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scintillasofbeomgyu · 3 years

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˚ · . 𝘁𝘅𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻! — 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙘𝙘𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖 𝙜𝙞𝙛𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙨/𝙤

pairing: txt x fem!reader

genre: fluff!

word count: tbd

a/n: I took the longest time with this, I’m so sorry anon! I tried the best I can to make it good but it still doesn’t feel quite right. anyways, I hope you enjoy!

᠃ ⚘ choi yeonjun:

this was a little tough for me to do, bc Yeonjun is the oldest member and I feel that even if they did do something that’d upset him he wouldn’t really go off? If you know what I mean

but at the same time, he is also your boyfriend and he loves you to bits and pieces

so when they were messing around this time and didn’t break just anything, but the gift that you had gotten him for his birthday

he’d try to keep his cool, but would be visibly distressed

“Ah, come on guys do you see what you’ve done?” he’d whine

Thinking about how you had saved up to get him this cologne (you loved nice smells, and nice smells + your boyfriend = yes pls), and the face you had made when you cutely insisted he only where it when he’s with you

it’d just hurt his heart so much

but at the same time Hyuka and Soobin were standing at the crime scene looking like they’d burst into tears at any given moment

he’d eventually just settle on telling them off in a serious-but-not-serious tone, and he’d make sure to remind them of this mistake every freaking day skks

he’d make them apologise to you as well, which resulted in you sucking in a sharp breath through your teeth before you hit the back of his head playfully

you’d asure them (and Yeonjun) that it was no big deal

“I’ll be buying you cologne for the rest of our lives anyway,” you’d whisper into his ear, pressing a kiss to his cheek – for effect, ofcourse.

And although he’s still pretty bummed about the broken gift, man’s would just get extremely smiley and giggly cause he WEAK for you

᠃ ⚘ choi soobin:

we all know this boy about to put himself through the most sksks

he’d wear the bracelet you got him for your 2 year anniversary EVERYWHERE and blush a little each time he looked at it

(the members would drag him so bad omg)

so when Beomgyu’s piercing got caught in it while he and Yeonjun were messing around in the van on the way to the next schedule, his heart started doing laps

he tried to gently move it away, but the van hit a pothole, and the next thing he knew, the beads were scattering everywhere

even though he’s clearly not to blame, he’d so blame himself for it

“I’m so sorry, Hyung” “No, it’s okay, I should have taken proper care of it”

he’d tell everyone it’s fine and it’s not that big of a deal, but there’d be a visible dark cloud hanging over his head 24/7 and he’d be completely despondent

he wouldn’t know how to tell you, so when Yeonjun and Beomgyu eventually apologized to you, you sighed, realizing that this was the reason he’d been avoiding your calls and texting back so dryly

“It’s okay, baby,” you’d coo, running your hands through his hair and giving his scalp gentle massages as he nuzzled his head into your chest.

᠃ ⚘ choi beomgyu:

As I’m sure you can imagine, a large can of the Daegu satoori will be whipped out for this one

mans would be going through the five stages of grief as he watched Taehyun’s coffee seep into the handmade songbook that you had made for him last Christmas

they had been deciding on a title for a song that Beomgyu had initially written, but had now become a collaborative piece, when Huening had suggested that they just play rock-paper-scissors

them being them, they got way too into it, and Taehyun had accidentally knocked over his coffee onto the song in question

“H-hyung, I’m sorry...”

His heart would ache so bad omg, and he’d try and hurry and wipe the coffee off or something ugh this poor baby

I don’t feel like he’d be angry about it, but I do think that he’d be thinking about you and the amount of time and thought went into this gift and how much it meant to him to have received it from you

heck, the only reason he even used the book was because you had to convince him for weeks that it was meant to be used and not to gather dust

like Soobin, he’d also struggle to tell you about it, worried that it might hurt you which would hurt him – so he’d just resort to being playful about it and tell you in a roundabout way

“See, Y/n! This is why I didn’t wanna use it. I knew something like this would happen; I live with animals you know”

you’d just laugh it off and wrap your arms around him, knowing all too well that he more than likely cried about it before coming to tell you what had happened

he’ll NEVER let the members live it down lmaoo

“Remember that time you destroyed that gift from my girlfriend”

playfully obviously, ya know mans is a professional chain-tugger

expect that the next time you come over you’ll find that songbook framed and on a shelf in his room with a polaroid of you on the outside corner

᠃ ⚘ kang taehyun:

He really strikes me as the kind of person who wouldn’t normally get upset about something like this happening, but because it’s a gift from his s/o he’d be ticked off – at the very least

however, despite being ticked off, he wouldn’t let his emotions get the better of him.

You know our king of rationalism

He’d see the glass shatter as it hit the laminated floor of the dorm room, and he’d simply just stand there looking at it, absorbing the situation, trying the best he can to keep himself as calm as he possibly can

Yeonjun had came into the room to smother Huening with affection again, when he had accidentally knocked the watch off the dresser (it probably sent shivers down their spines as they imagines the many ways Taehyun could kill them in their sleep for this one)

“It’s okay, it’s not the end of the world,” he’d say, but really it felt like it was.

Taehyun may come off as someone who is cold, but in reality he’s just such a soft boi who’d take care of and show affection to his s/o in his own ways

he hates to see you sad

it’d break his heart to know that the first gift he had ever gotten from you was in smithereens just bc yeonjun and hyuka couldn’t sit still for five minutes sksk

he’d want to tell you right away and he’d apologize in the sincerest way possible

“I’m really sorry about this, Y/n. I’m sure you spent a lot on this gift; I should have taken proper care of it,” he’d say, eyes literally begging you to forgive him

and you’d just slip your hand into his, giving it a squeeze, before snuggling into his figure and telling him that it was an accident, and how warm it wakes you feel knowing it meant that much to him

he’d gently push you aside and frown, before planting a kiss on your forehead, “Of course it means that much to me. It’s a gift from you.”

᠃ ⚘ huening kai:

“ANDWAEEE!”

you and I both know that we can hear that

Soobin and Taehyun had been teasing him about his plushies again – his collection was growing way too big for the space which he and Taehyun were supposed to share; and even he knew that

and as per usual, every time they picked a few to give away, Huening would get really sad and be unable to part with any of them – so they decided to tease him a little

they picked the plushie they knew you had given to him (the big, fluffy pink one with the floppy ears :((( )

he’d beg them to not tease him as they tossed it amongst themselves (THIS POOR BABY PLS)

“Please be careful! It’s going to break!” he’d whine

and it did :((((

one of the ears tore, and poor Huening just stood there with upset tears rimming his eyes, looking like his world just ended oml

Soobin and Taehyun would be extremely apologetic, and like Soobin, Huening would say that it’s okay even though it isn’t; he’d probably need like an hour to himself before being himself again

oh but he’d so rat them out though lmao

“Y/n! Look what they did! They hurt our Ae-Cha!” he’d say, playfully pouting as he showed you the tear on the plushie; to which they’d simply roll their eyes while Beomgyu and Yeonjun laughed

“Oh no! Our Ae-Cha!” you’d gasp in response, pouting just as much, before giggling and taking out the needle and thread from your bag

he’d wrap his arms around you and rest his head on your shoulder as you fixed the toy, telling you every other minute how lucky he is to have such a beautiful and talented girlfriend uwu ^.^

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dreamsfreckles · 3 years

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[7:21p.m.] A Couple of Whipped Besties, One Could Say...

Sapnap x reader

Fluff

A couple of sus betsies - enjoy!

Sapnap smiled proudly at the beautiful view in front of him: you sitting in his gaming chair, beating the shit out of George on a minecraft PVP server.

Naturally, as Sapnap’s best friend, today marked your third night sleeping over at his house, the usual.

You two simply couldn’t get sick of each other.

Sure, he was annoying and relentless sometimes, and maybe you were a bit stubborn and moody; but regardless, both of your personalities clashed and complimented each other perfectly - creating a close friendship.

Even though your friendship was his most precious treasure, Sapnap couldn’t help but be dissatisfied with it.

Not because he wasn’t happy with you... but because he wasn’t happy with you.

incase you need further elaboration:

Sapnap done went and caught feelings for you. (no earnings)

Leaning over your left shoulder as you gamed, Sapnap side-eyed your facial expressions as you passionately played on the computer monitor in front of you, flexing your weirdly amazing skill at PVP.

He admired you; you looked cute while concentrated. Critting George’s player with your diamond axe was Sapnap’s favorite sight to see. Your eyebrows furrowed the slightest bit and your eyes shined as you attempted to predict George’s next move.

Not to mention you were also hot as fuck. Sapnap didn’t need to admit that though...

Not only were you his cute best friend, but you were also a super skilled player. He seemed to get the best of both worlds when it came to you.

You can be risky, fun, daring and stupid, but at the same time smart, soft, sweet, and safe. It’s rare to have someone as unique and different as you. You were irreplaceable.

It also just makes things 1000x better when you’re the reason George regrets his entire PVP career.

Sapnap leaned back into his spare chair, laughing in disbelief at you mercilessly owning George in the game. He could hear George’s screams of absolute terror leaking from the headset on your head; his headset. (dollar tree)

Goddamn he’s whipped. (what a shrimp)

The headphones were a little big on you, which added to the cuteness. Sapnap secretly peered at you love-sickly, sighing in content. It was rare for him to be completely in a haze by you simply doing nothing; for some reason you had him completely under your control today.

Your sudden yell broke Sapnap from his trance and brought his attention to the monitor showing the signature “victory” screen. You squealed hopping up from your chair and doing a small victory dance, laughing at George as he wallowed in defeat. You turn to Sapnap, a wide smile on your face. “Were you watching that? George is SHIT!” You laughed. Sapnap shook his head in disbelief. “Have you been practicing? I have to get you to duel Dream... I doubt you could beat him though. Gogy is just trash.” You giggled with Sapnap at his open criticism towards George, while the trash PVP player on the call scoffed and mumbled incoherent curse words. (ignoring the fact Sapnap lowkey called you trash)

“Well,” you start, relaxing back into his gaming chair. “I’m kind of hungry now. Do you want to go get Chick-fil-a or something?” Just before Sapnap could respond, he was rudely interrupted by George screaming on his headset. “YOU’RE GOING TO GET CHICK-FIL-A?!” The headphones rung. “Are you trying to get cancelled Sapnap?” George joked, making literally no one laugh. You glanced at Sapnap in amusement. His face is twisted in playful annoyance as he ends the call with George. “I guess George is right... Don’t want our precious Sappy getting cancelled.” Sapnap scoffs and rolls his eyes at you playing along with George, a smile on his face. You smirk evilly, standing up to walk across his room to grab your purse. “Whelp, looks like you gotta get your own fast food.” You sling your purse over your shoulder and start heading towards his bedroom door.

Sapnap’s eyes widen at your statement. There’s no way he’s letting you go along with George’s stupid-ass joke.

Before you could leave, Sapnap scrambled to wedge himself between you and his door, stopping you from exiting the room. “Um? You’re dog water if you think you’re pulling that bullshit on me?” He sasses, backing you away from his door.

You hold in your laugh and shrug, putting up a serious face. “We should probably have a break from each other anyway... Why don’t you go out and get McDonald’s instead? I’ll be back in like,” you check your phone for affect. “Like 45 minutes.” You state, looking back up to his pretty eyes filled with betrayal.

Sapnap is frozen. He didn’t think that this Chick-fil-a joke would actually be taken some-what seriously. You wanted time away from him? What the fuck? You two have always been clingy to each other! You can barely go to his fucking kitchen by yourself!

He took a second longer looking into your shining eyes. Then it all clicked.

You little rat. How cruel are you to be playing with his little heart like that?

Sapnap could turn this situation around in a few different ways.

1.) He could call out your cap right now and you two would go out and get your chick-fil-a, or whatever you want to eat.

2.) He could football tackle you to the fucking ground and make you apologize for saying such buffoonery.

3.) He could go along with your cruel joke, and make you think that he 100% agrees that you two “need to take a break.” He can even go as far as calling it a night and telling you that he’s too tired for another sleepover night.

Sapnap was never the merciful type. As much as he is unconditionally in love with you, he don’t play.

Option 3 was game.

Sapnap looked up and to the side, pretending to think about your suggestion of “taking a break” like it was a valid choice. Stepping away from his place in between you and the door, Sapnap motions for you to go. “You know what, you’re kinda right. You can go ahead, I think I’m going to call someone.” Sapnap whips out his phone from his back jean pocket and turns away from you, pretending to scroll through his contacts.

This makes you stumble for a second. Did he just... agree with you..? Your heart stops beating for a split second and you debate if you should tell him that you were joking or not. You can barely go to the kitchen by yourself, why isn’t he catching on that it was a joke? You stand still there, looking at his turned back. “Okay... I’m just going to go then.” You say, still not making a move to leave. After a moment of him not acknowledging a word you just said, you start again. “Do you like...” you pause. “want me to bring you back something...” Sapnap turns back to you at that, suddenly deciding to pay attention to you. “Uh no thanks, I’ll just eat something here. You should probably call your mom, she probably wants you home. You’ve been here for what-” he checks his phone for the date. “Like 4 days?” He states, looking back up to you.

Your mouth drops. Hurt fills you heart. Did he really just say that?

Yeah... you have been at his house for a while... but you didn’t think that he was getting sick of you. You usually stayed over there for 4 nights on average before you went home.

You’ve stayed there for 6 days before! And you both STILL mourned the loss of each other’s presence when you left!

(Isn’t this simp culture?)

What does this mean? You stand there is silence just looking at him. It’s not like you could argue; you were the one who said you needed a break first.

You felt like crying. Yes... Sapnap is your best friend and this literally isn’t that big of a deal, but... you love Sapnap. You’d spend forever with him if you could. And you thought he would too. You stiffen for a moment. You know he isn’t your boyfriend; as much as you wish he was, you need to stop acting like he is.

Him saying he wants to be alone shouldn’t be that big of a deal to you! You guys are friends! He’s standing there, looking at you expectantly, waiting for you to go on, do anything.

While you stand there debating your life choices with hurt written all over your face, Sapnap’s mind is racing a million miles an hour. He literally can’t decide if he should burst out laughing from how well his plan worked or hug you and say sorry for being so mean.

He literally can’t decide - so he does both.

Just as you feel your eyes getting the tinniest bit glassy, Sapnap roars with laughter and pulls you into a bear hug, squeezing your waist with one arm and using the other to pet your hair fondly. “I’m so sorry, I had to, it was too good, that literally couldn’t have gone better-” he rambles. You immediately sulk and smack his shoulder, aggressively hugging him back. “YOU ASSHOLE I GOT SO SCARED!” You groan in embarrassment. You literally almost cried.

Sapnap giggles and hugs you tighter, his smile couldn’t possibly get wider. You sigh in relief, snuggling into his arms. “You actually scared me so bad. That was so weird.” Sapnap laughs again, leaning back from you slightly to get a look at your pretty face. You were pouting. Cute. Sapnap smirked and squeezed your cheek with the hand that was previously petting your semi-tangled hair. “You did it to me first you dimwit, what the hell did you think I felt like?!” He exclaimed. “You literally told me to go home you asshole!” You exasperated. Sapnap threw his head back laughing, pulling you back towards him again. He nuzzled into the side of your neck, sighing happily.

As hilarious as it was watching you go through the 5 stages of grief over this situation, it was also heart breaking all at the same time. He hopes he never has to see that again on a serious note, if he’s being honest. If you ever looked like that when you guys were being legit - it would quite literally kill him.

After what felt like 20 minutes of hugging, you pulled back from the hug and looked up at Sapnap, his arms still attached to the ends of your sweatshirt, keeping you in place.

As he stared down at your pink cheeks and flustered expression, he felt like he could stand with you here for hours. He wishes he could kiss you.

You rolled your eyes at him as he giggled. “Whatever.” You state, walking out of his hold and over to his bed side table. Sapnap watches your movements in confusion. Once at the table, you open the top drawer and snatch his wallet from inside, your back facing him. “I’m getting fucking Chick-fil-a and if you don’t come, I’m literally going to buy the entire menu with this.” You turn facing him and hold up his wallet. Sapnap’s eyes widen in realization at what’s in your possession. He makes a move to run over to you and snatch it back. Unluckily for him, you were already bolting out the door and to his car.

Hello 🥺

I hope u enjoyed sorry it took so long hehee

I’ve had lack of motivation, as we all in this tough pandemic - I hope you guys are all doing well and stay happy and safe 💕

Thankfully we have our fav mcyt gang to help us through tough times :)

Ik sapnap says fuck you, but think of it in an endearing way LOL LOVE U GUYS

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musette22 · 3 years

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Hi Minnie! Hope you can help me settle an argument my brother and I are having about EG!Steve. I'd love to hear your thoughts about this with shipping goggles off, looking at it purely in terms of characterization, narrative, and good writing. Better hang on though, it's going to be a long ask! (sorry in advance for spamming you!) 1/7

So my brother and I were watching FatWS and once again got into a debate about whether Steve's last actions were a disservice or in line with his characterization and narrative, given that the Russos confirmed (and therefore it's Word of God/canon, even if it did sound reactionary to the immediate backlash after EG) that Steve created an alternate reality when he went back, and didn't just live in hiding in the past of the OG timeline. 2/7

Because of this, my bro argued that: 1) the total character assassination that is the idea of Steve just sitting back and letting all the shit happen happen is no longer a problem - for all we know, the alternate reality oldman!Steve came from might have become utopic already due to his presence and foresight. He played coy when talking to Sam so we don't know for certain he didn't save Bucky, get rid of Hydra, and enact social reform when he had the chance. 3/7

Likewise, 2) the accusation that Steve would rob Peggy of her husband and children is a non-issue as Steve went back to a time before Peggy and Daniel got together - I argued here that it was still wrong for him to do given that he KNEW for a fact that Peggy lived a happy life, whereas it was a gamble if he could give her the same. My bro shot back when you truly loved someone, you want them to be happy and to have what's best for them. 4/7

So if Steve chose to go back to Peggy, he had to have believed that he could give her the best life. That Steve based that decision purely on his own assessment is pretty in character (e.g. pushing to become a soldier because he thought that was how he could do his part, even though at the time, he'd have just been a danger to himself and other soldiers; not signing the Accords because he believed in his team's judgment in crises above gov't oversight that might be influenced by politics). 5/7

And lastly 3) he might have settled into the past and started to move on, but what was wrong with him choosing to be selfish and going to the past when given a chance? Why was it wrong for him to go back to a time he knew, where he was beloved by both Peggy and the public, and when he could also save Bucky early? In terms of character growth, wouldn't it be fair for him to finally learn he could be a bit selfish and choose happiness, after a lifetime of nearly suicidal selflessness? 6/7

Our debate was based on confirmed canon with shipping put aside. So I put forth the sin of leaving a traumatized Bucky, Sam, and world behind, that Steve's actions were surely the result of a man broken by grief again and again, and that choosing the past was him running away - which, I argued, was a horrible way to end his character arc. But my brother asked me why I thought so, because wasn't this the so-called 'soft epilogue' that Steve deserved, one that was most in line with canon? 7/7

***************

Hey love! Very interesting argument you and your brother are having here… I’m sure he’s a great guy but I have to say that I vehemently disagree with him (as you probably already guessed lol). Soooo many people have done an excellent job at explaining why, shipping aside, Steve’s ending in EG was absolute bollocks, and I’m certain I could never argue this case as well as all of them have. Nevertheless, I’ll do my best to explain why, in my opinion, your brother is wrong :p I’m going to put my reply under the keep reading tag, because it is long.

1. The Russos and Markus & McFeely (the writers) never managed to agree on whether Steve really did go back to an alternate timeline, and if so, how that would have worked, exactly. When they were asked, after EG had been released, about whether Steve would have just sat back and let everything he knew was happening/going to happen in the decades to come, both to Bucky and to the world at large, they came up with this ‘alternate timeline’ solution, but they kept contradicting each other on the logistics and technicalities of it (like how would old man Steve suddenly be able to jump timelines to come back to give Sam the shield in EG? And how did EG Steve attend Peggy’s funeral, like they also suggested, which would technically have been in a different timeline?). Which makes it pretty clear that this wasn’t something they’d considered beforehand or even all agree on afterwards, and therefore it can’t technically allowed to play a role in judging the rightness of Steve’s ending in EG if we’re looking at it from a ‘the creator’s word is law’ perspective. Moreover, there is nothing to indicate in EG itself that Steve knew he’d be able to create alternate timelines, so that would’ve been a crazy gamble on his part. Also, him ‘playing coy’ in that final scene with Sam really isn’t a convincing indication that he was actually, canonically, talking about anything besides marrying Peggy.

2. Which bring us to point two: Peggy had literally told Steve she’d lived a happy life with her family, and told him in no uncertain terms to move on. If Steve really loved her, he would have accepted her wishes and allowed her the dignity of her choice (something Peggy herself, in CA:TFA, had told Steve was important to do when you care about someone) to move on from him once she believed him dead. Steve deciding that he would be better for Peggy because he believed was a better man than the person she ended up marrying originally would be the most un-like Steve thing to do, ever. Steve has never once shown that he thinks of himself as the hero or better than other people – he simply wants to do the best he can to help make the world a better place. He would never say “Peggy deserves the best and I believe I am the best, therefore she will have me, regardless of what she thinks or wants.” Steve drinks respect women juice, that’s clear from all of his movies, and deciding the course of her entire life for her, taking away her agency, whether in his own timeline or another, would be utterly disrespectful to Peggy.

3. As for the next point: of course there’s nothing wrong with Steve being selfish for once – Steve is human, and all humans are selfish sometimes, and that’s okay. But, as Chris Evans already explained multiple times prior to Endgame, Steve had already made selfish decisions in the past, namely when it came to getting Bucky back and keeping him safe. Shipping aside, Bucky was presented in all the Cap movies as Steve’s very best friend, and was even called his ‘soulmate’ (platonically or otherwise) by M&M (the writers). So when, in Civil War, Steve was presented with a choice between duty/what was expected of him by the government versus saving Bucky/keeping Bucky safe, Steve was selfish and chose Bucky. That, canonically, made sense. Peggy being presented as the ultimate love of Steve’s life, who he loved and valued more than anyone or anything else in the world (which is what happened in EG), canonically does not make sense.

In CA:TWS, Peggy told Steve to move on. When Peggy died, Steve buried her and mourned her, and then not long after, he canonically kissed Peggy’s niece. Then, in Infinity War, Steve saw Bucky turn to dust before his very eyes in the “Blip” (a conscious decision on the writers’/directors’ part to show how Steve once again lost what was most important to him while helplessly standing by) – and the next thing we know, Steve is leading a support group for other people who lost loved ones in the Blip, and starts talking about losing… Peggy? Huh. Also, Steve going back to a time which your brother calls “a time when he was beloved the public” doesn’t add up, either: technically, Steve went back to a time where people loved an idea of him, but also believed him to be dead. So either he would have had to have found a way to convincingly stage his own resurrection (meanwhile possibly leaving the other version to vegetate in the ice..? depending on how this timeline malarkey was supposed to work), or he would have lived his whole life hidden behind some fake persona – which does not sound like Steve at all, does it?

4. Finally, let’s talk about Bucky some more, because I think we need to to be able to assess the situation properly. I understand that your brother may believe that shippers are often delusional and only see what they want to see etc, but there is ample evidence, canonically, of Bucky being the most important person in Steve’s life – the person he would give up the shield for, the person he would give up his other friendships for, the person he would give up his life for. Peggy may have been a recurring character in character in the three Cap movies, but she was never presented as the principal motivator of his actions, or as the love of Steve’s life. You know who was? Bucky. Sure, that love wasn’t canonically romantic in nature, but there can’t be any doubt that Bucky meant more than anything to Steve. Therefore, Steve choosing to have a ‘soft epilogue’ that entails him spending the rest of his life without Bucky – and, more importantly, Bucky to spend the rest of his life without Steve – contradicts everything we’ve learned about their relationship (platonic or otherwise) in the rest of the movies, does it not?

Also, the Russos have said something to the effect that Bucky and Steve were now both mentally ‘well enough’ to not ‘need’ each other anymore (because as we all know, that’s exactly how friendships work…), but it’s pretty clear from EG that Steve was still traumatized by everything he’d been through, and going back to the 50s would have meant he would never be able to get proper help with that and in fact could only talk about any of it with Peggy and Peggy alone. Moreover, M&M have literally said in interviews that Bucky wasn’t all that well yet, mentally, and TFAWTS also shows convincingly that Bucky was not actually in a good place when Steve left him. So that would have meant that Steve either did not see this (unlikely, given how close they were) or did not care (unlikely, given how close they were).

It would have meant that for the first time in all these movies, Steve decided “to hell with Bucky’s needs, I’m gonna just be selfish because I’ve earned it and claim my trophy wife because actually I am the best man for her, despite the fact that she’s already lived a happy life that I will be negating against her wishes, but that’s fine because maybe I’ll be able to create a different timeline, and maybe I’ll be able to save Bucky from all his trauma anyway, but then again maybe not, but that brings me back to my first point of to hell with Bucky’s needs” - which does not make a lot of sense to me, personally. Not to mention that, in exchange for his ‘soft epilogue’, Steve would also leave the world to sort out the post-Blip mess without him, and leave all the other friends he still had left and clearly cared about a lot to boot. I would not call that character growth, I would call that character disintegration. If your brother insists on taking the creator’s word as gospel and that we have to accept that Steve really did do what he did at the end of Endgame, and that wasn’t just a case of bad, lazy writing fuelled by greed, then to make a decision like this, Steve would have been either an asshole in disguise all along, or mentally extremely unstable.

There you have it, my two cents! I hope this helps a little in settling the argument with your brother, anon! Lots of love ❤️

#anti endgame #steve rogers #minnie answers #Anonymous

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imagine-this-fandom · 3 years

Text

BNHA x Fem! Reader: The Rescue- Purple Ragdoll

The rescue intro: here

A/N:

Happy New Year everyone! Hope everyone is staying safe and had a good New Years Eve. Thank you all for your support, I'm really happy to be writing for you. I apologize for the lateness of this chapter, but I hope you all enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*

Inko led you back into the main store and past rows of all sorts of tanks. She paused and tucked Izuku into one of them before she continued along, stopping in front of a door with cute little pawprints running up the side. At the top of the door, the word CATS was in big bold letters. She opened the door and ushered you inside, carefully closing the door behind you.

You took in the chaos of the cat room, eyes following Inko as she expertly dodged cats and weaved through various cat toys on her way to a cat tree in the back. The room was filled with cats of all shapes and sizes. You decided it would be best if you stayed put. The last thing you needed was to accidentally step on one of the cute animals. That would be a rather unfortunate end to your budding experience as a pet owner. When Inko saw that you were standing alone, she made a tutting noise and went back, grabbing your arm before leading you over to the quiet corner she had scouted earlier.

You followed her curiously, trying not to trip on the felines winding around your legs, which was an intense feat as they seemed to really like you for some reason. You came to a stop in front of one of those hanging cat hammock things. Inside, was a fluffy cat with strangely lilac tinted fur that was ruffled and sticking out at all angles. You searched your limited knowledge about animals before settling on the breed. The cat before you was the sleepiest looking ragdoll cat you had ever seen. The fur under his eyes was darker than the fur around it, giving it the illusion of deep purple eye bags. He looked kind of run down if you were honest as if no amount of naps in the world could make him energetic. He was definitely not what you expected. He reminded you of Grumpy cat but exhausted.

Inko smiled warmly at you while clasping her hands to her chest, watching your reaction closely.

“This is Shinsou! I think he’d be the perfect cat for you.”

Like the black cat from earlier, there was something really intelligent about Shinsou. Either that or the look of confusion he shot Inko was purely coincidental and you were misreading things. Regardless, there was something about him that you gravitated towards.

“You’re sure? He wouldn’t be happier with someone more experienced?” Inko just shook her head and lifted the drowsy cat out of his hammock. He wasn’t too concerned and had accepted his fate at this point in time, not really having the energy to protest anyway. She carefully deposited the cat into your arms and bustled off to gather supplies for you. You looked down at the bundle of fluff in your arms and he, in turn, stared up at you with a bored expression.

Shinsou was vaguely interested in how this would go. Considering he was not a normal cat by any means, it should prove to be an interesting experience. If all else failed, he was intelligent enough to escape and come back to the store, he mused. But for now, you hadn’t done anything that indicated you were going to be difficult to work with and Inko seemed to approve of you, so he just yawned and settled into your arms, enjoying the change from the flannel hammock to your warm arms. You were kind of freaked out by the newness of the situation, but Shinsou didn’t seem to care what was going on, and his nonchalant attitude put you more at ease.

While you waited, you began to pet him. A smile tugged on your lips as he basically melted in your arms, face pressed against your collarbone and a contented purr escaping his chest. He was obviously enjoying your soothing touch, more than he wanted to admit to himself even. That was encouraging, and you decided then and there you would die for this animal should the need ever arise.

When inko returned with a cat carrier, you were a bit hesitant to put him inside. You were bonding! As reluctant as you were, the carrier was probably your safest and easiest method of getting him home. You laid him inside on the cat bed and he was out like a light within minutes. He was peacefully sleeping as you latched the carrier shut and listened to the instructions Inko gave you. You were determined to be the best pet owner possible for him.

It wasn’t long before you left the shop, new pet in hand and a strange new warmth settling in your chest at the thought of sharing your home with your sleepy new companion. ~~~~~

You sighed tiredly as you closed the door behind you, happy to be out of the biting cold. You had let Shinsou sleep in his carrier on the way over, so you just popped the door open once you were inside so he could explore when he was ready. You gave his sleeping form a small smile before you retreated to your bedroom for the night.

He was still sleeping when you woke up around 8 the next morning, so you let him be and began your morning routine. You hummed to yourself as you waited for your coffee to brew and scrolled through social media on your phone.

Shinsou roused at the rich scent of coffee filled the air. As a human, he swore it almost ran through his veins. He took after his mentor in his love for coffee, the bitter beverage giving him the energy his training and hero work often stole. Inko always had tea instead when she worked at the pet store, so the familiar scent was quite a shock to his system. He stretched lazily before ambling out of the pet carrier. His purple eyes locked on the mug you held as you made your way to the couch.

You smiled brightly at him as you sat down, not noticing where his intent gaze was directed.

“Hey pretty boy, sleep well?”

He turned his gaze to you, almost disgusted by the fact that you were so awake and perky already. Usually, it took him at least half an hour to fully wake up, so your sunshine smile was absolutely unfair considering how early it was. He gave you a deadpan stare in response that triggered an even wider smile. Good grief.

He hopped up onto the couch beside you, waiting for an opportunity to steal your beverage.

He didn’t have to wait long though, you had just taken a sip before your phone rang. You looked down at the contact name and your expression twisted into one of weary acceptance. You hit the answer button and stood, coffee abandoned as you paced and listened to the voice on the other end of the phone.

Shinsou would smirk to himself if cats could. He made a beeline for the cup and quickly drank his fill. Meanwhile, you were not having nearly as good of a time.

“Sir, please, it’s my first day off in weeks. Are you positive no one else can cover the shift?”

“I wouldn’t be calling you if I didn’t already know, (y/n). Are you going to show, or not? Need I remind you that you’re on thin ice with your attendance?”

You bit your lip, the tiredness settling into your expression before you took a deep breath and forced your customer service smile.

“Yes sir, I’ll see you in an hour and a half”

“Good. Don’t be late.”

You heard the line go dead on the other side and nearly screamed, hands clenching against the phone as you resisted the urge to throw your device. The job was infuriating, but it was steady and dependable. You didn’t have a quirk, so finding work was a bit of a process, and you couldn't afford to be choosy at the moment. You lamented this fact as you sunk onto the couch beside him, any energy the coffee had given was now sapped away.

Shinsou had only caught bits and pieces of the conversation, but he already knew he didn’t care for your boss. He had only known you for a day, but he didn’t like how quickly that sunshine smile disappeared as if covered by stormy clouds. It was disconcerting. He watched your expressions go through the stages of grief before settling on tired acceptance.

You sighed heavily and scratched the top of his head.

“Sorry, buddy. I wanted to spend the day getting to know you, but the big boss says I have to get to work.”

You pouted unhappily before stretching. You hated your job, but you weren’t going to spend time feeling bad for yourself. You had to be strong, this job was what enabled you to have Shinsou too, so at least something good came of it. You scratched behind Shinsou's ears before standing and plastering on a fake smile.

"well, no time to waste if I want to get to work on time. I'll be back before you know it. Try not to wreck the house while I'm gone."

He watched you leave and go to your room to prepare for work. He took this time left alone to look around. The living room was fairly plain but comfortable enough. There weren't any photos or personal touches up on the wall. He wandered the living room, mapping it out in his head and taking careful note of any possible escape routes. By the time he had explored all the open rooms, you had found your way back into the main room. You were holding a few bobby pins in your teeth as you fixed your hair into a high ponytail.

Your uniform was typical of a barista and he could just make out the logo of a local cafe on the corner. Huh. Juniper Glow. He actually recognized the cafe. He frequented the place when he was still human. It was open 24/7 so it was a lifesaver after long patrols. He couldn't remember ever meeting you, but it had been quite some time since he had visited. Maybe you were new?

You grabbed the essentials needed for your job, grimacing as you caught sight of the clock. You crouched down and scratched under Shinsou's chin before you shouldered your purse again.

"Alright Shinsou, I'm heading out. Be good for me, okay? Don't trash the house. I'll see you in a few hours."

Shinsou stopped himself from nodding, knowing it would only freak you out, and stared at you with a tilted head as if to ask "cause trouble, who, me?"

You gave him one last dazzling smile before dashing out the door.

Shinsou watched the door close and was surprised to find himself a bit disheartened with the quiet now encompassing the house. He supposed he was used to the noise now. From the crowded cat room to the way you spoke to him like a person, he wasn't used to the silence anymore. He wondered how much other things would change as he stayed with you.

~~~~~~

Some things never changed. Despite having no hero work or classes, Shinsou was still tired all the time. You found his tiredness endearing and took every opportunity to cuddle him while he napped.

The first time this happened, he was surprised. He was peacefully napping on the couch while you were occupied with a hero documentary. He was content to snooze next to you when a sudden movement changed his position. You had carefully scooped him up and he was now resting in your lap. He would have moved, but honestly? You were comfortable and warm. Not to mention you were petting him too. The soft strokes and your fingers carding through his fur relaxed him. He melted into your touch and was surprised when he started to purr at the attention. You smiled, your documentary no longer the center of your attention.

He wouldn't admit it, but he was quite enjoying your attention. At first, he thought this whole pet thing was going to be a fun challenge to exploit and then escape. However, he was growing attached to you. That might end up a problem. He was going to be human again, one day. He would make sure of it. And he couldn't let you get too used to him.

Still... this was nice. He liked being held and cared about, even though he was used to being and working alone. He was ostracized for having a villain's quirk, so he was definitely not used to people spending so much time with him. Midoriya and his mentor were his support system, but this was somehow different. He would have to think about this more... But for now, he would enjoy these moments with you.

Fortunately for him, these moments became quite frequent. You loved having Shinsou with you and nearly every moment spent at home was spent with your cat. You talked to him as you cooked, you watched TV with him on your lap, you even let him sit on your bed while you read before heading to bed.

This routine continued for months and you admitted for the first time since you moved to Japan, that you were happy. ~~~~~~~~

You opened the door for Shinsou. The sun shone brightly on the two of you as you waited. Shinsou trotted out and joined you on the porch before you closed the door, being mindful of his tail.

The two of you set off at a leisurely pace. You had decided to take Shinsou with you on your trip to the local farmer’s market. You wanted to get some produce for a fruit dessert you wanted to try and also stop by the bakery that was nearby. You smiled down at Shinsou as he plodded along by your side. He was such a clever cat and you found him fascinating. The few times he had gotten out, he merely followed you to work before going home. Unbeknownst to you, this was his way of making sure you stayed safe. While he couldn't fully protect you in this form, he would do his absolute best to protect you should trouble to arise. When you took him out on purpose for the first time, he stayed dutifully by your side. This lead to many walks when the weather was pleasant.

He was secretly pleased now that you trusted him to stay with you as you go places. This also meant he could spend more time with you. Although, he wished he was human for these walks. He had been with you for four months now, and he knew you quite well. He enjoyed his time with you and that simple companionship he shared while living with you had grown to be more than fondness on his end. He started to care for you more than he thought he would. He became more worried about your safety, upset on your behalf whenever your boss inevitably called you in on your few days off. He did his best to remind you of your own health, making sure you went to bed at a semi-decent hour. He cared about you, really cared about you. And it was moments like these he couldn't deny it anymore. He looked up at you as the two of you walked.

He wanted to know what it was like to hold your hand, fingers entwining as you babbled cheerfully about your day, him content to listen to your sweet voice. He wanted to compliment you on the sundress you chose to wear for your trip to the market, he wanted to tease you about how excited you were getting for fruit. But that didn’t seem to be a possibility, so he had to content himself with these small outings and the fact he could still be with you as a friend.

You were chatting about all the delicious things you were going to buy, looking back over at him with a bright sunshine smile that he hadn't expected to adore as much as he did.

"Ooh! And don't think I'm leaving you out, there are a bunch of fruits cats are allowed to eat! I can't just treat myself and leave my best boy hungry!"

He would have smiled, but instead settled on a rumbling meow, purr sneaking into the noise. Warmth filled his chest as you turned back to face ahead. He walked with you for a while more, the warm feeling of the affection fading but also growing more intense but in a new way.

Shinsou blinked in confusion as a strange sensation started to take over, the warmth shifting, contorting into something different. His head was swimming and his entire body was starting to tingle. He almost tripped over his own paws as he made his way to an alleyway, not wanting you to see him this disoriented. His gaze swimming in front of him. He stumbled into the alleyway, his body felt like it was on fire. Fire spread through his nervous system as his body gave up fighting and the bubbling feeling spreading through his veins surged through him. All at once, there was a pop sound and the feeling disappeared, leaving Shinsou panting on the cold concrete of the alley. He opened his eyes and was quickly struck by the difference in sensations he was feeling as well as the heightened colors. He groaned and threw his arm over his eyes before realizing the change in limbs. He quickly sat up and realized with awe that he was human again. Naked, but human. A grin spread across his face and he wobbled to his feet, getting used to being tall again. He took a few minutes to reorient himself.

He heard your voice calling his name and butterflies took flight in his stomach. You sounded worried and upset, voice frantic as you repeated his name. You were looking for him. Cat him. Well, that was a problem. He looked around for a hiding place and was relieved to spot a fairly out of sight around a corner.

As much as he would love to go out there and sweep you off your feet in his true form, he knew that would be absolutely terrifying and the worst way he could go about this. He peeked out from behind the corner, watching your worried form as you carefully searched the alleyway. He ducked back behind the wall before you saw him and his eyes landed on a convenient clothesline. Huh. How convenient. He’d have to think about the uncanny timing later because he heard male voices floating down the alleyway. He grabbed the clothes and threw them on, making a mental note to compensate the original owner when he gets the chance.

Meanwhile, you were looking between two men in front of you. They had followed you into the alley, insisting they were worthy of your attention and could help you find your cat. However, they didn’t really seem to know what personal space was and were quite insistent. You were obviously uncomfortable, a nervous smile in place, but they didn’t seem to understand. You inched backward until your back met the bricks behind you as you put distance between the men trying to avoid coming off as impolite. You really just wanted to find Shinsou and go home.

“Excuse me gentlemen, but I really should be going…” Your eyes darted around, searching for an opening to escape. Your eyes stopped their search when the man closest to you put his hand on the wall, leaning closer and effectively caging you in.

“Oh come on, we’ll worry about finding your cat later. Besides, you look a little turned around yourself, like a little deer that lost its way.” He smiled in a way that you believed was meant to be charming.

“Oh, no, I'm not lost.” You cringed back and gave him a nervous smile.

“This little deer looks thirsty,” The second man commented, tilting his head as he looked you over appreciatively. “We should take her for a cup of tea.”

You bit your lip, clenching your fists in an effort not to wring them nervously. Or wring their necks, you were undecided at the moment.

“No thanks, my sister's expecting me.” You bluffed, hoping it was enough to deter the two men.

“She's pretty cute for a Deer. How old are you, anyway? You live around here?”

The first man ignored your poor attempt of diversion and continued to press, not giving up.

“Leave me alone.”

You cringed away, dipping your head away as your mind swirled with possible lies and excuses to give to get away from them. You had other things to do, namely finding Shinsou.

The second man rolled his eyes at his friend, nudging his shoulder playfully. “You see? Your mustache scares all the girls.”

The first once chuckled, reaching out a finger to lightly brush against your cheek. “So? She's even cuter when she's scared.”

Tears pricked your eyes as you scrunched them closed, hot embarrassment and anger threatening to spill over. You jolted a little as a hand rested softly on your shoulder from beside you and gently pulled you away from the men and against a warm chest.

“There you are, sweetheart. Sorry I'm late. I was looking everywhere for you.”

A deep voice rumbled from the mystery man behind you. His grip was soft, almost nonexistent to give you the option to escape. But… He felt safe, for some reason.

The first man looked at the stranger, irritated gaze flickering between him and you, prompting you to lean more into the stranger. You were already going with his story, so you were going to make it convincing!

“Hey, we're busy here.” The first man scowled.

You could hear the smirk in the Stranger’s voice with his next words.

“Are you really?”

Both men made sounds of protest before something strange happened. Their limbs went slack, all tension disappearing as a glazed look appeared in their eyes, the words dying on their tongues.

“It looked to me like the two of you were just leaving.”

You watched in awe as the men walked away, just like that. As soon as your would-be tormentors were out of sight you whirled around to face your mysterious hero. Any words of thanks you were thinking of immediately fled your mind upon seeing him.

Oh no, you found him very attractive. He had unruly purple hair that flared out as if he had just been caught in the wind. Striking purple eyes that seemed even more brilliant considering the dark circles under them. You were fairly certain you would have gotten lost in them had you not noticed his bizarre choice of clothes. He was wearing a T-shirt that was a little bit too small for him and sweatpants and was...barefoot? You blinked in confusion at his feet before he cleared his throat and you snapped out of your daze.

“Are you alright?” He regarded you with concern, those dark purple eyes focused on your own.

You nodded quickly.

“I'm alright, thanks to you. What did you do to them, was that your quirk?”

He cringed at the mention of his quirk and one hand went to rub the back of his neck in discomfort as he averted his eyes.

“Yes, my quirk is brainwash. I can control people, but only after they’ve responded to a question of mine.”

He waited for the rejection and distrust that came with telling people about his “Villain” quirk. While people like Midoriya told him it could be used for good, most people still jumped to the criminal conclusion first. And although he hoped you would be different, he knew it would hurt so much more if you found his quirk frightening. He actually cared what you thought of him.

Your eyes widened and you considered the new info you gathered. You noticed he looked apprehensive, he was waiting for you to respond. An excited smile spread across your face.

“That’s an amazing quirk! It’s so useful! You could talk villains into custody, help in hostage situations, and stop fights before they even happen! There are so many possibilities! That’s so cool!”

Shinsou was shocked silent. Your beaming smile was dazzling and his mind refused to form coherent thoughts. The butterflies from earlier came back full force and it took him a second to remember how to breathe.

“You… really think all that?”

His voice was hesitant and hopeful but you misunderstood his quiet for awkwardness.

“I really do! Sorry if I got carried away there, I just think it’s a really cool quirk.”

You gave him a shy smile, trying to tone down your enthusiasm.

“And... Thank you for, you know.”

You gestured awkwardly to the direction the men went.

“I was starting to get really uncomfortable there. You were a lifesaver.”

You shot him another smile and he felt the tips of his ears go hot and his chest fill with warmth but pushed the feeling down and disguised it with a lazy smirk.

“Don’t give me all the credit, I just wanted to prevent their murder. You looked plenty capable. Still, I couldn't pass up my chance to find a smooth way to talk to you."

You grinned, quite taken by his charming words. Still, you had other things to worry about.

"Hmmm, as much as I'd love to continue getting compliments, I'm on a mission."

He raised an amused eyebrow.

"Oh? My apologies for keeping you. If I can be of any assistance, just say the word."

You looked him up and down before nodding in confirmation.

"Yep. You'll do. You're purple, so I need your help to find my purple cat. Think you can manage it?"

He considered your words before grimacing.

"As much as I'd love to be your knight in shining armor and find him, that's not going to be so easy, all things considering."

Your amused look faded into one of confusion.

"And why is that?"

He avoided looking at you for a moment, his anxious behavior starting to worry you.

"Ask a question only your cat would know."

You stared at him in confusion, starting to wonder if the man was as sane as you had first thoughtAfterall, you had found him in an alleyway without shoes, so your chances weren't the best.

He grimaced and tried again.

"Ask me something only your cat would know, humor me, please. You can decide not to believe me or run or whatever, but please do this for me and listen first."

You were beginning to get scared. His tone was so much more serious than before. Still, something about him was familiar, and felt safe. Taking a deep breath, you focused on him, scanning his face as you decided on your question.

"What did I call Shinsou when he broke my favorite mug?"

He honestly looked taken aback for a moment, eyes wide before he started cracking up, deep chuckles shaking his shoulders.

"of all things to ask, you chose the moment when I messed up?"

You froze, the implications of his words sinking in. There's no way... You scowled at him, enraged at the idea of someone pretending to be your best friend. Still, the more you thought about it, the more similarities you saw. He really did look like the human version of your cat, eyebags and all. It was uncanny, but you knew that you wouldn't be able to tell for sure unless he answered.

He stopped laughing a leveled you with an amused smirk. "You called me an emo furbie before flinging yourself onto the couch and proclaiming that love was dead and you had been punished for your addiction to caffeine. "

You felt like you had been sucker-punched. Your brain short-circuited and you inhaled heavily. Shinsou's smirk dropped and he watched you with concern. He reached out to you as if to help you, but hesitated, unsure if you would want him to touch you. He looked at you with panic as your expression morphed between anger and something he couldn't identify.

"Shinsou... It's really you? But how? You're human now, how did that happen?"

He gave a small sigh of relief that you actually believed him.

"It's a really long story, but I was a human first. I'm a pro hero, but I was hit by a quirk that turned me into a cat. I thought I was going to be a cat forever until I met you. Somehow you were the missing piece that countered the quirk"

You nodded tiredly at his explanation, still a bit in shock, but less upset. You sighed and stepped forward, grabbing his hand before yanking him after you as you started walking.

He stumbled after you, confused but also pleased that you were holding onto him.

"uh, where are we going?"

You rolled your eyes before looking back at him.

"First, we're going to go get you some actual clothes. And shoes. Then we, are going home. You're still my Shinsou, and I'm still you're (y/n). Things have just shifted a little."

You flashed him a small smile, some of that sunshine that he loved shining through your eyes and he swore his heart skipped a beat.

"I'd love that. And I can't wait to tell you everything. The story, and how much I care about you."

You blushed as he raised the hand you were holding to his lips and kissed your knuckles, a small smile of his own in place.

Taglist:

@witch-o-memes

#shinsou #bnha shinsou #my hero academia shinsou #shinsou hitoshi #my hero academia #mha #bnha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #shinsou x reader #x reader #reader insert #boku no hero academia

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morning-might-arrive · 3 years

Text

Here’s the continuation of my last post. Thank you so much to everyone who liked and reblogged! This is becoming a lot longer than I thought, so there will be another part soon. Feedback is appreciated!

A series of misunderstandings involving a limousine and Spectra’s blog lead Jackson to the realization that he has way more friends than he thought.

Wednesday

Jackson sighed as he silenced his blaring alarm clock. 7:00 am. As he walked to the bathroom to get ready, he was suddenly struck by a memory.

“It’s nothing personal, normie. You just look like such a freak.” Manny told him as he shoved him off of the lunch table. Jackson looked towards the other mansters, but they said nothing. So they all agreed. Even Clawd.

He cringed. He’d had to eat lunch in a bathroom stall that day. He looked at his reflection, desperately wishing he could change it. He sighed and got dressed. He had to leave early since he now had no car and his parents weren't home. He plugged his headphones into his phone. Holt had gotten them into this situation, only fitting that he deal with it.

Holt Hyde cursed under his breath as he walked to school. Although the weather was warming, mornings in March were still frigid. He sighed in relief as he approached Monster High.

“Heya there, sweetpea,” Operetta drawled in greeting as Holt waltzed through the front doors of the school.

“What’s good, Oppy?” Holt responded, his usual loud and energetic self even at the early hour.

“Just peachy keen like always, hun. Say, you seen the Ghostly Gossip lately?” She asked.

“Nah, we usually stay away from that garbage ever since that story about us and Frankie. Humiliated the poor ghoul and almost tanked our relationship. It really ain’t cool what they're doin’.” He replied nonchalantly.

“Oh. Okay. Well sugar, you know you can tell me anythang you wanna, right?” She continued.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Thanks Oppy.” That was kinda weird for the rough and tumble ghoul to say, but honestly Holt was just glad their botched attempt at dating didn’t mess up their friendship. Oppy was a cool ghoul.

“What’s the word, cool cats?” Came a new voice.

“Johnny!”

“Johnny.”

Johnny spirit sauntered casually down the main corridor of Monster High, and students jumped out of his way as if he had the plague. He put his arm around Operetta’s shoulder. “Hey, babe.”

Holt snorted. “I’ll never get why everyone lets you float around like you own the place.”

Johnny shrugged. “Guess they don’t have a choice. Besides, I never see you doing anything about it,” he replied with a bit of challenge in his tone. Holt rolled his eyes.

“You know you don’t scare us, Spirit. Anyway, it seems like Oppy’s got you on a leash without our help.”

Johnny bristled at that “Y’know Hyde, I’m gettin’ real sick of-”

“Why don’t we scamper on down to the catacombs and finish that new song we been workin on, sugarpie?” Operetta cut in. She really didn’t want to deal with a fistfight this early.

The couple walked away and Holt made toward the auditorium. He found the symphony on stage setting up and dashed up to join them, plugging his guitar into its amp. Jennifire was nearby greasing the corks on her clarinet. He huffed and sat down next to her.

“Another run in with the phantom pianist?” She asked, not even looking up.

“That guy is such a jerk!”

She chuckled and shook her head. “You boys are so easily provoked; I may never understand it. My brothers were just the same. He has done not to insight your anger.”

Holt really hated to admit it, but she was right. Johnny really didn't scare Holt, and he knew a little better than to try that tough guy act on Jackson. Plus, it was kinda funny seeing guys like Heath and Manny faint when he walked past them.

“Your emotions run like wildfire, I am very impressed you came to terms so easily with your end.” She continued.

Wait. What. “My what now?”

“Of course, it must be so hard for you to talk about. I am sorry.” A tear fell from her eye and promptly turned to smoke upon hitting her face.

“Jen, are you okay?” Holt asked, facing her.

She smiled. “Yes, I will be okay. So kind of you to think of me.”

“Okay, Okay, enough chit chat. Places people!” The director yelled as he approached the stage. Well. That was weird. Holt took his place in the stool beside the amp and looked up as the director began counting them off.

After an awkward hour of rehearsal, they were dismissed to second period. Holt emerged out into the crowd of students in the hall. Jennifire was nowhere to be found, so he made his way toward the art room. His Spotify playlist suddenly changed to a song by Pierce the Veil. He pulled out his phone to skip it and saw he had a message from Jackson. He scoffed. If D-low had told him what was wrong, would he be asking? JJ could be so oblivious. Maybe it was just a normie thing.

He took his usual seat in front of his canvas and continued his painting for this week.

“Psst, Holt.” he heard a whisper. He turned and met the shiny magenta eyes of retired popstar Catty Noir. “We’re turning up at Cleo’s place on Saturday, you in?”

“Yeah totally- oh, nevermind. We can’t make it, we kinda got a...thing that day.”

“Oh,” she said, looking kind of taken aback. “It’s that soon?”

“What was that?”

“ I said I’ll see you soon!” she hastily corrected herself as she got up and turned in her painting, promptly leaving the art room. Man, everyone's acting off today. He touched up his work and quickly followed suit.

He basically had the rest of the period to himself, so he decided to riff on his guitar for a little bit. He couldn’t do it in the building anymore ever since that one time Headmistress Bloodgood caught him, so he moved to the front steps and set his bag beside him.

“Hey Holt!”

Holt turned towards the front of the school. “Frankie Fine-Stein! Where have you been hiding?” Her skin glowed a light mint green and her eyes sparked in the sun. Just as bootiful as ever. She sat on the step beside him.

“I was actually just in the library. I found this book about the original Jekyll and Hyde. It was way harsh; It said that Edward Hyde trampled a child in the streets of London, is that true?”

“Nuh-uh! Those stuffy normie’s didn’t like that grandpa’s were different so they dragged their reputation through the dirt!” Holt declared passionately. “Some of the people they charged him with killing didn’t even exist in the first place! Then they made Dr. Jekyll out to be a complete basket case and threw them both in jail! That is until they got bailed out by our great-great-grandma, Lucy.”

“Oh, man. I didn’t know any of that!” Frankie replied. She actually knew all about it, she had heard the exact same thing from Jackson before. They were both incredibly salty about the smear campaign launched against their great-great-grandparents that made their family flee to America in the first place, and you could hardly bring it up around them without a passionate rant. Frankie felt a little bad about bringing up something she knew was a sore subjet for them, but she had to make sure Spectra and the other ghouls didn’t get caught. It was for their own good, right?

Her phone buzzed in her lap and she glanced down. “Spectra got something, meet us back in the library.” Clawdeen. Frankie jumped up. “Sorry, Holt, I really gotta go.”

Holt watched her go in curiosity. He checked the time and quickly jumped up himself and dashed back inside the building. The only way to not be late now was to go through Section C, the so-called “vampires only” hallway. It really irked them when other monster’s used it, but he didn’t really care when it was either that or detention. As he made his way through he felt someone glaring at him, and met eyes with a large group of the former prep-school vampires. He braced himself, but instead of giving him grief like they usually did, they just let him pass. They were acting weird, but so was everyone else. Oh well, he didn’t really have time to think about it now.

Holt’s third period was Chemistry 2 with Mr. Hack. No thanks. Science was never his strong suit. Plus, there was seriously something off about this particular teacher. He just took a little too much pleasure in the cutting open of living things for Holt’s liking. He pulled out his phone.

“Keep an eye out. Today’s been weird, Bro.” He typed the message out and then disconnected his phone from his headphones. The world went dark.

Jackson blinked a few times. What was that ringing sound? “Oh, shOOT!” He bolted through the closest door- which just happened to be the right one- and took his seat as the bell finished ringing.

Mr. Hack passed out a hefty amount of worksheets to the class. “Okay class: no whispering, no talking, no looking around, no coughing or sneezing, no you can’t use the bathroom, and if I catch you on your cell phone the whole class gets detention. You have until the end of the class to complete the worksheets or it's a 0 for today.”

Everyone groaned. Good old Mr. Hack. Charming and likeable. Jackson tried to ignore the stares and whispers in his direction as he did his work. He knows he’s different, don’t they ever get tired of reminding him? Were they all paying more attention to him than usual, or was it just his imagination? He blazed through his work in about 20 minutes, it was just some simple thermodynamics equations. He looked up and noticed that Mr. Hack was asleep. Typical. Half the class were on their phones and the other half were talking amongst themselves. He pulled his phone out and saw Holt’s message.

Huh. Maybe it wasn’t just his imagination then, everyone was acting a little odd. Granted, every day at Monster High was pretty weird. Last week they had lost their school crest in a rollerblading contest and the school nearly toppled over, so maybe he could just ignore whatever this was.

The bell finally rang for lunch. He set his work on Mr. Hack’s desk as he jolted awake and practically ran from the room. He shot Clair a text

“Okay, transportation is set and decorations bought. Am I forgetting anything?”

“Measurements, goofy.” She responded almost instantly.

“Oh, right. I can get a tape measure from the woodshop teacher and get them during lunch.”

“Have you told the other monsters about Saturday?”

“No. I just don’t know how they’ll react, y’know?”

“Aren’t they always telling you about how you don’t belong? So why would they care?”

“Yeah you’re probably right. It’s just a difficult situation.”

“Yeah, I hear you. Let me know how it goes.”

Looking down at his phone, he didn’t notice Draculara until he bumped her as he passed.

“So sorry!” He exclaimed.

“It’s alright.” She reassured him as she walked away. She made her way to the library where her friends were already gathered around in a circle. Spectra floated in the center.

“What’s this all about?” Draculara asked.

“While Frankie had Holt distracted, Spectra looked in his locker.”

“Well what did she find?” Cleo demanded.

“Just this. It appears to be a receipt for some kind of car rental.”

Clawd glanced at his phone. “Heath says Jackson is in the boys locker room right now taking measurements of himself and writing them down.” He told the group.

“Then what Spectra said is true.” Fraknie finally admitted. The room fell into extended silence.

“Well we can at least show Jackson he means something to us.” Draculara spoke up.

“Yeah,” Frankie agreed, “we can do something nice for him and Holt.”

“What are we going to do? Hijack the gym and throw a huge party during lunch?” Cleo asked sardonically.

“You’re on a roll Cleo! It’ll be closed tomorrow, but we can do it Friday!” Clawdeen agreed.

Cleo smiled. Very well then. Friday would be a day for the monster history books.

#jackson jekyll #holt hyde #frankie #draculara #clawdeen #spectra vondergeist #operetta #johnny spirit #monster high #mh

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bestworstcase · 3 years

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Your opinion on diadem au zhan tiri ?

😭 my beloved

oh boy

further thoughts under the cut because i have some highly controversial™️ things to say

& to be clear. yes i read the entire fic.

so. the premise here is there are “mythics,” a group encompassing both magical creatures and human mages, and at some point an indeterminate amount of time prior to the beginning of the story, the kingdom of corona drove its mythics out and pressured five of the other seven kingdoms into signing the “mythic accords,” which made it illegal for mythics to exist in these countries. diadem—the dark kingdom analogue, this is a dark prince cassandra AU—was the only country to abstain.

zhan tiri’s family (henceforth zitifam) were among the coronan mages forced out of their homes. they, and six kingdoms worth of other refugees, sought asylum in diadem. the zitifam pledged fealty to the crown of diadem and ultimately became established as a family of court mages and advisors. further notes:

1 - a fan wrote an epistolary fanfic of the fic that is an account of a group of child refugees coming from corona to diadem, which reveals in the end that these children are the orphaned offspring of mythics whom corona disappeared when they resisted the forced exile. this is directly referenced as an in-universe text in the final chapter of diadem proper, so it can be considered as ‘canon’ within the universe of the au.

2 - while it’s unclear precisely when all of this happened, it began a long time ago; in chapter 18, zhan tiri describes her family’s desire for vengeance as “centuries-old.”

3 - diadem’s streets are evidently “overflowing with mythic refugees with nowhere else to go.”

4 - 18 years ago, there was a “peaceful advocate group” of mythics known as the nightingales. their approach to reversing the mythic accords involved “lend[ing] their magic to anyone who needed help,” with the intention of “showing the people that magic is nothing to be afraid of and encouraging them to open their minds.”

king frederic turned to them for help when arianna fell ill whilst pregnant with rapunzel. their leader, an unnamed sorceress, agreed to help in exchange for the lifting of the accords in corona. it’s a little unclear precisely what happened, but the story as recounted by rapunzel (who learns of this via a vision) seems to imply that frederic intended to execute this woman after arianna was saved, and she chose to kill herself first and, in the process and unbeknownst to frederic, bequeath her magic to rapunzel.

after the apparent murder of their leader, the nightingales planned an uprising—but rapunzel was kidnapped before they could enact this plan, and frederic assumed they were to blame and raided their homes, arresting and imprisoning or exiling every mythic the guards could catch. lady caine was among the children orphaned by these raids; her father fled to diadem without her, settled down and got married, went eighteen years without trying to contact her, and kept on with the “peaceful advocacy” thing because he is a useless bootlicking centrist.

anyways,

5 - the pertinent part of #3 and #4 is that the situation in corona is ongoing. the original purges and creation of the accords happened centuries ago, enforcement appears to have lapsed for a while, and under frederic’s reign corona’s persecution of mythics ramped up again, resulting in a second purge around eighteen years ago and subsequent decades of extreme hostility. when rapunzel is outed as a mage, frederic sets the royal guard on her, that’s how bad it is. even the literal princess of corona is not safe.

6 - further, in chapter 8, it is implied that the mythic accords may have required that participating nations intercept mythics fleeing through their borders (to what end is unclear; imprisonment or execution seems likely, but we learn this by way of arianna noting that antipe chose *not* to intervene when mythic refugees passed through en route to diadem, in defiance of the accords). antipean scholars recorded the stories of these refugees and collected artifacts and enchanted heirlooms from them which are now housed in the spire. it is worth noting that when the accords are repealed in the final chapter, these items are not returned to their rightful owners.

7 - arianna, who is antipean, privately thinks the accords are bad and expresses that she has “no personal grief” with mythics and “looks back with fondness” on mythic friends she met as a young woman, but she has done nothing about this because “that matters little when you are the queen of Corona.” her hands are tied—until frederic chases rapunzel out of corona, at which point she finds the wherewithal and public support to stage a coup against her husband within a matter of days. rapunzel is a mythic and likewise just kind of sits on her ass doing nothing except pining for cass and occasionally angsting about how her father hates mythics, until the point where she’s driven out of her home, at which time her first priority is reconciling with cass and her second priority is making sure corona doesn’t face any consequences. she can understand genocide but she draws the line at going to war to stop genocide. and prince cass i’m pretty sure isn’t even aware that there’s a refugee crisis happening in her own kingdom because she is an ignoramus. our heroes, ladies and gentlefolk.

hokay. i’m pretty sure that covers everything.

it is never referred to as such in the text of the story itself, but… calling it what it is, the premise of the diadem au is that corona instigated a centuries-long genocide of mythics, resulting in a massive refugee crisis in the one kingdom that refused to participate. the zitifam escaped this genocide, eventually secured a high station in the country that offered them asylum, and now seek to use their influence to persuade diadem’s queen edith declare war against corona and end things once and for all. this is framed, in the story, as a cruel and selfish desire for revenge, but like.

um.

corona is actively doing genocide? hello??

anyway, diadem zhan tiri.

she gets her first POV section in chapter 10, which establishes her basic goals (inciting war against corona to avenge the lives destroyed by corona’s genocide and put an end to it) and also establishes that she is viscerally terrified of her own family because she will be “disowned or worse” if she fails to accomplish this. (she is also baffled to discover that prince cass actually cares about someone, which is funny because she’s completely right, considering how utterly miserable, paranoid, and unpleasant cass is in this au)

she discovers at this point that cass’s mysterious “friend” is the princess of corona and that they’re meeting up every couple weeks to fuck in the woods. she is, understandably, alarmed by this, and takes immediate and drastic steps to interfere with their relationship before cass can do something crazy like pursue a closer alliance with corona, the kingdom that is engaged in genocide against zhan tiri’s people,

which is to say, zhan tiri makes a pact with demons to grant herself enough power to singlehandedly incite a war, in exchange for her own life. it is…pretty clear that she considers this to be a desperate last resort, and she psyches herself up for it by thinking about the anguish of her family and the plight of all the impoverished refugees living in diadem. i. i’m not even exaggerating here:

Zahn Tiri closes her eyes, breathing deeply as she disrobes. Her heart pounds in her chest, as though begging her to reconsider this desecration, but she tightens her grip on the blade’s hilt and banishes her doubts. She thinks of the sorrow in her elders’ faces when they speak of their regrets that they will likely not live to see their homeland again. She thinks of Diadem’s streets, overflowing with mythic refugees with nowhere else to go. She thinks of the stubborn queen, of how she only needs one good reason to send her warriors marching on Corona. She thinks of the day that King Frederic falls on a Diadem blade, repaying the debt of blood that he owes.

in chapter 13, we learn a bit more about what exactly zhan tiri does to herself:

This ritual is irreversible, and corrupts the magic and the very life-force of the caster forever. Such practices are incredibly dangerous, and have historically been attempted only by the very desperate. In addition to risking their own lives, mythic clans and societies do not hesitate to banish practitioners of dark magic.

and she uses this power to - rapid fire plot summary:

1 - cast a decay spell on cassandra’s hand a la RATGT in such a way that it appears to be a failed assassination attempt by rapunzel

2 - persuades queen edith to declare war against corona

3 - does her damnedest to manipulate cass into going along with this

4 - when she’s caught, flees and transforms into a massive monster a la Plus Est to attack corona by herself

which. like. good for her? good for her.

she’s canon cass with a heroic motive. she’s canon cass if the reason cass took the moonstone was to literally stop a genocide. i… i don’t know how else to say it SKDJFKSKS

1 - self-sacrificing to the point of self-destruction

2 - burning up with rage over the real injustices done to her (& her people)

3 - only “friend” is a prince(ss) with no empathy who never listens to a word she says and doesn’t give a damn about her problems

4 - out of sheer desperation turns to a dangerous and destructive source of power in order to achieve her goals

and the key difference between them is that when canon cass loses her shit it’s because she’s trying frantically to prove that she matters and when diadem zhan tiri loses her shit it’s because she is TRYING. TO. STOP. A. GENOCIDE.

meanwhile the “heroic” characters suggest that hating corona is just as bigoted and wrong as corona’s genocidal hatred of mythics, that going to war is wrong because it would be “catastrophic” and “people are going to die,” and that the right way to end literal centuries of genocide is to politely ask the people in charge to please stop because anger is bad and violent resistance is never okay.

and then like after she turns into a monster and attacks the coronan palace, cass and rapunzel kill her and everything is okay because arianna staged a coup and they can just repeal the mythic accords! and at the end when rapunzel feels vaguely uncomfortable with the fact that they killed zhan tiri, cass is like don’t be! she was awful and deserved to die! and it makes me want to yeet myself into the stratosphere.

i just 😭😭 diadem zhan tiri

she deserved so much better my heart aches

#TLDR i love her with all my heart #and she does nothing wrong

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estelanel · 2 years

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In celebration of the 7-year anniversary I went back through my CR tag. Here’s 25 of my own favourite personal tags, with very little to no context, in no particular order:

#goodbye Vox Machina #you will be mist #(for 8 hrs at a time with a flight speed of 300 ft)

#I like how half of the Nein is basically a book club #and the other half values libraries almost as much as that rotten manticore head of theirs #and Beau is somehow both

#I have no idea why I love this character so much #but I'd probably transform into a goldfish and jump from a cliff for him

#Matt in Fun Buns questioning the logic of the story gives me life

#the fact that Sam's shirt says 'logic' makes this even funnier

#Wil Wheaton going through the five stages of grief and then some more

#Artagan from under the giant plastic cup Melora caught him under #planning to release him in the backyard later #'see you guys? we AREN'T that different!'

#nothing will teach you about magic like getting assaulted by polymorphed turtles amiright

#this is a weird ship to take away from the final episode #but I sure as fuck did lol

#dicks out for Traveler Con

#it's so beautiful I'm gonna cry #can't wait for Raishan to crack open that pretty white wall with her dirty lil' claws

#I will fucking climb into my screen like Laudna could never and single-handedly kill all of the others

#I'm just saying #Eshteross fucked either Delilah Briarwood or Anna Ripley

#has there been anything more savage in CR history than Taryon Darrington's existence #I personally think not

#whenever Kima is doing a Thing #some part of me keeps helpfully providing AC/DC guitar riffs

#Sam Riegel was like #how can I call out VM for all of their combined flaws #and then call them out AGAIN but with fairy glitter sprinkled on top

#I'm so unnecessarily attracted to Fjord while he's threatening Caleb and Nott

#I aspire to have the same energy in life as Ashley Johnson while shouting 'GAG ME WITH A SPOON MRS HENDERSON'

#I feel like 80% of Beau's character concept is just #*Teenage Dirtbag playing in the background*

#there needs to be more cuddling #the last time people cuddled in this campaign #it was Nott and Caleb sleeping in a cellar with a skeleton

#don't @ me unless the physically weaker half of your otp has pulled the stronger one in full plate armour out of the fucking ocean #while holding on to someone on a flying broom

#if I am sure of one thing #it is that no PC or NPC #god or DM or otherwise #is ever going to get the Chaotic Good out of Travis Willingham

#*puts up a sign that says* #'it's been 121 episodes since the last cliff dive incident' #with 121 crossed out and 0 written above it

#anyway I wish Vilya of the Air Ashari and only Vilya a good morning afternoon and evening

#this is not a spoiler this is desperation on my part

#Critical Role #happy 7-year anniversary everyone!#I'm only very slightly late #Nane watches CR #Vox Machina #Mighty Nein #Bells Hells

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mewtonian-physics · 3 years

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my ranking of the alex rider original series (stormbreaker through scorpia rising) from ‘book i least enjoy rereading’ to ‘book i most enjoy rereading’ let’s goooo

spoilers for all 9 books under the cut

9. Ark Angel

...He went to space. He went to space. Also the entire plot could have been avoided if Drevin had actually bothered to provide a photograph of his son. I’m sure he had one. I still like this book but it’s literally so insane that I just don’t know what to do with it.

It is however really funny that Webber just goes and gives a speech insulting this super high-profile ecoterrorist group and acts like it’s no big deal and then they kill him. Shock of shocks.

8. Skeleton Key

Okay, points to this book for terrifying the shit out of me. God damn it does that shark scene scare me. Also, points for making me feel a little bit bad for a man who wants to nuke his own country because he thinks it will fix the place up. I’m still not entirely sure how that’s supposed to work, but that’s probably a good thing. I feel like understanding his thought process would say bad things about me. Still, I actually did feel sorry for him, if only a little. Dude was clearly mentally unstable and I doubt his son’s death helped at all. I also got sad about what happened to Carver and Troy. (Yeah, yeah, I’m a cringe fail American who has the American release. So sue me.) What a nightmare that must’ve been to endure... Otherwise, though, I’m not super into this book. The opening is just kind of meh and the way it leads into the rest of the plot seems a little bit unbelievable. Also, this might be an unpopular opinion, but Sabina annoys me. I would not get along with her at all and I can’t imagine her as a girlfriend. Skeleton Key does, however, absolutely excel at the emotional scenes.

Also, why are all the spy agencies so comfortable with sending in a 14-year-old? Especially when they outright admit that the other attempts have all died horribly? Bureaucracy’s a bitch.

7. Point Blank

Boo, Dr. Grief! Boo! We hate your white supremacy! I’m so glad you got a snowmobile to the face, you deserved it. (Perks of books written by Jewish people--we aren’t afraid to give the neo-Nazis an unpleasant death.) Anyway, this book definitely isn’t bad, but I wouldn’t really say it stands out in the series. It definitely does hammer home the point of just how trapped Alex is, since MI6 isn’t going to just let him go after one mission, and let’s face it, the plot with the clones is creepy as hell, if highly improbable. But I’m largely just here to see the neo-Nazi get snowmobiled. That’s right, I just completely changed the definition of a pre-established word. I’m a rebel.

Also, I hate Fiona Friend so much and overall think she just didn’t need to be in the book, but the line about ‘I’d rather kiss the horse’ made me laugh so hard. Alex, you sass.

6. Snakehead

Okay, let’s talk about how genius the plan in this book is. I love it! I love how Yu wants to kill the people involved in the peace conference without making them into martyrs, so he comes up with this whole elaborate plan to stage a natural disaster. It’s incredible. This dude was thinking so far ahead. And he would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling kid... But anyway, I don’t see a lot of books where the villain really acknowledges that killing their enemies could just cause more problems for them via turning them into martyrs for a cause. Also, the way he’s so polite and soft-spoken while also being a complete monster... This book genuinely gives me chills. Extra bonus points for the part in the hospital, the absolute nightmare of having all your organs slowly removed and sold off and everyone around you is being so nice about it? ‘Oh, don’t worry, Alex, it won’t be so bad. Here, take your medicine. Do you need anything?’ Literally just. What the fuck.

Also Ash can fucking fight me. You put your own godson in horrible danger on purpose! You killed your best friend! Bastard.

...And just in case the book wasn’t disturbing enough, Yu’s fate at the end lives in my mind rent-free and I think about it on a concerningly regular basis considering that the chances of that happening to me are so low they’re practically in the negatives. Damn you, Horowitz.

I would also be remiss if I did not mention just how much I love the tagline ‘once bitten, twice spy’.

5. Crocodile Tears

Ah yes, the book that kickstarted my drift away from the church... I kid, of course. I drifted away from the church for completely separate reasons. But Desmond McCain is always going to scare the shit out of me. The ability to kill countless innocent people while blissfully quoting Bible verses (that he takes wildly out of context and uses for his own self-serving means) is... well, I could actually say a lot about what that reminds me of, but I’m here to rate books, not religion. Moving on. This book has some really stellar antagonists, and the plot is chilling in a way that feels a lot more realistic than most of the other books. Even if some of it is a bit farfetched (sabotaging a nuclear power plant? Really?), the idea of using disasters for your own profit... well. I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate on why that is so believable. The Poison Dome is also a really cool and chilling scene--even Alex, who has the luck of the devil, can’t get out of that one unscathed. Further scares come in with the fate of Harold Bulman--imagine having your entire existence wiped and your identity changed while you were asleep! The breakdown he has over it is almost enough to make me feel sorry for him, even though he was ready to exploit a teenager and make his life a living hell just to turn a profit. Note the word almost.

Also. The opening makes me cry. Specifically the line talking about how Ravi’s kids would ‘never meet Mickey Mouse’. I lose my goddamn mind every single time I read it. That little personal touch turns the scene from a statistic to a tragedy. Once again: Damn you, Horowitz.

4. Stormbreaker

Yeah, this one gets the special cover shot. And why not? What we are looking at here is the birth of a legend. Move the fuck over, James Bond, Alex Rider is on the scene now. Anyway, yeah, this book is pretty damn spectacular. It has its stumbles, but as the first book in a series, that’s to be expected. Still, it pulls you in from quite literally the first line and keeps you going right up until the end. (If you came here from my post of memes, you know how much the line ‘Killing is for grownups, and you’re still a child’ destroys me.) It has the debut of much-beloved characters such as, of course, Alex--but also Jack Starbright, and of course, the best MI6 agent of them all, which is to say Smithers. Hell, even Yassen Gregorovich, especially once you get through Russian Roulette... Man, that was a rough one.

Seriously, though. This is a really good book. The scene with the Portuguese man-o’-war still gives me the chills to think about. (Have you ever looked up pictures of those things? They’re beautiful, but holy shit will they make you regret being born. Nature is funny like that.)

We also get the introduction of, of course, Alex’s patented sass (his response to Sayle saying he relates to the man-o’-war is HILARIOUS) and we get the inherent humor of Alex screwing up an alias one time and then just going by Alex for the rest of the series so he doesn’t do that again. Really, kid, I know you’re not a trained spy or anything but did you never play pretend growing up? Ever? You can’t pretend your name is Felix for a little while? That sounds like a you problem.

3. Scorpia Rising

I distinctly remember when this book came out, actually. I was on vacation at the time, and I remember my brother annoying the hell out of the poor workers at a bookstore we frequented there to see if/when they were going to get it in. They did, finally, and we bought it immediately, and I was of course absolutely desperate to read it. He got to read it first, though. -_-

This is a great book, an absolute emotional rollercoaster all the way through. The way Blunt tricks Alex back into service by staging a shooting was exactly the kind of cold, brutal behavior I’d expect from him. Seeing Julius come back was shocking, but very exciting, too. And Razim makes an incredibly chilling villain, with his absolute disregard for human life and his desire to measure pain. Also, seeing Smithers’s house was so much fun. Smithers in this book was just really fun in general, but he’s really fun in every book, so... nothing unusual there. But also, I want an unwelcome mat. Please?

2. Eagle Strike

‘But Penny,’ you might ask, ‘why is this book so high on your list? It has so much of Sabina in it, and you said she annoys you.’ That is true. What does not annoy me, however, is basically the entire rest of the book. I love the tense opening, and then reading through Alex’s real-life ‘playthrough’ of Feathered Serpent is still one of my favorite scenes. Cray is absolutely incredible as a villain, with the way that he truly believes in his cause--which is undoubtedly a good one! Yet the extremes to which he will go for that cause, and the fact that he very nearly succeeds, are what elevate him to one of the most dangerous villains in the series. That scene with Charlie Roper and the nickels is something I can never seem to stop thinking about. Actually, I think about it basically whenever I think about large amounts of money paid in small increments...

Also, I really enjoy how he gets into the whole plot in the first place, and I really enjoy Smithers saying ‘ah, fuck it’ and helping him out anyway. Go, Smithers. You once again prove me right in saying that you’re the coolest adult in MI6.

The revelation that Yassen knew Alex’s father is one that absolutely blew my mind first time around. The way his life was threaded into the lives of the Rider family--he worked with John Rider, was saved by him, killed Ian Rider, and then died for refusing to kill Alex Rider--wow. Wow. It gets to me. It really gets to me. This book is a masterpiece. I heard that it’s going to be what the second season of the TV series is based off of, and I’m so hyped for that. We love to see it, we really do.

1. Scorpia

I don’t believe anyone who says this book didn’t get to them at all. I just think they are lying. I don’t think it’s humanly possible to not be affected by this book. God. Just thinking about it reminds me of why I don’t think it’s possible. I mean, come on. We get all this backstory about Alex’s parents, we get tricked along with him into thinking MI6 killed his father, then bam, that was a lie, and Alex may have just fucked himself over big time. Also, that plot is terrifying! (And I bet anti-vaxxers had a field day with it, huh.) Julia Rothman is a really great antagonist, one of the only ones who didn’t go and explain her plan in great detail to Alex--the fact that she didn’t actually being a plot point was something I personally found pretty clever. In general, this book is... I tend to hate when people say they ‘can’t put it down’ because it’s usually an obvious exaggeration, but that really is how I feel reading it.

And again. If that ending didn’t get to you... Well, I just think you are lying.

#alex rider #spoilers

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mevekagvain · 3 years

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Chapter 93 - Fancy chair, love it.

- So my theory is that Raizel just never learnt how to write in Lukedonian either.

- Tbh the janitor is suspicious. Like how hard was he googling M-21?

Chapter 94 - SUYIIIIIIIIIIII

- Ah geez the first of the racistly depicted characters.

Chapter 96 - Suyi getting mad at the kids for complaining about Hansu is so funny like when she first appears you think she's perhaps a stuck up celebrity or a pushover but it turns out she's just a really sweet friend.

- Suyi being stunned by Rai's looks but not falling for him (same with Yuna) is one of the things I always liked about Noblesse. Like sure in the first meeting they get blushy but I'll just jot that down to the inherent beauty of nobles since I can't relate to it at all.

Chapter 97 - Frankenstein's house always being stocked with so much food because the kids just started coming over daily is hilarious. Even funnier since Frankenstein obviously thinks it's overkill but is the one stocking up anyway.

Chapter 98 - Regis and Seira 🥺 Seira's og outfit was the best one she had like it only goes downhill from here folks.

Chapter 99 - It would have been so funny if Frankenstein went "they must be cosplayers" instead of realising the two were nobles.

- Regis taking all the initiative shows how it's his roadtrip coming of age journey which is pretty clever. Also Seira's just like that but still.

- Shinwoo stop exercising in class bro. Do not flex on the rest of us this is so rude 😭😭😭

- Regis confidently saying he's a noble in class to humans he doesn't plan on mind controlling... Baby boy why are you so dumb? How is this hiding your identity??? And Seira just lets him,,, good for her.

Chapter 100 - Ah yes their elegance boner at seeing Raizel... nobles are so fucking weird.

- M-21 thinking he won't get any information because of his time at the Union and thus being surprised at how open Frankenstein is is actually really sweet. Like yeah I still think Frankenstein is an unethical and questionable person but he is kind to most humans (werewolves and nobles can go fuck themselves I guess lmao).

Chapter 101 - The second hand embarrassment I felt when M-21 called the two noblesse... how do I even consume content?

- Yeah 100% most union members don't know the difference between nobles and vampires. I bet they'd classify jiangshi as either mutants or werewolves. Or to be more specific, that would be the classification given to low leveled members. On one hand I think it's dumb that the Union gives members twisted information because how would they even use it? But on the other hand it makes sense since it prevents said members from seeking nobles for help. After all, if they believe even the 'noblesse' are vampires that drink blood, than obviously they won't see them as possible escape routes.

- 'Noblesse only applies to one person'. Yeah because Rai's brother is fucking dead. And so is whoever was his predecessor/parent.

Chapter 102 - Those bullies got backup so fucking fast like Shinwoo literally just asked Regis and Seira if they were okay then boom! They're back.

Chapter 103- Regis going ??? essentially when Shinwoo tells him to take care of Seira is so funny like yes ofc he's confused she's literally a clan leader + noble females aren't physically weaker + noble women work out just like the men.

- Rude, Regis. You can't just ask someone why they're mingling among humans. You're doing that too. Who doesn't mingle among humans smh. Even cats and pigeons mingle with us.

Chapter 105 - Love how everyone else in the household is so sick of ramyeon like Raizel stop please you're being selfish.

Chapter 106 - Frankenstein is the definition of the 'right in front of my salad?' meme at Regis and M-21 arguing at the dinner table. Then there's Seira and Raizel just waiting for the noodles to get soggy so he can't even eat. Wish Urokai could see him getting tortured like this.

- The soldier rejecting backup because he knows the enemy is the Union hurts my heart. Wanting to prevent casualties... iwi

Chapter 107 - Shark how tf do you not know about South Korea? That's one of the asian countries people actually know about. I guess maybe it's because this is from around a decade back? K-pop is more recent and made the country more visible I guess.

- Ah yes Takeo. Forever known as "the first time I read Noblesse and he appeared I thought he was Marie's sister since they had the same hairstyle". Like I thought that before even learning about the Aris Taivra fiasco. My power 😔

- Oh don't worry M-21, Frankenstein stopped experimenting on people 830 years ago. You know, as one does.

Chapter 108 - Shark has like no general knowledge. Geography? History? Tf is that I guess.

- Tao saying they're the worst possible people for the job is so funny like yeah he's right. "All we do is massacre people in warzones why are we in Seoul?"

- The rest of the squad complain or are confused about the peace meanwhile Takeo is vibing. He's the normal guy TM of the group.

- Ah yes noble lore. If you take canon at face value than the fact that nobles were around when humans first emerged and there being about 2-3 clan leaders before the current generation means you can estimate their lifespan. Ofc it differs wildly depending on how you interpret the 'first humans' part. I'll assume there were 3 generations before the current generation (mvp lord being the third generation) and won't be adding the current generation since a 0.5-2k years is kinda meaningless. I'll also be assuming that mvp lord entered eternal sleep at around the same age as his predecessors and that he would have died soon from old age anyway (since canonically they do have limited lifespans). If we assume it's just the first human ancestors (7 million years ago) than the average pureblood lifespan is 2.33 million years. If we assume it's when homo sapiens started to emerge (300k years ago) than it's 100k years. If it's about modern humans (130k years ago) than it's 43.3k years. Regardless I'll ignore it since my hcs are that nobles are effectively immortal unless killed and that the 2-3 clan leaders is a misconception due to a mix of Gechutel just straight up lying, because there are clans that have had fewer clan leaders, because I have nobles settling on Lukedonia only 30k years ago, and because Gechutel is factoring in his own age of 10.2k so it's more like 'There have been 2-3 Ru clan leaders before the Ru clan leader 10k years ago since after we settled in Lukedonia'. There's also the possibility that nobles didn't have lords or clan leaders until a few thousand years ago in canon but the species has existed for much longer.

- 'Nobles are individualistic... They don't despise humans but don't love them either.' Humans w/ ants. Now if the ants were capable of speaking with us it'd be exactly the same situation.

Chapter 109 - "What were they researching here?" Since when does the Union research anything aside from human modifications Kranz? Why do you even need to ask? More seriously this means that the Union doesn't actually only do human experimentation and weapons lmao. The other shit just isn't relevant I guess. It's a shame, I'd have loved to see how a lab focused on like, fixing up polluted waters, would be fit into the story.

- The fact that Tao beat Jake up is never mentioned enough. Also confirms that Jake was lying out of his ass about being the strongest.

- Marie being the weakest assassination squad member is interesting like I know why Crombel doesn't need bodyguards as the reader but you'd think the Union would be suspicious of him not having a stronger bodyguard. Also I still can't believe the Union doesn't bother learning who the members are aside from the ones Crombel tells them about like. Bro???

- Shark calling Takeo uptight is hilarious because the guy literally just shot the falling ceiling light which is the opposite of uptight. Either he was preventing them from getting hurt/being caught or he wanted that to happen considering the fact that he shot it and it shattered. And then he just goes back to leaning against the wall. Takeo please 🤣

Chapter 110 - And Shinwoo's still staying over at Ikhans place. Wonder when he's gonna move back. I really love their dynamic like yeah I beg my sister to get me food all the time too. Also love the apron and skeleton hoodie.

- Shinwoo went through the five stages of grief pretty quick huh? Like yeah it's his own misunderstanding that Ikhan is dating someone but still. Homophobia is annoying as always though.

Chapter 111 - Suyi paying for their food is so sweet of her and also I relate so much like yeah mood that's me and no I don't want to be paid back.

- Takeo,,, the fact that he just hands his wallet over because he doesn't like violence and doesn't want to beat them up,,, my heart. Otoh... how did he even get cornered in an dark shady alleyway lmao.

- Aris managing to make herself look like a teenager as Taivra is interesting since Takeo says he wants her to be able to go to school like Yuna and Shinwoo when he's treating them. I guess she looks younger without makeup.

- Takeo just straight up pointing his gun at Shark in public because he mentioned Taivra... anger issues much? I understand why but taking your gun out is an overreaction.

#noblesse #raining while reading

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magnetictapedatastorage · 3 years

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I’ve started keeping a list of questions, remnants of a past life that I now need a beat or two to remember, if I can remember at all: What time do parties end? How tall is my boss? What does a bar smell like? Are babies heavy? Does my dentist have a mustache? On what street was the good sandwich place near work, the one that toasted its bread? How much does a movie popcorn cost? What do people talk about when they don’t have a global disaster to talk about all the time? You have to wear high heels the whole night? It’s more baffling than distressing, most of the time.

Full text of the (excellent) article is under the cut. (The Atlantic, March 8th, 2021)

I first became aware that I was losing my mind in late December. It was a Friday night, the start of my 40-somethingth pandemic weekend: Hours and hours with no work to distract me, and outside temperatures prohibitive of anything other than staying in. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to fill the time. “What did I used to … do on weekends?” I asked my boyfriend, like a soap-opera amnesiac. He couldn’t really remember either.

Since then, I can’t stop noticing all the things I’m forgetting. Sometimes I grasp at a word or a name. Sometimes I walk into the kitchen and find myself bewildered as to why I am there. (At one point during the writing of this article, I absentmindedly cleaned my glasses with nail-polish remover.) Other times, the forgetting feels like someone is taking a chisel to the bedrock of my brain, prying everything loose. I’ve started keeping a list of questions, remnants of a past life that I now need a beat or two to remember, if I can remember at all: What time do parties end? How tall is my boss? What does a bar smell like? Are babies heavy? Does my dentist have a mustache? On what street was the good sandwich place near work, the one that toasted its bread? How much does a movie popcorn cost? What do people talk about when they don’t have a global disaster to talk about all the time? You have to wear high heels the whole night? It’s more baffling than distressing, most of the time.

RECOMMENDED READING

There’s No Real Reason to Eat 3 Meals a DayAMANDA MULL

The Pandemic’s Future Hangs in SuspenseTHE COVID TRACKING PROJECT

A Quite Possibly Wonderful SummerJAMES HAMBLIN

Everywhere I turn, the fog of forgetting has crept in. A friend of mine recently confessed that the morning routine he’d comfortably maintained for a decade—wake up before 7, shower, dress, get on the subway—now feels unimaginable on a literal level: He cannot put himself back there. Another has forgotten how to tie a tie. A co-worker isn’t sure her toddler remembers what it’s like to go shopping in a store. The comedian Kylie Brakeman made a joke video of herself attempting to recall pre-pandemic life, the mania flashing across her face: “You know what I miss, is, like, those night restaurants that served alcohol. What were those called?” she asks. “And there were those, like, big men outside who would check your credit card to make sure you were 41?”

Read: Sedentary pandemic life is bad for our happiness

Jen George, a community-college teacher from Cape Elizabeth, Maine, told me she is losing her train of thought in the middle of a sentence more and more often. Meanwhile, her third grader, who is attending in-person school, keeps leaving his books, papers, and lunch at home. Inny Ekeolu, a 19-year-old student from Ireland, says she has found herself forgetting how to do things she used to do on a regular basis: swiping her bus pass, paying for groceries. Recently she came across a photo of a close friend she hadn’t seen since lockdown and found that she couldn’t recognize her. “It wasn’t like I had forgotten her existence,” she told me. “But if I had bypassed her on the street, I wouldn’t have said hi.” Rachel Kowert, a research psychologist in Ottawa, used to have a standing Friday-night dinner with her neighbors—and went completely blank when one of them recently mentioned it. “It was really shocking,” Kowert told me. “This was something I really loved, and had done for a long time, and I had totally forgotten.”

This is the fog of late pandemic, and it is brutal. In the spring, we joked about the Before Times, but they were still within reach, easily accessible in our shorter-term memories. In the summer and fall, with restrictions loosening and temperatures rising, we were able to replicate some of what life used to be like, at least in an adulterated form: outdoor drinks, a day at the beach. But now, in the cold, dark, featureless middle of our pandemic winter, we can neither remember what life was like before nor imagine what it’ll be like after.

To some degree, this is a natural adaptation. The sunniest optimist would point out that all this forgetting is evidence of the resilience of our species. Humans forget a great deal of what happens to us, and we tend to do it pretty quickly—after the first 24 hours or so. “Our brains are very good at learning different things and forgetting the things that are not a priority,” Tina Franklin, a neuroscientist at Georgia Tech, told me. As the pandemic has taught us new habits and made old ones obsolete, our brains have essentially put actions like taking the bus and going to restaurants in deep storage, and placed social distancing and coughing into our elbows near the front of the closet. When our habits change back, presumably so will our recall.

That’s the good news. The pandemic is still too young to have yielded rigorous, peer-reviewed studies about its effects on cognitive function. But the brain scientists I spoke with told me they can extrapolate based on earlier work about trauma, boredom, stress, and inactivity, all of which do a host of very bad things to a mammal’s brain.

“We’re all walking around with some mild cognitive impairment,” said Mike Yassa, a neuroscientist at UC Irvine. “Based on everything we know about the brain, two of the things that are really good for it are physical activity and novelty. A thing that’s very bad for it is chronic and perpetual stress.” Living through a pandemic—even for those who are doing so in relative comfort—“is exposing people to microdoses of unpredictable stress all the time,” said Franklin, whose research has shown that stress changes the brain regions that control executive function, learning, and memory.

That stress doesn’t necessarily feel like a panic attack or a bender or a sleepless night, though of course it can. Sometimes it feels like nothing at all. “It’s like a heaviness, like you’re waking up to more of the same, and it’s never going to change,” George told me, when I asked what her pandemic anxiety felt like. “Like wading through something thicker than water. Maybe a tar pit.” She misses the sound of voices.

Prolonged boredom is, somewhat paradoxically, hugely stressful, Franklin said. Our brains hate it. “What’s very clear in the literature is that environmental enrichment—being outside of your home, bumping into people, commuting, all of these changes that we are collectively being deprived of—is very associated with synaptic plasticity,” the brain’s inherent ability to generate new connections and learn new things, she said. In the 1960s, the neuroscientist Marian Diamond conducted a series of experiments on rats in an attempt to understand how environment affects cognitive function. Time after time, the rats raised in “enriched” cages—ones with toys and playmates—performed better at mazes.

Ultimately, said Natasha Rajah, a psychology professor at McGill University, in Montreal, our winter of forgetting may be attributable to any number of overlapping factors. “There’s just so much going on: It could be the stress, it could be the grief, it could be the boredom, it could be depression,” she said. “It sounds pretty grim, doesn’t it?”

The share of Americans reporting symptoms of anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, or both roughly quadrupled from June 2019 to December 2020, according to a Census Bureau study released late last year. What’s more, we simply don’t know the long-term effects of collective, sustained grief. Longitudinal studies of survivors of Chernobyl, 9/11, and Hurricane Katrina show elevated rates of mental-health problems, in some cases lasting for more than a decade.

I have a job that allows me to work from home, an immune system and a set of neurotransmitters that tend to function pretty well, a support network, a savings account, decent Wi-Fi, plenty of hand sanitizer. I have experienced the pandemic from a position of obscene privilege, and on any given day I’d rank my mental health somewhere north of “fine.” And yet I feel like I have spent the past year being pushed through a pasta extruder. I wake up groggy and spend every day moving from the couch to the dining-room table to the bed and back. At some point night falls, and at some point after that I close work-related browser windows and open leisure-related ones. I miss my little rat friends, but I am usually too tired to call them.

Read: The most likely timeline for life to return to normal

Sometimes I imagine myself as a Sim, a diamond-shaped cursor hovering above my head as I go about my day. Tasks appear, and I do them. Mealtimes come, and I eat. Needs arise, and I meet them. I have a finite suite of moods, a limited number of possible activities, a set of strings being pulled from far offscreen. Everything is two-dimensional, fake, uncanny. My world is as big as my apartment, which is not very big at all.

“We’re trapped in our dollhouses,” said Kowert, the psychologist from Ottawa, who studies video games. “It’s just about surviving, not thriving. No one is working at their highest capacity.” She has played The Sims on and off for years, but she always gives up after a while—it’s too repetitive.

Earlier versions of The Sims had an autonomous memory function, according to Marina DelGreco, a staff writer for Game Rant. But in The Sims 3, the system was buggy; it bloated file sizes and caused players’ saved progress to delete. So The Sims 4, released in 2014, does not automatically create memories. PC users can manually enter them, and Sims can temporarily feel feelings: happy, tense, flirty. But for the most part, a Sim is a hollow vessel, more like a machine than a living thing.

The game itself doesn’t have a term for this, but the internet does: “smooth brain,” or sometimes “head empty,” which I first started noticing sometime last summer. Today, the TikTok user @smoothbrainb1tch has nearly 100,000 followers, and stoners on Twitter are marveling at the fact that their “silky smooth brain” was once capable of calculus.

This is, to be clear, meant to be an aspirational state. It’s the step after galaxy brain, because the only thing better than being a genius in a pandemic is being intellectually unencumbered by mass grief. People are celebrating “smooth brain Saturday” and chasing the ideal summer vibe: “smooth skin, smooth brain.” One frequently reposted meme shows a photograph of a glossy, raw chicken breast, with the caption “Cant think=no sad .” This is juxtaposed against a biology-textbook picture of a healthy brain, which is wrinkled, oddly translucent, and the color of canned tuna. The choice seems obvious.

Some Saturday not too long from now, I will go to a party or a bar or even a wedding. Maybe I’ll hold a baby, and maybe it will be heavy. Inevitably, I will kick my shoes off at some point. I won’t have to wonder about what I do on weekends, because I’ll be doing it. I’ll kiss my friends and try their drinks and marvel at how everyone is still the same, but a little different, after the year we all had. My brain won’t be smooth anymore, but being wrinkly won’t feel so bad. My synapses will be made plastic by the complicated, strange, utterly novel experience of being alive again, human again. I can’t wait.

ELLEN CUSHING

is the special-projects editor at The Atlantic.

#health

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behindheremeraldeyes · 4 years

Text

title: duty calls chapter 2

[ch.1] [ffnet] [ao3]

summary: It’s been a while since the Uchiha moved out of her apartment, and so far, living with his best friend has proved itself to be quite the challenge. The pandemic was still far from over, and though they were both following the orders and staying inside, their hearts ached for the one who had to stay out there.

a/n: It’s finally here! Chapter 2 of Duty Calls, as we were all expecting it, and I just gotta thank you all for the wonderful feedback I’ve received after posting chapter 1! Here in Brazil, things are still far from being controlled, and though my family is fine, It’s still overwhelming to see all the numbers rising every day. I’ve tried to use a bit of my experience to continue this story and even if I know it was my way of coping, I understand that, for someone else, it might be too much, so take it easy, ok? Times are though, for sure, but we’ll get through this! Again, I hope you enjoy this fic, and as always, I would love to know your opinion on it!

And in a matter of 3 weeks, the city of Konoha was no longer the same.

Though safety measures had been taken and people had been careful, it all proved itself pointless once the first case of the new coronavirus was confirmed. The patient was a young man, around his thirties, who had just returned from a business trip to the Sand Country. The protocols were followed and he was isolated from the rest of the society, but by the time the sanitary agents had finished talking to his neighbours, the second case was confirmed, and eventually, the third, fourth, tenth and the hundredth. The numbers wouldn’t stop as countless new cases were popping up every day, and it was possible to see the silent fear that had taken over the city.

At first, the infection was nothing but a faraway reality to most citizens. It was just something people were talking about on the news and no one really felt like it had anything to do with them. They thought it would never happen to them. However, the virus got closer, to the point where everyone knew of someone who tested positive. Most stories, sure, were about asymptomatic people who had nothing more than a headache, but whenever those stories escalated— whenever someone they knew ended up unconscious and with a tube down their throat— that was when people got really afraid.

In every district, rough metal doors now decorated the streets, and instead of colourful shop windows inviting the costumers to come inside, only closed signs and motivating messages could be seen. “It will pass”, “we will get through this”, “stay inside” and so many others that would only be seen by those who had a good reason to leave the safety of their houses. Those messages— and so many other entertaining initiatives suggested by digital influencers and famous artists—, for sure, were very uplifting at the beginning of the whole pandemic, when most people actually believed everything would be solved in a week or two.

Up until then, the COVID-19 was nothing but a global adventure for those who weren’t sick— or at least didn’t know they were—and it would be over before anyone got the chance to even become bored. It would be a chance to take a break from everything and sleep until noon for a couple of days before life returned to normal.

'Soon it would all be over', they said, and people were truly satisfied with just that.

'Soon'.

But as the days went by and the situation started to go south, people realized that their precious ‘soon’ would take longer than any of them had initially planned.

By the end of March, people weren’t as excited as they used to be, and now, as everyone watched as Spring went by through closed windows, hope was no longer a familiar feeling and fear had invaded most of the residences around the city. The citizens had turned pessimistic regarding the uncertain future, and some of them were even going through the 7 stages of grief as they mourned their long-lost life.

Times were tough. For those who could stay at home and for those who couldn’t but forced themselves to, times were really tough.

Even for those who don’t usually go out that much, staying stuck inside 4 walls was proving itself to be quite the challenge. Staring at the same things and at the same people— if there even were people— was starting to take its toll on everyone, and there were days when it was just too much. Sure, every case was a case and people reacted differently to the current situation, but eventually, everyone was due to get sick of that life.

And Uchiha Sasuke was no exception.

After his girlfriend kicked him out in order to protect him, the raven haired boy ended up staying with his best friend. For they were always together, Naruto’s guest-room was basically the Uchiha's spare room, and it’s proven itself quite useful whenever he and the pinkette engaged in one of their lover’s spat.

They didn’t fight much, but when they did—well— it was better to stay out of it.

Still, even if he didn’t have to spend two months sleeping on a couch, to say sharing the apartment with the blonde was easy would be a huge lie. They’re too different, both of them. Though best friends since they were in their dippers, both Sasuke and Naruto have very strong personalities and it doesn’t take much for them to start a fight. They’re stubborn, hot-headed and neither of them would even dream about admitting to be mistaken. In other words, chances were that they would end up killing each other before the end of the quarantine.

The Uchiha needed space. He needed a full day without listening to that annoying ‘dattebayo!’ or seeing those ramen cups pilling up all over the sink. The blonde wouldn’t move a finger to help with the chores, and if it depended on him, the trash would stay there until it decomposed itself. Naruto is a slob and living with him has made Sasuke reconsider his early life choices.

How could someone who leaves his unwashed clothes all around the place be his best friend?

Their friendship, as the Uchiha concluded, was not meant to be put to test like that. They should have never been forced to share the same roof for more than 7 days and the pandemic was nowhere near its end.

There was no way both of them would survive another month together. They had to do something. They had to talk things through and establish some rules in order to make that whole experience less traumatic. Sasuke was more than aware of that, but there was just no way he would be the first to suggest anything, no.

Naruto would have to grow up and admit to be a failure as a productive member of the society.

And until that happened, the only thing the raven haired boy could do was sulk. Sulk and take long showers so he could completely ignore Naruto’s existence for a while.

Yes, those long showers were probably the one thing keeping the Uchiha from murdering his best friend, and right now, he was really glad to be taking one. The warm water running down his skin, soothing his muscles and taking his mind away from the messy apartment. During his showers, he could, for once, think clearly about what was happening in the world, and most importantly, what was probably happening to his girlfriend.

What could she be doing at that moment? Was the hospital already crowded? Was she okay?

Though they face-timed every day, it still wasn’t enough for him to ask all the questions that haunted his dreams and to just talk about nothing in order to make up for the lost time. Day after day, whenever her pretty face showed up on his computer screen, Sasuke could feel a heavy weight being lifted from his chest. Normally, she would be smiling and her bright, emerald eyes would shine brighter whenever he said anything about wanting to kill Naruto in his sleep.

After talking about their respective days, he would ask her if she was eating and sleeping properly, and even if she would always try to change the subject at that point, he would glare at her until she talked so he could scold her for being irresponsible. He would, then, ask her if she needed anything and tell her to go get some rest before the call ended. They never parted with a ‘goodbye’, choosing, instead, to say ‘I'll see you soon”. Even though they had never really talked about the reason behind that choice of words, through the silent glances exchanged by their eyes, it was possible to tell they both knew it.

Oh, they knew it too well. For she is a front-liner and he is no fool, they knew better than to just believe things would be solved in a matter of days. It would be long until they could finally meet face to face again— until they could feel their hands brushing against one another and the scent of their bodies pressed tight— so they figured that, in the midst of the chaos that was now wiping the world, they could allow themselves to be fooled by a white lie.

Their soon would come. When, they didn’t know, but it would come before either of them could say goodbye.

Though the hot water was doing wonders to both his body and soul, the Uchiha knew he couldn't stay there forever. After releasing a defeated sigh, he turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. Water was still dripping from his hair as he dried his body, and the steam surrounding him clouded the mirror and every glassy object inside the bathroom. Apparently, he had spent too much time in there this time, he thought, but couldn’t find it in himself to care. He ran his fingers through his soaking, dark locks, ruffling them a bit as to prevent them from sticking to his face. He took a deep breath, then, and finally decided to leave his private, sacred shrine.

With no rush or excitement, the door finally opened and all the steam came out with him. The towel was still wrapped around his hips, and silently, the Uchiha started to make his way towards the bedroom. The apartment was quiet, at first, and he wondered if the Uzumaki went to the convenience store in order to buy more of that industrialized ramen he loves so much. Even if both him and Sakura were always telling him that he shouldn’t leave the house unless it was very important, Naruto apparently considered ramen a vital necessity.

He really is an idiot, Sasuke thought, as he was getting closer to his room. His hand was about to reach out for the doorknob, but before he could turn it—

“Ha! You look really funny like that-ttebayo! Have you ever worn so many clothes? And can’t you take some of them off?”

The Uchiha stopped. It was Naruto’s voice, and apparently, he was talking to someone. Dark eyes widened for an instance when he realized that it was coming from inside of his room, and before he could act on that, Sasuke allowed his best-friend the benefit of doubt regarding his reasons to be there.

Could the dobe be having a private conversation with someone? Was it work related or could he be chatting with a girl? That idiot should better not be doing anything disgusting or—

“Okay, I see that you have to go now. As soon as he leaves his beauty shower, I’ll let Teme know you called. Bye-bye, Sakura-chan!”

Sakura, Sasuke thought, as his heart skipped a beat. Why was she calling at such hour? It hadn’t even been 5 hours since her last shift had ended, so what was she doing awake at that moment? There was something wrong, he thought. He really should ask her and—

Shit.

His mouth went agape as soon as he remembered Naruto’s ‘bye-bye’ and before he could even think, the door was already flying open.

“Oi, Naruto, don’t hang up—“

“Ah!” Naruto screamed, blue eyes widening as he rolled over the bed and fell on the floor. Luckily, he was wearing wireless earphones, so the computer— Sasuke’s computer— didn’t share the blonde’s fate.

“Tch.” Sasuke scoffed, clearly not caring if Naruto was fine or not. He walked pass the blonde in order to reach his computer, but his efforts proved useless for the call had already ended. The Uchiha closed his eyes in annoyance, cursing himself— and Naruto— for not being able to talk to the pinkette. For a couple of seconds, he kept staring at his computer screen, wondering if he should call her back or not.

What if it was an emergency? No, Naruto wouldn’t have been so calm if that had been the case. Maybe she just needed something from him? But that could wait until after she had slept. Thanks to his current state of overprotection towards her, his mind was playing tricks on him and nothing seemed logic.

What could she possibly want from him? And why wasn’t she calling from her usual ID? Could it be that she had been robbed or—

“Ouch!” The blonde said, sitting with his legs crossed on the floor. “Why the hell did you scare me like that, teme!? That hurt-ttebayo!”

“Stop whining like a child, Naruto. Why the hell didn't you tell me Sakura was calling?”

“Because you were taking your precious shower.”

“So what?”

“Last time I interrupted your you-time, you scolded me for hours and told me never to do that again!”

“But this was Sakura calling. It was important!”

“So was that documentary about koalas!”

“You are an idiot, Naruto!” The Uchiha sighed, walking towards the desk near his bed to reach out for his phone. He was clearly aware that trying to discuss that matter with the blonde would lead to nothing, so he decided to just skip all that nonsense. “I'm just gonna call Sakura and ask her myself.”

“Don’t sweat it. She won’t answer you-ttebayo.”

“And why not?”

“Because she’s finally opened her eyes to see the big jerk you are.”

“Naruto!”

He giggled. It was always too easy. "She's busy right now.”

“Busy?” He lifted his brows in confusion, checking the hour on his phone just to make sure. “Why is she busy right now? She said she wasn’t be going back to the hospital until later tonight.”

“Yeah…about that” Naruto started, scratching his cheek with one finger. “She said there was a problem at the hospital and she had to go cover for someone who tested positive.”

“What? Did she have to go now?”

“Yep.” He nodded. “In fact, she even called from the hospital computer. I barely recognized her with all of those masks and glasses. I took a screen shot of her for future blackmail-ttebayo!”

“Fuck.” He cursed, closing his eyes in pure annoyance and using his fingers to massage his temples. Apart from the dobe’s stupid idea of fun, knowing his girlfriend was already back in the hospital made his heart feel heavier inside his chest.

If they were asking her to get back and cover for someone, Sasuke figured things were probably getting worse out there. It was expected for some health professionals— if not most of them— to be contaminated, but seeing a person who’s always working so close to other various diseases being defeated by this virus was never really easy. In fact, whenever that happened, the entire world was silenced.

Another soldier was down. Another health worker, just like Sakura, who would be lucky enough if they were able to stay home and healthy for 14 days.

Knowing things like that were happening so close to his girlfriend and knowing she would be the one suffering the consequences left him even more worried. She was probably still tired from the previous night, and knowing her like he does, Sasuke was sure she wasn’t even aware of that. Haruno Sakura is a workaholic, has always been. She loves her job and she’s one hell of a good doctor, but all that love and dedication has taken its toll on her life many times before.

For working has become her coping mechanism, Sakura tended to forget about herself whenever the hospital demanded more from her, and now, during the pandemic, things were no different. In fact, they were getting worse and worse by the day, and even if Sasuke called her every day to guarantee she was doing well, it was not the same as when he could actually be there.

She was ignoring herself, he knew. On March 28th, when they called her in order to wish her a happy birthday, the pinkette didn’t even know what day it was. He had scolded her for that, sure, but he knew it was useless. She was going to keep working herself to the bones, and the only thing he could do was face-time her during dinner time.

Really helpful, he thought, bitterly. Still, it was better than nothing. Every victory against workaholic Sakura was already a great victory, and considering the current scenario, it was all he could do.

Almost all.

“Did she say anything else, Dobe?” He asked, his voice filled with displeasure.

“Oh, right!” He nodded, eagerly. “She also asked you to order her some groceries online since she won’t have time to go to the supermarket herself.”

“Hn.” The Uchiha started, sitting on his bed and getting his laptop in order to access the website of her usual grocery store. Since the beginning of the pandemic, that small shop near her apartment has developed a delivery service for usual customers, and they were even making a special offer for people who were still out there. It was really nice to see so many people looking out for each other, and on behalf of his girlfriend, he could only thank those kinds of initiatives.

“Oh! And she also said not to pay for her. She told you to use her credit-card or else she will be pissed like last time-ttebayo!”

“Tch. That audio she sent me was unnecessary.”

“I thought it was very hilarious.”

“Shut up.” Sasuke pouted, his eyes staring at the screen and choosing the items.

“Heh” Naruto smirked, crawling so he could approach the Uchiha. "What are you gonna buy her, Teme?”

“The essential, of course.”

“Essential?!” The blonde repeated, a bit exasperatedly. “Jeez, teme! Let me see it.” The blonde stated, reaching for Sasuke’s computer in order to see what he was adding to the cart.

“Oi, knock it off!”

“Onions, tomatoes, vegetables, raw meat… You really don’t know how to buy food, bastard.”

“What? I don’t see what’s the matter with these things. It’s what I usually buy for us. It’s enough to prepare good and healthy meals.”

“Yeah, I’m sure they are, but you’re forgetting something very important.”

“Oh, really? And what is it?”

“We have time to cook. And when I say we, I mean you.” He started, with a grin on his face. “She probably gets home exhausted most of the days and she definitely doesn't have enough energy to cook, so you have to buy something easy to prepare."

“Are you saying we should buy her a stock of frozen food and instant ramen; and ignore all the rest?” He said, sarcasm dripping from his tongue.

“Well, not a stock, but she definitely needs some frozen food and some bowls of instant ramen."

“She needs to eat properly, dumbass!”

“She needs to eat, bastard!” the blonde started, and even if the tone of his voice didn’t change much, somehow, the Uchiha could see the concern hidden in his words. Though he knew he wasn’t the only one worried about Sakura’s safety, sometimes, he tended to forget Naruto could also be a decent person in times of need. “Once she has enough energy and time to prepare decent meals, then we will worry about the properly part.”

“Hn.” Sasuke closed his eyes for a second before giving the blonde his usual stoic face. “I’m gonna put on some clothes. Don’t spend too much on this crap or else she will be mad and I will blame you.”

“Yosh!” A smile showed up on the Uzumaki’s face as he scrolled around the shop’s website. After spending some time isolated and helping his older neighbours with the groceries, Naruto knew exactly what he should buy for his girl-best-friend and he knew she would be thankful for a bowl of ramen whenever she got home and didn’t feel like cooking.

And so, even if leaving Naruto unsupervised around his things was quite a risky decision, Sasuke put on his clothes and left the room. He had his phone with him, and as soon as the blonde said he was finished, the Uchiha sent his girlfriend a message.

‘Groceries Ordered. Call me when you get home.’

After sending it, his dark eyes kept staring at her picture, a longing feeling taking over his heart. Sasuke remembered when she took that picture of herself, and mostly, he remembered how happy they all were while having dinner at Naruto’s favourite restaurant. It was just the three of them for the night, and even if he normally hates crowded places, for the first time, he hadn’t been bothered by the people around them. They were all laughing and her smile that night was brighter than all the lights of Konoha.

Her smile…

At that moment, in the middle of that mess, he couldn’t really recall when was the last time she truly smiled. In a matter of weeks, not only the pinkette, but all of them were deprived of reasons to be truly happy. They were worried, scared and too immersed in this pandemic to even think about happy.

Happy would happen after life got back to normal. Or, at least, as normal as it could get.

Without noticing, he took a deep breath, locking his phone screen and heading towards the kitchen so he could start preparing lunch. Waiting for a fast reply would be useless, he knew. Sakura barely had time to breath, let alone text someone; and using her phone at the hospital was yet another risk of taking the virus home. She would answer him when and if she could. And until then, he would do what he had to do.

As a normal citizen, he would continue to do his part.

–––––––––––––––––––

Her reply didn’t arrive until later that day.

The clock was already striking past 11pm and the blonde had long succumbed to his dreams. The midnight edition of the national news was about to start, and if the Uchiha had to be honest, he didn’t even know why he had left the tv on the news channel in the first place. The stories were all the same, the cases were growing and people were being hospitalized. They were all the same— and he knew it— but he had decided to leave that on anyway, and right now, after his phone had buzzed inside his pocket, he realized he had probably drifted off at some point.

His eyes blinked slowly as they adjusted to the bright screen, and though he had just woken up from a nap, all of the sleepiness had disappeared as soon as he read the notification with her name.

At last, he thought.

He used his fingerprint to unlock his phone and slowly, he stood up from the couch. He turned off the tv, and as he had started his way towards his room, he read the message she had just sent him.

‘I'm home. R u still up?’

‘Yeah' He answered, shortly, opening the door.

‘How about Naruto?’

‘Fast asleep.’

‘Ok. Is it too late for me to call you?’

Tch. Silly girl, he thought, clearly not even considering her concern. ’Turning on my computer. I’ll call you in a minute.’

‘Ok.’

While his computer loaded, the Uchiha made sure to connect his ear pods so they could have a private conversation. Though he was glad to know she was already home and answering his texts, he couldn’t seem to ignore that odd feeling growing inside his guts. He tried to shake it off while clicking the face-time icon, but it was of no use.

Maybe, he thought, it had something to do with the fact that he had just woken up. Maybe he was still a bit sleepy or, maybe, it was just a side effect from the pandemic playing tricks on him.

Yes, he was definitely overreacting, he concluded, as his ears were filled with those continuous beeps. Sakura was fine. She was certainly—

Oh, fuck.

As her image finally showed up on his computer screen, his eyes widened in pure shock and he was sure his sudden reaction didn't go unnoticed by his girlfriend. His lips slightly parted and he could feel his heart sinking inside his chest. Her face was red— swollen, even— and her eyes were bloodshot, emptied of any glimpse of light. Red, prominent lines were drawn across her face, going from the bridge of her nose and down until her chin, as they perfectly delineated the marks of the masks she had to wear during the whole day. Her lips were pale, filled with cracks, and though there were no tears at that moment, he could tell they were brimming her eyes.

The girl with the prettiest of the smiles and the brightest of the eyes was, at that moment, in the brink of a breakdown. She was biting her lower lip as if to hold back more tears and he could see the way her eyes fidgeted from the screen.

It was as if she couldn’t look him in the eyes, as if she was ashamed, guilty or even both. She looked so frail and uncharacteristic that, for a split of second, it felt as if that girl— that destroyed image that was meant to be Haruno Sakura— wasn’t her at all. He had never seen her like that, not even on her worst days.

Sakura…What on earth had happened to her?

After a couple of seconds spent in a deafening silence, the Uchiha bit the insides of his cheeks, forcing himself to break that state of pure horror. He blinked a couple of times, and then— only then— he was able to let his voice out. “What happened?”

No reply. Her lips started to tremble as she looked away from the computer, trying her best to recompose herself.

“Sakura.” He pressed. “What the hell happened?”

“Oh, my, I can’t do this.” She looked at the screen, her body language growing anxious by the second, her hands reaching for the mousepad. “I-I knew I shouldn’t have called you, I’m sorry. Everything is fine. Go back to sleep.”

“What!? No! You’re clearly not fine. Don’t hang up!”

“I’m sorry, Sasuke-kun, I—“

“If you do, I’ll take my car and drive to your place right now, Sakura! Don’t hang up.” He said, firmly, and thankfully, that made her stop.

“I-I don’t wanna trouble you.”

“Tch, don’t be stupid. I told you to call me if anything happened.” His voice held somewhat of a rough tone, and for a second, he could see that roughness had managed to make her listen to him. He took a deep breath, then, and after what felt like an eternal pause, Sasuke decided to be the one to start the conversation again. “First of all, just answer me this…Are you safe?”

She nodded, slowly, as if her head felt too heavy above her shoulders. “Yeah.” Her voice came out as a whisper, and though it was too fast, it just felt too much. It felt troubled, and if he dared say, ashamed, as if her safety was something unfair. Condemnable, even.

“Talk to me, Sakura.” His voice got lower, though anger still boiled inside his veins. Sasuke knew better than to let those emotions get the best of him, but he couldn’t help but what to blame someone— the whole world, for all he cared— for the pinkette’s current state. She was falling apart, and though he could see her in a screen less than 30 centimetres away from him, it pained him to know she was miles away from his reach.

Her eyes closed for a moment, and when they opened again, it was as if she had gathered some courage to finally put her feelings into audible words. She breathed in and out, but still not really looking into the webcam of her computer. “We’ve registered the first deaths today.” She started, her voice was rough, and though she was trying to sound professional— one of her many coping techniques— her emotions were taking the best of her. “And though it’s never easy to lose a patient, this time…Geez, It was so much worse.”

His heart skipped a beat at her words, and though he had listened to many of her hospital stories before, this one felt different. It felt heavier, macabre. “How worse?”

“We were making the rounds around the ICU when this guy, around his 70s, started calling our names. He sounded breathless and his oxygen levels started to drop so fast…” She bit her lip, her hand reaching out to her chest, clinging to her shirt. “He had been stable for three days already. He was making jokes and we even helped him call his wife yesterday because we were going to send him to a normal room, Sasuke-kun…But then, he suddenly couldn’t breath and—“ She paused, trying to find the next words as a tear slipped from her right eye. “—and when I saw it, my colleague was already intubating him and I was doing compressions because his heart had stopped, just like that.”

He could hear the sound of her exasperated breath, and for he knew she was still not done yet, Sasuke remained silent, giving her time to recollect her thoughts. There was still so much she had to let out. So much she had bottled up inside her chest and was now getting the best of her.

Such a strong woman. He wondered how much she had endured until it got that bad.

A muffled sob escaped her lips, and he knew she was ready— or anything remotely close to that— to continue her narrative. “He didn’t make it…We attested his death after half an hour or so, and now I remember looking at the people around me and we were just so…so taken back, you know? We weren’t expecting that outcome from that man, no. He was—“ Another tear slipped, and her voice cracked. “He was fine. He was recovering and he told his wife he was gonna go home. God, she cried so much on the phone when I told her.”

“Oh, Sakura…”

“But that was not all.” She swallowed, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “Right after the impact of his death, a nurse called from the hallway, saying there was another patient in need of immediate assistance and… And we just left him there and it was as if we were relieving that whole thing, but with a woman around her 50s, instead.”

“And what happened to her?” He asked, lowly, though he was already sure of what her answer would be.

“We lost her, too.” She closed her eyes, dropping her head in mild despair. When she lifted it back, more tears were streaming down her face. “I knew we would not be able to save everyone from this virus and I knew there would be deaths, eventually, but…But I never thought we wouldn’t have time to mourn each of them. I thought we would have had time to think and to pay our respects before we were summoned again.” She gritted her teeth, anger now visibly spread across her exhausted featured. “Sasuke-kun, I thought things were going to be more humane even with those who died, but I was wrong! Now, they’re just numbers and there will be more like them soon. And their deaths will be on us!”

“Don’t even go there. It was not your fault and—“

“Yes, it was! We couldn’t save them, Sasuke-kun! And worse, we’re probably the ones spreading this crap out there! When we come home and when we go check other patients…This is on us."

“You’re wrong!”

“No, I’m not! People are scared of us, Sasuke-kun!!”

“What!? Who the hell would be stupid enough to be scared of you!?”

A smile filled with scorn and mockery took over her lips as she lifted her right hand. She was holding a white, small paper that looked like a post it, and as she turned it to the webcam, Sasuke just couldn’t believe what he was reading.

‘You’re gonna kill us all! Get out!’

His lips went agape as his mind tried to find the right words to describe what he was feeling. Seriously, how could people be so low? How could they be so cruel and insensitive towards another human-being who was just going home? These people really are beyond any salvation, he thought.

“I’ve found this note on my door when I got home today… And even if I don’t know whose handwriting is this, most of my neighbours are averting their eyes whenever I see them from afar… So, yeah, I guess I’m not imagining stuff."

“Sakura, you can’t let it get to you. These people don’t know what they’re talking about.”

“Yes, they do, Sasuke-kun.” She spoke, a little louder now. “They’re trying to protect themselves by staying at home and I’m the one bringing the virus to them! They will get sick, and then…And then they will be just number, too.”

Bitter tears were now flowing down her face and he knew she had finally let go of the very last string that held back her emotions and her anxieties. She was sobbing furiously, now, and at that moment, he really hated himself for not being there with her. Though he understood everything and was even tired of hearing her voice lecturing him about staying away, fuck, he just wanted to stomp out of the apartment and go to her. There wasn’t much he could do, for he couldn’t really give her the answer she wanted, but watching from afar as she crumbled apart was just too painful.

It wasn’t fair. That virus wasn’t fair to its victims and it sure as hell wasn’t fair to the front-liners who had to see such horrors repeating themselves day after day. The lack of a cure, the pressure to save lives and the uncertainty of the days that were to come. Just like her, many health workers were feeling powerless and lost in the middle of that chaos, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. In fact, even though people on Tv were showing their gratitude towards those who couldn’t stop working, reality showed how fear corrupted the human heart to the point where they didn’t think twice before being assholes in order to try to protect themselves.

Those were certainly rough times, where physical contact was banned, certainties were non-existent and there was no guarantee that anyone would find a solution before the next tragedy occurred.

The world was hurting. People were hurting.

But more importantly, for him, his girlfriend was hurting. And even if his heart was breaking for her, he knew he had to say something— anything— to help her get back on her feet. That was why she called, after all. She wanted his help since she was clearly not being able to manage it on her own. He had to help her. He had to be strong for both of them so she could once more be strong for those out there.

For she’s a practical and strong-willed woman, the Uchiha knew better than anyone that simple and heart-warming words would be of no use in order to calm her down, no. He would have to appeal to her good sense and her logical side. He had to remind her that, even if she was losing the battle, she was also the only one between them who stood a chance to win.

“Sakura.” He spoke, sounding firm so she could look at him. Her face had turned even redder due to the tears, and for an instance, he swore he saw her younger version who used to cry whenever the other kids were mean to her. He really had to bring her back. “What are you going to do now?”

“…What?”

“I've asked you, what are you going to do now?”

“I-I don’t know, I—“

"Are you going to give up?”

“Give up? No, I—“

"No doctor is forced to work during a pandemic if they don’t want to. You can quit, spend 14 days without leaving your apartment and then you can run back to your parents’. That’s an option.”

“Run back to my parents?” She asked, and the indignation behind her words gave him a certain hope that he was following the right direction.

“Yes. To be honest, I would feel quite better if you did it. Knowing you would be safe would spare me a lot of negative thoughts. We could even be together. That would be a good option, right?”

Through the cameras of their computers, they stared into each other’s eyes, and he made sure not to let his serious expression melt into a soft one. Dark eyes clashed against emerald ones, taunting them and daring the girl to take a stand. He was offering her a way out of that whole thing. He was showing her that there was another option if she felt like she couldn’t take it anymore.

Sakura could always give up and he had to make that option clear for her.

Clear enough so she could take the next step.

“Fuck you, Sasuke.”

Bingo.

Her eyes, though still red and a bit lifeless, were looking at him with a condemning stare. Though she had been looking like a child for the past hour or so, now he could finally see the traces of the mature woman she is. And even if it was still not enough to consider his job done, Sasuke could now hold onto something in order to bring her back.

“What? I’m just giving you an option.”

“No, you’re not.” She scoffed. “You know exactly what you’re doing, you jerk. You’re giving me a stupid option we both know I would never take just so you can make me feel less shitty.”

“Well…is it working?”

“…Maybe.” She said, softly, the tears now slowing down. “What will you do now?”

“Me? Hn, I should be the one saying this, don’t you think?” He looked at her with warmth in his eyes and he hoped she could feel it. “What are you going to do now, doctor?”

At first, she just stared at the screen, but slowly, her head started to move until she was nodding it up and down. Tears were still coming and her lips were still trembling, but she didn’t look that desperate or broken anymore, no. Sakura was slowly gathering her pieces, and he felt more relieved to see her like that. The pinkette took a deep breath, then, and he knew at that moment she had finally made up her mind.

“Probably something stupid.” Her voice came out, softly and unsure.

'Now that’s the Sakura I know.’

“I'm going back.” She continued, lowly at first, as if to taste the sound of her words as they were thrown into the universe. “Shannarou, I’m going back to that hellhole because that’s the only place in the middle of this mess that makes me feel slightly better with myself. I’m going back because that’s my job.” Her voice came out with all the confidence he knew she would be able to muster that night, and he figured that was their small victory of the day. She didn’t look that scared anymore, and perhaps, she was getting ready to move on for the night.

“Tch, there’s something definitely wrong with you, Sakura.”

“Yeah…I guess there is.” She said, softly, wiping the last tears that were falling from her eyes. “I guess not even a pandemic will keep me from working too much.”

“You're probably right, but…” He offered her a comforting smile, looking away from the webcam for a second before returning his attention back to her eyes. “I'm proud of you.”

Judging by the way her emerald eyes widened, it was possible to say his words caught her by surprise. Apparently, tears started to pool around her eyes once more, but she stopped them before they could fall. Her lips slightly curled up at that, as in a shy reaction, and even if he normally wouldn’t have said that, well, he figured she was in need of those words.

“Thank you, Sasuke-kun. I don’t know what would’ve happened if it wasn’t for you.”

“Hn, that’s easy, you would’ve been stubborn like always. And though I’m sure you would’ve figured out what to do on your own, it might have taken you a little longer to reach that conclusion.”

“Maybe you’re right.” She started, tugging a strand of her pink hair behind her ear. “Damn it, maybe I really do need to start listening to you.”

“Better late than ever.”

Better late than ever, indeed. Slowly, she was coming to her senses and he knew there was nothing left for him to do. From that moment on, it was up to her, and more than anyone, he knew she would pull through it.

“Yeah…”

“Oh, and now that you’ve mentioned it, have you eaten anything already?”

“I guess not.” She bit her lip, her demeanor clearly showing she hadn’t even considered that until that moment.

“Tch, you’re worse than Naruto. Go eat something, will you? You need to refill your energies."

“Fine.” Sakura said, taking her laptop in hands as she started walking down her hallway and towards the kitchen.

“Do I want to know when was the last time you ate?”

“Probably not.”

“Tch.”

She placed the device on her kitchen island and turned around to open her cabinet to grab a pan. “Come on, you’re the chef here…What can I do that is easy and good enough for your standards?”

At that moment, though he knew she was clearly teasing him, the Uchiha couldn’t help but remember the Dobe’s words earlier that day. And though he would normally not care about those things, he figured he could make an exception. It had been a rough night, after all.

“Do you have instant ramen?”

“Instant ramen?” She asked, confused. “Are you really suggesting that?”

“Aah.” He nodded, as if that was the most normal thing in the world. “I'm getting hungry, too and I think there’s still one bowl left. What do you say?”

Her face was a bit surprised, at first, but eventually, her expression changed and a soft, grateful smile took over her lips. In a swift move, she put back the pan and got herself a bowl of instant ramen. “Instant ramen it is, then.”

“Hn, I’ll go get one for me, too.”

“Okay…” She began, and he watched as she started to prepare the noodles. He was making his way to the kitchen with his laptop in hands, and it didn’t take much before they were both waiting for the water to boil. “Now we just wait, right?”

“I guess…Naruto is the expert here.”

“He certainly is.” She agreed, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. Her eyes were half closed, her head tilting a bit to the side. “Sasuke-kun…?”

“Uh? What is it?”

“I know it’s late and you must be tired, but…Can you talk to me for a bit longer? Just tell me about your day, I don't know.”

Her voice was soft at that moment, and he noticed the way she was genuinely curious about his day. Though she was still far from normal, Sasuke figured that was the closest to normal she would get in a situation like that. For the first time during the quarantine, he saw her, not as a doctor working bravely on the front lines, but as a young woman who had the right to feel insecure and scared.

They were all scared, after all. Why couldn’t she be, too, right? Just like everyone else, Sakura had the right to feel everything, and sometimes, feeling came with an overwhelming price. It hurt, it made her cry and doubt herself, but mostly, it made grow. As a woman and as a doctor, Haruno Sakura was growing and blooming like the flower she is.

For the better or the worse, that was how things were now.

And no matter what the future had in stock, they were going to face it together. Even if they were separated because of the virus, their hearts would be connected, always.

“Of course.”

“Good.” She smiled, weakly, and at that moment, they knew that, in the middle of that mess, they could finally allow themselves to enjoy some good, instant ramen for dinner.

––––––

a/n: Okay, so… was it too much? From the beginning, I had this angst prepared for this story, and believe it or not, most of Sakura’s lines were based on real conversations shared by doctors. The note, too, was very real. It happened to a health worker here in my country and it just broke my heart when she told that to the press. Times are really weird right now, and it’s ok to be scared, but we can’t turn against each other! We need to spread love and empathy, not the other way around. If you need anyone to talk to, I’m always here! I’m a bit of a mess and I take a long time to answer, but believe me, I AM HERE! Anyway, thanks for reading it! Hope you’ve enjoyed it! Stay safe and stay inside!

#sasusaku #sasusaku fanfiction #sasusaku fanfic #ssfanfic #Naruto fanfiction #myssfics

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make-it-mavis · 3 years

Text

Homesick (Entry #40)

(cw: discussion of addiction and relapse) ----------

02/02/88 8:04 PM

Hey.

Well. At this point, it feels like there is so much to say, yet so little… comparatively.

Most of this bedtime story has been rife with screaming arguments, hallucinations, and explosions. There will not be so much of those, moving forward. I could say that the day I blew up Felix’s apartment was a turning point for me. It was the first moment where I truly felt like I had taken a step towards moving on and… letting go of what I could. But it was not a sharp turn, nor was it a great, leaping bound. Things did not suddenly get easier. No, they were only difficult in a different way.

But they were different.

I could probably fill a completely separate notebook with the details of my journey through counselling since then. But that would be very boring to read and to write, so I will just give you the important bits to catch you up to speed. Stay with me, now. This is going to be a whole lot condensed into chewable pieces.

In counselling, we learned about the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Looking back, I can see how non-linear it was for me. I spent so long dancing around the first three. But after my amnesia was cured, I arrived at depression. Collapsed into it, really.

Now, I’ve been depressed before. It was quite some time ago, before you and I even met. So I recognized what I was experiencing. But this time around, it was… more acute. Less existential, and more like an injury. I wasn’t lost inside my head. I knew exactly what I was sad about, and it was as real and tangible as any physical wound I had sustained before.

It was as if my very code had been pushed to the point of exhaustion and could not get back up. I spent most of my time on Felix’s couch, and most of that time was spent sleeping. I barely showered and I smelled like hell, but Felix still insisted on having tea and chatting at least once a day. He did almost all the talking, and I usually didn’t drink the tea, but he didn’t mind. He’d just drink it for me, and end up taking such frequent trips to the bathroom that I’d fall asleep again.

Given that I could barely make myself get up and walk around, going to counselling was more daunting than ever. November passed by without me taking notice, and it was maybe a week into December before I was able to make it there again. When I did, I told everyone what I’d done. What I’d remembered. And how I had been absent so long because I felt too depressed to come. Then, of course, they told me that the best time to come to counselling is when you don’t want to. I wanted to argue with that, but they were probably right.

I very quickly came to understand why counselling was done in a group. At first, it felt like a punishment, like we all had to sit around and think about what we’d done. Or that there just weren’t enough counsellors for one-on-one therapy. It’s not even entirely just for empathizing with others’ similar experiences, or creating a sense of community. No, it’s something much more annoying than that.

A group will hold you accountable. They’ll make sure you’re participating and call you out when you’re not. I went into the counselling experience hoping I could just do the time and get out, but no one gets away with that in a group. You can’t just rip off the bandaid.

No, counselling is more like ripping off the bandaid, then digging into the wound with tweezers to pull out all the shrapnel, then stitching up the wound, and repeatedly changing the bandages to avoid infection. And then those stitches can sometimes come loose and you have to do them all over again.

It sucks. It hurts. But I won’t say it doesn’t work.

Anyway, around this point in the ‘story,’ I still hadn’t quite finished Step 4, with the ‘fearless moral inventory.’ I was still having trouble deciding just what to say. I had Felix be the audience to my venting one night. I explained to him my predicament: I had done many things that others would consider ‘bad’ or ‘immoral’ over the course of my life, far too many to count or to list. And a whole lot of them, I didn’t even feel bad for. Pranks, petty theft, and general snarkiness seemed harmless enough. I didn’t know what was worth adding to the list.

Felix suggested sticking to the big ones. What things did I consider not so harmless? What things were bad enough to make me lose sleep over? What did I really, truly regret?

I didn’t want to tell him. Those questions felt too prying. But, reminding myself that I was trying to make big changes, I eventually managed to name it all.

I felt bad for… assuming the worst of everyone. Especially anyone close to me. I felt bad for getting them all involved with my problems, and… refusing their help, but still somehow taking advantage of them. For making Felix worry that I was going to die, and for making Wreck-it feel responsible.

And Tapper. Just… in general, Tapper. Everything I’d done to him. Lying to him. Using him. Endangering his game.

Endangering my game.

Threatening that one anonymous stranger for a hit of GC.

And getting you hooked on my Shield and Lift buffs… way back when.

I took Felix’s suggestion to write all that down, and whatever else I might have been feeling. It definitely helped me sort out my thoughts. It didn’t feel good. At all. In fact, it was hard to fight the idea that I was a lost cause, and that even before all this, I was not worth saving. But I pushed on regardless, because it felt like the only direction to move in.

As difficult as it had been, listing all that earned me Step 4, and after I recounted it all to the counselling group, I had Step 5, Integrity, under my belt.

Even though it was hard, I was doing well in the program. I really was, all things considered. I had made it farther than I thought possible at the beginning. But like I said… those stitches come loose sometimes. Recovery, like my grieving process, has not been linear. And after Step 5, some part of me felt stretched too far. Like my code once more remembered that I’m not the sort to lay myself open for others to see. Too many sprites had been given deeply personal pieces of my mind to take home with them. It was unnatural. It wasn’t right. It was not like me. I couldn’t piece together this new life with the life I knew before and have it make sense. I was trying to make meaningful changes, for sure, but suddenly, I felt like I didn’t recognize the sprite I’d become. I didn’t recognize my game or anyone in it. It was… eerie.

It put a panicked, defensive fight in me. I had to set things straight. I would not allow this strange, foreign life to continue until I did. So, for the first time in… longer than I had realized, I went back to my den in the woods. Just to be somewhere familiar and see if I could remember who I was.

It helped a little at first. I dug through all the junk I had amassed, each one connecting to some small memory from before this all happened. But then I found three things that were… a dangerous combo.

Your scarf and goggles… and the bottle of blue wine Tapper had given me at the memorial. Still unopened.

I was able to resist the wine. But I… didn’t exactly get rid of it, like I should have.

As for your old, burnt belongings...

I didn’t understand what I was doing at the time, or why. I get it now, I think. Writing my thoughts down had helped in Step 4, and my head was a twisted, tangled mess that I just had to sort out before I went insane. I needed to understand what I’d been through and how I got there. It’s just that I was only inspired to start writing once I saw your scarf and goggles again. Once they threw that angry, vicious anxiety through me and I was possessed by the overwhelming need to reach you from beyond the grave and tell you just what you had done to me.

So… I started writing this story. Or these letters, or... journals. You know.

Since then it’s been… well, incredibly therapeutic. And, just like I thought they would, the folks at counselling said that journaling is a very healthy coping mechanism. That’s what I called it, too. Journaling. I wanted to keep the fact that I was writing to you private. I was already revealing so much to them. I wanted to have just one thing I didn’t have to tell them.

I didn’t think it would have made a difference, anyway, and it didn’t. Not at first. I finished Step 6 just fine, which was Willingness. I was pretty willing to let go of my old bad habits in whatever way I could. Step 7 was harder for a few reasons, not the least of which being that my higher power is not sentient, and I could therefore not ask it for forgiveness, or to remove my character flaws. But I sort of earned Humility in a different way.

You see, I didn’t tell them I was writing to you, but I also... didn’t tell them about the wine.

And thoughts of you had not mixed well with the temptation of substances in the past. So, around Christmas, I holed up in my den and… relapsed. It was nothing big, as far as relapses go. But I’m still not proud of it.

I just wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be. My first Christmas without you.

Anyway… don’t worry. That didn’t put too big a snag in things. I told Felix, and I told everyone in counselling about it, and they all understood. A couple others actually had similar challenges. Many of us had someone to miss, and it was a hard time of year to miss somebody. I admitted to them that I sort of felt like I’d failed. But Clyde remarked that I showed humility by so willingly turning to the group for support, which had been hard for me at the start. I very easily could have tried to hide out of shame or a need to shoulder it alone. Maybe I couldn’t ask color for forgiveness, but in a way, I asked the group for it.

I still sort of don’t understand it. But, hey. Whatever the ghost says.

In any case, I was able to let the mistake go and move forward, which… felt very freeing, now that I think of it. Since then, I’ve been counting the days I’ve spent completely sober, slowly racking them up like the most boring, most difficult sort of high score.

It’ll be forty today.

I’m forty days sober, and I just finished Step 9 a couple days ago. So… I guess I’m doing pretty well.

I’ve been writing a while, and this pen is nearly out of ink, but before I wrap this entry up, I really ought to tell you about Step 9, and what it brought about.

Step 8, for the record, is barely worth mentioning. It’s Love, which, y’know, gross. But it’s basically making a list of the sprites you’ve wronged, which I felt like I had done three times already. Step 9, then, Responsibility, is making amends with those sprites wherever possible.

I’m already well on my way with Felix. Tapper, well… I’ve done the best I can for now. I don’t even know who the sprite I threatened was, so there’s little I can do there. And you… are kind of hard to reach lately. So, the only possible option left was...

Wreck-it.

I’d known for quite some time that we were overdue for a chat. We hadn’t really talked at all since I’d come out of that coma, which meant we had been surviving on brief, awkward greetings and the smallest of small talk for a couple of months. We were not on bad terms, nor good terms. We just sort of existed in the same space, trying our best to just tolerate each other and to ignore the elephant in the room. And before all this, I would have been content to leave things that way forever if it meant I wouldn’t have to talk to him about our feelings.

I only managed to speak to him once the 12 Step Program gave me any idea of what to say, and the desire for things to stop being weird outweighed the awkwardness.

I caught him shortly after the arcade closed the other night, just as he was about to board the train to leave our game. Caught him quite off-guard too, apparently, given the way he jumped and tried to smooth his little yelp into a casual speaking voice.

Like this: “Ahh--!! Ahh! Ahh, Mavis, I, uh, didn’t see you there.”

Making someone jump always brings at least a bit of a smile to my face. “Hey there, uh… Ralph.”

The use of his name rather than his title already earned me a confused eyebrow quirk, but I saw it as setting the mood for the uncharacteristically intimate conversation we were about to have. It seemed effective, given how still he became, almost holding his breath in a nervous sort of curiosity.

“You, uh… going to Tapper’s?” I asked, trying to get him to relax a bit.

“Yep…” he said, rapping his fist against his leg slightly, like he does. “Do you… wanna come too, or..?”

I pressed my lips together, not quite smiling. “Nah. Still can’t go anywhere.”

“Oh-- oh-- yeah, of course. Wow. Stupid question,” he sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “That, uh, counselling thing still goin’ on, then? Or am I not allowed to ask?”

“It is,” I shrugged, shoving my hands in my pockets. “And… you are allowed. It’s actually more or less what I need to talk to you about.”

“...Really?” he asked cautiously. “Me? Why?”

I closed my eyes and let out a steady breath, sorting my thoughts for the hundredth time. “We probably should’ve talked sooner, it’s just that…” I opened my eyes and looked at him. “Well, I’ll say it outright. I’m supposed to talk to everyone I’ve wronged. And that includes you.”

He paused. Then he squinted. “Everyone?”

“Well,” I said flatly. “No. Just the ones I’ve done the dirtiest. The big deals.”

“And I really made that list for you? Me?”

I sighed with a slow blink, and cut to the chase. “Ralph, I heard everything you said to me when I was in that coma. Everything.”

“Oh,” he said, shifting his weight awkwardly, until the memory visibly returned to him and he stood rigid. “...Oh.”

“Yeah. Do you…” I struggled to maintain eye contact, “Do you… I mean, do you still actually blame yourself for anything that happened to me… after that night at Tapper’s?”

“Pfft,” he huffed, smiling joylessly. “C’mon. Ew. Did I say that?”

I stared.

He quickly gave in, folding his arms with a sigh. “...No. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad about it. I wanted to help you. I did. I never would have dragged you out there if I’d known you’d… Well. Whatever. Bad Guys aren’t meant to help anybody. Lesson learned, yet again.”

“Yeah… sure. Except the thing is, you, uh… did help,” I said, and saw him perk up the tiniest bit. “You let me stay with you. Even though I was a thankless, entitled pain in the neck. You kept me company just because I didn’t want to be alone. I know you n’ I aren’t exactly bosom pals, and I know you’re a Bad Guy, but… I guess that just makes it even more of a damn decent thing to do.”

He seemed surprised by my words, even a bit shaken by them in some way, but still, his gaze fell away from me a bit. Seemed like he was no better at accepting genuine praise than I am.

Pushing on, I said, “And if you feel guilty right now because you actually wanted to cave in my skull the whole time, then, don’t. I’d have wanted to throw my ass to the curb, too, if I were you. I don’t blame you for pushing me out. I did at first, but I don’t anymore. I was already primed to spiral, Ralph. I was headed for rock bottom one way or another. Don’t blame yourself for what I did. That’s my fault, not yours.”

He looked at me again, a quiet sort of disbelief in his eyes, which was good, because I needed to look him in the eye for what I was about to say.

“Ralph, I’m sorry.”

At that, he seemed… put on the spot, almost. Like he had no idea how to react. He took a moment to think and to breathe, like everything had to sink in. I knew that he would be surprised, so I didn’t really react. I had gotten all of my weird, emotional words out. The hard part was over.

I watched him begin to scrutinize me, like there was some hidden trick behind my back. He even slowly walked in a circle around me, trying to figure me out. He found nothing, and I offered nothing.

“So…” he said, squinting at me sidelong, “you’re sayin’... you’re sorry. You. You, Make- it Mavis, high queen of the gremlins, are sorry.”

I knew he would do that. Make a huge, obnoxious deal out of it. “Yes,” I said plainly.

“For everything?”

“Yes,” I repeated, with just a twinge of annoyance.

“Everything.”

“Yes.”

Then he pointed at me, as if firing off his question quick-draw style: “Even for calling me a trash gorilla?”

“Hell no,” I recoiled a bit. “I’m a recovering addict, not a kiss-ass.”

That was the first time I saw him almost relieved that I’d sort of insulted him. He straightened up and folded his arms, the tension in his body visibly relaxing as he sized me up. He nodded the slightest bit. “Yeah, I know,” he said, “that was just a test to see if you’d actually lost your mind.”

“Oh, so this is the point where you question my sanity. Nothing in the past couple months has been all that unusual, then,” I said, sort of smirking.

“Nah,” he reluctantly mirrored my smile. “Home intrusion, explosions, tryin’ to conk Gene over the head with a wooden club -- all standard Mavis fare.”

That earned a snicker from me. “Don’t think he’s escaped my clutches just yet.”

“Yeah, in his dreams.”

A silence set in at that point. Both of our smiles slowly began to fade as the silence grew from content to awkward once again. I wasn’t sure what else to say, but Ralph looked like he was working on something, so I waited.

“So,” he eventually said, his tone more sober, “you… really mean all that, huh. What you said about… Y’know. That you’re sorry.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I do,” I said quietly.

“Wow,” he almost chuckled, and gave me a sort of smile that I’d otherwise never seen on his face. “Counselling’s sure done a number on you, huh?"

"Well," I shifted my weight, unsure how to respond. It was a strange truth, and it was even stranger hearing it from him. "That's the idea, anyway."

Ralph seemed pleasantly surprised by the whole encounter, but it was just about over. Some small part of him must have wanted to draw it out even longer, a sentiment that I'm sure came as puzzling to him.

Scratching his chest a bit, he said, "Yeah, well… maybe once you're free again, and if you're up for it, we could go for drinks at Tapper's again. Just rag on Gene like the old days. Or Felix, even. I'm sure he's drivin' you up the wall lately with all the fussing."

I clicked my tongue. "Not… for drinks, no. As amazingly depressing as it is to say, I don't drink anymore."

"Really?" He asked, just before lightly smacking himself in the head. "D'oh, of course you don't. Wow. Sorry. I don't know where my head's at today."

"S'okay," I shrugged. "But there's more than just drinks at Tapper's. We can still go. I'll just have snacks or something. Maybe some actual, real pretzels, unlike last time."

He tilted his head. "Last time…?"

Opting to not recount the embarrassing tale of my snack hallucinations from my last visit, I waved it off. "Nevermind. Anyway, this is all making the very big assumption that Tapper will even let me through the doors. Y'know… after everything."

Ralph frowned. "You miss him, huh."

My gaze fell to his feet. "Yeah," I muttered.

"Well, I'm just on my way to see him now," Ralph said, finally turning around to slowly squeeze himself into an undersized train car. "I'll let him know."

Just the thought of any sentiment of mine reaching Tapper sort of sprung a leak in my heart, and before I could think, I was talking, my voice trembling the tiniest bit.

"If-- If you're talking to him anyway," I said, stepping forward almost as if I would follow him, "could you tell him something more?"

Ralph seemed a little surprised by my emotion, but he nodded anyway. "Sure. What is it?"

"Tell him I'm-- I'm…" I sighed, and my shoulders fell heavy. "I'm... sorry. I was probably the worst to him, out of everyone. And I know I can't take any of that back. And if he never wants to see me again… I can accept that. But there's just one thing I really need him to know."

I swallowed. "He's the reason I even agreed to counselling in the first place."

"Really?" Ralph asked quietly.

I nodded, not quite looking his way, focusing all my energy on keeping it together. "Yeah. He… urged me to get help, and when I didn't, I… nearly got his game unplugged. I'm putting in the work now. I'm getting help. I'm getting clean, just like he said. I'm thirty-eight days sober. And it all started because I just… had to make it right. Doing right by him is what's kept me going through a lot of this."

I took a moment to breathe and rein in my unruly emotions, trying to consider just how much I really wanted to share with Ralph. I'm working on being vulnerable, but I've found that I can't rush it. Plus, I'm sure Ralph felt a little awkward on the receiving end. He just watched me, unsure of what to say, but a quiet sympathy still showed in his eyes.

"Just…" I cleared my throat, "just tell him I'm sorry… and thank him for me. Please."

He offered me a half-smile and a soft nod. "Okay. You got it."

At that point, the dinky little cord train began to slowly pull out of our tiny station, sort of squeaking with the effort of bearing Ralph's weight. I watched him go, feeling that hot embarrassment that follows a particularly personal share. The thought that Ralph was probably happy to see me being good to Tapper for once was both comforting and… kind of annoying.

After the train had moved a short distance away, I just about turned to leave, but Ralph's voice caught my attention.

"Oh, and Mavis?"

I looked to see him twisting awkwardly in his seat, calling back to me.

"...Thanks."

That just made my face feel a little bit hotter, but I gave a small smile and flicked a casual salute his way. "Don't mention it," I called back, and waited until the train disappeared into the dark mouth of the tunnel before adding quietly, "...ever."

After that, for the first little while, my evening carried on just about the same as ever. I wound up in Felix's apartment for the usual tea and chats. I played my guitar for a while, and Felix listened happily until the tea was all brewed, and we sat on the couch while he told me about his day. I talked a bit too, but I didn't tell him about my conversation with Ralph. I wanted some light chatter about nothing in particular, a break from the heavy topics that run so rampant for me lately. I even wanted a bit of tea. I still maintain that chamomile tastes like soap, but peppermint is actually pretty good with a hefty scoop of sugar.

It was a couple hours into our visit that the most unusual, most… amazing thing happened.

I had given in to the primal need to lie flat on the floor as I often do, and Felix was sitting at the table polishing his medals when we heard footsteps in the hall. Huge, heavy, thumping footsteps. We glanced at each other for just a minute before we both nearly leapt out of our pixels from the front door being knocked off its hinges.

Through the open, splintered door frame, there stood Ralph, eyes wide. Instantly, his face filled with apologetic embarrassment.

"Woops," he chuckled nervously. "Sorry."

I sat up, and Felix walked over to the door with a bit of an exasperated sigh. "That's alright, Ralph," he assured, easily repairing the door with his hammer and holding it open anyway. "It's polite of you to knock."

My heart began to settle from the frightful shock it suffered, but I was sort of wary to see Ralph again so soon after our last conversation. I didn't know what more he could want, but I didn't feel the emotional energy to deal with whatever it was. I stood and walked over to the door to meet him. He had to twist down a bit to see through the doorway, and his awkward stance was punctuated with a nervous grin.

"Hey-- Hey Mavis," he said.

"Ralph," I grit my teeth just a bit, more from discomfort than anger. I let my eyes dart to Felix just a bit, hoping to signal to Ralph that now was not the time. "...Hi. What… what's up?"

"Uh, well…" he sucked his teeth, "could you step out here for a sec?"

"Why?"

"So I don't have to stand like this."

That was fair. I obliged, and nodded to Felix to give us some privacy. After he closed the door, I immediately whispered to Ralph, "Okay, now what's so urgent?"

Even though he didn't have to bend over anymore, Ralph still had to bow his head to fit under the relatively low ceiling. He put out his hands just a bit to urge me to be calm.

"Look, I'm not here to bug you," he said, and lowered his voice when I shushed him. "I'm just here to make a delivery."

I squinted at him sidelong. "Of what?"

"Well, a message, for one," he shrugged, smiling a little bit. "I talked to Tapper for you, like you asked. And he wanted me to tell you something."

I straightened up, and my heart sort of skipped a beat. "...Oh. What did he say?"

"A couple things. He's, uh… well, he's real happy to hear you're getting help. He wants to congratulate you for that. You've got his full support, he said. It meant a lot to hear that you've been doing well, because you've been on his mind. He thinks about you all the time."

I didn't know what to say or how to react. It was a lot to take in. I had sort of made my peace with him hating me after everything I did, so to hear that he still cared about me was… a relief so acute that it sort of broke my heart.

I barely had time to process it all before Ralph revealed the true hard-hitter.

"In fact, uh," he said, "he'd been thinking of you so much that he… made something for you. He told me to give it to you right away, because… I dunno, he said you seemed ready for it."

Then he reached into the chest of his overalls and pulled out a square picture frame. I was confused at first, but once he handed it to me and I saw what it was, my heart stopped.

Inside the frame were napkins from his bar. Four of them, arranged in a neat square. And on those napkins were… drawings. Two of them were clear, loving depictions of you that I didn't even remember drawing. And on the other two were doodles that you and I had done together. Unflattering, playful caricatures of each other. Our drawing styles could not have been more different -- mine being fluid and organic and yours being clean-cut contour line drawings, but somehow, they worked so well together. The fragile paper was slightly ripped in places from the pens we used, and there were small sections where the ink bled from mug-shaped rings of moisture. All in all, it was a chaotic, dirty mess.

It was us.

It was us at our very happiest moments, just goofing off together, adoring each other without ever needing to say it.

It was the most beautiful gift I'd ever received.

Struck silent by a wall of emotion, I just held it and stared at it in utter disbelief. The fact that Tapper would have cared enough to save such simple things was more than I could comprehend. The drawings could have been years old by then, but still…

It wasn't until my tears fell and splashed against the frame that I even realized I'd been crying.

"Oh," Ralph whispered, a bit of panic in his voice. "Mavis. Crying. Uh-- I'm-- I'm sorry. I didn't want you to-- I'm--"

His hands hovered around me hesitantly, completely lost as to how to comfort me. But he didn't have to decide. I felt an urge and followed it immediately.

I just reached out and took one of his huge, square fingers in my hand, even though his heavy code burned a bit to touch. He froze, rightfully taken aback. I didn't explain. I just stepped a bit closer so that he would not have to reach out to me quite so far, hugged the frame to my chest with my other arm, and bowed my head while I wept silently. Ralph said nothing, but I felt his arm relax a bit once he accepted the situation.

Eventually, I pushed a few quivering words out. "Thank you," I muttered. I looked the gift over once again. "I… I can't believe this."

"So you like it?" he asked quietly.

I could only nod.

"I'll pass that on to Tapper, then," he sighed, but I could hear a smile in his voice. "Gee, I'm just a nine-foot-tall messenger boy, aren't I?"

"Thank-- thank you," I choked out again.

"Nah… it's nothin'," he shrugged.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the gift in my hand. It was so perfect. It felt like everything I needed. Like it was the one thing that was missing in my road to recovery. That feeling in itself stood out to me, and I followed it through my mind. Apart from all the staggering sentimental value, there was something about Tapper's gesture that felt so empathetic, so validating, like he was acknowledging that I lost something wonderful, something worth mourning. It was the first thing anyone had given me, or the first thing anyone made at all, that honored your memory.

Then it hit me. The thing that was missing. The thing I would absolutely need if I had any hope of moving on.

I let go of Ralph's hand and burst through the door of Felix's apartment. He had gone back to polishing his medals, but he quite nearly dropped one when he saw the tears on my face.

"Mavy? What--"

I interrupted him, trying to keep up with my rush of clarity. "Felix," I said urgently, "I need your help. There's something I need from you. I know what I need."

He stood, approaching me with concern in his eyes.

"I need a funeral for Turbo," I said firmly. "A real one. It doesn't have to be big. In fact, it'll probably be just the three of us," I glanced back at Ralph, who was bending down once again, "but that'll be fine. It just needs to happen. Please."

I looked at Felix again, and his eyes were full of understanding, sympathy, and love.

"Then we'll do it," he said gently.

"Yeah," I heard Ralph say. "Count me in."

I choked out a single, grateful laugh. "Thank you."

We began planning right away.

It's happening tomorrow.

#fanfiction #fanfic #wreck it ralph #fix it felix #make it mavis #tapper #turbo #original character #homesick

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