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#peter parker x reader funny
lovelybarnes · 2 years
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would you rather- p. parker
pairings: peter parker x reader warnings: tiktok trends? about: request! tik tok trend 'would you rather kiss me for 100$ or the prettiest girl for 700$' on peter parker?
your nails absentmindedly tap along to the song in the video you’re watching, the beat subtle underneath the conversation of the couple on the screen. it’s a trend you had only come to recognize because of your friends, pouting over doing it on their boyfriends and receiving a kiss and a proposal for the hundred dollars they were offered. you had laughed and waved them off when they’d tried to convince you to do it, too, but you have to admit that the couple on your screen are cute.
you grin when the boyfriend pretends to think for a second before abruptly tugging his girlfriend to him, pressing his lips to hers. she giggles and kisses his cheek. “good answer,” she winks, heading back to her phone to end the video. it restarts as you take a second to think, pushing your tongue against the inside of your cheek until you decide it won’t hurt to try it.
you check the time and glance back at your door, where peter dotingly walked out a few minutes ago to get you snacks and a bottle of water at your request. he’d been gone for nearly five minutes, so you figure he’ll be back soon and open your camera while you wait for him.
you’re fidgeting with random settings on the camera when he comes back, arms full of what you asked him and far more. you sit up in surprise, eyeing him as he spreads it out on your bed with a silly ta-da motion.
you stare at him for a second, a goofy smile on his lips.
“wow,” you say after a silent second, reaching for your gummies. “i should’ve expected this with my overachiever boyfriend.”
peter hums, pressing a loud kiss to your cheek. “yeah, you really should’ve.”
you work on opening the packet of gummies, only to ultimately let peter open it for you as you furtively turn on your phone and hide it behind your leg when you get your gummies, now neatly torn open.
you lay back, popping a few into your mouth, adjusting the camera so it catches the image of peter in front of you clearly, then you press the red button.
“peter,” you start, controlling your tone so the question seems innocent, as if you just thought of it randomly.
“yeah?” he replies, looking up at you through brown tufts of hair. you want to tuck them away, but he swats at his hair, making you chuckle. he gives you a little smile.
“would you rather kiss me for—”
“hell yeah,” he cuts in, climbing on your bed over the candy, already crawling toward you with determination before you laugh, stopping him.
“i’m not done yet.”
“but i already know my answer,” he whines.
“hush and let me finish,” you insist with a soft pat on his head, brushing away the strands you wanted to before.
“would you rather kiss me for a hundred dollars or—” you raise a finger at him to cut him off when you notice his mouth opening to interrupt you again. “or kiss the prettiest girl in the universe for seven-hundred?”
peter scrunches his nose, shaking his head if to say seriously? and continues to crawl toward you until you have to turn your phone at an awkward angle to capture him in the frame as he kisses you.
he sighs dreamily when he pulls away, pressing his lips to yours again for another soft kiss.
“now i have eight-hundred dollars,” he informs, nudging your nose with his as you laugh, cheeks warm, and trend long-forgotten.
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sarcasm-and-stiles · 5 months
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Peter: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much.
Y/N: Oh, you’ve been?
Peter: Once. In Monopoly.
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literaila · 7 months
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peter or reader like officially asking the other out or deciding to date, whichever floats your boat
ps thank you for all the writing you feed us with
sandwich
tasm!peter x reader
a/n: unedited, unbothered, un-itstoolateforthis
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*
“what was that?”
here’s the thing. you’ve been trying to get the words out for days.
almost a week of tiptoeing around peter and giving him (not so) secretive glances over the top of your cubicle, and following him to lunch like a lost little kid, and laughing at all of his jokes like he’s the words best comedian.
he’s not.
you’ve bought him coffee and given him half of your cookie, invaded his apartment, stolen materials from his desk, and kissed him against a wall in the copier room.
and yet, you still can’t get the words out.
“i—“ you shake your head, looking away from him, “nothing.”
he nudges you, almost pushing you off of the bench he coincidentally chose, sitting in the middle of everything, new york city. “no, what?”
“i forgot.”
“you forgot?”
you nod and hum, tearing off a piece of your badly made sandwich, wishing there were ducks to feed it to. or that ducks could eat bread.
“you forgot what you were just about to say?” peter chides, stealing half of your sandwich from the space between you. he’s a thief, and you shouldn’t have left it there.
you try to steal it back from him but he leans away, wonderful, infuriating smile on his face. “i forgot what a pain you are.”
“is that what you meant when you tried to ask me to dinner for the third time today?”
you pause, blinking. then you cough. “what?” you ask, voice high and squeaking. “no, i just—well, um. i didn’t—“
you stop and wait for a moment before peter bursts out laughing.
and you’ve kissed him before. you’ve cuddled with him on couches and fallen asleep on his shoulder, and molded his lips to yours and pulled his hair until he groaned.
but still, your body heats up when he laughs at you. like you’re sixteen and completely stupid.
which you might as well be.
you look away, sighing. this is going just wonderfully.
“no, really,” peter says, his voice closer and far too warm, “ it’s cute.”
“shut up. i’m not asking you anything. i don’t even like you.”
peter laughs again, obnoxiously. “will, erm—“ he mocks, “do you want, um? dinner. or. a snack? my sandwich?”
you’re scowling at him—not that he can see—and you stuff the rest of your sandwich back in it’s bag, moving as far away as you can get from him on this tiny bench. “i would never offer you my sandwich,” you tell him, harsh. “it’s far too valuable.”
“this is literally the worst sandwich i’ve ever had.”
“then give it back,” you grit out, hand darting towards his again.
it’s a second later that you realize just how close you have to get to try and reach his hand—his arm, now held above the two of you. you’re leaning into him, face only inches from his, and you can see the mischief in his eyes. you can feel his breath against your cheek.
“only if you ask nicely,” peter whispers, lip curled.
“please.”
“not what i meant.”
you sigh and try to lean away, but peter puts a hand on your waist, far to close to any skin gaping from your shirt. he keeps you close to him, his smile far too pretty for this moment.
your brows are furrowed and you can’t quite breathe, but you can still push at his chest. “stop, peter.”
“’s just six little words. you can do it.”
“we’re going to be late. it’s almost one.”
peter smiles, his breath just a tease on your skin, his hand just a taunt to dare move away. “not if you hurry up.”
“you’re being mean.”
“am i?”
“peter.”
“you’re the one that’s lying.”
“you stole my sandwich.”
peter smiles, and his hand moves from your back, reaching out toward your cheek. you don’t move, and not just because you don’t want to. “and you my heart,” he says, voice slightly mocking, slightly british.
you groan. “let’s just go,” you tell him reaching up again.
“say it.”
“say what? that i hate you?” you smile at him viciously, “fine. i hate you.”
“close, but no.”
you want to scream at him. you want to melt into the finger that’s tracing across your cheekbone, and you kind of want to lick his neck. just to see what it’s like.
but finally, you sigh. “peter parker, if you think i’m asking you out after this, then you’re—“
peter kisses you, right there.
his hand on your cheek pulls you in, and the one that was holding your sandwich wraps around your neck, keeping you from leaning away.
his lips are warm and his smile is teasing and it’s all far too much for this park bench but you can’t quite bring yourself to even try to stop him. not when he’s being so soft and careful, and not when you can’t even think when he’s near.
his kisses are tiny pecks on the edge of your lips, but somehow peter makes them feel like so much more. he makes it feel like he’s trapped you right there and then laughs at your stockholm syndrome.
eventually, peter pulls back, his lips damp and his smile soft. “how ‘bout now?” he whispers, his lips brushing against yours as he leans back down.
“still no.”
peter chuckles, leaning his forehead against yours. “okay. one more thing.”
“what?”
“will you go to dinner with me?”
you laugh and groan, lips meeting his cheek, falling into his embrace. peter wraps his arms around you, kissing your forehead.
you both stay there for a moment, forgetting about work or the fact that this is a public place, or that you’re going to be buzzing with nerves for the rest of the day. you just sit there with peter, taking him in without the restraints.
honestly, you’d been trying to get this over with all week.
“peter?” you whisper, almost a minute later.
“hmm?”
“why is my sandwich on the ground?”
*
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dorotheataylor · 3 months
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Highlighters
(Y/N and Peter studying together)
Peter- Y/N, don’t highlight the whole book. Just highlight what you think is important.
Y/N- Okay *Uses highlighter on Peter*
Peter-
Y/N-
Peter- *realises and blushes madly*
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soupsandwich64 · 8 months
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Y/N: *Running on a treadmill because health and fitness*
Deadpool: ...
Spider-Man: ...
Deadpool: :(..
Spider-Man: ?...
Deadpool: look at her.. running away from all her problems... :(
Spider-Man: ... *sigh*
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melminli · 10 months
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Spiderman, Spiderman
pairing: peter parker x gn reader
synopsis - you mostly buy things impulsively
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"Are you in a life-threatening situation right now Peter?!" your voice called out of nowhere throughout the tower.
Peter looked up in confusion and then back at the sandwich he was putting butter on. His eyes lingered on the knife for a few seconds and then looked at the toaster for a few more before exclaiming, "I think I'm pretty good, actually!"
"No! I really think you are in dire need to be saved. You have nothing to be ashamed of, really! Be honest with me!"
The whole tower was silent. The others were on mission, which is why you were the only ones in the tower. Furthermore, the vibe of today was a relaxed Sunday. Peter exclaimed, a little confused. "Help?" and looked at the entrance where you appeared out of nowhere, casually leaning on the door frame. "You called, baby girl?" You said in a deep and seductive voice.
Peter put up a hand to cover his shocked expression before he started grinning. "What are you wearing?" he asked incredulously when he saw you in a cheap Spiderman costume. After processing that, he corrected you, slightly offended. "Also, I do not sound or speak like that."
You shrugged your shoulders. "Yeah, you're right. You didn't even hit puberty yet, so i didn't need to make my voice deeper." You answered and walked towards him.
"Very funny." He mumbled and looked at your costume up closer. "This is cheap, I can't believe you're wearing this." He said as he touched the fabric and took a closer look at the ugly mask.
"Well, my rich daddy couldn't make me one, so I had to order it from Amazon."
"Why did you have to have one anyway?"
You thought about it for a second. "I actually didn't think that far ahead." You admitted honestly and ran to the fridge to get something cold to drink. "I can't believe you didn't correct me on the rich daddy comment. I'm definitely going to share that." You laughed and opened the can while Peter just rolled his eyes.
You were about to take a sip when you noticed the problem with the mask. Your eyes looked into the eyes of the person in front of you for a moment until you finally spoke out. "Would you mind looking away for a second? I need to take off my mask, but my identity is kinda a secret, so..."
A slight chuckle escaped his mouth before he returned his attention to his sandwich. "Of course. Anything for you, Spiderman."
"Thanks." You took a sip of your drink. "You know, I was thinking of getting a Thor costume next."
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milady-pink · 1 year
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Poor Spider-Man…
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Y/n: Sam
Sam, chilling on the couch: Yeah?
Y/n: *Inahles* BODY CRAZY, CURVY, WAVY, BIG TITTIES, LIL' WAIST
Sam, vibin': BODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY, YEAH
Peter, coming out from his hideaway with his phone recording: WAIT HE REALLY KNOWS THE SONG THEN!
Sam: *Chuckles* What the-
Y/n: SEE??? I TOLD YA!! Thank you man, I always knew I could count on you *dramatically bring their clenched fist to their chest* THANK YOU CAPTAIN. WE LOVE YOU. GOD BLESSES OUR COUNTRY. WE LOVE YOU 'MERICA.
Peter: *Eagle noises*
Sam: -fuck *bursts out laughing*
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luxbub · 5 months
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Peter and reader dressed up for halloween
Noo because i cant stop thinking about reader and peter dressing up as wanda and cosmo from “Fairy Odd Parents” for halloween. It would be so cute
I can just imagine peter with the little headband and the tiny crown on top of it. Not only that but the tiny wings that are sticking out from his shirt.
And the fact that maybe you won’t have a plain yellow t-shirt for wanda’s costume so you would have to steal one of his that has some nerd pun on it.
AND DONT FORGET ABOUT THE WANDS.
I just know that he would insist that you make them yourselves and if they turn out like really shitty and fragile he wouldn’t care because he gets to celebrate halloween with you.
And then maybe you would go on a little dress-up date where he wouldn’t let go of your hand, using the excuse “i’m just getting in character, babe” (cause cosmo is obsessed with wanda obv).
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inlovewhithafairytale · 11 months
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Peter Parker: Yn do you have any idea what you are doing?
Yn: no! Do you?
Peter:*sights*we are all going to die
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its-really-dry · 2 years
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tony: you can do ANYTHING with money!
y/n: oMg LIES
tony: ok then. name me something mony CANNOT buy
y/n: free stuff
tony: ??????
y/n: BRO HOW CAN YOU BUY IT IF IT'S FREE ??
yelena: that is true comrade
y/n: think about it, free samples are just a gift from the store
peter: try-to-buy
kate: essentially a netflix subscription but with food
y/n: yuh huh, and if you decide it wasn't poggers....
yelena: you give it back to the store.....
bucky who was minding his business: *realizes* YOU UNSUBSCRIBE :0!!!!!!
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Y/N: you're wearing protective goggles to destroy my car?
Peter standing on top of Y/N's car: safety first
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bluesunshine21 · 2 years
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Peter: I wish we could block people in real life.
Steve: restraining order
Y/n : murder
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ackermanbitch · 2 years
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ok im sorry i just saw some peter parker hc's with the title "nerdy!peter x reader"
he IS A NERD 😭😭
thats like putting idk "mischievous!loki x reader" LMFOAODH
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dorotheataylor · 2 years
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When Y/N gets hurt
Y/N panicking because she cut herself and is bleeding
Y/N: Ow! MJ, please help me. The blood isn't stopping! I don't wanna die at such a young age! Ow ow!
MJ: Just put pressure on the wound. It'll automatically stop.
Y/N:
MJ:
Y/N (looks down at the wound): You're a failure and nobody wants you. Just die.
MJ: What the f-
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t-lostinworlds · 8 months
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are people not seeing my fic bc i put "spo*ler" on the text or has the fandom really slowed down that much? sksksksks
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