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#posts that should have gone to drafts and stayed there
avocad1s · 10 months
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Note: This has been in my drafts for a while, so while I’m finishing Part Seven, I’ll post this.
Character Included: Zhongli, Venti, Ei, Tsaritsa, Xiao, Ganyu, Diluc, Ningguang, Childe, Scaramouche, Dottore
This is long so everyone else is utc! :>
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As the Creator, suitors will seek to win your attention. Your inherent beauty is unparalleled, many could only imagine to be graced with your physical or verbal affections. So when word gets out that you want to be with someone romantically, everyone will jump at the opportunity.
If you pick one of the ARCHONS, no one in Teyvat would be surprised. It was obvious you valued them the most out of everyone in Teyvat, they had the strongest connection to you.
If you pick is Zhongli, that is when his identity as the former Geo Archon is officially revealed. Many were surprised to see that their Archon never died, and others questioned why he wanted to take a mortal form in the first place. However none of those things mattered when he was the one you held dear.
Liyue as a whole held a ton of pride it was their Archon you wanted to be with. That means you’ll want to stay in their nation permanently, no? For Zhongli, this is a moment he has waited millennia’s for. He always knew he was your most devoted, everything he’s done was for the betterment of Teyvat and you. When it comes to your relationship, He will do anything to make you happy. If it’s as small as getting you your own Serenitea Pot? Consider it done. If it’s something as major as becoming the Geo Archon again? He’ll do it in a heartbeat.
As much as he cares for you, Zhongli knows that you still have matters to attend to in the other nations. He would be glad to go with you if you wanted but he also has no problem staying in Liyue until you return. He’s waited this long and now that he has you, being apart for a little bit won’t hurt (at least that’s what he tells himself after you’re gone for two weeks).
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Considered to be the weakest of the seven, Venti is ecstatic that he is the one you want to be with. He has a carefree and playful nature that bleeds into his nation naturally, but even if he doesn’t show his devotion as strongly as Zhongli, it’s still present.
He enjoys doing any activity with you, do you enjoy wine? Well let him take you to Diluc’s Tavern for the best wine you can drink. Naturally he always offers to pay, but unknown to you he’ll just put it on his never ending tab. (not that anyone would ever charge you for anything, you’re their God!). Do you enjoy his singing? He’s absolutely flattered! Let him sing you all the songs he knows, and eventually you’ll two will be able to perform duets of the songs you enjoy the most.
Just like in Liyue, Venti’s true identity will be revealed once your relationship is announced. Mondstadt will be overjoyed, not only has Lord Barbatos returned but he has secured the love of the Creator themselves. You should do expect lots of songs made about you two. You both will be a symbol of love in the nation of Freedom. Not only that, Mondstadt will plan many festivals throughout the year dedicated to the two of you. (Perhaps even a marriage?)
Just like his nation, Venti values freedom above all else. He would never want to hold you back from doing anything you love, so if you wish to visit other nations he has no problem with it. Of course there will be times he’d want to go with you, especially if the nation you’re going to is having some event in your name but Mondstadt is his home and that’s where he likes to stay. Don’t worry though, he will always be waiting for your return and he will have more songs to sing and stories to recite while you both relax in Windrise.
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This could go one of two ways with Ei.
If you choose her during the vision hunt decree, it would solidify in her head that what she’s doing is right and that even her Creator supports it. She would be way more harsh in pursuing her view of eternity, the fight with the rebellious army would end quickly once the Shogun joins the battlefield. Now they aren’t just disrespecting her, they are disrespecting you. She will not allow that.
The citizens of Teyvat would be conflicted. Should they get rid of their visions? Do you not like them? Maybe you’ll show them they same value if they didn’t have them anymore. It would certainly be a mess for you to clean.
Also in this scenario leaving Inazuma would be… difficult. Ei doesn’t understand why you want to leave, what can those nations offer you that she can’t. She’s doing this all for you and her sister, can’t you see that?
Now if you choose her after the Traveler’s involvement in Inazuma, she would be different. Now she’s trying to find another way to pursue eternity and having you there to support and help her definitely makes her feel better about the situation. She wants to have a better relationship with her nation but she doesn’t know how to go about that, but everyone adores you so being with you should help! At least she hopes.
On the rare occasion she decides to walk around Inazuma city she would be happy if you go with her. She can be a bit awkward at times since she doesn’t believe she should indulge herself but if you tell her she can have all the dango and dango milk she desires she’ll come around to the idea. Especially if you’re indulging with her.
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“Oh… You’re picking the Tsaritsa? Oh no! There’s no problem with that, you can pick whoever you like Your Grace.”
That is a line you’d hear all the time after announcing your affections for the ice queen. Not many people can think of Snezhnaya without thinking of the Fatui and all of the… things they’ve done in each nation.
Although to the rest of the world, the groups motives are unknown it must be something you support if you harbor affection for the founder of the Fatui, right?
No matter, even if people would have their objections to the union, no one would dare say anything. The Fatui’s power would only grow stronger, many would believe that going against them now means that they go against you. (They might even use that to their advantage)
The Tsaritsa cares deeply for you. As if you are a flame, her cold persona melts immediately when she’s in the presence of you. She’d do absolutely anything for you, and I mean anything. She’s already forsaken her relationships with her fellow Archons so if you make any requests about your distaste of other nations she will waste no time taking care of it.
Unlike the other Archons, she’s is open to killing for you, even if she doesn’t do it herself, she has a lot of powerful people who can take care of it for her.
When it comes to you leaving the nation, she’ll be reluctant. Snezhnaya has everything you need, why would you want to go anywhere else? Are you cold? She can easily get you some warmer clothes or warm you up herself. She’ll come up with any excuse to keep you to here. Don’t get it wrong though, she still has lots of respect for you and your word is still law. If you stay stubborn about leaving the snowy nation, she’ll give up and let you leave. But she will always have an eye on you so don’t worry :)
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If you pick one of the ADEPTI Liyue feels honored, you may not have feelings for their Archon but the Adepti are the next best thing, right? The rest of Teyvat are a bit confused, what’s so special about these illuminated beasts that caught your attention?
The tactful Ganyu is conflicted if she can only pick one of her two lives. Humanity or the Adepti. Is she capable of doing both? She’ll try her hardest, her contract with Rex Lapis and her position as the secretary to the Liyue Qixing makes her schedule impossibly full. However she will always make time for you.
You mean everything to her, when she fought in the Archon War by Rex Lapis’ side it was for you. Being with you is a dream come true, it was something she always fantasized about. Although she never thought she’d actually catch your eye.
Anytime you’re in Liyue she’ll attach herself to your side catering to your every need. For once she doesn’t mind putting off her work if it means she can spend more time with you. She’ll take you to best places to eat in Liyue, bring you to drink tea with the rest of the Adepti, and if you wish to watch her spar with the Conquerors Of Demons. Well don’t blame her is she shows off a bit.
Once your stay in Liyue comes to an end, Ganyu will drown herself in her work. She has so much catching up to do and even though she regrets it now, she knows she’ll do it again once you come back to her.
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Oh Xiao… he believes he doesn’t deserves the value you give him. As much as he cares and loves you, he came to terms that he’d only watch you from afar. He will protect Liyue for you so you can enjoy the greatest things this world has to offer. So why? He wants to ask. All of the blood he has shed over the centuries, how can you feel this way about him?
It’s obvious that Xiao has a good amount of self- depreciation, he feels as if he has to push everyone he cares about away. All of his fellow Yaksha has fallen and Xiao doesn’t want to drag anyone down with him.
Yet staying away from you is hard for him, when all you want is to be with him how can he refuse a request from his God? He fears that getting to close to you would makes his worst nightmare come true, but eating Almond Tofu with you won’t hurt anything… and maybe looking at the stars on top of Wangshuu Inn?
You are a double edged sword for Xiao, being with you makes him fear you may get hurt. However when you two are apart, he feels his karmic debt downing him.
But if you don’t show affections for him until after his time in the Chasm with Yelan and the others, he would be drastically different. He now realizes that his life, like everyone else’s, has meaning. He doesn’t have to push the ones he cares for away and he doesn’t have to constantly sacrifice himself for others.
In this instance Xiao would try way harder when it comes to being with you, he doesn’t know much about relationships or any type of customs that comes with it, but he will try for you. He doesn’t want to disappoint.
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So it’s not the Archons nor the Adepti you desire? Well that’s completely fine! There are many other influential people that live in Teyvat. Some might even call them the LEADERS of the nation they reside in. Or maybe they are just very dependable and have gained everyone’s trust and respect.
Oh so it’s Master Diluc that you desire? Well no one in Mondstadt can blame you. He is the most desired bachelor in the nation of freedom after all. Although many are disappointed that they won’t have a chance with the tavern owner anymore, they also can’t help but feel a bit relieved that it’s you he’s with.
And my oh my, Diluc is just as surprised that you want him too, but it’s a welcome surprise. After his father died and his relationship with his brother became… strained you were all he had left. He would pray to you daily about his wine business, his tavern, or even his secret identity as the Darknight Hero.
Once you descend, his devotion to you becomes stronger.
He doesn’t trust the Knights with your safety, we all know he believes they are incompetent so once you step into Mondstadt, expect Diluc to basically be glued to your side. You want anything from the shops? Let him buy it! He has more than enough Mora to buy anything you desire. Do you want some wine? Please allow him to escort you to Dawn Winery for the finest wine he has.
Speaking of Dawn Winery, Diluc would prefer if you’d stay there. The Fatui bought out the nicest inn Mondstadt has to offer, and even though they explicitly stated they had no problem with their Crestor staying there, Diluc doesn’t want you to. He has a big issue with the Fatui and as long as you are in Mondstadt, they have no chance getting near you.
Diluc doesn’t mind when you depart Mondstadt, he knows how busy you are and he has important work to get done himself. Unless you are leaving for Snezhnaya, he will try to convince you to go somewhere else. If that doesn’t work, he will worry constantly worry about your safety in the claws of the Fatui. His prayers to you would increase until you’re back in his arms again.
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There is no such thing as a secret in Liyue, so when you show affections Ningguang. Everyone in Liyue will find out fast. Not much is known about Ningguang and all of the things she does for Liyue, people will scramble to catch even a spec of knowledge that falls from the Jade Chamber.
But one thing everyone knows about the woman is how much she loves you. Before you descended, her daily routine would consist of praying to you as soon as she wakes, working, and praying again before she lays to rest. When Liyue throws celebrations in your name, she would give you the most lavish offerings. Not one person in Teyvat would be able to match anything she gives you.
Anytime you’re in Liyue she will force insist that you stay in her home. Have you seen a better place in Teyvat? She doubts it! Don’t forget about the amazing view she has up there too. Ningguang will also handle all of the expenses for anything you desire, she’s arguably the richest woman in Teyvat there is not one thing you’d want that would be out of her budget. If her God wants it, you will have it
She’d treat you to the most luxurious meals you will ever have, making sure everything is adjusted to your tastes. Even if the spices you like don’t originate from Liyue, she will send people to go get whatever you need. All that matters to her is to see you happy.
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Erm, Your Grace? The one you desire is a FATUI HARBINGER? You should stay away from the likes of them. They have no good intentions, all they do is exploit innocent people and gain power over the other nations. The Fatui has no respect for…
There are only four things Childe cares for, his family, the Tsaritsa, fighting, and you. As he grew up, his family told him how amazing you were and all he dreamed about was meeting you face to face, and when he became a Fatui Harbinger he knew that would be possible.
However he got more than he would’ve ever imagined. He got to call you his.
Childe has no issue killing anyone for you, if anyone goes against you, he will take care of it.
Unlike anyone before, Childe will want to go everywhere with you, he’s already a Harbinger so he’s used to traveling to all of the nations and not only that, he has the money to go anywhere too (thank Pantalone for that smh)
He will rub this in the faces of his comrades, he’s the youngest Harbinger, the lowest ranked but he still managed to snag your attention? Yeah, they’re not living this down.
When it’s just the two of you though he’s soft, he’d love for you to meet his family. They mean so much to him just like you do, to have you all in the same room would make him so happy.
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Where should I start with the Balladeer? He‘s a puppet and doesn’t have a heart, but these feeling he has for you is strong.
At first he tries to push you away, his… mother cares so much for you and as he tries to distance himself from her, he thought that meant he had to hate you. But he couldn’t…
As he tried to find meaning within himself, everyone kept telling him to turn to you. Even his own friend that tragically died had told him that your divine light would guide him in the right direction. He didn’t want to listen.
Once he had joined the Fatui he figured he wouldn’t hear about you again, but oh boy was he wrong. He hadn’t met anyone more devoted to you than this group, everything they do is for you. All of the killing, exploiting, experimenting, and lying was done in your name and honor.
Scaramouche needed something to latch on to, his mother thought he was useless, and unbeknownst to him at the time, his attachment to the Fatui was a complete lie.
He will try to be useful in any way he can. The Fatui wouldn’t matter to him anymore, getting his hands on the Electro Gnosis doesn’t matter, all that matters is what you want.
With you around, he finally has something to fill his heart with, he will do anything and everything not to upset you. The last thing he wants is for you to throw him away like everyone else.
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So it’s the Doctor that you want? Can’t say that I blame you…
On the surface, it would seem that Dottore doesn’t worship you. He won’t deny your existence if asked but if he’s asked if he worships you, he’s closed off about it.
Even in his days in the Akademiya he would always pray to you for luck before his studies or exams (not that he needed it). When he was interested in ancient machines and wanted to know more, he would pray to you for a breakthrough to prove to the Akademiya scholars and sages that this is what they should be studying. However he was chased out before that could happen.
He didn’t blame you for it, in fact, leaving Sumeru had given him a better opportunity, the Fatui. They actually funded any experiment he desired, whether it was about the ancient machines, the Archons, or the secrets of Teyvat, he would know it all.
However once you arrived, you took all his attention.
It’s not that he wanted to experiment on your per say, it’s just… he wanted to know more about you! You’re the God of Gods, you have power people on Teyvat could only imagine having. Being able to take a closer look at you would mean everything.
Once the two of you become close, Sumeru are the first to regret it, the one you favor is someone they had thrown out of their nation not just once, but twice. They feel absolutely foolish.
Since you’re a God, Dottore definitely believes your have greater intelligence than the God of Wisdom herself and he would love to “poke at your brain” if you allow him, he would ask you questions about wherever you were before coming to Teyvat and how Teyvat was many centuries ago.
If this is before his time in Sumeru and creating his own God, he would still have his Segments from previous times in his life. Yeah… they’re all devoted to you too. So if you like Dottore, that means them too right?
I think it’s clear that he and his Segments do not get along, they’d all be fighting for your attention lmao (obviously he wins all the time) but if Dottore is too busy with his Harbinger duties he doesn’t mind if you want to spend time with them. It’s better than you running to someone else for attention.
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Note: I am also working on a masterlist atm so that should be out once part seven comes out! 🫡
© avocad1s please do not plagiarize or post to any other website
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ezdotjpg · 1 month
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do you have any directors commentary on the recent two updates? 👉👈 the color palette is absolutely lovely! and and and WOLF!! :DD
OH BOY DO I
In the original draft of this chapter, Wolf stays a, uh, wolf until like the 4th update. Instead of actually managing to get his teeth on the master sword, Loft threw him off immediately. The Deku Tree still said the line about all three of them being heroes and Slate is like. “Including the fucking dog????!” I thought it was very funny but a) it made some scenes later down the line a huge pain and b) I was tired of drawing wolves ALDKDKD
You may have noticed Wolf’s scowling in the bg of almost every panel. That’s kind of just his face, but also right now my guy is nursing the world’s biggest migraine from popping the shadow crystal out of his skull. He can stay wolfmode for a while, but it’s still technically a curse. It’s not consequence free, and there’s an upper limit for how long he can spend in that form. Anyway, cut him some slack if he’s a little prickly for a bit.
There were a lot of comments about Loft being strong enough to toss a wolf over his head lol. My hc is that he’s one of, if not the strongest Link sans any magic items like power bracelets or gauntlets. He’s actually not even as strong now as he was during his quest. Wolf maybe has him beat now, but he can still get tossed lolol
It might seem like Slate’s really taken everything that happened at the end of ch1 in stride, but don’t worry. He’s simmering. Loft is grateful for the opportunity to get distracted by something else. Maybe that’s why he was so willing to approach the wild animal he’s never seen before lol
This maybe goes without saying based on the events of the last two updates, but Slate never had wolf link with him during the events of botw. He doesn’t recognize Wolf.
I’m really glad ppl seem to be liking the colors bc I struggled with them so hard on both updates 🫠literally days of me turning to my roommate and going “I think I’ve never made anything worse” and them going “it looks good stop being dramatic” WKDJDK I have this thing where if I had an idea in my head for what an update should look like, and what I produce doesn’t meet it somehow, I start seeing in fucking. shrimp colors. Posting always gives me a confidence boost back lol.
these pages were cursed in general bc like. this doesn’t usually happen but I think I redrew every panel in this update at least 5 times each. that’s part of why it ended up being late SKDJF
I REALLY like the idea of being in the presence of the Triforce and having access to its power being this eldritch, divinely horrifying experience. The sort of thing that is impossible to explain to anyone and also haunts you forever. Loft spends a lot of time actively trying not to think about the Triforce. Just, like, remember that about him.
Like how tears in reality are shown through holes in the literal comic panels, I tried to show the concept of reality bending in the form of a panel stretching and twisting like a ribbon ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ I hope that came across. Triforce lore varies a bit from game to game, but I’ve come up with my own internal logic for bonus links that combines all the ideas I like lolol. We’ll learn more about it in due time!
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I also really like this parallel :D I intentionally set up the panels so past and present loft would line up like this. i love getting to draw flashback links it’s so fun to think of ways to convey what they used to be like, and how their quests might have gone for them. Past Loft’s not having a great time by the time he reaches this point lol
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I think that’s all I’ve got for now. Thanks for asking :D
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pigeonpeach · 2 months
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How they would handle a drunk spouse
Warning! ALCOHOL!
Characters: Jean, Diluc, Dehya, Eula, Arlecchino, Navia, Shenhe
A/n: this is a draft that i just fixed up to post. I promise jean x reader will not be forgotten
Cw: fluff, alcoholism. No warnings aside from alcohol!
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Jean
She knew Kaeya was a bad influence! Its not entirely his fault but she doesn’t have time to care about your mistake here. You can try to sweet talk her or be all cuddly but shes not holding back on you! You should’ve known better than to get this drunk if you didn’t want to make her worried sick! She goes into overdrive caring for you though. A bucket and water telling you to drink every drop. You aren’t going to bed until she’s sure you feel better because she doesn’t want to wake up to vomit everywhere. Also because you could choke on your own vomit. Its also to help lessen the hangover. Mondstadt is the drinking capital in Teyvat though so there’s definitely more tips she knows just by living there. Despite her being s but mean it does help when you are hungover and less dehydrated than you would’ve been. She made sure to leave you some painkillers and medication for you on the nightstand.
Diluc
“I told you so” kind guy. He’s probably a bit annoyed but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to help. Although he can’t help but find it a little bit amusing the state you’re in. Just giggling and mumbling words. Its kind of cute. Unlike Jean his anger and annoyance lessens the more cuddly you get. His heart melting at the fact that you still seek him out in this inebriated state of yours. He’ll fix you something to sober you up real quick and hold your hair if you vomit. If you have to take a bath he will be there to make sure you don’t drown. Since he is a bartender he has the best knowledge of how to handle hangovers. Next time however you should be careful
Eula
She probably was drinking with you to be honest. But her liver is far stronger than you thought! Seeing you drunk out of your mind she will stop drinking for the night and take you home instead. A gentle bridal style while she takes caution to not upset your tummy. She gets you plenty of water to help sober you up for bed time. You will just have to go along with her word, she isnt entertaining any arguments or resistance from you now! She changes you out of your clothes, ties up your hair, etc. She makes sure you’re nice and cozy for the night before she takes care of herself.
Dehya
She can’t help but find it amusing watching you stumble about. She asks Lambad for some water but she holds it to you so you won’t drop it. She teases you about being a lightweight. But she isn’t finished drinking yet so just hold on! Once you fall over and pass out though she ditches that plan and instead carries you home. A bit difficult considering she too is tipsy but it helps that she’s strong and not nearly as drunk. Nonetheless she tucks you in and sleeps right next to you, making sure you’re pressed up against her so you can be nice and warm.
Arlecchino
She knew you would be a light weight. Just one shot of firewater and you’re out like a light, your head on her thigh as she was reading something. You seem too peaceful to move so she simply lets you stay there. Her hand rummaging through your hair every so often. Occasionally she glances to see your face and smiles. You’re cute like this. Next time she’ll make sure to dilute the firewater properly so she an enjoy your drunken state a little more.
Shenhe
She’s not sure what to do with you actually. Worried that you’ve hit your head she brings you to Bubu pharmacy, to which Baizhu has to explain the difference between a head injury and alcohol. But he sends her off with a few pain meds for you in the morning. She heeds his instructions well. Helping you settle in for a nice rest to sleep it off. She might have gone overboard though because she overdoes it with the blankets and water. But its still appreciated when you wake up with the worst hangover.
Beidou
You crash together. You fall asleep first, in her arms as she eventually falls asleep too , holding you close to her. Both drunk out of your minds you two end up asleep using a tarp as a blanket on the deck of the crux. The crew still mulling and celebrating their most recent success. The crew ends up having to lift you two back to your beds together because even unconscious would Beidou not let go of you. When you wake up she’s far better off than you as she teases you endlessly. Needless to say you two will be chugging water from here on out. At least until the next celebration. Lucky for you she keeps a stash of painkillers for her crew for this specific occasion.
Navia
A relentless teaser! How horrible! She ends up giggling watching you stumble and stutter. She can’t help it! You’re such a silly bean! Once you get sleepy is when she brings you home to rest. With her guards doing the heavy lifting of course. But she’ll do the bathing or changing herself with them casted out of the room. Afterwards she prepares herself for bed, snuggling against you.
In the morning she’ll make her guards get you painkillers and water.
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Unexpected 51
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Warnings: non/dubcon, pregnancy, pegging, Lloyd being the worst, post partum, csection, suicidial ideation, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.
My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.
As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.
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Trapped in another holding pattern. That's all that life seems to be. Phases. Dull and prolonged. Waiting but for what?
Your days aren't much different than before Lloyd's return. He may as well have stayed gone. For you, he's not there. He's nothing. He doesn't deserve to be anything to you.
Your routine once more stagnates; sleep and feedings and some crying. Between it all, you see Harlan or Dottie, sometimes both. Your mother-in-law has grown quiet, even evasive, since her son came back. You know why but you won't argue with her or her precious Marion.
You get your walks in, looking forward to the escape from the suffocating walls. Andy passes you often, waving or saying hi. He doesn't try to talk again, not with your father around. They barely acknowledge each other. You ignore his texts. You're still trying to figure it all out.
When you're at home, Harlan holds Luna as you catch up on your reality TV. You whisper back and forth about your most hated personalities. It can never be what it once was, or what you wished it could be, but it's manageable.
That day, Harlan and Dottie go into town to do some shopping. You haven't seen Lloyd but you don't mourn his absence. Not like before.
You have Luna downstairs in her rolling bassinet. She's fully fed and sleepy. You might do some cooking. You're finally feeling up to it.
You shiver and watch your daughter dozing peacefully. Why is it so cold in here? You hug yourself and notice the draft freezing in from the kitchen. You find one of the french doors slightly open and push it shut. You can guess who did it. You should lock him out but you'd rather not provoke a confrontation.
You go back to the front room. Something feels off. You don't know. Maybe it's just the empty house. You check the thermostat then the bassinet. Luna is tucked against the side. She must feel it too.
You make sure the wheels are locked before you flit out to grab a quilt from the nursery. You pant as you get to the top of the stairs. Whew, you still got work to do before you're anywhere close to back to normal.
You snatch the sewn pink blanket and come back down, catching your breath as you sweep through the doorway.
“Lulu,” you say quietly, “gonna swaddle you up–”
You notice the angle of the bassinet. It's not how you left it, almost parallel to the sofa instead. You rush over and nearly scream as the bottom stares back at you empty.
You drop the quilt and spin, searching for any sign of the culprit. You storm back into the foyer and stomp a foot.
“Lloyd!” You bellow, not caring if you wake the babe, “where the fuck are you? Give me my baby!”
Nothing. Just the echo of your anger. You snarl and holler again. Louder.
“LLOYD! I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND!”
You stride forward and go down the hall. Not in the kitchen. Nope, not in the dining room either. You go through the first floor, yelling, then ascend the stairs again. There's no way he could've snuck her up there.
“You motherfucker. Lloyd!” You stop at the top, “it's not fucking funny.”
“Jesus Christ!” You hear a door swing open, then another as he comes out of his bedroom, “what is it now? Wanna call me more names? Push me around?”
He has a towel clutched around his waist as his feet slap on the floor. He glistens, his hair slick and dripping the noise of the shower still buzzing. You gulp and your heart drops.
“Lloyd, give her back.”
“What?”
“Don't. Give me Luna.”
“Luna–” he grimaces, “what the fuck? You serious? You won't let me see her and now– wait, where is she?”
You stand silent in horror. He's a loar to the bone but dammit, he's convincing.
“You took her. I know… I went to get her a blanket and you…”
“I've been in the shower for twenty minutes, sweetheart,” he sneers, “I… she's… gone?”
You croak. It's all you can do. You spin and hurtle back downstairs. You near the bassinet again and squeal. Gripping the sides as panic floods your chest.
“She's gone! Lloyd! My baby! Where is she?!”
You hear him come downstairs and his footsteps rush across the floor, searching everywhere you did. He appears from the kitchen, barely hanging onto his towel. You look at him as he stares at you palely.
“The back door was unlocked.”
“I know, I thought you were out there–”
“Peaches,” he utters as his eyes dilate, “call the police.”
🍑
You're still sobbing as the red and blue flash on the other side of the window. You told the story a dozen times over. It's 2am and you haven't seen Luna in thirteen hours. You feel her absence heavy in your chest.
Your baby. You failed her. She's gone and it's all your fault.
Why didn't you just take her upstairs? Why did you want to cook? Why weren't you watching her? Why didn't you lock the goddamn door?
“Honey,” Harlan clinks down a mug and his weight dips beside you on the couch, “they'll find her. She can't have gone far.”
“No, no, no,” you bawl, head throbbing, “someone took her. Someone– it's all my fault–”
“Shhh, shhh, it's alright. It'll be alright. She got everyone lookin’, they'll find her.”
“I fucked up!” You fold over your lap, “I was selfish--c-c-carlessssss.”
He hushes you again and rubs your back. You can hear the police milling around outside, a few inside still investigating every nook and cranny.
“Ma'am,” an officer approaches, “we're doing what we can but these things can take a while. You know, we got a few volunteers from the neighborhood too and some statements–”
“I don't care! I want my daughter back,” you snap.
“Sorry, officer, she's just…scared,” Harlan slings his arm over your shoulders.
“Understood,” the officer says, “we're doing all we can.”
You sniffle and bury your face in your palms. This can't be real. It is and it's all on you. You wished so many times that Luna would just go away, you didn't want her, you remember that, and now that wish came true. You are a monster.
“Breathe,” Harlan coos as your breath turns shallow and suffocating, “honey, please, you needa–”
“Let me look!” You sit up, so dizzy you nearly keel over, “I wanna look for her.”
“Dear, you already did. You needa rest.”
“No, no!” You shove him away and stand, slippers slapping as you stomp around the couch, “she's my baby, I can find her! I know I will.”
“You won't help. Lloyd's already out there–” Harlan calls after you as he follows.
You hurry through the entryway and burst out the front door. You hear your father swearing as he scrambles for his shoes. The snow crunches under your thin soles as you jog past the cruisers and the uniformed figures.
You turn down the street without a thought. The streetlights flash over you, yellow, then darkness, yellow, dark…. You don't know where you're going. Maybe you want to disappear too.
You hear Harlan calling your name but he's getting further away, not closer. You slow down and cough, lungs burning. You lean on a fence post and bend to collect yourself.
“What are you doing out here?” A drawl brings you straight up.
You squint. You think it's Lloyd at first, you haven't seen him since the police got there. Andy steps into the soft hue of the lightpole.
“I… what are you doing?” You throw the question back at Andy.
“I'm a volunteer firefighter. Heard there was a missing baby so I've been helping. I'm sorry to hear about Luna. I don't know who would do this.”
You shake your head and snivel, “I don't know.”
“I know what it's like to lose a child but… I think… she's out there. It'll be okay. You'll see her again, I know it.”
“I hope,” your voice cracks and wipes your eyes as your grief spills anew, “I should go back.”
He says nothing. You back away and turn, dragging your feet down the pavement. You see the sirens lit up and the distant beans of flashlights. Suddenly, you're caught around the neck, a hand smothering your mouth.
“Do you wanna see her?” Andy whispers as you kick out, “Luna needs her mommy…” he wrestles you out of the cone of light and behind the fence, “so do I.”
You thrash, clawing at his sleeve. Your slippers fly off in your struggle as he squeezes tighter. No, it can't be him.
You were wrong. Again.
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arabaka · 4 months
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₊˚ʚ ☁️ ₊˚ ♡ ゚. content warnings ⤸ sfw. fluff + angst for the birthday boy! spoilers for chapter 236. 736 words. while i don't mind ageless/minors interacting with my sfw posts, do NOT follow if you do not have your age in bio.
₊˚ʚ ☁️ ₊˚ ♡ ゚. author's note ⤸ maxine voice from russian doll: sweet birthday baby!!! i had this sitting around in my drafts and honestly been going through it so... we love-self care. also peep the httyd quote B)
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He’s already seen everyone else (Suguru, Nanami, Haibara, and Yaga) but there’s still some unfinished business for the strongest, the ill-fated, Gojo Satoru.
After all, it’s a long known fact that Gojo Satoru really died when you did.
“Well,” Gojo stands, dusting off his uniform pants, “Gotta go.”
“Leaving so soon?” Geto asks with a knowing smirk.
“Yeah. Got a date, ya’ know.”
Of course, you’d reunite at an airport terminal of all places. The staple location for every cheesy rom-com movie, where the twist is that both lovers are dead.
What can you say; spending even just a few years in limbo will round out the humor in you.
But it’s also perfect, in its own way. How many rom-coms did you watch with him that had this exact scene in them? How many times had you recreated those corny, predictable scenes anytime you had to travel with sincerity because between the two of you… One couldn’t really live without the other.
Maybe there really is something to this airport effect.
You’re both running so fast, desperate to leave all the time you spent apart in the past.
Gojo sweeps you off your feet, somehow staying grounded on his despite the boom of excitement between the two of you. Your giggles make him giggle and it’s like you were never apart.
When you kiss, he remembers what it felt like when he really had someone to keep living for. 
The memories don’t stop there: a dam of his own making cracks under the pressure before splitting apart entirely. It still hurt to reminisce on those times you shared, even after all those years it never got any better. But with you back in his arms, the experiences have been returned to their original glory. Their original joy.
He can see them all so clearly. 
The look of annoyed disgust you gave him when you met as first-years at Jujutsu High: he never did let you live down your initial distaste for him and you never let him forget why you gave him that look in the first place. But it sure as hell didn’t stop you two from sneaking off to make out when you should have been practicing.
The gleam in your eyes when he told you I love you for the first time: you had cried right after and had him thinking he did something wrong but you more than made up for it when you tackled him to the ground, sobbing “I love yous” right back. 
The warmth of your arms when he’d wake up screaming the nights following the first time he’d lost Suguru: he never could thank you enough for giving him such a perservering comfort.
He’s seeing it all: graduation, birthdays, holidays…
A flash of you and him in the bed you shared, in the apartment you two called home, and the night he proposed… How you said yes before he could even finish the sentence.
And that's where it ends because you'd be gone before the two of you could even announce your engagement.
Gojo never loved after you, didn’t even try to find someone else because no one could ever come close to you.
Now here you are, in his arms again… Where you belong. He kisses you over and over again with the fervor of a man starved, Gojo desperate to reacquaint himself with the way you taste and feel.
“I was beginning to think you forgot about me.” You tease, arms looped tenaciously around his neck; you aren’t letting go this time.
“Pft- You? Never, baby.” His lips skirt yours, “You don’t know how much I’ve missed this.”
Gojo makes you laugh. He always could.“I think I have an idea.” You chuckle, your eyes crinkling as you smile.
“Let me look at you.” You both say at the same time, falling in love with each other all over again. 
With an air of remorse and his pretty blues saturated with sadness, Gojo whispers, “You’re as beautiful as the day I lost you.” His heart still aches like it's become a muscle memory. “I should’ve–”
“Hey.” Your hands firmly grasp his face, “Stop that.” You give him a good shake with that determined look in your eyes he's longed for all these years. “We're together again. I don't know for how long or what comes next but… For better or worse, right?” 
“For better or worse.” Gojo agrees and for the first time in a long time he smiles without guilt, thinking to himself:
“I’m hoping this isn’t a dream.”
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dulcesiabits · 1 year
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Housewarden reactions after a break up
Riddle: acts like he’s fine and normal. He does hold it together until one day Trey brings out your favorite dessert during an Unbirthday Party and proceeds to have a breakdown for thirty minutes
Leona: has ruggie hang up your picture so he can use it as a dartboard <3
Azul: passes out because he’s screaming and crying and throwing up so much. When he wakes up he starts sobbing again and drafting a 1000 page plan to get revenge on you
Kalim: cries for eight hours uncontrollably in his room while looking at your pictures. Goes to class the next day like nothing happened
Vil: the most normal about a breakup and handles it well… sort of. Does have an unhealthy obsession with stalking your socials and gets mad if you look a little too happy in your posts
Idia: gives a 50 paragraph long anime villain rant on how he should have seen this coming and nothing good ever stays in his life. Changes his pfp a black square and his status to “gone…” on discord
Malleus: Lilia takes him on a family outing to the beach in order to cheer him up. Stares at the beautiful sunset over the ocean while a single tear rolls down his cheek as he thinks about your relationship. Sends a messenger pigeon asking you to take him back in beautiful cursive
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xiaosorbet · 9 months
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unreachable (kaveh x reader)
he's with you day by day, but as each one passes, you feel him growing distant. unreachable. you're not quite sure what changed.
content: angst, established relationship, gender neutral reader
warnings: might be ooc ?? also drinking (it's kaveh)
word count: 3.9k
author's note: HI TUMBLR this is my very first post here!!! hello!!!! also my first time writing in a hot minute so apologies if it's rusty. enjoy :)
sunday
you wake up drowsy and cold. the window is open, letting in a cool breeze. the space next to you on the bed is empty. the bedroom door is closed, though from the other side you can hear the sound of sizzling oil on a pan. kaveh cooks breakfast for you on the weekends, since his schedule doesn't allow him to on weekdays. you don't mind.
you go through the usual weekend morning routine. wash your face, slowly wake your body. the weather today isn't unpleasant; the sun hides behind the clouds, but you sense no sign of upcoming rain. kaveh greets you in the kitchen, wearing his pajamas and a smile. you give him a kiss on the cheek, and you chat about the weather while he flips strips of bacon on the stove.
it's just another sunday. unremarkable, but cozy. you spend time together over breakfast, laughing over the slightly burnt bits of bacon. he isn't used to cooking, since he rarely gets the chance, but he always tries his best. diffident apologies are never excluded from his dishes. seeing his shy smile makes you warm and appreciative.
later, you lay on the couch with him, entangled legs but separate worlds. he hunches over his laptop and a sketchbook, working on a project. the same kind he works on during the weekdays, and late into the nights. you tell him he should rest, he needs a break. he could watch a movie with you. you two could go out somewhere. you haven't gone on a proper date in a while, you tell him. it's sunday, he should be free of his work for once.
he waves you off. he's almost done. just a bit more, he claims, just like he always does. his eyes remain glued to the drafts and the blueprints. they don't catch how your lips straighten into a line, too focused on the ones on his screen.
you've been with him for almost a year. there was a time you could draw him away from his work. in the earlier days, all it took were a kiss and a soft plea, and you would have all of him on you, his hands, his gaze, his attention. nowadays you're not sure if he even hears you sometimes.
the rest of the day is uneventful. you do what you can to pass the time. you read a book as his keyboard clacks, his pencil scratches against the paper. he asks if the sounds bother you, suggests that you could read in the bedroom instead, it'd be more comfortable. they do bother you, just the slightest bit, but you shake your head and say you want to stay.
that night, you get ready for bed together. you brush your teeth together, smile at each other in the mirror. you kiss each other goodnight, and sleep with your backs to one another.
monday
kaveh's alarm wakes you. it trills in your ears, long and loud. you aren't accustomed to the sound lately. usually, you wake to your own alarm. this is the first time in a while you've heard his.
the alarm rings on and on, yet kaveh remains still, deeply asleep, lying on his back. you don't want him to wake up. you stare at his face, peaceful in his sleep, not burdened with stress or frustration from his work. those two emotions seemed to be all he would take home with him during the weekdays. something tells you this was the first good sleep he's had in a while.
all too soon, he stirs and wakes. he turns off the noise and plants a kiss to your head, apologizes for waking you, then moves around the room and around your little apartment, getting ready for work.
he leaves early. every day, he must be in his office at 8:00 a.m. to talk to clients, manage whatever building of his is being constructed at the moment, the works. he used to tell you all about it, and you would listen regardless of how much or how little you understood of his work. these days he just doesn't have the time or energy.
on the other hand, you work from home. your job is one that requires only your computer and half of your day, more or less. your own alarm goes off not long after kaveh has left. your days without him are routine and simple. you make the bed, make yourself breakfast, get to work for a bit. some days you clean the house, other days you get the groceries. it's mundane, and today is no different.
you set up your laptop and do your work on the small dining table near the kitchen. your little shared apartment doesn't have enough space for a study, so you and kaveh make do with the rooms you have.
later in the afternoon, after you've finished your work tasks, you decide to cook something for kaveh once he gets home. upon inspecting the cupboards, you discover that you have all the ingredients needed for a simple cream of mushroom soup. it's his favorite. when you finish, you let the pot sit on the stove.
the rest of the day is uneventful. you're used to the boredom. you send kaveh a text, saying you made him his favorite soup. he responds a couple hours later with a thank you.
his job is supposed to end at 5 p.m., but you count yourself lucky if he makes it home before 7. more often than not, he stays at his office overtime, sometimes because clients and contractors hold him up, though mostly because he throws himself into his work and loses track of time. you never saw the point in that, since he always ended up bringing his work home and doing it here anyway.
when he arrives home, he carries not only his suitcase but also an air of dejectedness you've come to be well acquainted with.
you try to comfort him as best you can, but as the months have gone by, your company seems to have less and less of an effect as a distraction from his woes. you sit with him on the couch and ask him what's wrong, but he brushes you off. the usual, he says. that's what he tends to reply with these days, and it's been so long since he's elaborated further that you can hardly recall what "the usual" is anymore.
you miss the way he would talk your ear off about all of his problems, the way he would pass them all onto you for you to dispel them with sweet, comforting words and gestures. you were his rock.
silence stretches between you and him. you aren't quite sure how to break it and even less sure that he wants you to.
tentatively, you tell him a little about your day. there isn't much to tell, and you feel somewhat bad telling him about your job that is less taxing than his. he seems to be listening, but he doesn't have much to say in response. only a few hums and nods. he must be exhausted.
you remember the soup you made him, and you tell him. his lips twitch up into a small smile in acknowledgement, though his ruby red eyes, weighed down by eyebags, hold only his tiredness.
when you set down two bowls of soup on the dining table, soft snores emanate from kaveh's body, now haphazardly draped across the couch. you think to wake him for dinner, but something inside you makes you stop. you don't know what it is, but there's this feeling, a voice in your head saying he'd probably just prefer to sleep there undisturbed. it's not a new occurrence.
so you eat alone. the second bowl goes into the fridge.
tuesday
this time, your own alarm is what wakes you. when you get up, you find that kaveh has already left for work. you guess he slept on the couch all night, because you didn't feel him climb into bed with you, and the sheets on his side of the bed remain unwrinkled.
you go through the usual cycle of work and boredom. nothing noteworthy happens with your work or around the house. you start pondering many things in your free time. you think about how you should probably clean the house one of these days. there's been a bit of dust on the counters, the shelves.
you think about kaveh, who must be working himself to the bone. you know he loves his job. no matter the obstacles he would have to face, all the issues and complications, he would always express to you that there isn't anything else he'd rather be doing.
nowadays… he doesn't tell you much of anything. it's like he closed off. you know he still loves his job. it's been his passion to be an architect his whole life. you don't sense that that has changed, but… something else has. his job has always been a demanding one. you're used to seeing him come home exhausted, stressed. but he confides in you about it less and less. you don't know why.
the question of why isn't a particularly new one. it's been there in the back of your mind, occasionally surfacing on days like this. you never had an answer, so you would usually push it away and pretend like there's nothing to question at all. that's what you intend to do today, just like the countless times before. you don't want to bother him with it anyway.
when he gets home, it's the same, but he seems less tired than the day before. he brought home takeout for dinner, and the two of you make small talk as you eat. you bring out the soup from yesterday too, and he thanks you for it. he apologizes that he didn't eat it yesterday. you wave him off, it's not a big deal.
the conversation doesn't get detailed or personal. any spectator that would happen upon the two of you might not realize that you've been together for over a year. the words that flow between you and him are friendly but not intimate. an unfamiliar feeling seems to tug at your heart, something that feels like sadness or confusion or dread, but you ignore it as you exchange idle chatter.
kaveh offers to do the dishes, but you stop him and do them yourself. he gives you a smile, and you see the tinge of gratitude in his tired eyes.
later, when you're about to head to bed, you bid kaveh goodnight while he hunches over a sketchbook on the couch, and you know he'll probably fall asleep there again.
before you go, you watch him from the hall; he's right there, yet somehow he feels… unreachable. your chest twinges again with that strange feeling. your lips part and you feel like you want to say something, but there's really nothing to be said.
you face kaveh's side of the bed when you lay. you feel a little cold, and the soft light peeking from beneath the door feels so far away.
wednesday
when you wake up, his side of the bed is empty and seemingly undisturbed once again. part of you thinks that maybe he just fixes and straightens out the sheets before he leaves, but you know that isn't something he'd do.
the rest of the house isn't as empty, though. as you make your morning coffee, you idly look around your place. it feels like it's been a while since you've really seen it.
most of it just screams kaveh. he decorated the place when you first moved in. you helped choose some of the furniture, but ultimately, you let him have the creative freedon to do with them as he pleased. some stray sketches are scattered on the coffee table in the living room. next to them, a couple of pencils. you pick up one of the sheets of paper and see a gorgeous landscape drawn on it. a garden with winding pathways and dreamlike flora and a romantic gazebo right at the center.
something seems to gnaw at the inside of your chest. a feeling of yearning. you're not sure why, but this drawing has made you feel like you're missing something.
you miss kaveh. the realization strikes you so overwhelmingly that your grip on the sketch tightens, your frown deepens. you miss him.
so what now?
you sift through a few more of his drawings, most of which are unfinished. as your eyes skim over his messy handwriting on each piece of paper, next to each grand building and humble house, the urge to call him, to hear his voice, to feel him with you becomes too much to bear.
where is this coming from? why are you feeling this? he was with you last night, wasn't he?
no, not really.
…but in the end, you decide to keep your feelings to yourself, and you decide not to call and disturb him while he's at work. though, to at least satiate the gnawing and pulling and dragging in your chest, you shoot him a text saying you hope his work is going smoothly. he responds a little bit later with a thank you, saying he hopes the same for you. and that's enough.
thursday
you're surprised when the first thing you see upon waking up is kaveh's back. the clock on your nightstand reads 3:08 a.m. and everything else is dark, but you can just make out his silhouette lying next to you.
the aching in your heart comes back. you will yourself to push it down and go back to sleep, but it demands to be felt. you feel it stronger than ever, the urge to reach out to him and pull his body to yours and feel him against you. nothing should be stopping you, but you hesitate nonetheless. you prop yourself onto your elbow and gaze at him for a while. even here, mere inches away, he is unreachable. you lean down and ghost your lips on his shoulder and whisper i miss you before laying back down and drifting back to sleep.
when you wake up again, the morning sun colors the bedroom, and you see that kaveh no longer occupies the space next to you. the rumpled sheets in his place tell you that you didn't just dream of his presence there last night.
the day passes by in a blur. it feels like the only thing you're fully conscious of is the dull sadness in your heart. you miss kaveh overwhelmingly. it confuses you how far away he feels even when he's right next to you. it's as if some invisible barrier has grown between you and him. you just miss being close with him.
when he gets home, you expect your heart to lighten, but it only seems to weigh down on you more. you can't help but envelop him in a soft hug when he walks through the door. you hope he can feel some of the yearning in your embrace. he returns the hug halfheartedly. he's just tired from work.
as you have dinner together in the low light of the dining room, you can't help but watch everything kaveh does. he's the same as he'd been since you met him. the way he holds his fork is the same as it was when you first went out to dinner together. all his little mannerisms, the way his body moves with everything he does, it's all so familiar to you. his whole being is chronicled in your mind. you liked to think that there wasn't anything you didn't know about him, but lately, you aren't so sure anymore.
and so it's back once more, the urge to reach out, the urge to ask him so many things and feel him with you again. the feeling that he's so distant despite being right in front of you. unconsciously, your grip on your fork tightens. you watch him some more out of the corner of your eye, unsure. his eyes focus only on his food.
your thoughts and wants whirl around you until you can no longer bear the silence between you and him.
finally, you manage to open up and ask him. why are you so distant lately? why don't you tell me things anymore?
you intended to sound stronger, gentle but still confrontational, but you felt like a little kid as you spoke. like you doubted your own words, that your questions might be unreasonable.
he doesn't give you an answer. for a long time, he stays silent. he stops eating and refuses to meet your eyes. his name leaves your lips, so soft and so small that you think he didn't hear. so you repeat it, more insistently. your mind floods with pleas that lodge in your throat. please. answer. tell me.
seemingly sensing your growing desperation, kaveh looks into your hopeful and pleading eyes, and simply says: i don't know. i'm sorry.
in his ever-familiar scarlet eyes, in that face you know like the back of your hand, you feel like you see a stranger in the windows of his soul.
that night, you toss and turn alone in your bed. the emptiness of it used to be so easily excused as kaveh simply accidentally falling asleep with his work. only now did it occur to you that he might have been doing it intentionally.
your mind feels like a storm of confusion and frustration and sadness. you wish you had the strength and reason to scream at him. instead, hot tears fall onto his pillow where you lay your head.
friday
the day feels dull and empty. you aren't entirely sure what to do. you go through the motions of a normal work day, but it's obvious that you're lost and helpless. you feel weak, being so uncertain of where kaveh stands. you're certain that he still loves you... that maybe he's just going through something within the confines of his own mind. he needs only to let you in so you can repair the rift between you two, so you can heal whatever's broken inside him.
throughout the day, you subconsciously make a vague script of things you want to say to kaveh when he arrives home.
please tell me what's wrong, kaveh.
i'm here for you, kaveh.
please come back to me, kaveh.
every sentence formed is laced with desperation. it feels like you're screaming into an empty cave, no response besides the echo of your distress.
all you want is for things to go back to how they used to be. you yearn for kaveh's eyes to shine with all the love and adoration in his heart like they used to whenever he looked at you. you miss feeling his warm gaze, his strong arms around your body, conveying every ounce of affection he couldn't express with words.
you just miss his love.
strangely, the day feels excruciatingly long, but also as if it passed in the blink of an eye. you're entrapped within the haze of your own longing.
you don't realize how late it is when kaveh gets home. you intend to greet him casually, so that you don't overwhelm him. you intend to communicate your feelings to him over dinner. though you're overflowing with things to say, you don't wish to go overboard.
but you soon forget all of that, because one look at him slightly swaying by the entrance immediately tells you that he's drunk. all your thoughts are instantly replaced by concern. you rush to his side while he holds a hand against his head. instinctually, you begin fussing over him, asking him why he drank, how much he had. you know he's not good at handling his liquor. the redness taking over his face and neck indicate that he drank a lot.
you don't remember exactly when, but there was a time he promised you he'd stop drinking to this extent. one late night, he came home drunk after work, in a state similar to his current one. you fussed and worried about him. you lectured him too. so he promised he would stop, because he didn't want to cause you more distress.
now, you ask him why he's broken his promise. maybe you were right in thinking something was wrong with his work, enough to drive him to drinking again. in your flurry of emotions, you barely give him room to breathe. you seem to briefly forget yourself as you reach up and cradle his face in your hands. gently, you plead, tell me what's wrong.
he takes your wrists and sighs before stepping away from you. your name leaves his lips in a broken whisper. he looks at you, and you see every bit of your desperation and chaos in your reflection in his eyes. his eyes, which are pained, bloodshot, defeated. he apologizes.
you step towards him. you don't want an apology. you want an explanation. he starts by saying that he cares about you. that you still mean something to him, that you'll always be someone important. it sounds like he's rambling.
everything else blurs. the only things you fully perceive in the next moments are the words that leave his mouth and the look in his eyes as he says them, resolute, mournful, regretful.
i just don't love you anymore.
saturday
they say drunk words are sober thoughts. deep down, you knew he'd say those words eventually. you've been in denial for the longest time. always trying to push away the notion that he no longer loved you. you always thought it was impossible, but part of you knew this was inevitable. it didn't matter that he was drunk. you both knew the words have been sitting on his tongue for a while now.
maybe that's why you didn't cry that night. when you went into the bedroom and lied down, yes you were sad, but there was also a sort of relief there. a burden was lifted from your shoulders and his. you no longer have to pretend. as you drifted off to sleep, you felt somewhat weightless.
it's midday now. the gravity of what happened starts to settle in. you lay on the couch, which smells like him, and your tears fall onto the cushions. kaveh is nowhere in the house. he left you with a note, saying he'll be staying at a friend's place. in the note, he promised he'd come back and you two could talk. the tiny naive part of you felt hope that he meant to work things out with you. but you know it's hopeless.
the silence of your home stabs into your ears. you cocoon yourself in memories of him, in sheets with his scent, in his drawings and once endless musings. your heart won't stop reaching for what isn't there. you still don't fully understand how someone could just fall out of love. but there's nothing else you can do about it now.
all you can do is let him go.
sunday
you wake up drowsy and cold. you stare at the ceiling for a very long time. no sounds of sizzling or pleasant humming make their way to where you lie. birds chirp their morning song, car engines phase past.
his world rotates without you.
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doukeshi-kun · 9 months
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𝙜𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙛✗𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚, 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙡 𝙬𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙚
featuring ⨳ stalker!nikolai gogol x fem!reader
synopsis ⨳ “I flirt with my woman by chasing her with a knife, dearest. And she likes it. She loves it. She loves it so much that she can't stop thinking about it. She thinks of her chaser so much that her pretty brain can't hold all the thoughts she had about him that she has to put it all down into her little journal.” Nikolai presses his knife a bit harder, “She likes it.”
contents ⨳ stalker au, 18+ content, dark content, harsh languages, very dubious consent, predator/prey dynamics, threats, manipulation, rough semi-public unprotected s*x, horror descriptions, repetitions are intentional, masochism, violence, impact play, oral (both receiving), knife play, hints of ‘exhibitionist’, light mindbreak, very toxic relationship, obsessive and possessive behaviour, dead dove do not eat
notes ⨳ stupid ass labels ruin my hardwork. thanks a lot. now i have a reason to post this draft. fyi this is a part 2 of my stalker nikolai au
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❝ Day 6 of him not being outside my house.
One more night and it will be officially a week since he last came here. Truthfully, dear diary, I know I should feel relieved and happy that one threat to my life is gone, even if it's temporary.
But I think he fucked me so hard that he fucked my head too.
I can't stop thinking about him. Not in a bad way. I just can't get him out of my head. Every fucking time, I find myself looking at my phone at work because I hope he texted me creepy messages. I purposely wear short clothes when I'm out in the living room because I want to tease him. I don't even lock my doors, hell, I even leave my wardrobe slightly open.
Why why why why am I acting like this? I'm losing my logical sense! I should not do those stuff! I should not rile a fucking murderer! No normal human would think of walking around their house topless, nipples out, perked and shit, just for their fucking stalker to see!
I blame my fucking hormones.
Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm a whore this whole time.
I am ashamed of myself.
I am also ashamed that I actually wait for him to barge in my house again. I want to experience that first night when he first talked to me as Kolya. I want him to wat no no what the fuck am I writing
Anyway, dear diary, I'm quite excited about this weekend. I will go out to have a drink— actually we'll get fucking drunk so fuck yea
I wouldn't call myself a lonely person, but I do... have very few friends. Maybe it's because of my weird hobby. Maybe it's just my social skills. But, putting that aside, I am quite happy that I am actually invited to go.
Because nobody invites me that often. pathetic bitch
And very rarely do people take my invitation to go on some horror adventures with me. I could count on one hand how many people have come with me to enjoy those scary things.
Maybe I should put myself out there. I can't stay this aloof and alone without a companion, or a genuine genuine friendship. Romance is one thing, but to be honest, having a deep friendship is beautiful too.
I hope I can have a best friend. Maybe one day. If I don't fuck myself up in my life so badly, that is. ❞
— ˚ ១。read more? ☄.
— ˚ ១。read more? ☄. [AO3]
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aku-babe · 2 years
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“the agency’s new assistant”
ranpo x fem!reader smut , -16 dni !
this was actually my first post here but i felt too shy so i kept it in my drafts 🧍‍♀️ but it's actually my favourite one so far!! ranpo is just so,,, 😩🤌 hope u enjoy <3
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you had been working at the agency as an assistant for a while now, which meant you should be pretty close to everyone there, right?
wrong.
well, you were close to almost everyone, just not him. you had been avoiding him ever since you first set eyes on his ridiculously hot figure.
the detective who could read your thoughts from just two seconds of a glance; you had heard all about him and it terrified you, because absolutely none of the thoughts you had about him were appropriate.
he was unlike anyone you had ever seen before, and if you're being honest, he made you soaking wet from just his voice. he was the hottest man you'd ever laid your eyes on and you were quite embarrassed to admit you had formed a crush on him. with blushed cheeks and weak knees, you knew talking to him in this state would be the same as throwing yourself all over him.
so for both his and your own sake, you avoided him as much as possible. but of course, this didn't go unnoticed by him.
he tried many chances to get you near him, but it always ended in you finding excuses and running away with a red face.
but not today. he was determined on having you today, all for himself.
as you walked in for work, you immediately noticed how silent it was. glancing around the empty office, you nearly jumped out of your skin when you heard a voice behind you.
"they're all gone for an emergency mission," ranpo said as he lightly grabbed your waist to move you from the doorway.
"oh, i see.." you internally squealed as his arm stayed on your hip for far longer than necessary.
"looks like you're all mine for today then," ranpo flashes you a grin.
shit, this was exactly what you dreaded. but looks like there's no escaping it now, so you straightened your back and tried to act professional instead. "yes sir, what would you like me to assist with?
"sir?" ranpo stopped eating his sweets to glance at you. "while that does sound quite nice, you can just call me ranpo."
"o-of course, uhm, ranpo," you fiddled with your skirt nervously which immediately caught his eye.
"no need to be so nervous. i've been watching you for some time now."
"you have?"
"of course, who wouldnt be interested in a cute little thing like you?"
your cheeks were painted crimson by now and you quickly turned away from him. "i'm not sure what you mean"
you yelped as he grabbed your wrist to turn you back around and made you look at him. "don't look away from me, that's rude don't you think? his hand slipped down to rest at your hips once more, pulling you closer.
"this is extremely unprofessional, sir-" you gasped while trying not to blush.
"is it? he furrowed his eyebrows. "what i think is unprofessional is how you keep avoiding me. you're meant to assist everyone in the agency, how unprofessional of you to not uphold your job. do you dislike me?"
"no, of course not!"
"then tell me why you refuse to even talk to me hmm?" he laughed softly as you opened and closed your mouth again, unsure of how to reply.
"you're so cute, you know that?" his hands traveled down to your skirt, slipping under it. "of course i already know why you avoid me. can't hide anything from the world's best detective now, can we?"
you hid your flushed face in his chest out of embarrassment. of course he knew. all this time, he knew, and now he was teasing you for it.
"looks like i was right once again," you jump as he suddenly presses a finger against your underwear. "you're wet. is it because of me?"
you mumbled incoherently against him, making him click his tongue. he quickly pushes you up from his chest, cupping your face to make you look in his twinkling eyes.
"cmon now, don't let me do all the detective work. lets get a confession, yeah?"
you looked away from him in shame, ears turning pink.
"there's no need to be shy," ranpo tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "i'll let you in on a secret."
leaning down in your ear, he whispered, "i always think of you too. whenever i see you walk past in that cute little skirt of yours, i can barely resist myself from grabbing you and bending you over my desk right then and there."
your heart felt like it was gonna explode. this was too much, too fast-
but he was just getting started. leaning further down, he pressed his lips against your neck, softly sucking on your skin. you let out a whimper as he dragged his teeth across, before gently biting.
"don't keep me waiting," he pulled away after creating a hickey.
accepting defeat and pushing away your embarassment, you gave in. "i didn't avoid you because i dislike you... i avoided you because each time i talk to you, um, my heart gets all warm and tingly.."
"oh yeah?" he smirked and prodded a finger down there again. "and here?"
"uh, i get wet.."
"evident," he runs his fingers across you to prove his point.
"wh-what now?" you look at him shyly.
he smiles. "i finally have you to myself. only a fool would waste that opportunity."
grabbing you suddenly, he turned you around and pushed you over his desk. he stood behind you, eyeing your ass that was barely covered by the short skirt you wore.
"i like skirts," he commented. "wear them more often."
"okay.." was all you could mumble while you hid your face in your hands, anticipating his next move.
you felt his large hands rest on your skirt, pushing the fabric up and bunching it up around your waist. you flinched suddenly when he landed a sharp slap on your ass. you couldn't hold in your moan when he did it once more, and you could practically hear him smirking as he landed his hand down again and again.
finally satisfied with how red your skin was, he pushed your underwear to the side and bent you more, putting your wetness on full display for his sharp green eyes.
"you have no idea how long i've been waiting for this," he breathed out as he traced your slit and played around with the slickness.
"me too."
all shyness was thrown out the window once he slipped a finger in, and you were immediately begging for more. he moved his finger in and out at a steady pace, while rubbing circles using his thumb. you cried out when you felt him lean in and press his tongue against you, while pushing a second finger in and increasing his pace.
he sloppily sucked and licked at you, while pushing his fingers deeper each thrust.
"i'm close, ranpo-"
"don't," he muttered, pulling away.
"what?' you cried out in disbelief.
"ah im sorry love, but we don't have time for this. the others will be back soon, and i need you to come when i'm inside you."
"what do you- ahh, oh my-"
he had pushed himself inside you before you could even realise, and no words could describe how good it felt.
"are you okay? do you need me to stop?" he gently rubbed your back.
"i'm okay, it feels fucking amazing," you reassured him to move.
grinning, he started out slowly fucking you against the desk. soon enough it changed into him pounding into you at a brutal pace, sounds of skin clapping and desk creaking filling the room.
"you feel so fucking good, ah fuck," he groaned as he threw his head back, before raising one hand to slap your ass.
you moaned loudly as he railed you harder, his grip on your hips getting tighter and would definitely leave bruises. a few more thrusts and you felt his dick twitch inside you, and then he was leaning over to suck your neck desperately as he became sloppier. his hand slipped down to rub you, and you couldn't take it anymore. your legs were shaking as you came down from your high, and you would've fallen over if not for his arms supporting you.
ranpo groaned loudly as he pushed into you one last time, cumming inside and filling you completely with his warmth. he did a few more thrusts to fuck his cum back into you, making sure none of it got out. you cried out from the overstimulation, but he just shushed you and continued licking over the hickeys on your neck.
you heard the ding of the agency front door, and immediately came back to your senses. ranpo also sighed in frustration, and pulled out. he carefully placed your underwear back in place, and pulled your skirt down. offering you his hand to stand, you stumbled to stand straight as your legs were weak and sore. he smiled at you as he quickly fixed your hair and clothes, smoothing them down.
just before the door opened, he quickly pecked you on the lips, surprising you and making you blush. that was your first kiss..
"y/n! there you are!" dazai walked into the room followed by the others. "wait, why are you red?"
"oh um its just hot in here," you mumbled, rubbing your neck.
"it sure is," ranpo cheekily muttered from his desk, sending a subtle wink.
you turned away from both ranpo's smug self and dazai's confused and but seemingly knowing look, and got back to work.
it was a bit hard to focus though, not when your underwear was all sticky and you were throbbing because of a certain someone.
sitting at your desk, you glanced at your skirt which was now a bit crumpled. smiling, you decided to wear skirts more often. and maybe you should talk to ranpo more.
after all, the feeling was mutual..
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mirai-desu · 27 days
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On the MSATD News
I didn't have time to post a knee-jerk reaction (which those of you from the Downton days know I was apt to do - thank you to all my long term mutuals of my side blog for sticking with me through those days), as I saw the news as I was getting ready to head out for work and it's been… a bit of a day.
Suffice it to say… I am devastated. And my initial reaction was (well after cursing), that it should have ended with S4, but with a different (happier) conclusion. It's called Miss Scarlet AND THE DUKE for a reason. And after all that happened in S4… it really feels like… what was it all for?? Especially if they knew WHEN FILMING THIS?? "Goodbye for now" is NOT "goodbye forever." They really, really really fumbled this.
There's a lot of theories going around, and I will admit it's too hard for me to listen to Stuart's new interview, but going off what other's have said and the parts of the transcript I did manage to read… I just cannot feel like this was actually his decision unless there's something else going on with him (either in his personal life or maybe he has some secret role he's got, because supposedly he hasn't worked since he did ADR on S4). He's been the captain of the ship, and he has always been enthusiastic with discussing the show and had just great insight into playing William. It doesn't feel like he himself was ready to move onto other things (and that's not even how it's worded - some BS about how the show needed it him to be gone for ~longevity~ of the show), like I've seen with other actors are on shows (e.g. Dan Stevens). He still promoted S3 (which came out in the UK after they filmed S4), he still even promoted S4! He was an executive producer for S4!!! Nothing makes sense!
So if it's due to RN… why keep having the other characters say William was only going to be gone a year? Why bother to have the flashback? why bother to have him stay at at Eliza's to recover?? hell I'm surprised they just didn't keep in the coma then--
But really, why even bother to have Eliza write to him? Or have Ivy say what she said to her?? The time apart was supposed to be them looking at their options. They literally foreshadowed him joining Eliza at her agency upon his return. So… what happened?
If it was actually for personal reasons that Stuart left, he has a right to his privacy. But then they should have rewritten S4 to be the end then, since they knew all this time. I can't believe we are getting the full story on this, one way or the other. The more and more I think about it... I do think it was RN's doing though.
Just two nights ago I drafted up a whole meta extolling how one of the best things this show has done has been how they developed William and how he grew as a character. The progression he made as he not only accepted Eliza having a career but encouraging her. His mentorship of Fitzroy. How he came from nothing, from a teenager living on the streets, to become an inspector at Scotland Yard. But they have chosen to toss that all out the window.
Who knows, maybe S5 ends with Eliza deciding to go to New York. But it doesn't seem like they are handling this like Babington's absence in Sanditon. They will make Eliza quickly fall for someone else, and slap fans in the face who have been following their friends to lovers slow burn for five years (because we had to wait for S2 in the first place thanks to the pandemic). And what sucks is that we still got promo saying they are in love with each other. From Stuart, from Kate, from Rachael New herself. We have still gotten promo promoting the romance. Why not have them have a big fight then or something, idk. They gave us hope. And you know what Fellowes says about false hope.
So I'm just supposed to believe that William gives up on Eliza and doesn't return…? No, I cannot. As much as we hated the deaths on DA when they wrote out actors, at least those characters still died in love with their spouses. And while I'd still be foaming at the mouth in anger if they killed him off… yeah.
William's last lines of the show is a flashback including him saying "is it all worth it?" And the answer is… no it's not.
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seeminglydark · 10 months
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Idk if this means anything to you but I'm a comic artist who's had a hard time doing art for a few years. The first four was because of life hardship and lack of time/chronic pain, but now lately I've had time but a mental block. I'm creeping up on 30 and felt bad about myself for "missing out" on my opportunity to be a comic artist. It was really validating to see you post about being 41 (correct me if I'm wrong) especially since you have such wonderful comics that I've been following for a while now. It makes me feel less like I'm wasting my time putting my things in order when I "should" be drawing.
Hopefully this doesn't come across as offensive or anything. It was just comforting and validating. Anyway, big fan! Love your characters a whole lot and hope you have a good day!
Dear Anon
I am 41 years old. I have wanted to make comics my entire life. before my dad got sick, and my childhood kinda fell apart, all i did was draw. after that, i used the stories in my head to cope. life moved on. i was convinced not to accept a partial scholarship to an art school in California. life got hard. i worked at a hotel, and after i escaped an abusive relationship at 22 i hitchhiked/bused far far away to start over. i tried to make comics again, but i had to survive, and so i got another job doing the only thing i knew how to do, hotels. and i worked. and worked. and life got harder and times got heavier and i didn't get time to draw and i worked double hours, 15 to 17 hours a day. and i went four years without drawing a single thing.
i kept working myself into the ground. i was 29 now. i picked up a pen again and drew a red haired boy. he had a hard life and no love and no friends. his problems were on the outside, for everyone to see. he ran away but his problems went with him.
i was 32. surely i was too old now. my time to be an artist was gone. i had no school. no hope. i was so far behind the younger gen i saw online. i cried. all the time. i wrote stories in my email drafts while i worked shifts. i stayed up late trying to learn how to draw again. i cried some more. the boy grew. i called him Fiach. worthy. a raven. later i renamed him Avery. he was like a bird, he had wings, he was my hope. i started writing some friends for him. the people i wished i had around me.
i started finding time and space. i got a new job, something where i was lucky enough to set my own hours. for the first time i had a partner who believed in me. things were hard. but i was drawing now. and that helped.
i went on a road trip and i started drawing pages of an unnamed story on 6 by 8 paper in a sketchbook. i drew 20 of them. 'what could i call this?' i thought. Nothing Seems as Dark...no says my partner. Seemingly Dark. he made me a logo. i was 35. i bought an ipad, i cant do this on paper, its too much story i have too much to say. so i learned how to draw digitally by tracing my own trad art pages.
I spoke to my dad for the last time on June 17th, fathers day that year. he said 'you're good. i'm proud. and you're gonna do amazing things. none of this is your fault. and we will speak again soon.' i didn't know id never hear his voice again. he died a week later.
i turned 36. i kept trying. i'm old, i don't understand the internet. how can i share this?
i stumbled across Lore Olympus. i was introduced to webcomics. id read comics online before but the thought never occurred to me. i opened an account on Tapas. and then i stared at it. what if no one likes it. what if its bad. my art isn't good. i should wait til i'm better. but will i ever really be better? or will i always believe that tomorrow is better? do it now. if even one person gets something out of this story, this story about a boy who is you, a boy who looking for hope, a boy who might make it, then that is enough isn't it.
June 17th 2018 i launched Seemingly Dark.
SD's five year anniversary is in a week. 0ver 700 pages. leaps and bounds in progress with my skills. a printed comic under my belt as of monday. i was always a storyteller. but i was always an artist too.
I am 41 years old, dear anon. I did not truly embark on this journey til i was 35. life got in the way. even now, chronic illness gets in the way. but its worth it. its never ever too late. i believe in you the way my dad believed in me. i reset my life again and again. but I was always an artist. and if thats who you are, and who you want to be, even if things dont go the way you wished they could, you're an artist too.
im 41 years old. i speak about my age, even though i often feel too old to belong in spaces, cuz really, in this case age is just a number. take care of yourself. do what you need to do. and little by little, when your able, carve out your space until it becomes more of a habit. sometimes i think about all the years i lost not drawing or creating. but there's a lot of factors that make me believe had i made my story then, it wouldn't be the story it is now, i needed to live a bit. i needed to find myself. i know this was long, but i just wanted you to see i also had to put my life in order, and getting notes like this reminds me it wasnt at all a waste. im glad i could offer you some comfort. thats honestly the best compliment i could ever receive.
TL;dR I was 35 when i sat down and seriously started making comics, because life always got in the way and so did my confidence. i always feared being too old. im 41 now, still going strong.
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em-dash-press · 2 years
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Tons of Reasons Why Writer's Block Happens
Lately I've seen a few posts on social media platforms being shared that are (supposedly) quotes from well-known authors. The quotes generally stick to the theme of: writer's block isn't real! No worries! It's just in your head!
Like...
That is so unhelpful for me and if I had seen those people (again, supposedly) saying that when I was much younger and newer to writing, I would have thought something was wrong with me.
So here are a few reasons why writer's block IS real for many people and what you can do about it. (Warning—this is a long text post but I tried putting all suggested solutions in bullet points and have lots of resource hyperlinks!)
You Can’t Write Because: You’re Tired
Sleep affects the entire body. There’s no question that when I don’t get enough of it, my brain isn’t working as well as it normally does.
Let’s start this section with what everyone should acknowledge—mental health conditions absolutely prevent people from being able to use tips like Just turn the lights off earlier! or Think calming thoughts while taking deep breaths!
If those work for you, great. Fantastic! But if they don’t, your doctor is the best person to get advice from. They can work through symptoms with you to rule out conditions like depression and insomnia so you get the best help possible.
Besides your mental health, there are a few other ways you might not be able to fall asleep or stay asleep:
You enjoy drinking afternoon coffee (most have a half life of 3-5 hours, so the caffeine doesn’t actually leave your system for a long time!)
You have a diet soda with your lunch or dinner (most diet sodas have the same amount of caffeine as a half cup to a whole cup of coffee)
You eat a midnight snack or a dessert after dinner (the extra digestion works against your body’s circadian rhythm and prevents a normal sleep cycle)
Potential Solutions
Swap your afternoon coffee/sodas for caffeine free sodas instead
Eat high-protein snacks shortly after or during dinner (protein keeps you full longer so you can eat them earlier in the evening)
Follow some tips from sleep experts with the Sleep Foundation
You Can’t Write Because: Your Routine Is Changing/Has Changed
When my life has gone through routine changes, my creativity has always slowed (if not stopped altogether). Switching from high school to college, from college to graduate life, and even from apartment to apartment is a big deal. My writing slows when I change jobs, see my friends less/more often, and even when the holidays come and go.
If you think this might be a repeat experience in your life, my best advice is to give yourself grace. Your brain is only trying to conserve energy and process everything that’s going on. 
Potential Solutions
Resting and gently reattempting to write without expectations of what will come out of that writing session is sometimes the best thing to do until life settles back down.
If you can’t come to peace with changes, I’d suggest talking with someone. You can access help for free at:
7 Cups of Tea (chat with volunteer listeners and professional counselors)
Get in-person or virtual therapy through Open Path ($30-60/session with a one-time membership fee; aims to close the financial gap that keeps people from accessing mental health professionals).
Check out other budget-friendly therapy options recommended by the medical community.
You Can’t Write Because: You’re Grappling With Indecisions
Indecision is a creativity killer for sure. I’ll address a few ways I’ve experienced it and how I know my friends have struggled with it:
You only have a few story ideas and don’t want to commit to any of them in case some idea comes along that’s more interesting (I hate leaving unfinished drafts too!)
You wonder how you should format your story and never start because you can’t decide (it might be the point of view, past/present tense, etc.)
You can’t nail down how a character looks, what sets them apart, what drives them.
You can’t decide on a theme because there’s so much you want to write about.
You don’t know how long the story should be, so it never starts.
Potential Solutions
Try new things to come to peace with unfinished drafts (I have a folder on my computer specifically labeled “Unfinished Stories” because I’m more comfortable when they have a home).
Practice writing one page within your story’s world from a different point of view or tense. See what feels most natural or authentic to you.
Do character research by looking at pictures of people on stock photo websites or Pinterest.
Story length is often found after someone just starts writing. You’ll naturally find a rhythm and come to a conclusion at the right length for your first draft. Revise/add if needed!
My most important tip might be—
Give your gut 24 hours (go with your gut on whatever you’re trying to decide, then set your work down. Come back in 24 hours to see if you feel as strongly about your creative decision).
You Can’t Write Because: You’ve Got Too Many Ideas
When there are too many creative ideas in your brain, it leads to anxiety and potential writer’s block. I know I’ve had the fear that I’ll commit to the “wrong” story and another one will come to life in my mind, but then be gone by the time I’m ready to write it.
Potential Solutions
Write all of your ideas down in a list (bold, highlight, or star whichever ones seem super promising at the time so they stand out when you’re ready for a new project)
Try stream of consciousness journaling for 30 seconds (set a timer! Whatever you write will reveal with emotions/thoughts/issues are on your mind and may create stronger stories with similar themes)
Write 500 words of a story idea (or another number you’re comfortable with; if you don’t like what you write, you know you can move onto the next idea).
Flip a coin (assign one idea heads and the other tails—then flip a coin or use a coin flip generator).
Number your ideas and use a random number generator to pick one for you.
You Can’t Write Because: You’re Not Eating a Brain-Supporting Diet
I’m not here to tell anyone how to structure their diet. Everyone’s body is different and what you eat will change throughout your life. Your doctor and/or a licensed nutritionist are the best people for that job.
However, I can give you a few pointers that I definitely didn’t learn until way later than I would have liked:
Iron: if you don’t eat enough iron, you can feel super sleepy or stuck in brain fog. Iron comes from meat, but it also comes from these foods like spinach, watermelon, beans, whole wheat bread, and many more!
Vitamin D: vitamin D enhances brain function, especially for people with major depressive disorder. Drink that delicious Sunny D juice from your childhood or get it from foods like salmon, tuna fish, dairy fortified with vitamin D, and egg yolks.
Omega-3s: omega-3s are also known as fatty acids, which improve communication between brain cells by fortifying their membrane health. Fish is an excellent source of fatty acids, but you can also enjoy more omega-3s from foods like chia seeds, kidney beans, walnuts, and fortified foods. 
You Can’t Write Because: Your Responsibilities Are Too Important Right Now
As you get older, you’ll have varying responsibilities that sometimes you have to take care of on your own. Maybe you’re taking on new roles at your job or you’ve just become a parent. You might move into a new home and have a long list of projects to finish before you settle in.
Sometimes responsibilities are acts of self-care during challenging times. Those are all valid. It’s okay to step back and take a break if your situation is going to drain your energy until your routine becomes normal or you get used to the responsibilities. You’re a writer even when you’re not actively writing. Nothing can take that skill and passion away from you!
You Can’t Write Because: You’re Uninterested In Writing
It’s totally normal to sometimes feel like you’re completely uninterested in writing. That feeling might last for months or even years. I went through a good 5-6 year period where I didn’t think I’d ever write again just because I didn’t care to.
That may indicate that you’re in a period of self-growth. You might be discovering new parts of yourself that result in new hobbies you’d rather spend your time doing. That’s okay too!
Possible Solutions
If that’s not the case for you, ask yourself—are you still reading? My writing always grinds to a halt when I’m not reading a good book. Ask a friend what was the last book they couldn’t put down. Find out which books are currently taking the internet by storm and find them at your local library.
You can even research “Books like ___” and insert the title of a book that’s incredibly special to you. I promise there are going to be articles looping it in with other titles that you might enjoy more than branching out into a totally new genre.
You Can’t Write Because: You’re Bored of Your Story
Life can get boring. People are sometimes boring. Stories get boring too.
It’s okay to step back from an idea if you groan at the thought of spending time in that world or with that character. You can always come back to see if the feeling has passed.
Possible Solutions
If your story is still dull when you come back to it, what can you add or change about it? You might need a plot twist to get things going in a new direction or another character to shake up existing character dynamics.
When all else fails and you still don’t care to continue writing what you’ve got, go ahead and scrap it. Consider what you’ve learned from the experience and move onto your next creative adventure.
You Can’t Write Because: Your Story Is Stuck
Maybe you’re writing a story and it reaches a point in the plot where you don’t know how to move your characters forward. They may have gotten themselves into a sticky situation you can’t think a way out of or the plot device that was working isn’t relevant anymore. Getting stuck is a form of writer’s block, but it’s not permanent.
Potential Solutions
Give your protagonist a different goal at the start of the story or a new goal after accomplishing their last one.
Add a new character (they’ll naturally make different choices than your protagonist and challenge them in various ways that are relevant to your themes).
Pull the rug out from under your protagonist (maybe they think they’re an incredible parent, but overhear their child complaining about them to a friend during a sleepover while walking past the living room).
Other Resources
12 Techniques for Getting Un-Stuck
17 Ideas to Continue Writing Your Novel When You Get Stuck
6 Methods to Unstick Your Story
You Can’t Write Because: Your Characters Aren’t Real Enough to You
Sometimes characters don’t feel real enough and it makes writing about them boring. Everyone encounters this eventually! Think about if your writer’s block is happening because you don’t enjoy spending time with your characters.
If that’s the problem, it’s time to make them more real. There are a few ways to do that! (If you try these solutions or others like them and your characters are still uninspiring, it might be time to walk away for a while/permanently.)
Potential Solutions
Give them something inspired by a real life person (add a personality trait that you love about your best friend, hate about a public figure, want in yourself, etc.).
Add a few flaws (perfect characters don’t feel real because no one is perfect)
Give them a face (this goes back to character research—save a stock photo that looks like your character or draw them. Post the picture on your wall where you write or in your phone for continual inspiration.)
Rework your plot (maybe you’re not starting them at the best possible point in their journey—start with an action scene, shift events around, or add a new twist that challenges their growth in some way.)
Complicate their relationships (maybe they have a fight with their best friend, clash with their teacher, form different opinions than someone they admire and learn from that experience, etc.)
Other Resources
9 Signs Your Main Character is Boring
5 Ways to Make Your Characters More Realistic
4 Bland Character Problems and How to Fix Them
Easy And Effective Ways To Make Your Characters More Memorable
You Can’t Write Because: You’ve Set High Expectations for Yourself
Your creativity will stop feeling as natural if your expectations of yourself or your writing are too high. 
When it’s time to write, where do your thoughts go? You may need healthier expectations if your thoughts center around:
Getting every word or scene perfect
Knowing exactly where the plot goes in every chapter
Worrying that your story won’t be receptive to future readers
Wondering if you’re the right person to talk about a certain theme
Making your characters or story the first of its kind
It’s good to challenge yourself, but not with unreachable expectations. Give yourself room to try things, to possibly fail, to learn from your mistakes. 
Every chance you have to write is another opportunity to hone your skills by learning from the experience.
You Can’t Write Because: You’re Burnt Out
Burnout happens all the time, creatively or otherwise. Creative minds can push themselves too hard, just like you can throw too much of your energy into work or school. 
See if you’re experiencing any of these common symptoms of burnout:
Constant exhaustion, even after a “good” night’s rest
Headaches
Changes in appetite
Frequent illnesses
No motivation
A general negative outlook on life
Feeling trapped
Loud thoughts of self-doubt or failure
Not feeling satisfied with things that used to bring you joy
Feeling alone
Starting unhealthy coping mechanisms
Isolating yourself from people, even your loved ones
Potential Solutions
Talking with a therapist is a great way to handle burnout. Here are the resources for budget-friendly therapy again:
7 Cups of Tea (chat with volunteer listeners and professional counselors)
Get in-person or virtual therapy through Open Path ($30-60/session with a one-time membership fee; aims to close the financial gap that keeps people from accessing mental health professionals).
Check out other budget-friendly therapy options recommended by the medical community.
I have absolutely been the person who can’t afford therapy. I get it. You can also get some mental health help with these resources:
Self care apps—I use the (free) Finch app every day to redirect negative thought patterns!
Burnout recovery strategies recommended by health care professionals
Burnout resources recommended by the American Psychiatric Association (APA)
You Can’t Write Because: Your Writing Routine Isn’t Working Anymore
I used to write short stories literally every day while I was in grade school. Being stuck in classes for 8 hours a day was great for my creative writing because the sounds of the teacher talking, whiteboard markers writing, and students asking questions became background noise that tuned me into my stories. (I highly recommend paying attention to harder classes though 😂)
When I had fewer daily classes in college, my writing basically stopped. After I graduated, the environment that helped me write most easily completely disappeared.
It took a long time for me to learn why I had writer’s block—I wasn’t experimenting with my writing environment.
Potential Solutions
Try changing when you write to see if it’s a time issue. Get up earlier in the morning, write after eating lunch, or sit down after you’ve completed your responsibilities for the day.
Switch your scenery. You might write better at a coffee shop, the library, a park bench, your living room, your bed, or even your bathtub.
Change what you’re hearing. Try writing in complete silence. Use noise-blocking or canceling headphones and listen to lyricless music. You can also try background noises that often help people focus, like:
Background Noise—Coffee Shop
Background Noise—Tavern Fireplace
Background Noise—Rain Shower
Background Noise—Cozy Fireplace and Rain Shower
Background Noise—Forest Sounds
Background Noise—Blizzard Sounds
Background Noise—Interior Plane Cabin White Noise (The pleasant hum of a plane cabin is what I often write to—weird as it admittedly is!)
Background Noise—Christmas Music From Another Room
Background Noise—Lo-Fi
Ambient noise apps
Background noise apps
You Can’t Write Because: You Don’t Feel Motivated
Your story may not feel as captivating as you thought because you’re not as motivated with this one. Does it have a centralized theme? You can always search for your theme or pick one while figuring out what your story is supposed to convey to readers.
Some popular themes are:
Coming of age (discovering something about yourself/the world/both)
Survival
Corruption
Power
Courage
Love
Heroism
Death
Prejudice
You may find your motivation by writing about something very personal to you or something you want to tell other people. Write to the person in your life who needs to see something from your perspective or needs to learn from another person’s perspective.
Write about the thing you can’t stop talking about. Write about what you’re going through or want to figure out. Even if your story goes from a novel to a short story to flash fiction (anywhere from 4 words to 1,000 words), you’ll likely find it easier to write.
Other Resources
10 Most Popular Literary Theme Examples
Story Themes List: 100+ Ideas to Explore in Your Novel
100 Story Ideas Categorized by Theme
You Can’t Write Because: You’re Doubting Yourself
Self-doubt can pull the emergency brake on your brain. You may not think you’re good enough to write a story the moment you think of it. Self-doubt can come into play after you start writing or just before you finish a manuscript.
No matter when it hits you, it can cause another form of writer’s block. You’re the only person who can figure out where that doubt stems from and address the root of the problem, but everyone can practice daily positive affirmations to encourage themselves. With daily practice, you’ll chip away at your writer’s block.
While talking to a mirror or writing in a journal, tell yourself things like:
Writing is my hobby because it’s part of me.
I’m always a writer, no matter how often I actually write.
My voice and ideas deserve to exist.
Every word I write makes me better at writing.
No matter what comes out of my brain, stories are always my artwork.
Other Resources
Positive Affirmations for Writers
60 Affirmations for Writers, Authors, and Creatives
77 Positive Affirmations for Discouraged Writers
336 Affirmations For Writers Who Needs Support​
60 Affirmations for Authors, Writers, and Poets
You Can’t Write Because: You’re Literally Out of  Ideas
Ideas come and go. Sometimes your brain just can’t think of anything. There’s nothing wrong with your creative spirit—you may just have other things going on (like one or more of the above challenges).
When you really want to write something but can’t come up with anything off the top of your head, use a few generators to get things started.
Potential Solutions
Prompt Generators
Writing Prompt Generator by Genre
Prompt Generator
Random Prompt Generator
Story Generators
Plot Generator (Twists, First Lines, and More)
1 Million Plot Combinations
1000s of Plot Ideas Generator
Character Generators
Character Generator 
List of Character Generators (Zombies, Fairies, Ghosts, Murder Mystery Victims, etc.)
Character Profile Generator
Plot Twist Generators
Plot Twist Idea Generator
Randomized Plot Twist Generator
Either/Or Plot Twist Generator
I hope this helps someone feel more at peace with their writer’s block, even if you can’t think your way through it yet. Sit with the uncomfortable feeling and it will gradually lose its power over your creativity.
You’ll start writing again sooner than you think. 💛
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nancywheeeler · 9 months
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‘Eddie Munson should have died at the hands of the government instead of the Upside Down’ please expound on this your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
okay, i am finally gonna release from the vault a text post i had drafted months ago about how reductive and bland i find eddie munson's "heroism" arc.
from a characterization standpoint, i totally understand why eddie declares himself a coward for running after witnessing chrissy (and later, patrick) die. his image of himself as a proud outcast willing to brandish a middle finger at societal norms, bolstered by playing a "satanic" game about misfits coming together to bravely face great evils, is completely shattered. however, from our viewpoint as an audience, eddie does what just about any of us would have done after watching someone die in a horrific, unexplainable manner and not knowing if what happened to them is about to happen to us.
...except the show then does this weird thing where it agrees with eddie's warped, guilty view of his actions. eddie is a coward for running. he should have...what? stayed, again not knowing if he would be killed next, tried to explain everything to hawkins pd, and gotten arrested? (which would have derailed the rest of the hawkins plot because, unless dustin & company staged a jailbreak, eddie then would have been in custody during fred and patrick's murders.) the plot demands he run, but to wring any sort of emotional catharsis out of his death, the writers want us to think "look! he's redeemed himself! this time he ran into the danger!" it equates self-preservation with selfishness and cowardice, which certainly isn't a new thing in media but it's boring and doesn't reflect reality.
and when you parallel eddie's death with billy's (and what i imagine steve's death would have been had they gone through with killing him in season one), it paints this uncomfortable picture that redemption can only be found through extreme self-sacrifice and ultimately death. boring! very boring! and again, why are we redeeming a character who doesn't need redemption?
i appreciate (and really like actually!) that the narrative dooms eddie from the beginning. there wouldn't have been a satisfying way to write him out of a triple homicide rap had he lived. that being said, i would have loved to see eddie survive the upside down, get arrested for the murders, and, while our intrepid heroes are expecting owens and his shadowy government contacts to swoop in, be killed by those same shadowy government contacts as a cover-up.
because that is all owens has been doing for the past three seasons: covering things up to save a fringe organization's ass. it's just been convenient for our gang that the cover-ups align with their interests, too, to the point they are over-reliant on owens stepping in with forged birth certificates and mall fires. only, in season four's case, eddie is the most convenient cover story. with owens left for dead in a bunker in the middle of the desert, what loyalty does the rest of this strange government operation have to the gang and to eddie that they would exert any additional effort concocting a more outlandish story than the easy one the town of hawkins has already bought into?
it would have been a great way to add additional stakes going into season five because the gang would have had absolutely no one to rely on or trust but themselves. no more clean-up crew to plant fake stories and file the paperwork. the government has never actually been on their side. it's hawkins against the upside down and the world, baby.
wow, this is so long and i am so sorry. i still have a lot of feelings about this apparently, even after all this time.
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lightning-hawke · 2 months
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Being in a relationship with Leon... how does it go? Does he get jealous easily?
Start of me sharing random headcanons :) got a bunch in the drafts and will be freeing them when I have the chance to make them more than half-thought out scribbles
Just talk of relationships and jealousy. Not cross-posted cause it's just headcanons
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Leon's not the jealous type. He's just not. If he's with you, he trusts you. Simple as that. There's no "what if you cheat?", "who is that person? What are they doing with my partner?", if he trusts you enough with his heart, he trusts you not to break it. You cheating on him isn't something that even crosses his mind.
While he's not thrilled if you flirt with everyone, he knows you're his and you're coming back to him so he doesn't worry – why should he? He trusts you.
The only time his actions might come off as jealousy is if someone is bothering you and he makes his presence in your life known. Even then, it has nothing to do with you leaving, only driving off anyone making you uncomfortable (while hopefully avoiding outright conflict). As much as he dislikes overly dramatic affection in public, making it known to the stranger to fuck off by kissing you is a lot better than starting a fight. Doesn't mean he isn't willing to start one if it means keeping you out of harms way though.
Later on, especially Damnation onward, he does worry about the relationship failing but not because of you. Because of him. Because, to him, why would you choose him repeatedly? Why go for someone who's distant, who can't tell you what goes on while he's gone? Especially if it starts off later in his life.
He'll try to push you away, trying to 'show' you that you're better off with someone who can stay home all the time. He just doesn't think he's good enough for you and does the easier thing and tries to hide away. He won't cheat however, he might do everything under the sun possible to 'show' how unworthy of your love he is, but he'd never go there. Give him time, he'll come around. It won't be quick, but he will.
Before the shit hit the fan in Raccoon City, he doesn't worry so much about it. He still worries, but it's less being 'unworthy' in the sense of him having done shitty things to survive and can't tell the whole truth but more 'how is someone so amazing in love with me of all people?' There's always doubts but he doesn't push you away like he would later on (cause even though he doesn't get why he's the one you want, there's no way he's going to argue with you about it!)
Either way, once he's yours, he's yours for life and you'll never have a more loyal or trusting partner. It'll just take time for him to accept that you actually do want him.
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s0lam33y · 4 months
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Riri Williams HCS
a/n: I have been extremely busy YALL. I’ve been working, sleeping, studying and repeating this cycle for the last two months. This has been in my drafts for weeks and I can finally complete it. It’s not much but more will be coming soon 💙
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Stays up at night and watches TikToks and Netflix series when she should asleep. She tries to go back to bed and act like it never happened when you wake up.
She kinda likes to chase so even if you ain’t into her the first time y’all meet it kinda boosts her ego.
Stalks your Instagram and tells all her friends about you but plays all nonchalant when she sees you.
Refuses to slide into your DMS if you aren’t even friends.
Is a horrible liar. By far one of worst you’ve ever met.
Genuinely gets irritated but holds back when you do outlandish shit.
She does your hair for you and always jokes about you paying her.
If YOU hate someone, SHE hates them too.
you actually can’t stand her sometimes because she references tech shit you don’t know about.
You gave her access to your Instagram account and she reposted all your posts, all of your friends were extremely lost as to why you called yourself fine from posts from a year ago.
She offers to do your homework and you let her.
You’ve gotten images of her from her friends when you text her, her legs start swinging and her face is pressed to her screen.
By far one of the worst texters none to man. She texts dry asl, you’d expect someone in technology to know but…she doesn’t and she texts late.
Always making stupid jokes that make you cringe.
Is actually a party-goer and loves to turn up but hates the smell of alcohol.
Hates chocolate flavored-anything so you’re stumped for what candy to get every Valentine’s Day.
Owns so many compression shirts and white tees that you begin to lose count.
Will eat her food scorching hot even though you try to stop her.
Doesn’t remember a thing so half of your tea-spilling sessions consists of you giving her a recap.
Hates Dunkin’ Donuts. Anything from there.
She never lets you drive her car at all.
Dogs you if you don’t know any meek mill songs.
Every time she picks you up from somewhere, she rolls the windows down and blasts the loudest music she can on purpose.
She so awkward when she’s with your friends because she’s worried that they don’t like her.
She’s always sleep deprived. Like constantly.
She can never stick to a single sport and has played so many different ones that she’s lost count.
Once you went to the gym together and you never went with her ever again after seeing how heavy and difficult her routine is.
As much as she appreciates your help if you ever choose to clean her dorm, she likes everything a specific way and will complete redo it herself.
She never questions how or why her clothes have gone missing.
Deadass thought Netflix and chill meant to watch Netflix and chill.
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Dean & Cas Are In Love
A hopefully one day conclusive study of these assholes, hopefully told as briefly as I can.
[it went fuckin canon? Rendered useless in my own job. Posting these gifsets from my drafts for @mittensmorgul​ who can make better use of them than me.]
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I think I giffed the first 4 just because no one can resist that hug and “nice peach fuzz” boop. The raw affection while Cas stays stock still because he’s living an entirely different genre of survival horror to Dean. You know, Dean in an action RPG with one clear objective (handily these are often like, Find Wife, for a generic action guy). And Cas is in some sort of indie psychological horror where the very concept of Wifey is poison and he must resist the temptations of Save Wife to paradoxically Save Wife. 
I think Gif 5 is right after “we’re getting out of here” just to seal Dean’s pride in having accomplished his objective and heard the quest completion music. 
Then a gif of Benny cutting in because this nonsense has gone on long enough and he can see Cas is resisting all this and Dean after a minute of this conversation is wilfully blind to what is plain to Benny: Cas is resisting all this good cheer, and to Benny this is suspicious because you SHOULD only want to get out of Purgatory. Benny is being used here to show the absolute blinders Dean has on when it comes to Cas: to have a straight guy to the dynamic (ironically) simply to display that Dean is NOT on a simple emotional level here, and if he wasn’t already proving to be compromised over Cas in getting here, now they’ve arrived it’s become abundantly clear he’s on a whole other level with Cas to Benny when we’re talking Brothers In Arms.
(I mean Dean has a whole subtextually gay thing with Benny too, who comes across incredibly queer and in like a sad gay movie with Dean in the Benny-centric episodes, so when I say they exemplify Brothers In Arms and Benny is the straight guy, I am talking by Supernatural standards.) 
The I Prayed To You line then drops one of the biggest bombs in all of Destiel, and in later years will be amplified by the Longing Retcon two seasons later, which implies all prayer to a specific angel doesn’t need a whole formal letterhead and stamp and mailing address carefully written on it before it can be sent, but can just be a quick drunk text from your heart with no conscious intent. Making this entire year 1000x worse from Cas’s survival horror game perspective. Even before that, of course, this was the most dramatic statement of emotional intent from Dean we’d gotten thus far and as with the “has too much heart” statement being a thesis on Cas, this became basically the tentpole evidence for Dean’s point of view on Destiel, proving how much he cared.
Cas then reveals a sliver of how rough it’s been for him, and shattered Dean’s bubble with the explanation of where he went on arrival in Purgatory and why. That it was another self-sacrificial gambit, and a forbidden star-crossed lovers type thing of Cas being near Dean would doom him simply by proximity. Nom nom nom tropes.  
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