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the-apples-were-monitored · 30 days

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this is going to be a very uncomfortable and potentially triggering conversation so i suggest you scroll past if you have a lot of empathy because this isn't fun at all

also wanna preface this by saying i'm not interested in spreading conspiracy theories or "truther" claims because i feel that's incredibly disrespectful and potentially harmful to the people that need the most help. any allusions to unverified rumors will be presented as uncorroborated, not as fact (only bringing them up because i know that's the kind of rumor floating around and i don't want to seem like i'm participating somehow in dismissing concerns). because we simply don't know. and it's not our business.

i've had this bad feeling about amanda bynes for the past decade. it's the same pattern we've seen with child stars over and over again. the drugs, the mental breakdown, the conservatorship. but i pushed those nagging thoughts away. i didn't have the bandwidth at the time because i was living in an abusive household when her most public battles were happening. i didn't have the time or the emotional understanding to put towards what was happening to her even as i felt it mirrored what i was going through or what my mom was going through. then i found out about dan schneider a few years ago. i didn't really engage with the rumor and speculation about him - i was in my early 20s when this all broke and i didn't know most of the shows he'd been involved with except by the fact that my younger siblings watched them. i'd been an amanda bynes fan - hugely into the amanda show and what i like about you. my siblings watched drake and josh, icarly, and victorious. i didn't have the emotional bandwidth at the time to look into what people were saying. i knew it would upset me if i learned too much. but i couldn't stop thinking about amanda.

i heard about quiet on set from news websites. i saw the headlines about drake bell. it shook me to my core. the things i was reading were horrific and immediately put me in mind of what my sister went through as a teenage survivor of repeated sexual abuse by a man who was trusted with our care. she'd had a huge crush on drake when we were growing up. i wonder if she's heard about this.

this immediately made me think about amanda again. this time i couldn't push the thought away. i guess i'm finally ready to process the way this whole situation has felt to me.

the way people talk about amanda reminds me of how people in the 50s talked about judy garland. child star with incredible talent, far beyond her years, with incredible charm and personality and the whole world at her fingertips. everyone loved working with her. until she became erratic and had a mental breakdown fueled by drugs. (you could even argue there were parallels because both women were frequently typecast as the wholesome girl next door and not really allowed to break out of that infantilizing box.) and no one could ever think why. why does this happen.

i've come to believe that mental illness always has a cause. brain chemistry fucked up by trauma, whether that's long-term stress or a singular event or repeated traumas stacking on top of each other. the mind can't cope. i really, truly believe something horrific happened to amanda bynes. and i know people will say, well, maybe it wasn't dan schneider. she was doing fine for years after she stopped working with him. i want to make one thing very clear. trauma doesn't always manifest symptoms immediately. not everyone comes out of a trauma looking shell shocked. i know from my experience because i didn't have my breakdown until a year after my abuser was exposed and i'm still feeling the consequences to my psyche to this day. and i think it must be difficult for child stars to process this trauma. the pattern i've seen is the child star endures something terrible, gets incredible fame and begins taking on more and more pressure, then when this isn't enough to make them happy they turn to drugs. you think because they got out that it would all just go away? no. they were raised to play characters so they played those characters. there was incredible pressure to just play those characters because that's what the fans want. having struggles isn't part of the brand. it had to be especially rough on nick stars because there wasn't much separation between them and the characters they played. it was the amanda show. drake and josh used their real first names. the separation between who they were and who the character was was probably a very blurred line.

i wonder how long this documentary has been in production. tracking down these people and petitioning courts had to have taken ages. amanda was supposed to be at 90s con last year but cancelled due to illness and had another psychotic episode. 90s con itself may have been a trigger for her, but if someone had reached out to her or if she'd heard about this production...i could see that triggering her and making her relive the horror she went through. there are so many unsubstantiated rumors floating around. i can't speak to whether she was high on adderall during that interview when she was 12 (she could've just been a hyper child but they could've been pulling a judy garland on her and i don't trust these people plus she's said she got hooked on adderall when she was a teenager for weight loss but she may not feel comfortable disclosing if the studio has her under NDA). i can't verify if that side twitter actually belonged to amanda. it could be some sicko thought it was funny to accuse her boss of knocking her up and forcing her to get an abortion at 13 or accusing her father of various things.

but i get why she wouldn't speak up because people won't believe her no matter what she says. i went through something and people in my hometown still debate whether i'm crazy or lying for attention. my family did everything they could to put me under control and get me diagnosed as paranoid or delusional so they wouldn't face justice. (really don't get me started on how the mental healthcare system is used by abusers to cover up their sins.) i wouldn't put it past her parents to do that, especially considering amanda had a bad relationship with them as a teenager which sent her further into that groomer's clutches. she doesn't owe us anything because it'll start a firestorm that could retrigger her as people debate if she's delusional or scrutinize her past mistakes to determine if she's a perfect enough victim to deserve sympathy.

which brings me to drake bell. i knew he was the victim before i watched the doc but it still gave me chills when he sat down in that chair. like it felt like the air drained from the room. it was so obvious that what he went through has affected him so deeply and that he had no one to turn to. my abuser had so much community support, so many people making us out to be lying opportunistic bitches. i can't imagine having to carry that secret. i wonder if the people around him can pinpoint it in retrospect when he started being different. i want the other kids on set to know that it's not their fault they didn't know and that they had a bad opinion of him at some point. my sister and i were pitted against each other by the man who assaulted her and it's only with context later that i can see what was going on. i have no doubt that schneider employed these tactics so no one would feel comfortable disclosing what happened to them.

i admit that i cried watching the drake bell episode. that had to be incredibly difficult for him to open up about it after all these years and i hope he can get some closure and that someone starts a support group for these former nick stars.

and to drake bell himself. you were a child. you had no idea what grooming looks like. most grown people don't seem to know what grooming looks like based on how they talk about these issues. you are not at fault for what that man did to you or not knowing how to handle it. you didn't do anything to encourage this and you're not at fault.

and to his father. i appreciate that you did what you could to try to protect him. my mother had a similar experience trying to protect us from my abuser but everyone assumed she was psychotic and had her put away. try not to blame yourself when you were the lone voice of reason and everyone else insisted you were in the wrong. i do have fault to throw on amanda bynes' parents to some degree depending on what part of all this is true, but i can't find fault with drake bell's father who did try when he saw something wrong.

and i'm sorry but dan being super nice to drake afterwards seems like an attempt to make himself look better and get another hit show. i don't believe for a second that dan didn't know anything or that he had any motives beyond making his own star rise. he wanted to churn out product, and couldn't have that product if drake bell was visibly distraught.

i want to know how many people have known it was drake for 20 years and said nothing. how many people were in peck's side of the courtroom and yet still had the audacity to think this child was at fault in some way. that's vile and utterly unforgivable.

i just want to end this by saying to leave these people alone. don't harass anyone who hasn't spoken up because they may not be in a headspace where it's healthy of them to say anything. they don't owe us any explanation of why.

#this hit me incredibly hard i'm sorry #quiet on set #rape tw #abuse tw #i'm not addressing the jamie lynn spears rumors because it's ghoulish to speculate when she wasn't even a subject of the doc #i hope she's found some healing and honestly it is unforgivable how the public slutshamed a 16 year old #finding out from my sources that people at the time joked that dan knocked her up like #i'm sorry? you slutshamed her and made jokes and made light of a potential rapist???#i will throw hands #also asking people to not bring up the past actions of drake bell or amanda bynes in this discussion #they're not perfect victims but nobody is #a vulnerable child is a vulnerable child and i would like to live in a world where we focus on prevention so people don't grow up disturbed

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hussyknee · 7 months

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Idk if there's enough people talking about what a gigantic energy drain Complex PTSD is. It's not just one single traumatic event, it's having lived in a traumatic situation for a long time. And in the case of child abuse, your entire formative life period. Everything is a trigger, anxiety is your default, and your brain keeps trying to keep you safe by yelling at you about everything you're doing "wrong", which will lead to pain. Your brain is a constant war zone, braced for attack, rarely relaxed, at least some part of you always hypervigilant. The stress it takes on your body is insane. It's why trauma is linked to autoimmune issues, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and, according to one study, cancer.

Physical disability leaves you even more vulnerable and less able to live up to the impossible standards of control and "correct" behaviour your brain insists on, not to mention the free gift given to all patients of chronic illness that is medical gaslighting and patient-blaming, all of which simply compounds the trauma. Reduced physical and mental health obviously leads to systemic risk factors such as inability to pursue academic and professional qualifications, poverty and financial struggle, malnutrition, becoming unhoused or bad living conditions, exacerbated medical issues and further lack of medical resources, reliance on welfare and care networks, and becoming trapped in codependent, abusive or toxic relationships. The knock-on effects are endless.

This is all to say— if you're wondering why you can't seem to do more than the bare minimum every day when you haven't been diagnosed with a physical illness, or you're "not that disabled", or you think your symptoms are "just psychosomatic" (which means your brain is under so much intolerable stress that it's started taking a chair to the windows and destroying the furniture just to get you to NOTICE AND MAKE IT STOP): the answer is that your body is actually struggling under the kind of stress that kills trained soldiers and disables them for life. So stop trying to convince yourself that you're just not trying hard enough when what you really, desperately need to get your life on track is community, care, rest and ease.

#the medicalization of mental health is just capitalism trying to cover its ass #isolating physical and mental illness makes the entire medical complex an abject failure actually #''disease'' should refer to a state of being rather than its outcome imo #i've never heard of one that wasnt simply the visible symptom or ramification of the core problem or situation #like I'm grateful for the anti-depressants and bipolar meds and all but i just think a lot more problems would be solved #if someone gave me a place to live with peace and quiet and living assistance #i mean I'd still need the meds its not either/or #but I wouldn't need to be on ever increasing doses for the rest of forever #also if there was some kind of holistic understanding of health that bridged psychiatry with the fest of the medical complex #they could have taken one look at how badly I broke down at age twenty and worked to prevent my inflammatory disease being triggered #or at least not gaslit me about it for seven years until i nearly lost a colon #you just absolutely bloody cannot treat health as separate from socioeconomics and community support #this shouldn't be new or revolutionary #actually cptsd #complex ptsd #ableism #disability #healthism #child abuse #emotional abuse #domestic abuse #intimate partner violence #parental abuse #chronic illness #spoonie #knee of huss #mental illness #autoimmune disease #social justice #psychosomatic

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es-quest · 2 months

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You stay in the forest for longer, nothing is really, changing. The scene flickers to different areas. A flowerbed, some wolf pups playing, deer frolicking.

The real scene is happening inside a small town, far away from them, but you were being monitored constantly and you liked to imagine what they would do when you weren't there. Maybe it was naive of you to think of it as a peaceful world. Was that rabbit okay? You couldn't be sure. You hoped it was.

(Whatever happened to it must be a kinder fate then being in here though. Your not sure who benefits from this. Someone must right? Or else why would something like this happen?)

You stay in the forest.

#milgram #es quest #ask blog #amane momose #cw child abuse #ooc:#you know...one of my favorite things about utena and also milgram with amane actually is that #they dont Visually Show the abuse #its implied certainly and the consequences afterwards are shown #but you dont get to see it happening #its not for you #it prevents it from feeling...voyeuristic I think

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furiousgoldfish · 2 years

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#escaping abuse #domestic violence #child abuse #cycle of abuse #escape sabotage #abuse has good times to keep you drawn in #and isolation and smear campaign to prevent social networking to get you out #without connections the world of escape looks bleak and unatainable

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mattodore · 6 months

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"I don’t actually think Theo has any offensive preferences, because he’s not really a fighter. That human instinct to fight back was trained out of him very young… so."

#cw abuse mention #cw child abuse mention #<- mentioned in the tags. i'm adding these cws bc i talk bluntly abt this in the tags so definitely don't look if it's triggering...#river dipping #questionnaire lb #AND FUCK YOU ACTUALLY !#BANGING MY HEADI NTO A WALL................ THIS IS ONLY QUESTION 71..........................................#I JUST . GRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #feeling sick already lord why am i doing this actually..........#i feel so insane but it's like. theo just can't let himself fight back. he can't do it.#it's like...... it's not even about ''i can't do this it'll just make it worse'' to him. like that was how his brain processed it as a kid #like that's what he was taught then. but now as an adult it's about him feeling like he deserves it... like it's his fault.#i think he needs that sense of... control? as well. like if he's being hurt well. he should've prevented it beforehand.#obviously this is only happening because he did something to cause it and it'll stop if he just doesn't do that thing again.#if it's just. if it's not his fault then that makes him feel helpless. if he couldn't stop it - if it was always going to happen regardless #of what he did - then. jesus. like it just fucks with his head even thinking that. it petrifies him.#it's safer in his head to think okay. obviously i've created this situation somehow so i had that control over it and now i can prevent it.#but jesus theo............... you can't.#and then theo does these things almost... almost to prove that. to prove that he's always been in control of his own abuse.#where he uses and then he finds these hook-ups that aren't safe for him or these sketchy ppl and he shoots off at the mouth and. then.#when he gets hurt it's like. he feels vindicated. i caused this. this is my fault. it's always been my fault.#his recklessness is entirely because he just wants to prove it. he just wants to have that. it's... christ.#it's the only thing he feels like he has control over in his life. the violence he faces... it's his. in that way.#and it's one of the only aspects of his life he doesn't feel helpless in. not anymore. not since he was a teenager.#god.#and when he does finally let it out at one point. when he does finally fight back again. it just......#it tears him up inside. it's one of the parts of the story i'm the most horrified about having to write #just because i know what it does to him. and how it all just spins out of control after. like it ruins everything for him.#christ.#what else is there to say.

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dollybeagle · 4 months

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i'm so fucking angry right now, my building has horrible soundproof and i've been listening to my neighbours yelling and even hitting their kids for the past hour

i wanna call the police but no one in my house approves that. wtf

#rowan speaks #child abuse #child abuse tw #child abuse cw #i would have called the police yesterday #and i even suggested the idea to both my parents and other neighbours #they all prevented me

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noticemedeku · 22 days

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April is Child Abuse Awareness month! 💙

“The United States has one of the worst records among industrialized nations – losing on average 5 children every day to child abuse and neglect.

In 2019 alone, state agencies found over 656,000 victims of child maltreatment, but that only tells part of the story. This would pack 10 modern football stadiums.” - Childhelp.org

Take a moment to review some aiding resources and supporting options!

• —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– •

RAINN’s National Resources to aid those victim to sexual child abuse, have been victims, or know a loved one who is/has been a victim.

To access a downloadable 2023/2024 prevention resource guide, please refer to Child Welfare’s information gateway

To donate to Prevent Child Abuse America, please refer to Support Hopeful Futures

For all the survivors who were not defended or believed, for those being affected or have been affected. You are heard.

For the supporters who wish to bring awareness and protect those who were failed by a system or are unable to reach out to one. You are a voice.

💙 Your pain matters. Your support matters. 💙

#tw child abuse #child abuse awareness #wear blue #child abuse prevention #child welfare #child protection #mental health awareness #abuse awareness

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sacredfire44 · 1 year

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Do you ever think maybe the reason Naruto got away with so many big pranks wasn’t because he was stealthy enough to avoid the ANBU, but because his ANBU guard had seen how he was treated and at some point was like “Actually, you know what? He can have a bit of revenge. As a treat.”

#idk about Kakashi and Minato’s ANBU guard #but if I had to watch an innocent child get abused and ostracized every day by everyone around him #I’d probably let the kid get away with harmless pranks for revenge too #especially if that kid was the son of someone I cared and respected deeply #And ESPECIALLY if that kid was a jinchuuriki that could get revenge in much more violent ways #maybe the ANBU just looked at Suna’s jinchuuriki and where like… u know what #if vandalizing things prevents him from becoming a murderous psychopath he can go fuckin wild #anyways #Naruto #Naruto Shippuden #Naruto Uzumaki

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furiousgoldfish · 7 months

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Do you have any advice for how to manage stress and like constant fear? Or maybe advice about what I should do? (Tw suicide, not mine) My younger sister is severely suicidal and depressed and I've been talking to her every night and sleeping on her floor to stop her from killing herself and I keep talking to my parents about how she needs to go to therapy but they aren't doing anything and they haven't for over a year. My mom told me that it's not my place to decide what's best for my sister. And my dad said that because I'm only 17 I don't know anything about this but I've begged them like five or six times and they still don't believe me. My mom insists I'm being over dramatic and it's my fault that her and my dad talking to my younger sister like 1 time didn't make it better. But they won't talk to my sister at all if I don't or help her and my younger sister has tried to attempt before so I think we need to talk to her more than once? I guess It seems pretty clear to me that my younger sister should go to therapy but maybe I'm thinking about this wrong? Idk. Um. So I guess I just feel really overwhelmed because I've tried asking my siblings for help about my sister and one of my sister's said they wish my younger sister had never been born so we wouldn't have to deal with this (which made it pretty clear she doesn't want to help. Also she's done exactly 0 things to help she just gets inconvenienced by the very idea she might have to and things won't revolve around her problems for like 2 seconds) and my oldest sister who's married and moved out I talked with but now she wont do anything anymore because my parents told her to back off after my mom went on a huge spiel about how I'm over dramatic and blowing things out of porportion and my oldest sister has no right to do anything because she doesn't have legal custody. I don't know. My entire family talks to me about their stress and worries and concerns and I shouldn't be so upset about my younger sister cause I'm used to it but I'm scared all the time that the moment I fall asleep she's actually going to hurt herself so I try to stay up all night to listen for her and I just don't know how to manage the stress and get her help. My parents homeschool us and I don't get to leave the house by myself cause my mom is convinced I'll get murdered. So idk who to talk to or how or even if I should. I don't think this is really abuse, cause my parents haven't hit us and I don't really fit the criteria for emotional abuse either according to your masterlist, (I mean my sister has hit me a few times (not the one moved out) but siblings are different) but idk. It's still trauma? Maybe. Unless it's not? I don't know. Maybe my mom is right. Sorry if this is rambly and weird im just really tired.

Hey, from what I'm reading here, you're the entire's family emotional support, you take all of the stress and complaints from everyone, you alone are responsible for your sister's continuation of life, and you are not even allowed to leave the house, because your mom is worried you'll get killed? And you got hit, but you don't think that was serious?

There is so much stress on you, I'm worried that you might get pushed under the edge. I can sense your utter desperation in saving your sister's life, and that comes from a place of deep compassion, concern, and kinship with your family member. I can tell you'd do anything to save her, and you fear that if she dies, it will be your fault.

But it can't be. Because you alone cannot be responsible for what others do. You've already done everything. You've asked every other person for help, you've raised the alarm, you've been trying to help her, you can't even sleep at night. It cannot be expected of you to go to these lengths, be in this amount of stress, for prolonged amounts of time, even when someone's life is in question. You are not a suicide line, you're not an institution that provides support and watch over people who might do something to themselves, you're not in control.

I believe you're under too much stress and that nobody has any compassion for what you're going through. If even one person cared, they would have helped your sister and watched over her for you. They would have shared the responsibility of saving her and wouldn't make you the sole person responsible. If your sister does, in the worst case scenario, die, you will be the only one who isn't responsible, who's already done everything to prevent it. The fault will be on everyone else.

You seem to be in a prolonged crisis, and I'm not actually equipped to help someone in a crisis like this, so I can't tell you what to do - or rather, I think you've done enough. You've been through enough stress, enough apathy, enough pain. You've been left alone to suffer through this stress, even though you've expressed how scared and anxious you are, and asked for help.

You being kept inside the house at all times, is a form of physical abuse, I should have added it to the checklists - it's a form of violence to restrict your movements. It doesn't make any sense that you will be killed if you step out, when everyone else can walk freely. You are being parentified, and used as an emotional resource, instead of cared for and raised as a loved and nurtured child.

This list has a category of 'parentification', I hope you can find some resources there. I believe you are being abused, and you were taught that it doesn't matter if it happens to you.

I hope you manage to get some sleep. I'm so sorry you were put into this situation, you are not responsible for this. Your parents should be taking this stress, not you. You cannot be responsible for anyone's continuation of life, and being put in a situation where it's expected of you, will break you. This is not on you.

#tw suicide #tw being responsible for preventing suicide #tw child used as a suicide prevention measure #parentification #abuse #psychological abuse #apathy #exploitation #fear mongering #preventing children from leaving the house by fear mongering #upsetting #child abuse #abusive parents #abusive family #abusive siblings

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