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#please look at this guys. i spent half an hour on... whatever the fuck this is
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Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader
Summary: established relationship, Eddie is an emotionally constipated lil guy who's scared of his own feelings, adorable nervous energy, so much fluff its gross
AN: BRUV i wrote this in about a half hour ago and now its up and i BARELY edited this so please be gentle! I love you guys, have the best weekend!
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I can’t fucking say it.
Eddie has been pacing back and forth in his room for the past 45 fucking minutes.
He’s tried saying it looking in the mirror, looking at his feet, hell, he even tried staring out the fucking window.
Nothing.
He can think it—that’s the easy part. Those three little words play in his head like a god damned broken record.
When he’s not around you, he’s thinking it. When he’s just left you, or on his way to you, he can feel it on the tip of his tongue.
Oh, but when he’s with you? It’s like a big flashing neon fucking sign buzzing in his brain:
EDDIE MUNSON LOVES HIS GIRL.
It should be easy, no? To look you into your dreamy eyes and tell you.
Let’s try this again.
Eddie bounced back and forth on each foot, shaking the nerves from his hands. “C’mon, Munson. Don’t be a chicken shit…”
He let out a few quick breaths. “Okay, okay…”
Eddie’s brain is screaming at him. Telling him to say the fucking words he’s been thinking and feeling for the past 4 months.
Really the past 3 years he’s knowns you, but that’s neither here nor there.
He feels out of breath just sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands.
“I can’t fucking say it, holy hell.” Eddie scrubs his face, feeling like a complete coward.
Always running from what scares him.
He heard the door of the trailer open, and the familiar chime of your keychain follow.
“Eds? I’m back! and I got you a surprise!”
Whatever nerves he was feeling vanished. You’re the most calming presence Eddie’s ever met. Like…a warm blanket. A cup of tea on a rainy day. Lover's lake, right as the sun was starting to rise.
Magical. Healing. Golden.
You were everything to him, and he couldn’t even fucking tell you.
“Babe?” You called again, looking for him.
“Y-Yeah! Yeah, in here, sweetheart.” He stands quickly. Drying his sweaty palms on his pants.
You round the corner into his room, and Eddie swears you get more beautiful every time he sees you. You smile at him, “Hey, handsome.”
“There’s my pretty girl.” He says without a second thought. “You and Buckley have fun at the mall?”
Eddie pulls you into him completely, and you melt. He’s so sturdy and strong but so, so gentle with you. You inhale him, he inhales you.
Home.
“I did, Robin keeps me from flying too close to the sun,” you laugh. “I did, however, get you a little something.”
Eddie pulls back, looking at you. “What? Why?”
You’re beaming up at him, “‘Cause I love you, ya silly goose.” You bend down, and grab the bag at your feet. “Here, opening it!”
Eddie doesn’t even have time to process how easily you’d say it.
You’ve never once pressured him—never made a big thing about saying it. It came with no strings when you said it the first time.
You’d spent the day with him, doing nothing particularly important. These were Eddie’s favorite. It’s just him and his girl, no sharing you with Robin or Dustin or any of those other gremlins.
You had an early shift the next day, so you kissed him goodbye, and grabbed your bag. Eddie kissed you once for every step you took toward the door.
“Baby, nooooo,” he whined. “I’ll let you sleep, sweetheart. No funny business, scouts honor.”
You laughed, “Oh, you were Boy Scout?”
Eddie shifted his feet, “I could’ve been.”
You kissed him deeply at the front door, “I’ll be back before you know it."
“Fine, fine,” he said dramatically. “I’ll just be here…alone…wallowing in my sorrows.” Eddie flopped back and fell backwards over the couch.
Your giggle echoed off the walls of the trailer. “I love you! I’ll see you in the morning!”
The door shut behind you, and Eddie shot up like a rocket, and stiff as a board.
You love him.
You said you loved him.
And he didn’t say it back.
It’s haunted him since.
Eddie took the bag from your hands, and pulled you gently to follow him. You sat down together on the edge of his bed.
You spoke to him as he opened it, “Okay, if you don’t like them, just be nice because it took me 40 minutes to decide between two sets and this one spoke to me and I wanted—“
“Honey, honey.” Eddie chuckled. “Take a breath. Whatever it is, it’s perfect." He tapped your nose gently, "‘Cause it’s from you.”
Eddie unwrapped the tissue paper, revealing a black acrylic case. He removed the lid, and his jaw nearly hit the floor.
“Holy shit, baby.”
Inside the case, was a brand new set of black onyx and ruby red DND dice.
“You like ‘em? Robin almost left me in the store because I just couldn’t decide—“
Eddie put the dice down quickly, grabbed your cheek, and kissed you tenderly.
He brought his other hand to your face as well, cupping it gently as his mouth moved over yours
When he was done with your mouth, Eddie kissed your nose, your cheeks, your eyes, your chin, any part of you he deemed not smothered in affection enough.
His lips had barely left your skin before he spoke, “I love you. God, I love you so much, sweetheart.”
Your smile—it could light up the whole town.
“Y-Yeah?” You asked hopefully, “You do?”
Eddie nodded, his hair tickling you cheeks. “I really, really do, baby. I love you. Thank you for thinking of me. For taking the time to do something that I never woulda done for myself. Thank you for just…” Eddie sighed, kissing your forehead. “Just for being mine. Christ, I’m so lucky.”
It wasn't about the gift.
Eddie had it all when he had you, and now he's going to make sure you know it.
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majestichyuk · 6 months
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Sweet spot
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Pairing :- Masseur!Jaemin x fem!reader
Summary :- After much convincing, maybe not at your own will, you finally agreed to get that much-needed massage, Thank you Seungkwan. 
Genre :- Smut (because I’m nice like that), fluff if you squint (you'll definitely see it), coworker Seungkwan, strangers to potential lovers. 
Wc :-  3.7K 
WARNING :- Reader has a nipple piercing (cause she, YOU are freaky like that.), teasing, dirty talk, Buff Jaemin, yes that is a warning, Jaemin loves the booty (you shouldn’t be surprised) so ass is being ATE just a lil lick is all, Jaemin is a pussy fiend. Female receiving, oral, cum eating, sexual tension. (I think that’s all ), sry for mistakes if there is any.
NOTES :- This here lady sluts and gentle whores is my first half smut that was in the making. I spent an hour and a half working on it, so I’ll check this off as the 4th story I’ve successfully completed 🎉 kudos to me. I hope you enjoy it and if you do comment and if you don't and think I could improve something still comment or message me anonymously, cause critique can lead to my improvement but being bitchy will get you nowhere, ANYWAYS, LIKE, REBLOG & FOLLOW. 
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“Why don’t you just come with me to the spa on Saturday, huh y/n?” Your best friend/coworker, begged you as he grabbed your arm, tugging you lightly.
“Do I look like I have time to go to a spa?” You licked the tip of your finger as you skimmed through the documents that your lazy boss rudely dropped on your desk, without uttering as much as a please.
“And plus, Saturdays are clean-up days, my cousin is a lazy fuck and I have to suffer from it,” You itch the crown of your head, slightly groaning realizing you might have to do an all-nighter once again on a Friday evening with the load of work in front of you. 
“Why don’t I take some of these with me,” Seungkwan lightly squeezed your hands as he took up about 60% of your work from your desk. 
“That way you can have a good night's sleep, while I plan our day out tomorrow,” Seungkwan squealed as he imagined finally getting to pamper you but you had to rain on his parade.
“No” You took the papers from him and placed them in your folder.
“No?” He looked at you in disbelief.
“I didn’t stutter, I won’t burden my work on you, it’s fine,” You reassured him.
“But you didn’t put your work on me, I volunteered,” He snatched your folder and took out the papers he had before, getting up from his seat and placing them in his briefcase.
“And I don’t want to hear any more nonsense about you doing all the work at the house when your cousin is a grown MAN,” Seungkwan picked up his suit jacket and swiftly put it on.
“Ah Kwannie, It’s really not a big deal– okay…” You stopped uttering a word when he hit you with that stare, a stare only a child of a strict and overprotective mother would understand, it was bone-chilling really.
“Good, I’ll text you the details so make sure you fix yourself up nice and be punctual,” Seungkwan placed his polyester scarf around his neck and ray-ban his glasses on (yes he wears ray-bans shut up). 
“Go home, finish off the work, do whatever you do at night, that ritual of yours whatever, and sleep well, sleep early,” Seungkwan pulled you up from your seat and pulled you into a hug.
“You sure you don’t like girls, I’m just saying if you’d allow me to slap on a strap I’d make a heck of a guy,” Seungkwan pushed you off and picked up his phone, giving you a side glance.
“Girl if you don’t go home, goodbye.” He laughed richly as he walked out, leaving the office. You followed the same routine minutes later and headed home. 
—-----------------------------------------------------------
Seungkwan ended up sending you the website for the Spa he had been rambling about for weeks on end as soon as you stepped into the door of your house. You decided to check it out after completing your office work and getting ready for bed.
After an hour and a half, you flopped into your bed, finally getting to relax. You checked the time, normally you’d finish work around late 11 but now it was around 8:35p.m, thanks to Seungkwan that was your earliest, EVER. You did a light prayer for him because he’s an angel.
You covered yourself with your sheet and opened your and Seungkwan's messages where he sent the link, you exchanged words with him before you clicked the link. 
He told you he already made the reservation on your behalf and because he was close friends with a guy named Wonwoo there, he was able to get a discount. He told you your first appointment would be a massage done by some woman named Na Jaemin, it should be an easy name to remember because before you started working in your current job you were a daycare teacher and there was the cute little girl whose name was IM Jaemin, oh was she a menace.
The website just showed all the available procedures, the cost, and the exaggerated descriptions of the long-lasting after-effects of the excellent experience. You turned your phone off, turned it over, and went to sleep.
—-----------------------------------------------------------
Loud, obnoxious snores were coming from your room, your cousin slowly opened your door, peeping inside to check to see if you were okay, living, and not choking to death.
He walked up to your bed and pinched your lips shut. “You need to change your settings on that noise that you’re making,” He looked at you in disgust, shaking his head, and watched as you stopped breathing and shot up from your sleep in a sitting position, knocking him on his ass on the floor. 
“CHENLE WHAT THE FUCK?!” If looks could kill you’d have a red dot aimed at your forehead right now. Chenle got up and dusted himself off.
“You do know I could hear you snoring all the way across the hall?” He used his thumb and pointed outside your door, You rolled your eyes and checked your phone.
“Oh fuck!” You jumped out of bed, shoving Chenle out of the way, he landed on your bed and flopped on the floor as you grabbed your towel and rushed into the bathroom. 
“YOU’RE WELCOME YOU MIX-BREED ASSHOLE!” Chenle shouted as he stormed behind you.
“CLEAN MY HOUSE YOU OBNOXIOUS PIECE OF SHIT!,” You replied as you slammed the bathroom door, minutes later you heard his bedroom slam as well, and you rolled your eyes.
—-----------------------------------------------------------
“Don’t look at me like that,” You sulk as you look away from Seughkwan. So you woke up late and got there late and when you arrived you were met with a disappointed Boo Seughkwan, arms crossed, legs over one another as he sat outside of the Spa company in the few seats placed outside, looking at you blankly.
“I have every right to jump you in this very moment–..but I’m not going to because I have a reputation to obtain here,” He got up and walked inside, with you following behind.
“Just know I would never go down without a fight, there’s only one of us who actually took boxing classes,” You raised your brow at him as he flicked your forehead and told you to keep quiet as he spoke to the receptionist.
You purse your lips as you look around the establishment, It has a cozy feel. The decor is so homely with some pictures of the employees that work here placed up on the wall, warm colors decorated the place as it was spotless you could almost see yourself on the tiled floors. 
The receptionist lady asked you about your information and told you to wait in the available room on the second floor. 
“Enjoy your massage babe,” Seungkwan says as he quickly places your hair in a bun (If you imagined your hair up, unimagine it, 💀 boo put it up for you). 
“I heard he’s amazing at his job AND he was highly recommended when I filled out the server on your behalf,” You froze after registering his words.
“He’s?Him?He?” You side glanced at him. “Why didn’t you feel the need to mention a dude is gonna be feeling me up Mr. Boo?” You forced a smile that didn’t reach your eyes.
“Get me a masseuse Seungkwan,” 
“Y/N-”
“Get me a masseuse Seungkw-,” Seungkwan used his index and thumb to pinch your lips together. (Justice for y/n’s lips in the chat)
“I love you Y/N, I do, but last time I checked I paid for this shit, and you are going to enjoy every last minute of it, Okay?” Seungkwan asked.
“Fine,” You say with a smile that transforms into a dirty look. “This better be the most mind-blowing and toe-curling experience I’ve ever had.”
“And it would be the only and first experience you ever had,” Seungkwan mumbled as he walked to the elevator after signing some papers. 
“What’d you say,” You questioned.
“Nothing,” He laughed as he pinched your cheeks while calling you all sorts of baby names.
—-----------------------------------------------------------
You entered the designated room on the second floor, wiped your palm on your shirt, and nervously opened the door. You see a little walk-in closet on the right side of the room with a curtain placed to divide the areas.  You see there are a couple of hangers and a table with some towels placed beside it. You took off your shirt and placed it on one of the hangers, you quickly took off your bra and put on the towel provided. Thirdly it was your pants until you heard the door open. 
“Good evening, Miss L/N, I’ll be your masseur for this session,” You froze as you peeped through the curtains to put a face to that alluring voice and you almost wished you had convinced your best friend a little more about switching. 
“Um Hi, I’ll be out in a minute,” You quickly responded as you disappeared behind the curtains again. 
“You can leave on your underwear if that would make you more comfortable,” Jaemin assured you as he went to set up the room. He started lighting some candles to set a relaxing mood. The whole room was filled with the soft scent of lavender and a hint of sweet orange that was rich in limonene. 
You folded your pants and kept on your panty as suggested by the masseur. You walked out of the room and set your eyes upon the gorgeous man in question. He was muscular-looking, even in the scrubs he wore. He looked up at you from his place on the floor when he was searching for the oil that happened to be at the bottom back part of the drawer.
“Well you requested a full body massage and I’ll try my best to fulfill your desired needs,” Jaemin softly grinned at you and motioned for you to take a seat on the massage table, you’ll remember to put salt in Seungkwan’s coffee on Monday. 
“Thank you,” You found it hard to really say anything, his stare was quite intimidating even though his smile gave you butterflies that just made your heart swell.
He turned his back to you so you took the opportunity to discard your towel and lay on the table. You laid on your back and placed the towel on top of you. Jaemin turned around with his oil in hand, smiling down at you.
“Well all you have to do for me is relax,” Jaemin said, the tone of his voice, giving you goosebumps.
“Okay,” You replied softly as you relaxed your body and closed your eyes, taking the aroma of the atmosphere and bringing your body to ease. 
Jaemin adjusted your towel to your mid-thigh, the tip of his fingers lightly brushing your skin, he then moved upwards and brought the top of your towel to the midsection of your breast. 
He began his work on your shoulders. He delicately kneaded the area, softly caressing all the knots you have in your neck, gently tracing under your jaw with his thumbs. It felt divine, no man had ever touched you with such thoughtfulness and you’re hoping he’s not the last.
Jaemin moved his hands slowly down your arms, gingerly squeezing the tight muscles as he steadily brought them back up, repeating the process as you felt sleep creeping up on you, Jaemin came back up to your cleavage.
“Would you mind if I removed the top of the towel?” Jaemin asked as he was still above you, looking up at him and seeing him upside down was a little odd but he still for some odd reason looked good.
“Is it mandatory for the massage?” You asked and that made Jaemin smile at you.
“Well, of course, I only deliver the best, and I may even give you a special massage,” Jaemin smiled down at you again, but the smile was different, his eyes seemed to be telling a whole other story, his hands brush the top of your chest, you mutter a quiet okay and closed your eyes once again, letting the cozy environment take over. 
“Good, it’s okay, I’ll take good care of you,” He said in such a deep tone, way different from the customer service one he used when he first greeted you, you wondered if it was because he was just comfortable as it’s his natural forte. 
He reached over you and moved the towel under your breast, now at the navel of your stomach, he placed it quite low but you didn’t mind. Jaemin released a slightly strained exhale as he pursed his lips and poured some of the oil into his brawny hands. His eyes fell on your nipples, customized in a barbell designed with a crystal, rhinestone, clear zircon, and a beautiful set of pink gems. 
He firmly positioned his hands at the side of your breast, gently caressing the fat. He cupped it and massaged under the flesh as he slowly brought his hand up and faintly grazed your nipple. You let out a surprised gasp not expecting to be so sensitive. Jaemin looked down at you, examining your face, and noticed your mouth was slightly ajar due to the sound you let out earlier. From this angle he had the perfect chance to just shove his twitching dick down your throat, he bet it’s warm like the way your body is heating up right now but he brushed it off and continued his work on your chest.
He squeezed the flesh and watched as you hurried to bite your bottom lip, Jaemin thought it was time he went to another part of your body. He made his way to your lower body, he noticed you had on your underwear.
“Would it be okay if I asked you to remove the towel completely? since you have on your undergarments,” Jaemin asked you as he clasped his hands behind his back, staring you down deeply with a sweet smile. You nodded your head, and you gazed down at yourself, seeing your nipples stand up tall and proud, you genuinely felt way more relaxed than when you first came here. 
“Wonderful, I enjoy giving pleasure to others who look like they haven’t had a good rest day,” Jaemin discarded the towel away from your body and placed it on the table beside him.
You smiled, you couldn’t conceal it, he was a sweet talker. You begin to shut your eyes and Jaemin starts to rub on your feet, you let out a soft groan, you are on your feet the majority of the time at work so this feels like heaven. He inches up your leg and starts kneading different areas, after some time he asks if you could turn over.
Jaemin has always been a man with excellent self-control but he guesses there’s a first for everything. You turned over on your stomach and Jaemin took that as a sign to take a breather, he looked down at himself and noticed his problem. At this point, he doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to hold it. He gripped himself and let out a soft sigh as he looked down at you, he furrowed his brows as he approached the table once again, contemplating if he should start with the top or lower half first.
Jaemin made up his mind as he poured some oil on your smooth back, you had laid your head on your forearm. Jaemin tenderly massaged your back, working out all sorts of sounds from you, because he’s just that good with his hands. 
He finished off with your back and moved to your legs, caressing your soft thighs, eyes settling on the slight jiggle of your plump ass. He looked up at you and delicately spread your legs apart a little as he moved his way to your inner thighs. He observes the way your pussy lips struggle to stay concealed in your baby blue panties, Jaemin bites down on his tongue and took a deep exhale, swallowing down thick as he sees some wetness forming on your underwear, Jaemin continues his task as he boldly inches closer to your prized possession. 
You started to squirm, feeling slightly bothered, needy even. You innocently lifted your hips off the table, trying to get some friction and squeeze your thighs together but Jaemin kept them open. 
“I thought I told you to relax, If you behave I can easily give you what you want,” Somehow you can hear Jaemin like he was right by your ears and he was, he stood beside you, roughly rubbing the fat muscle of your ass, spreading your cheeks apart and watching them jiggle back in their place. 
“Will you look at that,” Jaemin whispers as he takes the bottle of oils and pours some of it over your ass. Jaemin went back to the foot of the table and climbed between your legs.
“What are you doing, Jaemin?” You softly questioned Jaemin as you felt the cushion on the massage table dip under you. 
“I’m just trying to get a better position so I can give you an amazing happy ending, love” That tone, he used again but this time it was more sultry and lust-filled, you could almost see the smirk on his face, you have a feeling you know where this is headed and you’re all on board with playing along, note to self buy Seungkwan dinner after you put salt in his coffee. 
“Okay, I hope this all was worth the hassle,” You replied knowing damn well it was.
Jaemin bit his lips as he kneaded your ass, he used his knees to spread your legs apart more. He laid on his stomach, inched closer, rubbed his nose on the line of your panty, bit the fat of your ass, and grazed his thumb over your asshole. He dipped his head and licked the outside of your underwear, softly biting your inner thigh.
Your moans began to increase the more he teased you, as if he could read minds he turned you over, wanting to see your face. 
“Would you like me to continue?” Jaemin lips started to rise on one side, giving you a teasing smile.
You blushed at his bluntness, “Eat me out Jaemin,”.
Jaemin leaned forward and pulled you by the back of your neck into a rough and sloppy kiss, honestly the best you’ve had. He gently sucked on your tongue and pulled at your hard nipple. 
“So fucking sexy,” Jaemin said as he gave you a once over before spreading your legs and giving them for you to hold, he run his hands on the back of your thigh as he examines every inch of you spread out in front of him. 
He hooked a finger under your panties and pulled them to the side. You let out a quiet moan as the cold air hit your wet pussy. He pushed your legs back even more so you hooked them behind your head.
“Look at this pretty pussy, so fucking wet,” Jaemin ran his finger around your lips and brought his finger to his mouth, humming about how sweet you tasted. He dipped his head and took a long swipe with his thick tongue.
“Oh fuck,” You let out a relief sign after finally getting some attention, you looked down at Jaemin sucking on your swollen clit that was painfully neglected in months. His head bobbed up and down as he took slow and sensual slurps, making your toes curl and breath hitch.
You started to rock your hip but Jaemin placed his heavy hands on your ass to hold you down, he dipped his head lower and poked his tongue on your asshole, fighting his way in. 
“Maybe I’ll have to prep you another time,” Jaemin smirks as makes his way to your gaping hole, sticking his long tongue, and forcing a strained moan out of you. He looked up at you, feeling himself grow even harder if that’s possible, absolutely falling in love with the way he has you a putty just from his tongue, the way you just look so sexy to him like this, pussy all red and angry, juices dripping from his chin, the way you bite your lips to conceal your sexy whimpers. 
He groped your breast and brought his attention back to your clit, switching between licking and sucking, completely abusing it. You reached your hand to his head to keep him in position.
“Oh don’t fuckin stop- oh my fucking– shit Jaemin..” You laid your head to the side, one eye clenching as your toe curled for dare life. Jaemin bore his face deeper into your soaking pussy, placing his tongue back inside as his nose rubbed your clit, sending you into cloud nine. He removed his face and quickly replaced it with his skilled hand, he placed his fingers on your clit and started swiping vigorously. 
You felt your stomach suck in as you started twitching, you felt like a bucket of water was thrown over you and you woke up from a dream you’d do anything to get back to. 
“Yes, look at that, wanna give me more,” Jaemin watched as you completely drenched his arm when you squirted, something you didn’t know you could do until today. He sucked up every last drop causing you overstimulation. 
You removed your legs and grabbed his face, bringing him into a passionate kiss. He placed his forehead on yours smiling embarrassingly.
“You definitely have to be my soulmate if you were able to make me come in my pants without touching me,” Jaemin said with a light chuckle. 
“I can do that, If you take me out on a date?, we can split the bill since I suggested,” You looked Jaemin deep into his eyes and he blushed slightly.
“I like that idea, but I’ll pay for the bill,” He kissed your lips before getting up from the table.
You both cleaned up and of course exchanged contacts, and it was history from there. 
Thank you Seungkwan.
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Note
hey! thanks for always making amazing content for us :-) for shy!reader i wanted to request a part two kind of deal to “if you’re too shy”? like maybe now steve is a little more forward when they make out now but what about when reader wants a liiittttllle bit more action ;-)
18+
You didn’t know how to say it.
You weren’t really used to asking for things, voicing your needs and wants - even though you knew fine well by now that Steve would give you whatever your heart desired. He’d give you the moon, a lilac sky, a handful of stars if you asked.
He was already giving you nothing but pleasure, his hips rolling into yours at pace that made your toes curl, your heavy breath mixing with his and the slick sound of skin meeting again and again and again—
But you’d seen something, an image that wouldn’t leave your head, not even after you’d spent the night before with your eyes clenched shut and you hands down the front of your pyjama shorts.
A movie cover, an almost blurry image of a girl on top of a guy, all red and pink and hidden in the part of Family Video that you rarely liked to follow Steve into. But he’d smiled all boyish and coaxed you behind the crimson velvet curtain as he shelved the rest of the returns and you’d seen it. A woman, all curves and plush skin, riding a man who had his head thrown back in ecstasy, his fingertips leaving indents on his partners hips as he clung to her.
You’d flushed, a new heartbeat thrumming through your body and you could feel it in your face, in the hummingbird pulse in your neck. You imagined Steve like that, under you, lips pink and parked, eyes glassy and cheeks pink.
Your voice had cracked when Steve had asked if you were okay, unable to see what you were staring at.
And now, Steve had one of your thighs hooked in the crook of his elbow as he sat back on his calves, rocking into you with a renewed effort. It made you whine, back arching for him and your needy noise made Steve’s hips stutter. He was getting close.
“Steve?” You moaned it, making it sound less of a question and more of a groan of approval - you certainly weren’t complaining, but if you wanted to try out your new fantasy, you’d have to be quick about it. Steve’s thumb found your clit and you blanked, white noise static between your ears as you panted, edging closer too.
“Steve?” You said again, louder, squeezing at his hips and the boy stopped immediately, eyes wide with concern.
“Fuck, you okay, babe? Did I hurt you?” His hands ran over your thighs and waist where he’d been holding you.
You were quick to shake your head, assuring him you were fine. More than fine. “No! No, no,” you sucked in a breath, nervous, silently telling yourself the boy in front of you would never say no to you. Even Eddie had told you it was an impossibility, albeit, he’d said it to tease Steve. “I just— can we try… something? Can I try something?”
Steve looked down at you, blinking slowly as if to process your request. You were never all that vocal in bed, not like this. You were always happy to let Steve take control, pleased to be manhandled across his sheets whichever way he liked, clinging to him and arching up for kisses when you desired. Steve didn’t mind that either.
“Shit, shit, yeah ‘course, baby,” Steve rasped out, voice heavy with need and curiosity. He pulled away, hard cock slipping out of you and making you both whine a little, the sound stuck behind teeth. “What d’you want, huh?”
This was the hard part. Telling him. The idea of voicing aloud your want to ride him made your whole body feel hot, toes curling in a way that wasn’t as pleasurable as what he’d been doing to you half an hour before. You blinked, swallowed hard and stared up at him.
Steve smiled, knowing, his nose crinkled as he leaned down to kiss sweet at your cheek, under your ear and along your jaw. He nosed at the same spot, his body warm as it blanketed yours, as if he could protect you from whatever was making you feel anxious.
“Wanna know a secret?” He whispered, lips still grazing along your skin. You hummed, happy for his closeness, his understanding, his way of knowing you shouldn’t be pushed through his. “No matter what it is that you wanna try… m’gonna fuckin’ love it.”
You preened, pleased and embarrassed by his compliment all at once, ‘cause you were sure you could spend the rest of your life with Steve Harrington and never, ever get used to the hot and needy look he liked to give you.
“What if I wanted you to like, spread jam all over me or something?”
Steve choked on a laugh at your words, eyes bright when you smiled up at him.
“What kind?” He quipped.
“Apricot,” you told him seriously, laughing when he made a face.
“I’m a raspberry guy myself, but—” he leaned down to lick a stripe over your throat, biting when you squeaked. “—I’ll compromise for you.”
Steve was still grinning when you pushed him back, his smile blurring into soft concern until he realised you were chasing him, your legs swinging over his waist when his back met the bed. You heard him swear, a pretty, soft noise that was all rasp and neediness.
His hands found your waist and he held at you tight, fingers leaving marks in the plush of your flesh. Your folds parted over the length of his cock when you rocked your hips over him all wet slick and desperation.
“Yeah?” He asked, brows kicking up and meeting in the middle as he tried not to let his eyes roll back. He didn’t want to miss a fucking second of this. “You wanna ride me, honey?”
You nodded, hands braced on his chest, bottom lip tucked between your teeth. You bit down hard, shyness creeping up your neck in a heated sweep.
“Is that okay?” You were so quiet, it left Steve breathless.
Steve bucked his hips a little, both of you groaning when his cock slipped back and forth under you, catching at your clit in a way that felt so very different from his thumb. He nodded, furious.
“Christ, yeah,” he was panting, tapping at your thigh to coax you up, his hard length kicking upwards for you to sink down onto. “Fuck, baby, you can do whatever you want to me, please.”
And if Steve were to beg, how could you let shyness get in the way of that?
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judeswhore · 7 months
Note
when you and jude have already gone at it for a few rounds and you guys are in the living room and he keeps trying to seduce u for more and ur trying not to give in so u distract yourself by tidying but then he’s on the couch and he casually pulls out his dick (i beg u expand on this bc i cant stop thinking abt him just pulling out his dick bc he finds u too sexy ugh) and then u give in bc obviously it’s physically impossible to not give that man what he wants. so now he’s stroking himself and you’re begging but he’s being a little shit and is like “oh i thought you were too busy for this. i think i’ll just help myself” but it ends up w u riding him desperately
and breatheeeee
this is so😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫he’s sitting on the sofa so relaxed, manspreading and just looking so hot, literally following ur every move w his eyes as he watches u potter abt and tidy things away. his hand straying to his shorts when u bend over in front of him and he gets flashes of memories of fucking u just an hour ago, bent just like that as u begged him to fill u up. he’s been asking u repeatedly for another round, a burning need inside of him that just won’t go away even though he’d spent the entire morning buried in ur pussy or ur mouth, coming over and over but it still wasn’t enough. so he’s watching u wander around, purposely ignoring him and his pleas to let him fuck u and u just look so pretty and perfect and he can’t stop thinking abt ur moans and he wants to badly to rile u up enough that u just as needy as he is. so he’s settling a little further into the sofa, legs spreading wider as he slowly pushes his hand into his shorts, hissing softly when he wraps his fingers around his already half hard cock. lifting his hips to shuffle his shorts down his thighs just enough to pull his dick out, his eyes still glued to u and as he watches u he slowly starts to get himself off, spitting into his hand before dragging his fist achingly slow from base to tip, wishing so badly it was ur hand instead. and he knows u know what he’s doing, u keep sneaking glances over at him, catching his gaze, eyes hooded and half closed, bottom lip caught between his teeth. and he’d give a soft little moan as he squeezed his balls w his other hand, ur name following shortly after and he just looks so hot it has ur pussy soaked in seconds. just seeing him like that has u forgetting how sore u are after so many rounds and ur immediately dropping whatever u were doing to go over to him but he’s batting ur hand away before u can take over, a mock stern look on his face as he shakes his head and stifles a moan. he’s all “arent u busy? m’just gna get myself off, u go back to looking pretty” but that just has u glaring at him bc there’s no way he’s gna get himself off in front of u like that and then not gna fuck u. the second u mutter a little “please jude” tho he’s forgetting his teasing and pulling u down into his lap, hooking ur shorts to the side to let u sink down on him, both of u whining at the feeling bc ur still so sensitive. it wldnt last long, you’d both cum pretty quickly, u collapsing into him while he gently rubs ur back and then after a few minutes silence ur playfully pinching his waist and telling him how mean he is for just getting off like that
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spikedhe4rt · 9 months
Note
dating dallas hcs??
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Dallas Winston x Reader Headcannons 🪐🪐
A/N: Hope you enjoy this. I just want to say, I love you guys so much. Thank you for all the support and patience! My request box is always open! <3
✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
❥ You guys met at bucks, you were a bartender and he lives there.
❥ He started to talk to you randomly because he was just bored.
❥ It turned into hours and hours of conversation and you guys just hit it off.
"Im Dallas Winston, Im sure you've-" You quickly interrupted with a sarcastic eye roll. "Yes, Ive heard of you. You say that to all the girls in town". He shook his head with a grin. "Nah, only the pretty bartenders." Cue another eye roll
❥ You were a fire cracker and he loved that about you.
❥ Yall became close to the point, he would rant to you about Sylvia. You had to hide your jealousy every time.
❥ You were talking to him about some rude person at work and he truly realized how beautiful you are. He really sat and stared for a hot minute.
"I wanted to punch that asshole so- Hello? Earth to Dallas fucking Winston?"  he jumped slightly at your words before cooly nodding.  "Im listening..."
❥ He was honestly conflicted about his feelings for you.
❥ It wasn't until you went on a date with someone else, he confessed.
"Dallas, whats your problem?" You didn't get why he was being such an asshole today. "Why didn't you come over today!?" he said angrily. "I had a date, y'know that!" he shrugged "Exactly!"
"It was just a movie and-" He looked at you with what felt like a hurt expression "and you didn't need to be with him. I like you." His hand came to the sides of your face and fiercely kissed you.
❥ You guys started dating after that. You guys never officially asked eachother, you just felt it.
❥ Getting to wear his Christopher.
❥ Walking around together with his arm around you.
❥Him never letting you walk around alone because he gets worried.
❥ The only time he will let you touch his hair is when you're stressed bc he's know you love it
❥ He leaves the biggest hickeys on you.
❥ His love language is acts of service.
❥ You not understanding half the stuff he says because the accent but you know he means well.
❥ He calls you doll and sweetheart.
❥ Always getting flustered when you patch him up bc he claims you have to sit on his lap to do it.
"Dallas, I don't need to sit on your lap to do this. You're fine just sitting on the counter" you say with a eyeroll.
❥ When you guys sleep together, he always ends up holding you.
❥ Movie dates
✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
❥ When in missionary, he props your legs on his shoulders so you can feel him deeper.
❥ He use's overstimulation as a punishment and reward.
- "Dally please, its too much." You pant out as Dally brings you to your peak for what seems like the 3rd time. "Weren't you just begging to cum like a pathetic slut after I said no" His thrusts became faster as you moaned out. "You can take it, sweetheart."
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
- "Dally please, more!" You plead for another orgasm, feeling so good that you don't want it to end. You clench around him, moaning out. "You want more, huh? Ill give you whatever as long as you keep being a good girl for me." He continued to fuck you till you both were spent.
❥  He spanks/smacks your ass raw when he hits it from the back.
❥ Leaves loves bites all over your chest.
❥ Loves to tell you everything he going to do to you.
"Oh fuck, Dally faster!" you mewled as he fingered you. His two digits were hitting your g-spot with every thrust. "You like that, huh? Im not gonna stop till you cum all over my fingers."
❥  When he eats you out, he sucks your clit just right and he knows it too.
❥ Has a degrading and praise kink.
"Such a pretty little slut for me"
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youmakemyhearthowl · 1 year
Text
Part two to this
Steve was sort of beside himself, his heart a little bit broken.
All he had wanted to do was bring to Eddie’s attention how Lucas was feeling. How he understood Eddie was a passionate person about the things he liked and disliked but it wasn’t really a fair way to treat the kids and it had come out so wrong Eddie had basically called him an asshole before storming off.
Steve was so sick of being stupid. Never able to get his words out right, or struggling to even find the right words half the time. He’d even practiced on the way over to Eddie’s. Saying and resaying what he wanted to tell him so that it would come out clearly. And then Eddie had been so sweet to him all day, and Steve was way to distracted by the crop top he was in that everything he’d rehearsed went right out of his brain like everything else did.
And Eddie was mad at him.
He’d been trying so hard to befriend Eddie too. Wanting to show him he was different then he used to be. That he was good now, kind. He wanted Eddie to see him. And he’d been so scared of that thought at first. He knew what bisexuality was, was pretty sure that label for him fit like a coat, but Eddie was the first guy that had actually truly caught his eye and he was trying his hardest to be good enough for him.
Steve had been mad at Eddie too. When he first heard how he’d treated Lucas. But then he’d talked it out with Robin, because he didn’t want to go into this situation with his protective rage right away. Had wanted to make sure this conversation went well. So they’d talked it out, and he spent hours with his best friend making sure he knew as best he could where Eddie might have been coming from in his action.
Robin having been an outcast herself had also been mad at Eddie but was a wonderful perspective on why he might have acted that way towards the kid. How Eddie had been a target so often, especially from the basketball team, that it made sense he had a lot of hate towards them, and would maybe even subconsciously take it out on Lucas.
They were both in agreement that Eddie probably hadn’t meant to hurt Lucas in any way.
Eddie was too kind and good to have intentionally made anyone feel isolated.
But Steve was a fucking idiot and could never say things right, so he of course, had fucked it up.
He just really wanted Eddie to like him and the guy made him nervous. It was extra hard to find the words around him on a good day. But them being alone, just the two of them. He should have known he’d fuck it up. Like he always does.
“Steve? Come on man, your cars in the driveway! I know you’re home, can we talk? Please?” Eddie’s voice rings out around the empty house, pulling Steve from his spiral and jump starting his feet towards the front door.
“Uh yea hey man what’s up?” Steve plasters that fake smile on his face he’s mastered over the years. His stomach in knots, as he flings the front door open and meets Eddie’s gaze.
“Thank fuck. Look man we need to talk.” Eddie barrels past him into the house, making a beeline to Steve’s living room and throwing himself onto the couch.
“Yea uh, make yourself at home or whatever.” Steve mumbles, following behind him and sitting on the armchair across from Eddie, whose leg is bouncing like crazy, his eyes refusing to meet Steve’s.
“Steve, I’m so sorry.” The words startle Steve. His body flinching on instinct with the assumption he was going to be yelled at again
“Oh uh, what for?” Jesus Steve how many times are you gonna say uh in this conversation huh? Get it together.
“I was completely unfair to you yesterday. I got defensive and didn’t even let you speak and that was not cool of me. I just got so caught up on waiting for the other shoe to drop with you, I couldn’t believe you were this nice guy, this like.. unbelievably kind person I guess i had been on edge. Waiting for you to prove my old assumptions about you were correct. And that was not fair to you, at all” Eddie talks with his hand, gesturing around the room and enunciating words with certain gestures.
“I’m so sorry for who I used to be.” Is what Steve settled on saying back. He’s not really sure why Eddie is apologizing when Steve has been the asshole that had hurt him yesterday. “And I’m sorry for being a dick to you yesterday, that wasn’t my intention. I just… sometimes I have trouble finding the right words, and I get extra jumbled around you and nothing came out right” Eddie’s eyes are getting wider the more Steve talks, his head shaking slightly.
“Steve, Steve no, man listen. You didn’t do anything wrong yesterday. That’s why I wanted to apologize. You were looking out for one of your kids and were trying so hard to be nice about it and I’m the one that overreacted. I think sometimes I get so stuck on certain ideas that I get caught up in them and just assume that’s what’s happening. And I know you always, always think long and hard about what you want to say before you say it and it still gets a little jumbled and I should have been more patient with you. You did nothing wrong.” He puts a large emphasis on that last sentence, coming over to kneel in front of Steve and taking his hands. “I am so sorry I treated you the way I treated you. You don’t deserve that, and there’s nothing wrong with having to work through what you want to say before you say it. I’m also really sorry for how I treated Lucas back then. I’ve already gone and apologized to him because you were right. Of course you were right, you’re so smart Stevie, and you’re right more than anyone admits to you and I want to make sure I told you that. And I’m so sorry.”
“Okay okay” Steve let’s out a huffed laugh, “Stop apologizing Ed’s, I’m not mad at you.”
“You have every right to be mad at me.”
“No, no cause I get it you know? Like.. uh fuck..” Steve trails off, shaking his head slightly in hopes his sentences can form better, Eddie just kneels there in front of him waiting patiently. “Me and Robin like,” he waves his hand around. “We talked about it, what it’s like to be a targeted outcast in highschool. Cause I wanted to understand where you come from in your like reactions to things, so I get it. I’m not mad” Eddie’s face breaks out into a soft smile, dimples on full display as Steve stares at him and hopes what he said made sense.
“You’re an astonishing person Steve Harrington.” Is what he says back, squeezing Steve’s hands gently. Steve can feel his entire face heat up at the complement. His eyes falling briefly to Eddie’s lips before finding his eyes again.
“M’ nothing special Eddie.” He responds, finally casting his gaze down to their entwined hands.
“That is where you are so, so wrong sweetheart. No one does that you know? Tries to get into someone else’s head to see where they were coming from so that they can go into a situation with that person and have an open and honest conversation. People don’t do that, and you did it without second thought because what? You were mad about how I treated someone you loved, but you wanted to understand -me- better because.. what? You thought I was a good person or something? That’s like an insanely kind thing to do Steve.”
“You are a good person Eddie. There’s always reasons why you do things the way you do, and well I didn’t like being mad at you.”
“You didn’t?” Eddie smirks.
“Not even a little bit.”
“I didn’t like being mad at you either, even though I was wrong in being mad at you.”
“You always have a reason for why you do something.” Steve says again, squeezing Eddie’s hands that are still connected to his. Eddie’s eyes dart down to Steve’s lips and he smiles slightly.
“I really want to kiss you right now.”
“Okay” Steve whispers, meeting Eddie half way, their lips connecting softly. Eddie kinda moans in an over exaggerated way and pulls back, hand coming up to cradle Steve’s face.
“I promise I’ll try to be more patient in the future if you’ll have me.” He whispers, his breath coasting across Steve’s face. Steve knows his answering smile is lopsided and goofy.
“I think you’re stuck with me now, Munson.” Steve leans forward and kisses the answering smile off Eddie’s face.
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ivestas · 1 year
Text
the lady of crime alley
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Summary: Jason had heard rumors of a woman who ruled Crime Alley and all of its underworld connections, so he pursues her for a favor. 
Tags: jason todd x fem!reader, canon typical violence, unedited
Word count: 1.2k
Notes: i’ve been on a red hood comic binge and i always thought his narration was corny in the best way, so i hope i was able to emulate that through this fic hehejejjejehe (also i use ‘tugging at your pigtails’ as a metaphorical descriptor, not an actual physical attribute of reader!) alsoo, please send some batfam requests! 
Jason had heard murmurs of the woman who was the true ruler of Crime Alley and all of its underworld connections. 
At first, he dubbed it a win for feminism, because women too can be major players in crime worlds! 
But then it got annoying real fast, because for some reason, you were real good at hiding your trail; every turn he went, the moment he thought he caught a glimpse of you, you were gone moments later like ash in the wind. 
It took him five of your men and his a few hours of continuous beating to get the vaguest clue of where exactly you resided; he spent the rest of the week nosing his way through that misty trail, his irritation growing by every second he had to march down Gotham’s shittiest streets, and it didn’t help that his red hood hardly had any breathing holes. 
He was trying to keep his cool—he really was!—but the more you seemed to toss at him your half-starved homeless men at him, the more brutal the remnants of them became. 
“God fuckin’—jesus, just tell me where the lady is!” He spat. “I just have some questions, that’s all, why does she keep sending you guys—“
“We’re telling you nuthin’, that woman’s an angel and you ain’t gettin’ yer dirty mitts on ‘er!” The man—a ragged, gaunt-looking guy—heaved, blood pooling out his mouth. "You’ll never see ‘er—!” 
“You just wanna talk?” 
Jason’s head snapped up, hand still wrapped around the man’s throat. 
In the warehouse which he had 'accidentally’ beat everyone half to death, a woman stood at the entrance. Though it was night, the moon was bright enough for Jason to make out some of her features. 
She’s easy on the eyes.
Suddenly, all the pent up irritation that had been writhing under his skin dissipated. 
He’s a sucker for hot women. 
“Hey,” He rose from the man’s body, standing tall. “You must be the ‘true ruler of Crime Alley’ or whatever—it’s a bit of a dumb name, don’t you think?” 
You were silent, face scrunched. 
“Jeez, tough crowd—”
“What do you want, Red Hood?” You sounded mildly annoyed, as if he’s just some pesky kid tugging at your pigtails or something. 
You took a step forward into the warehouse, arms crossed. “Talk. You have my attention now.” 
“Oooo-kay, great! So, I kind of need help with something—a favor, if you will,” he raised his sword. It was busted and dull, practically just a dented piece of iron than an actual blade. “I need a replacement for this—” he grinned. “—And all the information you have about Black Mask and his connections with Joker.” 
“...are you dumb?” 
“What?” 
“Do you actually think I’m some ruler of Crime Alley? You weren’t joking?” You laughed, eyes wide. 
“You’re not?” 
“No! I’m not the fucking ruler of anything! Come on Red Hood, is critical thinking not your strong suit?!” 
“Hey, hey, c’mon lady, go easy on me—“
“I’m just the woman who gives the people here a place to stay! That’s it! Is this the reason you’ve been up my ass?!” You scowled at him. Were you a model, because you even made pissed look delicious. “Beating up a bunch of homeless guys ’cause you thought I was a fuckin’ mob boss or something?—yeah, mob boss of the homeless? Seriously?"
He raised his hands. “Okay, when you word it like that, I feel dumb.” 
“You are dumb—anyway, do me a favor and stop beating up the guys here? Please!?” You hissed, your hands balled into fists. “Because I’m the one that fixes up their wounds and I don’t have the money to keep buying gauze and shit.” 
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I’ll lay off—though you coulda just have talked to me earlier?” He muttered the last part but you somehow still heard.
“You think I’m gonna go talk to the ‘Red Hood’? The guy that kills on his free time?” 
He sighed dramatically. “Touche—and it’s for a good cause! I only kill people that—“
“Yeah, yeah, don’t list me your commandments to be on your fuckin’ hit list, God you’re annoying.” 
He laughed. “I have a feeling I’ve pissed you off—”
“You beat a bunch of guys I take care of half dead. Pissed is hardly covering it.”
“—and you know what? I don’t like pissing off pretty women—I said it! I don’t like it. So, I humbly apologize.” He swept his leg and arm in unison into a grandiose bow. 
You scoffed, going to one of the unconscious men and pressing your fingers to his pulse. “I only accept apologies in cash.” 
“Oh, okay, that’s much easier,” making his way to you, he tugged off one of his blood-soaked gloves and rummaged his pocket. A couple hundred dollar bills were in there. 
He extended them to you. “These enough to soothe any hiccups?”
You carefully moved the unconscious man to the ground. From the pockets of your giant jacket came a small bag with a bottle of antiseptic, bandages, and a bunch of other shit. 
You then looked at him, brows furrowed. “That’s... a lot of money.”
“Is it?” 
“Yeah? Do you have enough money for yourself?” 
Jason stared at you for a moment before barking out a harsh laugh. That earned him a frown. “You’re worried? About me?” 
“No, I just don’t want you to beat some person up for their money if this is all you have—“
“Baby, I’m rich, I shit gold bars, just take it.” 
You glared at him for a second before snatching the money, shoving it into your pocket before tending to the man. Pushing up his shirt, Jason saw his body was covered in lacerations and bruises. 
Jason whistled. “Damn, didn’t think I was that strong.” 
“Fuck off.” You sprayed some antiseptic. The man groaned. 
Jason sat. He should be going off and looking for more trails of Black Mask, but he didn’t really want to—not right now, anyway. 
Even if you’re not some mob boss or whatever, you were still intriguing, and he’s a curious guy, he can’t help but want to watch you some more. 
However, he was quick to notice how stiff you were under his gaze.
His head tipped to the side. “Hey, do I scare you?” 
You ignored him, running a rag along the guy’s body. Blood stained the white cloth instantly. You lifted the cloth and looked at Jason. 
“This is the worst you could do. Beat someone. Maybe flay them. Then they die.” 
He hummed. 
“So when you say ‘scare’, I assume you mean the idea of you beating me or whatever—killing me, or torturing, your shit.” Your eyes went back to the beaten guy, continuing with the cleaning. “You don’t.��
“If that’s the case, then why’d you avoid me?” 
“Because I had shit to do, that’s why.” You unraveled a gauze. “Not everything’s about you—eugh, I can’t lift him, hey, since you’re just sitting here, help me a little—yeah, just like that, thank you,” you swept the gauze under the man’s back then brought it back up. You repeated that motion. “But yeah, not really scary. Death is just—well, death.”
Jason nodded along. You were weird. 
He liked weird. 
When you were done, Jason put the man back down.
“Well, I gotta go now, duty calls and all.”
“Okay.” You got up, moving to the next guy. 
“Bye?” 
“Just leave.”
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whoslai · 11 months
Text
Off The Menu - Lee Heeseung (Chapter 2)
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genre: angst, fluff, slow-ish burn, eventual smut!! (you’re responsible for what you consume, read at your own risk)
warnings: lowkey suggestive texts, heeseung is sooooo into y/n (trust me), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), breast play??, oral ( fem receiving), sad goodbyes :(((
send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged! thank you to all my new followers, you guys are amazing for supporting me. please interact and give me as much feedback as you’d like (don’t be an ass tho, no need to spread negativity.
not proof read, sorry for any typos in advance.
word count: 5.4k
link to series masterlist or whatever
next chapter 
Chapter 2: “Oh my God.”
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✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉ ✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  ✼
✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉ ✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  ✼ 
As quickly as you had read his text, you placed your phone down; Oh my God, he was flirting with you. Maybe the attraction had been reciprocated. How could you be so oblivious to the multitude of hints he had been throwing at you all night? Calling you smart? Beautiful? Jesus. Ningning was right. 
However, you plugged your phone up and turned the screen face down. You didn’t want to continue the conversation until after you woke up as you were unsure of how to respond. Hmm, I’m intrigued. How shall I find out? You replayed his text over and over in your mind. Why’d you flirt with his ass? He was bold, you weren’t. Anywho, you spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, your mind racing with thoughts of Heeseung. You couldn't believe how much he had managed to charm you in such a short amount of time, but you were thrilled at the prospect of getting to know him better. 
But at the same time, you were also filled with self-doubt and insecurity. You couldn't help but wonder if the waiter was really interested in you, or if he was just looking for a quick fling. You'd been hurt in the past, and your worst fear was getting hurt again.
✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉ ✼  ҉  ✼  ҉  ✼✼  ҉  ✼ 
The next morning, you woke up feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety. You knew you wanted to talk to Heeseung, but you were still unsure of how to respond to his flirtatious text. Finally, you decided to take a deep breath and replied to him, informing him that you had fallen asleep.
His lack of immediate response was expected, however of course, you could only hope that he wouldn’t hold it against you that you needed time to sleep on the entire situation. You noticed how early it was, seeing that Ningning was still fast asleep. You got up and showered, throwing on a top and some pants as you checked your phone to see if he had replied. To your relief, he had merely replied, “Gotchu, don’t worry about it. Maybe we can meet up sometime soon before you go back to school.” 
You felt a sense of relief wash over you as you read Heeseung's message. You were glad that he wasn't upset with you for taking some time to respond, and you were excited at the prospect of seeing him again soon. You soon replied that you could meet for breakfast, to which he simply sent a location and “10 AM. Be there or be square.”
You checked the clock. You only had about an hour to get ready so you quickly stripped yourself of your casual clothing and put on a pair of jeans and a tee. Ningning poked her head up at you, staring through half lidded eyes, “What time is it?”
“Time for me…to go…meet Heeseung for breakfast.” You told her, awkwardly smiling.
“Who the fuck is Heeseung?” She laughed, rubbed her eyes. 
“The waiter from last night. He texted me really late…” You explained.
“Oh?” She questioned, “What’d he say?”
You took your phone out and showed her. As she read it, a smile slowly crept on her face, “Can I say something inappropriate?”
Your eyes widened at her comment, but you slowly nodded, “Sure…go ahead.”
“He wants you so bad.” She giggled, pushing you away.
You rolled your eyes at Ningning's comment, feeling a mix of embarrassment and amusement. You knew that she meant well, but sometimes her sense of humor could be a little off-color.
"Stop it, Ningning," you said, trying to keep a straight face. "He's a stranger.”
Ningning nodded, still grinning. "Sure, just a stranger who texts you in the middle of the night and wants to take you out to breakfast."
You couldn't help but smile at her teasing, feeling grateful for her lightheartedness. Despite the challenges you were facing in your life, it was moments like these that reminded you of the importance of friendship and laughter.
As you got ready to leave, Ningning gave you a hug. "Have fun, and don't do anything I wouldn't do."
“Pff, that’s not saying much…” You said.
She scoffed, hitting your shoulder as you left the hotel room with her keys. You chuckled at Ningning's response, feeling grateful for her ability to make light of any situation. As you left the hotel room with her keys, you couldn't help but feel a sense of nervousness. Meeting up with a stranger for breakfast wasn't something you did every day, and you weren't sure what to expect. 
As you made your way to the breakfast spot where the stranger had suggested you meet, you couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive. But as you arrived and saw him sitting at a booth in the corner, you felt a sense of relief wash over you. He stood up as you approached and gave you a smile. 
“Well, well, well. We will meet again.” He joked,  greeting you with a warm hug. 
You smiled at his kind gesture, hugging him back. “Indeed we do.” You felt a sense of comfort in his embrace, grateful for his friendly gesture. As you pulled away from the hug, you couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude towards him for taking the time to meet with you.
As you sat down at the booth and ordered breakfast, you found yourself feeling more at ease in his presence; He was easy to talk to, kind, all of the above. He was an amazing listener and genuinely might have been  one of the funniest people you’d known. He effortlessly made you laugh. 
You found yourself enjoying the conversation with him more and more as you talked over breakfast. He had a way of putting you at ease, making you feel like you could be yourself without any judgment. He listened attentively to everything you had to say and offered thoughtful insights and advice.
But what really stood out to you was his sense of humor. He had a way of making even the most mundane things seem funny and interesting. You found yourself laughing more than you had in a long time, feeling grateful for the lightheartedness and joy he brought to the conversation.
“Heeseung, can I ask you a personal question?” You asked, sipping your orange juice.
His eyebrows raised, “Uh oh, how personal are we getting?”
“Very personal.” You emphasized, smiling.
Heeseung's eyebrows raised even higher at your response, but he couldn't help but smile back at you. "Alright, shoot. I'm an open book."
You took a deep breath, feeling a little nervous about asking such a personal question. “Promise you won’t get offended.”
Heeseung's smile softened as he sensed your nervousness. "I promise I won't get offended," he said reassuringly. "You can ask me anything."
You felt a sense of relief wash over you at his words, grateful for his understanding and empathy. You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts before asking your question. “Do you normally take customers out to breakfast the morning after you meet them?”
Heeseung's smile faded slightly as he considered your question. "No, I don't usually take customers out to breakfast," his voice softened, “Is it wrong for me to want to get to know such a pretty girl as yourself?”
You couldn't help but feel flattered by Heeseung's comment. Despite your initial hesitation, you found yourself warming up to him and his easy going personality. You had to admit that you were intrigued by the idea of getting to know him better as a person, not just as a waiter.
"I don't think it's wrong at all," you said, smiling back at Heeseung. "In fact, I'm flattered that you want to get to know me better."
Heeseung's smile returned, and he seemed to relax. "That's great to hear," he said.  You sighed, glancing down at your hands that rested in your lap. “Now, since you’ve asked me a question…can I ask you a question as well?” he asked.
"Of course," you said, returning his smile. "Ask me anything."
“Pinky promise you won’t run away once I ask.” he said, holding out his pinky.
You smiled at Heeseung's playful gesture and interlocked your pinky with his. "I pinky promise," you said, feeling a sense of lightheartedness.
Heeseung grinned at your response. "Alright, here's my question," he said, his voice teasing. “Are you single?”
You couldn't help but feel a little flustered at Heeseung's question, but at the same time, you found yourself drawn to him and his easygoing personality. You had to admit that you were interested in him, and you wondered if he felt the same way. "I am single, actually," you said, offering him a small smile. “Never had a boyfriend before, actually.”
“When you say never…do you mean that you’ve never dated seriously or have you really never dated…ever?” He asked, tilting his head to the side a bit.
You felt a little embarrassed by Heeseung's question, but you appreciated his curiosity and openness. "I've never really dated," you admitted, your voice soft. "I've always been focused on my work and my studies, so I haven't had a lot of time for relationships."
“Then that leads me to my next question.” He said.
“What would that be?” You asked.
Heeseung leaned forward slightly, his expression curious. You couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation as Heeseung leaned forward with a curious expression. You wondered what his next question would be.
“Are you considering this breakfast meetup a ‘date’?” He asked.
You felt a flutter in your stomach at Heeseung's question, and you couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way you did. "I hadn't really thought about it like that," you admitted, your voice soft. "But if you're asking if I'm interested in you...then yes, I am.”
He clicked his tongue, drinking the rest of his water, a mischievous glint in his eye as he said, “Do you know what I'm thinking?" he asked, his voice low and playful.
You shook your head, feeling a little shy and uncertain. "No, what are you thinking?" you asked, trying to keep your voice steady.
“I’m thinking…that we should get out of here…and go somewhere else. Somewhere more fun.”
You couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement and anticipation at Heeseung's suggestion. While you were a little shy and uncertain, you found yourself drawn to his playful and flirty personality.
"That sounds like a great idea," you said, feeling a smile spread across your face. "Where do you have in mind?"
He leaned back, a small smile on his face as he said, “Oh, you know…maybe my place…anywhere.”
You couldn't help but feel a sense of intrigue and excitement at Heeseung's suggestion. While you were a little shy and uncertain, you found yourself drawn to his playful and flirty personality.
"Your place, huh?" you said, a hint of playfulness in your voice. "Are you trying to seduce me, Heeseung?"
Heeseung chuckled, seeming to enjoy your banter. "Maybe," he said, his voice smooth and confident. "But seriously, how about we go for a drive up the coast? We can stop at some scenic overlooks and take in the views."
You felt a sense of happiness and anticipation at the thought of a romantic drive with Heeseung. "That sounds amazing," you said, smiling at him.
He nodded, taking his wallet out as he threw money down on the table and held his hand out. You held onto his hand, following him out of the restaurant. 
As you walked out of the restaurant hand in hand with Heeseung, you couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement and anticipation for your upcoming drive. You felt a newfound connection with him, and the thought of spending more time together filled you with happiness. It was finally your turn to experience something with a boy after all these years. All this time of telling every man around you “no”, shying away from going on dates and so much more. 
As Heeseung led you towards his car, you took a moment to take in his features. He was tall with a lean build, and his dark hair was styled in a trendy yet effortless way. You found yourself drawn to his easy confidence and playful personality, and you couldn't wait to see where the day would take you.
As Heeseung opened the car door for you and helped you get in, you felt a sense of appreciation towards him. He seemed to value your comfort and well-being, and you found yourself feeling even more attracted to him.
As he started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, you felt a sense of adventure and excitement. 
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As he drove, soft tunes emitted from his radio. He made small talk here and there about small things from places to visit in Malibu to asking you questions about your college life.
Once you two reached a nearby beach, he held the door open for you as you both got out. He offered to hold your shoes for you, to which you declined, preferring to keep your shoes on in the sand.
“You mustn't be from Cali if you’re genuinely going to wear your tennis shoes in the sand.” He said.
“You’re right, I’m not from Cali. I’m all the way from Virginia.” You said.
“West Virginia?” He asked. “Yes sir.” You told him, settling down beside him in the sand.
As you settled down beside Heeseung in the sand, you couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort and ease around him. Despite your initial nervousness, he had a way of putting you at ease and making you feel at home.
"So you're from Virginia, huh?" he said, his voice curious. "What brought you all the way out to California? Just school?"
You smiled at Heeseung, appreciating his interest in your background. "School was definitely part of it," you said, nodding your head. "But I was also looking for a change of scenery and a chance to explore new opportunities."
Heeseung nodded, seeming to understand your perspective. "I get that," he said, his voice thoughtful. "California is definitely a place of opportunity and adventure, if you know where to look."
You laughed, feeling a sense of warmth towards Heeseung's positive outlook on life. "That's exactly what I was thinking," you said, smiling at him.
As you both sat in the sand, watching the waves crash against the shore, you felt a sense of connection and ease with Heeseung. Despite your different backgrounds and experiences, you shared a common sense of curiosity and adventure that drew you together.
“Thank you for buying me breakfast, by the way. It was really good, I had a lot of fun talking to you.” You told him.
Heeseung turned his head towards you, a soft smile on his face. "Of course," he said, his voice warm. "I had a great time too. It's not often I meet someone who's as adventurous and curious as you are."
You felt a sense of happiness and appreciation at Heeseung's compliment. "Thank you," you said, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks. "I guess I just like to explore and try new things."
Heeseung nodded, seeming to understand your perspective. "I can definitely relate to that," he said. "Did I ever tell you that I studied music in college? 
You felt a sense of surprise and curiosity at Heeseung's revelation. "No, you didn't," you said, your voice intrigued. "That's really interesting. What kind of music did you study?"
Heeseung smiled, seeming to enjoy your interest. "I studied contemporary guitar performance," he said. "It was a really intense program, but I learned a lot about discipline and hard work."
You felt a sense of admiration towards Heeseung's dedication and commitment to his craft. "That's really impressive," you said, smiling at him. "I can tell you're really passionate about music."
Heeseung nodded, his eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. "Definitely," he said. "Music is my life. It's a way to express myself and connect with others in a meaningful way."
You nodded, feeling a sense of appreciation towards Heeseung's outlook on life. "That's really beautiful," you said. "I think it's amazing when people can find something they're truly passionate about and pursue it with all their heart."
Heeseung grinned, seeming to share in your enthusiasm. "I agree," he said. "I think it's important to follow your dreams and passions, no matter what anyone else says. Life is too short to not do what makes you happy."
“You have an amazing outlook on life. I wish I were more like you…” You told him, turning your attention to the waves.
“More like me?” he asked.
“Yeah…I feel like I’m so…dull and pessimistic. I’m always a future person rather than a present person. You know what I mean?” You told him.
"I don't think you're dull or pessimistic at all," he said, his voice reassuring. "In fact, I think you're one of the most interesting and curious people I've met."
You felt a sense of warmth and comfort at Heeseung's words. "Really?" you said.
Heeseung nodded, seeming to understand your uncertainty. "Definitely," he said. "I think it's great that you're always thinking about the future and striving to improve yourself. But at the same time, it's important to enjoy the present moment and appreciate the little things in life." 
You nodded at his comment, “True…”
“Like now…I’m enjoying my time with you. I am taking in everything you say and relishing in the moment.” He told you.
“Oh…wow…um..” You trailed off, “That’s nice…”
He laughed at your words, “You’re so cute and awkward.”
You felt a sense of embarrassment and amusement at Heeseung's comment. "I'm not that awkward," you said, trying to sound indignant.
Heeseung chuckled, seeming to find your reaction amusing. "I think you're adorable," he said, his voice warm. "Your awkwardness is part of your charm."
“Shut up, Heeseung. Like actually, zip your mouth shut.” You sarcastically told him, pushing him away from you.
Heeseung laughed, seeming to enjoy your playful banter. "Hey, I'm just telling the truth," he said, his voice still warm. "You're cute when you're flustered."
 "Fine, fine," you said, trying to sound annoyed. "I guess I'll just have to accept that I'm adorable."
Heeseung grinned, seeming to appreciate your good humor. "That's the spirit," he said. "Embrace your inner adorableness."
As the sun continued to set over the beach, casting a warm glow over the sand, you felt a sense of happiness and contentment settle over you.  The warmth of Heeseung’s body bounced off of your skin, creating an energetic connection between the both of you. 
You could feel his kindness, his easy-goingness, him. And he felt good. You didn’t want this feeling to end. 
Watching the sunset and feeling the warmth of his presence, you felt a sense of peace and contentment settle over you. It was as if all the stresses and worries of everyday life had melted away, leaving you with nothing but the present moment and the person sitting beside you.
You turned to look at Heeseung, feeling a sense of appreciation and gratitude towards him. "Thank you for bringing me here," you said, your voice soft. "This is really beautiful."
Heeseung smiled, seeming to understand your sentiment. "I'm glad you like it," he said, his voice warm. "It's one of my favorite places to come and just relax."
You nodded, feeling a sense of connection and ease with Heeseung. There was something about him that made you feel more comfortable and at ease than you had with anyone else in a long time. It was a feeling you didn't want to let go of.
The sun dipped below the horizon, casting the beach into a soft orange glow, you felt a sense of both excitement and apprehension about what the future held.
You checked your phone, noticing that it was getting a bit late. You didn’t want to have to drive back to campus so late at night so you knew you’d have to leave soon.
Reluctantly, you said, “I’ve got to head back to the hotel. We only planned on staying for a night.”
Heeseung nodded, seeming to understand your situation. "I understand," he said, his voice warm. "I had a great time with you today. Thank you for spending time with me."
You smiled at him, feeling a sense of appreciation and warmth towards him. "Thank you for showing me this beautiful place," you said. "I had a great time too."
As you began to gather your things, you felt a sense of both excitement and sadness at the prospect of leaving. You had enjoyed your time with Heeseung so much that you didn't want it to end, but you knew that you had to return to your everyday life.
You two walked back to his car and began your journey back to the hotel.
“So you say you’ve neverrrrr had a boyfriend, yeah?” He asked, turning the music down.
“Never.” You told him. “Why are you so interested in my failed love life, Heeseung?” you teased, turning to look at him.
Heeseung chuckled, seeming to enjoy your playful banter. "I'm not interested in your failed love life," he said, his voice warm. "I'm interested in you.
"Well, I'm glad you're interested in me," you said, your voice laced with playfulness. "I think you're pretty interesting too."
Heeseung grinned, seeming to appreciate your flirtatious tone. "Oh really?" he said, his voice low and husky. "I have a feeling we could be pretty interesting together."
You felt a sense of electricity pass between the two of you, the chemistry palpable. "I think you might be right," you said, your voice soft and seductive.
As you drove back to the hotel, the tension between you and Heeseung continued to build, the air charged with anticipation and desire. Of course, you hadn’t had the intention of doing anything with him…not this soon. But, there was a lot of “want” behind your feelings for him. 
He pulled into the front of the hotel, putting his car into park, not saying anything. As the silence between you and Heeseung lingered, you couldn't help but feel the intensity of the attraction between the two of you. You had never felt this kind of desire before, and it both excited and scared you.
You turned to look at Heeseung, him doing the same. You noticed the way his eyes lingered on your lips; The desire was mutual, and it was clear that neither of you could ignore it any longer.
Without thinking, you leaned in towards him, feeling the warmth of his breath on your skin. Heeseung met you halfway, his lips meeting yours in a fiery kiss that left you breathless.
In that moment, everything else melted away, and all that mattered was the two of you and your desire for each other. As the kiss deepened, you felt a sense of electricity pass between the two of you, the passion building with every passing moment.
His hand slid up to rest against your cheek as he pulled your face closer to his own, lifting the arm rest  up that separated the two of you. His lips dominated your own, leading to him taking over and guiding you through the kiss. You’d never EVER gone this far with a man before…but it all felt so right. 
You felt a sense of surrender as Heeseung deepened the kiss, his touch igniting a fire within you that you had never felt before. As he pulled you even closer, you let yourself be consumed by the passion of the moment, giving yourself over to the desire that had been building between the two of you.
His touch was electric, sending shivers down your spine as he explored your mouth with his tongue, teasing and tasting you with a hunger that matched your own. You had never felt so alive, so consumed by the desire for another person.
“Shit…” He huffed out, pulling his lips away. The only thing left connecting you both was a small string of saliva coming from your mouth. “I forgot we were parked in the front.”
Feeling overwhelmingly confident, you replied, “So then let’s go somewhere else.”
Heeseung's eyes widened in surprise, clearly taken aback by your boldness. But as he looked at you, he saw the desire and passion in your eyes and he knew that he couldn't resist.
"Okay," he said, his voice husky with desire. "Somewhere else it is."
Just as quickly as he had said that, he drove off. As you drove through the dark streets, you could feel the excitement and anticipation building within you, the desire for Heeseung overwhelming.
Finally, Heeseung pulled into a secluded spot and turned off the car, turning to look at you with a hunger that matched your own. As he leaned in to kiss you, you felt a sense of electricity pass between the two of you, the passion growing more and more strong.
He unbuckled your seatbelt and pulled you closer to him as he settled you both in the back. You situated yourself on top of his lap as his hands gripped onto your waist. 
His fingers hovered over your top, stopping as he looked up at you, “When you say you’ve never had a boyfriend….does that mean you’re a virgin?”
You felt a rush of heat spread through your body at Heeseung's question, feeling a mix of nervousness and excitement. You had never been with a man before, and the thought of exploring your sexuality with Heeseung was both overwhelming and enticing.
"Y-yes," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I am a virgin."
Heeseung nodded, seeming to understand your hesitation. "It's okay," he said, his voice soft and reassuring. “Are you sure you want to do this? With me?”
You looked into Heeseung's eyes, seeing the genuine concern and care in them. You took a deep breath, feeling the nerves building within you, but also feeling a sense of trust in him.
"I'm sure," you said, your voice steady and firm. "I want to be with you.”
With that, Heeseung leaned in and kissed you again. The passion between you two was undeniable, and as you explored each other's bodies, you felt a sense of liberation and excitement wash over you.
He’d eventually stripped you of your clothing, laying you down on your back as he hovered over you. 
“Are you okay?” He asked.
“Yes,” You told him, “I’m okay.”
You were drunk off of his kisses, feeling nothing very pure ecstasy as his eyes sparkled underneath the moonlight.
He kissed down from your lips to your collarbone, soon attaching his lips around one of your nipples, threading the other between his index and thumb.
He sucked around the surrounding area, sending sparks throughout your body. You bit your lip, attempting to contain the explicit noises that so desperately wanted to escape.
He kept at this for a while before his free hand slid down your stomach atop your panties. Your breath hitched as you felt his body heat radiating down onto your pussy. 
“Oh shit, Heeseung…” You moaned as he removed his mouth from your breast and lifted your legs up and apart.
“Nervous?” He asked.
You nodded, “So nervous…”
“Don’t worry…I’ll take good care of you.” He whispered, slipping your panties to the side and pressing his thumb down against your clit.
“Oh!” You gasped, his thumb pressing down harder and harder to see how much you could take.
“Feels good?” He asked. You shyed away from answering him and looked down at your legs. “Y/N…”
You shook your head, covering your face as you noticed your confidence slowly diminishing.
His thumb withdrew from you and was replaced by his mouth. His tongue lapped up your sensitive flaps and you couldn’t help but let out a loud string of moans. His mouth felt so good against you, your fingers were nothing compared to how good he felt.
You took your arms down and ran your fingers through his hair, urging him to go faster as you could feel a knot growing in your lower belly.
He sucked on your clit, allowing spit to dribble out of his mouth onto you, adding more pleasure.
Before you knew it, you were coming undone on his tongue. He happily lapped your release up, licking his lips clean of your juices.
He looked up at you, and you looked down at him as you came down from your high.
“You look so pretty like this,” He said, slipping his shirt off, “All laid out. Just for me.”
Once his pants were off, you could see his print in his briefs. You should’ve known that he’d be big, how could a man like him be anything but big?
“I don’t have any condoms…” He said, caressing your thighs, “Sure you still wanna continue?”
“I’m sure.” You told him, allowing him to pull your panties completely off.
He did away with his briefs and you took him all in. He was big. He was perfect. He was everything and above.
He opened your legs some more to accommodate for himself and placed his hand on your pelvis, holding himself within his hand.
“If it hurts, tell me.” He said. 
He slowly lined himself up with your entrance and pushed in, looking up at your face as it contorted up from the stretch. You held onto his hand and he intertwined his fingers with your own.
“Fuck…” He groaned, tightly holding onto you. “You’re so tight, y/n…”
You looked down at where you both had connected, taking a few deep breaths before urging him to continue.
He slowly started to thirst inside of you, starting off gentle before you told him he could speed up. Soon he went from gentle and unsteady to hard and controlled. 
His stomach brushed against your clit with each thrust, adding on to the pure bliss you were feeling. You thought you’d last much longer than you did, but with the combination of you being stimulated in more ways than one, you came within minutes. Tears fell from your eyes as moans ripped through your throat and your hand tightened within him as your nails dug in.
His thirsts staggered and he quickly stopped, pulling out and finishing on your stomach. Your head fell back and you closed your legs, feeling your body sink into his seat from exhaustion.
For a while, he didn’t say anything. But eventually, he slipped his clothing back on and opened the glove compartment, wiping your stomach with some few napkins he had.
You were too tired to do anything, and being the sweetheart he appeared to be, he put your clothes back on for you and held you against him as you grounded yourself.
Eventually, you recovered from the intense first time you had with him and hugged him, “Thank you…”
He took a deep breath, “Are you going to call me when you make it back to campus?”
“Yes…” You smiled.
“And are you going to text me every single day until we see each other again?” He asked.
“I will.” You told him.
He kissed your cheek and helped you back into the front seat, driving you back to the hotel and walking you into the lobby.
As you stood in the lobby, you turned to face Heeseung, feeling a sense of sadness wash over you. You didn't want this night to end, didn't want to say goodbye to him just yet.
Heeseung seemed to sense your hesitation, and he pulled you into a tight embrace, holding you close.
"It's not goodbye," he whispered. "It's just see you later."
You nodded, feeling a sense of comfort in his words. You hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go.
"Thank you for tonight," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.
"Thank you for being here with me," he replied, his voice just as soft.
With one last kiss, he pulled away, and you watched as he walked out of the hotel, feeling a sense of sadness and longing in your heart.
But as you made your way back to your room, you knew that this was just the beginning of something special between you and Heeseung. And you couldn't wait to see where it would lead.
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taglist: @jungwo-nnie @voidbeomgyu
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slut4els · 1 year
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Old Flames 2
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omg before i start this second part thank you guys sm for all the support on the first part i love you guys sm and i tried my best to get this out asap!!
contains: !meanellie x !shy/scaredreader, angst, some fluff, some smut, sexual thoughts, alcohol, weed, and i think thats it! lmk if i forgot anything and as always 18+ !!
enjoy lovelys <3
You and ellie barely spoke since saturday. After confessing and hugging for a while you mutually decided to let eachother think in silence.
ellie couldnt stop thinking back to all the times you guys had hung out. what signs did she miss? could she have done something differently? maybe if she told you she was attracted to you maybe you would be together.
You were having similar thoughts, facing the opposite direction as ellie but you decided to text dina.
Dina
12:34 am
y:guess whos my fucking roommate
d:who?
y:ellie.
y:and thats not even the worst part
d: uh oh
d: please dont tell me you did something stupid
y: yeah about that…
y:i kinda told her i used to be inlove with her and thats why i ghosted her.
d: WHAT????
y: I KNOW I KNOW IDK WHAT I WAS THINKING EITHER BUT SHE WAS SURPRISINGLY NICE ABOUT IT LIKE WE HUGGED FOR A WHILE
d: omfg
d: ok whatever just come to my dorm tomorrow morning and we can talk about it while we get ready for the party which you agreed to go to by the way
y: ughhh i forgot about that do i have to go??
d: you promised!!
y: fine ill come over at like 7
d: thank youu and gl with the whole ellie thing.
y: thanks
(end of conversation)
You sighed and put your phone on the charger before deciding you should get some sleep before going to dinas.
you woke up and looked at the flashing red numbers on your alarm clock that read 6:18 AM
you got up and put some sweatpants on along with a hoodie before putting your laptop charger phone and a dress to change into for the party that night into your tote bag. you grabbed your shoes and began tying then when you heard shuffling on the other side of the room
shit you thought to yourself. you really didn’t wanna have to face ellie this morning but she was your roomate after all.
“where are you going this early” she said rubbing her eyes. her voice sounded so raspy, you felt the same butterflies you tried so hard to get rid of senior year but now they were back.
“shit sorry did i wake you up?” you said standing up to look at her ignoring her previous question.
“yea kinda but you didn’t answer my question, where are you going?” she said a little harsher now. “just dinas, ill be back pretty late too so dont wait up” you replied. “oh? and where are you going thats keeping you out so late” ellie replied standing up crossing her arms. she was just wearing a tanktop and sweats, her muscular arms on full display. trying to divert your attention so you wouldnt stare you tried to reply. “just some stupid frat party”.
“oh? well im going to a frat party myself tonight so i guess well both be back late” she said smirking slightly. you rolled your eyes. “yeah ok” you replied turning around and walking to the front door. you opened it but before you closed it again you heard ellie say “you cant pretend nothing happened, y/n” after you heard that you quickly shut the door and started on your way to dinas dorm.
“you need to have an actual conversation with her y/n” dina said. you had spent the last hour and a half talking about your situation with ellie.
“but how i cant even say hi to her without feeling like im going to throw up from how nervous i am” you whined. you could tell dina was tired of listening to you but you didn’t really have anyone else that would put up with it.
“well its gonna happen weather you like it or not, but for now lets focus on your outfit for the party” you knew dina was trying to be helpful by changing the subject but you weren’t completely ready to stop talking about the situation between you and ellie but you complied with dinas request.
“ugh fine, hold on let me get my new dress i bought like two days ago” you showed her the dress. it was black with some glitter and off the shoulder sleeves.
“oh my god it looks amazing! you have to try it on for me” you rolled your eyes before going into the bathroom to change. when you walked out to show dina she opened her mouth slightly with a shocked expression across her face.
“holy shit y/n you look fucking amazing.”
-
you walked into the party with your hair and makeup done by dina. you made a beeline to the drink table dragging dina with you terrified to see ellie sober. you poured some alcohol from a bottle of straight vodka into a small shot glass sized solo cup.
“jeez slow down” dina said with a slightly concerned look as you downed the first shot and started pouring your second one.
“she said she was going to be here and i cannot be sober when i see her” you said after drinking your second shot.
“well how about you come dance for a bit before you get to wasted” dina spoke as she grabbed your wrist and dragged you into a crowd of sweaty bodies all dancing with the music. after a couple of minutes of pure uncomfort you told dina you were getting another drink. you walked over to the table and poured yourself a cup of vodka and punch and decided to go outside to the patio to get some fresh air.
you stepped outside closing the sliding glass door behind you. it was completely empty which was good. it made it easier for you to think. you sat against the wall and closed your eyes taking a sip of your concoction every once and a while listening to the slight beat of the music coming from inside. you thought about a lot of things, college, classes, but mostly ellie. you knew you couldnt avoid the subject forever, but you wished things could just go back to normal. you both being on speaking terms with no romantic feelings for eachother, but it was a little late for that now, and you couldnt keep pushing ellie away, she was your roomate now but you also missed what you used to have. maybe talking to her would be able to do that, but you still wanted to put it off for as long as possible.
you were deep in your thoughts when you heard the sliding sound of the glass door open. you thought it was dina looking for you so you just said, “yeah yeah i know dina just give me like five minutes and ill go back in” however the voice that you thought belonged to your best friend sounded nothing like her, instead it was ellie. “well im not dina but you should probably go back inside” she spoke.
you were pulled out of your thoughts at the sound of her voice looking over at her as she made her way to sit down next to you.
you already being somewhat drunk you responded to her with a little attitude “what do you want, did dina tell you i was going to be out here or something” “well for one i wasnt looking for you, i didnt even know you were going to be out here, i just came outside to smoke, but it’s probably a good thing i found you, we need to talk” she says pulling out a joint from the back pocket of her jeans. she was wearing acid washed dark blue jeans and a maroon tshirt with a sage green flannel over it. she had her hair in a half up half down bun style and of course, her black converse.
you watched intently as she placed the joint between her lips and lit it, the smell hitting your nose as she inhaled and exhaled the substance.
“you shouldve said something, senior year, i might’ve even felt the same”. she started to speak again. “but what if you didnt?”. “then thats it, atleast we wouldve gotten it out of the way”. you wished that what she was saying was true but you knew better. “dont act like it wouldnt have been a big deal ellie, you and i both know that it would change our entire friendship, plus what about cat?”
there was a moment of silence before ellie spoke again “me and cat broke up after a few months but we werent even dating when you cut me off. we couldve tried it out. we couldve gone on dates and shit. We couldve made it work, even if we decided to just be friends.”
after another moment of silence you decided to say something. “what if we tried just being friends again, we cant really avoid eachother anymore you know since were roomates and shit” you proposed. you didn’t want to be just freinds but after months of not talking you couldnt just ask her to date you. Ellie however wanted you to ask her to be more.
“so just friends? nothing more?” ellie said as she turned to look at you. occasionally glancing at your lips.
“well i mean i just thought-“ you were cut off by ellie. “you thought i wouldnt say yes if you asked me to be more?”. you felt heat rise up to your face as ellie moved slightly closer but enough to the point where your shoulders were touching. “i mean, i-i guess?” you were able to stutter out.
“well what if i told you i wouldve said yes?” as she spoke she moved her face closer to yours to the point where you could slightly feel her breath against you.
“i-i dont” before you could finish you were cut off by her lips lightly pressing against yours. you were shocked for a moment but eventually gave in and kissed her back as she flicked her joint elsewhere. the kiss became more lustful when she slightly bit on your bottom lip and entering her tounge in your mouth when you gasped. you put your hands on the sides of her face to pull her in even more. she pulled you onto her lap and her knee pressed slightly onto your core making you gasp and pull away from the kiss for a moment. you felt your arousal growing as your underwear slowly became wet. you wanted so badly for it to go further but you knew you couldnt do it on the patio of a frat party.
ellie tried kissing you again but you held her shoulders to stop her. “ this is amazing but i think we should go back inside, dinas probably worried by now”
“hmm ok but remember we’re roommates”
—————————————————-——————
A/N
Im so sorry this took me so long to publish but here it is!!! it might be a bit of a longer wait for part three because of school but i will keep you guys updated!! again thank you all so much for the support on the first part im so happy you guys like this series as much as i like writing it!!
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nametakensff · 4 months
Note
Could you possibly write 🧡 for platonic S/tobin? I love the way you always allude to them in your S/teddie fics, and I’d love to see how you write them!
Hey anon, thank you for the prompt (Warm Night In)! Had a lot of fun writing this, and it ended up just over 8k!
((Set this in my S/teddie Mutual fetish AU - this would take part a few months after the S4 v/ecna bs (obviously everyone lives and H/awkins remains unscathed for the most part because I crave happiness) - pre-relationship, mutual pining on either side))
S/teve comes down with an absolute monster of a cold and R/obin is there to look after him
~~~~~~
Content:
Platonic S/tobin, S/teddie pre-relationship (M/M), cold sneezes, loud sneezes, sneezing in tissues, S/teve blowing his nose in E/ddie's bandana, fever, coughing, caretaking, mess, spray, descriptions of explicit fetish fantasies, mentions of potential contagion, R/obin is a very good sport about S/teve being terrible at covering his sneezes
CW: internalised homophobia, S/teve is insecure about his fetish
NSFW - fic is about a platonic M/F relationship but includes separate NSFW M/M content - minors DNI!
“HH-H!! HAHHRISHHHHOOOHhh! Fuck…”
Steve snuffled miserably into the soggy tissue he’d managed to catch his most recent explosion in. It looked about as sturdy as he currently felt – which was to say, not at all. He reached out from under the protective cover of his jacket, functioning as a makeshift blanket as he lay on the breakroom couch, and plucked another 3 tissues from the quickly diminishing box. Taking in a deep breath, he blew his nose with as much force as he could muster, desperate to get some relief from the built-up congestion. All attempts of keeping noise to a minimum had dwindled hours ago, along with whatever remained of his energy. He tried not to think about the customers browsing the shelves of the establishment for movies, how they could probably hear every crackling shift of mucus that he forced out into the tissues, the embarrassingly loud honk that rounded off his efforts.
It felt as though he’d spent more time in the first half of his shift stifling the never-ending barrage of sneezes between his pinching fingers than actually working. It hadn’t done anything for his headache, squeezing his temples as if in a vice – and it certainly hadn’t helped with the blockage in his sinuses. Once Robin had shown up that afternoon, she had all but forced him to go and lie down in the back, pulling him by the arm even as he smothered another miserable sneeze against his palm.
“Steve, please. If not for your own sake, do this for me. I don’t want to be responsible for letting you die on shift from some kind of freak head explosion – especially not in front of the customers. Who do you think’ll be the one scrubbing your brains off the walls?”
“Jesus, Robin. It’s not th’haahht….that ba’hhHDD!!”
Out of pure habit at that point, Steve had pinched his quivering nostrils closed, that final touch of his fingers to the sensitive skin pushing him over the edge.
“HAHH’GXKKT’SCHHH!!”
It was quieter than his unsuppressed sneezes, nobody could fight him on that. But it’d still been loud, the desperate attempt at wrangling it into submission making it angrier, more violent to his ears – and evidently, Robin’s. She’d hissed in sympathy as he let go of his nose, the wrinkle of concern between her furrowed brows growing deeper as his sinuses audibly squeaked with each post-sneeze snuffle.
“You shouldn’t do that.” She’d worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “You’ll seriously hurt yourself – blow out an eardrum or something. Steve – don’t.” She finished firmly, glaring as he had started to lift his hand up to his nose in preparation for an encore.
“But ih-hih-! It’s so loud – I –“
“It’s okay, dingus. There’s, like, one guy here right now. In the adult movie section. At 4:30pm.”
It was certainly a reassuring statement, but it wasn’t really as if Steve would have been able to hold back in the first place. The couch shook with the force of the sneeze that rocked through him – the first he had actually let out unhindered since the tickle had taken hold hours earlier. He’d practically roared with the effort of it, drenching his palms as he caught it between his steepled hands.
“HAHHH’RESSSSSHHHHIEWWWW!!!”
He’d noticed Robin jump, heard her mutter a soft “oh my god” as her soul no doubt left her body. Glancing up apologetically, he had blinked through bleary eyes at her, holding his soiled hands in place. He hoped she didn’t notice the slight shiver that ran down his spine, the goosebumps breaking out over his arms. After holding back for so long, it had felt so good to purge the tickle completely, like spreading a soothing balm over the persistent, niggling itch.
“Sorry.” He had just about resisted the urge to sniffle again, knowing it would sound gnarly.
“That’s ok – hey, look at that, I don’t need that midday coffee anymore. Totally awake!” She smiled like a dork and he couldn’t help grinning behind the protective cover of his hands.
“I’m gonna walk to the store on my lunch break and get you some things. Are you allergic to any medicines? Does your head hurt? Would you say you’re coming down with a cough – and is it a chesty kind of deal, or is it more tickly? Do you –“
“Robi’d.” Steve had cut her off, both of them visibly wincing as he struggled to pronounce her name. As if he didn’t feel disgusting enough, he could feel his nostrils twitching and flaring, another colossal sneeze working its way up and out of his sinuses just moments later.
“HAHHH’GITTSSCHHH’IEWWW!! Oh M’by god….”
Messy. So, so messy. As he’d snuffled and searched frantically for something to save him, Robin had slid a small pack of tissues across the coffee table in front of the couch.
“Guess I’ll take my break now. Try and hold out with these. Do not move. I’ll be back in 20 minutes, tops!”
With that, she’d spun on her heels and barrelled out of the door, leaving him to sit and stare at the tissues, holding his sticky hands tightly to his face as he tried to formulate the best plan of action. Before he’d even started to reach for them, Robin had stuck her head round the breakroom door one last time.
“Oh, and before I forget – Bless you!”
~~~~~~
‘Do not move’, she’d said. Steve had initially intended to clean himself up and ignore her entirely, getting back to organising the latest releases on the shelves and continuing as before. That had been his intention, but after the laborious and disgusting task of cleaning up his hands and face with tissues so flimsy they stuck to his skin almost instantly, and the blood rush that hit him so hard the moment he stood up he had swooned with it – not moving sounded like a great idea, actually. And so he hadn’t, for hours now.
He tossed the latest bundle of soaked tissues in the general direction of the trash can, using another few to dab gingerly under his damp, sensitive nostrils. Robin had been sure to pick him up some Kleenex Mansize on her trip to the pharmacy, making Steve blush when she’d mentioned they were the next best thing to getting him a tablecloth to use. He knew she’d just been joking but for various…reasons, his regrettably huge – and often, extremely messy – sneezes were a topic he didn’t like to draw attention to. They did a good enough job of doing that themself, turning more than a few heads each time they ripped through his sinuses. She’d noticed his change in demeanour immediately, because of course she had, and her voice had softened as she made some comment or other about ‘you know what they say about big sneezes’. He’d had to laugh at that – she had an amazing ability to disarm and placate him when all he wanted was to defend.
It was hard not to be defensive when it came to the topic of sneezing. He wondered if he’d ever be brave enough to explain why to Robin. He’d disclosed more to her than he had to any other person – even Nancy. And for what it was worth, that seemed to be the case for Robin, too. She may not have ended up his girlfriend, but this was better. She was his best friend, his person. He considered it a blessing that she actually couldn’t like him in that way – he was a fuck up, romantically. It only seemed to push people away when he got emotionally involved – another thing he had confessed to her one night when they were cuddled up in her bedroom, the late hour and the collective exhaustion between the pair of them elevating their meaningless rambling into much deeper, scarier territory.
She’d told him at the time that he wasn’t a fuck up, that he was fucking great and that he just had to believe her. That he had to slow down and stop treating dating like it was some kind of doomsday race, and that he would definitely find the girl for him. He’d been surprised that, although the comment was reassuring in its own way, something felt a little…off. Probably because an image of Eddie flashed across his mind in that moment, and the gravity of it was too much for him to handle. He’d tried his best to ignore it, but it had only flourished in the following weeks to the point he was thinking about the metalhead near constantly. It terrified him, truth be told. And that fear made him feel like a hypocrite above all else. How could he accept Robin with such ease but the thought of himself liking men almost had him breaking out in a cold sweat?
It really didn’t help that Eddie had the most extensive and pervasive allergies of anyone Steve had ever known. He’d figured the fits he’d been privy to at the boat house had been circumstantial. It had been dusty enough that he’d sneezed a couple of times himself, and he’d been there sparingly – for Eddie, it had been days of exposure. Of course he’d had a rough time. But, as time went on, Steve realised it wasn’t just dust. It was dust, and mould, and pollen, and certain perfumes, and feathers – the list that Steve wouldn’t admit to mentally keeping continued to grow as the days became weeks became the last couple of months. He would be engrossed in conversation, completely captivated by whatever Eddie was saying and happily so, when the older man’s expression would crumple and Steve had to pretend to be a normal person as he witnessed the most erotic allergic reactions of his life unfold mere feet away from him.
He felt he did a pretty good job, thank you very much. He even remembered to bless Eddie about half of the time, and enjoyed the bashful smile he got in response when he did. He was pretty sure he didn’t turn totally bright red each time – something he considered a huge achievement. Crossing his legs was a surefire way of concealing any visible…excitement. He was nailing it. Dealing with Eddie’s sneezes was one thing - as much as he had tried to hold back around the older man, he’d slipped up a few times and sneezed his embarrassing, splashy, intrusive sneezes in front of him. Luckily, the metalhead didn’t seem entirely repulsed – if anything, Steve noticed a twinkle in his expressive eyes, noticed a certain shift in his demeanour and body language as he focused in on him. It made him far too happy to be blessed by Eddie, but it simultaneously made him want the ground to open up and swallow him whole. This growing attraction to the older man, his – interest, going into overdrive; all of it was just too much to deal with – so he…didn’t. Basically.
And he didn’t need to be thinking about all this right now – not when his head was pounding and his eyes and nose were leaking like a faucet. And this fucking tickle…
Sitting up now, he reached frantically for another handful of tissues, holding them at the ready in an upraised hand as he panted and gasped, willing the maddening tickle to culminate and grant him some temporary reprieve. He could feel his nostrils flaring, stretching to capacity as the itch burrowed and crawled through his sinuses, leaving them damp and threatening to overflow.
“Come on…” he grumbled aloud after a particularly desperate gasp scissored out of him, causing tears of irritation to bead at the corners of his eyes but leaving him notably bereft of sneezes.
He reached up with a finger of the hand not cradling the tissues expectantly in front of him and nudged the tip of his nose from side to side. More often than not, a little manual stimulation could help a particularly stubborn sneeze along, at least if he was ticklish enough. It seemed to do its job, a few little wiggles igniting the tickle and leaving him bristling with the force of the subsequent inhale.
“HHDTT-!! HUUURRRSHHHHH’OOHhh!! HARRRUSHHHH’IEWWW!! TISSSCHHH’IEWW!! HAGT’TSCHHHHhhhh!!”
The tissues were predictably destroyed in the onslaught, damp and torn against his palm. He sat in place for a moment, leaning heavily to one side on the arm he’d frantically propped up against the couch to steady himself. That fit had been intense, each sneeze seeming to begin at his toes and rip through his entire body, muscles seizing and skin tingling. He felt pretty pathetic, shaking like a leaf and panting in the aftermath, extremely grateful that although everyone in downtown Hawkins could probably hear the excruciatingly fast progression of his illness, they couldn’t see him. He swiped at his dripping nostrils with what was left of the tissues before tossing them, plucking even more to tend to his leaking eyes, his lips dampened with heavy spray. One wary glance at the box revealed that it was almost empty. With a defeated sigh, he allowed himself to fall back against the couch, one arm slung over his closed eyes.
He hated being sick. The lack of control, the way it distracted him from focusing his energy on others, demanding he focus on himself, his weakened body that was no longer cooperating with him. The humiliation of it – the way he was such a gross, drippy mess. He felt like a germ factory, and he wasn’t wrong.
The worst part of it all, even above feeling shitty and gross and useless – was that he was inevitably going to get Robin sick. Her parents were out of town for the week, some old hippy reunion somewhere or other. Robin was fine with the peace and having the house to herself, he knew that – but they’d both decided that since he drove her to and from school and work most days and they hung out most days too, it would make sense that she just stay with him for the week.
It was fun, like they were real roommates – or maybe siblings? Both of them were Only Children so it wasn’t like they had any means of comparison, but the closeness and easiness of their bond was undeniable to themselves and everyone around them. Every day, they’d wake up, eat breakfast together, Steve would drop Robin off and they'd go about their respective school or work, reconvene for their shared evening shifts, eat dinner together, sometimes hang out with each other and sometimes not. They’d planned to veg out tonight, watch some dumb movies and relax. It was great hanging out with everyone, especially now that Eddie had been welcomed into the fold, but he needed his Robin time. Working together most of the week was great, for sure, but it was still work.
That had been the plan, but now he was wondering if he should muster up the rest of his strength at the end of the day to drop her off at her house and drive himself back home alone, sequestering himself away until this plague-like sickness fucked off for good. He knew already she wouldn’t allow it, but he was going to proffer the suggestion anyway.
He glanced at the crooked clock on the wall – just about two hours ‘til closing. Keith and the other coworker Steve had yet to meet would be working tomorrow, and he had the weekend off, for which he could not have imagined he would ever feel so grateful. Maybe he could sneeze and cough and wheeze this cold out of his system in a day if he willed it so. He felt awful that Robin had been working the front alone, especially as business ramped up to a maximum on Friday evenings. Just two more hours.
~~~~~
“…eve. Hey, Steve. Wakey wakey. Steeeve.”
It took Steve a moment to realise who he was, let alone where he was and the fact that Robin was gently shaking him awake. He groaned as his head started to throb almost immediately, as if the headache had been waiting to strike the second he woke up. His eyes opened slowly, irritated and dry, and scanned their way upwards to take in the nervous expression on Robin’s face. She was smiling, sure, but she was terrible at masking her concern. It worried him more than a little that she was even trying to hide the anxiety she would usually wear so plainly.
“…Robin?” He managed to rasp out. They both winced at the ragged sound of it.
“Jeez, Dingus. You sound like you swallowed a pile of broken glass.” Robin was still smiling, but it didn’t reach her eyes. If anything, they looked almost glossy enough that tears were imminent. Steve absolutely couldn’t stand that – the immediate need to reassure her galvanised him, the final push he needed to drag himself upwards and into a seated position. His head throbbed, and he gritted his teeth against the pain. He sensed Robin hovering, even with his eyes closed could visualise her hesitant hand outstretched toward him.
“I’m okay,” He cleared his throat somewhat productively, and tried again. “I’m okay, Robin.” Slightly better.
She flashed him another sad smile.
“You’re really not, Steve. But you don’t need to be.”
He didn’t really have a response to that – he just nodded, kneading at his temple a couple of times, willing the pain to recede. Sitting up had only made the throbbing worse, and on top of that the shifting of mucus in his sinuses had brought that ever-lingering tickle back to the surface. And god, did it tickle…
“I’ve gotten everything sorted out front. It’s a teeny tiny bit early, but I figure we’re alright to head out now. Do you – oh.”
Robin paused, taking in Steve’s tortured expression and the way his chest jumped with increasingly violent inhales. He noticed her noticing, started to blush as he lifted a hand frantically to cover his twisting facial features. He scrambled madly for the tissue box, but he wasn’t going to make it, he was going to sneeze, and-
He felt Robin press a handful of fresh tissues into his reaching palm, but he was too slow. The first sneeze burst out into his waiting palm, drenching it with spray and an unfortunate build-up of mess.
“RRRRISCCHHHHHH’IEWWWW!!”
He had just enough time to raise the tissues in his other hand to his face for the volley that followed, awkwardly cradling his soiled hand in a partial fist to shield the damage from Robin.
“HAHHHDTT’SHIEWWWWW!! HH’RRRUSHHHH’OOHH!! RRRRRSHHHH’UHHH!!”
He shuddered, the force of the powerful sneezing sapping him of almost all of his remaining energy. He gingerly wiped at his nose and tossed the sodden wad towards the trash can, composed enough now to reach for more clean tissues on his own and tend to his hands.
He glanced up and noticed Robin standing awkwardly with her arms wrapped around her lanky frame, half-watching and half-floundering, not sure where to look and chewing her bottom lip hard enough that it looked painful.
“Ugh, sorry you had to see that, Robs. I really am okay, I promise. Definitely sick. But okay.” He tossed the second wad of tissues in the trash and stood up tentatively, wobbling a little but managing not to fall on his ass. Robin had reached out then, steadied him with a soft hand to the back of his tricep. She gasped, eyes darting up to his face.
“Steve, you’re boiling hot! Like, volcanic explosion, magma-level hot!”
He sighed, knowing there was no way his verbal reassurances would get through to her at this point. He could understand how she was feeling – everyone called him a mother hen, and he knew it was true. Worrying about other people was an immutable and extremely prominent part of his personality. He’d be fussing over her just as much if he were in her shoes – would offer to carry her to the car if she was this shaky on her feet, even knowing he’d probably get an ‘Ew, gross’ and stalwart refusal to let him do so.
“’S just a mild fever. I run hot anyway, you know that.” He rounded off this blasé statement with an obnoxiously noisy sniffle.
She wrinkled her nose at him.
“Can you drive like this?” She asked, voice heavy with concern as she helped him gather up his things.
“Absolutely. Driven under much worse conditions, remember?” He was referring to driving uphill in the dark, borderline concussed, and the both of them knew it.
“That was different – desperate times, fighting an evil sludge monster. The only evil sludge monster here right now is you, Harrington.”
He snuffled again, the sound of it thick and wet, causing her to wince. Her poorly veiled disgust wasn’t making him feel much better, but he also couldn’t hold it against her. He sounded gross.
“It was different – like I said, much worse conditions. I have a cold, Robin. I’m not on my death bed or anything.” He shouldered his backpack, clearing his throat and managing to hold back what he was sure would be an obnoxiously prolonged coughing fit. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
She shrugged and followed him as he strode – or attempted to stride – out into the store. She was hovering, making sure he wouldn’t fall – it was sweet but still irritating. By the time they reached the car, she was close enough that when he spun round suddenly she nearly fell backwards in shock. He reached out to grab and steady her by the forearm, feeling guilty immediately that he’d touched her with a germy hand.
“Listen, Robin – I really don’t want you to catch this. Will you let me drive you home? I can bring you your stuff back in a couple of days.”
“Steve,” she started, her tone soft but firm. “I’m not leaving you alone right now. I don’t care if I get sick – you need someone to help you.”
“I don’t – “
“Don’t bother trying to talk me out of it. You’d just hide yourself away and get sicker and sicker, feeling sorry for yourself and ignoring anybody who reached out to you. You sound awful, Steve, I’m serious. I’m staying with you. Tough shit.”
He blinked at her. He’d expected her to refuse, but not the additional psychoanalytical beat down.
“Um. Wow, okay, sure. It’s your funeral if you catch it.” He shrugged, opening the car door.
“Thought you weren’t on your death bed.” She quipped back, settling into the passenger seat.
“Yeah, well.”
~~~~~~
After all the easy-going confidence with which he’d reassured Robin he was totally fine to drive, within minutes he realised that whilst he technically could, it would not be fun. If anything, he’d felt better with the concussion. He had a permanent bundle of tissues in his right hand, even as he clutched the wheel, ready to stifle sneeze after sneeze as Robin fretted beside him and held the wheel steady enough that they wouldn’t go veering dangerously off-road. They were a week into May,  the weather not even remotely cold outside, but the fever had left him chilled and shivering enough that he’d turned the heating up anyway, apologising to Robin. It wasn’t helping, however, and all the shift in temperature seemed to do was tickle his sensitive nose even more.
It was as Steve pulled to a stop at a red light that the tickle blossomed so suddenly and so intensely that he couldn’t even think to let go of the wheel and ready himself to sneeze into his tissues. His chest jumped with a wrenching gasp, nostrils flaring wide and jaw snapping open in an instant. It tickled so, so much; even as it tipped his head back and squeezed his eyes closed, he couldn’t deny that the sensation was immensely pleasurable, moreso knowing that the resultant sneeze was going to be an absolute monster. He craved that release after all those hastily suppressed sneezes, pinching his reddened nostrils shut against the force of them.
Focusing all of his energy on the sneeze and losing himself entirely, he hitched once, twice, and then –
“HAHHHDDT’TIISSSCCHHHHH’IEWWWW!!!”
It tore through him, sending him tumbling forward in his chair. As he’d expected, it felt fucking incredible – he leaned into it, savoured that tingling relief that spread through his limbs as his lungs pushed out every last bit of air through his pursed lips.
“Oh, god, Steve!”
Robin’s yelp pulled him back to the present - the embarrassing, unfortunate present in which he had just sprayed the sneeze to end all sneezes all over the steering wheel, dashboard, his own arms and hands, and practically everything else within a 4 foot radius as the massive cloud of aerosol swirled in the air around him. He felt his entire face burning – he meant to apologise, he really did, but the tickle returned with a vengeance and it was just too strong.
“TTTISSSSHHHHH’IIEWWWW!! HH’RISSSSSHH’OOohh!!”
He sneezed twice more in much the same fashion, helpless to control it. He rocked with them, eyes streaming in irritation, feeling his muscles strain with the effort and the way it almost lifted him from his seat.
“Steve!! Oh my god, that went everywhere!” He heard Robin complain, saw how out of the corner of his eye she rolled down her window frantically.
“Fuck, I’m –“ He started before a loud honking behind them cut him off. The light had turned green and the car behind them was impatiently telling them to haul ass – how embarrassing. He stepped on the gas, blushing to his ears and hoping that the other driver hadn’t been witness to that repulsive display.
He sniffled, turning a corner and, thankfully, onto a road with no other drivers. He took the chance to peer down sheepishly at the damage he’d caused. His steering wheel was almost dripping; the dashboard glittering with visible droplets of his spray; he could even see a shimmer of dampness on the back of his hands and forearms.
“Robin,” he started, scrambling with one hand for some clean tissues and scrubbing at every surface he could reach. “I am so, so sorry. That was disgusting. Did I – did I get you?”
He turned to her, plucking a handful of tissues from the box and thrusting them at her. He realised with some dismay as she accepted them that said box was now completely empty.
“I don’t know what happened – I just couldn’t control them. God.” He scrunched his eyes shut before remembering he was in the middle of driving.
“Ugh, Dingus. It’s okay. I mean, it’s pretty gross but I’ve had, like, gooey monster tentacles all over me. I can handle your mucus.”
“Fuck.” It didn’t help – he was still mortified. Robin was such a good sport – he imagined most people would have punched him square in the jaw for that performance.
“Steve, hey. You’re really sick, it’s okay.” She patted him on the arm conciliatorily.
“God. I guess I am. That shit felt like it bounced my brain off my skull.” Normally he wouldn’t talk about his sneezes, especially not how they made him feel, but he was truly shaken.
“Think you can hold it together ‘til we get to your place?” She asked, resting her hand on his arm now. The gentle touch felt reassuring.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll b-be-! Hh’HUH!”
“Gonna sneeze again?”
Regrettably so, he really was. Panicking, he started to gasp into another buildup.
“I dohh-h’ont-!! I don’t h’hahh!! Hahhve any-! Any Tih’hh-! TTTTISHHHHIEWWWW!!” He exploded, this time jerking to his left to avoid spraying Robin and instead baptising the window beside him. The car lurched with him – Robin squeaked and grabbed for the steering wheel, pulling it towards herself to steady them back onto the road.
“Sorry, sorry, fuck!” Steve snuffled heavily. Mess was now dripping in twin streams over his upper lip, making him feel more disgusting than ever.
“No tissues?” Robin said, letting go of the wheel and wriggling in her seat, looking all around her for a spare. She came up empty, as Steve knew she would.
“Hold on,” She started, leaning back and angling herself between their seats as she reached into the back. “Might be something back here.”
Steve started to sniffle again but held himself back, anxious it would only trigger another spraying sneeze – one that would no doubt splatter the front window with its productiveness.
“I really don’t think – “
“Bingo!” Robin announced, audibly proud of herself. When Steve turned his head to look at the item she proffered towards him, his blush returned in earnest. Eddie’s bandana-slash-handkerchief. He must have left it there the last time he’d ridden with Steve. Come to think of it, when he’d driven Dustin, Lucas and Eddie to a campaign at the Wheeler house, the metalhead had been pretty…sensitive. He’d reassured them that it was just allergies, nothing to worry about. And it really hadn’t been all that much, but even a sniffle from Eddie was enough to send all the blood in Steve’s body rushing straight to fill his cock.
Not only had Eddie sneezed, a series of sweet little stifles that had Steve’s heart beating at 100mph, he’d sniffled and rubbed at his pinkened nostrils with the very bandana Robin was now pressing into the palm of a hand she had pried free from his grip on the steering wheel. He must have forgotten about it and left it there, sitting on the floor of Steve’s car, completely unaware of how intensely erotic said item was to the former jock. Had he known it was there, would he have had the courage to return it to Eddie himself? It seemed to burn in his palm. Eddie’s adorable, desperate sneezes had been sprayed and muffled into this fabric. It was too much – on top of the fever, this deviant spiral of thought left him feeling as though his brain was seconds away from leaking out his ears.
“…Steve?” Robin asked. He jumped, eyes flickering upwards from their fixed stare on the bandana to her confused expression, then swivelling straight back to the road before he really did make them crash.
“Yeah. Uhh. It’s Eddie’s.” He said, as if that meant anything at all to Robin. He heard her laugh.
“Uh, yeah, Steve, I figured. Unless black and skulls are your thing now.” She was teasing him, and not just about his fashion choices. He wasn’t sure how, but he sensed that she was, and it went deeper than his stupidly obvious statement.
“So…are you gonna use it?” She asked a moment later, and Steve remembered the entire reason she’d given it to him in the first place. He’d been focusing so hard on keeping the blood in his head and not in his cock that he was almost functioning on autopilot. He was suddenly very aware that the mess running down his face was moments away from ending up in his mouth.
“Yeah, fuck, sorry.” Desperate to avoid her scrutinous gaze, he hurriedly brought the fabric to his face and blew into it, hard. Arousal blossomed anew, thinking about Eddie doing the same – about every sneeze the fabric had been graced with now touching his face. It was driving him crazy. He wished he was alone in this moment – if he was, he’d pull off the road, haphazardly park, then jerk himself hard and fast until he was coming into the bandana, that sexy little piece of fabric that almost functioned like an indirect kiss.
Miraculously, he was only a little hard – enough that Robin wouldn’t notice, especially since dicks were a big enough source of amused repulsion for her that she was unlikely to be looking. He imagined the illness was helping to keep him soft; he really did feel shitty, increasingly shittier with every passing minute. He rounded off with one final, honking blow before sighing deeply – a weary, exhausted exhalation of defeat. Robin rubbed his arm reassuringly.
“Almost home.”
~~~~~~
In the twenty minutes that had passed since they’d walked through Steve’s front door, he had: sneezed at least 10 times; almost brained himself on the corner of his dresser as he attempted to wriggle out of his (admittedly pretty tight) jeans; coughed hard and long enough to leave his throat burning; and almost fallen down the stairs dressed in the comfortable loungewear Robin had insisted he put on.
In short, he wasn’t doing so hot. He hoped that this fast progression from awful to even worse would end up in his favour, aligning with the hope from earlier that he could burn through this sickness over the next couple of days, as if sprinting to the finish line. He really didn’t think he could handle feeling this terrible for much longer than that. It was as if every cell in his body was committing mutiny against him.
He lowered himself onto the living room couch on shaky legs and wrapped his arms around himself. He had no idea how he could be so hot but feel so cold. Like, okay, he understood the concept of a fever, but it still didn’t make the paradoxical sensation any easier to bear. He shivered miserably.
Robin bustled into the room a moment later, carrying a soft sherpa blanket in a scrambled heap, as if she’d yanked it from its neatly folded position in the main bedroom linen closet in a rush. Steve was certain this was absolutely the case.
“Heyy, buddy,” she started, still a little on edge but evidently happy to be done with that tumultuous car journey. “You should get under this blanket. You know what – lemme just…”
Initially thrusting the bundle of fabric at Steve, she seemed to change her mind and took it upon herself to wrap the blanket round him – even tucking it closer when it threatened to slip down his shoulders. Steve felt himself blushing a little and hoped that it wouldn’t be all too obvious on top of his fever-flushed complexion. He and Robin had cuddled together on occasion, sure – they’d held hands, too, discovering the contact felt reassuring and natural – but this level of intimacy and caretaking was something he’d never experienced – from anyone, really, but especially not from her. Her usual style was more sarcastic one-liners, name-calling and gentle shoves. To be fussed over by anyone was hard for him to accept, so it felt more than a little daunting at the hands of his best friend - purely because it felt so alien. One tentative glance at Robin confirmed that she must have been feeling pretty similarly awkward herself.
“Okay. I ordered us pizza – I know soup would probably be better, yeah, I realised that after I hung up the phone, shit – but anyway, that’s dinner. I’m gonna get you some water and Tylenol – maybe tea? Do you want tea?”
He couldn’t help but smile at how endearingly unnatural she was finding this. He knew if he was in her shoes she’d be wrapped up, propped up, fed and medicated 10 minutes ago. He’d still be brimming with anxious energy but that would be the natural result of the helplessness he’d feel that he couldn’t take away her discomfort on the spot. That she was trying, really, honestly trying, made his heart swell.
“Um, no tea, Robs. I don’t even know if we have any. Could you get me a cold compress for my head, maybe?”
Her eyes widened for a moment before they rolled back into her head dramatically, and she slapped a hand to her forehead.
“Uh, yes, of course I can do that – can’t believe I haven’t already. Sorry, Steve, just a minute – “ She was already halfway out the door by the time she finished.
“Robin, you don’t need to run – I’m okay!” He called out after her, regretting it almost immediately as his throat seized and he was thrown forward with a violent fit of coughing. He attempted to muffle it into one blanketed hand, shielding his mouth with the fabric. As if he didn’t feel disgusting enough already, he felt a tickle blossoming deep in his sinuses, so quickly that almost the moment he finished hacking he was gasping deeply in preparation for the oncoming explosion.
“Hh’Ohh goddDD’TTSSSHHHIEWWW!! HXXT’SHIEWWWW!! HAH’RRRRSHHHH’UU!! Oh…”
He shuddered and gingerly pulled his nose back from the now sodden fabric, clinging to the palm of his hand under the weight of the mess. Cursing, he scrambled to pull his other hand free of the blanket, snatching a handful of tissues from the box on the coffee table that he now regrettably wished he’d had half the mind to reach for sooner. Eddie’s bandana might have been a relief at first, but it was now so thoroughly sneezed and snorted into that it lay useless and dejected in Steve’s laundry hamper.
“Bless you, Dingus!” Robin called out from somewhere in the house.
He didn’t bother calling back, not wanting to trigger a repeat performance of that entirely disgusting display. At least the sneezes had felt halfway relieving – though very productive, the results of which he frantically scrubbed from the soggy patch of blanket. After he’d done all he could, he sighed and attempted to snuggle back into the couch cushions. ‘Attempt’ being the operative word, here – the Harrington household couches were much like everything else in the joint: carefully selected to signal a certain degree of cold and detached classiness, more like a showroom than a home. The Buckley household was much more inviting. Hell, even the couch at the Munson trailer was effortlessly comfortable, even with the creaky springs that prodded you as you moved.
He wondered what Eddie was doing now – planning for a campaign? Playing guitar? Some party, somewhere? He hadn’t spoken to him for a couple of days, come to think of it. He realised suddenly that he really wanted to talk to him. More than that, he just wanted to listen. Even with this persistent headache, he wanted to sit back just like this, eyes closed in surrender, and let Eddie ramble away about whatever he pleased. It didn’t really matter what was said as long as it was him saying it. These thoughts, though initially soothing and pleasant, very quickly became a source of gnawing emotional pain that Steve refused to address a moment longer. He squeezed his eyes shut and groaned, feeling embarrassed and pathetic.
“Hey, I got that compress – you wanna – oh, you’re already leaning back, good.” Robin was at his side again, gently sweeping back his sweaty bangs and resting the cool, damp towel on his forehead. He felt the relief of it instantly, humming softly and focusing in on the sensation until the troubling thoughts of Eddie started to fade.
“That feel good?” Robin asked softly, sitting down next to him.
“Mm. Yeah. Th’nks.” He muttered, reaching a hand out of his cocoon and squeezing her wrist in appreciation.
“You wanna stay like that for a while ‘til the pizza gets here?”
“Mm’hmm.”
“Cool. Can I put something on? Anything you want. I’ll keep the volume low.”
“I don’t mind, if you don’t mind me not really paying attention.”
Robin laughed.
“As if you pay attention to anything I suggest, anyway.”
“Hey!” He smiled despite himself. “You can’t say I don’t try.”
“Oh, I can, and I will.”
She laughed again as he weakly punched her arm.
“Just stay with me, please?” He asked, a little shocked by the naked sincerity of the request as it tumbled out of him.
“Of course, Steve. Where else would I go?”
~~~~~~
After they’d finished their pizza – Steve far less than he would have liked, the normally delicious cheese seeming extra congealed and greasy – Robin had put on some artsy film that Steve tried his best to follow but was sure he’d have had a hard time with on a regular day, let alone one where he was starting to feel like jello in the form of a human. They gradually cuddled closer together, interrupted only by Steve twisting himself away from Robin each and every time he felt a sneeze coming on. It had reached the point where she’d told him to cut it out and sit still.
“You’re gonna give yourself whiplash on top of your cold. Seriously, stop.”
“But I’ll – end up sneezing on you.”
She’d sighed in defeat.
“Then do that. I’m catching this anyway.”
His cheeks burned a little at that.
“Are you sure? Wouldn’t that be like, super gross?”
“As long as you use the blanket or tissues, it won’t be all bad.”
And Steve had used both the blanket and the tissues – for a little while, anyway. He soon had his head in her lap, propped up by a cushion she’d added for his comfort. He wasn’t facing her, at least, so every germ-filled blast was aimed squarely at the table in front of them. If she felt the spray settling on her thighs or knees, she said nothing. To his utter delight, she’d started to rhythmically card a hand through his hair, making him feel for all the world like a spoiled little lapdog. Her endearing clumsiness was nowhere to be found as she expertly dragged her nails across his scalp. He’d have been asleep long ago if it wasn’t for this…t-tickle-!
“HH!! ‘GGTSCHEWWWW!! HARRRUSHHHH!! Hh, HH-!”
The third and final sneeze seemed to elude him, teasing him fiercely enough that his bleary eyes were beading with tears. He was more than grateful that Robin couldn’t watch his face as it crumpled – the way his nostrils twitched, mouth dropping open as his tongue pressed against his bottom teeth in a silent prayer, begging for the tickle to crest.
At last he was granted some reprieve, and three choppy inhales later he was barrelling forward, sneezing violently over Robin’s knees.
“hHAAHHH’GCK’TCHIEWWWWwww!!!”
He felt her other hand reach out and steady him by the shoulder as his body threatened to roll off the couch with the sheer force of it.
“Jesus, Dingus, Bless you!!”
“Ugg. Tha’gk you…” He snuffled miserably. The sneeze had felt amazing but he still felt bad about repeatedly spraying his best friend with an endless torrent of germs.
A bundle of tissues was suddenly hovering before his eyes as Robin held them out over him. He took them gratefully, muttering a small ‘thanks’ before blowing as hard as he possibly could. It was gnarly – loud, thick and rounded off with a honk not unfamiliar to the trumpet warm-ups Robin had subjected him to as she practiced in the guest room last night.
“God, Steve. Talk about man flu.” She patted his shoulder good-naturedly.
“I know. I’m sorry.” He meant it, too.
“No, you’re good. Don’t even worry about it. Just try not to die on me, okay? You’re heavy.”
“Promise.”
The glorious head massage resumed, and finally, blessedly, Steve felt himself slipping into a heavy sleep.
~~~~~
Robin pulled Steve’s bedroom door shut with a gentle click – not that her efforts at silence would matter, given the heart-breakingly congested snores Steve was already emitting from under his duvet. She headed to the bathroom and started her nighttime routine. Looking at herself in the stupidly ornate mirror of Steve’s guestroom ensuite, she noticed she looked just as tired as she felt – maybe moreso. She knew it was too early to be catching Steve’s cold  – had to be, right? The incubation period was just too short. Realistically, she just looked worn down from the strain of an entire evening of worrying about Steve – who had, no doubt in her mind, possibly the worst cold on the face of the planet.
She finished washing her face, almost forgetting to rinse it properly as her mind wandered. Was he really that sick, or was he just one of those men for whom a tiny little bug brought them to their knees in one fell swoop? It was probably the latter – though he really did look, and sound, miserably unwell. The temperature emanating from his body as he’d rested in her lap had been scorching – she’d been sweltering in the combined warmth of the pleasant May evening and Steve’s furnace-like condition. Steve hadn’t noticed, at least; if he had, he’d been kind enough to ignore the massive pit stains that dampened her t-shirt.
She’d let him sleep for a while – 45 minutes, just until her movie ended and her legs had fallen asleep – then she’d woken him up with a gentle hand to the forehead. 10 minutes later, she’d successfully helped a groggy, snotty Steve up to his bedroom. That they’d nearly tripped heading upstairs as Steve buckled forward with several wrenching sneezes was just a minor inconvenience. Once he’d gotten into bed and she’d tucked the blanket up to his chin, she’d returned with the damp washcloth – using ice water this time, draping it over his burning forehead. He was shockingly pliant, incredibly obedient – the total lack of hyper-independence and stubbornness a sure sign of how poorly he was feeling.
After brushing her teeth she padded back downstairs, locating the living room landline. She had a feeling Steve would only feel worse tomorrow, and she’d underestimated how many meds and tissues he would need. She could probably bike out to the Drugstore herself, but something about Steve’s condition made her want to be in the house with him at all times. Call it trauma, separation anxiety, whatever – it was tough seeing him hurt and weak, and in their relatively short friendship it felt like he’d had decades worth of bad luck. A lifetime of it, probably. And besides, what if his dumb ass sneezed himself down the stairs and broke his neck when she was gone? No. It was too risky.
She dialed the familiar number and waited. The nearby clock indicated it was about 1:45 AM. The middle of the night for some, but not for who she had in mind.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Eddie?”
“Hey, Birdie! What’s got you calling little old me at this frightful hour?”
She smiled despite herself. His charm was undeniable - as cheesy as it often was, it was still disarming and soothing. She was glad to have had the fortune of getting to know him under more…relaxed circumstances following their initial meeting, where she’d been convinced she’d found the only other person more prone to floundering, nervous breakdowns than herself.
“Figured you’d be awake for at least another 3 hours. Can you talk for a minute?”
“Sure, shoot. I was just fucking with my guitar anyway.”
“Kinky.”
“Watch it, Buckley.”
She grinned, knowing he’d be doing just the same on the other end of the line.
“I actually need to ask you for a favour, if that’s okay?”
“Oh?” He sounded pointedly curious, like this was the last thing he’d expected her to say. “Are you okay? Need a ride, or something?”
“No, no, I’m fine. I’m at Steve’s – remember I’ve been staying here this week?”
“Oh, yeah. Speaking of Stevie boy, how is he? Haven’t heard from him in, like, three days?”
She smirked. The two of them thought they were so fucking subtle with this shit, and as much as she wanted to let them figure it out on their own, she couldn’t help but poke the proverbial bear every now and then.
“Three days?? My god, that must be like three months in Eddie time.”
“Fuck off!” He was laughing, at least.
“That’s just the thing though, actually. It’s Steve, he’s – “
“What’s wrong? Is he hurt??”
She was so glad he couldn’t see her face right now. He was painfully, painfully transparent and it was the funniest, sweetest thing.
“He’s fine, you geek – not in any immediate danger. He’s just sick. Got the worst case of man flu probably, like, ever.”
Eddie was silent long enough that Robin wondered if their call had been disconnected.
“Eddie? You there?”
“Oh – yeah, sorry, just spacing out a little, ha ha!”
The forced laugh was…strange. But she chose to ignore it – he was probably stoned, at any rate.
“So, since he’s sick, I was wondering if tomorrow you could possibly pick up some meds and stuff for him? I really don’t want to leave him alone like this. He sneezed so hard before he nearly threw both of us down the stairs. If I leave him unattended who knows how else he might sneeze himself to an early demise?”
She ended her ramble with a small laugh, hoping to amuse Eddie and bring some levity to the situation. Instead, she was greeted with that same awkward silence, though it expired a little faster than last time.
“Oh man, that sounds – yeah, that would totally suck. Poor guy.”
It wasn’t the raucous laughter she’d been expecting at all. Eddie sounded – could it really be? Embarrassed?
“Are you okay? You sound weird.” She asked.
“I’m-! I’m fine, Birdie. Just. Pretty high.”
She’d figured as much, but somehow, she didn’t quite buy it. Whatever. Eddie was great, but she still didn’t fully understand him and his often confoundingly strange mannerisms just yet.
“Anyway. You think you can do that for me? I’d majorly appreciate it.”
“Yeah, yeah – I can totally do that. What time should I – drop stuff off?”
“Honestly, before lunch? The rate at which Steve is going through tissues is worthy of scientific observation.”
Eddie offered a reedy laugh at that – she’d expected that attempt at humour to dive like before, been ready for another awkward little pause. She would have almost preferred that to this obviously forced attempt at normal laughter. It wasn’t as if Eddie didn’t have a sense of humour, or know how to laugh like a human being, so? Man, he must be really high.
“So…I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“I’ll be there. I…probably won’t come inside. I mean, don’t want to disturb poor old Harrington, y’know?”
She blinked.
“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind?”
“Really, Robin, if I want to graduate in a month, I can’t get sick. I won’t face celebrating my 21st year still stuck in that fucking dump.”
It made sense, what he was saying. But again, she just didn’t buy that that was the sole reason for this extremely out of character avoidance of Steve.
“Sure. Well, I’ll see you, then.”
“See you tomorrow, Birdie. Sleep tight.”
She hung up on him, taking a second to stand there and letting the absurdity of his behaviour wash over her before she made her way back upstairs. She was far too tired to even attempt to analyse the inner machinations of Eddie fucking Munson right now – tired enough that even Steve’s woeful snoring couldn’t stop her from passing out the second her head hit the pillow.
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tv-girllover07 · 5 months
Text
Something metal🥁
Kevin schlieb x fem!reader
Movie: metal lords
Part 8
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Green italic= Kevin narrating
Blue italic= there thoughts
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Scene skip ⏭️
I know Hunter’s going to be mad it’s all I thought about as I drive to his house, I felt bad for leaving Y/n after we just spent the last hour and a half together but she said it was okay and she understood an that we can talk later.
Walking downstairs into Hunter’s basement I hear him playing his solo, I spoke loudly over the music out of breathe “I know, I know” Hunter stops playing “We said 6:15. It is now 8:00.” Hunter said clearly pissed “Well, something came up” I said a little cheekily and smiled “What? What came up?” I look at him breathing heavily, I didn’t really want to tell him that Y/n and I slept together cause I knew that if I didn’t he would be even more pissed “Nothing” I told him “I thought it was something. You said it was something” he started o question me, I look at him
“Well, I was wrong. It was nothing” “I can imagine something being more important than a band practice. Actually, I can’t. But I definitely can’t see how nothing could be more important, Kevin.” Y/n is, I pick up my drum sticks and I think he getting sceptical so I hesitate “Well, nothing is more important. Or nothing isn’t more important. What I mean--“ “I don’t need Abbott and Costello from you, okay? I need a drummer. A real drummer. Metal is commitment, Kevin. It’s dedication, sacrifice, mortification of the flesh and all that shit. It’s serious. And if you’re not gonna be, if you’ll be all “girls with cello, showing up whatever I feel like it,” then this isn’t gonna work. And we won’t win the Battle of the Bands, and then you’re gonna be a loser for the rest of your life.” I stare blankly at him after what he just said I clench my jaw, I stares back at me before turning around and continues playing his guitar, I give him a sarcastic smile and grab my stuff and head up the stairs.
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Scene skip ⏭️
I’m in the practice room at the school the next day with Y/n as has her headphones working on practicing her cello. As I have my headphones in playing counting one, two, three, four over and over again, I start playing aggressively think about what happened last night with Hunter. I don’t see Clay walk in
“Hey. Hey! Hey!” I stopped playing as I finally hear Clay shouting after playing aggressively I start panting “Oh. Hey” moving my hair out of my face “Hi.” Y/n stops playing, looking up as well, then looking at me too then Clay wondering what he was doing here “Where did you guys learn how to play?” He asked the both of us “Uh…I don’t know” “Since I was little” Y/n and I said at the same time then we chuckle
“My friend gave me these songs, and I practiced them. I not, you know, a real drummer or anything.” I said still out of breath, Clay and Y/n both turn their heads at me “Are you fucking high? That was intense.” he said with enthusiasm “Yeah, Kev that was awesome” Y/n said in the same tone “Yeah?” I asked
“Have you two got a minute?” Clay looked back and forth between the two of us Y/n and I look at each other then we nod our heads going into the cafeteria, Y/n and I sharing the headphones listening to Shape Of You, tapping my fingers against my leg to the beat of the song with the rest of Clay’s band standing around us. We take out the headphones, look at Clay and his friends “Are they all like this? Just pretty much the same beat all the way through?” I asked
“Yeah” “Pretty much” they agreed “Please Kevin, Y/n, I promised my sister, and she’s so psyched to have us play. But Ray’s not getting out of rehab for another month, and weee tired of playing with a waste drummer.” “Yeah, man” “Fuck that dummy” Clay’s friends added “We would like to, but it’s like I said, I’m in this band with Hunter, and Battle of the Bands is really important to him. And Y/n kinda does her does own thing” I stated
“Lots of guys are in two bands” one of the guys said “Eric Clapton was in, like, 60 bands.” The other one said “And I heard you two play, man. You could learn our songs in ten minutes” Y/n and I smile slightly “Don’t even worry about the Battle of the Bands for now, just my sisters wedding.” I sighed “Let us think about it.” And nod my head “I feel you. But the weddings this weekend, so don’t think too long.”
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Scene skip ⏭️
Y/n’s POV
Kevin and I want back to my house, Kevin told me about last night with Hunter. Kevin walks around my room looking at all my little knickknacks before we sit on my bed, I take Kevin’s glasses off starting a starring contest after a couple of minutes of starring in Kevin hazel eyes I smile and tilt my head Kevin’s eyes start to water and he blinks, “Fuck” he whispered “You blinked” I laugh at him
“I blunk” “You blunk” I said with my accent we start laughing “Three out of five?” I asked him still looking him in the eyes “I’m pretty sure you’re better at staring than me” Kevin’s puts his glasses back on “Mm-hmm” i hummed and pecked his cheek, I see Kevin looking behind me and I turn to look as well, I see him looking at my meds on my nightstand “Those your meds?” He asked lowly
“Mm-hmm. My happy pills.” I flick them over not wanting to see them anymore they clatter to the ground and chuckle “Don’t you need more?” He asked me seriously “Mm-mm” i shake my head no and a idea comes to mind, I lay down on my bed
“Lay on top of me” he looks at me, rises his eyebrows before chuckling, I adjust my legs so he can lay in between them, I have my arm close to my chest. He lays on top of me face to face, careful not to crush me, he leans in trying to kiss me but I squeak “Not yet.” He nods his head ever so slightly I hold his hand close to mine “Let’s just, um, lie like this. I like it. Makes me feel…smooshed” I play with the collar of his shirt “On the field when I saw you…“
“Yeah.” I whispered “Did it feel…good to throw stuff and yell at people?” I look up at the ceiling embarrassed then back at him “No. Feels good to not want to throw stuff and yell at people” I look at him, he looks at my lips then my eyes “Your my happy pill” I look into his eyes. I kiss him and he smiles and then I wrap my legs around his waist and arms around his neck pulling him in a big bear hug resting his head in my chest and then he pulls his head up and starts kissing all over my face.
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sundaynightlive · 9 months
Text
True Blue (Klance)
Live, laugh, stream Boygenius.
Disclaimer: I mention autism in this and that Keith might be on the spectrum. I'm not neurotypical but I don't believe I have autism, so if the way I did it was in any way insensitive, PLEASE lmk so I can rectify this. My roommate (and best friend) is autistic and while I don't necessarily know their experience I have spent a ton of time with them and have had long, in depth discussions about their experience which is why I felt comfortable writing it. It's a little in line with my own experience, which is why I think it might be slightly off? If it rubs you the wrong way, for sure drop a reply. Peace and love, sweetpeas <3
Also, can y'all tell I'm in a secret relationship? That obvious, huh.
It’s when everybody has dispersed back to their rooms, Shiro giving one last worried glance over his shoulder, that Keith finally walks up to the healing pod, pressing his forehead to the glass (or whatever clear, Altean material this thing's made of) and heaving a deep, shaky breath.
“Idiot,” he whispers.
Lance isn’t usually the kind of guy to be in the midst of the action. Keith’s sharpshooter tends to stick around the high ground and well-covered edges, but today has been an exception. The hallway of the ship had been tight, with little cover and little room to move. He found himself right there in it at Keith’s side, and for the most part he’d held his ground—blocking with his gun, tripping enemies, watching Keith’s back.
For a moment, a fleeting moment, Keith had actually felt incredible fighting at his boyfriend’s side.
And then that moment passed, and everything came to a screeching halt.
It’s a deep flesh wound in the meat of the shoulder, a puncture in the right thigh, and a broken rib. Not enough to kill, but enough to send Lance crashing into Keith’s side, out like a light—and more than enough to give Keith an absolute heart attack.
He sighs heavily, and crumples in on himself to the floor. He’s tired, bruised, and worried. Lance is going to be fine, he knows (he does), but that doesn’t stop the ache that crawls up and through his feet and hands and lungs. 
He never wants to see Lance unconscious like that again.
A few hours later, Allura peeks in and tells him they’re having dinner. Keith isn’t the slightest bit hungry—actually, he’s rather comfortable, back pressed against the pod, drifting in and out of sleep and distant memory. 
“I’m okay.”
She frowns.
“You should come eat, and change,” she says. Keith shakes his head. No way. Absolutely not. He’s not going anywhere until Lance can come with him, and if it gets too dire, there’s a bathroom a few feet away. A shower, even. 
That’s good enough for him.
“He’s alright, Keith,” Allura tries, “Just a few days in there and he’ll be—”
“I know,” Keith interrupts. She regards him for a moment, a long look of concern and confusion, and then relents with a heavy sigh.
“Alright. If you need anything—”
“I know,” Keith repeats.
She hesitates a few moments, and then leaves. Keith closes his eyes, and rests his head back against the pod that contains his boyfriend.
-
8 months earlier Lance McClain had entered Keith’s room, unannounced, and miraculously ducked out of the way of a boot flying towards his head with worrying accuracy.
“If you’re here to gloat, get it over with,” Keith hissed in his direction, a wild, untamed anger alight in his eyes. He’s… frustratingly beautiful, Keith, with his mullet of dark hair, indigo eyes, and lean muscle. He’s half-dressed, the top part of his flight suit hanging from his waist. Lance tries not to look down at his chest, and fails miserably.
He swallowed that away.
“Keith—”
“Actually, you know what?” Keith basically charged at him, which was terrifying for the first few moments. A finger pressed firmly into Lance’s chest, and he took a deep breath to try and calm his nerves. He really didnt' want Keith to hit him—that would be a worst case scenario. “Fuck you. Every other mission you’re the fuck up, so I don’t want to hear—”
“I’m not here to gloat,” Lance said, shame and embarrassment burning something fierce in his gut at being called a fuck up. It was difficult, but he swallowed that away, too. “I wanted to see if you were okay.”
That's when Keith faltered.
The finger retracted, and so did the boy, stalking over to sit heavily on the edge of his bed, and then burrying his face in his hands. There was a few moments of silence, and then Lance followed, sitting gently down next to him, putting a warm hand on his back.
He wanted, then, to smooth his hand down porcelain skin, but he refrained.
“I… know what it’s like for someone you look up to to chew you out like that,” Lance explained softly, “And Shiro’s not really a big brother to me, or anything, but I know if Marco or Luis were that hard on me… especially for something so stupid—”
“It wasn’t stupid,” Keith argued, rubbing his face and then looking up at him. Lance swallowed again—Keith was so pretty it was fucking with Lance’s head. Damn this stupid crush he had—it was interfering with his ability to be an effective teammate. He wanted this to be more than that.
Which was so not cool, at least not now.
“I fucked up. Big time.”
“That doesn’t mean he should yell at you like that in front of the whole team. Especially when the whole issue was communication.”
“I should’ve known better.”
“How?” Lance deadpanned. Keith’s eyebrows scrunched up, and he turned to study the wall, as if he was really contemplating. Here’s what had happened—
They planned to infiltrate from different points of the ship, and take it quietly so as to not alert any other nearby patrol ships or junkers. Then, with free range of the ship and a hostage situation, Keith and Pidge would be free to search through databases and stockpiles to see what tech or resources the Galra had been laundering through—a fairly simple endeavor.
What they had not accounted for, however, were the Galra mercenaries posted in certain sectors of the ship. When Shiro had gone to warn Keith of this over the comms, Keith had taken that as—the plan has changed, we’re pursuing action against these mercenaries, and upon following that mindset, had landed him and Pidge in the middle of combat they had not been prepared for, and alerted the ship’s staff before Shiro had gained full control of the hull. This made for a spiral of chaos that was swiftly quelled, but apparently got on Shiro’s nerves, even though the mission had been overall successful.
He was always so worried about unnecessary casualties. Fair, Lance supposes, but they are in the middle of literal war.
“I… don’t know,” Keith admitted finally, “I could have… hesitated?”
“And gotten you both killed?” Lance asked. Keith sighed. He flopped back and Lance followed suit, stretching a little bit. Keith was so close Lance could feel the body heat wafting off his torso. He tried not to think about it too much.
Too much was a relative term.
“Whatever, I’m over it. Let’s talk about something else—what are Marco and Luis like?”
And the rest is history.
They spent the next two months connected at the hip, or at least, sneaking into each other’s rooms late at night to talk about everything and nothing. If Keith needed to vent, he went to Lance, and vice versa. If they were bored, they found each other in an empty part of the castle and found something to entertain them. If Hunk or Pidge were being shitty, or Shiro was being too much, or Allura was being especially pushy, they would give each other matching looks, and go giggle about it elsewhere. 
It was wildly beneficial, for Lance, at least. He stopped feeling lonely, and he stopped feeling useless. Not only did Keith convince him vocally he was a necessary addition to the team, but just being friends with him made Lance feel like if nothing else, Keith needed him. Keith liked having him around.
And that was more than enough.
-
Lance was Keith’s first real experience having a friend. He had a dad, he had a brother, but Lance was a friend. He chose. 
Keith could never have avoided falling in love with him.
Being with Lance was easy in a way that’s hard to explain if you don’t already know what he means. Like the way breathing is easy. Keith didn’t even have to try to do it, he just did it.
That, for him, was love.
He’d never really been good with people, or at reading people, or at understanding arbitrary social rules and expectations. It just didn’t… click for him. But with Lance, it didn’t have to click.
“That… kind of upsets me,” Lance said.
Keith started. He looked up from where he was sprawled on the floor, perplexed.
“What?”
“What you just said,” Lance explained, “That I’m the “comic relief” or whatever.” Keith furrowed his brow. His first instinct was to defend himself, and explain why it didnt' make sense that Lance was offended by that, but he stopped himself. They’ve talked about that--getting defensive about other people’s feelings instead of listening to them. 
Lance was looking at him expectantly.
“I’m… sorry,” Keith said, finally, “Why?” A distant cousin of a smile passed over Lance’s features for a moment, and then he shrugged.
“I don’t know. I guess it makes me feel like… a joke to you guys.” Keith’s eyes widened. That was not even remotely what he’d meant by it. He was fairly certain that’s not what anyone meant by it, but he supposed he can see that side.
Jeez, had Lance thought that the whole time?
“Of course you’re not a joke to me—us,” Keith corrected, feeling a bit of warmth creep into his cheeks, “I’m… sorry.”
“Getting better,” Lance praised, “What did you mean, then?”
“Well,” Keith said slowly, because what did he mean? “I thought we were just saying you’re good at lightening the mood, you know? It would be… really quiet and depressing without you.” Lance nodded, but he didn't look entirely convinced.
“Well… thanks, I guess.”
“I won’t say it again,” Keith said firmly, because how could he? Lance thinking he was a joke was just about the last thing Keith wanted—he felt bad enough about calling him a fuck up a few weeks ago, even worse now. Damn it, had they all been operating under the assumption Lance got that these were all jokes? Less than jokes, even.
Fuck.
“Thanks, man. That means… a lot.” Keith laid back down, flat on his back, staring up at Lance’s ceiling. The glow in the dark star stickers weren't glowing because it wasn't dark, but he still felt a little warmth at seeing them there. Ironic that Lance could just go to the hull and stare at a hundred-billion real ones, but incredibly endearing besides.
His insides twisted up.
Fuck number two.
“Hey, Lance?”
“Mmhmm?”
“Thanks for telling me.”
“Telling you what?”
“That what I said upset you,” Keith explained softly, staring up at those stars, hoping Lance wasn't looking at him. He was pink—very pink. “I don’t really… get when I’ve said something shitty. And most people just get offended and stop talking to me.” Lance laughed a little at that.
“My niece, Nadia, is on the spectrum. You know, autism? She’s just like that—she struggles with social cues, so we walk her through it just like I did with you. It’s really no problem—actually, it’s the least I can do.” 
Keith tried to work out what he meant by that, but he couldn't, so he just stared up at the ceiling for a few quiet moments, contemplating. He wanted to live in Lance’s space forever. He wanted to stay in this room with him, silently existing near each other, no words necessary. Nothing necessary.
God, what did that mean?
“Do you think I could be on the spectrum?”
He heard Lance’s shrug against the mattress.
“Maybe.”
And nothing more was said about it.
-
Lance kissed Keith for the first time two months after that day in his room, and when Keith melted headfirst into it, he nearly broke away to jump for joy. He didn’t read the signs wrong—this was happening. He and Keith were happening.
“I like you,” Lance said when the kiss broke, “I like you so much.”
“Got that,” Keith replied, pressing his forehead into Lance’s. Lance felt giddy and warm and buzzed all over. He felt like he could fly—like he could launch Blue a thousand feet in the air and jump off and soar. He dragged his fingers over Keith’s neck and through his hair and across his cheeks, almost like he was checking to make sure this was real.
It was real.
“Kiss me again,” Keith breathed, and so Lance obliged him. He’d do anything the boy asked. Forever.
“Did I say stop?”
“No, sir.”
-
Keith stays in the infirmary for the next 72 hours. Shiro worriedly brings him a change of clothes and Hunk drops by with the occasional meal. They keep insisting that he leave, that Lance is fine, that it wasn’t his fault—he knows that. He didn’t stab Lance, that’s obvious. 
They don’t understand when he tells them no.
At first, keeping their relationship a secret was just a means of making sure when they did tell everyone, they’d have a few months under their belt as proof that this was serious, and not a terrible, Voltron-ending fling. 
Then it became second nature.
Just as their friendship had been, it became familiar and meaningful to keep their personal relationship to themselves. They were each other’s safe space, and as such, it didn’t feel right to go around announcing to the world that they found comfort in each other. Hell, it felt invasive to even think about.
It feels invasive even now. That’s why he doesn’t explain himself—he just let’s the team think he’s gone completely nuts, and makes himself comfortable at the base of the cryopod, occasionally gazing up at his beautiful boyfriend, looking so peaceful.
In the 74th hour, Lance wakes up.
“I seriously think that shit is bad for humans,” is the first thing he grumbles as Keith helps him out and down onto solid ground, “God, it feels like I have the worst hangover.” Keith can’t help but laugh a little, and Lance grins over at him. “Let me guess—you slept in here on the floor like a dumbass.”
Keith’s smile turns sheepish.
“I couldn’t leave you,” he explains softly, and Lance sighs, shaking his head.
“I’m okay. You, on the other hand, should’ve been sleeping in bed.”
“You were really hurt,” Keith argues as long tan arms slip loosely around his waist, “I was worried about you.”
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy,” Lance replies. Keith melts. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend and holds him close, careful to keep his face above Lance’s shoulder, no matter how badly he’d like to press his nose in it. Lance’s hands smooth over his back softly, and he almost shudders at how nice it feels. It’s so good to be back in Lance’s arms after the past three days of watching him in that pod, so close and yet impossibly far.
Lance presses a kiss to the side of his head. He feels at home.
They stay like that for a while, safely inside each others’ embrace, breath intermingling, and bodies coming loose—Lance from the stiffness that comes with being inside that stupid tube for many hours, Keith from stress.
“Hey, Lance?”
“Mmm?”
“I love you.”
Lance presses another kiss to the side of Keith’s head. He had said it long before this, absolutely ages ago. Not even two months into their relationship—
I love you. Don’t say it back—I wanna watch you fall.
And here Keith is, at the bottom, resting safely in Lance's arms.
“I know, mi amor. I know.”
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uchihaharlot · 2 months
Note
Shisui with a man I’m BEGGING🙇‍♂️. Sfw nsfw or both idc but I can’t keep living solely off of Shisui with women I know in my heart he’s bisexual and I need content so bad😫🙏
Nonny, deep down in my heart and Shisui’s cock, he is indeed bisexual. I’d even go so far as to say pansexual. Shisui has no limits when it comes to pleasure, I mean…he fucked his best friend and the better half of Konoha from what I’ve read!! He is not a shallow person! Loves the gratification of a good romp, especially if his partner enjoys it too!! 🍆💦 I love you for thrusting trusting me with this. ❤️😭
N/SFW( lol its mostly NSFW); Shisui loves all nonnies here!!; glory hole Shisui; p.s. I hope my interpretation of m/m is up to your standards 😮‍💨 as a female I can only go by what I’ve read and seen…heh; sounds a bit cliche and I’m sorry!! Plz dm me if you want to solicit your knowledge and help improve my m/m smut. 😊 I would be eternally grateful.
Shisui is not a shallow person, always on the radar for a good fuck. Which is why when he heard that deep laugh from across the bar, he was instantly drawn to you. How cute your eyes crinkled as you laughed with your friends. Must be guys night, gloryhole night. Spent the next half hour contemplating how to get you away from your friends. Then it came to him, duh, genius. Ordered another drink of whatever was in your hand and asked the barkeep to send it your way with the note. You weren’t really shocked, this sort of thing happened all the time and after a relationship gone bad. You were rather happy when you read the words:
‘I want you to cum in my mouth.’ Who was this mystery man? Scanning the bar there weren’t any eyes on you, Shisui was good about keeping his eyes trained from a distance. Unnoticed, stalking his prey. Wondering if you’d take him up on the offer. Maybe he should have just come up to you, but the thrill of glory hole night was the surprise!! Shisui was an adrenaline junkie. Loved the chase, and the adventure behind being a pleasure king.
Shisui is sly as fuck too, so the minute he sees you walk into the bathroom. He slips two people down and waits. As the line shortens, you figure the person behind you is who send their invitation. It was not, but you didn’t know that Konoha’s golden genjutsu boy was sharingan fucking you from a distance all night. The second two stalls open, Shisui pushes past the two people in front of him, slipping both men a few bills. Paid silence.
The stall clicked shut next to you. You were already hard. Needy, stroking yourself and unable to stop. How long had it been that a stranger serviced you? This was not something you caved to. Your stupid friends forced you out to rebound after that asshole boyfriend Jeff (fuck you Jeff, Shisui is a babe — he would never!!), slept with your roommate (and fuck you too Allen!!). Yea, fuck you Jeff you thought, slipping your throbbing cock into the hole. Mystery man’s (Shisui’s) eager lips already were enclosing on you. Warm, soft. Hungry. In an effort to steady yourself from his earnest draw on your tip, you pressed flush to the wall. Tried to hold in a moan, not happening. This guy was drunk on your cock in his mouth. His own moans hummed over your length as he dragged his mouth over you. Sucking in and out, licking the frenulum underneath the head. Gingerly wrapping his lips over said head and trailing his tongue down and back up.
Shisui really did want your cum in his mouth and down his throat. Doubled his efforts when he heard you stifle a moan and shift on your feet. Desperately chased your climax for you as the pulsing increased. It was so damned good you had to see who it was. Gave in and pressed that little button that would blow all anonymity out the window, just please — ‘please, let me see him.’ Almost instantly the other side was lit up, allowing you see a gorgeous mop of curls as your cum coated his throat when he plunged you to the back and swallowed you. Looked up at you as he finished sucking the soul out of you like a damn black hole. Eyes of red and divine beauty. The familiarity of the sharingan caught your eye before the name slipped your lips.
‘Shunshin no Shisui?’ You tried not to be surprised, but hell. You were.
‘Yea, but most people just called me Shisui.’ How embarrassing you called him by his old namesake, your face turns red and he laughs. ‘Adorable. Come, wait....’ he pauses as you both exit the bathroom, ‘You just did, but let me buy you another drink. Please?’
Hell fucking yea, you’re going to let Shisui buy you all the drinks he desired. So long as you ended up in his bed at the end of the night, which was a guarantee at this point.
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todo7roki · 2 years
Text
I WILL MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD - JENO LEE BAD!BOY.
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CONTENTS: smut, profanity, mentions of jaehyun and johnny, kissing in public, cliche scenes, oral!m, choking, cute words like "babe" hair pulling, dirty talk.
a/n: my first language is not english, so forgive me if there is any mistake.
MASTERLIST | PORTUGUESE VERSION
< previous chapter | next chapter >
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Clothes thrown on the bed, the mirror in front of me reflected the image of a woman who was tired of this situation of cancelled dates. Jaemin and I would have a nice dinner that night, and who knows something else, but as heir of his father's company, his schedule could change from one hour to the next and this caused in cancellation of meetings, delays and fights.
"Forgive me for this, I promise to reward you later"
That was the last message he had sent me that night, and I just answered with a simple, "okay, I understand." And I really understood, he had serious commitments and I couldn't demand anything from him, after all, jamein wasn't my boyfriend.
Our connection was just sexual, of course, he was also a good friend, but I couldn't expect anything romantic to come from him.
But I expected something from him, I felt something for him. And looking at the cell phone screen, I spent a few minutes admiring her picture.
- want to go to the party in the house of the jaehyun? My mother told me to take you just so you don't get depressed in this room.
- i don't think so, but thank you. I know you want to be a good brother but that's fine. - I told my brother, Johnny, that he was standing in front of my room.
- i know the guy who made an appointment with you didn't show up, so let's drink. - he paused briefly before continuing. - it's better than staying at home watching cooking program with mom.
- I can go back to the college dormitory without any problem.
- you are the only person who likes to go back to college before the given time. But seriously, if you want to go, be ready in twenty minutes.
...
- have you really managed to convince your little sister to leave the house and party with us? Jaehyun spoke, looking at Johnny and then turned to me. "How long do I not see you, three or four months?"
- three and a half months, and don't talk as if I didn't have a social life, I just don't like to be among you, revelers.
- you say that but you love to spend the night drinking, as if I did not know the suh brothers. Hey, have you been communicating with jeno? - at the moment I was stopped, I did not hear this name for a long time.
- i haven't talked to your brother for a long time, I think the last time we exchanged a few words was at the end of high school.
- you used to be so close together, I remember to this day three kids running around my house while I tried to play basketball with Johnny.
- your brother has changed, and please jae, can we stop talking about him?
- whatever you want, let's drink.
...
Jaehyun's house was cozy and very large, it was the typical house of an upper-middle class family.
I decided to stay away from my brother and his friends and started walking around the house, unfortunately chenle was not here to brighten up my evening and make jokes without thanks - which make me laugh - or even just play on the cell phone with me.
That hallway was so familiar, I remember when I was at school, when I and jeno were still good friends. The door of his room was so inviting, my desire was to put my hands on the doorknob and keep admiring his resting place, but I was afraid of finding him fucking anyone in his bed.
The new jeno was like that, he had no interest in knowing that other people were in his house.
I left my thoughts when I heard the noise of a door opening, unfortunately (or fortunately) it was not his room but only the bathroom he had in that small corridor.
"Was he spying on me through the holes in the door?" If you wanted to see me naked, just ask, you know I'm not going to deny you anything.
- you've become so drool, jeno lee.
- and you've become even more beautiful, you're really the tastiest girl on campus.
- ok, so I'll go. - i turned to get out of that embarrassing moment, in that small and warm space.
- stay, please. - he held my wrist. - you did not talk to me for so long, I considered the idea of you hating me.
- i don't hate you, you just moved and moved away. - that was embarrassing. -we can talk there in the room, here is really very uncomfortable.
...
Vodka and energy is a mixture that makes anyone very crazy, and every person at that party had had at least two doses of that drink.
- next week we will go to the pool during the dawn again? - a girl spoke, and everyone turned their eyes to jeno.
- behaved girls should not take so much risk. He spoke as he took his vape to his lips and looked at me in a thousandth of a second.
- i like to feel adrenaline, if it were not for taking risks I would not be with you. And you, colleague, do you want to visit the swimming pool with us? - she spoke to me.
- I do not like these things.
- do you not like swimming pool, drinks and boys?
-she's all right, she's afraid and probably the undisciplined guys don't do the kind of her. - and again jeno speaks, but this time he was not looking at me.
...
My desire was to go back home, with or without my brother, but I was out of money to get an app car and I didn't have a sober person at that party, I wouldn't risk myself at that level. I thought about walking back, but jaehyun's house was not so close to my house or even college.
The loud music only irritated me further, the glass in my hand was completely empty and I could not tell how many glasses of energy I had ingested. I left the room and went to the balcony part of the house, it was not completely empty, however, the music was with a reasonable noise.
The breeze was cold, dawn was always colder than any time of day and the cold wind caused me to pass my hands in my arms in an involuntary act of trying to warm up.
- too cold? Don't you want to enter?
- the music was irritating my ears. - jeno was approaching me from behind.
- your ears are sensitive, as well as the rest of your body. - he could feel the hair on my arm turn chills, and I knew it wasn't because of the cold.
- i am strange, jeno.
- you are so beautiful, I am so eager to kiss you now, will you let me?
I just shook my head in an act of affirmation, and now I was feeling his lips glued to mine. His hand went towards my neck and his other hand towards my waist.
Her lips are wild and have such a bitter taste of alcohol. He had the attitude of a fierce man, but his appearance was that of a shy little boy who appeared to kiss his first passion.
- this is not the right time to say that, but I want so much to feel you.
- you can touch me jeno, I always wanted you to do that.
- fuck girl, you are so attractive.
His kiss was warm and fierce, like a feline ready for attack.
- i know I'm not the right guy for you, but I'm willing to make you feel good. - he looked deep into my eyes, I could feel his desperation to touch me.
- just we will not do it on the balcony, I am still the girl certinha.
...
Cat I really want to throw you in this bed and suck you and feel your taste and make you enjoy in my mouth, but I really need to feel your mouth, will you be good for me?
- and when I was not good for you?
I knelt in front of him, and the volume above the jeans only made me feel more like it in my mouth. His hands went up to my hair and quickly he made a hairstyle (kind of messy) and brought my face close to his legs.
- please babe, just do this soon. -the sudden nickname made me feel even more motivated to suck him, jeno was making me a slut. Your slut.
My hands went straight to the top of his pants and I lowered all his clothes and put my lips in contact with his skin, making lee shiver and push my face even closer to his stick making me choke.
- jeno do not do that, I am a delicate girl.
- sorry, baby. - he laughed and soon returned to rest his hands on my head. - but how can I avoid, your mouth is so full now, can you really say something?
My eyes were on his face and his voice with a mocking tone.
- for a few minutes, be my bad girl and do things that even the devil doubts, I know you can, baby.
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taglist: @ohslover @essocacej @rollypollypoing @dayandnighthyuck @chocohoshi34 @ficklehoe
the users in bold are the ones I unfortunately couldn't select in the post
want notified for the next chapters? so click here and send me your name to be added to the taglist!
©todo7roki
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fandomdaydreamer · 1 year
Text
The Lighthouse and The Ocean
Pt 25 - Tragically Longing
Pairing: Pedro Pascal/OFC
Warnings: angst, valium consumption
Summary: Pedro's and Nini's break up takes a heavy toll on her until she receives an unexpected visitor on Christmas Eve.
Notes: Also find this fic on Ao3 -here- or the series' Masterlist and Playlist -here-
Sorry for the wait, life's been sooo busy Q_Q
Length: 8k
~
The Tweet had followed a couple of days after our break up.
Pedro Pascal he/him;
I am disgusted by my so called "caring fans" who send @ninivanfleet hate or threaten her! Please be sensitive, for this is painful enough.
What a noble way of finally publicly admitting that we weren't together anymore.
Of course, words of our break up had gotten out, right along with rumours of one heartbroken Pedro Pascal moping about in forced society.
Truth be told, I didn't even blame him for the severe backlash I received because if he even felt half as miserable as I, he would have broken down and cried every time anyone on the job had come up to ask if he was okay. But guess who was the bad guy? The one having pictures of him running through the streets of Brooklyn with a bouquet of flowers or the one who had released an aloof rock song that was addressing her ex?
The unmistakable sound of eggs cracking against my door and my security yelling at the perpetrators rang through the living room. So let them, I thought and dug deeply into my ice-cream. It reminded me about the fact that this was entirely my fault.
At one point in my life, I must have forgotten what real hurt felt like. It was the incomparable sensation of keep hanging on, full of heartache and anger and still, endlessly in love. None of it made sense, the suddenty of our break up, the excruciating pain and tragical longing. No amount of screaming or crying would ever help.
I wasn't in touch with life itself anymore for the time I hadn't seen the light of day. I had come to merely endure it while Nine Inch Nails blared through the house.
Everything I know goes away in the end
I kept eating my chocolate brownie Ben and Jerry's, slowly spiralling into the song's heavy music as I sprinkled my desert with two valium and fed myself a spoon full of misery.
I will let you down, I will make you hurt
New tears spilt down my cheeks when I looked back ahead. As often these last couple of days, I remembered the things Pedro and I had said to each other. Hurtful things that had torn away the ground beneath my feet, things I'd never expected to come from him. Not him.
How badly I just wanted to beg him to come back.
Alas, the harsh bangs of whatever rotten stuff hitting my door and office windows were not easily mistaken for a visitor. Still placing full spoons of soft ice cream into my mouth, I was tempted to throw the pint down the hall and at my door.
"Fuck off!" I yelled against the music instead and scared the cat to flee upstairs again, poor thing.
Too many days and worried friends later, there were still no messages or calls from Pedro, even after I had given in and tried calling him. I only reached voice mail and broke connection before the beep. No visit or tearful reunion would ever happen or even a fantasy of me heartlessly turning him out again after he begged me to take him back. No, it seemed he was determined to keep his word. He stayed away and I stayed stagnant, lying here for hours or for weeks.
Until the contracted interviews spent hidden behind dark sunglasses, with constant supervision and fake smiles. There wasn't really a night show to appear on or stage lights to feel exposed in or a hyped up audience who listened to the fruits of my love and heartbreak. There was only the possibility that all of this was just a bad dream and I had taken enough pills not to notice.
The audience roared. Mere moments later I blinked and suddenly I was backstage again, ripping the wires off my body. They were still cheering for Pedro's song when I walked through the exit and wiped away my tears.
Fingers prodded at my cheek and neck. The hand on my shoulder felt invasive, my skin was cold an numb. "Oh, no, darling. Not again." A dull, faraway voice rang past my veil of vengeful bitter thoughts and sweet valium hazed memories. The people's silhouettes looked like my friends, but my vision refused to focus for a few seconds. "Nnno, leave me." I mumbled tiredly and almost went back to sleep to ignore Hugh tutting about and sorting through my mess while Olivia went to flush my pills down the toilet. "Don' tell Tom." I only managed to say, fearing my best friend would leave me too if he knew I had broken my promise to never rely on tranquilizers again.
Sammi had been the one examining my pitiful, drugged condition. "It's alright, come here. Hang on, baby, hand on-" Strong arms picked me up and next thing I knew, I was put into bed, dozing in and out of consciousness in the ambiguous light of the Venetian blinds.
I just wanted to sleep and have dreams. Dreams of a wide ocean and warm brown eyes and an even warmer laugh. His picture on my nightstand, his clothes on my chair, and me in my bed without the warmth of my life.
"Promise me to keep an eye on her?" Olivia's voice. "Of course." Sammi sighed from somewhere at the foot of my bed as he tucked in my feet.
His sweet but muted, incoherent voice telling me that I'd be alright again only made me cry into my donkey stuffie.
Yet here I lay for another week, worn out and unwilling, barely even present, wondering if I'd ever rest in peace.
On Christmas Eve I finally promised myself to start healing and accept Hugh and Sammi's help. I sent the security home to their families and visited my neighbours and pump some life into me with a rich variety of food and some of Sammi's famous umm-ali pudding. Somehow they even succeeded in making me smile again with their uplifting trash-talk and sweet Doo-Wop atmosphere.
It meant much to me but nevertheless, I had called it an early night and dropped onto my side of the wall. After a lengthy call with my grandparents, I decided I would take the next flight to London tomorrow morning. It was the first day I met with hope. Hope that I could disappear for a while and take some time off.
My own song played in the kitchen when I came home to my cat and I shut the radio with a sigh. 'The Lighthouse And The Ocean' was hitting the top ten charts. Not that Pedro cared. "I wonder what became of the original record I sent him." I muttered, more to myself than my cat. "Maybe he threw it in the dust bin or melted it. Maybe he made the disc a frisbee and it's lying a ditch somewhere. Stupid, he could have least sold it on eBay." I tutted.
Poentje grumbled, otherwise, everything remained quiet. My brain wasn't muddled with medication anymore. It had begun to snow outside and though I was tired, a softness I hadn't allowed to resurface before made me yearn for comfort instead of self-destruction. Sometimes, it was just you and some leftover Manakeesh against the world. This was good. Maybe I'd even touch my guitar again.
My voice had grown only weary these days. "Zuur pruim," I pouted at my cat when she turned her nose at my affections. I was in desperate need of a cuddle but she was having one of her stubborn episodes, most likely the aftermath of the rock music abuse. "We got you a ragdoll, they said, ragdolls always want to cuddle, they said," I complained, chewing and faking my insult.
A sad smile grew on my lips when I got an idea and abandoned my greasy food. "Just wait, I know exactly what you like." I left my living room, hurried up the stairs and into my closet to open a drawer and pull out the softest jumper I 'didn't' own, the grey cashmere one that belonged to Ewan and my cat adored even more than me.
Replacing it with my current piece of clothing, it dawned on me that I had a stereotypical habit of never returning my ex's clothes. But when I pulled it over my head, I immediately basked in its softness and regretted nothing.
Downstairs, Poentje's yellow orbs lit up when I emerged with one raised brow, presenting Ewan's very long-sleeved jumper like I wore it for a fashion show. "Like what you see?" I asked her and mirrored her arrogance from earlier when I strutted past her towards my sofa. My back had barely hit the cushions when my little purring machine had already climbed onto my belly and started kneading dough. "Aha," I said in triumph but my initial victorious feeling was replaced by utter sadness. I was comforted by someone who loved me no matter what.
The heartbreaking realisation that I was apart from the one person I needed it from most struck something devastating inside me and my eyes welled up with tears again. It resulted in my cat chucking up and down with the sobs I produced. Yet Poentje purred loudly and stepped onto my chest, kneading my boobs and staring at me through soothing cat eyes. I cradled her soft body and she let me squish her against my chest. "I miss him so much." I cried miserably to her but the feeling only intensified as soon as I had admitted it. My cries poured into the room until my cat got uncomfortable and bolted at the hysteria.
She looked up at me expectantly, licking her lips. I sighed. It was either taking care of her or passing out in tears again. "Why are you hungry all the time these days?" I quizzed her uselessly. "Chicken soup, how's that sound?" Poentje meowed with a high voice I knew was her agreeing statement. I sniffed and walked over towards the kitchen. Maybe I could make do with a distraction. Maybe I had some stuff I could use to make biscuits from scratch.
The little song I sang her sounded nasal and pitiful. Poentje received her dinner while I collected the ingredients for granny's famous gingerbread men and I selected a soul playlist. Every song would make me cry but I could try my best.
Hey, this was good. I could do this. I could move on. Eventually. After a while, my apron was over and over scattered with flour and bits and pieces of dough. I had made a mess out of my kitchen during my manic baking episode but it blended in perfectly with the mess around my entire living space.
Soul music continued ringing familiar tunes over towards my spacious kitchen area. Keeping myself busy was helping and made me feel less alone. Although Poentje didn't like gingerbread and I didn't know if she could even appreciate Otis Redding.
The night continued while my thoughts drifted into a fantasy realm of the potential happiness that had slipped through my fingers. If only Pedro would call back. If only he'd show up on my doorstep and let me hug him close. How often had I thought we'd finally found the one? It had been so easy to tell ourselves we were already married and were meant to be a real family one day.
I sobbed at my already tear-infused dough, wiping my eyes with a sleeve until they felt raw and puffy and then I cried some more.
Pedro deserved the world and now I knew I wouldn't be in it. He was also a huge arsehole and I imagined his stupid face in my dough as hit it with the rolling pin. "You said you'd never leave me!" Bang bang bang! Poentje jumped off the bar. All those broken promises. Lies. "Motherfucker!"
'Slip Away' started playing and I lay the pin down gently again and rolled it out evenly, cutting out my gingerbread men and painting second tray of them in butter.
I sniffed into my elbow and caught one last tear before I refused to start crying about the painfully obvious, mainly why I kept ending up alone. I had managed to fuck up every single relationship of my life but I was determined to never love again. I've had it.
The first tray of of gingerbread biscuits was waiting to cool off and I hadn't even gotten rid of my apron yet when the doorbell rang.
"Pedro?" My head shot up in hope. Maybe it was him. Whoever it was, they had to have had the code to my gate. I ran to the door and ripped it open.
Specks of snow had settled onto his coat and beanie and the warm light from the inside of my house illuminated a face I had so dearly missed and yet had dreaded to ever see again. The cold night air hit my body and still, I could have sworn the sensation of feeling solidly frozen came from being caught in his eyes.
My lack of energy didn't make me sound as surprised as I really was. "Ewan." I gasped, having never expected 'him' to show up.
Nonetheless, Ewan smiled as if the sun was radiating from inside of him. That cheeky, toothy grin of his, the kind of smile that made you think he'd invented it. "Happy Christmas, Nini. I- umm... I wasn't sure you'd be home." He said, slightly breathless.
"Hap- Happy... Christmas. What are you doing here?" I stammered, still looking down at him from the top of my stairs. It was only then that I noticed the beautifully wrapped present in his hands.
"I came to give you this." Ewan held out the present and I gingerly took it while carefully avoiding to let our hands touch.
"All the way from LA?" I replied, feeling as puzzled as ever when I looked back into his blue eyes. This was overwhelmingly awkward but he was not an unwelcome guest. "Would you like to come in?" I asked anyway, sounding a little nasal. "I wouldn't want you to freeze to death and I made gingerbread."
A somewhat strange expression appeared on his face for only a split of a second. Almost as if hurt and sorrow mingled with his surprise at my simple offer of hospitality. "I would love to." He gulped out.
I stepped aside to let him pass into the house and close the door behind him. "What was that smell?" He asked curiously. Ewan shivered out the cold clinging to his limbs. Like old friends, we greeted each other with friendly kisses on our cheeks and I smiled when he remembered the Dutch kissed each other three times.
"Rotten eggs people tend to throw these days." I excused the faint odour lingering on my porch, even after the regular cleaning service one of my friends had organised. "But it keeps the bugs away." I sarcasmed as Ewan began shrugging off his winter clothes. His hair had become somewhat floppy in the front and he ran a hand through his thick stubble. The navy blue jumper suited him. Putting his coat on the hanger to dry, he moved so naturally like he'd just done this yesterday and in a way, it was hard to imagine that he ever went away.
"Oh, yes. Christmas bugs." Ewan grinned broadly and at least made it sound like this made total sense.
My smile grew tired.
"I see you were busy. I hope I'm not intruding." Ewan noticed and I shed the kitchen gear in an awkwardly flustered way.
"No, well... at least you're not Carol singers." I joked dryly. I was still holding my oven miffs and looked down to see the mess on my apron, wishing I had put more effort into presenting myself at the door. Oh fuck, I was wearing his jumper.
"I can still sing you a Carol." Ewan promptly began teasing me in his good natured way and before I could protest, he began singing, softly and wonderfully. "In the bleak midwinter, Long, long ago-"
Grinning, I could hardly hold his gaze and I rolled my eyes about at the blush creeping up my cheeks. When he managed to catch my eyes again, he sang into my face. "Angels and Arc Angels may have travelled there." Finally, I gave in, harmonising with his tune until my voice cracked and my eyes began to sting with fresh tears.
Ewan's expression turned tender and worried. "You've been crying." Ewan noticed and I bit my lip to hold back a sob.
I nodded but refused to cry in front of him. "Pedro and I broke up," I explained the obvious and he cooed at me, rubbing my arms in a comforting way. "Yes, I... I heard. What an idiot." He remarked and I shook my head.
I somehow put up a too-brave femme fatale act to amuse us both. "It's probably okay. I live for raw emotions. Yes, I already made up my mind." I shrugged and threw my hands up. "Become a sad and possibly problematic rock star. Sex, drugs and rock'n roll. Live fast, die young, become a legend. Forever beautiful and tragic." I predicted and believed that my new year's resolutions consisted of becoming the most disastrous version of myself.
"Oh, you always were dramatic," Ewan replied with a tut, leaning in with a warm smile until I scoffed at him in a rather fond sort of grumble. "I wish I could say it'll get easier." He added.
"Life?" I asked, bitterly and let him walk me into my house while I turned my present in my hands, stopping myself from showing too much of my inner turmoil. Maybe he had come here just to go down memory lane and give me a hard time.
"Or love." Ewan laughed or maybe, just guessed. "If it's any comfort to you, I was kicked out too." He said with a sudden weariness in his voice and I frowned, turning back to him.
"Shit- the wedding?" "Paid for." "Damn." "Yeah."
"I'm so sorry. How could I feel comforted at that?" Hugging him was an impulsive reaction but it was nice and he pulled me closer with a sigh. "Yeah, me too. Shite holidays for the both of us."
"It's really good to see you though," I admitted back at arm length. Despite everything, his presence was comfort, he felt like family, like history. An old friend I didn't know I needed.
A fuzzy dark head poked out of the cat tree and began to cuddle against the fluffy little nook as soon as she saw Ewan walk in. "Oh, look who it is! Hello, Poen." He petted my cat's head and I was surprised at how loud her half purr, half meow had been. "I think she missed you." I wondered and watched her jump down towards him to practically slam herself against his leg and let him pet her. Honestly, where was the sisterhood solidarity? I crossed my arms and scolded her with a silent glare.
Poentje blinked at me and strode off to possibly find another napping spot and knock herself out on my bed upstairs.
"Tea?" I offered, finally remembering what a good host was supposed to behave like. "Yes, please," Ewan quickly replied. Walking into the kitchen area while unfastening my apron, I was only half aware that he slowly followed behind.
"It smells fantastic," Ewan noticed as I busied myself with the kettle and the selection of the tea brand I knew he liked best.
"You know my gran's recipe but oh, better don't eat any, I think I cried on most of them." I cringed at the plate of perfectly fine-looking gingerbread men.
"Should I reconsider then? Oh, wait not a chance." He looked like a child on literally Christmas Eve when he took a shaped biscuit and settled on the stool behind the kitchen counter.
I awaited his reaction as he sank his teeth into the man, biting his arm off and his eyes lit up in delight. "How are they even better than I remember?" He asked, watching me select a gingerbread man myself and chew on his head.
"I added orange zest this time. Some extra heartbreak too. Makes it oh, so sweet." My words had taken a sharp edge.
"Delicious." "Oi." I snickered with him while he profusely apologised for the really bad joke.
When the kettle was done boiling I let the tea brew in silence as if the task of dipping the bags into hot water required my fullest attention. But when it was time to add the milk, I had no excuse left to not face him again. Setting his mug in front of him, we finally took an honest look at each other and I could see he was tired and troubled. A guarded conflict stirred behind those eyes I'd sung songs about.
"Thanks." His expression was strange. He had obviously noticed that I was wearing his jumper and I sighed, not even caring about what he thought of it.
"Ewan?" I asked carefully and although he didn't answer, he was listening. "Don't get me wrong but I know when you're acting, I mean.. hiding something. You don't have to. Not with me."
It was only then that I was met with an expression which slowly betrayed a hidden sadness. Ewan took his time before he could muster a reply and I didn't push.
"You always see right through me, don't you?" he circled his mug and made little waves ripple through the milky liquid. The memory our past relationship was implied and it bothered me that he was sitting here, reviving my hurt and crumbling down my progress. It felt like bitter-sweet torture.
"Were you only just delivering a present? What are you really doing here?" I asked, poking the box with my index finger.
He looked up from his tea. "I know you just got back from a job and just broke up with someone and I will leave if you need a little peace and quiet but... My daughters are with their mum over the holidays and I.. well, I guess I wanted to see a friendly face. Thought we might both be happy with some company." After a pause to let his explanation sink in, I gave him a compassionate smile and nearly touched his hand to show him he was not alone, retreating last second. I couldn't help but feel bad I had not wasted a thought about how he might have been all this time. Turned out we were both a bit lonely while everyone else was with their families. "I'm sorry to hear that," I said, abandoning the gingerbread and cupping my mug for warmth.
"Don't be," Ewan replied softly, lifting one corner of his lips.
Secretly, I was pleased that we had gotten to a point in our post-relationship friendship where we could turn towards each other if we were two sad, abandoned singles who felt like retreating into mutual understanding. We didn't need to explain ourselves to each other, we never had to. Of course, I would be there for him if he needed me, even if it meant that I could only offer my sympathies when he had broken up with someone as well. That must have been cruel for both of them. After all, they had been planning to get married. Pedro and I had only lasted one month.
"Shall I open it?" I suggested as a change of topic, sounding a bit more cheerful as I pulled at the silver satin ribbon and raised one eyebrow. "What is it?" He chuckled and instead of giving into my inquiry, his eyes twinkled and he took a quiet sip of tea.
It was a flat box with a lid and when I had removed that too, I was met with the sparkling reflection of dainty, silver hair combs in the shape and texture of crystal daisy flowers. My breath had become a little shallow as I took in their magnificence. "Ewan, they're beautiful." I raised one of the combs from the box and noticed that it was heavier than I had thought.
I began fumbling with my messy braid and tidy it up a bit but Ewan was quick to assist. "Allow me?" He offered and I nodded. I turned my back to him while he rounded the bar and approached me from behind. Silently, I let him arrange my hair and for the first time during a very long and carefully kept distance, his fingers were touching the skin on the side of my neck. Practised fingers from years of doing his daughters' hair gathered my braid into a knot until I felt Ewan sink the combs into my hair and hold it in place.
His melodic voice behind me grew quiet, for he was right behind my ear. "I don't know what's normally the custom for what to gift one's former girlfriend but even if it's not pretty jewellery, it reminded me of you and I thought you needed to have it." I hadn't realised I had been holding my breath until I turned back to him and let him twirl my curtain fringe to shape them around my face. I was smiling before even looking up and seeing him standing right in front of me.
"Thank you," I whispered, smiling despite my slight discomfort. He was close. Way too close. I had genuine friendly platonic feelings for him and wished he wouldn't ruin it. Holding his gaze, I frowned at this suspicious behaviour. What were we doing?
Ewan took a breath as if he wanted to say something and he chose not to take my hands into his, even though I saw he would have wanted to. Instead, he took a step back and put his hands into his trouser pockets.
It was almost like shame struck him then. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." He nearly turned away, grinning shyly.
Finally, our mutual awkwardness relieved some of my tension. "It's okay. We're both in a vulnerable state." I accepted it and tried a step towards healing. "What happened?"
Ewan struggled to tell me but eventually, he admitted. "I heard your songs. Well, and so did my fiancée." He said, his grumpiness then changing into tenderness. "They're beautiful and I- I didn't know you had this in you- and then I got a bit too defensive about them I guess. About you."
I was torn between guilt and compassion. "Ewan, I'm so sorry. Shit, I keep ruining everything, I-" I cried but Ewan interrupted, gathering my hands in his.
"No, no, you're soaring, darling girl. Don't ever apologise. I just- I know I hurt you. You said, in your songs, how much you miss me and I couldn't bare the thought of... taking the light inside of you and it..." He shook his head. "It killed me."
My hand came to rest on his reddish bearded cheek. "You didn't take anything," But assuring him of this seemed to make him even sadder. I stopped smiling, realising the touch was too familiar.
"Here you are, treating me with kindness when we both know I didn't deserve it." He replied, taking my hand from resting on the side of his face to hold it. "When I rang your doorbell, I didn't know what to expect. Maybe that you would turn me away and slam the door but-" his voice cracked. "-you invited me in for... gingerbread." The waterlines in Ewan's eyes were shimmering when he finally looked up again. He had laughed out those last pair of words and the raw emotion in his voice had caused a tear to run down my cheek.
Ewan saw it before I had a chance to wipe it away. "I'm sorry." He told me. "I seem to keep doing that."
My voice sounded strange to my ears. "Yes, you are." A moment, in which we both didn't know what to say passed through us.
This was the difference between Ewan and Pedro. Ewan made me feel small and delicate in a way I couldn't imagine being anything but perfect and sensitive for him in every way. With Pedro, I had allowed my faults to surface unfiltered because I knew he accepted me with all of my layers, and let me be vulnerable the way I needed to be. I used to cut parts of myself off in a destructive manner to fit into the person I was before but that wasn't possible anymore because I found that nothing was like it used to be
I chuckled. "What happened to the good old, 'I miss you' text from your ex?" I guessed.
Ewan joined in with my restrained laugh. For a moment, it seemed like bitterness and regret had struck him. He took a moment to gather his courage. "He does... miss you." "Ewan-" "More than you think." I didn't know what to say but he beat me to it anyway. He gulped heavily. "You're right. I'm not... I'm not over you."
"No." I frowned, not believing him and looked down at our hands to pull mine back and hug myself. "You might miss me more than you remember me." I turned away when his presence started to hurt again. It was true, I had just taken it as a fact that I had closed this chapter of my life. Why was he telling me this?
Our eyes met, mine hazy, his begging me to listen. "I miss your laugh, your jokes... your kindness. The way you sing when you're busy or the creative, yet absolute mess you leave behind in every room." We looked at the kitchen and both cracked up a smile at the evidence. "I remember, all the things I did not appreciate enough... and which memory only seem to be opening my eyes now that they're gone."
I closed mine so I could gather a clear thought. "Where were you six months ago to tell me that? I can't do this anymore."
"I didn't know what I wanted." "Yes, you did. You wanted to get married!" "And you wanted to be with Pedro." "Maybe it only means we both tend to drive our partners away cruelly."
Ewan shrugged with a nearly cocky smile playing on his lips. "Seems like we could make a good pair after all." He concluded.
I let out a deep breath, shaking my head at him. "We deserve more than being each other's consolation, not feel like the unclaimed prize at some kind of wheel of fortune." I tried to reason. We just weren't meant to be.
"I know." Ewan sighed and I felt his hand on my arm, thumb gently brushing against his jumper. Slowly, he started to speak. "But just know- there's no one like you, you're so sweet and gentle and... funny. You're a big win, never a consolation prize." He said, sincere and uplifting.
"Thank you." It made me smile, yet I sighed and channelled my last bit of humour. "And here I thought you were living your life. I should have told you that in case you ever have a bad day, just remember you were a sensitive topic in my relationship."
It made him chuckle a little and it grew on me, warming me up inside.
I could finally breathe more freely and left his proximity, realising I wasn't being myself. I didn't want Ewan here and my voice finally showed it. "I used to think you left a hole in my life but I have just begun healing things that haf already been messed up with... light and happiness and with lasagna with an enye," I argued, bordering on grief.
Ewan didn't understand, of course, but he didn't ask either. I thought about the happiest time of my life and bubbling laughter and about the easiness and freedom I had never experienced with another person before. None of those feelings could be provoked by Ewan. They belonged to Pedro and me. "Now that's over too but you know me, right? I don't know how to let go."
It was all too much. I paced the room, feeling hot and cold and itchy. Slight panic crept onto me and I circled my bracelet around my wrist in a hurry.
"I feel dizzy," I admitted and felt my body tilt forward. Ewan caught me and held me up by my arms. "Please, let me help you sit down."
With what felt like clouds in my lightheaded mind, I smiled at the way he spoke with a soft Scottish lilt. It was in this moment of weakness that I wanted to just row back and fall into his arms. Return to what I assumed would be easy and familiar. Numbed down and perfectly content in docility.
Ewan directed me towards the living room area and I sat me down on my sofa. He left to grab something from the kitchen and sat right next to me as soon as he returned. I accepted the glass of cool tap water but recoiled at the faint smell of chlorine. "Thank you," I said anyway and forced myself to take a sip.
I wiped away another tear when I continued to spill my heart out. "I just wish I didn't have a heart at all. You said it yourself, I shouldn't loved you either."
"No, Nini-" "Yes, that's what you said." I was close to sobbing and I let myself be held by him.
"But it's not what I meant." He spoke in such earnestness I could almost believe him.
Ewan let his hand rest on my lower back to offer me comfort. "I said it because I was absolutely crazy about you and calling it off was the hardest thing to do because it was unfair to you. Maybe if I hadn't been such an arse, we would still... if you could ever forgive me-"
"Oh, why are you saying these things? I accepted your apology already." I gasped for words. Have mercy.
I turned away from him with a laugh. "I poured my love into that song when I wrote it but it wasn't a recent feeling, let me be clear. I published 'Blue Eyes' because it's a good song." I had almost had enough. "Ewan, what do you want from me?"
He looked at me with sad eyes. "I can't bear to see you hurt." he began. "And I had to know how you felt about me." I had to take myself away from him because I couldn't pretend there were only cold feelings between us. I knew I could have done worse than loving him.
I couldn't escape his gravity but the memories and feelings kept coming back. My head sank onto his shoulder so softly. I could just give in, I was nearly there. Why did I let him card his fingers through my hair and kiss the top of my head like this? Why did I let my body sink against his body and return to him when it made me feel homesick for a place I would never see again? Did he think he could just turn up out of the blue and expect me to start things over when whom I really wanted was Pedro... I wasn't considering it... I wasn't- I was so sad, I would die for the feeling of being loved again.
Regret, that we had lost us too. Now we were in the same boat. Both, desperate to revert into comfort. We would kiss and everything would go back to the way it was.
With all the strength I had left, I broke our longing gaze and lifted my body up and away from him. "Ewan, we can't do this. I can't tear open an old wound, can't risk another heartbreak." I whispered and turned my face the other way and yet, I felt a hand tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. He caressed my cheek with the back of his fingers afterwards, like he had done so many times before.
"I understand." He smiled and his voice sounded so pleasantly smooth when he spoke beside me. "I know I will never deserve you but if there's one thing I don't regret, it's the time spent with you. I would have not gone back home if there had been even the smallest chance that you had wanted this."
Our eyes met and I remembered the way I had looked at him more than ten years ago. Adoring, for there was nobody whom I had loved for so long. I touched his face with such slight and tiny butterfly caresses and then my hand smoothed out the hair on the side of his head.
The devil on my shoulder told me that kissing Ewan could never feel as wrong as it should. His nose was tilted at mine and my breath must have grazed his for a second. Maybe my downfall would be my fault because I was dangerously close to kissing him. He would push me back into the cushions. He would kiss me like he had come back and he would taste like tea and gingerbread.
Our bodies gravitated towards one another and as I leaned in, I felt him drowning out all of the alarms that had been ringing inside me. Could we really try again? It could feel serene, numbing. Would I even care if I made the same mistake twice? His eyes flickered down to my lips and he carefully closed the distance. We could try.
Wait a minute. Rewind.
A mere inch away from his lips, my eyes shot up and I felt the gears turn in my head. Promptly, I pushed myself away by a hand firmly placed on his chest. "Not go back? Wait, did you or did you not break up with your fiancée for a chance to get back together with me or-" I was about to pass this as a stupid thought when I caught a glimpse in his eyes. They darted to the side and the way he looked at me afterwards and didn't respond spoke a thousand volumes. His body had tensed up and he failed to speak the truth or even exhale.
The strand of hair fell back in my face as I tilted my head in disbelief.
"Oh.. my god." I suddenly felt repulsed and got away from him. "You didn't break up with her at all! You're still engaged? And you're here trying to kiss me? What the fuck is wrong with you?" I cried out angrily.
He tried to hold me back by my elbow. "Just one word from you and I will call off the wedding."
I shrugged him off. 'Homewrecker', the last point on my list of faults. "Oh, no! Nooo no no, no. This cannot be happening again. You know what? That's it." I jumped up and leaned over him, spitting out my rage. "I can't believe I almost fell for that twice. I was this close-" I showed him how close by bringing my fingers an inch apart together. "-to let myself be wrapped around your finger again, letting you into my life- my... my bed- while a hurt woman is sitting at home, hoping she's the only one for you. Am I supposed to feel flattered?" I practically yelled out.
I threw my hands up. "Well, if this is closure, then it's a good thing." Strangely, I felt nothing but release. All this tension, heavy weight and guilt fell off my shoulders as they shook with a cold, ironic kind of laughter. Count myself deluded, he hadn't changed one bit. Oh, I was so done with him.
"Why?"
"Because you're a fucking ocean and I'm an ocean and we can't be a lighthouse for each other."
"What? Darling-" he began but I interrupted him, emphasising each word. "Don't darling me." I bit out. He had gotten up and it was obvious that I was inviting him to leave my house. "You should go back to your fiancée and if you have any decency, ask her to forgive you for deeming her one aspect of your choices. Or ask yourself if you're doing her or yourself a favour by getting married at all." I was finally putting a bullet into the head of our relationship. This wasn't the storm after the calm, this was the dying breath of whatever past we shared.
"I see, if this is the wrong time-" his silly excuse was interrupted by my moment of clarity.
"It's never the wrong time, it's just the wrong person." I closed my eyes against my palm, letting the truth sink in. This meant the right person at the wrong time was still the right person. Oh, Pedro. I was such a fool.
I sobbed out, desperately aware of whom I let simply leave. "I love Pedro and I met this person, you know this person I want to take care of and am comfortable with like I've known him my whole life and I don't have to pretend anymore, be something I'm not or be... anything. I've never- I've never cried so much because I finally thought I knew what true love was." I spoke through tears.
Of all people, I wouldn't have guessed that Ewan would be so moved by my outburst. His lips had parted as he truly reflected upon my heartbreak and seeing the tears forming in his eyes only made my cry harder and uglier. "Pedro said he loved me and I turned him out." I balled my hands into fists. "I loved him since the first time we met and I will love him forever and I wouldn't have it any other way."
A moment of silence and defeat wavered into the room, in which I sniffed my tears away.
"You need to go to him," Ewan said and I looked up from my hands.
"What?" I asked dumbly and found myself at the receiving end of a soft, compassionate smile.
"Tell him you love him. If the man has two wits together, he will beg you to take him back immediately." Ewan said. My gaze flickered back and forth, trying to find the lie in his eyes. "It's very clear to me. You both want to be with each other. What are you waiting for?" He said like it was just that easy.
Well, could he be right? Neither Pedro nor I could ever feel complete again. If I just vowed my undying love then, maybe...
Slowly, I started nodding. "You're right." Determination clawed at my bones. My skin felt antsy. "I'm going to tell Pedro I love him."
Ewan was properly grinning now. "There, that's the Nini I know."
I huffed out a confused laugh and was about to leave immediately when I smelt something burning. "Damnit, the biscuits!"
"Fuck the biscuits! I'll deal with it. You go." He ushered me away from the kitchen.
"Thank you," I said, hectic and passionately and kind of, still mad at his audacity. "For making me realise what's important. Show yourself out!" I threw back over my shoulder as I ran towards the door.
"Nini, wait!" "Hell, what now?" "A coat, put on a coat!" Ewan called after me and I yanked the first coat off the hanger I could find and jammed my feet into a random pair of boots.
"Goodbye, Ewan!" I slammed the door behind me, skittering to a halt at the edge of a pavement covered with a thin layer of snow.
"Taxi!" I screamed and put myself in harm's way to make it stop in the middle of the street. The driver honked at me but I had already ripped open the door and climbed in to shuffle into the seat and tell the him to push it. "To Red Hook! Go go go!"
I would knock on his door, I would knock it down if I had to, I'd cry out how much I loved him, that I wanted to share my life with him- should I have brought a ghetto blaster?
We were driving too slow, the traffic was riling up my nerves but I had a smile stretched from ear to ear when jumped to the edge of my seat. We were nearly there.
"Stop the car!" I ordered my driver and he looked back in confusion. "Ma'am?" "I said stop. I'm walking." I paid the man a hundred dollars and moved out of the taxi to run the last block while trying not to stumble across my open laces.
But just when I turned around the corner into his street, I was stopped dead in my track. My feet came to a skittering halt and the shock ran down my spine colder than the winter's chill.
There he was.
I saw Pedro walk down the road and I stared for a while as the world around me disappeared.
It was unmistakably him and he looked so well. Pedro was walking down the street towards me, to his apartment building with an umbrella in his hand and a gorgeous woman hooked onto his arm, shielding her from the snow as they talked and laughed.
My lips parted as I took in the scene before me. She was so pretty, young, with dark hair and long legs, a model beauty queen. Each carried a grocery bag under their arm and she leaned into Pedro who was grinning about something she said. He draped his arm around her shoulders and she gave him a long kiss on his cheek as she held his cloudless face in her palm. His hand rested on her back affectionately when they shared a laughter. My heart shattered anew.
I was cold but I shivered for a different reason. They walked inside, not noticing I stood here, nor anything around them.
I remained in the dark, freezing, undetected, watching them enter the building and disappear into the warm light with smiles on their beautiful faces.
The orange glow of the city lights got reflected in the white streets. The snow fell tantalising slow from the heavens as the innocent intruders on earth that they were.
I stood there for several more moments longer to digest what I had just seen. Pedro was fine, more than just fine apparently. What did I expect? He was a handsome and kind man, he could have anyone. It couldn't have been hard for him to find someone new fairly quickly. Too late. I was too late.
Looking up the snowfall without explanation, I wished it was me up there. All those white specks swam before my vision, spiralling down the black sky and circling so perfectly among their kind and yet so alone in their journey. I stared at the descending frost and could finally relate to their short existence as I imagined all the things I should have said and done to prevent this. As I caught a snowflake, I watched it melt in my hand and it was the saddest thing I'd ever seen.
I turned and felt numb as I walked home in whiteness, dragging my feet down the street and not caring about the world any longer once it had stopped turning. Walking along the empty street, my eyelids flickered like the movies, in a screening of my dream that had slipped out of reach.
~
Part 26
Translation notes:
(dut): Zuur prium - (eng): grump
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prnanxiety · 18 days
Text
3/10/24
Thank. Fuck. Today was quiet and uneventful.
Yesterday was so desperate that my boss had to come in on her off day, and the nurse educator had to come in, too, both to just debrief with everyone on staff. That's how rough it was. Apparently the two of them reviewed a bunch of security camera footage, and told me my de-escalation stance was near perfect! I was pretty proud of that.
They also confirmed "Yeah, you got tossed around a bit." I really honestly do not remember getting tossed around. I'm trying to understand it. Did I leave the ground? I definitely didn't hit my head, or get punched or anything. I just remember at one point he was stanced up and punching the air in anger, and at another point we were cooling him off, and he was sitting in a chair, crying.
I really kind of wonder if this is the adrenaline tunnel vision thing people talk about after being in firefights or whatever. Where they say "this lasted about 5 minutes" and it turns out to be 45 seconds or something, just because of the time dilation. The whole time all I was thinking about was "Please calm down please calm down buddy please don't do this."
Outside of that, it was just my educator and I talking about my charting. It's rare to have situations get this out of hand, and when they're this serious the paperwork can easily become relevant, so it has to be pristine. She looked over everything I did and we spent half an hour making corrections.
There was someone I wrote about a few weeks ago. Abused as a kid, grew up to be a virgin despite married for so many years to his wife who's also a virgin. I forget the date, I know it's in there. This patient strikes me as the way that guy was, when he was this age. Volatile and desperate and confused and scared.
I keep wondering what's going to give him stability one day. I don't want to see him ever get institutionalized. Please not that. Not prison, not a permanent psych unit. I don't know if I would ask someone to find jesus like my patient several weeks ago did, but, fuck, if that's how someone becomes functional in any independent capacity? Gainfully employed and sociable? God. It should never have to be this way to begin with.
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