#ppl are like oh no this seems disgusting better say it’s a bad theory

[helenana666]

Araki knows how to write female characters? I barely see him and Oda in mentions of their female characters in manga discourses when it comes to good female characters.

Hi anon, haha sorry for my lack of energy.

Warning: Long text SA mentions, little spoilers from Jojolion.

Uh that's a good one, honestly both Oda and Araki fall into the same issue about it but when they cook, they cook (or at least is what I have noticed from Oda, since I'm in 305 chapter of One Piece, so I can't tell you how much he fails or gets better).

Let's start with Araki, In general, there are never mentions of Jojo in the tops or compilations of good aspects of some Mangas, better protagonists, best character designs, etc. Because still people refuse to see Jojos in any serious way (okay, Jojo isn't 100% serious, it's bizarre) and others refuse to watch it because of its art style.

That said, Araki fails miserably with female character during part 1-4.

He fails but not in the bad way like only uses their female characters for fanservice, but as useless or from background or encourage male protagonists.

Erina and Lisa Lisa are maybe the exceptions, but again fails, Araki was clear that Erina was Jonathan's love interest and at the same time played with the dynamics, giving Speedwagon the role that in theory should have been Erina since that role was given to the women who were the girlfriends of the protagonist, he already did Gorgeous Irene as a protagonist and fighter, why didn't he gave Erina more role if he wanted to change the roles in his story? Because he wasn't that great at times, same with Lisa Lisa, looks like an attempt to have a strong character with more than a role than just a lover, but fails miserably at the end, giving Joseph all the attention instead of a fight between both Lisa Lisa and Joseph vs Kars, sucks because he gave more of that chance towards a N@zi 💀. I'm not even going to elaborate on part 3 bc it's too obvious.

Part 4, even tho has more female characters, none of them has relevance. Yukako was totally wasted, like her only role was to be a simp for Koichi, she didn't help at all. Reimi just was like a storyteller to give context towards the protagonists rather than useful character, of course even her own trauma is just there, same with Tomoko and Shinobu. Basically all pawns to fulfill or help the male characters.

Now, being a little fair, Araki fucked off the same with male characters, specially in part 4 and 5, but come on, even the Hazamada guy had more screen time than Tomoko and Araki just left her there to be completely in love with Joseph and for what? 😭 That sucks and it's sad.

In part 7 and 8, we actually have more good side characters, but again most of them wasted, literally Jojolion has more female characters than in stone ocean and yet Yasuho is the only one with importance.

Now the fanservice, what can I say? At this point is impossible to escape from it, only Metal alchemist and Attack on titan didn't and is oh so wonderful🥰, also Araki didn't with Jolyne so I'll take that as an apology from what he did to other female characters, lol.

And finally with that issues about SA scenes and mentions, the thing is that with Lucy, Trish or Dragona (probably they aren't a she, tho but let's count them.) seems more like a thing that happens a lot due to the context, specially with Lucy. Like real life issues that Araki has show up with other characters.

My problem is with Yasuho, like okay, she is vulnerable as every other woman, but some of the contexts she wents through are more implied in a funny context and it's something I dislike a lot, like that time Joshu almost rapes her, the touches that Tsurugi gives to her are so icky (I know he is a kid, but that doesn't make it any less creepy, Emporio was also a kid and didn't do that weird shit to Jolyne).

That's my only complain, uh I can see why ppl gets annoyed or disgusted with Lucy or Dragona SA situations and I understand it, but also saying that they have to gain some kind of lesson or something good from it is pathetic as if SA situations are only for that when in real life you only get trauma, not some kind of development. Perhaps, if there should be a Pov about their feelings and fears, how is going through SA and how affects the characters and their mechanisms to protect themselves, but okay I can ask for much in a Shonen manga when fights and powers are more relevant ig:/

As I said when Araki wants, he can cook a good female character like Jolyne, Lucy, Yasuho, Kaato, Trish and Mitsuba. This doesn't mean that other minors female characters are bad, just wasted. The only I mentioned some of them doesn't have great impact but with the role they get they make it work.

Now with Oda, his issue is about the way he draws female character, lots of fanservice and the anime doesn't help. At least Araki gives more different looks on his characters, Oda doesn't, lol. Must of them have the same face as Nami, and again due to the fanservice and how long One piece is, ppl don't take it seriously, another issue is that even though there's incredible powerful females, they're never enough as good as the males, even the only female character that was better than Zoro died 😭. Now that I think about it, Araki hasn't give this powerful stands to his female characters, not as powerful as GER or C-moon type.

Returning with the one piece, as far as I can see Oda actually writes good female characters! Nami and Robin are simply incredible, and as far as I know big mom is also a wonderful and good well character.

For me, Nami and Jolyne are one of the most stronger female characters in the Manga and media, next to Maki from Jujutsu no kaisen and Korra from avatar.

#jjba #helenatalks #jojo's bizarre adventure #one piece #one piece nami #jolyne cujoh

[starmagnets]

Can I ask where the hero elfilis theory/hc comes from? I’ve seen a handful of people doing it and I’ve been out of the Kirby loop for awhile

oh !! of course !! this wound up ramblier than intended though as i kinda used this as an excuse to dump a lot of information about my own interpretation of elfilis and how they got Like That. my bad there haha.

my hero elfilis is probably really different from others though since i haven’t really taken much of a look at others’ interpretations of elfilis as a hero of yore. this is like 99% headcanon though so literally do not take any of my ramblings on elfilis as canon like at all.

as an example many believe elfilis to have parents or a greater species they belong to whereas my interp of them just kinda. is.

for the general reason as to why i think it’s been done with multiple people is because we see they use the same or at least very similar star-shaped rifts/portals that we’ve seen both magolor and the lor starcutter use previously in canon, and they both have connections to the ancients and ppl (myself included) kinda ran with that.

now the rest of this is literally just me going absolutely bananas with literally that one crumb and my own headcanons so you can ignore this if you’re uninterested in that.

okay so basically for me i believe that fecto elfilis was created by the people of shiver star for as of yet unknown reasons to even elfilis themself, but likely to aid in exterminating dark matter as it was very prevalent in the area around the time of their creation and we see them as a very capable fighter in canon.

despite their creation likely being FOR combat and them growing up (for lack of a better word) training with magic as well as their staff/spear/whatever you want to call it, elfilis never actually left the lab where they were created as they were considered incomplete. unfortunately, the lab where they were created was eventually completely shut down, and they were therefore left as incomplete even when they eventually were released.

anyways, with void termina looming on the metaphorical horizon and dark matter becoming a greater threat by the day, elfilis is sought out by ripple and galacta knight for their fighting capabilities, as rumours of somebody on shiver star fighting off dark matter on their own (which is no easy feat without at least some sort of artifact or amplifier) had spread to ripple star, and they’d hoped that this mysterious fighter would be able to aid them in handling the void termina situation.

flash forward a couple centuries following the sealing of both void termina and galacta knight, and elfilis has taken to wandering the cosmos, dealing with whatever they personally find troubling. they eventually find their way to earth about 100-200 years past where we are now. they’re disappointed, to say the least. even with so many other civilizations growing and flourishing, reaching out to other planets and everything beyond, humanity has hardly even gotten past fighting between themselves and they’ve barely reached their closest planetary neighbour. and, of course, this is troubling. sure, war happened. elfilis was well aware of that, but they saw humanity fighting among themselves for what seemed to them completely trivial reasons and felt simply disgusted.

so, they took it upon themselves to “handle” the situation. if humanity wanted to fight, they could unify and fight off a real threat rather than their own kind.

it had been a while since they’d fought anything other than dark matter, after all. they could use a challenge.

this is pretty much where the lab discovera voice picks up, as elfilis is captured and subsequently studied by humanity similarly to how the people of shiver star did both before and after elfilis’ creation. they split into elfilin and forgo a while after this, the dream discoveries tour becomes a thing, humanity leaves earth to go elsewhere, etc etc.

i do PERSONALLY believe elfilis’ morality got weirder over time, much like the rest of the heroes of yore (drawcia especially got Weird in my interp) but they always had slightly skewed priorities in terms of what they thought was good and bad.

#asks #so sorry this got so rambly i just got excited and i talk when I’m excited #i saw a question about my heroes of yore and just kinda lost it

[heretyc]

“owo? is for me?” |  Val crackfic because today is just full of surprises [ooc Val, obviously]

YES this is bad but IT’S MEANT TO BE HDSFSJDFFDSADSFDSF |

I use he/him pronouns for Val in this. I’m warning you now. [Do ppl still care abt their pronouns/sex or did that debate die a longggg time ago]

I really do not know what would happen if an outsider went to Temple Gate [Blake doesn’t count because he was ‘the father’, not rlly an outsider per se] so I made you/the MC a ‘god[dess]’ in this scenario ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ when do I NOT make the reader a holy figure? Hm? [MC is gender neutral, yipee]

This shitstorm is inspired by my previous shitpost

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

This place was familiar, and yet you didn’t know whether to panic or stare at the scenery in awe.

Last time you checked, you were playing Outlast 2 for the fun of it. You had already completed it, so at this point you were just playing it for the thrills.

A couple of minutes after you started your first game, you had blinked a little too hard to push back the burn of craved sleep that caressed your eyelids. Blinking was a common human activity and you did it all your life. But why did this blink suddenly bring you to Temple Gate? The land of the STD’s and murder? God really seems to hate you, doesn’t he?

The crows that sit upon the branches seem to think so, as they cackle to each other, almost as if they were laughing at your displeasure.

If blinking transported you into your video games, you really should blink while playing those pet simulators.

You’d kill to pet an animal right now.

All you have to do right now is pray. Pray that there is no crazed cultist around the corner, ready to sacrifice you to the gluttonous, lust crazed moron with an ego the size of the sun.

If you remember correctly [it’s hard to remember shit when you’ve been transported into a horror game, but I digress, what does an author know?], you’re close to the spot where Blake experiences his first flashback. 

You - Blake, if you wanna get technical - were here when you blinked. This is where you left Blake standing before getting fucked over by the gods of alternate timelines.

You walk along the little stream of rushing water, trying to think about how this happened, when a little reminder clawed through your head;

yeah, Blake had his first flashback up here, but you know what else happened?

His wife got abducted by Val, just a couple of feet away from where you stand, and Blake got straddled. 

But would Val even come for you? You’re not Blake. Blake is gone. Do we even know Blake? 

Lynn isn’t here either. Val only really went for Blake and Lynn. You’re not carrying anything holy.  [Unless you’re wearing an Outlast shirt. Then yeah, he’d go for you. That shit is holy.] 

He wouldn’t go for a random ass person. Neither the New Testament or Heretics have attempted to slaughter you yet, so if you’re lucky, you’re invisible and you can find a way out of this.

Your theory of invisibility has proven to be false, however, when you feel a force push you onto your stomach.

“I found them, our God,” hot breath forces its way to the back of your neck, and frankly, it’s fucking gross. Arizona was hot enough as it is, and the random guy behind you had the audacity to breathe on you? Nasty.

“Hey!” He shouts behind him as he forcefully pushes you onto your back, with a hand pushing down on your abdomen to keep you down. Now that you see them face to face, the New Testament members look oddly intimidating. Not only that, but this one smells like old blood and failure.

You shrivel your nose in disgust, while he eagerly states that he ‘found God’ to his buddies that took their sweet ass time walking up to the two of you.

“Wait until Papa Knoth sees this!” One speaks up, obviously excited about potentially pleasing the prophet, and you can feel the tears invade your eyes.

You’re not upset about being caught, no, you’re upset about having to probably see Knoth. Oh god, why you? Why? Why?

You never thought you’d be happy to hear quiet groans and moans, but you were. The Heretics were so vocal. You were glad to hear them for once in your life.

When the noise of bare feet and boots hit the rocks beneath you, the New Testament members go silent. “Shh,” the one holding you sounds a little fearful.

He’s almost haunting when he turns his face to look at you; his pupils are as small as a freckle as he stares into your soul. He whispers, “Heretics.” 

That’s all that he’s able to say, because a Heretic rips him off of you and twists his neck until a crack blesses the air.

You can finally breathe without having to smell rotting blood. All you can really smell is mud now, but it’s better than innards and the eagerness to please.

The Heretic lets the lifeless body fall to the ground; he was more interested in ‘staring’ at you rather than help the body down to prevent noise.

...Was he staring at you? His head was staring in your direction, but with the mud coating his eye area, it’s kinda...difficult to tell.

He’s quick in grabbing your shoulders and pinning them to the ground though, so that proves you right. 

The cracking of boots hitting pebbles is satisfying but also a little unnerving; you KNOW Val is coming, there’s nothing you can do to stop him and you had to expect this, but he has followers that will kill you in a heartbeat. What if you did something he didn’t like?

Just as expected, Val appears like lightning from a storm, and shoves his fingers through the last member’s eyes as if they were butter. It was effortless.

“I watched my father,”

Here it comes.

“uwu your god...”

...The fuck?

“...to death.”

Did you really just hear a cultist say uwu? What drugs are you on?

The eyeless corpse collapses onto the ground with a thump as if it was weightless, and the infamous blonde turns to walk over to you while staring at you with eyes as cold as ice.

“God doesn’t uwu you,” he straddles you, and in the moment you couldn’t care less, because what kind of fucking cultist says “uwu” OUT LOUD?

“not like I do.” He ends his iconic phrase and begins to lick your face as if it was ice cream.

You’re questioning how much marijuana you probably smoked once he shapes his hands into finger guns and pushes his pointer fingers together, tip against tip. His expression could be compared to that of a lost puppy.

This shit never happened in the game when you played it.

“Are you here for me?”

"...What?”

Did you say that out loud? Oh, you did. Oops.

He keeps his pointers attached. The only thing that changes about him is a smile creeping up on his face, and an expression that basically tells you he knows you don’t belong here.

“You aren’t from here. You came here for a reason, I know it.” He chuckles a little bit.

Now the air is filled with silence. Is it awkward? Yeah, but only to you.

Val and his little followers are looking at you like they expect you to say something. 

So you do to prevent your demise. 

“Uh, yeah, sure. I’m here for you.” You try to say it as convincingly as possible. Can they smell lies? If so, you’re fucked.

“Oh, swell!” He climbs off of you and motions to the Heretics, “bring them home. We have some...uwuing, to do.”

Welp. That’s certainly code for you’re gonna die. 

Whether it’s by a knife or by cringing so hard your neck snaps off.

Have fun with that.

#i au val smells like petrichor #<3!!!!! #u heard it here folks #KINKSHAME ME #not me rewatching val scenes just to write this more accurately. #their voice makes me feel better for some reason

[zenosanalytic]

4/20/19 HSE 8

Ok back at it

MEAT 15

Cool Fight; Not terribly surprising.

MEAT 16

Dirk’s as much Rose’s father as Rose is his Mother. I guess maybe it’s more convenient, psychologically, to choose a causative direction and stick with it, rather than accept the Mobial nature of their genesis, but for some reason it bugs me this keeps getting overlooked.

Dirk’s over here talking about how right he is all the time and I dont think he was ever right about anything even once in canon(aside from certain aspects of his talk with Dave, and choosing not to kill Hal) XD The only “plan” of his to work was the one re: entering the Session, and 1)he outsourced it to Hal and 2)it only worked because he managed to improvise his way through every aspect of it failing to go the way he thought it would, and even that probably had more to do with their entry being part of HiC’s plan to use them, so she wasn’t trying to wipe them.

Another Thing: I dont think the Ascent Differential is Aspect so much as Personality.

Another Another Thing: That Rose, when discussing her life-long fear of knowledge as a corrupting and ruining outside force(this being a person who always felt her mother wasn’t her mother, in some sense, and responded to that fear by rejecting emotional intimacy with said mother), doesnt see the connection between that life-long fear and her fear that Ascending will be bad, damaging, and corrupting, is Notable. Perspective continues to be important, and lack of self-awareness continues to hamstring ppl in this narrative.

MEAT 17

I feel like this new narrative belligerence on Dirk’s part isn’t going to work out too well for him with a person as aware and recalcitrant to narrative meddling as John. It’s going to be John and WV all over again. This is also a wonderful example of how personal flaw and specificity isn’t solved by Godhood in HS, and can really trip you up; basically all of this, including the “impotence” applies to Dirk, too, when others disagree with the direction he’s trying to push them in, and this whole rant may be meant, ironically, as an example of dramatic irony: basically, that Dirk’s rant about total control and knowledge reveals the limits of his knowledge and will be followed by examples of how limited his control is, which he can’t be aware of, but which the “impotent” audience will.

MEAT 18

...And, almost immediately, John’s objecting to the narration and doing things before Dirk “writes” him doing them(the sigh).

MEAT 19

“So yeah, I’m gonna allow it” Notice how he asserts power over situations he does not, in fact, have power over.

Which is kind of an interesting dynamic to bring up in the context of authorship? I mean: in the realm of nonfictional works an author can’t “make” things happen, only alter for their audience what DID happen. In some respect this is being written as equivalent to that dynamic; the simple admission in M17 that Dirk is misrepresenting events also admits those events happened another way than he’d prefer, meaning it’s also an admission of his lack of power over actual events. And, of course, all the other things I’ve been talking about, and the fact that everyone’s “character” is rooted in natures established in the original work. But in a fictional work an author’s creative power is absolute, and this is a fictional work; though I suppose a derivative or transformational one, which accounts for the shortfall. Another interesting aspect of this is that the “Author” is presented as a Narrator; Narrators merely describe what happened, they don’t create it. I was going somewhere more concrete with this but it popped out of my head >:T >:T

Ok so other aspects of this: I agree that Jane’s been established as a pretty ambitious person, but she was also always a pretty moral person and the way she’s going about this so far doesn’t seem to be in keeping with that part of herself. And also: she literally wants to create shortages, and thus the suffering shortages will cause, for... what? Nostalgia? Because she think she can run Capitalism better than the adults from before all this?? Because Hierarchy is Neat??? Seems like a whole handful of really petty, selfish, and juvenile reasons to me. Also one guaranteed to cause social conflict; I doubt a civ that’s never known material want is going to react too well to sudden starvation and financially-manufactured forced-labor(which, lbr, is what most work in our world is).

Obvsl, as a snake and member of the storied gens Atheris, I agree with Roxy&Calli that patriarchal human concepts of gender are not the end-all-be-all of identity, but what really jumps out to me here is Roxy’s description of the nature of their love for, and previous sexual interest in, Dirk which I find really True. Like: the sentiment of wanting to see children of a person because you really like that person and think they should continue, or of thinking having the kids you might have with another person would be pretty interesting. Also that loneliness is a hell of a drug 8T

I’m trying to figure out why this conversation would be circumstantially simultaneous with The Furthest Ring being “destroyed”, but I got Nothing :T :T :T

MEAT 20

So yeah, Jade’s merging with her Alt!Selves, not too surprising since it was heavily foreshadowed in Endgame.

Given that Sessions are located IN the Furthest Ring, and Sessions MAKE new multiverses, I find it being made out of “negative potential. The absence of a future” pretty ironic :p I wonder if the tentacle hair bit is a nod towards the Horror-Terrors, and theories about them being Players? Rose and Dirk’s view of Ascension would seem to suggest HTs might be SUCCESSFUL players who eventually abandoned their universes out of fear of the damage they’d do misusing their godhood(as it doesnt solve your personal problems), rather than the old HC of them being failed Players.

MEAT 21

My theory about “The Economy” being code for sex doesn’t stop feeling ever more confirmed by this narrative :|

Dirk’s anger at the idea of anyone not thinking he’s right about everything is Palpable on this page. Also I’d just like to note that This:

Is being said by a person currently in the middle of metaphysically manipulating a friends towards her worst impulses(and also potentially some amounts of self-hatred, give her thoughts re: femininity) for the sake of establishing a dictatorship through which she, as his agency-dimmed puppet, will enforce his personal politico-philosophical preferences regardless of what anyone else thinks and he’s saying it about people who just said This:

which is to say: a bunch of political pluralists who are NOT seeking to impose their morality on anyone but rather to establish a system where EVERYONE can SHARE their moral understanding of policy issues and come to a consensus decision on them, within the context of a political society DEFINED by the equality of all as political actors. There’s just so much that’s wrong, weak, and easily dismissable about Dirk’s argument here. Not to mention his obvs, undisguised, physical disgust for trolls >:T

And he’s doing all this Purely because, given his fixation on “Winning”, he wants to Win. Like: he’s not actually even pursuing what he considered good policy; he is, literally, doing this all for Pure Ego, which he has the gall(and lack of self-awareness) to accuse others of acting from. And this self-deluding buffoon is a person who believes himself “Ascended” and therefore possessed of a “higher” and “clearer” perspective on matters above their “petty” concerns about, oh non-humans being allowed to live as they like, or practice any political agency at all, and all ppls being spared unnecessary and pointless suffering due to entirely manufactured shortages. So much (real, actual)Irony, of so many types, in all of this, all at once.

An aside: I am really liking the political-mindedness of these Epilogues so far; really playing to my Interests uwu

The bit about Hybrid babs and shipnames is funny, and it doesn’t read like a shot at the fandom to me at all; it’s more a joke at Dave’s expense given the obvs distress Kanaya’s in and his inability to stop making the situation more awkward(itself prob the result of Bro’s neglect/abuse)

Oh hey look: it’s Dirk the “Omniscient” being distracted, caught unawares and off-guard by the actions of others, unable to handle the role&work he’s chosen for himself(ie “out of his depth”), unable to split his attention between even just two conscious ppl at once, and not knowing what others are thinking. Given this and his handling of Jade’s thoughts in the last section, I kinda feel like it’s less he can actually sense the thoughts of others, and more that he gets some kind of inkling or hunch, or maybe that’s it’s purely just him guessing(that’d fit real well with his comments on Roxy being “inscrutable” to him), or even just having an awareness of the plot he is narrating(and thinks he’s writing). Of course it could also be some kind of Heart thing; not really even access to their thoughts at all, but a sort of awareness of their Agency? Like: Heart is The Self and The Self is expressed through Agency, so he has, in some way, developed an awareness of “Self-Action”, which is to say, Agency? Kinda like how Dave “feels” Time and Jade “feels” Space and Rose “feels” Relevance. Which, just as an asnide, would be something super-basic powers-dev wise, since Dave started having a sense of Time way back in the early Acts, long before godhood. Though I can see how Dirk developing an awareness of OTHERS intentions(and feelings, potentially, given Heart’s other associations) would seem like a big step for him, given how self-absorbed he is.

Ok that’s it for this one I think. I know I’m not being terribly kind to Dirk in all this but, tbf, he’s being kind of a huge snide Dick in basically every respect, and I also don’t have a lot of Chill in me when it comes to 1)arrogant people or 2)manipulators (:T

#Homestuck #HS Epilogue #Homestuck Spoilers #zA Opinions #analytic posts

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 4 - The Poisoned Chalice

- god fucking dammit here we go again, i'm bloody done with my life and do not, at all, want to see merlin die bc i don't remember anything except that, yeah, he dies and someone has to get off their ass and save the motherfucking day and kiss him

- i realise how much i swear in these posts bc 1. when do i not? 2. i'm emotionally invested 3. i have no other excuse i just like swearing

- AAAND NIMUEHS IN CAMELOT SHE THINKS SHE'S SO SLY WITH HER HEAD THING

- id recognise her in a split second tbfh, she aint subtle

- *heterosexual tension*

- merlins skin be looking so smooth this episode, this boy be wearing lots of Dove

- he looked so excited to be in the banquet, then arthur just fucking slashes him with “not quite” and his hopes and dreams are destroyed

- “wanna see what you’ll be wearing tonight?” arthur says as he's behind the fucking changing curtains, about to get undressed and show merlin his birthday suit

- i honest to god thought that was where he was going, but no, he was just getting something from behind it

- “tonight you’ll be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of camelot” IT'S A FUCKING DRESS ISN'T IT

- aw damn id have preferred a dress

- that smile shared between them was the most adorable scene

- god

- i

- fucking

- love

- their

- smiles 

- sm

- best thing ive ever seen

- i mean… hunty look at that piece of glistening butter beauty

- wow ok back to the episode:

- bros being bros and giving each other a handshake to destroy the mortal enemy pack and put together a family, we stan.

- as if a servant who has only had eye sex with another servant ONCE would trust them enough to say that one of the chalices were poisoned. like??? “ur the only one i could tell” LMAO NO?

- she's a sly fucking dog tfbh

- “if he kills arthur, uthers soul will be broken and camelot will fall” at this rate uther prob wouldn't care if his son dies or not, look at him, he's already mentally broken. he has anxiety and paranoia over magic. child services where u at in the medieval ages?

- i wouldn't believe a word she said, or well, id have believed it was poisoned but id say yeah no damn way you aren't in on it if you know which one it is. bayard wouldn't tell a fucking servant.

- HE'S GONNA SNAP ISN'T HE

- MERLIN FUCKING SNAPPED

- yknow what we say here folks? U DO U MERLIN

- okay i was fine if uther made bayard drink it but like the moment uther said “mmmh… no.” and slowly turned to merlin i think my arteries just crunched together and died so

- “if it is poisoned, he’ll die” HE'S FUCKING SCARED MERLIN WILL PASS AWAY ISN'T HE?

- “it's fine” he says, then starts to fucking choke

- ah fuck he's down

- my boy is down

- FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW

- ARTHUR CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM LIKE “BB NO”

- lmfao bayard looks so shocked, his face is in disbelief and confusion, he's like who tf done me bad

- arthurs carrying merlin fireman style this is what i live for folks

- did like nobody notice the flower stuck on the inside of the cup? like honestly if you take a sip you’d kinda spot it or perhaps even the person pouring the drinks would have been “is this chamomile tea? no? then what the fuckery-doo is this leaf in here for?” yknow. it's like that scene in Matilda when the angry buff lady completely missed a fucking salamander in her cup when it was the size of her bloody hand. it brings out the same mood honestly

- does gaius have an index for these books or does he just have every page memorised and know exactly what page to go bc I FUCKING NEED THAT it would make bio so much easier if i knew what page it was on instead of looking back and forth from the homework sheet to my textbook, then closing it by accident and having to find the index again for that specific page i need

- arthur wants to fucking go on a life-or-death journey to save merlin i've never been so happy

- this is honestly my favourite episode, like it may be really fucking angsty but i love it so much

- arthur betrays his dad and leaves his room even after being told not to just so he can save a servants life is literally my new moto

- NO IT WON'T LOAD MY NETFLIX IS STUCK ON 99%

- okay so while i'm waiting for my shit to load, i just discovered the new fucking tumblr rule starting dec 17 and i'm like 0.2 inches away from just spamming NSFW pics on here just for laughs

- like hunty, that won't stop people from posting elsewhere or for thinking about sex bc like??? whatchu gonna do tumblr?? get the fbi to erase it from our minds

- i think nOT thot

- watch me get flagged for just using the fucking term “NSFW”

- i'm gonna end up asterisking everything (is asterisking a word? wow it has red under it so like probably not but i just added it to my dictionary so uhh it is now)

- by asterisking i dont mean furry kin shit ew no

- i mean like N*FW, s*x, t*mblr, m*rthur

- god it took me like 20 minutes to calibrate my fucking wifi and fix the connection problem

- wow the stage for the poison increased by 75% in 30 mins, damn

- merlins like like having a conniption on his bed lmao, chanting arthurs name and sweating lot

- do we ever find out how uther gets that scar bc i'm like 100% positive arthur was a little child and swayed his fucking sword too hard just as uther rounded the corner. the sword then collided into his fucking brain and destroyed a good part of his intelligence, targeting especially his morals on how to accept people and how to be a good father

- that’s my theory

- merlin starts talking enchantments in his sleep while gwens watching, and gaius is just there like wtf merlin ur blowing ur cover “oh! gwen!! uhhh sorry. he’s just... in a latin study group in his pastime and has an oral presentation in minutes”

- omg, nimueh, stfu

- i didn't know dinosaurs existed back then, this reptile be whack

- y’know what's funny? ppl thinking dinosaurs didn’t exist. i find creationism very very very intriguing bc how fucking stupid could you be

- that sword throw was faker than my moms tits

- arthur could have done better

- k but like what if merlin’s hand wasn’t under the covers? like he was just throwing that blue ball around right in front of gwen

- can arthur like not hear her? nimuehs literally enchanting the rocks right behind his ear lobes and arthur acts nothing of it until those said rocks collapse and he gasps and suddenly he realises shes evil

- also his fucking hair in this scene looks glorious. perhaps bc it's pushed back rather than his bowl cut, but its doing things to my abdomen

- i thought for a second she was pulling off her mask to say “nimueh” and arthur was gasping bc he only recognised her after her hair was shown, just like in that scene with joker and harvey in the hospital

- OH RIGHT THE SPIDERS I LIKE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE SONS OF A GUNS

- i’d be dead if those spiders came crawling up to eat me lmfao

- k so nimueh went from :) to >:D in half a second

- i'm smelling up those symbolisms, boys

- watch out pals cause here are some of them:

- merlin is the LIGHT of arthur’s life

- he LIGHTS up the party

- he gives arthur a BRIGHTER future

- he's the GUIDE for his path

- hahhahahaha

- i'm serious when i say i have a huge fear of insects (spiders count in that too, no discrimination) so i'm just putting that there, saying to yall id be fucking terrified

- gaius would be so confused, like we don't see his face here but merlins close-up sweaty concentrated frown, but he’s literally just screaming “ARTHUR!!” “FASTERRR!!” “YESS!!” “CLIMB!!!” gaius would be looking like he walked into something he wasn't supposed to. prob thinking he should just let the kid die so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit anymore

- UTHER LOCKED HIS SON AWAY I'M FUCKING QUESTIONING HIS PARENTING SKILLS

- that's grounding???? throwing ur child in prison???

- yes 999 can i have child services on his ass

- gwens so smart honestly i love her

- pretending to be a maiden for the food, god what a queen

- arthur buying it and saying “yuck you say this is food?! disgustang!”

- the fact that i misspelled disgusting but it autocorrected to disgustang (which is originally what i wanted but autocorrect shouldn’t have known) makes me consider if i should really check my dictionary…. who knows what words are on there

- they’re so smart

- and then this fucker ruins it all while eating his food, checking her out and saying yeah arthurs a prick, hyuck hyuck, realising only that wait fuck u aint the maiden

- how’d they know GWEN was the one not supposed to have delivered the food, what if it was that chick right there???

- welll….. maybe it's because gwen took her sweet time up those steps, staring as if she couldn’t blink at the guards below

- i forget what happens at the end of this episode besides the kiss, and there's like 9 minutes left my fingers may rot at this point

- wake him up! wake him up!

- OH WAIT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WAKE UP DOES HE AND EVERYONE PANICS

- YEAH OKAY I'M SEEING THAT NOW

- MERLIN STOPPED BREATHING

- LMAO GWEN IS IN TEARS

- “HE'S DEAD” SHE SAYS

- ARTHUR BB COME IN HERE TO KISS UR HUBBY ALIVE

- OH WAIT UR IN FUCKING PRISON

- WAIT UP, HE'S ALIVE AND SHE KISSES HIM AFTERWARDS????

- FUCK ME I THOUGHT FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE THE KISS HAPPENED BC HE COULDN'T WAKE UP THAT'S FUCKING WITH ME I DIDN'T KNOW

- i keep forgetting to switch up the cap locks, sorry if it seems im screaming im legit using my inside voice for most of the time just emphasizing my words a little more

- goddamn, everytime they say mercia i just think of “murica”, like those americans on the 7th of july or whatever date the “we love our country” day is, chanting it as they throw around beers and fireworks as people gather round in jerseys or crop tops

- it's not that hard to spot the european on here

- the most celebrated holiday here which contains a lot of beers and big pub gatherings (besides every fucking night honestly) is either new years, lowkey stereotypically correct saint patricks, and ig easter monday but that's more for the kiddos

- i mean ofc christmas and all that shit but im not the most devoted christian, i just like presents and small gatherings among good friends

- wow okay it wasn't the 7th of july

- i mean at first i looked up “USA day” (i couldn’t remember the name) and it popped up today’s date, and i was like no thats not it at all. dec?? its in like july i think. and i was close! it was july 4th.

- uther damn knows it's nimueh!!!

- i mean, he just overheard morgana and arthur talk about it, and initiated himself into a convo about it once morgana left, as his sneaky ass just slithered up like “hey man, u know that woman? yeah uhh, what she say? anything about me? no? k i know who it is tho”

- i thought he was going to apologize or like explain to arthur what's the sitch, but he just waits for five whole seconds before saying. “those who practice magic know only evil. they despise and seek to destroy goodness wherever they find it.”

- arthur, confused: sounds as if you know her

- uther, walking away: i do

- arthur:

- wow k lots of fucking quotes here cause it's the merthur reunion

- get ready babs

- arthur: still alive then?

- merlin: oh yes, just about… i understand i have you to thank for that

- arthur, leaning on the chair merlin is sitting in, stifling a smile: ah it's nothing, a half-decent servant is hard to come by. i was only dropping by to make sure you’re alright… i.... expect you to be back to work tomorrow

- merlin, watching arthur as he slightly walks away having embarrassed himself: arthur... thank you

- arthur, slowly: you too

- they stare for like 5 whole seconds

- arthur, uncomfortable: well… get some rest

- there we go folks: my eulogy.

- hope someone reads it at my funeral

#merlin #merlin bbc #merthur #s1 #s1ep4