but when I let out the scream I’ve kept inside,
You don’t ask why
you just say “not so loud”
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and so the story goes, the girl that has been trapped in a house on fire finally steps outside. cold bites against skin. it's lonely out here. but at least now she has seen the stars. at least now she knows of a brightness that doesn't leave scars. the truth of it is that some mornings, even years laters, she wakes up with smoke clogging her lungs. some nights, she can't sleep for all the ash still resting on her tongue. but she is learning new recipes. new jokes. new faces and names. new ways of writing. new sources of brightness. new depths of joy. and though sometimes the burning crawls up her throat and answers for her before she can make it stop── she reminds herself again and again, this is the part where we get to live. this is the part where we get to live.
breathing through the smoke by judas h.
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I am a beautiful gilt sword refusing to be pulled from the stone like a fucking idiot. I am willing to say something so egregiously dumb that I naturally decompose. And if I am wrong you can cremate me in a honey glaze. You can’t stop me, cringe is out, it’s earnest now. I’m dancing on the fucking table, I’m gonna run down hill and get hit by a bike! I’m going to throw out accidentally covering up how I feel and eat a big praise sandwich until I am full and completely round like those ancient German hogs.
I am enjoying myself. I like mahogany and dogs in jumpers. the thought of logging wood, and primary colours. I will roll up a pair of knickers so they look like a croissant, wear cheap black lipstick and send smoke signals for everyone to come to my party. I will let myself be as excited as the shops on Christmas eve, relish everything that is good and pointless.
And if I eat shit then so be it.
And If I Eat Shit Then So Be It by me, first published on fgrlsclub
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《■》Have you ever felt the present to be so hellish and empty, that you start reminiscing the past, as if it was the only time you've been happy, only heaven you used to live in.
It would be such a pity to think, how we search through the scatterred pieces of our childhood or the blurred out teenage, to live the time once again, when we used to be truly happy, when there were large room for dreams?《■》
Picture: pinterest
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because darling, in a world of darkness you are a starry sky.
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Salt Disney Whirl
Reckless repeats
of rocks on your window.
Retrace the cracks
of before you were known to me.
With water rising,
the leaks refuse to relent,
so we bail out.
The carpet sulks,
still soaked with salted moments and broken cassettes.
It’s better to swim forward
than continue treading water.
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Expecting
Simply put,
we won't simply be foot-in-mouth forever--
as we learn to keep the tether tied,
we're moving on from the lies
we used to embrace.
And, it takes time.
It takes, folding together lines of
impressive dialogue, to catalog
the uproarious incentives
we leave, lingering around.
It takes--
courage, hope, light,
an inner life we've lived long enough
to throttle our collision,
a division as we fall onto our knees
(with pride).
Manifest of light, this
delirium of procedure that
we're learning how to fight,
to drive ourselves to flight
in all the chaos.
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i am so in love with life
and life loves me too
i also love man
but i am not in love with it
causing so much pain to life and myself
will it ever love anyone?
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He came into my life and changed the whole perspective of how I viewed the world we live upon .
If wishes were stars he would have filled everyone .
He don’t understand how much he moved the moon and skies for me and made every day a brighter one .
Miles apart but he touched my soul in a unique way ,
Like magic he lifted the dark and awoke a sense in me ,
a feeling I craved ,
awoken with a sense ,
which somehow like magic he found and held onto , until it lit deep ,
and brought me back to my feet .
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updates from your friend, zoe
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You are the face I will recognize in heaven.
whenever that might be.
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This is how a few months go by --
the summer sun cooks still time
and the days burn at the edges, welded
into each other, leaping
over one another.
I found myself with desires
that needed discipline.
There are too many faces I still
remember the names of.
My senses were getting used to the new
habit of practicing love,
cautious to take it slow, to let it simmer,
but I felt a loss
when he put off the flame,
and it sits with me still,
as if it were a thought I want to finish.
I wanted to ask him about
the opposite of loneliness, about
the loves he knew and lost,
watch his pupils shrink in the sun.
Love is not law.
He let me go first.
The summer continued
and the list of questions grew.
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Sonnet for a guy I fucked at a conference
Heat rises and on the top floor of this hotel
it sticks. The wallpaper curls, rolling up in
ribbons to the ceiling and I can tell
it's done: get up boy, take it on the chin.
I was never hoping to find you there
but who could say no to a night alone?
Trains bloom and die; oh god I swear
I never do this. Pass me your phone
so we can never speak again
until I place your lanyard at your door
and feel nothing. Your brown eyes, then -
I think that's all I want, your poor
dog desperation and hapless virtue;
I never did worse than when I did you
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The more you grow up the more you understand, you can't be straightforward everywhere, you don't have to sugercoat things, but you need to tell truth in a way it hurts less. Logic isn't everything and some stages make us emotional. It's not people's fault that they're stupid or doesn't agree with your logic. They've lived a life very different than yours, their pattern of right or wrong with yours will match rarely or maybe later. The more you grow up, the more you ask for the things that you never loved to see in people.
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Receiver
.
today you’d likely still answer by the second ring
as predictability dictates
and we’d probably avoid discussing pressing matters by making small talk, like always
it’s the little things we’d always agree on;
movies to watch and preferable meals
as a hail of urgency pelted the world
eventually a knot of silence would
kink our line
I stopped on this sidewalk
to hang up the pay phone receiver
you did not have the time to put back
on its cradle
after a lifetime of reminding me
a gentleman’s etiquette
obligated a proper adieu
.
.
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It happens again
that I feel an ounce of joy
but think it is disloyal
I push and push
when I want to pull
when I want to feel
a push is clear
but pulling tight
has me in fear
I sleep at night
knowing it hurts
but every sunrise
I push when I should blurt
out that I need help
out that I want love
out that I’m running down
out that I need a shove
in the path of taking care of
the only
heart I’ll ever love
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