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retro-radio · 1 year

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My name is Allie.

a request from @daradiostarz

Allie stared at herself in the mirror, she looked at her long hair and into pale eyes. She gently cupped her own cheek stroking a thumb under her purple eye bags. The makeup she was wearing had clumped together slightly. She looked around her room and it was adorned with fluffy teddies and butterflies…girly. She remembered when it used to be blue and had famous baseball players on the wall and there were no butterflies or posters of ‘the spice girls’.

She never did like that kind of stuff.

From a young age Ale-Allie expressed an interest in more feminine items like dolls and makeup. Her mom would take her shopping for jeans, button-up shirts, and ties for family events. However, she would be drawn to the pink frilly dresses in the girls section. Despite her mother constantly telling her that she shouldn't wear that kind of stuff if she was expecting to be taken seriously. At school she was often mocked for her interest in dolls and princesses; he-she wanted to be the damsel in distress whenever they played princesses and knights. The other girls would want to play with their Barbies and makeup. It was always the same excuse.

“You are a boy!” she heard the words ring in her ear. It wasn't fair, but nothing is ever fair! She was born the wrong gender and never felt right in her skin like it was too tight or itchy alot like the stupid button up shirts her mum used to buy for her. She wanted to rip it all off and grow her hair out and wear sparkly lip gloss…but she was born wrong. He-she had been caught once with her mum's makeup trying to apply it in the bathroom mirror but when she finally told her, Allie had been taught to apply makeup properly.

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She remembered the first time she heard the word transgender. An article had been published in the newspaper about a young man who had changed his sex and was now a woman. She recalled looking at the picture and tracing her fingers over it. The women's hair and nails perfectly matched her eye makeup. That night, Allie researched the more in the article of the newspaper reading how people who were transgender never felt comfortable being assigned a particular gender at birth. The deeper she dug, the more she felt like this word described her. She looked at herself in the mirror the stupid short mop of hair on hi- her head and the adams apple that was still developing bobbed as he-she swallowed thickly.

She she she she she SHE SHE SHE...but he was a boy, just like everyone said he was. No amount of lying to himself could convince him he was a girl. WHY WAS LIFE SO UNFAIR?! He kept crying fat tears rolling down his cheek. He didn't dare cry in front of other people as he would be told to “Man up!” But he didn't want to ‘man up’ ; he wanted to sob and scream his heart out. He kept wailing in front of the mirror. His mum, obviously distressed by the noise coming from his room, bounded up the stairs and burst into the bedroom instantly cupping his face and kissing his cheek “Oh darling, what's wrong?” She asked cradling her son in her lap rocking him back and forth “come on you can tell me” she cooed.

Alex stiffened as he kept crying he didn't know what to say the word felt stuck in his throat he decided it was now or never and decided he was willing to tell her “mum…I think I’m transgender” Alex squeezed his eyes shut expecting something hateful like "don't be silly youre a boy!” But instead he felt a soft tender hand running through his hair, the sweet words of his mum in his ear “oh Sweetie…you should have told me” she kept hugging him and saying how ‘it was ok’ and ‘you can always speak to me’.

Allie looked in the mirror again, reapplying her makeup and smoothing down her t-shirt. She twirled a lock of mousey hair around her finger. Jen and the rest of Allie's family surprisingly supportive of her choice. They had started calling her by her preferred name even if they accidentally got it wrong sometimes.

They tried and she appreciated that they were trying. Her mum had taken her out dress shopping and bought her anything she wanted. Jen helped paint her room and eventually opened up to being bisexual, which Allie happily accepted…she finally felt comfortable and happy being Allie. Her mum thought it was a very pretty name and encouraged her that it was the right one. She also helped her grow out her hair, style it, and made her feel safe while loving and supporting her. Her uncle helped Allie pick out new paint for her room and the fairy lights she had strung around the room that twinkled like tiny stars. Yes, on the legal documents she was still a boy called Alex but she didn't care she was determined to live the rest of her life being a girl

Her name was Allie.

#Allie is trans #shes a little insecure!#didi I go back on my word?#Yes...Yes I did #hello neighbor au #hello neighbor #hn au #hello neighbour au #hello neighbor secrets of Bosco bay #Sorry if the names get mixed up or that its crap #probably has spelling mistakes #I edited this because I didn’t have it in the right time period

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jjkspinterest · 3 months

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I'm sorry but the idea that Gege didn't intend for us to ship Sukuna and Yuuji leaves me in awe. Like the original main character was supposed to be Yuuta, y'know, the monster fucker? The one that french kissed a curse? That Yuuta.

You mean the one that was supposed to be executed because of an s-grade curse attached to them called THE QUEEN OF CURSES.

Sound familiar?

Like idk, maybe the current main character called Yuuji Itadori? The one that was supposed to be executed because of an s-grade curse attached to him called THE KING OF CURSES.

All Yuuji and Sukuna gotta do is french kiss and we're all set

#still waiting on that Gege #sukuita #ryomen sukuna #itadori yuuji #this probably has so many spelling mistakes

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sentientsky · 5 months

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you're in a car with a beautiful (not-) boy and you don't know how you've managed to stay intact this long, how you haven't fractured at the edges yet, lit up from the inside with all that aching, cataclysmic want you've fought so hard to keep quiet—to keep from thrashing in your chest like a sparrow against glass.

you're in a car with a beautiful not-boy, and you're not human but if you were, you're certain this longing would have killed you by now, would have left you in the cool green earth—rotted you down to the quick—a thousand times over (and if that didn't kill you, then the look in his eyes now certainly would). and you don't, can't, won't believe in god because how could She create such a being and then not let you press your palms to the side of his face, not let you hold him, not let you open your mouth like a confession box and tell him, there is a bird inside my chest and you are the center of every solar system and i'm willing to play the part of icarus if only you'd let me. and you don't/can't/won't believe in god, but his eyes open and its like the sun in a three-piece beige suit and you're pretty sure you stopped breathing the moment he got in the car (hell, you haven't tasted oxygen since the moment he stood on the cliffside, hands all empty of swords and fire).

you're in a car with a beautiful not-boy, and you're all spitfire and grief and six thousand years of whispered half-syllables into the dark of a lonely night, of savouring the way his name burns your tongue like sacrament (holy, holy, holy).

and he's handing you a thermos now, and his hand brushes yours and it's been nearly thirty years, and still you'd let him turn you to salt if it meant he might touch you again.

... but you go too fast for him. you always go too fast, with all your ugly, hollow-boned want and your burning yellow eyes and your hands, sullied with the weight of sin; fingertips that look more like claws than anything you'd ever want to touch with any scrap of volition.

and you're in your car with this beautiful boy who is not a boy and you're burning up, plummeting like a waxen-winged thing. and he's looking at you and you're falling, and the world is twisting around the edges, and he's stepping out of the car and your ribcage is becoming a slaughterhouse—an abattoir with all its knives turned up towards the sky. and then you're in a car, and you’re alone. and that is all.

#whoops my hand slipped #teehee #this is based on the richard siken poem ofc!! (“you are jeff”) GO READ IT IF U HAVENT. IT CHANGED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY AT THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN #can u tell i project onto crowley?? can u??#this probably has spelling mistakes and stuff sorry im tired lol. the punctuation errors are on purpose if that helps ajsdklaslkf #“plasma here is supposed to mean like plasma in terms of what the sun is made of. not blood plasma which derives from the marrow of bone yk #ineffable husbands #good omens 2 #good omens #aziraphale #aziracrow #crowley #go2 #ineffable lovers #ineffable wives #good omens season 2 #good omens poetry #good omens angst #gomens #gomens 2 #gomens angst #good omens 1967 #you go too fast for me crowley #crowley x arizaphale #aziraphale x crowley #on longing #on yearning #my poetry #anthony j crowley #wren writes crow

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spikes-got-anger-issues · 6 months

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Here are more of my notes and personal thoughts on the Commando App because I find it very intriguing and I am insane

(Note: In 2x09 and 3x18 there's a slight font error and the period between "2.1" in the "APP v2.1 BETA" in the corner missing. It doesn't appear until 4x10 when the numbers are spaced out and slightly resized)

So, we see throughout the show in the bottom right corner on the Commando App's engagement screen that Chase's Commando App is the 2.1 Beta version. Kate on the other hand has the 3.1 Beta version of it

Something worth noting is that Chase is the original owner of the Commando App, and up until Kate was introduced, he was the only one to have it and after 4x10 he is back to being the only one to have it

So, why does Chase have the 2.1 Beta version and not the 2.0 Beta version? Even more so, why isn't he even the Beta 0.1-1.9 version of the Commando App if he's the first person to have it installed on his chip?

And on top of that, if what we see of the Commando App in the show is the Beta version, then what was the Alpha version and when did it exist?

The Alpha version had to have come before the Beta version, that's the whole point of the Beta version existing since it's the second phase of an app after Alpha

Hypothetically, the Alpha version was what was originally on Chase's chip before it was implanted into him, or right after it was implanted into him

What I mean by that is when Douglas made their chips he obviously had the Commando App in mind to give to Chase because of his main bionic ability not being an offensive or defensive power and with Chase being physically smaller, but since this was new and experimental technology he had to make the Alpha version first to put onto the chip

I could imagine four potential (and completely hypothetical) things out of this idea:

The Alpha version only existed before the chip was inserted into Chase. Douglas created the app and programmed it into the chip and then did some tests and fixed some bugs on the app before turning it over into the Beta phase and then inserting the chip into Chase

The Alpha version existed on the chip as it was inserted into Chase, and then since the chip was essentially "live" and activated inside of Chase Douglas then observed possible faults and glitches in the program where he fixed it and then progressed it into the Beta phase, left at the 2.1 version, where he probably would have continued to update it further before Chase was taken by Donald

Once Donald took the bionic sibs, he had been updating the Commando App as he was still navigating their bionics and their apps. I don't see this as very likely though considering if he says the Commando App is glitchy then he would have done something to the app to try to get rid of the bugs in the programming

The Alpha version was supposed to go on Adam or Bree's chip, or even all three siblings, but Douglas ultimately decided to give it to Chase considering his size and main bionic ability. This is where the Alpha version turned into the Beta version as it was given to Chase

Circling back to Chase's Commando App being the 2.1 Beta version, the number could also simply mean that Douglas just started off numbering the Beta version at 2.1 since Chase is the original. Why not at least 2.0? Who knows! He also could have just skipped over the Alpha version and started off naming it right at the Beta 2.1 version

We see that Kate's Commando App is 3.1, not 2.2 or even 3.0. Considering the Beta numbering of Kate's Commando App compared to Chase's leads me to believe that there was a 1.1 Beta version at some point or even that the 1.1 could have been the Alpha version

Whether or not the Beta version 1.1 existed is just something to think about, and if it did then I think it's safe to assume that is was on Chase's chip at some point before potentially being upgraded to the 2.1 version

I think if we got to see Bree's Commando App activation screen in 4x10 then it could have potentially given us more information on the numbering system for the app. Bree's Commando App was temporary though, so I wonder if her Beta version would have been 3.2 or if it would have been 4.1 or even just 3.1 like Kate's

Ultimately just comparing the numbering of Chase's and Kate's apps means that the Commando App doesn't seemingly take "baby steps" in being upgraded, like having a Beta 2.1.1 version and whatnot. Maybe even the numbering is based off of the activation trigger for each Commando App. Spike activates when Chase is nervous, scared, or angry (a reminder that he's a form of Chase's fight-or-flight instinct but without the flight) and Spikette activates when Kate sees someone (or even just Chase for some reason?) getting hurt and becomes a rampaging momma bear

We could also throw away most of these ideas for Kate's Commando App and the relation to Chase's considering Krane gave her the app so he could have numbered it 3.1 instead of 2.2 but this is getting ridiculously hypothetical so I'm going to just dive away from this thought

Basically what I'm trying to get at is that Kate's 3.1 version most likely isn't an upgraded version of the Commando App, it's just numbered 3.1 because it's just another version of the app installed into a different person

Lastly, it's a great detail that the Commando App is programmed as a Beta app considering the nature of the app itself. Not only that, but it is quite literally new and experimental technology as it's an app on a chip inserted into bionic human beings!

It's referred to as a glitchy app and it even appears glitchy, which is what a Beta version is of an app/program. The Beta version is meant as like a semi-testing version of the app, a step up from the Alpha version, and has more work to be done before the app/program gets more finalized. It's going to have bugs, it's going to be glitchy, it's going to have plenty of issues but it's also operational and better than the Alpha version. So having the Commando App listed as "Beta" is a perfect and neat detail!

I actually don't think that there's anything wrong with the Commando App at all, or at least not Spike. I think contrary to what the characters say about it, it's not glitchy, at least not Spike. Sure there's maybe just one or two parts I could see as a "glitch" but I also could see it as normal operation. The bionic disruptor enhancing his bionic aggression instead of deactivating the Commando App is super interesting

It certainly doesn't help that Spike's behavior and personality is inconsistent so it's hard to judge this, or the fact that he only appears four times in the entirety of the show. On the other hand I think Spikette is different though and that she might have a few glitches, especially if we consider Krane gave it to her so it might be unstable but honestly who knows. This "glitch" talk is something for me to discuss at another time though.....

This is what we see out of the Commando App. The owner of the program cannot control the engagement or disengagement of the app, nor can they control themselves when the app is engaged. It's also described as a dangerous app due to this, especially since the owner loses control and their rampaging alter ego takes over.

And maybe this was how the Commando App was always meant to be, a defense mechanism that shuts out its owner in order to protect them, or at least that's Spike's purpose and not Spikette's. This would make sense since it's essentially their fight-or-flight system and meant to protect the owner of the app, they're not meant to be the ones in control of their own fight-or-flight system. They're supposed to take their enemy off guard by seemingly fighting a weaker appearing opponent that suddenly turns into a highly aggressive brute that will tear them apart

Or like Chase was wanting to find out in 4x10, maybe the Commando App could become controllable. Could this have been a potential future software update further into the Beta version or even into a more finalized version of the app? Was it obtainable at the versions Chase and Kate had? Was the Commando App meant to be controllable in the first place? Who knows!

So really all of this is just hypothetical. Was there an Alpha version of the Commando App? I think we can assume so, and further more it either existed before it was inserted into Chase or right when it was inserted into Chase before being upgraded. Maybe there wasn't an Alpha version and it started off as the 2.1 Beta version in Chase, but I still believe there was a 1.1 version somewhere, whether it was an Alpha or Beta. Maybe the Commando App was never meant to be finalized and was always meant to stay as a Beta version

Maybe the Alpha version of the Commando App were the friends we made along the way

No matter what, it's a great concept that I wish was utilized more in the show. I also wish we were given more general information about it. It had more potential, especially Spike (*cough cough* S4 Spike was disappointing though *cough cough*) to be developed further. I wish we heard more about Chase's thoughts on having the Commando App and practically being deemed weak at birth to have this monstrous alter ego inserted into him that he didn't ask for

Ultimately, I just think it's neat!

#I could probably add more but I'm really tired and my brain is fried trying to think about this because of the seemingly endless-#hypotheticals and potential loops surrounding the Commando App. It's still really fun to think about though #anyone is welcome to share their thoughts! Also forgive me for any spelling or grammar mistakes I finished this at 5:40 am #and this folks is also why 80% of my current fanfic writing has to do with Spike #disney lab rats #lab rats #lab rats bionic island #chase davenport #spike davenport #lab rats spike

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hyperfixations-and-hecticness · 9 months

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Alfie and El are secretly besties and you can’t change my mind. Like outside of the obvious Aadhya, Liu, Liesel, Chloe, Orion, Jowani, and Nkoyo circle, he’s maybe the closest to her other than Ibrahim and possibly Yaakov. Like he was so chill about the possibility of ending up in a poly relationship with her and Liesel. Just like ‘hmm wonder if Liesel has succeeded in her seduction tactics’ when he went upstairs. Or him offering her comfort about Orion? They’re besties your honour.

#i apologise for the spelling mistakes I probably made #but like I love their little friendship #it’s so silly i love it #like el has genuine respect for alfie #you see it so much in the end of book 2 #when she talks about Alfie’s determination to hold the party line #and like they’re such nice foils of each other too #with Alfie’s magic seemingly having a defensive focus and him coming from a line of well known wizards like El with her mum #but Alfie is obviously an enclave kid who benefits profusely from this imbalance of power #but like Chloe he still wants to change things #and while his grandad built the Scholomance he helps El destroy it #and El even helps then construct the newish one #galadriel higgins #el higgins #the scholomance #naomi novik

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wanderingmausoleum · 7 months

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i found kar'niss in bg3 and immediately filled a folder with screenshots of him so uh. if anyone is in need of kar'niss images i am your guy

#32 of them to be precise #unfortunately i figured out they keyboard command to hide the UI AFTER i’d already taken all of them #(the* minor spelling mistake laugh at this user)#so the subtitles are there being a nuisance #oh well #i’ll probably be posting some of them soon for funsies so be prepared #so if anyone has a phobia of spiders or extra eyes/trypophobia speak now or forever hold ur peace #jk just let me know anytime #speaketh #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3

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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 2 months

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i now realize that the bap ask may be a bit daunting so what's ur favorite words that you've learned in russian so far?

hiiii starlight <333 first off i Will answer the bap ask eventually the people Will know about the parents bc i love them so (and also hate them sometimes. im so conflicted i make such interesting characters <3)

anyways russian <3 uhm i really like пожалуйста (can be translated a couple ways to my knowledge, mainly please & you're welcome) it was an early russian word i learned from one of dylans song yay <3 but i think its a fun word to pronounce and write tbh

and not a word but i Love the alphabet actually its been very fun to learn and its really cool so <3

#camera asks #screechingsandwichhologram #ty darling <33 this probably has spelling mistakes and stuff sorry im like getting ready for bed lmao #yall i Love languages so so much they are so amazing and also awesome and i love languages hi <3 #also there are more words i think are really cool to pronounce and write and stuff but my brain is really fuzzy rn sorry </3

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boydykedevo · 7 months

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idk i just think you should have like a little respect for op when you're on their post yknow like you CAN do what you want but that doesn't make it not rude. Basic politeness still applies. I don't think "please avoid doing that on my post in the future" is "policing someone else's internet activity". You're in my fucking house??? Make your own post??? Ik yall dont have full context but im not crazy here right that's not unreasonable????

#vaguepost but not about anyone reading this (unless theyre stalking me)#i have calmed down a lot. and anxiety brain has forced me to consider it thoroughly. and this is the conclusion ive come to for now.#icarus is complaining #probably shouldve just blocked them out that gate but like. i wouldntve wanted to be blocked for an innocent mistake if it were me.#whatever i am moving past this the second the clock strikes midnight i will forget allllll about it *casting spell*

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tiredstressedemotionalmess · 8 months

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shes over 6 thousand words guys we are so fucking back

#she is also probably riddled with spelling and grammar mistakes that im too tired to catch rn but its fine #i will deal with that Tomorrow after she has been finally set free to the world #yall. keep an eye out for the next ten or so minutes ;)#ttid

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crowleywasthedoctor · 2 years

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*The umbrella Academy 3 spoilers*

If it wasn't for the post credit scene I actually would not have minded if the season three finale was the end of the series. It didn't really end on a bad note, I know luther lost the one person that made him happy but five would've went on to live a semi normal life, Lila and Diego would've raised their child and Viktor could've just made a new life for himself and I could not give one for Alison right now because of what she did to luther. Ben could do what he wanted without the constand bees for validation from his father, i know he would still probably want it but he wouldnt demand it since he thinks hes dead or smth.

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the-tortured-poets-depxrtment · 8 months

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Why?

I thought we were close. You thought you were untouchable.

Talking behind her back like I wouldn't see.

I confront you and you get defensive. I say we're not friends anymore.

You accuse me of talking shit behind your back when I don't talk behind people's backs...you do.

I thought I would cry from our inevitable split. I'm not. I've come to terms with it.

Five years. Wasted. To some hell of a place I used to call home. I don't want to go back. But I have to. Thoughts racing wondering what you're gonna say next. I don't really care though. I've got my mind set on other things. Things with people that actually care about me.

You talked about her behind her back. Forgetting she knows way more people than you. Private stories aren't private anymore.

I defend her with my life. Some would assume that it's just to see you fall. But it's not. She pulled my out of my darkness when no one else wanted to.

You could've been scared she would replace you, which in all honesty she did, or she would find a way to knock you down a peg, which yet again she did. She could have just been another friend of mine like you were but she actually cared and listened and thought I was her best friend like I did. You never considered my yours.

Don't try to fight for the life you've already lost.

#my poetry #It isn't that good and probably has some spelling and grammar mistakes but it's my escape

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cluster-b-culture-is · 2 years

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cluster b culture is doubting your cluster b diagnosis. yes I have a problem. no what are you saying I'm perfectly fine. no I have no idea who I am thanks for asking

#cluster b culture is #cluster b #npd #aspd #bpd #hpd #Mod Reef #anonymous #mood #me: oh yeah haha i'm actually probably normal #also me: *has a breakdown over making a single spelling mistake*#also me: *fantasizes frequently about committing Certain Felonies*#also m--

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commander-malla · 7 months

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I’ve had some brain thoughts about Malla for a while now and finally am writing them down (under the Cut)

Mostly to do with Bound by Blood/Shadow in the Ice

So, background, we’ve already established that the “Commander” has been removed from their race for a while, and for charr this feeling is especially amped up during the Rally.

Malla’s no different.

Oh sure, she’s kept in contact and done the occasional job with her warband, plus others as well (she did rank up to Centurion after all)..but she left. She left and her warband splintered, Elexus took a chunk of it with with her. Malla outwardly brushed it off when she initially heard about it, before the rally. “We’re Charr, ‘bands split all the time.” Inwardly…it hurt. She hadn’t realized things had gotten that bad. But she wasn’t going to beg Elexus to come back if she wasn’t happy, and then the world needed saving again and she was whisked further and further away.

So here she is, at this Rally, with hundreds of charr watching her every move, judging if she’s “Charr enough” still. (And she did not appreciate the attention Bangar threw her way during his speech but she keeps her mouth shut because he’s still her Imperator.) She keeps her head up, and smoothes ruffled fur where it’s needed, like she’s asked to do, and shows them she still belongs. (But she’s really starting to doubt that she actually does.)

And speaking of Bangar… he hates her. Oh sure, she’s Blood. And she’s a capable Centurion. She’s the daughter of a famous and well-respected charr and still made a name for herself. (reasons Ryland hates her). But…she’s not at all interested in being the Legion Poster Charr and outright refuses to be used in propaganda. And she joined the Vigil founded by his ex-mate Almorra and killed their son with her permission. She’s a Dragon Champion and has the power to wipe everyone out at her command with her new pet.

She argues (the one time she does talk back) that “it’s not a pet” and she “doesn’t control it.” But she can tell it’s not getting through. Almorra storming away doesn’t get through. Rytlock’s “outburst” doesn’t get through. At the very least, she thinks Crecia understands.

And then all hell breaks loose (again).

And through hunting down Bangar and dealing with the Jormag-sized storm brewing, she starts to have an elder dragon whispering in her ears making her question even more her place in the Legions.

And she’s still questioning whether or not she should just give her resignation to Crecia and accepting her life as a gladium, when Bangar shoots her. (She should’ve seen it coming honestly)

It’s honestly a miracle that she doesn’t.

#malla ghostfang #gw2 charr #I do like to think after her work in the Pact and subsequently as Champion #the Legions give her a pretty wide berth #if it wasn’t for the contact with her warband and those odd jobs #she probably would’ve left and become a gladium a long time ago #she saw charr outside the legions okay with it #but she never made the leap #Malla has the cards stacked against her in terms of favor for Bangar and Ryland #thoughts have been in my head for a while but getting them out is a struggle #apologies for spelling mistakes english may be my first language but i am no means good at it

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