Fun Apple Facts for 12:00 am
enjoying a honeycrisp hard cider and thinking about how swell it is to live in Washington State. Did you know people from Washington are called seasonally depressed? Anyway, apple facts!
Apples originate from Kazakhstan
In the 5th grade I did a history report on Johnny Appleseed, who was a real person! I forget everything about the man besides that
6 out of 10 apples consumed in the United States were grown in Washington. Go Mariners! Win the ball game! Please! Do marginally well for just one season, for the love of god!
There exists an apple-based confectionary created in Washington State, called Aplets & Cotlets. I don't like them!
5. There are over 7,500 varieties of apple. Capitalism dictates only thirty are worth a damn
6. The most popular apple variety is the Gala. It originates from New Zealand
7. The Fuji apple is basically a big watery candy bar. Among the sweetest apple varieties grown. It's color bothers me for some reason. It's like, not as red as you would like an apple to be. It's like what an apple would look like as a Brawl render
8. Jonagold apples freak me out. They're huge and vibrant and you take one bite and it explodes everyone. An apple designed by Studio Trigger
9. The famously tart green boy, Granny Smith, is named after its Australian cultivator. Would you not name an apple after yourself? No. You would sooner name yourself after an apple. Look me in the eyes and tell me you got a cooler name than Honeycrisp
10. The Red Delicious sucks ass. It's awful. It's legit one of the worst apples. If someone ever tells you they don't like apples it's because they ate one of these things. Like how someone says they don't like Star Trek because all they ever saw was, like, Into Darkness
11. Half of all deciduous fruit trees on Earth are apple trees
12. Apples are high in malic acid, which aids in preventing gallstones. I eat a lot of apples and I got a fuckload of gallstones. I had my gallbladder removed. This has severely impacted the amount of food I can eat in one sitting and am woefully underweight as a result. Thanks, apples. Really came in clutch for me, there
13. Apples are 25% air
14. It takes anywhere from four to ten years for an apple tree to reach maturity
15. Apple seeds are Heterozygotes. Meaning, planting all the seeds from one apple means planting like five different apples. If one wants a lot of one apple, better plants a lot of seeds
16. The Honeycrisp was created specifically because the Red Delicious sucks. That's how much the Red Delicious sucks.
17. Washington State University's cultivation program spent twenty years building the perfect apple, a hybrid between the Honeycrisp and the Enterprise. They dubbed this apple the Cosmic Crisp, named after both its Dad and its star-like speckling. They succeeded, by the way; pound for pound the Cosmic Crisp is the best apple, and I have eaten, like, all the apples
18. Almost all apples harvested are done so by hand. This is to prevent bruising. Because you're worth it <3
19. Stick your apples in the fridge. At room temperature, apples spoil at ten times the rate of refrigerated apples
20. A bushel of apples weighs 42 pounds!
21. There's a card game called Apples to Apples. In the intervening years since its inception someone thought the game would be funnier with swear words and perversion, so that also happened
22. hard apple cider is a top 5 alcoholic beverage
23. Saying a lot about society, Red Delicious is an aesthetically pleasing apple that is rancid and horrible on the inside. Just like that girl in high school who used to bully you. Did you hear she went into nursing? How could such a vile bitch go into healthcare?
24. I'm very tired
25. You need 2 pounds of apple to make one, nine-inch pie
26. Pomology is the study of apples
27. There is an apple Pokemon and it's very cute
28. Apple seeds contain amygdalin, which releases cyanide into the bloodstream
29. dude fuck Red Delicious
30. Wait, there's a Yellow Delicious? Something about the name bothers me
31. Y'know, I thought about it, and I have in fact had a Yellow Delicious before. Doesn't do much other than fill the quota of there being yellow apples.
32. I once ate an apple at an emotional low point and cried because it tasted really good
33. The largest apple ever picked weighed over three pounds
34. No one has ever actually bobbed for apples, I don't think. Pretty sure movies made that up.
35. Apples are members of the rose family
36. Apples share 103% of human DNA. They're more human than you are, even
37. The average person, I guess, eats 65 apples per year. So we got some crazy outliers
38. one gallon of apple cider contains the product of 36 apples
39. When you bite into an apple it sounds like krrrooooochasssskkkkhhhhhewwwwwsshhhh
40. I've had two of these hard ciders thus far, yummy
41. Perhaps I have been too hard on Red Delicious. I have done personal research and discovered they are perfect for pies, ciders, frying, and salads. I am sorry to the Red Delicious community and will continue to educate myself
42. Applesauce is a popular food item for Chanukah and pairs well with Latkes. Chag Sameach!
43. I am not Jewish
44. I committed to doing 50 facts against my better judgement, perhaps
45. Cider's good
46. When I wrote that earlier fact about Apples to Apples, I looked it up and realized what I was actually remembering was Hi-Ho Cherry-O, a counting game for babies that is not about apples as I had for some reason thought it was
47. Bruised apples are still good to eat. This is a metaphor
48. The forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, as scripture dictates, was an apple
49. Assassin's Creed had a macguffin called the Apple of Eden and afaik it did whatever the fuck any one game needed it to do I've been drinking
50. Apples are fat-free
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