legs for him. Spencer let out a low groan before standing up and taking his pants and boxers off.

You almost drooled at the sight of his cock hitting his stomach. When he took ahold of his cock and started to stroke it, you could see a string of his arousal connecting it to his stomach. Spencer gave you a smile and got back between your legs, wrapping them around his waist and guiding his cock through your slit.

"Are you sure you want this?" He asked, letting out a shaky breath.

"Yes, please. M'sure." You whined, tightening your legs around him and pulling him closer. Spencer nodded, biting his lower lip and finally pushing his cock into you.

His eyes closed slipped closed at the feeling of your cunt squeezing his cock tight, his breath getting caught in his throat at the feeling. Spencer let out a deep groan and moved his hands to your waist, he slowly pulled out and pushed back in with a little more force.

All those fantasizes you had while in class were coming true, you were finally getting to feel him, feel every vein and ridge on his cock. You thought about it everyday, there was no way you would be able to go back to only being his student after this.

Not after feeling his cock inside you, stretching you out in the best way possible. Spencer leaned down, hugging you close to him while he fucked up. You drank in all the groans and whines he let out in your ear, giving back your share of whines and gasps.

"You're loving this aren't you? You like having your professor fuck you in his office, huh? Such a dirty girl." He whispered in your ear, tightening his hold on your body. You couldn't form a coherent sentence with how he was pressing against that one spot so deep inside you, only being able to nod your head and give him a moan that was nearly pornographic.

Spencer managed to flip you over so he was under you, he put his hands on you waist to stabilize you and began lifting his hips up in time with him pulling you down. Your hands fell onto his chest and you begin to move on your own.

You were so close even though you had barely gotten started but you've wanted him for so long, since the start of school, you couldn't help but finish so quickly now that you had him. Spencer knew you were close, he could feel how much tighter you were getting and the increase in volume of your moans.

He reached between you both and started to rub tight circles on your swollen clit. "I'm gonna cum- I-"

"Let go for me, baby. Come on, you can do it." He panted. He was close himself, he knew you could feel his cock twitching just like he could feel your cunt pulsing around him. You let out one last moan and let the pleasure pull you under.

Spencer quickly lifted you off of him, throwing his head back and stroking himself quickly. His hips lifted up and he came with a strangled moan, letting his cum shoot out onto your stomach.

You let out a loud laugh on accident when realization hit you, you had just ask sex with your professor, your professor for gods sake.

"What's so funny?" Spencer grunted, sitting up and pulling you closer. You shook you head and laughed again, resting your forehead against him.

"I just had sex with my professor. You're my professor, I'm your student."

"Mhm and it was really good."

#criminal minds #incorrect criminal minds quotes #softdom spencer reid #spencer reid #dom spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #professor!Spencerreid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction

[cecilias-cool-stuff]

From Ravi Vakils "The Rising Sea: Foundations of Algebraic Geometry"

He's deranged. He's a madman.

[Image ID: Excerpt that reads "Spectral Sequences are a powerful book-keeping tool for proving things involving complicated commutative diagrams. They were introduced by Leray in the 1940's at the same time as he introduced sheaves. It has been suggested that the name 'spectral' was given because, like spectres, spectral sequences are terrifying, and dangerous. I have heard no one disagree with this interpretation, which is perhaps not surprising since I just made it up."]

#he needs to be stopped #math #maths #algebraic geometry #math memes #professor quotes