You say that they are not real
You say that they are made up
But what you do not realize
Is that they are more than that
more than what you think they are
They are the friends that I never had
The family that I made myself
Souvenirs of a journey
Memories of a time gone by
My transports to another place
My guides to another world
My defenders of unknown threats
My teammates in battle
My most trusted advisors
My friends by my side
They have helped me through my greatest struggles,
Helped me through the worst of time,
They have told me that I am not alone,
When I felt the most alone that I had ever been
They are my closest confidants
My found family
My loyalist allies
My desirable enemies
And my secret keepers
They have me guidance,
When I had no sense of direction
They told me where to go
When I felt lost,
And were a friend to me
When I needed a friend the most
They are more than what you think,
They are not only a figment of imagination
They are not made up,
They are real to me.
They are so much more than what you think
And they are so much more than what you could imagine.
There was a time in my life when how I perceived myself in the eyes of other people was extremely important. I called myself by other names and became something else, someone who ate the fruit of popularity and hoped I would gain something from it. These thoughts linger in the back of my mind to an extent. But slowly the meaning is losing its intensity. Because I see that it doesn’t matter. People will see you how they will. Your reputation will be marred in the eyes of those who only see you as your past self or as whatever their expectations are for you. But they don’t know that who you are now is not who you were then. Who you are is only something you can truly understand. No one can know you the way you know yourself. No one can fully understand your soul because no one can see inside you the way only you can.
Something happened in the midst of this noise and chaos. The walls of the kingdom I built burned to the ground. I was taken back to a previous time when people assumed things and made up an ideal for me. I was the good girl, the one who speaks when spoken to and is always polite, never dares to speak anything controversial. The bright and cheery one who is there for everyone and thinks of everyone but herself. I sunk into that. I disappeared into my innocence and caved when the snakes came to bite. They tore at my soul and left me for the wolves to eat up. But recently, I’ve realized that the ones who chase after you with the intent to tear you down are the ones who are the most broken and the most confused. They know not what they do. They are blind to their own whims.
I used to really hate myself. I didn’t always know it. But I did. Some days I still do. And you don’t see how much you hate until you are met face to face with the demons who haunt you. Some people ignore them until they are consumed by them and they don’t know how to defeat what has now become a part of them. They’re scared of the monster within. But I am not. You have to know what you are capable of to know how to become better than that. It’s the weak ones who don’t understand how corrupt and dangerous they are who fall and become the very thing they sought to destroy.
I’ve learned that just as kingdoms will fall, they can be built up. The walls of this place I’ve wandered have crumbled to dust just as the past must. For the past does not deserve our sentiments, and so I will not stay there.
So who am I now, you might ask? Well, I am becoming who I was always meant to be and the one who owns her name.
I never thought I would like you this much. I never thought I would relish the time we would spend together and long for more. I never thought I would want you to hold me in your arms and never let me go. I never thought I would laugh effortlessly at your lame attempts at jokes when you would try and cheer me up. I never thought I would be drawn to that invisible glamour of yours when you would stroke the strings of your guitar. I never thought I would hear your voice in my dreams and start wishing this was real. I never thought I would long for the touch of your face between my palms. I never thought I would want you this much.
We’re talking about how politicians are ruining the country, how college credits don’t make sense, & other ramblings. You laugh nervously at one point and crouch down. “I was going to wait to tell you this right before you left, & I don’t mean it the way a lot of people say it, but you need to have kids. Or be around kids as they grow. Because this world needs more people like you.”
I relate to this poem and have ever since I read it. It is one of the best poems that I had ever read on what it is like to be a bookworm and what books mean to us bookworms. Books are not only a love or a hobby, they are a way to celebrate, to feel less alone, and a way to escape from our problems.
Poem is from Journey Back to Me by Lexi Bruner now available in eBook and paperback
I wish I could ask you what you think of me. I wish I could walk up to you and spill all of the secrets I keep locked up in my heart. I wish I could stroke your hair lovingly and recite you pieces of poetry. I wish I could graze your hand as you would gaze into the depths of the sunset. I wish I could tell if your heart fluttered when our eyes would find one another in the crowd. I wish I could find out the place I have carved into your heart. I wish I could lie to myself of the love I see in your eyes when they find her. I wish I hadn't seen the love you give her; I wish I hadn't seen the love I wanted for myself. I wish you loved me the way you loved her.