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gravitascivics · 2 months

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THEN THERE’S ANOMIE

Two honored sociologists who have contributed to the general understanding of deviant behavior have been Emile Durkheim (1858-1917) and Robert Merton (1910-2003). The last posting of this blog, which has been presenting a series of postings regarding the development of deviant proclivities in American culture, introduced the work of Durkheim and Merton. That posting indicated this one would share a model these writers, from different time periods, collectively present regarding deviance.

To begin, Durkheim noted that suicide rose in times of prosperity. Baffled, he began to theorize that in modern times people are subject to egoistic suicides, that is, suicides that are motivated by the inability to deal with fast paced societies and their unrealistic goals. In general, modern society promotes lofty goals while designating norms regarding acceptable behavior as it addresses those goals.

Further, people are socialized to accept these goals.

American culture is characterized by great emphasis on the accumulation of wealth as a success symbol without a corresponding emphasis on using legitimate means to march toward this goal … [D]eviant behavior among certain classes in American society cannot be explained by a lack of opportunity alone or by an exaggerated emphasis on a pecuniary value nexus … It is the set of equalitarian beliefs in American society, stressing the opportunity for economic affluence and social ascent for all of its members, which makes for the difference.[1]

If true, certain recent developments can’t help adding to deviant levels. That is, one can add to this mix of sentiments that a certain condition promotes. That is, a significant portion of the population has had its economic foundations pulled out from under it, such as the exportation of a significant number of manufacturing jobs during the recent past.

This results in the chasm between aspirations and reality and consequently, one can expect levels of deviance to increase. They can even be justified by disrupters as means to attain the goals Durkheim identifies. It is the opinion of this blogger that much of the polarized state of American politics one observes today can be attributed to this development.

And Merton outlines forms of behavior patterns that such disruptive conditions encourage, but common to these deviant adaptive patterns is the feeling of anomie. Anomie can be defined as a pervading sense: a fatalistic lack of cohesion with society. This sense can permeate among certain groups within the nation. Merton believed that lower income groups were naturally more predisposed to anomie.[2]

Given the historical progression this series has outlined in earlier postings – the progression from transcendentalism, pragmatism, and perceptual psychology – the progression has glorified individualism and self-centeredness. Plus, sociological/economic developments – increasing divorce rates, globalization of the economy, exportation of manufacturing jobs – anomie has become prevalent among larger segments of the population.[3]

This state of conditions naturally affects schools. The teacher corps and other school professionals around the country should be concerned with augmenting social norms which encourage non deviant behavior, and at the same time try to impart the necessary skills that empower individuals in attaining their social and economic goals. But beyond that, those very goals need to be questioned. While this blogger denotes a tinge of elitism in the Merton model, the reality is that pecuniary rewards are inordinately emphasized in this nation’s society.

As pointed out earlier in this series, American society lacks a substantive cultural philosophy. What philosophy it has is made up of vague notions of the “American dream” and individual rights. Institutions such as American education have promoted individualism. One finds oneself hearing only a limited social message in this vacuum, from Madison Avenue or disinformation being constantly emitted through social media.[4]

As for advertising, the message is simple and direct: buy things and services. As for social media: “you are getting screwed and you need to support X.” Either way, social worth is most exclusively tied to the ability to attain the things advertised or be associated with those who are sharing a delegitimate status while joining together to save the day.

With more and more misalignment – i.e., social ties lacking meaningful commitments – or the availability of meaningful employment especially among low educated people, the social conditions leading to anomie are readily observable. Add to this the communication facility that social media affords, and the mix is quite disruptive and deviant.

With that staging, social studies curriculum development has a “full plate” of challenges to address. That will be the topic of the next posting as this blog continues this series of postings addressing deviance in the American culture. And just to give this notion of a curricular response legitimacy, one should keep the meanings of anomie – lacking social and ethical standards – and nihilism – rejecting moral principles due to seeing life as meaningless – in mind.

[1] Marshall B. Clinard, “The Theoretical Implications of Anomie and Deviant Behavior,” in Anomie and Deviant Behavior, edited by Marshall B. Clinard (New York, NY: The Free Press, 1964), 1-56, 14-15.

[2] Ibid.

[3] Given inherit challenges with measuring anomie among a population, the literature is not “one-sided” as to the levels and consequences of anomie to American society. See for example, Jean Paul Azzopardi, “America’s Overdose of Anomie,” Medium, January 10, 2017, accessed March 4, 2024, URL: https://medium.com/@jp_azzopardi/americas-overdose-of-anomie-1c0049844774#:~:text=They%20believe%20that%20American%20society,actively%20resist%20any%20institutional%20controls.

[4] In terms of the latter, see Barbara McQuade, Attack from Within: How Disinformation Is Sabotaging America (New York, NY: Seven Stories Press, 2024).

#deviant behavior #anomie #economic disruptions #individualism #civics education #social studies

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billconrad · 2 months

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ood Writers Are Philosophers

Wikipedia defines philosophy as the study of general and fundamental problems concerning existence, knowledge, values, reason, mind, and language. Philosophers try to understand life, people, and our existence while answering the big questions. They link values together, like religion and spirituality.

Well, that is all good, but what does philosophy have to do with writing fiction? I believe all writers must be philosophers because they create something from nothing. Doing so requires a foundation, which is the essence of philosophy.

When I watch the news, I wonder about the motivations behind events. Usually, people have solid reasons for their actions, ranging from good intentions to wickedness. Of course, the reasons can take on many dimensions, for example, desiring fame.

I often think about the people around me and my fictional characters. I want to understand all aspects of their being, including motivations, decisions, and outlook. Plus, I think about myself. Why am I here? What drives my decisions?

From my philosophical knowledge base, I create characters and stories. What is the difference between applying a philosophy and making something up? It is essential to use philosophical knowledge to develop characters. For example, a bad person who kills innocent people. That will not work because readers would not be impressed with such a character without obvious motivation. Readers need details to raise a character off the page and into their minds. My “evil character” requires motives, values, morals, and history. I used examples from my life and stories I read to invent them. However, that does not explain the process.

How does a writer develop a nonexistent mind? They must imagine ethics, motives, childhood, decisions, and knowledge. This knowledge base translates to goals, wishes, and desires. Granted, not all of this information is available to the reader. For example, the source of an evil character might be a bad childhood, but that specific personality aspect might be too complex (distracting) to explain. Instead, the writer uses this imaginary element to guide their character’s decisions, dialog, and actions. The resulting character has well-defined motives, which excites the reader.

To explain this, I will examine one of my favorite characters. Grace is a pleasant, intelligent, powerful, private, and driven woman. She exists as an artist, businesswoman, and ruthless killer. What values would be required for such a character? She appreciates the finer things in life, including music, artwork, and food. She is driven to make money to experience life’s best. On the negative side, she does not value human life to the same degree as an average person. This duality makes her attractive to readers, but it requires explanation.

Grace desperately wants to be considered friendly and does her best to act pleasant. This overcompensation helps her to justify being a murderer. The result is a conflicted character who has difficulty speaking honestly about her murderous choices.

Grace exists to survive. She is the ultimate top predator, like a vampire drinking human blood. Yet, that explanation is silly. There must be more to her. To maintain sanity, Grace prays on despicable people (at least in her mind), providing unusual morals. In one area of her life, she is a pleasant businesswoman. Grace’s morals meet the definition of an honest person. On the other side, she has no regard for human life.

I spent much time developing Grace’s background, including life choices. But how? I am not a serial murderer with conflicted morals. However, to write, I had to think like one. So, I pictured an above-average woman with heightened morals and then crushed these values when she needed to kill.

Part of my philosophical process is to ask her questions mentally. The answer was based on my invented morals, values, and experiences. I think this is the ultimate extension of a philosopher. I must go beyond my experiences to create a new mind. Is this character real? Yes, because she makes decisions, and there are consequences. Of course, they are only written consequences…

You’re the best -Bill

February 24, 2024

Hey book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:

Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.

Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.

Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.

Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.

These books are available in soft-cover on Amazon and eBook format everywhere.

#writing #philosophy #character development

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beierhexhall · 2 years

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Weight-loss Spa - A Relaxing Way to Drop Weight

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#Mobile Homes

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flashfuture · 3 years

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Is it me talking about this part from The Flash & Green Lantern The Brave and The Bold #6 again? You bet.

So @haljordangreenjedi made some excellent point in these here tags

And it made me thinks of this. Hal says “the day we die.” Okay so this gives very much Hal thought they’d go out in the same blaze of glory vibes. He never expected to have to live without Barry.

Iris’ death affected Hal the most (minus Barry obviously) on the League because it was someone he loved dearly and lost specifically to the superhero life. It probably shifted it into focus that yes Hal could die but whatever more importantly Barry could die. And that we know is basically is one solid fear, watching a loved one die.

These two were so close that to Hal living without Barry doesn’t even seem like a possibility. But then it happens and Hal is lost. The people he thought were his friends turn their backs on him, brush him off, or actively scorn him.

Barry was his rock just like Hal was for him and he lost that. It’s no coincidence that when Barry comes back to life the person who tries to bring him back to the present, make him slow down is Hal. In fact they have multiple conversations about it because of how much Hal knows his friend is hurting.

Barry felt alone and isolated from his family because he wasn’t there to make the good memories with them or help them through the bad memories. Hal knew what it was like to feel all alone and made it his mission to help Barry slow back down.

These two mesh so well together because they’re so in tune they know what the other needs and does what they can to help. They can always turn to the other in a time of need and that is a really special relationship to have.

#dc comics #Hal Jordan #Barry Allen #Green Lantern #Flash #Halbarry #you know I always have lots and lots of thoughts about these two #my shipper brain is going wee woo #and my platonic hugs sensor is like 🥺#because Hal and Barry on paper confuse people as to why they’re friends #but you read them together and it’s like mutual respect and admiration paired with a genuine desire to look out for each other #plus same goals in general if not differing in philosophy

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n1kolaiz · 3 years

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The Six Realms

Okay, so I was pretty close to giving up on writing analyses but I'm back LMFAO plus I see we're close to 100 followers and I just want to thank you guys for being so very supportive <3

Alright, I'm not sure if anyone's ever written about this, but if an analysis like this exists, please do let me know because I'm kind of curious as to what other people think about this, too!

Remember that time Fukuchi spoke about bringing "about the five signs of an angel's death"?

I read a little bit more about it, and as a minor content warning: this analysis will focus on a few religious aspects (Buddhism + Hinduism). So if I get any of the facts wrong, firstly: I do not mean any disrespect to either religion, and secondly: please do correct me if I interpret anything in the wrong way.

Spoilers for BSD chapter 90 onwards + BEAST!AU under the cut!

So I'll start by talking about the Decay of Angels. As we all know, the members include Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Nikolai Gogol, Sigma, and Bram Stoker, and their leader, Fukuchi Ochi. After Fyodor's arrest, the Decay of Angels came into light with Nikolai murdering four government officials in a week. These murders symbolise the Buddhist cycle of existence, or otherwise known as samsara: the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

"We are the Decay of Angels—hiding here as terrorists, a 'murder association', five people who will announce the demise of the celestial world."

Nikolai Gogol, chapter 57

Samsara is described to be a concept beyond human understanding. According to Hinduism, samsara is the physical world where every being has its soul trapped into a physical vessel. The Hindus believe that everything has a soul, and due to a soul's attachment to desire, it is forced into a deathless cycle of being born, dying, and reincarnating into a different body. In Buddhism, the ultimate way to break free from this cycle is by obtaining nirvana.

Nirvana is a Sanskrit word for the goal of the Buddhist path: enlightenment or awakening. In Pali, the language of some of the earliest Buddhist texts, the word is nibbana; in both languages it means "extinction" (like a lamp or flame) or "cessation." It refers to the extinction of greed, ill will, and delusion in the mind, the three poisons that perpetuate suffering. Nirvana is what the Buddha achieved on the night of his enlightenment: he became completely free from the three poisons. Everything he taught for the rest of his life was aimed at helping others to arrive at that same freedom.

- TRICYCLE'S definition of nirvana

As Fukuchi mentions in the panel above, there are six different realms of existence. These realms represent every possible state of existence, but one cannot live in a specific realm forever. Depending on whether or not one's past actions were morally good or bad, an individual is born into one of these realms. Basically, the controlling factor of which realm a person is born into is dependent on their respective karma. The realms are separated into two categories: the hellish ones and the heavenly ones.

The Deva Realm: where beings are rewarded for the good deeds they have done. This realm is void of anything unpleasant. It is basically paradise— empty of unfulfilled desires, any form of suffering, and fears of every kind. Religious individuals, however, do not seek to be born into this realm since its attitude is more or less carefree.

The Asura Realm: where demigods are admitted. Asuras are driven by greed and envy, and may come in conflict with human beings since they are quite similar. They are powerful beings, but quarrel with each other quite a bit, making this realm quite undesirable to be reborn into.

The Animal Realm: where beings are given the form of an animal (you probably guessed that lol). Individuals here don't actually have good karma to take pride in, but rather, they are born into this realm to work off their bad karma (by being slaughtered, hunted, or forced to work, etc). Being born into this realm forces one to atone for their past sins by living out their life as an animal.

The Hell Realm: where one is punished for their evil actions. The most merciless of realms, where one pays for their transgressions through pure suffering, methods of which include: dismemberment, starvation, and psychological/physical torture. However, once a person's term is fulfilled in this realm, they are presumably promised to be reborn into a higher state.

The Preta Realm: similar to the hell realm, in which beings pay for their past sins (specifically: greed and stinginess) by having to survive through hunger and thirst. This realm is also known as the 'ghost realm,' because some pretas are psychologically tortured by being forced to live in places their past selves have lived in. They are invisible to human beings living at that time, which pushes them to face the depths of despair and loneliness. Your typical horror movie, really.

The Human Realm: the only realm where one's actions determine their future. The status (social ranking, physical wellbeing, and so on) of a human being in this realm is determined by their past actions, but due to the fact that a person has their own conscience to differentiate good morals from bad, the actions they commit in this realm have the power to determine which realm they are sent to next.

Okay, so now that I've got that out of the way, let's shift our focus to the Book. Very little is known about the Book, but the basic fundamentals of how it works is that whatever is written in the book will come into existence only if its contents follow the rules of karma. In addition to that, only a few sentences can be written into a single page of the Book, and it must follow the current narrative of the story.

If I'm not wrong, the first time the Book was mentioned was by Fitzgerald, who wanted it to resurrect his deceased daughter in hopes of restoring his wife's mental health. The next time the Book is brought up is when Fyodor's intentions to possess it are divulged; his goal was to decimate the global population of ability-users. And now, the current arc has the Book as its central focus, with a single page in Fukuchi's possession.

[ BEAST!AU spoilers ]

The Book acts as the central point of multiverses, with each character's lives differing from universe to universe.

Dazai committing suicide in this alternate universe stands in sharp contrast with how he decided to start up a new life in the main universe.

Oda staying alive to act as a mentor to Akutagawa in the ADA differs from how Oda uses his death to prompt Dazai to "be on the side that saves people."

And of course, the way Atsushi and Akutagawa have their positions switched in the two universes depicts how different their lives would be if they were given the chance to be mentored by different people— these are just a few examples of how the Book houses an endless amount of possibilities.

[ end of BEAST!AU spoilers ]

Hypothetically speaking, this kind of reminds me of the differing realms I mentioned before, where suffering is promised in some realms, and better things are granted in the rest, depending on one's karma, or the deeds they've done in their past lives. In this scenario, perhaps one's past life can be understood as one's current life in a different universe. That's just a personal opinion though. Take it as you will.

side note: Keep in mind that the person who is more or less impervious to the Book's effect is Dazai, with his nullification ability. I wouldn't want to propose any theories in this aspect (I don't believe I'm fully fact-checked ;_;), but I could use Dazai as a raw example of how your choices affect your future. If Dazai had decided to stay in the Port Mafia after Oda's death, or if he even decided to go through with his suicidal fixations, life would've been different for him in the root universe (obviously, ryley) I mean, you could basically understand that from how he ended up in the BEAST au, but imagine if he really did slip up in his decision-making in any of the universes.

Many analysts have proposed that he went MIA (early in his life) from the main universe for a while to figure out how the BEAST universe worked, whilst having the Book to his advantage. Perhaps his actions were guided? I'm not saying he's all-knowing, but he's sure as hell smart. I'm not sure if Kafka was trying to highlight the concept of karma when it comes to Dazai, but if he is, then I suppose you could say that Dazai is pretty much unaffected by the rules of karma, existing as the centerpiece of all the multiverses. No Longer Human is the namesake of his ability, but the book talks about disqualification from societal norms and generally, the world. I was talking about it with a friend, and they reminded me that Yozo (the main protagonist) was pretty strong in his views against society. Like he didn't speak out of total defeat, he spoke out of defense. If there was anything Dazai actually lost to, it was his guilt— "Living itself is a source of sin."

Then again, that's my personal interpretation since everyone has their unique perspective of his writings. In terms of the actual adaptation, you could translate the word 'disqualification' to 'insusceptibilty' when if it came to the Book's effects on Dazai? This side note is becoming really long lmao anyways I'll link a few theories which afflicted me with brainrot down below.

Another thing before I wrap up, the name 'Decay of Angels' stemmed from Yukio Mishima's book entitled 'The Decay of An Angel.' This is the final novel to the author's tetralogy: 'The Sea of Fertility.' The main protagonist, Honda, meets a person he believes to be a reincarnation of his friend, Kiyoaki, who takes the form of a young teenage boy named Tōru. The last novel of this series enhances Mishima's dominant themes of the series as a whole:

the decay of courtly tradition in Japan

the essence and value of Buddhist philosophy and aesthetics

Mishima’s apocalyptic vision of the modern era

Again, this could be referred to what Fukuchi goes on to say:

Some people view the concept of samsara optimistically, justifying it by saying that perhaps each individual is given a second (third, fourth, fifth, who knows) chance to refine their actions in order to be birthed into a better realm, with their karma being the independent variable.

On the other hand, other people, specifically the Hindus, view the cycle of existence as some sort of plague. To them, the flow of life and being forced to endure the suffering of mere existence in any form was somewhat frowned down upon. Some Hindus viewed samsara as a trap. Besides, having one's soul being limited to a physical body for the rest of eternity was not very appealing, especially since where they ended up at depended on the karmic value their past actions surmounted.

Even so, particular types of Buddhists don't seek nirvana, but instead, like the Hindus, they make an effort to be good people of society, building up their good deeds to increase the likelihood of being reborn into one of the better realms.

As mentioned before, the Deva Realm was the home of angels, the most carefree, gratified beings to exist. Fukuchi describes these angels as the people who don't get their hands dirty, the people who act as the puppeteers of society: politicians.

In terms of parallels, angels were the most fortunate and powerful, but they didn't have anyone ruling over them. A lack of supervision would lead to the abuse of power, which is what I believe Fukuchi was referring to. Deeming himself the Decay of Angels, he sought to prove himself as the 'sign of death that falls on the nation's greed.'

A few fun facts (okay, not really) about Yukio Mishima: he committed seppuku (ritual suicide by disembowelment) on the day he held a speech to voice out his unpopular political beliefs to the public. Mishima deeply treasured traditions and opposed the modern mindset the nation was advancing forward to adapt eventually. In his last book, The Decay of an Angel, he spoke about the five signs which complete the death of an angel:

Here are the five greater signs: the once-immaculate robes are soiled, the flowers in the flowery crown fade and fall, sweat pours from the armpits, a fetid stench envelops the body, the angel is no longer happy in its proper place.

The Decay of an Angel, p.53

The reviews about this series I've read so far describe Mishima's works to be quite complex; his writings demanded a lot of time to deconstruct and understand. They were highly symbolic, and he was pretty obsessed with death and the 'spiritual barrenness of the modern world.' I think you could attach a few strings from here to the mindsets of the DOA members. Of course, this parallel is completely abstract, but I'll go on rambling anyway:

He should have armed them with the foreknowledge that would keep them from flinging themselves after their destinies, take away their wings, keep them from soaring, make them march in step with the crowd. The world does not approve of flying. Wings are dangerous weapons. They invite self-destruction before they can be used. If he had brought Isao to terms with the fools, then he could have pretended that he knew nothing of wings.

The Decay of an Angel, p.113

I suppose you could resonate Nikolai with that excerpt. As much as Fukuchi takes the lead in this whole murder association, I'd like to believe that each member of the DOA plays an equally interesting part in whatever movement they're trying to execute. Fyodor feels it is his god-sent purpose to cleanse the world of its sins, his motto being, "Let the hand of God guide you." Sigma doesn't know where he belongs, since his origination comes from a page in the Book, and is fueled by the desperation to find a reason to live. Bram holds one of the most powerful abilities which is counted to be one of the "Top Ten Calamities to Destroy the World."

What I mean to say is that the DOA members are incredibly powerful, and they're not your ordinary antagonists (or I'm just biased). It's not just overthrowing authorities, mass genocide, and world domination— you could say that each individual is trying to utilize their purposes to their fullest expenditures, and the way they're trying to assert their plan into action is a little more passive-aggressive (framing the Agency, having a convo with a suicidal dude in jail, etc). They're the gray area between evil and good. As they framed the good guys for their own crimes, they're trying to conquer the bad guys for exploiting the innocent as they please.

This post would definitely age well if all hell breaks loose in the current arc (as if it didn't) and Kafka doesn't give us a happy ending.

That's all I have to say for now I guess! Thank you for reading, and once again, if anyone else something they wanna share, feel free to do so <3

sources (tryna follow Q's example ^_^) :

the six realms

samsara

the decay of angels

beast!au

the book

the sea of fertility

yukio mishima

theory: dazai’s emotional/mental state in beast!au

q’s theory: dazai being the protector of the book

theory: beast!dazai and the book

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darlington-v · 3 years

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I know different interpretations of a work are generally enriching and cool... but c!dream villan interpretations is like how to tell me you only watch Tommy without saying you only watch tommy.... which would be fine but its not a great place to be making statements about the whole nature of the dsmp lol

Wild speculation, but sometimes I wonder if like, because the dsmp didn't really start as a narrative, and a lot of fans don't nessecarily enter it expecting a narrative, but then there is one and the fandom is really discourse heavy and everyone is sort of excpeted to have an opinion while maybe not expecting to form one from the begining or not having a ton of experience with narrative in a way that would "expect" them to have an opinion or not take things at face value??, I don't know if I explained that well at all... and I don't really even think thats right nessecarily... but like wow sometimes some of the takes about power and government and villany...

Honestly, it makes sense!!!

I think something interesting is like.... looking at how animatics have shaped the like tone and culture of the fandom essentially. Like, an interesting fact that I didn't really fully grasp until SUPER recently is like...

c!Wilbur out the gate admits he is manipulating c!Tommy. Like his first youtube video on the Dream SMP he admits his goal is to manipulate c!Tommy and people like c!Tommy into helping him achieve a potion ("drug") empire to monopolize on potions because there were a lot of people on the server who like to min-max, which is to put all of your effort into this one specific skill essentially. so like... i know minecraft doesnt have a skill tree but if it did, it would be putting all your points into that one specific branch of a skill tree. So he wanted to exploit the labor of all the TommyInnits to.... maintain a Potion Empire.

THIS IS A LONG POST BC I GOT CARRIED AWAY SO BUCKLE UP

And I don't think a lot of the fandom who joined later on knows this. I certainly didn't until like a week or so ago? Like... I knew c!Wilbur had been manipulative from the start because I'm a mod of (shameless self promo incoming) @dsmpanalysis and we have a lot of different POVs in that mod team and discord and we talk about it really frequently. I joined the fandom as someone who was really big on L'manburg ESPECIALLY crimeboys, and have turned into.... *gestures vaguely to my blog*

And ngl I owe a lot of it to @1-michibiki-1 in terms of c!Dream "Apologism" but all of the mods there have expanded my thoughts and views on the storylines of this narrative.

My application consisted of like largely essays about like... how I think Dream was the villain but he was meant to be the villain because you don't get any insight into his character WHICH.... IS A FAIR ASSUMPTION AT FIRST GLANCE. People are easily villainized when you cannot get a glimpse into their thought process. It's easy to dwindle someone down into this flat character and starting out I knew Dream didn't stream the SMP on purpose.

And I personally came to the conclusion of "Oh! So Dream is supposed to be the villain." However as the story continued and I learned more about what Dream went through I began to realize that... it's more than likely a form of a red herring. My opinions on this were immediately solidified when I watched Ranboo's 2 MIL stream because both Ranboo AND Dream agree on enjoying red herrings.

There have been MANY times were Dream has said that c!Dream is a complex character and he's not a wholly evil guy and there have been times where the narrative has honestly just proved that.

Anyways, what's important though was that... I learned most of this from other people who were more focused on c!Dream rather than myself. Eventually I shifted from c!Tommy to c!Ranboo and c!Techno after c!Tommy betrayed c!Techno and I began to realize.... everything I learned before hopping in wasn't exactly what it seemed.

Part of this is because I'm older, I heavily identify with c!Techno's sense of loyalty and philosophies on government, but I especially identify with the anguish c!Techno voiced in... a lot of lore but especially the lore around Doomsday.

I'm not 16 anymore. I don't always feel wronged by adults, or older people in my case, whenever they absolutely have done something wrong by me, but I do feel wronged by my close friends. I also felt like c!Tommy's sense of loyalty didn't line up with mine after what felt like him constantly flip-flopping and refusing to understand c!Techno's morals on government didn't line up with his.

In short, it was easier to identify with Tommy in these animatics versus in the actual stream content because c!Tommy is played by a 16 year old. I'm not a teenager and my line of thinking doesn't entirely line up with people that age anymore. It's harder to place myself in the same shoes of someone's OC who is played closer to their actual age, because I'm not that age.

Regardless, I was still on the c!Dream is a villain train. I wasn't ever like... c!Dream is repulsive I hate him, but I was like omg hot villain lad go brrr.

Even when the first like... mellohi, panic room, Ranboo lore stream popped up I thought "Oh! c!Ranboo corruption arc?"

And I was excited because I really wanted this shy, nervous character to turn into villain buddies with his good pal c!Dream. I'm a total sucker for villains and corruption arcs and all that good shit.

SO I STARTED GETTING REALLY INTERESTED IN ENDERSMILE. I'VE BEEN ON ENDERSMILE SQUAD OUT THE GATE. NOT THE SAME WAY I AM NOW, BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THEM TO TEAM UP.

So... upon not really keeping up with c!Dream and being relatively??? indifferent? I don't think I started arguments on c!Dream back then, but I might have. But I remember like... starting to participate more whenever c!Dream came up and looking more into Dream's character BUT ESPECIALLY TALKING WITH OUR SERVER'S C!DREAM SPECIALIST MICHI ABOUT DREAM A LOT MORE.

And because Michi has been a watcher since day one and was a DTeam fan rather than a SBI fan, she was able to provide me with more information on how the server worked pre-Tommy but especially pre-Wilbur.

Now, you could definitely argue well Michi probably has clear bias but it made sense to me when I looked back on how the storyline had been constructed and was going along, and everyone in the server talks a lot about our own biases and how we want people to maybe not lean so hard on them. Michi would also provide like anecdotes on what had happened and I'm sure links were probably provided at one point but the point was I felt like Michi had no reason to lie or manipulate how the story was told and if she did, eventually someone would have pointed it out because... Group of like... right now it's around 20 or more analysts but I don't remember how many at the time there were. POINT BEING, WE'VE ALL GOT POINTS TO PROVE AND IN MY EXPERIENCE NOT MANY OF US HAVE BEEN SHY TO PROVE THEM.

So if anyone ever had any differing opinions they would be talked about and we literally had and still have discussions.

REGARDLESS.... I DIDN'T FACT CHECK IN DEPTH BECAUSE I THOUGHT PEER REVIEW WAS ENOUGH WHEN YOU HAVE LIKE HOURS UPON HOURS OF STREAMS TO WATCH.

Anyways. Eventually I started paying closer attention and looking more into c!Dream lore but only recently have I started to triple check before speaking about c!Wilbur lore because I know everyone has biases and while I did trust everyone's thoughts and analysis in the discord, whenever I make essays I typically like it to be largely air tight and if theres a mistake, I want it to be because I forgot not because I just trusted what was said. Plus, I wanted to get down to the specifics of how Wilbur had always started with manipulation on the mind.

SO I WATCHED HIS FIRST VIDEO ON THE DREAM SMP.

AND WHAT I WAS NOT BY ANY MEANS EXPECTING WAS WILBUR TO SAY WORD FOR WORD, VERBATIM,

"SO WHY DON'T I START AN INDUSTRY WHERE I USE THE TOMMYINNITS OF THE WORLD TO WORK FOR ME, TO CREATE THINGS THAT THE MIN-MAXERS OF THE WORLD WILL WANT."

Like... this is in no way an attempt to like hardcore villainize c!Wilbur like everyone does Dream, it's just more so to like REALLY outline how far off a lot of fandom interpretation of c!Wilbur is....

Because of SBI focused animatics.

Now, when I joined I watched A LOT of animatics that really highlighted like... Wilbur being this self-loathing JD-esque, "I destroyed it because I had to because the world was against me because no one loved us, Tommy" type of character. At least... that's what it came across as.

And it definitely highlighted the fact that Tommy was a victim, which he is. He is undoubtedly a victim and no not even any dream apologist can change my mind otherwise. Tommy, despite being an instigator sometimes, didn't deserve the abuse he received.

But these animatics never shown the fact that c!Wilbur started L'manburg as a shady ploy to exploit people like c!Tommy and vilify c!Dream so he could have power.

And that was easy because Dream and Tommy had wars before. They had spars and pranks and here's the plan to take back my disks and here's the plan to out smart the thieving little child etc etc.

And all of the animatics I watched never mentioned this. Neither did the recaps though. The recaps gave the events flat out, there didn't sound like there was bias, and honestly I don't really know if there was rather than like... a lack of nuance. And it's hard to provide a recap with that much nuance in a short period of time for a youtube video, to be perfectly fair.

However, this creates a perfect formula for entirely rewriting the history of a server. c!Wilbur quite literally fucking succeeded TO A META LEVEL. He slandered and ran smear campaigns against Dream and like he even does that with Sapnap in the beginning. But what's crazy is that it transferred over into the meta! Most of this fandom understands Wilbur as a victim of mental illness, and yeah maybe? He definitely wasn't mentally well by the end of pogtopia, but he never started out with honorable intentions. L'manburg was never a victim, only its citizens. The TommyInnits of the world.

I just think it's like... such an interesting case study. Because this is like... an opinion like shared by at least half of the fandom, but the vilifying of c!Dream is shared by MOST of the fandom I would argue. Which is like even more crazy for me because that was c!Wilbur's goal!!!

LIKE I GO INSANE WHEN I THINK OF THIS BECAUSE HIS REACH IS JUST TOO POWERFUL. HE'S NOT EVEN ENTIRELY REAL, JUST A MANIPULATIVE PERSONA OF SOME BRITISH GUY.

And I mean... maybe people who have watched Wilbur's video on the SMP still maintain this idea that Wilbur wasn't always the bad guy, but honestly... I wouldn't be surprised if their introduction was still an animatic. Like bias is hard to check and I'm not going to lie I could have sworn I watched both Wilbur's AND Tommy's video on the SMP in the beginning and yet I STILL was a ride or die for tragic yet on some level still honorable Wilbur and a resilient Tommy.

Like... upon watching Wilbur's first video... possibly again I was surprised because I thought I did watch it like right before I even started watching the streams and yet I was still so invested in c!Wilbur as this tortured anti-hero.

It took 6 months of... not being in an echo chamber, full of multiple different people of different ages, different stream POVS, and people who joined the fandom at different points in time.

IDK IF THIS WAS EVEN ENTIRELY RELEVANT IT JUST FELT TANGENTIALLY RELEVANT AND THIS WAS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT FOR A HOT MINUTE AFTER LIKE WATCHING WILBUR'S FIRST VIDEO AGAIN.

TLDR;

SBI CENTRIC ANIMATICS HAD A LASTING AFFECT ON THIS FANDOM AS IT'S HARD TO GO BACK AND ACTUALLY CHECK THE NARRATIVE FOR SOLID FACTS FOR YOUR OWN INTERPRETATION BASED ON THE FACT THAT THIS NARRATIVE SPANS OVER HUNDREDS OF HOURS WORTH OF TWITCH STREAMS.

#asks #anon #dream smp #dsmp #dsmp analysis #dream smp analysis #dsmp meta #dream smp meta #my analysis #long post

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a-master-procrastinator · 3 years

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Long ass post about the Eternal family not being a copy-paste from ATLA (aka I like the memes but my god can you please stop)

Because some people truly think that Vaylin is off-brand Azula, Arcann is Zuko and so on.

It's. Called. A. Trope. (I mean how often do we come across abusive manipulative fathers in media? Mothers who couldn't much to change anything? Children, desperately looking for their parent's approval no matter what?)

Of course, you have to consider the fact that the writing of ATLA is simply better than of KotFE/ET, so this might have been one of the reasons why people say that.

Spoilers for Avatar: The Last Airbender, Knights of the Fallen Empire and Knights of the Eternal Throne expansions!

Okay, so here's my unprofessional, maybe biased, not super deep take.

(not going to mention that all of them are members of royal, ruling family, kinda obvious)

What roles do they play in their stories? Well, both Valkorion and Ozai are main antagonists, but their presence throughout the story is very different. Ozai is rarely shown in first two seasons, we don't even see his face until season 3. He doesn't have a direct connection to the protagonist, they only meet at the very end of the show, and Ozai's role is to pose a threat to the world, while Aang's is to save it. Valkorion, on the other hand, is constantly on the screen, interacting with the main character, challenging their viewpoint and influencing them directly. His end goal is similar to Ozai's (destroy everything and be the only ruler of the his nation), but with one major difference - he's trapped in Outlander's mind, so to achieve his goal Valkorion attempts to take control of the main character. Their interactions play important role in the story, and we spend a lot of time with Valkorion.

In addition to that, their relationship with children are also not exactly the same. It seems like Azula is Ozai's favorite and Zuko is a failure in his eyes until he meets his expectations, and the same goes with Vaylin, Arcann and Valkorion, right? Well, partially. Indeed, Valkorion and Ozai's treat their sons in similar ways (are disappointed in them until they meet their expectation by doing something that goes against their morals), but when it comes to Vaylin and Azula, it's not that easy. See, Valkorion claims that Vaylin was always his favorite creation (even though we know it's actually his empire), and he certainly seems to take pride in her potential in the Force. But her power is the very reason he's afraid of his own daughter, and in this fear Valkorion literally locks Vaylin away and allows to put her through physical and mental torture just to make sure she won't become a threat, won't overpower him. Maybe he thought of her better than of Arcann, but she wasn't his favored child for sure. I don't want to say that Azula hasn't experienced abuse from Ozai, but for the most part he clearly favored her over Zuko. He has never shown fear of Azula's power and abilities (or at least I haven't noticed), quite the opposite - allowed her to do a lot, as long as she brings results.

I could also mention their slightly different characterization (mostly that we get more characterization of Valkorion, get to learn his motivations, views, philosophy and all that, also he's portrayed as more nuanced, even if he not really is) and role in their respective governments (ozai is one of many Fire Lords and arguably not the greatest, while Valkorion is a god to citizens of Zakuul, their only Immortal Emperor), but those are details, and I think you get the point.

What's similar: role of the main antagonist, manipulative and abusive father, goal of destruction of everything that isn't their nation/empire, relationship with disgraced son.

What's different: presence in the overall narrative, relationship with the main character, relationship with daughter, role in their societies.

Senya and Ursa are even less similar. Yes, they both are mothers who love their children, but have to leave them, but these are probably the only things they have in common. Just as with Ozai and Valkorion's presence throughout the story, Ursa is only shown in flashbacks (for obvious reasons), and Senya is one of major characters in KotFE and (a bit less major) in KotET. Ursa leaves because she has to kill Azulon in order to save Zuko, and later isn't present in the story (I'm aware that her fate is told in comics, but we aren't talking about it). Senya leaves because when she tries to take children with her, they refuse, and she understands that she can't force them to, nor she can help them to break free from Valkorion's manipulations. For a long time she's absent from Arcann ad Vaylin's lives, but at the time of game events she attempts to save her children and stop the madness and destruction they've caused, and it isn't a small part of the story.

I also want to add that their relationship with Ozai and Valkorion are also different, but can't say much about Ursa. I heard that she didn't choose this marriage and suffered emotional (and maybe physical???) abuse from Ozai. I can say with confidence, though, that Senya genuinely loved Valkorion, and strangely enough, he seems to at very least respect her. But, of course, this wasn't the best marriage either.

Plus, we see more of Senya's relationship with Vaylin than Arcann or Thexan, but with Ursa we see her more with Zuko than Azula. Just a detail to remember.

(also Senya is simply a better character but that besides the point, moving on. in this house we stand Senya)

What's similar: role of loving and caring mother, abandoning their family at some point.

What's different: presence in the overall narrative, relationship with husband, characterization in general.

Boy, where do I even begin. Vaylin and Azula are similar in that they are both extremely powerful (one is firebending prodigy, the other is potentially stronger than Valkorion), both are cruel "craaaaazy" (i hate that cliché), both are younger sisters, have serious mother issues (seemingly more so than father issues), both go through betrayal of people they could always rely on, which eventually leads to their downfall. But when I took a look at their personal arcs, it became clear that they aren't the same (unfortunately, Vaylin's arc is very rushed and underdeveloped, but we'll have to go with what we have and my personal view, sorry).

There's a really good video about writing corruption and madness, and I'm going to base my thoughts on it. To summarise it: a good corruption arc should have 4 components:

- the character has a specific goal (or a goal and subgoals);

- in pursuit of said goal they become the cause of a significant event that brings serious consequences;

- as the result of these consequences, character abandons their morals, ideals or a code in pursuit of goal;

- character either will not achieve their goal or will succeed, but it won't be enough to satisfy them.

And then the author brings Azula's arc as one of the best examples of compelling story of corruption (so basically, she represents it perfectly). In short, Azula's main goals are perfection and control, and subgoals help achieve the main ones. In pursuit of these goals, Azula causes Mai and Ty Lee to betray her (by pushing them too far to do something they wouldn't do), which then causes her to become paranoid, which makes her to attempt controlling everything and everyone around her, *breathes* which makes her lose control over herself and ....

Now, I thought if Vaylin's arc could fit into a corruption one, and next part will be based a lot on my assumptions and personal view of her character (plus rushed writing doesn't help), but I think yes (or at least mostly). The difference is in goals, ideals and details.

While the story strongly makes us think that Vaylin's goal is freedom (or control over her life and everything around her) or power and destruction, I think it's actually self-determination (which was said by Tenebrae in 6.2) and feeling safe. Let me explain (and here I thought this would be a short comparison). Sure, when Valkorion caged Vaylin on Nathema, he took choices and control over her life from his daughter. But let's not forget whom Vaylin blames for this (even more than Valkorion): her own mother, and I think this details tell us that the most important thing that Vaylin lost on Nathema is feeling safe. Then, after Arcann brought her home, I assume Vaylin still didn't feel safe enough under Valkorion's rule, still too afraid that he'd simply send her back to that hellish place.

It's when Valkorion is struck down Vaylin finally has a feeling of personal safety, even if she isn't the one on the throne. Why? Because back on Nathema there were two people who haven't turned on her - Arcann and Thexan (yes, this is also a huge assumption, bc the game states that only Thexan visited her, but it doesn't make much sense).

I've always noticed (and I'm not alone in this) that her behavior in Fallen Empire is different from the way she acted in Eternal Throne. Most likely bc of rushed writing, but I see a character driven reason here. In first of these expansions, Vaylin is the second person in power on Zakuul, and with Arcann being in charge, person she can trust more than any other living being, she feels safe - she can test her power, and now Valkorion won't prevent it, she can do pretty much everything she wishes, and the most Arcann will do about this is mildly complain (without blaming her). Really would be nice if we got to see any normal hobbies of Vaylin (like wasn't there something about books or art?), but I digress. She might have some questions about Arcann's tactics, but they get along just fine. The important thing to note is Vaylin not seeking to hunt the Outlander personally, to rule or conquer the rest of the galaxy, or trying to achieve absolute freedom or power. She's kinda there.

This, however, changes when Arcann doesn't allow Vaylin to kill Senya. Their relationship was getting somewhat worse towards the end of KotFE, but this is a turning event Vaylin caused by attempting to strike her mother. By saving the person Vaylin blames for all the trauma from sending her to Nathema, Arcann threatened her feeling of safety. And now Vaylin starts to believing that to achieve safety she now needs to kill people who hurt her (that's why she's so determined to find Senya and Arcann), take the throne and hunt down Outlander (she was manipulated by SCORPIO to these subgoals).

(The following is the weakest, I'll admit, but I hope I can at least express what I see). So, in trying to achieve goals she didn't want before Vaylin loses in self-determination, being either driven by overwhelming anger or manipulated by others (SCORPIO or Commander on Odessen), desperately trying to accomplish anything, or even goes against her morals (like by erasing GEMINI's free will protocols, when earlier she agreed that freedom to choose is important; or breaking the deal on Odessen). All of these result in her downfall.

But even this isn't the end. The key difference between arcs of Azula Vaylin lies in it's resolution, or that Vaylin have a chance to overcome corruption in the main narrative (and Azula doesn't. again, not including comics here, sorry). After death, Vaylin is again controlled by Valkorion in Outlander's mind. First time physically (she can't resist it), second time mentally. This is where Vaylin has to choose - kill brother who betrayed her and Commander who killed her, or go against Valkorion, person responsible for almost all of her pain and trauma. She has t choose by herself, and I think it's a good start.

Now, before 6.2 we all thought Vaylin was dead for good, but that story update hinted at possibility of her coming back to life. What I like to think is that now that she dealt with people responsible for her trauma (helped defeat Valkorion and actually for once listened to Senya), Vaylin can now have a different life, finding herself with support of someone she doesn't hold a grudge against and who treats her well (Satele, I mean).

I'm so sorry for going into details, but I needed this long explanation to present the point (and I suck at explanations). As said before, this is my version of her arc, and most likely wrong interpretation, but even with personal freedom of choice, Vaylin character differs from Azula a lot.

Need I mention that Vaylin relationship with Arcann and Valkorion are drastically different from those between Azula, Zuko and Ozai?

(Also a little detail - with royal family of Fire Nation, Azula is the golden child, while with Tiralls it's actually Thexan, not Vaylin).

What's similar: role of extremely powerful, emotionally damaged daughter with little to no regard towards others, close people betraying them, resulting in their downfall.

What's different: characterization, role in the narrative, relationship with father and brother.

Arcann and Zuko is the most difficult part, but I still believe that calling Arcann just a cheap copy of Zuko is incorrect.

So, they fall into role of less successful son, always getting disapproval from father, being in shadow of more talented sibling, both obsessed with capturing the main character but ending up helping them end the war after going through a redemption arc with help of caring family member. Even both have scars on left side of face. Yeah, seems similar. I still think they are different characters.

Let's start with their relationships with family. In Valkorion section I said that his attitude towards Arcann is similar to that of Ozai towards Zuko, so not going to spend too much time here. However, there's slight difference - Zuko didn't kill his father even he had a perfect opportunity (bc it wasn't his goal), Arcann did (bc it was one of his goals), which says something about their characterizations.

Zuko and Ursa were shown to have a good mother-son relationship, and it played a role in Zuko's character. With Arcann and Senya, we don't really know (not much was shown in expansions). We know Arcann didn't hate his mother, but possibly didn't have warm memories of her either. The reason is most likely, like Senya said, her children wanted nothing to do with her (which is a bit untrue about Vaylin, but okay) and leaned more towards Valkorion. We need to remember that on Zakuul Valkorion isn't just one of many great leaders, he's the greatest, and seen as a god by most citizens, so safe to assume the same would apply to his children as well.

Zuko and Azula's siblingship (i'm out of words) is a bit similar to Arcann and Vaylin's in way of brother knowing that his sister isn't good, but still caring about them (even if not showing). At least it's what I saw. What's different is how Azula treats Zuko, compared to how Vaylin treats Arcann. I think Azula showed compassion or concern for Zuko maybe twice, but I'm not entirely convinced that it was 100% sincere. Vaylin, on the other hand, seems to trust and care about Arcann (with bits of sass and questioning his life choices), and switching to complete opposite after him saving Senya. Also, I don't she ever called Arcann a failure in their father's eyes.

Now I want to say that their roles in stories aren't the same either. Sure, both are introduced to us as antagonists, but in reality, Zuko was never a true antagonist (we get to learn this somewhere mid-season 1), when Arcann remains the main antagonist for whole of KotFE. Zuko didn't start a war and didn't participate in conquest of other nations too much, his main goal was to capture the Avatar so to restore his honor (and deserve his father's forgiveness). Honestly, I think it's safe to say the Zuko is one of two main protagonists of ATLA. Why does Arcann want to capture the Outlander? Solely because his father's spirit still lives inside this person's mind, and the best solution to keep Valkorion away from the galaxy is not letting the Outlander free (hence the carbonite freezing). And Arcann doesn't want or need Valkorion's forgiveness when he attempts to kill him (or kills him, depending on your choice. anyway, his action directly leads to Valkorion's "death"). And right after that he becomes a ruler of Zakuul and begins the conquest of Republic, Sith Empire and everything he can reach (the reasoning behind this is still unclear to me though; maybe because he was raised with ruling Zakuul in mind and he didn't anything else, idk). Point is, he's responsible for war and main's character imprisonment, which makes him the main antagonist of KotFE. They have it the opposite ways - Zuko starts as disgraced prince, supported by a little group of people, and in the end he's recognized and appreciated by his nation, and Arcann starts as respected by his empire, later becoming less and less loved, until some groups start rebelling his rule, and in the end he doesn't get to rule Zakuul again.

This leads me to their morals. See, Zuko didn't have the worst morals in Fire Nation, even more, he expressed care for loyals soldiers of his nation before getting punished by Ozai. During first season (and about a half of second one) his views on other nations are what he was taught before. However, these views are challenged by travelling in Earth Kingdom, witnessing people suffering from war Fire Nation started and hating its people (you already know all of this), and with this he comes through final stage of redemption when he's back home. Unfortunately, Arcann doesn't go through this, and he's shown to be more ruthless.

Alright, when it comes to their redemption arcs, well let's say they are different (both in quality and the way they go through it), I'm just a bit tired of long explanations at this point. Zuko's arc is one of the best ever put on television, and Arcann's... well, it definitely has potential, but is criminally underdeveloped (there are other people who will explain it better than I ever could).

What's similar: role of disgraced son, living in shadow of their sibling, serious injuries on the left side of face (though with different meanings), obsession with capturing the main character, having a redemption arc.

What's different: role in the narrative, role in their society, characterization, relationship with sister and mother, different end goals (before redemption), paths to redemption.

#ah. ofc it didn't show in the tag bc of the youtube link. ofc. gonna be down bc of this)#hey look at me rambling about something only maybe 2 people take seriously #also i noticed that parental characters are better in swtor and children characters are better in atla. do what you want with this #it's 3:30 am i should be sleeping but here instead writing this #(forgive if i have some spelling mistakes. brain shutting down but i won't be at peace if i don't post it right now)#okay so if you have thoughts on this... you really don't have to waste time on this #i really only wrote this because i was annoyed by some peeps on reddit claiming vaylin is off-brand with a straight face #(and then posted this on tumblr bc i don't want to suffer those people on reddit)#what am i doing with my time #(not gonna tag atla bc it's not really about it)#swtor #arcann #vaylin #valkorion #senya tirall #kotfe #kotet #pauletta's babbling #pls send help #(or oc aks to give me some free serotonin but no obligations ofc)

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transsexualhamlet · 3 years

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asmr i psychoanalyze my favorite war criminal, aka calling out norman the essay

basically all of my thoughts on norman on one callout post because i care him (both manga and anime are discussed)

LINK TO RAY PSYCHOANALYSIS: https://chaoticgaymess.tumblr.com/post/646749875570196480/ray-81194-the-long-explanation

this is going to be ungodly long so here’s a keep reading, essay below the cut

((tw for suicidal ideation and self harm, brief discussion of eating disorders))

Disclaimer: no shipping is included here this is just about norman also they’re kids who call each other siblings

Thoughts: So you may be thinking, Rowan, why do you yell about the colorless war criminal so often? Well the answer lies in your honor the court hates to see a girlboss winning. Norman is a girlboss :) Yes norman is a tiny twink who can't lift a milk jug. And he is a girlboss :) Obviously I don't condone, um, eugenics and all, but that's not the point the point is that he satisfies my need for more characters like Levi motherfucking Calder from Unwind because I’m apparently an edgy 13 year old. Also all of his problems are violently things I can fix and I keep him around as a pet project because someone needs to give him a hug and slap him on the face

I diagnose him with things:

-pisces man :pensive:

-is he albino? Not literally. Is his skin so pale he would catch fire if he went outside at noon? Yes.

-autism: Yes I’m aware that calling him autistic makes him, problematic rep by perpetuating the autism unfeeling savant stereotype whatever but have you considered i’m autistic and I’m projecting also he’s L with standards? Anyway traits of AuTism he has: hyper fixation, canonically breaks and fixes things over and over because like ofc he does, doesn’t understand Emotion, hyperaware of body language at the same time as it all somehow flying over his head, low empathy, sensory experiences™, min maxed in certain areas, and I don’t think he’s got social interaction quite right? There’s something off about it

-gifted kid (derogatory) This is self explanatory but basically him being the smartest and the best in a competitive environment caused most of his issues, such as the perfectionism, the need to succeed, the lack of self esteem and ridiculously high expectations on himself, giving himself no breaks or time to relax, the “i must be productive with every second of my day or i will die” deal, the “peaked at 11” thing, the way in which he goes through life like there’s going to be a fucking test on it

-Eldest Daughter™ lmao. Norman’s always had to be mature, he’s always had to be the best, he’s always had to do the things Ray got out of bc he’s a snitch and Emma got out of because Isabella likes her. Norman gets respect from Isabella only if he excels, and her bar for him is astronomical. He doesn’t have the Mommy Issues that Ray has, but it’s because for him Isabella basically just reflected his expectations on himself, whereas with Ray it was more personal.

-low empathy (part of the autism thing): this one needs more explanation, but it’s not a bad thing in and of itself. Cognitive empathy is a thing and he can use it, but he does not instinctively understand other people’s emotions, or even recognize them properly, especially when the person is not like himself. This is obvious in Emma. Man has no fucking clue what’s going on in her head or why she does what she does, but he can predict what she will do in any given situation very well. He could understand the suicide attempt from ray he predicted more because Ray’s an easier equation to solve, and someone who’s more similar to him. I know he gets it because, well, motherfucker’s just as self desctructive as him, just in a more dignified manner.

-he’s got some sort of chronic illness. This is also me projecting and a headcanon but he’s got something going on, even before lambda pumped him full of growth hormones or whatever which they maybe should have Not Done but oh well. (I assume this just didn’t happen in the anime, since he’s still so fucking short) But he's So weak. He passed out when it was too hot. He passed out when it was too cold. He can’t open a pickle jar. His skin is too pale and he’s skinny af. He’s much more prone to sickness and probably has asthma too? But in the case that he did actually have something going on, I don’t think grace field would see the need to treat it, if it didn’t impact the quality of his meat? Isabella’s probably just “you have chronic pain and you get migraines? Great, take some tylenol and do some calculus.” Can’t say that probably helped anything.

personality type: ISTJ

Basically, he’s the most boring personality type to exist, and personally as an enfp i do not respect him. But basically this means he’s a fucking nerd that gets his projects done for school the day they’re assigned, is probably the president of the Anime Student Council™, and could probably get away with premeditated murder (ok actual istjs this is a joke don’t skin me)

The only trait that norman doesn’t have on the istj thing is telling the truth. Yeah, he values the truth, but like, that doesn’t apply to him, clearly. Bitch is a notorious liar.

The only other personality type he has any similarity with is intj, which is the same except it’s more rare and a purple theme instead of a blue theme. Sadly, that’s not him though, because although he can care more about some kinds of philosophy overall this isn’t the case and ray already occupies this personality type tbh.

strengths and weaknesses: This one’s kind of obvious, but he is aside from the crazy insane intelligence good at planning. Extremely good at planning. He can predict any outcome and figure out how to prevent it, using all his resources. For example he’s physically weak and someone could literally just walk up and stab him, but it doesn’t impede his progress on his goals because he’s surrounded himself with strong, mentally inferior people who would die for him in a heartbeat. He never gets stuck in some “everything is shit and i can’t do anything” deal like Emma and Ray do, he always works through it and has confidence in his abilities (in as much as he will solve the problem or die™. Weaknesses other than his twink body include his Low Wisdom score. It’s funny how he’s often associated with an owl, the mans is 14. He thinks he knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t. Plus obviously his fundamental misunderstanding of so much of everything going on around him, the fact that he lies not just to the world but himself, his refusal to take care of himself and his incredible cowardice. His achilles heel is being forced to, actually confront his actions.

what he likes about himself: He does pride himself on his mental abilities, and his judgement, which in his opinion is the only correct opinion and the only correct way. In the past, he likes being seen as a leader, he likes being responsible for other people. He likes his ability to manipulate and lie, because he sees it as an asset, and I honestly think he enjoys being william minerva more than he enjoys being Norman. He prides himself on his unhealthy expectations and the fact that he is able to meet them. Honestly, he does think he’s better than everyone else, mentally, though it’s humbled by his self hatred. Cursed thought: If Norman had self esteem he would be light yagami.

what he doesn’t like about himself/insecurities: Oh god, nearly everything. His appearance, his status, his superiority, his physical inability, his own mess of a mind, also have I mentioned his appearance. He’s obsessed with self control. He wants everything he sees wrong with himself gone. And I understand why having control of everything is necessary and appealing, everything for him has always been rigid and planned out from moment one, he was even more regulated in lambda, and though he desperately wants to Not Be Food, he has no idea what to do with the chains now that he’s broken out of them. So he just wraps them around himself. Regulates to an unhealthy degree when he sleeps, what he eats, when he actually takes even minimal care of his own problems, what he looks like, how much of himself he lets show, the expressions on his face, the literal thoughts inside his own head he will shut down if they are not Correct. It’s literal self harm. Norman, please stop it.

motivations/goals in life/general philosophy: To be honest, I’m not sure he knows what he wants. He sure thinks he does, he could sure give you a memorized answer, but it means nothing. He wants to excel. He wants Emma to be happy. He wants to be perfect and for that to make everything perfect. But he doesn’t realize everything he’s working towards will do pretty much the opposite of that. He’s a crippling perfectionist, and pretty much everything he does is motivated by his fear of failing. He picks the certain path, he doesn’t wait for anyone else, he doesn’t care if it’s not nice. Emma foils that a most of the time because he cares about her, but it can only go so far, especially after he’s had so much time without her to develop a Complex. His philosophy is very contradictory, basically the tokyo ghoul “everything bad that happens to you stems from a lack of ability”. All of his problems are his fault. All the world’s problems are his to fix. If he can’t fix them, it’s his fault, it’s because he wasn’t strong enough, and not being perfect condemns someone forever, including himself.

how he’s perceived by others vs how he actually is: In most people there wouldn’t truly be much of a difference, but with Norman things are different, because, well, most of his personality in grace field is a put on, as well as the tough guy dictator thing he radiates after lambda. How he appears to someone is determined by the context of their meeting- the kids at grace field see him as a nerdy, weakish, pretty boring kid who is really caring and kind. The researchers at lambda see an obedient, beaten down and perfectionistic boy. The lambda kids see him as an infallible leader, ruthless and genius, a good man who knows what’s right. But in truth none of that is him. It’s a fucking chess game to him, putting on different faces, lying and pretending and treating everyone differently. In truth? He’s a fucking coward. He’s scared out of his mind and he’s tired and he can’t take pain, he’s obsessed with reaching some goal he deems is necessary that in the end is going to be his death because he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions. He’s taken on the role of someone evil, though deep down he’s not, he feels it’s easier to live that way because it strips him of his conscience.

interpersonal relationships: In general, Norman sees all relationships in a pretty dim light. He sees everyone as black and white, for the most part, and other people make no sense to him intuitively, he has to figure them out like a puzzle. He’s manipulative and not particularly kind, but he follows all societal expectations to a T, overly focused on his appearance and placing the person he’s interacting with into a Category™. So he can be truly kind, to people he feels deserve it, to people who he values and doesn’t see flaws in. He gets incredibly attached to people he loves, protective, though he often doesn’t take their own feelings on the matter into consideration, and he’s ruthless with anyone who he deems a bad person. With people he understands and relates to, though, things can be different. If he sees someone as like himself, he will drop all the social interaction police bullshit and cut to the chase of whatever he wants or needs from them, and he’s not very forgiving in any manner, if he thinks what someone did is actually bad.

Emma: Norman obviously cares a lot about Emma, and honestly views her as better than anyone else. He realizes her moral integrity and all of the things she has and he doesn’t, and admires it. Because of his black and white view, Emma is like an angel to him. She couldn’t do anything wrong if she tried. But he comes to treat her as something to be protected instead of respected, and although he realizes she wouldn’t like what he’s doing, he fundamentally cannot empathize with her and doesn’t try to understand her. Their personalities are very literally opposite. Norman really needs to fucking listen to her. And Emma needs to understand that Norman doesn’t have a single ounce of empathy and you really do need to spell it out for him. Emma can only convince him when she has logical reasons for her actions, which she, doesn’t often have. And Emma gave Norman too much slack, because she didn’t see past the surface, and Ray never wanted to warn her, even though he knew the dude was showing a bunch of red flags, because you know. It was kind of an unspoken deal between them. (on ray’s part)

Ray: His relationship with Ray is a lot more complicated than with Emma. He understands Ray, where he doesn’t understand Emma, and he can see right through anything Ray does. And this makes things really tense between them, because Ray doesn’t, take kindly to being psychoanalyzed. If someone perceives him he will deck them and Norman is just there silently perceiving him at all times when Emma doesn’t see it. They are both constantly in competition with each other, but they care about each other a lot, though it’s kind of in a derogatory way. They both recognize each other as fundamentally fucked up, and silently agree never to bring it up with Emma. They’re nice to each other when she’s around, but all pretenses disappear when she’s gone. Ray is always frustrated with Norman, because Norman’s never been intimidated by him, and though he tries his best not to be vulnerable around him, Norman can always see through it, whereas Ray can’t crack Norman’s fake fucking smile no matter what he does. Norman will always take Emma’s side, and doesn’t see Ray as a good person at all, but he still understands and can excuse him, he takes measures to be… worse than Ray, which is better in his mind, because it’s rational, and ‘not selfish’.

Isabella: She has always had ridiculously high expectations for Norman, and treats him kind of harshly compared to the others. Bitch has heat stroke and Isabella’s first question is a calculus problem instead of like, “are you ok”. She knows he doesn’t complain about anything ever and she doesn’t stop him from being Terrible to himself, because it makes her job easier. They want smart kids, not mentally adjusted kids. She does really care for all of them, but she basically overrides it, she gives them what they want, not what they need, lets them be exactly what they’re making themselves. Isabella is distant with Ray but gives him anything he wants, she’s close and super nice with Emma, but Norman is… it’s weird. Isabella is proud of him because he meets her astronomically high bar. But at the same time, Norman never really cared for her that much and has never pretended to. Once they discover The Thing, though, he has a revelation, and it doesn’t take him long to switch his entire perspective about her. He’s pretty much like. Oh. She’s like me. That explains it, time to treat her like I treat myself: fucking brutally. Passive aggressive as hell. The kind of energy the :) emoticon at the end of an email gives. He does like just go “yeah we should kill her” at one point, which. You know, ok. When he got shipped out it was hhhh really interesting because Isabella knew full well he knew he was walking to his death and Norman was like “are you Truly Happy?” and just went :) and she was like h u h and tried to get him to talk while they were walking there because she feels Bad about it and he just. Did not. He didn’t say a single word just kind of smiled menacingly at her and I think it was half a sort of rebellion and half because he viewed her as similar to himself and therefore felt no need to put up any front with her, no words were necessary for him to impart exactly how he felt about it

Lambda kids: His relationship with the lambda kids is weird and bittersweet. I think he really truly does care about them, they were in a similar situation to his and he wants them to get what they want. However it is not a healthy or beneficial relationship, they see him as a god and don’t realize that he’s killing himself to give them what they want, he’s basically adopted them when out of anyone norman’s the one that should least be in charge of kids. I think he’s honestly younger than them but I’m not sure if they even know. He acts like their fucking mom, and that’s from what he thinks mothers are like… like isabella?? Giving them what they want, not what they need, lying to them, showing a front, caring deeply for them but at the same time using them for his own ends. And it’s not helpful for him. He thinks he knows what they need, but what he’s doing is what they want. What they need is therapy,(and so does norman), and he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with using them as weapons because they love him. It makes him feel good, to be seen as perfect, to have people who don’t know how weak he really is. But it’s only making him worse, and he’s enabling everything the lambda kids are doing wrong as well. They need like, Yuugo and Lucas. Some actual adults who are actually wise and have the ability and the knowledge to take care of them and understand their mental problems and maybe actually address them. And actually be nice to them. But um sadly.

what he’s doing wrong: It’s pretty obvious, but… Norman, you maybe *shouldn’t* commit genocide? You’re not helping emma, you’re not making anything better. You’re not helping the lambda kids, you’re enabling them. You’re not helping your friends from grace field, you’re ignoring what they want. You’re not helping the world, you’re eradicating an entire race from the face of the earth and murdering the poor for the crimes of the fucking 1%. You’re not being a martyr, you’re a selfish piece of shit liar you little coward, you just want an easy way out and you want to die on your bloody fucking hill instead of admitting you’re wrong. Grow up, cringe little man.

why he went wrong: I think most of the reason this happened was the way he was raised combined with the kind of person he is. Norman would have turned out fine, if there has been good adults in his life who actually cared about his well being. Instead he got people who just wanted to control him and make him what they needed, and family who largely didn’t realize there was anything wrong. Ray being an ass to him most of forever probably didn’t help but well, that’s just Ray. Even then, he would have managed alright if he escaped with the rest of the kids because he would never have been separated from the experiences that caused the rest of them to realize demons weren’t all evil. In lambda he didn’t have anyone supporting him or telling him when things went too far, so he fell into relying on himself alone, pushing himself further with absolutely no limits. All he saw was enemies and allies, and things got stratified. He never had a lucas or a yuugo or mujika when he would have needed it, instead he found children who wanted him to be in charge and a world that made it so he had to be. Everything was an echo chamber for his worst thoughts, so they just became more and more dominant.

what he needs: To put it simply, he needs Emma and Ray to cut to the chase and slap him across the face and make him take care of himself. He needs to be forced to see everything for what it really is- this edgy 14 year old committing atrocities to feel better about himself? He needs to be told that what he’s doing is irrational, because in reality, it is. There are better solutions that he’s ignoring, both to his own suffering and the demons, and the way he’s going now no one will truly be happy because of it, that there is no requirement that things be perfect and this bullshit doesn’t make him stronger. He needs someone responsible to take the fucking dagger out of his hands. He also needs someone to babysit him and make him go to bed at a reasonable time.

i describe his personality through songs on my spotify playlist for him:

-outrunning karma by alec benjamin: this one super applies because it calls him out for making shitty decisions, being manipulative and a liar, and having blood on his hands in a very calm and subdued manner, that he knows this is wrong and yet he chooses to keep running faster and faster towards destruction, that he means to escape it through death

-empty by boyinaband and jaiden: yes this is a song about anorexia yes it also applies to norman i’m not saying norman literally has an eating disorder (but honestly it wouldn’t be far out of character if he did) but metaphorically this applies to his method of ignoring his needs, both emotional and physical, in favor of seeming in control

-toxic thoughts by faith marie: this one speaks to his gifted kid trauma. Man’s got perfectionism running his entire soul. He’s terrified of failing, because he’s always been at the very top, he’ll beat himself up over any miniscule mistake and forces himself to keep at bad habits that keep him Productive, but he won’t ask for help no matter how much he’s suffering because that would be failing, he fights with his mind, this song basically tells him “yeah i feel you but you need to stop that”

-no time to die by billie eilish: ignore the romantic overtones but this is emma and norman, emma who trusted norman and was lied to, betrayed, for norman’s greater good, and norman who refuses to feel or hurt because of it, who refuses to apologize or see himself as wrong, pushes forward because he’s going to Pass Away

-achilles come down by gang of youths: hhhhh it's like. His vibe. Obviously you can disregard the lifestyle specific shit but it's. It's achilles come down you have to understand it’s like the same deal as friend, please just like french and longer

-friend, please by 21 pilots: i feel like i don't have to explain this one but it’s more to the manga (not the anime where he kind of figures out he done did wrong by himself instead of committing unforgivable sins and still going yeah this is valid before emma is like holy fuck). He is like sorry emma I cannot fix anything I’m going to die :) *coughs blood* and emma going like stop it stop it stop it fuck you see you fucked up and i forgive you just stop don’t walk away while he’s like “no<3”

why im a repressed little norman kinnie even tho he’s my exact opposite: I don’t generally kin ppl like norman, honestly he’s an infj I have no clue how it happened but I’m pretty sure it’s because of my intense desire to project onto a little man who cannot lift a milk jug and has chronic pain and decides you know what I AM tired of being nice i DO wanna go apeshit. Also he’s a twink. A little bastard. He’s a terrible person and I go mood every time he does anything. I said mood when he fell out of a tree. Don’t know what this says about me, I swear I wouldn’t commit no genocide. He’s like the inverse of Yoichi Saotome, and somehow i kin him too. Damn.

Miscellaneous headcanons:

-man’s SO attached to his william minerva cloak. He’s a wispy little bitch, you know he’s wearing that thing inside the house, he’s fucking cold. It also makes him Look Important he can retreat into it like an emo middle schooler with an oversized sweatshirt

-although you could probably get Mad street cred from having two whole brands you know he’s not gonna whip it out and show off his lambda thing he’s incredibly self conscious and his chest hasn’t seen the sun in years

-norman’s got MAD laundry skills to be able to wear like, all white all the time while constantly murdering people. I think he’s the only one who knows to do the laundry. And Ray is the only one who knows how to cook.

-but even then there’s gotta still be a few questionable stains on that thing, but if anyone asks he’s like “ketchup” “I’ve literally never seen you eat anything with that much color” “ketchup :)” *coughs blood*

-he’s probably thought “well i have not literally coughed blood yet today so I am not legally obligated to take care of myself”

-He probably adopted much of his current personality from taking on the persona of william minerva. I’m calling him out for being like me, he’s a blank motherfucker, he absorbs personality traits from characters he plays! He’s just not in theatre so it’s a bit more intense!

-the first time he sees barbara Eating Demon Meat he kinda stares and goes oh cool! not for me and violently exits the room. Like it's hilarious bc he thinks that's really gross on a moral level though he understands why she would do it

-Which is even funnier bc I’m not sure about the canon on this but there was That Chapter Cover that one time that kinda seemed to imply norman eating demon meat which i absolutely latched onto because I’m terrible. He was just politely eating it. With a knife and fork like why dude. As to a possible reason for him doing that I can come up with, of course barbara does it out of spite, but man we don’t know the properties, if it had some sort of painkilling aspect to it or it was like, caffeine, you know he would, but he would Definitely not talk about it

-I kinda disagree with what the anime did in episode eight? It was good I liked it and the imagery was fantastic but also have you considered Norman could not kill someone with his own hands if he tried, or even physically injure them? That’s what his minions are for shawty. That doesn’t make it any less bad, of course, but the manga captured it perfectly by the fact of he carries around a dagger and a scepter in the capitol battle, but he never even raises it out of more than intimidation. He walks through calmly like he’s not scared at all but he makes sure all the lambda kids do all the actual murder, he just stands there impartially, clearly The Mastermind, as the kids fucking murder the queen of the demons. And I think that’s more profound because he’s, a coward. And he doesn’t realize being the one who orders the strike makes you just as responsible as the one who sticks the knife in someone. The knife is just there to Compensate™ for the fact that he weighs like eighty pounds.

-he’s more of like lady macbeth (because he’s a girlboss) than macbeth himself. He has blood on his hands, but it’s the kind of blood that you can’t wash off. He never killed anyone himself, and he cannot admit he never would have been able to.

-the last thing is that there are definitely epic things about the anime, episode 8 was my favorite so far, goddamn that imagery and the bitch walking through the city while it burns down with the screaming asmr going on behind him my god. We stan. But like the downside of, letting Emma and Ray get to him before he commits first degree murder makes the whole thing lose a lot of his value. In the manga (oh my god look at me being a pretentious manga fan please) it fit more of his ideas- he never backed down, and he planned for Emma coming and trying to stop him. Of course he wanted Emma to stop him, he wanted it with all his fucking heart he was pleading for it to happen but the man wouldn’t give himself what he wanted if he was held at gunpoint. He knew she’d come and he made absolutely sure she wouldn’t be able to stop him. So when she came and he said “you’re too late”??? It kind of said it all, in the fact that he was disappointed that he got his way. He still thought he did the right thing, but deep down there where he shoved all his thoughts and feelings he desperately wanted to be saved from himself.

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Feel free to eviscerate me if these are not Correct he is just my favorite girlboss who I feel the need to yell at

#tpn #the promised neverland #yakusoku no neverland #tpn norman #norman tpn #essay post #god why do i do this to myself #dear god help me this is 5000 words #rowan's hyperfixation essays

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dangermousie · 3 years

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Heelo mousie! Love your blog! Do you mind recommending some of your favourite Chinese BL novels or shows?

I've seen the untamed and read it. I'm currently reading heaven's official blessing and I saw the donghua. Anything other than these two?

Awww, thank you!

Novels: I am gonna be lazy and literally copy/paste the entire danmei section of my top 10 web novels post (except MXTX’s stuff since you are already reading it.) Let me know if you need help finding any of these.

Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is also finding the middle path between their two very different philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant, sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two take up farming, get involved in the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.

The Wife is First - OK, this one did not make my top 10 web novels but it’s a sweet, fun gay cottagecore fest. Our ML, a royal prince, and his spouse, a smart if delicate aristocrat, keep house, eat noodles, play with their pet tiger, make out and spoil each other rotten, while occasionally fighting battles and outwitting their court enemies. It’s so very mellow. That couple redefines low drama - they are both nice and functional and use their brains. It’s as if a nice jock and a nice nerd got together and then proceeded to be wholesome all over the place.

I mean, the set up could be dramatic - our ML the prince, lost his fight for the throne and is about to be killed. The only person who stayed loyal to him is his arranged husband the aristocrat guy who ML never treated nicely since he resented marrying him (marrying a man in that world is done to remove someone from the ability to inherit the throne.) And yet the husband stood by him not out of love but beliefs in loyalty blah blah. Anyway, he transmigrates back into the past right after their wedding night and is all “I got a second chance OMG! I don’t want the throne what is even the point? I want to live a good long life and treat the only person who stood by me really well!” And he proceeds to do so to the shock of the aristocrat who had a very unpleasant wedding night and generally can tell the man he just married would rather eat nails than be married to him. But soon enough (no seriously, it’s not many chapters at all) he believes the prince is sincere blah blah and then they get together and they pretty much become cottagecore goals.

In terms of dramas, I only do period dramas (or novels) so I am not the person to be able to recommend any modern BLs. There is a flood of upcoming (hopefully) period BL dramas but it’s relatively thin on the ground now. The two I will recommend is Word of Honor (which is AMAZING) and Winter Begonia (which I just started watching but which owns me already.) I have a tag for both - the one for the former is huge and I cannot recommend either strongly enough. I’ve heard good things about The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, but I am not big on mysteries so haven’t watched it for myself.

In terms of the upcoming BLs, the ones I am most looking forward to are Immortality and Winner Is King, but The Society of the Four Leaves also looks promising.

#asks #cdrama #cnovel

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turtle-paced · 3 years

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A:tLA Re-Watch: Fine-Toothed Comb Edition

The warning for the last episode was genocide. The warning for this episode is second-hand embarrassment.

Book 1, Chapter 4 - The Warriors of Kyoshi

(0:55) Previously on Avatar, Aang announced that he has Serious Business to attend to before learning waterbending. Zuko made a new enemy in Admiral Zhao on top of his existing problems with his dad, now revealed to have kicked him out of home pending Avatar-capture. Aang learned he really is the last airbender.

(1:48) Zuko’s room still has those broadswords on the wall, in case anyone was wondering.

(2:08) Today we’re focusing on Zuko’s scarred side while he talks about his single-minded dedication to catching the Avatar. In the context of the previous episode and the previously-on, I think this is the scar as the symbol of Zuko’s supposed obligations to his family, rather than scar = bad guy. Which is more obvious on the re-watch.

(2:17) “Uncle, you taught me that keeping a level head is a sign of a great leader.” He’s trying. Not very successfully right now, since he’s got capital I Issues, but he’s trying.

Moreover, it’s a pretty consistent thread with Zuko that he definitely wants to run the Fire Nation and does things to a) secure that outcome and b) prepare himself for the job so he can do it well. It’s an understated but profound contrast with both Aang, who’s already stated outright that he doesn’t want to be the Avatar, as well as with the blind, destructive ambitions of Ozai and Zhao. The latter is something I’ll definitely talk about more later, probably when the show digs into firebending philosophy. For the moment, however, Zuko’s overt desire for the Fire Nation throne hits a lot of genre biases about the evils of ambition. The show puts that out there now…so we can talk about it better, later.

(2:26) Zuko’s anger manifests in overactive candles; Iroh gently reprimands him for the effect (the heat, telling him to open a window), rather than for being angry.

(2:38) “He’s clearly a master of evasive maneuvering,” Zuko says, despairing of ever tracking down the Avatar. Aside from the cut to Aang’s actual methods right now, this one’s a bit of an awwwww moment when you think of the series finale, where the universal response to “we can’t find Aang” is for everyone to look to Zuko, trusting he’ll have some ideas. How things change.

Over in the A-plot, Sokka has the maps. This will also be consistent.

(2:50) Aang stares up at Katara, who’s focused on her mending, and tries and fails to get her undivided attention. This episode makes some important progress in Aang and Katara’s relationship. Now that they’ve decided to be in each other’s lives, now that the novelty’s wearing off, what are things going to look like when the other is an everyday feature? Katara’s got stuff to do and can’t look up every time Aang wants any of her attention. Aang can’t always be after attention, either.

(3:15) Sokka’s sexism is very obviously brought up here. Gotta love Katara hauling him up on it by withdrawing the benefit he gets from her work, leaving him scrambling to apologise. And for his pants.

(3:46) Goal-oriented Sokka wants to keep flying. Aang wants to stop and enjoy travelling. This time, Katara agrees with her brother, pretty understandable given her investment in learning waterbending. Always interesting keeping track of how often the main characters disagree with each other, even over little things - it’s actually pretty often. This is a good thing for the story! Arguing characters are showing the viewers what they want, how much they want it, and how they want to get it.

In terms of timeline, we’re still solidly in winter, and Katara’s projecting arrival in the Northern Water Tribe close to spring.

(3:55) Bad habits from Aang; he doesn’t defend his desire to stay here on its merits, but uses Appa as an excuse. He avoids even this little argument.

(4:15) Plus his insistence that Katara watch him ride the elephant-koi (which sound terrifying). Same thing as the marbles just then, but with the danger level scaled up.

(5:14) This sort of miscommunication, where Katara and Sokka are stuck on shore yelling for Aang to get out of the water and being dramatically misinterpreted, could only happen this early in the series. Much past this point, and Katara in particular would be confident enough to charge in herself and do some rescuing, especially on open water.

(5:48) Having narrowly escaped sea monsters, the gAang get ambushed by a group of mysterious warriors. And taken out quite effectively, too. Again not the sort of thing that would be possible later in the series.

We intentionally don’t get a good look at the ambushers at this point.

(6:13) Not that we’re left hanging for long, as the voice of the person in uniform is clearly female. Three seconds later, Sokka’s blindfold is torn off to reveal - ta-da - an organised, professional team of female warriors defending their home island. We can get the organised and professional thing from the fact that they’ve got uniforms and Suki’s headband clearly being a marker of rank.

In case it wasn’t already apparent that this episode is going to smack Sokka out of the very worst of his sexist ideas about women in combat, Sokka puts his foot in his mouth by asking where the men who ambushed the party are. Nowhere, mate, they don’t exist.

(6:41) Since Sokka can’t stop being sexist for thirty seconds, it’s left to Katara and Aang to talk their way out. Neither of them seem to share Sokka’s patriarchal notions; we’ve already seen that Katara’s an outspoken feminist in her patriarchal society. Aang just hasn’t commented. He simply doesn’t say anything about women in combat, and through his silence conveys that it’s just not all that remarkable to him.

(6:46) Kyoshi Island might be formally neutral and staying out of direct conflicts, but it’s still Earth Kingdom - they’re not worried about generic spies or generic partisans, but specifically Fire Nation spies.

(7:01) Exposition and timeline. Avatar Kyoshi, for whom Kyoshi Island was named, born 400 years ago. Helps us see the enduring legend of some past Avatars, despite the disrepair her statue is in. This is before we got the information about typical Avatar lifespans and who, specifically, came before Roku. Thinking that there were five Avatars between Aang and Kyoshi wouldn’t have been too out there a conclusion.

(7:07) Aang reveals himself as the Avatar of his own volition. Right now it’s just to get himself out of a jam with local authorities, but as we’ll see over the course of the episode, it’s got consequences other than people wanting to kill him.

(7:22) Another example of airbending being proof positive that Aang must be the Avatar. This goes to show just how thoroughly the Fire Nation wiped out the Air Nomads. Airbending is so vanishingly rare in this setting now that people think it’s more likely the kid airbender is the Avatar than a random descendant of a random survivor.

(7:38) Can’t say I like the running joke of the guy foaming at the mouth. But this kicks off the counterpoint to how Aang’s relationship with Katara is settling. The people of Kyoshi immediately give Aang attention. Lots of it. Lots and lots of positive attention. The Avatar is a celebrity.

Aang, for his part, is completely fine with being the centre of attention. He likes the spotlight. This won’t be the last time we see him seek it out, not by a long shot. This episode does some character work for him in this regard.

(7:47) In something of a continuation of last episode’s giant spiritual announcement that the Avatar is back, this montage shows us word spreading throughout ordinary people in the southern Earth Kingdom. From one person to another and eventually to people who’d see Aang captured. Love how the colour palette changes and the Fire Nation horn comes in through the music over that quick montage.

(7:58) Here’s another way Zuko’s season one treatment differs from your Zhaos and your season two Azulas - you see him and Iroh in little domestic moments like this. Zuko’s not in armour, he’s sitting down for a meal with his uncle, he leaves the scene insisting he’s saving his meal for later. He and Iroh are depicted as having lives outside messing with the protagonists. (Villain domesticity gets a different twist in season three, which is heavily into exploring how the war’s messed up the Fire Nation at home, in all senses of ‘at home’.)

Broadsword status: still there. Seriously, the animators left them in for a single shot where they’re only partly in view behind Zuko’s head. They were extremely careful with that particular detail, given that not one but two plot points hang on Zuko having and displaying those swords.

(8:13) Cut to the statue of Kyoshi being cleaned and repainted, showing how the people of Kyoshi are honouring the Avatar. Appa is also getting the spa treatment, lucky Appa.

(8:32) Aang immediately identifies the food set out in front of him as a dessert not usually served at breakfast and starts scarfing it down; Katara looks at it more dubiously. She’s never left the South Pole before, so she’s not familiar with Earth Kingdom cuisine. Aang’s travelled pretty extensively, so he is. Have I mentioned recently how much I love the attention to detail in this show?

(8:41) Sokka, meanwhile, is sulking in a corner. His sexism is depicted here as petty and as more self-inflicted misery, pathetic and self-sabotaging.

(9:15) Again, the pattern. Katara says ‘we’re probably going to have a problem if we stay here too long’, looking at future issues, Aang says ‘nah, we’re fine for the moment!’ Another thing he learns a lesson about by the end of the episode - and he doesn’t repeat that specific mistake.

It’s also noticeable that even as Aang’s clearly glutting on the attention, it’s important to him that he’s making the town happy. He wants the people around him to be happy, even just casual contacts.

(9:25) Katara spells out the moral of Aang’s story this episode. The attention is going to Aang’s head, and he needs to get a grip.

(9:33) Even here in episode four, Katara is noticeably annoyed at girls around Aang’s age fangirling over him, and at how positively Aang reacts to it. Not going anywhere but Kataang, just a question of maturity.

Cue montage of Aang being very popular and doing a bit of showing off (airbending push-ups! An exercise in lifting one’s own body weight with airbending, with sufficient control not to physics oneself flying backwards!), while Katara prepared to move on and looks rather unimpressed.

(10:34) Sokka, who as I mentioned back in episode one, is teenage insecure, walks up to the Kyoshi Warriors’ training area with the clear intention of proving something to himself, I mean, to them. When he approaches, we see the Kyoshi Warriors are moving in unison, again showing us their discipline and professionalism.

(10:42) Incidentally, Sokka totally knows what he’s doing by calling the Kyoshi Warriors’ practice a “little dance lesson”. Condescension guaranteed to raise blood pressure.

(10:50) Suki, who is way more gracious than Sokka deserves right now, apologises for arresting Sokka and friends on suspicion of being Fire Nation spies. Not because arresting suspected Fire Nation spies without a lick of proof is bad, mind you, but because the assumption turned out to be wrong. Compare with Sokka and Gran-Gran wanting to kick Aang out of the South Pole village and into the antarctic wastes without so much as a snack or a blanket. We’ll see this more in the next few episodes, but the Fire Nation’s war damages the ability of Water Tribes and Earth Kingdom to trust any stranger.

(11:01) Suki’s patience is not infinite. When Sokka doubles down on being a dickhead, she gets ready to smack him down. This doesn’t seem like her first experience dealing with men talking down to her and her group, either.

Over the course of the series we’ll see some Earth Kingdom women in some bureaucratic positions with varying levels of power (never a top job), but aside from Toph, I don’t think I can recall seeing any Earth Kingdom women in active combat situations. As a whole, the setting as of the time of the main series seems to be patriarchal. The Earth Kingdom seems to settle into a place between the Water Tribes and the Fire Nation, with sexism being a little less obvious than the Water Tribes’ outright “stay in the kitchen,” and the glass ceilings firmly in place.

(11:31) As you’d expect, the teenager who’s had the opportunity to train their martial skills regularly with other warriors handily defeats the teenager who hasn’t. It’s not even close.

(12:11) In contrast to Sokka’s sexism, Aang’s hanging out with the younger girls of Kyoshi Island, happily showing off the fact that he was a woman in a past life, and not batting an eyelid when one of the girls says Aang was very pretty in that past life.

(12:20) Katara asks Aang to help out with the shopping for provisions; Aang refuses because he booked himself having fun with other people. He still wants Katara to come along, though. Ah, different attitudes to work. Katara picks up responsibilities without being asked, Aang puts the work off. Katara also uses her words to say “watching you show off isn’t fun for me” - she wants to be Aang’s friend, rather than his audience, while Aang’s having a bit of trouble distinguishing the two.

Aang’s issues with attention are also rendered a bit more painful on the rewatch. On first viewing, it’s immaturity, plain and simple. And there’s a lot of immaturity involved here, it’s true. The first impression isn’t entirely inaccurate. With knowledge of ‘The Storm’, the viewer also knows that the reveal that Aang’s the Avatar threw a wrench into his peer relationships, which he never had a chance to rebuild or readjust. The girls of Kyoshi aren’t exactly Aang’s friends, but they are providing companionship and strings-free fun, something which Aang was feeling pretty short of prior to running away. The issue’s more complex than just the attention going to Aang’s head.

For his part, Aang also accurately assesses that Katara’s jealous. She doesn’t want to just sit back and watch Aang, she’s said as much, but it’s true that she also wants Aang’s attention in return. The context of Katara and Sokka’s social decisions in this episode is them trying to work out how to relate to people around their own age, something neither has had to do before. So while Katara doesn’t want to be Aang’s audience, like she said, and she’s not willing to put her goals on the backburner just to keep Aang happy, she’s also on new social ground and not the smoothest about it.

(13:18) Outside the Kyoshi Warriors’ HQ, Sokka is kicking rocks and clearly thinking about something.

(13:35) And here Sokka starts to prove his worth. When evidence and facts conflicted with his worldview, Sokka went with the evidence and the facts - Suki and company are better at fighting than he is. So to improve his own skills, he respectfully requests that Suki teach him.

Realistically, this does not instantly make Sokka the perfect feminist ally, as we’ll see. Even here he’s gone for the “if I insulted you earlier” apology, though I’d tend to be a bit more tolerant when that’s followed up with the blunt “I was wrong,” as Sokka does. Suki, who’s well within her rights to be annoyed at a guy coming back to ask her a favour after insulting her like that, tests Sokka’s commitment by insisting he train in their traditional dress and facepaint.

(14:10) Suki’s explanation further makes it clear that any humiliation Sokka might feel is a Sokka problem, as opposed to her inflicting women’s clothing on Sokka specifically for humiliation value. Her uniform was tailored for women, and it’s also a warrior’s uniform. Nothing to be ashamed of. So if Sokka wants to train as a Kyoshi Warrior, he dresses for it.

(14:17) Like I said, getting the bulk of the point doesn’t instantly make Sokka a perfect feminist - when Aang says “nice dress,” he still can’t hang on to Suki’s point that dressing “like a girl” isn’t inherently insulting.

(14:26) Katara just quietly practicing waterbending in a free moment, nothing flashy, just manipulating small amounts of water.

(14:34) In a transparent attempt to get Katara’s attention, Aang says he’s going to go do something silly and dangerous. Katara’s not indulging these particular antics. It’s a brief fight and definitely a kid fight.

(15:05) Sokka’s fumbling with a new routine and new weapon in new armour is accentuated by the off-key music.

(15:29) The way that Sokka manages to knock Suki down with exactly the technique she was talking about shows how quick a study he can be when he actually tries to learn. They’re probably both right in their little spat here, too - Sokka did get her, Suki probably did let her guard down more than she usually would since Sokka is such a beginner.

(15:45) Back over in Aang’s storyline, Aang’s fanclub is getting bored with the lack of sea monster action.

(16:04) But as the fanclub wanders off, Katara arrives. And there’s the point for Aang this episode. Katara’s not Aang’s fangirl, she won’t always agree with him, they’ll occasionally fight - but she means it when she says she wants what’s best for him, and she’s not going to wander off on him because she got bored.

(16:24) So they end it by mutually acknowledging what they did wrong and apologising to each other. What is this communicating business? Who does that in an episodic drama? And what sort of sea monster attacks after our protagonists have got their emotional act together?

(17:27) This is a lackluster action sequence by this series’ standards, because it’s basically Aang getting whipped backwards and forwards by a giant eel, while Katara stands on shore. The creativity isn’t there. Fortunately, this part of the action sequence is brief.

(17:42) When Katara does manage to intervene, again we can see that she’s not practiced in a fight. Her waterbending does want she wants it to do, blast her and Aang back towards shore and away from the Unagi, but damn that’s a simple and straightforward use of the art. Note also that waterbending was her last resort - she waded out to Aang rather than any waterbending that would let her maintain speed and maneuverability.

(17:56) Zuko shows up here, because the fight scene needed a boost.

(18:10) Where’d he get the komodo-rhinos? Who knows.

(18:35) Katara’s earlier practice drawing water out of a basic bowl here gets a more lifesaving use, as she waterbends the water right out of Aang’s windpipe. The show didn’t make a big deal of Katara’s earlier practice, but here it is, same move!

(18:51) It’s sunset, and Sokka and Suki are still training together. This has clearly not been a miserable experience for either of them.

(19:09) Another instance of Zuko rocking up to a location and just shouting “Avatar! Where are you, Avatar!” No intro. No niceties. Just single-minded shouting.

(19:18) When, shockingly, the Avatar does not show his face at such an eloquent plea to come out and get kidnapped, Zuko orders his men to search the village. Bad things for bad reasons, just trampling over people’s homes and peace of mind for his objective.

(19:40) The Kyoshi Warriors are a match for non-benders, but have a bit more trouble with Zuko, especially when he’s on a komodo-rhino (and apparently knows how to use that fact).

(20:07) In the brief exchange between Zuko and his soldiers and the Kyoshi Warriors, Zuko does not personally set any building on fire. He doesn’t do what Zhao does later this season and trash everything his fire touches. That doesn’t negate the fact that he showed up to terrorise people until the Avatar showed up, assaulted a bunch of people, and that his subordinates weren’t as careful about the buildings as Zuko was.

(20:38) Aang uses some dropped fans to blast Zuko right through a wall, and we get a reaction shot afterwards to note that he’s not happy. Aang doesn’t like fighting and tries not to hit back.

(20:45) Aang glides over the village and gets a look at the destruction, including a look back at the statue of Kyoshi in flames.

(21:10) Aang blames himself for the village getting burned down. Katara says it’s not his fault. Again, it’s a deceptively complex ethical issue for a kids’ show. Arson is on the arsonists, but what are Aang’s responsibilities to random villagers in living in indefensible, flammable locations, when they don’t know Aang’s being chased and Aang does? As a matter of sheer practicality, Aang can flee a lot more easily than most villagers can fight back against the Fire Nation.

There aren’t good, totally fair answers to this. But after this point, if the gAang decides to stop in one place for a while, it’s either a decent-sized population centre, or somewhere out of the way. Not a village.

(21:19) Katara says she reckons Zuko will leave Kyoshi Island alone to chase them, and resigned, Aang says he’ll call Appa. Goodbye, any hope of normal travel! This looks to me like the point where Aang internalised that yes, in the dystopian future he woke up in, being the Avatar means being hunted down by the Fire Nation.

(21:33) Sokka apologises for treating Suki like a girl when he should have treated her like a warrior. Suki gives us the galaxy brain take - there’s no contradiction, she can be both.

(21:52) Appa takes off and Katara’s prediction is borne out. Zuko drops everything to chase them.

(22:11) Aang isn’t happy with just running, though. He feels obliged to do something else to defend Kyoshi when it’s already burning. So he dives back into the ocean and lures the Unagi back out to spray water all over the village.

(22:38) The look on Zuko’s face at being drenched is priceless.

(22:58) Katara gives Aang a hug for risking himself to help others, and the group flies off into the sunset to end the episode.

So, on the whole. This episode doesn’t do anything radical in terms of the plot, but it does provide some character development that needed to happen early. Aang needed to come to terms with being the centre of attention, whether the attention was shallow adoration or a serious desire to harm him without much regard for collateral damage. Katara and Aang both needed to work on maintaining a long-term friendship not based on novelty value. Sokka needed to snap out of that particular form sexism, because the rest of the series isn’t going to be short on female combatants.

#a:tla #fine toothed comb edition

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yandere-wishes · 4 years

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Which Yandere Dorm Are You??

So a few days ago a friend of mine convinced me to watch the first two Harry Potter movies with her. Now I don't really like Harry Potter the story just isn't my type, but what I did like about the movie was the four dorms! This made me think of what it would be like if instead of "personality types" people got sorted into dorms or houses based on what they would be like as Yanderes. The end result was The six Yandere Dorms! Plus a quick look into my take of the yandere verse. Note that in no way, shape or form am I an artist so all the dorm Icons look very messy and horrible! In addition to that, the Yandere Verse section is still a draft I'll elaborate more on it later.

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At an unknown time in the future, a new ideology was beginning to bloom. It was an eerie, morbid sickening philosophy.... and yet it spread through society like wildfire. At first, people thought it was brought on by a sort of infection to a person's mind. Psychologists and doctors spent countless months trying to research it. They examined hundreds of people which they thought had gotten this new "disease", but there was nothing out of the ordinary for any of the patients. By the end of the study, countless researchers had stated that they too had begun to believe in this ominous phenomenon.

A year later the 75% of the population was starting to believe in and follow this new trend. What was this new trend you may ask? Well, it's rather complicated to explain...

The philosophy begins with the simple notion that a couple should have complete control over one another. That when two people consent to a relationship they have agreed to devote their entire lives to each other, thus they should know everything about each other, do nothing without the other person's knowledge and even be ready to kill for each other's love, respect, and protection. But it doesn't end there the philosophy continues to say that despite both partners needing to equally belong to one another, one is more entitled to pick and chose his lover. This statement was vague at first but soon started to make sense when it's devoted followers started to become obsessed with a person of their choosing. It was as if they could only function when they were in close proximity to their person of interest. Time spent apart from them caused to obsessor to act in a different manner than their initial personality. Most people where so desperate for the love of their obsession that they began to kill for it. First, as a means to gain attention, then as a means to protect them and finally as a means to own and control them.

A huge some of society started showing signs of playing into this "love disease" with roughly 55% playing the role of the obsessor and 45% playing the role of the victim. By the two year mark, many political figures had begun to rise in favor and support of this new romance perspective. The two most famous being Hera Saino and Delya Petra. The two where the firsts to come up with a name for this philosophy. Calling it the Lovesick Movement. It took after both the Romantic movement and the gothic movement. This abnormally long era was classified in its portrayal by gruesome arts with vivid colors, Writer who stopped writing about small-time crushes and instead took on stories about chaotic, devoted love being found amongst characters. Artists and poets stopped look for different sources of inspiration and instead only sought their one true obsession. It was especially popular amongst the younger generation, who spent a great deal of their time trying to the "best way" to show their crushes just how they felt.

Hera Saino and Dilya Petra were later dubbed the LoveSick Queens and also The Yandere Queens. They both played a role in naming the two groups. They took inspiration from old Japanese tails of lovesick driven murderers (which was also a style that was getting all the more popular). The obsessors were known as Yanderes while the victims were known as wither Beloveds or Darlings. After the naming prosses, the internet was flooded with online quizzes about a person's ideal darling or yandere. DIY's for "romantic weapons" and "passion restrains" were the most-watched videos globally.

In later years a new group of amorous visionaries arose, they were later called the Twisted Eight and they each played a role in classifying the various types of Yanderes in the world as well as exploring the traits and conditions of both Yanders and darlings/Beloveds. Amongst the group 240 book regarding the "lovesick movement" where published aswell as 59 legal books, documenting the new laws and rules the legal system should take up as a result of the lovesick movement. Each later became associated with the specific "yandere type" which they researched.

Erebus Zero- The founder of the "Sadistic" yanderes. Heavy believer that pain is closely associated with love and is the only means of displaying affection for certain people.

Shouta Caben- The founder of the "Obsessive" yanderes. Though to be the oldest classification of yandere as well as the primary source of anyone that is lovesick.

Elliot Belanger- The founder of the "Possessive" Yanderes. Founded on the belief that people should own their lovers and that they must do anything in their power to keep them as only there.

Renato Dean- The founder of the "Protective" yanderes. Lives off the faith that one must do anything and go to any extremes to protect the one they love, even if it means killing or dying for them.

Valentino Lazarus- Founder of the "manipulative" yandere types. Believes in using one's smarts and wits to "convince" a darling that they are meant to be.

Theodosia Slater- The founder of the "Delusional" yandere type. The ones that are stubborn and believe that their darlings love them already despite not even knowing their names.

Ivy Phillips- Not a founder, but the main researcher in the fields of twisted love and mad love. Twisted love is the rare marvel of two yandere falling in love with each other. While Mad love is when a darling not only falls into Stockholm Syndrom but begins to show yandere trait for their capture.

Alexandrite Iaculat- Not a founder but the main writer of the "new era laws". These are modernized laws and regulations which uphold the society and avoid it falling into anarchy.

The Dorms

Each of the dorms is organized internationally, meaning that dorm names and symbols are the same worldwide. Children get sorted into their "houses" when they reach the eighth grade (as a form of respect to the Twisted Eight) these houses will remain with them long after they have graduated. While someone's future job isn't always tied to what houses they where placed in there are certain occupations made especially for a specific type of yandere.

How the organization process works is that in the child's seventh year, they will write a series of personal essays and tests. These tests judge the child's analytical thinking, personality, "intensity" amongst other things.

For the sake of this story, we will be discussing the houses in general but will only be focusing their effect on a private school called Mysteria Academy.

Cruistica

The first dorm and one of the golden star dorms (the most valued of the dorms). Despite what people traditionally think of the sadist yandere, the members of Cruistica are sorted into this house due to having above-average analytical thinking and an uncountable curiosity. They are the ones who love their darlings without having a way to show it, they are intense and brutal yet also very tactical. They believe in proving they love their darling in a more physical way.... this doesn't mean straight out hurting and punishing them, it could be as simple as making them watch as they commit a murder or simply locking them away for a few days without human connections. Overall if you are someone who has a dark, twisted way of thinking, a curious mind and the need to control and claim your darling in every manner ever known, then this is the dorm for you! Common subtypes (Strict, controlling, obsessive-possessive)

Current dorm leader and vice dorm leader ( Ahri Cronos: Age: 18 Grade: 12 | Zion Sguis age:16 Grade: 11 )

media examples (Tony Stark (Marvel), Judar (Magi), Dabi (My hero academia) Kanato (Diabolik lovers)

Think of a mix between (Ravenclaw and Savanaclaw, maybe a bit of Ignihyde)

Jaséder

This dorm is known for their possessive nature...for lack of a better word. When they own something they rather die (or kill) to keep it as their's and their's alone. They are one of the more emotional dorms, despite not always coming right out to their darlings and saying "I love you". The motto of this dorm is "What's mine is mine and I'm willing to kill for it". In this particular academy, this motto is plastered in the main hall of the Jaséder house. If you are slightly greedy, clingy and will do anything for your goals then this is the dorm for you!

Common subtypes (easily jealous, obsessive-possessive, clingy)

Current dorm leader and vice dorm leader ( Mithra Helios; Age: 17 Grade: 11 | Vera Bellum age; 17 Grade; 11)

media examples ( Mammon (obey me), Zexion (kingdom hearts), Inosuke Hashibira (Demon Slayer), Katsuki Bakugo (My hero Academia) )

Think of a mix between (Slytherin and Octovinella)

Chissi

The obsessed house, the members of this dorm take fangirling / fanboying to new extremes! When they "fall" for someone. Every room in this dorm has a specific space for shrines to be built and built-in shelves for "borrow" items from one's darling. These people also tend to find a sort of tranquility in collecting things, organizing things and making lists. Arguably the most emotional and oldest dorm out of the six. Also a golden star dorm. If you are a fanboy/fangirl then this is the dorm for you!

Common subtypes (soft, obsessive-possessive, overbearing, (certain) childish )

Current dorm leader and vice dorm leader( Mania Zac: Age: 18 Grade: 12 | Pluto Ray Age: 18 Grade: 12)

media examples (Bucky Barnes (Marvel), Toga Himiko (My hero academia), Osamu Dazai (Bungo Stray Dogs), Satan (obey me) )

Think of a mix between (Hufflepuff and Scarabia and maybe a bit of Pomefiore)

Lockheart

People in this dorm and somewhat paranoid believing that harm lies behind every corner. They are probably the mon friend of the group and will make sure everyone is safe and sound. They are somewhat on the more caring side of students in the school they hate seeing people hurt and have the lowest kill rate. They normally lock their darlings up somewhere so no harm comes to them, will make sure that anyone how posses a threat to their darling is either far away or too scared to come near said, darling. Killing might be used as a last resort. In conclusion, you a mom friend but somewhat chill but also gutsy? You go here.

Common subtypes (soft, obsessive-possessive, overbearing,)

Current dorm leader and vice dorm leader (Zur Akarana Age:19 Grade:12 | Ruth Caballero age:18 grade:12)

media examples (Natasha Romanoff (Marvel), Lucifer (obey me), Sebastian Michaelis (Black Butler), Ruki Mukami (Diabolik lover), )

Think of a mix between (Honestly the personification of the love child between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor)

Almoakiso

This dorm is the most cunning, tricky and deceitful out of all the other dorms. They will make you believe that every lie is a truth every truth a lie. They can convince you of anything, anything at all! They will mangle your emotions and twist then to better suit their own needs. When they want a darling they will get that darling. the poor darling will soon fall into a sticky web of lies and half-truths, poor thing has already been distanced from all their friends the only person they can turn to is their loving and "totally honest" yandere. By the way, they have a rivalry with Cruistica over everything from grades and academics/smarts to darlings and weapons. If you are manipulative, tricky and cunning then step right en up to this dorm! Common subtypes (stealthy and strict, apathetic at times)

Current dorm leader and vice dorm leader( Damien Edgar age: 18 Grade 12 | Willow Violetson Age:16 Grade:10)

media examples (Loki (Marvel), Light Yagami (death note), Marluxia (Kingdome hearts), Azul Ashengrotto (Twisted wonderland) )

Think of a mix between (Slytherin and Ravenclaw with octovinelle sprinkled in there)

Rêve-De-Dies

The "baby" of the six dorms, the members of this dorm are stubborn, clingy and have way more emotions then they know what to do with. They zone out quickly, have short attention spans and often need others to bring them back on track. However, they are the friendliest house with the LOWEST death rate and the HIGHEST rate of truly happy darlings. If you are the baby or childish friend, are nice and always caught in your own mind then this is the dorm for you.

Common subtypes (Childish, clingy, soft)

Current dorm leader and vice dorm leader (Haoma Lune age: 17 Grade:12 | Aiko Larimore age:15 grade:10 )

media examples (La brava (my hero academia), Honey (OHSHC), Aladdin (Magi), Aalim Al Asim (twisted wonderland)

Think of a mix between (Hufflepuff and slight Scarabia)

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So guys let me know in the comments what you thought of the fic and which yandere house you are!

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hello-nichya-here · 3 years

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Rough Draft of Fire Warrior (Fake Kemurikage) Headcanons

Note: Hi Nichya! I am currently writing a long fic dealing with how post-Imbalance Avatar would go for the Fire Nation Royal Family and their close friends and I was wondering if you could please look at my headcanons and critic them? Cause I don’t want to engage in the usage of stereotypes, or bad writing in general, especially since I am writing about characters with mental illness. Also, I have been trying to send you an ask about lighting bending for the past couple days, and it keeps on not getting through to you. Considering my asks only had trouble getting to you around the same time you very recently IP banned that one dumbass who tried roasting you for liking Azula, could it be you accidently banned me as well (I am using a coffee shop to upload this)? If so can you please unban me for your answers to my asks have enriched my understanding of Avatar greatly. Thanks!

Here is the ask: How would you write Azula and/or The Fire Warriors teaching Zuko lighting and smoke bending (as part of their reconciliation/rehabilitation) while Zuko teaches them the true meaning of fire, the dragon dance, and the philosophy behind lighting redirection? Cause I thought part of Azula’s and Zuko’s reconciliation would have been teaching each other the bending/skills the other one was lacking, uplifting each other instead of trying to compete with each other or hurt each other. But canon is what it is.

Anyway, my headcanons are down below

Starting from left to right I am going to list the names, backstory, and mental illness(es) of the non-Azula Fire Warriors:

Beam (DID plus avoidant personality disorder)

Born in 84 A.G., as the second child of three, and the only daughter of an upstart noble and a stay at home mother, Beam was expected to marry into nobility considering how well her father had done selling steel to the Fire Nation Navy and the fact that she had inherited her mothers’ good looks.

But Beam, for a lack of better words, was often detached from reality and quickly became a source of shame for her family. For Beam would often drift out of reality into her own little world whenever confronted with large amounts of stress.

And what causes stress in Beam? Being around strangers, especially large numbers of them like parents’ hosted one of their frequent parties in an attempt to move up in Fire Nation High Society.

In fact, Beam started wearing her distinctive hairstyle plus dye in an attempt to avoid having people come to her much to her brothers and parents displeasure. And when that didn’t work, she started to wear masks such as those based on the dark water spirit or the dragon emperor.

On a side note, the only thing that really helped Beam was firebending, where she had a natural gift. However, due to her performance issues, whenever her brothers and/or parents came to watch, she always messed up her routines, leading them to cancel Beam’s lessons when she was 16 in order to focus on making Beam marriageable.

This caused Beam to despair and undergo a nasty episode in which she wholeheartedly believed she was the dark water spirit and almost killed her older brother, who was “obviously” the Dragon Emperor. Said brother also happened to be the one who suggested her parents cancel the firebending lessons and make Beam a proper woman since he was going to get married soon and didn’t want his fiance’s family to revoke the marriage contract once they better got to know his “weirdo” of a sister.

The above incident was the last straw for her parents, who had her involuntarily committed after coming to the “conclusion” that nothing would fix their “madwomen” of a daughter.

Aiko (Clinical Depression)

Born in 87 A.G. as the unexpected last daughter of a merchant and a very low level noblewomen, life has always been a struggle for Aiko. Her mother had her in her early 40s after unexpectedly getting pregnant and giving birth to Aiko prematurely. Aiko and her mother barely survived but her mother ended up suffering from postpartum depression, hurting their mother-daughter bond.

Aiko grew up seemingly loved, but in reality she was always sad. And no amount of gifts, such as some of the best firebending tutors in the land, could ever make Aiko happy for it appeared from Aiko’s pov that her mother never wanted to do anything with her while she happily gave her love and time to her oldest two kids, who were both boys and going to join the war effort.

That and she was relentlessly bullied in school for her demure size; one day she tried standing up for herself by getting into an impromptu fight with her main bully, but she accidently badly burned her due to being actually quite skilled in firebending. While Aiko managed to avoid jail or getting into trouble, the trauma of almost killing some made Aiko withdraw further into herself much to her parent’s grief.

Her brothers were the main positive thing in her life, for they were understanding of her and didn’t really push her that hard…except in firebending where they were the only people she felt safe enough after her incident.

However, things took a turn for the worse when her brothers finally joined the army and died in the very same maneuver that Zuko talked out against as a 13 year old. And in her grief, Aiko tried hanging herself though the noose broke just before it went taunt and she ended up knocking herself out.

And when she woke up, she found herself in the asylum….

Chyou (Bi-polar disorder)

Born in 84 A.G. as the adopted child of two low tier Hu Xin Provinces (colonial) nobles who were unable to have kids of their own. Her parents tried their best with Chyou, but she was a very difficult child to raise, for, in their perspective, one moment Chyou was a hyper energetic girl who was all too willing to do anything to achieve her long-term goals and whims. Goals that included being the best firebender in her school and being a proper noblewoman. And whims including a desire to shave half her head though that particular fulfilled whim didn’t really harm Chyou for she liked the hairstyle and kept it much to her parent’s dismay.

But in other moments, Chyrou was a heavily depressed girl, who couldn’t even be bothered to get out of her bed no matter how hard her parents tried to encourage/bribe/threaten her.

However, these “cycles” were just subtle enough that with her parents covering for her, Chyou could pass as a normal kid…that is until one night, she overheard a conversation between her parents talking about how much Chyou looked like her mother’s sister. Confused since she thought she had no blood relations with either of her parents (they told her she was adopted from a young age since Chyou doesn’t share that much in common with either with her parents), she confronted them and the told Chyou her true origin.

Chyou was in fact the love baby of an Earth Kingdom soldier and a Fire Nation noblewomen who was Chyou’s “mother’s” sister. While the Fire Nation is progressive in terms of gender roles, it is against the law for Fire Nation noblewomen to copulate with the males of the other nations.

For Sozin’s reasoning was that the strong men of the Fire Nation could civilize the demure women of the other nations while the barbarians’ uncivilized blood could easily overwhelm the wombs of their wombs. Wombs that were needed to make sure their great nation would never lack loyal citizens. In reality, due to the patriarchal nature of inheritance and property ownership, Sozin feared the colonized enemy would marry into Fire Nation nobility and basically overthrow him once their numbers reached critical mass.

But getting back on track, it wasn’t discovered that Chyou’s real mother was having the baby of an Earth Kingdom soldier, let alone she was going to elope with him. So the Fire Nation tried to capture the soldier and kill him, but he ran off. However, after allowing Chyou’s true mother to give birth, the Fire Nation had her killed off. But, Chyou’s Aunt and Uncle took pity on Chyou and successfully begged the authorities to let them raise Chyou as their own kid.

Chyou’s Aunt and Uncle begged for Chyou’s forgiveness and she gave it to them…though she later had a manic episode that caused her to sneak out of her Aunt’s and Uncle’s house to search for her father, hoping she would get to meet him.

It took several weeks and all of the tracking and survival skills she learned in school, but she found the last place her father inhabited. But when she knocked on the door, her bio grandma opened the door and, once Chyou explained who she was, told the “lying ashmaker to get away from me and never come back unless you want to die” in addition to telling Chyou that her father died during General Iroh’s march to Ba Sing Se.

For Chyou’s bio grandma never knew about her son’s relationship with Chyou’s mother, let alone that he was going to have a child with her and thus thought the young firebender was punking her…not that it would have made a difference for after she couldn’t even bury her son due to him being completely burned to ashes, she developed an intractable hatred towards the Fire Nation and especially firebenders. And that hatred wouldn’t dissipate even if her own granddaughter was one of those “ashmakers.”

Heartbroken at the rejection, Chyou then fell into a serious depressive state and was going to kill herself until she was apprehended by June and returned to her family, who had been paid by Chyou’s parents to find her before the colonial authorities did. For if the “mixed breed” had been found going “back” to her Earth Kingdom family, Chyou would have been killed for her “genetic disloyalty” caused by her parentage.

And when Chyou kept uncontrollably talking about her failed trip, Chyrou’s parents made a hard decision and had her temporarily involuntarily committed since they would rather have her suffer at the asylum (as well as get help for her myriad of issues) than have her rambling expose her “genetic disloyalty” and have her brutally executed, making all their pleadings to allow them to raise her pointless.

However, bigoted political hardliner healers in the asylum saw her history and decided unilaterally that she was a threat to society and so manipulated her record to make so she had died, leaving Chyou’s Aunt and Uncle (who were pretty old) heartbroken to the point they died within a couple of months of each other and turning Chyou’s temporary stay into a permanent stay.

Chyou, depending on whether she is having a manic episode or depressive episode, oscillates between believing her Aunt and Uncle haven’t given up on her and believing that they have finally given up on account of being a disgrace due to her mental issues and bloodline.

Zirin (Oppositional Defiant Disorder with mild Conduct Disorder)

Born in 85 A.G. as the only daughter of some minor nobles who live in Caldera City. She has ODD, which manifests in her explosive temper, which her parents tried solving by doing everything, including getting her training in firebending, which Zirin has a natural aptitude in considering she became a master by 16.

But despite her parent’s best efforts, her anger still didn’t really subside, leading up to an incident where she burned a highly sought out suitor for rubbing her the wrong way, leading her reputation to sink and make her unmarriageable, making Zirin worthless in her traditionalist parents’ eyes.

Zirin offered to join the Fire Nation military so she could be useful, but her traditionalist parents said no since the military is not the proper place for a young noblewoman. So they had her involuntarily admitted to the asylum…

Ting (Schizophrenia)

Born in 82 A.G. as the daughter of a minor Fire Nation noble and an Earth Kingdom commoner (that her father took a liking to) who lived in Yu Dao, Ting on the surface supposedly lived a charmed life. But her life was anything but charmed, for she didn’t not inherit her mother’s slim face and body, but had the stout body and face of a typical Earth Kingdomer. Meaning that it would be next to impossible to marry her off to another noble family for even in the colonies, there was a preference for Fire Nation traits among the nobility.

Not helping was just after Ting was 6, she would suffer periodically from hallucinations of her father whenever she messed up in school or in court, often having her speech deteriorate into “incoherent” babbling (ex. Ting asking “him: to stop hitting her) and often fighting back against a person who wasn’t there.

Obviously, this was just another thing that made Ting a massive disappointment in her father’s eyes.

So upset as his “mistake” Ting’s father often beat up his wife and daughter and seeing how Avatar takes place in fantasy land 19th century Asia, there was no one who they could turn to. In fact the only reason why Ting was “tolerated” was because she was an elite firebender, who naturally excelled at Sozin Style firebending due to her rage and self-loathing caused by her “madness.”

Thus, even if Ting was unmarriageable, she was likely going to have a good career in the Fire Nation Army. That is until one night when Ting was 16 witnessed a really bad argument between her drunk parents that ended up with her father breaking her mother’s arm.

Enraged and having enough, she fought her father and ended up badly burning him in public as he tried to escape her.

The authorities then restrained her and tried to put her on trial, but horrified at what she had done, she had a severe episode that made the authorities doubt her sanity.

So sensing an opportunity to save face and not have his dirty laundry aired, Ting’s father authorized the colonial authorities to ship Ting to a homeland mental asylum for “treatment” damn well knowing they would most likely never let Ting out. And he had authorized Ting’s involuntary committal at the dead of night so Ting’s mother could not disapprove.

Gamon (Higher Functioning autism)

Born in 83 A.G. to two high functioning autistic former soldiers living in Hama’s village, Gamon would have been raised in a loving family. That is until her parents one night disappeared during a full moon and never came back (they were captured by Hama and tortured to death but the little shred of humanity left in Hama caused Hama to leave the baby alone despite wanting to spite Gamon’s pleading parents). So Gamon was given to her next of kin, who were mid tier nobles.

It turned out that Gamon’s mother was once a noble, but renounced it so she could join the Fire Nation Army due to her special interest being the military alongside firebending. This had caused Gamon’s maternal grandparents and Gamon’s Uncle great shame and had also caused them to disown Gamon’s mother. And the sad thing was that despite Gamon’s mother wanting to reconcile, her parents died just after she got pregnant.

So when Gamon’s Uncle and Aunt got a hold of her, they promised that they would raise her into the proper noblewomen Gamon’s mother should have been.

And they were very harsh in doing so, making sure Gamon took to heart what her tutors told her what was necessary to do to be the perfect noblewomen. However, lightning struck twice, and Gamon developed a special interest in both firebending and military history, which she hid from her Uncle and Aunt by practicing firebending in the morning before either of them woke up and reading military history at night after they had gone to bed.

Gamon managed to hide it until she was 15 years old, where, after being suspicious of Gamon knowing an obscure military battle that took place during the start of Azulon’s reign while also giving pointers to a boy she was courting, they had one of the maids spy on her and report to them.

This, combined with Gamon’s symptoms such as her stimming (she likes to rub her knuckles because she likes how they feel) plus her social awkwardness (no matter how hard they drilled her, Gamon always floundered in noble get togethers), made her guardians give up her.

And not wanting a repeat of what happened to Gamon’s mother and the resulting loss of face, they had her involuntarily committed to the asylum and washed their hands of her.

***

1 - I absolutely loooooooooooove the idea of Zuko and Azula teaching each other, and it could start with Zuko playcating Azula by letting her bend again (which he knows she desperately wants) by making it clear she’s going to have to do it his way - seeing fire as a source of life, not just death. They’re likely to end up fighting a few times because of course, but it would mostly work out as intended, and Azula would then teach him what she knows.

2 - Zuko sharing what he learned from the dragons (while still keeping the secret) with the people who needed to learn it the most is what he should have done from the begining, especially with his sister, and it fits with his new goal of guiding his nation towards peace and showing them that this idea that war and destruction is “the Fire Nation way/culture” is absolute bullshit.

3 - It’s hard to say how “accurate” your portrail of mental illness is since I’m seeing just “your notes” so to speak, but it looks like you’re in the right path. Just be sure to remember that, while mental illness and disabilities do play a huge part in someone’s personalities that is not ALL of their personalities and you’ll be good to go.

4 - I recommend you either retcon some of the most ableist bullshit the comics pulled (like Zuko straight up abandoning Azula and not thinking about her until he needed something from her, not noticing the clear signs of abuse she was showing, all the times he and his friends physically assaulted her when she wasn’t doing anything, and him taking her on a mission knowing nothing about her condition) or make the characters realize just fucked up that was and then genuinely trying to be better.

#submission #atla #ableism

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hamliet · 4 years

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Pain, Fear, Death, and God: Fyodor and Gogol as Two Halves of Kirillov

God is the pain of the fear of death. Whoever conquers pain and fear will himself become God.

-Alexei Kirillov, Demons

So remember how when I first read Bungou Stray Dogs I started screeching incoherently and turned those screeches into a somewhat-coherent meta on how Fyodor in BSD was modeled after Alexei Kirillov from Dostoyesvky’s Demons?

Well, here’s the follow up.

As I said in my previous meta, Demons is (tied with Crime and Punishment) my favorite novel of all time, and Alexei Kirillov is my very favorite character of all time, in any fictional medium, ever. He’s a walking bundle of paradoxes, existential angst and stunning compassion. But Demons is not necessarily a popular novel by Dostoyevsky standards and so Kirillov, despite being written about by literary critics and Camus, is somewhat obscure. That Asagiri is so clearly inspired by his character is shocking and thrilling for me; I’m pinching myself.

The tl;dr version of Kirillov is that his whole schtick is that he wants to kill himself to prove that he is free and thereby can escape. It’s far more nuanced and complex, as I’ll go into, but essentially both Gogol and Fyodor’s philosophies and goals reflect this.

Gogol does not want to kill Fyodor because he hates Fyodor; rather, it’s because Gogol and Fyodor are two halves of a whole. They are a paradox together, embodying Kirillov’s complexity. Like Kirillov, they are suicidal, because killing one of them is like killing themselves. To achieve their goals, they both need to die.

Fyodor reminds Gogol that he is human and can connect; therefore, Gogol wants to kill him to assert his free will, as he views connections as a cage. Similarly, while we haven’t gotten much insight into Fyodor’s thoughts on Gogol, I think it’s highly likely Fyodor allowed Gogol to kill himself (he thought) because he clings to his beliefs at the expense of his (very much there) empathy, and it’s better for his goals if people who provoke his empathy die. Basically: Fyodor allowed Gogol to “die” not because he doesn’t care about him, but because he does.

For a brief background: Demons itself is an allegory about how people who become consumed by their ideas become possessed by said ideas; thus, they become devils or demons. The actual title of the novel, Бесы, is difficult to translate, hence why it has three different titles in English: The Possessed, The Devils, and Demons. The word “Бесы” in Russian refers to the ones doing the possessing, which is why the latter two are generally considered to be more accurate translations of the title. In particular, the novel demonstrates the tragic consequences of Russian nihilism and singles out moral nihilism. (It’s also looked to as a rather eerie novel, because almost everything it wrote about happening in a--then fictional--political revolution is exactly what happened in Russia a few decades later.)

As I wrote in my previous meta, Fyodor, like Kirillov, is “consumed” by his ideas, something Kirillov laments in Demons. Fyodor’s consumption with his ideals means that he is willing to sacrifice everything for his goals. Gogol, too, shares this trait.

Where they differ is in motivations for their respective plans, motives they share with Kirillov. Kirillov’s master plan is to commit suicide for two reasons: firstly, that he has free will and will thereby inspire society to live freely, and secondly, because he sees life as nonsensically painful and thereby not worth living. The first reflects Gogol’s personal aims, and the second Fyodor’s.

Let’s discuss Kirillov and Fyodor first. Kirillov believes that mankind invented God (keep in mind the context this was written in; God=Russian Orthodox Christianity) to go on living because of the absurdity of life.

Listen: this man was the highest on all the earth, he constituted what it was to live for. Without this man the whole planet with everything on it is--madness only. There has not been one like Him before or since, not ever, even to the point of miracle. This is the miracle, that there has not been and never will be such a one. And if so, if the laws of nature did not pity even This One, did not pity even their own miracle, but made Him, too, live amidst a lie and die for a lie, then the whole planet is a lie, and stands upon a lie and a stupid mockery. Then the very laws of the planet are a lie and a devil's vaudeville. Why live then, answer me, if you're a man.”

Fyodor's disgust for the world and determination to save it from the sin of abilities reflects this same attitude. Life is wrong, so it should cease to exist. Abilities are wrong, so everyone with one should cease to exist. The reason is, most likely, strongly based in how painful Fyodor’s ability has been for him.

Kirillov laments:

“God is necessary and so must exist… But I know He doesn’t and can’t… Surely you must understand that a man with two such ideas can’t go on living?”

...

“If there is no God, then I am God.”

If Kirillov is god, then he is the ultimate master of his fate. Kirillov is very aware of his own limits, and so he thinks this absurd and life pointless.

That conversation continues (Kirillov’s responses are bolded):

“There, I could never understand that point of yours: why are you God?”

“If God exists, all is His will and from His will I cannot escape. If not, it’s all my will and I am bound to show self-will.”

“Self-will? But why are you bound?”

“Because all will has become mine. Can it be that no one in the whole planet, after making an end of God and believing in his own will, will dare to express his self-will on the most vital point? It’s like a beggar inheriting a fortune and being afraid of it and not daring to approach the bag of gold, thinking himself too weak to own it. I want to manifest my self-will. I may be the only one, but I’ll do it.”

This very much reflects Gogol: killing his high moral power (connection and empathy) through the man who identifies himself as a god (Fyodor) to prove his independence and freedom.

But we’ve kind of already seen where this ends:

Gogol you’ve literally shown yourself terrified of dying (which Kirillov is as well). I know Gogol was likely acting in this scene, but given the themes of BSD and Gogol’s character, plus the fact that he did, in fact, choose not to die, I think this is likely somewhat reflective of his true feelings.

But again, Kirillov asserts:

“I am awfully unhappy, for I’m awfully afraid. Terror is the curse of man.… But I will assert my will, I am bound to believe that I don’t believe. I will begin and will make an end of it and open the door, and will save. That’s the only thing that will save mankind and will re-create the next generation physically; for with his present physical nature man can’t get on without his former God, I believe. For three years I’ve been seeking for the attribute of my godhead and I’ve found it; the attribute of my godhead is self-will! That’s all I can do to prove in the highest point my independence and my new terrible freedom. For it is very terrible. I am killing myself to prove my independence and my new terrible freedom.”

As Gogol outlined, what disrupted his plans was Fyodor’s empathy for him, and his empathy for Fyodor. Their connection literally saved his life (hence I kind of doubt their connection will kill them in the end). He cannot die without killing that connection.

Two things almost disrupt Kirillov’s plans. Firstly, and chiefly, it’s his empathy for others. Kirillov is noted to be a character who is extremely kind, good with children, and unafraid to risk himself to help others. When Kirillov finds out his friend betrayed him and is planning to use Kirillov’s suicide to get away with the murder of a third friend, Kirillov is horrified. He refuses to go through with his suicide at first, screaming in horror that his friend is dead and that he unwittingly enabled his killer to end his life. When he does ultimately go through with it, he states that it is because “I want to kill myself now: all are scoundrels.” He goes through with it because his human connections are failing.

Even the novel’s most villainous character concludes “I agree” when Kirillov is called “good.” Kirillov will stop at nothing to help his friends, and he believes all people are good and will become good if they are just told they are. However, the tragic irony of this scene is that the person speaking to Kirillov--Nikolai Stavrogin--is very much a literary example of a psychopath. (Those of you who follow me know I don’t use that word lightly.) However, Stavrogin does not want to be this way; he wants to feel, he wants to be bothered by the terrible sins he’s committed. What he’s asking Kirillov, essentially, is to understand this and call him wrong for what he did, which absolutely no one does in the novel:

“Everything’s good.”

“Everything?”

“Everything. Man is unhappy because he doesn’t know he’s happy. It’s only that. That’s all, that’s all! If anyone finds out he’ll become happy at once...

“And if anyone dies of hunger, and if anyone insults and outrages the little girl, is that good?”

“Yes! ...They’re bad because they don’t know they’re good. When they find out, they won’t outrage a little girl. They’ll find out that they’re good and they’ll all become good, every one of them.”

“Here you’ve found it out, so have you become good then?”

“I am good.”

“That I agree with, though,” Stavrogin muttered, frowning.

“He who teaches that all are good will end the world.”

“He who taught it was crucified.”

“He will come, and his name will be the man-god.”

“The god-man?”

“The man-god. That’s the difference.”

Stavrogin’s examples are based on things he’s done. Kirillov isn’t aware of these deeds, but he does know his friend’s mind better than most of their other friends. The problem is that Kirillov refuses to truly act on this empathy, to accept that men can be scoundrels and good, because he wants what he believes (that all are good) to be so. Kirillov’s too consumed with his desire to end the world (hello Fyodor) to save mankind via proving himself free to actually use his empathy to help his friends. In fact, the murderer points out to Kirillov that if he’d focused more on his friend, he might have been able to prevent the murder.

A similar attitude is reflected in Fyodor’s desire to destroy ability-users (i.e. end the world) and in his interactions with people. He doesn’t put his empathy into forming actual connections, and those he has he deliberately does not invest in (such as when he kills the kid in his introductory chapter). He kills ability users paradoxically because he cares about them and about other people. I wrote about it a bit in this meta here:

Fyodor... lives very much in a world of black and white. He makes Goncharov happy all the time, unable to experience pain or negative emotions. He believes all ability users are a sin and should be destroyed. He’s an idealist in a lot of ways, believing in absolutes (which is also a hallmark of a childish perspective...). he wants to... force every single ability user to feel his pain (that their abilities are a sin) by wiping them out. In short, Fyodor wants empathy despite refusing to listen to the feelings of others. (He understands their feelings; he just chooses to emphasize his pain over theirs.)

Unlike Kirillov, however, whose last scene is renowned as “the most harrowing in all of literature” (I can’t even describe it; it has to be read) I think there’s pretty good reason to hope that Fyodor and Gogol will not end up taking each other out. Because the thing about Kirillov, the reason his character resonates so much with me, is the second reason his plans are almost disrupted: it’s how desperately he wants to live. He just wants to know that his life matters. The way Kirillov expresses these desires is absurd in a lot of ways and certainly hyperbolic, but it’s a desire reflected in most of BSD’s characters, and in, well, a lot of us in real life, too.

Empathy and genuine human connection are the greatest powers in BSD’s world, as we saw recently through Atsushi getting the location of the page from empathizing with Sigma by telling him what he most wanted to know: that he mattered.

Sigma now knows, to an extent, that he matters. At least, he’s been told as much.

Gogol states that Sigma is key to his plans succeeding: Sigma’s ability can tell him Fyodor’s ability, which will enable Gogol to kill Fyodor. Except... Sigma’s ability might just work in an way that cultivates empathy post-connection with Atsushi. If Sigma can trust that he matters, despite having been created by the page and having been abused and subjected to all manner of lies and exploitation, he might be key to Fyodor and Gogol’s conflict resolution rather than to them actually killing each other.

Fyodor matters despite having an ability that seems to make him unable to touch people--because he can touch people with his empathy. (His empathy is, of course, literally what draws Gogol to want to kill him.) Fyodor’s empathy with Gogol has already physically saved Gogol.

Gogol matters even if he is understood by someone, because empathy is a strength and not a weakness. Someone understanding him doesn’t make him matter less, and being bound by feelings isn’t actually a bad thing. His connection with Fyodor has already saved his life.

Both Fyodor and Gogol have now saved Sigma at some point. Sigma’s design, of course, is literally split with two different colored halves of his hair, indicating that the artist likely means to symbolize the clash of two halves (see: Q, who represents how soukoku (Dazai and Chuuya) are two halves of a whole in terms of their best and worst traits). However, they exist in one person, and Sigma seems reasonably stable for someone with his situation.

Additionally, Fyodor and Gogol both are also somewhat modeled after Rodion Raskolnikov, the protagonist of Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment, whose name literally means “split” in Russian. (Actually, Kirillov is very much a more internal, tragic version of Raskolnikov.) Like Kirillov, Raskolnikov is a paradox embodied: he’s stunningly empathetic and kind (rushing into a burning building to save orphans), but his philosophy is that it’s fine for him to kill others because he’s a “Napoleon” (special figure; “man-god,” to use Kirillov’s term).

But what is split is ultimately made whole in Crime and Punishment. Raskolnikov meditates on the raising of Lazarus from the dead and essentially resurrects himself, redeems himself.

I highly doubt Gogol and Fyodor’s story will end with them dead because:

It’s BSD and nobody stays dead unless you’re Oda or a red shirt;

Gogol and Sigma have already served us fake-out deaths, so it’s a lot to ask your audience to buy another death from the same character (killing Fyodor is essentially Gogol killing himself);

them surviving and having Fitzgerald-esque redemption arcs very much fits with the themes of Dostoyevsky’s works and specifically with the book after which Fyodor’s ability is named;

resurrection seems to be a motif with everything involving Fyodor, from Cannibalism to this current arc.

#bsd meta #fyogol #bsd 79 #bungou stray dogs meta #fyodor dostoyevsky #nikolai gogol #alexei kirillov #demons #nikolai stavrogin #bsd sigma #sigma #atsushi nakajima #bsd theory

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xfulldreamerx · 4 years

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About SKAM PERÚ: Peru’s school system

The word “school” is used in a lot of places around the world to refer both to actual school and then college. Here, we just use it for actual school, as college is very different and we kind of separate the experiences.

School, in Spanish, is COLEGIO. We sometimes shorten it to “cole”.

College, in Spanish, is UNIVERSIDAD. We shorten it to “U”, that is just the first letter of the word, really. It’s like a slang.

Skam Perú will take place in the first year of college of the characters. I think this decision was made because we mostly enter college at 17, which is a year earlier than in a lot of places. That means the characters are still teenagers. Skam OG took place when the squads entered high school at 15, which here wouldn’t work because we start Secondary School a lot earlier. Plus, being a newbie at college serves the purpose of no friends to Eva, and I think they will play it this way: the Eva, Jonas, Isak, Ingrid and Sara characters went all to the same Secondary School and then chose to go to the same college, following their best interests. Same as the OG, just different stages of life.

By the way, there’s a slang word here used for new students, “cachimbo”, which means newbie at college. This slang is said by older students and people in general, sometimes in a despective way. It applies to all students fresh out of school, or that are in their first year in their career.

How does it work?

Officially, school starts when you’re 3 years old, and it’s obligatory until you’ve finished Secondary School. There are three stages in the obligatory school system of Peru:

Inicial (Kindergarten, preschool): From age 3 to 6

Age 3-4: Beginners

Age 4-5: Pre-kinder

Age 5-6: Kinder

Primaria (Primary School): From age 6 to 12

Age 6-7: First grade

Age 7-8: Second grade

Age 8-9: Third grade

Age 9-10: Fourth grade

Age 10-11: Fifth grade

Age 11-12: Sixth grade

Secundaria (Secondary School): From age 12 to 17

Age 12-13: First year (Seventh grade)

Age 13-14: Second year (Eighth grade)

Age 14-15: Third year (Ninth grade)

Age 15-16: Fourth year (Tenth grade)

Age 16-17: Fifth year (Eleventh grade)

Then we have, of course, college. La universidad. College lasts five years here, for most careers, at least. Majors are just that, careers. Minors don’t exist, just specializations. Sometimes, careers will last six or seven years (like Psychology or Human Medicine, respectively).

Due to centralization (around one particular city), all good colleges are considered to be located in Lima, the capital city of Peru. This statement is actually - and sadly - true. Let me make a comparison with the US: it’s true that there are some remarkable colleges there (the Ivy League ones, for example), but you don’t have to study in one of them in order to get proper and good education, an education who will be recognized and accepted everywhere in the world. However, centralization in Peru has made all the good colleges take a place in Lima, with some other venues in other cities that are also considered important. These other venues are very few, and colleges in small cities are mostly public ones.

Is there a difference between public and private schools?

Yes, there is, and a huge one.

The public school system straight-up sucks. Peru is one of the worst countries regarding education in all Latin America. We are one of the countries that invests the least in education, period. Public schools are old, have horrible infrastructure, few teachers and are generally bad managed - the little budget they have access to has all to do with it. For that reason, public schools are always the last options for families to put their children into. Just families who can’t afford to pay for private schools are the ones who send their children to public schools. An exception is perhaps when one of the parents went to a good public school (there are very few), and want to send their children there as well despite not knowing the current situation of said school.

Now, private schools here are for the middle and high classes. Informally, you could say that there are two types of private schools:

First, the ones almost everyone in the middle-class spectrum can afford, which go from school chains to religious schools or independent schools.

Second, the exclusive ones, super expensive and elitist, afforded just by rich families. These private schools have an international level, but they mostly serve the high class. That is, almost any of the population access to them, because we’re mostly middle class or downright poor.

Private schools are the goal of every family for their children. There are lots of them, owned by huge companies or churches or some investor who sees in a school a good income.

The only good public schools in the country are the COARs, Colegios de Alto Rendimiento. High-Performance Schools, where only students with the best grades and low incomes can get into.

All that I just wrote applies to college. Public colleges have a little more of status, because of their history, but private colleges are a huge thing and usually more valued. If you get into a public college, you might be taken in a good account, if the college itself is prestigious. For example, here in Peru, we have Universidad Nacional Mayor de San Marcos. National University of San Marcos (Saint Mark). It is the most ancient university in all the continent of America (yes, including the US). This college is so prestigious that a lot of people want to get in it, so it’s very hard to do so, and you are very well considered once you make it there. The side effect is that San Marcos, as a public college, has often hiatuses in the middle of terms because of protests and inner conflicts due to bad managing and the teacher’s low salary.

A private college that is considered one the bests here is Pontificia Universidad Católica del Perú. Pontifical Catholic University of Peru. If you manage to enter there, you are praised, because, again, it’s really difficult and very prestigious. The difference is in the quality of the education, the benefits you obtain as a student (in this college, a lot), and that, well, La Católica doesn’t really interrupt its classes all of a sudden. This college is known for its efficiency and is preferred over the public ones. Actually, a lot of private colleges are preferred over public ones. For example, just people who can’t afford a good private college would try to enter San Marcos, despite San Marcos being so renowned. Oh, and of course there are some very bad private colleges, as there also are very bad private schools.

Side note: San Marcos has some careers, like Philosophy and Literature, that only La Católica has as well. If you can afford to go to La Católica, you will probably go there instead of San Marcos, because, again, getting into San Marcos is hard, despite those careers being well-taught there.

What is considered a school year in Peru?

First, this: Seasons in South America are different.

Summer: From December to March

Fall: From March to June

Winter: From June to September

Spring: From September to December

Based on that, a school and college year is also different. Here, classes start in March, which is near the end of the summer and the beginning of fall. Likewise, classes end no later than in December (unless there’s some extraordinary reason to drag them until January). This way, we have summer to enjoy, like all around the world.

School is divided into terms that depend on the schools themselves: they could use bimesters or trimesters. A lot of schools use bimesters now because they stick better to the national curriculum. These bimesters would be:

March-May

May-July

August-October

October-December

They don’t have to strictly last two months, just close to it. The reason the third bimester starts in August is because there’s an obligatory holiday period of two weeks at the end of July that, of course, finishes in August.

Colleges use “ciclos”, which literally means “cycles”, in English - they are translated better just to the word “terms”, which encapsulates a time period that goes from three months and a half to five. First term starts in March and ends in June/July. Second term starts in July/August and ends in December (this is really subjected to the college itself). Each term is divided into halves:

The first half ends with mid-term exams, which in Spanish are “parciales”.

Second half ends with finals, which in Spanish are “finales”.

IMPORTANT: Not all midterms and finals are actual exams - some of them are projects that depend on the subject.

The school year begins and ends within the same actual year, so we are already free for Christmas and New Year.

There’s a law that dictates what age you have to be to enter a grade/year. It gives you until March of the current year to reach that age, or you will have to enter the grade/year before the one you “should” be. For example, if I wanted to enter preschool, I would have to be already 3 years old by the time classes start in March, and if I’m not 3 yet, I have to be within that same month. If my birth day is in April or in a month past March, then I can’t enter preschool until the next year. Same aplies to Primary and Secondary School. That’s the reason you will find someone in, I don’t know, third year who enters with 14 years of age, but that finish that year with 15, because their birthday is on November. That’s also why a lot of sutdents finish fifth year with 17 and not 16 - you start with an age, and finish with another. People whose birthday are on summer don’t have this problem.

How are the schedules?

Here, I’ll just talk about Primary and Secondary School, because both have the same schedule inside the school entity you belong to.

Classes begin no later than 8am. Gates open at seven, and you have to be in your classroom before the bell rings, which usually between 7:30am and 7:45am. If a student arrives at school after the bell rang, it is considered “late”, and you get admonished.

Classes end in the afternoon - usually, between 2pm and 4pm. Most of schools end in the range from 2:30pm to 3pm. This is really inconsistent, as all schools have different rules.

IMPORTANT: Public schools begin and end at the same all around the country (There are special cases). It’s private schools who vary from one another.

Colleges’ schedules are the same as all over the world. Classes are dictated through the day, and you have to craft your schedule following your best interests. That said, some colleges make the schedules themselves, and students have to follow them. A special case in some colleges is when they give the new students the schedule for the first term they will have there, but then the students are responsible for their schedules for the rest of the other terms.

What’s the big difference between school and college?

In the US and some European countries, obligatory school time includes high school. High schools are crafted like colleges. Yes, everyone goes to school at the same time, but you choose the classes you are into (according to your interests and possible future career), and you share each one of them with different people, besides the fact that every class takes place in a different classroom. Colleges have almost the same system.

In Peru, it’s not that way. Secondary School is done in five years, as stated previously in this post. Those five years, it is like this:

1. Everyone in your year takes the same classes.

In private schools, the subjects vary: some of them can have just seven subjects, and some of them up to fourteen.

In public schools, the subjects are the same in all the country (unless there are exceptions).

2. One year can be divided into sections, which depend on the maximum capacity per classroom. For example, if the capacity per classroom in a school is 30 students, and the Fifth Year has 58 students, the first 30 make a section, and the other 28, another one. Sections are often named by the letters of the alphabet, starting by the A. Public schools tend to have a lot of sections, meaning they are very crowded.

3. Classes happen all in the same classroom. Said class is your year and your section put together. For example, if you are a fifth year of section B, your class is 5to “B” (5th B). This is the only class and classroom you belong to, alongside all the classmates who are in the same year and section as you. All your classes will be dictated in said classroom.

4. Of course, this means the schedule is the same for everyone in your classroom, as you all share the same classes.

5. There are different teachers for each subject (there are cases where a teacher can dictate more than one class, though). Teachers enter and leave the classroom according to the schedule of the class they dictate.

6. Your classmates are always the same. This is a bit duh. You reach Prom with them and share space and experiences with them every single day, which creates, involuntarily, a stronger bond. That said, not all classmates are friends. You have your group of friends, but you also know everyone else and will interact with them at some point while you’re in school.

7. Your class has a tutor. This role is performed by a teacher, who is specialized in a subject, and who will probably also teach you said subject. The tutor’s responsibility is to assure you’re doing good, that there is a good environment, and to guide you through it all by helping you when necessary. The tutor changes every year, though sometimes a class might keep its tutor if the school allows it. A tutor can become the worst nightmare of the class, or the most beloved teacher they’ll ever have.

8. You’re obligated to have one notebook per subject (sometimes this changes to a folder). When the teacher writes on the board, you have to write it in said notebook as well. Taking notes about what they say is optional, but all they write has to be in your notebook, and the same goes for everything they tell you to write apart from the stuff that is on the board.

All that I just explained applies from the third grade of Primary School and so on. First and second grade is almost the same, the difference being that just one teacher (usually a woman) teaches you all the subjects (and that you’re not allowed to write with a pen, just with a pencil).

Colleges follow the “liberal path”, you could say. School obligates you to use uniforms, both public and private ones. College allows you to use normal clothes. I already explained that the schedule is mostly up to the student.

Now, campuses are another thing. Almost none of the colleges in Lima have huge campuses that include shops and cafés and apartment buildings. Here, college campuses are in the middle of the city, and just have classrooms and other facilities that benefit the students. For example, I go to Universidad Peruana de Ciencias Aplicadas (UPC, Peruvian University of Applied Sciences). This college is located in a principal avenue in San Miguel district, in Lima. It consists of four buildings and some outdoor spaces, and is next to a market and an electro domestics store. The property is limited to the buildings and the outdoor spaces, nothing more. Some colleges are bigger, of course, but very few of them have property attached to them that is not strictly for study or related purposes.

Also, college might have more than one campus in the same city, Lima. Each campus might hold different faculties, or the same ones if their sole purpose is to be near more students. Retaking my college example, UPC has four campuses in Lima, in different districts. My career is dictated in the four of them, but this is not always the case, like with Education, which is dictated in just one of the campuses.

I will share more details about college life in a post dedicated to it, if you want me to. I’ve focused more in actual school because it will probably be a huge part of the background, mentioned a lot, and being so different from the rest of the world might make difficult to understand references and the characters adapting to it, which, as you’ve read, is a whole new world.

If you have doubts or you didn’t get something, tell me, and I’ll do my best to help!

#skam #skam remakes #skam peru #wtfock #skam france #roche pe

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sendnotes · 3 years

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books i read in april.

this is going to be my thing from now on. i'll compile a list of all the books i read in a month and share my thoughts on each one every end of the month.

just so you know, i'm a little forgetful, and i have a tendency to forget names, plots, and other details. i'm hoping that writing these will aid my memory in recalling how i felt about each novel.

you can also find me on goodreads

so, let’s begin, shall we?

101 essays that will change the way you think (wiest, brianna)

self-help book

this book got off to a good start! some of the essays written (or should i say a collection of articles originally published on the thoughtcatalog website) made me think and consider my outlook on life, love, and so on.

the title overstates the case though. when i think of an essay, i picture something more argumentative and philosophical. not to mention that the majority of the ideas in this book are redundant. it made it difficult to get through. nonetheless, i was able to get past it because there were so many fantastic concepts and topics discussed.

overall, it's an interesting & worthwhile read for those who enjoy thinking outside the box.i lost count of how many times this book gave me aha moments. i swear, most of the entries soothed my mind and provided a great pick-me-up when life seemed to be frustrating.

the midnight library (haig, matt)

science fiction, fantasy fiction, psychological fiction

regrets, self-remorse, what ifs, family approval, drugs, dreams, love, passion, hatred, death, afterlife, multiverses, quantum physics, and a plethora of possibilities packed into a 304-page book.

i'll be honest: this book is already on my list of favorites. i'm simply blown away by how well-crafted and diverse the entire story unfolded.

a sci-fi novel with a dash of fantasy and a smidgeon of philosophy. if that's your thing, you should give this book a shot.

the first few pages of the book gave me an impression and led me to surmise it was going to be a cheesy ass chick lit novel that i'd only read and find enjoyable in high school. i was completely off base. it proved to be very mature, full of lessons, but delivered in a fun and entertaining manner— exactly my cup of tea.

it reminded me of a disney pixar film called soul, in which the afterlife is depicted in vivid detail. they differ on so many levels, but they both imagine life after death for people who are unsure of their path, purpose, and passion.

every chapter served a significant concept, so this book is well-deserved of a 5-star rating!

norwegian wood (murakami, haruki)

fiction, romance novel, bildungsroman

as i read the book and neared the end, all i could think about was how this book became one of murakami's most popular and influential works.

murakami offers a sprawling glimpse into the lives of a group of severely damaged youths grappling with the realities of what emptiness entails. take what you will from it.

i know a lot of people like it, which is fine. but please keep in mind that this book hit me square in the gut. it alternated between making me angry, sad, annoyed, and disgusted almost constantly. there isn't much else.

this book should come with a warning: "this is not a good place to start if you're new to murakami's works. this is not a representative of murakami's brilliance."

fist and foremost, the characters in this book are all repulsive.

toru watanabe was a fuckboy and a softboy rolled into one. what could possibly be worse than that? he'd have as many casual sexual partners as he could while also buttering a girl up by appealing to her emotions and displaying a "sensitive" and "vulnerable" side.

this book was made even more depressing by the fact that each female character was needy, weak, dysfunctional, and dependent. since they're all the same, i'm not going to go over each of these female characters one by one. you already get the idea.

reiko ishida, imo, was one of the best rendered sections of the novel. most likely because she had a better grasp on her emotions and goals than the still seeking youths... until, *spoiler alert* she wanted to do it with toru as well. a big disappointment.

to summarize, this book is primarily concerned with two topics: sex and death.

hidden meanings are everywhere, but when you get to the core, that's all that remains.

the four agreements: a practical guide to personal freedom (ruiz, miguel)

self-help book

first agreement ⏤ be impeccable with your word

this essentially means that you should not spew gossip or use words to harm others. because words have tremendous power and can cause significant harm. you are not only negatively affecting others with your hateful and thoughtless words, but you are also hurting yourself. this is something with which i generally agree. how i see it, when people are unhappy with themselves, they turn to others to make themselves feel better. as a result, they gossip about others in order to divert attention away from themselves.

second agreement ⏤don't take anything personally

alright. sure. don't let what others say about you bother you. it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. well, i don't entirely agree, but i think it's a fantastic idea in general. however, achieving this goal will be extremely difficult. i believe it would take a lot of practice to reach this level of zen. plus, i honestly believe that other people's opinions still matter because they keep you in check. the best advice is to not be swayed by these opinions, but to consider why they were expressed in the first place. see what you can do to improve yourself from there. sure, it can be difficult to deal with; after all, no one likes being told they're wrong or whatnot. but it's not all bad news because you can sometimes use criticism and judgment to give you a competitive edge. i mean- don't you think hearing someone else's point of view is also an opportunity to learn and progress? ruiz should have stressed that it's not just about "not taking it personally because you know you're not that person," but also about not retaliating with an extreme knee-jerk reaction even if you believe you're being unfairly criticized.

third agreement ⏤ don't make assumptions

this is a real eye-opener for me. i've noticed that whenever i become enraged by someone's words, it's usually due to my tendency to assume. personally, i can't help but make assumptions. i don't know what other people's motivations are, and i can't help but draw conclusions based on the information i have. even if the other person had no intention of causing me harm, it's too late. the thought has become ingrained in my mind, and i never ask for clarification out of pride or fear of appearing overly sensitive.

fourth agreement ⏤ always do your best

this section did not seem particularly useful to me. i mean, aren't we all reminded of this all the time? this section is filled with sloppy writing, in my opinion. as if he badly wanted to finish the book and impulsively thought: "okay, fourth agreement: always do your best. that should suffice. lmao"

overall opinion: the third agreement was my favorite, but the rest were a no-go. don't get me wrong, i appreciated his ideas, but i've heard them all a hundred times before. basically, the book's sole takeaway is that we are all suffering in some way in our daily lives, and we are all dealing with different issues. regardless, we all need to be kinder and gentler to ourselves and others.

the song of achilles (miller, madeline)

romance novel, historical Fiction, war story

i'll keep it short and sweet:

i really wouldn't have had this book any other way. miller's writing is breathtaking, so rich and full of lovely detail. it's incredibly a unique concept to me that authors are rewriting such ancient history and stories to make them lgbt+!

some suggest it's tedious, but i disagree. it isn't slow; rather, it is just right.

'cause at the end of the day, it's not about war, tragedy, or heroes - it's a slow-burning, organic love tale between two young men and their inevitable connection.

it's sad, tender, and painful, but in the best way possible.

circe (miller, madeline)

novel, historical fiction, fantasy fiction

"greek mythology, but with a feminist twist"?! sign me the hell up! this piqued my interest... only to leave me feeling completely let down. seriously now. circe was described as a "badass empowered woman," which was the single most compelling selling point for me, and thus the most wrenching disappointment, i must say.

sure, it demonstrated the value of feminine power, but it also did represent how this power can be a force of good or evil.

not to mention the fact that circe fucked a married man or two in this book- i mean- how is that an ~empowered woman~?

let's be clear right off the bat: madeline miller's follow-up to the song of achilles is epic in scope but not necessarily in execution. to me, this read more like a tedious island tale. regardless of how many five-star reviews this book has received... i just don't think it's well-deserved. don't get me wrong here. miller is a fantastic author with a lush writing! istg- i'm blown away by how beautifully she wrote and carefully chose her words. even the most mundane phrases were written poetically. after-all, it’s greek mythology. but how did she manage to make circe seem so... bland?

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