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sohin-ace · 3 years

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Hermes - Switching Cells

*looks at watch* Would you look at that? It's gay time!

Fem reader

"Why did they make us switch cells again?" You glanced up at the tall dark-skinned girl next to you as she scoffed, rolling her eyes to the back of her head.

"Pfff... Some bullshit." She huffed exasperatedly, "They caught two girls being all nasty and frisky and they got mad."

Hermes and you were currently both walking along the hallways, all your belongings in your arms as two assigned guards escorted you, holding onto the chains tied to your handcuffs like a lifeline as they kept careful watch over you.

You could see other inmates doing the same from the corner of your eyes, moving from corridor to corridor and getting ushered to pack their stuff faster.

Everyone in the prison were to move from their cells and switch cellmates. It was the new rule that had just been established after some people decided to act a tad more intimate than they should appropriately have within a strict prison and disturbed other inmates as well as some night duty guards.

When the announcement was made in the court yard, the entire staff present to break the very important news down to the people, all the inmates started laughing their asses off between annoyed grunts and 'booh's.

Anyone would. How stupid was that rule? What kind of prison even forbade physical relationships between inmates? How was intercourse ever harmful to jail discipline? Weren't prisons in Florida famous for rape culture and letting inmates basically abuse each other? What about 'prison sexuality'?

All these questions you and your fellow comrades couldn't answer.

Your assigned guards set you up in your new cell after you finally reached it and locked the door behind you two, leaving you to settle down before phone calls time.

You stared around the small windowless room, cemented walls and armored door. Well that sure changed from the huge bars from before. To be fair this cell seemed even better than the old one.

"So... What are these things for?" You pointed at the bars on the small frame cut on the metallic door.

"To prevent girls from snatching each other I guess? Not like that would stop anyone but ya know... No one else but the guards on duty can see the inmates now so I suppose that's what they wanted." Hermes cleared, still salty from the ordeal and unnecessary bother.

She threw her belongings somewhere and you turned your gaze away from the door, you could only agree with her scepticism. "Hmmm... Yeah that's bullshit."

Hermes plopped herself onto one of the beds with a breathy groan, supporting the back of her head with her arms, certainly claiming that bed as hers.

Your eyes widened a bit in surprise and slight confusion when you realized that the two beds were in the complete opposite sides of the room.

"They... They even removed the bunk beds?"

"Yeah," She scoffed with a smile. "To be honest that just makes what they want to prevent easier. Like, you could easily just- Tch, I'll never understand the warden."

You looked around a bit before putting away your stuff neatly, unaware of your cellmate's sneaky and insistant eyes on you.

"Are you gonna be okay? Without F.F., I mean." You asked without taking your eyes off of your current task.

"Hah, you should worry more about her than me. She's the one that's stuck with Jojo."

"Hey, Jolyne's not that bad..." You chuckled in your ex-cellmate's defense, "...When she puts her panties away, at least."

The room became awfully silent until you suddenly heard Hermes chuckle lowly, almost evilly, even. You turned your head around to look over your shoulder and saw the latina give you a mischievous sideway glance.

You blinked and furrowed your brows at her in confusion but she only smirked back, swallowing another chuckle.

"Girl, do you want to have a good laugh?"

Her sudden deep voice made you gulp and you swore you felt a wave of heat wash over you and a pearl of sweat glide down your forehead.

Oh no, first of all, she didn't have any business being this hot, sprawled on her bed like that, her strong arms flexing effortlessly and her enticing smirk reaching her golden-green eyes.

Secondly, you knew that when Hermes had ideas, they were almost just as bad as Jolyne's. And God knows that Jolyne could scream dumbass energy like no one else sometimes. Especially when she was bored or horny. Or both.

You bit your lower lip and nodded at her. Hopefully you wouldn't be in trouble because of her genius plans, but again, it just made it all the more exciting.

Hermes jumped off the bed and struggled to keep the grin off her face as she glanced at the barred door. God she was so gorgeous and she didn't even brag about it.

She approached you and landed one strong hand on your shoulder, bringing her index towards her green painted lips in a shushing gesture.

"Here's what we're gonna do..."

She leaned in and explained the plan in a sweet hushed tone and you could barely concentrate on her words when she was this close to you, whispering with her overly endearing mexican accent. God, how could one be so cute and so sexy at the same time?

You tried your best to keep a straight face as she laid her evil plan out to you, but you could feel her breath hitting your lips and you had to clear your throat many times to cover the small squeals you unwillingly let out.

The more she explained, the more you could feel your face warm up. Not only because you were trying hard to not stare at her very inviting lips but also, and mostly, because of what her plan actually implied.

Hermes sure was a bold woman, but this plan would piss off the guards so much and be so incredibly funny if nicely executed, but at the same time, it was a bit, if not very, inappropriate and risky, which you got to figure out, was something she very much enjoyed.

"You sure about that, Hermes...? It's a bit... It's embarassing." You hesitated, visibly flustered but she squeezed your arm in reassurance.

"Come on! Don't be like that, it's gonna be so much fun!" She grinned at you and she knew you could hardly resist or refuse her anything. "Y/N, please? It'll be so worth it babygirl, trust me."

You gulped and nodded. Oh well, what's the worst that could possibly happen?

"A-aah!! I-... I can't do this...!"

"Ughh... Come on, bebé, just like that, yes...Yes!"

Very suggestive noises of the two cellmates echoed in the room and throughout the prison corridors. A wanton mix of grunts and whimpers and moans. What could be going on in this prison?

"I-Ah!... Aaah, no~!" You whined breathlessly and Hermes groaned right after you, accompagnying you in your, quite strange, string of sounds.

"Yes! That's it, Y/N! Do that again!"

"Hermes, I-...nnghh!! Fuck!"

"You gotta move like this Y/N! Yeah, r-right there! Aah! Perfect!"

Some guards on walking duty were passing by and stopped, alerted by the horrendous noises, easily heard by anyone nearby, and that left very little, if not nothing to the imagination.

"A-aah please! Hermes! I can't-..." You gasped, your voice leaving you, "No more..."

Hermes, motivated, encouraged you further, purring, "No, no, you're doing great babe... Hmmm...That's what I like to see... Ah yes..!"

The guards hurried up to the cell you two were dwelling in and banged loudly on the metal door in hopes to shut you up.

"What the hell is going on here?!" One guard screamed and tried to check inside the room. But you girls were hidden right against the door, underneath the frame and perfectly in the guards' blind spot.

You two stiffled a laugh and continued on whatever you were doing. Yes. The plan was coming together amazingly.

Hermes was currently showing you some 'magic tricks' with playing cards. You were of course, completely failing and clumsily dropping the cards all over the place after trying your best to swipe and hold them in a way that would make any spectator blind to your misdirection and believe the cards were disappearing in your hands.

The Mexican was surprisingly good at these card tricks, things that she learned during her childhood, but she decided to add a little... spice to your teaching session. Something that would drive the prison staff nuts. Something that would make you pass time wonderfully in this boring prison.

"I can't do this, Hermes, we... We have to stop!" You cried with a hitched breath and the dark-skinned girl shushed you.

"Shhh. Relax, Y/N. You're too tense. Curl your fingers a bit. Oh-Yeah... Just like that... Aah~... See?"

"Yo-you're too good at this..."

"Let me teach you, guapa." She rasped and you let out an exaggerated ragged moan that she had to muster all her self-control to not burst into a laughing fit. What an actress you were.

"AAAHH~!"

The other guard came in to join his partner after leaving to call for help and you two could hear them bickering over what to do. The youngest, after getting insulted way too many names, eventually walked off again to call the supervisor.

"Come here supervisor! I heard them! Those two are at it as well!"

"Those damn lesbians, I'm so fucking tired!" The first guard commented as the supervisor stomped towards your cell and grumbled.

"I swear, these fucking girls are all so horny!" The man punched at the door, almost breaking it off its hinges and making you both flinch under the door. "HEY! MOVE AWAY FROM THE FUCKING DOOR YOU SLUTS!"

You put your hands over your mouths to silence your endless snickers and hurriedly got up, getting into the supervisor's view in front of the door's barred frame and forcing straight faces out of you.

"A problem, sir?" Hermes asked as calm as ever, her smirk effectively washed off her face.

"What the FUCK were you two doing in there?!" He growled, clearly not amused and way too busy to deal with that kind of joke.

"Nothing sir. We're playing with cards. Are we not allowed to?" She feigned as she tilted her head slightly, quirking an arrogant eyebrow. She too, was quite the actress.

"Tch, you freaks, I'm coming in." The supervisor fumbled messily with the keys and unlocked the door, missing the keyhole at least three times before succeeding, opening it wide and checked you two up and down scrutinizingly.

Nothing out of the ordinary. Neither of you looked disheveled in the slightest, and there were indeed cards sprawled onto the floor and in your hands.

He let out a suspicious drawn-out grunt and squinted his eyes at you, pointing an accusing finger at you two as he slowly backed out the door.

"I got my eyes on you, Costello, L/N. Don't you fucking mess with me." He hissed before slamming the door and locked it, walking away with the other guards close behind him.

When they were all out of earshot, you two finally burst into a laughter that you had been desperately containing as you slid back against the door, holding your stomach with pain from laughing so much.

"Man, we really got them!" Hermes obnoxiously sneered and you could only laugh back, contaminated by her laughter.

"Yeah! It was genius! And the overly lewd noises too! He was so red!" You added between laughs and slapped her arm playfully.

You both continued until your laughter died down a bit. You kept giggling softly and Hermes leaned over, smirking at you.

"Well," She purred and you looked back at her with wide eyes as she slid her hand up and down your thigh sensually. "Since they won't suspect a thing now, let's just get into the real deal, you're okay with that babe?"

And just like that, she grabbed your wrist and gently pinned you to the floor, connecting your lips with hers in a hungry and wet kiss.

And indeed, they did not suspect a thing after that.

Bonus:

"So Y/N is a bottom, huh?" Jolyne sneered as you all sat together at the cafeteria at lunchtime.

You gasped and blushed and Hermes wore her favourite expression. The smug one.

"I don't know what bottom is, but if Y/N is that I guess I approve." F.F said her straw between her lips before she slurped her drink again.

"Shut up. All of you!"

To be honest I didn't know what the Mexican accent sounded like until I started hanging out with @gio-is-writing and ??? Hello? Cute? Sexy? Be mine already.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #writing #jojo #x reader #reader insert #jjba #hermes costello #hermes costello x reader #hermes #hermes x reader #part 6 #jojo part 6 #stone ocean #jojo no kimyou na bouken

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lu-undy · 3 years

Text

Chapter 46 - SBT

Here it is!

"Bugger…"

The lights had switched back on in the dining area for a while now but Mundy's breath was still held, not that he particularly wanted it. But he couldn't help it.

"You seem to have enjoyed your dessert, Sir."

"Huh? Sorry?" Mundy blinked repeatedly as if he was emerging from a dream. The waiter chuckled. "Y-yeah, dessert was very good, thanks. I'll uh, I'll go and pay in a minute."

"You don't need to, Sir."

Mundy raised an eyebrow.

"What d'you mean?"

"Your meals here are taken care of, Sir." The waiter took his dessert plate and headed away.

"Wait, what d'you - ugh…" Mundy half smiled. There was only one person who could have done that for him…

The Aussie raised his eyes to the stage and smiled to himself as he shook his head. And that small gesture was enough to give him the boost his confidence needed. Mundy picked up his hat and a leaflet from the table before his feet guided him naturally backstage. He walked with a lazy smile on his lips, his eyes didn't see the restaurant, nah, they were just anticipating the sight of the man in the dark blue suit and tie, who had absolutely blown his mind with his vocal chords, about half an hour ago now.

When he arrived in front of the door, Mundy stopped and looked left and right. No one. Good. There was a shining metal pane on the wall there, Mundy could see his reflection on it.

"Oh… Uh…" He did his ponytail again, a bit better he hoped, and adjusted his tie. Ok, alright, hopefully he looked half decent now.

Three knocks. He gave three knocks on the wooden door with the Frenchman's name written on it.

"Go away!"

Mundy's smile shattered like glass. He spun on his heels but then he frowned. No, he needed to at least say thanks for the food. He knocked again.

"Argh! Pour l'amour du ciel, ne peut-on jamais profiter d'un moment de paix?! Frank, I swear, if it is you again about the songs, I will not change my mind!"

[For the love of God, can't I enjoy a moment of peace?!]

"It's not Frank." Mundy answered. He didn't see Lucien freeze and his eyes darted to the mirror instantly.

Merde, merde, merde…. He thought as he arranged his hair and face faster than the speed of light itself.

"Mundy?"

Lucien's voice was muffled but Mundy understood it very easily. Non, the Frenchman was right behind the door, there was no doubt about it.

"Y-yeah, it's me."

Lucien unlocked the door and opened it.

"Please, do come in."

Mundy slipped in and Lucien shut the door after checking that no one else had seen him.

"Am I botherin' you? I can come back later or something." Mundy asked, holding his hat in his hands nervously.

"Non, non, please, take a seat and make yourself at home. You look…" Lucien started but what word should he use? He looked at Mundy and all he saw made his insides warm and fuzzy. The long hair tied back allowed to see Mundy's face better, and even if his eyes were still hidden behind the glasses, Lucien found them more than pleasant. There were a few locks of wavy, dark brown hair that fell on Mundy's face and Lucien resisted the urge to push them back behind his ear. Non, it was too personal, too intimate. The Frenchman's eyes went down and seeing Mundy in that beige, three-piece suit was such a delightful sight to behold… "You look handsome."

"Thanks, mate." Mundy sat on the sofa and Lucien joined him after pouring a second glass of water and handing it to him.

"So, what brings you here?" Lucien asked as he sat down.

"I wanted to say thanks."

"What for?"

"I was going to pay for my food and head back home but the waiter told me that it had already been cleared for me. I guess it's you, right?"

Lucien smiled.

"It might well be."

"Pfff, why did you do that…? Duchemin might realise somethin'." Mundy chuckled.

"In his mind, we are romantically involved with one another anyway so I don't think him or any of his friends here suspect a thing." Lucien drank some more water.

"Yeah, well, still… Thanks."

"My pleasure."

"Also, what's that about?" Mundy handed the leaflet that him and the rest of the customers found on their tables.

"You call it a leaflet in English, I am told, Bushman…" Lucien played smug and Mundy rolled his eyes with a smile.

"C'mon, y'know what I mean… That's new. You didn't have those things when you first started, eh?" Mundy said. "I read it. It's got the program of the pieces you guys play and there's an entire page on your song - someone's big headed, but anyway - it's got the lyrics in French, and the translation, it's brilliant!"

Lucien smiled.

"Glad you appreciate it. I did it because one of my uhm, what did you call them again the other day? Ah, oui, one of my fans wrote to me."

Mundy smiled.

"Yeah well, you got tons of those, we know, yada, yada, yada…"

"Non, non, non, tsk, tsk, tsk!" Lucien waved his index finger left and right as he shook his head. He still had an arrogant smile on his lips. "Non, this fan, I actually talked to him, Mundy."

The Aussie frowned for an instant.

"You see," Lucien went on. "He told me that he had liked some of my songs so much that he managed to find some cassettes and he listens to them in his leisure time. He also told me that he tried hard to translate them. So I thought to myself that I could perhaps help and offer a translation, so that he doesn't need to."

Mundy's face was red. Lucien was obviously talking about him.

"I hope the leaflet helped."

"Y-yeah… Thanks… I mean… You didn't have to do that." Mundy said.

"Non, I didn't have to, but I did it anyway."

"Hm…" Mundy looked into Lucien's eyes and felt his own cheeks burning. "Thanks."

"With pleasure."

"Also, uh, y-you really did a great job tonight."

"Did you like the song?" Lucien asked.

"Yeah. And it didn't feel like you were the one who sang it, it felt like it was Lulu."

Lucien smiled.

"I guess it's the tears." Mundy added. "I can't imagine you crying and when you do it, well, I'm gonna sound like an idiot but to me, it's Lulu who's cryin', not you, as if you were two different people still…"

Lucien's grin hid the distress he had spent the past half an hour in and he thanked the Lord high up above that Mundy didn't seem to have noticed his still slightly red eyes from the intense sobs he had gone through.

"I… It does happen." Lucien said.

"What?"

"I do cry. Occasionally."

"Yeah, I saw you on stage."

"Not on stage."

"Oh… I guess it's when you think of… her?" Mundy tried to be tactful.

"Oui and non. Indirectly, I suppose. It is the unfairness of it all and how powerless I am that sometimes makes me so furious that I burst."

"What d'you mean?"

"Why them?" Lucien asked. "Of all the people on Earth, I could name a lot who were more deserving to die. Yet, God called her and our young son back."

"Mate, you're lookin' at it the wrong way. There's no rhyme or reason to life and death. People die of stupid things. You and I could die of stupid things. There's no sense to be found there."

"I know that and yet I cannot help but think that God should have taken me instead of them. I am the oldest of the three, I am not a woman or a child, I committed crimes, murder, cold-blooded assassination, and other sins for which I am sure to spend my next life burning in hell."

"No-!" Mundy burst out, speaking faster than he had thought. "Shush!" He screwed his eyes shut. "Don't talk about that!"

"Why not? That is all I deserve. I have killed many who were deserving and many who were not, because I was asked to. At any time I could have refused and resigned. But here I am."

"Spook."

"But that is not all. You see? When I climb on stage and sing, I become someone else, as you have noticed. I become a normal, civil man, someone who doesn't know what killing is, someone who sings sentimentality and romance as if he still knew what they were. Non, the more I think about it, the more I remember your letter and I think you were right. Lulu is a lucky bastard for not knowing the weight and pain that Solitude can bring."

Lucien took a sip of his water and put his glass away.

"A lucky bastard indeed." He added.

"But mate, you are him." Mundy answered. "Y-you're the one singin' those songs, you're the one who cries when he sings. I saw you today again. You tried to hold it back but eh… Spook, Lulu is part of you too. Stop thinkin' that you're an emotionless killing robot. You're a normal bloke."

Lucien took a deep breath and sighed.

"We already had that conversation, Mundy."

"Yeah, but apparently you didn't listen to me. Also, uh… About the song..?"

Lucien raised his eyes to Mundy.

"You said to me that you didn't like any other sheila than your fiancée but…"

"But what?"

"You really looked like you… Uh… You had someone in mind when you were singing."

Lucien sighed and looked away. He put a hand on his face and let it sink down from his brow to his chin.

"Hey… It's good, it's nice if you've found someone, I-I'm happy for you." Mundy said and Lucien shook his head.

"Think, Bushman!" He burst out at him. "Have I not learnt from my past? Have I not suffered enough from my own stupidity! I do not want to find anyone, I want people to stay as far away as they can from me. I am a curse to live with and deal with! I bring death, despair, frustration and powerlessness! Non! I do not want anyone to come close to me and I do not want to-"

"Have you finished with your dramatic nonsense?!" Mundy barked back. "Some of us here don't have any choice and have to live completely alone, you ungrateful snob!"

Lucien's eyes snapped wide out of surprise. He did not imagine the Aussie could become irritated, he always seemed so calm.

"You bloody mongrel! The least you can do is appreciate it!"

"Appreciate what?"

"Appreciate the blessin' it is to have someone with you! Pff.. And to think that you told me you knew what solitude was about, you have no idea, do you?! Or maybe you're so deeply in love with that sheila that you actually have forgotten what it is like, eh?" Mundy frowned behind his aviator glasses. "Well let me tell you, you arrogant idiot! Have you forgotten the pain of your past ten years alone?! Besides, for the love of all that is holy, please enjoy it! It's a blessin' to like someone and I'm sure that sheila likes you back so be fuckin' happy because that simply hasn't happened in the last ten years!"

"Mundy, what part of 'there is a contract on my head' do you not understand?!" Lucien's anger escalated. "I am a dead man!"

"No, you're not! You're alive, well, and breathing! You're also talking a lot of nonsense for someone who's dead!"

"It is all AS IF I was dead already! And I had better consider myself so! They are coming for me Mundy, each day that I wake up is just a step taken to MY DEATH!" Lucien exclaimed.

"Why won't you fuckin' enjoy what you have instead on focusing on the fact that you'll lose it?! Go sing all that to her in person!" Mundy pushed the leaflet against Lucien's chest.

"Because I am going to LOSE IT!" Lucien shoved the crumpled leaflet back to Myndy's chest.

"WELL THEN YOU'D BETTER GO AND ENJOY YOUR TIME WITH HER, YOU FUCKING UNGRATEFUL MONGREL!"

Mundy stood off of the sofa and left the backstage room, slamming the door shut after him. He went straight to his van and drove away, fuming with rage.

"Merde…" Lucien cursed and sighed. But there was no time to lose. Duchemin wanted to have dinner with him so he had to oblige.

-- A week later --

Mundy was next to the lake as usual. Hunting had been tricky that day but he managed to return to his van with a pheasant. He sat down next to the fire he had made and started cleaning the beast before cooking it.

He hummed to himself, tried to fill the silence around him with songs. But each time he did, his mind and his mouth would play something that Lucien had sung.

"No."

He stopped and tried something else. Damn it, that was still one of Lucien's songs.

"No, c'mon…"

Mundy was plucking the bird's feathers and he tried again.

"Hm…? Hmmm, da da da, la Solitude… No, fucking hell!"

He sighed and looked up from the colourful feathers between his hands to the silver lake in front of him.

Mundy sighed and decided to continue in silence. Birds were chirping, the lake's shy waves were rolling on the shore, not too far from him. All of that would occupy the silence, as it used to before Mundy met Lucien.

"Bloody hell!"

Did everything he thought about had to loop back to the fucking posh French snob?!

Once he finished with the feathers, Mundy gutted the bird and cut it neatly into its different parts before washing it and throwing it on the pan, above the flames. He let it grill and sat back on his chair. While the meat cooked, he pulled his hat down on his face and closed his eyes. He could do with a nap.

"So you do love a sheila, eh?"

"Bushman, look at me. Did you seriously think that a man like me could stay alone and single for long?"

Mundy stared at Lucien. No, of course Lucien couldn't stay single. The man was receiving heaps of letters from sheilas who would no doubt leave everything for him if he did as much as ask… Fuck him, he was irresistible… Mundy sighed.

"Whatever." He grumbled as an answer.

"Well then, I shall go and enjoy my day and my night with her."

"Yeah, alright." Mundy lowered his head. What was he thinking anyway? Of course Lucien wouldn't look at him any other way than a colleague, at best!

"Mundy?"

"What?"

Lucien raised his hand and splayed it on Mundy's chest. The Aussie's heart beat violently against it.

"Oh…? What have we here…?" Lucien pushed his hand against Mundy's chest and the Aussie felt his heart want to rip out of his ribcage more and more. Each beat made him come closer to bursting out until…

"ARGH?!"

Mundy woke up in a frightened startle and put his hands on his chest. His heart was there, his heart was there, oof, no problem, everything's fine.

"Gosh…"

He took a few seconds to wake up completely and put a hand on his hat to adjust it when he realised that his hat had gone.

"What the…?"

He could swear he had it on his head before he took a nap.

Pop.

The hat landed back on his head and Mundy looked up.

"What the fuck are you doin' here again?!"

Lucien was standing behind his chair.

"I put a few of those feathers to good use with your hat." He answered.

"What-?!" Mundy took off his headgear and took a look. On the side of it were two beautifully coloured feathers.

"It brightens up your hat without changing it too much." Lucien added.

"What d'you want?" Mundy cut to the chase.

"To hold a promise. But maybe we can discuss this around a good pheasant leg?" Lucien added and took a seat on the other chair that he must have stolen from inside Mundy's van again.

"Hm."

Lucien removed his gloves and both started eating.

"So, what's your promise about?" Mundy asked.

"I promised I would keep the lies to a strict minimum, didn't I?"

"Yeah, and?"

"You were right. I had someone in mind when I sang Hymne À L'Amour last week."

Mundy's hunger made him focus more on his food than what Lucien was saying.

"But you were wrong." The Frenchman continued. "It is not a woman. It is a man."

Mundy stopped chewing and raised his eyes from the leg he was eating to Lucien's eyes.

"Hm." He threw the bones away and took another part to eat.

"I realised that you might have been under the impression that it was for a woman that I sang all that. But non. It is one special man that my heart has decided to claw onto, unfortunately."

"Unfortunately?" Mundy repeated.

"Oui. You know why it is useless of me to try and achieve anything with him." Lucien continued.

"Can he like blokes?"

"As a matter of fact, oui, he can."

"Then go for it." Mundy said and Lucien chuckled.

"Go for what exactly, hm?"

"Go and tell him you fancy him. Invite him to dinner or something. I don't know. J-just do something."

"That leads me to my second point."

The Aussie froze thinking that Lucien would then invite him to dinner. His eyes snapped wide and his breath cut, while his teeth were still sinking in a bit of pheasant.

"I need to make something clear to you." Lucien went on. "Because I can see it in the way that you look at me. Since we argued the other day, your eyes don't see me the same way they used to."

Mundy's shoulders sank. Oof, and he had thought that Lucien was going to invite him for dinner… Silly Mundy… But the spy was right. He looked at Lucien less warmly now that he knew that his heart was busy with someone else. There was bitterness, and Mundy tried his best to hide the heartbreak of it. No point in admiring the Frenchman anymore, it would just hurt. At least when Lucien's heart was free, Mundy could maintain the illusion that maybe, maybe, he could slip through the tight cracks of his stone cold heart. But now it was useless. Lucien liked someone else and that had made him forget one of the things that made Mundy connect to him deeply: the solitude.

"I have to break another lie to you and please do not beat me up for it this time."

"Go ahead. No promises."

"I intend to offer myself to Duchemin's goons after we kill him."

Mundy's bit of food slid between his hands and fell to the dusty desert ground.

"What?"

"I will ask you to keep Perle and take care of her while I distract them."

"What d'you mean, you distract them?"

"I will give them a long, even though easy, chase at the end of which I will die in any fashion that will satiate their thirst for revenge. That way, they will not come after you, and Perle still has someone who will take care of her. Admittedly, you are more knowledgeable about her kind than me, she might be the one for whom it would be the best deal."

"What the hell have you been drinking, you idiotic, absolutely retarded mongrel?"

"Bushman, I am sorry to have lied to you again but I will repeat myself. If anyone has to die at the end of all this, it is me."

"You made me promise to survive it…!"

"Oui, for yourself and for Perle. You have never done anything wrong in your life. You have never lied, never hurt and never killed. Let death make sense for once, let her take someone who has done so many things wrong that it is useless to try and make something right. Please."

Mundy stood up and went to the lake where he washed his hands with the little bar of soap that sat on one of the rocks next to him.

"So, do we have a deal?" Lucien asked.

Mundy came back to him and the Frenchman stood up, offering his hand to shake. The Aussie stared at it.

"Bushman?"

Violently, Mundy took Lucien by his collar and lifted him up.

"Bushman?! What are you doing?! This shirt costs more than-!"

"SHUT UP you egotistical, selfish piece of garbage!" Mundy threw him on the ground.

"Argh-?!" Lucien's back hit the hard and dry desert ground painfully. "Why do you say that?! Have you not heard me?! I am doing this for you and for Perle!"

Mundy straddled Lucien's body and his punch flew to his jaw.

"Shut up! You don't do it for me or for her, you compulsive liar! You do it for yourself!"

"Non!" Lucien punched Mundy's jaw back and pushed the Aussie away from him.

Both took a moment to stand back up.

"Why do you not believe me?!" Lucien asked.

"Excuse me?! Are you asking me why I don't believe any word you say?! Well turns out that not many of them mean anything, you lyin' snake!"

They leapt at each other and exchanged punches and kicks again. They grunted and winced, the pain pulsating from their faces, their chests, their arms, their knuckles, everywhere. Mundy's hat had been thrown away, same for his glasses and their clothes had streaks of their bloods, mixed together. Mundy's nose was bleeding impressively and Lucien's stomach ache soon started to incapacitate him.

"Tell me one thing, one only thing that was true in anything you've told me so far." Mundy raised his index finger.

Lucien had wrapped an arm around himself, holding his painful stomach. His hair was dishevelled now and one of his eyes was particularly stinging. He closed it.

"I love a man… He doesn't know it… But… Argh-!" Lucien bent down. His stomach and ribs burnt with pain. "He is the reason I can fall asleep at night… If I don't think about him, I cannot…. I cannot sleep…"

Mundy sighed and stopped fighting. He walked to the lake and entered it fully clothed.

"What the…?" Lucien opened his one functioning eye wide. "What are you doing, imbécile?"

"Like you, idiot! I try to drown my problems in my bathtub!" Mundy shouted from a distance.

Lucien grumbled and took a few steps towards the lake. He removed his shoes and wanted to remove his socks but bending down further was incredibly painful.

"Merde, Bushman…" He looked at his own self and deemed the clothes good to be thrown away. No washing machine would fix the tears and the blood stains. "Merde…"

[Shit…]

Lucien walked to the shore and winced in disgust when the water hit his socks. He looked down and grimaced. Ew, now nothing and no one will ever fix anything. There was no turning around. He looked up and saw Mundy floating on his back.

"Putain de merde, Bushman. Tu me le paieras cher."

[Fucking hell, Bushman. You will have to pay for all this.]

Lucien walked further. The level of the water rose from his ankles to his legs, now his knees and thighs. The lake wasn't cold at all. It would have been very pleasant in other circumstances. Lucien kept on walking until the water level was to his neck. Then, he started swimming.

"Argh, umph, gnh-!"

"What the hell are you gruntin' about?" Mundy was as relaxed as he could be, floating like a plank on the surface of the water, his wet polo shirt and trousers sticking to his skin.

"I am trying to make sure you don't stray too far away - argh - Bushman… But you have hit me pretty badly and now everything hurts terribly…"

"Oops." Mundy answered, not apologising one bit.

Lucien grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer to the shore, where he could actually stand up.

"Why're you doing that?" Mundy asked.

"I don't want to fish you out the same way you did me." Lucien answered. He stood up and the water level was to his arms.

"Don't worry, my bathtub's large enough for us both to swim in it… C'mon, lay on yer back and relax."

"Quoi?"

[What?]

Lucien was completely baffled.

"Don't make me do it for you, idiot. Lay on yer back."

"Ugh…" Lucien sighed and bent backwards slowly. He then raised his legs and now the lake carried him like it did Mundy.

"There, now, gimme your arm."

"What?"

Mundy didn't wait and grabbed Lucien's arm firmly and laced his own around it.

"What are you doing?!" Lucien asked.

"Like the otters do it."

"Bushman, nothing you are saying makes any shred of sense."

"Nothin' you do makes any bloody sense! Now, shut up and listen to me. When otters sleep, they lay on their backs on rivers like that and to make sure they don't drift far apart during their sleep, they hold their arms together."

"Ah, I see."

Lucien and Mundy both stared at the immense blue sky punctuated by a few cotton streaks of clouds. They both remained mute for a long while. A bird would sometimes fly above them, or a fish would disturb the otherwise calm surface of the water. Apart from that, nothing but their own breaths and their own thoughts as both drifted away on the lake, sometimes to the left, sometimes to the right…

Mundy closed his eyes and as he started drifting away in a nap, he felt Lucien's arm move from his. He snapped his eyes wide but before he could do or say anything, he felt the Frenchman's hand slide along his forearm and finally settle when he slipped his fingers between Mundy's. The Aussie frowned. Why would he do that if he liked another bloke…?

"I cannot stand who I am." Lucien broke the silence.

"That makes us two. Can't stand you either."

"If I were to meet me and get to know me, I would hate me. There isn't the shadow of a doubt about this."

"Can see why."

"Everytime I look into what I am and what I have done, I don't see much to be proud of, and even less to share with someone else." Lucien said.

Mundy's eyes moved to the right, where Lucien was floating, next to him.

"Why are you doin' this?" He asked and squeezed Lucien's fingers once, gently. He wanted to ask why he was holding his hand, when clearly he had someone else in mind and in his heart.

"Because despite everything I say, despite my brain thinking that it is useless to chase my feelings, it is still my heart who wins."

"I'm surprised you got one of those, eh, a heart, you say? I thought you only used your rock stubborn, big head." Mundy teased.

"That is what I have done for a long time. But you broke that, and many other things." Lucien answered.

"Sorry… I guess…? Did I break your nose?"

"Non."

"What are you talking about then? I have no idea."

"And it is better that way."

"Why?" Mundy asked.

"Because… Because!" Lucien removed his hand off Mundy's and started swimming back to the shore. They had drifted quite far from where they had entered the lake first.

Mundy swam after him and when they could both stand up and reach the bottom of the lake, they did.

"Hold on." Mundy grabbed Lucien's arm again.

"What? Do otters come out of the water together too?" Lucien asked sarcastically.

"No, you muppet." Mundy went to grab the bar of soap and came back. "Here. Scrub yourself, you're covered in half dried, half still runnin' blood." Mundy tossed the soap over to Lucien who caught it effortlessly.

"Ha! Thanks to whom?, Might I ask, hm?"

"Shut up and do it, or give me back the soap and I'll start."

Mundy yanked his wet polo shirt up and away and threw it on to the nearby rocks. He then removed his trousers and did the same. When he raised his eyes to Lucien, the Frenchman's eyes were glued to him and he looked ridiculous with his shirt sticking to him and his tie completely drenched.

"What? You've seen me before, you pervert."

"Mundy! I am no pervert! I couldn't see a thing, it was the middle of the night! All I could see was the outline of your silhouette!" Lucien's cheeks had got some colour and Mundy chuckled because of it. The Frenchman looked and sounded offended.

"C'mon, clothes, out! And start cleaning yourself. You're so dirty you might as well get clean by tomorrow if you start now…"

Lucien crossed his arms on his chest. His salt and pepper hair was all wet and stuck to his face not in a way that put him in his advantage… But God was he funny, pouting like that with his face flushed red.

"C'mon, Spook! Or are you so posh that you snobs don't wash your skin directly but wash with your clothes on?"

"Hm…" Lucien grumbled and threw the soap over to Mundy who started washing himself. "Let me tell you that you will have to pay for this damaged suit. It cost me a fortune!" Lucien undid his tie and threw it away, before he opened the buttons of his shirt. "This is no ordinary suit that you can find in any odd shop! I hope you do realise that, Bushman!" The white - and red because of the blood - shirt flew away and Lucien removed his trousers.

"What the hell are those?!" Mundy pointed at Lucien's legs.

"Those are the garters you have now ruined because you decided that you were an otter today!" Lucien answered and Mundy burst out laughing. The Aussie had covered himself with the white foam of the soap and Lucien threw away socks and garters. Now both were in their underwear.

"Spook?"

"What now?"

"Do I have blood still on my face?" Mundy asked and Lucien walked closer to him. He squinted at his face that he rinsed slowly. The Aussie hissed.

"Spook, that hurt!" Mundy closed his eyes.

"Don't move so much! I am trying to see!" Lucien rinsed his hands and let his fingers run softly on Mundy's face, looking up to him until the Aussie opened his eyes. The soft fingers on Mundy's face made him melt and his guts went to mush. How could a bloke have hands as delicate as a sheila?

Their faces were a few inches apart and both now blushed beyond their ears. "There is blood still below your nose." Lucien said and took a step away. He took the soap off of Mundy's hand and turned his back to him to start cleaning himself.

"And now?" Mundy asked.

"One minute." Lucien answered as he washed his face. He carded his hair back and turned to Mundy. "Oui, that is better. Oh, let me see here… Oui, you have some blood on your cheek here, let me help…"

Lucien cupped some water in his hand and washed it away.

"There, that is better. Your face is clean now. What about mine?"

Mundy had looked away from the Frenchman until then but as his eyes moved to his face, he blushed more and more.

"Uh, I mean, it looks ok, you face, uh, ah, actually, you've got some blood above your mouth still." Mundy squinted and Lucien's heart jolted in his ribcage as the man was staring right at his lips. "Looks dried out a bit but you should be able to wash it away."

"Fine… Many thanks…" Lucien washed his mouth repeatedly and turned to Mundy again. "What about now?"

"Yeah, yup, no blood, no, your face's fine, yeah, very fine, ok… I'll uh… I'll grab some towels…"

Mundy went off of the water and into his van. He came out again and found Lucien shivering, his arms wrapped around himself. He was sitting on a rock at the edge of the lake and was watching the calm ripples at the surface of the water.

"Here…" Mundy wrapped the towel around Lucien and wiped behind his neck and shoulders.

"Oh… Merci… I was starting to get cold."

"No worries." Mundy sat next to him.

"You don't wipe yourself?" Lucien asked.

"Nah. I uh… I like to dry like that y'know… uh…"

"Mundy…?"

"What?"

Lucien took his towel and covered both of them.

"You are right, I am a compulsive liar. But that makes me good at telling when people lie. Do not offer me this poor show again, please."

"I tried my best, eh, sorry…"

"It is fine." Lucien leaned his head on Mundy's shoulder.

"Uh… Mate… Y-you shouldn't…" The Aussie moved away from Lucien and the Frenchman's heart sunk to his feet. "You told me you had someone. D-don't do that to them."

#tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #sniperspy #SBT

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butididnottried · 3 years

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Legend of Korra season 2

Episode 11

Boo, boo i say.

With every episode i'm just more and more annoyed by how this story goes, how characters behave and what plans they have. I can't even to pinpoint what excatly it it, it's just overall. But it was growing and cumulating from almost the start. And i really liked this season at the beginning.

And also, i have a break between episodes and when i started to watch lok again and plot get back to The Republic City i realized that i truly hate this place. It's not burning and vicious hate that prevent me from even watching and enjoying this show, i just hate it on "deep sigh and eyeroll in annoyance" level. I'm not sure if i even before hated a fictional place before, so at least that’s some new experience for me.

I'm pretty sure that Varrick was perfectly fine, funny and enjoyable when this show was airing for the first time, but now i'm watching this half-assed capitalist and i'm just sucking air through grinded teeth. Ok, he's still funny enough, thanks to his voice actor, but still. He take and innocent (?) woman with him to prison because he needs to have his maidservant (assisant, yeah, pfff) all the time. Wtf.

"Bolin, you're a doll but you're dumb as rocks you bend." I'm dead. Yeah girl, throw that right into his cute, dumb face.

The Fire Nation is the best at making red stuff. I'm again dead.

Aaaand Mako just get advantage on Korras memory loss. Riiight.

Episode 12

Ok, i didn't had problems with this whole "The Dark Avatar" idea, but when Unalaq said it out loud it really sounds stupid. But wait, Wan learned all four elements before he permanently fused with Raava, so how Unalaq, only waterbender, is going to be stronger than Korra? Even with Vaatu he shouldn't have much chances. Aaaand. I know that at the end Korra is going to leave both portals open, so at some point she's going to agree with her uncle than Wan did a mistake when he closed them and separated both worlds. I wan't this to be uphold with some good arguments (ehehehe riiight...).

Let Bumi speak and listen to him for once. And let him be serious. He was admiral - or whatever - in the united forces for years and he's experienced warrior. Cooome ooon!

Oh no, Korra and the rest are in shackles. Guess a little metalbending would be very in favour, huh?

And can Boiln shut up about Varrick. Ok, i get it, you both we're buddies, but baby, put your priorites in the right order. You don't care at all that he was warmonger?

I want' all this to be over. Just give me some fancy and oooh and aaah bending battle. Right now i do not expext nothing more really. :/

Episode 13

Bumi is scared of cannibals. It's such a white bullshit, but holy shit, they got cannibals in this world? What? Where? And Kyas greatest fear is that she dosen't have family and bounds to anyone? What's going on? Oh, look, it's general Zhao. He was there for whole 70 or 80 years, slowly losing his mind and obsessing over Aang. How tragic... Nooot. He was supposed to be dead. Giant water spirit fish fuckin killed him and that was tragic. Go away with that spirit prison for mortals bullshit. ):<

Bolin emotionally manipulated Eska using his great acting skills. But not really. Sooo... ???

Hey, Mako, i guess that shooting lightning at people is probably seeing as unethical in your world, but you're trying to help to save said world, so maybe you could zap a little these twins, huh? No? Ok.

Ok, i must say that scene in where Unalaq was beating up Raava and all past avatars we're vanishing was pretty good. But then he turned into kaiju of darkness... :/ And i don't really get this whole fight between Vaatu and Raava. When Raava wins it’s ok, world is as it was, no changes, like she's having no influence over nothing. But when Vaatu wins he brings darkness and can actually do things. Like... that's not really how balance works? Unless it's about how Raava is the good one because she don't choose to use her great powers of light. Idk.

Episode 14

I just realized that Kya got her name after Kataras mom. Bravo me.

Gosh, this finale was a rollercoaster of good and bad.

The Republic City is in danger and i don't care at all. They brought Dante Basco back for two lines, bad. Laser beams, fuck yeah, why the fuck not, fuck it, bad. Korra is very strong without Raava and can go spiritually apeshit without her, very good. Giant kaiju spirit fight, eeeh could be better. Jinora is doing a... thing, eeeh. Vaatu is spiritbended out of existence, whaaat. He need still to be somewhere. Just ??? Korra lost connection with her past lives. Good. Bold move. Does this also mean that the avatar cycle is broken? When Korra dies the next one is not going to be born? But as i understand this, this whole reincarnation thing was on Raava side, she decided to do that. Well, yeah... that changes everyfukinthing so ok, good for you show, to pulling this off. And she decided to leave the portals open because reasons. Idk. Maybe Unalaq was righ. Because. Reasons. She has no avatar authority no more because. And she can't be the bridge anymore. Because she still is a fusion of human and spirit and that dosen't mean anything anymore. Humans need to resolve this whole new situation on their own. Because Korra made that decision for a whole world while thinking that she is in no position to holding any power over these two worlds. What.

Sooo... Southern water tribe is going to be fully independant from now on. Ooookaaayyy??? It's wasn't before???

But Korra broke up with Mako for good. GOOD.

After all, this season wasn't as bad as internet is making it to be. It started better as is ended, but it's not trash fire or disaster.

#lok #avatar #lehend of korra #lok season 2 #lok first atch #the republic city #varrick #avatar spirits #vaatu #raava #dark avatar #bolin #mako #korra #unalaq

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zanybohbot · 4 years

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The Outsiders: Lies (Episode 5)

Published: 11-01-19 - Updated: 11-01-19

Pinky steals Newt's grilled cheese so Newt has ordered Pinky, Brain, Squit, Wakko and Pesto to get him another grilled cheese, which leads to Pinky and Brain get into arguments about lying. Pinky bets Brain that whoever gets caught lying first loses which gets them into some crazy hi-jinks. This is loosely based on the Regular Show episode called ‘The Grilled Cheese’. That's the 5th episode of The Outsiders. Rated PG-13 for strong language.

Part 1: The Worst Beginning

(Squit N/R: It all started with a nice, bright, sunny day as we came to look at some dope-ass videos on YouTube, suddenly Pinky came along.)

(Brain, Wakko, Pesto and Squit are on Wakko's computer laughing, then Pinky comes in with the bag of grilled cheese.)

Pinky: Guys, Oh, there you are. You want the grilled cheese? There's 5 slices for all.

Brain: Whoa! Is that a grilled cheese deluxe from Cheezer's?

Pinky: Yes, it is.

Brain: Then, yes.

Squit: Yeah sure.

Pesto: Sure, why not?

Wakko: Please.

(They eat the sandwiches)

Brain: How did you manage this?

Pinky: I bought it. With money.

Wakko: Nice! Hey, you know what would go good with these sandwiches? More funny internet videos! Check this out. (Begins typing in name on the keyboard)

Pinky: No, wait! I know a really good one. (Types on the keyboard)

Brain: No, Pinky! You're just gonna pull up that ostrich thing with the ballsack again.

Pinky: No, I'm not.

Squit: You're typing it in! I see it!

Pinky: Guys, don't look! You're gonna ruin it!

(The others close their eyes.)

Brain: Fine. It better not be that ostrich thing with its huge ballsack. Ready yet?

Pinky: It's loading. Okay... Now!

(They open them.)

Woman: (In video) Don't get too close now, pa!

(The ostrich hits a baseball off the tee, pecks the old man in the groin, and raises its wings to stroke his big balls. Pinky laughs.)

(The others except for Pinky groan about the video.)

Squit: Oh, for Christ's sake!

Brain: Oh, c'mon, it's that ostrich thing with the huge ballsack! Why do you gotta lie to us?

Pinky: 'Coz lying's my specialty!

(Newt calls on Brain's phone very angry.)

Brain: Oh fuck, it's Newt! Why did he call us?

Pinky: Uhhh...I dunno. (looks suspicious)

Brain: (he answers the phone) Hello.

Newt: (one the phone) Hello! Did you steal my fucking sandwich?!

Brain: What?!

Pinky: (snatches Brain's phone) Don't worry. I'll take care of this with my specialty. (talks to Newt) This isn't your sandwich. This is our sandwich.

Newt: (on the phone) This is your sandwich, huh? Then how come it says "Newt" on the bag?

Brain: Wait, you stole his sandwich this whole time!?

Pinky: (looks at Brain) SHHH! (Turns back to the phone) Well it's supposed to say "Pinky," but they misspelled my name wrong.

Newt: (one the phone) STOP LYING!

Squit: What the hell?

Brain: Pinky, I thought you said you bought this!

Newt: (on the phone) No, he didn't buy it, you fuckwit, I can still hear you! Now get off your lazy asses and go get me another Grilled Cheese Deluxe! (hangs up)

Brain: (looks at Pinky angrily) Argh! Look what you've done!

Wakko: Dude, that's so outta line!

Pinky: Hey, calm your tits! We can still make it.

Pesto: Yeah, don't worry, guys. The line won't be that long. Am I wrong?

(Scene goes to Cheezer's. The line is extremely long.)

Brain: (furious) PESTO!

Pesto: Okay, maybe I was wrong. My bad.

Brain: (looks at Pinky) Well thanks for saving the day once again with your specialty, you asshole!

Pinky: Whatever. Like you could do any better.

Brain: Pfff! I'm a better liar than you are.

Pinky: Oh, really? The only thing you're better than me at is being a big piece of-

(Brain swats Pinky in the head with anger. Meanwhile two astronauts in blue jackets go around the line and enter the restaurant.)

Brain: Hey! What the fuck? Those assholes are fuckin' cutting in! C'mon, now it's gonna take forever!

Squit: (sarcastically) Wow! Just our luck.

Wakko: You can't be serious!

Fat woman: Excuse me! Those fine men are astronauts! They can cut in line. They fought for our country!

Pesto: Who asked you?!

Pinky: (Rises off the ground and gasps) Dude, here's your chance to prove you're a better liar than me. Or maybe you can't? Look at your stupid-ass face. (Touches Brain's face all around) It must really eat you up inside to not be able to prove you're a better liar than me! 'Coz you can prove nothing! Y'hear!? You. Can't. Prove. Anything!

Brain: (Slaps away Pinky's hand and grabs his snout) Fine! You want me to fuckin' prove I'm a better liar than you? Why wouldn't we see who is better in lying? Whoever gets caught first loses!

Pinky: Okay. It's not like you're ever gonna lie better than thi-i-is!

(Brain lets go of Pinky.)

Brain: Ahem, excuse me, Miss.

Fat woman: What?!

Brain: We're astronauts! (They enter the Cheezer's, cutting in line.) Ha! I told you I'm a better liar than you!

Pinky: Woah, woah, woah! Step aside! I'll show ya how a real motherfucka lies. (Approaches a counter) Hey, bade! Give me a Grilled Cheese Deluxe and make it snappy and dope, 'coz we're astronauts and we gotta get back up in space! Know what I'm sayin'?

Cheezer's Cashier: Oh, my! (Speaks using a loudspeaker) One Grilled Cheese Deluxe for the astronauts. (The announcement arouses the real astronauts' curiosity.) That'll be two fifty.

Pinky: Damn! That's a moon quarter! (Points to a quarter)

Cheezer's Cashier: Oh! (Takes the money)

Pinky: Motherfucka! See?

Brain: C'mon, that was lame!

Cheezer's Cashier: Excuse me, sir! Your Grilled Cheese is ready.

Brain: Thanks. We gotta get this back to our astronaut captain. Know what I'm sayin'? Hmm! Hmm!

Cheezer's Cashier: Oh, is that your astronaut captain over there?

Brain: Huh? (Sees Pinky talking with real astronauts) ARGHHHH! (Comes up to them)

Squit: That's not good.

Pinky: This is the guy!

Real Astronaut: (Very indignant) You're the guy?

Brain: I'm...

Pinky: Go on.

Brain: (Unsure) I'm the guy...

Real Astronaut: (Suddenly, a real astronaut turns very excited. He is about to shake Brain's hand.) Well! It's an honor to meet you, captain! Lieutenant Pinks here has told us a lot about you and your whole team.

Real Astronaut 2: Yeah, it's great to meet five real fellow astronauts. State your names.

Pesto: Pesto.

Wakko: Wakko, the middle child.

Squit: Squit, the smartest!

Real Astronaut: So, what are you guys doing in this dump hole, anyways?

Pinky: Ah, you know. We're just pickin' up a Grilled Cheese for our commanding officer.

Real Astronaut 2: Ha-ha! I hear that!

Brain: Ha, yeah! We were just getting ready to take it back to the compound.

Real Astronaut 2: Compound? We were just getting ready to go there ourselves! Wanna lift?

Squit: Uh, sure. We'll take a ride to the compound.

Real Astronaut: Come to think of it, why haven't we seen you around the compound before...?

Pinky: We've just got back from a 10-year stand in the old shuttlecraft. Isn't that right, Captain B?

Brain: Yeah. And we've just transferred here. It's our first day.

Real Astronaut: Well, welcome! We'll be glad to show you around! Now, I hope you're up to spend a 2.5 million dollars of taxpayers' money, 'cause we're drivin'!

(They use a kind of an Apollo-like spaceship as their vehicle and simply cross the street because the compound is located right opposite of the Cheezer's.)

Real Astronaut: Gentlemen, welcome to the compound! ('Compound' echos)

Pesto: Oh, uh, I forgot my ID in my other pants. Can you help me out, guys?

Squit: Oh, what? That was my ID! I told you not to lose it!

Pesto: DAT'S IT! (as he was about to fight with Squit)

Real Astronaut: Guys, guys, calm down! You can use our IDs! (They pass the checkpoint.) Here. You guys might be more comfortable in these. (Passes them jackets)

Pinky: Ah, thanks! Yeah, I love these things, but Captain B might not be that into 'em. Don't you like the uniforms in pink?

Real Astronaut: Pink?!

Brain: I only had to borrow a pair that one time from... (Notices an employee list on the wall and quickly picks up a random name) Dr. Asinoskovich. That one time.

Real Astronaut: Ah, you know Dr. Asinoskovich? That's funny. Because she's right here! (Points at a woman standing with her back towards them)

Dr. Asinoskovich: (Turns around and speaks with a German accent) I don't remember you!

Brain: Really? Uh... It was one time at that conference. You don't remember me?

Dr. Asinoskovich: Uh... I don't remember very much from that conference. I... have to go! (Runs away very quickly)

Real Astronaut: Wow! That was awkward! Ah, come on! We'll give you the grand tour!

Brain: Pinky, you should quit right now. You're totally gonna get caught!

Pinky: Ha. We'll see.

(Wakko gets out a large bell and makes a "bong" noise)

Squit: (confused) What was that?

Wakko: That, my friend, is the sound of doom for us all!

(Squit N/R: And do you think that's gonna go well, wait 'til you see what's gonna happened next. Hopefully.)

Part 2: We're Doomed!

(Lies by Thompson Twins is being played while the astronauts are showing Pinky and Brain around.)

(Squit N/R: Just as soon as we got to the antimatter chamber, those 2 dickheads just can't shut the fuck up with their bullshit already.)

(Brain and Pinky wash their hands in the bathroom.)

Pinky: Man! I don't think you can last much longer of this bullshit! I think you should give it up or you're done, you bender!

Brain: They're not onto me, Pinky.

Pinky: Then I guess it's time that I start lying at one hundred percent! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?!

(They come out of the bathroom.)

Real Astronaut: And what tour would be complete without a stop at the pride of our compound - the antimatter chamber! (Slaps some clerk on his back) How is she running today, Jimmy?

Jimmy: Well, actually, sir... There've been some problems maintaining safe levels of-

Real Astronaut: (Slaps Jimmy again, causing Jimmy to drop his clipboard right onto a green button, pushing it) That's fate. I don't understand a half of that these science types say.

Pinky: Oh, that's too bad. Captain here's an expert on it!

Real Astronaut: You're an expert on antimatter?

Brain: Uh... Yeah... Uh... But not compared to how much this guy knows! (Points to Pinky)

(An alert beeper sound grows stronger.)

Pinky: (Frustrated) Uh...

Brain: Did you know he wrote a book on it?

Pinky: We wrote a book on it!

Brain: Well, you did most of the work on it!

Pinky: But your name's on the cover!

Brain: Yeah, right next yours!

Pinky: Above mine!

Real Astronaut: Jimmy, knock off that beepin'!

Jimmy: Yeah, actually, sir, I'm having trouble with-

Real Astronaut: Trouble? We-ell, these guys are experts! Can you lend a hand, fellas?

Pinky: Sure, we can! Go ahead, captain!

Brain: (Approaches the control panel) Well, according to the book Lieutenant Pinks wrote, you wanna turn that knob there.

(Jimmy follows the orders.)

Pinky: (Cuts in) But captain's own research really outdates mine. So turn that knob over there!

Squit: Uhhh...guys.

Brain: But he's forgetting the recent discoveries he made! Flip those switches!

Squit: Guys.

Pinky: Discoveries based on his studies... Hit those buttons!

Squit: Guys.

Pesto: Oh, It's gonna be so dope! (eats popcorn)

Brain: What the fuck, man!? I never said hit those buttons!

Squit: Guys.

Pinky: Yeah, Jimmy! You're not doing like captain B just fuckin' said! You gotta do it like this! (Bumps over all the buttons)

(The anti-nucleus gets unstable. Pipes burst. Danger light bulbs explode.)

Squit: Oh shit.

Brain: (furious) Pinky, knock it off! You're gonna fuckin' break it!

Pinky: No, you're gonna fuckin' break it!

Squit: GUYS!

Pinky & Brain: WHAT!?

Major Williams: What's all this commotion?

Real Astronaut: Major Williams? Sir! (Dusts off Pinky and Brain) We were just showing these new transfers around the compound, sir!

(A warning siren is heard.)

Jimmy: Captain B! Lieutenant Pinks! The antimatter is becoming unstable!

(Shows the antimatter wobbling in a mass.)

Wakko: (scared) We're fucked!

Pesto: I'm lovin it! (laughs)

Real Astronaut: Captain B, Lieutenant Pinks! You can fix it, right?

Brain: Yes! Lieutenant Pinks can totally fix it!

Pinky: Not without captain's help, I can't!

Squit: (confused) Guys, are we even doing anything?

Pesto: Shut up, Squit! I'm enjoying this!

Real Astronaut: No time for modesty! All of you, get in, NOW!

Pesto: Awww! But I haven't finished my popcorn!

(The astronaut opens the antimatter chamber door and shoves Pinky, Brain, Squit, Wakko and Pesto in there.)

Wakko: We're gonna die.

Brain: Dude, this is all your fault.

Pinky: What?! You're the one who won't fuckin' admit that you suck at lying!

Brain: 'Coz I don't!

(The others watch Pinky and Brain argue through the window.)

Brain: As a matter of fact, I don't know if I should ever talk to you again, let alone give you a ride home either!

Pinky: Look! Why don't you give up and tell 'em what's going on so they can help us?!

Brain: No, you do it!

Pinky: No way!

(The antimatter shakes even more.)

(Pinky and Brain argue some more until Squit loses his temper.)

Squit: (frustrated) Fine! I'll do it, it y'all just shut the hell up! (He gets the microphone)

Real Astronaut: What's the holdup?

Squit: Look. I have to tell you the truth. (Pinky & Brain nods.) I have a condition that makes me forget everything in times of extreme stress. (Pinky & Brain's mouth hangs open in shock.) My own fuckin' team doesn't have that condition. They're just idiots!

Pinky: Awww...what?!

Brain: What the fuck?!

Wakko: Outta line, y'know!

Pesto: Hey!

Squit: We need you tell us what to do!

Real Astronaut: Oh, my... Jimmy, what do we do?

Jimmy: They have to penetrate the anti-nucleus with something solid!

Real Astronaut: Right! Listen up! You have one chance at this thing, Lieutenant Pinks! You have to throw Captain B into the anti-nucleus!

Pinky & Brain: WHAT?!

Real Astronaut: It's the only way! Lieutenant Pinks is too big for you to throw. You must sacrifice yourself to save thousands of lives, captain!

Wakko: (shocked) Wait, for a joke!?

Brain: NO! Don't listen to him, Pinky! DON'T DO IT!

Real Astronaut: Do it! Throw him in! THROW HIM IN!

(Pinky looks around, conflicted.)

Brain: Please! No! No!

Real Astronaut: Throw him now! NOW!

Pesto: I dunno about you but this is getting mad tings! (eats popcorn)

Pinky: (looking apologetic) Oh god, what have I done!?

Brain: I'm sorry! I'm sorry for lying! You win, okay?! I won't lie anymore!

Pinky: I'm really sorry, B! But I can't let everybody die because of our bullshit! (Pinky lifts Brain up over his head and is about to throw him in...)

Brain: (Poor Brain) NO!

(A zip sound is heard.)

Brain: Huh? (Sees that his jacket is unzipped)

Pinky: Jesus. You thought I was gonna throw you in? I told you I'm a better liar than you. (Holds the grilled cheese bag in his hand)

Brain: Newt's grilled cheese!

Pinky: You better hope this works, grilled cheese! (Pinky throws a bag with grilled cheese into the anti-nucleus. The anti-nucleus catches the bag with its energy field ready to disintegrate as the others celebrated) Yes, it's working! It's working, it's working, it's… (Then it catches him...) Nyahh!

Brain: Pinky! (...and Brain, Wakko, Squit and Pesto as well) Ahh!

Wakko: OH GOD, IT HURTS, IT FUCKIN' HUR...! (It twists him up as he screams)

(It twists, rips them up, and puts them back together, then explodes as they scream. It then throws them out, knocking over the chamber door. They both look roasted enough. They groan and cough as they look up at the others.)

Pinky: Yeah. We're not astronauts.

(Cut to their house. The two astronauts hurl Pinky, Brain, Squit, Wakko and Pesto out of a van.)

Real Astronaut: If you ever lie about being astronauts again, YOU'RE DEAD!

Pinky: We saved the fuckin' city, astro-!

(The astronauts throw the Cheezer's bag in Pinky's face and drive away. Pinky and the others walked to Newt's house.)

(Squit N/R: Thank god, this cringe-worthy nightmare is over, it all happened because of Pinky stole Newt's grilled cheese,...(Newt: Then how come it says "Newt" on the bag!?) ...lied about getting in,... (Brain: We're astronauts.) ...and suffering some physical trauma. (Wakko: IT HURTS!) The last thing we wanted to do is to be almost exploded into smithereens.)

Squit: So, I hope you guys learned your lesson about this "bullshit"!

Pinky: Y'know what, you're right! Sorry, Brain!

Brain: Sorry too, Pinky.

Pinky: Give up?

Brain: Give up.

(They shake their hands for forgiveness.)

Pinky: But, I'm not giving up that Pesto's dad's gay! (laughs)

Pesto: (furious) MY DAD'S NOT BENT!

(Newt is on the computer as they enter his room.)

Newt: Where have you been? I've been waiting all day!

Pinky: Sorry about the sandwich.

(Pinky gives Newt his Grilled Cheese Deluxe. It is totally burned.)

Newt: What the hell? Dafuq happened to my sandwich?!

Brain: There were spacemen! At Cheezer's! And the tube... we went down and... everyone wore sweatpants... even us... and then the room with the bad stuff... but... we saved the city with your sandwich!

Newt: (in disbelief) Ugh... Why do you always have to lie to my face?

Pinky: We ran it over by accident.

(Pause)

Newt: See? Was it so hard to tell the truth?

THE END!

Hope you guys enjoyed this fanfic episode of The Outsiders. See ya lata! Thx. Peace!

#animaniacs #theoutsiders #goodfeathers

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pandoraimperatrix · 4 years

Text

Four Names for Love

Gotham | BatCat | BabyFic | Multi-chapter | Read on AO3

Summary: When Bruce parted ways with Gotham he was leaving behind more than he thought. Meanwhile Selina is trying to find a way to herself after being abandoned again and on top of that she finds out she was left with a lot more than a heartbreak.

Agape part II

Selina left Haven and her trashed room behind. That life she was leading there was a dream, but now she was back to reality and she reminded herself that she was good at reality, well, not good, but she had survived on her own until this point, and she would not give up now.

She bitterly remembered those nights when they whispered plans for the future under the covers, the life they would have together. He talked the most, she listened, rolled her eyes at his silly romantic boy ways. But how nice was to believe that there will be a future, that there was more than live one day each. So much bullshit. How could she let herself believe in all that crap?

‘I guess I am young and stupid.’

She breathed in, held for a little, let it out. She haven’t eaten yet. But that she was used to. That was good. Hunger. She knew hunger. She knew how to deal with it. It was simple; it was real, not like the stupid dreams, the unreachable yearnings that didn’t belong to someone like her.

She just have to rob herself a dinner.

But Gotham was a very different city from before. If it was a rotting carcass before, rich enough to feed street rats like her all sort of vermin, now only the naked bones remained. And it wasn’t like the rich people would come back anytime soon. What was left was the miserable and the poor.

She couldn’t rob people that have nothing. Could she?

How could she know that morals were also a kind of STD? Tabitha never told her, but she wouldn’t know that either.

Fucking rich asshole.

Her old squat was a stinky hole, there was cat pee and cat poo e v e r y w h e r e, but no cats, not anymore.

But she guessed she deserved that after abandoning her babies. At least there was running water again. Stomach howling, Selina cleaned. Stomach calling her dirty dirty names, Selina lay in her ruined cot, she had stripped the sheets and flipped over the mattress but it still stank like hell.

She needed clean beddings. Where the fuck would she get that?

The next day she was so hungry her stomach gave up hurting. She tried to stop thinking about what the other kids like her would say when they were trying to find something eatable in the dumpsters behind junk food restaurants, that if you didn’t eat the walls of your stomach would stick together and fold and you would die.

Kids were like that, they liked to scare each other even when reality was scary enough.

By noon she had found a broken vending machine that somehow still have a single gummy bears package, and she was really impressed when she noticed that it wasn’t expired. Maybe that would feed everyone post-apocalypse: children snacks with free nutritional value. That was a happy thought, see, she was thriving.

She knew that now the government was sending help there was probably a soup kitchen of sorts back in Haven, but she would rather boil her own leather jacket and eat it than stand the pity looks everyone would send her there.

Selina tried to contact the people from her old background network and to her surprise, she discovered that not much have changed there.

‘I mean, No Man’s Land? Pfff. We were already living in warlike conditions way before that. Not all of us found ourselves billionaire boyfriends and cop pals.’

She deserved that, but she still punched him for good measures. In that life no disrespect should be treated lightly.

There she found out that there was one place that haven’t been completely cleaned out yet, the Drake Mansion. Well, must of it was scraped clean, but there was one vault that no one was able to get in. Selina smiled when she heard that. Finally.

Of course the dammed mansion had to next to the demolished Wayne one. She ignored the feeling of her heart sinking when she saw the pile of rubbles, turned her face away. That place, that life, it didn’t matter anymore. She climbed the Drake Mansion tall iron fence with practiced ease, yes, that was what she was good at. That was her, not Selina Kyle the hero, Selina Kyle the thief. The Selina Kyle that cared for what was really important: herself.

The door was ajar and imposed no difficulty for her to get inside. The whole place was trashed and it was clear that someone was there before because it held nothing of value, nothing that could be traded for food or melted into ammo. That, Selina thought, was reality. That was what people really amounted to in the end. Surviving.

She walked through the bare corridors, in some of them even the wallpaper was ripped off, to make fire, she thought, smart.

‘If I were a rich prick where would I hide a secret vault?’ she whispered to herself. Basement? Attic? A secret passed in the library? Behind a grandfather clock?

Well, there was no grandfather clock, and all the books were gone from the shelves so she couldn’t just pick one and the secret passage would open like in a Scooby Doo episode. She wished she had pressed for more information. Geez, her head was pounding, her body had really get used to that eating everyday thing. There was nothing in the basement, just trash and what looked like it was one abandoned squat. How could someone have chosen to be in that creepyass place? And it was freezing!

She was getting really annoyed and was ready to climb to the attic when she noticed something moving with the corner of her eye. Selina rested her hand on her bullwhip slowly and walked towards it. It moved again. With luck was just a rat. It moved once more and let out a squeal, a very human one. Not a rat then.

She rolled her eyes, nothing that made that sound could possibly be dangerous.

‘Come on out!’

Nothing.

‘If you don’t then I will have to go there and I don’t think you will like it.’

The shadow rustled a bit, and them it tried to make a run to the stairs.

Selina cracked her whip blocking their way.

It was a girl. Around her same age. She was wearing a long dirty wool skirt a pile of coats that with the addition of the enormous backpack she had on made her look very small despite her actual size, she was taller than Selina, her hair was brown and oily. She had her back to Selina.

‘Turn around! Who are you?’

She turned surprised.

‘Selina?’

Selina frowned.

‘Do I know you?’

‘It’s me, Paul! Paul Milligan. Well, it’s Nikki now.’

Selina blinked confused and then the girl walked closer, Selina’s hand held the bullwhip harder, but she didn’t strike again. The thin light bean coming from upstairs washed the stranger’s face.

‘Oh my god! It’s you!’ She couldn’t help the smile. ‘What the fuck you’re doing here? Didn’t they find you a good family last time? And Nikki? What is that? A stripper name?’

Her old friend laughed lightly.

‘It’s for Nichole, my parents chose it. The new ones.’

‘What happened?’

‘They died. The building they worked was one of those that blew up.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Yeah, me too. But hey, you’re looking good.’

‘Can’t say the same.’

Nikki laughed again, thing time more whole-heartily.

‘I missed you, Cat.’

‘Sheesh. So…’ She pointed to the cot on the corner of the room. ‘You’re squatting here?’

‘No, nooo. I’m here to do the same as you, I guess. The vault?’

Selina sighed, great. She was happy to see Nikki and all but that was the last thing she needed right now, competition.

‘Look, Nikki…’

‘No, listen, Selina. I know you work alone, but hear me out, I don’t think this is a work for just one person.’

‘And why is that?’

Nikki looked up.

‘I’ve been studying this place for a while… I you need to go up there to open the vault down here. It has this very complicated computer system, but I think I can hack it.’

‘But there is no power here, how is this computer system even on?’

‘I think they have a generator.’

‘Shit.’

Selina was good at a lot of things, but she had no idea of how to deal with that nerd stuff.

‘Hey, we can collab. For the old times?’

Selina met Nikki on Gotham’s Children Center where Selina was thrown time after time when she was rejected by some foster family or simple picked up from the streets when she fled. Nikki, then Paul, was this sad little nerd that Selina took a like into because she helped her to learn to read in exchange for protection from the other kids that beat her up regularly and called her slurs. When Selina was ten, Nikki, then eight, left the GCC to live with this nice suburban family and Selina heard that she was adopted later. She was happy for her friend at the time, but also jealous, she wasn’t the only one. She after hearing some boys saying really disgusting things about her friend she decided to discount her frustration by beating the shit out of them and fleeing GCC again before getting a punishment. They didn’t try to bring her back after that.

Nikki was still waiting an answer with those big brown eyes of her.

Selina rolled her eyes and sighed.

‘Okay, fine. What do I have to do?’

Turns out that was a lot of money in that vault. A lot.

‘What are going to do with your share?’ Asked Nikki, she still looked dumpy but now her cheeks were a healthy red and she had a gleam of happiness in her eyes.

‘I’m leaving Gotham.’

‘What?’

‘Why? Is it so hard to believe that I want nothing to do with this shitty place?’

‘No, it’s just… I head about you…and Bruce Wayne.’

Selina winced at the sharp pain hearing his name brought.

‘That is over. He is gone.’

‘He died?!’

Despite herself Selina almost laughed. She missed Nikki, she had a childlike way to say things, and she was always jumping to extreme conclusions, it was endearing.

‘No, you moron. He left.’

‘Oh… I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be. I don’t care. I don’t care about him.’

Nikki said nothing.

‘What about you? What are you going to do with yours?’ Asked Selina.

‘Where will you go?’

‘Why?’

‘Do you think you could use some company?’

So this was the first part. I’m really glad for the views, kudos, bookmark and comment. You guys are great!

Next chapter might be a bit raunchy XDD Lots of flashbacks of Selina and Bruce in Heaven.

#gotham #baby batcat #selina kyle #bruce wayne #batcat #my fic #Four Names for Love

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doom-dreaming · 5 years

Text

Hidden Away

Rhys confesses something to Sasha in the Atlas terraforming facility.

Read it on Ao3 here!

******

Rhys didn’t know how to describe it. It seemed silent, but at the same time, it...wasn’t. Leaves rustled. Trees creaked. Insects droned. Sure, it was probably the most gorgeous place he’d seen on Pandora so far, but something about it still made his skin crawl. “This is...uh…”

Sasha smirked. “Romantic?”

“Well, I guess it could be…” Rhys ducked under a low branch. “If it weren’t for the hissing.” He tipped a thumb toward a group of the floating plant-creatures, watching as they drifted serenely overhead. “It’s...a little creepy.”

Sasha shrugged. “Compared to the rest of the wildlife on Pandora…”

Rhys grumbled a reluctant agreement to her unspoken implication. At least these things hadn’t tried to kill them on sight. Regardless, he didn’t really want to be in this facility any longer than he had to be. “Kinda hard to see the tower from down here…”

“We’ll find it. We weren’t too far off when that catwalk collapsed.” She elbowed him in the ribs as they pushed through a curtain of huge leaves. “And you were totally scared, Mister I-Could-Jump-A-Million-Times-Further-Than-That.”

Rhys scoffed, but didn’t bother denying it. They walked on in comfortable silence for a few moments. Well, calling it comfortable silence was maybe a bit of a stretch, since every movement in the leaves around them set Rhys’ nerves on edge. And again, it wasn’t really silence, with all the jungle noises— “So...you think you could get back together with August?” Maybe not the best topic, but he was desperate for conversation. “If that’s even something you’re interested in at all, of course.”

“I...don’t know,” Sasha admitted with a sigh.

“He seemed kind of...disrespectful. And not just during the entire Gortys...core...fiasco, either—which I actually totally understand why he would be then, I mean, that whole thing was craaaazy—”

“He tries to act tough,” Sasha cut in. “But...once you get to know him…” Rhys glanced down at her just in time to see a slight smile tug at the corners of her lips. “He can actually be pretty sweet.”

She didn’t elaborate and Rhys chewed his lip. He hated to press the subject, but hearing nothing besides bugs, leaves, hissing plants, and his own footsteps only made him think about the potential danger they were in. Dreamy, glowing jungle or not, this was still an Atlas facility, and given his track record at the previous two Atlas facilities...he’d barely make it out of this one alive. If at all. At least Vaughn was with Loader Bot and Fiona could (hopefully) rely on Athena if things got too dicey—

“While we’re on the subject though, why don’t we talk about you?”

“Wh—uh, huh?” He looked down at Sasha, not at all comforted when he was met with narrowed eyes and a cunning smirk. “Wh—wha—haha, uh, what is there to talk about...about me…?”

She gave an exaggerated sigh and rolled her eyes. “I’m not blind, Rhys.”

“I...know that…” He had a feeling he knew where this was going.

“And I’m not stupid, either.”

Yeah, it was going there. “I…officially ha-have nooo idea what you’re talking about, a-anymore,” he lied, hating how nervous he sounded. Fiona makes it look so easy… He swallowed maybe a little too loudly when he felt his face heating up at the thought of the con artist.

“That blush says you know exactly what I’m talking about.” Sasha stopped walking and crossed her arms over her chest. “So go ahead and tell me why I catch you staring at my sister practically every time I look at you.”

“I...uh...ha, I don’t stare, okay? I…” He drew in a deep breath. He could do this. He could say it. Sasha wouldn’t shoot him. They needed to hack the security system and she couldn’t do it without him, so he was safe...right? “Fine, I...think she’s...really beautiful. There, I said it. Happy?”

Sasha’s eyes narrowed to slits as she studied his (uncomfortably warm) face. “That’s it?”

“Wha...what do you mean?”

“You like the way she looks,” Sasha clarified, voice hard.

Rhys immediately realized his mistake. “No, no! Well, yes—she’s...God, she’s gorgeous, but that’s not the only thing! She...she’s smart! A-and funny—sometimes—and I like how she rolls her eyes and pretends not to care but actually smiles when she thinks I’m not looking—oh, and when she asks for my opinion on things, that’s nice—”

Sasha waved dismissively. “Okay, okay… Don’t...choke on your tongue.” She let her arms drop to her sides and continued down the path.

Rhys fell into step beside her, wringing his hands. “Is it...okay with you? I mean...if I were to, I don’t know, like...ask her...out, or...something? I haven’t really known either of you for very long, but...surviving death with someone tends to make you think about—”

“Rhys, just...stop, for a second. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I...do that a lot.”

“It’s fine with me if you want to…” she looked down and picked at her nail polish, “...date Fiona, I guess, but I’m just gonna tell you right now… I don’t know if she feels the same way.”

“I...kinda picked up on that, actually.” He sighed and scuffed at the dirt. “Which is why I wanted to make sure it was okay with you so I could...ask what kinds of things she likes. So I’d...have a better chance.”

At that, Sasha turned. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?”

He didn’t immediately reply. Was he serious about this? It sure felt like it. Ever since he’d met Fiona, he’d had this strange sense of...a loss of control. Which, honestly, was kind of troubling. He’d always had a plan—or...he’d always thought he had a plan—but then along came this crazy Pandoran woman with a hat and a sleeve pistol and a silver tongue and he just...lost it. Poof. Gone. Every clever one-liner he managed to think of didn’t have the same effect on her that it would have had on some tight-skirted secretary back on Helios. In fact, more often than not, he found himself tripping over his words, stuttering and blabbering and generally looking like an idiot. And she would just patiently raise that eyebrow—the one with the weirdly cute scar through it—and wait for him to finish whatever it was he was trying to say. He tried to hate the way she insulted him, but it always felt more like teasing than anything else; there was rarely any actual venom in the words. He could fake animosity well enough around the others; keep up the charade of reluctant partner-in-crime, but when they were alone… He’d never felt anything like this before, so...that had to mean—

“Rhys? Hello? Ugh, God, you...you really mean it, don’t you?” Sasha tossed her hands in the air and kept walking. “Go figure, you come down from your fancy moonbase and pretend to go on and on about “filthy Pandoran criminals,” when actually—”

“I think I love her, Sasha,” he murmured, still caught in his thoughts.

“See? That’s what I’m talking about. How would you even know what love feels like, Hyperion boy? I bet you’ve never loved anyone besides yourself and maybe your parents. It’s just because we’re “dangerous” down here, right? You want to be able to brag to all your buddies about how you’ve got a “bad girl” and how you’re so smooth that even—whoa.”

She stopped so suddenly that Rhys almost walked straight into her. “What’s gooooh...wow.” A clearing had opened up in front of them, and dozens of the glowing balloon-plants floated through the treetops. “That’s…”

Sasha took a few hesitant steps out into the glade, turning around, taking everything in. “This is incredible,” she breathed. “Oh, come look at these!” She was bent down beside a small tree, inspecting a patch of purple flowers growing on the trunk. “You know...after a while, you just sort of feel like you’ve seen everything; like you can’t be surprised by anything anymore…” She reached out to touch one of the flowers. “Something so delicate...hidden away…”

Nothing she was saying was incorrect, and he honestly wanted to bring a small handful (or an entire basket) back to Fiona, but he also had a sneaking suspicion that maybe the flowers would be better off left undisturbed. There had been a small carnivorous plant of some kind back in that initial “living area” after all... “Maybe...we should just let it be.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, however, Sasha grinned and plucked one anyway, holding it out to him. “Give it to Fiona.”

The blush that had been slowly subsiding over the past few minutes suddenly rushed back into his cheeks with nearly painful intensity. “You’re sure? Is this even her thing? I mean...would she like it? And weren’t you just complaining about how—”

She waved him off with a short laugh. “Yes, she’ll love it. Trust me. Just stick it behind her ear or something.”

Rhys accepted the flower hesitantly. “You’re absolutely sure you’re okay with me and her...being together? If it...even happens…”

Sasha put her hands on her hips and cocked an eyebrow. “Would I be telling you to give her a flower if I wasn’t okay with it?”

“I don’t know, I mean, the whole thing could be another con,” he muttered, only half-joking. “Maybe she hates flowers. Maybe she’s allergic to them and—”

“Would you just keep the flower and walk so we can find this secur—pfff—” A splatter of orange liquid covered her face before she could finish the sentence.

Rhys looked down at the flower, then back up at Sasha’s pollen-splashed face, laughing softly. “You deserved that.”

“Yes I did.”

Rhys tucked the flower into his vest pocket and turned back in the direction of the tower. He paused mid-step, however. Something wasn’t right. That leaky-gas-pipe noise had gotten louder. And...somehow more aggressive. “Uh...Sasha?”

“Yeah, yeah, I hear it.”

He backed toward her, glancing around the glade. The bluish-white glow provided by the docile floating plants had turned into a harsh red and about sixteen of them were propelling themselves slowly toward he and Sasha. “This is why we can’t have anything nice.” He pointed toward the angrily-hissing plants. “I told you we should have just left it alone… Red means bad, right...?”

******

Fiona hadn’t expected to see Rhys leaning on her sister’s shoulder, barely conscious, when the door slid open to reveal the two of them.

Vaughn took a step closer. “What happened?”

“Oh, um, Rhys just took a spill,” Sasha explained, half walking, half dragging Rhys through the door. “He’s...he’s totally fine.”

Fiona chewed the inside of her cheek, watching Rhys’ head roll limply from side to side, and accidentally bit down a little too hard when Sasha dumped him roughly against a stack of crates.

“Jussst...take spill,” he slurred. “...fine.”

Fiona kept her eyes on him for a moment longer. “You sure about that? He...might have a concussion.” As her gaze slid back to Sasha, she caught a glimpse of purple sticking out of the pocket of his vest and couldn’t keep herself from doing a double-take.

“Nah, he’ll be okay,” was the dismissive reply. “He’s got a thick skull. But we learned something about Cassius…”

Her sister’s words faded out as she stared at the scrap of purple. It was a flower. A glowing flower. A crushed glowing flower. Where had he…? She blinked a few times, then glanced back at Sasha. She didn’t have a flower on her, at least not that Fiona could see… Had she given it to him? Had he planned to give it to her? Fiona couldn’t help the little spike of jealousy that pierced through her chest at the thought. Sure, Sasha was her sister and her best friend and she wanted her to be happy and Rhys was a decent guy (even if he was Hyperion) but she didn’t think she’d been imagining all the—

Athena’s enraged screams snapped her out of her daze and she snatched the flower from Rhys’ vest before turning to see what all the commotion was about. Athena had her sword at Cassius’ throat, snarling, while Vaughn, Gortys, and Sasha just watched in horror. Fiona spared one last look back at Rhys. She didn’t really know where this jealousy had come from, and didn’t even know if her juvenile reasoning was justified, but as she started across the room toward her sister, she dropped the flower, not feeling any guilt whatsoever when the heel of her boot mashed it into a weakly-glowing paste on the concrete.

#no gyf tonight #i have the next part written #but i wanna have a bit more of a headstart #plus I wanna finish another prompt #borderlands fanfiction #my writing #rhyiona #augusha #implied

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theroadtoindigo-go · 5 years

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Undesirable Truth, Part 8

When I woke up, it felt like I had been hit by a truck. My head was pounding and all my extremities felt heavy and ached. My wound was screaming at me and it had an echo in my hand. At least it wasn’t so hard to breathe anymore. I began opening my eyes, everything around me felt so soft and warm... too warm. Why was it so hot? I didn't want to wake up just yet, but the heat was becoming unbearable. I reluctantly opened my eyes and found myself under a mountain of pillows! There was just enough of a small opening near my face so that I could breathe but everything else was completely covered. I sat up uneasily, the excess pillows tumbled down from the hammock and onto the floor. I had expected to be on Sonic’s couch, but I was pleasantly surprised to find myself in a hammock underneath Mt. Pillow & Blanket. There wasn’t any sound of the ocean but the breeze felt the same. I looked around and saw I was resting on the porch of a small cabin with a thatch roof. The hammock was set up between the two support beams for the porch. It was dark inside and really small, not much room for anything aside from a little stove for the kitchen and a little bed in the corner. It all looked hand made aside from the stove. I turned away from the dank little hut and saw it was in the middle of a tropical forest with palm trees swaying and bright greenery everywhere. I wondered if this was the place Sonic was talking about moving to. I finally climbed out of the pillow fort. As I rolled, an avalanche of pillows cascaded behind me. How does one even fit so many pillows in one hammock? And why? I carefully stumbled away from the hut; my legs were like noodles. There wasn’t any sign of my friends anywhere.

I stopped in the middle of the forest and wondered if maybe I should climb a tree to get a better view. I was still weary from the night before but my curiosity was getting the better of me. I started to climb the nearest tree and reached the first branch. I was struggling more than I thought I would, my injured arm was hurting with each movement so I stopped to rest. I looked up at the remaining distance I had to climb, I wasn’t even half way there. I looked down to start climbing back down and I was too far up to just jump. I didn’t have enough strength to climb down either. I sat there for a little while hoping that someone would find me up here. I watched spots of sunlight filter through the leaves and create a pattern on the ground. This wasn’t so bad after all and the breeze was a little stronger up in the trees.

Then I heard Knuckles call for me.

“I’m over here!” I called back.

He ran over, he was carrying a net full of mangos and had some branches and leaves stuck in his quills.

“What are you doing up there? I thought you were injured!” He scolded.

“I wanted to see where I was! So sue me for climbing a tree!” I pouted.

“Whatever, just get down here already. I got us breakfast.”

I shuffled a bit on my perch and tried to find a good foothold to start climbing down. There wasn’t much I could find. I sat back down and admitted:

“…I’m stuck.”

He laughed.

“Hey, shut up!” I exclaimed. “It’s not my fault you decided to leave me all alone!”

He set down his mango stash and started climbing up to get me as he still continued to chuckle.

“I leave you for one minute and you decide to get stuck in a tree?” He mused.

“Sh-shut up!”

“If I save you from here does that make me your hero? Or an honorary fireman?”

“Either way, you’re still a stupid jerk! Maybe I’ll kick you before you can reach me!”

“As if that would hurt?” He snorted and hoisted himself up to the branch I was sitting on.

I turned away and grumped at him.

“You want out of the tree or what?” He asked and reached for me.

I huffed and grabbed on. He lifted me onto his shoulders and climbed down. After setting me down he smirked.

“There!” He stated, “Now no more climbing trees for this little kitty.” He snickered and patted my head.

“Shut up! I’ll pull your tail again!”

He continued to laugh as he bent down to pick up the mangos, I wasn’t gonna let him off easy so I yanked his tail as a lesson.

He yelped and straighten his back.

“Hey! You leave that alone!” He exclaimed and batted my hand away.

“Quit laughing then! It’s not funny!”

“If you getting stuck in the tree isn’t funny, then I’m Froggy!”

“That’s it! You’ve earned it!” I dived for his tail again but he jumped out of the way.

I chased him around to try catching his tail, we danced around in a few circles before he took his breakfast and ran.

“Leave my tail alone!” He shouted.

“Call me a ‘little kitty’ again and I’ll put a knot in that tail!” I bellowed back as I chased him down.

“LITTLE KITTY!”

“GET YOUR SQUIGGLY TAIL BACK HERE, YOU BIG RED JERK!”

“It’s not SQUIGGLY!” He dropped the fruit and charged back at me.

I halted and stood ready. If it was a fight he wanted, it was a fight he was gonna get!

As soon as he was in range, I jumped to tackle him. It was enough to knock the wind out of him and he fell over onto his back. We both landed with an “OOF!”

After the dust settled, we looked at each other in surprise. He seemed shocked that I was able to topple him over. I was surprised too. We started to laugh. As he slowly sat up, he ruffled the fur on top of my head and stated,

“Looks like you still have a few surprises left in you.”

We got up and sat in front of the little hut to eat breakfast. As we ate together, I remembered to ask my questions.

“So, where are we?”

He grinned and puffed his chest a little bit and replied.

“We’re on Angel Island! This is my home!”

“You live in a makeshift shack on a tiny island?” I commented.

His pride deflated immediately.

“It’s not a tiny island! And what’s wrong with my house? I’d like to see you build a better one!”

He seemed very offended so I decided to leave the subject alone.

“Where is everyone?”

“Hmph…” he settled back down then replied, “Sonic and Tails are busy moving their house somewhere new and Amy’s moving too. They all thought it would be better if I took you home with me so you’d have a stable place to recover… How’s your arm doing?”

“Oh,” I quickly took a look at it, it seems he had replaced the bandages while I was asleep. “It’s a little sore still but it feels a lot better than last night.”

“Good.” He looked relieved, “It looked pretty bad when I stitched it back together.”

“YOU PUT STITCHES IN MY ARM?”

“Calm down! It was only a couple to keep it from healing weird, you should be thanking me!”

I started to feel queasy again, I shouldn’t have eaten all that mango!

“I can’t believe you ruined my arm!” I held it in grief.

“I didn’t ruin it! I fixed it! Are you gonna quit belly-aching about it already or are you going to pass out again?”

“I’ll have you know I lost a lot of blood! I don’t just pass out like that!”

“If it was blood loss then why are you totally fine today?”

“I… I don’t know! I’m not a doctor!”

“I’m not either and even I know it wasn’t blood loss that made you pass out.”

“What are you insinuating?” I growled and narrowed my eyes.

“Uh…”

“Choose your words carefully, echidna!”

“…Maybe yer just a-!”

“Don’t say it!”

He snickered, “A scaredy-cat.”

“AAAH! That’s it!” I lunged at him and started pulling his quills.

“Ow! Hey! What do you think you’re doing?”

“Teaching you a lesson!”

He laughed and shoved me back, “That’s cute, but fun’s over. I’ve got work to do and you’ve gotta rest! And all this tree climbing and chasing me around probably hasn’t been helping.”

He picked me up under his arm and started carrying me from the house toward the thicker part of the woods.

“Hey! Put me down! Where are you taking me?” I demanded.

“I’m taking you to the Master Emerald.” He stated. “It’s my job to look after it and I obviously can’t leave you alone or else you’ll get stuck in another tree!” He started to snicker again.

“Hey! That’s not funny!” I punched his gut to try getting him to drop me, he only flinched.

“Pfff! You trying to hit me? All that does is tickle!”

“Shut up!”

He continued to laugh as he kept walking.

Amongst the trees there were gigantic mushrooms that were just as tall, if not taller than the trees themselves. I wondered if it was healthy to hang around them or not. In the distance there as a stone pyramid hidden within the foliage with a large green gem displayed at the top.

“Is that the Master Emerald?” I asked.

“Yup.”

“Why are you supposed to look after it?”

“I’m the guardian!” He said proudly.

“Mm’kay… does it do anything special or is it just a big shiny rock?”

“Well, sometimes- and only sometimes, if someone pure of heart asks the Master Emerald for help it will grant them power.”

“…Can I ask it to make me taller and stronger than you?”

He chuckled, “Nice try, Tiny! But it only listens to the pure of heart, remember?”

“I can be pure of heart! Just gotta make sure you aren’t around first.” I elbowed his stomach and he chuckled again.

As we were getting closer and closer to the pyramid my aches and pains were getting worst. My whole arm felt like it was burning. It was getting hard to breathe again and my limbs felt thick and heavy, like they were filled with cement. Knuckles must have heard me wheezing.

“You doing okay, Tiny?”

“I don’t know… It’s hard to breathe.”

“Hm… When we get to the top of the shrine the air should be clearer. I guess you’re more sensitive to the mushroom spores than I thought.”

“Who you calling sensitive, Big Baby?!” I jabbed his stomach again.

We weren’t even two steps closer and everything felt so hot. I asked Knuckles to set me down so I could rest on the ground for a bit. My vision was getting dark and all my other senses were being swallowed up in what I could only describe as a pulsing pressure wave that kept hammering me over and over. I looked at my hand, it looked like it was burned or something. Wasn’t that the hand that held the chaos emerald last night?

“…Chaos energy.” I managed to mutter.

“Tiny...?” Knuckles asked as he helped me sit up, “Geez, your heating up… Was it the mangos?”

I was too busy gasping for air to answer but I gave him a look that said enough. The mangos? As if.

“I’ll… take you down to the beach! The air should be clear there!”

As he was picking me back up, I felt a surge in the pressure oppressing me, it was like my body gave up trying to function through it.

When my senses returned, I heard the sound of ocean waves and the wind whipping at my face. I cracked my eyes open to find that Knuckles had rushed me to the shore of the island and was carrying me waist deep into the waves.

“…You’re gonna toss me into the ocean?” I croaked.

He looked at me with concern, “You doing okay? I didn’t know what else to do! When you said something about chaos energy, thought maybe getting you as far from the Master Emerald was best…”

I lifted my burned hand to show him what I meant, “I held the chaos emerald in this hand last night.”

He took a closer look, “Hm, you think the chaos emerald did this to you?”

I nodded.

“But that doesn’t make any sense! Why would…?” He stopped himself and thought for a moment, he turned very solemn. “Did Eggman do anything to you before we could save you?”

“No, I didn’t give him the chance!” I smirked wanly. My condition wasn’t improving much but I could at least breathe and talk for a little while.

He smiled, “I bet you didn’t! You feeling better?”

“Not by much. But I think I’ll be alright.”

“I guess in that case, I’ll take you back to the house and you can rest there while I go guard the Master Emerald. Think you can resist climbing any trees until I get back?”

“I’ll do my very best…” I griped.

I spent the whole rest of the day napping in the hammock. Knuckles never did explain what Mt. Pillow was all about, but I didn’t have any strength left in me to ask. For a majority of my naps, I was bombarded hour after hour by the same pressure that I suspected was chaos energy. I couldn’t get any rest because of it. By the time Knuckles had come back to check on me I was considerably weaker. He pressed his palm to my forehead; I was sweating buckets and shivering.

“You have a fever. This isn’t good!” He muttered and rushed into the house.

I didn’t dare turn my head to look, even doing that made me dizzy. I could barely hear past the muffling chaos energy, but I knew Knuckles was rummaging through his belongings to find something. I was fading in and out of consciousness. He came back a held up something to my face, it was a cup, I think? He urged me to drink from it, the liquid inside was the worst thing I had ever tasted. I cringed as soon as it reached my tongue and I spit it out. He was not happy about that. Before he could urge me again, I willingly slipped into unconsciousness, anything to keep that nasty grog away was welcome.

Round three of waking up in a new place, I was feeling significantly better. Cured in fact. I was able to sit up, my clothes stuck to my back with the residue of cold sweat from my fever but my head still ached. My vision was a bit blurry at first, but as it cleared, I saw I was in a little clearing in the forest next to a shallow pool of clean water. With all the perspiring I had been doing, I was extremely thirsty. My throat was so dry that I could hardly swallow. I shuffled over to the pool and started to drink. I really didn’t care if it was safe to drink at this point. I used a little bit to clean my face then I looked around for Knuckles. He had to be here right? He was this time thankfully. I saw him asleep next to where I was resting. I looked up at the sky, it seemed it was dawn. Did I really get sick for an entire day?

From the bushes I heard a rustling noise, I turned to look in a panic then saw a small round creature peaking out from the underbrush. It almost seemed like a little baby. Soon there were more peaking through the leaves. I counted at least twenty! I thought maybe I should wake Knuckles in case these small baby looking things were not something I should be interacting with. But when I turned to wake him, I found that they had already reached him and were playing with his quills. Snuggling up under his arms and generally being affectionate. Were they his pets? A red one with little dreads, a white crest mark and a tail that looked just like Knuckles’ waddled its way over to me and looked up as if to challenge me. I squinted my eyes back.

“Hello there…” I greeted cantankerously.

It flinched back then pouted, I laughed, it pouted just like Knuckles too!

“Oh~! You must be his favorite!” I teased and poked his little cheek.

He didn’t seem to like that so I settled with gently petting the top of his head. He liked that a little better.

Now the other creatures were making their way over to inspect me as the newcomer. They seemed to like me better now that I was a source of pets and attention. Soon they were climbing all over me and cooing for my attentiveness as I tried my best to keep up with all the demands. All the while Knuckles’ favorite sat in my lap like a little king. With all the noise, Knuckles started to wake up. As soon as he groaned and turned over. All the little babies cheered and ran over to him, now cooing at him to get him to wake up and play. They definitely were his pets. He woke up with a smile and said.

“You guys are all up already? You must be really excited to see me, huh?”

He opened one eye and gently patted the head of one of the little ones that was nudging his cheek to wake him. He then slowly sat up and stretched his arms but as soon as he saw me here, the gruff persona came back up and his content smile disappeared.

“Your pets are really cute!” I stated.

“They’re not my pets! They’re chao. The island’s chao. I just hang around them a lot, that’s all.”

He looked over and saw Mini-Knuckles was still in my lap and tisked as if he had seen a traitor.

“Are you feeling any better?” He asked.

“Yeah, way better! You didn’t pour that gross stuff down my throat while I was asleep, did you?”

“First of all, that ‘gross stuff’ was a healing tea passed down by generations of echidnas and it’s better than any modern medicine by a long shot! Second of all, no! I didn’t. Wish I’d thought of that though…”

“Are we off the island or something? I don’t feel the chaos energy anymore.”

“We’re still on the island. You can thank the chao for that.”

I looked at him questioningly, how did these little baby bloops help with my illness?

Knuckles stood up and stretched his back, “I’m going into the forest to grab some breakfast. You wanna come along?”

Before I could answer all the little chao cheered in agreement and started following him toward the forest.

“Wait, I didn’t mean you guys! Come on!” He chuckled, the smile from earlier slowly making its way back as he picked up handfuls of them and tried to corral them back into the clearing. They climbed out of his arms and scurried back to the forest like little ducklings.

“They’re a stubborn bunch, aren’t they?” I commented then stood up with Mini-Knux in my arms and started to follow them. “Why don’t we all go together?”

The chao cheered. How could anyone say no?

We searched the woods for a worthy breakfast. Knuckles did most of the searching while I watched, it was pretty entertaining. He’d look around for fruit and the chao would bring him branches and rocks to look at.

“No, guys! Fruit! Breakfast. We can’t play right now.” He said and climbed up a tree to look for fruit.

He climbed like a natural! I didn’t really notice his skills the first time because I was so embarrassed but he could climb a ten-foot-tall tree and come back down in the matter of a minute and not even break a sweat. Maybe if I felt better later, he could show me his secret.

“Any luck?” I asked when he climbed back down.

“No, I was hoping for more mangos but I guess these guys ate most of the fruit around here. That’s fine though, I think I know a place.” He brushed himself off and noticed that Mini-Knux was in my arms. “Looks like he warmed up to you pretty quick… He usually doesn’t like being held.”

“He and I have that in common! What’s his name anyway?”

“He doesn’t have one.”

“What?!” I asked incredulously.

“I don’t name any of the chao! They’re not mine, remember?”

“But he looks just like you! He has to be your pet!”

“Well he isn’t! He just hung around me too much, that’s why he looks like that!”

“Okay, then he’ll be my pet! And then I’m gonna name him!”

Knuckles scoffed, “You can’t do that…”

I lifted Mini Knuckles up and looked right in his cute, little, adorable eyes.

“I name you…! Knuckles Junior!” I started to laugh.

“Very funny…” Knuckles grumbled. “You wanna help me find food or are you gonna baby the chao all day?”

“Why not both?”

“You can’t do both! Let’s go!” He started on his way through the jungle and I followed with our little entourage behind us. We went deeper into the thick of the forest where the trees were much older and therefore bigger. He picked a tree and climbed up so high into the branches that I couldn’t even see him anymore.

I waited below, looking for him until a pear dropped from above and hit my head. Pear after pear fell from the swaying branches above each one landing on me with a thud. I tried to avoid them as the chao celebrated and reached up to catch their falling breakfast. I rushed to the trunk to avoid getting hit by any more fruit, I could’ve sworn he was aiming for me. After he climbed down (and snickering the whole way, I might add) we all sat down to eat. I could finally ask him my questions.

“How did the chao help with my chaos energy problem?”

Knuckles answered between bites. “Chao naturally collect in places with high chaos energy and disperse it. Those places are called chao gardens. After the chaos energy is leveled out, they move on to the next one. Not sure how it works but I hoped bringing you to them would help. Looks like it did.”

“So basically, I was being poisoned by chaos energy and they sucked it all up?”

Knuckles nodded.

“How’d they do that?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I think they just absorb it by being there? Maybe they store it like little batteries or something. Tails would probably know, but I know for a fact that chao really like chaos energy and that they have a knack for calming it down.” He got really quiet then said, “You had me really worried yesterday…”

I sighed, “I know… Do you want me to leave the island?”

“No. I just… didn’t think keeping you around the Master Emerald would be a problem. I mean, it’s never really happened before! It’s just that… if it hadn’t been for the chao you would’ve…” He looked extremely troubled; his fists were clenched tightly.

“Hey, don’t go thinking like that! There’s no way you could’ve known and I probably would’ve been okay anyway.”

“Cherry, listen!” His eyes pierced right through me; did they always look that way? “When I brought you here to my island you became my responsibility! I don’t ever want to see you hurt like that again and I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen, understand?”

I was extremely unsure of how to answer or what he meant by this.

He settled back down and his eyes returned to his half-eaten pear, “By the way, I want to start training you to fight. I don’t want you to get stuck in another spot where you can’t defend yourself either!”

Training? With Knuckles? ...So, this was how I’d die.

“Do I really have to?”

“Yes.”

“Well, okay… Just try to take it easy on me-”

“I won’t.”

“…Thanks.”

I was terrified at the thought of training with Knuckles. As we returned to his little makeshift hut, I dreaded the experience though the constant presence of the chao did a lot to soften the edge. Knuckle brought me inside and rummaged through a dusty old chest.

“First things first, you can’t train in a blood-stained dress.”

I looked down at my clothes in surprise. Oh yeah, I really was still in the dress. I hoped the stains would wash out but it looked pretty bad.

“Here!” He threw an old T-shirt my way. “You can use my winter clothes for now.”

“You only wear clothes in the winter?” I commented as I held the shirt to look at it. It was threadbare with patches and stains here and there. It was definitely too big for me, but it would work as a makeshift dress for now.

“Well, yeah. It gets too cold not to.” Knuckles took the chao and stepped outside so I could change.

Once I had, I walked out to find Knuckles had drawn a circle in the dirt in front of the house and was standing in the middle. I waited.

“You ready to train or what?” He asked.

“What’s with the circle?”

“It’s to keep the chao out. I told them not to cross the line.”

I snickered and stepped in.

“Okay, let’s go over the basics.” Knuckles began. “You might not have a lot of strength yet but if you get the basics down, then that won’t matter.” He stepped over to me. “Show me your fists.”

I clenched my hands and held them up for him to look. He held my left hand and pointed to the knuckles of my index and middle fingers.

“You’re first two knuckles are what you punch with. Aim those at whatever you’re punching at and you’ll do the damage you want.” I nodded and he let my hand go. He held up the palm of his right hand and continued. “Okay, I want you to punch my hand as hard as you can.”

“Wha-! But I! I can’t do that!”

He chuckled, “Relax, it’s not like it’s gonna hurt or anything.”

“You sayin’ I ain’t strong??”

He smirked and his voice raised several octaves, it became obvious he was mocking me, “YoU sAid iT nOt Me-!” He batted his eyelashes as he said it and pursed his lips to try making that kitty face that I SWEAR I DO NOT MAKE!

I punched him in the nose as hard as I could. He backed up a couple of steps and held his face. I thought for sure he was gonna be mad but he started to laugh and looked back at me.

“That was pretty good! Even if it did feel like a little kitten swat!”

“Shut up! It’s not funny! I’ll hit you again!”

Knuckles was a very patient and methodical teacher. He showed me how to stand for a fight, how to punch properly and encouraged me to practice on him, something I was very keen on doing. We spent the whole day training! To anyone else it would have been a chore but the more we did it the more fun we had. Once I had the basics down, we started sparring. Although by sparring I mean, he encouraged me to try out new moves and use what I had learned while he play-fought at me. I would jab him in the chest and he’d chuckle and swipe at me as slowly as he could. I ducked underneath and jabbed him again.

“Good job using your size to your advantage! Staying close keeps me from using my height against you.” He commented. “You ready for this?” He asked and slowly jabbed at me.

I ducked down as quick as I could and landed a left hook into his stomach and he actually had to back away.

“Oof, I actually felt that! You’re getting pretty good! How’s your arm?”

I quickly looked at the bandage, there was some blood soaking through.

“Oh…” I started to tug at the wrappings.

“Let’s take a rest for now. I’ll wrap that back up for you.”

He started a little camp fire and threw down a log for us to sit on. I sat down and he brought over a box full of medical supplies. I watched the fire grow as he unwrapped my bandage, I didn’t dare look in case I caught a glimpse of the stitch work he did. The air was gaining a chill as the sun was slowly setting. The chao who had been playing their own games all day were now all tuckered out and curling up to sleep.

“It’s healing up pretty well.” Knuckles commented.

He got out a little stone bowl and poured in a dark green powder from a plastic bag he had in the box. Before I could ask him what it was for, he spat into the bowl mixed the spit and powder together, smeared some onto his thumb and was about to apply it to my wound before I jerked my arm away.

“What are you doing??” I nearly shouted. “What even is that stuff?!”

“It’s disinfectant! I’m helping your arm!”

“No way! That stuff’s gonna give me an infection!”

“No, it’s not-!”

“You spit in it!”

“Of course, I did! That’s how it works! Will you just hold still already?”

“You’re not putting that on my arm!”

“You wanna get better or not?”

I pouted in response.

“Remember all that punching you did? Without this stuff on your arm it’s gonna hurt a lot more tomorrow!”

I sighed. “…Fine.” I gave him my arm and he started to apply the paste. It stung on contact but at least that meant it was working...I think. “What is that stuff anyway?”

“There’s a special plant that grows on the island, I grind it up and use it for stuff like this.”

“How’d you figure out to do that?”

“My ancestors did.”

“Oh… So, how come Amy, Sonic and Tails and well… basically everyone have houses and you’ve got this little shack?”

He was quiet for a long time. He finished with the paste and was now wrapping up my arm in a new bandage when he answered.

“There’s no one else living on the island so I had to build everything myself. I have a few other living places but this one was closest to the Master Emerald so…” He finished tying the wrapping. “There we go.”

“Wait! You live here all alone?”

“Yep.”

“Why? Wouldn’t you rather live in the city with everyone else?”

“I never liked the city, it’s too loud and crowded.” He set down his things and settled down on the ground, using the log as a head-rest. “All those bright lights that are always on, the constant noise, and just the way it feels to be there… It’s not the life for me.”

“But what about the village?” I took a seat next to him, “That place was pretty peaceful.”

He chuckled, “You mean before you let all hell break loose? I’m the guardian of the Master Emerald, I can’t just stop living on Angel Island! Who would protect the Master Emerald if I’m gone?”

“That never stopped you from the leaving the island before.” I sniped.

“Th-those were different! I was only leaving for a short time! Besides! I always make sure to hide the Master Emerald before I leave!”

“So why don’t you hide it and then live off island?”

He sent me a stern glare, “I belong here, Tiny! There’s nothing changing that.”

I dropped the subject for now, he was as stubborn as usual. We had some of the leftover pears for dinner and settled into the hut for the night. He took the bare mattress in the corner of the shack, there were piles of pillows and blankets on top. That explains Mt. Pillow a bit. He probably slept with as many as he could to feel comfortable. I climbed back into the hammock and tried to sleep.

There were a lot of strange noises at night, some constant, some only a one-time thing that would startle me and keep me awake for hours. On top of all that, it was cold in the hammock. I curled up into a tight ball to try to keep some warmth but there was nothing I could do to sleep. Eventually I climbed out of the hammock to go wake Knuckles. As soon as my feet hit the floor, he whispered:

“You’re still up?”

I nearly jumped out of my skin.

“How come you slept like a rock when I was working on Metal, but you wake up at the sound of a chao’s sneeze now?!”

He sat up and rubbed his eye, “I’m the guardian, it’s what I do. Why are you still up?”

“It’s cold!” I whined.

“You need a blanket?”

“I had three!” I heard a screech from the woods and jumped.

“Don’t worry it’s just an owl.” He muttered. “…You’re scared too, aren’t you?”

I couldn’t see his face but I knew he was getting all smug about it.

“Quiet you! It’s not my fault I’ve never lived in a shrieking jungle!”

I could hear his muffled snickered before he said, “Alright, alright, you can sleep next to me. It’s warmer on this side of the house anyway.”

“You mean shack? Besides, I don’t wanna share no stinky bed with you! You’re a big jerk!”

“Suit yourself~” He turned over to go back to sleep.

A breeze drifted in under the door and stole yet another piece of what little warmth I had left.

I huffed, “Okay, scoot over!”

He made room for me on the worn-out mattress and I snuggled in. It was nice to be warm again at least.

“Hey! Keep your frozen tail to yourself!” He grunted.

I started to laugh and tried to push him out of the bed.

“Heeeey!” He tried to push me off instead.

I dug into the corner to keep my ground but got lost in a pile of pillows. He sat up.

“Are you gonna let me sleep or are you gonna try to kick me out of my own bed all night?” He huffed.

“I can do both!” I retorted and tried to sit up, but the mass of pillows was an impressive force to reckon with. “Why do you have so many pillows?!” I exclaimed and tried to thrash my way out of the sinkhole I was slipping into.

He started to laugh and reached over to help me out. “Too small for even my pillows, are you?” He pulled me up and threw a blanket over me. “There! Now go to sleep.”

“Don’t tell me what to do…” I muttered and curled up in the corner to sleep.

I felt a lot better sleeping next to Knuckles, somehow, I felt safer. Protected. The sounds of the forest creatures bothered me less and less as my heart-rate dropped. I could close my eyes without worrying if something was going to sneak up on me. The warmth under the blankets and pillows protected me from the chill of the night as my breathing steadied into a metered rhythm that marched me into a much-needed rest.

. . .

Thank you for reading! :D

You can find previous chapters here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13241826/1/Undesirable-Truth

#sonic the hedgehog #Knuckles the Echidna #fanfiction #undesirable truth

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abundantchewtoys · 5 years

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HS Epi Meat, page 4 reaction

So, is John going to zap to the next plot point now, or will it switch back to Earth C?

I wonder, if it's the latter, whether we might see something from an antagonist, or a less important character, like Jack Noir or GCATavrosprite. And if the former, I wonder if John will venture further into (a retconned version of) the Game Over timeline, or not?

---

"You arrive in the Land of Heat and Clockwork in a flash of white." OOOoooh, LOHAC! Will he visit Dave - well, presumably yes. But will he revisit the moment he zapped back to, when he came to ask for help regarding his retcon powers?

... I kind of like Blaperile's idea better, that he revisits the point in time he disrupted before, the conversation between Dave & Jade, but which he afterwards retconned again, sending himself to go find Roxy? ... Wait, it was never really explained where that John that bapped himself on the head came from, I swear, if this is (out-of-comic) retconned as having been this 23-year-old John... Okay, I might have forgotten if Rx John had already gone back. ... Okay yeah, it already happened. Page 8333 vs 9047 of Homestuck. Anyway...

Hmm, GO Dave never used the eggsword much in the end (Caledfwlch), as he went after Jade's body and tied to a critical devilbeast combo. But I don't think John'll take it?

"Through the condensation you can make out the shapes of Dave and Jade below, as well as two more of you hovering in the air above. Both Johns turn to look at you." PFfffffff, of course he draws his other selves attention. Why would it resolve so cleanly as they zapping away in the background. Dave had a fit before when he saw one, but now, if he'll acknowledge all three...

"On the ground, Dave is talking in a particular cadence, one that is familiar to you, his longtime best buddy. Casual, wandering, verging on droning. It’s a good indication he’ll be monologuing for a while, and probably already has been." Yeah, GO Dave was summing up all the reasons he didn't particularly want to do anything about LE. Retconned Dave just thought he should fulfill the prophecy to get it over with, but that's about the end of his commitment in the matter too. Only Davepetasprite^2 really felt like going up against LE. Will Caledfwlch make it into their hands?

"DAVE: thats what...DAVE: you do...DAVE: with..." Awesome, he even gets trailed off at exactly the same moment in his monologue. :D

"DAVE: karate. john what the fuck are you doing hereDAVE: or... waitDAVE: actually three johnsDAVE: hey three johns what the fuck are three johns doing here" Dave is so whatever about this, it's hilarious. Then again, he's been all around LOHACSE thrice in a single day, he's got some experience in the matter of walking around alt time selves.

Also, I wonder if Dave (and Jade) will notice he's an older version of John. If not, his god tier powers probably keep him youthful, like Superman.

"It’s a fair question, which logically should have been directed to the oldest and most knowledgeable John. Nevertheless, one of the younger Johns replies first." Pfff, the second oldest one then? The one that came back here with a semblance of purpose, not randomly zapping through canon? Plus, if Dave wouldn't notice a difference between the Johns, neither would the younger ones.

"(JOHN 1): er.(JOHN 1): i don’t know." Ooooh! Cool, not just are they parenthesed, the Johns are now also numbered! Yeah, we wouldn't want them to just all be named John, that'd be insane and probably what Jade went through with PCG & FCG from her end (aka two ?CG's).

"JOHN 3: john, don’t worry about it. i’ll take things from here.DAVE: johns dont get me wrong its cool that you all randomly dropped by again but this wasnt really the best time" Hah, yeah John, try and get that semblance of knowing what you're doing back, like you acted out on LOPAN against your past selves. I'm actually interested to see whether he will be as dismissive towards his other selves as back then. Right, this is the second time Dave saw John, after the time he dropped in when Dave was looking at his old photographs.

"DAVE: we were kind of in the middle of a thing here(JOHN 1): whoops. sorry.(JOHN 2): uh... actually, i only came here to swoop in and zap this john away without being seen, to retcon away the mess i made earlier.(JOHN 2): i didn’t expect to see another john here.

JOHN 3: hey, other john, i said i’ll handle it!

JOHN 3: i’m the only one who actually knows what’s going on here.DAVE: god damn it johns what the fuck did you do" John 1 fucked it up, John 2 would've fixed things but then John 3 came back and fucked up some more. It's like the goddamned Primer movie all over again.

"JOHN 3: young dave, please.

JOHN 3: let me deal with the johns first, then i’ll explain.DAVE: young dave???" Why did that make me think of WV's polite commands. "Sir John" and all that. :P I think the other Johns will be able to get resolved easily enough, one zapping the other away to bop him in the head, both confused over the mess they left behind.

"DAVE: ohDAVE: yeah why are you a fucking adult now" OOOOOOh, nice! Okay, even though it'll be all shades of awkward, I really like the age difference isn't getting skimmed over.

"DAVE: did you grow up and start time traveling dude" Take that, reverse it.

"JADE: will someone tell me what the fuck is happening???????" Oh right, Grimbark Jade's text colour thingy!

"JOHN 3: johns, there’s no reason for you to hang around anymore.

JOHN 3: not to sound like a wet blanket, but the things you’re trying to accomplish are now useless, so you can just zap away and do whatever you want.(JOHN 1): ummm...(JOHN 2): useless?? wait." Harsh much, John. Also, just cause they won't/aren't you, they can just go become you, or whatever how you want to put it.

"JOHN 3: ok, maybe i shouldn’t have said that.

JOHN 3: i’m sure you can still go and do what i did when i originally did what you’re currently trying to do...DAVE: jesus john" Dave's inner time logistician is crying. John's retcon powers are so OP, he doesn't have to take any care in keeping time loops going if he doesn't want to. But that'd just result in copies of him flying around, so he'd best to just send them on their way, hopefully never to run into them again.

JOHN 3: in fact, it will still probably be a very rewarding experience!

JOHN 3: some of my best memories happened right after you do what you’re about to do next." I was thinking of the meet-up with his friends in general, but yeah, it's probably mostly about meeting Roxy, which is the closest thing to happen to (John 1)'s point in time.

"JOHN 3: the point is, you should just go do it, so that you aren’t here anymore." Savage.

"JOHN 3: i’m here to make sure some new and different important things happen, and those things don’t include you.

JADE: :|(JOHN 1): oh...(JOHN 2): ...ok.

The useless Johns zap away. You sincerely hope that they have a beautiful and fulfilling youth." ... That's not what your mouth ended up conveying there, John. Nor your thoughts, I mean, "useless", dear god man, have some alt self respect. :P

"DAVE: adult john what the fuck have you doneDAVE: is this some time travel shitDAVE: please dont tell me youve been spending the next however many years bungling through time like this because tbh if what i just witnessed was even remotely indicative of shit you get up to on a recurring basis then your future is almost too embarrassing to even think aboutDAVE: and this is coming from a teenager who was just in the middle of an angsty episode" Self aware Dave tirades are still the best. :D

"JOHN: i used my retcon abilities to travel here from the future, in a manner of speaking.DAVE: sounds fuckin stupidJOHN: it is stupid. but that’s just how things are." Glad they can agree to agree on that very valid assessment. :P

"JADE: im a little confused

JADE: im supposed to be hunting you down and capturing you... but im not sure if the adult version of you counts?

JADE: i think the condesce might just be... confused if i brought her an adult john?" Oooh, is this conflicting with her "programming" some how? Doggy Jade is confused, that's actually intruiging that she's given pause.

"JOHN: no, you don’t need to capture me, and you wouldn’t be able to even if you wanted to, since my existence literally transcends the confines of canon.

JADE: well...

JADE: i guess that simplifies things then?" John bullshitting his way to victory over people smarter than him, it remains a sight to behold.

JADE: in that case, would you mind giving me and dave a few minutes to wrap up our conversation?" XD Lol, wut????? Hahahah, Paradox Space really can only handle so much derailment to a timeline. At some point it just throws up it's arms and goes "leave me be, for five minutes, I was busy here!"

"JADE: we were sort of in the middle of something important... i thinkJOHN: no, you really weren’t.JOHN: sorry to be the bearer of lame news, like i just was to the other johns.JOHN: but whatever you were doing doesn’t matter anymore.JOHN: nothing that’s happening here matters at all.JOHN: this session, this whole takeover by the condesce... this isn’t how a universe gets made.

JADE: its not?JOHN: no." Sorry to break it to ya, but you're in a doomed timeline.

"DAVE: so what nowDAVE: if its all a done deal like preemptively speakingDAVE: can we all just relax or whatJOHN: actually...JOHN: no." Okay... So, what, can he just recruit these guys off and zap off with them to the next plot point? Won't something have to be done about the grimbarkness first? Also, if the next plot point is in the same timeline... Game Over really gets derailed. No Jade, no swapping Derse for LOFAF.

"DAVE: fuckJOHN: ah! i just realized why she sent me to this point in time to start recruiting you all.DAVE: whatDAVE: who" Rose, but not your Rose, although perhaps with the memories of that Rose, so kinda your Rose. :P Okay, so it's not that Rose's letter gave more detailed instructions than to zap there & recruit. So John'll have to figure out what to bring besides the people, in some cases at least. Like, here that would be Caledfwlch.

"JOHN: this is the moment just after you made your legendary cue ball sword.JOHN: you’re going to need it.DAVE: for whatJOHN: to come fight lord english with me.

Dave’s eyebrows descend beneath his sunglasses. You feel pretty bad because you’re about to completely circumvent the life-changing epiphany he’s just had that you know for a fact will make him a happier, chiller, and altogether more well-balanced human being." :/ Yeah, Dave really was happier cheating his way out of the prophecy. But then, he could only become so happy if someone else took care of the REAL Lord English for him. Guess another Dave'll have to bite the dust for "alpha" Dave again. Then again, epiphany or not, GO Dave might have ended up happy... but then he'd have been a happy ghost, for just as long until LE or the black hole got to him.

Still, man, I'm feeling for the guy. It's one thing to reject the call when it's an abstract prophecy or artefact thrust on you. But now it's his best friend asking him to join him in a crazy last stand. That's... actually one of the toughest challenges any Dave has had.

"DAVE: oh shit" ... Best underwhelming response he could have. :D

"JADE: what??

JADE: john. he is NOT going to fight lord english just yet

JADE: he is staying right here

JADE: old ladys orders :PJOHN: actually, yes he is." I'm sensing a showdown coming, but I wonder how swift John will take care of her, can his mangrist trump First Guardian swiftness? Oh, yeah, and he could turn into the Breeze too, I recall. Yeah, Jade's gonna bite the dust.

"JOHN: and so are you. we all are." Oooooh, okay, he wants everyone from the GO timeline to take a swing. Cool that he's getting his gang back together. Still, the age difference! :P Everyone but Roxy might be a little wary of it. (I'm saying that because at one point Roxy crushed on Jane's Dad.

"JADE: omg

JADE: how dare you?????JOHN: jade, you’re brainwashed.JOHN: sorry. but nothing you’re saying now means anything." Like, I understand where he's coming from, but dang John, still so brutal.

"JOHN: it’s fine though, you’ll stop being brainwashed once i zap you outside the influence of the condesce." Oooh, round trips to blankspace it is? I don't think it'll be to LOWAS, just to "a" point in blankspace they can be "stored" until the gang is assembled.

"JADE: youre not zapping me anywhere!!!!!JOHN: ha ha, yes i am.JOHN: watch this...

> Zap Grimbark Jade outta there." Has he learned to do a snap to zap her away while staying behind himself? Like how Jade zapped everyone to LOMAX.

It would be anticlimactic for John's retcon powers to suddenly cease working here. It would also be very Hussie for that to happen spontaneously. :P But then again, not likely as he'll use the same power to go to LOCAM (Caliborn's planet).

"You set a hand on Jade’s shoulder and zap her off to a better place. Then you touch down on the concrete surface where the whole pointless confrontation was taking place so that you can talk Dave around whatever it is he’s going through right now. Dave, like his ecto-sister, really needs to get in an absurd amount of extraneous words before he can fully process a situation.

The Mayor tips his head at you and fiddles with his sash. God damn, you missed the Mayor." Ah, okay, that particular conversation we might not see in its entirety? Or maybe we will. In any case, right, WV was there! Aww, yes we missed him. But hey, seems like John at least took a little time before they travelled into the future, to get to know WV? I wonder if he ever found out he was his exile, probably not.

"DAVE: so what do we do nextJOHN: well, i’ll leave you to hang out with jade for a bit, while i go round up the others." Hey, it occurred to me, Dave & Jade could have a chat while they wait, work some things out. A similar conversation as that GO Dave & Jade presumably had right after their deaths, when they woke up next to each other in the dreambubbles!

"DAVE: what others... likeDAVE: everyoneJOHN: yes. rose, and the other four." Yeah, this is speeding things up rapidly as far as the meetup between the kids is concerned. Dave & Dirk might benefit from some alone time out in blankspace together, mirroring their LOTAK conversation. Also, this means John will be zapping into the outer reaches of the session to retrieve Dirk, hahah. ... I wonder if the glitches from the stardust will be causing any disturbance, probably not anymore since the stardust was blown out of the cartridge, admittedly at a "later" point in the timeline.

Blaperile has a good point, what about Roxy? I'm going to assume that, by the time gets around to breaking her out of jail, John 1 or an equivalent John has already visited her. But I don't remember if they talked about the ring already back then. I do still think John will be giving her the ring to go revive Calliope, but the exact feelings around the moment will remain to be seen.

"DAVE: i seeDAVE: so...DAVE: sorry if i seem a little slow here im just trying to figure this outDAVE: youre telling me that i made this sword because im destined to defeat lord english and weve all been training for that day our whole lives to some extent more or lessDAVE: and we are actually successful here like we overthrow the condesce and make a universe and everythingDAVE: and thenDAVE: we..." ... Yeah, this timeline won't spawn a universe, it's already been done, it exists, no point in repeating the whole process. This session is now void again. Dave tries to build a timeline in his head that makes sense, but the sad thing is, his future is uncertain. Though, he might not be sad at all? I mean, not if the future is his to be written, right?

"DAVE: sit on our asses for several years in the new universe and become adults and lead mostly boring lives instead of going off to fight him?" ... Or, does Dave really DO understand what has happened, that he's picking up left over plot behind some other version of him.

"JOHN: yes.DAVE: guess that makes senseDAVE: now that i think about it thats probably what i would want to do by the time we finally wrap up this whole hot messJOHN: yep, it is what you wanted to do.JOHN: and pretty much everyone else agreed, including me. so that’s what we did." Not sure how conscious the decision was for them at the time, but sure.

"DAVE: which uhDAVE: i guess begs the questionDAVE: if it seemed pointless at the time and nobody could be assed to go fight him when we all had our shit togetherDAVE: why does it suddenly become important to go back and beat him years later after we become a bunch of lazy adults with boring lives" You'd have to ask Rose but she wouldn't remember in this timeline so the point is kind of mute. :P

"JOHN: i pretty much had the same questions, dave.JOHN: there are probably some pretty good answers to that. definitely some complicated answers.JOHN: but to be honest... i kind of forget what they actually were?DAVE: god damn it john" Pfffffff. John "it seemed important at the time so here i am" Egbert, everyone.

"JOHN: it has something to do with canon unraveling, and such.JOHN: we all live outside canon in the future, and if we don’t do go do this, everything will stop meaning anything.DAVE: does...DAVE: anything you just said actually mean anything in the first place" There's a song that comes to mind from Volume 9, "Everything means Something to Somebody". To Dave, it must be sound like the same level of fortune cookie wisdom.

"JOHN: that’s a great question, dave.JOHN: one that i can’t say i’m qualified to answer!JOHN: i think the bottom line here is, this is what rose said we had to do.JOHN: so, that’s why we’re doing it.DAVE: sounds like a bullshit reason if i ever heard oneJOHN: you might be right.JOHN: but is it less of a bullshit reason than any other reason we currently have to go fight him?DAVE: ...DAVE: damnDAVE: youre rightDAVE: i dont know how you did it but you somehow instantly sold me completelyDAVE: fuck you adult egbert" At some point, the scales will buckle just from the shear heap of bullshit piled on.

"You zap Dave off to where he needs to go. The Mayor is still staring at you, blinking his buggy little eyes. You shoot him a warm smile and a thumbs-up before bouncing off into the ether of infinity." Awww, actually, leaving WV behind can't be all bad for him. He can find Serenity in here, PM too. Condesce might very well leave for the Furthest Ring, and then this session is up for sale to anyone. And with the royalty down for the count, WV can take over. Well, okay, WQ... probably blew up when Union Jack broke Prospit. Yeah, WV, PM & the still alive Derse agents are the top bill around, and if PM can trump Jack again (the three of him, Spades Slick & Union Jack included), then the remaining Derse agents would follow.

That marks the end of Meat, page 4 for us!

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #homestuck meat #upd8 #reaction #spoiler alert #john egbert #dave strider #grimbark jade #wv #the mayor #LOHAC #retjohn

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blaperile · 5 years

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Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 4

#Homestuck #The Homestuck Epilogues #Meat #reaction #John #Dave #Jade #WV

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danandphilwhomst · 6 years

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title: Memories in Melbourne

word count: 1.7k

based off of the recent instagram stories in Melbourne :)

a/n: @moon-boye inspired me with this post this morning and the bois posted some really hecking cute insta stories so I had to write this

read on ao3

The entire 16 hours there Phil thought about how much longer he'd have to just sit. 16 hours of sitting. And unfortunately, 16 hours of not very much sleep. Nevertheless, he was his usual bubbly self, trying to reach over and poke Dan, asking him if he wanted to play a game and taking sneak pictures of him when he could.

“Hey, Dan,” his soft voice comes out teasingly, “do you wanna play I-spy?”

Dan rolls his eyes.

“Oh god,” he's annoyed, but Phil knows he's not really that bothered, “release me from this hell.” His hand reaches out to shoo Phil away. He was not going to play I-spy. Ugh. Not this time. But Phil, wanting to see Dan all flustered and annoyed asks again after posting the initial video.

“Hey, Dan,” Dan turns to face him again with that look on his face, “wanna play I-spy?”

Dan rolls his eyes so hard they could've popped out of his head.

“Sure, Phil,” he obliges, and then, “I spy a big dork.” Phil's giggle comes up from his throat once again and he points to Dan.

“Found it!” Dan sputters,

“Pfff, oh nice one, Phil.” Phil laughs and decides to leave Dan be for the time being.

~~~

Three hours later and Phil gets an idea. He reaches for his phone again and pulls up Instagram. He glances over to make sure Dan isn't looking while he switches through different filters. His smirk pulls up the corner of his mouth as he finds exactly which one he was looking for and flips the camera onto Dan. He's deep into a video of some sort, and Phil smiles mischievously. It doesn't take long for Dan to notice he's being filmed.

“What are you doing?” He keeps his voice soft and his eyes question Phil's motives. The recording ends and Dan still stares at him, curious, as Phil exacts his revenge. He posts before he answers Dan.

“Just getting you back, that's all,” he smirks at Dan this time. Within a few seconds, Dan has Instagram pulled up and he sees the offending video. He laughs and then,

“Phil,” he whines, “really?” Phil shrugs,

“Just getting you back for that sneak photo you got of me!” Dan plays annoyed but his face says, I love you, you stupid dork.

~~~

They finally land and Phil sighs. He glances over to see a sleeping Dan, lips parted and eyelashes dusting his cheeks and he doesn't know how he got this lucky.

As the plane makes contact with the runway, Dan's eyelids gradually open, blinking to will the sleepiness away. Phil is still staring.

“What?” Dan questions. He questions Phil often. Phil can only smile softly,

“Oh nothing,” and Dan doesn't press any further, but his eyes are gentle and he smiles back.

As they get off the plane, their muscles ache from sitting in one small area for so long and they feel some gratification as they stretch their long limbs, finally.

~~~

The first thing they decide to do is go to the beach. They wonder if it's too touristy, but they've never really shied away from that before. Everyone else has split off, to rest or get settled or explore some place else.

Dan is relieved that it's just them, because he always cherishes the moments he can spend with just Phil, whether they have a discussion or if they just spend their time in comfortable silence, enjoying each other but not finding the need to talk. Especially now. Several months of always being busy and being around a crew of people doesn't give a person much time to themselves or time alone with their partner.

When they make it down to the beach, Dan is more than grateful that he brought a jacket. This was no summery Florida beach. His weather app boasts a mere 13°C and the wind whips through his newly cut curls. A shiver runs down his spine and he hugs the denim to his middle. Damn. Not a warm enough jacket. He was freezing, and he shook a little as the cold traveled through his skin, nose, ears, and fingertips feeling the nip of the air.

“You cold, Dan?” Phil reaches out and sets a hand on Dan's elbow. Dan shivers again.

“Yes I'm bloody cold, why is it so cold on the beach?” Phil understands. He's cold, as well, but he scoffs a little.

“Dan, it's winter here- that's how hemispheres work. We're 'upside down,’ remember?” He looks at Dan again and it tugs at his heart a little. He would warm Dan up soon enough.

“Fuck hemispheres. Fuck Australian winter,” Dan laments as he folds his arms into himself.

“Dan!” He squeaks, “be nice to Australia, we just got here!” Phil bumps his shoulder into Dan's.

“Whatever,” and Dan walks ahead of Phil down the boardwalk. Phil jogs to catch up with him as Dan starts another Instagram story. He finishes and Phil keeps messing with his hair as he did while Dan was recording. Dan looks behind him, amused at Phil being so concerned about his look.

“Phil,” Dan reaches up and pulls Phil's arm down, “it looks fine. It'll just keep getting all messed up.” Phil huffs, but gives in, leaving his quiff alone. When he looks back to Dan, he is still staring at him, smirking.

“Besides,” Dan starts, “it looks kind of sexy all mussed up like that.” With that, he receives a light shove from Phil.

They shiver as they walk, but Dan pauses and goes to hand his phone to Phil. Phil scrunches his brows in question but Dan answers soon enough,

“Here take a picture of me.” Phil nods and taps the camera icon, aiming at Dan as he leans against the faded wood railing. He takes a regular shot first, of just Dan, unprepared and not posing. He always does this, just to save photos for them.

“Act like you're cold. Do a pose,” Phil suggests.

“I am cold, you spork,” Dan retaliates and makes a face a Phil.

“Well you know what I mean,” Phil starts but Dan sasses back,

“Do I?” But Phil tucks the phone away in response.

“Alright guess I won't take the picture then,” he gets out just before Dan is sputtering and whining at him to cut it out. Phil giggles and pulls Dan's phone from his back pocket and cooperates, snapping several photos for Dan to choose from. He waits for what seems like forever for Dan to pick just the right photo and caption.

“Dan-”

“Wait, okay? I'm nearly done! I have an aesthetic to maintain, you know,” Dan cuts him off before he can even complain. Finally Dan posts and as they continue their walk Phil takes some beach photos of his own.

Phil watches as Dan strolls ahead of him, shivering and yet enjoying the beautiful view. He then takes a quick glance around, but one else is there. Just them. He sneaks behind Dan and wraps his arms around his waist, muttering into his shoulder,

“Dan, you're so dramatic.”

“Pffff I am not,” Dan retorts. He goes to spin around to face Phil but actually it feels pretty warm to have Phil wrapped around him, so he relishes the sensation for longer. Phil lets out a breathy giggle.

“What?”

“Am I actually warming you up?” Phil asks.

Dan puts his hands over Phil's, which are still firmly grasped in front of him, keeping them connected. He leans back into Phil.

“Maybe.” A puff of breath from Phil's nostrils tickles his neck as Phil chuckles at his his answer. But Phil lets go and Dan immediately feels the warmth drain from his torso. He shivers again and he pouts at the lack of Phil's arms around him.

“C'mon, we haven't even gone down to the actual beach yet!” Phil reaches a hand back to beckon Dan to follow him. Dan gives in and they make their way down to the shore.

For several moments, they walk quietly, the only sound is the roll of waves against the shore and their footprints in the give of sand. Phil has an idea and gets his phone out from his back pocket and flips his phone upside down. He opens Instagram and films another story.

“Dan! We're upside down right now!” Phil calls behind him. Dan spiffs,

“Pssh god, good one, Phil,” but he smiles at Phil's excitement and youthful demeanor. He thinks of the weirdest and funniest things sometimes. Phil just laughs.

“Very clever, Phil,” Dan says once Phil has pocketed his phone.

“I thought so.” And seeing again that no one was around, Phil reaches back and laces his fingers with Dan's, both hands freezing but their hearts were warm. Dan looks down and smiles.

It's cheesy as all hell but they're walking hand in hand on the beach, cool air whipping through their hair and shoulders brushing together occasionally. Dan decides that a little cheesy isn't so bad, especially with Phil. He's just happy to be here.

“We're almost done,” Dan muses.

Phil is pulled out of his own thoughts by Dan's words.

“Hm? Oh the tour. Yeah.” A moment passes before either of them speak up again.

“How do you feel about it?” Phil asks, almost not loud enough for Dan to hear over the whistle of the wind. Dan ponders for a second. He has a feeling he's thought about this more in depth than Phil has. That's just the way his mind works.

“I think it's the best thing we've ever done.” That must have not been the answer Phil was expecting, because he slows down and turns to look at Dan, releasing his hand. His eyes match the waves beside them and sincerity gleams in his irises as he speaks.

“Yeah?” Phil took a step forward, “I think so, too.” Instead of reaching for Dan's hand again, he hooks an arm around his waist as they resume walking.

“Phil?” Dan's voice breaks through the lull of the waves. Phil pulls Dan in closer and he hums in answer.

“This is the most fun I've ever had in my entire life.” Phil leans in and bumps his cold nose against Dan's flushed cheek.

“Me, too.”

a/n: Thanks for reading :) I hope you enjoyed it, and likes/reblogs are much appreciated <3

#mine #phanfiction #insta stories #writing #hope you enjoy :)

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inexchangeforyoursoul · 6 years

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Aaand... here. [ffnet] [ao3]

Me notes: I’m living dangerously and haven’t actually looked up the possible lingering symptoms of lead poisoning up till a week ago. And yet, it’s disturbing how legit my guesses were, even past the chronic pain lmao??? Shit’s wild, yo.(Won’t come up, but among other things, it can fuck up your cognitive abilities, that is to say, make you stupid(er)... our genius Law’s IQ was probably so broken that it needed to be nerfed to hell, yet he’s still one of the smartest jackasses in the series. somehow, this info delights me… what a force of nature.) (I’m definitely winging the shit as to why those things happen tho, this is just a shitty fic project, I don’t need nor really want a PhD in neurosurgery and whatnot. … for now, at least. I’d be happy with a teacher’s degree. And something to prove that I’m by no stretch bad at translating stuff.)

26. Shenanigans

As soon as Kat reaches her destination, Nami poses a question immediately; “What was that about?” All she could see was that Law was both mad and… well, confused, while trying his darnest to be civil. Which in itself is a point of interest, just like the fact that her new friend here also seems kind of lost.

Kat sighs. “I’ve been too,” Honestly, how should she summarize this? Uh... “well... nice?”

“Too… nice.” On second thought… the navigator feels she shouldn’t be surprised that the Heart captain would find that unwelcome. He’s not exactly the buddy-buddy type, hell, probably even paranoid.

“Like... I felt kind of guilty for skipping all that practice and being a general nuisance,” among other things she cannot talk about... “... so I brought down some rice crackers and tea after breakfast and washed his dusty mug that must have been lying around for months for him,” she looks up, slowing down a bit to get her thoughts in order; “We had, like, a tea party. Which was still okay, I guess. After having managed to sit out the new training shit proper, probably looking like a maniac during it all… I definitely overdid it by buying a teddy at the fair for his suspiciously big bear themed collection.” It really seems excessive and random in hindsight. “Man, can you imagine I even considered to buy a gigantic one? I couldn’t bring myself to pay up the twelve grand, but… pfff.” she mumbles mostly to herself, putting on a faint smile over the mental image of chucking that monstrosity at him again, then places a hand on her cheek while contemplating the general idea over in vague confusion. She settled for the small one, but... sheesh. On the other hand, she likes being charitable, and it’s been too damn long since she had both the financial background and an excuse to buy a gift for someone apart from the obligatory job stuff. Thinking about this makes her want to give a little ‘thank you’ gift of sorts to both crews… except, well, she ain’t got jack as far as ideas are concerned. They already have everything they could need, too.

Nami rolls her eyes upon hearing that. “Geez… it’s like you’re wishing him a belated happy birthday and he’s complaining over the attention. Which… is not all that surprising, I guess,” she concludes then with a shrug. “He did the same when we threw him a party before arriving in the country,” His main complaint was that he had his private party with his crew a few days back… none can do for Luffy if he wants to party, however. “On the other hand… you do realize that you sound like an overly apologetic boyfriend, right?” Nami muses while returning her attention to her, finding sudden enjoyment over the image of Knight Kat and her grumpy liege.

“Well… he is a princess as far as I’m concerned,” Kat nods in agreement. “While I’m not sure his highness would agree, I can see where you’re coming from, though,” she adds, scratching the sideburns in embarrassment. “I’m… not really good at taking care of anyone or anything in general, no lie. The moons must have aligned, or something.”

“You must be underestimating yourself,” the other woman states, leading her towards the table with the still steaming drink on it. Sanji must have been here a mere minute ago. “People who have no sense of nurture would never be able to do your job, you know?”

“Work is different,” she protests, crossing her forearms in an X, and squints at the back of Nami’s head where some small creature seems to be very, very lost in the orange sea; “Because… I know I have to do that stuff, and I must pay attention at least some of the time, you know? If I didn’t, I’d get fired. When just home, or hanging out… I get way too comfortable, and next thing I notice after spacing out is that the day is already over. Flowers unwatered and still full of lice or whatever, dog unwalked and unpooped, cat unfed and has knocked everything off the table, and then there’s me, also hungry and dirty... Can’t just do all of that quick before going to bed, can you?” She sighs. “I’m happy I’ve gotten far enough to be able to take care of myself, you know.” Sometimes she still forgets to eat, or keeps going just one or two more days without the designated bath. It’s so… it’s beyond embarrassing. And infuriating. Occasionally… even humiliating.

She picks up her cup and stirs the beverage, then downs half of it immediately. A sugar chunk in her mouth and the barely comfortable temperature remind her that she probably should slow the fuck down. Oh well… if she already has half the cube, might as well lick it away.

“... I still think you are selling yourself short, but… can’t say I haven’t met the problem.” Getting started after Bellemere was… overwhelming. Although they helped out a lot since they were little, and there wasn’t a lot more extra work to do, neither her nor Nojiko had an idea where to start with the household, even though the villagers cleaned up the mess in the house that Hachi had left behind. The laundry seemed to be more when it was less, the cooking more challenging... even the tangerine grove felt bigger and more intimidating than before. Everything appeared to be more than what it was in reality. When she noticed some work waiting to be done, she handled it on autopilot, but there really was a lot of spacing out while doing stuff. From what she just said, Kat seems to be in a similar state of mind, albeit near permanently. “Either way, that already is something. You talk as if you were worse about it, so there’s nothing to be worried about. That forestside cottage won’t tend itself once you get there.”

Kat lets a smile creep on her face, being reminded of her silly life goals. Nami was listening in on her and Robin’s conversation, huh? “I guess… but I’m still eons away from even attempting that.” Finishing the sentence, she also finishes her coffee and puts the cup down. Now, let’s address that minor annoyance that’s been bugging her quite literally for a minute… “By the way, turn around a bit?”

“Turn…? Why should I?” the redhead asks, complying with the request regardless.

Kat reaches into her hair and picks out one tiny black dot after short looking around the neck area. “You had one of these really small spiders in your hair,” she says, lifting the little goober for her to see. The wind carries these all over the place.

“Eeeh,” Nami gets shivers turning back to her while holding her locks, zeroing in on the barely visible animal. “Oh, god, get it away….!”

A mischievous smile appears on Kat’s face; Nami knows her just enough to step back and eye her with suspicion.

“Away?”

“Don’t…”

“Don’t what?”

Another step back is followed by a step forward by Kat, and they start waltzing faster and faster, until Nami starts sprinting and runs into Sanji, who is bringing out drinks for her and probably Carrot, as Robin should be having her coffee now.

“Shield!!” she shouts, flinging him in between. The man keeps enough balance for the layered cocktails to barely sway; quite impressive. He’s also visibly pleased with the development.

“Oh, Nami, dear~ you are so passionate today. What brings you to me~?”

“An itsy bitsy spider,” says Kat, bringing it up to his nose, almost.

“Oh, a spi---” the smile freezes onto Sanji’s face upon turning towards her, then he emits a sound alike a deflating balloon before arching back all of a sudden over Nami in panic. The utensils in his hand can’t compete with the sudden movement, and are wobbling precariously, until the tray itself starts to tilt; noticing that, Kat snaps her hand towards said objects to stop them from falling, and the spider, having had enough of these shenanigans, uses the momentum to make an exit with a jump into the greenery.

The drinks, along with every layer, practically stop in time; Sanji looks over to them, still in shock.

“Sweet catch,” says a bubbly Carrot who has likely seen everything as she's sliding down the mast.

“... thanks…” Kat squeaks. Something about this feels… weird, though. “And, uh, sorry,” she adds, looking over to the cook. “Didn’t know you felt this strongly about creepy crawlies.” She almost ruined those drinks and potentially could have broken the glasses, too...

“I-it’s fine,” he croaks with the frozen smile still on his face, shaking a little both from the position and scare.

“That was mean, Kat,” Nami grumbles, pushing the man back onto his feet, checking the grass for the small stowaway. “Don’t bring bugs near me… or Sanji, -sorry, Sanji,- they are gross!”

“After this, I really won’t,” she mumbles, slowly setting the glasses back into position on the tray now that Sanji’s calming down and is not shaking things all over the place. The contents, however… need extra care? They are levitating by themselves, so she needs to move them along with the glass. What is she doing differently, here?

“Thank you,” the man mumbles with the last item returning to its place and having recollected himself.

“No need to, I was the one brewing trouble in the first place.” Being done with the extra task, she feels relieved. “The falling things save is an aspect that I’ll definitely miss, no lie,” she breathes then; the odd feeling from before has not left her. There’s a notion that she can pinpoint every last detail around the ship, to the last strand of hair… she can even feel the little tiptoes of that tiny arachnid under them; taking a look to the side, she can spot a dot exactly where she thinks it is, too. And two butterflies flapping around the garden, flies all over the place, and just in general a lot of all kinds of small creatures all over. Even the positions of people moving around on board, whom she can kind of identify by size, position, what they might be doing or the way they walk… as well as the different layers in the drinks, which appear to be the most detailed ‘feeling’ thing. There’s just a lot of stuff not belonging to places, and it’s a little overwhelming.

Her perception being off is apparently noticeable, as Nami picks up on it as well. “You alright?” Kat has a tendency to space out or look out of it, so she’s always a little worried that there’s something like a pulled neck muscle going on. Most of the time, though, she’s just daydreaming.

“No, I’m alright, it’s…” Suddenly, she feels enlightened. “Oh, I think I know what this is…”

“What would that something be?” Nami asks, blinking in confusion.

“I think I just activated this scanning stuff by accident,” she informs her, looking down at her hands. The trigger must have been reaching for the glasses, but… how does one turn it off?

“Scanning…?” the woman mumbles. This must be something Ope Ope related.

“Like… I just know where a lot of stuff is, all of a sudden…” Thinking about it, she knows specifically where living things are, and the overall shapes of objects. And… possibly the density of things, because, those drinks...

Sanji notes her sudden interest in said beverages. “Would the resident changeling fairy like a glass of her own?”

Oh god, he’s already back to cheesy descriptions level… ANYWAY.

“No, thanks, I don't drink... I do like looking at pretty cocktails, though.” Honestly, sometimes they smell really nice, so it's hard to resist.... like these. There’s some chocolate and raspberries in there… but all she has to think of is the bitter aftertaste and the temptation is no more.

“Actually,” she continues as Nami gets her cocktail to sip on and Carrot walks up to them, asking whether she can have the other one, to which Sanji informs the mink that it was meant to be hers anyway; “mind if I try something with one of these…?”

“Oh, are you going to do some cool tricks?” Carrot asks with excitement; “I’ve been wanting to see the stuff Bropper has been talking about, too!”

“Ah, right!! I wanted to show you some stuff, anyway!” she says while sucking up some of the radiating fuzz buzz up, too.

Sanji raises a brow and puts on half a sulk. It takes a second to let the notion of food being tampered with slide, but if it’s for the greater good and less frustrating body statuses… Indeed, the thought of everything in the universe being in its rightful place puts his head back in the clouds. “I’ll be on my way, my lovelies, call if you need anything~” he swoons while disappearing back in the kitchen in a whirlwind.

Nami also gets going direction library and waves goodbye while drinking, which gesture the remaining two return.

“So, so,” the mink starts again, lifting up the glass to Kat; “what do you want to do with this?”

“What I want to do with the drink specifically is probably not that interesting, but even if it’s a total failure, I’ll make it up to you right after,” she notes. She has about one shot at this, anyway.

“Tee-hee~ Show me watcha got,” the rabbit girl says with a smug face to challenge the cocktail’s opponent.

“As you wish,” Kat responds with a smile of the same smugness level; Carrot snorts at this.

“You legit sound and look like Bepo’s captain right now,” she giggles.

“Hey, hey, careful,” Kat half-laughs while trying to keep the glass upright; “I need this thing as it is right now.”

“Alright, even if you will suck at this, you’ve already redeemed yourself,” the mink states as they waddle with combined efforts towards the table to put the beverage on. “Purely on a basis of a spot-on impression that you ruined immediately after.” She wasn’t there for the first performance anyway. “Bonus points for not even trying, tho.”

“Well, Carrot, to catch the pray…” she looks around with shifty eyes as the glass clinks on the polished surface; “you need to become the prey.”

“Well, well, well, Kat… I literally am prey,” she nods, releasing the object at last. “Also… are you saying you are out on a hunt? Hmm?” The smug smile returns, and this time it’s accompanied by a knowing look and crossed arms.

The girl needs to consider this for a moment, and she also puts on a comically exaggerated thinking face. Is she trying to go for Law's jugular in any way or form? She's had worse company, but... "Not really. Or deliberately. Unless hunting for funny situations for either person counts as such." With that she also lets go of the poor liquid that still retains most of its original form.

Carrot nods wisely after a few seconds, eyes entranced in the cloudy horizon. “... that’s fair, can’t blame you for that.”

Kat needs to hold back a smile, then decides to put an end to this banter. “Okay, alright, I may have finished off my coffee in like three shots, but I’ll have to hurry regardless,” she waves her hands around. “Let’s see this bad boy,” she groans while dropping on a chair; Carrot follows her lead and watches intently.

Okay, so… she still has that feeling going, that’s good; she also tried to keep the drink stable while holding it, which seems to have been a success. Now, how to do the thing she has in mind… She touches the glass again, which seems to power up the sensation somewhat; even if it’s a placebo effect, being in contact seems to make things much easier. There is definitely a difference between the glass and its content... what she’s really interested in, however, are the individual layers, which also seem different… they feel different. Especially the lightest and heaviest ones.

What if she just tried, took the lowest, dark layer, and...

“... Kat, what part of reality are you breaking again?” asks Usopp in a vaguely wary manner while passing with his tool box, his eyes catching the liquid blob pass a rather opaque layer following her finger before settling on top. Carrot breathes a ‘cool’ as she watches on with her head on the table.

“... density or gravity, I guess.” If not both. Those are kinda correlated, aren't they...? Eh, fuck physics. She can break all the rules, anyway.

As the layer settles in, she takes a look at the one now below it; a motion of another finger lowers it to the middle, then she raises it up again through the static ones. After that, she puts the reddish, heavy goop back to its place, with the lightest layer over it. Releasing it all makes the whitish liquid phase through multiple other ones, stirring the entire cocktail up. Looks rather nifty, with all those vertical stripes in it. Last part notwithstanding... if souls or whatever feel just as different, and she can make them slide through another... after some refinement, this just might be the thing she needs.

#Kate writes #KMKY #opfanfic #been a while since I tagged it like that so

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anactualfuckingnerd · 3 years

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🍔 woah!

[

The story begins with Miss Pauling lying face-down in the middle of a golden desert, covered in sand and with vultures around her. She wakes up with a start, spitting sand out of her mouth.

]

Miss Pauling: "Hck! Pfff! Pff! Where the hell...?"

[A single unlocked door stands in front of her, seemingly in the middle of nowhere]

[Cut to Miss Pauling opening the door and peering in]

Miss Pauling: Um. Hello?

Voice: Oh, it's you. Well, you might as well come in.

[The voice is the Administrator, who is sitting in the middle of a control room lit green by multiple monitors. All of them eerily show live footage of her face]

Miss Pauling: Where are we?

Administrator: Mm. You know, nobody's ever dropped by that I've been able to ask. This is where I wake up when I die. All the cameras face inward, you see. So all you can look at is yourself. For eternity, presumably. Very poetic. I'm only ever here for an hour or so. Usually I just read magazines and smoke.

[Miss Pauling moves closer]

Miss Pauling: None of this is real, is it? You're just... this is all in my head.

Administrator: If you like. Maybe I'm not here at all. Maybe I'm just a flickering memory in your dying brain.

[The Administrator flicks her cigarette slightly, still facing the monitors]

Administrator: Or maybe I am real, and we're discussing the nature of reality in my own private hell. In which case, congratulations. You've somehow figured out how to make eternity more boring. Honestly, pick one. I've never had much patience for the abstract. What matters is you've died. And that means you've failed.

[Miss Pauling scowls a bit, but keeps talking]

Miss Pauling: Okay, yes. I failed. The Australium you sent me to get? It's gone. It's gone, ma'am.

[The Administrator rests her hand on her forehead, looking frustrated]

Administrator: *Sigh* And of course you just gave up, didn't you. You have no idea how important this is...

[Miss Pauling speaks with more desperation]

Miss Pauling: So tell me! Administrator, I know you're planning something big. I've always known. And I've never asked. Not once. Because I trusted you. That when we got here, you'd have a place for me.

[The Administrator takes a whiff from her cigarette]

Administrator: Tell me, Miss Pauling... if you've never questioned my intentions, in a decade under my employ... because you "trusted" me...

[The Administrator turn around on her chair and faces Miss Pauling]

Administrator: Why are you asking now?

[Silence. Miss Pauling poses a single question]

Miss Pauling: What is it you want?

[The monitors behind her are mysteriously turned off. Suddenly, the Administrator gives a grim look, her fingers touching and her face turning dark.]

Administrator: Blood.

[The monitors turn on one-by-one. Miss Pauling's eyes begin to show on each screen.]

Administrator': It's not enough.

[All monitors are turned on, filled with Miss Pauling's horrified expression.]

Administrator: I need more.

[Comic suddenly cuts to a different scene. Miss Pauling is lying in bloody dirt outside of the TFC base, regaining consciousness. The previous events were all a hallucination.]

Voice: I need more blood!

[The comic's name flashes at the bottom of the page: THE NAKED and the DEAD]

[Miss Pauling finally awakens] Miss Pauling: Medic?

[Medic is seen rushing about with a bucket full of blood, while Zhanna collects blood from the ground using a piece of cloth.]

Medic: More blood! She's coming around!

[Medic sits on his knee beside Miss Pauling, collecting blood with a cloth]

Miss Pauling: What happened? I thought we all...

Medic: Died? Ha ha ha, heavens, NO! ...well, yes.

[Medic squeezes the blood-soaked cloth into his bucket, smiling at Miss Pauling. Miss Pauling looks a bit disturbed]

Medic: But only momentarily! Your hearts barely had time to stop beating! The robots merely drained out all of your blood.

[Medic pours the bucket of dirty blood and debris straight into the Soldier's open chest, who is lying on the ground and smiling. Miss Pauling looks disgusted.]

Medic: SO! I just put the blood back in!

Miss Pauling (Grimacing): I refuse to believe it's that easy.

Medic: I know, ja? Why do people even go to Medical school?

Miss Pauling: Wait, how'd you separate out all the blood types?

[A bandaged Soldier sits up and smiles]

Soldier: HAR! "Different types of blood"! Miss Pauling came back stupid!

[Looking at Soldier] Medic: Ha! Yes. What foolishness.

[Medic quickly and sternly glares at a surprised Miss Pauling while Soldier digs his nose]

Medic (Quietly): Miss Pauling, I've been using my own underwear to sponge blood out of puddles. Trust me, the type is the least of your problems.

[Miss Pauling looks as if she was about to cry]

Miss Pauling: Oh god. Are we going to be okay...?

Medic (Thinking): I would drink plenty of water. Oh, and blood, if you can find any.

[They are both interrupted by the sound of the Demoman, who was in a frenzy and taking on a hoard of blood-sucking robots all by himself. Destroyed robots litter the area.]

Miss Pauling: Wait. Aren't those the robots that killed all of us in five seconds?

Medic: Oof. Yes, I saw. Very embarrassing of you.

Miss Pauling: Right, so... How the hell is Demo doing that?

[Medic picks up the arm of a busted robot]

Medic: Yes, I was pleasantly surprised as well. If I had to guess... I'd say drinking Demo's blood is giving them all alcohol poisoning.

Miss Pauling: But he hasn't had a drop of liquor since we got to the island! How is he...?

[A small speech bubble interrupts Miss Pauling]

Voice: Heart! Status report!

[The scene cuts to what seems to be a hallucination experienced by the Demoman. Demoman is giving orders to his various anthropomorphic organs behind a control panel, with his eyepatch-wearing heart saluting and announcing reports.]

Demoman's Heart: We managed to convert the stomach into a distillery, sir!

Demoman (Shouting): Convert the lungs too! If it's hollow and it's in me body, put it to work!

Voice: Tavish?

[Demoman's eyepatch-wearing liver returns after leaving since Old Wounds. Demoman answers condescendingly, without turning his back.]

Demoman: Ach. Look who came crawling back. Hello, liver. Get bored of yer champagne parties and golden shrimp forks, did ye?

Demoman's Liver: Tavish... I never even left your rectum.

[Demoman grabs his liver and embraces it, giving a romantic kiss within a heart-shaped comic bubble.]

Demoman: I know.

[Demoman's liver blushes and stands next to a happy Demoman, behind their control panel.]

Demoman: Ach, we'll have plenty o' time for that later. We should get back t'work. While you were gallivantin' around in me colon havin' a fine oul' time, me and the lads invented a way to ferment bone marrow.

[Two eyepatch-wearing bones are seen with pickaxes beside them; one of them is smoking.]

Demoman: Look sharp there, boys!

Demoman's Bones: I hate this job.

[Scene suddenly cuts to pure black]

Voice: These guys are morons. Lunatics. They're the laughing stock of the mercenary world. How the hell are they-

[A frustrated TFC Heavy is seen watching the events unfold on a large blue screen. The TFC Engineer approaches from behind him and interrupts his thoughts.]

TFC Engineer: Uh... boss? Me and the boys were talkin', and uh... we were wonderin' how we're gonna get paid.

[TFC Heavy doesn't turn around. He is seen holding something.]

TFC Heavy: Do I look like I'm in the mood to talk about this, Fred? You always get paid. Why bring it up now?

TFC Engineer: Well, for one, you never killed the guy payin' us before. Two, I've been standin' here ten minutes watchin' you yell at his spine.

[TFC Heavy turns around menacingly and thrusts the item he is holding towards the TFC Engineer, showing that it was Gray Mann's Life-Extender machine.]

TFC Heavy: You worried about MONEY? I'm holding a machine that will let us live forever, Fred.

[TFC Engineer backs away a bit]

TFC Engineer: Yeah, about that. I also can't help noticing you ain't holding five of 'em.

TFC Heavy: SO MAKE MORE! You're an Engineer, aren't you?

TFC Engineer: Well, sure, but- this aint' exactly upgrading a Turret here. Come on man, immortality machines? Magic rocks? That damn thing's more Biology that Engineering...

[TFC Heavy turns away again]

TFC Heavy: Just so we're not here all day... what can you do, Fred?

[TFC Engineer counts his fingers]

TFC Engineer: Well, I've been lookin' at the old man's Robots. I could probably get the Sentry Busters up and running, or maybe...

[TFC Heavy immediately turns around and grabs the TFC Engineer's collar, screaming directly into his face.]

TFC Engineer: Get them ALL up and running! Now! I WANT THESE IDIOTS DEAD!

#long post #THE READ MORE ISNT WORKING JHBYGTFYG

0 notes

hgfstreamchats · 4 years

Text

Cry Baby Lane

thenightetc 08:25 PM hELLO!

thenightetc 08:25 PM ...*Hello!

highglossfinish 08:25 PM Hello!

thenightetc 08:27 PM No sound--or rather the sound seems to be a mic

highglossfinish 08:27 PM Better?

thenightetc 08:28 PM Same.

highglossfinish 08:28 PM Now?

thenightetc 08:28 PM There we go!

highglossfinish 08:28 PM Excellent!

thenightetc 08:29 PM Why indeed.

highglossfinish 08:30 PM Spor.

Starscreamillar joined the party.

thenightetc 08:32 PM The narration is making me think this is a parody

thenightetc 08:32 PM Hello!

Starscreamillar 08:32 PM Greetings

highglossfinish 08:32 PM Just in time!

highglossfinish 08:32 PM Apparently it was real and meant for human children, and scared them all so much they never aired this again.

Starscreamillar 08:33 PM ... Crybaby lane.

highglossfinish 08:33 PM And it became something of an urban legend, but no, it was real.

Thebes joined the party.

thenightetc 08:35 PM Hmmm.

Starscreamillar 08:35 PM This soundtrack is not inspiring fear.

Thebes 08:35 PM brings back memories tho

highglossfinish 08:35 PM No, no it is not.

thenightetc 08:35 PM Does the video keep pausing for anyone else, or is it just me?

thenightetc 08:35 PM Not constantly, but frequently

Thebes 08:36 PM not for me

Starscreamillar 08:36 PM It seems to be running fine for me?

thenightetc 08:36 PM On my end, then. Bah

thenightetc 08:36 PM I'll close a thing or two

highglossfinish 08:36 PM So will I, just to be sure.

thenightetc 08:37 PM Nah, I doubt it's to do with you

Thebes 08:37 PM such scintillating dialogue

thenightetc 08:38 PM This guy's a real winner

thenightetc 08:38 PM Gee I wonder if anything bad's going to happen to big bro there

Starscreamillar 08:38 PM The xylophone really sells it.

highglossfinish 08:39 PM Sobbing mutilated freak infant ghosts and xylophones. That's the kind of movie we're in for.

thenightetc 08:40 PM Yech.

thenightetc 08:40 PM Why does that tombstone look like a dick

thenightetc 08:40 PM Who is buried THERE

highglossfinish 08:40 PM Someone fun.

thenightetc 08:41 PM That one in particular looks about 20

Starscreamillar 08:42 PM If a teenage boy invites you to the cemetary after dark, there is a 50% chance he will try to steal your skin.

highglossfinish 08:43 PM And a 50% chance he'll try to steal your bones.

thenightetc 08:43 PM hahahah

highglossfinish 08:43 PM What an unpleasant bunch of children.

Starscreamillar 08:43 PM I hope someone steals their skin.

Thebes 08:44 PM I mean, at least some part of them would be of use

Thebes 08:45 PM STOCK SCREAMS

thenightetc 08:45 PM ikr

thenightetc 08:45 PM PFFF

thenightetc 08:46 PM "maybe we should go"

highglossfinish 08:46 PM Back to the surfer music.

thenightetc 08:46 PM "maybe someone else was out here with a hidden speaker?"

Starscreamillar 08:46 PM Glowing worms love surfer music.

thenightetc 08:47 PM So is the twist that the evil twin is the one buried there :thinking:

Starscreamillar 08:47 PM Perhaps they were both evil twins.

highglossfinish 08:48 PM The real evil twin was inside of us all all along.

Thebes 08:49 PM I gotta narrate out loud

Starscreamillar 08:49 PM That would check out.

thenightetc 08:50 PM aw, no

thenightetc 08:51 PM Now I'm all sad because the dog's clearly a goner

highglossfinish 08:52 PM Bring back the dog!

thenightetc 08:52 PM being possessed or whatever

thenightetc 08:53 PM Jesus christ.

highglossfinish 08:53 PM I hate humans.

thenightetc 08:53 PM oh yeah the wind always sounds like crying children

Starscreamillar 08:54 PM Who does not enjoy scaring children?

thenightetc 08:54 PM Sigh.

thenightetc 08:54 PM Yeah we got that.

highglossfinish 08:56 PM Well put, human baby.

thenightetc 08:56 PM Haha, what.

Starscreamillar 08:56 PM What is with these worms?

highglossfinish 08:57 PM And why do they sound like some universe's variant of Starscream?

thenightetc 08:57 PM carl's gonna get his ass kicked by a ghost

Starscreamillar 08:57 PM I resent that.

highglossfinish 08:57 PM You know it's true.

Starscreamillar 08:57 PM Just because it's true does not mean I have to like it.

thenightetc 08:57 PM There, there.

thenightetc 08:58 PM Wait... is his buddy like 7?

Thebes 08:58 PM wow. WOW

Starscreamillar 08:59 PM Oh no...Oh it just keeps getting worse.

thenightetc 08:59 PM Jeez

highglossfinish 08:59 PM Somehow, it just keeps getting worse.

Thebes 09:00 PM what a mature, parental response

Starscreamillar 09:01 PM Is this just ghostly mischief because some idiots said nonsense at a random grave? That's the whole movie?

thenightetc 09:01 PM Guys.

Starscreamillar 09:01 PM And then they were killed by a train.

highglossfinish 09:01 PM While surf music plays.

thenightetc 09:01 PM Don't play chicken with a train.

thenightetc 09:01 PM It can't stop.

Thebes 09:02 PM WE HAVE WORM SIIIIGN

highglossfinish 09:02 PM This is a horrible town full of unpleasant people and I want to see every last one of them dead.

thenightetc 09:02 PM Er...

thenightetc 09:02 PM So it can possess multiple people?

thenightetc 09:03 PM Walk without rhythm!

Starscreamillar 09:03 PM That is an unrealistically spacious grave.

highglossfinish joined the party.

thenightetc 09:04 PM Look, sometimes you just have to spring for the extra large coffin.

highglossfinish 09:05 PM One of the perks of kast was that I never had to worry about losing the stream chat, and yet here we are.

thenightetc 11:05 PM I've got it.

thenightetc 11:05 PM No worries!

thenightetc 11:06 PM "Sure, I COULD go missing for our missing children, but what if I DIED?"

highglossfinish 11:06 PM Scratch that, I no longer hate humans.

thenightetc 11:07 PM Ohhh dear

highglossfinish 11:07 PM I can see why this was never aired again, but not because it was in any way frightening.

thenightetc 11:07 PM Same.

Starscreamillar 11:08 PM Why is not a strong enough word for this.

highglossfinish 11:08 PM Nothing about any of this is right.

thenightetc 11:08 PM Wut.

thenightetc 11:09 PM "You know. For a dead guy."

thenightetc 11:10 PM Sure, whine about the cost AFTER you've gotten the service.

Starscreamillar 11:10 PM Stiffing the funeral home seems like a good way to get tossed in a pauper's grave when it's your turn.

thenightetc 11:11 PM Ha.

thenightetc 11:11 PM You called it.

thenightetc 11:11 PM "well, it said 'muller' right on the tombstone"

highglossfinish 11:12 PM ...

thenightetc 11:12 PM Wow. Who could have guessed.

Thebes 11:13 PM oh, it SOUNDS bad, does it

Thebes 11:13 PM SEEMS LEGIT

Starscreamillar 11:13 PM Raising the dead caused a problem... surely raising more dead will make things better!

thenightetc 11:13 PM f

thenightetc 11:14 PM "what did HE say happened"

thenightetc 11:15 PM So he's just going to leave it at that, huh, not going to give his side

thenightetc 11:15 PM with the bull and the train and all

Starscreamillar 11:16 PM We know he is evil, he was watching atomic explosions for fun.

Starscreamillar 11:17 PM That is stupid.

highglossfinish 11:18 PM All of this is stupid.

thenightetc 11:18 PM Surely the reason not to cut too close to the stone is that you could damage the blade or cause an accident

Starscreamillar 11:19 PM Please, murder him with a paperclip. It would be funny.

Starscreamillar 11:20 PM Drat.

thenightetc 11:22 PM Wait, why not have the older guy do it

thenightetc 11:22 PM watch the ROAD, idiot

Starscreamillar 11:23 PM What even is this movie?

thenightetc 11:23 PM Also, guys. It's a hearse. There is probably only one in town.

thenightetc 11:24 PM It is very recognizable, is what I'm saying.

highglossfinish 11:24 PM This movie has very little to do with a baby ghost.

thenightetc 11:24 PM Damn, is everyone in town possessed by an evil ghost

thenightetc 11:25 PM That's fair.

thenightetc 11:26 PM Oh shit, are they going to get the cop hit by the train

Starscreamillar 11:27 PM How convenient.

thenightetc 11:27 PM Yeah but your brother was already a shithead.

Starscreamillar 11:28 PM Hit him with the car.

rose110 joined the party.

thenightetc 11:29 PM But this is like... a cornfield?

thenightetc 11:29 PM Wouldn't it get cut every year?

LetsCum joined the party.

thenightetc 11:30 PM Let's not.

thenightetc 11:30 PM I love how the harvester was just... ready to go.

thenightetc 11:31 PM f

Starscreamillar 11:31 PM Swathers love the taste of human meat.

thenightetc 11:31 PM God, it's like they're going to start a musical number.

Thebes 11:31 PM oh, right, teen girl squad.

thenightetc 11:32 PM "uh, the evil ghost that is clearly possessing all of you"

highglossfinish 11:32 PM This is uncomfortable.

thenightetc 11:33 PM Very

thenightetc 11:34 PM God, what if the magic plant in question was like, the tree

thenightetc 11:34 PM Good luck pulling THAT up!

Starscreamillar 11:37 PM Who wrote this, and why did they think it was a good idea?

thenightetc 11:38 PM lol really

Thebes 11:38 PM I could not begin to guess

thenightetc 11:39 PM "why, does it look like something happened"

highglossfinish 11:40 PM Charming.

highglossfinish 11:40 PM And very stable.

thenightetc 11:40 PM What a great sibling relationship.

Starscreamillar 11:40 PM That would be murder.

Starscreamillar 11:41 PM And this was a weird movie. Even for awful children's movies.

highglossfinish 11:41 PM I don't think the world was missing much when this was considered a "lost film."

highglossfinish 11:42 PM Hmm, Let's Game it Out seems to be on a hiatus. Any suggestions to close on?

Thebes 11:42 PM what's the bakery that only brrings pain

thenightetc 11:43 PM Also, https://pastebin.com/rMN8akyA

thenightetc 11:43 PM Oh!

thenightetc 11:43 PM Just a sec

thenightetc 11:43 PM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blcKeLDDzSM and

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUD3P4MGmb0

highglossfinish 11:44 PM Thank you!

thenightetc 11:47 PM See? It's thematic!

Thebes 11:47 PM they're just trolling him, aren't they.

highglossfinish 11:48 PM Dear Unicron.

thenightetc 11:49 PM I'll BET it was popular.

Starscreamillar 11:49 PM Ken is wearing a lot of eyeshadow.

highglossfinish 11:50 PM I'll say.

thenightetc 11:50 PM They invited two out of those three back.

highglossfinish 11:52 PM That one's Smokescreen.

thenightetc 11:52 PM Gotta specify it's a dry kiss.

highglossfinish 11:53 PM Very important.

highglossfinish 11:54 PM Amazing.

thenightetc 11:54 PM Right?

Thebes 11:55 PM did we ever end up watching the second What's That Name skit?

Thebes 11:55 PM Norman the Doorman

Thebes 11:56 PM omg

thenightetc 11:56 PM Well, there WAS a terrible sequel.

Thebes 11:57 PM also, we are getting a cartoon prologue

highglossfinish 11:57 PM Are we really?

thenightetc 11:57 PM Oh... good........

highglossfinish 11:57 PM That could certainly go either way.

Starscreamillar 11:57 PM Indeed..

highglossfinish 11:57 PM "Jaws-like movie."

Thebes 11:58 PM apparently it's about the adventures of young shop owner and how he comes into possession of Gizmo and supernatural shenanigans

thenightetc 11:58 PM Oh!

Starscreamillar 11:58 PM .... Hmm.

thenightetc 11:58 PM Up for https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3Zq4Zbsrj8 ?

highglossfinish 11:59 PM Absolutely!

thenightetc 11:59 PM Yessss.

highglossfinish 12:00 AM I like where this is going.

thenightetc 12:01 AM This is what I intend to attempt the very instant I have a computer that can run Planet Coaster

thenightetc 12:02 AM I like the river of blood.

highglossfinish 12:02 AM I'm liking the stock photos.

Thebes 12:03 AM it's the exact right lack of fucks to give.

thenightetc 12:07 AM They're here for the cotton candy.

highglossfinish 12:07 AM Who wouldn't be?

thenightetc 12:09 AM Banker: so what do you need this loan for

Starscreamillar 12:09 AM Goo.

thenightetc 12:10 AM Could enjoy. You know, theoretically.

highglossfinish 12:10 AM On paper.

Thebes 12:11 AM possibly

thenightetc 12:12 AM My god.

highglossfinish 12:14 AM Stuffs.

thenightetc 12:15 AM Oh god.

thenightetc 12:17 AM You don't even have to take away the ladder!

highglossfinish 12:17 AM How efficient!

highglossfinish 12:17 AM "The most exciting thing since T."

thenightetc 12:19 AM

thenightetc 12:19 AM Can't imagine why someone would be nauseous from being turned upside down over and over for an hour!

highglossfinish 12:20 AM It's a mystery!

thenightetc 12:21 AM Not to actually ride it, of course. They just want to look at it.

thenightetc 12:22 AM There IS.

thenightetc 12:26 AM Heh.

highglossfinish 12:27 AM This is fantastic.

Starscreamillar 12:28 AM Excellently evil.

thenightetc 12:28 AM It really is.

thenightetc 12:30 AM If you do, it's the shark tank for you.

highglossfinish 12:31 AM Planet Coaster doesn't let you do this and therefore it's not worth the time or money.

Starscreamillar 12:31 AM Tsk tsk.

highglossfinish 12:31 AM Well, that was amazing!

thenightetc 12:32 AM It WAS.

highglossfinish 12:33 AM Well, that was a perfect note to end the night on.

Starscreamillar 12:33 AM I agree. Thank you for streaming, it was good to catch the madness once again.

thenightetc 12:33 AM Yes, thank you for hosting!

highglossfinish 12:33 AM Thank you for coming!

thenightetc 12:33 AM And here was the pastebin of the part of the chatlog you lost https://pastebin.com/rMN8akyA

highglossfinish 12:34 AM You're a saint.

thenightetc 12:34 AM Do you have the rest? It doesn't seem to disappear for me.

highglossfinish 12:35 AM I do!

thenightetc 12:35 AM Good, good.

thenightetc 12:35 AM Goodnight, then!

highglossfinish 12:37 AM Good night!

Thebes 12:37 AM good night!

0 notes

sol-lar-bink · 7 years

Text

TAGGED BY @dailyoddmew A cute and odd lil mew~ (who I wasn’t following apparently MY BAD)

1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you would like to know better 2ND RULE: bold the statements that are true

oh okay uhhh @photographerh @kamauster22 @ottiff @banessquik @sometimes-strange-skitty @lovelybug-art @sol-lar-bink And I can’t think of anymore I’m half asleep rn nnnn ;;o;;

((If you’ve done this or don’t want to, feel free to skip it! And if you want to do it but haven’t tagged, justtttt go for it!!))

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller (5′03′’ I think) I wear glasses (For long distances only~) I have at least one tattoo (Nupe) I have at least one piercing (no thanks uwu ) I have blonde hair (dark brown sound good?) I have brown eyes I have short hair (I like it short, expose my F O R E H E A D) My abs are at least somewhat defined (what abs) I have or have had braces (N e v e r)

PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people (Kindaa. I’m more nervous and shy tbh but I do like it) People tell me that I’m funny (I think so? I try to be funny at least uvu) Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me (I can try, and I want to help most of the time. But I’m not very good at it.) I enjoy physical challenges (NOOOPE) I enjoy mental challenges (M I N E S W E E P E R) I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it (I have no clue but ima say yes just incase) There is something I would change about my personality (Don’t we all have something?)

ABILITY: I can sing well (Flan said my singing is nice so... I’ma say yes u//v//u ...even if all my songs are S A N I C) I can play an instrument (I suck :3c ) I can do over 30 pushups without stopping (HAH, I can barely do 5) I’m a fast runner (Nupe. Not even sonic’s shoes can save my slow ass) I can draw well (HECK YEA I CAN) I have a good memory (NOPE, I forget things after like 5 seconds) I’m good at doing math in my head (Eeehhhh... basic sums I guess. But if you get your fractions and tangents in then hand me the calculator) I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute (I used to be able to. Dunno anymore) I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch (Curry in a jar anyone? :B thatdon’tcount) I know how to throw a proper punch (why punch. When K I C K)

HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports (Haven’t played any sports in ages) I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else (whatdidIJUSTSAY) I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week (SO LOOK AROUND YOU AND TELL ME WHAT YOU REALLY SEE, I’M NEVER ENDING AND THATS THE DIFFERENCE IN YOU AND ME) I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months (why are these hobbies about EXERCISE AND SINGING) I have drawn something in the past month (YEP) I enjoy writing (YEP) FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION (YEP!!!) I do or have done martial arts (I DID, it was p’ fun while it lasted)

EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss (S-SOON. I HOPE, SOOOOOOOON) I have had alcohol (I like a rum n cola~ uwu) I have scored the winning goal in a sports game (fuk u sports) I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi (Only like, once or twice) I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day (God I wish. Speedrun Mania or sumthing) I have visited another country (Italy, Spain, France for Disneyland when I was like 5) I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship (Eeeeeee ;;/v/;; Flaaaaan~ <3) I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know (MORE THAN THAT NOW, F L A A A AN~) I have been in at least 3 relationships (when I was a stupid teenager) I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily (Uh, I wouldn’t say so?) I have had a crush on someone for over a year (PFFF, never crushed for a year, w o a h) I have been in a relationship for at least a year (I think I have... I don’t... remember really) I have had feelings for a friend (Yeee)

MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” (Best friends have always been a tough thing for me) I live close to my school (I’m 22, do I look like I go to school) My parents are still together (Yee~ happy family here uvu ) I have at least one sibling (MY BROOOO, he’s cool~) I live in the United States (How original of you, meme maker) There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month (AHAHAHAHA, HAHAHA, HAHA, HA...Haaa) I have a smartphone (Is that what they’re called now) I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie (I know, several Jamie’s) I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce (French teacher probs) I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (SO LOOK AROUND YOU AND TELL ME WHAT YOU REALLY SEE, YOU LIVE A LIE AND THATS THE DIFFERENCE IN YOU AND ME (IS IT FUCKIN’ OBVIOUS NOW) I have punched someone in the past week (MYSELF jkjk) I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life (YEA SURE, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING)

I speak at least 2 languages (I am too dumb to learn 2 languages.)

I have made a new friend in the past year (YEEEEEEEEE, quite a few tbh~)

TIME

TAG

@seth-astral @doodlewill @b-randart, @cinnamon-bat, @im-crow, @theexplodingcelebi @trapmagius, @kawmapkarma, @zyrralex,

@bokurei-san

Holy fuk I tagged 10 people

I have

FRENS

You don’t gotta do the tag if ya don’t want tho uwu

#memes

7 notes · View notes

theamazinguchihabruhs · 7 years

Text

Buzzkill

“I don’t want to go out for dinner, can’t we just order takeout?” I whined as I felt the warm air surround me. This was way better than the parking lot here. “Stop nagging, Sasuke, it is good to be outside the house now and again” Shisui said as he sat down. “In Sasuke’s defence, he did warn us that he was going to complain the entire way” Izuna said as he took his jacket off. I glared at Izuna from the corner of my eyes before rolling them. It was unfair how Izuna managed to look good every day of the week. “I heard this place has great pasta” Shisui said as he looked over the menu. “Like pasta is so hard to make yourself” I muttered. “Why don’t you go ahead and cook?” Shisui put the menu down. “Last time I made something edible, Madara threw it in the trash” I reminded him as I finally took my coat off. “Hey, is that Naruto?” Izuna bumped my arm with his elbow. I looked up at the bar, seeing Naruto sat there, talking to some guy. “Yes, that is him” I said. “Why don’t we go say hello?!” Izuna leaned towards me, “See if he gets us something to drink” “He is not even allowed to drink” I noted. “Well, that gin and tonic in his hand says something else” Izuna pointed out before getting up. I guess if he felt obligated to go to the bar, so should I. “Would you like anything, Shi?” Izuna asked, but Shisui shook his head. “Hey, cutie!” Izuna shouted across the restaurant and if my eyes had the ability to set people on fire...Izuna would have been in flames by now. “Hey Zuna! Sasuke!” Naruto waved at us, putting his glass down. “Owh, right! It has been a while! How have you been?” I would have expected Izuna to just give a handshake like normal people, maybe a small nod, but instead of that he hugged Naruto tightly. “Aaah, let’s talk about...anything else but my crappy days” Naruto looked at me with a small smile. “Naru, aren’t you going to introduce us to them?” The guy next to him asked, looking at Izuna while I legit got ignored. “You are not important enough to introduce” Naruto joked. “I am sure this beauty is worthy of knowing his name” The guy said. “Aw, you are flattering me, the name is Izuna” Zuzu said, “And this is my little, cute, moody, brother, Sasuke” “Eh, isn’t that like...uhm...the Samurai from the cigarette ad back in the 80’s?” The guy said as he snapped his fingers like he won a game of charades. “Yes, that the Samurai from the famous stories, he really existed…” It seemed the guy was an uncultured swine, “The famous novels...movies...it must’ve been mentioned in your primary history book...no?...nothing?...really?” I rolled my eyes. He was stupid as fuck. “Remember that famous book about the guy with the sword on the horse, wandering around the world?” Naruto asked and the guy nodded. “Oooaah that one!” He exclaimed, nodding too eagerly, “Hey, if you two have nothing to do tonight, maybe you would like to hang out with us?” It seemed ‘two’ turned into ‘one’ since the guy was looking at Izuna as if he was the only person in the entire restaurant. “Nah, I am already meeting with some friends” “Maybe I could tag along with you?” The guy offered, but Naruto punched his arm. “What about you?” He asked and suddenly it seemed I existed again. “No, Sasuke isn’t into that kind of stuff you do” “Me? Thought we were a team here, Uzumaki” The guy said, punching Naruto’s shoulder. “Right! He isn’t into the stuff we are in, better?” “Pfff, acting like you grew up, but you are the same piece of trash as you have always been, Naru” The guy joked, “Are you just gonna let that blond idiot call you a buzzkill?” “Don’t challenge him, Sasuke, really, this fucker only causes trouble” “That blondie takes you straight to jail, I swear” The guy suddenly remained quiet as it appeared if he was thinking deeply “Or to bed, it is either jail or bed, there is no inbetween” “I am not!” Naruto seems slightly embarrassed as he tried punching the guy with some weak ass punch, the guy easily dodged. “Oh right, there is also the backseat of the car and the toilet stalls” He laughed. I saw Naruto’s cheek turn slightly red, but for all I knew it was the alcohol. “Well, seems like you two know each other pretty well” Izuna grabbed the drink he ordered from the bartender, handing me the bottle of coke. “Speak to ya soon” Izuna said as he walked back towards our table. “Owh, he doesn’t even drink, you are right, Naruto, he ain’t no fun” The guy said, patting Naruto’s shoulder. I opened my mouth to say something, but I decided it wasn’t worth it after all. “I guess I will see you at school” I stated as I turned around to head back towards our table. “So what is the deal with that guy? You wanna bang him or what?” “No! Shut up!” I heard Naruto say with an anxious tone in his voice. “Why are you even being nice to such a weirdo?” “Do you have any idea how scary he can be? I saw him take down four adults...not to mention he has one brother that...is worst than my mother” Oxoxoxxoxo “Hey, Sasuke” Itachi opened the door to my room, naturally he never knocks when it comes to my room. I stood there in my boxer shorts, holding a tube of lotion. “What is it?” I asked, putting the lotion down. Don’t get the wrong ideas, I just got out of the shower. “I am going to bed, don’t stay up too late, alright?” Itachi said as he walked towards me and placed a kiss on my forehead. I gave him a rather pathetic smile. “Right” I said seeing Itachi leave the door open behind him. Why does he always do this to me? I put my shirt on before grabbing some sweat pants. I headed downstairs to watch a movie before heading to bed. I grabbed a bag of crisps from the kitchen and opened it, almost getting a heart attacking seeing Naruto standing in front of the window, waving while having his usual innocent smile on his face. He pointed at the direction of the door and I rolled my eyes putting the crisps on the table before opening the door. “It is midnight, why are you even here?” I asked, examining him from top to bottom. He didn’t seem drunk. “Say do you always leave the curtains of your room open?” He asked. I narrowed my eyes and looked at him confused. His face was red, probably from the cold, I guess I should invite him in. It seemed like the right thing to do. I opened the door wider. “Ah, actually I am here to apologise, I realised that what I said didn’t sound so nice” “It sounded like you find me a buzzkill, but….it is not like it bothers me” Well, that was a lie. I have been thinking of it every 10 seconds to the minute. “It’s actually really cool how you aren’t bothered by little things, I admire that, oh, quick side note, the light to your room is on” “It is?” I took a step outside. It was almost amazing how I could even see the books and lotion on my desk from here. “You want to…come in?” I asked. “No, it is fine, I am going...well...yeah...I am going” “You can’t possibly have come all this way to just talk” I frowned. “Actually...I got a lot more than talk” He has this stupid grin on his face before rubbing his neck, looking awkwardly away. “Actually, I stopped by on my way to the casino” “Ah, right” I muttered. “See, I would’ve invited you to come with me, but…I just don’t think you would like it very much, y’know being an ex-cop and all, dattebayo” “What has me tagging along with my dad to do with this?” “Aah...how do I say this? Sometimes we do stupid things and...well, you are not stupid” “It really depends on the definition of stupid” I said. “Well...it is not like you would-” Naruto looked around him, “Steal a car, I don’t know” He said pointing at Itachi’s car. “True...I wouldn’t…” I said and reached for the drawer, “Because I would be borrowing the car” I said, spinning the keys around my fingers. I saw Naruto’s expression turn to an amused one . “The little princess of the Uchiha family is actually a bad boy” Naruto joked as he looked at the keys. “Who’s car is it anyway?” Naruto asked. He looked very tempted, as if he was holding back. “Itachi-nii’s” “Let’s get going then” He said as his eyes suddenly started to sparkle. I quickly put my sneakers on and grabbed my coat. “Let’s get going then” I threw the keys towards him and he caught it with both hands, almost dropping them, but he managed to hold it. I closed the door behind me. He gave me one last look to be absolutely sure if this wasn’t some trick or test. “What are you waiting for? You aren’t a buzzkill, are you?” I cocked my head a little, seeing a smirk appear on his face. “Like hell I am” Oxoxox “Dude, dude, you have all the space to parallel park here, what the hell are you driving up and down for?” I looked at the mirror to the back. “It is really more of an art-” “Art?!” My tone couldn’t be more ironic. Naruto suddenly hit the break and I turned my head towards him. “Alright, I don’t have my licence, so, if you can do a better job at it then I would be happy to let you take the wheel” He sounded annoyed, but in his defence, I was giving him shit about his parking skills so far. “Hey, my daddy wasn’t around to teach me” “Boo fucking ho, my mom taught me-” “Well...I don’t have a mother either” I interrupted him. “You are making it sound like an argument, dattebayo” He had another shot, and even though the car stood partly on the pavement. I guess it was the best that could do. “Don’t I get, like, a kiss for this great achievement?!” Naruto slammed the door behind him. I got out of the car. “Is it really an achievement?” I asked him. “It can count as one” Naruto walked towards me, “In my defence, my mother’s car is smaller” He wrapped his arm around me. “Hey, so what will you do if they ask for identification?” I asked as we approached the door, I could see two guys standing there in black. “You are gonna use those beautiful, blue eyes” I frowned. “I don’t have blue-” I stopped talking when I saw Naruto smile. “They won’t ask you” “What makes you so sure?” I wasn’t so engaged in the conversation that we were already walking inside. “Hey, Naruto” Both said and gave him a nod. “Because I am here” Naruto said and I had to admit...that was pretty cool and yet there were so many questions appearing in my head. “If it ain’t our fox!” I could see the guy from the restaurant and I wasn’t surprised seeing him with beer. “You remember Sasuke” Naruto indicated to me and I didn’t say anything. I don’t give two shits about that dude. “Nice meeting you” The girl said and winked at me. “Hey, hey~” The guy almost screamed, he was probably tipsy. He grabbed twenty bucks from his wallet and put it on the table before grabbing the empty beer bottle and putting it upside down the twenty bucks, “Whoever managed to get the money from under the bottle, without touching the bottle, gets the keep the money” “That doesn’t seem that hard” The girl said. “I tried it, it is impossible” Naruto added. “That is what you said when you tried to put together an Ikea desk chair” I said. The girl leaned in pulled the money away, but the bottle fell. “Damn it, it harder than it looks” She commented. “Let me try” Naruto asked when the girl put the bottle upside down on the money. “It can’t be done” The guy said, leaning back in the chair. “Can I try?” I leaned in the table. “It can’t be done” The guy repeated, “But if you can do it, go ahead, if it works I’ll buy you beer” “I am more of a scotch guy” “I ain’t going to buy you any overpriced scotch, you prick” The guy said. I looked at the bottle and suddenly I had this moment...this...epiphany. I leaned in the tabled and started rolling up the money, making me able to get the twenty from under the bottle without dropping it. “Somebody is getting me a beer” I said, holding the twenty. There was a moment of silence at the bat table. “Here, get yourself a snack” I leaned over the table and put the twenty in the guy’s shirt as if he was a stripper. “I feel...pretty dumb…” The guy groaned and tried to catch the attention of the bar tender. “New challenge!” The girl said, grabbing the guy’s empty beer bottle and a card from the table, she put the card on one bottle before putting the other upside down on the first one. “Remove the card without making the bottle fall” I extended my hand, my first instinct was to pull, but I couldn’t reach so I just flicked my fingers and the card flew on the table. “You owe me a beer” I said, seeing the girl and Naruto both look at the card with their mouths open. “New challenge!” Naruto grabbing a nickel from his pocket. “Put the card on the glass and balance the coin on it” “If I do it...I want scotch this time” I said grabbing the beer from the guy taking a sip. “Two?” The guy asked, as he looked at girl, putting the second beer on the table. “There is no way you can balance a coin on card...on a glass...” The guy frowned slightly. I wasn’t good in physics, but...I knew that was impossible. I leaned back and looked at the card and coin, taking another sip before looking at the beer. I poured the beer in the glass, filling it up all the way to the top. I put the card on it so half of it was on the liquid. I then put the coin on the other side of the card and I swear I never knew I would ever in my life use school knowledge outside of school...but here I was. “I am so done, doonneee~” Naruto didn’t believe his eyes, it is like he saw a brand new colour he had never seen before. “Done!” He shouted walking away. I chuckled. “Fuck me, that is smart!” I heard somebody suddenly shout behind me. “New challenge!” Some random person walked up to me; and so the evening which was supposed to be spent with my bae was filled with challenges involving mostly beer bottles and every challenge was rewarded with another alcoholic beverage and at a certain point...I wasn’t sure what I was doing anymore, but everything I heard “OOOOOOHHHH” I knew I would get another drink. “Last challenge!” Some person shouted. “I think I drank enough” I couldn’t count the bottles in front of me anymore. I was seeing double so I poked my own eyes to see if my lenses were still in my eyes or not. “I bet you fifty bucks!” “Fuck yeah!” I was pretty eager trying to get up that I almost fell backwards if it weren’t for Naruto grabbing my arms. “Dude, I was gone for thirty minutes, dattebayo!” His voice was so loud, it almost appeared to me he was scolding me. “Who that?” I wasn’t indicating to Naruto, but to the chick standing next to him. So, that is where he went? Was...he banging the chick in the bathroom? Who needs thirty entire minutes for that?! Wait, has it been thirty minutes? No, it has been one and a half hour! Was this some new youth slang I haven’t come across on the internet? “What the hell?! Did you drink all of that?! You were the same guy that got drunk from two light beers!” Naruto suddenly tightened his grip around my arms, “Stop trying to climb over me” Oh right...I was trying to win another bet. “I am providing for our kids!” I shouted, pulling myself away from him. “I am sure they aren’t very happy with you being drunk off your ass, dattebayo!” “Are we having this fight again!?” I grabbed Naruto’s collar, “Fight me, mate!” His eyes widened in surprise and I smiled leaning my head on his shoulder. “Fucking asshole…” I muttered before kissing his cheek. “Whatever you did in the bathroom, I can do it twice as good” “What?!” Naruto pulled me away, “Did you guys gave him any drugs?” “Stop being a buzzkill” I pushed him, so he was forced to take a step back. I needed a few seconds to get my head to stop spinning. I almost tripped forwards, but I regained my balance. I cupped Naruto’s cheek. “Why don’t you go and wait in the backseat of the car? Be pretty and I will be there to do you in like five minutes, alright? Daddy is slaying these bets right now” I heard some whistling in the back. I was grabbing some cash that I won and put it in his shirt, “Buy yourself something pre-” I yelped and it took longer than I am proud of to realise Naruto threw me over his shoulder. “Baby, no! I wanna make more money, we can fuck later! Why are you so eager?! This is making me nauseous, Narutoooo!” I gave up and just hung there while he walked towards the car. “I am so disappointed in you, dattebayo!” Naruto finally let me go. He opened the car door and I looked at the car door before looking at him. “So...your place, my place, motel?” I asked. “Step in!” He hissed. I didn’t realise how hot he could be when he is being all protective. I smirked and looked ahead of me while he sat down. “Seatbelt” he said, but I folded my arms. “Are we really going to do this?” Naruto asked. “Make me, hottie” I dared him. He rolled his eyes before reaching for my seatbelt. I protested. I suddenly get why Naruto could be so annoying from time to time...it was fun. “Sasuke!” He said with a warning voice after a good 3 minutes of trying. I remained still and he leaned over me and reached for my seatbelt. I suddenly grabbed his face between my hand and leaned into whisper in his ear,“I kinda like how you say my name so pissed off” “Then you are going to love the drive home” Naruto pulled away. “Buzzkill” I whispered. I allowed him the fasten the seatbelt. I turned my head to him trying to find the keys. “Naruto” I repeated his name several times, but he only reacted annoyed after 5 good minutes. “Wanna fuck?” “Not when there is chance of you puking on me” He answered. “I won’t!” I immediately said, “I am like...a very...very good boy” I pouted and I saw him look at me from the corner of his eye. “No, you are not” Naruto said, “I took my eyes off you once and you got wasted” “In that case, I am a very bad boy” I whispered and he laughed. I frowned before taking the seatbelt off. “Oi!” Naruto sounded frustrated. I crawled to the back seat. “What? Did I piss you off?” I smirked, “Maybe I need to get punished” “I knew you were a horny drunk, but...where is the are the kinks coming from?” “You know I have parent issues” I was struggling taking my pants off. “Sasuke, what are you doing?” Naruto shook his head, looking at me through the mirror. “I am getting naked” I stated. “Why?” “Because…fuck?” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “At least during Halloween you were making an effort, trying to make it sexy-” He stopped talking the moment he opened his eyes and turned his head towards me, “So those clothes were off fast, dattebayo!” “Wanna take my boxer briefs off with your teeth?” I winked. “Is that even a ques-” He suddenly shook his head and turned his head away from me, “Sasuke, wear your clothes you are going to catch a cold!” “Heat me up then!” I opened my arms like he was about to come here and hug me anytime. “...You are really…” Naruto sighed. “Want me to sit on your lap? Naruto~” I sat up and pouted not getting a response from him. “You know what, Sasuke? If you can sit still for twenty minutes while I drive, I am sure I will reward you” “Rewards me?” I scratched my cheek, but gave in. “Want me to get busy in the back-” “NO, SIT STILL AND DO NOTHING!” Naruto shouted. There was definitely something wrong with me because I felt more excited now. He grabbed the keys and a silence emerged in the car “That is, like...uhm...an order” He added. “I am so horny, Naruto” I sat up and crawled back in the front seat. “If I give you my jacket, will you wear that?” He asked. “Baby, if you give me that sweater that will be the only thing I am wearing” I whispered, leaning towards him. “Take it” He took his jacket off and gave it to me. I put it on and while he was driving off I took the liberty of taking my underwear off. “Catch” “Dattebayo!” Apparently the sudden flying pair of boxers on the wheel scared him. I laughed. “No, bad Sasuke! Put it on, or put your pants on, put something on-” “I said I would wear your jacket” I whispered in his ear, biting his earlobe softly. “Sasuke, I am driving” He swallowed. “Stop” I said, kissing his jawline, “Let’s do it in the car” I whispered, my hand on his lap, moving towards his crotch. I could hear a loud siren and I frowned. “Shit!” Naruto hissed and I sat down, sticking my head out of the window to see a police car while Naruto stopped the car. “Hey, daddy is home!” “NO!” Naruto pulled me back in my chair. “Just...behave!” He was way too serious, but I guess if he could see the connections I had he will have to fuck me. The officer tapped on his window and Naruto rolled it down, smiling kindly. That bitch was stealing my man! “Licence and registration please” The cop said. “Uhm...Of course” Naruto turned his head to me, giving me some sort of look. Maybe he was trying to tell me something...but I didn’t know what he was trying to say? “Oooh!” I nodded before looking at Naruto, winked at him before looking at the cop. “Officer...Officer” I said leaned over Naruto’s lap so I got closer to the officer. I slapped his face, causing him to back off and give me a shocked look. I rolled the window back up. “They see me roolliinnggg~ they’re haatttinnnggg~” I sang hearing Naruto sigh loudly. “Fucking put me in prison already, dattebayo” He whispered. “Sir, get out of the car, now!” The office shouted, ramming his fist on the door. “Sasuke...just work with him” Naruto said. “Oh no, sweetie” I cupped his cheeks, “You stay here and let me handle this” I pushed the door open and it almost hit the officer. “Owh damn” The officer looked away, “You are not fully dressed” “Sir, identification” the cop I slapped walked towards his partner. “Listen...I know like...your bo-” I felt like I had to burp, but it wasn’t air...I had to vomit. I leaned forward and let it out, not able to hold it in. I heard one officer laugh while the other was cursing. I leaned against the car. “Okay...I might be drunk” I looked up at the cop. “Fuck me…” Ooxoxoxo “A stolen car, driving without licence and underage drinking!” The officer hissed, closing the door behind us. “And public urination” The other said. “What?” Naruto looked at me. “I really needed to go…” I pulled the jacket slightly down, where was my underwear…Oh right…in the car. “Can we at least get some water or coffee so he can sober up, dattebayo?” Naruto looked at the officer. “Sleep is the best way to sober up” “My brother is a lawyer and he said that you can’t strip us from basic human needs, that included toilets and water-” “Well, the lawyer ain’t here!” “I know your boss!” I shouted, wrapping my hand around the bars, “And I will file for 204 civilian complain and you will have like a serious long talk in 2 months!” “How do you know about civilian complain 204?” “Yo mama told me-” “Sasuke, enough!” Naruto pulled me away, “We just sit here until we can use the phone, I will call my cousin, he owes me big time, he will bail us out” He pushed me on the couch. “My butt is cold” I whispered. “Nobody told you to take your boxer briefs off, dattebayo!” Naruto slightly pulled his hair. “Kid, I don’t wanna crush your dreams...but we have to notify the car owner” “That is my brother!” I looked up at the cop, “Fuck...we are gonna die, Naruto” I added. “One time, Madara and I were hungry and we took his car and we accidently dropped the food like...dude...it was everywhere, anyway...no...that was my dad! That was my dad’s car!” I laughed. “And that wasn’t Madara...that was my mom” I gasped dramatically. “Sasuke, why don’t you go sleep a bit while I try figuring out...what I’m going to tell Itachi” “He won’t press charges, no worries”I leaned my head on his shoulder, “I make sure he doesn’t because that means he will press charges against me...it was my idea, you did nothing wrong” “I shouldn’t have called you a buzzkill, dattebayo” I felt Naruto’s hand pat my cheek, “Try to sober up, alright?” “How did the gays got in jail? I thought it was legal now or something” A woman suddenly spoke up. That was the moment I realised we were not alone. “We stole his brother’s car, drove around, he got drunk, I tried to bring him home, police came...he slapped the cop…” “I slapped him and his mother!” I shouted. “Sssh...” Naruto pressed his finger against my lips. “And then I peed…I peed against my brother’s car…it is mine now” “Sasuke, this is not national geographic, dattebayo” Naruto sighed. “He is moody because we haven’t fucked in the car yet” I whispered. The woman nodded understanding. “Car sex is the best” She winked. “What are you in for?” I asked. “Possession of heroin” She said. “What?! No, you are the story of your own life, you are a heroine” “Wrong heroin...Sasuke, dattebayo” Naruto sighed. “An anti-heroine?” I looked confused at Naruto who shook his head and set back. He opened his arm and I took it and rested my head on his chest. I could feel his hand pull the jacket slightly down. “What are you in for?” I asked the man next to the woman. “I sell crack to teens” “We are teens” I grabbed Naruto’s shirt. “I guess I am a total asshole now?” The man said and I shook my head. “No, no!” I let go of Naruto and pointed my finger at the man like I was scolding him. “Good people do bad things, that doesn’t make them bad people! Am I a bad person?” I asked the four other people in the jail. They remained quiet. “Exactly! And I…” I looked at Naruto before leaning in and whispering, “I killed a man” I pushed my finger against my lips so they knew it was a secret. “But it doesn’t make me a bad son of a bitch...because my mom wasn’t a bitch, she was a psychopath, totally different things, she was a good mother! But...she did try to kill me” I sighed and sat back, “But fuck that! You are a good man! You go sell that crack to those teens!” “Sasuke, no!” “Sasuke, yes! I will buy some from you even!” I shouted and stood up. “We might be lost in society’s eyes, but fuck them! We are awesome! And not fucking buzzkills!” “I will never ever insult you in my life again knowing this is the result…” Naruto remained quiet before frowning, “You are very bad at sex” He suddenly spoke up. “Oh, hold up!” I looked at Naruto, “Hoe, you don’t know the half of the shit I am actually willing to do!” I sat back down and lean in to whisper in his ear, “I have like...A very...very wet mouth” “I know...I kissed you...remember?” Naruto wrapped his arm around me, trying to keep me seated. “You know what we should do...we should escape-” “No!” Naruto immediately protested. “Then we should party in here and show them jail has nothing on us! It is time for an-” I jumped up, “EPIC RAP BATTLE!” “Sasuke, stop jumping!” Naruto grabbed my arm, pulling me towards him before lowering the jacket. “Don’t worry, don’t worry” I grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips, “I won’t lose, I am really good! I can take any of you!” I said and started beatboxing. “Kid is not bad” The man stood up,”What the hell? I have nothing to do anyway” The man said and started rapping. “Owh Sasuke, you wanna back out?” Naruto asked. “Bitch, I have watched 8 Miles twice! Gimme a beat!” I pointed at Naruto who chuckled before starting beatboxing. “You call that a rap? Bitch, you sounding like a sap; It ain't shocking that you're so slow, Cause yours lines got no flow; Your nasty breath and balding head, No wonder no one goes in your bed; Who'd fuck a sad little slob? No hooker is gonna do that job; You wanna hear the truth right now? Ya mama is a big fat cow; Oh? And how do I know? Cuz I bend her over and give her a show; Now imma give you some advice, Consider this me being nice; Next time you in Konoha? Don't mess with the motherfucking Uchiha” I pretended to hold a mic and drop it. “Oooohh he got you!” The others shouted. “UCHIHA WAITFORIT SASUKE!” “There is only one person in the world that called me by my full name” I turned my head to the bars seeing Itachi stand there with Shisui. “Nailed it, princess!” Shisui said, but Itachi punched his arm causing Shisui to clear his throat, “I am deeply disappointed” “I knew it, whenever there is trouble, you are involved” Itachi pointed at Naruto. “I am deeply disappointed” Shisui added. Itachi looked at Shisui. “You got nothing else?” Itachi asked. “It is four in the morning...I got nothing…” Shisui sighed. “Lucky for you two, they paid your bail...and no charges pressed” The officer said. “He slapped me in the face, puked on me shoes and peed on a car” The officer looked at Itachi. “Uzumaki Naruto, wait till your father hears about this” Shisui said. “Ohw, that is fine” Naruto said. “And your mother!” Itachi hissed “I am going to die” Naruto let his head hang. “Actually...guys...I am the one who did this” I said, biting my lower lip. “You reek of alcohol, did he make you drink!?” Itachi quickly wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. “Actually...I drank and he is...he is sober” I said. “Where are your clothes?” Shisui took his coat off, wrapping it around me. I hissed. “Well…they are in Itachi’s car, I..I got warm” I lied. “But Naruto was the one who like...insisted on going home after finding out I had some drinks, so...it was all me” I admitted. “This isn’t like you at all” Itachi grip tightened around my arm. “I didn’t want to be a buzzkill” I sighed, “I just wanted some fun” I looked up, putting up a pouting and innocent face. “You stole my car, got drunk, got naked, slapped an officer, puked on an officer, peed on my car and went to jail...in one night! You...you wish you had died when I am done with you” Itachi pulled me by the arm. Well, fun was over. “Come with us, we are going to drive you home” Shisui said, giving Naruto a small push in the right direction. “Are you really going to tell my mom, dattebayo?” Naruto asked. Shisui didn’t answer and just sighed. “Hey, I appreciate you took care of him, it must have been really-” “Hard? Oh, it was terribly hard and it was so hard I swear it would rip out of my pants” Shisui frowned and looked confused. Naruto swallowed, “We…we were talking different kinds of hard…dattebayo…” Oxoxoxoxox *next morning* “Fucking kill me already!I I can’t...I can’t!” I laid on the rug, hugging my knees and trying to hide my face. “No...you did this...you have to suffer and learn from the pain” Itachi said, rewinding the video his dashcam recorded last night. I could see myself on the screen again, drunk as I could possible be, trying to seduce Naruto. I looked like a fucking idiot, I am a fucking idiot. “Don’t you have to go to work or something!” I shouted. “Nope...we are going to do this all day” he said, crossing his legs. “Hey, what are you guys doing?” Madara entered the living room. “Shaming Sasuke” Itachi said it with a smirk spread across his face. Oxoxox special thanks to @failureoftheyear for editing and for the awesome rap they wrote for this one shot oxoxoxo

#narusasu #naruto #sasuke #fanfiction #narusasu fanfiction #the amazinguchihabruhs

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