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#please don't hate me I know i talk to much about my problems or negative thoughts I'm sorryyyyy I'm trying not to 🤧🤧
sboochi · 3 months
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Listen, I like the idea of human!Star as much as the next person, but that's the point. I like the idea in my head.
To be honest, if this was the direction the creative team had gone with, I probably wouldn't enjoy it to this level. So it can stay in my head.
Anyway, I liked the movie! More opinions down below.
People are acting like it's the biggest disgrace ever happened to the animation industry and it feels..... so over-dramatic?? The movie isn't perfect, of course, but chill, have y'all forgotten about the emoji movie???
Also reading some people's comments feels like they don't want anyone to enjoy the movie, which sucks. I mean, I checked the tag here and it was An Experience.
Personally I liked:
Asha's little friend group! "But they don't have a real personality" boohoo the httyd and big hero 6 gangs didn't have more than 1 trait and nobody ever complained this much
The visuals were gorgeous. I guess this is personal taste but I LOVED the watercolor-esque backgrounds
I liked the songs, especially At all costs and This wish. I don't have a problem with the lyrics because I haven't listened to the soundtrack in English, but I've never really cared about lyrics anyway
Magnifico was a delight (evil arc my beloved)
There are a few things I would have handled differently, but again, it's taste:
Please let us have a protagonist with a very different personality from the usual Disney Heroine. Give me shy, give me nerd, give me sassy
I was hoping the queen's decision to side with Asha would be harder to make. I would have showed her struggle with her love for Magnifico and her people, I want the d r a m a
Poor Asha's mom deserved better
I know it's frustrating seeing all this negativity, but I think it'll die down with time. People were shitting on Moana and Zootopia too, at first. Hating this movie with passion is just the latest trendy opinion (you know those. You've probably seen them on tiktok)
(Please note I'm only talking about Wish. The "Disney the company" topic is too big for one post)
TLDR Wish isn't perfect, people just like to be mean. You're allowed to like it, whether others agree or not
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zegrasdrysdale · 4 months
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Hi! I wanted to ask if you could write a request for cole caufield! So him and reader are like newly public but have been dating for a couple months, but she’s getting hate on the internet bc her ex is someone who’s famous (idk who lol) but anyways she goes onto like a podcast and talks about how much better of a boyfriend cole was to her than her ex and when she gets home he’s just so in awe of her and the way she feels and speaks about him (I’m so sorry if this didn’t make sense) 😭
[ to love and to be loved ] c. caufield
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paring : Cole Caufield x influencer!fem!reader
summary : tired of the hate she's been getting, (Y/N) goes on a podcast to talk about her life, her past relationship, and her new public relationship with Canadians star Cole Caufield
warning(s) : language, mentions of cheating
author’s note : my first time ever writing for cole so pls tell me if i did okay :)
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She didn't know what she thought would happen when she and Cole went public with their relationship a few months after they started dating. There were a few hours where all she saw was support, until her TikToker ex decided to say something about the announcement she and Cole made.
All she sees right now is hate from thousands of people after her ex's comments on his Instagram story. He called her a bitch and said she used him to gain fame and use his money to get what she wanted. He even tagged Cole in a second Instagram story to warn him about her "manipulative ways". His millions of fans agreed with him and have started to flood her feed with hate and negative messages.
She can't even imagine what Cole's comments and DMs look like.
It's been a week since that day, and she's only grown tired of seeing all the hate. She's hasn't spoken out about her ex's accusations about her despite her having more serious accusations about him and his own girlfriend.
As soon as she was invited to go on one of her friends' podcasts, she jumped at the opportunity to speak out about what's been going on. It's time to speak out, and that's the reason her friend invited her on to the podcast.
The set is comfortable. She sits on the couch next to her friend and her friend's podcast partner. A microphone sits in front of her on a stand. A table sits at her feet that holds cups of coffee for the three of them. It's a cozy set up.
"Thank you for inviting me," (Y/N) says to her friend. "I'm sorry Cole wasn't available to come on with me. He flew in this morning from his road trip and has practice today. He didn't want to risk being late to the rink."
Her friend Demi says, "It's not a problem. I understand that he has a busy schedule. Thank you for agreeing to come on."
"It's time I spoke up about this," she tells her friend. "Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. I'll happily answer any of them."
One of the crew members tells them they're going live in less than a minute. (Y/N) throws her curls behind her shoulder and sits back to get comfortable on the couch.
The same crew member counts down from five before pointing at Demi and her podcast partner. Demi is the one that gives this episode's greeting.
"Welcome back to TikTok Stuff You Should Know," she says into her own microphone. "To my left is Payton, which is not surprising at all because she's glued to my side. Today we have a very special guest joining us. She is a very close friend of mine who has been dealing with a lot of hate recently after launching her relationship online last week. Please welcome (Y/N) (L/N) to the podcast."
Payton looks over at (Y/N) and speaks. "Welcome, (Y/N). We're very happy you're able to join us today."
"Happy to be here."
Demi smiles at her and says, "So, we're all dying to know. How is your relationship with Cole Caufield? How have the two of you been dealing with the past week?"
There it is. Starting out strong.
"Cole has been super supportive of me," she replies. "He's been doing his best in trying to distract me over the past week. I think we've both been trying to stay off social media this week and focus on making sure we're both okay. He's been playing really well recently too, which makes it very easy to distract myself from everything that's been happening on social media. I think he's been using hockey as his own distraction."
Payton nods along as (Y/N) speaks. Demi's eyes are on her. They're both listening to everything she's been saying.
That's only a fraction of what's been happening.
(Y/N) has been in tears almost every night, especially since Cole has been on a roadie for the past four days. The first three days after all hell broke loose were perfect. She laid in Cole's arms every night and woke up next to him every morning. It made the days a lot easier.
Since he left, she's been in tears on FaceTime with him. It hasn't been as easy without him near her. It actually kind of sucks. She didn't even get to see him before she left.
"What made you want to come out about your seemingly new relationship with him?" Payton asks. "Did you think that Ethan would say something about it when you and Cole posted about it?"
She shakes her head. "I always thought Ethan was a really nice guy," she explains. "I certainly didn't expect this out of him. Especially after everything he did throughout our relationship. Cole and I really love each other and we both got tired of hiding that from the public. It was his idea to make out "
"That's an interesting comment," Demi slowly says like she doesn't know what her ex did. "What did Ethan do during your relationship?"
(Y/N) bites her bottom lip for a second. "He cheated on me," she tells the two of them. "All the time at the end of our relationship. Actually, his new girlfriend is just one of the girls he fucked while we were in a relationship. He would have a new girl every weekend and I would look the other way because I loved him."
"It wasn't because you didn't want to lose your constant source of followers and money?" Payton asks. "I'm not taking a shot, by the way. He accused you of using him for fame and money so I just want you to be able to clear the air."
"No, I understand," she replies after being caught off guard by the way the question was worded. "Um, no. I never once used him for followers or money. I made my own money by posting my own content across social media. I stayed with him because I wanted to believe he was a better person and that he could change. I truly loved him and I wanted a future with him. After nearly three months of this, I couldn't do it anymore and I ended things with him."
She notes that Payton looks genuinely surprised by her words. Demi looks annoyed because she and (Y/N) are actually very close friends so she was one of the first people that she told what was going on. She was one of the people that told (Y/N) to end the relationship when Ethan started cheating on her.
"That's crazy," Payton drawls. "Holy shit." She looks over at Demi. "Did you know about all of this?"
"(Y/N) is one of the most genuine people I have ever known," Demi says. "I hated seeing her in that relationship at the end, and I hate that she's being accused of using someone for followers and money. There was a reason she rarely ever posted Ethan on any of her social media. She didn't want to constantly post him because she was afraid to be labeled as a user. She loves creating content and videos. She's so much happier now."
A small smile forms on her lips as she thinks about Cole. She thinks about how he actually loves her and isn't afraid to show it.
"I am so much happier now," she echoes. "I mean, Cole is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He was so patient with me at the beginning of our relationship because I was still healing from my last relationship. He spent so long trying to show me that it's okay to love and be loved by someone that I gave my heart to him. I trust him with my everything, which is not something I would've said this time last year."
Demi smiles at her and Payton mirrors it. "That's so good to hear," Payton says. "Sounds like you caught a good one, (Y/N)."
"I absolutely did," she replies with a smile on her own face. "He is the best boyfriend. I've been so emotional this past week and he has made sure to be there for me the entire time. He checked in on me while he was on the road for the past few games. I am so in love with him, and he helped me believe in love again. I am so grateful for him."
One of the crew members tells them to begin wrapping up. Payton takes over. "Well, thank you for talking with us, (Y/N)," she says. "Where can we find you and Cole?"
"You can find Cole on the ice tomorrow night at seven when he and the Canadians take on the Calgary Flames," she says. "You can find him on social media at colecaufield. You can find me on social media as well at yourusername. Or you can find me somewhere in the stands at Cole's home hockey games."
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It feels like an eternity since she's been home when she walks into her apartment in downtown Montreal. She shuts the door behind her with a sigh and leans against it.
When she throws her keys in the bowl by the door, she sees Cole's car keys. "Coley?" she calls. "Are you here?"
She walks into the living room to see Cole sitting on the couch. He looks back at her and smiles. "You are freaking amazing, baby," he tells her. "I listened to the podcast on the way home and holy shit. I have never heard anyone talk about me the way you do. I swear I fall in love with you more every single day."
"You listened?" she asks.
Cole stands up with a nod. "To the whole thing," he replies. "I helped you believe in love again?"
"Yeah," (Y/N) breathes out. "You did. You showed me that it's okay to love someone without being afraid they're going to hurt you. I thought that for a long time, Cole. You helped me realize that it's okay to love someone again."
Without realizing it, tears begin to roll down her cheeks. She tries to wipe them away quickly but Cole notices them before she can wipe them away. He walks around the couch to get to her and he envelopes him in a hug. "I'm so proud of you, baby," he whispers in her ear.
She lets out a quiet sob and buries her face in his chest. "I'm so grateful for you," she replies.
"You're so brave for talking about the whole situation," Cole tells her. "I can't believe how well you're handling it. I'm in awe, (Y/N). I wish I had your strength. I wish I could've been there to witness the whole podcast."
"I'm only brave because you're here," she admits as she pulls her face out of his chest. Cole moves his hands to her jaw and his thumbs wipe away more tears that escaped. "I don't know where I'd be if you weren't here. I don't know if I'd even be here if you weren't, Cole."
Cole presses a kiss to her forehead and mumbles, "I love you. More than you'll ever know. You're so strong."
She closes her eyes and whispers, "I love you too."
(Y/N) isn't afraid to say those three words anymore. Not like she was last year. Cole has showed her that she doesn't need to be afraid anymore.
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roxy-writes · 11 months
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the comment i'm replying to: please consider a cool college au dabi who hates his dad but still spends his old mans money. he's a good boyfriend, very low key and yet he manages to garner plenty of female attention, mostly superficially but abundant none the less. reader has to deals with glances, whispers and jabs about shade regarding being partners with dabi. a non conventionally attractive reader (I'm chubby but this could be anything you want) once he finds out some intense body worship 🥺🥺
FIRST OF ALL OMG I LOVE THIS. i haven't written anything with chubby!reader in a while so i'm very excited. i hope you like this!
warnings: chubby!reader, ppl making negative comments about reader's body, body worship, facesitting, not proofread
you were always aware of the attention that dabi attracted. you know he's good looking, and so does everyone else. this could be...disheartening for you at times. attending the same college as him made you ever more conscious of just what kind of attention followed him. the kind that made you feel sort of sick to your stomach at the thought of how much prettier the people that attempted flirting with him were than you. you try not to let the whispers and scowls thrown your way get to you.
dabi also always made his attraction towards you clear. whether it be a hand set on your waist or lower back when you're out, or, in more private settings, eagerly groping at your chest and ass. this was sometimes inconvenient. it only seemed to make people stare at you harder whenever he'd attempt the slightest bit of PDA. he notices how your behavior seems to change when people see you in public, and he immediately assumes the worst. that you didn't like him, or want to be with him.
so he tries to fix it. using his father's credit card of course, he'd take you out shopping to buy whatever you like, take you out on fancy dates, whatever. when this doesn't work, he begins seeing the problem for what it really was. he finally started noticing how people behaved towards you, acting like you weren't even there, coming up and flirting with him like you were nothing.
he confronted you about it in his room one night. asking why you didn't tell him how you felt, begging you for answers. you don't know why, you say, you didn't know if he would understand.
"fuck, why the hell would you think that?"
"'cause y'know, there are all these people that make comments about me when we're seen together. it's never you they're talking about."
he closes the distance between you to wrap his arms around you.
"i'm sorry. i'll tell all of them to fuck off. you don't deserve anyone's shit," although vulgar, dabi's words are comforting, and you wrap your arms around him as well. you bury your face in his neck and he pulls you closer in response. but after a few seconds he pulls back and presses his lips to yours the same way he always did. gentle but rough at the same time.
you almost feel bad for being kinda horny during a sweet moment like this. not like you can help it. and based on the slight bulge you feel pressing against your thigh, neither can he. "heh, sorry babe. i think i've got a big problem," he whispers sultrily in your ear.
"i can help you fix it, if you want," you say, and he couldn't have been more eager. your clothes were pulled off of you as he lowers you onto his bed.
"pretty," he mumbled softly as his eyes rake over your body. and in that moment, you felt pretty. he makes you feel pretty. his hands settle on your shoulders, slip down your chest and stomach until they're right where you need him.
his thumb presses your clit and rubs the bundle of nerves, causing you to jump slightly. he looks so turned on right then, you can see it in his face. and he can see the arousal in your face when he pulls you up towards him as he lays on the bed. all he seems to want is for you to ride his face as hard as you can, and why not give the boy what he wants?
"just, tap my thigh if you can't breathe." you tell him.
he plants both his hands on either one of your thighs and shoves his face into your pussy. you squeak at the sudden stimulation and unconsciously grind on his face. he moans and his eyes flit up and down your body, gaze landing on your chest. he watches it bounce as you squirm, his nose swiping your clit messily. you can feel his hot, wispy breath on your skin.
he's pressing you harder into him, getting his tongue deeper in you, his hips bucking into nothing. you start to get a little wobbly from the pleasure, so his hands lock onto you and his fingers dig into the fat of your hips that you hated until you realized how much he loved it.
you cum with a cry as he buries his face into your aching pussy. he lets you hump his face to drain every last bit of pleasure from your orgasm. you wait till the aftershocks wear off before lifting off him. "want me to return the favor?" you ask, but he shakes his head no. you're still sensitive and twitchy from cumming, and he gently massages your thighs to relax you.
one hand wraps around his cock to line himself up with your hole, and the other slithers up to your face to tilt your chin so you look directly at his face. "jus' focus on my face baby," he whispers, trying to distract you from the pain of the stretch when his tip breaches your entrance.
he fucks you like the world is ending tomorrow. fucks you like you're the only girl in the universe. he can't even think about himself when he's got you moaning on his dick and you look so good. his cock rubs against your g-spot and you see stars.
you cum before he does, and you swear he's pulling an even more lewd face than you are. he's so close, so fucking close, and what finally pushes him over the edge is the cry of his name you let out once the pleasure gets to be too much. he cums so hard he whimpers a little bit.
you think it's so cute the way he can't help but curl into himself at how good the couple seconds of pleasure feel. you both wish the feeling didn't end so quickly. he slowly pulls out. you bask in the afterglow for a while, dabi's body cuddled up next to you. you feel so much better. you know he'd never cheat on you, know he'd never hurt you or your feelings, know he's good for you. all it really took was realizing you were the hottest girl ever in his eyes.
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youkaiyume · 10 months
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So, Rise of the Beasts!!
I saw it twice of the weekend, and I want to put down my honest thoughts.
Overall, I had a great time and I definitely think it's worth watching. Ignore the critic reviews for some reason they are offended that a Transformers movie exists to sell toys. You know, their sole purpose since the very beginning of inception. But OF COURSE I have THOUGHTS so...
Spoilers under the cut!
I liked the human characters for the most part. Noah's sudden onboard motives for going with the autobots to Peru was not as convincing but adventure needs to happen so I gave it a pass.
Mirage is like, DTF with Noah. Like he is SO ready for that tiny bf bff. It's obvious that Bee spoke so much about Charlie (cuz it seemed he was the only one who did talk positively about humans in their group) that Mirage was just. HIS BODY WAS READY.
CHARLIE WAS MENTIONED!!! AHHHHH!!! That was the one tiny smidgeon of a crumb that I wanted and they gave it to me. Granted it was implied when Optimus says "I know one was good to you, Bee" But I was told that the Latin America dub had him say Charlie's actual name. There was a SCENE that was cut out according to the Hollywood Reporter--that Bumblebee had also pulled out a polaroid pic that Charlie took of them together from the first movie here to show OP. HE'S BEEN CARRYING AROUND HER PICTURE ALL THESE YEARS I DIE WHY DID YOU CUT THIS OUT!!!
Mirage's abilities seem very arbitrary. And I do not like this. He can turn into several alt modes which seems to be only a thing that he can do... he can mass shift--which I know mass shifting is a thing but when he turns into a truck to sneak past the museum security I was like??? I was always under the impression that the bots could turn into a vehicle relative to their own actual size so this just confuses me. There is supposedly an earlier cut of the film where it was more clear that the trailer was another illusion. which I wish they kept in. Also when he becomes Noah's symbiote suit at the end?? Like, as a shipper and rule of cool I am into it, but as a person who wants rules to ground my science fiction I don't like how Mirage is just a swiss army knife for the writer's convenience. It feels lazy instead of taking the time to actually worldbuild. Nobody else can do these things.
The arbitrary mass shifting of him being as big or as small as he wants (like when he becomes Noah's exosuit) really falls apart when they keep insisting that they need the humans because only they can fit into small spaces. Well, clearly not cuz you can just do it yourself. AGAIN, PLEASE BE CONSISTENT WITH YOUR RULES.
Airazor x Elena. Anyone else????
speaking of which, I am very upset about what happens to Airazor. And we never even got to see her transform. tragic.
Optimus sure was a negative nancy which--I understand why but I hope they ease up on edgy "i will rip everyone's faces off" Optimus because it feels disingenuous to his character to keep it going for too long. Like I get it, they killed your fave child so I will forgive you but also I want more of "Be strong enough to be gentle" Optimus. Not the edgelord Bayverse Optimus that they are clearly going for cuz the know certain :ahem: fans like that.
Beeeee. They put him out of commission which again, according to interviews they did just so they could make sure he doesn't steal the spotlight and give a chance for the other characters to shine lmao. He is too powerful. But also because we shots of him in the trailers, I was not too worried about Bee staying out of commission. But goddamn when if I still wasn't hyped as hell when he made his comeback. 10/10 he proves he's still the GOAT.
I hate Pablo/Wheeljack. No, after seeing the movie my opinion of him did not improve in fact it got so much worse. His design was the LEAST of his problems. Every moment he was on screen was deeply cringe. And he barely did anything!! He could have not been in the movie at all and it wouldn't have made a difference and I genuinely believe it would have been a better film. All this hullaballoo over Pablo and this is what we got. Wheeljack fans lost hard after all that defense I'm sorry this ain't it.
Hey speaking of bots that barely got any lines or screentime, wtf was up with Rhinox and Cheetor? My boys got shafted :(
There was a moment where OP is asking the bots if they detected the terrorcons and Arcee WHO IS SITTING in the pablo van was like "lol nope" and I was like GURL how could you, you're in a van. And it made no sense because don't you also have an altmode??? Shouldn't you be scouting outside to cover more ground???
I firmly believe the only had Arcee sitting in there like a dumb duck because they wanted Wheeljack to make a dumb joke in the original cut about how it was a long time since she was inside him. UGHUGHUGH.
Did I mention how glad I am that they cut the majority of Wheeljack's screentime since it was so awful especially his and Arcee's implied romance? Especially since they killed off the other femmes so the only one we got now has to have a mandatory romance. No thanks. Glad that nonsense is gone.
The Maximals' robot modes were very minimal. and they went by so fast I never got a good look at their designs.
I loved how the Maximals were harmoniously living with the native tribe--and speaking their language!
Scourge's face reveal seemed to be treated like it was a big deal but when we saw him it was just... guy without his wig on. Literally the surprise is that he is bald.
Noah x Mirage is very strong good. I have no doubt the fandom will be all over it since they seem to eat up BL romance much more readily and I am all for it. They also have all the great ingredients for it--flirting, drift compatibility, self sacrifice for the other. Another human x transformer ship for the books.
I'm sure there are some ppl who like the ending. but I.... did not. I do not want to see G.I.Joes in my transformers I'm sorry. I don't want the return of military propaganda or more introductions to several human characters that take away from the transformers. I don't want to see them exploited or used for our own human affairs--even if it's a fictional cult-- when they could be literally fighting Decepticons or Unicron or whatever. People might have wanted them in Bayverse cuz it was heavily skewed Military in those films but I don't want to see it again. It was a terrible, dark time. the Joes might be presented as good guys but I don't trust the military in general and I don't see their motives as altruistic--especially if their goal is to use them for their own purposes. Why would they help them get home? They wouldn't, if just to keep their best weapons--and Noah is bait. He is bait and he will fall for it hook line and sinker because they are bribing him with his brother's healthcare and the fact that he is struggling to find work elsewhere.I hope if they are to be involved at all it will be relegated to characters here and there but they stay in their own movies if they have to ride on Transformers coattails to revive an irrelevant struggling franchise.
There was minimal human injuries/death and I appreciate that. They did the DBZ thing where they took their fight to remote locations. This probably won't keep up if they introduce the Joes :/
Overall, 8/10. I had a fun time. I didn't love it as much as Bumblebee but it was definitely miles better than Bayverse (a low bar I know). The action was clear, the characters likable, the CGI mostly stellar. I have hope that they will bring back Charlie maybe. But hey, I took my parents to it the second time around and my Mom liked Mirage and my Dad did not fall asleep so I will consider that a stamp of approval.
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woneuntonzz · 2 months
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what's it like to love ? 𓇢𓆸
anton lee x afab!reader (part 4/5)
• part 1
• part 2
• part 3
• part 5
warnings: cussing!
genre: fluff -`♡´- highschool love
word count: 5.3k words!!
౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ description: student athlete!anton x studious class officer!reader | you swore to yourself, to you friends and even to your parents “I'm not one to easily fall.” and you thought you were that tough, not until him of course. [note!!: hiii i'd just like to quickly say that this is my first ever post ever and i'm still a bit insecure with my writing, and english is not my first language so bare with me now 🙏 open for any forms of feedback please do take note that i will take longer to update/respond to anything because of school, thank you!!! ]
[Day 14]
“You seriously aren't dating?” 
It's been over an hour since you've set yourself to finish the very last thing that you needed to complete your grades in Economics. 
You and a couple of your friends were in the library on an early Tuesday morning to finish schoolwork. You've spent the past week taking tests, conducting group presentations, finishing remaining school work, and preparing for the finals which were to be held the next day.
“No —shouldn't you be studying? I heard your class is getting a long test from Mr. Choi later.” you didn't bother drawing your eyes away from what you were doing hoping that they would stop pestering you with the unnecessary questions.
“That's not a problem to me, so stop changing the topic. Tell us what's going on between you and the swimmer guy, you two are always together nowadays 's so hard to miss now.” you stopped and stared at the paper you've been working on, giving Liz a quick glance.
“He likes me.” These words slip past your mouth like it's been resting at the back of your tongue. 
”And?” you sighed at Liz's urges and pursed your lips, trying to find the words to explain everything.
“I haven't reciprocated.” your response was very subtle but your tone indicated hesitance.
“For real? Well, how do you feel about Anton?” Liz's question made everyone take a pause on what they were doing, they were all eyes and ears for you.
“Anton —he's very sweet, and he cares about me, like, a lot. And you know how I've been bothered by him ignoring me for like, months? I just suddenly became interested in befriending him, even just a little bit —but, yeah, that happened. I don't get why it bothered me so much that it got to a point of him confessing out of the blue, does this mean I like him too?” Your eyes lingered on the empty space on the table you occupied.
Your friends exchanged worried looks, unsure of how to help you. 
“I mean, you were mainly worried that he hated you, right?” you weakly nodded at Danielle. “Normally you wouldn't really care about that stuff, at least since last year, so looking at it now it seems like your fixation on Anton must mean something.”
You sighed, averting your eyes from the table and staring on the floor below you as you started to think. Because of something that happened back then, I just stopped caring for anyone with a negative sentiment towards me. I didn't care when that girl I swore to the heavens I loved suddenly stopped caring about me just because of a stupid rumor, I didn't care when people started giving me glares, whispering to themselves when I passed by, I didn't care when I saw the screenshots from group chats that talked shit about me and my friends. I just didn't care, but what made me care for him? —you started to reflect on your feelings and actions for the past year. 
“I'll be fine!” The sudden shift of tone and the smile that sprang forth your lips shocked your friends.
“You sure? We're really worried, you know.” Liz held your free hand and caressed it with her thumb. 
“Yeah, I think I got it.” you heartily smiled at both Liz and Danielle to reassure them.
Danielle went to give you a warm embrace whilst Liz had her arm wrapped around your shoulders, giving you a light squeeze. 
In all honesty, even you didn't know what you meant by "I think I got it.”. What was the next move? Just go with the flow —you repeated in your mind, allowing yourself to be receptive as the next few hours flew by.
————— ୨୧ —————
Anton sat next to you in the classroom with a very few others, those including you who chose to stay back for lunch to finish the workload. 
Both you and Anton were busy with something, with you assisting him every now and then since he had a lot more to work on. 
Despite the very heavy atmosphere brought in by the stress from school, you and Anton appeared to be marveling in your own little world, sifting through paperwork with such radiant expressions embedded on your faces. 
“How should I design this?” Anton held up his unfinished project.
You turned to face him, crossing your legs and holding your chin to imitate enthusiasm. “You know what it needs?”  
“Please don't say Barney the Purple Dinosaur, that… thing… It terrifies me.” Anton shimmied his shoulders to express his supposed fear.
“WHAT? He's cute!” you pressed on him, making him breathe out a laugh.
“So you're saying Barney looks like you?” your eyebrows nearly touched from what he had just said.
“Excuse me? Do I look purple to you?” you jabbed at him with 'threatening' eyes. 
“No, what I mean is, if he's really cute as you claim, he should at least resemble you.” Anton calmly explained.
His zealous explanation made you chortle. He was immersed in your laughter, your voice, your eyes that disappeared as you chortled on, and the corners of your lips that rose higher and higher, because of him.
“Oh, so I'm your basis for what you classify as cute?” you breathlessly spoke, still trying to recover from your disoriented state.
“Well, yeah! look at you…” he cupped your face in his hands, gently squishing your cheeks.
His eyes went from your lips to your eyes after you had gone completely quiet. Your eyes meet each other, stuck perfectly as if binded by glue. He delved into the pools of your eyes, trying to capture what it is you're trying to tell him with your stare.
“Anton.” Your serene voice made Anton blink.
“Yeah?” he whispered back.
“Can you give me a little more time?” he breathes in after hearing your question, but you spoke again before he could utter a response. “To think about… us.”
Your face was still in his hands. He started softly brushing his thumb against the skin of your cheeks. “Of course. I'm sorry, am I moving too fast?”
“No.” but I'm falling too fast —you were only able to finish your sentence in your mind, still afraid to admit your feelings.
You were still quite unsure. You were still afraid that things would end up the same way it did for you past 'relationships', you were already thinking about the plausible downfall before anything had even started.
————— ୨୧ —————
The bell rang, students scurried out of the building, being chased by the obligation to study for the exams tomorrow day. 
“Don't message me tonight okay? Both you and I have A LOT to study.” you iterate to the guy walking beside you.
“Yep. I'll be crying over chemistry… if you even cared.” you playfully rolled your eyes at his humorous cry.
When you stepped out of the school gates, you were expecting him to wave goodbye and walk the other way, but then after being about a meter away from school, you stopped in your tracks.
“Why are you still with me? isn't your house the other way?” you furrowed your brows as you looked at him.
“You're crazy for real, my house is literally in the same direction as yours, keep walking luv.” Anton placed his hand on the area below the back of your neck, lightly pushing you to continue your steps.
“Wait, really? you've always walked the other way…” at this point you were just questioning everything and you already had a lot on your mind considering the exams.
“I visit the record store nearby before going home.” you simply nodded at Anton for his clarification.
“Why?” you asked to which he shrugged.
“I like it there. It's peaceful, it's vintage, the music is fire, and the owner is very nice.” it was true that he often visited that place before he went home, but not everyday, what wasn't a fact is that his home is actually in the same direction as yours. “I can take you there some time when you're free.”
“I'd love that.” you utter, smiling to yourself, keeping your eyes on the vamp of your shoes.
You two kept walking till you reached the gates to your house and the sun was just about to fall.
“I never knew you lived just right ahead.” you were unlocking the gate when the words fell off your lips. 
“Are there no people inside to open the gate for you?” you swung the gate open and looked at Anton whose eyes lingered on your bedroom window on the second storey of the house.
“My dad's abroad, my mom's at work.” you shake your head away from the gloomy thoughts, smiling up at Anton. 
He smiled back, subtly biting down on his bottom lip. 
“Get home safely Tonii.” there was a glint in Anton's eyes when they enlarged in a modicum. 
“Uh —Oh, yeah, you too.” Your laughter filled his ears and soon enough he cracked up as well.
“What do you mean 'you too'?” At this point, you're just breathing out your words. “I'm literally at home right now!”
“You never know, Barney might be right behind the door to kidnap you…” Anton eyed the door of your house, his actions gave you the creeps and the thought that an intruder might actually be inside your house waiting for you flashes in your mind.
“Ow!” you hit Anton's chest, but still, he laughed. 
“Go home! you didn't have to give me anxiety you know!” Anton chuckled once again looking down on you who was looking up at him and pointing at his face, acting menacing in jest.
“Go inside your house first, what will happen then if I left and Barney ends up kidnapping and eating you alive huh?” you both had pursed lips in an attempt to suppress a laugh.
“Okay, okay. I'll go in.” When the two of you finally calmed yourselves down, you walked to the doorstep of your house.
You had the door wide open, just enough for Anton to catch a glimpse of your humble home. You stood by the door, already inside the house. “Message me when you get home, will you?” you asked eagerly, just loud enough for Anton to hear you despite the distance.
“I will.” Anton replied, matching your volume.
He waved at you as a smile crept up to his face. 
His smile somehow caused you to feel some kind of current coursing through your entire body. You had to defy the urge to just walk right back to Anton to make him feel what you felt as your eyes traced the curve that gradually formed on his lips.
He kept his smile as he started to slowly disappear from your sight. You were so smitten that you failed to notice that he walked back to the direction where you came from. 
————— ୨୧ —————
About an hour has passed, and the message you'd been waiting for since you've had yourself settled at your study table is yet to come. 
You've been flipping over your notes, sequentially staring at every word delineated with different color variations of highlights. 
Maybe he forgot, he must've gotten really tired… —you began to think of a thousand reasons why he hasn't messaged you yet. You exhaled heavily, laying your head on your forearm resting on your study table. You shifted your head to the side and eyed your phone. You were pondering on just grabbing it and asking him where he was and why hasn't he messaged you yet. 
You sat up with both hands at the sides of your head. After a few minutes of resisting and a long blink, you finally gave in.
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Anton just got off the bus when he felt his phone vibrating in his hands. His eyes went bulging out of its socket when he saw your name.
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Anton couldn't help but beam at the little nickname you gave him but he quickly gathered his thoughts and gulped, glancing at the quiet street of their neighborhood. He couldn't stand making up a nonsensical excuse that you'll eventually dissect within seconds, he didn't want you to think that he doesn't really care or that he forgot, that he got too tired. It wouldn't make sense for him not to speak or be with you even if he's exhausted to the core, he could only be in repose with you after all.
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A downturned smile formed on Anton's lips. He made great effort every time he intended to flirt with you, and he was aware when you flirted back, he just wasn't certain if you meant any of them. He surely meant every endearment, often masking them with his little quips. He didn't want to think you were just frivolling with him and he's quite abashed with even having to take a second to think about it.
He felt his phone vibrate in his hands again, this time you were calling. He picked up almost immediately, and you were met with the ceiling of his room.
“Nice wall.” you uttered.
“It's the ceiling.” he was chuckling out of frame 
He had his phone set up on his desk and you could see his medals and trophies at the background, and his cello. You were eager to ask him about his cello, ask him to play you something, and maybe even teach you. You cleared your throat as you cleared out your thoughts.  
Anton sat down on his desk chair facing his phone —facing you.
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“Where are the others?” Anton asked as he watched you blurt down what you were studying.
“Oh, they backed out.” your tone was nonchalant and your head hung low, pouring all your attention to blurting, or at least you were trying to.
“Really?” he was almost laughing and you heard it, making your left brow rise.
“Mhmm~” you hummed back.
“You sure it's not because you wanted to talk to me?” Anton's tone sent shivers down your spine. 
He sounded calmer, and a lot more alluding, so much so that you had to stop and stare at your notebook for a while to calm your mind and give it some space to process what to reply.
“Maybe —Well, yeah, I guess, but I called you to study.” your voice took after his making him feel assured. 
Despite the soporific air in his room which he inhaled, he was wide awake, wanting to just hear you talk on and on and on again. His yearnings were answered not long after.
“And I guess I wanted to… hear your voice —again.” your figure remained placid in his eyes, but deep inside, your heart pounded like a whole planet of people marching together. 
“Really?” somehow his voice became a lot lower, while still having a comforting and peaceful cadence.
“Mhmm~” your hum, this time, was a lot more mellow. It filled his ears and it got stuck in his head like a song that he almost hummed too.
“Everything about you is so, so beautiful.” your heartbeat persisted.
You looked up to your phone to see him, and there he was, giving you the same smile he left you as he stood by the gates of your home. How could you not smile back? in a matter of seconds, you shied away from his stare, looking back down on the paper that you've almost forsaken. 
“Hey —uh —let's have this talk some other time. There's still a lot to study, especially for you.” Anton could hear the frailty trying to break out of your voice.
He chuckled spurring your attempts to calm your heart down to fall short. “Okay, lovely.”
Your head fell right onto your desk, producing a loud thud.
“Y/n? you okay?” your sudden action stunned him.
“Yeah, yeah, i'm fine! let's just study, please!” you pleaded as you lifted your head back up.
You just had no idea that his heartbeat was in sync with yours. He just wanted to be by your side again. He didn't want the call to end just yet, he loved hearing your voice, but at the same time he couldn't wait for the next day to come so he could admire you closely and marvel in your presence.
————— ୨୧ —————
[Day 17]
Finals have come to an end. Some tests were easier than others, but you were confident, you were gonna be in the Top 5 of the ranks. You felt particularly good during those 3 days of absolute mind torture. Within those 3 nights, you and Anton have been having your study calls. You would both study the whole time, while also fighting to make the other blush more than yourselves. 
It's a cloudy Sunday morning, you could tell it was cloudy since the sun has yet to peek at you at the time it normally would. You had just woken up from a good night's sleep and felt very relaxed that you had nothing to worry about anymore. No pending schoolworks, no group projects and presentations, no more quizzes and exams, and most importantly, no more school for a few short months. 
Once that long awaited break greets you and pats you on the back, all you'll have to do is brace yourself for your senior year, your final year. You've been thinking really hard on what course to take and all you've ever been is nothing but unsure even with the pressure of having only a year left to figure it out.
You got your phone from your bedside table, and without checking it, you headed downstairs. 
“Hey, hun', your grandpa asked if you wanted to come over and visit, we'll only be there till dinner.” your mom asked as she eyed your figure that slowly descended from the stairs. “Your grandpa is having some visitors if you don't mind.”
You lightly smiled at your mom and nodded. 
It's been a while since you've paid a visit to your grandfather's haven —as you'd like to call it. He owned a huge flower field, filled with flowers that he and his family adored. Your grandfather loved seeing people with mouths hang open, admiring the beauty, the work, and the thought put into this field. He could've capitalized on it, but he didn't. He made a gateway and a stone path through the field, and anyone could go in and out. He always watched, to make sure that no one would ruin his beloved flowers, but for the most part he just wanted to see the appreciative nature of mankind towards such beautiful beings.
In the car ride to your grandpa's, your mom would ask you about everything that's been happening for the past few months. It's been quite a while since the two of you had an actual conversation. It was a great relief that your mom missed you as much as you missed her, where every night when you hear the sound of her parking the car in the garage, you couldn't bring yourself to get up anymore and greet her. It would be too late in the night for you to be up and it would worry her, so you would just lay there and you would see her with only the moonlight shining down on her, and she would caress your hair and leave once she's assured that you've been sleeping well.
After some catching up with your mom, you finally arrived at your grandpa's. He welcomed the two of you with a warm and wide smile spread across his face. He smelled like a pie of mixed fruits, which could only mean one thing. 
“These visitors, they want to buy my field.” both you and your mom went wide-eyed from his words.
“You said yes?” your mom's hand reached for her dad's forearm, keeping it there.
“Well, not yet.” your grandfather scratched the back of his neck when your mom let out a loud sigh.
“Well, grandpa, if you can refuse it, you definitely should. That's your gift for grandma for her last birthday, and she's looking over it from the heavens. Who knows what these visitors would do with these fields. They might clear out all the flowers and build a factory for all we know!” your grandpa looked at you with contrite eyes.
“I know, I know, but they've really been pushing me for almost 8 months now! I was hoping we could talk it out through dinner.” you had so much trust in your grandfather, and you knew he could resolve this, you knew he would never give up the field, even for his own life. “And maybe you'd like their son too.”
The worry painted on your face was diminished within seconds. 
“Dad!” your mom lightly hit his shoulder with the hand that used to rest on his forearm.
“What?” your grandpa seemed to be a little too indifferent with the situation he'd put you in and it made you a bit upset.
“Did you set her up with the son!?” your mom had a firm grip on his shoulder now, slightly shaking him as she spoke.
“I guess so.” your mom sighed even heavier than earlier. “Their son is a good guy! He's a bit timid, but he was tall! really tall… and I believe he plays basketball —or was it football? I can't really remember, but—”
“It's fine.” you blurted out, arms crossed and gloomy eyes pinned to the floor. 
“I'm sorry my little tulip. I shouldn't have. You don't have to, okay? I'll try my best to convince them with my words and cooking alone, and if it doesn't work, then, I don't really know what to do —but you can just settle, okay?” your grandpa placed a hand on top of your head and gave it a gentle pat.
You could only nod and give him a weak smile. You loved the field, it's the only fragment of your grandmother that you'll be able to keep till your last breath. When you were born, it's been over a decade since your grandmother had passed. You had never been in her presence, but in the fields, you could catch a glimpse of her amidst the clouds, smiling down at you.
Before you knew it, the night would fall. You made sure you looked proper, still staying true to your words that you were not there to impress anybody. 
You helped your mom with setting up the dining table. When the bottom of the glass pitcher you held touched the table, you heard your grandpa say “Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Lee! —oh, and hello to you too young man!”.
You sighed, but then you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned your head and was met with your mom's reassuring smile. “Nothing's going to be sold, and no one's going to be forced into anything, okay?” she says softly, before making her way into the living room to greet the guests as well.
Her words made you feel at ease, the heavy feelings that slowly weighed down on you started to dwindle.
Put away the cloth you used to handle the pitcher, and you could hear your mom, grandpa and the guests coming into the kitchen. 
“Oh, and that's my granddaughter Y/n. She's very smart, and she can sing too!” you suppress a laugh from hearing your grandpa's proud tone.
You turned around, and your mind went spiraling. It seemed out of the blue, a very peculiar instance. Perhaps this was entirely by chance as this was never a part of your wishes and prayers. 
“Y/n y/s/n?” you tensely nod at who you could only guess as the mother of the family. 
“You know my granddaughter?” your grandfather tilted himself to the side out of curiosity.
“Hmm, yes. We know her very well. She's known for being one of the top students in their school, in fact, she's helped our son a lot with his schoolworks since he had a lot to catch up on.” the mom gave you a warm smile after her sentence.
“Our son is very thankful. We hear your name quite a lot and we've really been wanting to meet you.” This time, it was the dad who spoke.
Your lips quivered. You're just simply at a loss for words. 
Everyone was sitting on the dining table, and there he was, sitting across from you. 
“Oh, I thought you were a basketball player because of how tall you are! good for you! I feel like being a swimmer is a lot cooler!” your grandfather would excitedly exclaim somewhere in the adults' conversation.
You and him never bothered to join in unless you were asked. 
Once again, being in your own little world, when the adults had gone to the living room to talk, the two of you went to the flower fields.
“This place is surreal.” you barely believe that you were hearing the same mellow voice that you could never seem to get off your head again after a while.
“Yeah? just imagine how it would look under the light of day.” you crouched down to touch one of zinnias. 
You felt his lofty figure crouch down next to you. 
“I missed you, you know. My parents tricked me into coming here. I just said I wanted to see this field, but when we got close they told me they wanted me to meet the field owner's daughter. It was like they were implying that I get no bitches.” you couldn't help but laugh at him.
You turned yourself around and carefully sat yourself on the stone path with your knees bent towards your body. You could feel some of the flowers tickling your back making you giggle softly as you looked into his eyes.
“I missed you too Tonii.” he gave you a smile as bright as the moon above.
You both looked up to the sky and admired the stars, and the crescent moon. 
“It was so cloudy this morning. I can't believe this sight would be possible.” your voice was very gentle, still admiring the night sky.
Anton looked into your shimmering eyes. He could see the reflection of the moon greeting him. It was telling him something. He was so mesmerized by you that he wouldn't even realize that you were already staring back at him.
“It's kind of funny, you know? it's like the universe was taunting us, telling us we're gonna meet another romance that was not each other, but in the end it's still us.” you tilted your head, trying to see through Anton's entrancing gaze.
“I like you too Anton.”
Despite the cold air of the night, heat traveled throughout your entire body as you watched his eyes grow larger.
“Am I hearing things? Y/n? Y/n are you there?” you released a hearty laugh and hit his chest playfully.
You allowed your hand to rest there, and you could feel his rapid heartbeat that went at the same pace as yours. It wouldn't take long until you were both staring into each other again, and at the same time, at the same speed, your eyes would shift to each other's lips, and they would meet eventually. You wrapped your arms around his neck when he had placed a hand to support your back as he leaned in closer, and closer.
“Y/n? Anton? Where are you?” you two would hurriedly stand up from where you were when you heard your grandpa's calls.
You glanced at each other's flushed faces before a flashlight shone right onto your faces.
“Oh, there you are. Well, Anton and his parents will be leaving now.” Your grandpa gave Anton a big smile, signaling with his hands for Anton to come back to the house.
You walked back side by side with your hands latched onto one another. 
You two were met with silent stares when you entered the house with linked hands. You two would let go from each other and Anton would go stand next to his parents.
“We'd like to thank you for the wonderful meal, we really do appreciate it.” Anton's mom shook hands with your grandfather, and would give your mom a hug.
She went up to you and hugged you as well, a little bit longer than you expected. 
————— ୨୧ —————
When you got home, you had asked Anton if you could give him a call since your time earlier was cut short. He immediately said yes and you two would be on facetime again, this time with no books or notebooks, not seated at your desks. You were both just lying on your beds with your phones in hand. 
“Wait, you like me too?” Anton had been asking the same question for the past 6 minutes
“Yes!” you laughed.
He just couldn't believe it. You couldn't believe him either. You've been thinking about it ever since day 1, it was just now when you realized that you did feel the same.
“Are we like g-f and b-f now?” he places a hand over his mouth acting like a shy toddler.
“Ew, don't say it like that!” He ended up laughing too.
“Okay!” his laughter would fall to an abrupt stop and it would go silent for a while that you almost asked him if he was still there. “But seriously, what are we?”
“Well, we feel the same. Couples become couples because of reciprocated feelings. Now put two and two together.” you made little hand gestures as you spoke, and he just smiled, but deep inside he was awestruck, still finding everything unbelievable.
“We're… we're together now holy shit.” you couldn't help a gasp from escaping your mouth. You've never heard him cuss so heavily before, it sounded harmless —well of course, he's Anton— but it was so foreign to you that you just bursted out laughing.
The two of you talked and laughed throughout the night, and when the clock ticked at 12, you two had to say goodbye.
“Good night Tonii.” you yawned, making Anton expel a chuckle. “Can't you stop laughing at everything?”
“I should be the one saying that to you, but anyways, I just think you're so adorable, leave me alone.” his last words were muffled as he hid the bottom half of his face under the covers. “Good night lovely. See you again tomorrow.”
Tomorrow was another day, and a very great one as it turns out. Suddenly you two weren't hiding the fact that you two would hold hands and were always just centimeters away from touching noses. Your friends and Anton's alike didn't seem to be surprised at all, they were more likely relieved that the two of you finally came to a conclusion to what they thought shouldn't take too long. After all, the painfully obvious mutual feelings you shared were so strong that your friends and he would have distorted faces by the end of observing you two. But now, the clock is finally set.
“So you're saying, your grandfather spent almost a half of his life on that flower field, and it would be his final and greatest gift to your grandma?” you hummed an affirmation at Anton's query. “Woah.”
“The commitment made me believe that there is indeed true love.” you said in a very dramatic tone, looking off into the distance. 
“I can do that for you too.” he took great offense from you laughing at his face. “I'm not kidding!”
“I mean, it,'s not that I don't think you can or would, you don't really have to. There's a lot more ways you can express your feelings, my grandpa just happens to be a very hard-working man who appreciates the smallest of the small things in life.” Anton just loved it when you got so immersed with explaining.
“It's love.” he blurts out.
“Yeah. Love.” 
Love drives us to do the unthinkable, the perceptively impossible. Love is complex, but you would know it when you feel it, you would know when you've found it. And it is when love is exchanged unconditionally that life begins to finally be as fulfilling as they claim it to be in books and movies.
。゚•┈୨♡୧┈• 。゚
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satanic-witchcraft · 11 months
Text
Please take the time to read this, because I feel this is something that needs to be addressed.
None of the information I include in my videos, is cannon. Wally and frank fighting isn't cannon, home hurting wally isn't cannon, yandere wally isn't cannon, NONE of the audios i make where wally is one thing or another Is cannon. These are specifically fan-Made based on peoples requests.
I have received a hurtful message saying that they hate how home is being made out to be a bad guy, and how they're starting to hate wally because of specific things I have said or done in my videos, that were requested by someone else.
These are FAN made, they're not MEANT to be cannon information. I'm NOT the creator, I don't work with the creator, i don't work with the voice actors of the characters. Nothing I do or say is accurate to the actual story of welcome home, it's NOT supposed to be. I'm not trying to induce theories, I make these for fun. They're alternative universe ideas, or simply audios of things people want to hear me say or do in wally's voice.
This message upset me deeply, as I have asked just yesterday not to message me personally and get snippy with me, or complain. And receiving those hurtful words, made me feel sick.
I know this may seem harsh.. But I truly do not care if you dislike wally, the welcome home fanbase, or if you love home to the core of your being. That is you, I personally do not hate home AT ALL, I'm simply making an audio based on Someone's REQUEST. None of that information is TRUE.
Now if I make a mistake, I will absolutely 100% try and correct it to the best I can. But it is NOT my fault if you hate wally, and NOT my fault if you hate my videos. If you are so genuinely disgusted by my work, block me. You can Block me. You do not have to come messaging me telling how much you hate my work, and blame me for you forming your own negative opinion on something.
I am so genuinely tired, I hate when people get mad at me, typing this out right now I am genuinely shaking. This is why I put trigger warnings in my videos, because if you hate the kind of stuff that will be in that specific video.. I ENCOURAGE You to NOT watch it. If you do, that is NOT my fault.
I'm not the only person who's made videos of alternate universes, where home IS the bad guy. It's not cannon, WE KNOW that nothing like that has been confirmed. My videos are not theories, they are fanmade material. I'm not trying to encourage people to hate home, I'm simply fulfilling a REQUEST I was GIVEN, by somebody else. There are people who want to see content where home is the bad guy, that doesn't make it cannon.
I understand this is alot of repeating information, and I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh or insensitive.. But I'm tired of having people cross over my boundaries, just to tell me how much they hate something or hate me for simply doing impressions of a character. If i make a mistake I will fix it, But i haven't because NOWHERE in my videos is there meant to be anything saying "oh this is cannon! This actually happened!" or "this might be the story behind welcome home!" that is not my intention of these videos. I'm doing them for fun, I'm doing them for the peeps who want to see specific things that I can provide to them.
Please just.. Read my boundaries, do NOT cross them, and do not message me personally saying hurtful things. There is a REASON the block button exists, pal. I am ONE person doing everything on this blog. If I make a mistake, I'm sorry. If you don't like something I do, I'm sorry. I'm one person, I can't do everything, I can't make everyone happy.
Furthermore, Do not message me to vent to me about how much you hate or dislike something I'm doing. I'm happy to do a comfort audio or something like that, but I'm not a therapist. I'm some random guy on the internet making voice impression videos, if you're so pressed about my content talk to someone else. I'm not going to to stop doing something that isn't a problem, just because you don't like it. That's called being selfish.
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lonelyfooryouonly · 11 months
Note
Okay so this has been buzzing in my head but what about like, Ellie but she struggles a lot with intimacy and physical touch after the events of TLOU 1 and then she meets the reader in Jackson and shes in love but doesn't know what to do and she has a little breakdown and the reader helps her through it and its angsty but also fluffy af <3
Hello babe! 💐💐 Thank you for requestig this and I hope it won't be too triggering at some parts! The ending is very fluffly and cute, so yeah.. I hope you like it! Feel free to do it anytime!
The way you cry
Summary: you help ellie tak about her struggles.
Warnings: anxiety, ellie has a breakdown, talks about the events with David from part 1, but no triggering words are used.
Word count: 1k
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Ellie was so tensed, her muscles all rigid and flexed, her breath hitched, her knuckles white as she had her fists clenched, like she was going to fight someone right there and then. She sliently followed your gentle movements, eyes glued on your trembling hand as you placed it on her thigh and slowly moved it further, stopping when your fingers reached her belt.
"I- I can stop if you don't want to anymore" you proposed again, biting your lip as you looked at her in anticipation.
You hoped she didn't find your constant questioning annoying, but you really couldn't help it. Not when she wasn't even a bit relaxed. You felt like you were forcing her into something she didn't want, even if she was the one who proposed this.
"Yes- just keep going" Ellie closed her eyes for a bit and then answered, voice shaky as she opened them again to glance at you.
You nodded at her words, deciding to push away the negative thoughts in your mind. You were so nervous and worried at the same time, because you felt like you were intruding her personal space too much. Why was this feeling bothering you? Even when she kept telling you she wanted to take things to another level.
Why?
"Come on" she encouraged you, and you complied, unbuckling her belt and throwing it somewhere on the floor. As your fingers loosened the button of her jeans, you head moved closer to her neck, starting to plant soft kisses on her soft skin, running your tongue on certain spots and gaining small whimpers from her. As you completely undid her jeans, you were about to dipp your fingers further in, but you stopped as you felt something wet fell on your cheek that was slightly pressed on her neck.
As you looked up at her, your eyes widened as you saw the tears in her eyes falling and rooling on her cheeks, even if she struggled so much to not let them win all her efforts were in vain. She couldn't keep them in anymore. She didn't have enough power left to do so.
"Baby, what is wrong?" you asked on a panicked voice, moving both your hands to cup her face so she won't hide from you.
"I am so sorry, I didn't want to make you cry" you started apoloziging without waiting for her answer, feeling so guilty about your actions. You should have stopped the moment you realized something was off, you shouldn't have listened to her.
"No- fuck! It's not... It's not you, it's me. I am the porblem" she managed to say between her quiet sobs as she tried to move away from your grasp, not wanting you to see her in such a vulnerable state. But you weren't going to let her go this time, because you were sick of this situation. Sick of being left in the dark while she suffered alone. You wanted to be helpful, to make her feel like she can count on you. You didn't want her to push you away anymore.
"What do you mean by that?" you asked, brows frowning at her words. You wanted to hear what she felt, how she felt, why she felt like that.
She remained silent, eyes looking anywhere but at you. She didn't want to be like this, to get all emotional over some things that happend too long ago. But they haunted her. His figure haunted her.
"Ellie, please! I hate seeing you like this! You know you can talk to me. I am here for you and I want to listen to your problems, I want to know your struggles and to make you feel better. Please, talk to me. I won't judge you if that's what you think. " you begged her, eyes becoming glossy from the tears that began to form in your eyes.
You felt so useless sometimes. You were beside her, but still couldn't do anything, because she refused to talk. You tried your best not to push her, but you saw how those thoughts consumed her.
"I... fuck. It's so hard" She sobbed as you thumbs gently caressed her wet cheeks.
"I know, baby, but you need to get it off your chest. You don't have to be alone in this" you assured her with a little smile.
"I... I can't get those fucking images out of my mind, for God's sake. It's been so long, yet still here I am, still picturing every single moment!" She bursts, finally admitting what she feared fo say out loud. Her eyes shut close and her lips started trembling, hoping she would surpress the breakdown she felt coming.
"A few years ago, before coming to Jackson, me and Joel had this encounter... I... was captured back then and one of the people there...fuck" she stopped mid sentece, voice becoming weaker and weaker.
"Easy, baby. Take a deep breath, take your time to find your words, okay?" you assured her, and she nodded, following your advices. You tried not to let your mind wonder about what had happend to her, because the ideas that kept popping in your mind scared you so much.
"He... he captured me and tried to... You know" she gulped, her grip on your hands thigtening as she spoke.
You tensed.
"Did he...?" You asked, voice trembling as you looked at her with worried eyes.
"No." Ellie answered shortly, shaking her head and you felt like you could breath again.
"Oh God!" You exclamed, anger boilling in your veins as you tried to stay calm and not freak out. "What happend to him?"
"I killed him" she said, looking again at you.
"So he is dead now" You stated, even if it was a silly question.
"Well, yeah..." she answered a bit unsure of why were you asking such an obvious thing.
"Then why do you let him have such power over you? He is the one in a grave, not you. I know that day a part of you might have died along with him, but the other one is still here, still fighting. You are a survivor, remember that. He can’t hurt you anymore, he can’t touch you anymore." You reminded her, trying to hold back the tears in your eyes.
"I know, I know." She nodded. "But I still feel his touch" she added, voice cracking.
"Where?"
"Everywhere" Ellie replied and your heart sunk.
"Then I have to kiss all of those places until my touch is the only one you remember."
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incarnadinedreams · 7 months
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I frequently see people saying that the list of traits Jiang Cheng gave to the matchmaker are "impossible standards", ridiculous, unreasonable, outlandish, absurd, nobody could ever possibly meet them, etc.
Anyway the translation that's up on the wiki is:
His requirements in his partner are: naturally beautiful, graceful and obedient, hard-working and thrifty, coming from a respected family, cultivation level not too high, personality not too strong, not too talkative, voice not too loud and must treat Jin Ling nicely.
First off, the list comes from a random trivia answer MXTX gave in an interview, not the novel canon. So whether you even consider it canon at all is up for grabs to begin with. Though I think there was a scene in CQL with a similar list so it would be canon there, minus the Jin Ling point (due to the point in the story the scene was set)? (So I believe the matchmaker blacklisting point still wouldn't be CQL canon though, just the list?)
But if you do take it all as a Super Serious Canon Thing, well... to be honest I just don't think that list is at all unusual, given the setting? I believe many of the points in the list are just traits considered generally good for ladies of the time period (intentionally vague as that time period may be). (I am absolutely not an expert though so please correct me if I'm wrong about that.)
To me it seems that it's not that they're unusually high or unattainable standards, they're just so generic that they're sort of unhelpful. That he has like no idea what he wants at all outside what he's supposed to want.
The only points that actually seem to have any specificity are things like cultivation level not too high. Which some people could interpret negatively, and fair enough. But personally to me that seemed more like a flashing neon sign of 'please someone not like my mother', given her strength in cultivation was one of her defining traits (and something that he may have felt led to her disappointment in him). Even though Jiang Cheng may carry forward some of her traits himself (for better and for worse; this is not a YZY hate zone but there's... a lot there), he does seem to have at least given some thought to choosing a partner to counter some of the pain points of his own childhood and aim for something different (and we see him trying to do that himself in specific ways as well, like his staunch support of Jin Ling when he was crying after the Second Siege, even if he doesn't always fully succeed).
And, of course, 'must treat Jin Ling nicely'. Which seems obvious and not like a big deal at first, but I think actually could reasonably be a big sticking point in a potential marriage. My understanding is that he was wildly more involved in Jin Ling's life than a maternal uncle would normally be. Including this as a specific requirement seems to send a particular type of statement, as if it was important to him that any potential match would not take offense to him treating an orphaned child that wasn't his with a lot of attention and gifts and favor... hmmm, how could he have possibly decided that could be a problem in a marriage...?
(Obviously, the scenario would be very different than his parents' - none of the salacious rumors and the humiliation that came with them that really drove a deeper wedge between YZY and JFM - but he was obviously going to be doing a lot more for Jin Ling than an average uncle so it makes sense to have that be a specific point upfront.)
I'm ultimately in the 'it was MXTX making a joke and not meant to be taken nearly this seriously' with a side of 'the clan leaders of this generation aren't in a hurry to get married because MXTX just didn't feel like writing their wives in and also it was funny' camp so I think there's a limit to how much insight can be gleaned from this, you know? It is fun to play with it in-universe and explore the implications on the society and political system going forward in the decades post-canon, but I do try to keep myself from taking it too seriously when it's clearly not a well-thought-out plot point or anything, just a fun offhand jokey trivia bit.
But I like the vibes of it all well enough to accept it as 'semi-canon' or 'canon enough' for myself anyway because I think the 'must treat Jin Ling nicely' point is cute and the rest is just standard for the setting and the blacklisted by matchmakers part is funny, and I'm much more willing to subsume random bits from interviews into my brain's blorbo blob if it's something funny.
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I love you guys
I first want to say sorry for not replying to everyone individually. I’m honestly overwhelmed by getting so many loving messages. So so many!!! I don't know where to begin. So I wanted to do a mass thank you because this way I don't leave anyone out. I’ve read and cherished them all, every one. I was having such a bad day that day, and really you all made me feel so much better and more welcome. I want those who are going through what I’m going through to know they are not alone either. I’m here for you as much as you are here for me, so please never think you are alone in this. So many of us are going through hell and it makes you feel so adrift. I hope something changes for the better for us all. 
I’m late to say thank you too as I’m with my sister at the moment. She saw I was down and has given me a bit of a holiday away from my neighbours at her place. It’s so quiet at her house. Well apart from my nephew getting me involved in his Spiderman obsession. I can't complain, I love Spidey. I’m feeling so much better. I guess I just needed a break from all the noise and stress. We're also planning a camping holiday come summer so that will be something to look forward to. Also, planning to do my driving lessons this year with her help as that will solve my work problem so much. I’m so nervous about that.
I’m also chuffed to bits to know there are also so many older fans. It’s always been something I loved in knowing that as we grow we never leave things we loved behind. And why should we? I wish I knew what changed in fandom to make so many people so ageist and hateful toward anyone over 30. It didn't used to be so bad, and I do hope that it changes. No one young or old should be made to feel awful for loving things so much they want to create, talk and share. The first person to get me into a fan community and make me feel I had a place as a little geek was an older lady I met at my town's old second hand book shop. We just started chatting over X-men comics (I loved the New Mutant and was a bit of a Rahne & Dani fan) and TSR books. She introduced me to Kirk and Spock shipping when I admitted I saw them as close. And wow was I in love with what she showed me. I even saw my first fanart in Susan Lovetts work and knew that's what I wanted to do. After that I got online in 95 and never looked back. I’ve been in so many fandoms and known people of all ages and called them my friends. So I truly hope that the anti olds things that is gripping some fandoms right now becomes a thing of the past and we can stop being so negative on people for daring to age.
Again thank you from the bottom of my heart for your caring and heartfelt messages. I feel so rubbish for not replying to you all, and I’m sorry, but I hope you all know you helped me. You are all the absolute best. I’ll see about getting some more drawings started when I come home. I’ve got some things that I kind of want to do that I've been promising myself I’d draw for years and feel I should start. I get sad I can't be a pro but at least I can still draw and get to share my joy at creating something with you guys. Thank you for all the sport and love.
Love and many hugs, Lucy
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flower1622 · 30 days
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Only my opinion
(Don't like? Pass it)
Fandoms that I think that are a little toxic:
. Selena Gomez Fandom:
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. I like Selena. She is cute. But some of her fans can be a little toxic....that still ship Selena and Justin even when they broke up and moved on. Not only that...they are judging Selena's boyfriend because of his appearance. This is not cool at all! Only someone who suffered bullying because of her/his appearance knows what it feels like. Selena's fans wouldn't like to be judged either. If she loves him and he makes her happy, what is the problem? Let's just respect them!
. Taylor Swift Fandom:
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I'm not a big fan of her, but I still think she is an awesome person. I can't say the same about some of her fans. Every quizz I made, people chose her fandom as the most toxic one...even above Kanye West Fandom. That was a shock! However, since last year, when happened a show in Brazil, I could understand from where people get the toxic part.
. PJO Fandom:
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I don't have anything against the fandom. People are nice! But there are others...who just can't stand when you talk bad about their favourite characters or ships...like Percy, Annabeth and Percabeth. For some, if you don't like them, you are a little crazy. Everyone has your opinion, we just have to respect that like many PJO fans do...I guess. I even lets my comments on, even though I know that I will also probably receive negative opinions.
. Harry Potter Fandom:
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Nothing against the fandom, but I think this one is similar to PJO's situation where people can't talk bad about Hermione, Harry or any other character or ship. There is even a thing between the creator and the fans/actors...I don't know much about it...but is something related to J.K being homophobic and that's why there is no homossexual character in the story. If she really is, this is not good. But if she isn't, we just have to respect her wishes of not wanting to put homossexual characters in her own story.
. Victorious:
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This one has a history from years ago. The fans ended up putting two females actresses against each other. If I'm not mistaken, there are some people still talking about it. It happened years ago, they already made up and everything. We just need to move on. If they are still friends or not, it's their problem, not ours.
. Sabrina and Olivia fandoms:
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This one is almost the same as victorious. The fans went a little crazy because of a boy and rumours. They put two females singers against each other and even cursed at them or wished them death. This is not healthy at all! People like this...need to get some help.
. Star Wars Fandom:
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I don't know about this fandom that much, but someone commented in one of my quizzes that Star Wars fans were hating on the actor who plays Anakin. If I'm not mistaken, I think it was something related to his acting too (correct me if I'm wrong, please)....because if it was about this...well...from someone who had acting classes, I didn't think his acting was horrible. It could have been better, but he gave the necessary emotion for the movie...rage/anger.
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I'm curious about what your opinion on dtamhd is?
I talked about it a bit when the episode first came out, but I'll summarize my thoughts for the new folk. This is all just my personal opinion/interpretation, feel free to disagree, etc etc
I really like DTAMHD! Dennis is my favorite boy and I enjoy being with him for 20 minutes and watching him bop around trying to keep his cool and be kind to people while he slowly loses his mind. I fuck very heavily with the idea that Dennis actually does try to be calm and kind most of the time, he just gets overwhelmed by his own emotions and lashes out because he has no healthy outlit or healthy coping mechanisms. And he refuses to accept help from others because he doesn't trust anyone but himself with his mind and body because growing up every adult in his life that we know of abused him in some way. So when he has a problem, like high blood pressure, he keeps it all inside and tries to deal with it himself, which just makes him more stressed and miserable. I really like all the little things in his fantasy that actually do highlight parts is his real life, like him having to be on Frank's family plan, forever tied to him and relying on him even as an adult, or him crying "nightmare nightmare please somebody help me". We love to see a man suffer on this blog. But that's the aspect of the episode people usually don't have a problem with. Let's get more controversial
My interpretation of the ending is that Dennis did not actually lower his own blood pressure, he's just so stuck in this fantasy version of his life where he has control and where things can't hurt him that he blocks out the negative information and replaces it with positive. I don't see it as a "win" for Dennis because I don't think he succeeded at all in actually changing anything. I think the fact that the gang's phone call at the end is the exact same one that's explicitly a fantasy is supposed to clue us in that this is fake too, the difference is Dennis isn't aware that it's still a fantasy because he's so wrapped up in his own idea of himself as someone who CAN lower his own blood pressure and someone who the gang needs and relies on. So he has these purposeful fantasies to help him cope, but those fantasies still bleed in to real life and color his perception of himself and the world even though he thinks to himself that he's in control of the fantasy. But much like how he can't actually control his physical health, he can't control his mental health either, and this constant fantasizing that he can do all these things has led him to see a distorted version of reality where he doesn't have to change or grow or learn. Which is kind of the core of the whole show if you think about it. I do agree completely with the criticism that Dennis actually having the ability to lower his own blood pressure is stupid, so I get hating the end if you see it as him returning to reality and being successful in his endeavors, but that's not how I see it, so it's not an issue for me.
I can also understand why people could see the heart eating scene as a serial killer Dennis thing and dislike it because of that, but that's not how I saw it at all. It's really goofy and cartoony and obviously not real when he rips the guy's heart out and eats it; it's not about killing someone (the guy doesn't even look hurt at all, he just stands there watching Dennis—I think a real murder fantasy would focus on the pain and dying but it’s not about that, it’s about defeating a metaphorical evil, not a literal man) it's about oversimplifying the world. There’s so many fun different ways you can interpret the CEO, like that he represents Dennis’ relationship with himself or with the world or with his parents, etc. I think if you detach yourself from the literal image and look at things in a more abstract, metaphorical way it makes the scene and the episode as a whole more enjoyable—but I understand that’s not something everyone is interested in doing.
That’s why it doesn’t just feel like a retelling of Glenn’s real life experience to me—I think there’s a lot of Dennis-specific ideas and systems (lol) throughout the episode that give it more symbolism and weight and makes it into a good (imo) narrative.
And I get why, if you’re the type of person who feels a Sunny season should end with a story about the entire gang, or about the gang helping one of them do something big, or something similar, DTAMHD would be disappointing, but I personally have no expectations for what a Sunny finale “should” be, so I wasn’t bothered by the fact that Dennis never opened up to anyone or had any real growth. I was just along for the ride.
I really enjoy the fact that the episode has a lot you can read into and a lot that’s open to interpretation, but that’s also the exact reason different people came away with such different views of the episode. I love when Sunny takes risks and makes unique episodes like this. And I like watching Glenn Howerton smear blood all over his mouth
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katesmemes · 12 days
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feel free to change any pronouns, etc. || may contain some nsfw! || PART TWO HERE.
"Tonight is the fucking night, okay?"
"We are getting in the puss and we are gettin' wet."
"Nobody's gonna wanna fuck me this year just like nobody wanted to fuck me last year or the year before."
"And just what would I say?"
"They could've broken up, you never know."
"I'm not doing that with [Name], y'know what I mean?"
"I'm playing the long game with [Name], okay?"
"What the fuck happened to her?"
"That made me so sad."
"I don't need this negative, really sad attitude, please."
"What the fuck are you wearing?"
"It's really not too late to turn around, y'know?"
"I think you wanna be here."
"Where'd you get that idea?"
"What are you guys doing here?"
"What happened to your arm?"
"Oh my God, she ate shit is what happened."
"Oh my God, what did you do?"
"I don't wanna say it, but we're fucked."
"I'm done trying to sow my damn oats."
"Because he's gay and fearless, he'll probably fuck me without protection!"
"Everybody knows he's fucking fruity!"
"I don't wanna live like that."
"Why do you always have to flirt with other women?"
"You're attacking me and it's giving me a migraine."
"You can't tell me what to do!"
"I'm sorry that I looked at [Name], and lightly grazed her left tit, alright?"
"Don't talk to me you ugly bitch."
"I do not talk to girls in overalls."
"You're being really mean right now."
"You have to understand that this was a misunderstanding."
"I hate to break it to you, but we are pretty big losers."
"No, I don't wanna do that."
"What's the problem?"
"I know how to take a punch."
"I just wanted to say, thank you so much for last night."
"Maybe this would be a great way to take your mind off of stuff."
"My dad left me and I'm incredibly punctual."
"I don't know about this shit."
"Stop smiling; I'm kicking your ass!"
"All women are hot to me."
"I don't know how that's really been sitting with me, y'know?"
"I feel like I kinda killed the vibe."
"I've never really, I guess, said that to anyone before."
"You're really, really brave."
"There's something you maybe should know..."
"Well, I wasn't going to do it, but this is the last straw..."
"Are you having sex with [Name]?"
"[Name], you look so beautiful."
"I can't answer that question because I don't know how to read."
"I'm gonna fuck up some footballers and I'm buying a gun."
"Okay, well, don't get distracted because we could be fined like $2 for this, so..."
"Thought you might want some company."
"I mean, I think it's for the best..."
"I do kinda miss when he would touch my hair..."
"I wanted to tell you this before, but...I really appreciate you fighting and speaking loudly at my boyfriend."
"I really value when people use violence and raise their voices for me."
"It's actually one of my love languages."
"I know everything is, like, really fucked up, and you still probably miss [Name], which I get, but I just think you deserve way better, [Name]."
"Great, what're we supposed to do now?"
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(Suspected) NPD + BPD culture is not being able to acknowledge the fact that you messed up without going over into overkill about it to the point where it ends up sounding guilt-trippy. Not because you're trying to guilt trip people, but because realizing you made a mistake, especially one that negatively affects other people shatters your self esteem completely and switches your self perception over to thinking you're an abusive monster because you didn't manage to reach your own standards for how you should be. And self hatred that sudden and intense is really hard to hide so it seems to always be outwardly obvious even though you don't want it to be because you hate being vulnerable like that, especially when it's not on your own terms.
Currently struggling with this a lot, it's one of the hardest parts of my symptoms to untangle, but I know the longer it takes, the more it ends up hurting me and everyone else but because it's so hard to change my standards away from expecting self perfection, literally every single mistake and setback sends me spiraling backwards into thinking I'm a horrible irredeemable person, so I feel like I have to hurry up fixing it even more than any other flaw, but my own brain is constantly pushing me back from fixing it :(
Even just admitting how much of a problem this is for me is difficult but I think it's a good and needed step, so thank you for providing a space like this for people to talk about their struggles with npd and npd traits.
-🦊 anon (if this isn't already claimed, if it is please let me know and I'll find a different sign off because I really love this blog so if I can, I wanted something to identify myself by on it)
.
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chuuya-fan-page · 3 months
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Regarding E’s post about Taylor Swift...
No offense, but who are you to say that? Like, let people have their fun. Who are they hurting by adding Taylor Swift to their soukoku playlists and posting about her songs/lyrics in relation to them? If it annoys you—don’t interact with it. Scroll past, press not interested/dismiss depending on the platform you’re on, filter tags/key words, block people (Blocking was made to allow people to curate their timelines and not see content they don’t want, it doesn’t mean the blocker has some sort of agenda against the person they blocked, like many people love to pretend). All these alternatives are a million times better than being mean about it. As a placeholder for blocking, you can also filter out someone’s username on Tumblr and it’ll hide all their posts from your dash the same way filtering a tag would. There are so many ways to avoid this without posting about it and spreading negativity.
If you disagree with someone in regard to a song fitting a ship (or anything fandom related, really), that’s completely okay. That’s your opinion, and you are entitled to it. What you’re not entitled to is shaming the person for it and telling them what they are and aren’t allowed to do.
Some Taylor songs genuinely fit them very well, in my opinion. Yes, also in my opinion, not all the songs people claim do actually fit them. But in their opinion the songs do, and who am I to tell them they’re wrong? My opinion isn’t in any way superior to theirs. And I’m not about to tell people what to think, or how they can interpret relationships, or what songs they’re allowed/not allowed to have in their relationship playlists. It’s not my place to. It’s not anybody’s place to.
It’s the same way the problem with the Chuuya hate page isn’t that they hate Chuuya, but instead that they’re unnecessarily loud and mean about it. Of course, I’m not trying to say that you’re “the same” or anything, because what the Chuuya hate page is doing is a thousand times worse than this, but this is the beginning of what evolves to be posts like theirs.
Not to mention that this whole mindset of “Stop making everything about X”/“Stop throwing X at everything” is rooted in ableism. What if an autistic person has Taylor as their special interest and they can’t help make everything about her? Heck, what if they have soukoku and Taylor Swift as special interests simultaneously and combining the two brings them unrestrained joy? Why should that bother you?
As an autistic person, I’m really tired of people telling me to stop making everything about my special interests. It’s genuinely out of my control, and I don’t understand why my happiness annoys them so much.
Please don’t take this as hate. The whole reason I sent this is because I like this blog, and I like to believe you’re mature enough to understand what I’m saying and where I’m coming from. Thank you for taking the time to read this <3
Hey I'm sorry that my post was read as being mean, I didn't mean for it to come across as anti-Taylor Swift. I do have my own issues with her but her music is good and I don't have a problem with people thinking a few of her songs fit whoever.
And also I'm not talking about actually explaining why you think a song fits them, that's cool as fuck. Analysis is great I love character analysis, especially if you talk about songs that represent the character and why.
Now respectfully, I think you are reading into a post too much but you did send me a well formatted ask so i'll by paragraph.
Who am I to say that? It's a take, I can have those and I wasn't shaming anyone. I said Taylor Swift makes good music but it doesn't fit everything. Which is true.
Please do not compare me to the Chuuya Hate Page as what she does is entirely different and my saying not everything works with Taylor Swift is so far away from being a bigoted shithead.
I'm not going to say much on the ablism but do know that I am also autistic. I understand where you are coming from but you also have to understand that sometimes special interests can clash. I said what I did because most of the "this Taylor Swift song fits them so well!!" is full of mischaracterization and it pisses me off because bsd is my special interest.
So, I'm not telling anyone specifically to stop doing what makes them happy, I made a very short post where I didn't even say anyone was doing anything bad. I said Taylor Swift doesn't need to be for everything.
Having said all that I do appreciate that you took the time to explain why exactly that post upset you and that's valid, however I am allowed to post whatever takes I want and you don't have to agree with me.
-E
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vorpalfae · 6 months
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it has been brought to my attention that someone sending anon messages to multiple people i follow on here.
the messages are either just slandering me or spreading lies about me.
OR
i just discovered fhat someone is ALSO sending messages to ppl harassing them ABOUT me. saying things like "katie is so much better than you" or "stop copying @hauntedfae" etc.
basically harassing them about me to try to insinuate that its ME sending the messages.
this is honestly heartbreaking and it angers me so much because i love and wish nothing but positivity for every blog i follow on here.
i wanted to make this post to let all of you know that i do not send anon hate. and i don't even send anons in general. and if you are someone who has received ANY type of message with MY name in it, just know that i never sent it and i do not think badly of any of you.
if i ever have an issue with someone i will ALWAYS message them DIRECTLY. i think its ridiculous and downright childish when someone sends anons and PERSONALLY HARASSES SOMEONE just because they have a problem with them. its happened to me plenty of times. and ive also received messages about other girls and when i get those messages, i always message the person its about to try to resolve the issue. and ive actually made quite a few friends on here because i decided to tal to them myself instead of assuming things about them. like @coffindollie ♡
i do not have any problems with anybody online. and ive had an ONGOING issue with a specific person who has been trying to cause problems with me since 2018. they've done everything you can imagine to me. and i can't even tell you how many ppl have believed them or thought i was attackjnf them because of this person.
it really hurts. i use social media to share the things that make me happy and meet new ppl and i don't want to be associated with or involved in drama and cruelty toward others.
if you have received ANY messages with my name in them i am begging you to please talk to me first before you assume they are true. i don't hate anyone. i don't wish negativity toward anyone. even the person who is doing this.
if you think its okay to hurt people and try to tear them down or tear down their self esteem for no reason whatsoever then you clearly have your own issues and need to be helped. not hated.
i don't want to be the reason for anyone's anger, sadness, or insecurities. and i hate that i even have to make this post.
it literally gives me so much anxiety not knowing who is receiving things about me and who possibly might hate me now because of it. it just makes me sad. i love all of you. if i follow you its because something about you and your blog makes me happy or comforts me in some way.
the online harassment is so unnecessary and cruel. it literally costs you nothing to just be kind to people.
and as for telling people that im "copying them" or that they are "copying me": grow up. people are allowed to like things. people are allowed to enjoy things. and nobody should be harassed relentlessly for having similar interests and style. nobody should be relentlessly harassed for something as harmless as loving the same things as you or me.
life is hard enough without adding hatred and unnecessary bullying into the mix. and if you have a problem with me, then TALK TO ME. im not going to talk shit to you for it or ignore you. we are all adults here. i will try my best to put myself in your position and see where you are coming from. and ill try my best to resolve the issue you have in a way that helps us both feel better about it instead of creating further drama. im ✨tired✨ of people using anon to hide behind while they try to hurt people and turn people against each other.
sorry for the long post. i just don't want issues with anybody and i certainly don't want ANYONE feeling bad about themselves or feeling like they can't post on here because someone said something about me or made you think it WAS me.
if you just talk to me instead of fueling the drama i promise you will see that i don't have malicious intentions whatsoever. im just trying to mind my business and post things that make me happy. thats it. there's no hidden agenda. there's no jealousy or hatred or secret beef i have toward anyone.
i hope you all are doing well and if you are being harassed/bullied then i am here for u and u can talk to me any time💜🖤
i myself have been a victim of bullying and harassment. ive been a victim of rumor and lies. ive been so affected by it to the point where ive tried to end my own life and have self harmed because of it.
bullying is not a joke. you never know what someone is going through. you don't know if your harassment might be the last thing that pushes them over the edge. i still get bullied for the time i attempted suicide because of bullying. have some fucking empathy and understand that these are human beings who have lives that you are messing with. and your words have more of an impact than you think.
thankfully i am in a better place mentally than i was when i first started being targeted. but i still have anxiety. i still get extremely worried and upset when i see these things happening to me or other people. it makes me not even want to be online anymore. and ive left the internet multiple times to try and escape bullies. ive gone months without even posting because i couldn't handle the harassment anymore. i don't wish that feeling upon anyone. and if you need something cleared up or just need a friend you can always message me.
i don't hate anyone. and when ppl are depressed or upset it makes me upset. maybe im just sensitive or just have too much empathy, but it genuinely hurts me so much to see cruel behavior displayed toward anyone.
like i said, i don't KNOW exactly WHO or WHAT is being said about me to ppl. i just know that multiple people have came to me directly with screenshots of things ppl have said about me or have tried to make SEEM like its me sending them stuff. and im not sure what else i can do besides publicly write a post telling you guys how i feel about it.
i don't want anything to do with drama. and i always try to ignore ppl harassing me. but when it starts affecting other people it breaks my heart. its not okay. and i will do my best to try to spread positivity to make up for it.
i love you all༺♡༻ thanks for taking the time to read this.
~ katie
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sagevalleymusings · 10 months
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Ted Lasso is an extremely subtle and nuanced show that we don't deserve and I'm going to defend a character I hate to prove it
So the series finale of Ted Lasso aired last night and I went out of my way to watch it even though I don't have a Hulumaxflix plus account, because I have utterly adored this whole season. I have seen a lot of disappointed fans and negative takes, even outside of the "it's woke now" brigade, and I disagree with pretty much all of the analyses I've seen so far. People are disappointed at the Tedbecca tease that never panned out, they're disappointed Jamie is talking to his dad again, they're disappointed all this stuff they wanted to happen didn't happen, tale as old as time. But I think the issue here is that Ted Lasso is written in the style of a daytime tv comedy while actually being an extremely heartfelt and pained letter to an abusive father that one of our writer was never able to send.
Co-creator and star Jason Sudeikis has gone on record saying the show is about bad dads. And we see examples of this all over the place. Some are more subtle than others.
But the problem with subtle shows is that you have a very wide audience to appeal to. I have seen and dare I say it even enjoyed both Primer and Groundhog Day. But trying to apply the time travel logic of the former to the latter just because they're both time travel movies would be folly. And this is how I feel about Ted Lasso. It has a lot of similarities to a style of show which is usually nowhere near this deep and it makes people expect something of it that it isn't providing. 
How do you know I'm not talking out my ass? Jack Danvers.
I hate Jack Danvers. We get a fucking lesbian for a change and she's an abusive cowardly closeted slut shaming piece of shit.
I love Jack Danvers. Because I knew she was 1) Keeley's financer and 2) a lesbian in under ten seconds of meeting this person, having seen only her shoes.
Jack is quiet and possibly even a little uncomfortable chatting with Keeley in the bathroom. But Keeley's so charming and open that you can't help but appreciate the quiet bonding moment it turns into.
But I've definitely been there. Women are so comfortable talking to each other in the bathroom and it makes me so uncomfortable. There have been so many times I have been made to feel unwelcome in this space and you want to have a chat...  Please go away.
Once it's revealed this is in fact Jack, it comes as a minor shock that Jack is a woman actually. Why is her name Jack if she's a woman?
It's because "my father wanted a boy."
Jack is one of Jason's "bad dad" characters. Which means her actions are a reflection of her childhood environment in a very pronounced way. Slowly but surely, we learn that Jack believes love is conditional.
Jack introduces us to the concept of love bombing and I think because the relationship progresses past that point, the audience is encouraged to forget this, but… love bombing isn't just new relationship energy. It's an abuse tactic. And we're told pretty explicitly that it's an abuse tactic because the person telling us about it is Rebecca, regarding her shitty and manipulative ex husband.
That Jack's relationship starts on this beat is noteworthy, because it sets up the dynamic that Jack believes she can only retain Keeley's affection if she buys it. Why does she think that?
Moving forward, we start to lapse into a false sense of security as Jack loudly proclaims their love in front of the whole office and is planning on showing Keeley off, only to have the rug ripped out from us the second something even slightly bad happens. 
But it isn't Jack's decision to make Keeley read out that apology and then pull funding when she refuses. Not if we're to believe Jack's word on it at least. It was "the board" whoever that is.
Jack peaces out to Argentina before the final shoe can drop, and it displays lastly an absolute cowardice on her part that she didn't even give Keeley the satisfaction of a break up. 
All of this combined makes me realize though that the sudden scrambling retreat is literally the other side of love bombing - we didn't drop that plot point just because we stopped talking about it. The motivations for both actions come from the same place. Jack believes love is conditional. She feels that she must earn Keeley's affection, and sees nothing wrong with withdrawing her own if Keeley doesn't do the same. And also, the actions of her partner reflecting negatively on her means that love can be withdrawn *from her* if she doesn't bow to pressure from those whose respect she's trying to maintain. 
The coming out moments in parallel with this lens are stark. Coming out to the office wasn't just about being open -it was about speed running earning Keeley's love and trust with grand acts of affection. And there are no consequences to coming out to people that far beneath you socially. Jack owns the HR firm that KJPR… might not have? Meanwhile her old college friend does matter. And when Keeley was a successful business woman to show off, that would have been fine. But now that she's part of a scandal? They're just friends. It serves her to come out to the firm in the interest of gaining Keeley's love, and it serves her to keep it hidden from her college friend, to avoid messy questions later that might make her look bad.
With her very name, Jack has been taught that there's a version of herself other people want her to be that she's incapable of reaching. And absolutely nothing we see from her suggests she's worked to unpack that trauma.
Jack is a minor character - a brief love interest in Keeley's life. But her decisions are deliberate and weighty. The good and bad moments are both informed by the same parental trauma, and the writers stick to it. They're true to character, even if it's "bad representation," even if it's not what fans want.
So let's talk about Tedbecca. I will reiterate that this show is about "bad dads" and more broadly about the ways in which who our parents are and how they raised us results in intergenerational trauma that's difficult to disrupt.
Ted and Rebecca are foils for each other. They both have absent fathers (eventually even they both have dead fathers) and they both have emotionally controlling mothers (more on that in a moment). They both are starting a new chapter in their lives because of a divorce, and family is an important component of that divorce. 
And they are both responding to their trauma, especially in early episodes, the way they've always been taught to respond to that trauma. Rebecca schemes vengefully while pretending everything is fine on the outside because she's been taught that the people in her back will not support her. Her mother put up with shitty behavior from her father for years. Then when her father left, her mother turned into a flighty unreliable hypochondriac. She doesn't want to allow Rupert the same power over her, so she reacts like a cornered tiger.
But at the end of the day, what she wants is a family, and in a lot of ways Ted can't give her that. Is Ted going to have one child in America and another in Britain and split his time between the two? Does that sound like the kind of thing Ted would be willing to do? Nor do I think it's what Rebecca really wants because her desire for family isn't just about having a child, but having a stable family unit to come back to, one she didn't really have growing up. Maybe you could see them hooking up, but by the time their relationship has progressed that either of them could have, they've both grown past the desire to do so. Tedbecca isn't endgame because Rebecca needs someone calm and warm and relaxed to come home to, in contrast to her childhood being a parent to her mother, or the cat and mouse dance with her ex husband.
But Ted isn't much better. We see that his father's suicide soured their relationship, but holy crap do I want to talk about Ted's mom.
In every single scene that Ted and his mom are interacting in right up to the blowout fight, she is guilting him into behaving a particular way. She says he "was born nice" but in reality it's obvious that he's extremely used to having to guess at what someone wants and bend his life around that. Ted's mom wants to visit him so *waits around his apartment* until he notices and offers her a place to stay. Ted's mom wants to sleep in the bed while insisting otherwise (but immediately starts having specific plans about what that means re: suitcases don't go on the bed). Ted's mom wants to go to the game and Ted doesn't insist she go, so she sends a text saying she wishes she were there. It is a relentless barrage of emotional abuse.
No wonder Ted is so sensitive to the lies she's telling people, also the whole time. How many fights have they had where he's done something because she asked him to, only for her to turn around and say "I never asked for that" and have that technically be true? And in fact we are explicitly told in the blow out that she responded to her *husband's suicide* by pretending everything was normal.
And then, finally, we get the truth. She's not there because she wanted to visit London (a thing she said explicitly which turns out was also a lie). She's there to guilt Ted into coming home by using his guilt over leaving his son. Is Ted… also a bad dad?
Ted's entire generous, forgiving personality was shaped by these two parents. One, who was a good man despite making what I would say is the only unforgivable act of selfishness, and the other, who is a manipulative woman who demands generosity from the people around her despite never overtly saying such.
Ted isn't just forgiving of Beard because of the guilt and anger over his father's death. He's also willing to go the extra mile for people because he thinks it's his job. 
Ted leaves for Richmond because his wife wants space, but in a lot of ways it's also an act of selfishness. After all, his ex wife says that she didn't want them to take a break, she wanted to know that Ted would fight for their relationship. And he doesn't - in fact he does the opposite. We now have context to know that asking for something without really asking for it explicitly is a trigger for Ted. So he sees what looks like the emotional manipulation of his mother coming from his wife, panics, and runs as fast and as far away from the situation as he can.
That Ted could never be in a relationship with his boss. Tedbecca isn't endgame because Ted needs a relationship where he can be selfish. 
And I think, genuinely, that all of this is intentional on the part of the writers. A relationship with Ted and Rebecca could never have been healthy, because they are the same character, but one of them is fight and the other is flight.
This show is so, so smart. And I think it's absolutely tragic how much of that smartness is missed because we aren't used to shows with this level of carefully crafted nuance. My god, the scene where Nate comes out of his room and the first shot is an all white hallway with absolutely no distinguishing features? My god. The flex of having the characters singing, and you can hear them walking off, Dani is literally getting louder as he gets closer to the camera! That's studio audio because their breathing doesn't line up with the dancing, but it sure sounds like it was recorded on a soccer pitch. I looked up the name of Keeley's form because I distinctly remember the last scene *not* saying KJPR and turns out in a blink and you'll miss it moment, she changed the name to KBPR to honor the fact that Barbara stood by her when Jack pulled funding.1
I could go on and on and on. There's so many moments where the writers just jam packed meaning and nuance to bursting in this show. 
In the "morning after" scene in the series finale, Ted is wearing a KC shirt, specifically a KC Current shirt, which is a women's professional soccer team. That says a lot all on its own for that being the shirt
In fact, Ted wears a lot of KC shirts on the show. He wears Richmond shirts… when he's at work. 
There's a lot more I could say, and maybe even will. I want to give the jamie/keeley/roy OT3 another look from the top at some point. But I just wanted to get something topical out quickly, because good shows deserve to be showered in praise, and I really think the negative publicity on Ted Lasso specifically is an absolute crime. We can't expect to see writers take a chance on something this detail oriented and nuanced again any time soon if we just skip all the nuance and get mad they didn't doll smash our favorite characters together.
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