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#plus i don’t wanna have meaningless sex anymore now that i’ve already had it
celestial-mango · 3 years
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my hair is getting long!! while wet the tips are now touching the top of my ass more
it’s all coming together lmaaoooo
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msbigredmachine · 7 years
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Into The Deep End - Chapter 30
Sasha has always tried to play it safe, to keep her life as simple and risk-free as possible. Things change, however, when she garners the interest of a handsome, charming, younger man from a completely different world than hers. As she starts to question her own rules, is she ready to take the biggest chance of them all? Will she let herself take that dive? Roman Reigns/OC.
CHAPTER 29
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"If that bag was a person, it'd be dead by now."
From across the gym, Jon, Colby, Jonny and Trinity looked on wearily as Joe laid waste to a poor defenseless punching bag. He'd been at it for half an hour straight with no breaks, only pausing to take the occasional gulp of water. Ever since he returned from Pensacola, he'd been in a surly mood. They were back on the road pretty quickly and though he was still his solid ass-kicking self in the ring he was a different person once the cameras were turned off. He was moody and broody and talked even less than he usually did. They were shocked to hear he'd broken up with Sasha and when they pressed for more details he'd been very vague. Trinity had received the same reaction from Sasha when she texted her and they all deduced that something had gone down in Pensacola. These days Joe spent all his time moping and staring miserably at his phone, and when he wasn't doing that, he was staring into space. They hadn't seen him act like this since Andrea and it was worrying. "He's so sad," Trinity lamented. "What do we do, guys?"
"We let him be," said Jonny, already seeing his fiancée's Mother Hen feathers sprouting. "Relax, babe. He'll talk to us when he's ready."
"It's been a week!" she contested.
"It was much longer the last time, remember?" said Colby. "We just have to be there for him now like we were then. He'd do the same for any of us."
They continued to watch him like a hawk until he finished, toweling himself before picking up his things and leaving the gym without speaking to anyone. He completely ignored Randy Orton and the Big Show as they walked in. The smaller of the two men slowed down to watch the retreating, slouched form of the Samoan. "What's up his ass?" Randy asked the rookies.
Jon squared his blue eyes at the older man. "What do you care?"
"Come to think of it, your boy has been moping around a lot lately," Randy remarked. "Let me guess, trouble in Paradise?"
"None of your business so get to steppin'," Jon countered.
The Cincinnati native's defensive tone prompted the Viper's blue eyes to light up. He crossed his arms. "So there is trouble."
"Keep walkin', Orton. Trouble or not, you and Sasha ain't gonna happen."
A cold smile touched the corners of Randy's mouth. "You sound so sure, Ambrose."
"Because I am. I heard through the grapevine that she called you out in Jacksonville. You see, not every chick within a twenty mile radius of you is gonna fall for your little charm schtick. Thought you'd have learned that by now." Jon's smile was just as wicked. "Don't you got reps to botch or somethin'?"
With dangerously narrowed eyes, Randy came up to Jon, staring him right down. Of course, the man they called the Lunatic Fringe always itched for a fight. He straightened up, meeting the veteran's hardened gaze squarely. Trinity glanced anxiously between the two men, as did Colby and Jonny, standing nearby just in case.
Randy scowled at him. "Better watch it, Ambrose." Casting a warning glare at the rest of the group, he stalked off to rejoin Show.
Jon scoffed. "Ass wipe." He didn't like Orton and he never would.
Jonny tried not to laugh. "Bro, that big-ass mouth of yours is gonna get you killed, dawg."
"Do you blame him though?" Colby said to Jonny. "Imagine if you and Trin were having problems and some douchebag wanted to swoop in on her, how would you feel? Exactly," he added on seeing the Samoan's features harden.
"Besides, I've had this 'big-ass' mouth for twenty-seven plus years and I'm still standing," Jon added. "I'm helping my boy mark his territory. Sasha belongs to Joe. She'll probably knee me in the balls for saying it like that if she was here, but it's a fact."
"Who are you texting?" Jonny asked Trinity, drawn to the suddenly determined look on her face.
"I'm bringing in the big guns," she declared, her thumb skittering across the screen of her phone.
"What do you mean?" He leaned closer to her for a glimpse of her phone and lifted his eyebrow. "Wait, you want her to come here? Do you really wanna do that?"
"She's in town and she's the only one he listens to," Trinity replied.
Jonny sighed. "You know he gonna call you a snitch, right?"
"It's for his own good. I don't like seeing him like this, it's not healthy."
"This better not blow up in your face, Trin. You could end up making things worse," said Colby, with Jon nodding in agreement.
"It won't," she vowed. Putting her phone away, she looked around at the three men. "Trust me. He needs this."
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Joe lay on his bed, glad to finally have some alone time. He was getting tired of the questions and the hovering. He knew his friends meant well but he needed space. Space to think. Which admittedly was all he seemed to be doing these days. Thinking about her. Wondering about her.
Missing her something awful.
It was only a week ago but it felt like a year since their fight. He missed the sound of her voice. He wanted to talk to her so bad right now. He missed talking with her, holding her in his arms, kissing her. Making love to her. Everything about her and with her was different and had been so from the day they first met. Spending time with her, talking about anything and everything, satisfied his need for a friend, for companionship, the need he had to protect and take care of someone. Her. Her kids. He regarded her as his equal, his confidante. Sex with her satisfied him physically as a man, as a lover. It was always hot and sensual and intimate and intense and stirred feelings inside him that he never thought he'd feel again. She satisfied him completely, physically and emotionally, something he hadn't felt in years. Because after Andrea, he'd only opted for casual, meaningless flings where no one would get attached. Even when it became boring and it made him feel emptier and lonelier inside, he kept at it because he thought it was for the best. Over the time they were together, Sasha showed him that he deserved more. He did want more and he wanted it with her. But he threw it all away in the heat of the moment and he regretted it every single day.
The moment he drove off, he knew he made a mistake. They had said some unsavory things to each other but all he wanted to do was go back to her, to pull her into his arms, to apologize and start over. Since then he'd thought a million times about calling her in the hope that they could work things out. But each time he took his phone and stared at her beautiful, grinning face, he held himself back. Because he knew it would never be that easy anymore. He'd gone over it in his head over and over and it boiled down to the same conclusion. He'd hurt her badly enough that she would want nothing to do with him ever again.
And his heart broke afresh.
There was a knock on his door. He thought about ignoring it but it quickly grew persistent. Sighing out loud, he went to open it. I swear to God if anyone asks me if I'm okay one more time I'ma break a motherfucker's face.
Alma stood at the other side of the door. "Wow, you look like crap."
Joe rolled his eyes, opened the door wider for her and returned to his bed, throwing a muscular arm over his eyes. "What are you doing here? Don't you have some conference to be at?"
"It's not until this evening, so no," she answered, "And I wanted to come visit my baby brother, my sons' favorite uncle. But don't tell Matt that, okay?"
"Trinity snitched, didn't she?"
She sat down on the bed next to his outstretched legs. "She's worried about you, Leati. We all are. And I know you're going to say you're fine but you're not. You don't even look fine."
Joe made no response, instead turning over, pulling his legs up and curling up into a ball in the middle of the bed. Alma sighed. "Ugh, you've gone into baby mode." She patted his leg. "Get up. Let's go get lunch. I have a couple of hours to kill before the conference tonight."
"Do I have to?" Joe whined.
"Dude, are you seriously turning down free food?" she asked incredulously.
He quickly jumped up. "Oh, you're paying? Give me five minutes."
Alma laughed and shook her head. "Dumbass."
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The siblings ended up in a quaint little Italian restaurant several blocks away from Joe's hotel. It didn't take long for Alma to bust out her gentle coaxing technique that never failed to work on her baby brother, and of course he ended up opening up to her and telling her what was on his mind. Which was a lot. He always liked how she listened without interrupting, allowing him to pour his heart out. "I hurt her Al," he concluded sadly, "I said things to her I should have never said."
"You hurt each other," Alma surmised, taking a bite of her lasagna. "Yes it seemed like she was running and maybe it was bad timing. But put yourself in her shoes. You need to understand how she's feeling. She's used to being on her own and being independent and living a quiet simple life. Then she meets you and the next thing she knows she's thrust into this life and this lifestyle she's never seen before. She finds out this huge thing that happened with your ex and it's clear you're not over it. On top of that your mother doesn't show her any love. It had to overwhelm her."
"I know." He recalled the look on Sasha's face when they were in the car, the devastation in her eyes. Guilt nagged at him. "I was overwhelmed too; by Mom badgering her, Pop constantly badgering me, telling Sasha about Andrea...it was all one big clusterfuck and I'll admit I didn't handle it too well."
Alma looked up from her food. "You know Mom was only trying to protect you, right? Back at the house?"
Joe frowned. "That's no excuse. She shouldn't have treated Sasha that way no matter what. It was disrespectful of her."
"Listen. After everything that happened with Andrea, Ma felt guilty," said Alma. "She still does. She's hurt that she never saw through Andrea, that she couldn't protect you as a mother from the heartache you went through. She knows she messed up with Sasha. But my issue here is the painkillers Leati. Come on. What are you thinking? We can't be talking about drugs again, not this family. You know what we all went through with Eki and Rodney, as well as countless other wrestlers in the past several years. Need I say more?"
Joe stared down at his plate, pushing his food around. "I know. I just thought I could handle it on my own, you know? I don't want to be a disappointment again. I couldn't make it in the NFL, remember? I don't want the same to happen in the WWE."
"You know that's not going to happen. You bust your ass every single day and you've been doing that since day one and it's paying dividends. You're closing out Raws and SmackDowns and stealing the show at pay-per-views. Hell, you've already made it to a WrestleMania! You really don't need none of that shit."
"I know. I've been working on it." It was the truth. All week he had been taking slow but positive steps towards recovery, all of which he listed to Alma. Something he wished he could tell Sasha as well. She would have been proud.
"Dad didn't realize how hard he was pushing you," Alma continued. "He only wants to see you succeed, the same as the rest of us." She took a sip of her soda. "He said Sasha pretty much laid into him. Said she made him open his eyes." She smiled. "He likes her, you know. He likes her spunk. So do Matt, Cass and I. She's a good one, irrespective of what Mom thinks. When you first told me about her all those months ago I instantly knew you liked her. I'll admit I questioned whether three years was too soon for you to delve into a serious relationship but that changed when it became obvious how happy she makes you."
She did make him happy, and to know it was all ruined did not sit well with him at all. Joe bowed his head, his broad shoulders hunched and making him look even more drained and despondent. "I miss her, Alma," he whispered. "I miss her so much it fuckin' hurts."
Alma leaned back in her chair to observe her baby brother. "I know exactly how you feel about her, Leati. I think I knew from day one," she said, smiling when his grey eyes met her matching ones. "And deep down you probably do too. Set things right with her. Don't let her go so easily."
There was a hint of hope in his expression as he looked at Alma. "You think she'll come around? After everything?"
"If she cares for you the way I think she does, then yes," she replied after a moment's silence, "But it's up to you to make the right move first."
Joe absorbed his oldest sibling's words, a new determination rising within him. He knew what he needed to do. He just hoped he wasn't too late.
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She could watch Mia dance all day long if she was allowed to.
Watching her glide gracefully around Pam's living room to the Goo Goo Dolls' 'Iris', pride swelled within Sasha, as it always did. She looked so beautiful. She had been dancing ever since she was a toddler and it amazed her how far she had come even at such a young age with limited resources. As much as she knew the eight-year-old had inherited her dancing skills from her, Sasha hadn't possessed half of Mia's talent at this age. Her versatility – whether it was fluid contemporary, sharp jazz or gritty hip-hop, she had a strong grasp on them all; her technique and performances, executed with a graceful crispness and maturity beyond her years. Like her older brother, Mia loved the spotlight and the attention and it was where she belonged. Her elementary school had a talent show coming up in a few weeks and Pam was assisting her with the contemporary piece she was to perform that night. Sasha saw that she'd missed out on quite a lot of prepping in her absence. She liked to be there for the development of the piece, to give Mia tips or simply provide moral support. A part of her wished she had stayed behind in Tampa the week before to oversee Mia's preparations. Perhaps if she had, her personal life would be a very different story today.
"She's amazing, isn't she?"
She looked up to see Pam settling down across from her at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee, silently awaiting her answer. "She is," Sasha agreed, facing her daughter again. "You've done so great with her. All the dance classes, the tutoring, everything."
"Naw, babe. The talent is all her. Charlie and I just tweak it a little." The petite woman quietly stirred the contents of her cup with a teaspoon. "Now that we've established that, are you finally going to tell me what happened with you and Joe?"
At the sound of his name, Sasha's chest tightened and she pursed her lips. Two weeks had gone by since she walked out of Joe's car and didn't look back. The scene replayed over and over in her head ever since. Her anger towards Joe hadn't completely subsided but it didn't stop her from thinking about him. From missing him. The silence between them was becoming deafening and she had to wonder if this was how it was going to end between them. "It's nothing."
"Child. This is me you're talking to," Pam reprimanded her. "You ain't been the same since you got back. You always look like you've been crying. Wrestling comes on and you bolt. I come over to your place and you got Mary J. Blige whining on the stereo. Mary of all people! Now that's a cry for help if there ever was one and I'm here to rescue your ass. Talk. Now."
She really didn't want to talk about it or think about it anymore. All it did was make her feel like her heart was breaking all over again. She should be used to the feeling; for some reason pain and hurt always found her. However she and Pam never kept things from each other. That was a promise they'd made to each other a long time ago. So she took a deep breath and told her everything, only leaving out the details about Andrea's misdeeds out of respect for Joe. As expected, the more she talked the more upset she got. By the time she was finished she was fighting back tears and Pam's expression was grim. "Damn," she commented, "That was rough."
"I get why he's angry and maybe he has a right to be," Sasha rambled, "He's been struggling and suffering all by himself, keeping so many things bottled inside. All I wanted was to be there for him but it was just so crazy." She fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist, the same one Joe had given her in Miami. If she closed her eyes and thought hard enough, she could still smell the intoxicating aroma of sea breeze blending with Joe's cologne like it had that day. "It's been two weeks and I haven't heard a word from him. He's probably moved on. He finally realized he was wasting his time with me all along."
"You know that's not true, Sash," Pam shook her head. "He's just upset about how everything went down. He wanted you and his family to get along but it didn't happen. All the pressure he's been feeling finally caught up to him and sadly you got caught in the crossfire. Telling you about Andrea must have taken a toll on him too. I'm not condoning what he did though. He said some pretty foul shit to you and acted like a prick. But he told you this huge thing only for you to suggest that you break up shortly afterwards. I'm sure he feels like you abandoned him."
"I didn't mean to make it sound like that. I just meant there's so much going on with him that he needs to fix on his own. The drama with his dad, the pills. That was the part I couldn't handle. You know how I feel about drugs after everything that happened with Cliff. And Joe...I kept asking and asking but he kept telling me not to worry. He got in so deep with them and I didn't realize it. His family didn't even know about it, not even his beloved mother. And her...you should have seen the way she looked at me, Pam. The way she talked to me. She doesn't want me with him. I put myself in her shoes and I don't blame her. Can you imagine if T.K. brought a twenty-five year old woman home? Hell, I'd probably not like her either." She met Pam's eyes. "Pam...Joe wants children."
Pam held her gaze, words silently exchanged between them, then blew out a breath. "I figured. His interactions with Mia was a giveaway."
Sasha ran a trembling hand over the back of her neck. "Remember what happened when she was born?"
"How could I ever forget the night I almost lost you, Sash?" Pam said, her own eyes glazing at the horrific memory.
"Exactly. And remember what the Doctor said. I'm older now. Getting pregnant is going to be just as difficult now if not more. Pam, I never thought he would want kids with me. I never thought that far ahead with our relationship. Joe deserves to have everything he wants in life and I don't know if I can give it all to him." Sasha swallowed hard, her expression one of despair. "I knew, I knew there was a reason I should have backed off from the start," she lamented. "I tried to tell him no when he first gave me his number but I couldn't resist him. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking letting things get this far with a guy so much younger than me. I'm a fool."
"Babe, relax," Pam told her, "Look, the past few weeks has been a lot for you to take in. This is new for you and it's overwhelming. Maybe this time apart is what you two really need."
But Sasha shook her head. "I don't think I'm ever going to see him again. We haven't spoken since that day. Not one word. He always texts me at least. But this time, nothing. He doesn't want me anymore. Hell, he's probably found someone new while I'm sitting here pining for him because my dumb ass just had to fall in love with him..."
Shit.
She sucked in a breath. Admitting it out loud drove it home for her and she was overcome with emotion once more. Burying her face in her hands, the tears she'd been holding in finally broke free.
Pam shifted closer and put her arms around her best friend. "Let it out, sweetie. Let it all out," she whispered, which only made the mother of two cry harder. "It's so good to finally hear you say that. It's about damn time." When Sasha looked at her, she said, "Trick, you've been in love with that man for the longest time. Either you didn't realize it or you just didn't want to admit it."
Sasha sniffled as Pam wiped away her tears. "I hate how I feel, Pam," she sobbed. "I told myself I'd never depend on any man no more and that's exactly what's happened. I can't stop thinking about him. I want to pick up the phone so badly but I don't know if he wants to talk to me. I miss him like fuckin' crazy and I feel like I can't breathe without him." She meant every word. She missed everything about him and their time together. There was so much she'd taken for granted. Like how he always treated her like a lady; how he had to touch her in some way whenever they were together, either holding her hand or putting an arm around her waist; how they would talk on the phone about nothing for hours in the middle of the night, how he would say silly things to make her laugh. How her older age meant nothing to him, or so she'd thought. How hands-on he was with T.K. and Mia. His protectiveness. The way her heart pounded when he stared at her with those beautiful eyes. The way she forgot how to think when he kissed her; the fire he ignited in her body and soul when they made love. She had one of his t-shirts and she still wore it to sleep simply because it smelled like him. She knew she was torturing herself, she did. For the first time in nearly a decade she felt lost, and she felt lost without Joe by her side. "I'm sick of feeling like this. It hurts."
"You're in love, that's why it hurts," said Pam, rubbing her shoulders. "It's perfectly normal to feel this way. And you ain't gotta worry about Joe not wanting you because he does. That boy's crazy about you. Have you seen the way he stares at you when you're not looking? The way he smiles when you talk to him or when he talks about you? He feels the exact same way about you, girl. He'll come around. Give him time. And when he does you make sure the two of you talk. Like a proper heart-to-heart, a no holds barred conversation. Tell him about the complications with you and let him take it from there. I don't even know how you didn't mention it to him in the first place."
Sasha rolled her eyes. "Um, 'hey, I almost kicked the bucket giving birth to my second kid' isn't exactly an ideal topic of conversation," she refuted. She couldn't possibly imagine looking him in the eye and saying that to him after what he went through with Andrea. "What if I tell him and he does walk?"
Pam took a long look at the younger woman. She always told it like it was and she wasn't about to stop now. "Then he walks," she said sadly. "Flaws and all, Joe is a good guy. I mean that. He's the first man you've been with that I actually like. And like you said, he deserves everything he wants in life. You have children already. He should have his own someday if that's what he wants."
The thought of Joe with another woman, making love to her, having babies with her, sent a hot wave of jealousy through Sasha. But as much as it hurt her heart, she knew Pam was right. She gave a fresh sob and leaned into Pam, savoring her best friend's ever-comforting embrace.
"Come on," Pam stated, gently sitting Sasha up before taking her hands and squeezing them. "Let's hang out this weekend. Just you and me. We can go to the spa, get manicures and facials, get our hair did. Or we could have dinner, go to a club and hit on guys even though we should know better. We'll do whatever you want. How's that sound?"
Despite her crappy mood, she sent an amused look Pam's way. "You just got paid huh?"
Pam returned her grin. "Something like that." Glancing down at her vibrating phone, she rolled her eyes. "I gotta head downstairs. The idiots at Reception finally found my missing mail. I'll be right back."
After she left, Sasha went to the sink and splashed some water on her face to wash away all traces of her sorrow. Clearing her throat, she returned her attention to Mia, who was rounding off a pirouette. "Lookin' good, baby," she praised, sitting on an armchair in the living room to get a closer look. "You're doing better with your extensions."
"Thanks." She turned off the music and began a series of body stretches, eyeing her mother all the while. "Mama, did something happen between you and Joe?"
It was a perfectly innocent question, but one that caused her stomach to knot uncomfortably. Trust her daughter to be so observant. "Why do you say that, baby?"
Mia approached Sasha, sitting on the armrest next to her and leaning into her mother's touch as she rubbed her back. "Well, you don't smile so much anymore. He always makes you smile. And he doesn't call or come around anymore like he used to. Why?" she stated, cocking her head to the side curiously. "Are you two fighting?"
Sasha's heartstrings tugged at how sad she looked. Oh dear. Her little girl had become attached. This was what she'd been afraid of. "We just had a little disagreement." That was really the only way she could explain it. "Don't worry yourself about it, okay?"
Mia wound her arms around Sasha's neck and pressed her cheek against hers. "I'm not worried, Mama. I know you'll work it out."
Sasha pulled back and gave her a feeble smile. "I hope so, baby."
The eight-year-old patted both sides of her mother's face. Her smile was as confident as the next words she spoke. "You will. You love each other."
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Gasp! Is Mia right?!
Kindly review guys! Thoroughly enjoying the feedback!
CHAPTER 31
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