June Evening in my Garden with Wine .
Drowsy, warm summer evening, sepia light, long shadows.The sun slips endlessly on its journey towards lighting other lands. Lazy bubbles, rising, bursting on the surface of my pink fizz. Heavy peony heads sway softly in the embrace of a gentle breeze. Slowly, the wine makes my feet numb and my mind relax. Breathing deeply, I hear melodies of bird song and distance church bells calling a riotous…
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The Love Story That Wasn't - I
The Love Story That Wasn’t – I
Part I – The Tainted Image
You came into my lifeWhen the clouds were darkThere wasn’t a silver lining to be foundMy whole world was bleakAnd everyday was broken,Lengthy and unceasing.
You came into my lifeWhen I’d stopped lookingWhen all hope was goneMy heart was numbAnd my feelings frozen,Dead and buried.
You slipped into my lifeI still smile when I think about itAnyone else I would’ve…
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my toxic trait is that I don't ask for help, and I'd like to keep it that way since no one can understand me anyway, so why waste my time explaining to someone my situation if they are never interested in listening???
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Something inside me
had dropped away,
and nothing came in
to fill the cavern.
Haruki Murakami
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What do I do with my grief?
I know not how to handle my grief.
Where to put it, how to tame its insurmountable spirit.
How to sing it lullabies for my voice always crackles up.
How to call out its name without fearing the worst.
What to say to it when it comes running to me like a child.
What to whisper in its ears so as to soothe its wild nerves.
I know I can very well discard it, get rid of it forever, but if that would have been possible, i would not be writing this poem today titled, "what do I do with my grief"
I know not how it's so capable of being so alive when I, the harbourer, has died so many times.
Isn't this grief that I carry in my belly, my child?
If that's the case, it should have died long time ago.
But here it is, chuckling and stretching its limbs, looking at me with its endearing eyes, waiting to be picked up with utmost affection.
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How can you be far away from home when you don't know where it is?
How can you live a life that's full when you were born in emptiness?
Why does everything I am come down and pour on me like rain?
How can I give love when this heart has broken veins?
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is anyone else interested in joining my server? not quite ready to invite people yet but should be soon. just gauging interest right now. “like” or reply to this post and when i’m ready i’ll send you an invite.
server will probably be dual purpose.
there will be (1) a semi-public side oriented toward general discussion (topics like politics, books, history, philosophy, religion, media, science, tech, etc) and community building (nothing is set in stone yet but i am imagining activities like book club, movie watching, playing games, contests and giveaways, etc). and there will be (2) a private side dedicated to more focused discussions and internal cult matters.
the server won’t be a “safe space” -- i’m fine with a bit of edge (within ToS. not trying to get terminated.) -- but i do want this server (at least the semi-public side) to be /relatively/ welcoming and civil. so if you’re egregiously toxic or vulgar or prone to shitflinging or sperging out you won’t be welcome here. neither will you be welcome if you’re overly sensitive.
otherwise, as long as you follow the rules, you will be fine. though i always reserve the right to executively veto your presence for any reason.
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I am no one's love. I am no one's first choice. I ain't in anyone's poem. I ain't anyone's obsession. I am not anyone's muse. I am not my best friend's favourite. I am just loud, weird, hopeless and misunderstood.
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