#please............. i beg of you................ i only shared my knowledge because it haunts me................

[lady-z-writes]

What Lies Beneath - Chapter 3

Heisenberg x fem!reader fic

Summary: A trip to a neighboring village introduces Heisenberg to Reader – a Cadou experiment that didn’t quite meet Miranda’s standards. Reader was told to stay away from the Lords – as her powers will only make them weaker – but there’s something alluring about this rugged man, especially when he’s between her thighs.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

In which Reader and Heisy indulge. Smut below the cut:

“I’m not a witch,” she’s giggling as he juggles three of her crystals.

“She hides out in the woods, has a shit ton of crystals and weird old books, has knowledge she won’t share…? Yeah. Witch.”

They’re almost done with the bottle of whiskey, but she’s assured him she has another. Though, she probably won’t partake anymore because she’s tipsy and he’s looking really good sitting on her couch like that.

And this is so not allowed. He’s forbidden. This little meet-up is against everything Miranda has programmed into her. It’s not safe.

But for who?

“Listen, buttercup, I came all this way for answers and you’ve barely come through. Playtime’s over. Answer me or I’ll start breaking shit.”

[Y/N] groans. “If I answer, will you leave?”

He quirks an eyebrow. “Do you really want me to?”

She doesn’t reply he notices. He’s intrigued about where this will go.

“What do you want to know?”

“Well, for one, what do you know of the other Cadou experiments in this village?”

She stills. “Like I said before: many beings live here, Heisenberg, but few fruitful experiments. We were all cast out for not being valuable enough.”

“That isn’t what I asked you, is it?” he leans forward, rests his elbows on his knees, looks menacing.

She nods sternly, but hesitates. “I only know of two…and then a rumor.”

“Rumor?”

“Two live in the village, far away from me for obvious reasons. The other I’ve never met.”

“Not the most social thing, are you?” he jokes.

“It’s not just that. It’s an old lore – long before I arrived. There’s a haunted manor up in the mountains – they say inside there are creatures worse than Wendigo; dark spirits of this land before we populated it. The others believe it’s a fellow experiment.”

“And no one’s been up to check?”

Chills run through her. “No one I’ve encountered. I went up to see if the manor even stands.” He gives her a look that reads, ‘and?’ to which she nods.

“I hardly believe in ghost stories.”

“Oh, it’s so unbelievable? You got overtaken by a Dryad’s pheromones. You and your ‘siblings’ have been experimented on and now have powers. I could go on…”

He shrugs. “Ghosts just seem a little…unrealistic.” [Y/N] sighs, frustrated, which only makes Heisenberg laugh. “What of the others?”

“The other two have powers, unlike my lack-there-of,” she shakes her head, irritated that she just saps other energies instead of doing anything useful. “One is a healer – but it’s mostly small-scale stuff, nothing that Miranda found helpful. The other can use invisibility.”

Heisenberg hums, considering these powers. How Miranda picked the four lords and not these inhabitants, he wonders what her thought process was…

“And are they friends of yours?”

“Not exactly.” She shakes her head. “You got your answers, now I think you should go.”

“Do you now?” he’s standing as he speaks. “Do you really?” a beat of silence. “Why such a hurry?”

“It’s not safe,” she quietly replies.

“No? For who? Me? Sweetheart, I can take care of myself – powers or not. And I’m not leaving in that storm. So, looks like we’re bunking together tonight.” He’s towering over her at this point and she shifts her legs slightly, eyes wide. “What’s it gonna be? Leave me wanting or indulge?”

With him staring at her like that, she knows what she wants – but she knows she shouldn’t. Feeding into those pheromones will only make them overtake him – potentially last longer.

She stands, almost knocking him over with how abrupt she is, and her lips meet his in yet another heated kiss. The rumbling growl he releases makes her stomach flip as she places her hands on his shoulders. In a swift movement, she urges him to move and when the backs of his knees hit the edge of the couch, he topples down, dragging her with him. [Y/N] straddles his thighs, breathless for a moment as he reaches to start undressing her.

Heisenberg can’t help his wandering hands – can’t wait any longer to touch her.

When she’s topless in his lap, he breaks away from their kisses to admire her tits. Moments later, he’s pressing his mouth to her left nipple, his hands cupping and kneading her right breast. The moans coming from her only encourage him to keep at it and he’s quite enjoying her moving in his lap like she is.

“Oh, fuck, Heisenberg…” she’s panting.

His teeth gently graze across her nipple when he feels her hands travel between them and start unbuttoning and unclasping his garments.

“Not yet,” he snaps at her, causing her to halt, tense up. “Sit.” He points beside him on the couch. She follows orders sheepishly. “Now I want you to get undressed for me,” he nods toward her pants. He waits. “Do I need to repeat myself?” he’s suddenly calm.

“No, sir. Sorry,” is her reply.

Erection already pressing against the zip of his pants, he greedily watches [Y/N] strip for him. She’s hurried, not knowing how he’ll respond if she takes her time. He involuntarily lifts his hips when he sees her laid out completely bare for him. His hand squeezes his hardened dick, slightly stroking it overtop his pants.

[Y/N] shouldn’t have started this, she knows it. His aggression is arousing, but she knows he could overpower her easily. She could get hurt. Yet she doesn’t stop.

Watching her hands trail over her naked thighs, Heisenberg nods toward her again.

“I want to watch you touch yourself,” he demands.

“You first,” she practically whispers out.

This time she’s met with a smirk. “Cheeky…” he starts undoing all his straps and his belt, his snap and zip, and shoves his pants down just enough to comfortably pull out his engorged cock.

[Y/N] inhales sharply at how big he is. His right hand grips himself as his left caresses her thigh. Gloveless fingers trace over her pussy – spreading her lips and barely touching her opening to see just how wet she is already.

He grabs her hand then, pulls it between her legs, starts stroking himself. [Y/N] dips a delicate middle finger inside herself, biting back a moan at finally having some sort of stimulation.

Heisenberg tastes her wetness on his finger, hums at the delicacy. The doe-eyed way she’s looking at him while she fingers herself makes his dick twitch.

“How long do I have to wait to feel you?” she asks tentatively.

“Not until you cum.”

“W-what?”

“I want you dripping when you slide down on my cock.”

She wants to argue, but she sees his hand slowing the pace and she worries this will end before they’ve even started anything. [Y/N] arches her finger inside of herself, uses her free hand to play with her clit.

Heisenberg can wait a while longer, considering he came earlier. Though, the scene before him is way better than anything his brain concocted an hour ago. [Y/N] so needy for him, so desperate to serve and please; it’s nice to be wanted.

[Y/N] wants to whine as Heisenberg slowly strokes his cock. His forearm muscles flexing as his pace quickens, the slightly wavering breath he lets out as he traces his thumb over his tip…it’s so intriguing. She wants to learn him – see what he likes, what makes him sweat.

Watching him watch her is something she never thought would happen – especially with a Lord. It’s kind of flattering, kind of making her power-trip a little; but she swallows that down in case he wouldn’t take kindly to that.

“Mmm, Heisenberg, I-I’m close,” she breaks him away from his fixation on her cunt. “Can I…?”

He narrows his eyes, but knows that he’s at the point of breaking too – wanting so badly to feel her pulsing around him.

“Fine. If you don’t cum on my cock right fucking now, you don’t get to all night.”

[Y/N] scrambles to get up, slide her finger from herself, return to straddling him. Heisenberg grips her hips and shoves her down onto his shaft.

A loud gasp echoes in the room as she impales herself on top of him. She’s so fucking tight with how close she is and Heisenberg takes a moment to try to regain composure.

Within seconds, she’s raising and lowering herself on him in a desperate attempt to reach her peak. Heisenberg is surprised she can get tighter around his cock, but she does, right before he feels her fluttering around him – a cluster of loud gasps and moans overtaking her. [Y/N]’s fingers bury themselves into his shirt, her head thrown back as he kisses down her naked chest, pops a nipple into his mouth just to overstimulate her for the fun of it.

When she comes down, he instantly flips her on her back, adjusts himself on the cushion so he can pound into her.

“So good, kitten. Fuck, so Goddamn good. Your little cunt gripping me like this makes me want to fill you up.” He huffs out as she gasps against his chest. “So, where am I cumming, toots? Your belly?” He stops speaking as he groans, huffs out a few breaths. “These gorgeous fuckin’ tits?” he speaks through clenched teeth. “Inside of you?” When he says that last little bit, she’s gripping at him harder, her moans louder. “Ah…you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

He’s hypervigilant; so focused on every sensation, it’s a little more overwhelming than he’d anticipated. It’d been a long time since he’d participated in anything sexual with another – a villager here or there – but he’s sure the pheromones have something to do with how overwhelming to the senses this all is.

[Y/N] is reaching for him then, pulling his head down so she can meet his lips again. Meeting him thrust-for-thrust, [Y/N] cries out his name, begging him to slow down but he can’t. He can’t because he’s chasing that high; his orgasm nearing and – fuck – is hers too?

“We don’t quit now, I can’t promise I’ll be able to stop, buttercup,” he rasps out.

[Y/N]’s eyes are open, pupils blown wide as she shoves him off her. He’s shocked and a little pissed off until she crawls on top of him, urging him back so his head is against the armrest. She slides down on his cock and he’s gripping at her hips so tight his knuckles are ghost white.

“You bitch,” he huffs out.

“You like it, stop pretending you don’t,” she mocks, riding him slow to tease him. “Figured we needed to slow things down if you were gonna last,” her sentence is punctuated with a breathy sigh.

“You act as if this is the last time we’re doing this tonight,” he chuckles.

“I can’t get you to leave, can I?”

“You clearly don’t want me to leave. I’ve got this poison; you’re just worked up for a Lord.”

Now she quickens the pace and Heisenberg’s back arches off the couch.

“Keep using that excuse,” her words come out in gasps, working herself toward another orgasm. “You haven’t been fucked like this in how long, sir?” the way she whispers this coupled with the sensation of her bouncing on his cock like this…

“Get off,” he speaks through clenched teeth.

“Oh, I will…” she whines.

Fingers gripping into her harder, he clenches his jaw. “No,” he grunts. “I mean…”

“You’re close?” at that, he can only nod, breath caught in his throat, trying to hold back. “Good.”

An unclouded mind, he’d think better than cumming inside her but now it’s all he wants. A few moans escape him as he pulls her tightly against him with every thrust, bottoming out with her on top.

When he feels her tightening around him once more, he huffs out a few breaths before closing his eyes and fucking up into her. The orgasm knocks the wind out of him, [Y/N] moaning from the feeling of his slick warmth filling her up. Heisenberg continues to slam into her sloppily, making her take every damn drop of him.

As he’s coming down and overly-sensitive, [Y/N] keeps riding him until she reaches her peak once again. Half-lidded eyes watching the way her body moves, Heisenberg tenses at the over-stimulation.

When [Y/N] is done, she collapses on top of him – all breathy moans and open-mouthed kisses.

“I guess you can stay,” she laughs.

“So fuckin’ generous,” his hands trace up her body. “And so fuckin’ mouthy when you’re in the thick of it.”

He seems humored and she’s embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, I…-”

“I’ve got plans for you,” he laughs

She can’t help the excitement bubbling in her throat. It’s going to be a wild night…

#karl heisenberg x you #karl heisenberg x reader #smut #karl heisenberg #heisenberg x reader #heisenberg x you

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Princess Part 7

Harry Potter Marauders Era 

Link to Part 6

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M 

______

The next morning you dreaded facing Walburga and Orion. The knowledge that both of you soon to be in-laws heard you screaming their son’s name as he ravaged you was enough to make your face flush. Regulus found the whole thing hilarious.

“Calm down, love. What is mum going to do? Banish us to our rooms. I would be just fine with that.”

You put a hand over your face as the two of you stepped into the dining room. Walburga sat with a steaming cup of tea in front of her while Orion was looking over some papers for work. Orion didn’t seem to be the least bit bothered about what happened the prior night. He gave Regulus and yourself his typical good morning before going back to his work. Walburga on the other hand was eyeing the two of you like a hawk.

“I think we need to discuss what happened last night.”

She said sharply before stirring her tea. Regulus fought the urge to laugh. If he wanted to get away from his mother without being harmed laughing was a horrible way to start. He swallowed back his laughter before looking at his mother “innocently.” Regulus, after all, knew how to charm Walburga better than anyone. It was how he got 95% of the things that he wanted anyway so why wouldn’t it work today?

“Mum, I apologize. We didn’t realize that we were being that loud.”

You nodded.

“I’m sorry too. This is embarrassing for all of us.”

Orion didn’t look up or make a noise, which seemed to annoy Walburga further.

“As I have said before I am aware that the two of you have sex. That does not mean that neither of us wants to see or hear about it. That is supposed to be done privately, not loud enough for one's parents to overhear everything. We do not want to hear this again or I shall have to separate the two of you until you're married.”

Walburga was pleased when Regulus’ mouth dropped.

“Mother, we have been sleeping together for years. What do you honestly expect was going to happen with that arrangement?”

Walburga picked up a teacup saucer and tossed it at her youngest son.

“I suggest if you want to keep sleeping with Y/n to watch how you speak to me in this house.”

You didn’t dare to sneak a look at your fiance even though Regulus was squeezing your hands painfully hard. Walburga took a few moments before speaking again.

“If either of you step a toe out of line for the next few months...both of you will regret it.”

Orion finally looked up.

“Enough sex talk, Walburga. I am trying to drink my tea. The two get it. Right?”

Both Regulus and yourself muttered “yes sir” at the same time. Orion nodded and went back to his paper.

“There you go. Now leave them alone.”

Over the next few months, both Regulus and yourself were true to your promise to Walburga. Whether it be the fact that school was ending, not wanting to risk being separated, or something else neither of you was misbehaving in the slightest.

The last half of the year came and went faster than any in your memory. You barely had time to breathe in-between graduation and moving into the cute little town-home that Walburga had reserved.

“We don’t have to tiptoe around mum anymore.”

Regulus said with a smile as he sat the last box down. You didn’t fight the moment that he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“No, we don’t. We just have to worry about her dropping by at random moments when she realizes that she has nothing better to do now that we have moved out.”

You replied. Regulus sighed. You were right on that one. He had the bad feeling that Walburga would turn up at the beginning of every romantic the two of you would share for the foreseeable future. Regulus had been so thrilled about getting out on his own that he hadn’t even considered how his mother was going to react to having a “empty nest.”

“Damn it, so much for walking around the place naked. You know that woman will not give us a courtesy knock either. As soon as the damn wedding is over then we can give her some ground rules.”

You stood on your tiptoes and gently kissed Regulus’ chin.

“Everything will be fine. You should be patient with your mother. She’s going to be lonely.”

Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Then she needs to talk to my father or Kreacher. There are plenty of others in that house that she can drive crazy. We have done everything that she wanted. For months we practically haven’t touched each other in that house. Not to mention we behaved civilly at graduation and the parties...we upheld our end of the bargain. Now she needs to go join a ladies' day club or or something club and stop haunting us.”

You understood Regulus’ annoyance with his mother. It had been difficult to act as though Regulus and yourself were good little children anytime that Walburga was near. She had a strange talent of coming into a room anytime that Regulus had his lips on yours. Now you wanted to be able to kiss your soon to be husband anytime that you wished.

“Everything will be fine, love.”

You said with a smile as Regulus instantly grabbed his left arm. The expression on his face told you everything that you needed to know. He was being summoned (yet again). For the past few weeks between Voldemort and Walburga, you had been lucky to have five minutes alone with Regulus.

“I’ll be home soon.”

You nodded, knowing there was no use in arguing or begging Regulus to stay home. If Voldemort called, Regulus went running. You had to fight back the feeling of annoyance that was building in your stomach.

“Are you mad?”

Regulus asked as he pulled on his coat. You put your drink down.

“Between him and your mother, I am not getting much time with you.”

You weren’t surprised when Regulus gave you a displeased scowl. If you so much as said something bad about the dark lord Regulus was giving you hell.

“You know what I signed up for. I am not giving up a duty that I wanted to please you, Y/n. You, like my mother, need to find ways to fill your time without me being with you.”

Regulus knew that his response was cold but he was getting frustrated. In the beginning, you were proud of him for wanting to be a death eater. Now, you were suddenly becoming dismissive to the whole thing and it was getting on Regulus’ nerves. Between worrying about his mother’s overbearing nature and what Voldemort had him doing he didn’t have time for a nagging wife.

You didn’t say anything before turning and going into the kitchen. As much as you wanted to give Regulus some equally cold comment back, you knew that it would be for nothing. When Regulus was in death eater mode, he would listen to nothing that you had to say. If you did say something as cold and vindictive back, you would just get fussed at even more and you were in no mood for it.

What Regulus also didn’t know was you had been writing Sirius since Christmas about everything going on. There was no romance to the letters just sharing information. Sirius was worried to death about Regulus’ crazy decisions and the level of hate that Walburga had filled his head with. For you, it was nice to have an outlet to voice your own doubts on the ideology that you had grown up with. You had been doubting Voldemort for some time and it was nice to see that you weren’t crazy or being some jealous girlfriend who was pissy because her lover was away.

Sirius was as concerned about Regulus’ safety as you were. He was still offering to help keep the two of you safe if Regulus would stop being a death eater and join the order. You knew that wouldn’t go over well at all. Hell would freeze over before Regulus switched sides. You also knew that Regulus would leave you if you even suggested it. He would be so furious if he found out that you were talking to Sirius behind his back then to ask him to deflect would be a bigger kick in the balls.

Little did Regulus seem to realize, you hadn’t shared his pureblood beliefs in a long time. The two of you had “purebloods are the best and muggle-borns are rubbish” shoved down your throats since childhood. You had begun to question everything very early on but was afraid to make your feelings known. Maybe it was due to your aunt Druella threatening to you not to ruin your chances at marrying Regulus. You didn’t want to be a disappointment. After witnessing the way that Sirius was treated, you were even more afraid to speak up. If you were kicked out of the family, you would have no one to turn to.

“Y/n…”

You didn’t turn as Regulus’ voice pulled you from your thoughts. Why he hadn’t left yet was beyond you. Usually, Regulus would automatically apparate out when Voldemort called.

“Just go, Regulus.”

You coldly replied. At the moment, you couldn’t turn and look at him. You didn’t want to see that look in his eyes. Knowing that he was going to go torture or kill some innocent was something that you didn’t want to think about. You didn’t want to think about how the boy you had loved since childhood changed into someone that you didn’t know.

Regulus had changed…

The thought was startling to you. Looking up to the kitchen window, the thought came as a shock. You felt as if you had been smacked by a heavy book. Regulus was changing into someone you didn’t know. It wasn’t just when he was doing his job as a death eater it was all of the time. Perhaps you didn’t notice because you chose not to. Maybe you didn't want to accept that sweet boy that you played wedding with in Walburga’s back garden or the boy who could read you French poetry was now someone very different.

You have changed too…

You felt suddenly comforted by that comment. No longer were you the spoiled selfish princess whose only goal was to become Mrs. Regulus Black. You weren’t the girl that Druella and Walburga raised to be totally dependent on Regulus for everything. Now you wanted to see some good in the world. Good, that didn’t involve some dark lord with a superiority complex telling you how to believe toward another person’s blood status.

“Love...I didn’t mean what I said…”

You, again, didn’t turn to Regulus.

“You should go before you get into trouble.”

When you heard the front door shut, you turned. The living room now seemed very empty and quiet. You turned and went off in search of parchment. It was time to grow up.

“Another night alone…”

Regulus had been gone for an hour and a half when there was a knock at your door. Standing up, you frowned wondering who would be dropping by? Evan and Emma were at one of the Rosier estates in France celebrating their honeymoon and wasn’t due back for another week.

Dusting off your skirt, you slowly opened the door to see Sirius and Remus standing on the other side. Sirius immediately smiled but knew just by the look on your face something was wrong.

“I got your letter. You wanted to see me?”

You nodded and moved aside to let both men into the house. Remus seemed a little uneasy about coming in and you couldn't blame him. He was right for being worried about stepping into a known death eater’s home. You tried to give him a smile in hopes of providing some comfort. Remus only nodded and followed behind Sirius.

After shutting the door you turned back to your soon to be brother in law.

“I need you to talk some sense into Regulus. He won’t listen to me.”

Sirius frowned.

“What makes you think that he will listen to me?”

You ran a hand through your hair.

“I don’t want him to be killed working for Voldemort. He’s staying gone more and more. I don’t want to lose him to some madman.”

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances as Remus stepped closer. He didn’t have any personal issues with you. To Remus, you had always been kind but being kind didn’t mean that you wouldn’t turn back to “old ways” should it be required.

“Whose side are you on, Y/n?”

Crossing your arms over your chest. That was the million-dollar question and it had to be answered. Should you turn against your family to save Regulus or just be the “good wife” and watch him be destroyed? The answer was easy…

“I suppose that I am on your side now. I’m tired of always hating people and being miserable. I also don’t want to watch the man that I love die or be killed.”

That was the best statement that you could come up with. You had known of another death eater that had been killed by Voldemort personally for changing their mind about joining his side. The last thing that you wanted was for Regulus to be another one of those statistics.

“My offer still stands.”

Sirius said, keeping his voice gentle. Your eyes met him after a few moments.

“I just want Regulus safe.”

Before Sirius could respond the front door opened and closed. Regulus looked confused when he stepped into the living room. The last thing that he ever expected was to come home to Sirius and Remus standing in his living room.

“What the hell is going on here?”

He asked, immediately feeling on edge. Regulus’ night had been a shit show due to a new death eater chickening out of doing a murder that Regulus had to carry out. He was in a foul mood then finding the last person that he wanted to see in the world standing in his living room was a worse way to end the day.

Sirius turned his little brother. There was no denying that Regulus was a death eater. Just looking at his brother’s clothes told him everything that you said was right. Putting back the heartbreak, Sirius took a breath.

“Regulus, I know that you’re a death eater. The whole order knows.”

Regulus blinked a few times.

“Congratulations, you figured something out. If you have come to enlighten me on your discovery there is the door...now see your way out.”

Sirius shook his head.

“It's not that simple, Reg.”

Regulus nodded.

“Yes, actually it is. Open the door, step outside, then close it behind you. It’s very simple. I can even shove you out if you would like.”

Sirius had to fight back his own sass that was wanting to come out.

“Damn it, Regulus I am trying to save you.”

Regulus started chuckling at that comment. Sirius was trying to “save him.” That was cute and about 2 years too late.

“There is nothing that you can save me from. I have made my choice...just like you have.”

You finally looked up.

“Damn it, Regulus, listen to him!”

You snapped. Regulus turned his attention to you. Your face was unreadable. Regulus hadn’t seen that expression on your face before.

“Y/n, what are you talking about?”

Regulus asked. You sighed.

“He’s trying to help us so you won’t be killed or thrown into Azkaban. Regulus, I am scared for you. I know that you think you are doing the right thing but…”

Regulus held a hand up.

“Are you really agreeing with him? You’re supposed to be on my side! As my fiance, you are supposed to pick me.”

You softened your tone. Talking to Regulus like a child would get you nowhere.

“I am on your side that is why Sirius wants to help keep us safe. Regulus, I don’t want to lose you. People are dying on both sides and it's going for nothing. All of these innocent people are being killed and sooner or later Voldemort is going to pick on the wrong person and it will all go to hell. He won’t be there to keep you from prison or death. Reggie, you are just a number to him...he doesn’t care about the person that you are...our family...noth…”

“SHUT UP!”

Regulus yelled. You flinched and stepped back. He had never put an unloving hand on your before but telling him that his beliefs were wrong was likely to get yourself hexed.

Sirius stepped up.

“Reg, don’t yell at her. She is just…”

“Betraying me.”

Regulus interrupted. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Dude, that is a little harsh. Y/n is trying to protect you. She isn’t handing you over to the Nazis. I think that you know that this side...this whole being some idiots henchman isn’t you…”

Regulus didn’t reply. His eyes coldly looked between Sirius and yourself. You stepped a bit closer to him.

“Sweetheart, please.”

Regulus started laughing bitterly.

“Let me have the ring back.”

The sentence stung worse than a thousand bees. You couldn’t help letting your mouth fall as your right hand traced over your engagement ring.

“What?”

You stammered. Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Give me the goddamned engagement ring back. I am not about to marry a stupid blood traitor. Sirius, you can have her. I don’t want her now. Get your shit and get out, Y/n.”

When you didn’t move fast enough, Regulus closed the distance between your body and his. He had your hand in his and roughly yanked the ring off.

“Never speak to me again.”

He hissed before turning and walking from the room. Neither Sirius, Remus, nor yourself was able to say a word until the bedroom door slammed. You couldn’t move. Did Regulus really end things with you? You were too stunned to cry. The man that was supposed to love and protect you had thrown you away like rubbish. This was worse than the brief break up earlier in the year...this was permanent and you had no idea how you were going to handle it.

“Y/n, you can come with us.”

Remus’ voice was soft as he gently put a hand on your back. Sirius was as stunned as you were. He NEVER expected Regulus to say those cold words to you. You were Regulus’ pet and now he disposed of you like dirt on his shoes.

Sirius quickly pulled himself from his stupor and turned to you.

“Come on, Y/n. We’ll keep you safe.”

______

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#Regulus Black #Regulus Black X Reader #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #James Potter #Lily Evans #timothee chalamet as regulus black #ben barnes as sirius black #andrew garfield as remus lupin #james x lilly #marauders era fic #young marauders #Walburga Black #Orion Black #druella rosier black #the ancient and noble house of black #regulus x reader #reader x regulus #regulus arcturus black #sirius orion black #death eater regulus #Princess #Princess Chapter 7 #update

[uwua3]

friendly neighborhood poltergeist.

🌻👘 rurikawa yuki.

summary: no one likes a dead boy, especially not you

dedication: trans anon ♂ — i listened to this song and thought of you! 

warnings: angst, death, gender roles, ghosts, hate crimes, heartbreak, identity–based discrimination, jealousy/envy, mentions of violence, murder, paranormal/supernatural, spiders

author’s note: in the spirit of halloween month, please accept this scarily haunting song fic of “friendly neighborhood poltergeist”! enjoy~ ☆★ i haven’t written for yuki in so long so i’m so happy! :D i hope you like it as much as i do~ happy october!! 

word count: 2,595

music: friendly neighborhood poltergeist – rory webley

BEEN STARING AT YOU FOR DAYS,

BUT, YOU NEVER SEEM TO LOOK MY WAY

MY “I LOVE YOU’s” IN YOUR ALPHABET SOUP SEEM TO GO TO WASTE

BEEN KEEPING MYSELF AT BAY

NOW EVERYTHING’S GONE PEAR–SHAPED

Yuki remembered the day he was murdered.

It was Halloween 1987. Boys weren’t supposed to wear girly costumes, he knew that very well. Yet, when Yuki put on that dress instead of his normal uniform for boys only, he felt like himself for the first time in his entire life. It was nearing his high school graduation, he would’ve had another year or so until becoming one of St. Flora’s distinguished alumni. before he was killed behind the school building.

When Yuki died, he came back to see none of those boys were ever arrested. His murderers walked free and lived the life he didn’t, all because he wore a dress. Yuki now haunted this world in the very outfit he was dragged to hell in, the fragile fabric still ripped at the hem and stained by the very dirt students still crossed to this day. Forgotten in his small town and buried six feet under, Rurikawa Yuki became a ghost forever.

Why was he still here? There was nothing to live for, it’s not like he could’ve been resurrected back to life. Yuki wanted to move on, instead of walking the halls of the school that hated him. How could he keep staring in the face of teachers who never liked his bow instead of the usual tie? Why was he forced to watch generations of students graduate when he was removed of that opportunity? Yuki was eternally seventeen, forever and always.

All because he wore a dress.

Yuki haunted St. Flora for decades, just for revenge on all of those who let him die, even if it wasn’t their fault. Yuki was dead—until, you.

I GUESS BOYS WITH BEATING HEARTS

BEAT A BOY BURIED IN THE BACKYARD

EVERY TIME I TRY TO MAKE CONTACT

FEELS LIKE A SUPERNATURAL ATTACK

MISINTERPRET THEN YOU REACT

October. Pumpkin vines grew around his orange–laced boots, the autumn sunsets passing through his invisible form. Yuki missed the way candy tasted upon his tongue, how different fall treats were compared to the rest of the year. As Yuki walked past black cats that gathered, he glanced at the apple tree in the center of the school’s courtyard.

As a ghost, cold didn’t mean anything anymore. Students headed home in their coziest knit garments—no boys in dresses, luckily. Yuki sighed, but his breath didn’t solidify into the usual visible sign like it did all those years ago. Instead, cobwebs were spun in the corners of the building, spiders crawling along the walls. Spiders could feel the chilly autumn season, Yuki suddenly became jealous of those eight–legged creatures.

The crunch of falling leaves made Yuki turn slowly, his orange eyes finding you. You wore the St. Flora uniform, and it hadn’t changed from his years of attending. Not paying much mind, Yuki faced the red apples, watching them ripen away from the previously dismal September. As a boy, he used to reach up and grab it with his own gloved hands, the hard surface of the apple foreshadowing a delicious near future. Yuki couldn’t remember the taste of apples, did they taste any different?

“Do you want an apple?”

I GUESS IT’S BACK TO THE ATTIC,

I’M SO DRAMATIC, IT’S SO SAD

BUT, THE LAST TIME I LET SOMEONE INSIDE,

I WAS BURIED ALIVE

Yuki didn’t move, not until he felt a hand land on his shoulder. Letting out a scream, Yuki stumbled back from the first human contact he’s received ever since his death. Before you could say another word, Yuki disappeared out of sight, the memory of a fading boy wearing a purple and orange dress terrifying you to the core. You looked around, your eyes frantically searching for the witch–themed boy that was just in front of you.

Behind the tree, Yuki rested his hand above his chest, wishing he could feel the rapid heartbeat of fear from his past life. The burn of your touch tingled upon his skin, making him almost feel alive. Yuki had never, ever, been seen by someone—especially... touched. He had forgotten how warm living people were; had Yuki always been this cold all this time?

It was almost harvest moon, so you took a few steps back, about to leave. Until, you didn’t. You reached up and grabbed an apple. Putting it gently on the worn cobblestone bench wrapped around the apple tree, you took another glance before departing for good.

Nothing had changed in St. Flora’s courtyard, where Yuki was murdered. Pumpkins decorated the space festively, welcoming in the frights and scares of Halloween town. The cats spoke in an unknown tongue that couldn’t be translated by the human ear, possibly sharing the ancient knowledge witches passed on to their familiars. Spiders continued building their webs that would be destroyed by irresponsible, wreckless students the following early morning. Autumn browned the apple tree’s leaves as they fell like a goodbye, away they went. Except, a single red apple was left for Yuki.

When Yuki sat next to the apple, his skirt spread out across the seat and the witch’s hat upon his head tilted down. Stopping, Yuki shuddered from his own fear, not of the October cold incoming upon his town. Without wasting more time (after all, he’s had decades to do nothing), Yuki wrapped his hand around the apple.

He could feel it. It was hard and the surface wasn’t bruised at all. You picked the perfect apple. Shakingly bringing it to his mouth, Yuki ate something for the first time in years.

Yuki left the core of the apple in the same spot as before. It was the next day when you found it, searching the courtyard again but finding no one. Yuki was sitting right besides you, however, carefully watching your reaction. Something inside compelled him to say anything, and as Yuki was about to thank you, a male voice called for you just at the gates of the school.

You turned around with a smile, the most alive thing in the season of death. You left without another thought of the witch costume out of the corner of your eye, Yuki’s frown etched on his face as he witnessed another student pull you into an one–armed hug. Subconsciously, Yuki raised his hand, ghosting it above the last place you touched him, his shoulder suddenly cold.

Yuki wanted to touch you like that, too. What did that boy do to deserve your life like that? The apple didn’t taste so good, anymore.

HI, I’M YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD POLTERGEIST

NOBODY EVER LOOKS AT ME TWICE

I’M USED TO BEING SEE–THROUGH, BUT IT FEELS SO BAD WHEN IT HAPPENS WITH YOU

WISH YOU’D SEE ME THE WAY I SEE YOU

Yuki didn’t breathe anymore, not since his last breath with dirt suffocating his throat. Sometimes, Yuki looked at his burial with curiousity, strangely wondering how decayed his corpse was. What if, he never died? Was he still alive under all that earth? Most likely not, he didn’t know if he wanted to be anymore.

Yet, seeing you was like a breath of fresh air. Staying in the same seat on the same bench you liked to visit, Yuki used his eternal time to watch you. You, who liked resting your bag on his lap as you read a book, laying your head on the tree trunk with your ungloved fingers holding the binding. You, who sometimes read out loud, as if you were aware there was a dead boy who was slowly falling for you like the autumn leaves. You enjoyed picking up the courtyard cats even if their fur messed up your pristine uniform, talking to them as if they were human.

Yuki liked how you were often alone, as selfish as that sounded. Between classes, you seldom traveled with friends but instead, started hanging by the courtyard more often. Lunch was Yuki’s favorite pastime, because you spent a half hour or so just spending time with him. You would bring random little things, confidently talking to thin air as if it was elementary show & tell all over again.

“Candy?” Yuki said, looking over your shoulder to see you unwrap a piece of unfamiliar candy. It was a brand he didn’t recognize, times were changing, indeed. Expecting to be ignored, Yuki suddenly felt your hot breath on his cheek as you turned your head, seemingly staring straight through him. You couldn’t see Yuki, but you started anyway.

“Is that you?” Silence. You averted your gaze, your eyes meeting Yuki’s for a split second unintentionally. You carried on, but Yuki froze, as if frozen to the spot. Why did your eyes make him pretend there was blood rushing through his veins, as if he wasn’t buried six feet under? Hovering over the surface of his cheeks, Yuki knew he’d be blushing right now if that was possible.

“I knew it. I knew you were here the entire time.” You gratefully admitted, a warm red tint on the tip of your nose. Yuki wished he was the scarf around your neck, to be so close to you and feel your beating pulse. Yet, Yuki didn’t reply. He wasn’t underneath anymore, but it felt like he couldn’t breathe, like he was being buried alive all over again. What was this feeling? How did you give and take his life all at once?

After a moment or two of the wind brushing rustling the corn maize just beyond the fence, you flinched at the sound of the bell, telling you to go back to class. Yuki wanted to beg you to stay, you were his first friend in so long. Yuki knew it would’ve been stupid to hold onto you, a ghost couldn’t make contact as well as humans did.

So, he let you go. You stood up, about to leave to your last period before looking over your shoulder, sending a bright smile in Yuki’s general direction.

“I’ll bring you all my favorite candies on Halloween, okay?”

It would be the first Halloween where Yuku celebrated instead of mourning his death.

I’VE BEEN SPELLING MY NAME IN YOUR LEGO BRICKS

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT MORE OBVIOUS

YOU’RE CLOSE ENOUGH TO ALMOST TOUCH

BUT, NOT CLOSE ENOUGH TO HOLD

BEEN TRYNA MAKE MY MOVE

BUT, THAT DUDE KEEPS STEALING YOU

The weeks leading up to Halloween were the days where Yuki felt most alive, even including his life before death. You gave Yuki a purpose to live, making him stay in the courtyard for good as he waited for you impatiently. You two got to know each other more as you figured out ways for Yuki to communicate without words. Even if it was a slight change in the air or a push of a leave or a meow from a cat, you seemingly understood every intention of his. How did you know him so well? Why did he want to share so much?

As you felt inclined to spend more time in St. Flora’s courtyard, you and Yuki grew your relationship during the season of magic, where anything could happen. You began leaving gifts for Yuki as a way to thank him for being your friend, without ever asking to see him. For the first time in his afterlife, Yuki felt safe. As if nothing could ever hurt him, except... him.

You had a friend with teeth as sharp as the monster under your bed and a laughter that howled like a wolves. How could a person like you enjoy a beast like that man? It was Halloween year round with that boy, and Yuki instantly disappeared whenever he looked for you. In his sleazy uniform that harmed St. Flora’s prestigious reputation, that boy would touch you casually like it was nothing. It made Yuki’s fists clench and energy angry, it infuriated every part of him.

Worst part was, you liked it. Yuki could tell without even trying, you didn’t even hide it. You ate up all the attention like it was an apple pie, returning the gesture with an embarrassed flustered expression across your face. You would leave school with him hand in hand, smiling even bigger than you did with Yuki.

The afternoon before Halloween, the school bell ended your time together as you stood up, waving goodbye to your ghost boy. Yuki’s intuition was twisting his gut, the anxiety making his head spin as he impulsively reached out, his fingers curling around your wrist.

You stopped, feeling a tug holding you back. Your eyes met a green haired, orange eyed boy in a witch’s costume like the first time you both met. You blinked, and he was gone, but you could still imagine his hand and how soft it was on yours.

“You’ll come tomorrow night, right?”

You promised you would, and Yuki let you go, and inkling of suspicion arising in his heart. He trusted you. When that boy yelled your name with a smirk, Yuki closed his eyes to avoid the sight of you smiling back at that monster. He just didn’t trust him, that’s all.

Yuki wondered what types of candy you liked under the full moon tomorrow.

I DON’T KNOW WHY I TRIED

THIS REJECTION GOT ME FEELING COLD AS ICE

I DON’T WANNA DIE TWICE

IT WASN’T VERY FUN THE FIRST TIME

Yuki was ready. Stepping out from behind the apple tree, Yuki could feel himself manifest as a real person, not as a ghost. It had been a long month of practicing and working on this skill he didn’t know he could do before, but Yuki did it. All for you, he wanted to hold you even if it was just once.

The full moon on a Halloween night gave him enough energy to appear as a full apparition, fortunately. In his dress that got him killed, Yuki waited in his usual spot, listening for the crunch of autumn leaves to signal your arrival. Yuki waited, and waited, and waited.

It was midnight when Yuki realized you weren’t coming. You had lied, you broke your promise. A part of him wanted to keep waiting, making up every excuse in the book for your disappearance. But, he knew what happened. You chose that beast over him, you liked boys that were alive. Of course you did, what could a dead boy offer to someone alive?

Was this why Yuki came back as a ghost? To die again?

You ran into the courtyard, slipping past the security in the dead of night, the clock striking three. You were out of breath, dizzy with adrenaline as you carried a basket of candy. Usually, you would feel Yuki’s presence around, but, it was like... he was dead, for good.

You found nothing but a pair of lemon–yellow gloves that belonged to his costume upon the bench. You remembered how many times he insisted you protect your hands more, and tears threatened to fall from your eyes. Why did this feel so much like a goodbye? Was this the end?

He decided to give a gift back after all the ones you brought for him... why? As the pumpkin–shaped bag of candy dropped onto the ground, startling the creatures of October who witnessed you cry, you felt a hand ghost over your cheek. A single warm breath hovered over your lips, then nothing at all.

Rurikawa Yuki died twice.

#rurikawa yuki #yuki rurikawa #a3! act! addict! actors! #a3! #act! addict! actors! #a3! actor training game #a3! one shots #act! addict! actors! one shots #mankai a3! #mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #yuki x reader #a3! yuki #a3 yuki

[sunflowersseemhappy]

If you're up for it, Imagine the main 6 having a premonition of sorts about the apprentice dying and they do the utmost best to ensure it never happens but when the time comes they realize all their preparations to stop the death actually causes the death of the apprentice. Bonus is if they have to deal with the apprentice dying in front of them and they can’t do anything about it and the apprentice doesn’t look at them with any malic or rage. Just a sad, resignation, but their expression makes it clear that they don’t blame the cast for what happened.

This is probably a bit different from what you’re expecting anon but I hope you like it and crying. I definitely have to be in the mood for angst but I think I needed these to have an essence of hope at the end (especially in these times). Wishing you all well!

There’s mentions of blood but not any detail!

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED but here is my Masterlist!

Asra

Asra’s heart in in his throat, he’s screaming at the nightmare so terrifying it feels like it will never end.

No relief comes to Asra when he wakes up.

Only dread, something telling him not to ignore it, maybe he should though. After all it was only a nightmare...

It's the first nightmare he doesn’t tell you about and that is the first of many mistakes he makes.

Asra wants to believe he can fix this, he’s become stuck in the past again, stuck living in a time that doesn’t exist.

If only he had looked forward.

Now he’s living his nightmare, and worst of all he wasn’t there. Just like the Lazaret he’s too late, but he’s not screaming.

He’s begging and crying, telling you this was his fault, telling you to stay, don’t leave him again, he can’t handle it.

As he cradles you in his lap you give him a resigned smile and trace his cheek, and you beg of him back.

“Don’t keep looking back Asra, it’ll only hurt. Move forward and have a life for me, you can tell me about it when we see each other once more.”

Asra’s glad of those final words, he didn’t get them before.

The shop stays empty, but once a year a white haired magician returns to Vesuvia and to the shop laying flowers at the door and the whole of the city knows Asra is living a life but will never forget who he’s living it for.

Nadia

It’s the first vision Nadia has that remains unclear, her intuition warning her yet keeping the knowledge just out of sight.

She knows it has something to do with you and she worries so.

Because she could hear the wailing, see the blood, feel her heart beating chaotically in her chest.

Against all reason she does nothing, not beacuse she doesn’t care but because she does not understand what lies ahead.

She falls into the trap of her own self-doubt, past ghosts coming to haunt her, telling her nothing has happened and not to worry.

And the day comes when that vision comes to pass and it is so much worse than she expected because she understands.

All of it, it was her voice wailing, your blood, her heart beating against her chest in fear and anxiety as she calls for help and wipes the blood from your lips with the sleeve of her dress.

She’s failed you again, ignoring the signs and standing by, she wonders why she ever believed she could be a good ruler, a good partner.

You grip Nadia’s hands and give her a determined look, you still believe in her, your eyes say as much.

“I know this hurts Nadia, but like everything it’s a lesson worth learning. You’re going to be the wisest ruler Vesuvia has ever had...I’m so proud of you, you’re going to be great.”

Nadia would trade all her wisdom to have you back.

The palace is a melancholy place, ruled by a wise Countess who ensures personally that everyone of her subjects is happy and they in turn share their happiness with her but she will never forget her true happiness with a magician's apprentice who gave her the greatest wisdom of all.

Julian

Julian puts all his belief into thinking that was just a nightmare, or his mind running just a little too wild during the boring hours of the night.

But those images, blurred at the sides of his hands covered in blood, hair falling in his face, gritted teeth and harsh breathing enclose him with an icy chill.

No matter how much he drinks that won’t leave him and Julian begins to believe that at some point this will be his fault. He’ll do or say something that causes those images and that pain.

Julian pretends everything is alright, but he’s distancing himself for the time being, maybe that will help.

Julian wishes he had been with you when this happened, there's a startling clarity with that nightmare.

His vision blurred by tears, his hands pressing against the bloody wound, his hair falling maddingly in his face, gritting his teeth and breathing harshly because he can’t fix this...

He’s always been so calm in the face of death but it's different because it's you and he’s not ready and he’s so sorry he pushed you away.

You give him an understanding nod.

“Julian... it’s okay, you’re going to be okay. Just don’t push anyone away anymore please, keep everyone close. You never know when you’ll lose those close to you, it’s important for them to know how much you love them just as I know how much you love me.”

Julian wonders if he loved you enough.

The good doctor does as he’s told, he keeps his friends and family close to his heart and loves them endlessly. Julian never pushes anyone away again, their love lies in his heart next to the memory of a magician who never once gave up on him.

Muriel

Muriel is no stranger to nightmares, especially ones of him losing you but this one definitely feels too real.

Bodies pressed together, something damp on his cheeks, probably tears, and he’s shaking with rage, terror, pain?

Muriel wonders if there's anything he can do but maybe that’s the point, his subconscious telling him he’s worrying too much.

Or not worrying enough.

Muriel feels himself falling down that rabbit hole, trusting only himself to do things properly to make things okay to keep you from harm.

Keeping you from doing the things you say you need to do and it becomes too much one day and then it happens and...

It’s his fault, Muriel has tried so hard to keep you safe that his actions have caused this.

His body hunched over yours as if he could still protect you, and that’s blood damp on his cheek not just tears and he’s shaking in remorse as he whimpers against you.

He doesn’t want to be without this, you. Muriel can see the regret in your eyes that you’re leaving him but also a dear smile.

“You are so strong Muriel, I’m so glad I got to see that. Keep being strong, protect others and know you can protect and love yourself. Our friends need that, the world needs that.”

Muriel’s so sure the last of his strength would be buried with you.

But if anything it grows stronger, the hermit becoming a hermit no longer, being strong and loving and honest. The meadow outside the hut is filled with laughter and people who enjoy his company, never alone. Even when they all leave for the evening Muriel is never alone, carrying the strength of a magician who taught him what true strength really is.

Portia

Portia is already crying when she escapes the vision, shaken to her core recalling the hopelessness, the loss of her own thought.

Her head was pressed against something at one point, she could see the eyes but the world was grey, silent all around her, fabric bunched in her hands as tears streamed down her face.

She’s never known such terror.

For a moment the world felt devoid of joy.

She tells you as much as you hold her, and as you hush her and bring joy to Portia’s face once again Portia realizes...

There would be no joy in the world if you were not here.

Portia becomes worrisome, she thinks less of adventure and fun and more about knowing you’re safe.

She’s frantic and sleepless, placing herself in harm's way before even thinking just to keep you safe.

And when that day comes, the one that had felt unavoidable the world truly does feel joyless.

Her head is pressed up against yours looking into those eyes, they were grey in her vision she didn’t want to believe they belonged to you and the world is deadly silent in her ears as she sniffles into your clothes.

The last few weeks she’s lost so much joy and here goes the last piece, you smooth out her curls with a wide smile.

“Oh Portia, I really loved our adventures I wish we could have gone on more. I know... how about you go and have more without me? You’d be a great pirate queen. I’m sure you’ll make lots of people very happy, you always made me so happy. Always.”

And for a little while Portia forgets what joy feels like.

But one day a spark finds her and Portia’s been chasing it ever since, traveling the world and bringing joy to all and there are lots of adventures. There are many whisperings in Vesuvia of what became of Portia Devorak, only a few know the truth, she’s living every adventure before her and tells the greatest stories about the magician at her side.

Lucio

Lucio’s been though and seen a lot of terrifying things but that vision is by far the worst, he very suddenly feels dread build in his chest.

And he doesn’t know what seemed worse the feeling of a limp body in his arms, the fluttering heartbeat against his chest or the vision of himself reflected in a pool of crimson.

His defences are up, Lucio spends nights staying awake watching over you with hesitation in his muscles.

No one gets near you under his protective glare.

Lucio begins to think it was just his mind wandering, it's not going to happen he decides one day he’s sure of it.

He’s protected you and shielded you and that night he decides to celebrate with you (although you’re sure to be curious what you’re celebrating.

But celebration never comes.

Only Lucio carrying you unsteady in his arms, your body limp and heartbeat fluttering against his chest, Lucio’s own heart feels dead in his chest as he stares down at his reflection in the pool of blood.

He was so adamant he could shoulder this burden himself, but that was yet another mistake he’s made.

You should be angry, you have every right to look at him that way but instead your eyes hold admiration and hope.

“You’re so different now, I almost don’t recognize you. You’ve changed for the better Lucio, don’t let that go okay? Don’t be afraid to make your mistakes, but please learn from them, accept them. You’ll be a better person for it, a hero, my hero.”

Lucio never wanted to be anyone's hero but yours.

Each of his day’s the former count of Vesuvia travels across the land, he can be brash and roguish but tales are told about his heroics of slaying monsters and tilling fields to help the farmers. He lives each day learning from mistakes and wondering if his cute magician is proud of him and they are.

#the arcana #julian #asra #nadia #muriel #portia #lucio #apprentice #headcanon #angst

[randomfandomimagine]

Flowers (Arthur Pendragon x Reader)

Characters: Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Emrys

Fandom: BBC Merlin

Tags: Marriage proposal, love confessions, fluff and angst

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2,4k words

Requested by anon: Hi dear I hope you are doing well would you be willing to write a ficlet for Arthur pendragon x reader were hes getting ready to purposes but reader is worried he wants to break up or something because he is being pretty secretive and if merlin could be in there to that would be wonderful i hope this is keeping to your rules if not sorry anyway please and thank you 

Arthur Pendragon x Gender Neutral Reader

_

The castle was swarming with people, and yet it felt empty somehow. Your footsteps echoed around the hallways, only increasing the feeling of loneliness. Everyone was behaving strangely lately, although you thought that perhaps they were only busy. It did feel like something was happening that you had no knowledge of.

A familiar figure appeared before you, and your heart skipped a beat at the sight of his him. He didn’t glance at you, yet you didn’t know if it was because he had not noticed you or if he was pretending not to.

“Arthur!” You called him as your paths crossed and you stopped before each other. “Arthur, dear”

“Not now, Y/N” He briefly replied, not bothering to even look at you still.

“But…” You held on to his arm, feeling the cold touch of his metal armguards spreading through your body and freezing your heart. “I just want to talk to you”

“I have somewhere to be” Arthur replied, continuing to walk like you weren’t there. Your fingers slipped off his arm as he did, leaving you holding on to nothing. An empty void joined the coldness of your heart.

Not knowing what else to do, you just stood there in the middle of the hallway, watching how he walked away. Arthur didn’t turn around nor glanced at you over his shoulder. Not even once.

You sighed, restless as you thought of a way to end your strife. What was the matter with him? For quite a while now you had been together, inseparable, but now… Arthur seemed to avoid you, he was distant and impatient. Perhaps he didn’t want to be with you any longer, perhaps he had grown tired of the relationship.

The sound of footsteps claimed your attention, and you smiled hopefully as you lifted your gaze. It must be Arthur, who realized his ill manners and had returned to apologize, surely! On the contrary, you saw someone else hurrying along the hallway.

“Merlin!” You called, mentally begging for him to pay attention to you. Fortunately, your friend stopped in his tracks and smiled at you. It was a warm gesture, familiar and comforting. It seemed that he had nothing against you, unlike everyone else.

“Yes?” He asked, looking you up and down. “Is something the matter, Y/N?”

“I…” You frowned, overwhelmed by a sudden urge to cry. Noticing this, Merlin put a hand on your arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. This encouraged you enough to continue speaking. “I fear Arthur is mad at me”

“Arthur?” Your friend chuckled, letting go of you. “That’s silly, Y/N. You know Arthur adores you”

As he spoke, Merlin averted his gaze. Watching him intently, you realized he was pursing his lips as though he was trying to keep quiet. You knew him enough to realize he kept something from you, as you had imagined.

“He is upset with me, isn’t he?” You sighed, wringing your hands in concern. “What is happening, Merlin? And why won’t anybody tell me?”

“I…” He cautiously returned your gaze. His eyes shone with empathy. “I can’t tell you”

“He will break up with me” You stated, more convinced by the second.

“No, I promise! You… he…” Merlin clicked his tongue, suddenly quite agitated. “I can’t tell you, Y/N, I’m sorry!”

“Have I done something wrong?”

“No” He paused to urgently take your hands in his. “You have nothing to worry about”

“But-“ You started, growing quiet when he vehemently shook his head.

“Trust me, Y/N” Merlin dedicated you a sweet smile. “Arthur loves you, and everything will make sense soon”

His eyes lingered on yours, silently asking you if you were okay and if you had understood what he was trying to tell you, if you believed him. The answer to all of those was no. You didn’t understand what was happening, and you were too hurt by Arthur’s demeanor to believe Merlin’s words of comfort. Nonetheless, you nodded your head.

“I must go” Merlin resolved, squeezing your hands one last time before letting go of them. “Be patient, he will come back to you”

There was this gentleness in his voice that meant to comfort you, just like the softness in his gaze. You nodded again, causing him to smile at you again before walking away.

Once more, you were left standing there alone as they left you behind. You resolved to return to your hiding place and walked inside your chambers again. They were too big for you, and Arthur only visited them during the night, although you were asleep by the time he arrived and lied down with you. As you lingered on your restless slumber, he held you tight every night and sighed at the wonderful feeling of you between his arms. You weren’t aware of this. Otherwise you wouldn’t be so worried over the situation, over your fear that Arthur had stopped loving you, because he loved you more than ever.

Unbeknownst to this, you absently paced up and down the room. You stared at the vase before you, delicately caressing the fragile petals. You remembered the day Arthur gifted you those flowers. Or rather, when he made Merlin bring them to you. You feared those days were over, in which you and Merlin joked about Arthur’s sappiness and his never ending gifts and affections directed at you. You feared that Arthur had grown tired of you, and you would wither like those flowers without their nurturing.

_

After quite a restless night, the sun had finally come out. The darkness ended, yielding to the light of dawn. Unable to fall back asleep, you feebly lay in bed. Negative thoughts plagued your mind, as well as that craving sensation that haunted you. Your hand fell over the side of the bed, there where Arthur was supposed to be laying with you. It was cold and empty. Had he visited your shared chambers at all last night?

You were startled when a knock suddenly came on the door. Quickly sitting up, you hurried to make yourself decent by clumsily combing your hair with your hands.

“Yes?” You asked, nervously reaching out for the hand mirror on your bedside table.

“It’s Merlin” Came his voice from the other side. “May I come in?”

You frowned, finding it unusual that he was so polite. As much as he was a servant, Merlin was your friend and often took some liberties. It was rare for him to knock at all.

“Of course” You muttered when you confirmed in your reflection that your appearance was good enough. Slowly, the door opened to reveal his smiling face. He peeked inside, looked behind him, and then came in.

“What’s the matter?” You asked him, wondering why he behaved so strangely.

“Someone wants me to deliver these to you” Merlin’s grin lingered, and it only grew wider as he revealed the big bouquet of flowers he concealed behind his back.

“Merlin!” You exclaimed in awe, taking them from him and admiring them in your hands. There were flowers of all colors, all of them producing a pleasant scent to accompany the beautiful sight they were. “Who sends them?”

Exchanging a glance with him, you had a growing suspicion. Butterflies erupted in your stomach at the thought, and they only increased when your friend looked behind him.

“Y/N is wide awake” He was saying to whoever hid behind the door. “You can come in now”

At the sight of a tall blond man, you tried to hide your excitement. Arthur had become so distant that your familiarity turned to hesitance and forced closeness. Nonetheless, as he stood there you couldn’t even be mad at him. Despite his broad complexion and high stature, he appeared incredibly vulnerable as he timidly averted his beautiful blue eyes.

“Arthur?” You whispered, nearly afraid to scare him away.

“I’m sorry, Y/N” He started, daring to look up into your eyes. “I know I haven’t been the best partner these last few days”

“Y-You were busy” You chuckled, trying to pretend like it didn’t hurt you. “Camelot needs you as much as I do”

“Perhaps, but that wasn’t the reason” Arthur took a cautious step forward. “I will never be too busy for you”

“Then why…?” You uttered, growing more confused by the second.

“I should go” Merlin suddenly mumbled, nervously stepping away, only to be stopped.

“Merlin, don’t leave me” Arthur begged him between grit teeth. Something was definitely the matter for him to require Merlin’s presence. What was he about to tell you that he needed his closest friend’s moral support?

“Arthur, you’re scaring me” The flowers shook in your hands. When you locked eyes with him, you were astonished to see no concern or sadness in them, only fondness. “What happened?”

What could excuse this behavior from both of them? What could possibly be occurring for him to be rendered in such a timid, timorous yet smitten state? It made absolutely no sense.

“I realized something” Arthur continued walking towards you until he was right before you. Then, he took the bouquet from your hands and absently handed it to Merlin. “Something that changed everything forever”

You helplessly glanced at Merlin, watching how he replaced the old withered bouquet of flowers with the new lively and colorful one. He was pressing his lips together and making a great effort not to watch you and intrude in that intimate moment.

“W-What is it?” You uttered as your gaze returned to your lover.

“I realized I am hopelessly lost in love with you” Arthur smiled, and despite it all you noticed the nervous twitch in his lips. “And how wonderful you are… and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you”

“What…?”

“Y/N…” One of your hands flew to your mouth when you saw Arthur sinking one knee on the floor and adoringly peering up at you. “Will you marry me?”

“What?!” You exclaimed, ignoring the badly contained noise of Merlin snickering next to you. “Is that what you were hiding from me?”

“Um…” Arthur, still kneeling down, froze for a moment. “Yes, I wanted to surprise you”

“I told you it was a bad idea to distance yourself…” Merlin said under his breath.

“Shut up, Merlin” The other one replied, soon after focusing his attention back on you. “For weeks I thought about the best way of proposing and yet… none of them seemed good enough for you, so… I decided to improvise”

You were left speechless by this discovery. When Arthur tenderly squeezed your hand, it dawned on you. You finally realized what was happening. Arthur had just asked you to marry him, he was proposing to you! That was what he was hiding!

“You scared me so badly” Suddenly overcome with emotion, you felt tears welling up in your eyes. “I thought you didn’t love me anymore”

“Forgive me, my love… That was never my intention” Arthur said from below. “Believe me when I say I could never stop loving you. I will make it up to you, I promise”

“Uh... Y/N…” Merlin whispered, calling attention to his long forgotten presence once more. “You haven’t given him an answer yet”

“Oh!” You exclaimed, startled by the realization. You had started shaking from head to toe at some point. In your mind, you were screaming at yourself to say ‘yes’ but you only gawked at him. You couldn’t utter even that simple word.

“Y/N” Arthur tried again, nearly making you swoon by the way in which he lovingly gazed at you, like his kingdom wasn’t even as precious to him as you were. “Will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

A sob struck you, making it impossible to talk. You only stared at him, embracing the warmth of his hand against yours and just then seeing the beautiful ring he held up to you.

Moving sneakily, Merlin nudged you in the ribs. That gave you the encouragement you needed to reply once and for all. Unable to speak as you cried tears of joy, you decided to energetically nod your head instead.

Arthur heaved a big sigh, as he had been seemingly holding his breath all this time. His smile was almost blinding as he cheerfully jumped to his feet and slipped the ring around your finger. It was quite a hard task, as you were still shaking, though he only laughed a little about it. After all, his fingers felt clumsy too.

“I love you” He said, tenderly cradling your face into his hands and kissing you on the lips.

“I love you too…” You managed to say between sobs, hiding your head in his shoulder as you recovered from the many emotions that overwhelmed you.

As he tightly held you in his arms, Arthur laughed out of sheer happiness. You clutched on to his white tunic, starting to laugh a little yourself as you ran out of joyful tears. He placed a hand on the back of your head and sweetly kissed your temple.

“It didn’t quite go as I expected” Merlin joined your laughter too, although his sounded more amused than moved by emotion. “It was a disaster, honestly”

“You’re not helping, Merlin” Arthur told his friend. “Why are you laughing?”

“You should have seen your faces” Your friend laughed, pointing at both of you.

Arthur rolled his eyes, exasperated by his manservant as usual. It pulled a smile out of you, calming your racing heart as everything returned to normal.

“I thought you were worried about Y/N’s answer” He told him, but Merlin shook his head.

“I wasn’t, I knew Y/N would say yes” Merlin shrugged a little. “You’re made for each other”

Arthur left behind his joking reprimanding and vexed tone and acquired a more genuine one as he smiled at Merlin.

“Thank you, old friend” Soon, however, the gesture became mischievous. “But you have a lot to do now. You must help Y/N plan the wedding: the flowers, the food, the guests…”

Merlin sent you a look, one that screamed ‘help me’. You laughed, feeling how your nerves faded away completely and the excitement and glee settled. Arthur continued listing the things that Merlin needed to do for the wedding, and you only laughed more and clung on to him as he teased his friend.

Your eyes were directed towards the fresh bouquet adorning your vase. Red, yellow, pink, violet, orange, blue…  all the color that stained the petals seemed to seep into your life, transforming the dull black and white existence that you had been trapped in during all those long days into a rainbow of euphoria that foresaw happy days and loving moments.

Tag list: @call-me-harley-quinn​ / @of-stardust-and-dreams​ / @caswinchester2000​ / @timeladygallifrey​ / @ladyxblake​ / @cracraforfandoms​ / @locke-writes​ / @dancingwith-thesunflowers​ / @nolanpatricksgfbackup / @lxncelot​ // If you want to be added or taken off the tag list for these fandoms or characters, send me an ask!! // Reblogs and comments are appreciated!

#rfi writings #ficlet #arthur pendragon x reader #bbc merlin #bbc merlin ficlet #arthur pendragon #arthur pendragon ficlet #merlin emrys #reader insert #requested #faves #fluff

[phairfantooooom]

Angsty Headcanons That Nobody Asked For

In which you fail. And you die to Belphie. Permanently.

Mammon

He was in denial and refused to believe what his heart was telling him

He was the first to discover you, he is the fastest of the brothers after all

He had raced up the stairs and didn’t even notice Belphie was even there when he barged into the room

When he saw your crumbled body laying on the floor in the attic something in him snapped.

He didn’t even realize he was crying as he clutched you to him. Quietly muttering to himself he begged, he pleaded, for you to wake up. You could yell and scream and insult him for ever agreeing to let you go do this alone but just please wake up.

“You weren’t suppose’d to leave me! You promised…. please…. please just open your eyes…”

When Mammon sees Belphie finally, he connects the dots quickly, as he remembered how Belphie felt toward humans.

“You. You did this didn’t you? You killed them.”

Anger and rage would fill him. And he would welcome it, he’d rather see red than see you not breathing

It’s only when Lucifer comes and stops him that the blinding anger begins to fade. And he hates it.

Mammon would refuse to accept your death and would try to figure out a way to get you back. It’s only when Lucifer sits him down much later on and has a serious talk with him that he finally gives up. It’s not a pretty scene. Lucifer’s heart breaks a bit when he sees just how much Mammon is suffering because of this.

It takes several sessions of talking before Mammon begins to even vaguely resemble his former self

He hoards the stuff from your room and keeps a picture of you in his wallet so that he can at least have a part of you with him always.

In the end he doesn’t truly recover from your death but will pretend he is okay to keep his brothers from worrying

Leviathan 

Was eerily quiet when he saw you laying all too still on the floor

A part of him had clung to the small hope that you could be saved if he got to you fast enough

Memories of all the times he saw you smile and enjoy spending time with him flooded his head and his chest shuddered as a silent wave of despair flooded him

He’d never get to play or spend time with you anymore. He’d never get to watch those romance animes with you. He’d… he’d never…he’d never get to confess

“.....Dammit…. Dammit…”

When he learns that Belphie killed you his feelings toward him become icy.

“You… you killed the human… I hate you. I. Hate. You. You took away the bright stars in my dark night sky. You killed the person I loved!”

He would mourn alone for the most part. Anything you ever gave him will become a treasure that nobody, not even his brothers, would be allowed to touch

Becomes even more of a recluse and eventually stops having pets as they only remind him of when you and him raised one of the fish in his aquarium.

He struggles to get excited about things he would normally enjoy. Ruri-Chan has started to collect dust. His Mononoke Land account hasn’t been touched in months. He no longer goes out for idol concerts.

Time feels so slow and yet so fast. Days turn into weeks and weeks into months. Everyone else begins to recover and he just can’t. He can’t let go of you. You who showed him that little things in life can make him happy, and gave him confidence to pursue coding.

You left a hole in his heart that can’t be filled. 

He doesn’t play games alot anymore, but has instead spent his time slowly starting to build an AI via his knowledge of coding. Anyone who sees it knows it’s supposed to be you, but nobody is brave enough to call him out on it.

Will sometimes cry himself to sleep while clinging onto your old uniforms and clothes, wishing desperately that you would come back to his side. To wake him up from this horrible nightmare.

Beel

Guilt.

So much guilt.

When he finds out what happened he actually struggled to get mad at Lucifer for containing Belphie. 

After seeing you pale and lifeless, it was the first time he had ever felt his hunger vanish. In a way it was worse, as what replaced the hungry was a heart wrenching feeling like no other. He had no injuries but yet it felt as if someone had shoved a hot poker into his heart.

When Belphie gives him the whole “All Humans suck speech” and tries to laugh it off, Beel loses it.

“She wasn’t like them!”

Even as you grew cold in his arms he had gently stroked the top of your head and whispered a sorrow filled farwell into your ear.

Over the course of the coming weeks he would move into your room. Partially because he wanted to be closer to you and partially because he couldn’t stand to be near Belphie.

He does his best to keep your room clean and tidy, while not moving your things out of place. It looks as if you had never left, almost to the point that sometimes he can easily imagine you opening the door and resuming your life here in the Devildom.

His appetite never truly came back, his love of food diminishing as he would remember all the times you and him would cook together. Or when you would treat each other to Hell’s Kitchen.

He visits where you were buried once every two weeks, so he can replace the Lilys he leaves on your grave

Satan

Ahhh. 

Very angry. And gets extremely close to killing Belphie. It’s only through Lucifer’s and Beel’s joined effort that they are able to calm him down to a civil level.

“You bastard of a brother! What the hell have you done?!”

His temper flares constantly at the very mention of Belphie.

He researches night and day to find a way to get you back. No matter the cost, no matter what he needed to do. 

It’s only when Lucifer quietly asks him “Do you really think the human would want you to sacrifice everything just to bring them back?” that his resolve begins to crack.

Of course he knew you wouldn’t want to see him like this. But you had no idea how much it hurt to not have you there.

Every moment you're not there by his side is another moment he has failed you.

Eventually he breaks down due to fatigue and he just cries. He’s frustrated because nothing was working. He’s frustrated that everything is a dead end. He is frustrated that you aren’t by his side.

He just…. he wants to see your smile. He wants to see that soft look you get when you hold kittens. He wants to be able to hold you again….

Eventually He gets a small therapy kitten and he names it after you when he notices that it shares the same color of your eyes.

He vents out his pain in writing, and he writes in as much detail as he can of what he remembers of all the times he spent with you

He wants to make sure, above all else, that your memory thrives even if you aren’t by his side

Asmodus 

Gets very pissy with Belphie

Reasonably so

Doesn’t realize what he is feeling is heartbreak, as he has never lost someone like this before

He misses you dearly, and oftentimes will use perfumes or cologne that reminds him of you

Unintentionally finds himself often reminiscing about you for weeks

One day he sees someone that vaguely looks like you and his heart nearly leaps out of his chest.

Immediately starts putting the moves on them but quickly realizes the differences between you and them.

The difference in pitch in their voice, the way they walk, the way that their eyes are a different color, the way they laugh. The more he observes the more he asks himself why he ever thought it was you.

He finds himself distraught. This had never happened before when any of his partners left him…. Something had to be done about this.

Attempts to banish you from his mind and goes clubbing.

His plan fails miserably.

Under the dim lights and thudding of the music he almost feels haunted by you, it was almost too easy for him to imagine you sitting and waving at him from the bar with that soft smile on your face.

He gets drunk. Veryyyyy drunk.

When he gets home he ends up just going to Belphie and venting his frustrations.

“This is your fault! Do you have ANY idea how much your actions have hurt ME?!”

Before things could escalate, Lucifer comes and defuses it

After this Amso doesn’t go out socializing anymore. He feels awful everytime he does since you're not with him. And he swears that sometimes he sees you out under the glimmering lights and it reminds him of what he has lost.

He hoards all of the pictures of you he has, and when he has a bad day he goes through them one at a time. 

“Even if you are no longer by my side, I will treasure you always.”

Belphie

Mr. Killer himself.

Could not give less than two shits about who you were and what you hoped to achieve

He would have kicked your corpse an extra time if he had known that you’d made Beel care about you.

When the brothers found him he had at least thought Beel, HIS TWIN, would side with him. But nooooo. Because of your meddling you had made him seem like a monster.

“Stupid human, you had no right to stick your nose where it didn’t belong.”

Didn’t understand why the other brothers held you in such high regard, and didn’t care to learn why

Until one day when he was in the House of Lamentation by himself

Everyone had been invited to a Gala at the Castle. Each of the brothers had been personally invited by Diavolo. Save for him, who was under house arrest for his actions.

Boredom struck and he found himself wandering around the house looking for something to do when he strolled past your room.

When the brothers were home they never allowed him to go in. They feared that he would destroy your belongings, and they would lose the last remaining things that were proof of your existence here in the Devildom.

Smirking to himself he made his way inside without a care in the world. Sure the other brothers may have cared for you, but he sure as hell didn’t.

He snooped around your room for a bit before sitting down at your desk.

“How boring…. don’t you have any secrets in here…?”

As if granting his wish he saw a leather bound notebook sitting behind a bunch of Devildom Law textbooks.

Quickly reading through the contents of the smaller book he realized that it was a Journal.

Completely filled with your private thoughts.

Believing he had struck gold he took the Journal back with him to his room and lazily sprawled out on his bed. All he had to do was just dig up whatever disgusting trash you were hiding and then he would be once more in everyone’s good graces. After all it’s not as if some stupid humans privacy matters to him.

And so he read.

And read.

And read.

He firmly believed that you had to have been hiding something, some dreadful secret. But the more he read, the more he began to have this strange feeling in his gut.

Your entries were normal, er well normal of a student going to a school full of demons, and occasionally you had placed photographs of some of the events you talked about.

One of them was a TSL competition with Levi. Another was a selfie of you and Beel at Hell’s Kitchen. There was a keychain stuck between two pages from a trip with Mammon, Satan, and Lucifer to London. There was even a candid shot of a pillow fight with Diavolo and Asmo.

Forgetting that this was your life written in ink, he read more and more about the lives his brothers had led in his absence.

It wasn’t until he laughed at something you wrote that he realized how comfortable he had gotten with the idea of you.

He nearly trashed the Journal after he realized that.

But…. something stopped him.

A while later he’d resume reading. Curious about your adventures… and…

He wanted to know what you thought about him.

Before long he found the entry where you had written about him and he felt his breath hitch.

Why did your opinion of him matter so much?

His fingers touched the inked lines and his jaw clenched as he read the last entry.

You had trusted him.

You who had held no prejudice against demons had trusted him wholeheartedly.

And what had he done?

He had killed you, without a second thought.

He had even enjoyed it.

The dam he didn’t know he had been hiding behind broke, and all the regret he had been burying since he had started reading your Journal had suddenly rushed to the surface.

He hadn’t noticed he had been crying until he saw the wet blots hit the paper and smudge your words.

“I…. what have I done…. I’m so sorry….”

Lucifer

The calmest of the brothers

Outwardly, at least

Internally he wanted to rip out Belphies throat because how dare he

Doesn’t express how much it hurts to have lost you, he needs to be strong. Both for himself and for his brothers.

The tragedy of being the eldest is that he was the role model. His actions would reflect on himself and his brothers. So his reactions are more forced rather than natural.

Diavolo often tries to coax Lucifer into opening up about it but fails everytime. 

“If you really cared, you would bring her back, Lord Diavolo.”

Tension between Diavolo and Lucifer gets… bad. The anger and growing resentment toward the heir of the throne only got worse with time, and eventually Lucifer stepped down from his position with Satan taking his place.

He often goes to your old room and locks himself inside, thinking to himself. The brothers are actually a bit nervous every time this happens because they expect that this time Lucifer will finally snap and they will have to deal with an enraged Avatar of Pride. But it never does so it relieves them and makes them stressed at the same time.

But eventually...

It happens

Diavolo comes by to collect the remains of your belongings, with the intent of sending them back to the human world, to your family and friends

Lucifer sees him collecting your stuff and he fucking snaps

“If you value your life you will cease this at once.”

Before Diavolo can summon Barbatos to his side, Lucifer had managed to grab the prince by the throat. His form had changed to that of his demon self, and his eyes were mad from grief and anger.

There is a brief moment of struggle on Diavolo’s behalf followed by Lucifer leaning uncomfortably close with an aura of unbridled fury.

“You will bring her back, I know you are able to. And you will. Why? Because if you don’t I will rampage through this kingdom of yours until there is nothing but ashes left in my wake.”

#Obey Me #Obey Me Headcanon #Obey Me Lucifer #Obey Me Mammon #Obey Me Leviathan #Obey Me Beel #Obey Me Asmodus #Obey Me Satan #Obey Me Belphie #no beta we die like men

[maxrev]

For the kiss prompts: "in the snow" and "life or death" if I can combine them like that? your call) for an otp of your choice.

IT IS DONE...I had no idea this would explode into such a long prompt lol. I mean, I gave it a title and even added a quote xD. Anyways, here you are :) Thanks SO much for the prompt! A bit angsty but I figured the prompt called for it! 

Under the cut because...wow...

I’d like to thank @spaced0lphin for her wonderful musical work, as it provided inspiration to write this piece and @theoriginalladya for checking it over 

When I Took to the Sky 

Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time… It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other. Leo Buscaglia

Arcing through the debris, the drop shuttle came to rest amidst the debris of a ship, snow puffing up into the air as it landed; flakes sparkling as they danced and whirled in the air before once again coming to rest on the ground. Pulling on his gloves, the pilot reached for his helmet resting on the passenger seat and tugged it on, twisting it snug with a snap. 

He took a deep, steadying breath...and stepped out onto Alchera. 

Ever since Niall had received the message from Admiral Hackett about placing a memorial here, he’d been pushing it aside. A memorial to honor those who’d laid down their lives for the Alliance. Hardly seemed enough, considering how dismissive the findings the crew of the Normandy had presented. But the fact he was employed by Cerberus now was cause for surprise in being contacted. Other questions followed though; why had the Alliance waited so long to decide on a memorial? Had he not rose from the grave like Lazarus, would they even have bothered? 

Once he’d agreed, he continued to push it aside. There were other missions to take precedence, a ragtag bunch of crew members to hunt down and recruit, and the Illusive Man to annoy - his personal favorite agenda. Anything took precedence over coming here. He simply wasn’t ready to face the part of his past which had changed everything.  There was hope coming here would heal old wounds, rather than deepen them.  

His steps were measured, faltering when he came upon a piece of the Normandy, his mind thrown back in time invoking memories he’d suppressed of a life changing event from over two years ago.

Two fecking years! 

It was a constant struggle to process the passage of time; dying and then being resurrected without any knowledge of it.  

Pausing at the mako, he was thrown into the past, scenes flashing behind his eyes…Kaidan's white knuckled grip as Niall slid the tank through snow and ice up the mountain on Noveria; Ashley yelling with uncontained glee as he'd skidded close to the edge of the lava pools on Feros; Garrus' mandibles twitching when he'd observe the mako on return to the Normandy; Kaidan's resignation upon being turned down again upon his request to drive...the near kiss they'd shared inside the cab a few hours before their last drop when their world ended.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t hear the approach of another drop shuttle.

A sound came from behind him, out of place in the absolute stillness around him. Niall whirled, one hand reaching for his maglocked weapon, the other erupting in a blue glow. Setting eyes on the source, both hands dropped to his side in shock. 

Kaidan.

Right away, he noticed he LT had changed. They’d spent so much time together; on the ship, off the ship, on the battlefield, he’d learned the LT’s subtle mannerisms. Gone was the quiet, sensitive marine soldier with stars in his eyes, the romantic he’d claimed to be back on the SR-1. In the eyes staring back at him carefully, in the posture of the man before him, there was a confidence and maturity he’d not had before. There was also doubt. 

It's me, Niall wanted to say, to reassure. It just wasn't so simple.

He watched the play of emotions in the deep brown eyes he'd dreamed about so often. Their eyes locked and he was thrown back in time. Although for him, it was only a few months ago...not two years, when they’d been sitting in the mess on the SR-1, drinking coffee and going over their notes on the Terminus. Niall had been going on about the goose chase they'd been sent on...

“I cannae believe they sent us out to the arse end of space for nothing! Wasted two fucking weeks looking for something which isnae even here.” He slammed his fist on the table, other soldiers in the mess startled at his outburst. Niall ignored them. 

“I’m sure they just wanted us out of the way but we’ll find something, Shepard. We just have to be patient.” 

Niall snorted, “My patience ran dry about an hour inta this mission. I’ll contact those doaty bampots and tell 'em what I really think.” 

Kaidan chuckled, took a sip of his coffee before answering, “Not your best idea by a long shot.” 

Winking at him and enjoying the slight blush across the cheeks, Niall smiled, “Aye but it’ll be fun and blow off some steam.” 

In the end, nothing came of it as the ship rocked hard to port and alarms began to blare around them...

A cough brought him back to the present, watching the brown eyes change in the light, the initial confusion fading to doubt, then replaced with wariness. 

"Who are you?" The first words to be spoken aloud between them, in the same velvety rasp which had haunted Niall’s dreams.

They cut deep, hurt worse than any wound he’d endured. He straightened up, pushing the pain away and answered. 

“Who d'ya think it is? Jolly ol' St. Nick? Tis me, Kaidan. Niall.” He felt like he was stating the obvious, words coming out sharper than intended. 

Silence followed his outburst, the sound of wind wailing in the distance filling the stillness. As the quiet stretched on, Niall reflected on the situation, quickly realizing if roles were reversed, he'd be suspicious as well. Indignation sailed away like a balloon on the wind.

Ready to apologize, Kaidan spoke before Niall could ready his words, “I thought--” voice hoarse with agony, he choked on whatever he’d been about to say, unable to continue. Looking away from Niall, he composed himself, took a deep breath and despite his attempt to remain calm, blurted, “You...you were dead.” 

Biting his tongue against voicing the LT’s mighty powers of observation, Niall fought for something a wee bit more serious and relatable. Now wasnae the time for jokes. 

“Aye," the words ‘but now I’m not’ still echoing in the air between them. How could he begin to explain what he dinnae understand himself? As if he were stuck in quick sand, he felt the more he tried to climb out, the deeper he sank. 

“So, the rumors were true.” 

“Och, aye, guess they were.” 

“When?” 

The wealth of emotion in the single word struck Niall right in the heart, nearly making him stagger from the pain. He fought for an answer, disregarding one after another as they came to him. 

With a heavy sigh, he decided on the truth, “Several months ago.” The dark brows inside the black helmet furrowed downwards into a frown he was all too familiar with. Even to his own ears the response sounded lame. “I dinnae know until then. I was...uh...I doonae even know what to call it...brought back to life?” He threw his hands up in frustration. 

Disbelief followed his statement, turning quickly to suspicion. He could see the change in Kaidan's eyes through the visor. Tone flat, he echoed, “Brought back to life." At Niall’s nod of confirmation, his voice rose, "How is such a thing even possible? Who is...capable of such a thing?” 

Knowing how Kaidan felt about the organization, Niall didn't spare him the facts. He'd find out anyway. “Cerberus.” 

The climate of Alchera was cold and frigid, unfit for flora or fauna to sustain life. Even inside his armor, Naill could feel the chill in the air and had simply wanted to walk through the ruins and leave quickly. He’d never expected to find a dog tag or get lost in memories. 

And now, with his confession, the temperature seemed to drop even further; at least where the two of them stood. Kaidan stared at him for several long, agonizing seconds. He didn’t bother answering, turning around and walking away.

Niall jumped forward, his gloved hands capturing Kaidan’s stopping him, “Wait, please. Don’t go.” 

His gaze dropped down to where their hands were joined; Niall's did as well, heart skipping in his chest. “Please.” He wasn't above begging, not when it came to Kaidan. 

Pulling his hand from Niall’s, Kaidan turned away; yet, he didn’t leave. Several minutes went by; Niall held his breath. “How could you? It’s...they’re Cerberus! You know what they’ve done. The...the things we saw!” 

Fully aware of what his impassioned words implied, Niall felt his anger rise in response, “Did ya think I had a choice in this? As if I could pick and choose who would ha’ the honors of...of fixing...of rebuilding me? Fuck! I wouldnae have chosen this at all...if anyone had ever bothered to ask me first. But here I am and will damn well make the best of it, ya ken?”

Silence stretched on around them. “Are you…you?” Kaidan whispered.

How many times had he looked in the mirror wondering the exact same thing? “I doonae know, Kaidan…" He repeated in a whisper, "I doonae know."

With the admission, he could not look at Kaidan anymore, gazed around them instead. He saw a glint of something shiny; another set of dog tags perhaps. 

To fill the void, he explained, “Saw something sparkle in the sun shortly after I landed. Walked over and found a set of dog tags belonging to Pressly. As I wandered among the wreckage I found more from the crew...the ones who…” he couldn’t say it out loud, felt a hand settle on his shoulder. 

Startled, he turned to stare at it, unable to process the gesture with Kaidan’s protests from a few short minutes ago. Did he believe him now or was it all just for show? Yet, Kaidan had never been superficial. Something Niall admired about him, then and now. 

“We’ll do it together.” The words startled him even more than the touch, but he was grateful. 

“Aye. Tapadh leat.” **

Searching the pieces of the Normandy side by side. As the looked, Niall noticed the sky darkening overhead. Caught up in the past, neither of them had paid any attention. A storm was approaching; a large one. Seeing another glint of metal, Niall brushed off the snow and wrapped the chain around his gloved fingers. 

The storm had intensified and was coming at them fast and furious. There wasn’t time for them to get to their drop shuttles and leave.

He turned and tapped on Kaidan’s helmet. “We need to take cover. Now! Get inside one of the drop shuttles!” Niall took off at a dead run towards the one closest, Kaidan hot on his heels. 

Jumping inside, Niall slammed his fist against the touchpad, shutting the door just as the storm growled over them, ice chips beating a staccato against the steel hull. Wind buffeted the Kodiak, causing it to rock before sliding a few inches along the ground. Unable to radio out and with no one able to contact them, they were sitting ducks at the mercy of the storm.  

Niall reached up and took off his helmet, scrubbing his shorn, itchy scalp with gloved fingertips. 

“You...you’re...the scars?” Kaidan finally managed. 

Niall had forgotten. Not completely healed when the Lazarus project had been sabotaged, he was left with scars where his skin hadn’t had time to knit back together. Chakwas told him by remaining calm they would eventually heal and fade but with stress, they would remain...or get worse. 

Well...

He turned towards Kaidan, their eyes locking. Niall wasn’t the man he’d been the last time they’d seen each other. 

“Aye, scars. I wasnae fully healed when...well, when I was brought out of my coma.” He went to replace his helmet. 

Kaidan stopped him, hand on his arm. “No, don’t. I don’t care what you look like, Niall. I just...I was surprised.” 

He nodded. No moreso than he when he first looked in the mirror. The image staring back at him had been a great shock. That mirror had been replaced. Niall went and sat down on the bench in the back; Kaidan remained standing, neither one speaking as the storm raged on outside. It might last an hour or maybe days. 

“Look, Kaidan--”

“Niall, I--”

Both of them spoke at once. Niall gave a weak grin as Kaidan chuckled and he noticed the pink hue covering the tips of the ears. Some things hadn’t changed. He felt as if a weight had been lifted and he’d been granted a boon. 

Looking at Kaidan straight on, he began again, “I ken how it looks. I do. But, before you draw and quarter me, I dinnae now what to do, where to go. The Alliance won’t ha’ me now and I talked with Anderson and Hackett. They know what’s going on with the human abductions. The Council won’t listen.” He spat the name, no more enamored with them than in the past. “What would ya ha’ me do?” 

“Plead your case, push them. Be relentless like you were before. They have to see reason.” 

Shaking his head at Kaidan’s blind faith, he countered, “Do they? Have they ever? Have ya forgotten Sovereign? The Citadel doesnae even remember, the damage wwept away like so much garbage, forgotten and moved on.” 

The shoulders slumped. Niall studied him, drinking in the sight of a man he hadn’t realized how much he’d begun to care about. Until he was gone. Yet, here he was right in front of him. And they were arguing, Kaidan too blind to see what was so obvious. He stood up, stepping forward until they were nearly nose to nose. Kaidan looked up. 

Niall lost himself in the brown eyes, a golden amber when the light overhead caught them just right. How had he never noticed before? The laugh lines spreading out from the corners of his eyes, the freckles above his right eyebrow. So many details he’s missed. No, he’d never bothered to find. Now, he noticed them all...and more. 

Adrenaline surged in his blood, excitement unfurling within him. He remembered the scars over Kaidan’s lips, wanting to touch them, see how they felt beneath his fingertips...against his tongue. They were right there in front of him now. Overcome with a tidal wave of pent up emotions, he acted on impulse. 

Leaning forward, he captured Kaidan’s mouth with his, losing himself in the scent and taste of him, in the soft lips, his tongue tracing the scars...finally. 

Lost in a longing he had no name for, it took Niall several seconds to register there was no reciprocation. His heart twisted painfully inside his chest. So, this was it, then. He took a deep breath, ready to apologize. But, as he stepped away, he stumbled, Kaidan surging forward to initiate the kiss this time. 

The Kodiak faded away, as did the storm outside. Only the two of them existed in this perfect moment and Niall drank it up like a parched man in the desert until they both broke away, simply in order to breathe. 

** thank you, Scottish Gaelic, informal

#prompt #laelior #mshenko #mass effect #Niall Shepard #Kaidan Alenko

[twc-thoughts-you-didnt-ask-for]

Mortality - Nate

The last part of my Mortality series. Nate’s was probably the one I had the hardest time writing... so hopefully it’s not too bad. Ironically I think it is also the longest one. Fic starts under the read more :)

Love any feedback anyone may have

Other parts of the Mortality series: Adam / Mason / Felix

Nate hated this dream. The haunting of a failure that he would never recover from.

It was a scene Nate had seen before, rather, a scene he had lived before. Murphy, taken down with the help of the detective, and his unit all feeling a general sense of relief that Murphy could do no more harm... but the feeling was quickly ripped away from all of them as Felix shouted for the detective. Nate would never be freed from the memory of the beautiful and brave detective collapsed on the ground with nothing but mud and blood cushioning the fall. 

Nate also could never forget the intoxicating scent of Dinah’s blood that day either and the raw hunger and fear it incited in him. 

Nate was a third party to this vision and recognized the look on himself well. He remembered that moment with jarring accuracy. He remembered the war that was waged within himself like an angel and a devil on his shoulders. The angel begging him to remember himself, that the detective was a living person he knew and was beginning to care for... while the devil reminded him what he was. What he craved. 

Disgust settled in. 

Nate knew how the rest of this scene played out, so he patiently waited for the dream to play it’s course and end. He waited to hear himself mention the rain water.

But he waited in vain. 

He watched himself run towards the detective, cradling her in his arms, and then the vision of himself looked Nate in the eye as he sunk his teeth into the detective... cruelly stealing what little fight she had left. Cruelly stealing what little life she had left.

Nate shot up from his laying position in bed, breathing heavily. He ran his hand through his slightly damp hair and brought his knees closer to his chest in an attempt to comfort himself. 

Panic. Panic. Panic. 

It was just a dream. Just a dream. A dream.

He could try to recite affirmations of how unreal it all was, but he would not know peace. He needed to know that Dinah was well... that she was alive. That her eyes would light up when her gaze fell upon him... that the eyes he had drained the life out of in the dream didn’t exist here. 

Nate was lucky that Dinah stayed at the warehouse that night. He felt guilty leaving his room to approach hers with how late it was... but he would have felt like a creep had he gone to her home. He just needed to hear her heartbeat for a minute, that was all. A confirmation that she was alive and well. That this reality wasn’t the darkest one. Then he would leave. 

And so he left to find himself outside her door. The soft, slow thumping sound of her heartbeat that he knew so well echoed in his ears. It warded away all the hurt and fear he felt. 

Before he knew it or could stop himself, he suddenly found his knuckles lightly tapping on her door. 

He could hear her on the the other side. Her heart picking up the pace as it left slumber. The swish of fabric being pushed aside and she climbed out of bed. The click of a switch. The soft padding of her feet making their way to him. 

Dinah peered through the slight opening of the doorway, seeing it was just him, before opening it fully. Her eyes were puffy with sleep and guilt settled in at his actions. He shouldn’t have disturbed her like this. This could have waited until morning... maybe these feelings would be gone by then and the detective wouldn’t even need to know that this was a nightmare he had. That he feared that some day he would fail the detective once more. Maybe by morning he could leave the nightmare behind like it never happened. 

But it was too late for all that now.

She took one look at him, confusion painted on her face at how awful he must have looked to her, and pulled him down so that she could wrap her arms around his neck in a comforting embrace. 

In truth, he would have been elated with her looking at him with a warm smile as she always had, but he could hardly argue with his situation. 

“Nate, what is it? What’s wrong? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.” she releases him after saying that to look at him. “Wait, have you? Are you scared of ghosts? Are there ghosts here? Nobody told me tha-” 

He chuckled despite himself and she gave him the huffy look she always did when she was becoming embarrassed. While he openly would admit that there wasn’t a single thing he didn’t love about her, he’d be lying if he didn’t say he had some favorites. This expression was one to them. 

“I apologize for waking you, Dinah, it was thoughtless of me. But... seeing as I have, might I stay with you tonight?”

He felt uncertain at his words, realizing how they may sound. 

“I’m afraid that my sleep was... interrupted by some unpleasant dreams.”

Warmth and understanding became visible on her face. “Yes, of course you can. Please, come in.”

Her room at the warehouse matched her home. Cozy and comforting. Nate was as at home in the room just as much as he was at home with the person who inhabited it. 

This was not the first time he had stayed here with her. The couple had become rather inseparable as time moved on, evident by some of his things that riddled the room. The side of the bed that he had claimed had a nightstand next to it with some of his things placed there, a space willingly given to him that made a statement of who he was to her like a claim. His room was much the same and it made him feel whole. Normal. Human. Alive. 

He sat in her bed, waiting as she flipped the light switch. While he could see in the dark, she could not, and he pretended that he didn’t witness her stumble her way back to the bed ungracefully before climbing in to join him. 

When they were cuddling in bed, he would always be the big spoon and her the little. Tonight, he wished he could ask her to hold him instead. To cradle him and surround him in the love and comfort he needed. He wanted to be coddled and it made him flush with embarrassment at the childishness of it.

But she was on the same page as him, as always. Words unnecessary between the pair that new each other so well. 

She would never cease to amaze him. 

She felt around the bed, looking for some part of him, and he moved his hand to her searching one. 

“Come here,” she softly. 

She would not need to tell him twice.

She lined them up in a way that his head rest on her chest and he wrapped his arms around her waist, her hands running comfortingly through his hair, and their legs tangling together as they always did. He was unaccustomed to being in her arms this way. How many times had he held her just like this when she couldn’t sleep because of the memories that plagued her? It was no wonder she liked it so much. That she found peace in it. Nate couldn’t fathom how anyone wouldn’t.

Nate could not imagine anything that could put him more at ease, actually. It felt like he had front row seats to the concert that was her heart. That he was privy to the lull that was the rise and fall of her chest. Like he was the only one in the world to know what her warmth and love felt like. He never wanted to leave.

To describe it as heavenly seemed atrociously insufficient. Offensive. There was no word in the dictionary that could describe this. Regardless, it took his pain and fears away. He felt as if his breath left with it. 

_____________________________________________________________

Dinah did not know at what point she fell asleep. 

Nate was no longer in her arms, but propped up on pillows beside her reading a book that was on his nightstand. She knew he must have known she was up based on her heart no longer having the slowness sleep always brought, but she also knew that he would deny having that knowledge in an attempt for their relationship to seem more normal.

“Good morning,” she yawned. 

Nate did his best impression of being surprised by her consciousness, smiled at her in a way that made her knees weak, and put his book back on the nightstand. 

“Good morning, my love,” he replied. 

No matter how many times Dinah heard the words, she didn’t believe that she would ever not become flustered by them. 

She scooted her way closer to him, Nate lifting his arms out of her way, so that she could rest her head against his ribs and drape and arm over his hips. He lowered his arms so that his hands wrapped around her and rested on the shoulder she wasn’t laying on. A tale as old as time when it came to how their mornings went. 

Dinah closed her eyes and let out a content sigh as Nate pushed some of her messily chopped hair out of her face so he could drink in the sight of her, an act he always made a point to do. As if he feared he would never see it again.  

“Can we talk about it?” she asked. 

His hand froze in place at that. 

“Talk about what?”

“Nate, you know what I mean. Last night. Your nightmare. Was it about the ship again?”

“Dinah, I’d rather no-” he began.

“Nate, please share with me. If it is of concern to you, it’s of concern to me. I’d rather not hide and keep things from each other.”

A defeated sigh.

“No, it was not of the ship. I had... a nightmare of when we faced Murphy.”

Dinah felt his fingers trace along the scar that would always mar her neck. One of two gifts that Murphy forcibly gave her.

She could relate to that nightmare, it’s one she couldn’t escape from either. 

“There you were... bleeding out on the ground and at first I thought it was a mere recollection, that at any moment rain water would surround you, but it never came and then I... I gave in.”

“Gave in?” 

“To what I am. I watched you dying right in front of me... and finished the job myself.” 

Dinah raised at that to look at him, to see his pained expression. His eyes glazed over as if he were somewhere else.

“Oh, Nate, it’s all right. It was just a drea-”

His gaze snapped to hers. “And what if some day it isn’t just a dream? What could have happened that night if it hadn’t been raining? What if-”

“Nate, you can ask yourself ‘what-ifs’ until you turn blue in the face but it won’t do you any good. You did the right thing and you saved my life. You can’t what-if your way out of that fact.”

He scoffed, a rare noise from him. Practically foreign. 

“I was also the one who put your life at risk.”

“Nathaniel Sewell, don’t you dare put that on yourself. Murphy is responsible for that night, not you.”

“There will be more Murphys. There will be more mistakes.” he said solemnly. 

“... You could turn me.”

“Excuse me?”

“If you’re so worried about my potential death, you could turn me into a vampire,” Dinah explained.

Nate’s nose wrinkled at that, revulsion altering his face. 

“No.”

“What do you mean, ‘No’?”

“I will not do that to you. I won’t steal your life away from you. I won’t throw you into an unsafe world.”

“Nate, I’m already knee deep into your world. My blood is sought after by every bad guy out there. It doesn’t matter which world I’m in, I’ll never be safe.”

He visibly flinched at that.

“Humanity is-”

Dinah would not relent. 

“If I stay human, you’re guaranteeing that you will watch as I die. I don’t want you to do that to yourself. You can’t tell me you want that.”

Nate had the look of a man stuck between a rock and a hard place. 

He reached out to her, putting her back into the position she had been in prior to raising herself up. The only difference being her angled her face to look at him, cradling her cheek in his hand while his thumb stroked her cheekbone.

“I could tell you what I do want.”

“I’m listening.”

“Dinah, what I want is for us to be happy. I want to wrap you up and take you away to an island where no one can harm you. I want nothing bad to ever befall you or even dare look in your direction. But what I really, really want is out of reach.”

“And that is?” she asked, a little overwhelmed by his heartfelt declarations.

“I would love nothing more than a mortal life with you. A normal, mortal life that runs it’s course as it ought. Flirting, dating, engagement, marriage, kids, white picket fences, retirement... to be an old couple that has everyone wondering ‘What’s their secret?’ and us saying something cliché that leaves them with envy rather than clarity. A normal life where the world in which the supernatural is nothing more than a novelty found in fiction. But I can’t have all of that.”

“And please don’t think that it’s not that I don’t want to spend forever with you,” he continued hastily,” because it’s not that either. I can’t think of anything I’d like more. It’s just that... this isn’t black and white for me. This is very much a gray topic for me. A gray topic that I don’t like to dwell on.”

Dinah said nothing as she continued to look him in the eyes, waiting for something more. 

Nate lowered his face to hers and pressed their lips together in a slow, soft, and intimate kiss that he conveyed all his love into. He pulled away moments later and rested his forehead on hers.

“Listen, I can’t tell you what I would do if push came to shove. I am torn. I... Let’s make a deal, shall we? I will try to not obsess over the scares of the past and future if you try not to obsess about your mortality for now, okay? Forever... will be a bridge we cross when we get there. There’s still a lot of time for us to enjoy right now, in the present.”

Dinah’s phone went off on her nightstand. She groaned loud enough to impress Mason were he present. 

“Not exactly. Adam knows today is my day off and he’s hellbent on doing me bodily harm.” 

She rushed off to change, knowing Adam was not to be kept waiting and Nate remained in bed. He would return to his room to change once Dinah left to meet with Adam. 

They were about to part ways in the hall when she called out to him. 

“Nate?”

“Yeah?” he asked turning to face her. 

She stopped in front of him, pulling him to her, and kissed him goodbye. Or at least he had assumed that was it until she answered him. 

“Okay.”

And with that she left him to go train.

He smiled. The present was too nice to be ignored for the unknowns of the future.

#the wayhaven chronicles #wayhaven chronicles #nate sewell #twc nate #twc detective #twc fanfic #twc

[salt-warrior]

WHEN EARTH TURNS TO ASHES

Masterlist

Chapter Seventeen: Song to the Lost

"So to recap what you're saying: Cinder's mother is actually a psycho ghost that we have to kill by going to Denver and lighting an old bracelet on fire?" Thorne practically gasped for air as he gave Kai a look that said he thought they should all be locked in an asylum.

"Yes," Cress responded without waiting a beat. "But we have to summon her mother first, or else we won't be able to banish her spirit to the Gray Realm." She said all of this as if it were the most ordinary thing in the world. "And whoever says the trigger words has to really mean them, or else it won't work."

Thorne sucked his lips in between his teeth and looked as if he were trying not to burst with laughter. "Okay, okay. So are we gonna do this now, or wait until after Christmas, or...?"

"I'm not making this up, Thorne," Cinder barked with agitation. Kai yearned to reach for her and lend some comfort, but he got the sense that it would only increase her rage.

Kai had come to believe Cinder and Cress after only a few minutes of arguing, but that didn't erase what he had said before he had come to the conclusion that they weren't lying. Cress may have forgiven Kai, but Cinder still remained stand-offish from him.

"They're not lying, Thorne," Kai said, earning an eye roll from his best friend. "They're not!" Kai exclaimed, feeling more and more defensive— though that may have just been his desire for Cinder to forgive him speaking.

Iko stepped toward Cinder and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I believe it," Iko said. "I've always believed in ghosts, and your story makes complete sense." Thorne scoffed, but didn't interrupt.

"I've heard of the Gray Realm before, but what exactly is it? Why can't the ghost just go directly into the afterlife?" Iko asked, glancing a Cress.

A devilish grin spread across Cress' face, making her look like a mischievous schoolgirl. "The reason is this: the ghosts have come back to earth for another 'chance at life' and that makes them unable to live in whatever the afterlife is."

"So what is the Gray Realm?" Kai voiced the inward concerns of everyone else in the room. His whole brain hurt from his new knowledge of ghosts and whatever, but at least it all made sense.

"I was leading up to that," Cress spoke in a mocking tone. She looked at Cinder, raised her brows, and then turned back to Kai as if they were all petulant children who couldn't grasp one plus one.

"The Gray Realm—or Gray Void as some call it— is just another dimension of this world, but without all of the humans and stuff." Cress nodded and grinned in a way one would while talking about the probability of rain that afternoon. "Ghosts get caught in between the two realms, or the middle void. You have to banish them to the Gray Realm or else they're stuck in the middle realm forever."

"That's why old war-sites or places where murders happened are often said to be haunted." Cinder added with an air of professionalism. "It's hard enough to track down the power source of a single ghost who you knew well, but hundreds of ancient people whose power sources and backgrounds are impossible to figure out— it's not even fathomable."

Kai was beginning to wonder if one could pass out from information overload, just as Thorne put his hands in the air to silence the flow of confusion. "Whoa, okay, okay, please stop." Thorne paced across the room in a flurry of agitation, and Kai was right there with him. "While all of this creepy stuff actually almost makes sense, I don't understand why Cinder's ghost isn't like the others."

"What do you mean?" Cress and Cinder asked at the exact same moment.

Thorne scoffed, walked towards Cinder, and kneeled in front of her. He held his hands forward in a pleading motion, as if to signify his submission. His face had gone from bewildered to calm in three seconds flat— which Kai found an incredible feat considering the circumstances.

"Ghosts don't kill people normally, do they?" Thorne questioned. "Ghosts stay where they die, so why is Cinder's mom following her where ever she runs?"

Cinder placed a gentle hand on top of Thorne's, surprising everyone else in the room. "It's because I carry my mother's power source. The bracelet; I've always had it with me because I want to get rid of her, but it's also carried her with me."

"We tried burning it one time in High School, but its didn't even singe." Cress added. "We have to summon her first, and it has to be in Denver or else she can't be banished."

"As far as ghosts go, She's strong. She's not vulnerable unless we summon her on the site of her death." Cinder swallowed hard, her face contorting.

Kai hurt as he watched Cinder. She was too young to have no parents; too young to have watched the only people who loved her die in front of her eyes; too young to be so broken. Kai wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and tell her that it would be alright. He longed to shield her from all her woes— but some demons must be fought.

"Well," Kai said, nearly choking on his words. "What are we waiting for?"

***

"Your legs are taking up all the space," Thorne whined. "My right leg is all tingly now. Give me more space."

"Shut up, Thorne, we're almost there." Kai scolded from the driver's seat, sounding more akin to an agitated father than a best friend.

"Like I have more space," Iko threw back, knocking her legs into Thorne. "And your legs are too hot and sweaty. They're making me feel uncomfortable."

Cress moved her legs until they were crossed and crammed against the door. "Here, Iko, you can move your legs closer to mine."

"Oh, and now you're trying to make me feel bad!" Thorne exclaimed, pointing a wild finger at Cress. "And," Thorne drew a vicious finger on Iko, "my legs are sweaty because they have no room to breathe and are crying."

The bickering in the backseat continued, but Cinder didn't even notice. Her brain was too distracted. She was scared of what would happen; she didn't want anyone else to get hurt. She was frightened to have her friends with her. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if anything happened to them.

Cinder remembered the first time her mother had come and attacked Ran Kesley. He was her first real friend, and she loved him more than she thought she could ever love a person. He didn't tease her for not having any family. He never cared that her mother had been killed because she was so far in debt due to her drug addiction. Ran only ever loved her, and he paid the unforgiving price of his own life for it.

Peony's death had been different. She really was like a sister to Cinder. They bickered, and discussed the hottest actors on television, and shared books that they liked. Peony was the only person who ever felt like family. Her love had been so pure and innocent— so blind and foolish.

Kai reached forward and held onto Cinder's burned hand. He didn't say a word, but just held it, and Cinder didn't let it go.

Cinder was still furious with Kai for everything he had done. He had stalked her, and dug into her past, and even gone through her most personal items. She may have made up with Cress, but it wasn't his business bringing back her ghosts. He was honest about looking through her stuff and finding the letter, but it was still rude and selfish.

Yes, Cinder was mad at Kai, but there was also something else. She needed someone— someone to just be there for her. She longed to be held. She wanted everything to go away, for the monster to just stay under the bed. Everything was too soon and scary, but Kai was always there to protect her. Kai was her guardian angel, but too human to be perfect at his job.

"It's going to be okay," Kai whispered. His thumb traced careful circles along her hand, and Cinder felt her anger melting away.

"Thanks, Kai," Cinder murmured, her eyes growing hot.

Kai didn't say anything, or even look at her, but he kept hold of her hand. And that was all she needed in that moment.

"If a person is killed by a ghost, and it's super violent, do they come back as a ghost?" Thorne wondered aloud, earning an elbow to the ribs from Iko. "Ow, sheesh, I just want to know if I'll be coming back if Cinder's mom kills me."

"Why would she want to kill you?" Cress asked, before turning red and turning away.

Kai coughed, "I could think of a few reasons why."

"Oh, HAHA, just laugh at the only guy who doesn't have a death wish." Thorne mocked, clapping his hands in the air. "I'm just.." Thorne's blind rage vanished as quickly as the car stopped.

Everyone fell silent as Kai parked the car. Thorne put his hands down, and suddenly he looked ten years younger. Cinder could feel the vibrations flowing from the spot. She could sense her mother, and more importantly, she could sense the fear.

No one said anything as they took in the scenery. It was a park, empty and barren in the dead of winter. Naked trees lined the area, and the wind howled at the blood red sunset. The whole world appeared to stop for that single instant, as if the ghosts had come to pay a visit from the past.

Memories of coming to this same park with her mother swarmed through Cinder's brain. She remembered her playing on the swing set and begging her mom to push her higher. She could picture her mother's beautiful face waiting for her at the bottom of the slide. She could hear her high, cool laughter floating on the wind like a song to the lost.

Cinder was the first to break the silence, never turning to look at the others. "You don't all have to come if you don't want to."

No one answered, so Cinder continued. "Thorne, I know you didn't sign up for this at all. Same for you, too, Iko." Cinder turned to look at Kai, an almost teasing look on her serious face. "You kind of did ask for it, but I won't blame you it you want out. You could all die, and I don't want any of you to feel as if you owe me, because you don't."

"Cress, I know there's no way of talking you out of this, and there's no one else I would rather have by my side." Cinder smiled at her old friend, and Cress smiled back with regret.

"You've all been amazing friends, but you guys should know by now that my friends don't have that long of a life span." Cinder choked out. "I care about you guys, and I don't want any of you to get hurt."

"And we care about you," Cress said instantly. She placed a comforting hand on Cinder's shoulder, and Iko did the same. "So we're all coming with you, whether you like it or not."

Thorne bit his bottom lip, but didn't reject the point. Cinder glance from each of her friends faces. At Cress, both determined and fearless; at Iko, kind and loving; at Thorne, reckless and brave; at Kai, intelligent and supportive. They were her friends, and they weren't going to leave her.

"Alright, then." Cinder nodded her head at each of them. "Let's go."

#when earth turns to ashes #wetta #marissa meyer #tlc #a burning world #the lunar chronicles #lunar chronicles #kaider fanfiction #tlc fanfiction #linh cinder #selene blackburn #prince kai #emperor kai #cress darnel #carswell thorne #iko #channary blackburn #salt warrior stories

[iwillhaveamoonbase]

Replay ch. 4

Callum gulped as he sent the text to Rayla.  She was fully in her rights to reject a drawing session in the woods.  Not only that, but he was asking her to bring her own clothes because he didn’t know her exact measurements.  Was he asking too much?  He read the text again.  ‘If it’s not too much trouble, I was really imagining drawing you among the trees, like a faerie or an elf.  If you have any flowy clothes that you are alright with getting dirty, please wear those. I’ll send you the location if you’re comfortable.  If not, we can do the beach or my backyard.  I just can’t imagine drawing you in a confined space like my studio. I don’t think it would fit your spirit.’

Callum internally screamed. Did he really send that?  She was going to rescind her acceptance of his request to draw her, wasn’t she?  ‘Her spirit’? He had met her once!  What was wrong with him?  It was true, though.  That was something about her that, despite the suit and the situation that they met in, made him feel like she would be more at home running barefoot through the forest or relaxing by the sea.

Either way, now all he had to do was wait for her to reply back.  If she rejected the offer, well, he didn’t want to think about that, because that meant he probably was never going to see her again.  Meeting her once was enough to make her haunt his every thought for the past three days.  While he and his friends had finally ironed out how they were going to go full-time with YouTube, she had been right in the back of his mind.  

He had looked up her name and ran across a few things.  She really was the daughter of two bodyguards of the British royal family and her adoptive fathers ran a famous Celtic jewelry shop in Aberdeen, the designs being a mix of traditional shapes and styles and new materials.  She did dance for years as a way to channel her energy. There was even a video online of her at sixteen doing a ballet routine to a Kylie Minogue and Madonna compilation. She had inserted traditional Irish step dance in a way Callum never would have thought worked but it did. Maybe that was because of the sheer joy on her face as she moved.  That made her departure from dance all the stranger and it’s also where information about her basically stopped.  The most recent thing he found was that she worked for Patel and Associates Anti-Fraud Law Office.  

A lawyer…his faerie was a lawyer.  It certainly explained the suit but it was almost absurd.  Here he was imagining her running through the trees and she was surrounded by paperwork in her daily life.  Did she enjoy it?  Did she like spicy food?  What was her type?

Callum hit his head against his desk.  He needed to stop letting his mind drift to her and whether or not she could ever be interested in him.  There was no way someone like him was her type.  She couldn’t hide just how toned her long legs her in her suit.  She probably worked out often while he was a lazy twig that indulged in sleeping in too much.  Also, she was a lawyer.  A lawyer falling for a YouTuber/artist?  Yeah, right.

A stray chip hit his forehead.  Callum looked up to glare at Soren.  “What?”

“You thinking about that hot girl at the cheese shop again?”

“What?  No!”  Callum could feel the blush creepy up on his cheeks and all the way to his ears.

“It’s fine if you were. She was smoking hot.  I never thought I would find white hair hot, but DAMN.”

Claudia hummed in acknowledgement.  “I’m calling it now; she’s Bi or Pan.”

“What makes you say that?” Soren mumbled around a bunch of chips.

Claudia winked.  “Gaydar.”

“Wishful thinking?”

“Maybe some of that, too,” Claudia shrugged.  

“She’s got two dads,” Callum mumbled.

Soren, Claudia, and Ezran all turned to him.  “Does she now?” Claudia asked.

“Yeah.  She told me at the shop.  It was the painting of Aunt Amaya and Aunt Janai that made her accept my offer.  She was raised by her parents’ friends, hence, two dads.  They run Gael Jewelers in Aberdeen.”  

Claudia immediately pulled out her phone, probably to look them up.  Shortly after, she whistled.  “Wow. She comes from a really good-looking family.  Her mom is a totally MILF.”

Soren rolled his eyes. “Claudia, you can’t just-” Claudia shoved the picture in his face. “MILF alert.”

“Mm-hmm.”  Claudia scrolled through.  “Ethari and Runaan and are also incredibly attractive.  Damn.  What is in the water in Scotland?”

Callum rolled his eyes. “Guys.  Let’s focus.  Do we need a production manager?”

Claudia shrugged.  “My vote is you’re in charge of creative for group projects, we run our own channels, and we hire an editing assistant.”

“We also need a social media manager.  Ez can’t do it all on his own while he’s in school.”

Ezran nodded.  “It’s nice that you guys do your own channel stuff, but, sometimes, it would be nice to have some help.”

“Do we need a strong social media presence?  We have YouTube and Twitter.  Isn’t that enough?”

Ezran scratched the back of his neck.  “Maybe? Claudia’s got a large following on Tumblr ever since she came out during one of her make-up tutorials.  Her super casual ‘my ex-girlfriend taught me how to do this and this is the first time I’ve done this eyeliner look since we broke-up’ just made her blow-up and our channel gained thousands of followers over-night.”

Callum nodded.  “We gained a lot of followers after I did that art tutorial with Janai, too.  A lot of people just went gaga over her and I see a lot of requests for her to come back on the channel.”

“Which is where a social media manager could come in handy.  Maybe they could track requests so we don’t have to?”

Soren sighed, taking another handful of his chips.  “We also need someone to help us with events.  Getting us into them, working booths…being famous is hard work.”

“We aren’t famous, Soren.”

“Beg to differ.  I get stopped all the time.”  Soren flexed his arm.  “And it’s not just because of these guns.”  The other three in the room rolled their eyes.  

“Himbo,” Claudia coughed, no-so-subtly.  

“WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! Stop using words I don’t know!”

“Stop being a himbo.”

“CLAUDS!”  

Ezran and Callum shared a look, snorting at their childhood friends’ teasing.  Soren and Claudia couldn’t go five minutes without teasing each other or making a serious situation humorous.  “Can’t take them anywhere,” Callum whispered.

Ezran nodded.  “Bait is better behaved.”

Callum eyed the frog in the glass bowl Ezran took with him wherever he could.  “He’s glaring at me again.”

“Because you won’t stop thinking about that girl.”

“It’s not my fault she won’t leave my head.  You saw her, Ez.”

“Yeah, she’s beautiful, but she’s not running through my head like she is your’s.  Are you even ready for another relationship?  After Melissa-”

“Melissa was a nightmare. She constantly asked to be introduced in our videos.  I didn’t know at the time, but you were right, she approached me because she wanted to piggyback off our growing fame.”  Callum ran a hand through his hair.  “I was an idiot.”

Ezran put a hand on his shoulder.  “I wasn’t going to say that.  I was going to say that Melissa really hurt you and I want you to be careful.  You didn’t even like her that much, if I remember correctly.”

“She was nice, pretty, liked some of the same things I did.  But she didn’t really inspire me to be better or push my art.  She only encouraged the YouTube thing, not what I actually like.”

“She is why we got almost fifty thousand subscribers in one week, though.  That story broke and you had to give that little video and it really stuck with people.”

Callum remembered that video.  As a way to quiet down any questions, he had made a short video detailing how they had met (in a coffee shop), why they had never gone public (he had wanted to keep his private life and his YouTube life separate), that she had met his family but they kept it hush-hush (impossible not to meet Ezran after knowing Callum for a week), and that the break-up had not been mutual.  Callum had broken-up with her because he had felt that it wasn’t working because they wanted different things.  Melissa pushed the YouTube thing, and there was nothing wrong with that, but, if Callum was going to be known for social media and videos, he wanted to be proud of what he put out into the universe.  He loved his art more, and, if he could, that would be all he did.  Melissa had wanted to do sponsorships and Callum hadn’t.  They just had different values and desires and no one else was owed this knowledge, but Callum had been forced to do damage control because people would not stop asking.  “Yeah. I was really surprised that that happened.”

“People value honesty. I think it comes across in our videos and your art tutorials that you are not in this for the fame.  We’ve done meet and greets and you are just awkward as anything.  Melissa showed her true colors on her own with posts afterwards.”  Callum didn’t even want to think about how Melissa had tried to monetize their break-up.  It had been bizarre to see her sponsored by a make-up wipe company to tell her side of the story, which basically confirmed everything in Callum’s video, but with the caveat that she had wanted him to reach new heights and that YouTube and not his ‘lame art’, as she had put it, was the way to do that.  Their fans had not taken kindly to that and Melissa had lost thousands of followers she had gained overnight in even less time.

“Social media is weird, Ez. No matter what, we have got to stay away from the drama.  We do not want to be involved in any of that.”

“Yep.  That’s why I think a social media manager could help.  A good one.”

“I’m all for it if that’s what keeps our noses clean.”  Callum straightened when his phone alerted him to a text.  

He opened it to see it was from Rayla ‘The woods?  OK.  I’m still bringing my friend.  When’s good for you?  It would have to be on a weekend for me because of work.  Sorry about that.’

“Holy shit,” Callum whispered.

“What?” Ezran looked over his shoulder to read the text.  “That text sounds weird.  Callum-”

“I know, Ez, but she didn’t say ‘no’.  She didn’t reject me.”  Ezran raised a brow.  “You know what I mean.”

“You’ve got it bad.”

“I just need to draw her to get her out of my system.”

“Either that or she is your muse.  Poor Aunt Janai.  She was having so much fun being your muse.  So was Khessa.”  Callum chuckled.  Khessa, Janai’s older sister, did enjoy modeling for Callum.  His exhibit on women of color had been a smash hit in part because of her always accepting when he asked.  She had once modeled with a crown while sitting on a throne and that particular piece now hung in her house in her living room, showed off to everyone who came over.  Callum smiled as he remembered that exhibit.  His crowing achievement, to this day, was the portrait of his mother, eyes softened, and an easy, loving smile on her lips.  People thought of her as this rough former military general and tactician who once taught at military academies.  They didn’t know that she had a sweet tooth or that her relationship with Callum’s father had led her to leaving the military because she saw that the push for peace was more important.  

She was now known for her discussions on US-South Korean and US-Thai relations because both her parents were immigrants and her own history in South Korea.  Sarai and Amaya had both spent half their childhoods in South Korea in Korean schools, helping Sarai learn how the rest of the world saw the States. She and Amaya and joined the military because it helped pay for university, but both found they were really good at it. So good at it, they extended their contracts before finally leaving to focus on family and peaceful negotiations. Callum was proud of his mother’s work and was proud of the picture showing the softer side of her so many people didn’t see.  

He shook his head and sent a quick text to Rayla that next Saturday worked for him if it worked for her.  This Saturday was in a few days and, if things went how Ezran wanted, they were probably going to be doing interviews all weekend for a social media manager.  “Let’s get a social media manager, Ez.”

“YES!”

------------------------------------------

Rayla smiled at the text. The woods was a bit of a strange option, but she was excited.  She hadn’t had a chance to go running through the trees barefoot in years.  She was going to have to ask Corvus if he was willing to head out early so she could do so.  She mentally thought of her wardrobe and realized she didn’t have anything flowing that she was willing to get dirty.  She was going to have to go thrift store shopping.  

Was she really going to go buy a dress so a random artist that she had met one time could draw her surrounded by trees?  Yeah, she was and she was going to look so good she was going to haunt his mind like he haunted her’s.  His voice followed her and she had watched all of his videos in three days.  She barely slept because she wanted to hear him more or see him smile or laugh.  She felt like one of those stalkers who was convinced a famous person was in love with them, but she had met him in real life.  He had approached her, he had asked to draw her.  Either way, she wanted him to be tongue-tied when he saw her and, hopefully, she was going to quell some of the fire that refused to leave her belly since they had shaken hands.

#replay #rayllum #rayllum fanfic #tdp #the dragon prince #au #moonbase fanfics

[imaginesmai]

Peter Parker-Tried (not enough)

Angst is back ladies 

Plot: Tony had developed a cronic anxiety every time Peter calls in the middle of the night. He knows it gets bad; just not so much.

Warnings: ANGST

“Mr Stark”

Tony didn’t like that name. One, it made him feel old. Peter was a young and healthy boy, while he could hear his knees cracking when he got up too quickly, and lately his bed time was sooner and sooner. Two, it brought him bad memories. His kid dying in Titan, turning to dust into his arms, and five years later begging him not to go. Tony had survived miraculously, and since then had forbidden Peter from calling him Mr Stark.

Then again, when Peter was nervous he couldn’t help but go back to his old manners. And Tony could feel the anxiety from over the phone.

He stopped what he was doing, eyes widening as he brought the phone closer to his ear, a shiver running down his spine.

“Kid? What’s wrong? Where are you?”

“Are you there? Is Cho? I need – I need help”

Tony froze. He had never heard him asking for him. More than one time, he had discovered Peter with a hidden broken rib or some unexpected stab that he, sassy, described as an extra pocket. It had been a dance between the two of them, one that Tony wondered if it would end with Karen calling him, telling him his worst nightmare had come true.

It was something that terrified Tony, something he worried about more and more each day. Knowing that the older Peter got, the terror that gripped him anytime he got the alert that the avengers were heading out to face a number of battles – that there would be a time when Tony wouldn’t be able to save him.

For Peter to call him, begging, almost pleading, made the panic in Tony’s stomach twist into knots

“Cho can be here in fifteen minutes, what’s wrong?” Tony sent a message through the Stark Pad to her, the words urgent in capital letters.

“I’m… almost there”

Tony heard how pained Peter’s voice was, his mind whirring at the possibilities. He was clearly okay enough to swing his way back to the tower, through the memory of the last time he had done it, delirious and passing out on the edge of the balcony, was not a good one.

“Kid-“

“I’m here” Peter sounded out of breath, something that just set Tony off even further, knowing that he had super strength made his endurance something of an anomaly.

If Peter was short of breath, something was terribly wrong. And the mechanic got to know what as soon as he put a foot on the balcony.

Peter, mask off with an agonized expression on his face, looked relatively unharmed. But it was who Peter was holding in his arms, slumped over and lifeless that took Tony’s breath away.

Because there, in front of him was Peter, kneeling on the balcony floor, holding you.

Tony could see from where he was standing, without even having to ask FRIDAY, that you were no longer with them, had long faded into oblivion from the waxy sheen of your skin and the stillness of your limbs, your only movements coming from how visibly Peter was shaking.

It hit Tony like a sledgehammer, the realization almost doubling him over for what he was walking towards. Peter hadn’t reached the same conclusion as him, though, as he was still muttering soft words in your bloodied hair.

Something had happened, Tony could only guess what it was; only knowing that whatever happened, whatever had led them to that moment, Tony was going to have the do the hardest thing he thought he would ever have to.

His worst fears, his nightmares had revolved around Peter dying in his arms. But then, Tony realized, even as Peter’s hands continued to shake, Peter had just survived worst. He had lived his own nightmares.

“Mr. Stark, I need – I need help, Cho. S-she’s here, right? She gotta – gotta come up! She gotta – Y/N n-needs help.”

Tony quietly walked up to him, kneeling down in front of Peter, heart breaking as the boy cradled you closer to his chest.

“Peter-“

“I-I tried to – to stop it, Mr-Mr Stark. He, he grabbed her and I-I was there, b-but” Peter interrupted himself with a broken sob. “H-he let her go, go, and I had – could stop it, Mr Stark. I-I jum-jumped, the…the web! I promise – promise I sent a web! B-b-bu-t-t”

It hit Tony, the horrifying realization coming to him suddenly and then in waves. He could see it, without Peter having to continue. He had lived through that with Pepper, had felt his heart stop; some villain holding her, flinging her off some distance, him not knowing if he could life after that. But, she was alive, and you weren’t.

Tony saw, the odd angle of your neck, the lack of blood dripping down, the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach at what Peter was saying.

Peter kept rambling, shaking so violently Tony thought he could hear his teeth rattling. Still in denial that you were gone.

“S-she hit, the head. The head Tony. I don’t – don’t know! Y/N j-just won’t… She needs Cho, Mr Stark. W-Where is Cho?”

Ton felt completely out of his depth, his heart aching at the way Peter held you close. He kept trying to explain how you were fine, how you needed help. His cries kept growing louder and sharper, until his words were nothing more than loud sobs.

Tony braced himself, knowing that was he was about to say was not only going to stay with Peter for years to come, but would possibly break him.

He hadn’t even known you so much; bright, passionate, sparking that always made Peter ramble about you. He had always liked you, from the minutes Peter told him about you and he knew he had met his match. Some days, he would see you in Peter’s apartment, laying face down on the sofa and talking to May. You were a part of that family, who had just suffered another unfair loss.

But was broke Tony was the loss of Peter’s innocence, the knowledge that while it wasn’t the first death in Peter’s life, it would be the one he wouldn’t be able to recover.

“Peter, I need you to listen to me”

“You – you called for Cho, right? Y/N, s-she’s been, unconscious. She, Mr Stark, she-e was f-falling and – and, she need h-help”

“Peter” Tony’s voice was soft, staving down his own grief as he looked past you, his eyes boring into Peter’s, seeing the unimaginable and overwhelming grief in his.

“Tony, please, Mr. Stark. H-help me. Sh – she won’t, wake up. Y/N fell. I think, I think I – I saw her-“

“Peter, listen to me. Listen to me, okay?” Tony willed his voice to be stable, soothing. Willed for his hands to be steady as he rested them on his shoulders, Peter shuddering as he did.

“Mr. Stark, please” Peter cried, his voice barely above a whisper. There was a pit of desperation where Tony could drown.

“She’s gone, Peter. Y/N is gone”  

The tortured cry that came out of Peter’s mouth caused a chill to run down his spine, Tony’s composure threatening to break. But he had to continue, no matter how much it horrified him, no matter how much the idea of a world without you and the effect it would have on Peter threatened to overwhelm him.

Tony had to be present, while Peter tried to push him away while denying it over and over again, begging for help and sobbing that you, possibly, hit your head. He leaned his head against you, holding you tighter.

“Peter…”

“I tried to save her” Peter whispered, voice rough. “I tried – I tried, I thought I saved her”

He looked back to Tony, and the older man swallowed a sob, because there was a sheer horror at knowing that the desolation might never leave him.

“Mr Stark, please. Please, please, please.”

“I’m sorry, Peter” Tony’s voice wavered, tightening his grip on Peter’s shoulders as they shook.

“She’s… she’s-“

“I know, Peter”

“I tried. I had, I had saved her” Peter chocked out.

Tony heard behind him the steps of the unnecessary medical team, swallowing down his own agony to focus on Peter. Peter, still holding you tight. Peter, pressing kisses against your forehead. Peter, crying his lungs out.

“You did good kid” he moved one hand to his face. “You did good, okay? You brought her here, but now it’s – it’s time to let us take care of here, okay?”

Peter stilled, eyes red-rimmed as his lip trembled, searching Tony’s face.

“I can’t – Mr Stark, I-I tried, but I c-can’t-“

“You can, Peter. You did good” Tony felt Cho’s hand on his own shoulder, registering that she was then bending down beside him.

“Hi Peter, it’s Cho. Let’s take Y/N down to the medical bay, alright? Can you let me do that?”

Peter breath hitched, his eyes dancing between them.

“You’ll – help her? She’s, she’s fine. I – I think she hit her-“

Cho and Tony shared a look, only to look back at Peter who sobbed harder. The doctor kept talking to Peter, trying to take your body away from him. Peter said nothing, and Tony wondered how much of a monster he would have to be, to take your body out of Peter’s hands. But then Peter relented, loosening his grip on your body even as he began to howl convulsively, wheezing and gripping at his chest. The night sky made echo to his screams, and Tony swore the stars hid shamefully. 

The suit fell to the ground, leaving him in just underwear in the cold weather.

In one swift motion, Cho took Y/N, and Peter fell in Tony’s arms. Haunting, guttural sobs came out of Peter as Tony held him, gently rocking back and forth. Tony closed his eyes, running one hand across his back, another softly threading through his hair.

Ironically, Tony, a mechanic who had fixed everything, even his own heart, couldn’t fix that. No one ever would.

But he could hold his kid, bring Peter close to his chest and embrace him, willing with everything within him that he could take away the devastating pain of his loss.

As Peter’s horrifying screams rang out, Tony did what he could. While Peter repeated the same words.

“I tried”

Just not enough.

Want to know more about me? Here is my Masterlist! Feedback is always appreciated!!

Peter Parker/Tom Holland tags:

@delicately-important-trash​ @lexxxistrips​

#imaginemai #peter parker x reader #peter parker one shot #angst #peter parker #spiderman #spiderman imagine #spiderman one shot #spiderman x reader #avengers #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #avengers one shot #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland one shot #peter imagine #peter parker imagine

[hawkland]

Dear Fandom5k Author

My AO3 account (sidewinder)

Hello and thank you for writing for me! I’m excited to give this exchange a try for the first time and cannot wait to read what you can come up with for one of my requests. Please note I’d love any of them equally, no matter if I have more prompt ideas for one or the other. Some I seriously would love just about anything about since they are so rare, others I have more specific requests to scratch itches I haven’t seen written before (or that much.)

General Likes:

Soumates with a twist. I love soulmate/soulbond AUs, as long as it’s just not a shortcut to happily-ever, no-conflict fluff. I want there to be some difficulties or angst involved. For instance, I’d love seeing any fusion/inspired-by fics based off the concept of the AMC Soumates series - where there’s a newly-developed scientific test a person can choose to take to find their soulmate (if the other person out there has also taken the test). That way it’s a choice to find out or not. Would an already established couple want to take the test to find out if they’re really “meant” to be together or not? What if they find out other people are their “soulmates”? What about the possibility of platonic soulmates vs romantic? Discussions for the future if/when one partner dies before the other? I’d love to see these questions played out with one of my fave ships in either a  happy or somewhat angsty/dark way.

Vacation/travel stories. Being unable to travel this past year+ thanks to covid-19 has me desperate to explore and live vicariously through my favorite characters! So I’d love a story involving travel to somewhere new (to them). It could be a romantic getaway/honeymoon trip to somewhere special - and I love it when an author “takes me” to a favorite city/place of their own. Or two friends just going on an escapade together, maybe one sensing the other needs some time away from a stressful situation or workplace.

Smutty likes: I love extended kissing scenes, frottage, light restraint play, sharing-one-bed-for-~reasons~-ooops-how-did-we-wake-up-cuddling, bathing/caretaking an injured partner-turns-erotic, desperate/reunion sex.

Canon-divergent AUs - I’m always good with fix-its, shifts in canon that only change one thing and see what happens next or instead.

Do Not Wants:

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats. (I do like Supernatural fics that explore Castiel and the angels having bird-like behaviors and instincts, however.)

animal abuse/death

anything related to pregnancy/childbirth/kidfic (except for Jack in SPN)

formalized BDSM relationships

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/mundane/genderswap/coffee shop/fantasy/etc. There are a few ships/groups where I would enjoy specific AUs, and those are outlined below.

Completely sad endings/permanent character death or injury that isn’t part of canon

Rape/non-con between requested characters. Dubious consent is fine in situations like magic spells/possession/fuck-or-die, however.

Supernatural

AU - Canon Divergence, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Fix-it fic, Interpersonal Drama, Smut, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, Worldbuilding, Horror

In general for SPN, I love canon-divergence AUs at pretty much any point in time (especially as they kept having so many dumb reasons in canon to keep Dean & Cas apart just when one or the other seriously needed support or TLC!) I’m okay with post-series Heaven fics as well as canon fix-its/completely ignoring the finale, and I like exploring both human!Cas as endgame or Cas keeping/getting his full angelic grace back (which is a slight preference to me, as he repeatedly seemed to genuinely value/want to be an angel? But exploring all possibilities in fic is cool for me.)

I’m a sucker for Castiel Whump/hurt!Cas in general, so long as the author remembers Cas is a bad ass and not just a baby in a trenchcoat. If he’s going to suffer, I want him to suffer stoically until he just cannot keep up the facade any longer.  

SPN-specific DNWs: mentions/implications of Wincest, past or present; extreme bashing/characterization of John and Mary Winchester, or Jimmy Nowak, as homophobic. 

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester

Give me all the finale fix-it fics - no I’m still not over it, I’m still happy to read any new twist on how Cas got out of the Empty and got back together with Dean (and Sam). If Dean still dies early/ends up in Heaven, I’d like a story that explores what happens when one gets bored of peace-and-happiness-ever-after. (Yes, I’m a big fan of The Good Place and as such it makes me wonder if eternity with no conflict and everything you could ever want would just melt your brain and identity after a few millennia.) So what then?

I’m also stealing a Tumblr rant as a prompt I’d love to read, if you want to get into some good dirty smut:

ive had it up to here with fictional gays being like “i love you and if all i can ever have is that knowledge it’s enough for me” we need more “i have been struck down by horny insanity and i beg you to fuck me once. i’ve had three smirnoff ices and i’m gonna be crazy now. we can pretend it didn’t happen i don’t give a shit just gimme daddy’s blunt instrument” it’s more realistic [x]

Um so yeah. I’d love an au where, anywhere along the line when it’s been their/someone’s/the universe’s life on the life, Cas takes the initiative decides they’re gonna have crazy sex even if it’s just once before the end of the world/we die. But then, oops, we’ve survived, now we have to deal with it. ...Please?

For something different, maybe more romantic/fluffy, I’d really love a vacation/getaway story here, since they never really got anything like that of substance on the show. I want to see Cas take Dean somewhere beautiful and amazing in the world he’s never gotten to see before. Show him there’s more than just greasy diners and the landscape of America to enjoy and experience. If you want, they could stumble on a case/haunting/monster from another part of the world while they’re at it...but I just really want to see Dean having some mind-opening and expanding experiences beyond what’s he’s known and seen so far in life.

In specific with Cas/Dean + Sam, I love another tumblr idea I saw recently where Sam totally keeps bringing up the idea of “Sastiel” as a fun joke between him and Cas, and Cas plays along, and it drives Dean up the wall. Cas has to just keep re-assuring Dean that no, he doesn’t see Sam that way...but why does it bother Dean so much? A.k.a. Dean has to finally own up to the fact that it bothers him because he wants Cas to feel that way about him.

Castiel (Supernatural)

I just love Cas, period, end of story, he’s my One True Character of SPN. I love any stories that try to explore him more fully—be it his relationships in the past with other angels and being a BAMF commander/warrior of Heaven, or what specifically it is that keeps him so tied to the Winchesters. I love stories that feature his true-form in some fashion or try to dig into the alien/different nature of angels vs. humans.

Also, another Tumblr-musing-turned-prompt (I lost who posted it, sorry!) I'd love to see explored in a canon divergence fic focused on Cas. Specifically: 

"I would have loved an arc for Cas (after he got his grace back) where he wanted to help people, like he was helped. Spending time in soup kitchens or healing people, and through that developing a sense of self purpose, leading to his grace replenishing unexpectedly. Sort of fulfilling the traditional angel role (as we know it nowadays) by replacing his faith in heaven/dean with faith in himself, to redefine himself as a protector of humanity instead of heaven's soldier."

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Jimmy Novak Group: Castiel & Jimmy Novak

We know Cas carried a lot of guilt for what happened to Jimmy and his whole family. So I'm interested in a post-finale, canon-compliant (I guess?) fic where Cas tries to reconcile things with Jimmy in Heaven. Maybe Jimmy & Amelia were one of his first "projects" or test cases in trying to build a new and better Heaven with Jack? (And it's what he was so busy with while Dean was still alive.) Or, is it weird in Heaven with Cas and Jimmy looking so similar? Does Cas still fight doubts as to whether Dean really loves him, or just desires this body/form that isn’t his own?

Otherwise, I've been thinking about Endverse!Cas, who had lost his grace/powers as the angels have all left and abandoned humankind. What happened to/where is Jimmy in all of that? (If we go by the canon that Jimmy was not killed, nor went to Heaven, until the end of Season 5, when Lucifer blew up that vessel and Cas was resurrected by Chuck.) Are they now two "mortal men"/souls trapped sharing one body? Is that why Cas is so messed up/always seeking an escape through drugs and sex? (Besides of course Dean having changed so much.) This is one prompt where I don’t mind a very dark/not-so-happily-ever-after ending.

The Police

Angst, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Humor, Interpersonal Drama, Smut

Group: Sting/Stewart Copeland

Yeah I’ll always request these two together even though I know it’s a long shot to find anyone else as obsessed about them as I am. Really anything at all whatsoever would make me happy for this ship: Reunion Tour-era fic, early punk days before they grew successful, soulmate AUs...

I’d also love a spooky story where they’re on tour/on the road somewhere and end up in a haunted hotel. Or their tour bus/van breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they have to seek shelter in an abandoned house or farm or something...and supernatural weirdness ends up affecting them or bringing them together.

If you want to go the crack route: it wasn’t enough for Miles to take them all around the world to tour in “exotic” locations back in the day. He’s arranged for them now to go on the ultimate tour...of outer space and alien worlds.

Crossover Fandom

Action/Adventure, Character Development, Interpersonal Drama, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural

Group: Abe Morgan (Forever TV) & John Munch (L&O: SVU)

I’ve had a long running headcanon that these two could have been friends back in their respective 60s/early 70s hippie days. I’d love either a story set back then, “pre-canon”, or them running into each other in NYC later in life. Munch ending up in Abe’s antique shop, for instance, while on an investigation?  

Group: Dean Winchester (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone) Group: Castiel (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone)

I’m fascinated by the idea of crossing over these two canons. Even if there’s some conflict in their approach to Hell/Lucifer/demons, there’s still a lot in common. Dean & Ezekiel having both put in their time in Hell and being demon hunters, for instance, and their complicated relationships with (fallen) angels. I’d love to see them bonding over their experiences (Maybe they even meet in Hell? Time DOES work differently there…) Maybe somehow after Ezekiel completed his mission for the Devil, he did get his second chance at “life on Earth”…but the devil’s trick is that it’s not HIS Earth, it’s in a different dimension (Supernatural’s). I’m also curious how Ezekiel might respond to Castiel as an angel–perhaps he mistakes Cas for a demon at first, with his powers, but then they realize they are in fact hunting the same demon? Cas is stuck in an alternative dimension and recognizes Ezekiel as a similar soul to Dean’s, and seeks out his help?

Basically I’d love some kind of casefic/demon hunt here, with the characters bonding over their shared/similar past traumas, taking care of each other when/if injured on a hunt, and/or perhaps helping them sort out their complicated feelings for another (ie, background Cas/Dean and/or Zeke/the Devil are TOTALLY welcome here, as I ship both of those ships.)

Law & Order: SVU

Group: John Munch/Odafin "Fin" Tutuola

Character Development, Established Relationship, Humor, Getting Together, Interpersonal Drama, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, AU-Genre shift

Munch/Fin is one of my eternal OTPs so I’m always happy to see something new featuring them! I’m always good for procedural/case-fics. And this is one request where I’d love to read some AU-Genre or setting shift, reimagining the two in some other situations besides police work. I’ve always loved the idea of John hosting a conspiracy/weird news radio show or podcast, and Fin as someone completely skeptical but who gets wrapped up in one of John’s mysteries. Or John as the owner of a bar somewhere that Fin is one of his regulars, and over time their friendship develops/deepens into something more.

Supernatural RPF

Misha Collins/Jensen Ackles Established Relationship, Getting Together, Smut, Fluff, Slice of Life, Humor

It’s odd for me to be into an actor RPF fandom (I usually only fall for music/band-related ones), but what can I say...these two just make it almost impossible not to see the possibilities!

I was thinking I’d love something set post-Supernatural...their first time seeing each other again after a long time apart? (What with the show ending, covid, Misha’s surgery, etc etc.) Could be at a convention or maybe they get to go off on a getaway together somewhere private/romantic and it’s...kind of tense and maybe nervous/angsty at first? Like with doubts about whether they can/should go back to the way things were before.

Or: putting tin-hatty speculation about the “secret/real identity” of Alma Perpetua aside, I love their poetry and I’d love any “Cockles” fic using one of their poems as inspiration.

#fandom5k #dear author #exchange letter

[365days365movies]

March 13, 2021: Kwaidan: The Black Hair (1963)

Three hours of Japanese ghost stories. OK. How do I do?

Time is always a complicated mistress for me, so I really have to plan this accordingly. OK, let’s see, what do I know about Kwaidan? Well, it’s a Japanese anthology film...ahhhhhhhh, there it is!

OK, solution discovered! This film is broken up into four disparate short stories, so we’ll be tackling each one one at a time. Four shorter posts, one full movie! Nice. Now, normally, I’d go through a bit of an introduction, but I don’t know much about this film, or the short movies contained within. So, instead, let’s talk Japanese mythology.

Hate to admit it, but basically all of my knowledge of Japanese gods and folklore comes from anime. Which isn’t the worst source, necessarily...but it’s definitely not the actual source. I’ve seen Noragami Season One, I’ve watched a button of other slice-of-life and folklore-based anime, so I know a little bit. The GF is far more adept (she’s the one who got me into Noragami, amongst other things), and she’ll be watching this movie as well, when she can.

So, I’m a relative novice when it comes to these things. What makes this more interesting is the fact that these stories are based on somewhat more contemporary sources, which means that they may not borrow from Japanese mythology much at all, outside of shared themes and morality. Sound familiar?

Yeah, that basically describes Ugetsu Monogatari, which I covered a few days ago (here, here, and here, in that order). While it’s based off of a book, it shares elements seen in a lot of old Japanese folklore and traditional beliefs. Don’t needlessly pursue material goods and fame over happiness, and don’t fuck ghosts. Yeah, that’s mostly what I learned from that one.

Kwaidan, which literally means “ghost stories” in Japanese, came out over a decade later, is in color, as was directed by Masaki Kobayashi, and this is the only movie of his that I’ve ever heard of, so that’s something. In any case, I’m excited for this one! As excited as I am...worried. Because I have absolutely no idea what I’m in for. LET THE THREE HOURS COMMENCE (broken up into four palatable pieces).

The movie segments are as follows:

The Black Hair (黒髪, Kurokami)

The Woman of the Snow (雪女, Yukionna)

Hoichi the Earless (耳無し芳一の話, Miminashi Hōichi no Hanashi)

In A Cup of Tea (茶碗の中, Chawan no Naka)

We’ll start with The Black Hair, which is giving major “The Ring” vibes, just as a name. We’ll see if I’m right about that, I guess! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/4)

We start it all off with the Criterion Collection logo, and then...ink.

Ink of black, red, and blue, dropped into water set against a white background, is seen cascading down the screen over the opening credits. The titles of the four short films are also introduced, as the ink colors are mixed over a mostly silent background. And once the end, we begin with our first story.

The Black Hair

There’s a dilapidated estate, and as we travel through it, all of the background noises are amplified, and a set of doors opens, seemingly with the breeze. We enter, and a narrator tells us that there was a samurai that lived in old Kyoto, brought to financial ruin by the workings of his former master. To regain financial and social status, he’s decided to leave his wife behind. We join them now.

The samurai (Rentarō Mikuni) leaves his sobbing wife (Michiyo Aratama), refusing to rot away in the estate, no longer dilapidated, as we’ve clearly gone back in time. Despite the desperate pleading of his wife, the samurai leaves Kyoto, and cruelly shoves his wife aside, hitting her with his sheathed sword at one point. So, yeah, he’s a dick. And his quest for fortune will almost certainly be his ruination. Like I said, certain shared themes.

That’s made even clearer by the next scene, in which the samurai is now married to a wealthy woman (Misako Watanabe) that looks very much like the woman from Ugetsu, smudgebrows and...impressively long hair, GODDAMN!

The wealthy family of said daughter welcomes the samurai into the family, and he provides for her while also enjoying a higher social status as a result of the marriage. One day, he brings her to his post, and we clearly see that she’s in love with material possessions, moreso than her husband. Which, yeah, sounds familiar.

Looks like the samurai’s also starting to realize this, and he reminisces about his first wife, presumably still Kyoto. Yeah, bud, ya fucked up, don’t be a dick. Also, I assume that it attracts ghosts, since...you know, this is a ghost story. But yeah, he realizes that he still loves his first wife, patient and loving, as opposed to his cold and selfish second wife.

And so, in his heart and mind, the samurai returns to see his first wife. Meanwhile, in his new life, the samurai is constantly haunted by memories of his first wife. It interferes with his archery on horseback during an exhibition with a competitor. Dude’s fucked up.

Meanwhile, the spoiled second wife is bored, coldly dismissing her handmaidens while waiting for her new husband to attend to her. She happens upon him, asleep next to a scroll. She tries to kiss him, but the great idiot turns her away. She slaps him, upset at both his own selfish ways, and his still-lasting devotion to his wife.

He gives up on pleasing her after this, and decides to officially return to his first wife to make amends for not appreciating her in the first place. However, despite this, his duty as a samurai in the region still lasts a few years, and he’s unable to return to his first wife until that point. And when he does, the place is mostly still OK, but somewhat wrecked on the outside.

Yet, despite this, there she is, working at her loom and spinning wheel. The two are happy to see each other, and the samurai notes that she hasn’t left his mind, and apologizes for being a dick. He also notes that she hasn’t aged a day. Yeah, she’s 100% a ghost, fuck.

Anyway, he begs his definitely ghost-wife for forgiveness, which she quickly and enthusiastically gives. She even says that she never felt worthy for being his wife, and that she doesn’t deserve love from someone of his station, as compared to her own. Goddamn, dude really is a dick for leaving this ACTUAL SAINT of a woman.

He pledges to make amends, and that nothing will ever separate them again. He notes that her hair smells the same as it did before. The same glossy black hair, he notes. He compliments her looks as they kiss. And yeah, real talk, she is a GORGEOUS woman. Again, dude’s a dick. But whatever, at least they’re together again.

And the samurai’s love QUICKLY gives way to horniness, as they make their bed in the room that they “first made love in”, according to him. They pledge to be together for the present and the future, and the swordsman falls asleep with his wide watching over him.

The sun rises the next day, and the samurai wakes up next to his wife, and sees her long black hair...

AAAAAAAAAND it’s a corpse. It’s her dead fuckin’ body, and the hair’s still attached. Saw that coming...although I didn’t think my whole “don’t fuck ghosts” joke would come true that quickly.

AND THEN THE HAIR FUCKING ATTACKS HIM AND DRAINS HIS LIFE FORCE, WHAT IN THE NINE FUCKS

Yeah, no, he’s rapidly aging, and he tries to escape the estate, now obviously completely dilapidated. The now elderly samurai does get out of the estate...but he doesn’t escape.

Damn. Story Number One concluded. 

Weird-ass story, in a way, but very well-shot. as it finishes, the GF begins to elucidate on the actual cultural relationship of this story. Here she is now, actually.

Iridescent. Anyway, she told me about onryō (怨霊), vengeful spirits that come to exact revenge on those who committed wrongs on them or in general, taking their spirits from their dying bodies. Apparently, husbands wronging their wives and getting fucked over by the spirits is a common occurrance. Neat.

It’s also possibly a reference to the yōkai called the futakuchi-onna (二口女). That one, I already knew about. She’s the two-faced woman with her second face hidden behind her long hair, draped and kept down. Said hair is also prehensile! And for the record, I only knew about her because of this:

Yup, Mawile is a Steel/Fairy type Pokémon based on the futakuchi-onna. Neat, huh?

Anyway, that’s the end of the first story...shall we move on to the second one? Next up, Kwaidan: The Snow Woman! See you there!

#kwaidan #masaki kobayashi #怪談 #Michiyo Aratama #Misako Watanabe #Rentarō Mikuni #fantasy march #user365 #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year #mygifs #my gifs

[fifteenskies15]

The Sword and The Hairpin

(Tsugikuni Yoriichi x First Breathe of Flower user! Reader)

Summary: Yoriichi had left, and you are torn because you never told Yoriichi how you really feel about him, but he left you something...

Admin's note: This is like first Kimetsu no Yaiba FF/Scenario I ever made, I made this because I'm bored and this is going to make you confused since I'm a novice writer, and it might be OOC since I don't know much about Yorichii's personality

----

"Thank you for visiting us again (name), i'm very sorry that you had to watch over our child" Sumiyoshi said as he serve you a riceball and tea as you drop by to see him, Suyako and their child, you smiled and shook your head as you cradle the sleeping baby in your arms "It's fine, Sumiyoshi, you know how I really fond of children, Is Suyako okay? Did she fell asleep again?"

Sumiyoshi smiled fondly at his wife who is sleeping peacefully with a smile on her face "She is, and don't worry about her, she did sleep all the time" you smiled as you looked at their sleeping son in your arms again, like mother like son, Suyako's son is a heavy sleeper just like his mother.

"but (name), i'm sure you came here not only for a mere visit" he said as he looked up at the spring sky, you looked at him, tilting your head, slightly perplexed "What do you mean, Sumiyoshi?" Sumiyoshi just smiled softly at you as you handed his son to him "You can't fool us, (name), I knew you're also here for Yoriichi-san"

You nearly spewed out your green tea as he said that "W-who me? No, I'm not! I... I'm not here because of him... You know?" you were lying, of course you pay a visit to Kamado family house just to see "that-handsome-man-with-hanafuda-earrings" too, Sumiyoshi knows you're lying as he just smiled softly and he stares at you as if he could see through your lies "You needn't lie to me about it, (Name)"

Once again, he looked up at the sky while slightly rocking his infant son "I knew all about it, (Name), Suyako and I notice at how comfortable you are with him, something tells me you had a thing for him" Sumiyoshi's smile then falter from his face "But I'm afraid Yorichii-san will never come back"

The faint blush on your face faded as Sumiyoshi mention that Yoriichi will never come back, you looked at him forlornly "But... Why?"

"Can't say I understand either" he said heaving a sigh "He really helped us for many times and had it not him I, then much less my child wouldn't be here" you just stayed silent as you take a bite of the riceball, trying to not wallowing in sadness since you won't see him again.

You remembered your conversation with him few days ago...

You were visiting your friend, Suyako and bring her a basket full of vegetables for her and Sumiyoshi, You noticed Sumiyoshi and Yoriichi is having another conversation about things you could not understand, "Ah, (name), do you mind waiting for a spell? I have to put my son to sleep, it's supposed to be his naptime now"

You smiled and nodded "I don't mind waiting" Suyako just smile and went to get her son, you looked back at Sumiyoshi who rushed to the kitchen "(Name), Can you keep Yoriichi-san a company? I need to pour him some tea"

"I, umm... I don't mind, I guess"

"Thank you, I promise I won't take a long time" he said as he headed to the kitchen, as he gone, you looked at Yoriichi, who is staring at the cherry blossoms that recently blooms and listening to the chirping birds and he twiddled with what seem looked like a wooden flute, there's a glimmer of sadness carved on his face as he turn his attention to the flute.

Tentatively, you approached him "You seem having a lot things in your mind, Yoriichi-san..." you feel a little bit uncomfortable as he didn't respond, not long later, he spoke up "Sometimes there are many things that haunt your mind that you couldn't help but think about it"

You hummed in respond and sit next to him "That's a beautiful flute you have there, Yoriichi-san..."

A small smile plastered on his handsome face as he looked at his flute "Aniue gave me this flute when we were just a pair seven year old" he looked at it for a long time before he spoke up "No matter where I go, everytime I looked at this flute, it reminded me so much about my brother it's as if he was with me as I carried this flute"

A soft smile plastered on Yoriichi's usual stoic face, you can't help but blush slightly at him "N-no wonder you really fond of that flute, Yoriichi-san..."

He just nodded in response, then gently placed it on his lip as he blow the simply carved wooden flute, it sound was... Off note, maybe because it was made by a child's hand.

But despite that, Yoriichi smiled.

You thought he really had a very beautiful smile "Whoever your brother is, he must be a great person..."

"It's because he is..." Yoriichi said not looking up from the wooden flute "I have always think this flute... As him"

You wondered, whatever happened to his brother? Did he gone missing or something perhaps? You just stay quiet since it's none of your business... "Were you ever wish to see him again and hope you could spend time with him peacefully, Yoriichi-san?"

Yoriichi stayed quiet for a while then looked at you "I do... I wish I could spend my life with him drinking tea together, train together, playing shogi and talk about so many things" he paused for a while "Do you perhaps have someone you dearly love?"

Of course you do, your little sister and brother, they were the only ones who are left after your parents died from demon's attack"Yes, of course I do..."

Yoriichi looked at you for a while and say "I hope you always protect them from anything that could harm them or corrupt them"

You were confused, why did he said that all of a sudden? "I will always protect them even if it cost my life, Yoriichi-san, I may only have inadequate knowledge of fighting since I'm just a novice swordwoman but that doesn't mean I can't stand tall for the lives of those who I care about"

You catch Yoriichi looking at you with a wry smile "You're far better than me... (name)"

It's the first you hear your name from Yoriichi's mouth

"What do you mean, Yoriichi-san?"

But he did not answer, instead his eyes met yours before he spoke up again "Fate is such a peculiar thing, you don't know what disaster and misfortune that might befallen upon you or what blessing you will get in your life, I want you to prepare your heart with what lies ahead, don't be like me... You and Sumiyoshi thought I'm somekind of special human...But I am not"

He looked at his flute again

"I couldn't achieve what needs to be achieved and I failed to protect a single thing that is precious to me, I am no man of worth..."

You looked at him, you internally begged him to not see himself like that

"That being said, (Name), till that day comes I want you to promise me to always stand guard and shield those who you love, physically and mentally, can you do it for me?"

"I promise"

"That's all I can ask of you, (Name)"

"Hey, Sumiyoshi?"

"Yes, (Name)?"

You take a deep breath and looked at him "Do you think... I could be a great samurai... Like Yoriichi-san?"

Sumiyoshi stayed silent for a while before he smiled "I'm sure you can, (Name), You're a remarkable swordswoman, If that's your dream then don't hesitate to fight for it and chase it"

You sipped your tea as you looked up at the clear sky, even in such a beautiful season like this, Yoriichi must have been fighting to eradicate the demons that plagued the land, putting an ease in heart of many anxious people...

He worked so hard while you just sit back and watch, the thought made you teared up a little "Are you alright, (Name)?" Sumiyoshi ask in concern, you wiped your tears away and nodded "I'm okay, just thinking about something sad" you said as you give him a sad smile "Anyways, thanks for the tea, I have to go back home now, I'll drop by again later" you say as you stood up "Ah, Wait, before you go, I have something for you!"

Sumiyoshi then lay his son on the futon and get something, once he's back, he had something wrapped in white cloth "Yoriichi-san asked me to give you this right before he go" you blinked as you accept the gift Yorichii got for you, "Ah, I see, well thanks very much, Sumiyoshi, I'll see you later"

As you reach your house, your siblings intrigued with your gift "Ooh, whatcha got there, nee-san?" your brother said as he looked at the gift "Is it a new kimono? I'm so jealous that you got a new one!" your sister say frowning as you just chuckled "No, it's not a new kimono (S/N), it's just something from a friend..." you said as you looked at it "Well don't keep the suspence! Open it nee-san!" your brother said "Hahaha, okay, okay, yeesh, so impatient" you carefully unwrapped your gift and to find...

A sword and A hairpin

The sword has a flower shaped shuba* wrapped in (F/C) samegawa* "Wow! What a cool sword!" your brother said as he admire it, you take a look at it and as you unsheathed your sword the blade turns pale pink, your siblings looked at it in awe "It changes color as you touched it, nee-san! What do you think this could mean?"

You have no idea what just happen either

"Ah, this hairpin is really pretty!" your sister said as she admired the hairpin of your (F/F) you noticed there's a letter on the cloth

"To (Last name) (name)"

"A letter...?" your siblings looked at you then share a look "Um, do you need some privacy, Nee-san?" your sister asked as you inspected the letter

"...Yes, please..."

As your siblings left, You carefully opened the letter and read it

Dear (Name)

If you read this letter, you know that means we won't see each other again, I can't just stay at Sumiyoshi's place for a long time, I still have to kill every demons that loitering around the land, forgive me for not able to be by your side when you need me the most, in exchange, I would like you to have this sword: The Nichirin blade, I asked the villagers of the Swordsmith Village to make you this, so that you're able to protect those who you care about.

You are a talented and skilled swordswoman, (Name), the blade will change the colour as you grab a hold to it

And the hairpin? Hm, you could say it's just a little of my token of appreciation for you, I really enjoyed your company and our conversation together, you put my heart and mind at ease, I hope you like it, Sumiyoshi told me that (F/F) is your favorite flower, so I bought the kanzashi in thought it will make your beauty even more prominent.

Remember to protect those who are the most precious to you, (Name).

I do hope one day we will see each other again, I will always think about you and I will always remember you, even if I have draw my last breath and that my body no longer exists.

May our paths cross, Dearest (Name)

Tsugikuni Yoriichi

You couldn't help but burst into tears, you held the hairpin close to yout chest as tears dripping down to the letter he wrote for you, "I really do hope our paths will cross, Yoriichi-san..." you looked at the sword as you see your own reflection on it, there are no more tears in your eyes, only determination

"I swear I will protect them and not letting them corrupted in any forms and I swear that I will find you too, Yoriichi-san..."

You were interrupted by a soft knock and the voice of your brother "Um, Nee-san, are you done? I think it's time for us to practice now"

"Oh! I'm sorry, (B/N). I'll be right over!" you put your sword back to its samegawa and look at it for a long time before you hold it close to you

"I love you, Yoriichi..."

-

*Admin's feral scream*

Hello everyone, Admin fifteen here! So this is like, my very first KnY related fanfiction, I'm terribly sorry for the nonsense, inaccuracies and everything! I'm just new in this fandom, but I can't help myself, I'm so sorry that you did not enjoy the story, I promise I will do harder and better *bows*

Ah, I, also I don't mind taking requests, please don't be shy to share me your ideas, thank you very much

Samegawa: Sheath

Shuba: Hilt

Admin's note #2: Back in edo period, men always give their potential wife a kanzashi as proposal item, Yoriichi and reader lived in sengoku era so it's not really a marriage proposal (yet)

#kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #tsugikuni yoriichi #tsugikuni yoriichi x reader #kimetsu no yaiba scenario #kimetsu no yaiba imagines #kimetsu no yaiba fanfiction

[screamingatanemptyroom]

I Can’t Eat Love Side Part 2- Rig

Sorry for the long delay, I just started a new job and I’ve been really busy! Here’s is the next side part, from Rig’s perspective. Next will be a quick part with Edith, and then Hallers and finally the Queen. 

Master post Linked Here

Enjoy!

___________________________

In a previous life...

I was always a simple man, with a simple wish. I had secrets, more than most, but this fundamental thing about me never changed. Even in the underground world of spies and intrigue, my heart always yearned for one simple thing to be happy:

A family.

When I first met Helda, I didn’t know she was the daughter of the Lord of the estate I lived on. I came across her one day, standing in the gardens, a beautiful girl with a bright, kind smile. I felt nervous, having never seen such a pretty girl before.

“Do you like flowers?” I asked her, my heart in my throat. Around her I felt foolish, tongue tied.

“I love them!” She laughed at my question, and I couldn’t help but smile.

We met frequently after that, despite the differences in our statuses. We spoke of many things, gradually learning about each other, our lives, of our hopes and dreams.

___________________________

“What do you want most in life?” She asked me one day, stroking the blue flower I had given her earlier.

“I want to be happy.” I grinned at her. “Family, friends… if I had people who truly cared for me, I wouldn’t want for anything else.”

“A family… what about your father?”

Her question dampened my mood, and I frowned as I thought of the overly serious man working in the stables.

“He doesn’t care about me much.” I tried to keep my tone light. Truthfully, my father hated me. He often complained about being stuck with me after my mother had died, and about how useless I was. I didn’t say that, however. I didn’t want her to think less of me. I just wanted her to smile at me like she always did.

“…”  Despite my efforts, an awkward silence stretched between us. I looked down at my lap, only to be shocked when a small delicate hand reached over and grabbed my own.

“I care about you.” Her soft words stuck a chord in my heart, shaking me to my core. I looked up at her, unable to hide the emotions in my eyes.

I loved her.

Even without a mother or father, perhaps I could build a new family. One that I loved and loved me in return. I smiled at Helda, blinking back tears.

My dream was coming true.

___________________________

SLAP! 

“You brat! You were sniffing around the Lord’s daughter!” My father’s hand struck my face with force, knocking me to the ground. I spat out blood, having bit my tongue in the impact, and shakily climbed to my feet. The flowers in my hands were trampled on the ground, and I stared at the ruined blossoms in dismay.  

“I love her.”

“She’s beyond your reach, fool. Stop dreaming!” His sneering words made me angry, but before I could retort he through a small bag at me.

“The lord has already given his order. You are to leave today, and never return.”

I clutched the pack, stunned. My father was turning me out without hesitation, just because the Lord had seen me bringing flowers to his daughter?

What would they do if they knew how close we truly are? Suppressing this thought, I took the bag and left, writing to Helda what had happened.

___________________________

A few weeks went by, but she didn’t respond, causing me to panic. I sent letter after letter until finally her maid sent me a message, describing her condition.

“You’re pregnant?”

I went to see her, sneaking into the estate and finding her alone.

“Run away with me, we’ll make a life together.” I was nervous, excited, my hands shaking as I tried to reach out to hold hers. “I may not have much, but I will love you and our child with all of my heart. 

My hands grasped nothing but air. She stepped away, out of my reach, shaking her head. I felt pain in my chest, my blood freezing in my veins at her distant expression.

“You can’t give me what I want.” Her voice was cold, unfamiliar. Was this the same girl who held my hand and told me she loved me? What had happened?

“What do you want?” I begged her. “I’ll do anything to make you happy.” I was fired up, ready to go to the edge of the world and back for her. I would make this work. I would make a life for us. I could already see a wonderful future, with her and our children...

“A title. Can you give me that?” Those two words crushed my spirit, extinguishing my naïve dreams. No matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t make my blood more noble. It was not a true request. It was a rejection. 

“But… our child…” My words cracked.

“Will be raised as the child of a noble. It has nothing to do with you.” She stepped even further away. “So please stop approaching me. Stop writing me. Pretend you don’t know me. Don’t ruin my chance at happiness.”

She walked away, leaving me broken hearted behind her. I couldn’t speak, could barely leave. The feelings we shared, the dream of a family… were worthless to her in the end.

I snuck back out of the estate, never to return home again.

___________________________

 Starting a new life wasn’t easy. 

I found that there was money in secrets, and although it required some dark deeds in the shadows, obtaining and selling those secrets soon made me a force to be reckoned with in the underworld of the Capital. I gathered a team, infiltrating all areas of society. The little white lies, the darkest secrets, I knew them all and would sell them for a price.

But no matter how hard I worked, how much money or power I gained, it didn’t change the fact that I was alone.

Helda married right away, and was given a title and a position in society just like she always wanted. She gave birth to a daughter… our daughter. I gathered all the information I could on her, watching the young girl who seemed to love flowers, just like her mother. 

Raewynn. My daughter. 

I passed the years by, watching my child from the shadows, despairing of the remnants of a dream that still haunted my heart. But it was too late, I had lost my chance at family.

Or so I thought. Until I met her.

___________________________

The first time I saw that girl, I couldn’t help but reach out a hand towards her. I was walking to a meeting, and happened to pass by a young beggar on the streets. I had seen countless before, I knew I couldn’t save them all, so I tried to look away, hardening my heart. But after once glimpse, I already found that she was impossible to ignore. 

Despite the dirt that covered her, the fatigue that clearly showed on her face, and the too-thin frame, her eyes stared right at me, studying me curiously. They were bright, intelligent, but buried within her gaze was a sense of anger and grief incomparable with her age.  I paused, despite myself, and looked down.

“Poor thing, you starving?” I spoke up softly, and her eyes narrowed, watching me more closely. She seemed to be in good health besides being malnourished, and seemed smart enough to be able to be useful. I made up my mind instantly, holding out a hand to help her to her feet. “You can work for me, get back on your feet.”

She studied my hand, distrust clearly written on her face. Something flickered behind her eyes, and I couldn’t help but wondered what had happened too a young woman to cause such a sad look. 

“Why would you help me?”

I shrugged. I wasn’t completely sure myself. “Who know? Maybe in another life you can pay me back.”

A silly joke, one that meant nothing. How could a young girl ever help me out, even if we met again in a different life?

___________________________

“Again.”

The girl glared at me, the expression vicious. “I’ve already done it a thousand times.” 

“Can you even count to a thousand?” I handed her back the throwing knife with a grin.

“Easily.”

I laughed. Her words were forced through gritted teeth, I had a feeling that if I kept pushing her, the next target for the throwing knife might be me. Every day she was louder, more self-assured. Watching her actions and expressions slowly match the brightness I had initially seen in her eyes made me feel happy. The girl was quicker than I had expected, picking up skills and knowledge at a speed that left me amazed.

THUD

The knife flew from her hand with practiced ease, striking the center of the target with a solid sound. The girl let out a cheer, jumping up and down .

“Good job!” I complimented her without thinking, and she froze in place, her eyes wide with shock. I laughed at her expression.

“Why are you acting so surprised at a simple compliment? You worked hard. You deserve it.”

She shook her head. “I’ve always worked hard. That doesn’t mean people will care.” The pain I sometimes saw hidden in her eyes was clearly visible. At the sight, I felt a slight tug in my heart. Forcing a smile, I reached out and ruffled her hair, ignoring her annoyed reaction.

“I care.” I paused, and stepped back. “Which is why it should be perfect. Do it again.” 

“…” She stared at me silently for a few moments, and I wondered if she would revolt. Instead a bright smile lit up her face, startling me.

For a moment I thought of my daughter Raewynn. Did she smile like that sometimes too? As I struggled with my thoughts, she had already gathered the throwing knifes and positioned herself farther away from the target.

“I’ll do it perfectly then.”

___________________________

Each day the girl grew more confident. I found myself struck by her intelligence and hard work. After only a few months, she was one of my most talented runners. The air around her changed, becoming less suppressed and angry to one more bright and cheerful. I watched her change day by day, amused at how such a thin, quiet girl had become so different.

One day I overheard two of my men talking:

“That girl keeps taking all the best jobs. Should I teach her a lesson?” 

“Idiot! She’s Rig’s daughter! If you mess with her, he’ll kill you!” 

“Ugh, I’m glad you said something, I’ll steer clear.”

I watched the man run off, a smile tugging at my lips.

My daughter?

I had investigated Lenora when I first picked her up, of course. Her story wasn’t pretty. To start so high up, a valued and treasured daughter of the duke, only to be thrown away and lose everything. She must still be hurting, even if she never brought up her family or her old home. The more time I spent with her, the more I felt a kindred spirit from her, a special kind of loneliness that searched for a family.

A daughter like her… wouldn’t be bad. 

I treated her with special interest from then on, teaching her everything I knew. She learned things quickly, especially when it came to business negotiations and threats… even I was scared of how talented in that regard. She stayed by my side more and more, and I couldn’t help but feel proud of her as my adopted daughter.

Finally, one day, I took her to see Raewynn.

We sat in a tree, watching the smiling girl in a flower garden. In a quiet voice, I explained my history with her mother, and the girl’s identity. Lenora seemed to stare at her with great interest, almost falling out of the tree in her haste. I reached out to hold her in place, but was barely spared a glance by her before her attention was focused on Raewynn once more.

When we came back home that evening, she was still smiling. “You should tell her!” She jumped up and down with excitement.

I frowned, shaking my head. “I’m not sure, she might not be happy to hear the truth.” In my heart I still remembered how her mother looked at me the day I asked her to come with me… like I was disgusting, worthless. I felt a brief moment of fear, at the thought of Raewynn looking at me like that as well.

“But you’re amazing, much better than any silly earl! She should know who her real father is!” Lenora smiled warmly, pulling on my sleeve. “I know I would want to know.”

Really? The dream I thought I had abandoned so long ago stirred to life in my chest at her few words. Would it really all work out so neatly? What if it did?

I made up my mind, sending a letter to my young daughter. In it I explained the truth of who I was. The moment it left my hands, I felt panicked. What if she was too young to understand, she was only thirteen… I agonized over it for days, until finally a reply was sent my way.

Both she and her mother wanted to see me.

I was overwhelmed. The letter seemed to imply that if the meeting went well, they would consider running away, starting a new life together. 

Had Helda regretted her decision that day? She wanted to be a family again? Part of me was hurt and angry after her betrayal, but I couldn’t contain the yearning that sprouted deep within me.

A family.

Was it really within my reach?

I left Lenora behind, telling her that if we left, I wanted her to come with us. She may be grown, but I had come to regard her as my daughter. I didn’t want to leave her behind. 

“You can be part of the family, have a younger sister…” I smiled as I told her, “I can’t run off without both of my daughters, now can I?”

She cried into my shoulder, promising to wait for me to return. My spirits raised, I headed towards the meeting point, happy.

My family.

My dream was coming true.

___________________________

Once I arrived at the promised spot, however, there was no one else there.

Was I too early? I felt uneasy. I had honed my instincts on the streets these past years, my gut told me something was wrong. I knew, I should get out of here, quickly.

 But if I turn and run away, what if I miss them?  I hesitated, unwilling to lose this chance…

But I hesitated just a moment too long.

A blade pierced my chest, the sound reaching my ears before the pain hit. I grunted, shocked, slumping to the ground, a weak hand lightly clutching at the handle protruding from me, my fingers slipping on the surface slick with blood.

“Is it done?” A voice I knew better than any other, even after all these years spoke up. I closed my eyes briefly, not wanting to open them, not wanting to see the person in front of me.

“Yes.” A stranger, a man, answered her.

“Finally.” She let out a sigh of relief, and unwittingly I opened my eyes and saw her.

Helda.

She knelt down, looking at me with a cold expression. “You should have just let the past go, Rig. You’re lucky I found the letter first. I can’t risk what you know getting back to my husband. Did you tell anyone else?”

Lenora. I shook my head resolutely, denying her question.

“Hmph.” She stood up, studying me closely. “To be safe, track down his people, and kill them.”

The man who had stabbed me shook his head. “That wasn’t part of the deal…”

“I’ll triple the amount.” She shook her head slowly. “Just get rid of them.”

Helda walked away, never once looking back at me.

The masked man stared at me with a frown. “Sorry friend, at least your friends will join you in the afterlife.” He reached down, pulling out the knife. I felt my entire chest become soaked with blood, my vision going dark as he left me behind too.

I just wanted to be happy. I wanted a family. 

I thought of their words, tears filling my vision as I realized that Lenora might be harmed. The bright girl, who had just learned to laugh again. Who just started to smile after so much pain. Who was so lonely that she cried at the thought of being a part of my family… What would happen to her?

“Lenora.” I whispered the name, feeling pain, feeling regret. 

My daughter. I’m sorry. I have to leave first.

Please be happy, find a new family.

Please…

“RIG!”

___________________________

In another life…

 “RIG!” 

I opened my eyes, having fallen asleep by the window, startled awake at the sound of my name. Blinking, my thoughts scattered, I looked around, only to stop my gaze on the young woman standing before me, my breath catching within my chest.

“You look beautiful.” 

Lenora stood there, her hands on hips, a smile tugging at her lips as she rolled her eyes at the compliment.

“I would hope so, given all the work Marile and Erica have put into this!” 

She turned around, showing off the flowing white gown, the golden trim shining in the sunlight pouring through the window. She was always lovely, her appearance bright and confident, but today she was stunning. Her clothes and hair were carefully styled, an excited blush coloring her cheeks.

A beautiful bride.

I stood up, giving her a tight hug. “Nate is a lucky man.”

She grinned. “You two gave him a hard enough time when we first got engaged.” 

“How else is he going to know how precious you are to us?” I shrugged. “If I didn’t like him, he wouldn’t still be standing, prince or no.”

“I know.” She reached out, touching my face gently. “You and Hallers both defended him against his parents. It meant a lot to him.”

I looked away. “They should know they have a good son.” I muttered. It’s true that Hallers and I both had many long “talks” with Nate after the engagement, which he took in good spirit. But the moment we saw his father make a disparaging remark against him… Hallers was the first to crack.

“Prince Nathaniel is the finest young man of his generation, you are foolish if you don’t recognize how lucky you are to have him as your son!” The words the normally stoic butler shouted out that day still shocked everyone.  I had stepped up as well, agreeing loudly.

Nate, his eyes teary, had simply hugged us both, thanking us quietly. A good man, a little quiet, but he was kind and intelligent. More importantly, he made Lenora happy. He was accepted into our odd group without issue after that day. 

“Thank you, Rig. For everything.” Lenora’s words brought me back from my thoughts. I looked at her for a few moments, feeling I had to ask one last time.

“Are you sure you don’t want your father to give you away?” 

At my question her face grew cold, her normally cheerful gaze growing harsh. “The old duke? He is not my father. Not in any way that matters.” She shook her head. “Rig, in both lifetimes I’ve lived… you’ve always been there for me. You won’t leave me now, deny me having my father with me on my wedding day, would you?”

I smiled.  She often spoke about a past lifetime, one that I never remembered. It was strange to hear about. I knew from what she had told me that I had cared for her like a daughter then as well. It seemed almost too much to believe, but no matter my thoughts, I couldn’t help but be grateful that it caused her to seek me out in this lifetime.

“Of course not, girl. We’ll take care of you.” 

“Good!” Lenora clapped, “Before the ceremony, I have a surprise for you!”  She leaned out the window, looking outside while chuckling. “And it looks like it’s just arriving!” 

“A surprise?” I was a spymaster… I didn’t get surprised. Curious, I turned as she walked past me, opening the door to her rooms with a flourish. 

I paused, completely shocked.

“Hello… father.” A young girl, thirteen or fourteen years old, stood in the doorway, watching me with a shy expression. I knew her… how could I not? I had spent years watching her grow up, hidden in the shadows of the garden.

“Raewynn?” I choked out the name, barely able to speak, then turned to Lenora. “How…?”

She answered my unfinished question with a smile. “You hadn’t had a chance to see her since coming to Tilendria with me. I know that you said you would be fine, just hearing reports on her wellbeing, but how could I ignore the sacrifice you made to help me?”

She stepped forward, taking Raewynn’s hand with  a smile. “Due to some… arranged circumstances, I have been able to correspond with Rae regularly, and as we got to know each other, I invited her here to come to my wedding… And see our father.”

Father. The word repeated in my head over and over, I could barely breathe.

“Arranged circumstance?” I didn’t recognize my own voice, my mind was racing.

“You know how much Raewynn loves flowers, and learning about their uses?” Lenora waited for me to nod, before continuing with a satisfied grin. “Well, I arranged for her to learn under a master gardener.”

“Hello cousin.” the new Duke of Armeny, stepped into the room behind the girl, smiling. “I brought my apprentice, as you asked.”

“Henry!” Lenora hugged him tightly, then stepped back to show him her gown. “What do you think?” 

“Hmm… we’re missing something.” He looked her up and down with a serious expression.

“Roses?” Raewynn tugged on Henry’s sleeve with a grin.

“Too traditional. How about lilies?” 

“Not enough color.” Both of them were excited, getting into a lively debate before deciding on peonies. Henry ran out to grab a potted plant from the carriage while Raewynn inched closer to me, a curious expression on her face.

“You both are ridiculous.” Lenora smiled while watching her.

Raewynn shrugged, still staring at me. “Flowers are amazing, you just don’t appreciate them enough.”

“I don’t think it’s possible to appreciate them as much as you and Henry.” She patted Raewynn on the head. “Now talk with our father for a bit, he’s still in shock.” Looking around, she sighed. “I have to go get Hallers. He’s been crying ever since he saw me in my wedding dress.”

“Hallers?” I couldn’t help but be skeptical. That stone faced man could cry?”

She grinned. “Take your time, you two.” I realized just how much effort she must have made to arrange to bring Raewynn here without raising suspicion, and felt a warmth in my chest. I stepped closer, hugging Lenora tightly.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” She whispered back. “We’re family.”

Family.

I sat down to talk to my daughter, waiting for the wedding to begin. A smile stretched across my face and for the first time in a long time, a weight seemed gone from my shoulders.

___________________________

The time for the wedding to begin arrived. Hallers finally calmed down, taking his place to the other side of Lenora as we brought her to the wedding hall. The Queen, a beautiful smile on her face, wiped tears from her eyes as she hugged Lenora tightly.

“Mother.” Lenora’s voice sounded muffled, as if she were holding back tears.

“I’m so happy for you, dear. My daughter’s wedding day.” 

I agreed with the Queen, looking down the hall where a nervous but clearly happy Nate stood, shifting in place as he tried to catch a glimpse of his bride. Henry patted him on the shoulder, pointing at some of the wedding decorations, obviously complaining about the flowers.  We walked Lenora towards them, Raewynn scattering petals ahead of us, Erica and Marile supporting the bride’s train behind her, both grinning from ear to ear. 

Hallers, the Queen and I all took turns kissing our daughter for good fortune, before placing her hand in Nate’s. I stood off to the side, watching the couple speak their vows of love, my heart full.

The bride and groom kissed, and I cheered with the rest.

This strange group that gathered around Lenora, we were more than simple friends, people brought about by chance. We looked out for one another, cared for one another.

A family.

What more could a man ask for?

#writing #i can't eat love #side part #rig #second chance #second life

[thatkindofwoman]

I don’t remember exactly when I first started writing. However, I remember the first piece I wrote that I didn’t struggle, because when I started, what I had to tell, to share, to put down on paper was essential to process through writing. 

I was around the age of 10 and I wrote about the more recent experience I had paid witness and participant in during my adolescent life on the farm. When I was 8, we moved from an end row home in a small town to a 30 acre farm 26 miles away from the previously mentioned small town. 

I will tell you the event, but I must first make known the beginning. I was 8, and my mom and dad took me up to the abandoned and cobweb, filthy barn on the property. They explained that if I wanted the responsibility of a horse, my first step would be to clean the barn. 

Such began an intense curriculum of how to drive the tractors, shoveling, sweeping, pressure washing, scrubbing, and building new stalls. Where to buy buckets, feed, mats, hay, how to plan out a barn, making and setting schedules, safety of the horses, our other animals and me. My parents there, teaching and helping me every step of the way.

 I had been put on a horse at 18 months old, and spent the next 4 years begging to ride and at the age of 6, during the summer, one of the last ones we spent all summer at in Cape May in the 3 room cottage my parents had bought, my mother got me lessons. 

I rode a horse named Catherine that summer and the destiny of it all was not lost on me, nor my romantic and curious soul. I remember I had two pairs of jodhpurs I would wiggle into that summer when I wasn’t wearing a bathing suit or my brother’s hand me downs.  I drove past the farm this past summer and I remember it being much bigger and more intimidating. It was neither. Just an island horse barn on a small property. I remember this first instructor not being the most patient of women, but my next instructor, Kari, was. 

Kari’s parents were Norwegian and Kari lived in the barn apartment above the stables on her parent’s farm. She was everything, a mentor, a guardian, an empress of horse knowledge. She taught on the magical property belonging to her parents, a place my mother drove me 45 minutes to for lessons. I remember my parents bringing out a map and including me in the drive planning, Which way, how, when.  A noted and loved connection, my mother had taught Kari years and years previously when my mother and grandmother ran a beginner’s riding school on their property. Horses are, as you can now understand, in my blood. 

Then came Lightning, a schooling draft mix with a long slash of lighting down his handsome chestnut face. He was everything. Sturdy, and sweet, a true old gentleman horse who ushered me into horse ownership. Kari had Lighting before us, and I had ridden him a lot. She agreed that he was the perfect horse for me, he was old and needed to retired somewhere he would be loved, and love him I did. I rode him around the property in a way that makes my soul now ache, running through dressage exercises at a snail’s pace with him in the makeshift ring my parents had made for me, riding next to the stream, trotting and cantering with him. Us both choppy, but pleased with each other. I remember whispering into his ears, thanking him for being my friend, I remember my soul blossoming, feeling, living, growing. 

I remember specifically the day we had to give him mercy in his old age, and his partially crippled state. I also remember that it was not a peaceful sleep and goodbye, a new vet and a wrong dosage, quickly fixed, but the flash of fear in Lightning’s eyes haunted me until I wrote about it. Not only that, but the act of saying goodbye to a dear friend, never to be seen again. One of the first times I saw death in front of me, and experiences instant grief. Writing about it, and apparently with detail enough that warranted praise, helped. A skill of healing learned and encouraged.

Grief has many forms. This one was first hand, and not the last. I’ve been blessed with many dogs and cats, and most of them lived well into their geriatric years, forcing forever goodbyes to animal friends to be one of the most painful things I have encountered in this life.

It was not like when I was 8 and I walked into to say goodbye to my grandfather, and then saw him at his funeral, gone. It was a little like, however, his wheelchair bound twin brother at the funeral gesturing to me and exclaiming his niece’s, my aunt’s, name.  This thin familiar stranger thinking me her. That grief lives differently inside of me, tinted by the difficult love and affection my father had for his father, and his having worked and taken over the company from his father. Grief tinged by childhood memories, but adult understanding.

Grief doesn’t go away. It becomes a part of you, it grows without us tending it on it’s own terms. Writing doesn’t go away just because you aren’t writing. It lives inside of you, in your experiences, it lives in the jokes you tell, the sadness you carry, the notes you write, in the voicemails you leave. It grows on it’s own, it wilts, it kills off part of itself to survive. When I write, since the first time I wrote about my life, I understand me better. I understand who I am, and who I got to be in the past, and who I get to be presently. I also realized by sharing my writing, it enabled other people, it seems, to put their feelings and emotions into words, a gift not everyone has. 

I will never stop writing to understand myself, in fact I believe it is the one thing that the me I have been, the me I am, and the me I will be will have in common.

-December18th,  2019 - Katharine Keegan 

#writing #mine #words by me #personal