#plus im never going to forget the weird shitty way

[mimiri22-6]

*gets exactly one post about Dream drama* Oh god now what has he done. *can't find the origins on twitter because I want my revived account to be as bare bones as possable so I'm following like no one involved* Finds the #supportdream or whatever tag. it's filled with 70 hate/30 that's my streamer. I have got little no info, only the victims story falling apart and apparently dreams a+ handling of these kinds of situations has gotten no better.

on one hand, some things don't add up. sometimes dream does know she was under 18 sometimes she lied about her age. on her twitter at least, im assuming she could have done the same in dms.

Plus, a little thing w me; I have this fucking uncanny 6th sense for shitty yters through their voices, doesn't work when their singing, I figured it out after Ry*n of Achievement Hunter did something simular to these allegations dream is getting. I have never felt uncomfortable or worried about the people around dream whenever I've heard his voice. Well, that's a lie. I can't figure out what it means, but in certain situations, his talking did put a poker in my back. It wasn't immediate or noticable most of the time, but sometimes I could feel it. It might have been because his manhunt series is very edited down and he's not actually the one to talk in them the most, and on the other side of the coin could be because I want to punt his dsmp character into the sun, not because I think/thought his character was anything like him, nah, because his friends say he's the nicest man alive. No matter what it is or how small it is, it is good to take note of every little thing just in case. I've clocked many yters like this years before any shitty actions came to light, I'd say it started all the way back w Cr*ytic. I still watched them because I didn't know my instincts were like this, but I do take note nowadays whenever I get that little shiver up my spine to RUN.

...what the fuck was I writing about? how did I get here? it's been 90 minutes.

on the other hand, uh, he doesn't seem like the type???? was that what I was going to say?? ok, maybe he isn't groomer level, but maybe it's the racism my brain is clocking. idk why but I just can not let him off the hook for the Indigenous memorial graffiti incident. for some reason it feels like it was just swept under the rug and I could have sworn I saw dream respond to it in his very braindead way he handles those sorts of things "my fans can do no harm🥰did you know I'm .8% native🤗it's so goofy and fun, I hope they vandalize another memorial for me😍" y'know, that type. or I could have just mistook his response for the spongbob yelling as a response to the memorial. either way, he is not good at the defending words thing. Like, one of the worst I've seen honestly. Just hold your fans acountable and tell them what you're uncool with upfront. Like maybe not vandalizing memorials for marginalized groups you have an ounce of blood w.

idk how this turned into my essay on dream, ig this was a long time coming for me because I just have a lot to say about this man that I just can't hold any longer. I was happy for him and his friends Finally getting that fucking visa and plane ticket less than a month ago, but I think that was more my being pissed off at the system then being super invested in these people anymore. hold tight, I'm not done overanalizing this man yet. there will be a slightly longer than avg tldr at the end tho

Dream's relationship with his fans is weird and rubs me the wrong way. He isn't strict w them, not straightforward. The only other cc I know w simular nsfw fancontent to him is Badboyhalo, and he clearly stated he's fine w seeing sfw art of him and skeppy(I keep forgetting to aquant myself with whatever drama skeppy got into to make people hate him now, I think I remember it being stupid, but I could be wrong) being buddies and pals platonic soulmates if you will, and he acknowledged that there was going to be nsfw content of him regardless, BUT it was clear he didn't want to see it, he didn't wanna stubble apon it. With recent stuff going on, not the most recent allegations, but the face reveal and the twichcon t-shirt incident, I think Dream is actually in a simular boat, but he's just so fucking bad at this saying your clearest intentions and thoughts on the matter that he's in the middleground of nearly anything other than I love my fans, please don't harrass anyone, but then not saying anything when it goes down. the only time i've seen him say anything alnong the lines more solid on these things was in the twitter space interview w i forget who and i can't find it anymore. not even in my watch history. fucking weird. anyway, I just spent a half an hou looking for it and I don't know what I was talking about anymore...oh right, his relationship w his fans needs to change if he doesn't want this shit happen to him. wether this real or not, because there is a universe where the most recent alligations are fake, the fact of the matter is that since he has such a huge following there will be people that fake something like this just to pull his career down.

on the one hand, he's ramping up in activity because of his face reveal and people looking to kick him while he's on the rise is bound to happen, on the other hand, victims speak out at those times because they don't want the abusers to do the same to someone else while in the thraw of fame and massive power.

I've lost so much of my train of thought since i started writing this so

TLDR; Her story is falling apart at places, he's not handling the sich well, like usual, he gives me the heeby geebies sometimes and, yes, that needs to be noted, this is bound to happen again and again if he doesn't set real solid boundaries with his fans On His Main Account and if he Doesn't Give His Fans A Phone Number To Freely Call And Text Him On REALLY WHY DO YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA-Also the indigenous disrepect is Loud and is the reason why I don't follow him on anything anymore(as far as I know, I may have missed a profile somewhere, but idk. I don't think I have, but the possability is there)

As more time goes on I get more and more uncomfortable w him, but w the other yters that turned out to suck, the reaction was instant and I had to learn to ignore it, but w him I'm learning the opposite.

anyway, im tired and im gonna do something i actually like now. fuck you bye love you be safe, uhhhhhhh, i hope he learns to not be a fucking dipshit for his friends sakes, but if he doesn't i hope his friends and dsmp members knows this is icky and dips when it gets too much. i do not care about the stans, but the fans that dream has helped through dark times in the past few years, i hope you can find it again in someone else or youre ok, uhhhh, my brain is tired and im melting, wait that's backwards oh well, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#dreamwastaken #what the fuck else do i put here #i havent even looked this over for a 2nd draft/editing that's how done i am w this rn #might make another one of these at some time w more structure #we'll see. i defo dont know. #uh #uhhhhhhhh #i hate people #yeah i think that about sums it up #i have my first day at a new job on monday and i dont have a software to edit videos atm #that is far more pressing to me rn than literally snything dream is doing anymore #never really kept track of it #now im really not #i fucking hate this fandom and the man you worship is a poitician in streamer hoodies #Hold Him Acountable For Not Outright Telling His Stans 'No' or the bare minimum 'Uncool'. #i dont think im rbing anything in the tag because i dont agree w either side rn. #fucking hate this #i just made a twitter again and w all of this bs im keeping that thing barest bone possable. only mrjack/seὰnsepticeyes allowed -_- #...im gonna shut the fuck up now.

[cryptice]

maybe ill use tumblr to vent on since i kinda turned my twitter into a free for all thing lol.... plus i can talk on here without the millions of "are you ok" questions from my wife bc some of this stuff he genuinely hasnt ever been able to help me with since we experience gender and brain things differently.

i usually just like to blame feeling shitty on "oh its just around the time im supposed to do my shot" and just forget about it but im just having so so so so so many stupid complicated feelings. i go thru cycles of not really caring about whatever my gender is and then i get really upset over it later on bc ive just never found anything i can feel comfortable with. i still dont feel like im existing correctly. i dont have a super cute aesthetically squishy body like a lot of people do. ill never be able to get top surgery. do i even actually want it? it would be nice but i feel like part of me only wants it so i can feel more accepted by other trans people...

im also really frustrated with how my brain works in the sense of being able to easily switch between talking about things im into. ive had problems all my life where as soon as im into a new thing, thats all i can ever think and talk about for anywhere from months to years on end. i completely forget EVERYTHING about whatever i liked previously. i struggle to remember basic stuff even, its like my brain gets wiped clean. its really frustrating because i want to be a well rounded person but i just cant. ive always had a one track mind. maybe its a dissociative thing but it just feels like every time i get into something new i feel like a completely different person and i dont know who i was previously. i section the periods of my life based on what i was into at the time. is it an escapism thing too? i have no idea.

also just. still throwing myself against a wall for the weird ways i feel about people. "dodged a bullet" honey there was neved a bullet. i never got over it. shit even if it was a bullet id let it hit me. but i have no idea what im doing when it comes to this stuff anymore and its a bad idea to keep feeling things like this anywaayyy... i feel like how i did when someone who was very, very dear to me would do things for me because i think she did genuinely care about me and want to see me happy, but obviously she did this in a friendly way.... i feel like that even though thinking about it its nowhere near the same. idk. im a mess and never got over my *****. if thats what i think it is. i think it is. maybe. idk. i shouldnt though. i need to forget about it and just be a normal grown ass person instead of feeling like a giddy 18 year old......

#pls like if you read this... #im pathetic #i never realize how many people i dont really have to actually talk to until i post shit like this #callback to something dumb but it rly does feel like nobody actually understands me #probably my fault for not being able to be clear abt things without feeling stupid or embarrassed #afraid of coming on too strong too

[nonbinarykai]

Okay you know what, I’ve held this back far enough

Why I hate canon Kailor sm

Tw:// misogyny ment, incest ment

Im not gonna tag Kailor on this for obvious reasons plus this is kinda a long post, I don’t mind fanon Kailor mostly because tbh I don’t think it’s really a big thing and most I have seen of it is fine. Don’t read this if you like Kailor and don’t want to hear it bashed

Okay listen, s4 is my favorite season out of all ninjago, but if theres one thing I hate about it the most is Kailor. This ship has always been really annoying to me throughout the show, and I’ve hinted towards that in my blog. But why?

1. It’s basically jaya redone

Kailor brings nothing new or interesting to the table because honestly? It’s literally just the same dynamic as jaya. Socially awkward guy simps for usually unimpressed girl until she eventually caves in and they start dating.

Not only has this already been done before with jaya, but is also completely out of character for Kai to do.

While I admit seeing Kai as a flustered dork is kinda funny, once you realize the context of the situation that they’re in it’s pretty clear that Kai would never actually do this.

Reminder: Kai JUST found out his dead friend is alive and is forced to recognsizle with friends in order to get him back

Usually when Kai is presented in a situation like this, what he normally does is set himself dead first on the task at hand and usually ignores any distractions. He’s mostly distance and seemingly uncaring

((note this is after Zane died and Kai ran away from the ninja because of cole and jays bickering, knowing him he wouldn’t be the most excited to be back. His arc should have revolved around coming to terms with lost friendships due to death or distance but that never happens)).

What Kai DOESNT do is immediately fall head over heels for a girl he JUST meet to the point where even when he sees his DEAD FRIEND ALIVE AND WELL he completely ignores that for a girl he meet less then a week ago

This is something JAY would do, not KAI, Kai is a loyal friend who do anything to save his friends, he cherishes them and would fight god to help them with anything they need, he doesn’t forget them for someone new

It also does skylor unjustice as well, but we’ll get there when we get there

2. It adds nothing to the characters and is otherwise never mention again

You know how bad you fuck up a relationship if the best aspect of it is how it’s rarely on screen

Even considering the fact Kailor is just jayas dynamic, the connection between skylor and Kai feels completely non existent or one sided

Most of Kailor revolves around Kai simping for skylor

They have no common interests, common goals, they rarely actually talk outside of lloyds plan to overthrow chen

The whole relationship feels forced every time it’s brought up because of how disconnected they both are to eachother, Kai only likes skylor because she’s hot and that’s it, nothing else about her is actually interesting to Kai in anyway ((again sort out of character for him in this situation))

Skylor and Kai don’t form any genuine bond with eachother, it feels hallow and empty

Let’s compare this to lava, wait no that would be to easy, let’s compare this to pixane

Pixal and Zane both genuinely like and respect eachother, they both share bonds outside of being robots, they both care about eachother enough to know when they’re uncomfortable or need help

Kailor is barely mentioned past s4 and most of it in s4 is Kai being a creep

Oh yeah let’s get to that

3. It’s really really creepy

Im sorry I don’t find incest jokes funny ninjago, it’s just really uncomfortable and creepy

Hopefully this goes without saying but Kai thinking skylor is hot, figuring out they might be related and no longer finding her hot, and then finding out they aren’t and thinking she’s hot is really weird and creepy

Not to mention scenes like, Kai looking into her room without her knowledge or consent

Or Kai fighting people for her when it’s not necessary

Or him trying to impress her everytime he sees her

This isn’t cute or funny, it’s gross, privacy invading, and overall just very creepy and uncomfortable and most definitely not healthy

Again, this is REALLY out of character for Kai, Kai knows when to back off and respect people’s privacy

Literally the season before this he didn’t get involved in the love triangle probably because he knew that would make Nya’s situation worse

So for him to suddenly become this privacy evading perv is so grossly out of character for him and makes the whole relationship feel off and unhealthy

And finally

4. The whole thing is misogynistic

During this entire thing skylor doesn’t get a choice in the show once, she follows the commands of her dad before Kai tells her not to like her dad and follows his lead.

She doesn’t come to disliking her dad by her own thought, she was told to by Kai

She doesn’t get to do anything that SHE actually wants to do until LITERALLY the VERY END

She’s told by guys around her what she should do constantly, even without her being a love interest that’s just screams misogynistic to me ((Afab speaking anyways))

Everything about her character, down to the way she talks, who she’s allied with, and even sometimes how she looks is determined by male characters

Conclusion

If canon ships were shrek movies then kailor is easily shrek the third, a constant tired unfunny mess that caused everyone to think that these ships were shit ((to be fair Jaya is kinda bad to but at least it tired to get better))

There’s nothing redeeming about it to me, every time it’s viewed in a romantic setting it makes me groan or upset

What’s even more frustrating is how people constantly say lava can’t be canon because of it

Im going to go on a side tangent so you can just skip this part as it doesn’t add any actual substance to my argument

But it’s so frustrating to see people say that

Cole and Kai have had a much healthier relationship and would be a lot better for there characters

But no, this stupid misogynistic creepy ship where one side isn’t even consententing to it half the time is the one that has to stay canon because “it’s what the creators intended”

Lava isn’t the superior possibly canon relationship because it’s gay, it’s superior because it’s closer to a healthy working relationship in show then kailor has been ((fanon lava and kailor doesn’t count here because they’re isn’t any better fanon ship, Im just talking about in show))

But no it can’t be canon and it’s unfair for people to want it to be canon because tommy created this rlly shitty straight relationship for Kai instead

TLDR; fuck kailor

#ninjago #kai smith #ninjago kai #long post

[brelione]

Not as Terrible (Rafe Cameron X Routledge!Reader)

Warnings:Not proof read, swearing

Being John.B’s older sister was definitely and adventure.You were only older by a year but that one year age gap did a lot for you.Whether it was arguments or discussions on who would do a dangerous task you could always pull the older sibling card.

Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didnt but it was always worth a shot.But then again being the older sibling and John.B’s only family meant that you had other responsibilities,including messing up anyone that messed with him.

Rafe kissed you gently, a grin on his face. “I love you.”He grinned,hands in your hoodie pocket. “I know.I gotta go soon,JB’s gonna get made at me.”His face fell,pouting. “He shouldnt be your responsibility.”He grumbled,holding you tight.

You simply shrugged, not wanting to go through your life story and how it was now your job to take care of him.He could never understand the situation, he didnt really give a damn about Sarah.He also had a father, a shitty one for sure but he still had a father at least.He couldnt understand being a pogue either.

You guys were completely different in pretty much every way imaginable but ‘opposites attract’ or whatever bullshit. “I know….I’ll see you tomorrow though, right?”You asked,sitting up.He nodded,pulling you into another quick kiss before kissing your forehead lightly.

 “Dont forget to hate me.”You reminded him,opening his window and sliding down the fire escape,feeling his eyes on you as you hopped the fence.He sighed, becoming tired of the little game you guys had to play.

Because Rafe was the direct enemy of your brother and his friends that meant that you were supposed to avoid him entirely.It was just the rules of life.But that being said if you ever came across one of your brothers enemies you had to mess with them.

That included messing with Rafe,randomly showing up and flicking the back of his head,disappearing before he knew it was you.It started as you being an annoying presence to ruin his day,spitting gum onto his windshield or placing fake tickets on his car.

But slowly you started falling in love with him because of course you did.It was fucked up but you couldnt stop it, him eventually falling for you too.Thats when this little game began, sneaking out of your house and over to Rafe’s to cuddle and watch movies together,coming home late at night when John.B and his friends were having a fire.

JJ would pull you onto his lap, asking where you had been.He had a thing for you, claiming that it would be fine if the two of you guys got together because you were only eight months older than him so it wasnt that strange.

The age gap itself wasnt strange, it was the fact that he was your brother’s best friend for the last eight years that made things strange.You were fine with sitting in his lap while he whispered jokes into your ear in attempts to get you to laugh.

Of course it felt a little wrong because you were dating Rafe but you couldnt exactly tell him that without John.B finding out too, instead just letting JJ mess around with you because you knew nothing was going to come from it.

The next day you were decided to go with them to the beach, regretting it when you saw Rafe with Topper and Kelce, sitting in beach chairs with beer bottles in their hands.You saw JJ’s jaw clench, John.B rolling his eyes.

 “Why are they here?This isnt fair.”You brother grumbled, Pope nodding in agreement.The five of you decided to sit in the sand for a while,JJ’s hand on your knee almost like he was trying to protect you from Rafe’s eyes.If only he knew.Rafe kept looking over to you, a blush on his cheeks as he did so.

Eventually they left, leaving you and your brothers friends alone on the beach. “You know, I think im just gonna head back home.I have a headache.”You told them, making your way up the sandy hills before they could question it.As you began your walk down one of the dirt streets to get back to the house a bike pulled up next to you, your boyfriend being the one riding it.

 “Hey pretty girl.”You could practically hear the smile through his helmet.You sighed, stopping your walk to stare at him as he took off his helmet,leaning down to give you a quick kiss. “You coming to my house tonight?”He asked, twisting the fabric of your tshirt.

You shrugged, not sure what your brother was going to be doing. “I dont know if I can, John.B and the others might want me to go get groceries with them or something.”You replied,feeling his grip on you tighten,humming. “I havent messed with them in a while.”He muttered, glad when you smiled. 

“Thats good, I would have beat your ass if you did.”You teased with a roll of your eyes. He chuckled,kissing your forehead. “I would've liked it though.”He admitted.You laughed,smacking his arm lightly. “Shut up.”You grumbled, unaware of JJ watching you guys. 

“Is he bothering you?”JJ asked, coming out from his hiding spot in the trees.Your eyes widened, your stomach tightening.Shit. “Uh...no, everythings fine, JJ.Just go back to the beach.”You told him,hoping you didnt sound too suspicious.His blue eyes fell to your hand, the one that was holding Rafe’s.Fuck. 

“Is something going on that I should know about?”He asked,glaring at Rafe like he was trying to make his head blow up. “No, just go back to the beach.”You told him, a sort of assertive tone to your voice that was reserved for John.B when he wanted to do something dangerous.JJ’s eyebrows furrowed, not used to you speaking to him like this.

He nodded,walking away, sending you a look of disappointment before disappearing into the trees, most likely about to tell John.B what he had just seen.Rafe noticed how uneasy you were,hugging you. “Hey, dont stress about it.He’s got nothing on you, whats he gonna do?Complain that we were having a conversation?”He asked, not really helping.

“So I just saw (Y/N) talking to Rafe.”JJ grabbed a beer from the cooler, all eyes falling on him. “Cameron?”John.B asked, not really believing that you’d ever talk to such a vile human being.JJ nodded,sipping the alcoholic drink.

 “They were all over eachother, it was weird.”He grumbled, a slight jealousy in his voice.Kiara raised her eyebrows, a little mad about the situation. “What do you mean they were all over eachother?”She asked, looking over to Pope.

 “I mean they were holding hands and shit,giggling and he was like,I dont know.Its weird.”He tried his best to explain,realising it didnt sound as serious as it was. “(Y/N) doesnt giggle...she just...she just stares at people.Are you sure it was Rafe?”Pope asked.This was out of character for you.You had joined their conversations before, all of you talking shit about the Cameron family.

You had called Rafe a “Cruel, disgusting bitch.” it didnt make sense that you’d willingly talk to him.Meanwhile you were on the back of Rafe’s bike,arms wrapped around him tight as he pulled into his driveway, trying to figure out the best way to sneak you inside.

You ended up being hidden by him as you guys shuffled up the stairs, nearly getting caught by Ward.Luckily he was too busy on a call, not paying attention at all as Rafe pushed you inside his room, locking the door with a sigh. “What do you wanna watch?”He asked,falling on the bed next to you, grabbing the tv remote.

You shrugged,wrapping an arm around him with your head against his chest. “Doesnt matter.”You replied, watching as he picked a random horror movie,knowing that hed probably end up squealing and holding onto you.Your phone dinged, vibrating against your thigh.

You sighed,picking it up to check what someone could want or why they were trying to talk to you.It was a text from Kie, asking why the hell you were at Rafe Cameron’s house.There was no way in hell she actually knew that, she was probably just guessing.You sat up,taking Rafe with you, his chin on your shoulder and a frown on his face.

You:????

Kie:Your snap map is on.What are you doing with Rafe?

You:Im not with Rafe

Kie:Seriously like are you ok

You:Im fine lol

Kie:But why are you with Rafe?

You sighed,turning to look at the kook king. “What should I tell her?”You asked, unsure what to do.If you told her that you in Rafe were dating then she would obviously tell John.B and that meant that you would be in deep shit and would never hear the end of it.He sighed,kissing your shoulder lightly.

 “I dunno, baby.Tell her whatever you feel comfortable telling her.”That wasnt really helpful.You couldnt exactly lie to her.There was no other reason that you’d be at the Cameron’s mansion if it werent for Rafe.You hated Sarah because Kiara hated Sarah so you couldnt exactly use that excuse either.You were anxious the whole time you typed, praying that she wouldnt tell the others.

You:Can you keep a secret?

Kie:Yeah

You:What would you do if I told you I was dating Rafe?

Kie:You dumb idiot

Kie:Rafe??Really?Out of all people?

Kie:Hoe you could do better

Kie:So like youre cool with him hitting JJ and Pope?

Kie:Shit you need to tell JJ

You sighed,biting the inside of your cheek. “Why do you need to tell JJ?”Rafe asked,curious.You groaned,leaning against him. “He’s got a thing for me.”You explained, hoping you hadnt made him feel insecure.

You:He’s nice to me,ok?Plus he hasnt beat anyone in months and im happy and I just need you to not say anything

You waited for an answer, only seeing a ‘read’ receipt. “Shit.”You sighed, realizing that you had probably made the wrong decision by telling her about your relationship. “What?”He asked, not understanding exactly what had happened. 

“Watch her tell everyone.”You tossed your phone down onto the blanket, laying on top of your boyfriend. “It wouldnt be so bad,would it?”He asked, knowing that you were probably embarrassed to be with him. “I just...you know how they feel about you.”you reminded him, hearing him sigh. 

“I know.”He replied as he rubbed small circles along your stomach. “Im trying to change though.”He muttered, pressing a kiss to your neck.You nodded, understanding. “I know you are but they dont.”You grumbled,your leg resting at his hip as he continued leaving kisses down your neck.

You didnt leave until four in the morning, staying up with him the whole night.Ward and Rose had gone out on a date, leaving the two of you with his house to yourselves.You sat on the kitchen counter,your legs around his waist as you shared a pint of icecream.

 “This is the expensive kind.”You noticed,coming across brownie chunks and bits of chocolate truffle.He smiled, nodding. “Yep, its just kook life I guess.”He replied, not really caring. “This shit is like...ten dollars a pint.”He only laughed, not understanding how you hadnt grown up with the same things he had.

He just couldnt wrap his head around the fact that not everyone was like him.You couldnt exactly blame him, he had been isolated most of his childhood and if he wasnt by himself he was surrounded by kooks. 

“You can go to the grocery store with me next week if you want.We can get all the expensive icecream you want...maybe we can get some for John.B too, you know, to win him over.”He explained his idea.You shrugged, not sure how to feel. 

“You dont even do your own grocery shopping, remember?”You asked, seeing him roll his eyes. “I’ll go grocery shopping for you, baby.We can get cookie dough and mix it into brownie batter.”He continued,scooping another spoonful of icecream.You bit the inside of your cheek, thinking about it.It sounded fun but most grocery stores wouldnt be open at the times you were with Rafe.

“I gotta go, i’ll see you tomorrow though.”You promised,kissing him quickly.He backed away to let you slide off the counter, putting your phone in your pocket. He tugged at your t shirt, bringing you close to him so he could place a kiss on your lips, enjoying the feeling that he knew he wouldnt feel for a day at least.

He knew that the second you left his happiness would leave with you, making his mood a bit dull as he hugged you.“Do you want icecream to go?”He offered.You were quick to shake your head, leaving quick so you could get home.He pouted, wishing you two could be together more often.

You tip toed into the house,turning on your bedroom light only to see The Pogues all sitting in there, staring at the door. “Rafe Cameron?”John.B asked, sitting up on your bed.You sighed, sitting down. 

“Really,Kie?”You asked, looking over to the brunette. “JJ took my phone!”She exclaimed, making your eyes travel to JJ. “Are you serious?”You asked the blonde, noticing him pouting. 

“I thought he should know.”He muttered.Pope just seemed mad. “How long has this been going on?”Your brother asked, glaring at you. “Im not doing this right now.”You shook your head, going to leave the room when he grabbed your wrist.

 “(Y/N).What would dad think?”He asked.You scoffed, unable to believe that he went there. “Dad would want me to be happy, unlike you.He hasnt bothered you guys in months!Cant you see that he’s changed?”You asked,all of them avoiding eye contact.

 “No!People like Rafe Cameron cant change, (Y/N)!Do you think he actually likes you?”John.B asked, regretting it the second it left his lips. “Oh, fuck you!”You exclaimed, leaving the room and slamming the door behind you. 

“What the hell, John.B?”Kiara shouted, angry with her friend. “I didnt mean it like that!Lets give her a minute to cool off.”John.B grumbled, feeling JJ and Pope glaring at him.

 “What the fuck is wrong with you?”Pope asked, just as angry as JJ.John.B just sat, listening to their cursing and anger. “I didnt mean it!”John.B shouted eventually, tired of their yelling.JJ shook his head, going to find you.

You werent in the bathroom or living room, leading him to think that maybe you had left until he looked out the kitchen window.He saw you in the hammock, leaving the house with a slam of the screen door and going to lay down next to you. 

“What do you want?”You asked, not looking at the blonde. “Does he really make you happy?”JJ asked,waiting patiently for your answer.You nodded, turning to look at him. “Very much, yeah.”You answered,seeing a grin on his face. 

“So then why does it matter what we think?I mean, im definitely the better choice here but if he makes you happy then go for it.”He chuckled, looking over to the house. “John.B is mad.”You muttered, wrapping your arms around JJ’s torso as the sun began to come up.

 “He’s always mad, doesnt matter.If he can hook up with girls all the time I dont see why you cant have a healthy, loving relationship.It seems dumb to me.”He shrugged.You laughed quietly, not understanding when JJ became a life coach. 

“Yeah, I agree.I just dont want him to be mad at me, you know?Its not like if he’s mad at you, you can just leave the house but I cant.Im stuck with that bitch all the time.”You ranted, earning a small laugh from him. 

“Yeah, true.I think you should just live your life how you want to live it.If you want to be with Rafe then be with Rafe.Personally im not a fan of him but that doesnt mean I can just control your relationships.I mean, youre right.He hasnt really bothered us in months and I havent seen him around The Cut looking for trouble so maybe he has changed.As long as its healthy and everything is consensual.Everything is consensual,right?”He asked, looking down at you.

You hadnt really seen this side of JJ before, usually only seeing his flirty and joking side. “Of course.”You replied, flicking his stomach. “Right, so thats good.If John.B’s mad then that sucks but there’s nothing you can do about it.”He sighed, staring up at the sky through the tree branches. 

“Are you mad?”You asked, curious for his answer.He bit his lip, thinking about it. “No, not really.I just cant believe you like him of all people.”He chuckled, feeling you flick his head. “I didnt like him at first, it kinda just happened.”You replied.JJ nodded, not saying anything else.

You fell asleep in the hammock next to JJ,waking up at noon.There was a note on the kitchen table saying that they had all decided to go out on the boat for the day and that there was pepsi and yogurt in the fridge.You could tell by the handwriting that Pope had written it, everyone else had probably forgot about you.

At eight the next night things werent as tense as they had been before.John.B had even driven you to Rafe’s house, ranting about safe sex and telling you to give Rafe a slice of ‘humble pie’.You rolled your eyes,getting out of the van and telling him to fuck off before walking up to Rafe’s front door, knocking lightly.

He told you that you didnt have to climb through his window anymore.Since you had to tell the pogues about your relationship he had decided to tell his family about it as well which meant he didnt have to hide you anymore.

John.B watched from the van as Rafe embraced you in a hug, smile on his face as he kissed your forehead.He had never seen Rafe look like that, the only smile he’d ever seen on Rafe Cameron was the kind that belonged to an angry sociopath.

But now he kind of just looked like a squishy, smiling gremlin.You and Rafe stood in the doorway for a moment, talking about how things had gone with John.B.Rafe had noticed the van sitll in the driveway, sending a quick and awkward brave towards your brother.A grin came across John.B’s face as he backed out of the driveway.Maybe you dating the Kook King wasnt as terrible as he thought.

@sexytholland​ @28cnn​  @popcrone818​ @fttayla​ @cherryobx​ @n1ghtsh4d3-67​ @drewstarkeyobx​ @poguestyleskye​ @judayyyw​ @jjtheangel​ @jj-iz-bae​

@sunwardsss @meaganjm​  @sarcasticsagittarius1998​ @natalie-kate-98​ @nxsmss​ @broken-jj​ @joshy-obx​ @prejudic3​ @outerbongs​  @copper-boom​  @httpstarkey​ @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl​  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee​  @on-socks-off​  @abbiesthings​ @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless

#rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x you #rafe fanfiction #rafe smut #rafe fluff #rafe fic #drew starkey #outerbanks #outer banks netflix

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Um hi, so this might be a little weird but do you mind if i rant about something real quick? I usually wouldn't but i'm kinda stressed out rn and this blog is already full of chaos (in the best way of course)

Ok heres the thing: for my entire life i have been a very intense daydreamer but lately it has been driving me crazy! Not in the particulary bad way tho i love my ocs and thinking about them and their world but there is so much shit going on!! Basically i'm stuck creating a world with several separate realms (that is the most fitting word i can think of) which are all PHISICLY connected (in a way) but have developed differently in culture, tradition and all that but its people have interacted because of that one time that one bitch fucked shit up bad. I favorise one of the realms cause it's the original one and sort of where all the important shit goes down. It was easier while it was on its own, not that i think adding the other ones was a bad idea (they actually add the diversity i needed) i just have too many stories in my head! There are also my original creatures which all need more cultural developing. Then i remember the characters speak some kinds of languages. What is a timelane? I just dont know. And there is this big main story whose characters have been with me my entire fucking life and i love them so so much but. But. There is no conherent plot whatsoever. It changes all the fucking time, idk where im going and its annoying. Then there are stories with actual conherent plot that i don't pay enough attention too beacuse im biased. Now i kinda fear i'll forget something important from all the different ages, characters lives, legends and so on. And yes i know i should write this shit down but there is just too much idk where to start. Plus there is this weird feeling that my writing is not good enough and that i won't be able to accurately portray the characters i love so dearly. Which is silly of course, i know i should just practise and that writing takes time but it is what it is.

All right i hope that wasn't too strange. About all the seriuos problems in my life i can talk to friends or family but I just needed to talk to someone about these stories since they are such a big part of my life noone knows about (and if they do they know just a fraction i was willing to share at the moment). Anyway, feel free to ignore this but it really made me feel better.

Have a lovely day/night! 💛

I'm so sorry this was such a long rant!

P.s. english isn't my native laguage so forgive if the grammer and spelling are questionable its 1 am and im tired

You seem stressed, my friend. Now please excuse my shitty formatting, for I am on laptop and feel like a cat trying its best to play the piano but can't because I have stubby little paws.

It seems to me that you're making things way harder for yourself than necessary! It can be tricky when people like Tolkien are our inspiration, because we hold both him and his work on a hard to reach pedestal (as we should, he's a god). But, we need to remember; we're not Tolkien, and we'll never be Tolkien. Literally. None of us will ever be as clever or good as him. He's one of those writers that comes around every few centuries.

Now, with that hard to swallow pill out of the way, I offer you a new one - a chill pill!

Relax, my friend. The whole point of writing is to explore ourselves and who we are in a safe and controlled environment. We should be happy when creating, not drained and frustrated.

You don't want to build resentment towards a project simply because you're overdoing it and yourself (trust me, been there done that).

I'd suggest finding one small part of your world and starting there. Whether it be the flora, fauna, language or characters - start small and build your way up!

#write for love not for glory people #don't overdo yourself and try to outperform an imaginary competition #don't push anything to happen #especially your brain #you need to slowly build your way up #the brain is a muscle #you need to start small before it can grow bigger and stronger #you don't see skinny kids lifting the big weights do you? #no #they're just starting out #but with more practice and resilience and self-discipline you can eventually do the bigger weights #but still remember Tolkien is the Hulk in this metaphor lol #idk where his creativity nor writing brain came from but it wasn't earth #i still think he accidentally fell into middle earth a la narnia style during the war #only way #even tolkien got confused with his own work too though remember

[sainadazai]

When your crush is angry all the time

Ch.4

I wanna be an intern too, you ragedy ann looking ass hoe 😠



Y/n pov

°•○●○•°•○●○•°

All goes well when you are ignorant is what my dear best friend would say to me now, as I sit in the very back of the class unfocused on how our teacher is introducing an activity I have no chance of participating in. All I knew was that when Mr. Aizawa walked up to the board and wrote names of people getting offers, I wasn't one of them. Not that I expected to be, considering I wasn't in the sports festival, let alone the school at all back then. 

However, I did notice a small inconsistency in the order of the most offers. I was pretty sure that boom boom had gotten first place in the festival, him being there is what convinced me to transfer, but his name was actually second on the board. 

Todoroki had taken the place of first as far as offers were concerned. Todoroki the nice boy who I used to meet when I snuck away from my fucking prison cell. Call me privileged for complaining about living in a mansion All my life, but I much prefer being here. With common folk. They ground me. 

I peeked up from my phone at the red and white head of hair in front of me, he didn't seem all that fazed. Although maybe it was just the lack of seeing his face that made me believe he couldn't care less about all but one of those offers. Still, his business is his, and my business is the new Ao3 update on my favorite chrollo lucilfer fanfiction. What a babe. 

I decided that the class as of right now would be of no importance to me, considering I will have no offers, and bakugou-the reason I came here- hates me like I'm a piece of gum stuck under his shoe.  Through that conclusion I allowed myself to dissolve into the world of hxh and forget about how boring this world is. 

Could my power beat Killua or go in a fight? I mean, it doesn't enhance my strength like they did trying to get into Killua's house so physically they must be stronger. 

"Y/n! Is there something you would like to share with the class?"

Mr.Aizawas voice seemed almost shot at me as my gaze rose from my phone in my lap to meet him at the front of the room. He looked displeased to say the least. Well good for him, im displeased too, I might not be able to beat a fucking twelve year old in combat. 

"Huh?"

"You were grumbling, what's so important you had to tell us, hm?"

I thought it through for a second- just kidding, I never think anything through. 

"Oh, well I wasn't sure if I could beat Gon in a fight, but I'm not coming to the realization that if Chrollo is my boyfriend, I shouldn't have to fight anyone at all. I can just be a pretty face in the backgrounds and then after he wins for me i'll suck his-"

"Enough, y/n." Mr.Aizawa no longer held a tired looking face, his eyes were wide and an uncomfortable cringed was set on his face. As I peered at the rest of the class many also had shocked eyes, but unlike our teacher, held faint blushes. 

Minus midoriya, his face was completely red and his eyes void of life. I must've killed him, huh. 

"Wait!"

In an attempt to regain some dignity, I tried to correct myself.

"I would....not suck his-?"

"Don't even say it, shitty princess !"

"Woah bakugou, you spoke to me on purpose!?"

"Shut up!"

"Hey, how come you call me princess, you like me or something?"

He growled at that, neither of us paying mind to the fact that everyone in the class was either dead from nosebleeds or extremely uncomfortable and staring at us.  

"Its cuz you act fucking entitled like a princess"

"I'll be your pillow princes-"

"Enough!" A robotic-like hand sliced the air in front of me. The voice sounded firm, almost more teacher-like than our teacher's voice. I followed my gaze up the hand, not failing to notice how as I drew up the guy's arm his muscles only seemed to get bigger and bigger and- iida? 

"Oh class rep-"

"Y/n this vulgar language and border-line harassment needs to cease immediately. I will not tolerante overtly sexual language and acts in this class-"

As he was speaking I noticed something ironic about the situation. If everyone here didn't like sexual jokes or banter, how were they so flustered at comments that objectively should be unknown to them. 

"How did you know what I meant, iida?" I rasped in a low sultry voice, allowing my fingers to dance up his arm starting at the wrist in front of my face. 

I heard a few chuckles from, who I would say are the only two people enjoying this situation: kaminari and...stinky mineta. Iida's face grew more red than previously and the arms in front of me began shaking. 

"Mr.Aizawa it seems I've disarmed the robot. Is there a restart button or something?" I question with a serious face using the search as an excuse to wonder my eyes all over his body. Perverted? Yes. Rightfully attracted to this giant hunk of a nerd. Yes ×10. 

"No, there is not." Todoroki, who was in front of me, finally turned around to address me. I guess he was unfazed by my words. Looks like someone here can be cool. Whether he is okay because he is more comfortable with sexual jokes, or because he has yet to pick up on them, its nice that somebody in here can still function. Otherwise, I'd feel like a nuisance. 

"Y/n I'm not really sure how to- let's just say to have detention with your m- midnight. Detention. Yeah." Aizawa publicly convinced himself of my punishment? 

"Okay"

"Now, back to this, even if you didn't get any offers ALL of you will have an internship" 

And so went on the class, kids chose their hero names, not me though. I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a hero at all, this was just a little less boring and sad than the way I lived before. This school had people who laughed in joy, not just to mask the pain. That was the real benefit, not being a hero, or being strong. Likely no one here realized that there were many places where none of this joy was possible. 

Some of the kids in class gave me suggestions for a hero name, but I didn't like them anyway. They lacked personality, and while I have many adjectives to describe my personality, my life, none of them are all that heroic. 

"Dark element"

"Girl who will die if her quirk doesnt like its environment" 

See, I'm not the best at this. Even bakugan names had some sense to it...well no. I'd say we're about the same, but still. Ugh. 

~timeskip~ 

Bakugou pov 😠

She came up with no hero names. Fucking entitled brat. Everyone at this lunch table seems to have no problem with the fact that she is here, just happy to have another pair of tits to stare at like perverts. Their gross. I bet she doesn't even want to be a hero, she sure as hell doesn't act like it. We don't even know what her whole quirk is. Ive seen her do that plant shit a couple times, fucking with flowers or whatever. Still, there's more to it. Something we don't know, at least. Cuz in the middle of class she gets up and whispers to Aizawa and he just lets her go. Where the fuck does she go? 

Interrupts class, got into the school because her moms a teacher, won't use her quirk. What a nuisance, I can't believe she is not expelled yet. Plus those bullshit sex jokes are so shitty. She is obviously faking something when she does them. Not like midnight, who always at least seems like she means that gross shit. 

"Hey, who did you guys choose for your internship? I haven't chosen yet."

"The number three hero guy," I spoke, knowing I'm the only person here who already chose. 

"Really? Best jeanist! That's so cool, but are you sure that for you bakugou?" Shitty hair raised a shitty brow at me. 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!?"

"Just that he seems pretty...uptight..for you?" Dunceface added, but he spoke like it was a question. Of course he is the hero for me, he is the highest ranting hero on my list. If I wanna be number one, I gotta train with the best. 

If I go to his agency I'm sure there will be a lot more action, since he is so high ranking. Then i'll get some real experience kicking villain ass, well, other than the USJ. 

"Of course he is the right option!"

"Woahhh~"

Shit. It's her voice. I honestly should applaud her for using it less often around me but, how can one small girl be so goddamn annoying. I don't even know what she has to say and I already wish she would just put a sock in it. How can someone so entitled like her, probably never had to lift a finger, walk  over here and talk like she has something to say. 

"You're working with the best jeanist! So cool, one time he saved me from a group of rapist guys, it was awesome with all these strings everywhere and I could only see half of his face. Oh and he had goofy hair too!"

Oh. I didn't really know how to respond to the girl who looked so excited about almost being violated. Another thing wrong with her? I looked back at the other people at the table to see if they knew how to respond to something like that. 

Dunceface was frozen, tape arms were frozen, shitty hair was frozen, and alíen eyes were looking like a lost puppy and trying not to cry. 

It didnt seem like the shutty princess was exactly understanding how what she just yelled was making things weird. She just stood there expectantly. She kinda looked like she thought being raped was something that must happen to everyone. Did she think that? Wouldn't put it past her weird ass. 

"Uhm...anyways, i'm sure you'll do awesome, he likes to put boys in tight jeans. Wish I could intern too, I'd love to see that boom boom~" she winked. 

A perverted joke...and then she had the audacity to wink at me. 

"You wish you could see me in tight jeans, shitty extra!"

"I know...thats what a I just said." She dead panned, blinking a couple times at me. 

"Tch, screw you!"

"I would-" 

"Can it, i don't wanna hear your shitty voice anymore"

The girl stopped herself after my words, pushing all her hair behind her head, except for the two blond stands in the front. 

(You don't have to acknowledge these if you don't want, but I made it so that they change color depending on what element your using and I thought it was hot*if you have short hair, then you just got a lil nishinoya type thing 🥰)

Lifted her obnoxious hands that moved around while she talked and made a zipper-like motion over her lips. Then she just stood there looking at me. I really wanted to just let her stand there and go back to eating. Ignore her completely and let her hope fizzle out and die or something like that. 

Yet here I am, still looking at her. Silently. Wishing she made a stupid joke so that I could stop flickering between those images I'd seen of her dancing. How even though ballet is a princess fucking dance, the pictures felt nice. Like if I was watching it live I would probably be unable to criticize it. That pissed me off, because I want to hate everything about her, but I can't hate those photos. Where she looks like she is flying, without any need for a quirk.

I see her in that weird gown, and now, in the UA uniform. I see her looking respectable, formal, and serious. Then I see her stupid little smirk as she takes pride in being able to shut up for more than a minute. 

"Why are you still standing there?"

Instead of answering, she took her hand up again, made a pinch with her fingers and unzipped her mouth. 

"I was enjoying the look in your eyes."she smiled. 

The look in my eyes? Could she tell I was seeing two different people? What the hell does that even mean? Even said it without that shitty flirt voice. Like she meant it. 

"You tryna make fun of me?"I stood up from the table to get in her face.

"Not right now, maybe later, I gotta do something." She smiled sincerely at me, for a second as she walked away, I forgot about how this conversation started. What a wierd fucking girl. I'll never respect her as a hero. Tch. (Yes, its canon he tchs even in his thoughts) 

3rd person POV 

Y/n briskly walked out of the cafeteria with a new goal in mind. She would come to remember how maybe being oblivious was a benefit in some ways, but for now, she had a clear plan .

"Mr.Aizawa, let me do an internship."

"You weren't in the festival, I can't just hand you to a hero who has no idea what you can do, y/n."

"Well, you know what I can do, right?"

"No. I'm not doing internships. Stop asking."

"That's not what I meant! You can just tell them, or I could, it's not that hard to explain. Just say i'm all- powerful or some play on words like 'she's got all the right elements' hehe, see how i mimicked your voice there?" Y/n grinned like a child. She was proud of herself. 

"No. Still not happening."

"I wanna be an intern too, you raggedy ann looking ass hoe" 

"Y/n, it doesn't make sense, insulting me to get what you want?"

"Maybe it doesn't, but I bet you feel real insecure about your hair right now."

"You already have detention, what more do you want!"

"An internship, I wanna do one with kamui Woods, I have a good reason, too. As far as my quirk control, i'm the weakest with earth, the aspect that allows me to grow and manipulate plants and stuff. That's why I've only been using that part of it all month. Im trying to get her up to speed so I can start using all four at once. He is like a tres guy, right? He manipulates earth all day long. He could teach me a lot, and that aspect of my quirk would suit his well. Please!?!?!?"

If the girl had just asked again in a normal way, his answer would have been the same. However Aizawa was taken aback to hear how much thought she put into this. From the stories of the teachers lounge, he came to understand her big life goal, was to rely fully on a rich man or woman, and do nothing at all forever. Just to try and forget about the terrible life she was destined to have because of that quirk.

This side of her was something he could not even her mother had seen, and it prompted him to speak those words she wanted to hear so badly.

"Fine." 

#bakugou x you #bakugou x reader #bakusquad #mha bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugou fluff #mha fanfiction #mha fluff

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

was feeling super emo and finished my S15 watchthrough ahead of schedule!!

thoughts are below the cut, some gems include: -i physically rip my shirt open during the confession scene -gay angels are bad but lucifer gets to say “cuck” on screen -dean should have gone to hell when he died at the end but ACTUALLY HANG ON THIS WOULD FIX EVERYT-

S15E18

literally the empty doesn't have another speaking role after the library despite being a major player and a big bad?? incredibly half assed writing and planning.

dean literally gets cas killed for no reason though. like, all of cas’ other deaths had very clear cause and effect, but the cause and effect here is that if dean hadn't randomly decided to put down his god killing boner to go and kill billie instead then cas would still be alive. this isn’t me being dean critical (though it kinda is) it’s just a really half assed redundant writing choice that doesn't hold up?

i no joke tore my shirt open during the confession scene because after seeing all the gifs i thought i was already over it i had already done so much exposure therapy to the confession scene i was NOT expecting it to hit the way it did, i was NOT prepared i went to clutch my pearls but i was in fact wearing a crewneck instead and she did not make it :( my last surviving college shirt :(

S15E19

i hate the dog im sorry waste of screentime considering plus i can never fucking trust this show around a dog, all 3 dog based episodes have been weird as fuck.

CAS PHONE CALL AFS SGAGAGSW HW DID YAL WATCHTTHIS LIVE WITHIUT LOSING ITi know it’s JUST the devil bu afsgdgsgs HOW DID YALL WATCH THIS SHIT LIVE OH MY GOD dadsdAGSFAGSFGASFG. and then after this convincing heart wrenching performance dean promptly forgets that cas exists.

they literally brought satan back. gay angels no but satan yes.

cw really said: satan can come back for one last fake redemption arc haha he tricked you!! but the gay angel STAYS in turbo hell where he belongs.

also lucifer gets to say "cuck" twice. gay angels?? very bad and we can’t show that kind of behavior on screen. but we CAN say cuck not once but twice (and once more in a flashback)

Dean asking jack to come back to the bunker with them to come back home and be a family again and they’ll fix things up and make the place nice and be a family...

(I’m feeling dean critical right now cause of all the shitty writing but this was still REALLY SAD objectively one of the saddest parts of the finale was jack loosing his father his personhood his freedom and his future and dean loosing the last link to cas he had left)

Dean: "what do you mean of course he's gonna come back to the bunker" Jack: "Dean I’m not coming back home" (literally dean told jack he wasn’t family but that’s still jack’s HOME and he SAYS IT)

a song montage of the shows greatest hits where they show dean's handprint scar and also Zachariah but NOT CAS at all until towards the end which was almost worse than not showing him at all. literally Zachariah  got an equal amount of screentime what the fuck. cw really said angel equality not angel equity!!

S15E20

me watching this episode for first time in nov as my first ever spn epsiode: whats wrong with this man why is he acting like this?

me now after mainlining 12 seasons in 2 months: whats wrong with this man why is he acting like this?

-did they tell jackles to pretend like he was being penetrated for this scene? very weird vibes of "it's in me" “this thing is in me” "it's going all the way through me" “i can’t move it’s in me” "just gimme a minute" “wow this things really in me”

-the goodbye scene doesn't even work dean was lit trying to kill sam with a gun 3 eps ago. like, the show being about brothers against the world at the end doesn't even work they've done nothing to earn even the illusion of this. do you guys maybe think its possible that the show evolved away from this at some point during the last 15 years?????????

- having the john winchester family portrait on sams wall. bitch literally who even is that??? and not a single photo of cas OR JACK. literally you can tell me no photos of cas ok sounds fake but sam would def hang photos of him and jack??

-NOBODY REMEMBERS JACK IN ANY WAY???

-they should have sent dean to hell last minute. it would have been really funny and honestly more narratively cohesive. and also did i mention VERY FUNNY. dean winchester who stabbed death got his best friend killed cause he had a revenge boner, tried to sacrifice his kinda son like twice, tricked amara into helping him, yadda yadda these are just from the last few eps there are a ton more. just saying it would be very funny if dean got sent to hell for one if not all of those things.

(not even being dean critical i just think it would be very funny. a reverse lily sunder if you will)(and then cas could pull him out of hell again)

- huh. maybe dean is in hell, maybe this is actually his own personal hell, just trapped wandering forever and his father lives down the road and no matter how hard he drives he never gets anywhere, the road he used to love being twisted against him while actors posture about his life on a bridge......huh................

-if dean dies and goes to hell THEN cas can come pull him out again as a big reveal!!!! forget the onion field forget lamp can you imagine ending the series that way???? the balls that would have taken??? THE FUCKING PAYOFF???????????????!! LAZARUS RISING 2.0!!! someone please shoot me i can’t bear holding this knowledge in my mind for the rest of my life.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

All in all I’m very disappointed and very glad that this show does not exist outside the minds of it’s fans. very happy that the secret bad version of supernatural that aired on tv during a pandemic has been so thoroughly de-fanged by everyone’s constant efforts these past few months cannot thank you all enough <3<3<3

#the secret bad version of supernatural that aired on television during a pandemic #i already knew what happened and i was still let down #spn rewatch #spn #season 15 #fruit for thought

[xsixxx]

Bad Influence - Chapter 11

Word Count - 5.4K

Authors Note - It's been a while! 👋🏻 About 4 months I think 😬 If there are any Bad Influence fans actually left out there, I'm so sorry & I love you. I had a really fuckin shitty last few months of 2019 & because of that, I kinda stopped doing the stuff I enjoy, writing this fanfic & using this blog being one of them.

Then I tried to come back before I was ready 😂 I wrote this chapter out about 2 months ago, but never bothered to post it bcos I didn't care enough about it. But I've recently returned to it, rewrote it & remembered why I fuckin love writing this fanfic. So I'm super excited to post this chapter & I hope you don't all hate it after how long it's been 😂 It's a bit rough bcos I'm getting back into it & I'm kinda rusty!

I love you guys for baring with me, I can't wait to get back into writing this fic for you 🖤

Warnings - Um, the f word is used in like every sentence oops, some implied smut when Nikki is remembering (choking trigger warning), I guess 'violence' but not really violence???, a whole lot of angst & a teeny bit of fluff at the end

Tags - @cruecifymesixx @freddiessmallnipples @queen-crue @scarecrowmax @lovesick-heart0 @littlesunnymoon @80sheart-strings @cranberrirolls @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies @versnatasha @zoenicolesetser @crazysaladchopshop @ggorehorror @lunamadhatter99 @justtryingtoovercome @chaoticvybe @you-know-im-a-dreamer @eightiesrockbaby @valentines-in-london @xrosegoldwolfx @fupatroopaa @lilypetite88 @this-blog-must-be-the-place @ashleecrue @lauravic @dark-princess99 @unknownoblivion @mgkobsessed @antheasnow @rockaholi @nassauartist @sparxx27

(there's one bit where Nikki is glaring across the bar at a character & this gif is spot on)

*Nikkis POV*

I drummed my fingers to the sound of a guitar as I watched Mick do his thing through the glass of the recording booth, his fingers working magic as he played the riff to Looks That Kill.

Fuck, that weird little guy could play.

“Nikki, this song is gonna fucking kill!” Tommy yelled enthusiastically, beating his drumsticks on the arm of the battered couch his was lounging on.

I smiled weakly back at him, my nerves keeping me from matching his excitement. “I hope so,” I mumbled. I look around the studio, basking in the enormity of where we were right now. Mötley was recording their second album & my nerves were shot. It had to be perfect. It had to do well.

“Stop stressing man, everyone’s gonna fucking freak over this album, I just know it!” He replied, smiling encouragingly, his usual Tommy level of positivity feeling sickeningly sweet, but still, I nodded at him gratefully. “So we hitting up The Whisky or what tonight boys?” He continued, addressing Vince as well as me, who was pouting on the couch next to him.

I chuckled without amusement, shaking my head. “Fuck no, not a chance I’m going in there yet.”

Tommy scowled at me. “Sixx, come on dude, you cant avoid the place forever. Plus, she might not even be working tonight!”

“I’m not risking it! I’m not gonna be able to enjoy the night if she’s there, judging my every fucking move, you know how she is.” I replied, rolling my eyes.

“So you’ve still not talked to her since..” Tommy trailed off, awkwardly. But Vince happily picked up from where he’d left off.

“Since you lead her on, fucked her & then blew her off?” He snapped arrogantly, instantly causing my jaw to tense.

“Don’t fucking start with me, Vinny. I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh, you mean you don't wanna hear about what a dick you were? What a surprise.” The sarcasm thick in his voice.

I slammed my hand down on the recording table & stood up sharply. “The fuck is your problem, man?” I snarled, his attitude & the mounting stress from the album mixing together to create a dangerous cocktail of anger & belligerence.

“My problem?” He questioned, standing up to meet my stare. “My problem is you Sixx. Beths a good fucking girl, what you did was real messed up, I should fucking floor you again for how you treated her. You owe the chick an apology at the goddamn least.” He spat, his anger in Beths defence honourable, but fucking irritating.

I chuckled arrogantly at his misplaced valiance. “Give it up the knight in shining armour act Vinny, I didn’t see you rushing to commit to her when she was getting your dick wet.”

I saw the danger flash in his eyes as he took a warning step towards me. “I didn’t fuck her & leave either.” He hissed, the venom in his voice palpable.

“Aw, did I upset your girlfriend?” I joked patronisingly, very aware that I was pushing it too far, but yet I couldn’t help myself, Vince acting all high & mighty was really starting to piss me off.

Vinces eyes narrowed sharply & I saw his hands ball into fists at his side. “Like I said, she’s a good girl. She didn’t deserve that.” He said through his teeth, the strain to keep calm evident in his voice.

I smirked at him amused, looking him up & down. “Whatcha gonna do Vince? Hit me again? Defend her honour? She’s a chick dude & a stuck up one at that. And she ditched your ass if you remember, you should be thanking me.” I laughed, shrugging.

“You know what Sixx, you’re an asshole. You know as well as I do that Beth isn’t another fucking groupie to this band. Nah, I didn’t wanna date her, but I like her- We all like her.” He corrected himself quickly.

“Vinny’s right man, I’m not taking sides, but Beths cool & I kinda do like having her around!” Tommy piped up, nodding.

“Fuck off T-Bone, you only want her around because you know as soon as she goes, so does your uptight piece of ass.” I shot at him, my frustration with the pair of them growing at a dangerous rate.

“Dude c’mon, there’s no need..”

I cut Tommy off viciously. “What the fuck has happened to this band?!” I shouted, shoving Vince out of my face. “Since when do we give this much of a fuck about chicks?! Look at where we are?!” I gestured around the recording studio. Mick had stopped playing & had casually lit a cigarette as he watched us bickering through the sound-proof glass. “This is what’s important. Now I’m going for a fucking smoke, this conversation is done & when I come back in we’re gonna record a fucking album, got it?!”

I barged out of the studio, flicked open my lighter & sparked up my cigarette, leaning back against the wall as I took in a shaky drag, my anger still surface level. I exhaled & closed my eyes, feeling the May sun warm my face & start to melt my mood away.

What was everyone’s fuckin’ obsession with this girl?!

Yeah she was cool, but she’s still a chick. And chicks = trouble.

I let my mind wander back to the look she gave me as she lay beneath me, my hand around her throat as she came undone & smirked to myself as I lifted the cigarette back to my smug lips. She was so worth the chase.

But Christ, I’m supposed to feel bad because I don’t want all that cutesy shit afterwards? No. Beth knew me, we’d had enough arguments about the kinda guy I am, she did this to herself. Not my fault that she thought she meant anything more to me than any one of those other girls. She was a fuck. A good fuck. But a fuck nonetheless.

I took another drag as the image of Beth sat in her bed with that stung look on her face snuck its way involuntarily into my mind. I could see those hurt tears & hear her bitter words ordering me to leave. I couldn’t help the pang of guilt in my stomach that accompanied the image.

She’s a fuckin’ chick, Nikki. Chicks = trouble, I recited to myself, rubbing my face roughly with my hands, almost in hope that I could scrub away the memory of her pained face. Get over it man, it’s done.

I sharply exhaled the last of my smoke before throwing it aggressively to the floor, somehow more frustrated than I was before.

Time to go record a fuckin’ album.

*Later*

*Beths POV*

I smoothed out the material of the tiny black dress I was wearing as I pouted my lips at my reflection in the mirror, appreciating the sight of myself all dolled up & ready to forget all about Nikki fucking Sixx.

I flashed an all too familiar looking smirk at myself before I spun around of my sky high heels & strutted out of the ladies bathroom & back over to Sophia who was waiting at the bar, two drinks in hand. She winked at me as I got closer, holding out one of the glasses for me to take.

“Girl, you look unreal! If we weren’t here trying to pull for you, I’d take you home right now,” she laughed, nudging me & winking again.

I let out a laugh as I took a swipe at her arm, “I am not here trying to pull!” I insisted, not even managing to fool myself. It’d been a little over a week since I went from the all time high of fucking Nikki to the crashing low of realising I meant nothing to him in a matter of minutes & I’d laid around feeling sorry for myself ever since. Well, not tonight. I was gonna find a guy & I was gonna remind myself what a goddamn catch I am.

“Oh Beth, there’s a reason you’re wearing that dress tonight & girl, it ain’t for the coverage,” she giggled as I took another playful swipe. “Hey, there’s no judgements here! I’d want a good lay after the emotional rollercoaster that has been Nikki Sixx!”

I raised my eyebrows at her as she quickly mimed locking her lips. “Sorry, sorry, we don’t mention that name, my bad.”

I shook my head. “It’s fine, I’m over it,” I lied. “But, if a cute guy wants to buy me a drink & maybe show me a good time, I’m not gonna say no.” I shrugged as we both burst into a fit of giggles, before I took a long sip of the very strong cocktail.

“Well that sounds like my queue.” Came a smooth voice from behind me. I turned to face the handsome stranger who was stood leaning casually against the bar, eyebrow cocked as his eyes scanned up & down my body, drinking in the sight of me. “You have excellent timing.” I blushed, appreciating his good looks right back. He was classically good looking, with blonde hair & a chiselled jaw, dressed smart in a shirt that hugged his toned physique & muscular arms just enough to spark a little intrigue as to what lay underneath. He was the exact opposite to Nikki in every physical way. Where Nikki was unruly & unkept, this guy was clean shaven & well groomed. He wore no leather or studs & his smile was friendly & genuine, not smug & he wasn’t dripping in arrogance.

“I’m Daniel.” He introduced himself, holding out a hand for me to shake. I looked into his electric blue eyes & blushed once again.

“Beth, it’s nice to meet you.” I replied as smoothly as I could.

“& I’m Sophia, but I guess no-one asked,” she piped up mockingly, winking at me. “Now Dan, unless you’ve got a cute, single friend for me, I’m gonna get outta your way & go for a dance.” Soph smirked, grabbing her drinking & flouncing off towards the dance floor, blowing us a kiss as she did.

We both let out a laugh. “She seems great,” Daniel said as I nodded, taking a sip of my drink. “She mentioned something about an emotion rollercoaster though? I hope I’m not stepping on anyone’s toes?” He queried.

I swallowed my drink before letting out a little laugh. “Not at all, there are no toes to be stepping on, don’t worry.”

“Well good, I’m glad. I’m surprised though, a gorgeous girl like you doesn’t have a man. You’re sure there’s no-one, because you seem way too good to be true!” He flirted, as I laughed

“Oh you’re smooth.” I teased, “but no, there’s absolutely no-one.” I answered, pushing any & all thoughts & feelings I might have towards Nikki Sixx out of my mind.

*Little later*

“Wow, so you’re a doctor?” I asked, impressed.

Daniel laughed, shaking his head. “I wish! I’m a med student currently, but that’s the hope one day.”

“What made you wanna get into medicine then?”

He paused for a second, his warm smile faltering for a brief moment & I sensed his hesitation to answer. “I, um, lost my dad when I was younger. Spent a lot of time in hospitals with him when he got sick. I remember watching all these doctors around me taking care of people, helping, curing.. They seemed like superheroes to me back then. After we lost my dad, I knew I wanted to help people, be one of those people that kids could look up to in the same way I did, yanno?”

I nodded, smiling at his compassion & genuineness.

“Sorry, bit heavy for a first meet, I know.” He laughed awkwardly.

“Not at all!” I replied, “I asked the question, you just answered it honestly, I appreciate that.”

As Daniel carried on talking about his studies, I couldn’t help but admire him. THIS was the kinda guy I was supposed to end up with. Smart, hot as hell, a brilliant career ahead of him, goals, aspirations.. He was exactly the kinda man I could take home to my father. Daniel was everything I should want & he was actually interested in me.

And yet, I still felt that unwanted & yet infuriatingly all-to-familiar flame ignite the second I heard his voice drift over from the bar.

“Jack & coke please darlin’.”

Nikkis voice hit me like a slap in the face & rush desire all at once & I immediately froze, my body unsure how to react to my contrasting emotions.

“Are you ok?” Daniel asked, reaching out & touching my arm, concern written across his face. I flinched as his touch, still lost somewhere in Nikkis voice, & snatched my arm away instinctively.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ Started Daniel, his concern look now laced with panic.

“N-no, its fine honestly, its not you, its just..” I drifted off, briefly glancing behind me, trying to pin a location on the voice. My eyes caught sight of the four of them standing at the bar, waiting on their drinks. Nikki was dressed in his usual leather trousers, torn at the knees, & combat boots & a torn up shirt. His hair almost appeared messier than usual & he had a cigarette hanging from his lips. He couldn’t have been more different from the sharp, handsome man sat opposite me.

Daniel followed my line of sight & spotted the literal motley crew. Nikki was already hitting on the bar maid, distracting her whilst Tommy & Vince reached over & stole a bottle from behind the bar; all whilst Mick stood by, watching disapprovingly & swigging from his trademark flask.

“You know them?” Daniel asked hesitantly.

“Nope.” I replied bluntly, snapping back to reality & turning back to him. “I fancy getting out of here though, you wanna head back to mine, continue the drinking there?”

Daniel looked a little taken a back at the upfront offer as I stood up & downed the last of my drink, but I was fairly certain he wouldn’t refuse. I didn’t care either way at this point, I just needed out of here.

“Um sure-“

“Great, I’ll go find Sophia..”

“She’s over there, talking to those guys you apparently don’t know.” Dan stated, his tone now flat & a little judgemental as he raised an eyebrow at me.

“Look, Daniel, I don’t wanna get into it, but its better we just leave.” I said, hoping to avoid any questions, but his face was growing more unimpressed by the second. “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you Dan, ok? But I can’t be here right now, so I gotta go. I’d, um, I’d like you to join me.. If you want to, of course. I mean, you don’t have to..” I mumbled, suddenly very aware & embarrassed by how he must be viewing me in that moment.

I saw his eyes narrow at my discomfort &, I’m assuming against his better judgement, he nodded & stood up to join me. “I’m not sure what’s happening here, but I’ve enjoyed getting to know you too & maybe you could fill me in on why you’re running away over that drink at yours?” He asked, a little suspicious but friendly. I nodded, giving him a small smile.

We started towards the exit when I felt a pair of hands snake around my waist & lift me excitedly into the air. I squealed in shock & suprise as Tommy span me around before placing me back on my feet.

“Beth! I cant believe you guys are here, what’re the chances? Soph said you came here to avoid us & we came here because Sixx wanted to avoid you! How fuckin’ funny is that?” He said, roaring with laughter, his hand resting on his stomach as he struggled to regain control on his amusement.

“Tommy.” I said sternly, shooting him a look that told him to shut the hell up. He quickly stood up straight, coughing a little to hide his laughter, before glancing over towards Daniel.

“Hey, who’s this? I’m Tommy dude, how ya doing?” He said, offering out his hand enthusiastically.

“Daniel, I’m good man, how’re you?” He answered, accepting the handshake hesitantly.

“I’m good? Hey, you wanna come meet the rest of the guys?” Tommy offered enthusiastically, without a second thought as to why that might not be such a good idea.

“Actually T-Bone, we’re just heading out.” I replied sharply, giving him another warning look.

“Ok, ok,” he laughed, holding his hands up in defeat as he got the hint. “It was nice to meet you man!” Tommy smiled at Dan, who nodded awkwardly back to him before T-Bone practically bounced back over to the bar.

“Don’t know them huh?” Daniel asked, his voice oozing with sarcasm suddenly, making me cringe.

“I’m sorry, they’re just.. A lot, ok?” I tried to explain, frustrated, mainly with myself.

“What’s the deal with this one?” Asked Dan, gesturing towards Nikki, who was leaning against the bar, sipping on his Jack & coke, his eyes fixed coldly on he two of us.

“That’s the, um.. Emotional rollercoaster.” I answered sheepishly, coughing to distract from my amounting discomfort, whilst simultaneously avoiding the eyes of both Nikki & Dan.

“Right.. Well, your rollercoaster is on his way over here.”

Fuck.

I glanced up to see Nikki, in all his arrogance, strolling towards us, his usual smirk fixed in place.

“I’m so sorry for whatever he says.” I quickly whispered to Dan, before Nikki came to a stop in front of us. I watched his eyes scan up & down Daniel, obvious sizing him up without an ounce of subtlety, before he turned his attention to me.

“Leaving without introducing us, Lizzy?” He drawled, the pretension thick in his voice.

“Yes Nikki, I am. So if you’d like to move-“

He cut me off, his focus back on Daniel. “I’m Nikki Sixx,” he stated, without the courtesy of a handshake.

“Daniel,” Dan replied, flatly, seemingly glad there was no extended hand to shake.

“And how do you know the lovely Lizzy here, Dan?” Nikki asked, his smirk never once faltering.

“We just met tonight, but we’re justing heading back to hers, if you don’t mind.” Dan replied simply, taking my hand.

“Oh but you see, I do mind.” Nikki stated bluntly, his smile as wide as it was dark as he side stepped back in front of Dan who had tried to manoeuvre round him. “Lizzy here is what we like to call a groupie & we,” he gestured towards the rest of the band behind him, “don’t particularly like sharing.”

“Oh fuck you, Sixx.” I scoffed, my face growing hot with a mix of anger & embarrassment. I turned to look at Dan, cringing at his raised eyebrow & gave him an apologetic look. “Don’t listen to him, he’s just being an asshole, I’m not a groupie.”

“Really?!” Nikki replied, dragging out the word dramatically as his shit eating grin somehow managed to grow wider. “Because I remember fucking you about a week ago & my boy Vince over there,” he pointed to at the very pissed off looking lead singer, “swears he remembers fucking you not long before that? Or are with both mistaken? I mean, there are a lot of you girls, you do all kinda look the same.. Feel the same too.” He chuckled darkly, shooting me a sly look. I glared at him with an expression so deadly that dared him to carry on. He rose to the challenge. “I tell you what though buddy,” Nikki continued, leaning into Dan so he was speaking into his ear, but just loud enough for me to catch what he was saying, “if you’re heading back to hers you’re in for a treat. She’s got the mouth of a motherfuckin’ Angel.” He finished, glancing over at me & winking. I was prepared to fly at him in a blind rage, fists balled, ready to wipe that smug smile off of his face permanently, when Dan spoke up, in a voice so peaceful & gentle, that it made his words seem somehow harsher.

“You are an arrogant piece of shit. I’ve been sat with this girl for the last hour & I spend a minute in your presence & it’s immediately clear to me that she’s way too good for you. But I’m sure she’ll realise that in her own time.” Daniel turned back to me, his expression stoney & irritated, but I could swear there was a hint of sympathy in his eyes. “If you ever get off of this rollercoaster doll, you know where you can find me.” He said, letting go of my hand as he stepped around the unmoving Nikki.

“Daniel, wait..” I caught him by the arm & quickly stepped in his path, stopping him.

“Beth, you seem like a great girl & I don’t think I’ve ever hit it off so quickly with someone like I have with you. But it’s obvious you have something with that guy & I’m not really interested in competing with him for your attention.”

I nodded slowly, knowing his words were fair. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. And I mean it, if you decide to get off the rollercoaster.. I can probably offer you a slightly calmer ride. A carousel maybe?” Dan winked, laughing as I let out a light giggle. His blue eyes focused on mine, sending a surge of electricity through my body that momentarily extinguished the flame that Nikki somehow always managed to light. I lifted my lips & placed them softly on Daniels for the briefest second, before pulling away.

“Thank you.” I whispered.

His eyes lingered on my lips for a second, silently asking for more, before he came back to reality & gave me a genuine smile. “It was nice to meet you Beth. I do hope I get to see you again”, he nodded, before kissing my cheek & heading for the door.

I stood still for a second, gathering my thoughts & regaining my composure, before walking towards the bar where the Crüe & Sophia were stood, trying to act as if they hadn’t been watching.

I had barely made it over to them before Nikki was straight in there with his sly comments, immediately trying to get under my skin.

“Aw was Prince Charming not happy to hear the Princess was actually a band slu-“

Nikki didn’t get the chance to finish his insult. He was silenced by the remainder of my drink soaking him as I threw it at him furiously, dousing his arrogance with my cocktail.

“That is for thinking you have any right to chase away a good guy just because your petty, selfish ass is jealous.” I spat. “And this..”

The loud crack of my hand slapping him sharply across the face echoed around the bar, followed by the whooping of Vince & Tommy. I even caught a glimpse of Mick smirking.

Nikki recoiled, his hand flying to his crimson cheek, shock & fury on his face. But his rage couldn’t match mine. I grabbed his face roughly, my hand cupping his chin & cheeks, forcing him to meet my wrathful glare.

“That is for fucking me & leaving me like I was one of your whores.” I seethed, my voice quiet & dangerous.

Nikkis face went from white hot anger to an ice cold stare in an instant as he straightened up, pushing me off of him as he did. He took a step towards me, but I didn’t move an inch. I was way too fucking angry to back down.

“Listen Princess, you’re fucking lucky I’m not a bad guy-“ he began, but my sharp laugh rang loud, cutting him off.

“Not a bad guy?! Nikki, are you really that delusional?! You’ve done nothing but purposely fuck with my head from the day I met you. You’ve insulted me, dragged me down to your level, used me, screwed my chances with two different guys & for what?!” I screamed, tears threatening to form. “No, you know what?! You're fucking lucky Sixx, I’m not gonna do this here. I’m done. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

I span around, ready to make my dramatic exit, when I came face to face with a very happy looking band manager, Doc. He clearly couldn’t care less about our drama as he marched over to us like nothing was happening.

“Bartender, a round of shots for these boys & their girlfriends. We need to celebrate;”

“The fuck are you talking about Doc?” Snapped Nikki, his eyes still fixed on me.

“Boys, you’re in!" He announced, unable to hide his obvious pleased-with-himself smirk "I've just been told that Mötley Crüe have been offered a last minute slot to play alongside the likes of Judas Priest, Scorpions, Van Halen & The Prince of fucking Darkness, Ozzy fucking Osbourne at the US Festival on Memorial Day weekend!” Doc exclaimed, laughing as the band began shouting & whooping, looking disbelieved & excited as hell. Choruses of “are you serious?!” & “you’re fucking kidding!” we’re passed between them as Doc reassured them that they were on their way up.

In that moment, watching these guys I’d grown to love over the last couple of years get the break they worked so hard for, I couldn’t be mad. I watched as Tommy jumped on Nikkis back, Vince hugged Doc & Mick silently smirked to himself. They deserved this.

Doc handed me & Sophia a shot as we congratulated them all, although I couldn’t quite bring myself to share my enthusiasm with Nikki. But he was too busy to notice as he held up his shot glass in a toast.

“To us! We’ve got an old man, a kid drummer, a cover band singer & a fucking run away. Win it all or loose it all, we’re Mötley fucking Crue!” He yelled, his excitement & energy almost infectious, as much as I wanted to hate him.

“To you guys!” Sophia cheered, laughing as we all downed our shots.

“Let’s get another round in, we’re celebrating! And pour one for yourself gorgeous.” Vince called to the barmaid who was more than happy to oblige, blushing as he winked at her, turning on the Vince Neil charm that would assure she’d be going home with him at the end of the night. I remember that well, I chuckled to myself.

The atmosphere of the night had changed so dramatically from what it was 10 minutes previously, everyone’s anger & awkwardness forgotten in the wake of such elating news. I looked around all the happy faces; Vince flirting with the bar maid, Tommy all over a giggling Sophia, Mick & Doc eagerly discussing set lists & felt an overwhelming sense of misplacement. After all that had happened, I just couldn’t bring myself to match their enthusiasm, not tonight.

I noticed Nikki's gaze focused on me, his face betraying his now obvious guilt as he watched me stand alone, uncomfortable & upset. His sudden success had clearly snapped him out of his petty, jealous mood.

Uninterested in an apology from him, I let my eyes continue to scan the room, looking anywhere but at him, when Sophia glanced over, catching my eye & gestured for me to join in. I forced my best smile as I walked over to her & Tommy.

“Take another shot Reynolds!” Tommy shouted, pushing a shot glass of mysterious liquid at me. I laughed politely as I shook my head.

“Thanks, but no thanks T-Bone. I think I’m actually gonna shoot yanno, I’m getting pretty tired.” I lied.

“Beth, don’t leave, please?” Tommy pleaded, his face suddenly serious, moving away from Soph & towards me.

“T-Bone, it’s not a big deal honestly, you guys enjoy your celebrations!”

“Just talk to him. I know the fucker doesn’t deserve it, Beth, I know. But he cares for you more than you think, I promise. We all do.” He added, placing his hand in mine & giving it a squeeze as he flashed me a goofy half smile.

I gave him a half smile & squeezed his hand back. “I know Tommy & I love you guys, I really do. But I can’t be around him, its.. it’s too hard.” I muttered back, so quietly it was almost inaudible above the music playing in the bar. But Tommy caught it.

“You care for him too, don’t you?” He asked, just as quietly.

I nodded, my eyes filling with tears. “God knows why T-Bone, he’s made it clear he doesn’t care about me. I’m just another girl he fucked.” I sniffed, furiously wiping away my tears before anyone noticed.

“Beth, Sixx is a dick. I’ve watched him fuck over chick after chick who was convinced they’d tame him & he tosses them without a second thought. But not you. I don’t know what the fuck goes on in Nikkis head, but that fucker cares about you. So please, don’t ditch us all just because you think he doesn’t.”

“I’m sorry Tom, I know he’s your friend & you wanna see the best in him, but you’re wrong. Nikki Sixx only cares about himself.” I replied, straightening my posture & regaining my composure. I pulled Tommy into a tight hug & congratulated him again. “I’ll see ya around T-Bone, I’m sure.” I winked, gesturing towards Sophia.

He laughed, “I’ll look after her.”

I blew him a kiss before heading towards the door, not wanting to disturb anyone else’s night with my drama.

“Lizzy, wait up.” I heard Nikkis voice call. I closed my eyes briefly, choosing whether to stop or keep going. I chose the latter & walked swiftly out of the door, pretending I hadn’t heard.

But my ignorance was in vain & he was right behind me, following suit out of the bar.

“Nikki please, just go back-“

My sentence was cut short by his lips crashing onto mine. I froze, feeling anger, lust & passion sweep through my body as my brain tried to compute the correct emotional response. I pushed him away sharply, deciding anger overwhelmed any feelings I had towards him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! Are you asking for another slap?!”

“Lizzy, I’m sorry ok?” He blurted out, clearly uncomfortable with apologies.

“You’re sorry?! Oh, well that makes everything ok then.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes at him.

“I know ok, I fucked up. I’ve been a dick to you & I’m sorry. I just, I don’t know how to do this shit.” He mumbled, running his hands through his tangled hair.

“Do what, Sixx?” My frustration mounting with his half-assed apology.

“I don’t fucking do.. This.” He gestured between the two of us, struggling to find his words.

I sighed with exasperation. “What is this Nikki? Is this an apology or what, because honestly there isn’t much you can say right now, just let me go home.” I finished, turning to leave, but he caught hold of my hand, pulling me into him. He placed his hand gently under my chin, bringing my face up to his.

“I don’t do this, ok? I don’t do feelings or relationships, fuck, I won’t even sleep with a girl twice.” He laughed, before clearing his throat when he saw my unamused expression. “Lizzy, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I got pissed as hell when I saw you with that fucking pretty boy, I snapped.. I don't know, I guess I was kinda jealous.. I do care about you.”

I scoffed. “You’ve got a funny way of showing it.”

“I do, Lizzy. But listening to you telling me why I’m a bad guy, all the shit I’ve done to you, you’re right. And I’m sorry. Just, please don’t leave. Come celebrate with us, we all want you here. I want you here.. You’ve been with us from the start, it wouldn’t feel the same without you. You mean a lot to me... Um, to us. You mean a lot to us.” He corrected.

I looked into his green eyes & saw the sincerity, noted the lack of arrogance in his voice & the absence of his usual smug smile. I so badly wanted to give into him. I wanted to taste his kiss again, melt against him like I always do. I wanted to take his hand & go back inside, enjoy the night with the band, drink, have fun & fall into bed with him when the night was over.

But I’d fell for Nikkis sweeter side before, I knew how the night would end. He’d leave afterwards & I’d be hurt all over again. And I wasn’t gonna let that happen.

“No Nikki, I’m sorry.”

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[groundramon]

So curiouscat has stupid short reply lengths so i had to post this here

Tw for: bullying, fatphobia, discussion of sexual harassment (oh it feels good to have enough characters to write a proper tw)

So it might surprise ppl to know that my favorite frontier character is JP, the raging heterosexual. But like, to me...hes so much more than that. JP is a character that I saw so much of myself in. His social isolation from his peers, leading him to push away others to avoid getting hurt...its not that people outwardly bully him, its that no one sees behind his surface and nobody bothers to truly care about him. People only recognize him as the class clown - no one actually wants to hang out with him. And that...that hit me HARD as a kid. It was the experience i had growing up. I wasn't outright bullied, I just felt...excluded. Judged. I wanted friends but was too afraid of being judged or excluded. And sometimes it caused me to be dismissive of genuinely good people. And quite frankly, that's STILL a problem I have, not even a year after an exfriend of 7 years said that our interests were one of the things driving us apart. My intense fear of being ridiculed for my interests drove me as a kid, and sometimes even now as an adult, to completely stop caring what my peers thought about anything. For all intents and purposes, im a bit of a hipster - i hate on what's popular and i tote my more obscure interests. Because I feel like that's the only way. Obviously i have fairly mainstream interests but lemme tell ya, i went to a christian school in the late 2000s/early 2010s - goddamn pokemon was obscure/counter-culture in a setting like that. But despite my desperate attempts not to care, I DO care, just like JP. It fuckin stung. And now i have depression and social anxiety whoops. Honestly ngl, it got so bad that I genuinely projected that it was implied JP was isolated for being fat/not conventionally attracted, until i was like "wait a minute...frontier didnt go that hard"

But what makes JP such a tragic character to me now is that at the end of Frontier nowadays when i watch it, im left asking myself....DID JP make any friends?

I know JP is a raging heterosexual but quite frankly, he is dealt such a shitty, judgemental hand for an innocent crush. JP's most nsfw fantasy is marrying Zoe and holding her hand, like... And yet, despite this, he's accused time and time again of being a perv. JP is, well, a big fuckin guy. As such, he thinks "its probably a good idea to let all my friends climb up this latter before me, so i dont crush them all if i fall - plus ill look chivalrous too!" But he unfortunately forgets that Zoe has a skirt on and, y'know, not pants. I understand Zoe's hesitation completely - i wouldnt trust a man who kept hitting on me either. Her relationship with JP is completely justified. Like, its not like JP doesn't take no for an answer - he just still has a crush on her. Yes he should probably give it a rest but like, he's 13 and his most nsfw fantasy is to hold hands and marry and respect his crush. Inb4 you say "but its a kids show of course it is-" literally everything about Zoe is sexualized so no the fuck its not lol

What gets me the most though is the beach episode... again, not because of Zoe. She thinks someone has peeped on her (understandable but it was a digimon) and confronts them about it. But koji and takuya IMMEDIATELY suspect JP, and only believe his immediate denial when Tommy points out that JP was with them the whole time. Like first of all, YOU FORGOT HE WAS THERE??? it took the baby of the group pointing that out for you to remember???? Second of all, JP has never done anything to warrant not being believed - again for zoe id understand, a bitch has gotta be weary, but not for the guys? And thirdly, and perhaps most importantly of all, YOU GUYS CONSIDER SOMEONE YOU'D EASILY SUSPECT OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT YOUR "FRIEND"???? i would NEVER be friends with someone who i could see sexually harassing another one of my friends!! What the shit!! I realize they're kids but GEEZ. And i know its implied JP only cares about the perpetrator because he likes Zoe but idc, despite being persistent in his crush JP has literally NEVER done ANYTHING to disrespect women. And if the scene where takuya and jp run into Zoe's changing room to see whats wrong after she screams counts - well lol takuya was there too.

Zoe was dealt a terrible hand by the writers (worse than JP imo) so I understand people being weary of JP, but - in the dub at least - he literally did nothing wrong... dont confuse the writers sexualizing zoe and being misogynistic with JP sexualizing zoe and being misogynistic.

And im gonna say it - JP is only treated this way cuz hes fat lol. Its not a coincidence that the only MC in the digimon anime who's treated like a perv (despite the fact that they failed in writing one, cuz hes not a perv) is the fat guy. Japan LOVES the fat otaku stereotype (America, look what you did, you made it fatphobic) and in JP's case he's treated completely differently because he's fat. Takuya doesn't have an explicit crush on Zoe but just look at how he treats her vs JP. And which one is demonized lmao? Like, frontier has major problems in general, but to me this isnt a coincidence.

Also, I think JP's crush on zoe is initially just flirting/wanting to impress a girl to fill the void in his heart, but then he genuinely comes to respect her and like her for who she is. He likes that she's kind but stands up for herself and even though he's hopelessly infatuated with her, he just wants her to be happy, even if its not with him. He relates to her struggles to fit in despite not understanding how someone so beautiful and charismatic (in his eyes) could be disliked by her peers.

Hackers Memory discussion coming up, but the spoilers are minor/vague. Frank discussion of sexual harassment and...pedophilia i guess? But its like...ephebophilia, not literal children.

I realize the Story games and the anime are two different beasts entirely, and Cyber Sleuth especially is targeted at an older audience. BUT... compare how JP is treated in Frontier to how Chitose and even Keisuke are treated in HM. Chitose goes after countless women and isn't even reprimanded for going after someone he considers a CHILD. To clarify - Ryuji and Chitose both call Arata a child. Arata is canonically older than Yuuko. Chitose flirts with Yuuko. It is gross. Like he gets the physical embodiment of the cold shoulder and you get to insult him for it, but that's not proper reprimanding. In comparison, yes JP is older than Zoe...by a year/grade. But JP gets accused of SEXUAL HARASSMENT BY HIS "FRIENDS" and Chitose just gets "haha good ol chitose, hes a wild one." Plus i think Chitose and JP get the shit smacked out of each other an equal amount of times in the story, which like...one of these people is worse than the other!

Then there's Keisuke, the protagonist of HM, who's significantly better than Chitose but still gets dirty thoughts about Yuuko and is only reprimanded by Erika. And honestly I love Erika but HM plays up the tsundere heterosexual couple aspect. So imagine the only person who calls you out on your shit is your fucking love interest, who also beat the shit out of you with a plush toy for entering her room without knocking, not knowing anyone was in there (id say hes not a playboy but considering he befriends a stranger to practice "getting chicks" at chitose's recommendation, hes totally a playboy) and yet all she does when you start thinking weird shit about Yuuko is be like "hey. Stop that. Get some help"

Also Erika's best friend is chitose so like, someone save this poor girl PLEASE

But my point is that Chitose is conventionally attractive and...well they play up the idea that Keisuke isn't but hes not conventionally unattractive like JP is.

Gee, i wonder why they're treated differently? /s

TLDR: JP drinks respecting women juice and i kin him

#Stormy speaks

[neurodivergentchaosking]

Loving someone with NPD

It fucking sucks! I have bpd and if i was completely untreated, i would have been narcissist chow...more than i already was.

I have pretty decent intuition but it took a long time for me to actually follow it. I met (lets call her Mary) before i listened to it and created a huge blindspot that took me 6 years to fix.

We both arrived on Okinawa Island 24 hours a part, we shared a name and a birthday ( naturally my dumb ass was like OMG SOULMATE- after i stopped hating her). when i first met her, i hated her. I knew she was two-faced and i said so to her face. Few drunken weekends set that unfortunate Trauma bond in place. 

I felt so special. She's two-faced and cruel to everyone but ME. my BPD ate that shit up. she even told me that she thought i was the category of “bimbo friend” until she got to know me.....and i actually took that as a compliment and mentally lorded it over her bimbo friends. it was a disaster.                           love-bomb, cruelty, rinse, repeat.

We were just friends at first, she thought she was straight, and i thought i was a girl- neither are true. We kissed once in a drunken haze and it was absolutely terrible, so it really never happened again. you know justgirlythings. 

I was quite notorious (just because im built like a coke bottle and was put into the marine barracks and you know how boot lickers be) on the island because the Navy is just high-school 2.0. Mary never had my back through it all, she stayed friends with the people who started it and she ditched me all the time at her convenience . I was only on the island for 6 months, and right when i almost cut things off with Mary, i left on an expedited transfer (another tragic story for another tragic time). We stayed in contact via snapchat but honestly we didnt talk much.

Her bf was a bit of a loser and she was planning to leave him while planning their life together...look at that, another red flag that i took as a compliment because she left him for ME. fuck im so needy #narcissistchow. 

I made a joke about her living with me, and she just went full throttle with that shit. So we got an apartment together, twas the beginning of the end and i fucking KNEW IT. i felt it in my gut and i remember thinking...but she’s so mean sometimes... like whyyyyyy dont i just listen to me???? ug anyways

Right before we got the apartment she released my cat into the urban wilderness and he was GONE, presumed dead. Quinn, my beautiful fur-baby, a 13 lb maincoone, fucking HATED HER, and he only hated dicks. so yeah she got rid of him and blamed it on my husband (my life is complex okay). we were obviously not doing great and i didn't think about it too hard until later (even though he has never left the door open, like ever).

It started out so much fun! the adventures and stories that we created together were amazing. she made me feel like it would be like this forever. Bit short-lived.  she would insult, demean, and play fucked up mind games. Luckily for me she didn't get to feed of my pain the way she wanted because i don't exibxit vulnerable emotions (working on that), despite them eating away at me. 

Her toxicity mirrored the way i was treated as a child, so i did what i did as a child. i shut down. I stopped therapy because i was masking too hard for it be helpful. i stopped my medications because idk if they're working because I'm so disconnected. My ocd tendencies that i got rid of as a child came back. Im never not high on MJ (still am because i don't want to FEEL)

And you know why i stayed? because she made me feel special, and wanted, and even more so needed. She is so fucking insecure and i was a constant source of validation and love. we had conversations and conversations about how we were meant for one another and the future we would create together. We even talked about the children we would raise together. we talked about how it was weird that we didn't want to fuck each-other (she looks like an incest muppet lmao) but we were in a beautiful (toxic*) polyamorous asexual relationship.

i was def not perfect in the relationship. i would do so much petty shit (like i did as a child). she would make me feel shitty about something, so i would show off one of my many talents that also was one of her many insecurities. hell, i would fuck up her hair ON PURPOSE. She had this insanely long blue hair that ended in a short red Karen cut lmao i am such a fucking asshole lmao. no regerts

but like also lets not forget the times she literally threatened to murder me....just saying. i may have been a dick, but she DESERVED it.

She kept treating me like shit and i did the non-traditional BPD thing and started setting boundaries for myself. like when she starts being a jerk, just walk away. just leave. also make her jelly with something to feel better lol.obvi that made her MEANER. so i took her out to eat and told her that she was treating me like absolute shit and it needed to sop...she starts bawling...making up shit about how her anxiety this and that and she's not gonna stop being a cunt so shel just move out.

idk why i even tried after that lunch but like whatever. i even sold her my car at a discount price - but now she has the perma reminder lol. i tried. she kept changing the date of her leaving, she just got meaner, and what FINALLY made things click. was she started ditching me and lying about it ( i may have tested it out and made her confess to it without her knowing- she is incredibly stupid). that was the one thing. the one thing i told myself if someone does that to me again, im done. so heyyy at least i stuck to my boundary even though i almost talked myself out of it. so i simply stopped talking to her. for WEEKS. she tried to start conversation, i ended them. she insulted me and i would flip it on her. i was DONE and she knew it. so our 6 year relationship literally ended by me in person ghosting her.

Finally the lease was up and that kinda forced her stupid ass into moving, however. she like half left and half left her stuff. but she left ferret shit fucking everywhere. on the deck, in the closet, smooshed into carpet, random bits of poo strewn about the room. shes fucking Nasty. i cleaned up the ferret poops with her clothes that was left behing...and i rubbed it on EVERYTHING including her dishes. i broke a couple items (some on accident even). stole a bunch of stuff...even a dead mans gift...yeah im PETTY... but i stacked all of her shit at the enterence of the apartment.

Time for pickup! she allotted herself 1.5 hours to pack everything and go to her new apartment that is 45 plus mins away. she comes in- overly exaggerates on thanking me for stacking her shit by the entrance. i immediately ask for the keys ...says okay but then “got distracted”, we did that 3 times till she finally gave me the keys... then i told her about the ferret poo and she claimed that she was gonna clean it today...BITCH IT TOOK ME OVER 3 HOURS FOR THE POOP CLEANUP ALONE...so yeah fuck her.

later that day i hang out with my new friend, lets call her Anna, who is on Marys snapchat- while Mary was putting her stuff in storage (something she swore shed never do) she was saying how pissed she is and how horribly i am for stacking her shit at the entrance. glad to see she's as two-faced as ever.

POST BREAKUP DRAMA:

1) she tried to get rid of everything i gave her but she cant unbuy my car lmao.

2) she got stranded in Texas because she ran out of gas....even though the car tells you how many miles it has before it runs out...like i said, she incredibly stupid 

3) she tried to slither in my life by sending a pic via snap to Anna and then said “oops my finger slipped” ummm its snapchat and thats not how it works stupid ( and this is one of her go to ploys so like lol why?) it was also a pic of a boot that she gave me but its ugly so i gave it back. idk what her whole plan was but it backfire because Anna just blocked her.

4) Quinn came back <3

5) i am obsessed and cant seem to stop stalking her so now imma try just being crazy in blog form to see if my needy bpd self can CHILL. cuz ug i just want to stab her...like 37 times...in the face (it would be an improvement)

#long reads #long story #abuse #narccisistabuse #bpd #npd #neurodivergent love #queer #lgbtqia #petty #younglove #mental illness #chaos #crazy

[outofthewoods]

REPUTATION - ALBUM REVIEW

alright girlies here it is my first impressions (whatever I wrote down after the SS plus a few notes I made when it dropped) I AM LITERALLY....QUITE LITERALLY SHAKING....MY WIG: IS ON MARS 

READY FOR IT: At first I was kind of like…. :/ about this song but it’s actually a really good opener and a banger. Not sure I would’ve picked it as the second single but it goes all the way off. The bass has me shook Line: “he can be jailor burton to this taylor”

END GAME Very…..the weeknd vibes right ladies ?????????? this is like…..taylor’s Instagram baddie moment It is still SO WEIRD To me to hear rapping and Taylor swift in one song. Even tho we have the bad blood remix Im still….shook by Future and Taylor together ??????????? I really like this, it’s not one of my top 5 I don’t think but it’s so different from what I would've thought of for another ed/taylor collab Ed is giving me some don’t vibes..i’m into it…ed talking about the fourth of July is really iconic. Taylor telling the story of how this came about was really iconic too…I can literally picture her and ed getting drunk and being like HOWWWW COOL WOULD IT BE TO COLLAB WITH FUTURE????? LOL and then it actually happening I love her like. talk/shout/singing when she says “big reputation…” Line: “I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me” Her runs in the last chorus THANK GOD…..I NEEDED THESE VOCALS…..

I DID SOMETHING BAD THIS SONG HAD ME FUCKING QUAKING IN THE SESSION…… “If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing” THE CHORUS BANGS…..IM LITERALLY……MOUTH OPEN SHOCKED I CANT BELIEVE THIS….THE M.I.A. PAPER PLANES MACHINE GUN SOUNDS…. This is so……blank space but……..fucking darker you SINNERS “If he drops my name I owe him nothing, if he spends my change then he had it coming…” The chorus is here again Im bopping so fucking HARD WOWWWWWWWWWWWWW I’M……….CRYING AT THE VOCALIZATIONS OF THE HOOK. I’m pretty sure she said this came to her the same way she came up with “STAY!” in AYHTDWS The bridge ladies LIGHT ME UP!!! GO AHEAD AND LIGHT ME UP YOU FUCKING HEATHENS!!!! THIS SONG MAKES THE WHOLE ALBUM WORTHY OF A GRAMMY Im literally shaking like my skin is quivering….that 2000’s fade out……Please kill me

DON’T BLAME ME This is the hozier…take me to church….taylor swift version The chords are her vocals and that. Is revolutionary, Einstein found dead in Miami Line: “I would fall from grace just to touch your face, if you walk away I’d beg you on my knees to stay” The like…..wopping of the chorus is really just…..gold Her falsetto at the end of the second verse. Wig on mars This is the stoner Taylor swift song we didn't know we needed but are so thankful we have VOCALS IN THE LAST CHORUS….I NEEDED SOME RUNS AND THE PRERELEASES DIDNT GIVE THEM TO ME BECAUSE SHE WAS SAVING HER DESTRUCTION OF EVERY OTHER PERSONS VOCALS FOR THE ALBUM

DELICATE This is very Imogen heap to me…… like the layered robotic vocals. It’s very interesting…..a really good segue from DBM It’s got like a deep house….tropical feel to it that I am really enjoying girlies “my reputation’s never been worse, so he must like me for me” why does that line have me crying Taylor swift you are literally sunshine THIS IS THE CHORUS I REMEMBERED….the is it cool is it chill etc…….that’s what I thought CIWYW was after the SS for some reason ???? “do the girls back home touch you do like I do?” SECOND VERSE LYRICS Got me feeling some wildest dreams type of way she looked at me so much during this song I’m emotional, I was bopping to the chorus and she was laughing at me and winking when the beat comes in during the chorus Not a standout from the album but very cool very different good vibes man

LWYMMD Obviously a bop. I see why it’s in the middle of the album and when Taylor explained the progression of the songs this really makes a lot of sense. I’m just feeling fragile bc Taylor swift grabbed me by my cheeks, pulled me towards her, grabbed my hands, and danced with me during this song. Wow BABY I GOT MINE BUT YOU’LL ALL GET YOURS!!! We literally screamed this in each other’s faces it was so……amazing I will NEVER FORGET The video…..do we even need to remind ourselves of how fucking iconic it was When I first heard this I was so confused I had just woken up in Ireland at 6am to listen and I was like . What is this But the chorus goes all the way off tbh This is like a parallel to shake it off….the themes and messages of……being yourself and rising above what other ppl think of you…..

SO IT GOES… Ok I literally blanked this song from my memory at the session, I think bc it was right after LWYMMD and me and Taylor having our first proper moment of the night “Back against the wall….tripping when you’re gone…” This album is so bass heavy. I’m loving the studio instruments, I thought I would miss the live guitars etc but I really don’t because it doesn’t fit with the album “I’m so chill but you make me jealous” Sis we have learned from 10 years of music from you that you aren't chill al;ksdfnjksdhifbknsdfdkjf I love you mom I love the way she says so it goes! In the chorus “You know I’m not a bad girl….but I do bad things with you…” WHOMST “SCRATCHES DOWN YOUR BACK NOW…. Taylor you've done several numbers on me I stopped counting 8 years ago the whispered 1..2….3……WOW VOCALS….AGAIN……….SCRATCHES DOWN YOUR BACK NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHES REALLY WILDIN OUT HUH

GORGEOUS This is such a cute song. For me it seems like one of the ones I like less, but at the session I remember being so happy listening to it because she pointed me out and called me by name when she was passing out the new merchandise….so I was chillin Also she kept winking at me during the DINGS!

GETAWAY CAR Queen of whisper singing I wanted to leave him….I needed a reason SUDDENLY I WILL ONLY EVER DRINK OLD FASHIONEDS. IVE NEVER HEARD OF ANY OTHER DRINK Okay in my mind I was like this song is :/ but it bangs to be honest! I love the chorus Should've known Id be the first to leave….this song is full of tea ladies This song to me seems like it’s about a rebound relationship that wasn’t so serious/was just a way to release pent up emotions from something awful “X marks the spot….where we fell apart…..” the pre chorus is really out here doing that sweeties The bridge has an interesting modulation that i don't know how to feel about….this whole album is like full of surprises/polarizing musical techniques so this is cool This is Taylor Swift fleshing out a metaphor/concept masterpiece to her full ability. Queen of literature who is Shakespeare I’ve never heard of him Said goodbye….in a getaway car……. The ends of the songs are so interesting on rep…….this one goes off

KING OF MY HEART “I’m better off being alone…” Miss Taylor I’m so glad that you’ve stopped thinking this because you are really….the most WORTHY person of love in the whole wide world… This is probably my least favorite song on the album. It has some remnants of getaway car in it I feel……she’s cute but getaway car is sexy and sexy destroys cute It’s a little repetitive but I appreciate it’s placement on the album………..you move to me like a Motown beat…..alright Miss king of my heart redeeming herself My broken bones are mending……….taylor I love u………why are u drinking beer when u could be having an old fashioned tho…..beer is gross

DANCING WITH OUR HANDS TIED Thank you piano I love a live instrument The story behind this song is so heartbreaking and knowing that makes….the song so much more impactful to me “You had turned my bed into a secret oasis, people started talking putting us through our paces” here’s a big fat FUCK YOU to the daily mail Again the chorus comes in and is so….huge and sprawling compared to the rest of the song…..shaking us to our very cores! I love that you can hear the frantic/anxiety she was feeling throughout the song….like the rushed vocals and drawn out lower notes…..then the chorus just coming in with GLORY I LOVE the instrumental of the chorus so much…..it’s so beautiful and a little 1989 to me. Like very eighties synth heavy We also have some VOCALS! In the bridge and last chorus! the runs are giving me life

DRESS This song is like a ���… I’m kind of drunk in the meatpacking district running from bar to bar with someone I love in the cold with big coats on….tea to me The falsetto. Queen Taylor has really been expanding her vocal register and I’m FUCKING here for it “Everybody thinks they know us” circling back to the overall theme of the album. We know what she chooses to let us know and beyond that we’re just fucking guessing sinners This song is like a …… I don't really care what they think of us I just wanna really…………see your dick and I don't care what anyone thinks of that ! THE HAIR BLEACHED LINE……SHE IS LITERALLY THE QUEEN OF SELF DRAGS I CANT SHES SO SELF AWARE ITS UNBELIEVABLE…….she’s like being humorous but also referencing a time in her life that was really shitty for her so. Queen of duplicity “I woke up just in time…” this line says so much about where she was when she started seeing Joe

THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS Oh girlies…..I have been so excited to hear this again since the session. She spilled some major fucking SCALDING tea before playing this so my ass was fully ready to be sloughed The alarms in the beginning…..a champagne sea…..my dream…… This is so fucking tongue in cheek about what everyone said about her #squad “I have to take them away” DEAD this is why she stopped having 4th of July parties klsadjidfnksdfd “Stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand….” Oh no…………WHO WOULD DO THIS TO MISS TAYLOR!!!!!!! “I took an axe to a mended fence….” The mhhhhhmmmmmm………. IF ONLY YOU WERENT SO SHADY SALKJFSDNKFJGM,DFLKNJGIDK WHY IS THIS SONG ABOUT ME SITTING ON TWITTER DRAGGING PEOPLE LEFT RIGHT AND CENTER Hard knock life………..TEA……during the fucking BANGER of a chorus….this is going to be so fun on tour…..SHE BETTER BE A SINGLE!!!!! hE sAiD shE saID!!!!! Here’s to mama…….yes miss Andrea here’s to u queen of the world THE BRIDGE…..SDFLSDMFJKNDNDSLJFKNFDJDSFNSD THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE!!!!! NICE!!!!! THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant even SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE Heres to my REAL FRIENDS! WOW….just wow ladies this is the future liberals want

CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT In my personal onion this is the most vulnerable song on the album. The first verse really has me out here crying in the club The chorus is so cute, this is a low-key banger and I wanna see her flying across the crowd during this song on tour

NEW YEARS DAY So here it is girlies….the most hyped song on the record…… Live piano. Minimal production. The concept behind this is so adorable “Candlewax and polaroids on the hard wood floor….” the most Taylor swift thing I have ever heard This relationship really seems like its forever my dudes she’s in it for the long run. She has never been so confident in a relationship that she’s CURRENTLY IN. She’s opening up DURING a relationship which is like……basically unheard of for her I love how subtle this is….the harmonies on the second chorus….crying in the club again “Hold on to the memories they will hold onto you…..” she said she's had that line ready to go for a while but couldn't find a place for it and here it is being adorable and wonderful also the line “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I can recognize anywhere” Can I just speak on that line again….it is so beautiful and simple and shows how much she’s been through and the pain she has dealt with….and the sadness she KNOWS………..but she’s okay enough to talk about it. Im crying in the club 3.0

INITIAL RANKING: I Did Something Bad Don’t Blame Me Call It What You Want Dress Delicate Dancing With Our Hands Tied This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things Look What You Made Me Do Getaway Car …Ready For It? End Game New Year’s Day Gorgeous So It Goes King of my Heart

#reputation review

[unproduciblesmackdown]

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

Trucy, you don’t need to take sides. There’s one side. The truth. And both Apollo and Phoenix are on that side.

They’re not at the same bench but they’re on the same team. It’s gonna be ok.

-

“I’m sorry too, little lady! this is all my fault..”

Oh so trucy gets an apology, but not Apollo? cool cool whatever 

-

Trucy, if Phoenix and Apollo become bitter enemies over a property dispute then they weren’t really all that close to begin with.

-

Dhurke: invalides trucy’s feelings while simultaneously spouting more of his Manly Man shit

-

“one minute we’re trading blows, and the next, we’re having drinks together”

well if that’s his mentality i can see why he thinks its ok do be an utter fuckwad to everyone

-

“We’re simple creatures at heart! Hah-hahahaha!”

yes... men are so simple at heart... they’re just a bunch of neanderthals... thanks Dhurke, truly you are the way to the future.

-

To be honest, I am glad that this is a civil case. When I first saw the publicity I was sure they’d made Phoenix a prosecutor for no reason and I was furious.

I’m not super glad at the way things turned out but at least the bullshit counter didn’t go into the red and explode.

Phew. I’m actually sighing in relief here. Maybe I can pretend what follows is all a friendly game or something.

-

Aww; poor Judgey’s confused :(

-

...they seriously don’t need to have a falling out to be on the opposite side of a courtroom. Lawyers face each other all the time. 

They don’t have to hate each other, they just have to keep things professional, otherwise they’d cause a conflict of interest. Like... it’s not ideal but tbh it’s more a danger to their clients than each other.

-

Y’know, I’m gonna dare to be optimistic here; as much as I hate this storyline and most people in it, this is actually an interesting and character-developing scenario.

Apollo has to face off against his mentor, the guy who... well I’d say Kristoph taught him all his tricks, but Phoenix was a sort of moral guiding force, I guess. Apollo standing up and holding his own against a superior is a legitimate way to show that he’s come into his own. Plus, since it’s not framed in a negative light (or at least, it shouldn’t be) it’s more impactful than phoenix being straight up evil since that would make it easy to take him down. This is a contest between two people who simply happen to be on opposite sides of the chess board. Again, it’s a pretty legit way to show Apollo’s growth.

...that said, I just wish it wasn’t happening after zero character build up and a heaping serving of bullshit. :T

Oh well. At least they got something right.

-

it is pretty hilarious how much they’re trying to up the drama though. it’s not that deep, guys

-

I guess Atishon just doesn’t have legs 

[snerk] his shitty speeches are actually kinda funny. ...if a little cliché.

-

...he’s standing... but I'm still not ruling out that he’s legless...

-

Tbh, even though Atishon is clearly lying, the fact that Datz basically threatened the orb out of Buff does make this kind of in their favour. 

-

...Apollo, don’t overcomplicate the case. All you have to do is prove that it’s not the crystal and you can have it. 

-

Reasons Apollo would make a good rebel: He doesn’t blab his rebelness all over the place for no reason.

-

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR MS. SKYE

nice ankles, ms skye.

-

“Ema..?”

“Use some manners, we’re in court”

thats not the way you acted the last time you were called as his witness :/

-

whoa seriously whats with the sudden crazy 180 for Ema? Yeah, she’s grumpy, but suddenly she’s acting like Apollo’s some rude little shit off the street. Why is she upset that he’s going up against Phoenix? Why does he need to apologize? JUST BEING ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE COUTROOM DOESN’T MAKE YOU ENEMIES.

or did the SOJ team forget the lessons we learned in the trilo–– oh who am i kidding they’ve never even laid eyes on those.

-

“You’ll never get the job done with that attitude. Take it from someone who’s been there” Been where???? Been where, Ema?????? what the fuck are you talking about what is going on 

-

haha the fey statue and the urn were ‘stolen’, huh? yeah. stolen from a better game.

-

pfft. So Buff’s some Kaitou Kid type, huh?

-

y’know ive been neglecting to mention it but have you noticed how much they skimp on animation compared to DD? DD had like 20 tiny animated cutscenes, and SOJ has one lame one at the beginning of each case to set it up. I can’t believe they even slashed the animation budget.

-

has anyone noticed how unfocused 3D phoenix looks. he looks like he’s just. staring out into space.

-

i love they don’t use gendered pronouns to refer to Buff’s kid. Remember the last time they did that? Mr. Andrews......

-

“I was shocked to see the urn that came from Kurain in Kurain”

anyway quit referencing actually good games, SOJ. Back to the shame corner for you.

-

oh COME ON. How do you steal a fucking wall relief?! 

and he really couldn’t just get a fucking permit? what the fuck is this

-

“but good intentions are no get-out-of-jail-free-card”

they are a sentence-lightening card, though! either way, this is one of the things i like most about AA. No matter how good your intentions were you still dont get away with cold-blooded murder. 

OR KIDNAPPING, AURA. HAVE FUN IN JAIL YOU SHITTY EXCUSE FOR LESBIAN REPRESENTATION.

-

every single theft of an artifact can be attributed to Dr. Buff. every single one.

-

alright, so we’re back to that whole ‘missing object report’. Thing is, unless there really IS a Crystal of Ami Fey, this wouldn’t work out. Atishon has to provide evidence that he owned the item, or that it existed in the first place. If this crystal turns out to be made up I’m gonna pitch a fuckin fit.

Don’t disappoint me, SOJ.

-

“Wimperson”

ah, SOJ, with all the comedic genius of a third-grader.

...to be fair i could say the same about Larry but i like larry and AA1. and it also plays into his phrase-thingy!

-

seriously. gimme pics of the crystal or we’re gonna have some serious problems.

-

“So how do you know this item is the thing he’s looking for”

“he said so”

THATS. NOT EVIDENCE. 

-

oh judge, your oldness never ceases to be to be enjoyable 

(that wasn’t sarcasm btw i love that dumb running gag)

-

seeing phoenix scream from the opposite side of the table is very enjoyable. just because i love seeing phoenix scream but also like having that scream not mean something bad for my case. 

i get to have my cake and eat it too! <3

-

um i dont think you can put dashes in email addresses.

-

“Don’t tell me!”

“Oh, but I will anyway.”

I love Apollo so, so much.

-

so you looked far enough into this that you tried to hack his computer but you’ll accept “its mine cause i said so” as concrete proof of something??

-

“Maybe the recipient of the email was a dog lover!”

he might be on the other side with the kid gloves off but phoenix is still Phoenix “a baseball also has stitches” Wright.

-

fuck. he walks to the bench. he cant not have legs.

...but maybe........

-

what the fuck

Atishon has the same birthday as my dad

DISGUSTING

-

oh my god, seeing phoenix /sweating/ on the other side is even more surreal

-

i also love that everyones making ‘politicians are gross’ jokes willynilly but they all forget that they’re Criminal Defence Lawyers

-

“This is... Quite... a thing... you’ve said”

I'm wheezing

this is turning out to be way funnier than i expected

please SOJ I'm having fun don’t stop me now

-

i mean he has a point. if Atishon leant the item to Bluff to study that still means that Atishon owned it in the first place.

HOWEVER, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PROOF OF THE ORIGINAL ITEM IN ANY WAY RESEMBLING WHAT WE’VE GOT HERE.

-

its so weird to see phoenix on the wrong side of the bench that i keep getting his voice wrong when i read him out loud. i keep making him sound deep and authoritative instead of... well, how he usually sounds.

-

“Well, grandchildren ARE meant to be spoiled... I mean, that’s what grandfathers are for!”

judgeyyyyyyyyy

im crying

-

ema: can i fuck off now

-

“lets get more info on the crystal”

FINALLY. thank you, athena.

-

NO, NOT ITS HISTORY, DAMNIT

PROVE THAT IT EXISTS AND YOU OWNED IT.

-

“back in the old country”

...england..?

-

pft i though his testimony said “The Hilarious History” instead of illustrious history and i was so ready

-

“he protected the spirit mediums, a minority back then, from the rest of the locals”

well thats a big fat lie because

A) Kurain village is build on mediums

B) no way the Fey clan would allow a male ruler

we could reaaaaaaaallly use some photo evidence, Atishon.

-

“One Ives Shineto”

ok what the FUCK. where the hell are all the women?! HEY. SOJ TEAM. DID YOU EVEN GLANCE AT THE  oh of course you didnt fuck meeeeeeeeee

also whats that pun

-

FFFF PHOENIX YA LIL SHIT

-

“The transformation the mediums underwent when channeling spirits frightened the locals”

i am glad to know changing your entire bone structure is as scary looking as it sounds. of course, i doubt people would be frightened for too long when they were talking to deceased loved ones.

-

i must say they did do a good job writing Atishon’s lines.

-

“The Kurain channeling technique is known to have originated from Kooraheen, and Ami was said to travel there to train”

No, Ami invented the technique, and according to your backstory, she lived there first. Can you even keep your own facts straight?

I mean, apart from all this being bullshit and i hate it.

-

i legit cant believe it took THAT LONG for phoenix to point out the fact that the handover agreement was signed under duress.

that'd be like, the first thing i pointed out. 

...ah, there it is. I knew this couldn't stay a happy little civil case for long. Here comes the murder.

Also, really Phoenix? You didn’t bring up the fact that he might have been killed any earlier too?

-

Now that theyre bringing up the pile of books, I realize how ridiculous it is that there were so many of them on the ground. Pulling out one book might dislodge one or two next to it, but not the entire shelf. For the books to have fallen like that, they would have needed to have been shoved from the other side, or for the shelf to have listed forwards. neither of those things are possible. and nobody noticed this?!

i mean the only reason i didnt think about it was because i knew this was murder from the start.

-

Man, Phoenix, with all your “with respect for the dead” talk, it sure did take you a while to bring up the fact that you knew he was murdered and the police should probably be getting on that right now.

>edit: Actually I just realized how despicable that is; keeping the fact that this was murder secret just to use it later on as a quick bargaining chip in your civil case.

Hey capcom? You can screw up the series all you like but FUCK you for making Phoenix a skeezy piece of shit on par with the likes of von Karma. Because you know who else withholds information that sensitive for such a petty reason? MANFRED VON KARMA. 

Fuck you, capcom, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK you. 

-

“Did you forget who you were up against, Mr. Justice?”

All I do is hurl baseless accusations!!

-

wow the second this turned into murder i just got tired of this case. Also, Phoenix, you better back your butt back to your seat. Being a murder case, this requires a prosecutor... something that you are not.

-

theres AN AUTOPSY REPORT. WHY ISNT THIS A SEPARATE TRIAL.  THIS SHOULD BE A SEPARATE TRIAL; THIS SHOULD BE BEING... TRIAL-ED IN ANOTHER COURTROOM. you can reference it, and use it as evidence, BUT YOU CAN’T JUST COMBINE THEM.

Damnit, Capcom, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DISAPPOINT ME.

BUT YA JUST COULDN’T HELP IT, COULD YOU.

-

...Datz is in the gallery... But he was just in jai–– fuck it whatever

-

ok now that this is a murder trial Atishon’s non-answers aren’t funny anymore, theyre ANNOYING. I WANT THIS SHIT TO BE OVER AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. YAP ME A CONTRADICTION OR I’LL CRAM YOUR BELOVED PLAQUE UP YOUR POLITICALLY INEPT ASS.

-

“Try me, o lord of plebs”

its been a long time since any meme-y type person has called someone else a pleb... please try to keep up, SOJ.

-

i love that phoenix, at the end of each statement, politely states “get the fuck on with it, asshat”

-

why the fuck did he 

fall asleep what

OOO THE JUDGE YELL 

AW YEA

-

“What did I ever do to deserve this?”

you existed in the first place, Apollo. I’m sorry.

-

No.............

I do not like that Phoenix used the phrase, “Witness, I think it’s time for you to come clean.”

You know who uses phrases like that.

Assholes.

-

“You should know I always come fully prepared, Justice!”

( buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it––)

-

...Right, so Phoenix isn’t a prosecutor but he sure as hell has been doing a lot of prosecutorial things. Calling all the witnesses, explaining the case, etc.

Oh and he and and Atishon still didn’t tell anybody that Buff was most likely murdered right off the bat so ffffffuck you capcom 

-

Fuck you, Datz. Stop laughing and fucking focus on the fact that you’ve been accused of murder and it’s kinda tough on your ol’ pal Apoll– oh wait silly me i forgot none of you give a rats ass about him. All you do is laugh and eat and sit around waiting for Sadmad to come home.

-

“Better brace yourself, son”

Hey guess what Dad warranty expires if you haven’t made or tried to make contact in 20 years so get that word out of your nasty mouth, Dhurke.

-

“Worried this might make a rift between you two...

...and that you might then leave the agency”

haha

“Hahaha. She has an active imagination”

hahahah

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

-

“...Nothing a little persuasion couldn’t handle.”

Capcom. If it was something douchey. I will tear you in half.

-

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR

robot guy

-

i remember when i used to be excited for each new case. now I'm just scared what new horrors the next will bring.

-

hang on why does the drone not have a special sound font? if it didnt disguise the operator’s voice it would be kind of obvious who they were...

-

HOLY SHIT MISSILES

SO... THE WHOLE “BOMBS IN THE COURTROOM ARE HORRIFIC THING” FROM DD IS JUST FORGOTTEN, HUH??

-

hang on.

“Capitalist pig; I’ll turn you into pork stroganoff”

is “Sarge” legit Russian, then? That explains the “Komandir” thing. Shit, I have to change my voice.

-

ok so Sarge is written with an American Sargent phonetic accent, but uses Russian rankings and seems to be communist. What am I missing???

-

“I guess he does dress like he’s in the military...”

hes a paratrooper!!! why dont you know that? i thought you grew up with him.

-

“That’s true. Papa didn’t keep our house locked up.”

...the... archeologist... with a house full of priceless treasures... didn’t lock his fucking doors.

hey congrats for trusting the mediums and all but guess what? thats irresponsible as fuck and incredibly stupid for a supposed thief so I'm kinda surprised it took you this long to be discovered/bumped off.

-

those have got to be nerf bullets cause firing a GUN in court is just fucking ridiculous. like too far for Ace Attorney. Melee weapons, ok. Long range firearms? No.

...Though... Note to self... Next time, when creating parody prosecutor, you now have legit grounds to just give him a fucking gun........

-

“Sorry, but I’m afraid lawyers are missile-proof.”

Note to self. Upgrade gag prosecutor to missile launcher.

-

ooh, i see this drone is in the same vein as the Assassin’s Radio.

-

“Courtroom warriors don’t use guns or missiles, because evidence is our weapon of choice!”

Ahah! THATS why prosecutors are so violent. They never have any evidence to back up their assertions so they just fuckin ASSAULT people.

-

i... had a little chuckle at ‘truth bomb’

-

“What’s with him and Siberia of all places?”

Well context wise it seems he's some kind of... Defected-to-communist American?

-

Huh. Athena’s powers must be based purely on sound waves then. Interesting. 

Anyway, it’s mood matrix time! Hooray!!! I’ve warmed a lot to the Mood Matrix to be honest. I like the glowy lights.

-

I’m gonna make a guess right now that something was on fire. Cause thats some PTSD shit right there.

-

pfft the gallery was so on board with their new judge overlord. Also thank goodness this is Ace Attorney and this shit is allowed to fly, cause you’d get your ass handed to you if you tried this in real court, pal.

-

Um, I wouldn’t dig any deeper if sarge is still in such a state. It’s not... safe. Either that or you best hope that thing’s bottomless magazine has run out. Plus, I love that whoever’s watching over the actual Sarge in the Lobby hasn’t tried to stop them when they noticed them SCREAMING AND PRESSING THE ‘FIRE’ BUTTON REPEATEDLY.

Or they’ve left Sarge unattended and the Dark Age of the law isn't over because it was an omnipresent thing to begin with...

-

its ok, game. contrary to what you think, you did write Sarge’s backstory in a memorable enough way for me to remember it up until now.

-

Huh. 

HUH.

So... the person involved in writing Ace Attorney Investigations... Has written a sequence in which we must burn evidence to prove a point, huh?

:T

-

DONT YOU HINT AT ME, GAME

-

that solemn moment of reflection doesn’t include Phoenix cause he’s over behind his desk bawling his eyes out

“I’LL BE YOUR NEW PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

-

actually Athena’s got a point. Her tragic backstory is much more similar to Sarge’s than Apollo’s. She can properly relate to losing one’s last family member in a horrific way.

-

S––

Well, considering her age, Cutesie Pan-up shot for Armie.

-

Apollo’s having serious Robin Newman flashbacks right about now

-

ahhhhhhhhhh. her mom was Russian. It all makes sense. Tbh just for now, forgetting everything else, this kind of does feel like an old case. I’m at peace... for now.

-

i guess it’s less of an orb and more of some kind of lantern then. Cause you can’t really burn a crystal

unless its

whitcrystal

hahah

hahahahahahahhaha

-

so far I'm ranking the cases from best to worst: Magical, This part of Revolution, Foreign, Rite and Storyteller. 

-

sgsjgsjsjjs athena’s INTENSE LOOK OF HUNGER as Apollo burns the orb

“I wanna see me some sweet mama goddess”

-

damn shit thats her face

thats uh

o

ohhhh

oh i see. I was wondering what the ‘great power’ the orb could bestow upon people was, and now I realize that since it depicts her face, if someone knows her name, they could channel her. And since she's basically an actual goddess that would bestow some serious power.

not bad, not bad at all.

i know i highly dislike Kooraheen but i legit feel kinda blessed

-

“The issue is crystal clear”

*seals phoenix’s fate with a fucking pun*

-

dont keep saying “did we just win” before the verdict is handed down, you'll jinx it.

-

oh hey, blackmail. its like a perfect reenactment of Capcom getting Phoenix to sign onto this sequel.

-

Phoenix: According to the legend, once the founder returned... She would bestow spiritual power onto the person who solved the riddle.

Apollo: ...Y-youre kidding, right?!

[Apollo looks flummoxed, the gallery whispers. We cut back to Phoenix’s smirk, and then––”

???: Phoenix... Just give it up.

[Phoenix screams in shock. We pan back to Apollo......... Who now has D-Cup breasts and a very familiar face.]

/...i wish.

-

legit tho i cant believe he's trying to pull this. I'm cackling

this is the lawyeriest lawyer ploy ive ever seen

-

“What’s gotten into him?”

bad writing.

-

sdsgsdhjafhgj EVEN THE JUDGE IS CALLING BULLSHIT IM CRYI

-

(sigh) i guess we’re really gonna have to finish this, aren’t we. oh well. on we go! let’s forge ahead!

-

y’know i just remembered that Pearl appeared like, once in this. Was that her only part? I guess she just existed to remind us that Kurain village used to have girls in it.

-

noooooooo fuuuuuuuuuuck

i really hope the contradiction doesn’t require pressing because i aint sitting thru this fuck’s antics again.

-

it has rounded corners.

and its huge.

-

phoenix and apollo’s objections are too similar, i can never tell who’s screaming.

-

“There haven't been many murders there, I take it”

well........ not “many”

-

i love that Atishon pledges to banish murdeer from Kurain village and Apollo is all “yea good luck with that” like Murder is inevitable, even in a tiny village like Kurain.

Thats. kinda terrifying.

...though considering the way Kurain is...

-

i cant tell phoenix and apollo’s voices apart (sigh)

i never know whose objecting 

-

Phoenix: my client couldn't have viewed the murder directly from where he said he was, but the fact remains that he had inside knowledge of said crime!

...phoenix, you’re just trying to help apollo along, right? you didnt seriously believe that that sounded positive to your case, instead of Shady as Fuck, right??

-

“You talk big, Mr. Justice, but do you have what it takes?”

he just finished telling Phoenix he was about to put what Phoenix taught him into practice. Phoenix should be swallowing a lump in his throat and trying not to cry of pride right now.

-

“that suitcase could be a weapon anyone could use!”

yeah... yeah! even someone in a wheelchair!! oh wait wrong case.

..........but we still have someone in a wheelchair

-

a 3D crimscene view

haven't seen that shit since AAAJ

-

‘THAT SHITSTAIN ON THE BOOK PROVES HE WAS HAVIN THE COFFEE SQUIRTS, CASE CLOSED BOYS”

sorry i just felt like being vulgar

-

“and there it is, the final excuse cornered killers are so fond of”

holy shit

i love apollo

-

phoenix shut up please, just shut up

let it end

let me rest

-

oh wait

ah here we go.

-

“hes a bright young politician with a future ahead of him, its in our nations best interests to avoid burdening him with the taint of scandal”

hey, uh Enshiro

ill never forgive you for putting those words in Phoenix Wright’s mouth

-

“Lawyer! Do something! Or a bad thing will happen to ‘her’!”

no? nobody else heard that incredibly obvious threat? nobodys gonna

“whats he talking about? well, i can ponder that later. for now...”

FUCK

YOU

DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN THAT IS CONNECTED TO YOUR FUCKING EARS?!

HOW THICK HEADED DO YOU HAVE TO FFUCKING BE TO NOT RECOGNIZE A GODDAMN THREAT WHEN YOU HEAR ONE YOU 

YOU

YOU PUTRID PICKLED RED PEPPER?!?!??!?!

-

Athena: oh yeah i also heard Atishon making blatant threats at Phoenix but meh, phoenix made me pinky swear not to tell. 

I’m not shitting a lung in fury, I’m just getting rid of an organ i dont need through the nearest available passage. I’m perfectly calm and not cursing this game, Eshiro and his entire team to the pits of their own stupid made up hell.

-

“I had no idea. This must’ve been excruciating for him.”

i wanted to write a sarcastic jingle but i had trouble coming up with rhymes, so the blunt bottom line is:

when you’re not good at writing, simply steal clever and impactful plots from previous iterations so that you’ll seem clever and exciting

i mean

nobody even remembers Farewell my Turnabout anymore, right????

-

what the fuck is his deal with being king

-

OH SHUT UP DURKE 

GO FUCK YOURSELF

think youre gonna steal Franziska and Mia’s thunder????????????? no

you aren’t a fucking fraction of an inch as cool as either of them.

-

“he’s saved my neck so many times”

w

when

-

“where there’s a will, there’s a way”

how about where theres a whip, theres a better game?

-

“wait................... maybe we can summon the founder now that we can see her face??”

aww. you got there in the end, didnt you apollo.

-

...that doesnt automatically spare Maya’s life. Pearl is also a spirit medium. And i’m fairly certain there are other–– oh wait SOJ retconned that neverMIND

anyway, Atishon could still bump Maya off and then force Pearl to channel Mamma Kooraheen

-

OH MY GOD HE JUST BROUGHT UP PEARL

WHY PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID 

-

WIMPERSON BROUGHT UP PEARL

THE IDIOT VILLAIN BROUGHT UP THE FLAW IN YOUR BRILLIANT PLAN 

GSEGFISGUILSGIULSGUI;SRHG

-

“pearl wouldn't help you if anything happened to maya”

um. you morons think he’d politely ask her to help??? he's already kidnapped someone and threatened their death?? he and his founder aren't above torture or blackmail????????????

you FUCKING MORONS

-

why even bother resigning? just do what you did before and let him go to jail.

-

...this’d better just be a lead up to his breakdown animation 

-

YOU COCKSUCKING FUCKSTAINS JUST END IT ALREADY

END IT END IT END IT EDN TI EDNEI HDFI HSRLG SIHFLIHIR HF;LIVHLSIRHIGHISRHOVGLORIH’WI’HSGOI’WSGZIHSI

-

“if only you'd been smart enough to kill the girl, too...”

wow

-

...what the fuck

well that was... interesting.

-

i cant even celebrate Phoenix congratulating Apollo, I'm just so tired

there are like 85 sarcastic remarks i could make but I'm just so exhausted 

-

yay we got the orb

dootdootdoot dootdootdoot

-

even the judge doesnt want to have anything more to do with this.

im right there with ya judgey

-

“All I can say is, thats my boy!”

NO, YOU DONT GET TO CLAIM PARENTAL PRIDE OF THIS KID

HES NOT YOUR BOY

YOU BARELY RAISED HIM

GO HOME AND DO YOUR SHITTY COUP

-

“Still, its kinda nice to be appreciated”

if only you actually were, Apollo

-

yeah, thought so... ill bet they dont even channel her. cop out.

“tsk, thats no fun” indeed, trucy

-

i love how nobodys like “OK WHERE’S MAYA??? IS SHE OK???”

its fine her whereabouts are unknown and the last info on her was just that her life was in danger

pfffff

-

its alright, Armie has a place at the WAO 

-

"i knew if i admitted i could walk, id have to leave the house”

uh honey newsflash: you can leave the house in a wheelchair too. I'm pretty sure your dad would let you stay inside anyway

-

christ how fucking corny can you get. I CAN WALK AGAIN. why dont we just have Tiny Tim in here throwing away his crutch and dancing a fucking jig

-

see, there we are. Maya’s still in danger you fuck wits.

-

and part one is over, folks! i am pooped. and furious.

till next time.

#sulking over SOJ #im so.... i #this fucking game good christ this fucking game

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 7

THE 19/10/16 UPDATE

Alright hi people. Gotta fun story for you! I’m sick. So yeah, the end. I’m huddled up in my room, experiencing an uncomfortable amount of stomach pain, and I. thought “hey! why dont i just do a liveblog?” and now im here. prepare youreselves, we’ve got a whole 4 pages today! lets just get started.

Oh right, we left off with these fellas. Jasprose looks more than happy to bother this guy, and Erisol looks like he wants to jump off a cliff but cant because he floats.

ERISOLSPRITE: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Jesus, not to good at socializing are we Erisol?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Hey you! ERISOLSPRITE: nope nope nope nope nope.

Ok yep, he wants no part of this. I fuckin love Erisol. I mean. The fusion, not the ship. 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: HEY!! ERISOLSPRITE: leavve me alone JASPROSESPRITE^2: Stop that. ERISOLSPRITE: fuck thii2 fuck that fuck evverythiing. ERISOLSPRITE: and fuck you e2peciially.

Ok guys I’m relating to Erisol on an uncomfortable level. Also this conversation so far is golden. 10/10.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I said stop it! ERISOLSPRITE: iill do wwhatever the fuck ii wwant. ERISOLSPRITE: wwho the hell evven are you anywway? JASPROSESPRITE^2: That’s my line! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Do you have any idea how baffling it is to have some random drifter appear now of all times? You’re a complete stranger! 

Its just about as baffling as everything else that happens in this fucked up story. PLUS, Jasprose, you were going around looking for fun. dont you be sassy with the depressed asshole for it.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I mean, it's a welcome surprise and all, but I'm still perplexed!

Man I wish Jasprose did cat puns now.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Here I thought we were finally done with all the pointless bullshit. 

We’re never done Jasprose. It’ll always just keep coming. BUT I GOTTA DISAGREE WITH YOUR CLAIM THAT ERISOL IS POINTLESS BULLSHIT. ERISOL IS THE TRUE FUCCKIN HERO OF HOMESTUCK FOR BEING THE ONLY ONE TO POINT OUT HOW FUCKED UP IT ALL IS.

God I hate that I relate to Erisol.

ERISOLSPRITE: actually forget ii evven a2ked. ERISOLSPRITE: ii ju2t met you and ii already hate evverythiin about you.

Gasp! Could this be black love at first sight?

ERISOLSPRITE: and not the 2leazy kiind eiither. iim talkiing about the mo2t platoniic of loathiin my pump bi2cuit could po22iibly mu2ter.

Oh.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, if you aren’t going to tell me your name I’m just going to call you whatever I want. ERISOLSPRITE: or... ERISOLSPRITE: you could go awway. 

Oh my god I feel bad for him. He just wants to be alone to wallow in his own self-hatred/pity. Which is weird, because normally I would hate somebody who wallows in his own self-hatred/pity.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: So tell me about yourself, sad sack! JASPROSESPRITE^2: How’s sprite life been treating you? ERISOLSPRITE: ugh.

Ugh indeed. Does anybody enjoy being a sprite? I mean, its great to be alive again (unless youre erisol), but other than that you just become kinda irrelevant. Gotta be kinda jarring to see life go on without you.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I mean, two dull troll dopes in one? What a waste of a perfectly good kernel. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Where did yours even come from? There are precisely ZERO empty kernels remaining in this session. I would know! JASPROSESPRITE^2: The only logical conclusion to draw here is that timeline shenanigans are somehow involved.

Jasprose, thats the only logical conclusion anybody can ever draw. I’m guessing though, that Erisol was just on LOWAS during all that retcon bullshit? I think. None of this makes sense anyways though.

ERISOLSPRITE: wwho knoww2? maybe 2kaiia ju2t got bored. ERISOLSPRITE: but 2ure, wwhatevver. let2 go wwiith that. 2ound2 2en2iible enough. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I knew it! I love being right. ERISOLSPRITE: holy 2hiit, are you obnoxiiou2. 

I know, Jasprose is the best kinda obnoxious. It’s like this perfect blend between playful and snarky. 

ERISOLSPRITE: ii diidnt thiink iid evver fiind 2omeone ii hate more than my2elf but youvve done iit. ERISOLSPRITE: ... diid ii ju2t 2ay that out loud. de2perate much??

Of course you are, you’ve always been desperate. Also, auto correct is hating these quirks.

ERISOLSPRITE: the fact that ii evven entertaiined that thought and contiinue twwo talk twwo you iin2tead of nopiing the fuck out of here remiind2 me of ju2t howw depravved ii really am, and that the only thiing keepiin me from obliiteratiin my2elf ii2 howw much of a deranged kiick ii get out of my owwn 2ufferiing.

HNN youre so perfectly pathetic I love it.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Wow, are you a trainwreck or what?

No kidding Jasprose. Like, theres nothing this guy can do to ever be happy.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: You know, I think I might actually hang around a tad longer. I happen to find trainwrecks and other horrific disasters morbidly fascinating. ERISOLSPRITE: evvery moment ii spend wwiith you iis hell.

I can sum up this whole conversation so easily.

Jasprose: haha youre patheticness is fucking priceless Erisol: kill me

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Then why not leave? I’m hardly chaining you to the spot here, green cheeks. ERISOLSPRITE: ... ERISOLSPRITE: twwoo much effort. JASPROSESPRITE^2: See? Riveting.

He’s already explained this though! he literally just wants to see himself suffer.

Nice panel. thats all I have to say on the matter.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: So now that we’ve established you’ll keep up our conversation purely out of apathy and an acute, masochistic sense of self-loathing...

Yes, yes exactly.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: (Also apparently some form of conflicted caliginous attraction to me. Aint that a doozy?)

HIUDNSA <3 FUcking love you Jasprose.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: How did you end up here? WHY did you end up here? ERISOLSPRITE: ii a2k my2elf that evvery 2iingle day. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes, yes, you hate yourself. I get it. Can we please move on? I need details! ERISOLSPRITE: fiine wwhatevver.

Oh wow, is he chilling on the self-hatred thing? who would’ve thought.

ERISOLSPRITE: ii followwed an orange biird guy twwo thiis planet that came from fuckiing nowwhere. ERISOLSPRITE: but then he kept tryiing twwo mumble hii2 2tandup routiine2 at me 2o ii fucked off.

Yep, that sounds about right for Davesprite.

ERISOLSPRITE: ii wwandered around debatiin the pro2 and con2 of fiinally 2elf-de2tructiing untiil 2ome 2ort of wwiindy 2hiit 2tarted happeniing.

Oh cool, John’s big quest thingy. Also, that’s kinda morbid... Like, I get this is part of his self-hating schtick, but he was literally contemplating suicide.

damn.

ERISOLSPRITE: iit managed twwo dii2tract me from gnawwiing exii2tentiialiism for a miinute there untiil ii stopped giivviing a 2hit and movved on. ERISOLSPRITE: then an iindi2crimiinate periiod of tiime pa22ed and 2uddenly you 2howwed up. ERISOLSPRITE: 2tiill deliiberatiin on that explodiing thiing by the wway.

DONT you fucking dare blow up you green asshole.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Prrr prrr, I see! So both you and Davesprite came the same way I did. JASPROSESPRITE^2: How intriguing. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But enough about how; let's move on to why. JASPROSESPRITE^2: So, Señor Fishface, what are your plans? Any unfinished business you might want to attend to? In need of a GUIDE, purrhaps? ;3

Jasprose, I think the last thing he wants is for you to guide him.

ERISOLSPRITE: meh. ERISOLSPRITE: not really. JASPROSESPRITE^2: That’s hardly an answer! Aren’t you curious about the cosmic significance of your continued existence? ERISOLSPRITE: fuck no. ERISOLSPRITE: iin fact that ii2 pretty much the thiing ii am the lea2t iintere2ted iin. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well that’s just boring. ERISOLSPRITE: doe2 that mean youll leavve? JASPROSESPRITE^2: Let me think about that... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nope! 

This poor fucking guy, Like, he needs to ollie outie outta  here quick, because his submissive self-hatred is almost making me feel bad for enjoying this conversation.

ERISOLSPRITE: fiigure2. ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat2 evven the poiint? ERISOLSPRITE: lookiing at 2kaiia ii can 2ee another uniivver2e frog ha2 2howwn up and relea2ed iit2 vva2t croak thiing. ERISOLSPRITE: wwhich mean2 the game i2 ovver and the player2 are probably reciievviin the ultiimate rewward a2 wwe 2peak. ERISOLSPRITE: 2o there ii2 liiterally nothiing left twwo do be2iide2 wwaiit around for an opportuniity twwo croak a2 wwell. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Now hold on a second! JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’m not so sure about that, actually. ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat noww?

Hm.. Im not sure if enlightenment is the first thing or the last thing this guy needs. Honestly I think he just needs a break.

pffFHAHA, JASPROSE WITH THE SINGLE PAP AND STARE INTO HIS SOUL

And he just

wants to die.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, while I was ignoring your dismal yakking, I think I’ve figured it out!

Goddammit Jasprose.

ERISOLSPRITE: (wwhat are you doiing.) JASPROSESPRITE^2: I am almost certain now that you appearing wasn't pointless after all! ERISOLSPRITE: (...)

She’s gonna say something that’ll make him feel more shitty, isn’t she.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Of course, I thought so at first. But then again, I bet Rose also thought that of me when I initially sprang into being only a few hours ago. And I turned out to be fairly important for the final climactic battle, didn’t I? ERISOLSPRITE: (*2iigh*) JASPROSESPRITE^2: I also thought Davepeta was fairly pointless but I agree with them now, that is definitely not the case. In fact their destiny has the potential to be quite grand!

Where are you going with all this? Come on Jasprose, don’t say something stupid to him. 

ERISOLSPRITE: are you goiing twwo get twwo the poiint anytiime 2oon. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Don’t interrupt!! ERISOLSPRITE: (wwhy me.)

I dont know man, they just dont see how great you are. 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: As I was saying. Let me dumb things down for you: Even though it may not be immediately evident how you’re meant to slot into place amongst the great puzzle of causality, that doesn’t mean a purpose isn’t waiting somewhere in the brush to pounce upon your puke green sprite tail! JASPROSESPRITE^2: And I definitely want to be here when that happens.

Is it just me, or is Jasprose giving off Vriska vibes? I’m not sure what she means by she wants to be there when it happens, but it’s feeling like she could start getting all controlling over his “destiny.”

OOH HI KIDS! I’m hoping we get to see some interaction soon. It looks like John’s hanging out at the door, so probably not from him. BUT these other pairs might be interesting to see.

Dirk/Jake: Yeah this one was pretty obvious, I’m not sure with all the. timeline shenanigans, but I’m guessing they’ll need to work out some relationship issues.

DAD/Calliope/Jane: Not much to say on this pairing, other than it might be interesting if we get to see DAD talk? He probably wont though, let’s be honest.

Dave/Karkat: Ohh yis, the gay ship that nobody can agree on. WELL I CAN AGREE WITH MYSELF, and what myself thinks is that they are fucking precious together.

Jade/RoSE OH FUCK: OK DONT MIND ME JUST SHIPPING. Ahem. So THIS is a pairing we haven’t seen a lot of, despite them both being from the same session. WHICH IS INTERESTING, because they have a really neat dynamic. AND ALSO I FUCKING SHIP THEM

Kanaya/Roxy: This should be interesting as well! Again, I’m trying to wrap my head around timeline shenanigans, so who knows how much Kanaya knows about Roxy. But Roxy did the matriorb thing! And I feel like Kanaya is seriously gonna admire Roxy, which is likely going to be adorable.

Terezi/Endless Void: Seems like they’re enjoying a nice staring contest. Even though she’s blind-

ALRIGHT THATS ENOUGH OF THAT! We got a dialoglog to open

JASPROSESPRITE^2: We’re simply going to have to wait and see. :3 ERISOLSPRITE: yeah 2ure wwhatevver.

Waiting and seeing. Oh, I guess that’s not as controlling then. Though it is kinda unlike Rose to stand by and let the game do it’s thing. . .

HMMMmm.. . .

alright that’s the end of thaat. For only 4 pages, I think I made that reasonably long. Anyways, I’m gonna end this now. BYE.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #act omega #act omega liveblog #hs act omega #hs act omega liveblog

[roughentumble]

so i finally got to finish white rabbit and it was Bad. its bad film scoob

to get more detailed, and possibly i just wasn’t paying close enough attention to this first point, but, it’s something so basic that it should be pretty clear to the audience unless you’re messing with it on purpose, the timeline is absolutely confusing as heck. how long did harlon and julie know each other? i have NO IDEA. i legit am convinced it was only 2 days. i just can’t.... possibly conceive of it being any other increment of time? but also that still doesn’t make sense to me because things escalate So Damn Quickly. his bully bullied him literally right before summer, then summer ends and he insists he’s Changed and that all that stuff In The Past is something he’s improved about himself now that he’s Matured?????? wHat???? also there’s something very abrupt about the film’s timeline. we see one or two scenes with harlon as a child, then only scenes of him in a very specific summer in a very specific year(i.e. the year that he either violently shoots up his school, or dreams about violently shooting up his school, more on that later tho) which isn’t INHERENTLY bad, but... you didn’t get this... the film is striving to explain how things build up and build up and build up inside a person, why things go so wrong, and why we have school shootings(or at least, ONE explanation why some kids engage in school shootings) but you don’t GET a sense of things being built up. the whole film felt like a bunch of choppy scenes spliced together

and it didn’t really...... harlon’s hallucinations felt like such a small PART of the film, they were SO scattered and didn’t really. i dunno. it just didnt all click together in any coherent or meaningful sense. the whole film is so odd, poorly handled, and disjointed that i’m having trouble writing coherent thoughts about it. 

julie was, altogether, a shallow character who was literally a manic pixie dream girl. she stumbled into his life twice, the first time changing him for the better(in some ways, he does stand up for himself for the first time after kisses him), the second time using her own personal growth that all took place OFF-SCREEN and with barely an explanation thrown out there, TO TRY AND FIX HARLON AGAIN like she’s JUST a catalyst for his own growth that’s all she is, and she’s a shoddy one at that. she doesn’t feel like she belongs in the film at all, she feels like she was in an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT film and somehow managed to step through a door and land in this town somehow. she’s weird, she’s poorly-written imho, she’s distracting, she takes up time that COULD be used to actually give... literally any character any personality at all, even a little

oh yeah, nobody has any... personality. they’re all like these cardboard cutouts, the stereotypical abusive redneck dad, the stereotypical shitty siblings(fun fact! i literally forgot he had siblings, throughout the entire film i just kept forgetting, and i only remember now because a different review mentioned them! fun), the tired and slightly overbearing but ultimately caring mother, the bully, the sniveling friend, the angry shouty parents of the sniveling friend who seem to have no source for their anger they just Are Mad Now, the girl who waltzes into Main Character’s life and shakes things up, the Crazy School Shooter who Hears Voices From His Violent Comic Books! everybody is like every other character ever, and even when shoddy writing starts putting them on a different path, they just head down... that same cliche path anyway, even though it makes no sense for them in context, like the world’s shittiest roller coaster

for example, the school shooting ending had NO buildup. it was last minute, went by real fast, had NO real stressor to speak of, it just... literally didnt make sense. harlon wasn’t an exceedingly angry child, he wasn’t overly-programmed for violence by the way his parents raised him... and yet, just like he’s been locked onto the rails, just cuz he Hears Voices so this Must Be A School Shooter Movie, he just stands there while the tracks take him from point a to point b

also, the entire film felt like nothing more than a grocery list, loosely detailing all of the every reason you ever ever ever hear that anyone ever does A Big Bad Thing, without any real deeper understanding of any of those things. like. it felt so... the entire film felt sterile. everybody was a standee on a track, rolling up to one another and saying in a SIRI-esque voice “HELLO. HERE IS REASON NUMBER 284 WHY I WILL BE SAD LATER. BEEP BOOP DEPLOYING SADNESS” before calmly being carried away by the motor. 

plus the ending is a total cop-out. the beginning of the film includes what is obviously harlon getting ready to shoot up the school, plus some voice-overs that don’t make sense yet, which is fine. sure. plenty of films make use of devices like that. then at the end, when he shoots up the school, it eventually ends on very similar footage from the beginning, with some teeny tiny details changed here and there, but... like, was he thinking about shooting up the school before going in to do it, or was he dreaming it, or did he shoot himself and now he’s in purgatory, forced to revisit his crimes at the hands of his evil bunny overlord...? it was ambiguous in the exact way a film like this should NEVER be ambiguous(or at least, not unless you’re way better than these people at writing >:// )

all of this being said, i do want to make a specific note that i liked the actors. i think they did a great job. i liked watching nick krause(harlon), i liked watching Sam Trammell(the father) struggle to bring nuance to such an awkwardly written role. honestly, sam’s character was easily the most robust one in the film, since he was abusive but he did love his kids and had moments with them where things WEREN’T bad, and moments that made it clear that he was trying, he just didn’t know any better and lived in this environment that stifled any and all change and personal growth, but at the same time he was never excused for his abusive behavior. sam trammell did literally awesome at is and he was quite possibly..... 1.5 whole dimensions. incredible

anyway, back on topic, i believed ryan lee as a bullied child-- did i like the writing for him, or how things were edited? no. but his acting, his tears, his emotions that he brought to the performance were MORE than satisfactory. 

the one i’m most hesitant to speak about is britt robertson(julie). like, on one hand, i just straight up... did not like julie. or rather, i would’ve been fine watching a film about julie, she seems nice and interesting(what lead her to her downward spiral of drugs and alcohol and attempted suicide? was she mentally ill, or were there outside stressors? what did she go through to heal the way she did over just one summer? what about that night was so bad for her that it caused her to go to rehab/a mental hospital? did she decide to on her own, or did her father make her?) but she’s barely touched in the film, barely given any space to feel anything, and so i find her presence, quite frankly, annoying. she should have been bigger or not there at all. but she was there, and she wasn’t bigger, and the writing really did not care about her feelings or motivations in the SLIGHTEST. and there’s only so much you can bring to that, acting-wise! the scene where she nearly dies in the field with harlon, when she’s talking about praying and how she never gets an answer, i BELIEVED the tears in her voice. she sounded visceral and honest. at the middle/end, when she came back and truly wanted to help harlon? the way she acted when the shooting was happening? i mean, i didn’t like the WRITING for her character, but i liked the emotions she managed to put into these scenes

and like. i know i’m skipping back here a bit, but nick krause did Good man. i thoroughly believed at least 97.25% of his emotions. i didn’t understand his motivations, and there were certainly flat and emotionless moments aplenty, but mostly they were born out of poor writing, and not actor shortcomings

the actors were not the problem. i would 100% see a movie just cuz nick krause was in it(if only to see if his acting only looked good in comparison to the script he was handed)

honestly i can’t really sum it up much better than these guys did, ngl

white rabbit was boring and shit and i hated it but im probs gonna give it a thumbs up cuz netflix was created by the devil himself and also i wanna see other films like it so. i suffer

#white rabbit tag #It Was So Bad Scoob

[5hfanfiction]

coming out (six) ⇾ camren

Authors Note: HI GUYS! I’m really sorry for being so shitty in keeping up with this book, a lot has been happening lately. My fiancée’s father died about two weeks after New Years and she’s been really torn about that because we are still arranging dates for our wedding and she was really excited for him to walk her down the aisle and be the first daughter of his to get married but everything happened so fast.

He had a seizure at dinner, ambulance and everything came, it was very sudden. Basically at the hospital they tell us that he has a basically inoperable brain tumor which none of us knew of. He’s been complaining about sharp pains and headaches for basically all of 2016 and we’ve all been urging him to go and have it checked out but he hates hospital more than anything and absolutely refused. The tumor was intact cancerous. He was placed in the hospital overnight for many nights and it basically got worse and worse each day. He had a series of seizures the night he died.

I’ve taken a break from writing to be there not only for my fiancée and her family, but for myself as well. Her dad was pretty much my dad in my eyes. If you haven’t already known, I’ve been in and out foster care systems for a big portion of my life because both parents had died due to drug addiction. I was in fact adopted later on in my life and I have the worlds best adoptive parents who are pretty much my own parents even if we don’t have the same blood but her father was there for me when my adoptive father wasn’t. He travels a lot and was gone for so much that i pretty much only had my adoptive mother to rely on as a parent figure until I met my fiancée and her dad. So when he died, it took a toll on me as well.

I focused mainly on reading and kind of chose to forget writing for a little while. This week my fiancée is in Canada going over funeral arrangements with her mother and other extended family and I’m home alone basically so I’ve found some spare time and decided to start this series up again considering it doesn’t have many chapters left since it is a short series. Its basically a one shot with many parts so I decided to give it a go again.

I’m really sorry though for being so M.I.A. I promise to update as much as I can, as I said before I’m ready to start some new fanfics and I can’t wait to share those with you.

I’m not usually one to share all my personal problems for fear of coming off attention seeking but you know what, fuck it. I kind of feel like you guys deserve an explanation. I’ve gotten many dms asking me to continue so here I am.

Also, TODAY IS MY 20TH BIRTHDAY! Its also the one year anniversary of me asking my fiancée to be my fiancée lmao. Hopefully we can get married for real though this fall when everything simmers down. But wow, I am no longer in my teens. I’m an adult dammit. Lmfao.

Anyways, enjoy this chapter and thank you for those of you who didn’t remove this story from your library.

Camila|

Watching Lauren walk away from her was almost harder than feeling herself walk away from Lauren. Her chest felt tight as her eyes sprang with tears. If only she’d let me explain…

Sighing softly to herself, she retreated back to find Lola as her attempt to slowly begin to mend things with her former band mate had failed miserably.

Coming to a stop in front of her girlfriend, Camila sighed. Her head throbbed the minute the girl had opened her mouth, “Why’d you chase after her?” Lola asked immediately.

“I just wanted to see how she was doing Lo-” she cut herself off. Lo was Lauren’s nickname. “Lola.”

The hazel eyed girl huffed as she pouted her lips slightly, “You don’t still have that stupid… Camren thing with her, right?” She asked. “I mean, I’m not really sure why that was even a thing. You’re way out of her league. She’s like a negative two hundred on the scale,” she scoffed.

Camila ground her teeth together as she looked down. Lola really knew how to piss someone off. “Lets go home,” she mumbled. She didn’t have time to deal with her shit.

Lauren|

Its been two days since she last ran into Camila. Its been two days since she was reminded of all that went wrong in her life. Seeing the successful singer made Lauren’s blood boil but heart throb all at once. She didn’t understand anything her body was telling her. All that was the least bit comprehendible was that Camila was bad news and Lauren stayed away from bad news no matter what.

She sighed softly to herself as she stood from her and Lucy’s bed. Lucy had gone off for coffee with an old friend Lauren didn’t know of until about a week ago but she didn’t question it. Lucy wasn’t obligated to share everything with her.

She has the day off and wasn’t really sure what to do with it. Normally she’d be spending it with Lucy but that was clearly out of the picture.

She stretched, hearing her back pop with several satisfying cracks before making her way up to her dresser to check her phone. She had the usual several too many text messages from friends but the unknown number caught her eye. She raised an eyebrow as she read the message. It was a simple “hey” to which she replied with a “Who is this” she grabbed her phone as she made her way into the kitchen, reading over the rest of her messages and replying to a few every now and then, being sure not to open the ones she didn’t want to reply to.

The moment she entered the kitchen, her phone vibrated in her hand. The unknown number. Her stomach dropped at the next words, “it’s Camila” she thought she may have misread as she blinked a few times. Seconds later, the bubble with three dots appeared indicating her former bandmate was typing.

C: dinah gave me this number

L: What the hell do you want Camila

Her blood boiled and heart pounded as Camila began typing. Didn’t she get the memo the last time they ran into each other? She wants nothing to do with her! She tapped her fingernails impatiently on the kitchen counter as she waited for the next message. Her anxiety was going through the roof. What was she writing? A college essay?

C: i dont want to fight with you lauren. I just want to explain. ive explained to everyone but you. please just give me the chance to tell you things my way and if it still isn’t enough, i’ll leave you alone forever. i promise.

Lauren reread the message over and over, her eyes burning from never blinking. This couldn’t be real. A small chuckle of annoyance fell from her lips as she began typing out her simple reply.

L: You can shove your explanation up your ass.

Her heart twitched as she hit send. She ignored the guilt from her sudden outburst of harshness and forced herself to prepare for anything Camila threw at her when the three dots in a bubble popped back up. What she read next shocked her. She expected old Camila. She expected Camila to be a bitch back at her. But she wasn’t.

C: okay. but if you happen to change your mind, i’ll be doing a little fundraiser for women’s right and lgbt rights in Miami Beach from 10am-6pm. ive invited the girls. mani, dinah and ally will be there. i heard you were with lucy, feel free to invite her as well. im really sorry for everything lo and i hope you can forgive me someday. have a good rest of the day.

Camila|

She willed the tears to go away as she hit send and threw her phone across the table. She never knew why even the thought of Lauren brought so much emotion into her. She could feel her ex bandmate’s eyes on her. It was silent for awhile before Dinah reached across from her to pick up the disregarded phone. Camila sat in silence as she read over the short conversation.

“She’ll come,” she finally said.

Camila looked up, a long sigh escaping her lips as she struggled to compose herself. “I doubt it,” she mumbled quietly.

Dinah shook her head, “She’ll come. Deep down, under all that hate and hurt, she still cares Mila. I promise,” the blonde haired girl sent her best friend a small smile.

Camila nodded, her face contorting into weird different expressions as she tried not to cry. She’s been doing that a lot lately and she wasn’t up for ruining her makeup the fourth time that week.

“So how are things with Lola?” Dinah asked.

Camila laughed, shaking her head. She didn’t even know what to say as she rolled her eyes over and over. She probably looked possessed. “I don’t even know why I’m dating her anymore Dinah,” she said truthfully.

“Just dump her,”

“I can’t,”

“Why not?”

“I don’t like hurting people,”

“You had a fine job doing that when you left the group,” silence fell upon them. Camila looked down at her lap, Dinah shaking her head. The blonde sighed softly, “I didn’t mean that Mi-”

“Its fine,” Camila said as she cut her off. “Lets just, lets just get ready for the fundraiser.”

***

Disappointment. That’s what Camila felt as she watched the last man pack up their belongings for the fundraiser. It was going on 8pm, it had gone a little over time with how many people had showed up, Camila was truly amazed. She loved every minute of it, meeting fans all while helping spread awareness on both women rights and LGBT rights but she couldn’t help the overall sadness as it came to an end. Lauren didn’t show up. She even had two guards waiting up front in case she did show up to escort her over. Nothing happened.

It was really hard for her to be happy in such an amazing environment when the one person she was hoping with everything in her to show up, didn’t show up.

Lauren|

“Babe you should go,” Lucy encouraged as she sat up slightly from the couch.

Lauren shook her head, walking over to her girlfriend a bowl of warm soup. “You’re not feeling well. I don’t have to go to the stupid fundraiser,” she mumbled.

Lucy gave Lauren a look as she accepted the soup, “First of all, you love fundraisers that tie down to those specific matters and you know it. Just last week you were saying how you wished it happened more often. Plus Fifth Harmony will basically be reuniting for the first time as a group in a while.”

Rolling her eyes, Lauren plopped down next to Lucy. Playing with the ring on her thumb she sighed loudly, “Why do you even care so much? You do know Camila invited me, right? You don’t really like her,” pausing she glanced at her girlfriend. “Besides, who’ll take care of you while I’m gone? The stupid thing is over anyways. She said it ended at 6 PM. Its like 7:45 now.”

“I don’t not like her. I just wasn’t fond of what she had done to the group,” Lucy shrugged. “And so? Weren’t you the one social media stalking her and saw she was spamming on Snapchat with videos just from like five minutes ago?” Lucy raised a knowing eyebrow at her girlfriend. “I can invite Kandee over if it’ll make you feel better about who’ll take care of me.” Kandee was Lucy’s longtime friend Lauren had recently learned about.

She sighed to herself as she thought over it, “What if it goes bad?” She mumbled quietly.

“She’s just asking you to hear her out, right? If you don’t like what she has to say, just leave,” Lucy reached over to rub her finger tips up and down her girlfriends arm, “It’ll all go good baby. I promise.”

***

This was a mistake. Lauren could feel it as she approached the empty area. I bet she’s gone. God I’m such an idiot. It was around 8 PM and the place was pretty much a ghost land. She saw a few people left but that was it. Her heart pounded in her chest as she stopped in front of the location Camila had texted her.

There stood a man who had his back turned toward her with “SECURITY” writing in big white letters on his black T-Shirt.

Clearing her throats softly, she proceeded to tap him on the shoulder. The man sighed before turning around. “Ma'am this even is over please-” the man paused himself before eyes widening. “I am so sorry Miss. Follow me this way,” Lauren felt confusion settle within her as she followed the man through the black curtains. Something in her told her not to, it could be a trap but she ignored it. She was always unnecessarily paranoid. “Miss Cabello!” The man shouted.

The ashy brown haired woman turned around, along with three other obviously familiar faces. A sense of nervousness washed over Lauren as the room went silent for a few seconds before an overly excited Ally ran straight toward her former bandmate along with Dinah and Normani. She felt overwhelmed with happiness as the three women bombarded her with questions and hugs. A couple years escaped her eyes. It felt so good to be in their presence again. But everything went just as fast as it came.

Suddenly they all realized the reasoning behind them all being there and a silent Camila. Pulling apart from each other, Normani spoke first. “We’ll give you guys some space.”

By then, the security guard had already left and the three ladies had found their way out. Lauren’s heart pounded as she took in Camila’s overall presence. The whole situation felt even more overwhelming as her former bandmate directed her toward a set of chairs to sit down. It was silent between them for quite some time, neither really knowing how to start off.

“I didn’t think you’d show,” Camila breathed out, deciding to speak first.

Lauren pursed her lips, looking down for a second then back up with a small head nod. “I wasn’t,” she answered honestly. “Lucy made me.”

She didn’t miss the small twinge of hurt in Camila’s features but tried her best to brush it all off. “You look nice,” Camila then said.

Lauren sighed, rolling her eyes. “Thank you but I didn’t exactly come to be complimented. I’m here for my explain so I can be on my way back to my perfectly unproblematic life,” she didn’t mean to come off so harsh. It kind of just happened and she did regret it when Camila paused and every feature in her face twisted into one of pain before looking down and clearing her throat.

“Okay,” she croaked. “Where do you want me to start?”

“The beginning. Why you left, why you feel I should pity you in anyway, etc.”

Camila clenched her jaw, “I don’t need your pity Lauren, that’s one,” sighing, she looked down as she attempted to collect her currently scattered thoughts.

“I left because I couldn’t do it anymore,” she started. “It was a decision I had already planned for months before the day I left. I left mainly because of you though,” she kept her eyes down as she felt herself relive those few earlier months. “You weren’t happy with me in the group. I could feel it, the fans could feel it, everyone could. It was like days that I wasn’t there, you shined the most. You seemed the happiest and most carefree. Obviously me being there was taking that away. My intentions weren’t to break the group as a whole, no. I was hoping if things played out well, you guys would continue as a foursome. I didn’t mean to fuck up everyone’s lives, I swear Lauren.”

“I couldn’t do it anymore. Not even just with you, I was taking away everyone else’s happiness. Normani wouldn’t, hell couldn’t even look at me off camera. Ally was always torn on who to side with, at one point she even hated me. I was breaking Dinah’s relationship with everyone in the group because I’d always make her feel obligated to be on my side. I was fucking it all up. I wasn’t happy anymore in it… you guys weren’t happy anymore with me in it. My solo music started to take off, everything was screaming at me to get out. So I did.”

“I didn’t mean for everything to go downhill so fast. I didn’t want you guys to find out the way you found out. But life has a fucked up way of playing out for you-”

“That doesn’t answer shit Camila. So basically you’re new skit is, you left the group for our happiness? My god you are full of so much shit,” Lauren laughed humorlessly as she stood up. “You left because you’re a selfish self absorbed idiotic fucking cunt who cared more about fame than the actual fucking gr-”

“I left because I was in love with you! Okay, I fucking left because I was in love with you Lauren!”

Everything went silent, Lauren stopped, Camila stopped, the girls who were eavesdropping behind the curtain even stopped. The atmosphere suddenly felt thick and heart to breathe in. Lauren sat back down and stared at Camila in disbelief.

Camila gulped harshly as the tears started to come, “I couldn’t take it anymore Lauren. I couldn’t. I couldn’t take knowing every fucking day you hated me, our friendship would never ever be the same. I could handle you not feeling the same, I could handle keeping it a secret forever. But I couldn’t handle knowing you hated me so fucking much. I couldn’t handle it. When you came out, and I was a complete bitch to you about it, it was like everything got worse. Your hate for me grew, everything was just a mess. Imagine… being head over heels in love with someone who hates you more than life itself but you have to work with them every fucking day. Imagine it.”

“I wasn’t fucking happy. I was sad, everyday, every night. My life was just sadness. And I hated that, because I loved what we did so fucking much. I loved making music with my best friends. I loved the fans. I loved everyone and everything. So basically feeling trapped and miserable was the worst thing ever for me. I’m sorry Lauren, I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me as a friend, I’m sorry for putting a stupid solo career before our friendship, I’m sorry for putting anyone and everyone before you. My intentions were never to hurt you. You’ve always been one of my closest friends and to watch you grow such an intense amount of hate for me killed me. I wanted out, I needed out.”

She finished with a face full of tears and a shocked and frozen Lauren just staring back at her. Neither women knew what to say as the tension got thicker and thicker.

All Camila could think about was how she possibly fucked things up the most in this moment and there was no ever going back.

***

a/n: wow i actually cried writing this last part. damn. lol, im so sorry i did not edit. im really tired and im about to go out with friends for my birthday but i hope you enjoyed this over due chapter. i love you lots and thanks so much for reading.

to my tumblr readers, make sure to check out my wattpad @wthbello for faster updates and overall better reading format lmao. thanks so much for reading as well.

have an amazing night/day/afternoon, etc. wherever you are. make sure to always be kind to yourselves and always love yourselves because if you don’t, i can assure you no one else will. no one can love you better than you can love you. with that being said, i hope you enjoyed this chapter lmao.

ellianna (elli), xxxxxxxxxxxx

#UPDATE #series #non AU #AU #slash #camren #angst drama #romance fluff #submission #coming out